Podcast About List - Ep. 226 - Stories from our Bible

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Today, we're reciting for you some of our favorite Bible stories, verses, bars, etc. Hope you enjoy, see you on Friday! Watch the video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and D&D episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Here's everything I do in a day as an author. My alarm went off at 11.55 a.m., so you know what time it was? Coffee! Then, I sat down and started writing. At 12 p.m., I wrote a book called The Dander, a science fiction book about intelligent cat and dog dander. Then, at 1 p.m., I wrote a historical fiction novel called Hip, Hip, Hray, about the power of celebration.

At 2 p.m., I wrote a young adult action novel called The Adventures of ComputerTron. I think my nephew's gonna love this one. Then, I took a quick break for lunch. for lunch. But while I was eating, inspiration struck, so I went back to my computer, and at 3 p.m. I wrote a recipe book called peanut butter upon toast. At 4 p.m., I kept working hard and wrote a book called The Lawsuit, which was set in the Harry Potter universe. To lighten things up, at 5 p.m., I wrote a children's book called The Happy Smiler. And then at 6 p.m., I wrote a book that was not for children, called The Wet Bedroom. And then at 8 p.m. I wrote a memoir called the 8 p.m. blues.

At 9 p.m., I wrote a horror book for dogs called Oh, Owl. Then it was time for a quick bathroom break, and while I was in there, I found myself inspired, and at 10 p.m. I wrote a short story collection called Tales from the Bathroom. At 11 p.m., I finished up a script for a podcast I've been writing for, and that was all the work I did that day. Around midnight, I sat down on the couch and watched my favorite TV show

The Real Housewives of Durbin until 6 a.m. Then I went to bed, and the cycle starts again. Well, that's what it's like to be in. author. Bye y'all. Grogless January. Doing grogless January again. Doing grogless January again. I... Man, 30 days, no grog. Well, I started two weeks in this time.

Where you're on Chinese calendar? Okay, that's a good point. Chinese New Year just happened. But last time I did grog was January, I was sober for six months. So let's see what happens. That's just January. That's true. I had six months of January.

Six months of January. Yeah, my year didn't start until June. Yeah, I'm trying to cut down on swill for the most part. Too much swill. Too much swill. I'm trying to cut down on twill. I got too many clothes in my apartment. I had a little too much grog over the weekend of the Dueling Piano Bar.

Wow. Yeah, the Dueling Piano Bar. Yeah, talk about how. was Rosemont. They played that. And they said GD. Yeah. And first of all, I was grogless enough that I, or I was grogged up enough that I sang

along with the GD name. Okay. Now, here's a, here's a joke that I would say if I was roasting you right now. Okay. I would be like the dueling piano bar. Caleb looks more like he would be at home in the dueling banjo scene in deliverance. But I wouldn't say that if we weren't in a roast situation. You know, and I wouldn't high five.

You know, compared to the rest of the... They don't high five enough at roast. Yeah. That's true. Compared to the... Somebody gets a good roast in. Nobody walks up. over and just goes...

They need to, man. Compared to the rest of the duels in that movie, though, that's not as good as the rest of the duels, I would say. The violence-wise. It's really not as violent as the other duels. I mean, I guess a duel

is one-on-one, mono-e-mano. Yeah, I would say the others are kind of sneak attacks. Yeah, I guess you're right. There's a lot of... There's some ambushes and some flanking that goes on in that movie. Oh, yeah. Who's in that? John Voigt.

Burt Reynolds. Fucked up a little baby boy. Yeah. He's ugly, man. What else did that actor do? Gummo. I think that guy was also in... I think he was also in Toy Story.

Yeah. He was Mr. Potato Head. No, he played that spider. He was the spider. He was the spider with the eye. Yeah. That's going to be so awesome. Oh, he was Mad Eye Moody.

When he grew up in Harry Potter. That has to be so awesome being an ugly actor. Yeah. He was looking for that kind of thing. There's that like, the thing that like, boomers like to share on. Facebook or it's just a picture of Steve Buscemi smiling and it's like in black and white and it says Steve Buscemi didn't know he was ugly until people started saying it. I don't know Steve Buscemi is not ugly.

Dude, have you seen young Steve Buscemi? Yeah, I knew him. Yeah, I knew him in middle high school. For real? Yeah. Middle and high school. Yeah, we'd had a, we went to a combination both. Wow.

Middle High. Is it Bushemi? It's called Middle High. Is it Bushemi? Because it's one C. Or is it Busemi? Are you trying to. Are you're trying

Is it Busemi? What if he, what if it's like a thing where it's like Rihanna where Rihanna where Rihanna pronounces it Rihanna?

She's Jamaican though. She's not Jamaican. She's a Jamaican. She's Asian. No, she's from Barbados. Rihanna from Barbados. Barbados, Jamaica. That's a whole bit.

I thought she was from Deskia. Her A-dose. Yeah. All right. I wish, uh, Hayd,

oh, she's from Haiti? Really. I think so. She's going to, be hating I did hear that she was from Disturbia though

yeah yeah it's a fire ass movie it's just a rear window ripoff I want to be disturbing her

is it a remake is it a remake a real window rear make look into her rear window her butthole

rear I'm gonna look into it call somebody on the phone by God you need to see this something has

happened in Riona's butt oh I'm looking to the rear window right now Why is the, where are we doing that? My all red hitchcock. Yeah.

My Hitchcock's going bloody insane, looking into the rear window. It's giving me vertigo. That's what my... This bird is giving me vertigo. My bird's looking in a rear window, making my bird get vertigo. Looking in that rear window, oh. And it's my hour. I'm turning into a complete psychopath.

Or a normal psycho. I'm just a psycho, actually, just a psycho. No, a pair of the movies did he make? Dial him for murder. I'm going to do that. I'm going to dial him for my murder still. What are they moving? Notorious.

I'm going to be notoriously on the run from looking at her butt-house, a birdhole. It's making my north go north. By north. To catch a thief. I'm going to catch a quiff. man yeah that's what albert hiltchcock would say if he was alive

hiltchclock yeah albert hitchclock and then we could make his video where we're like looking we're looking at her butthole and it would be a perfect koulashab effect Alfred crombie and Fitchcock we could look at her butchok we could look at her butthole and go

Alfred Cromby and Fitchcock do that for no do that it's a shirt no no no no and it's a shirt we could look at her butt and in one video

we could be like and in one video we could be like Oh yeah They're actually making the same face That would determine whether Or her butt holes making the same face Well so the thing is a cool

Cool name Cool pool man Cool shab effect Everyone knows that man If you see a YouTube video You know that shit If you see a YouTube movie right And it's a woman and she's wearing a dress

And you're like okay this is That's nothing But suspense is when you should put the camera under the dress You show what's under there Everyone knows what's under there People go Ah! Yeah

Oh, my God. Then it gets tense. It's your bloody rear window. Yeah. It's your bloody rear window. That's just too fun. It's too fun to do, man. I love doing...

Rope. I've gotten to the point. What's rope? Roep. The other Hitchcock movie? Did he make a movie called Rope? Rope. Why did you not...

I just thought of it. I did. I said, rope. Say it like that. Rope. There we go. Shooting a rope. White rope.

Rope. He didn't make a movie called white rope. No, I'm going to make a white rope After I check off my crap Rihanna's rear window That's the through line here Alfred Hitchcock probably is the best names for sex

Yeah For sex names for movies What's that movie he made? Rear window Rear window Psychic I mean, that's awesome Yeah

Not rope What's that movie he made That's what we should have said Huh The train goes into this It's supposed to The train goes into the hole. Oh, come on.

Oh, that's, um, fucking, is that? Sex movie. God, what movie is that? Sex fucker. Is that not notorious? Yeah, that's North by Northwest. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of, uh, things like that.

Sex or movies? I watched, uh, no, I just watched that Bloodhound Gang music video for Fox Trot. I showed my girlfriend this week. I've never seen that one. Fox Trot Uniform Charlie Kilo where Bam is in a banana car. Yeah, I never seen that one. Oh, yeah. I only know the one.

Bam is in a banana car. He drives around. Westchester, PA, and he keeps seeing hot women construction workers, but at the end of the music video, he gives his banana to a gay man at the end of the tunnel. And it's fun. Were they a purely funny album or songmakers, artist? They were like if a family guy was rap.

Yeah. Put your hands in my pants, and I bet you'll feel nuts. Yeah. They have, I defend them all the time. They have bars. I thought that was euphemistic. Mighty, Tidy, White, and I'm smuggling plums. That's a lyric from the mope.

Mighty Tidy Whitey and. and I'm smuggling plums. I don't get that at all. It's fun to say. So it's more of an MF doom kind of like nonsense. They say that. If you say that enough times, the Pac-Man will show up and smoke crack with you.

Are you, what is wrong with you? That's the music video. It would make a lot of sense if you saw the music video. What are the Pac-Man? Pac-Man shows up and smokes crack with them. That's why. You said the Pac-Man, right? Am I crazy?

You said the Pac-Man show up. I processed Pac-Man. Oh, I heard the Pac-Man. And I was like, what's that? The Bloodhound Gang, Mope music video, this is why I think they're, like, family guy was rap. Out of nowhere, Pac-Man shows up and smokes crack with them. That is fun.

They had that music video where it was, like, the Why You Know guy and the Forever Alone guy, and the Trollol-Lole guy. It was called the meme medley. You're thinking of a weaser. No, I'm thinking of the bloodhound gang. They also did that song, What does the Vox? Yeah, they did that. My roommate loves that thing.

I was visiting my aunt and uncle, and they have a little cousin who's like three years old, three or four. And he got his grandmother, got him a little tricycle, a little toy tricycle. And it has a speaker in it that whenever you ride the tricycle it plays, what does the five say? And he got it like this year. I would fucking, if my mom didn't get that, oh my God, she'd be going in a house. She would not be coming to Christmas ever again. He kept getting on and started pedaling. It was just like, it was to the point where, because I haven't heard that song in so long.

I didn't even wrecked. I just heard the music of it. I was like, what is that? And it was going like, do, do, do, do, do. God, no. And I was like, what, why do I know this? I'd be shooting the tires off that thing. Crazy.

I'd be setting IEDs all around my house. Such a funny toy to exist. Yulvis had that song, Massachusetts. My roommate loved. You still love to show us that video all the time. Yeah, Neil. Yeah, Neil likes Yovus. I like that song.

That song's funny. You like funny music. You like Yolva. Do you still listen to funny music? You do, don't you? You like funny music. Have you heard of, have you heard of these guys Pete and Baz? They're like old UK drill rappers?

That's not funny music. That's not that funny, but that video where it's not them, it's the other guys where it's the bald guy. The other guy is a funny movie. Norman Payne. You're getting movies and music confused again. Norman Payne has that song where he says, like, what does he fucking say? My favorite song is super bad.

I got to take a piss in a shit and a wank in a tree. That song funny as ho. The bald guy. I think you're confusing, though. Like, that's not, I mean, like, you sit around listening to the Lonely Island. No. Yes, you do. Yeah, you probably do.

You love the Lonely Island. No, not this weekend. Incredibad was last weekend. Incredibed that was last weekend. Next week. Threw it on the ground. Coming up soon. Throw it on the ground.

That's my ringtone. I throw it on the ground. It threw it on the ground. I forgot about that one. That's a good cut. That's an old school one. One of those old school ones where the concept was not very strong. Yeah.

Yeah, it's clear that they made them do a song a week for a fucking year. They probably wrote that at four in the morning. They were like, this is going to be so funny. I feel like I never listened to the full songs of any of those. And I would just hear a hundred people at my middle school or ever just go, jizz in my pants. And I'd be like, oh, that's. That sounds funny.

I don't know what it was. Jizz in my pants had a grip on the culture. Yeah, for real. Like a boss. Like a boss. It was jizzed my pants like a boss and threw it on the ground. Those were the big three, I feel like, where I just heard those. For me, I heard those three.

Lazy Sunday. I'm on a boat. No, because those are. I'm on a boat. It's true. Than threw it on the ground. No, lazy Sunday was probably a boat's the smallest in that. But in terms of.

That was the biggest YouTube video over. In terms of people just saying the one line. Not like the song being popular, but just of somebody be like, I threw it on the ground. You know what I really love to do is look up parodies of Lonely Island songs that people make? Those are good. We were looking at that for a while. Yeah.

I'm on a boat ones. The I'm on a boat. The guys, it's like the guys doing a, it's like an office and they're having like their like Christmas party or they're like some kind of party and they made like a whole thing called I got a mo. Yeah. And it's for MoVember. It's almost always either an office thing or like a guy's getting married. That's buddy's like, you know what? We need to make, dude?

Yeah, we're going to walk out to this. I threw it on the cake. Yeah. No, no, you remember the one? I threw it on her finger. There's the one. We are a part of the system. I'm on a boat parody.

There's the I'm on a boat parody that was for a wedding reception. I threw it on her finger. I have a new brother and sister. In law. There's a, there's an I'm on a boat parody that was made for a wedding. reception. We are miss is a mister. The chorus of the song is instead of I'm on a boat, it's, we're so in love.

I heard that one too. We're so in love. We're so in love. Everybody, look at us, because we are so in love. Yeah, that is a good fucking song. I love that song. I love, I just love parodies of parodies because it's like, it's already like, the song's already funny.

What are you going to do? Well, you've got to personalize it because I've definitely heard songs where I was like, this is some funny shit. I wish my name was in it. Yeah. You know? Tribute. This is just for Caleb.

That could be tribute by S&D. You gotta believe me. And he don't have no hair. A long-ass fucking time ago in a town called Caleb's house. Lived a guy named Caleb. He was quiet as a mouse. That could be another lyric. That would be a liar.

And though he... It could be about how you got loud as fuck. Yep. That's when I learned to access my voice. Yeah, that's true. Can't take you to the movies. Yeah, I get that, though. Like, I think I did a lot of stuff like that.

We used to just one-for-one recreate digital shorts. Yeah. We used to take a flip video thing, and we did the one where he punches him in the face. We, I just, that was on my YouTube for a very long time. It still is, I think. I think there's still a video of me punching my brother called Punched Into Face on YouTube, on his YouTube. I wish I still had mine. Mine was called.

Pivot YouTube. channel. Jimbo Jimbo the office worker. It's gone. It's been scrubbed completely from the internet. Pivot was awesome. Pivot was so sick. The sketch that I wrote with my cousin. No, we can't find it. There might be some compromising personal information

in that video. Yeah. Yeah. Might have a picture or video of my little tiny. I can't even find Jimbo the office work. Your doodle. Your doodle was not on YouTube? I think I put my doodle on YouTube. You did not. You did not. You did not. I put my doodle on YouTube. You didn't, bro. Yeah, I know that you did.

Oh, well, he's already found you. Jubio's already found you here. Oh, you're right. I live in Irvine, California. Yeah, it's got your middle name right there. X. Caleb Undefined. Caleb, X, Pitts.

29. That's such a cool nickname or middle name there, undefined. That is fucking awesome. That's kind of what a nerd would name their kid, though. That's true. Did you guys make sketch comedy when you were children? Oh, yeah. I was just talking about it.

When I was 10 years old, I wrote a sketch with my cousin. What was it? or a guy is at an office and he keeps getting asked the same question, and then he shoots his boss, but then he keeps getting asked where the TPS reports are. Really? And then he finds, and then he goes,

oh, they're right here. And then the credits roll, and I think it's like Kevin Rudolph or something. That's sick. Yeah, I wish I had that fucking video. We definitely made a bunch of stupid YouTube sketches.

The one that I remember, this completely lost the time that I wish I could watch again, was like, when I was too young to understand it was, like, it was probably like elementary school. And it was maybe like third grade. I mean, my friend made Animal Wars. Whoa.

That is sick. It's about stuffed animals. I made some stuffed animals shit. You remember the ugly dolls? Yeah. We made a video. I've talked about this with Pierce, at least. Maybe not on the podcast.

We used to make, we made a web series called Ritartiman. Yeah, I remember you've talked about this, but I think a bunch of times. All right, yeah. But it was, I didn't, I don't think I mentioned that it was ugly dolls. We're the, we're the, the Pokemon. I can say it about it. Yeah, yeah. My little brother got really into Lego stop motion.

Uh-huh. Oh, that was fun, too. But he didn't, like, I mean, he wasn't good at it. That's too hard, man. But he would like. People who do that are funny. Yeah, no, no, he never. Those people are all rich now.

The kids who were doing that shit. Yeah, he didn't fucking stick with it. Yeah. I don't know what he'd done. Animal Wars was very, animal wars was very, uh, had a kind of a geopolitical focus. Tell us. You know what I did, though? There was, they had, it would, all the animals were from different countries.

Was kind of cool. Some of them were. Wait. Sorry, I'm on my own. train to thob thinking out loud, I'm sorry. Would you get the animals

and have them fight on camera? Were you the one who uploaded all the videos? It was like Nongoose versus cobra? They literally weren't even, we never even

uploaded them anywhere. We didn't even know how to get, at this point we did not know how to get the video from the video camera to the computer. Oh,

so we would watch it on the video camera and be like, look, this is Animal Wars and watch it on the little like display thing on the side. I made a full hour long

movie when I was a kid. Really? Yeah, it was a horror movie called Revenge of the Tiki and it had a 15 minute scene. that was like basically just what I thought was a

one-to-one recreation of the dumb and dumber toilet chocolate scene you just yeah I just I forgot I also we I made me and my friends made a movie at the media center called the disappearing boy no what happened to him he disappeared fuck me really

that is bloody terrifying then he met the inventor the inventor of what the inventor he said I'm the inventor holy crap was it like God And you could tell he was the inventor because he had a pit boy. He had a piece of bark on his arm that we said was like an invention. An invention was a piece of wood on his arm?

He walked around like this with a piece of bark. Kids are so stupid, man. We were genius. The one cool thing that my brother did do with his Lego thing, I helped him out with it. But he made, he took his Indiana Jones that he had. And then we painted the face. look like Roershack from Watchman. Whoa.

Roershack Jones. It looked cool. Indiana Shack. He like replaced the hands with like we like made like a little Roershack Lego because we were like I was 11 so he was probably nine and then we saw Watchman and we were like his mask is cool. Nothing else about him. I don't know anything else.

I don't know anything else about him. I just think he looks cool. The mask was cool. The mask was so cool. I remember the first, I remember when somebody brought in Watchman, this kid Paul Winder, he brought in Watchman. Watchman, and he was like, Caleb, you want to see a penis? And I was like, hell no!

Patrick Wilson's dong, right? And I went, shit. Damn. I might be gay. I've said it. You know how I know her watchman. Watchman made me know I was gay. As I read Watchman in my take away, I was like, damn, Roershack's mask, it represents

black and white morality. Holy fucking shit. That's crazy. Damn, you were a different kind of gay. I was looking at the cock. I was a child. I've talked about it up and down. It's its uncompromising world view.

And I was saying it's his uncut cock. That thing is uncut. There needs to be more blue weeners in that movie. They did it. I didn't even see it. Oh, you never saw it? No, he didn't bring the movie into it and show me the DVD and say, look at the cock on the DVD. If you scan it with your eye.

Oh, yeah, I can tell that there's cocks in this movie. There's a big blue wiener in that movie. I was watching the fucking. I think he shows his, I think he shows his penis in the comic book. I was talking about the movie. The TV show that. Yeah, that guy apparently has. a big one. Yeah, I've seen the show. He's got a big one. He's got a big one. He's got a big one. He's got a big one. It's the only reason I really watched Watchmen was to, who watches the watchmen? Me for their cocks.

Would you get, would you guys show your balls and your dick in a movie? Yeah. I think about that. If I'm getting paid enough, I don't even care. But last night, I think it depends on the... I don't care if I get Terrence Howard. Depends on the context. Yeah, so last night I was watching Hateful Eight. And there's a part in the movie where there's a character in his entire part of the movie is he walks around in the cold with his dong all shriveled up and his balls. hanging, and then he sucks Michael, or not Michael Jackson, Samuel Jackson. He sucks Samuel Jackson's cock, and then he does. That scene is so sick. It's a great scene, but I don't remember that movie at all. I remember seeing that in theater

and being like, oh, my fucking God. I saw that in theater. I remember, I had a flashback to when I saw it in theaters and thinking then, I wouldn't do that. I was like, I do, I don't, you couldn't pay me enough to be that fucking guy in this movie. I saw that in the theater, but that was back in the days when I was smoking weed, and I

fell asleep through that, the whole movie. Long movie. Yeah. I fell asleep and I woke up and it was like the end of the movie.

We watched the extended version last night. Didn't need to extend that movie. Yeah. There was like parts of the movie where nothing

fucking happens for 20 minutes. Right. It's just like footage of them riding in the fucking caravan. I don't think I ever

saw the extended version. Was it Kurt Russell? Would you do that? Yeah. Kurt Russell breaks Fuck in. No,

not suck his real guitar. No, see, I'm interrupting you because you're, you're saying nothing right now. Kurt Russell broke an antique

guitar on the set by accident I knew I was trying to remember he breaks a guitar why did you remember why did you remember that out loud

to yourself looking at the ground I don't know you're like Kurt Russo breaks a guitar it was a it's a fun piece of it's a fun piece

of antique guitar it's a guitar it's a guitar from the 1800s that he broke who gives a motherfucking shit the Martin guitar company

remember remember seeing that movie in theaters and you get out you come back after the intermission you hear the narrator's voice

you turn to your you're like I know who that is I don't know if you know who's talking right now I know who was talking It's Quentin Tarantino Oh my God That's his voice

That's his voice Yeah because he's I don't think in the extended version They're in the cabin now They definitely used it They definitely used a different person For the extended version Yeah it's like a whole different voice

For you see a guy No he's just in the movie And their Dommergou has a little bit of a secret It's like a weird Like audible voice Anyway It's probably his voice Would you show your balls

Yeah If in cock They were like It's gonna be 10 to It's going to be 10 degrees, and the whole world is going to know forever the side of your cock. I'd rather keep it a secret, dude, straight, female deodorant style. You could also get like a, you could get a VFX artist to make your penis smaller on camera. That's the only way to win is if you tell them, I'll only do it if you give me a prosthetic, tiny cock.

Because then it's like Hollywood rumor. They had to use a prosthetic, his cock was too big. They had to make it look like a pinto bean. I would say yes, I would take the money. get, I'd get to the shoot. I would start the scene. I would start peeing. And they would do, okay, can we take it again? Don't pee this time.

I'd pee again. I'd do it every time until we ran out of daylight. To cover you up. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous. Until they draw, until they draw you naked on the back of your body and add a little cock at the bottom. Yeah, you're backwards

and you have like rubber underwear that has a dick. Yeah. And a mask of your face. It's right on your But, yeah, and you're wearing a diaper, yeah. If you're, if you work in VFX, you need to make this right now. We're creating a crazy character for you. Now that I want to see this by next week. Now that I think about this, if I was offered this and some direct, some famous director was making a movie,

and it was like, okay, I want you. The Russo brothers. You're like, we want you in our movie, but there's going to be a scene where you're walking through the snow completely naked and then you have to suck Samuel L. Jackson's cock. I would be like, didn't hate Flaid already do that? You're right. I don't think you need that in your movie. I guess that's a bad hypothetical.

That's my bad. Yeah. But would you do one where, would you do a movie where the entire movie is, not even the scene, just the entire movie is like a bunch of hot girls pointing at your tiny cock going, you got a small cock, you got a, your dick is small. Would you guys do that movie? Yeah. How much am I getting paid?

$40? Yeah. Make it 60. Okay. Then you do it? Make it 60 and I'm in. That's okay. That's okay.

Is this the guy whose cock was in the movie? I think it is him. I remember. Craig Stark? Whoa. Must be related to him. Totally Stark. Yeah, I'll say he played Henry Short. He played long-haired freak and licorice pizza.

Hey, that's everyone in the goddamn movie. See, but I think this is what you end up doing if you just show your cock in a movie. You turn it to a man-rober. Yeah. He played man-robber. Emily, the criminal. He got robbed of his fucking manhood in that movie. I'll tell you that much.

by Samuel L. Jackson did sexual... No, he's in Honey Boy. This Shilaboof. Shailaboof. Shailaboof movie. He used to be the funny boy when he was on... Even Steven. Transformers.

Transformers was pretty funny on too. He was so funny and Transformers. I'd say Bumblebee is the comedic relief of that movie, though. No, the comedic relief is. Yeah, Skids and then jazz and B-Bop. That's in the second one, though. Yeah. I think one of them is Mudflap.

Jazz and Mudflap. B-B-B-B-B-Torls. Are you thinking of the... I mean, are you thinking of the very racist twin twin? Yeah, I think one of them's name is Mudflap. I can't remember what the other one is. And jazz or Bebop, it's Bebop in Rock City, and that's a pig and a rhino? Yeah.

What did you turtles? No, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a boar and a rhino. Yeah, like, uh, is that animal or not, uh, that's animal wars. Yeah, that's from Animal Wars. That's true, Beast Wars. Animal Wars, yeah. Beastor is coming out soon. Yeah, it was called Animal Wars?

They're making a Beast Wars movie? Yeah, they are. Oh my God, I still love Beast, Michael Bay is not. directing it. You know what I want them to do? It's got Optimus primal. It's got the Predacons. Holy shit.

It's got Cheator. Beetle Borgs. Beetle Borgs. You know what I wish they would make a movie for? They stopped making that because they ran out of footage in Japan. Yeah. I want them to make a movie. I want them to make a movie called or about Zoids.

Yes, dude. Fucking Zoids were. Zoids was so awa. Zoids is the perfect knockoff like Transformers like Gundam type thing because it's like they're all dogs. All the robots are just giant. And dogs, there's no, they're not at all. Now I remember these.

They all look exactly the same. Zoids was a tsunami, like, that was the number one to-nami. I had Zoids Game Boy Advance game. I had a game called Zoid's Legacy. No, I'm thinking of Spectrobes. Look how few types of Zoids they are. They all look literally exactly. They're all in Spectrobes.

Spectrobes was like Disney's RPG for the DS that like was essentially, all of it looked like this, right? You know what they should bring back, Pokemon? Whatever happen to Pokemon I've got big news What's the news? Scarlet and Violet takes place in Espania I'd like to see Scarlett Johansen

capture her in a polkeball And Violet And get Violet with her Oh come on Attack her Don't attack her arms And her legs off Put her in a poli ball

Rip her head off Ah, kill you Scarjo I'm just kidding Scarjo She's gonna be soon Yeah When she's wed to Jost

I'm happy for them Jost's wedding Yeah. Yeah. Imagine the roast joists at that wedding. Oh, my God. Imagine the toast and roasting. The joast jokes.

The joast jokes. The joast jokes is scarjoost jokes. The roast jokes. Imagine scarjoist jokes. Scarjoist jokes. They're going to be badly scarred from those joists at that roast. Those joists jokes. Those roast jokes.

The roast jokes, it josts, when joists elopes with scar joists. Meanwhile, they're doing a weeding update. Yep. Yep. With Michael Cheba. What the fuck is wrong with us, man? We have actually some kind of fucking virus. I found out today that people get carbon monoxide poisoning

and they don't even die. They just get really fucking stupid. What do you think happen to us? I don't know, but I think it that. I think it that. I think it that. I don't know, but I think it that. While I was doing the research for today's episode,

we'll get to that later. But while I was doing the research, I found this thing that was like, somebody went on Reddit, and was like, I think that somebody's sneaking to my house and, like, breaking into my house and writing Post-it notes to me about things that I have to do for the day. And, like, I think I have to go to the police.

Like, this is getting really, really scary. Oh, I saw this. Yeah, and then somebody was like, I think you might have carbon monoxide poisoning. And they went and they had, like, a hundred parts per million of carbon monoxide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit was crazy.

But I thought that carbon monoxide just killed you. I didn't realize that it could just make you crazy. Well, it depends on how bad it is because it's how weird Al's parents passed away. They passed. They passed away. I'm trying to be respectful. You stopped yourself from saying died. I'm trying to be respectful to weird out.

That's how we passed away. That's how we lost them. I hate when people say passed away. Yeah, I definitely have, because hanging out at your house when you had the gas leak, maybe it's just getting older and realizing, yes,

I'm very stupid, but I've totally gotten stupider from that. I don't think it was that. I think your house was Jupiter. You would only come to my house every once in a while, first of all. Also, natural, gas leaks are not it's not neurotoxic it just makes your it just makes less oxygen in the air

basically well but it's definitely not good for you to each his own to yes you something happened to you i'm not gonna yeah no you always been pretty stupid i don't know i don't know if i've been this stupid you used to be stupid i think you used to be stupider yeah because you were fat so you had like you were making poorer choices too that's i don't know i feel i think i was stupid i think i just I think I was very sad. You used to be dumber. I think you used to be stupider. I think about it.

I think you used to say some stuff where I was like... You used to be way stupider. Never mind. You're still so stupid. Yeah, I'm still pretty fucking dumb. Yeah. I got a new couch. Is it comfy?

Moving on. Very comfy. Next. I'd like to move on to the couch. Next. I'm jealous. Can I come spend the night? You can.

You can. It's so fucking comfy. slept on the couch? You slept on my couch? He slept over my house one time. I did. Because there wasn't an... I slept over.

My wife's family was in time. Yeah, he slept over. I remember that. Yeah. Convinced all my roommates. That we were getting... We were going to break up. And so I came in.

Yeah, yeah. And so I came in and I was like... Yeah. And Neil was like, hey, buddy, hey. Like, everybody's so nice to me. Neil and Alex were like, oh, oh, Caleb. Oh, you want to play Xbox?

Everyone is saying it's the first thing that everyone said when they saw you was, hey, buddy. Yeah. They talked to me like I was a dog. You were like a make-a-wish kid. Hey, buddy. Your last wish was coming over to my house

and playing Mario Kart. Yeah. That'd be my last wish. Everybody's letting me win Mario Kart shit. I'm like, damn, dude. They have blue shells. They're not throwing them. It was awesome.

Yeah. It was a really good time. That sounds like a good experience. So now I'm going to do that at your house. You can. You will be so... You guys have sat on my old couch, and it's uncomfortable. Yeah.

You remember how uncomfortable was. I'll admit it. It was an uncomfortable. It was very uncomfortable. It's nice of you that you never said it. I mean, I knew it all along. I didn't want to embarrass you. Yeah.

But this new one, it's bigger, fit more people. It's more comfortable. Longer. It's longer. It's uncut. It hasn't been cut apart at all. Oh, that's good. And the sensation is completely intact.

So when we do succession nights, when that comes back on, it has arms. It's going to be at your house. It has arms. You remember my old couch, the fainting couch? Yes. The witch couch? Is it like that? The witch couch?

The fainting couch that I had. What does that mean? Remember he had that shitty weird couch? That was not that shitty. Mine is not shitty. No, it's not like that at all. It's like a nice couch. That couch was actually comfortable as hell.

I slept on it a couple of times. Too short. Yeah, it was just too short. Too short. I love that couch. Three cushion couch. Holy fucking. Remember how it was in my apartment for a fucking year?

Yeah, I do. I had two couches at my apartment for so long. Which you're thinking, wait, every guy's biggest fucking dream to the couches. But no. My dad has two couches right now. The couch. You can see it in the prank-ass video. There's another couch in my apartment because it was my old roommate, Joe's old couch,

and he did not want to move it, and I don't blame him because getting that into the apartment almost killed the boat. You shouldn't have to move a couch. I agree. No. That's what people are for. You should get to cut it up. and shred it. Definitely.

And still get the money from selling it. Yeah. And you know what? I hate to move, a piano. Oh. Look at that one.

We've never even, why don't we plug that in right now? You start playing. You start. Because we got to start the rest of the show. Yeah.

You're talking babbling nonsense like a baby. Babylon nonsense. Okay. Well, what said breast of the show? The breast of the show. That's you. I didn't say breast.

But you are the breast. You are the breast. You are the breast. You are the breast. I think I slur my words because of my brain damage. I'm the tummy. You're the tummy?

What do we have next coming up? Yeah. I hate to say it. You're the brain. All right. Well, I'm the breast because everyone likes to look at me. Sure. Everyone likes to suck on you.

You're full of milk. Because I like to slap you and watch you jiggle. You're chock full of milk. I'll take it. You're chock full of milk and you should be bigger. So we brought in something exciting today. What was it? It is a magic book.

Holy fuck. Oh, that was way too loud. what that was way too loud in my fucking in the or sorry there's a Bible on the thing in my effing normal ears I can imagine this is a magic book a Bible it's a Bible and it's what we call a magic book because this book let me tell you quite literally quite literally this book has every story ever told wow every story that ever needs to be told every story you ever need a lot of people say oh I like my favorite author is John Green and shit the fucking fault in our stars based on a series out of the If we're reading out of this book, Israel hath sinned. That's what I'm seeing here. Where? Joshua 711.

Oh, they let a 7-year-old read that. Israel hath sinned. Holy shit. Who's Israel? Therefore, the children of Israel could not stand before their enemies, but turn their backs before their enemies. That's in the Bible? Israel has sinned?

That's the top thing in the Bible? The top thing is top ring. Well, you heard it here first. Israel? So go ahead and tell the people what we're doing today then. It's story time. It's story time. Straight out of the Bible, man.

Straight from the word of the Lord himself. And I actually have to grab my reading glasses. I don't know if somebody wants to read a story first. I have one. You have reading glasses? I won't grab my reading glasses. Go ahead. I have a story I could maybe read.

Pop this bad boy open. Give us a little, you know. What are the odds that I flip to the exact right page? Pretty high, it seems. Shit. Pretty high. Pretty good. All right, go ahead.

Tell us you. I might need somebody to hold my microphone. I got you. This is a passage from the Bible called What Desire Will Make Foolish Fan Boys Do? Oh, I remember this verse from when I was going to church. Bam always waits for Villa in his dressing room after a show. Shit, I'm just doing this. Okay.

Well, it's not just Villa's dressing room, technically speaking. It's the whole bands. But the other guys, they're not Jack. is no that's him they know what goes on here after the show and they have the decency to stay the hell away bam's running late sorry really quickly what book of the bible is this this is in the book of jaziah jaziah jaziah jaziah okay continued he got caught up recording some promo for some DVD that he doesn't even remember agreeing to he tried his hardest to move things along so he could at least catch some of the set

and as unabashed as he is even he's not sure if he could look at an MTV producer in the face and say that he's late for his Finnish rock star dick sucking appointment so late it is I just want to note also my glasses broke this weekend so you could be getting some of the details wrong in the Bible words could be some of the words

could be so late it is when he does arrive to the venue he wastes no time and high tails it right to him's designated backstage area following the directions that a flabbergasted and star-struck security offer gives him, officer gives him. The room he arrives to is pretty bare bones and small, paling in comparison to the fanfare the band typically gets when they play shows in Europe.

But for the purpose that they need it for, it'll work fine. Throwing himself on the couch, Bam reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and lights one. He doesn't normally smoke cigarettes, but he swears he's somehow getting second-hand nicotine addiction from Villa. Or it could be the table. of cigarettes on Villa's lips that he's addicted to? He takes a

drag and taps his foot along to the sound of the last few seconds of the kiss of dawn, hoping to God there are no plans for an encore song tonight. Patience, unsurprisingly, never was BAM's strong suit. What's that?

Was that written down? He got to choked up because it's so beautiful. He's holy ghosting. Yeah. Luckily, another song doesn't follow. Just the usual thank you. We love you. Now get ready for my And then the enthusiastic screams from the crowd. Bam sits upright and glares at the closed door waiting.

It's about 15 minutes before the door opens and Villa steps into the room with a frustrated huff. Bam exhales. You would have thought he'd been waiting for hours. About fucking time you got here, Bam complains, pouting. I haul ass through L.A. traffic. I still get here before your set ends and it took a really long time for you to walk your ass down the hall. Villa chuckles and smirks. My sincerest apologies, darling, he says, sarcasm evident in his tone.

Edna Mode? Got caught in a conversation with the singer from Mike Hem, Gerald, I think his name is? He shakes his head, no, no, Gerard, that's it. He was telling me about how much he liked our set. It was sweet of him to watch it all, but to say it too, how cute. Kind of slipping into Cosby a little bit. It was sweet of him. What do you mean?

He did a little Cosby. He was not. Bill Cosby. Okay, keep you up. Bam, Scosses, he takes another drag from his cigarette. Yeah, well, you like him so much. Why don't you go and fuck him then? Well, he's performing right now, so I can't exactly do that.

Villa says, as if on cue, the sound of another singer screaming, San Bernardo. He can be heard as the band begins their set. But you don't, sir, another time, perhaps. He is very pretty. Yeah, right, the assholes are walking hot topic discount bin. Bam grumbles stubbornly through heat. though he still immediately scoots towards Villa when he comes to join him on the couch. You can't seriously say you'd rather fuck him over me.

Villa raises a brow. Now I never said that I did, did I? Be careful, jealousy isn't very becoming on you. Jello? Jealousy. Jellow C. Villa plucks the cigarette out of Bamb's hand and takes a drag. Besides, he exhales, the smoke only moves closer.

His lips hover. Oh, his lips hovering over Bam as he speaks. There's only one fanboy. I'll truly can't a fuck. Come on. I can stop right now if you want. No, get to the good stuff, man. Come on.

Well, we were just about to get there. Okay, then go. I'm not a fan boy. Bam mumbles like he doesn't have countless tattoos of Villas symbol. All over and he doesn't drop everything to come anywhere in the world just to fuck him. and his body isn't trembling, begging for Villa right now. It's the worst lie in the world, and it's not fooling anyone. Certainly Villa, who gives a dubious look before that smug, smirk resurfaces as his hips,

his hands slip under Bam's shirt. Would you prefer Groupie instead? I'd prefer whatever gets your dick in my ass right now. It's not very often that Bam asks to be fucked, especially not so outwardly, but what little patience he has is gone. Villa spent the whole time talking about how amazingly stupid the My Chemical Romance guy is, and Bam's not sure how much more he can fucking handle. It's exasperating. Gripping Bam's chin delicately, Villas tips his head upwards and smiles.

Now that certainly can be arranged. He crashes his lips against Bam and kisses him deeply. I don't need to read the rest of this. He fucks Bamar Jarrah in the fucking ass. And that's in the Bible? And that's in the Bible. Thank you for sparing us every gory detail in that. Wait, I'll skip to the end.

Yeah, let's get dick and ass. I just need to know if they fucking repent at the end or some shit. Let me see here. Villa's shit-eating grin morphs into a warm smile. I don't like that. I feel like maybe we miss something that makes that a little too literal. Yeah. That's right.

He is Villa's number one fan. It's a title he will wear with pride. Something no one can ever take with him, especially not some my fucking chemical romance ass clown. If you want to see me, if you want to see me single-handedly coerce people into thinking that VAM, thinking about VAM again in 2020, feel free to check out my, okay, and then it's, I think there's a printer error. This must be a new international version. I don't know this in the Bible. This might be one of those.

The Bible has hyperlinks. This might be one of those teen graphic novel variables. Yeah. Here's the real story in the Bible. Here's something here. Bamargera and Bill Cosbyville. Here's a page we open to. Leviticus 27.

What? So even the very thought of the Bible is so hilarious to you, you fucking atheist agnostic? Which one is? What's going on? Leviticus here. This is the one. This is the book. This is the anti-gay book.

They're all anti-gay, man. This is the one that says, man should not. Laying with the man with the thing. You're thinking of Invictus. Oh, I'm thinking of Incubis. Yeah. Yeah, you are. Well, that was a wonderful Bible story, my good friend.

My good fellow. Perhaps it's my turn to read one, no? Sure, yeah. You can read the story time. Here, I'll read a couple. They're all from the same book. Yeah, the motherfucking Bible. Yeah.

Let's see. Which one do I want to start with first? Real quick, what's y'all's favorite book of the entire Bible? My favorite book at the Bible is... I like the adventures of Hercules. Oh, that's a good one. And I'm also a big fan of Index. Oh, I like the book of sure.

Yeah. I like the book. I like the book. I like the book of sure. I like the story of Michael and Toby. Uh-huh. I'm a big fan of the book of women fart stories. My favorite.

Let me flip her open real quick. All right. This is a story called Dream GF from the book of Women Fart Stories in the Bible. For Women Fart Stories 2121. I love running with my girlfriend. She and I usually run outside often. She always runs ahead because she knows I like her ass in leggings. Hello, we cannot stop, she said.

Sure, I said. Then she and I went into the woods and she pushed me down near a tree and tied me to the tree. Taste this, you are cock bastard. Okay, I can tell just to put, I can tell the kind of antiquity. mindsets that went into this and kind of this is one of those things where you know the books about like owning slaves and stuff like that these are we just want to say these are viewpoints

that people don't hold anymore and we don't and we can't judge the Bible because of what it was it's about the time it was written in it's not like you're going to stop riding Splash Mountain exactly yeah so let's we know so back to the story she said taste this you're cock bastard

and then she fez on my face so the whole face vibrated and you could feel the smell that was so frantically smelling but still good. Oh, damn, it smells bad. Best hell you smell it, she said. I usually pretend I do not like her farts, but I have always done so.

I think if she knew I did, she would stop. I sometimes have to put my hands over my crotch because otherwise she would see my hard cock, but now she had tied my arms around a tree and I could not protect my hard penis. That's what I think it is, she said, looking at my hard cock. Do you know what?

I have always seen your cock get hard by my farts, and I actually understand you. I myself can also be ignited by my own fart. This is beautiful. It's really like, this is Song of Psalms level. Yeah, it's like spousal understanding. In that case, I actually have a little surprise for you then. She pulled down her pints, but only so that her ass was visible,

and then she opened up my fly and out flew my cock hard as cement. Hey, the last time there was a fly on pence. Oh, shit. True. Oh, she took my cock and slowly began to touch it on the glands. Then she takes a firm grip and starts jerking it really hard. Are you ready for another fall? I know you liked them

sounded like it came a fart and then I came after it. Note, I Google translated this text from my language to English so that's why some parts sound really, really weird. I don't know, I mean, it's in English, I don't know. I originally have to imagine

it was written in Hebrew or something, right? Yeah, that's true. That's probably what they meant. I wrote this in my language and translated it, so please excuse any English errors. And here's a little, just a little comment that's this is in the notes yeah the annotations this is also for in the women fart stories chapter does anyone know any stories where the protagonist farts are very stinky

for example that the farts are so so stinky that they are capable of withering flowers or that the smell disgust sir i actually have an answer you do larva island oh larva island i do remember larva island i don't know that explain what it is you're gonna watch it and have some fun later to know here's another I'll tell you. Okay, so this is from the next chapter over. This is from girl fart stories. This is no longer women fart stories.

Yeah, sure. This is a girl fart stories, one chapter over. My mom and sis is farting on me. Is it normal? I'm a boy of 17 years. My mom and elder sister is making my life hell. They wants to sit on my nose every day. My mom says, if I don't obey them,

they're going to tie me up and will do their stuffs forever. I have no other way to sniff their butt. Sometimes Sometimes my elder sister farts on me The horrible thing is that they both make sure That my nose is touching the bear hole Oh no No

So that's like God You know you think like counsel in Icia Why'd you put that in the Bible It seems like it should be like maybe apocryphal But I can see how that would help some young men For sure Especially at that time again You have to take all of this as the time when it happened

Yes Yes, absolutely. And also, that's what I was going to say. You have to look at it. It is not meant to be taken literally. For example, the nose can represent a temple. A temple. Because the shape is like one.

A bare hole could be the mouth of God, releasing the word of God or a cloud of faith. It could be that. A swimming pool or a bathtub is bubbling with faith. Jakuzy style. This next. This next. book also is from Girl Fart Stories. It's from the book of Appropriate

Bike 4337, which is the gospel of Appropriate Bike. I'm familiar. This is step-sister, help me out. So yesterday was the best day of my life. It started on my birthday. My step-sister was angry with me for adding milk to her tea because she was lactose.

So she, which I didn't know they even had it back then. So she was in her room dealing with it. I excited my partly to check on her and her gas fetish. I got there and she was in her room holding her stomach. When she saw me, she got angry, grabbed and said, since you're the one to do this to me, you're going to help me out of it.

Then she grabbed my face, letting out a 20 fart. I didn't know they got to that level back then. I thought they only had ones or twos. They're eating, you know, hummus and stuff. That'll make you fart. Yeah, it's true. Oh, that felt so good. How did it smell?

I smelled it all and pretend to be grossed out, and she didn't notice. Aw, did it stink. Next time, think twice before missing with me. I let her do smelling all of it. Why can't I smell anything, she said? Then she noticed my boner. Oh, that's why you did it on purpose, didn't you?

Tried defending myself, but don't worry, I'll let you. I shyly asked if I can taste them. She said yes, and took off her short and panties. Then she fed them to me. Okay, her come a big one. Oh, that's where communion comes from. Oh, that is. Yeah, take it off, and you, you, uh,

let them eat it. Then she fed them to me. Okay, her come a big one. Then she let out a big shart. Be both blushed. I embarrassed me because I want to it her shit. Because she started, I'm my mouth. Sorry, I'm. I'll be right back. She tried to get up, but I would let her. She got the hint and smiled. Okay, fine. If you wouldn't move, I'll just use you. She used me and we agreed we would be doing this moron. I love Oh my God I love that the Who would bike

It's appropriate bike The Gospel of Appropriate The author of this Yeah we don't know who it is We don't know who it is We don't it's unknown Put it by the pseudonym Yeah

Went into so much loving detail About the I'm my mouth I'm my farts This kind of thing And we really see the importance That they place on this And then Ed she uses him

And that it's a single sentence. It's like Jesus wept. Yes. It's one of the most expressive single sentence. Because you can picture. I'm going to use you and she used me. Because you know what she's using him for. Yeah.

But he doesn't have to get explicit. He's already saying, I want to eat her shit. So you don't need him to say she used me like a human toilet. It's so. She used me. You can imply it. And it's one of those. Jesus crapped.

It's one of those things where, yeah, if you take that story literally, you know, like every story in the Bible, if you take it literally, you're going to. You're going to go insane. And that story is about sharing. And that's why I find Gnosticism to be such a powerful refuge. Nauticism is what we're reading. Nastyism. So I, listen, I just have one last Bible story.

Okay. The biblical tale to weave for you two. Sure. That comes from the next book. Uh-huh. Which is the book of shit fart hobby. This book, this story is, and we all remember this, Veggie Tales did one of these.

Yeah. Chinese girl let out a Chinese takeout smelly fart in the bank queue. It's my lucky day. The most common phrase in the Bible, it's my lucky day. The bank queue, they're talking about a river bank. Yes, in Egypt. What faith is it Baha'i where they say, lucky day to you? I don't know, but this is.

Lucky day, lucky day to you. You guys are all having a very lucky day in the Bible. It's my lucky day. The young Chinese woman ahead of me in the queue in the bank let out a loud fart, sounding like a a prawn cracker. And for the next few minutes, there was a smell of Chinese takeaway. I know that what he meant by

his sound of a prawn cracker, but I would love to imagine a fart that sounds like, prod, I'm sorry, excuse me. She turned to me and sit quietly with a shy smile. I'm sorry, excuse me.

And I said, it's okay, it's no big deal. And she said, we have good big deals at our takeaway, and I will give you complimentary prawn cron crackers with your next order because of my accidental fart I just let out. What a coincidence.

I know it's amazing. I said that's so very kind of you and I asked the name of her takeaway and she said it's the noodle bowl and I said maybe toilet bowl would be a better name after that beautiful fart you just shared with it. Imagine being the woman in that story though.

Beautiful fart you just shared with me. After that beautiful fart you just shared with me. After that beautiful fart you just shared. with me, you should call it the toilet bowl. Imagine being the woman in that story and then she's like, oh man, I'm so embarrassed to just farting for this guy. And the guy is on the ground on all four

is like a bloodhound. This one is like the screw tape letters. There's a little bit of a dialogue. Dangerous bloke says then what did she say? And then our esteemed author says, she said, I farted deliberately because that's what turns me on. Farting in cues when there's a man behind me. I fart in front of men

whenever I can. I asked her to fart again and she laughed and let out a massive one lasting around 10 seconds, I suddenly started to feel intoxicated, and the next thing you know, I was sitting in an ambulance being asked what I ingested. How could I say? Which would be in an awkward situation, is trying to explain. I smell the takeaway fart from a Chinese woman and I'm liking, though, I'm liking the situation of smelling a fart and becoming intoxicated by it and getting drunk off of a fart. Oh, my God, I can't drive. Oh, wait, no, it's crazy in love. God damn.

What's Drunken Love? Drunken love. Drunken love's the other Beyonce song. Drunk in Fart. We were talking about parodies earlier. Man, I haven't eaten anything all day, so your fart is really, it's taking me out. Might have to stay old. I need to eat some bread. We were pre-gaming and you farted and I had to go to bed.

I do have to say this. If you're doing fasting, like intermittent fasting, I've definitely had farts where I'm like, that just broke my fast because I smelled that. There was too much particulate in that. You know? That was solid. I love to have black coffee, but you're not allowed to have coffee with milk. Some of those got some milk in them, man.

Yeah, for sure. There you go. This is all you. That's a hanging cloud. Yes, definitely. Yeah. All right. Well, you guys have been reading.

I do really like the Bible. The Bible is actually lit. You guys have been reading, you know, some, I mean, let's be real. You guys have been reading some deep cuts. Yeah. A lot of people, they might not have heard these Bible stories before. But for me, I don't know if you can see this beautiful title page. I want to take it just right back to the beginning.

I'm like, DJ, run that shit. Hold that picture up. He saw the picture. Show the folks at home. He was a beautiful. It is. It is a fucking lovely picture. It's gorgeous.

But I'm like, DJ, run that shit back. We're taking it back to where it all began. Gen. Gen. Gen. Innesis. Gen. Gen.

Gen. Gen. We're starting Genesis 1. Damn. I'm just going to go ahead and do it. Because people, you know, they hear these deep cuts. They might, they might loot fall astray. Yeah.

They don't remember how it started. Well, folks. This is how it started. Okay? Wow. Talked that. Genesis 1. Oh, hi.

In to beginning, Sealing Cat mated to skies and de Erfs, but he did not eat it dem. De Erfs had no shapes and had a dark face. And Sealing Cat rode invisible bike over to waters. At start, no has light. Oh, God. And Sealing Cat says,

I can't has light? And light was. And sealing cats sawed to light to seize stuffs And splitted to light from dark But tat was okay because kittes can see into dark And not trips over nothing And ceiling cats said light day and dark no day It were first one

Exclamation points in one. Wow. And ceiling cats said, I'm in your waters making a ceiling. But he no yet make a er. and he made it a hole into ceiling and sealing cat dude did tess skies with waters down and waters up it happened oh my god and ceiling cat said i can has te firmament so was te tooth day holy shit the tooth day oh my god i know that's that's why we celebrate tooth day yeah and ceiling cat god did all te waters in your base shit shit For real? For real.

Yeah. And, you know, I just wanted to kind of run it back and do, you know, just back to Genesis. I like it, yeah. That's like, you did also like, that's like clearly hip-hop inspired. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been, it's, I think that this was, this was written back when hip-hop was burgeoning. Yes.

Kind of first appearing on the scene. But, yeah, so that's Genesis. And then I have some stuff to share that's a little more, you could call this Apocrypha, I guess. Okay. But these are some things that. I call a lot of stuff apocrypha. Yeah, I do too. But people might not know this stuff is in the Bible.

Because it's not just words. Believe it or not, it's not just words. And I want to pull up a kind of a visual aid here because I want people to be able to see here what's going on in the Bible. And I just realized I forgot to put on my reading glasses, but I'm going to have to squint at the screen here, so I'm going to put on my reading glasses real quick.

Put your reading glasses on, man. What the bloody hell are you on about? Put those on. Cam's Bible thing, okay. There you go. Cam's Bible focus. Now you can see. Wow.

You look like John Lennon right now. Who? John Lennon. Is that a Bible character? I don't think so. It's a Beatles character. So let's talk about Bible stuff. Okay.

My Bible thing. I didn't write that on this slide. That's kind of a little, I think it's a little reductive and disrespectful of the Bible. I think our producer put this slide on there. Yeah, some agnostic producing. Some Bible thing. It's called a fucking verse, asshole.

Yeah. Why don't you change that right now? Let me show you one of these things. One of these things. I know. Now you got me doing it. Great. The virus is spreading, great.

But for those who don't like to read, those who like pictures, there's actually some options. Actually, some options in the Bible. Okay. So here's this first thing. This is called Spirit Man, and this is a superhero comic that is in the Bible, the book of Spirit Man. Oh, and they have a podcast.

I'm familiar with a podcast called Not About Us. I know. You said, Not About Us? Not About Us. It kind of sounds like Pot About List. It does kind of sound like that, doesn't it? Yeah. Not about us?

Not about us. We should send a DMCA. Well, I think we should join their fan club. So this one is kind of an option. Now, this is a more advanced... There's multiple comics in the Bible, as most people know. Yeah. This is one of the more advanced ones.

And this is kind of a... It's for the teens. Okay, this is not for the youngens. This is for the teens. Okay. And this was created. This was written. We actually...

This is actually one part of the Bible. We know who made it. We know the author. And it's Scott Allen Snyder and Everett, Paul Burris. Oh, wow. Are you any relation to Hannibal? Yes, actually. It's actually...

It's actually Hannibal's great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather. Oh, okay. Yeah, because this was, I mean, it's in the Bible, was written back in the, and, you know, you know, back in the day. Yeah. So these are who create Spirit Man, and we'll look at some Spirit Man, some examples of why. Now, I actually am not a huge fan of Spirit Man. Why? As Bible Comics go, and I'll show you why.

Oh, okay. Because I think it promotes some bad ideals. Okay. Oh. Uh-oh. For example, punching. Come on. Punching is President and Spirit Man.

That is not good to do. And if we look at the art, some scholars have even, uh, um, you know, kind of proposed that perhaps these are pictures of mentally challenged people being punched. Really? Based on the art. Based on the art. I would have to actually agree with you. Some Bible studiers. Except maybe the bald guy on the right.

There's no way he is mentally challenged. Yeah. He just doesn't look like that at all. And it's promoting, it's promoting sound effects like Wump and Pau, which are a little too violent. What? Pau I've heard. Womp? Were you guys allowed to say Pau growing up?

I wasn't. I definitely wasn't. No, because what would come along with? It's violent language. A punch. Whomp, pal, thwomp. But even beyond violence. Thwap.

Which sometimes, there's violence in the Bible. We all know that. Church. Yeah. I wasn't allowed to say that. I wasn't allowed to do Kaching either. Yeah. Crang was definitely...

Yeah, because it was in a no-crang household. Because we had a lot of, like, excess... There was actually, yeah, I had to make do with... Pthubh-thirp. Yeah. I could get away with Pthirp. Yeah. But flump?

Flump? No. No shot. No, no flumps. Youch. Nope. But anyway, it's not just punch. because there's violence in the Bible.

We can get over that. But you know what else isn't in the Bible? What? Well, it is in the Bible, and I don't like that. Okay, what's that? It's these types of outfits. Oh, my God. What's that?

See, I don't, there's something about the guy on the left. I like him. The guy on the left, that's a girl. Oh. Well, that's also promoting androgyny, which is promoting androgyny, a shirt that says gamer and a hat with a biohazard symbol on it. No, thanks.

No, thank you. And then we have a completely. Oh, actually, I like that. The hat with the biohazarder. that indicates this brain is atheist. There is toxic sludge that has been put in this brain by Rachel Maddow. Stay away. Yeah, that's a pretty good idea, actually.

But then we have moody mopers. I hate moodiness and depressed. This guy on the far right here kind of looks like a long-haired mogul. Somebody looks like somebody maybe three weeks ago. That guy definitely looks like he has a fucked up gut microbiome. It's not right to have hair that looks like that. I'm going to have to agree with you. It's unchristian.

Unkempt. And in addition to the outfit. We also in Spirit Man have people in high school with tattoos. Jesus. Oh, my God. N.H.S. These are high school students in spirit. Really?

They're completely covered. Wow. You can see they're standing next to lockers. They're fighting with each other. Yeah, those better be just be shirt sleeves. Also, there's rubbing up on that girl. They're grabbing the girl. And the girl has tattoos on her area.

Oh, God. Every student at the school is covered in tattoos. Are you sure this isn't a college? No, it's a complete high school. school. I read Spirit, man. Oh, my God. He doesn't have undercuts and side cuts. Yeah, it's just not right.

This shouldn't be in the Bible. So if you're looking for a good alternative, I like Captain Absolutely battle against Dr. Relative. Dr. Relative. Dr. Relative is Captain Absolute's villain. Oh, because his relatives and absolutes. Yeah, I want to hear about this. Defending Truth, Justice, and lots more truth.

So Captain Absolutely here. Here's Captain Absolutely. Here's his bio. Which, that's a thing that I always thought the Bible should have more of, is bio boxes, info, bio boxes. Mild-mannered librarian Josiah King had never heard of the Bible. Until a massive explosion revealed a chamber full of banned books. That night, Josiah read God's truth for the first time, and it, along with mysterious radioactive fumes, changed his life forever. Wow.

World view. The Bible contains absolute truth, timeless, God-given wisdom on how to live. Superpowers. Strength, flight, height, six feet one inch. Eyes, pale blue. Favorite sport, wrestling. I would, too, if I had super strength. Biggest problem, paper cuts.

He reads a lot of books. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you three. Three. Three, three. Three, three. Three, John eight, 32. Okay. And that's Captain, absolutely.

But there are other characters. There's also Hannah. Oh, hello, Hannah. Seeing Cap's heroics inspired Hannah Lynn to put her faith into action. Sometimes this teenage inventor's zeal for God leads her to take shortcuts Like the time she stole Bibles from the library Huh Noddy, naughty. However, Hannah's courage intellect

I thought there weren't any libels from the library as banned Maybe after her. Or she stole them. That's why it was banned Because the people were stealing too much. Yeah, you're not allowed to read a stolen book. However, Hannah's courage, intellect, and heartmaker a terrific sidekick. World view, the Bible changes lives.

We need to share its truth with as many people as possible. inventions, rocket boots, fire suit. And I've invented some of these things, too. Oh, yeah. Fire suit, this sounds kind of hellish. Five feet four, so she's, green eyes, petite, slim thick. Favorite school subject, science, and biggest problem, fear chemist. I have no idea what that means.

As in my research, I could not find if there's a character named fear chemist or if the Bible just... Sometimes the Bible, it's confusing. It can be weird. And then there's a quote from the Bible. We don't have to read that. But then we get to Dr. Relative. Oh, God. He even tell his evilness.

Darren Gray was a computer programmer, oh, Lord, and Josiah's friend. After the explosion, Darren discovered relative truth, the idea that everyone makes their own rules. No. Since then, he's tried to take over Metropolonville. Metropolitanville. No, that's ancient. It's in Babylon. Yeah, so it's pronounced different from Europe, how you would expect it, because it was from another

language. And destroy God's truth once and for all. I hate when radioactive fumes allow my friend to discover relative truth. And just try to destroy God's truth. It's so relevant to today. That's the thing about the Bible. It really, it's part of your life. Do you mean relative to today?

No, it's not relative today. It's relevant. Okay, continue. World view. Right and wrong can change, depending on what's best for me at the moment. Weapons, neutralizer, laser, shackles of selfishness. Lyrus 1 to 6. I don't know what Lyrus 8.6 is.

Hight. Size is just a number. So he's small. Yeah. Eyes green. Favorite snacks, sunflower seeds, and biggest problem, instruction manuals. Nobody tells Dr. Relative what to do. Not a lot of brown-eyed people in this book.

No, it's mostly green and blue. Yeah. All right, what else? Here's some pages from which it's hard to see here, so I'll just describe it. But basically, whereas in Spirit Man, Spirit Man punches and uses punching and a sword, actually. Captain Absolutely actually uses humane weapons like pillow fighting. And he actually pillow fights the villains, as you can see happening in almost five panels on this two-page spread. You know, we weren't allowed to say thwomp and fwack, but we used to hit each of the pillows into a bloody pole.

And whoop and whoop, womp, whomp, that's not. Pige. Yeah, I was allowed to say. And God sees you is another sign of fact that we're seeing at the bottom of the page there. And a rainbow. But that's Captain, absolutely. I just have one thing that's in the Bible to close out with. that I want everybody to be aware

that you can always flip to the back of the Bible. It's still on this. What are you doing? It's still on this. Stop doing that. Okay. You are fail. I was talking to God. Don't give him that ego. And this is something that you can always look at in the Bible

if you're feeling like you if you feel like you need a little pick me up. Okay, let's see. And this is Christian Sonic Art. Whoa. Oh, I love this. From the book of Bible Bubba 20. And so go ahead and click this link here. This is, it's hosted online.

but it's also in the Bible over on one of these pages over here. So just scroll through this and just show off what's going on here. And you can always check this out in the Bible if you need to. It's a collection by Bible, Bubba, 20. It's Christ and White Sonic? Wow. Let's keep going. There's a bunch.

Just scroll through it. White Sonic reminds me the cherry. I love you, God, and Jesus. You know, here's, this is Sonic at the crucifixion. He was there? And he did nothing? I need a print of that. Here, this one's really good.

I really like the art in this one. It's a prayer. So this is at the back of the book. This one is amazing, too. I need a print of this too. I want these in my home. Yep. And we can just, okay, and then that's also in the Bible.

There's some ads in the Bible. For diabetes. Well, that was incredible, man. And here's some more, but we don't need to look at all of it. Just know it's there. Just go out and grab a Bible. Flip to the index by yourself. Yeah.

All right. Well, that's the Bible. I think that's it. What else? Our shareholder meeting for this month is this Friday on the 27th at 5 p.m. Eastern. We're going to need everyone to RSVP to that. So go ahead and subscribe to the executive producer. Tear, if you haven't yet, you're going to want to do that.

It's going to be pretty big. It's going to be a good meeting. It's going to be a good time, man. I'm also in Pittsburgh with O. Adam Friedland, February 3rd, and the 4. So come out to that, and I maybe will tell some Bible stories on stage. And I am going to be not in Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Brooklyn. You're going to be eating your own shit in Brooklyn, New York.

I'm going to be in Brooklyn playing with my toys. Tonight I'll be in the tub. And signing off. Seen. Bye. Bye. Amen. Oh, I got a peepee.

Thank you.