Podcast About List - Ep. 240 - The New Office

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

We have officially moved out of our parents' basements and now live in this space all together, it's the office from The Office (UK). Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

All right, what were you saying, Pat? And we're starting. Nothing. Maybe boost it up a little bit. Is this better? I'll just, I'll just do my own. Wait, Pat, talk. Test your audio?

You have a cable. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You're plugged in. I don't think anybody can hear that at all. Yeah. This is a flop.

This is an Insta flop. Insta flop. Insta flop. You are flopping. The first action you decided to do in the new office is flopped. You're not even on camera. No. Oh, you are.

You're on the very edge. What are we going to do? You're on the edge, buddy. You are on the edge. What are we going to do? This is nothing. You can't be heard. We're not going to include that on the edit.

We're not including that. There's no fucking way we're including that. Why not? Get over here. We have a microphone. Just talking to the microphone. I understand. Sam, man. You're upset about the TV

Rider Strike. Yeah. I'm really upset about the writer's strike because I just submitted... I just submitted... I'm not kidding. I just submitted a packet to a show and... Abbott Elementary. No, no, no, no, the late show with James Gordon. I don't really know... And now because of the strike, that show

is gone. Yeah, it's tough for me because I kind of am running out of people now who I can send my Adventure Time spec scripts to. Yeah. I kind of just have to send them to my parents. I just send them to everybody. in the industry but I don't really want to be seen as a scab

you don't get you don't get his newsletter is it email do you have it blocked I send it to you yeah he has I have a lot of different emails Caleb Pretty Kitty

at Gmail right that is not my email address you're making me sound gay on TV that's not your email no there's a heavy echo in here that's okay

that's fine there's nothing we can do about it yeah we have a new office yeah oh yeah and can I say can I just I want to say something

really quick what it's a message to everyone who fell for my hashtag Hashtag one last episode. Hashtag Patrick Forever. I don't think of that. Anybody who fell far that? Yeah.

When the hell are you going to learn that I'm a master troll? Yep. When are you going to figure it out? That is true. Why are you still believing a single word I fucking say? How have you not gotten it through your thick skull? That this guy is a troll master, unparalleled troll. They're calling that you know the troll face was based on Cameron's face, right?

Make the face right now. See? It looks just like him. It actually kind of does that. You do look troll-ish. Yeah. I would say you look ugly like a troll. You just look so ugly today.

You were saying I looked ugly earlier, too. You just look fucking terrible. Don't tell him he looks terrible. I woke up. Say it behind his back like a man. I just don't like how you look today and I really don't want it. I didn't really take care of my appearance at all today. I kind of woke up and I saw your text that said,

I'm going into the new office and I got so excited that I just. No makeup. Yeah. No makeup. See, I really never knew how much the makeup did for you until you walked in and you were kind of the reverse. You know how pregnant people are glowing? You were kind of sucking the light out of everywhere you go today. You don't really glow like when you're like when you have makeup on you don't really glow.

It's more of like a it's like a sheen, you know? Like you know when you like leave ham out? No. No, I've never. I don't eat. First of all. It lost me. When you leave ham out.

When you leave like meat out for two. guys, they're like, oh, yeah. You know when you leave, like, meat out? Oh, yeah. It's gone. But when you leave meat out for too, like at a barbecue or like Christmas day. Oh, and it gets kind of waxy. It gets that like sheen on it.

That's kind of like what you have. It's just, I think that's just the fat solidifying a little bit. Yeah, and his fat has solidified all over his. Yeah. I can't even, I can't even be mean with a laughing immediately because I don't want people to. No, I don't. I want people to know I'm joking, so I laugh, so I can't even finish the joke. It's okay, guys, I look like shit today.

You just look, not like shit, just normal, ugly. Like shit. Just like, I feel like normally when I walk, when you come into the room, I think a lot about if I saw you on the street and I didn't know you. When you, when you come in. Would I, with a test is, if you walked by me, am I pretending that I'm coughing and look at and turning my head and do you know what's on the rear? Yeah. and just look right behind me. Am I doing that?

Most of time, most of time, I say yes. But if you walked by me today, looking how you looked and you had a cup of coffee, I'd probably put change in it. Can I tell you why? What? Why? Because I couldn't sleep last night

because I was too excited about our new office. It is very exciting. I live down the street from here. If anyone knows where it lives. I was excited for the new, or for the writer's strike because it kind of is the same. it was the same day as us getting the office. Yeah.

Yeah. And we have insider intel. Well, basically I was like, for me, it was like, you know, we were working hard, moving stuff. Yeah. Getting all tired out. I get home. I'm basically lying on the couch of my undies on my iPad, playing Temple Run to type thing. And I see pop up on my buddies, Instagram stories, all my buddies.

Yeah. All my buddies. On my buddies. They're all saying solidarity, strike. We don't want to work. And I think, I'm so fucking. tired and yet I have to get up, go outside with a picket sign right now and knock on my

neighbor's doors. That's right. We've got to go to the funny mine. What are you doing? What are you like going up to every single neighbor in my building and saying what are you doing for the strike? I'm saying I need your signature on this birthday card. Yes. These TV writers, I don't think people realize how bad it got recently. These TV writers have been living

on $6,000 a week. What? Can you believe? How the fuck are you living on that? And they have to They have to spend the time and, like, emotional wavelength to write Barry. Yes. And they have to consider both, they have to consider basically the tenor. And they can only buy six MacBooks a week. Yes.

They can only buy six. How are you, dude, there's seven days in a week. Okay. That is a teacher's salary. So that's why we're striking, guys, because we are striking for a living wage of $10,000 a week minimum for every television writer who writes on, uh, A show about depression. Yes. Dude,

I'll be so happy right now. Depressed teenagers, the show, which is another show I submitted a packet for. Yeah. Because I, you guys know

I'm trying to break into the industry. Yeah. I'm trying to be teenagers. You want to work with teens. Indo. New slang word. New slang word is short for industry.

Short for industry and it's Indo. And you basically, it's like Indie versus Inde. It's also, I'm realizing right now, people call that, people call weed that.

Indo. Smoking Indo. Oh, shit. But that's what the E, I thought. No. Nope, that's the bike trick. I don't know.

That's an endo, yeah. Yeah, I know what the bike trick you're talking about. I think Indo is the term to endo terms. Because it sounds smart and good. I think they're going to make a Star Wars movie names that. Well, 904. Who's going to write these movies, man? I'll do it.

I mean, honestly, if I will scab immediately. Okay, I will too. If I can go in to these striking workers' jobs and I can go in in a mask, With a voice box, so this guy's my voice. The masked writer. Uh-huh. A masked writer. Oh, my God.

Like the mass magician and writers would get so mad at you. Yeah, but they don't know who I am. Because you would give up the tricks like the Harmon Circle. Uh-huh. Yeah. I would tell them all about the Harmon Circle. Oh my God. And they go, no!

That's supposed to be only writers. I know that! You cannot talk about the Harmon Circle to Gormons. Don't talk about the Harmon Circle. You, okay. I'm giving them, I'm telling people all about the Harmon Circle. I'm telling them how to draw in Cal Art style. Yes.

I'm releasing. I'm releasing a hundred page coloring books of Cal Art Style that teach people how to draw. For the crime of releasing the Harmon Circle to Normies, you have been sentenced to 100 hours of the Big Bang Theory. No! You have been sentenced to 100 hours at a coffee shop only drinking coffee. With no notebook.

No notebook. You don't even get to write at the coffee show? No, and everyone sees your not writing. That's actually really great. But there's trickle-down effects to this whole writer's strike. Yep. Coffee shops. Who's going to go there?

Oh, my God. I can actually go to a coffee shop. Yeah, and get a seat. Well, no. There's only fucking TV. I can't even walk into it. I know.

Coffee shop. Because the TV writers are going to be there too. Well, artists are there with their easels and stuff. Okay, here's my prediction. Here's my prediction. I think artists are going on strike soon. No. That would actually.

Oh, because of AI. They're going on strike because they don't want AI. That would break my heart. I think that. we will see, as TV goes down, we will see art make a return. That's a really good point. Because art has been, let's be real, usurp by television in the last. I mean, I know that's kind of a, I know Carlin's been there a thousand times.

Yeah. But yeah. Can I actually say something about the writer's strike that I just thought about just now? Is that, you know, so these writers are going on strike, right? You know who never went on strike? Who? Painters like Pablo Picasso. Yeah.

inventors like Leonardo da Vinci. Yes. Flyers like Amelia Earhart. One of the best. People, these like these don't go on strike. And who are they? They got their pictures and books on walls. Here's a question.

Yeah. Are the guys at the news going on strike? I hope. And they're going to stop writing this bullshit. Oh, my God. That's right. Because guess what? I would love the season of 2020 through to end.

That's right. Can you? I kind of feel like tomorrow or today we're going to wake up. We already did. But today we're going to wake up again later. Today we're going to wake up in the arena say. Well, it's going to be today. Guys, the entire Ukraine and Russia war is officially on strike because nobody, we don't have

anybody to write it. Honestly, I feel like maybe the newswriters went on strike in 2016 and 2020. Yeah. And I, you know what? I bet also is not going to happen this year while the strike is going on, mass shootings. Yeah. Well, here, here's the thing. Here's a thought.

Because TV shows cause it too. Here is how selfish this writer's strike is. what on whose part think about the writers right yeah yeah okay think about how hard it is for our boys in uniform

boots on the ground over in Ukraine right now and they can't watch they cannot watch Ted Lassow on Apple TV in the bunker right now well yeah that's a thing they get back from reruns but no new seasons

yeah well they get back from their fucking pumping lead into people's animals all day on farms all over the country and then they get back to their hole and they sit down and they say I just want to watch a brand new episode of something oh my god it's a rerun turn the gun

you're pointing the gun directly into a child a baby's mouth but then you turn it this way and you blow your own head off meanwhile the Russians they're over there they're also like they have a new show every day well no they're like I want to watch a new show I want to watch a brand new episode they load up they're like Russia Plus or whatever they have over there they see a million

they see a million new episodes of all their shows But they're like, I can't watch this because I will never cross a picket line. Wow. These are run by scabs. See, I think that the Russians probably are, because they're communist piece of shit, they probably like reruns. They probably like reruns and they, you know what they really love those comie fucks? They love strikes. Yeah.

True. Actually, wait, strikes are fucking commie bullshit. Yeah. This is the wackest TV era we've had this year. Now I'm thinking about a soldier who just wants to unwis. and watch Ted Lassow. He sees a new episode. Although normal writers are on strike, so he got these scab writers coming in. They don't know anything about

the show, anything about the characters. So this soldier, he's trying to escape his life of bloodshed and destruction. He turns on Ted Lasson. He's like, I just want to watch some wholesome soccer. This episode, Ted Lassow is a soldier. And he's getting shot at because the people writing it now, they don't know what the fuck the show's about. They're going to hire these scab writers, and you're going to turn on Ted Lassow. Ted Lasson's

going to be talking like, duh. Exactly. I don't know what to talk about. I guess I'll play soccer. what to say I don't know what to say anymore I don't know

what's happening around me I guess I'll watch a rerun and he watches Ted Lasso in his show exactly

because now because the writer strike they can only get mad up these damn scab writers we got to make the episodes

we got to fulfill the contracts but they keep writing duh these scabs they are not the smartest

people no dude they're hiring that's the double edge sword of this writer strike

you think oh my God all these old writers who are writing all this crap are getting out. We're going to get all these new brilliant writers who we're not afraid.

We're not afraid who are like, oh, I bet. Duh, I bet I could write that. And then they're going to be in there. Fixes a roof. Yeah, it's going to be just these guys. The roofing season. Yeah. All the jokes are like, right what you know.

All the jokes are like, uh, like, oh, yeah, this guy used like a, this type of wrench. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, uh, duh, duh, do I use the wrong wrench. That's how that movie idiocracy got me. That was during the last writer's strike. It was. It was to be about a bunch of smart guys,

but then a bunch of not very smart people who weren't professional writers in the guild. Uh-huh. You know. How do you get into that union? You've got to be part of the guild. I don't know. The guild.

The guild. I think you have to do five quests to up your level before they'll let you in. You have to up your reputation level. I heard that you can like just, um, just like kill indiscriminately. You can kill indiscriminately?

And then if you kill a right person. Cows. goblins. Yeah, I think you need to collect five goblin skins. What happens is you answer that little kid's prayer and you kill the lady at the orphanage and then they bring you into the writer's guilt. The fuck are you all about me. You know the little kid's prayer? What?

No. No. All right. The little kid's prayer? He was at the orphanage. In what? It's a Skyrim thing. Oh, yeah.

That seems, I don't even think that's like one of the main. That's the dark brotherhood quest. I thought that you guys would get that. I thought you guys were evil like me. I'm not a 13-year-old game. That's the, no, it's a new game. They updated every week. That is true.

With mods. You know they are adding artificial intelligence to SkyR. I saw that. They actually are. Yeah. And you can, but in VR, you can talk to the people and say, what's your favorite part of SkyRam? The mountains?

And they go, oh, but I hate the dragons. No, but they don't, they don't do the, like, uh, accents. I think. It's like pure text-to-speech voice. Oh, really? I like the river. It's really good. Riverwood is cool. Yeah.

I need to replay Sky. I haven't played one of those games in a long time. I replayed it. The thought of playing any game like that is so boring to me. I hate Skyrim. I really hate Skyrim. I really hate Skyrim. I don't need.

My life is amazing. I don't want to escape. The idea of escaping is fearful. To me, well, to me, a video game, it's toil. Yeah. You have to labor. Also, Skyrim. I don't.

want to deal with bandits and I don't want to have the idea. There's a guild that you can join up with the bandits. I don't want to be a good man. I joined up with the thieves guild. I joined up with the thieves guild. You would. I have not complete. I'm still playing it. Skateboarder. Of course he joined up with the thieves guild. Yeah. He's you know he likes graph and he has friends that do graph and writing. I know. And he talked about this to me yesterday. Like it wasn't like I wasn't wearing a wire and leaning in directly into his face. I said all of their names. I said all of their names. and I said all of their real legal names. Their names are all fucking Sputnik and Bozo.

I don't, fuck these guys. These guys are clowns. They're not clowns. They're actually street artists. How would they feel if I killed their fucking mom and then did that shit on top of their coffin? Do you think they'd think that was cool? That was fresh? If you were a good writer.

Do you think that they'd think that was ill? And maybe if you were a good writer and you wrote a decent RIP. That's a decent RIP RIP and decent king on it I think that you You know what you should get into

Instead I would be a toy If I wrote You're a toy right now You are my toy No Here's a thing Riders strike

How about all these riders go on strike BMX skateboarding Oh riders skiing Snowboarding XVity Horseback riding Horseback riding

X game's horseback We get the X games to strike so that guys like me can join up right i get the gold because there's no one else is skating anymore i would maybe get this over i would maybe get this over you get to every no one us competing if i was competing in a good god just give you the goal yeah i cannot i cannot i cannot flip my board for do you think do you think that if how if you we have one try and you go on the mega ramp do you think you would die you don't get any warmups, no practices.

You have to do. Would you die? Can you warm up on a different ramp? You can warm up on the mega, wait, wait, on one that's on a miniature ramp. Who's mega rent? The one from the X games. One from the X games. Yeah. The big one that people get hurt.

The Jake Brown, the Jake Brown 2007. 2007, 2007, Ryder's Strike. Oh. What? Oh, we didn't know. We had nothing interesting to put on TV. What do we do? We make this Australian guy.

You get his fucking kidneys. destroyed because he fell like 32 feet to the ground. Yeah. But which really was his fault, he should have slowed. Yeah. Well, he was going for like a $540 or something. If I was on the X-Games $540 copay at the hospital. Well, he's Australian. They pay

for health care down there or something, right? I would just try and go as high up in the air as possible and I wouldn't worry about what was going to happen after. Yeah. I'd try to go a thousand feet up in the air and I would be like, I'm just going to figure out how to land later. I would put, I would put jets on the back of my skateboard. Yeah, I would be

I'd be fully... Nobody would ever see me again. ...committed to going as high in the air as possible. I'd hit space. They have those robotic ones. Those, like, those skateboards that you can control with, like, a remote. I know. I saw a guy practicing that at the park the other day, and it made me mad.

It makes me mad, too. But not as mad as any normal skateboarder. Yeah. Because he's, that's a commuter's tool. That guy's trying to get somewhere. No, that's a... He's not using it as a commuter's tool. He's training to be a Spider-Man villain from the 60s.

He wants to, like... I think skateboarders are just... Spider-Man Villains 6, just normal ones. There is a spider. I've been reading some old Spider-Man. There is one of the guys is just a guy with a remote control skateboard. Really? Yeah.

And he's called the Rocket Rider. Really? Wow. They had, dude, they just sucked back then. It was, dude, it's the funniest thing that I've been reading through all, like, the old ones from the 60s and 70s. And the funniest thing that I, like, I picked up on that, like, they just write the same story over and over.

Yeah. And the funniest thing is that literally every single issue has, has, whenever Spider-Man gets in a fight. with a villain. Where are you going, buddy? Sorry, the wheels on this are kind of hard. The wheels on these chairs are like scooter wheels. Yeah, I almost fell away.

What were you saying? Every single issue in every fight with every villain, there's always a scene. The first punch that somebody throws, the other person always plays possum, and the person is like, as a speech bubble, like, I think I knocked him out, but he might be faking it.

And it literally had like 200 issues. It happens every time. It's so funny to imagine Spider-Man. fighting a guy and every time he punches someone they can just play dead and he falls for it every single time. That's what the fuck I would do. A Spider-Man punch me? Yeah. I'm playing dead. Well, they just all play. They always play dead. And then five seconds later

they go, I was tricking you and they punch him back and he falls for it every single time. I would I would crawl away. I would like not even not even engage him anymore in the fight. You'd get engaged to him. I'd rip his clothes off. You would marry Spider. You would be doing upside-down kisses to Spider-Man. So,

Not me. Not me. I'd be taking razor blades all the lines on his suit and cutting them and dice him into the cubes. I get to meet all the other cool people in the justice. He doesn't have any friends. His whole thing is he has no friends. He's the youngest one, so they bully him.

And he's, everyone hates him because of Jay, Jonah, Jameson. So shows what you fucking know about Spider-Man. I don't know anything about Spider-Man. He's a public menace. My nephew's like that song that goes, Oh, Post-Malong. Is that about Spider-Man? It's in Spider-Man.

It's about Miles Morales. I didn't know that. You're a duck flower. No, it's a sunflower. No. Not when my nephew sings it. You're a spider-man. No, it's not that either.

You're a spider. I would believe it's in. Spiders on the swing. Spiders on the roof. I would believe that Post-Malong to write a song called Spider-Man about how he's Spider-Man. That guy needs to get it together.

He just went on that weight-lost drug. Have you seen a video from recently? Dude, he looks insane. I know somebody who's on that weight-lost drug. I was listening to Adam Ragusea podcast about that weight loss drug today. He's cooking on his food. Here's my Ozempic omelet.

Yeah. He's just injecting an omelet with Ozempic. He should in general. be injecting food. Yeah. I don't think you should be eating anymore with his mouth.

When people say food science, I know we've talked about this. You want it to be a beaker. Yeah, beakers and stuff. But yeah,

you should have to be injecting stuff. You should have to be taking, like treating it like a, uh, the only real food. The only real food scientist if we're going by this logic

is Tony Sashry. Who that? The Creole seasoning guy. The little chef who goes like, a little Cajun. He's a little green. Cajon. It's like,

He's this big on the box. I don't know the box, man. You don't know Tony. You got to get some Tony Sachery's for your French fries. It's real good. But he's a scientist? He also makes an injectable butter. Oh, yeah.

They have injectable. I'm not. I'm thinking more chemicals that you put it. Flavinoids. What's a flavonoid? MSG. Definitely a flamenoid. I don't know.

I've heard flavonoid and they sound. Don't they sound amazing? Don't they sound like a little creature from another planet or country that tastes amazing? Flavanoi. Yeah, and I would eat them instantly. Yeah, you grate them against a cheese cream. That sounds so good. You have to catch them in the jungle.

Yeah. You have to go on an expedition with a big butterfly in it. Yeah, it's like a fairy. They're all different colors. It's like a little picnic kind of guy. Yeah, exactly. Eat me, eat me, eat me. No, we don't want, he doesn't like it.

No, yeah, they don't want to be. You have to hunt them down. Yeah. You have to bait them out. You put it like you put a leaves on the ground over like a pitfall and you sprinkle like salt on the leaves and they come out they smell the salt. But some of them to get like the different ones

you got to, this is an amazing video game idea. It is. Flavinoid. Flavanoids. You have to put salt to the first baseline level. You bait them with different things. Yeah. Bat them with different types of sweet, savory, um, garlic guys, garlic guys. And, uh, garlic girls.

Garlic girls are in the D.L.C. Mushroom boys. Who else do we got in here? These are the different kinds. These are different kinds. A flavonoid. A flamenids. Mushroom boy is so funny.

Orange juice. Orange juice. Grandpa orange juice. This is Smurfs. No, no, no. I have such a good idea, though. But if you let your bait spoil, if you put the wrong bait, you have to be careful because sometimes you'll be like catching.

It's like, oh my God, I'm catch. I caught like 50 sweet fellows. And these are like the sweet ones. And then it's like right then you got to close the cage right then. Because who's running up? who missed a poop he's a big fat flame annoyed and he tastes like poop

and if he gets into your sweet fellas he's gonna spoil them so you have to you have to like it's all like a game of like okay I gotta leave this this cage open long enough that all my

but here's the sours can use to crawl in it's like that one game though the thing drops flappy bird here's the twist of the game though so you're working for like a food corporation right you're like

and they're like we need you to go to the and at the CEO of the food corporation is Emeril is Emerald is Emery And he's like, you need to, bam, you need to go into the woods and catch all these fucking flavonoids. Uh-huh. And then. Wait, what is it?

What is it? He gives you a mission? Your mission is you have to go into this, this, it's like the Amazon rainforest. You're a freelance by the way. Oh, okay. You're an agent. The first mission is you fell out of 1099. Yeah.

So you're working for this big corporation. You go into the woods. You have to catch all the flavonoids. Okay. Then what happens? The flavonoids catch you. in a big net, EWalk style,

then you find out it's like avatar. You become... You become the flavor on the side of the flavonoids. And you can have your character creation. You pick which flavor you want to be. Yes.

And you're fucking a hamburger girlfriend. Based on things that you did in like the first half of the game. It determines... It's like a personality test. It determines what kind of flavonoid you are. That's amazing. Oh, man.

I got Mr. Poop. Yeah. I got missed a poop too many times. It scans your body and it. It scans your face. You are. Mr. booed. No, I would be

chocolate. Yeah. Then the end of the game is a big flavor I would probably be water flavor. Wait, but this is not making sense. The end of the game is a cookoff. Why are you create, why are you turning into, how do you turn into a flavor? Maybe that would be like that you don't turn into a flavoranoid. You just, this would

be, you become on the side of the this would be the sequel where it's like a twist. I'm giant, but I have a tiny flavonoid girlfriend. No, you, yeah, I guess. You're a giant and then you have a tiny flavonoid girlfriend who is 45 and uh but they live till 10,000 so she's like three years old I don't think I would want to be I don't think I would want to be involved with um well you can choose to you can choose at the end of the game you work with the flavonoids and learn their

lifestyle then at the end of the game you make a choice do I go back and work for I figure role's company or do I actually side on the flavonoids what it's actually going to be what no no no no this no no no this is good it's actually the whole thing it's it's a multiplayer asymmetrical multiplayer like dead by daylight you either play as a flavonoid or as a chef so if you're a flavonoid you got to run away yeah yeah and do have a society I guess yeah you kind of just pitched like a visual novel basically like a like a dating simulator I was thinking maybe like the first one the first one the game in the series. Well, that's like the storyline.

This is the multiplayer game. The first game in the series, you're just a chef and you're catching the flavonoids. And the second game, it's like a plot twist at the beginning where it's like, it's like the metal metal gear solid thing where it's like, oh, I'm going to be playing a chef. But then boom, you're actually a flavonoid the rest of the game. Yeah. And it's like ape escape boat for flavonoids. I like both of your ideas.

And metal gear and Star Wars. The fact that they are made of flavors has almost nothing to do with either of these ideas. What are you talking about? because the flavor the chef corporation. Either one of these could have been Smurfs. No,

because you are a psychopet I guess it could be Smurfs if you took out all the flavor and cooking and chefs. That's a good point. But instead of chefs, Gargamel or somebody like Gargamel. Okay, if you want to try and get that license

that's all you, but that's how you're going to be able to pitch in the first place. Did I just create the Smurfs? Does Gargamel want to eat the smurfs? He wants to turn them into gold. Oh, I thought he was trying to turn them into food.

But it might as well be the same thing. He wants them for someone. they don't want to be doing. Yeah, but this is different because imagine if Gargamel had a big corporation that makes like McDonald's instead of a big nose.

McDonald's fries. The guy with the big nose wants to turn the smirce into gold. Yeah. You never realize this? No. This is a crack.com article. No, there's a writer's strength.

The blue guys are the good guys? What? No, there's a writer's strike. We can't even write this crack.com article. Yeah, what is crack. There's no. There's no writer's right for video games. There's a writer's strike for...

Do you guys... I kind of feel like this office could be a video game developers. We should write a video game. We're going to be in the movie too. I'm down. Yeah. I would be down to make a video. I would be down to honestly make a...

Flavinoid's video. I think it's a really good idea. But we just need... I'm telling you, we just need some reason... It's like monster hunter. Because you come back and you cook with the flavonoids. Yeah. Wait, so there's a cooking mama section?

Yeah, that's the whole thing. Yes, I will do that. Uh-huh. This sounds like the perfect video game. Can we add, can it be like Concor's Bad Fur Day, though? Why do you always say Concor? It's Concor. Concor.

Concor like 150 times. That's how my brother used to say it. Concor's bad for day. Can it be like that where there's Conan the Barbier? Conan. Conan. Conan is how I say it. I think that's how you're supposed to say it.

Oh, really? You're saying Concor like it's Conan. Well, how come Conan O'Brien is Conan? Because he is wimpy. He is not a barbarian. Well, Concor is a badass. He is. Fur.

They kind of look the same. Was he a dog? He's a fur baby. Conquer and Conan have red hair. Were you going to say fur baby? Yeah, I don't know what. I know he calls his dog a furibbean. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I call him shit. I hate him. But can it be like Conquer? Where? Conquer. I guess that is just the word conquer. Yeah, that's the joke. I thought his name was Concor.

It's such a crazy name. I never read that be anything's name. Because it's cooler. It's a cooler name. Concor. Can it be like that where there's violence and sexual nudity? I think there should be a toggle in the setting so you can turn on nudity. Yeah.

Maybe the first game is like an innocent, like... The first game will be for NES and it will come out a long time ago. Did you guys hear? And then we can go from there. And then we'll be pretty... By now, we'll be pretty successful. Did you hear about this game that I cannot remember the name of? No, I haven't heard of it.

That has options for people who get scared of stuff. Oh, the game that has... Yeah. It was the Horizon game, right? And you can be... Well, what I didn't understand... It has options for people who were afraid of the water. But you can't even turn the water.

I was reading it. And it's like, what all you can do is, like, it turns down the, like, ocean sounds. Okay. and it makes your character be able to breathe under water. Yeah, I guess I never... Which is like, I think this fear is that you're... Like, it literally said in the thing, it was like, the fear that they're trying to, like,

the fear that people have is, like, of being in the deep ocean you can't see and there might be something in there with you. And it's like, what we're doing is we're turning off some of the water effects and you can breathe. That is a fear that one developer had. I got that fear. That's a fear that one developer,

not for a video game, but... Everybody's fucking afraid of drowning to death. I don't think that's a... Well, that's the thing. It's not even the fear of drowning. It's the fear of like there's a, it's, it's, it's one of the Reddit fears. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Well, like the one with the iPhone cameras. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's one of the, it's one of the ones where it's like, I'm, I'm afraid of like something cosmic on a. I'm afraid of two, two napkins touch it.

It's a phobia that like you hear about, like, triptophobia or whatever. Like, oh my God, you spilled all over the new office. First spill. It's like triptophobia or whatever, like the fear of tiny holes. Like, no one had, that's what we were. No one had that fear until they read about it. When I was going to be like the tiny holes. Yeah.

Because you could put pencils in. Back in the day, people used to like tiny holes. Now it's all about big holes. Nowadays, these big assholes are getting surgery to make their holes bigger. They get surgery to make their butt holes. No, I've heard about this. He's right. Are you serious?

Are you serious? You can put a grapefruit in a girl's butt now because of all this surgery. You can put a grapefruit in a girl's butt now because of all this surgery. You've been able to do that for a while. They started with golf balls. That was a first. ball they got put in a butt. Soon they're going to be putting soccer balls up there. Soon they're going to be putting

fucking bowling balls, 16 pounders directly into women's asses. Well, the weight doesn't matter that much. You tell that. Okay, well, let's put a fucking, you try 16 pounds versus a two pound ball in your ass. I've got 16 pounds in my butt. As long as it's thin and skinny, it's okay. It's not. It's a bowling ball. You fucking idiot.

Compared to a soccer ball, it's pretty thin. It's actually rather narrow. I guess, yeah. A soccer ball would pop in my butt, I they make those you're not tight like that bro you are not tight like that I am they make those butts loose as hell now his butt's loose as fuck

they make butt so loose you can put a whole bag of oranges I have never had I have I only have diarrhea because my butt is so tight that it just squeezes into a million little pieces when it comes out like the book it won't come out as yeah like the book because you're a liar

no I'm not a liar and that book is real that book is real no I wish It was. Yeah. What's the, I remember, it was on, uh, you remember that? He was on, I remember seeing the Oprah episode with my mom. Yeah. And then he got exposed. Where Oprah's like, you are a lying piece of shit.

And he's like, what? Who gives a fuck, bitch? Hey, Oprah. Yeah. Oh, hey, everyone, check under your seats. Now look up. Yeah. Double burrs.

Here's what you got. Uh-huh. I'm out. That's how it ended. We should do, uh, the Oprah. He flipped everyone up. We should do the Oprah set here. That should be the set.

That would be a good idea. Sure. One-to-one recreation of Oprah. I do think that the Oprah set looked amazing. I can picture it right now. Yeah, I think you're thinking more of how. And the floor is kind of our Oprah set floor colors. Lots of chairs.

Lots of chairs. Studio audience. Mommy's in the crowd. I would like to get mommies on the stage all around. Mommy's all around. I would like to get as many mommies in this office as humanly possible. I think if we put a box of wine. Oh, I just remember my interchip was next to the Oprah offices.

I'll go back and I'll go talk to them. Harpo? Harpo Productions? Yeah. That was the name. What? Her production company was Harpo Productions. That's some clownish name.

I don't actually know. I said yeah, because I thought he was saying something crazy. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. I just spelled that backwards. Are you crying? Oprah. I didn't mean to, but I'm crying a little bit because of what he just said.

What did he say? What did he say? Say it. Harpo is Oprah backwards? Oh. Oh my God. Isn't that crazy? Wow.

That's like a B-Lack office. Oh, my God. Or a note. They had an elevator, we were not allowed to use. That's Oprah's elevator. They said, yeah, it was literally Oprah's elevator. You're not allowed up there because, you know, if you go in Oprah's elevator, you take it to the, the floor.

It says S, that's Stedman's room. It was an elevator that went, that opened on our, in our office, on our floor, and we weren't allowed to go on. One time when I was younger, we were in, I was in California, and we were doing it, we were driving. And we, my little, my baby brother, he shit his diaper. And we had to pull over to change his diaper. And we did it and it was Oprah's house in the driveway.

Oh. Yeah. It was a big. Yeah, there's a big O and stuff. You had a big O? The security. He saw his little brother's shit and had a big O. What the hell?

No, I saw Oprah's security guard. Yeah. And I owed. Was it Stedman? I don't know who Stedman is. I think that's her. Stedman is like her boyfriend, not boyfriend or something. I thought that fucking Roger Ebert was her boyfriend, not boyfriend.

You are insane for that. They dated. They dated? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, they dated in the 90s. Steadman, what kind of fucking... Nobody's actually named Steadman, man. No, Dr. Phil is Oprah's best friend.

You have never seen television. I've seen a lot more Oprah than you. That's probably true. That's what I learned. That's what I learned about breast. cancer as a kid and then I saw Mutu. There was a breast cancer report. There was a breast cancer

report. I saw a, it was a picture Oprah on the show of a mastectomy. And then I saw... Kind of looked like Mutu's chest. No nibbles. I told my mom, does... I asked my mom, does Mutu have breast cancer? Because I saw his like... I was like, oh my God.

I think... You do have breast cancer. I think you too... She got mad at me because you thought I was joking. I kind of wanted to fuck Mutu to until I heard his voice. Yeah.

Yeah, I thought Mutu was a girl. Me too. If they had given... They made such a correct decision by giving him a deep man's voice. Yeah. If they had given him a sexy girl, if they had given him like

the most hottest girl's voice, if they had Zoe de Chanel do the voice on that, that would have been... Does he be playing the ukulean shit? No, he's not. So he's not... He just would be the voice. He would just be the voice.

No, it's not the right voice. You got to get like a, like a, like a female voice who would fit Mew 2. Okay. Any female... Oprah would not have, I would not... Oprah does not have a beautiful voice, I would say. Fucking Michelle. Michelle.

Who's Michelle? From the, I don't know. What? I'm trying to think of... Of one Michelle. Remember when MUTU had that armor, that robo armor? Pay me Kip from YouTube. I don't think that would have done it for me.

Gwendolyn Christie. Whose armor? You had robot armor. I was just trying to get out of this. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to talk about Michelle. I don't have anything about the robot armor. I was going to say Michelle Kwan.

I don't even know that is. Do you have anything else really boring? I bet Patrick wanted to fuck Mew. Nah, nah, nah. Whatever happened. I like Mew 2. I like Mew 2, but he's too big. I didn't want to fuck mew three

I didn't want to fuck mew I want to do B mew yeah was a thing I made up when I was a kid really what did it look like everybody made up you three when they were a kid

it looked like shit it looked like terrible everybody I think I think everybody who liked Pokemon as a kid drew a picture of mu three that was

the worst picture they ever drew not me I didn't draw I got it was too embarrassed of all my drawings I'm so bad at drawing man I'm okay at drawing I think that I

would like to I'm really bad at drawing but I'm a really good painter. I want to get good at three things. I want to learn how to draw. I want to learn Spanish. Yeah.

And I would like to do a highline type rope type rope. Yeah. Oh. I used to like two skyscrapers. You want to be a type rope walker. I want to be a type rope walker. And I want to walk very, I want to be the fastest fast.

And I want to be really scared. You run all the way. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Because I don't like this. This style of the guys who do. they do this thing where they hold the thing.

Yeah. And they think. No thing also. No thing. And I'm going to hold my breath and run as fast as possible all the way down. That's what I want. Yeah. What about like a high line tight rope, but it's slanted?

What if you're the first slanted guy? Yeah. Oh, and also I always had this idea, which is that you set it in between your ass cheeks and you kind of use your body like a zip line. And you just kind of, and you hold your balls up. You hold your balls all like as high. up as I go so they don't get turned into nothing. I notice your hands at your chest.

I have long ones. I've said this before. I have pretty long stretchers. Yeah. That turn, you know, like, okay,

so if you take your balls personally, your ball sack, and you flatten it out. If you personally take your balls. If you, yeah, if you do it yourself,

and you pull it as far out as possible. Uh-huh. Stretch it. Show me with your, yeah, show me with your, with your hands how wide that would be. I don't,

I haven't stretched it. You don't do that in the bath. Probably about this, this wide. Let me think. Probably the length. That's respectable. The length of my pants, maybe. So show the camera.

We'll just do it with your hands. You don't have to show them. They can't see that on the thing. I would be probably like. I feel like I might be like, maybe here. I think I honestly might be that big for real with my sack. Well, that means,

you know what that means, right? Weight loss sack. Yeah. I literally look. It looks like I used to have giant balls. And I lost the dog who just went on a diet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what that means, though.

That's how big your pussy would be. I know. For real. That's what I'm saying, bro. This guy's not tight. Yeah. I think that if I was a girl, I'd have the fucking most huge shit ever. Yeah.

Yeah. You'd have beagle ears between your legs. I'd have beagle labia flaps and ears. Your leg would look, your pussy would look like a basset hound. I think that my. Yeah, it would look at home in a Sherlock Holmes hat I think that your pussy would look like the curtains into a fortune teller's caravan

Yeah No, I would have a my Pussy would actually look really No, it would look like two glass doors Yeah, you'd have a really flat It wouldn't be full flat, it'd be, I would have a juicy ass. You'd have a juicy

no, this shit would be dry as fuck all the time. My dude. They'd call you, they are, they call you Sahara. Do you girls say like, dude, my pussy's so dry my pussy is fucking dry. Fuck me. They're going to put

pH strips up there, I heard. Yeah, P.HAT strips. They got to put, I heard, and this is from girls that I know, they have to put a pH strip up there, like they're testing a pool. Yeah. And if it's all messed up, they do have to put a powder up there too.

A powder? A powder? A powder. It's chlorine power. If I had one, powder would be coming out of there all the time. It'd be like when you, when you like squeeze a stress ball too hard and the cornstarch starts flying everywhere. Men would try to eat me out and I'd be triggering their allergies.

I think if I had to put a meat pollen. I'm going to say something really, really nasty. but mine would have some kind of substance that looked like rice. Yeah. And it would come out all the time. What? Those would be your eggs.

I don't know what it would be, but it would be coming out, and I'd be like wearing a skirt, it would be going down my leg. Some guy would be eating me out, and he'd be like, um, well,

pull out a silica gel packet from his fucking tongue. Yeah, because it's so you need to keep it dry so it doesn't oxidize it. Mine would have a tongue. Yeah. Mine would have a beak. I think my person would have wings. Like wings,

not like, like, Yes, exactly like Namor wings. My pussy would have chicken wings. Hey. Come on, man. Don't swear in here. We have neighbors who can hear us.

No, they can't. They can hear us. They don't want to hear us saying. You guys would be able to hear us saying pussy ad nauseum. I would have one of the loud farders. My pussy would be ad nauseum. Yep. And also, it would have add space on it.

Would you guys, if you had a. If you guys had a, let's see, would you... Say it like that. Would you get the two lips on either side would you get them tattooed with a company for a monthly fee? Like wrapping a sedan. Yeah. I guess I would do that.

I'd pin them open like a butterfly. For $20,000, I would get the Carl's Jr. logo on my Mons Pubis. Can I tell you guys something about... On the lips. No, no, no. It's right, like, but like too close. Okay. Sure.

Like part of the star is kind of going, is kind of going in. This girl, my, my girlfriend got a tattoo from this lady who spiderwebbed a girl's butthole. Obviously, I've heard of that. Wow. Yeah. Can I tell you guys something about Carl's Jr. that I forgot to tell you guys from Mexico? Yes.

They had a Carl's Jr. near our hotel. I thought it was very funny because they had all the Mexican food and they just had a Carl's Jr. And it had a big, um. Carlitos. a big glass window so you could see like the whole you could see the counter and like the menu and everything

up on the screen and one night we were walking back to our hotel and there were two guys who were like clearly a little drunk but there was like two American guys who were just standing outside the Carl Jr. and just standing like right next to each other and just staring into the window at the menu and standing completely still and they're like

their girlfriends were like come on come on and they're just standing there staring and we were laughing so hard at it and then a third guy who clearly did not know them came up and stood next to them and started doing the same thing. They were just looking at the menu. Like a cat staring out the window.

Speaking of Carl's Jr. Our college girlfriends took us to Mexico and now we're so sad. Now we're mocked to a flame and Carl's Jr. The menu is probably different. It's all the same. Well, okay. Speaking of the butthole tattoo,

I don't know, like that person got their butthole spider-webbed, right? For $50,000, I would get the Carl's Jr. logo on my butt. The mouth is the... Like the girl with the octopus ass. I mean, yeah. The thing about that is that, I mean,

I don't... It's just... At that point, it's like how much money would you pay to have to suffer this pain? Because I don't know how many people are going to be looking at my butthole and being like, I'm seeing your butthole, can't believe there's Carl's Jr. on it. What's wrong with you?

That person that got a spider with a bubble. Maybe five to six people, Max, will see my Carl's Jr. bubble. No, you cannot get this job because this tattoo on your asshole. Fuck, how am I ever going to get a job now? I have an asshole tattoo. But you would be able to get the job of Carl's Jr. That's true. Yeah.

How bad do you want this job? Let me show you. Let me show you. By the way, that's a birth mark. Yeah. That's what I would say. My, the, the lady or the person who got the, the spider web butthole

I saw an interview with them where they were like every time I went to the bathroom I had to put Vaseline and like they every single time that they went to the bathroom they had to do aftercare that surprises you of course no but like poop on a tattoo imagine imagine the commitment to a spider web

butthole is something that I could not do for 50,000 dollars 50 Gs easily for some some spider web pan on your butt and then you got a you got a wash your ass for three weeks. Yeah, basically two weeks of washing my ass every day. I have to wipe my butt after I poop. I would not do that for 50.

I'm giving to sit down after sitting down after getting that tattoo. I would do that for 50,000. I'll go to the hospital for two weeks. I'll hire somebody to be my personal nurse and give him five grand. And then I'll sell $45,000. That's a good idea. I shouldn't have talked about this person

spider web butt hole tattoo this much but my girlfriend kept showing me it. And she was like, isn't this so cool? She said it was cool? I was like, if you get that, I'm putting spiders in your butt. Yeah, I'm putting, you got to walk to walk. I'm putting spiders in your butt. You're getting spiders in your butt.

I'm going to put random. I'm going to put flies in there and you have to catch them in the web. If I saw a girl with a spider web butts at you, I'd be like, oh my God, this, this butt hasn't been used in years. Oh, God, getting a broom. I don't know why I talked about that spider web, but hold it. too so much. That was funny. It was funny. It was fine.

Do we have a list today? We're supposed to do a... No, writer strike. That'll be our excuse today. Mostly it's the new Wi-Fi. No Wi-Fi, so we can't really do anything like that. They have not messaged me back about the Wi-Fi. Didn't you say you scheduled it? Why would they message you again? I got to create an account.

So you didn't do it? And I'm going to make the password very funny. I know you will. I'm going to hate the password. Nope. Or piss. It's not going to be shis. or piss or tits. It'll be Pez. I think that... Can I tell you guys something very controversial?

Yeah. Because I've been just thinking about candy a lot. We can't... I have candy on my mind. I don't really want to talk about candy. We've been talking about it a lot. But I do want to say one thing. I think that Pez is in my top five candies.

I like Pei Pei Peas. Is that not... I feel like is that crazy. Should I be crucified? No, that's fine. I love Pez is the same as Smarties. If it comes out of this, I mean, one at a time, and I'm enjoying them so much. Pez is better and different than smarties.

Yeah, but it's the same class of. There's something about it. It's like it's an insane candy. There's also something about, it's like how we people, wine is better if it's a decanted. There's something about Pez out of the package, I don't really want it. If it comes out of Fred Flintstone's neck, that's good. That's a good candy. It's the plastic in the Pez.

It adds flavor. Oh my God. It's also because you got to work for it. That's true. Because it's hard for a weekling like me, I know, a win. It's hard as fuck. For me, for me, I'm kind of like, I'm like kind of a cynical, ironical type of guy, so I don't often give many thumbs up.

So my thumbs have kind of atrophied because I sit there like this all the time. Also, I watch a TV and I go, that's the closest I'll ever get to loading a magazine of a gun is putting the fucking Pez things in. And I feel like, I really do feel like a tough guy when I put the Pez things in. Because it's the exact same kind of thing. and then hearing it go like I love that yeah wow

but I would let it's what I get from plugging it down XLR cable in there is some way to load up PES where you can just put the paper thing in there and then like I guess you shoot it down really hard I want the guys over it and the paper comes out the bottom I think

I think that's how you're supposed to load up PES I'm not entirely sure but if that isn't true then it should be Pes get your dumb ass German fucking asses on this. I really want the guys over at the modern warfare

like reloading animation guys to do a Pez one. Yes. Yeah. The guy who does the real life staplers and stuff. Yeah. He needs to do Pes. I think he did. Maybe that's what I'm thinking. Maybe I saw that video

of that guy loading up the PES. Oddly satisfying. It is seriously oddly satisfying. Strangest media on. That was kind of perfect. I think that this studio could be used for all I think that we could definitely do art in here I think we could do squid word voice acting classes we could do painting we could do squid word voice acting classes I don't think that that would be very good

no we could get that guy who just walked by to come in here and we'll try to teach him we could teach that guy how to talk like squid word or I guess more squillium I think we could do squillium for sure but squid word is hard should we just leave that door unlocked and just and have like, like, people walk in. Yeah. You actually just let people come in here if they want? No, because then people will find out the address and then, like, people will try to come in, which isn't as fun. I don't think so.

It's not fun if you know who we are and you walk in. I don't think anybody has the time to go, like, look at a, at a studio of a, you know what we should do? We should charge for tours. Yep. That's a good idea. That's a great idea. There used to be. We should put in, we should put down rails and have a little, like, like, a car, like, like, oh, my God.

We get mannequins of us. I went to a podcast studio tour when I was like 15 on that same trip that we'd change my brother's diaper My own podcast studio It was Earwolf

It was way worse It was Tech News Today Leo Laporte Who was this guy Who was like this You were a weird ass kid Yeah I really was

He was this guy who did like Technology reviews and stuff And he Had a podcast studio I think it was called T-Dade This Week in Tech was his big show. Twit?

Twit. Yeah. And we went and we like scheduled a tour because I really wanted to and it was there free and we, uh, you go and you just like sit there while they do the show. And I was like blackout happy. I barely remember any of it. But there was two, it was like the lady who I organized the tour with. Blackout happy is so real.

I know exactly what you mean being like a, a nerdy fucking like 14 year. I couldn't even believe it. I was just sitting there like couldn't even able to. able to enjoy it. Seeing a band that I listened to on iTunes for seven years life. Just not, yeah. I was completely unable to even react. And I met the guy, Leo Leport,

and he had his voice, and I think I went like, like, to make kind of a noise when I saw him. And then I, and then like the week after we did this tour, it came out that he was cheating on his wife with the lady who I booked the tour with.

Like the intern that I was like emailing and he the way that people found out was he like open he was like reviewing a phone and like a Samsung Galaxy or whatever and it was it was like a live show and it was showing the phone and he was like so let's take a look at the photos app he opens it up and it's just like a photo of her ass

and so then I was like this guy's a scumbag and I never listened to him again. Yeah. I got my enjoyment in when I when I could. Good work. But we should do stuff like that. Yeah for sure for sure we should have people come and they can sit. We should review tech as well.

Yeah. I think if we were... We should fuck that trick. I feel like I should get some compromising nude photos of you soon. Why? Just to have... I don't want a manila envelope. I don't want them on my phone.

I'm not nude often. We have... I want a panel in my house that I, like, can unseal. And there's, like, rolled up. I am not that nude that often. You're not that nude. It is smart for us to... I think I'm probably nude.

You're nude the most. I think I'm nude maybe... I'm definitely nude the most. probably nude the most. I'm nude all day. If there was like a pie chart in my day, I think the smallest sliver would be being nude. Yeah, I'm not nude very often, but I am. I'm on the biggest liver

would be wearing clothes. You wear big undies. I like to be in my undies. That, yeah, that I think maybe, I think, okay, you know what I'm interested. Pie chart of the day, pie chart of the day, 12% or 10% nude, maybe

50% in clothes. I wish I lived one more, I would be, I would be, I would be a I think I would be a walking-around nude guy if I would tie her out. Here's the breakdown of my clothes situation. The least I ever am probably is just underwear on. Yeah. The second least is probably completely nude. And again, that's probably still 12% of my day.

Yeah. And then clothes is obviously my number one. But the one in between nude and cloth is completely naked, but big t-shirt on. And I didn't mean. to start doing this. That's literally what I did. Like a girl. Like a girl's thing?

I wear a big t. It's called poo barren. I have, I go poo bear. So I do that. The second I get, if I'm, the second that I get home always,

if I'm not out or people aren't over, I always just take off my pants and I'm shirt and underwear. No, I go no underwear. My dick is hanging below my thing. If I was, if I lived higher up though,

that's like I would be doing that. It's got to be the worst possible look for a man. It's got to be the worst look ever. And it's been making me laugh so much. I do. that, I go full, either full, just underwear or shirt and underwear and I just sit on my couch for five hours on my, I'm shirt and underwear all the time, but I've, my problem is, is my, I've fucking bay windows in my house so everyone in my neighborhood can see

that I'm walking around my house, either like just underwear on or, like, and it's like, I stand, I stand, I stand, I stand, I stand at the window and I stand at the window and well, you know, you know, and I'm sitting, I'm sitting on my bay window and I'm looking out the window forlorn. That's exactly. That's literally exactly. I'm looking out like this. I go on my underwear. I sit on the computer. I go in your underwear. I play my video games. And then I get up, I look out the window and I stand there and only my underwear and I look at all the families walk by. I just, I literally, I am in the most compromising. If somebody was hired to get blackmail photos of me, it would take them about 30 fucking minutes. Because I get home and I'm, I will watch

TV sometimes and be like I need to stretch my back out and this is the situation is this my lower back is hurting because of the gym so I'll get on my couch my head is sideways watching the TV my head is in the in the on the thing and my ass is poked up and I have no pants on no underwear on just a t-shirt so I'm mooning and one side of my couch moons the fucking the window and then if I do so if I do it that way people are looking at my asshole my balls but if I do it the other way it looks like I'm waiting for a ghost to fuck me. I have the worst. A ring video camera installed in my house would ruin my life.

Even if I was the only person I ever saw the footage, I'd probably kill myself. Yeah. Because I'm just walking around with like a baby penis and balls hanging below my shirt all day long. And sometimes I dance. Oh, yeah. That's the other thing. I'm doing the dishes. I'm listening to the Kid Leroy and I'm shaking my penis.

It sucks having. Dancing in my underwear to my music. It sucks having like two room. mates yeah because then it's like i'll be at home doing that and then i fucking you know one of them comes home comes home from work and then it's like oh man i gotta like get up go to my room and put like pants on at least yeah i can't like i can't that's not an alpha move that's just an uncomfortable i used to definitely watch of barry when i lived with neal i would there was a lot of times where i would try to get from the bathroom to my room and back completely naked yeah yeah

Because I would just either it'd be late at night I didn't want to put on clothes or I would be getting out of the shower and not want to put on my dirty clothes. You were close enough to the bathroom where that is like barely a challenge. Yeah, it was right across the hall.

But I know you were going like, whee! Look at me, look at me! Yeah, you're running into people's rooms. I'm all oiled up. I'm like sliding up and down the thing. Speaking of being half nude, is your girlfriend ever...

I'm not. talk. First of all, I don't have a girlfriend. Yeah, that's true. You guys are both me neither. Fiancee. Or do you have a wife? Yeah. Well, does your significant other ever complain? Is your life partner

ever complain that you are just casually playing with your balls too much? No, because it means that she, it means I'm covering them with my hand. Just like, you know, just scratching them and just like. I play with them all the time in public too. Yeah. I will say

I can tell that you are In YouTube and then just like scratching them. I mean, I know that you are in the top 1% of people who play with their balls. Yeah. You do it more than most men do. Because I see you do it all the time. Yeah. I'm always doing this.

Yeah, you're always doing that. You love scratching them. It's hairy down there. You need to shave. Yeah. You don't shave at all. No. Man, you need to.

I got to start. Yeah, you need to start. At least trim them. I got to do something. I'm not saying you got to shave them completely clean. I'm saying to have to shave them completely clean. I'm saying to have to shave. I got to get that manscape thing.

No, no, you use your wife's tremors that she uses on her mustache. She doesn't have those. Oh. And I broke, she got me like a beard trimmer for our anniversary, I think. You broke it on your nuts? I literally broke it trying to shave my nuts. Whoa. Well, you just don't know the technique.

Here's the technique for all y'all with balls. The technique is you basically make little dreadlocks with the hairs on your nuts. nuts and then you snip it with scissors. Yeah, but my hair is too thick. My hair is too thick down there. That doesn't make any. It's too thick, hollow.

Can't be cut by scissors. I know. Is that what you're saying? No, I need to get down there with like a machete. A katana. There's a flying here, y'all. Fly alert. Oh my God.

It reminds me of the Breaking Bad episode. Wait, check it's where that episode. Fly. What? That sucked. You can't do shit like that in this new place. He's been throwing a knocking. And he's been in the nice of new office.

we upgrade from the basement that's completely fully flooded and you walk in and you start throwing stuff you're knocking stuff over I'm knocking stuff over whatever you're being louder than average I am excited but I mean think of like when we left

that basement space can we say the address uh sure 133 Menehan Street you usually why do you want to say the asses just for fans who walk by and then think man that's where they used to have the office the old set might still

be sitting out front actually could. If you want to go get it. Go take it. If you want to go take pieces like it's the burning wall. Yeah. That's something Caleb said the other day. Did he say that the other day? Yeah, yeah. Not letting it slide. Yeah. You stole it. That's right. Instant karma. For stealing my

comparison. Yeah. Your witty line. My witty line. Yep. That place was so flooded. There was dirt all over. and I mean we're probably not getting the security deposit because they try to blame us

for that flood I'm going to be you're gonna yeah because you had to clean up all that stuff I was star of the day you were not star of the day you were not started the day I thought it was so funny

the day after the day the first day when it flooded really bad and when I would say me and Caleb it was honestly pretty much just Caleb fixed the flood yeah the first one yeah I went in

you were full MVP and then Pat getting in like like four or five hours after we got in. Because I was at brunch, yeah. And then I, like, because he was at brunch. And then he got, get home and see he tweeted, like, the fucking office flooded today. Like, he got there after we fixed the flood. That's so funny.

Yeah. It's because I had to, I had to, like, I was cleaning up everything. But then I would, like, I would try to move my desk or whatever, like, yeah, it was move something and where my computer was was where it all puddled yeah so i had a little pool that i had to deal with it pisses me off when people complain so badly i've realized yeah yeah if people complain about pretty much anything i get so mad it's incredible i love to complain so much i i know nothing makes me happier that's the only thing i don't like about i love i love bitching and moaning it's so fun oh my god you two really love it i really i can't

I despise complaining about my scenario. I love complaining about other things so much. I'm also, I have it to the point where I despise it so much I will like accept awful service always.

Yeah. Because you don't want to complain. I will never complain about that until later. I never sent anything back. I've never complained about anything like that. I will bad situations if somebody, if I wait two hours at an office, I'm just like, what are you going to do?

I won't ask about it. If they forget my food, I leave. Yeah. I will leave before I ask about my food. I will not complain ever. I complain about the best thing that ever had to me. Cameron.

Cameron, that's why you're good to have around because I'll have you be the complainer for me. I love to complain so much. And then Patrick would complain about weird stuff. I just complain about the weirdest thing in the world. Yeah. My favorite thing to do is to complain.

Patrick will go to that door and be like, well, it doesn't open both ways. Yeah, the way you complain, that's, I feel like I'm a dedicated complainer, and the way you complain weirds me out. Yeah, it throws me off.

The way that I complain about weird shit. I like to complain about stuff that is not an... Like, as soon as something is solved, I like to complain about it. I like to be like, man, that fucking sucked. It was so annoying to have to do that. But if it's a dime... I have to complain to get through it. So I'm finding every single minute detail to complain about.

Yeah, I hate complaining during doing stuff. That makes me mad. I don't like that. But once something's over, I love complaining about it. You know what? It's like, like, if I... Like, if you're, like, you've ever seen like an older man working on something? Like one of these older men who complain

like do the same thing I do where they have to complain to get through it and they're just like well the fucking yeah that's funny I guess I'm only just now realizing that yeah I can't stand I don't like that type of complaint

but I really like being like I had such a long day I had to do so much day or before it being like I'm about to have to do so much I complain before during and after I really like I'm just a bitch

that's true yeah I like convincing myself that I'm such a, such a stoic hero that I don't have to... You know, we suffer more in our head than we do in reality. Exactly. A lot of people see my smiling face and they think that I'm happy. I gave up... I want to fucking kill myself every fucking second of my life.

I gave up on the stoic hero thing as soon as, as soon as I've never seen you even be a little bit that. No. You were the least stoic person I think I've ever met. I have to say every single thought that I've ever had. Yeah, which is okay. Yeah. Do you guys think I'm stoic?

I think that you're brolic, brolic, strong. I think you look kind of stolen. Yep. Yeah. Homelous. You look holic. What is that mean? You look hoic.

You look soliloic. I don't think you're stoic. I think you're heroic. Oh. Okay, I got to pee. Yeah, me too. I like where that's a rap's on this first one. What time is it?

And guys, we will have a set and we will have multiple cameras. I do like that we set up the camera We set up the camera To show people how empty it is Yeah I mean the first thing that everyone sees Is all of our fucking costumes Good

Good And by the way that was we That's probably less than 25% That's yeah Way less it That's less than 10% probably Oh has everyone seen We can stop it when you're done

We can show I don't think everyone's seen this From the live D&D show That's okay We'll put A big Sullivan something. Yeah. I'm going to stop it. All right. Bye. All right. Goodbye.

You know what my favorite, you know what my favorite public prank at a, out of places? What? My little, my little prank that makes me laugh every time that's so dumb is I go to, what if I go to a place and it's crowded, like a store or something, just really loudly saying to whoever I'm with being like, yeah, it's so sad that this place is closing down. I'm just glad we got to come here before it closes. Those are really saying for people to over. Are you saying that at like F.A.O. Schwartz? Like Christmas.

It's random stores and stuff. It really gets me. His mom and pop stores with only one employee. It's so sad they're demolishing this play. Man. Just because I know it doesn't, nobody, it doesn't mean anything to anybody. It's not tricking anybody. It's so sad what I'm going to do here next week.

That's so sad. It's so sad what I have in this backpack. It's so, so sad. And I don't want to put it in the bathroom. I don't want to put this backpack in the bathroom. But I have to. I have to do it. The voice is telling me to.

Yep, sorry.