Podcast About List - Ep. 228 - RACE/OFF

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

It's finally time to find out where we came from. With the help of the RACIALATOR Cam and Caleb discover live on the show what kind of racial groups the belong to. We deeply apologize for Patrick's behavior on this one. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Oh, here we go. My life, be like. That's what you got? Yep. My life be like. What do you mean? That's what you got. Not what you have.

Not headphone had words. I'm doing an awesome new face. Okay, that's going to be great on the audio. Fist bump me. Patrick, and we fist bumped. Okay. That's how you do. do visual bits.

Then I will also make a new voice up. Okay, go ahead. Wow. That's not new. Not really new. That's new Sullivan voice. Oh, here. How many voices are there that I can do even?

You're not even the man of 101 voices. Cameron's getting a call. Great. Now you're wasting everybody's time. Pick it up. Who's wasting, Patrick's the one who said it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What the fuck are you doing? This is a bit. Chill the fuck out. You're right. There's a lot of. stuff flying around my brain today. I am too... That's true, I can see it on the surface of your head.

I don't have my hat on. You don't even have headphones on. I know. We got this new splitter. Which, by the way, once we understand my racial history, I think that this might not age so well, that you guys denied me headphones. We did not...

He forgot his headphones. And you didn't even ask me to bring you headphones like I usually, you usually ask me to do, and I usually do. So you're saying because of my race that I'm stupid. We don't even know it yet. We don't even know what you are. The racializer hasn't even... It seems like you're saying that about your own race,

which is kind of weird. We don't know who I am. Who am I? We don't know. It's true. We don't fucking know. We have a big, big thing we're doing today. In the second half, so the second half, yeah.

But in this first half, man, we're just going to shoot the crap. What do you guys eat for breakfast? I didn't eat breakfast yet. I was. I had a migrittle. I was. Yeah. Really hungry when I got here, but I woke up at like 11.

So, you know. know how it is. Yeah. Had to get to work. I was already late for work. Had to clock in. We should get you a punch-in card. Wouldn't that be fun?

Yeah. We could put it up. We could put it up somewhere on here and then every episode we begin with me punching it in. That looks so much fun in movies. Yeah. You know, and then they changed it to just like a fucking iPad in the back of the restaurant. Which is a lot harder. Did you guys see this?

It's a lot harder to do time theft. That's for sure. Way harder. Did you guys see this amazing news story? No. about the Twitch streamer who murdered somebody and he made a fake live stream while he went and killed this bitch?

No. It wasn't a bitch. He wasn't a bitch. He shouldn't have said bitch. No. Okay, he killed this lady. He went and murdered this woman. She's not beautiful.

Went and murdered this girlfriend, his girlfriend. This girlfriend. He made, so he just, like, played, like, a video through OBS. Yeah, he literally played a video on Twitch. And in the video, he's like, By the way, guys, my computer is so messed up that I can't interact with the chat today and people were just like

okay but yeah he almost got away with it but there was about 40 CCTV cameras that recorded him going over to the ladies house at the same time so yeah that's pretty hard that's could have been pre-recorded too that is exactly what I would argue in court

I would say see this no video evidence can be submitted in court it's all fucking useless bullshit see that's actually really smart What is information? Information doesn't even... Well, if I could fool 120, 150 people with a fake video,

who's to say you couldn't fool one person? Exactly. And that's why I killed her to prove that point. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then I would bow. Yeah. Most things that people do are to prove a point.

Like this. Like this. We did this just to prove a point to somebody. We did this whole podcast. That's true. Prove a point to that. That piece of crap that was doubting us. Yeah.

That's right. You know who you are, and we won't say your name, but why does you cut to Cameron? There we go. That's a high camera. There's a lot of headroom on that shot. I can sit up a little more. Yeah, there you go. This is what we're putting the camera like this to train your posture.

Yeah. I need to get a new chair that I can sit in. I want to get a lazy boy. I think I'm at the time of my life where I need to get a lazy boy that I can sit and watch golf. I think I need to be put into basically a saw trap to fix my posture. Do you know the one where it goes on their face and it opens their mouth really wide? What? Have you not seen saw?

I think he would be too afraid of it. All of them? He's too afraid of it. That's in all of the iconic saw. The one where it's the reverse bear trap. Yeah. Oh, I don't remember that. I've only seen the TV version.

I think that's literally in all of them. I've only seen the TV version. I guess they take out all the traps in the TV version. It's just like, they're just like, how do we get out of this bathroom? And Jigsaw comes on and it's like, there's one thing you need to And then it cuts to them. It cuts to the end of the movie. I need to be put into this to fix my back, I think.

A reverse bear trap. Yeah. Yeah, I want to get an inversion table. Yeah. It's a table where it goes upside down and it hangs you. It's like you ever done it. Oh, I've seen those. Yeah, yeah.

And it pulls all the blood in your head until you die. It kills you if you stay on for hours. Yeah. You can die if you fall asleep on it. But that's true of everything, I said. And why do bats fall asleep upside down? Because their heads are, or their brains are in their bottoms. Oh.

They're reverse people. Okay. We can't get it. We can't get it to reverse people. Yeah. Yeah, I know. With the results later, one of you could be a reverse person. They don't usually test for that.

And also it will be impossible for Kiel. Reserveful. It will be impossible for Kiel to be a reverse person. Listen. We can't get into the background. We're just, we're literally. How do you know? know you're not a reverse

thing. I might be, but what I'm saying it's impossible for Caleb to be. Because a reverse person is... You remember what a reverse person is, right? We've talked about this before. Not on the podcast. We've had a long conversation. That's why I'm saying we can't get into this. Oh, we have talked about reverse persons? Yeah, a reverse person is

somebody who they are their hair and their body is their hair. Now I remember. Now I remember. We brought it up because Marge Simpson is blue. She's actually the blue part and the yellow stuff is her hair. And that's the yellow hair that's on the bottom of her. And that's reverse person.

By the way, that's why it's not possible for Caleb to be a reverse person. That, by the way, is the kind of conversation that we have that we aren't doing for the podcast when we sit around. That's what we do when we turn the microphones off. That's right. That's right. I just assumed that we did that on the show. No, we haven't.

We've never talked about that. I've probably clocked two, like if I had steam time, like steam play time on talking about reverse people, probably two and a half hours. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about reverse people for like the entirety of Texas. It wasn't even that. No, this was...

No, reverse people was when we dropped Patrick off at the skate park under that bridge, the cool one. Yeah. Oh, FDR. Yeah. And then B. Caleb and Pierce just walked around a lake, a beautiful lake. I'm a reverse person, homie. I'm the blue stuff up top. Yeah. And my hair is yellow and high. I remember I was like skating FDR.

That was like a childhood dream of mine. And then you guys come over and you say, you come up to me and say, Patrick, we got to go. There's an amazing idea that we just had. Yeah. And the best part about that is that you would think, like, you'd be like, oh, well, that's kind of like, you know, you're sitting in a bus for days and days. It was day one. It was day one. Day one.

We were like four hours into the trip. Yeah. And we fucking, we just got to Philadelphia. And we were like, I'm a reverse person, homie. It's making no sense, too. Man, we've got to get back on the road. I know. It really does amazing things your brain.

I feel like Jeremy Renner at the end of Hurt Locker. Yeah. When he's like... We should make a movie with you. There's 16 more people dead in Afghanistan, and then it just cuts to him on the road. We should make a movie with you called the Fart Locker. Yeah. The Squirt Plurker.

It doesn't make any sense. That's not. Yep, and it's a random movie. Starring cheese. directed by sport I actually like this now what would happen in the random movie what was it called

the spork lurker the sport liker oh spork liker but it's like loiker you know you should put in that Miranda Sings put her in there I think you're going to say Miranda Cosgrove

both of them both of them in Bofa Bofa put both of them in and that's the main Bofi's the main character's name is Bofa and there's a lot of

hilarious situations that he gets into because of his name That would be a funny movie to have a character named Bofa, and it could be called Bofa D's Adventures. He has two adventures during the movie. I met a guy. It's a movie, it's a documentary about the only guy ever to have two adventures in one day.

Yeah, right when you think the movie's over, he's got to start his second adventure. Yeah. I met a guy this week named, this weekend named Draven. Draven, like from League of Legends? I don't know, man, I got scared. The two Dravens I can think of, or there's a Draven and League of Lever. legends, and Draven is the name, is Brandon Lee's name in The Crowe, I think.

Oh, and Draven Cosgrove. And Draven Cosgrove. And also this guy, Draven that I met him. Miranda Cosgrove's. So that's a third Draven. Miranda Cosgrove's husband. It was, it really, you know when somebody tells you, you know, when you're like, hey, nice to meet you, what's your name?

And someone just takes you so just off guard with their name. I had that. And he was like, I'm Caleb. He was like, I'm Draven. And I went, oh, like that. And then I was like, oh, that's rude. Yeah. When somebody tells you the name, you shouldn't go.

like, oh. What? Okay. What the hell is your name? Draven? I've had a few of those. People doing that. No, no.

Hearing someone. What the fuck? What's the worst name you've ever seen somebody have? Not the worst. My worst reaction. My worst reaction was when, and this, I think we met this guy on tour. So if you're listening, shout out. Meeting a guy named Jafar.

Oh my God. I forgot. I bet we met a Jafar. Was that in Seattle? My worst reaction was that I made him show me his eyes. idea. Yeah. That was in Seattle,

right? Which is probably not a good thing to do. No. Yeah. No. But I had to. There was like two months. Jafar.

Two months during COVID where we were just obsessed with Jafar. Yeah. Jafar's a funny character. He's a dude, Jafar is good looking. He would be, if he was in New York City, he'd be walking for Balenciaga.

He would. Absolutely. He's skinny. I mean, and perfect too, because they're satanic as fuck. Yeah. Oh,

speaking of Satan, Satan. I got really into this morning I really got into the Jesus twins They were this really bad musical act That just walked into Howard Stern one day And they were like, you got to let us on the air, Howard And he was like, okay, whatever

And they just started like talking about How they were going to be like famous musicians and shit And he was like, okay, we'll play a song And they played like the worst song ever And then they kept coming on Howard Stern Until eventually it had been like a couple years Since they'd come on and then one of them just like walked in

just alone and he had like a shaved head and they were like, hey, you're one of the Jesus twins he was like, no, I'm not the Jesus twins, I'm Satan and he like sat. Dude, that's the opposite of clips. Yeah. He went from no malice to malice. A hundred percent, dude.

That is incredible. It was a reverse clips in the 90s, dude. They did a reverse clip. And he like, walks in, he sits down on the Howard Stern show, and they're all like, so Jesus twin, like, it's so crazy you haven't seen you in years, and he's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, and they're like, so where'd you come from? Like, what brought you here? And he's like, I was in a mental hospital in Long Island, and I just ran out of it yesterday. And he just

escaped a mental hospital. And then he got, and then a couple years ago, he got shot and killed by the police. Damn. Pretty amazing story. That is incredible. The Jesus twins. That needs to be a movie. What else to the other twin? He is alone. He doesn't have his brother anymore. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty sad. And he's an atheist now.

And he's agnostic. I think I would be a difference. Oh, actually, there was an appearance between the one where he was crazy and when he killed himself, or when he died with a cop's gun, where they both came back in and they were like, yeah, we're back to being the Jesus twins, and I'm not Satan anymore. It's pretty awesome. Yeah, and then they got banned for saying something anti-Semitic to Howard Stern. which is Jesus twins

Jesus was a Jew yeah that's actually true yeah so I don't get how you could call yourself the Jesus twins what did they say to Howard Stern they said something that I can't well I'm you know what let me find out what my DNA results are

and then I'll decide whether or not I tell you what they say to Howard Stern okay okay it would suck to be the Jesus twin that didn't become Satan especially if your your brother if he was flip-flopping yeah I'd have to I call him up and I'd be like, hey, buddy, like, are you Satan today?

Yeah. You want to hang out, but before I come over, like, tell me the truth. You've level with me. Are you Satan today? You know what would suck, though, is, like, you're, like, somebody who believes that you are now, like, Satan or you're possessed by, like, or you're, you're, you're become some biblical entity, but it's just, like, one of the fucking side characters, you know? Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't think. I'm Job.

In what world is Job is Job a side character? Who's okay, I don't know too much about the Bible I can tell I think Jesus is the main guy He's the guy that most people think they're the second coming of He's only in half of it The guy that everyone thinks that they're the second coming of And he's in the bad part of it But who like in the like oh yeah

I'm the second coming of Peter Peter is a massively important character in the Bible Okay then who's the least important character in the Bible Probably one of the fucking girls I don't know Yeah okay then saying that like you know I've been Beth Sheba Yeah

Bath Sheba Okay Bath Sheba Fuck her Okay Yeah Yeah I'm the second coming

Of Beth Sheba Get this about Bathsheba man She took a She took a shower outside Oh and that's where the word Bath comes from I don't think so No

But Bath Sheba also Is represented There's an episode of Veggie Tales Where And the whole thing With Bath Sheba Is that she tempted A guy into fucking her

And Yeah And cheating on her husband and it's just it goes really bad but in the VeggieTales version they were like man we have to tell that story so many stories in the Bible but we have to tell that one about this guy fucking this girl so instead of sex

instead of this girl's or this guy's wife that this guy wants to have sex with will make it a rubber ducky that he's taking a bath with and so that's oh yeah don't covet yeah yeah yeah don't covet that duckie yeah but Larry yeah Larry Covets the duck I'm really glad that Veggie Tales was covering

coveting do you guys know the one One, the really good Bible verse about the bald-headed guy and the bears. Where he kills a bear or something? Fire Island. No, but VeggieTales should adapt this one. Here, Jubio, search, if you guys haven't read this Bible, this is like the best Bible verse. Search Bible verse.

I want to, I think it's Elijah. Search Elijah bear. Does he, wait, does the bear kill a bunch of kids or something? Yeah, yeah, here, click, click, click this. Here, I'll read this up. Then he went up from there to Bethel, and as he, was going up, by the way. Young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, go up, you bald head.

Go up, you bald head. Come on. When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up 42 lads of their number. Wow. And he went from there to Mount Carmel and from there he returned to Somerio. That is the most amazing thing ever. You kill 40 kids and you go to Mount Carmel?

Yeah, candy mountain. Two female bears came out of the woods and tore up 42 lads. Yeah, two female bears. Yeah, fucking Burt Kreisher and Tom Segura. That's right. We need to move to Los Angeles and have a video podcast of us in Los Angeles where we have on just random guys. The L.A. The L.A. Crem de la Crem.

We need to link up with Bobby Lee right. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. I would do anything to link up with Bobby Lee and have him tell me some story. Yeah. About Jordan Peel. Damn.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm just thinking about the possibilities if we lived in L.A. We could maybe even become famous actors or musicians in Beverly. We could go to Los Felas. Holy shit, man. We could surf. We could be surfers.

We could go to Glendale. We could go to a coffee shop and go like this. We could wake, guys, we could wake up every day. Type on the coffee shop. We need to move to Los Angeles. We could go to Silver Lake. We could wake up in Silver Lake or Echo Park and we could walk down to our coffee shop. Wake up to Silver Lake.

Go to Hollywood. Then go to Beverly Hills. We could go to Engelwood. Mm-hmm. Then we got to go to Englewood. Give the hood some love. There we go to Lederah Heights. And then we could go up to Seattle.

That's too far. That's on a train, though. But we could go up there. We could take a four-hour train ride to Oakland. And then we'll take another train ride from there to Seattle. A beautiful city. And then we'll go down to Pixar in Emoryville. Why are you talking like this right now?

Emeryville. Why are you doing... Emoryville and Oakland. Why are you doing that? We're talking about Los Angeles stuff. But why are you not... I'm doing an L.A. accent. You're not saying anything.

This is just you're talking weird today. I'm not talking weird today. Yeah, you are. You keep being like... Also, you're doing this. You're punctuating everything by tapping you. I do that all the time. I know that's new.

That's been a new thing with you. I don't know why I do that. You've changed so much since I've known you. You've gone through so many different phases of the way that you act. Yeah? Yeah. And now you're in this way. And now, listen.

It's because the video. After we've seen you change, today is the day you're going to see us change. Into a different. We're going to completely. My life is going to change. Speaking of, I don't know if anyone wants this. Your Discover card? Nope.

Here, show that. I have a clipper card with $7.75 on it. So if you need to ride the bus in Emoryville. What's a clipper card? That's how you get on the bus. It's not a haircut. See, you did it again. You hit the table again to finish your city.

I think it's because I'm in the corner. It's how you get on the bus. What is that, man? I don't know why, but it helps me speak. It helps me stay on. You know what happened? We were talking about clips earlier. He's trying to do grinding.

Oh, true. He's doing it. Yeah, let me get you a pencil. Yeah. I used to do that, but I had the worst rhythm ever. Yo, Caleb, play the grinding beat. Yeah, I got you guys. It was pretty awesome.

And basically everybody thought that I was gangston. Yeah, I would do it. I would just go like, ow. I played it too hard, dude. Oh, my finger. I don't think I can do the grind and beat anymore, guys. Yeah.

They need to make more songs that you can use a desk to create. Yeah. I'll say it, man. There's still pen tapper guys. There's still guys who are really into. Do you guys do when they do the harder, better, faster, stronger on your fingers? No, but they need a fucking song to do that again. Oh, yeah, you're right.

What was that called? What was that video? Finger banging. Finger bangers. But they did it with like, there was like other songs where they would do it with multiple people too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That needs to come back.

Yeah, this is what it was. Work it. Do it. Work it's easy. You know, yeah. I could do that part of the song. It's got to be Daft Punk songs, right? Because that's what the.

Well, you could do any song, though, that has a lot of words. I was going to say, I was going to say you try to do that song, Superheroes by Daft Punk. No, you should do it with rap. There's three lyrics in that song. Barry Mantle of Sam. Rap God would be the best. the best one man rap god would be here's what I would do I'd go I'd go right

when he starts rapping I'd turn around and the entire thing It's a great idea That's pretty funny And then just the front just says I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God rap god yeah and you'd cover up Rap God right and then on this side it says Eminem on this arm

He doesn't ever go Eminem No no no Eminem Rap God You don't say the featuring Who's it featuring The other guy You know who needs to

to link up with Eminem, dude. The most amazing combination in the world is Eminem and Sia, my two favorite artists. My mom and dad, for real. They are my mom and dad. For real, for real, parent vibes. Have you guys seen what Eminem looks like now? He looks like he's in disguise all the time. He always has, he looks like he's got, he's got, he's got a completely black facial hair and, like, a fucking camo army hat.

Yeah. And he walks around, and he says, and he says he's sorry to Haley. And I don't know who the fuck Haley is. Haley is a barista he yelled at Oh, okay, that makes a lot more sense I thought it was Haley's Comet Yeah He should do a cover of that song

The Shinedown song I just saw Haley's Comet You know I saw them live Yeah As the lyric of that song I just saw Haley's comment They should do a bunch of songs That are just things they see

I went to go see that I just saw Waldress and Grom Waldress and Gremitt It was like I saw the moon I saw a constellation I drove four hours to Charlotte to go see a shine down with my cousin and Chad you guys know Chad I brought Chad with me and we went we got there and me and my cousin went in that's the

virgin and Chad didn't my buddy Chad didn't have a he didn't have a ticket so but he was like I'll just buy one when we get there and he's like he was like 16 and we get there and the guy was scalping him he was like how much for a ticket the guy said $250 and so Chad was like okay I'm just going to sit in the car while the concert so we went we enjoyed the concert it was completely drive no no no so So we went back, and he was in the back of my dad's suburban, and he was completely naked asleep in the back. It's like the middle of summer.

It's like 105 degrees outside, and I didn't leave the keys with him. So he just, like, sweat to death and had a heat stroke in the back of the car. It was pretty incredible, dude. He just drove home, man. Yeah. Yeah. He had a great time. He has to have.

Yeah. Well, you want to start racializing? I think it's time to start race off. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the machine here. Welcome to the race off. This is the racializer. This is how we will be.

It scans DNA. It does scan DNA. We have two DNA samples. We have one sample that's been pre-scanned, I believe, that we wanted to start with. Patrick has already had his. Oh, yeah. So the background here. Yeah.

Me and Caleb, we don't know our DNA statistics. Yeah. Patrick already knows his. So me and Caleb will be have. having a race off. I didn't even get a DNA sample. I just know it based on feeling. Uh-huh.

And he has a vibe check, I guess. Um, I guess. What the hell is he? What is he, what is he on about? Uh, he's going to do his vibe. My vibe first. So we're going to,

and then we're going to go through and we're going to actually figure out. It's basically going to be a competition. It will be a competition. But Patrick is going to serve as our control because we're pretty sure of what he's got going on. Could you go over to Patrick's, uh, Patrick's control DNA? He is the control for it.

Control group. All right. So this is my DNA report. I'm the control of the experiment. Yeah. And the clicker does not work. It's not on. Now it's on.

You know, 99% British and Irish. 99.9.9%. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What does that feel like, man? What does that say? Yeah, what is the part?

99.9 is crazy. There's a new gray area. There's a new. gray thing, 0.1 percent. I cannot see what that says. What is it say? What? 0.1 percent, bullfrog?

Bullfrog. When was that updated? July 15th? Yeah, I haven't looked at this in a while. Bullfrog. Look, click open the drop down. Ribot, rivet, rivet, rivet, rivet, rivet, ribet, ribet, croak, ribet, ribet, croak, croak, crook, croak. And that's what it says under bullfrog?

I don't know. I don't speak a lick of a lick of bullfrog A lick I don't speak like one of these Yeah I guess You bullfrog I guess this makes sense

This is a picture of my mom and dad That Okay And that came up on 23 in me Yeah Okay I would like to say That actually does look a lot Like your dad

That looks just like Your fucking dad Dude That is what I imagine When I think of your dad your mom looks like that with the mustache pretty much and then there's my grandpa okay

all right well I thought you'd be able to see the slides better I thought we'd be able to look at all the all the places that I've tested well it's always the small you need to make a big one here well here we go we have an assistant for you'll make it big for us

so all the people who are watching and listening in the UK or whatever can say like oh yeah he has County Mayo vibes. Bro, you're County Mayo? Okay, no surprises there, right? County Cork, yeah, because all the wine I've been drinking. County Kerry, kind of John Kerry, Jim Carrey vibes.

County Limerick. Can you move over to the U.K.? The U.K. Here? Who gives a fuck about the U.K.? Well, I want to see what parts of the U.K. Well, yeah, but like, I don't know. Maybe that's very, oh, okay, looks like I've got some Scottish in me.

You got some Manch in you, some Manchester? That is amazing. Morrissey vibes. Yeah, WIC. No doubt. Wick. Wick. You're from a place called Wic.

Oh, Newcastle-U-Castle-Upon-Tine. I got a lot of DMs from somebody who kept asking me if I've tested for Newcastle-upon-Tine for some reason. What are you talking about? Somebody kept asking me. I forget who they are, but that's going to be really exciting for them. I don't think that anybody's going to care all that much from being honest. One person, and they'll say it, and they'll message me and say, thank you for finally.

All right, well, that's amazing. So you're 99.9%. And I'm a little bit bullfrog. And a little bit bullfrog. Thank you so much for that. I guess that must be very recessive. Your dad was a frog and you're 0.1%. Yeah, you look way more like your mom.

You favor your mom in a major way. So let's go ahead and put our samples in the racializer. I got my blood sample right here. I'm ready to put it in the racializer. You want to grab your sample? Yeah, sure. Hold up. Cam, you're supposed to bring blood.

That's my blood. that's your blood this is blood this came out of you with a syringe yeah well not with a syringe but yeah it's stark off white well it's old and there's not that much of it

it got sun bleached I left it in the sun bleached I knew we were going to do as I got the sample a few weeks ago I left in my backyard and I was actually full when I yeah it was blood

that's pretty obvious blood yeah all right so let's uh let's apply this yeah let's hook these on the uh oh wow the cables here yeah go ahead pat who's going first uh i think well we need it we should we should i guess yeah we can do

cameras first right we're going to do mine first do we oh wait well well first actually uh we have a surprise for you yeah here give me a second we have a surprise for you so guys here's the thing this race off thing the whole point of this right is that it has to be a competition yeah right we want to to see who wins okay so we thought man that's really hard to do if we don't have kind of

an established ranking okay okay so uh obviously me and cameron we're going to be a little bit biased because we're trying to win so patrick uh we made this for you this is patrick's race ranking Hold on. Let me move the racialator really quickly. So this is your race ranking. So we've heard you talk about wanting to do this before. So Pat, we have to, wait, wait, wait. So I have to do this before.

This is how we get, we have to figure out what the points are going to be. So here, there's some numbers in here. So these all have point values. Okay. So these are point values that you have to, associate with these. So these go all the way from 2 to negative 23.

Oh, negative 23. Yeah, so... You can put it down on the table. It'll be visible on the table. You have positive 2 all the way down to negative 23. Okay. Okay, so that's...

If you give it positive 2, that'll be plus 2 points. Negative 12. There are a lot of numbers in here. Yeah, there's 24. And you also have a free space here. And you have a free space, which it means that you can make up

whatever you... Just pick anyone that isn't on the board and you can give them kind of a wild card. So here we have... Negative 23? So let's just go across... Negative 22, I think.

This is the lowest one. So French gets negative 22 points. So if we pop... Let's hope we don't pop French. That's going to be a bad, bad news. Yeah, that's going to be rough. It's going to be terrible for you. We got...

Here, can we just go in order from left to right? Egyptian. Egyptian. What are we giving Egyptian? Um... Hmm. And remember, there's only... Go plus two.

Plus two for Egyptian. All right. So, Egyptian is the highest. That's the highest you can get. So now Irish, Irish, I mean, you know. You're going to give me, all right. Just so you know, Patrick. There also is Indigenous American, Spanish, Moroccan, Somali, Saudi Arabian, Mexican, and Korean.

And you've just used two of your positive values. you've got a long way to go back so okay so free free space is one so what do you what are you filling in oh that's just i mean that's just there okay so that's just yeah that's just to get rid of it okay all right so now every other value is going to be negative next is british so it's only negative yeah yeah so british what are you giving british negative 21 i like that okay i like that move All right. Indigenous American. Negative one.

Interesting. So you think the indigenous Americans are in the negative. At this point, honestly, there's no way I can win this optically. There's no way I can put anything on here that will make me look good or bad. Everything that I do will be questioned. So what is happening right now? is a complete randomization. I have no...

So you don't even... You just... You don't even think... I don't care if you're black, white, purple, or yellow. Okay. All right. Spanish is up next. Okay, let's go.

I just saw you reach for the negative three and then got the 16... You remember that Spain is in Europe. All right, then we gave French negative 22. Now we have Finnish. Finish. Finish. I want to finish this whole thing.

Yeah, I want to finish. You want to finish off the people of Finland, so go ahead and give them. Negative 7, okay, I like it. Portuguese, Portuguese, yeah. Negative 19, okay. Algerian, yeah, what are we thinking about Algerian? Negative 14. Interesting.

Cypriot from Cyprus. Okay, don't know too much about them, so, I mean, my opinion is getting a negative two. Wow. All right, Polish, from not knowing that much about them. All right, negative three. Okay, now Polish. Polish. An upside-down negative.

That's 51. I like it. Okay, Moroccan. Again, don't know too much. It's in North Africa. Negative, but they also speak French. Uh-huh. So is that making you rethink anything?

It's making me rethink a little bit. Yeah, you can switch it out if you want to. Go ahead. Switch it out. We're good. We're good now. Switch it out. All right, that's fine.

Saudi Arabia. Remember Jamal Khashoggi? Oh, my God. have just swayed. Yeah, that's right. Yep. So you think it's negative 20 to be Saudi Arabian. Negative 20 points for being Saudi Arabian.

Look, as a big Khashoggi head. Yeah, he was a huge fan of his journalism. Yeah. Yeah. No, honestly, the coolest thing that that guy ever did was get turned into shark food. It's the only cool thing he ever did. Next is Ghanian or Glee. Oh, like the pigs.

Yes. From, yeah. Negative five. Okay, Somali. Somali. What are we doing for Somalia? I just want to point out, you got French on here. twice.

Yeah, that's Jubio's fault. A Polish guy did this. Oh, okay. Somali. Somali. Okay, not a big Captain Phillips fan. No. All right.

Next is... I watch that. That's the first time I've watched a movie and I hope that bad guys win. That's right. Negative two for Somali. Mexican is up next. And remember, there is a Mexican guy

on the phone with us right now. It's the second lowest number I have left. Negative six. Okay. The second lowest number of you have left. French. French again. I did 22.

We'll say this is the French people abroad, so maybe like kind of Montreal. French-Canadian. Yeah, francophones. Well, when you say that. Negative nine. Okay. All right. Italian.

Mine is, oh, that's pretty high for Italian. That is high, yeah. Girlfriend's Italian. Unassigned. I'm not sure. I got to put negative eight just to keep things good at home. Yeah, I get it. Unassigned, I guess, would be every other race in the world.

are all the 23 and me. Okay, so anything else is negative 17. Okay, Indonesian. Oh, man. So, by the way, yeah, you're on the last row at home. He has negative 11, 12, 10, and 13 left.

He goes, negative 10 on Indonesia. And we have Korean. And a negative 11 for Korean. Now, orc. Ork negative 12. So let's, okay, let's pause here. Let's pause here. Let's look at everything that's below orc.

Everything that he has higher than ork. Okay, so higher than Ork, he has. British is lower than, so what race is worse, Spanish, French, British, Portuguese, Algerian? But better than Ork, he says it's, or yeah, sorry. Look, I've already said, I've already said, I. It's worse to be Saudi Arabian than to be an orc, says Patrick.

Nothing I can do is going to make myself look good. And the Korean people coming in just above orcs, just barely edging out orcs. Okay, so there it is, folks. Scandinavian at negative 13. This is Patrick's official race rankings. Pat, go pop your head up up top and give it a big thumbs up. This is all you. Me and Cameron have been planning this for about a month.

Yeah. We got so excited when we had this idea. And this is going to be basically... This is how we will score our 23. This is how we're going to score everything, which we're going to start right now. But first, we're going to need to put our blood DNA into the ratio later. All right. Cameron.

You do the honors. This is you first. Okay. And we will visit this. We will revisit the board just to make sure. We'll tally it. Wait, no, you hook it up to the... I hook it up.

I don't spray it on to the front of it. You spray it on the table. You try to do a cum shot on the racial later. It's not a cum shot. A blood shot. Excuse me. Excuse me, you. Put it on the table.

Oh, put it on the table. Okay. Can you punch in on it? All right, here we go. Okay, just squirt it right there. Okay. And now those cables are connected to the sample. Wait, I hear it whirring.

Whoa. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. All right. So, Cameron, I'm so fucking excited. This is all you, dude. I have, yeah.

Also, me and Caleb have not looked at our results. No, we have not looked at our results. Jubio put all this stuff together. Jubio is the only person who knows our DNA ancestry. And I'm honestly, I have chills in my body. And I wanted so badly to get to this part. Can I make a few predictions? Yeah, okay.

That's what I want to get into. first. I want to know, we'll do this before each of us. What have you been told is your history? The only thing that I, so whenever I asked when I was a kid, my parents would just say a bunch of random stuff. Yeah. And that I don't remember because I was a kid. But the one I remember is, I'm pretty sure I'm at least part Polish. Okay. I think that that's going to be. I would guess that based on how you act. But by vibes that I've been trying to, I was, I've been trying to cultivate. And what I'm

hoping for, I'm hoping we could see on this presentation. I'm hoping for some Native American, some Mexican, and some African. Some Mexican? That's how you said that. I've been, and I've been trying to cultivate that in my kind of consciousness. Before I gave the DNA sample, I was thinking, I was just thinking a lot of stuff. You were doing the secret. You were trying to manifest. Exactly. Native American, Mexican, and African. Let's get right in. I'm, I'm squirming in my seat trying to see your race. Me too. I'm excited. I honestly cannot wait to know everything about your racial history. All right.

All right. We're ready? Yes. All right. Let's find this. Let's find this out here. I'm 100%, y'all. At least you're whole.

I'm 100% that bitch. I'm honestly so nervous. I'm really liking the amount of... You have a lot of stuff on this. And I think this big blue thing, I'm going to guess right now, probably some British and Irish stuff. I'm going to guess that you are 100% amazing friend. Oh, my God. Okay, I wish I thought of saying that.

This is even more nerve-reacting because I didn't make this PowerPoint. So I know what's going to happen when I'm terrified. Okay. European 92%. Wait, only 92%. Oh, my God. That's pretty crazy. Okay.

Oh, my God. I was saying, dude, I think there's something in there. I've been saying for weeks, I think there's going to be something. You might have a fucking amazing surprise in stores. Let's check out. I'm guessing this will be the European stuff right here. Northwestern European. 56%.

Okay. What's northwestern? Northwestern is going to be... Like British and Irish, I think. Yeah. No, no, no. It's like Polish. I don't know.

I'm sure we'll find out. All right, what's in there? British and Irish, 44%... 44% British and Irish. That's not... I wasn't expecting that much. Wow, dude. Almost half British.

That's pretty crazy. 4% Scandinavian, 0.8% Finnish. And then... broadly northwestern European is 6.9%. I did not think I was going to be that much British and Irish, but I guess it makes sense. County Cork, me too. That's amazing.

You guys might be kind of related friends. We probably are related. That's amazing. We can look it up. Well, so that's, but that's only 50% of this, of this, of even the European part. Yeah. So what else do you have? Let's see here.

Eastern European. 29% Eastern Europe. That's pretty exciting to me. I do like that a lot. That's a lot more than I thought. All right, let's see here. Lesser Poland. Voivodeship.

Why would they say lesser Poland? Yeah, are they calling it lesser? Poland and one region? Is that 29%? Is that what that means? Oh, he's in the and one region. I don't know. Oh, yeah.

You are a hooper because you're tall. I don't know. Press next. It'll probably tell you. Whoa. Oh, my God. Oh, Southern European, Spanish, and Portuguese. So you're 30% Polish.

Wow. That's a lot. Is that more than you thought? I think that is. more than I thought. That's a fucking lot of Polish, man. I thought I was going to be all together I was going to have 50% DNA maybe. So the fact that I'm already at 80%

is kind of blowing my mind. It's surprising you. Her Portuguese man of love. That's you. That's me, yeah. More Polish. Dude, I can't believe you're 30% Polish. That's pretty crazy. I'm pretty happy with that. Now you have like 30%, that's enough for it to be your identity. I live in a Polish

Polish area. That's your cultural identity. I'm Polish. Oh my God. I probably gravitated they're unconsciously. Holy shit. It was a Polish magnet. All right. All right. Let's keep going here.

Let's get into the good stuff. The small percentages are the exciting ones. Okay, 92% European. Yeah. Okay. All right. Press next. Let's see what's next.

Oh, my God. 4.3% indigenous American, dude. That's fucking right. Wow. That is amazing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He was prepared, dude. I manifested it. I knew it was going to happen. Wow. Dude, victory lap. I'm so happy. That is incredible. I'm so happy for you, bro.

What's that? That's a 20th? Yeah. One 20th. Dude, you're a card-carrying. I'm going to find out my tribe. You have to. Yeah. Wait, does it tell you? I hope it tells me. It might tell you. Yeah, it's got to tell you. Yeah, okay, it just says 4.3% Indigenous American. These could be your cousins.

You blend right in. That is amazing. That means your ancestors did something really incredible. That means your ancestors did something terrible. Well, my great-grandpa... You think it's terrible to use every part of the animal? That's what you're saying, Patrick? My great-grandpa did claim that he was Native American, but it was unclear if he actually was.

So this is answering a lot of questions. Something. So the question has been answered. So the question, so, yeah. I mean, what, great-grandpa, that's what? What percent is that? That is 16th and 8th. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

That'd be an 8th. An 8th? Yeah. Okay. So basically, if one of his parents was 100% native, then you would be about, you'd still be somewhere between that and. So the point is he was completely not lying. Yeah, that's right.

And he was 100% Native American. And he was not. just a really dark-skinned white guy. That is so amazing to know that, man. That is really exciting, but I think there's probably still, that doesn't add up to 100 yet, does it? Okay, so that's, that's, okay, so we have a, I think 4% left.

You got some purple stuff. Wait, I keep going, but I have to send, I'm going to send something to Jubio really quick, but you can keep going. Okay. All right, I'm excited to see what this is. Western Asian and North African 2.5%. No way.

dude. What? Oh my God, dude. It got even better. It got better, bro. I'm the whitest guy in the show. Dude, yeah, you're 100. Yeah, what are you're talking about? Dude, you're African. Oh, my God.

Western Asian. I've been walking around my apartment and saying to my girlfriend. I'm going to get my test results. It's going to blow your mind. I'm going to be African. You're going to be African. Well, where, where? Because you could be like South African. Don't try to down for you fucking cracker. It says North African. That's the opposite of South African I forgot

We get to call him I mean I don't know yet But you get to call him Whitey That's right I've already been called Whitey By him a million times Okay Whitey Well now you know why I've been doing it

Oh my God That is the that is the most North African 1.1% Anything good in there Who knows Northern West Asian Oh that's why I don't know

I mean Cyprus I think Yeah maybe I don't know I guess I'm actually No lady from Cyprus I guess You're going to have to learn about your history. My 0.3% heritage.

That is so amazing. That is really exciting to me. Very exciting stuff. I always knew I was a total melting pot. And it's true. I always knew. I know you are a complete melting pot. Yeah.

All right. Let's see what else we have here. Oh. 0.2% Arab Egyptian and Levantine. Dude, this is like, I feel like all the stuff that I thought that I was going to be, you are. I thought I really. I thought I was going to be Egyptian. When I saw that

Jubio added that to the racial ranking, I was like, that's all me did. No, dude, I think I might become a Hotep now. You have to. Yeah, because I... Well, is that why... I mean, we haven't looked at yours yet, but is that way Ork is on there? I didn't even think about that. I guess that's probably me then,

right? Yeah. That probably does have... Because you kind of... You kind of just got all the awesome stuff right then. Yeah, I am... I'm kind of bummed. I didn't get Mexican. Maybe I'm about to get a 0.1% Mexican, we'll see. Next slide, maybe. True. If that happens, if I get, I get all three.

Let's see. Trace Ancester. Who knows? You're related to Trace Cyrus from Metra. Does it go into that? Let's see if it goes into that. Oh, my God. Wow.

Wow. Wow. So, Saharan African. Point 1% Somali. Somali. Dude. Wow. Yes, bro.

This is amazing. This is the greatest day of your life. Well, here's the thing. I remember when I did the 23 and me, it did say that I was point sub-saharan, like, point two. He's going to ruin everything right now. And then they got rid of it. I don't really care because I'm Native American.

Okay. Yeah, you're 100% white Irish. Yeah. You're a whitey cracker. I may be for. You know what that means? to be 100% Irish. Your family used to be the lowest

piece of shit in the worst country in the world. I already won being 30% Polish. That was already a... Every... Everything else is just amazing... This is a victory lap. Brown and black icing on top of the cake. I don't think you should

say brown and black icing. Why? All right. Let's see... I bet you wouldn't... You wouldn't say that. You're not allowed to. I have the slides show here. Yeah, that's it. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, and on a sign. On a sign. So you did pop on a sign.

So wait, really, so really quick, can we add up your... Oh, there's more stuff. There was more stuff. Oh, okay. Let's see more stuff then. Let's keep going on. Timeline. So you were... Most recently, I was British and Irish and Eastern European.

Okay, and it looks like everything else is from the 1600s. That's not that long ago, honestly. No, that's actually, that's basically... No, from the 1700s. Where do you find this timeline thing? Because I didn't see mine. I can't see it. So you were North African as recently as 1850.

Civil War vibes. 1850, that's, they were, that's Victorian times. Yeah, dude, yeah. Wow. I wasn't even in Victorian England. No, no, not at all, dude. That's incredible. I'm going to go home and change a lot of stuff about myself.

I mean, everything is different for you. Everything is fucking different. All right, what's next? I think it seems like that might be the end. All right, so really quick, can we add up the points for you? All right, so what do we got? Keep it, keep track in your head. Okay, wait, so we have to go back.

What are these points out of? So, we're just going to add them all together. Someone take out their phone, I guess, and just do calculator. Here, you do it. Me do it? Yeah, it's your, come on, it's your points. I think Jubio should have had this ready. Or Jubio can do it on the computer.

No, I got it. I'll do it, I'll do it. All right. Ready? All right, yeah. So first is a, first up is British. Yeah, you are British, which is minus 21. Minus 21.

Okay. Okay, but you're indigenous American. Well, Irish, too, is... Okay, Irish is zero. Okay. And then Scandinavian is next. Uh, is that on here? Yeah, negative 13.

Okay, and then Finnish. Negative seven. Negative seven. Okay. Polish, which is negative 51. Come on. Add it. Negative 51.

Okay. What's next? Uh, Spanish and Portuguese. Spanish is negative 16. And Portuguese is negative 19. Negative 19. Okay. And then what's next here?

Indigenous American. That is negative one. Negative one. Again, very interesting choice by Patrick. And then... Is African on here? Cypriot? Oh, yeah.

Cypriot is... What is it? Where is that? Oh, negative three. Negative three. Okay. And then Egyptian. Egyptian is...

Man, I can't find any of these. There's so many. You're such a melting. Plus two. Plus two. That's huge. You're such a melting pot, man. Okay.

And then the Somali. Somali and Guinean. So Somali is negative two and Guinean is negative five. And then unassigned is negative 17. Negative 17 for unassigned. All right. So what's your total? My total racial score is negative 153.

Negative 153. That's what you are. All right. I don't know if I can beat that. That's pretty good. Yeah. I think I got a pretty good score. All right. Patrick, if you would do the honors,

will you spray, or I'll spray this, and will you connect? Don't mix them together, whatever you do. True. Okay, wait. Oh, it's nice and red on the table. Yeah, nice and amazing red on the table. All right. All right, it's all hooked up.

I hear it worrying. It's calculating my race report right now. Okay, dude. Putting that cherry lime-made shit in the spray, it is a crazy smell in the room right now. It is smelling so bad. It smells like dog shit. I actually attach a certain cultural importance to fragrance.

Guys, I need you both to shut up because I'm about to uncover the secret history of my family, directly live on air. So here's what I've been told about my family history. Uh-huh. I have been told that my granddad is Italian, okay? My mom's dad. And he looks, if you guys have met him, he looks like a human basketball. ball that is the color of him is like an old leather vintage spalding ball so i've always looked to him saying hmm i'm not so sure yeah and his mom looked even worse and everybody is not the word

you should use every burr well who knows maybe i can use it everybody in my family is ugly and they're fat too so i'm trying to learn where all these people are from so give me three predictions so i'm predicting Are your three hopes? The three hopes. I hope that I'm some meaningful amount Italian because that has been the only kind of like cultural thing that I've ever had was that we'd be like, yeah, we're Italian. We'll eat, like at Christmas we eat Italian food. I'm hoping that I am Native American because my dad would say that we were Native American. And it would be nice for us both to be Native American.

And then we could be kind of we could do stuff together. Yeah, we could be amazing spirit brothers. They're going to be so mad when it's, like, a decent amount Irish. I don't think, I, as, to my knowledge, I have no Irish in my blood. And, oh, and I know, and I think I have Spanish in my blood. What's your third hope? My third hope is that I am, I'm from Africa. I want to be, okay, I'll say this.

I want to be 100%. My hope is that it says 100%, 100% African. okay okay so I'm ready I'm ready but I'll accept whatever is giving me

whatever God throws your way I'm not going to send an email if I'm not happy with the results okay all right let's get into this guys I'm so fucking nervous this is amazing

okay Caleb's report 100% Caleb 100% CP oh my god I do not like this so already I'm looking at this oh man yeah

the blueness of it it is all looking very blue first of all and second of all yeah dude that's European, dude. This is bad news. And a huge chunk of it is one blue thing.

You're completely European. Dude, this is not good. All right. Let's see. 99.8% European, dude. Wow. Wow. Wow.

That is a shot to the heart. That is a shot to the heart. That is really sad, dude. I honestly am just so fucking sad right now. 99.8, dude, at least give me 100. 99.8. Oh, this is breaking my heart. That means 0.2% is not European. That's true. Let's look on the bright side here. You're going to have 0.2% of something. Maybe it's unassigned, but it's not European. It's definitely unassigned.

Dude, who would have thought that you were the most racially diverse person? Not me. I really was not expecting that. I was expecting it. I knew. I'm telling you, I felt it. All right. Let's get into this raced off. 81.5% northwestern European, dude.

And we remember what that is. Holy crap. 68% British and Irish, dude. No. Dude, I'm Irish. Dublin. I knew it. We're all Irish.

Dude, I honestly had no fucking clue that I was even 1% Irish. You're going to start listening to Wolftones with me. dude that is crazy i'm irish that is the worst news i've ever gotten in my life you said all this stuff about how oh like oh i'm i've only been a peasant my whole life bitch you too no but you i have i have at least one other thing in here right because it's only 68 percent so i'm more than half irish that is so that's crazy that is so fucked up man that is really hurting my feelings okay let's see did i kiss you before i spit into that baby I'm trying to think back.

Or did I kiss maybe like a fucked up ugly bitch? Fucking Irish. Hey, man. That's yourself. No. You were a total self-loathing Irish. I am. I hate the Irish.

The classic stereotype. This sucks, man. Okay. What's next? Scandinavian, French and German, broadly northwest European. Dude. Wow. When they clear out all these results, when they like finally tally it up and figured

out you might be 100% Irish too because I remember it said that I was like 100% Irish Scandinavian Southern European okay this is where it gets good 17% of this picture too I'm a little bit interested in this at least this is some intrigue

because this guy has a mustache 17% Italian okay Camparia nice all right five regions yeah and then broadly southern European okay so I'm about I'm about a fifth Italian almost Congratulations.

All right. That's actually more than I thought. I always thought that I was like 5% Italian. So I'll take that. I still, it is pretty upsetting that I'm tripled that amount Irish. And I don't know. Man, when Julio said to us last night, he was like, oh, when we do this, we'll do camera results first, and then we'll do Caleb's after. And I was like, oh, this means Caleb is going to be something, Caleb's going to be like Egyptian or something.

It was reverse. And it was, and then it's actually that you're getting damned. I'm fucked, dude. You're being tortured. This is so fucked up. I can't believe it, dude. I'm not, wait,

am I not even Spanish, bro? My grandma's a liar? My grandma told me that her grandma. Wait, go back, didn't it? I feel like... Where does it say Spanish? Oh, no, it's French and German. Yeah.

Dude, that my... Yeah, you're not Spanish. I also thought that I was like 20% German. Well, there's still a lot of Europe to go. Am I fucking adopted? Am I adopted? My grandma claims that her mom or her great grandma or her normal grandma was 100% Spanish.

we'll see dude okay southern european italian broadly southern european 0.5% eastern european i could see that with that picture

yeah 99.8% european dude this is honestly gotta be one of the worst days of my entire life this is the highest high the highest high for Cameron

ticked my lowest love this is unreal dude finding out that you are Irish you don't look it at all you don't look at all you don't look I can't believe it. You look like you were made in a tube. But I look like a little Somali, right?

You do. Yes, you look like a Somali pirate. Yes, you do. You look just like them. All in all. Okay. There's 0.2% left. Three, hey, hey, crackers.

Drum roll. Give me a drum roll. Not three complete crackers. No. No, no, no, he's not. Listen. If you call me a complete cracker ever again. He's a weed of bix.

I'm going to fucking eat you. Okay, two crackers. and a mutt. Don't call him a mutt. First you do race rankings, and you're calling people mutts? What's wrong with you? I didn't want to do the race rankings.

You did not argue at all. We really thought, okay, we were going to, the plan was that we were going to give you the thing, and we thought that you were going to say, oh, no, there's no way we can do this. So I was printing out, when you, before you got here, I was trying to print out a bunch of emojis that you could use instead,

so when you said no to the numbers, I could bring out the emojis. The emojis is a way better idea. But they were all like browny faces and hammers. But you immediately were like, yeah, let's do it. No, because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. You had been planning it for so long, dude. Okay, all right, 0.2%.

I don't want to do it. Blow on the dice. On a sign. You didn't blow on the dice, dude. Oh, my God. I'm not at all Native American. Well, let's look at the timeline. Yeah.

Let's see the timeline. That actually is what I resemble the most of, out of everything that you've showed. All right. So, originally, I'm French and German and Scandinavian. Then I was Italian. And then British and Irish, only in the last 100 years. So that's why you didn't know about it is because it just happened. Yeah, I don't wait that.

I'm trying to think. The thing is, my grandpa is from, like, the middle of nowhere. And we were talking about how he has, like, no real idea of his family history, I guess. But then my other grandpa, yeah, they're, they, my grandma claims to be German. My grandpa is Italian. I just found out for real. And, wait, but wait, there's more. No, that can't be true.

Wait, what's going on here? There's more? No way. I have less than 2% Neanderthal DNA. Did that mean that's low, right? That's pretty low. I think that's high. You have one variant associated with having a worse sense of direction.

You have two variants associated with being less likely to have a fear of heights. Okay. You have one variant associated with being more likely to have a fear of public speaking, and you have four variants associated with being a better sprinter than distance runner. Wow. I'm a high-performance athlete. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And you're afraid to talk. And I'm afraid to talk, but I can jump off of. Yeah, you can run. I would actually say all of these are completely opposite. I'm so scared of heights, and I'm not a good runner at all. Wait. Wait, what is it? Okay.

I get it. I feel like that's got to be a lot of Neanderthal DNA, though, right? Or else they wouldn't. I don't remember what mine was, but it said that I have 56% more Neanderthal DNA than most users. Wow. Less than two. I really thought that most, okay, so the people that I've seen that have Neanderthal DNA, it said like, oh, you have so much, you have 0.2%. So the fact that it just said less than 2%, means that I could have one and a half or something. That's pretty scary. Yeah, I think that's a high number. You think I'm full Neanderthal almost? Probably. Wait, less than 2%. That's what the unassigned is then.

I'm 2% fucking... You're Encino, man. Dude, I cannot believe this, man. That's cool. All right, let's add it up. Yeah, I guess I'll take me in. I'll take me anderthal. Is that the end of this slideshow?

All right, let's add it up, okay? All right, I'll read these out too. All right. You're going to win because you only are three things. I may win, but I lost today. I may win, but I completely lost. All right. So British and Irish.

So British is negative 21. All right, negative 21. Irish is zero. Then we have... Hold on. Here's my timeline. What's your time? My timeline is just British, one to two.

Scandinavian is negative 13. Negative 13, okay. French is negative 22. Negative 22. German is not on here. That's fine. But we'll call that negative 50. Okay.

I'll take negative 50. Yeah, I guess German is unassigned. Italian is negative 8. Okay. And then Eastern Europeans not on here. Unassigned is negative 17. All right. And we'll call ork Neanderthal.

That's negative 12. Okay, so with that, that puts me at negative 143 with the random negative 50 that we threw in. If we take, I mean, okay, the negative 50 doesn't have to be there. I think you won numbers. Okay, negative 93 then is my score, according to Patrick's racial ranking. Yeah, well, yeah, I guess that's not what we should say. That's not an objective score. That's just what Patrick thinks of us.

That's just one racist idea of what our points are. A racialist, sorry. Racialists, that's what I have to say. Not racist. It's different. So Patrick? I think, honestly, I hate to say this. I think that the ranking is Cameron has the coolest.

You have the second coolest. And I might have the worst lineage on the entire podcast. I think you're, because Patrick's is cool because it's so, it's just one thing. I think that's, that has a, that has a shock factor. Yeah. Whoa. Mine is like, so shit. I have 51% more Neanderthal DNA.

And I have the same amount as, as me. Caleb. I will say, I do truly think that I manifested this into existence. I don't think I deserve what I got. I'm wishing all week that I had been doing voodoo in my house. I have, what I've been, I literally, every time I, I, I just kept thinking about it, I would say to whoever I was hanging out with, I think I'm going to be Native American. Look me in the eyes. Did you go to a witch doctor?

No. Are you planning on becoming a witch doctor after the news? Fuck me, man. All right. I mean, that's it for the race. And just so you guys know, if they do end up correcting the score or whatever, I'm never checking it again. I'm never even looking at it.

You're passing this on to your children. Exactly. Yeah. This is incredible news. We are doing our shareholder meeting for this month on the 17th of February, which is a Friday. And I assume at 5 p.m. Short month.

We couldn't do it on another Friday. The morning's too short. So check that out. I'm going to be. So subscribe to the. $15 tier to get access to that. I'm going to be in the beautiful city of Providence, Rhode Island, 23rd, 24th, and 25th with...

He's going into the claim. Edom. And I think I might be headed to Somalia. To go back home. Birthright. Yeah. God, that's awesome. Yeah. And I guess I'm going to go fucking kill myself in my trailer park. That's what I'm going to do. This sucks, man. All right. Race off. Bye.