Podcast About List - Ep. 244 - Our Pleasant Relationship

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

We're finally done with the meanness and the joking at someone else's expense, we're ready to usher in the time of pleasantness and niceness and friendliness and goodness. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Now I can do the friendship tattoo. He's opening with a friendship tattoo. Does this work? Wait, you got to wet it, I think. You got to wet the... What are you giving him a friendship tattoo? That's not a swastika, is it? No.

You've done that before. I've never drawn a swastika on you. I don't even know what a swastika. Whoa. Whoa, that's beautiful. I'm going to get. Oh, my God. It's a heart. I'm going to bring this to a real tattoo artist.

Yeah. And I'm going to get it put in there. Really? Mm-hmm. This heart? Trace. I'm going to take a picture of it so they have a reference. Here, yeah.

Take a picture right now. I think it's beautiful job. Well, I'm not getting a tattoo. Okay. And then air drop it to me. All right. Okay. Wait, why don't people say that?

See, people say take it the whole arm. And then, Caleb, you're in it. Make a little face. Be proud of it. Be proud of your tattoo. People say, guys. People say, hey, why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer. But what lasts longer than a tattoo? Mm-hmm. Picture as a tattoo lasts after a person died.

But a picture doesn't last that long either. A picture of a tattoo lasts ten times as long. So what do you say is somebody's staring at you when he say, hey, how does you get a tattoo of me? On your back? On your back? Like, Steve. Yeah. When do you get a tattoo of me on your back?

my thumbs up. But then you run the risk of running into somebody who's very, very gullible and they may take that seriously. Yeah. But if they take a picture, then it's like, all right, you can delete it. But if it's a tattoo, they...

And that's an expensive tattoo. You can delete them. They're going to have... No, they're going to have an X button on them and someone can run up on the street and press X on it. Oh, come on, man. That costs me thousands of dollars.

That'd be good for prisoners, though. I got... That's Kat Von D. Put that on my back. I spent $10,000 on that. I forget that she's a tattoo artist every single time. I thought that in my head she's just Bamar Jarrah's friend. Yeah, I honestly, she is a waitress in my brain.

She's a, well, that was the thing back in the day. You could just be like a got got my space and then that's how you got famous. You can still do that. That's not much. She's famous for tattooing. I'm going to be a goth girl in MySpace then. No, you want. And then I'm going to be super famous.

You can honestly. Patty Rar. You can still. And I get those big scene bangs. Yeah. Oh my God. I'd be so beautiful. Snake bites.

Yeah. And then the. A scene guy with a receding hairline. You used to be able to get famous by being a goth girl on Myspace and you basically still can. But instead of being on Myspace, you just have to be on CNN. Yeah. True.

Oh, it's not that big of difference. That's true. There's too many gotts on CNN. I know. They're pushing an agenda. Of these goth girls on CNN. How about instead of going on CNN, you go on to YouTube again, where you're home. where you come from and make videos of you being random again now you're telling the news what the

hell yeah i think they should be on red tube and stuff all what the fuck it and showing their spreading their assholes putting stuff in there what just so better that's really like half of the people who are goth who are yeah they do that if you have really really brightly white skin uh-huh i feel like you got to be goth yeah yeah yeah it's kind of your lot in life that's how That's where you end up. Because what else are you going to do? Speaking of, you're fucking useless, bro. Yeah.

Speaking of Goths, there was, never mind. I don't need to talk about this. What was it? I don't really need to talk about it. Yeah. I thought that I was like one of those things where I'm like, no, this is just going to be one of those times where I say something that drags on too long.

Don't be down on yourself like that. I'm fixing myself. No, come on. What is it? You're perfect just the way you want to fix myself. I've been wearing new clothes. I don't want to... No, we had this discussion already.

You wore that shirt already. But I'm wearing only normal-ass adult grown man. This is still a funny shirt. There's not a funny shirt. This is probably the funniest shirt that you wear, to be honest. Some kind of Middle East dollar. It's ironic. It's not ironical.

It's actually... It's eronical. It's pro-Iraq. It's Iraqical. It's pro-Iraq shirt. How is it? just a picture of money. Yeah.

It's pro. The guy does look a lot like Jubio, though. It is pro Iraqi Dinar. Yeah, a little bit. This does look a lot like Jubio. Speaking of, how fuck is it? I got a little Jubio in my pocket. We have, we're working on Memorial Day.

Yeah. And he's a veteran. Yeah. He fought in the Mexican War. But don't smile like that. Don't smile. You can't even see you. Can you add your webcam as a source?

Wouldn't it be cool if we visit. If we visited Mexico and Jubio was like a full war hero. The thing that always makes me laugh always to tell everyone is that he's in Mexico, he's the most famous pop star in the country that he like to perform. I did. Yeah, we took Conner, he was the biggest comedian. I looked up, I was looking at the Wikipedia page for the city that Jubio is from. Yeah.

And it's a big, big city. And I looked at the, I was just, reading the Wikipedia page in it that a notable people thing and it's like 7 million people live in the city one notable person in 150 years no it was like some bitch from the 1800s

he should be like how is there no notable people from this yeah one went to North Carolina has like 25 notable do you know what I learned I think Londonderry has 12 that maybe you I assume you're one of them on the Wikipedia no you're not no way I tried to add myself

which I'm sure you know this I had no idea that Venus flytraps, they only live around Wilmington. I didn't know that at all. Yeah, they're like, why? You go see them in the wild. It's like 100 miles outside of Wilmington.

I thought you're going to say that Venus flytrap was like a notable person. Or maybe not even 100, maybe 50 miles. Oh, okay. Yeah, so it's like a Venus flytrap, good name for a North Carolina. Wilmington is the northern most subtropical climate in the world.

Wow. And that's the, and for whatever reason, it's the only place. that they ever have been. That's pretty crazy. I had no idea. What about a tropical sub? They're really not that cool, though. They're cool.

They're kind of cool, but they're really small. They're not as big as you would imagine. The cool thing is when you put a pencil in its mouth. That kills it. Yeah. So they don't do that. What? Tropical sub.

Spam. Pineapple. King's Hawaiian sub. You want to talk to me about Hawaiian breakfast right now? Maybe some like fried rice patties onto it. No, no. I'm thinking ideas to get us out the hood. I'm thinking tropical sub

Hawaiian sub Oh, you're saying we somehow make a Hawaiian roll that goes all the way Yeah And all the way roll. A foot long Hawaiian roll. A foot long Hawaiian roll. Just in general maybe even a foot long roll.

Yeah. Maybe even No, they already have that. No, no, no, no. We put spam on it. Not the way I'm thinking about it. Terriaki. You don't want pineapple. They don't put pineapple on the spam, man. That's not good news. Okay. Then we'll do like a big, it's like a big what do you mean they put the big the grilled yeah we put grilled pineapple on it's a

no you don't on a spam sandwich I've done that that you just are an idiot then I thought that was sorry what's a friendship what did we say today's episode was I thought that was I thought that was a slice sandwich that place sucks shit I wouldn't trust that place but you you actually I had this just reminded me not with pineapple I thought there was pineapple no I don't crazy piece of shit oh no spamming eggs god damn it you You thought an egg was pineapple because it's yellow? Yes. What is wrong with you?

Because it has a hard exterior. But it would be kind of good. Hard to eat from the outside. I don't like pineapple. I had an incredible idea for a TV show. It's come taste bad. Yes. It's supposed to be caustic.

I don't want good taste and cum. It's supposed to burn. It might come tasted like candy. That would be, that's bad. Yeah, it's not right. Because I'd be eating it all the time. Yeah. No, my idea for a TV show,

because we went to get chula, Cules, me and who is the right way. He's right there. Say, how am I supposed to say it? What did I say to go, you just said chilaquilis. Chila ques. A little more. Chili chile chile chile chile.

Chilacilis. And I had the most incredible idea for a TV show, which is that he comes to New York City. Yeah. He is a food reviewer, but he's not reviewing the taste of the food. He's only reviewing whether or not it is authentico. And he starts out. The first one, he has Mexican food. He says, like, this isn't really.

authentico. Second episode, he has Chinese food. He says, this is not authentic. We do not eat this in Mexico. And every episode he's doing a different culture's food. And he's saying, this is not authentic to Mexico. That's a great idea. We don't eat this type of thing. Like, walking up to the manager of the restaurant, just being like, and I love the food. It was amazing. I got the char suit pork. I loved it so much. But unfortunately, this is not authentic to Mexican. This is not as far from authentic.

Mexicans is far from it. They're just getting so mad. So we will be getting zero stars. You put a giant sticker on their restaurant door that says not authentic. Not authentic at all. A big red thing, yeah. In small red letters that blend in of Mexican food. Yeah. It's in front of like a pizza place.

But he'll be a good food reviewer personality. Yeah. On a TV show. I think he's too shy. He is too shy. He is so incredibly shyness. He does have shyness. He does have shyness.

that you can't be, I mean, it's a terminal. He misbehaves at restaurants too. Does he misbehavior? Well, he says his shyness causes misbehavior. You can't, well, then you can come over here. You're in the room and you can defend yourself. Yeah, fuck you. What does he do?

He orders something, and they say, they bring him a wrong thing, and he goes like this. And then the person asked me, oh, you didn't ask for this? I'm like, I don't know, you have to talk to him. And he's like this. Oh, yeah. I didn't witness this. Wait, you do, I thought you only did this.

at English-speaking restaurants. He does it at Mexican restaurants, too. These motherfuckers speak Spanish. They do speak Spanish. You're a liar. He started speaking Spanish to her. And she said, I couldn't tell because there was all in Spanish what was going on.

Well, he has a very, anything. What I've learned is that he doesn't understand people with different accents. So, like, it, apparently every, the gap between his accent and everybody else's accent is the same as, like, the, uh, the Creole Cajian accent. and like most other American. He's a by you boy. So that's what I mean. He has the version.

So you're walking around and people are like kind of giggling when you speak Spanish. Yeah, he speaks it like a fool. I've actually, I've witnessed that too. I saw this coffee incident that you're talking about. We were all at getting Cafesito. There was two coffee incidents and one was averted by me. The second, that's the one you saw. It happened.

The second one, I had to say. So that's four coffees, right? the waitress because I could tell that something got lost and I fixed it and it still got messed up but it wasn't my fault you know you're saying

he misbehaves at restaurants I do want to point out on Saturday night there was a chase there was a chase there was a chasing incident I am at the bar I'm sorry real quick

I have to say this is almost feeling like the opposite of the friendship episode it seems like we're dissecting our friend in a very rude way.

And I just want to say that there was, I just want to, I don't think that you guys were, I don't think you guys witnessed this. But a group of men on the street certainly witnessed it and were very scared. What happened? Did you chase? You chased Patrick

down the street? I'm at the bar. I'm ordering wings for me and my girlfriend to share because we were very drunk. I order myself a decate as well. I'm standing there wait. I don't remember what happened, but all of a sudden, I'm a block away from the bar we were at, turning the corner, and Jubio is chasing me down the street. That's not right.

There's too big of a size difference. People are going to assume the worst about that. I'm also worried and scared about the gap between the gap here between ordering wings and you're around the corner being chased. Yeah, what happened there? I don't know. It was all a blur. I'm running down the street in my suit. So what I'm getting here maybe from you

is that instinctively you are kind of a prey animal where you see a predator like Jubio. And yeah, and you kind of exactly a predator like him. I don't remember what happened. All I know is that is fighter flight kicked in, you flighted.

I ran out of the bar and then I ran a full city block. And then I came back and tried to pretend like I did not get chased. But you did fully get chased. scared of it. The Nueva Leo and Night Stalker.

Do you have to come here and explain what happened because I did not talk to the men. The men came and questioned him? The men talked to him. Yeah, go come this way. No, it was just a group of guys. I don't care about the stories of you.

So we're at the bar. I can hear myself. We're at the bar. And I just come up to Patrick like, hey, what's up, Patrick? How are you doing? And he just takes off running. I'm like,

He wasn't really even That's not what happened. He takes up running. You begged for the change. I did not. He takes off running and I go, I must get him unless he gets lost. And I just changed after him.

He is changing his story up. I must get him unless he gets lost. It's a bar in my neighborhood. I know the city. I think you guys saw the dogs playing and you wanted to try it yourself. Do you hear what you said? Say it again? I don't remember.

Yeah. Okay. So keep that in mind. I chase him. He gets to the corner and turns the corner. I'm like, do that. I'm going to go back to the bar. You were in a goofy mood.

You were in a goofy mood and you wanted to chase me and you initiated to chase. There was three men, oh my God. There was three men like a doorstep and they're like, everything all right? I'm like, yeah, we're just playing around. This was 2.30 in the morning

maybe? No, this is midnight. Midnight, yeah. Yeah. So I get back to the bar. I'm like, I don't know where Patrick is. It's been like a couple minutes. So I circle the block because I thought it would be funny to walk by and pretend like I don't know you. Yeah. And he finally gets back and he has his phone open with Apple Maps on it because he got.

You had the maps up. Okay. I did want to confirm that I was on the right street. Yes. All right. So I didn't. I wanted to confirm that I didn't overshoot. We've done a lot of running around that bar recently.

When I got dropped off there the other day. You did run. I got out of the best. And then just ran away from the bar because I needed a sandwich for that. Well, me and Patrick were sitting there. We were waiting for Julio and Caleb. And Patrick pointed to a funny looking guy and said, oh, there's Julio. And I turned.

And of course, what happened? The guy was behind me. I turned around, made eye contact with the guy and immediately started laughing just by looking at this man who was walking up to us. I felt pretty bad about that. And then a little later, Patrick went, oh, there's Caleb. And I turned and I saw a guy who looked a little bit like Caleb's at a full sprint across the street. This full exact. He's wearing this hat, which is unmistakable.

Yeah, and then I was like, wait, that is Caleb. Yeah, I completely thought I was getting. It came back with a veggie wrap. It wasn't a veggie wrap, it was a turkey sandwich. Oh, all right. Turkey wrap. It was a spinach wrap, yeah. The reason why was because I've been so sick that I was having acid reflux because

the only thing in my stomach was my own mucus. Yeah. So I needed to eat something so bad. That ish nasty. And so I had to run. I ran. Ain't that is nasty? I'm pro.

People don't like running in public. I do it almost every time I need to be somewhere or you just want to be somewhere a little bit faster. I was I used to, I was one of the kids who used to run through the school hall. Yeah, I don't really have, I think people, that show was fire. People have a shame about that. I would run in circles. God gave me these amazing long legs. I live close enough to that

train stop. On more than one occasion where, like, you know, where like that restaurant, the garlic to the chicken is. Yeah. I have been turning the corner, see the train pull up, and I just bolt. I just, for some reason, I won't run to a train. I both, I will, because I can make it because that's, that's like I have a small window where I can make it.

You know where you know you can make it. Yeah, I have the, I know the window you're right, but then I'm like, I'm running that forest av stop sucks so bad because it's, there's a one spot where everyone can get out. Yeah. So I have to, I run. What I do when I do when I do in. Deccing old ladies. I'm trying to catch the train.

I would never break into a full run, but I do the, I do the long leg. I do, I do, I'm fully running with. my legs, but I'm not doing anything with my upper body. Whoa. Because I can stride big. You should almost, you should do this with your upper body. I might start doing that. That's my favorite thing to do.

You should start running to something that I want to get too fast is to just go really far with my legs. Yeah. I think that's so fun. I do a very short leg. So I, it looks like plankton walking. Yeah. I also have short legs.

Or Mr. Crabs. Yeah. It sucks having short ass. I basically have a demon inside me that lets me move fast. one I want. Having short legs is probably I think I should get

like checks from the government. The cereal? Yeah, you should get checked for being gay. No. Don't put the squeeze in it. The squeeze. Don't remix that.

Don't put the squeeze down, dude. That's the squeeze sound. That is the squeeze sound. I actually don't know what that boing. I was going to call it this boring, but the original boing. Yeah.

What was the original boeing from? Just a boing. What do you mean? I mean, like, who one day had to... Do you know what it actually is? The sound, it's actually... Do you want the history lesson here? Give it to me.

That is an instrument called a Jews harp, yeah, that you put into your mouth. And it's the thing, do you know, Punch and Judy, the puppet shows? They do where they do, they're like... With their mouth. Yeah, it's that. And then we're doing that now. We're doing... It's also called a Swizzle stick.

And it's like a reed that you put into your mouth and you can move it. I don't think it goes all the way in. It does because sometimes you swallow it by accident. Yeah. I've swallowed it many of Jews harp. But I'm trying to show you where it goes. Like it's like this big and it's like, wait. So it's called a Jews harp or a swizzlers.

Swizzle stick. Or maybe those are two of the things, but. We had a dude come to my elementary school to teach us all about folk music. It was like an artist in residence thing. And he was teaching us about that. He went out of his way to call it a Jaws harp. Yeah. It's a better name.

It goes a better name. for sure, but then, like, I think I tried to look it up later, and then I saw it was called Hughes Harp, and I went, what the, what the? He also taught us how to play the spoons on our knee. What are those? What's that? It's so funny to tell a story and end it with, and I went, and then go, ah. Y'all, it's 101. 101. My alarm's going off. Just chill on me. Chill on me. Just chill on me, family, because I don't know how to change it, and I change it in my sleep accidentally because sometimes I fall asleep with my Cassio watch on and I press all the buttons

and then I'll wake up and it'll be 1135 and the alarm's going off. Wow. Damn. Yeah. You should change it. I'll change you. No. I will change you. Okay, guys. All right. All right. Cool. If we're not going to change me. About friendship. And about our friendship. We've been talking about friendship.

We've been talking about Jews and harps and shit. We were talking about friendship pretty much this whole time. We were recounting tales. We were looking at it from kind of a negative lens. If I, we had a three never have met each other, how would we act? How would we act? I would be completely different. I would be probably the president. And I'd probably be the president. And now you guys go

like, what? You wouldn't be the president. What? You wouldn't be the president of the loser club. Oh, right. From not having two besties. Yeah. The president of not having two besties club. I would. We wouldn't know him either. Yeah. Maybe. I mean, a good chance I probably would be working on like an oil rig. or something. No, you wouldn't. That is not fucking... You would be living

at your parents' house. No, it would be a good chance. I'd be like... You would not be working on an oil... You'd not be doing anything hard on a... It's really funny to say it. It'd be like, yeah, if I hadn't met, there's a one other person in my life,

I'd be working on an oil rig. Yeah, I'd probably be working construction and building, like, the biggest building. You would be hitting... You would do a Homer Simpson movie construction. No, I'd probably... Actually, now that I think about it, I'd probably be working in plumbing or age...

Like, some kind of... to HVAC. You'd be working in HR. No, I'd be working in electricity. As a, I'd probably be

working for, I would probably, what? You'd be in it, you'd be, your job would be, my job would not be, no,

because I'd be working on, I'd be on the job site. You'd be like, the CPR dummy kind of thing. The only job site you'd be on as Monster.com. That's right. Yeah,

because I'd be looking for sitting on the futon. Oil rig jobs. Searching, researching, oil rig jobs in Brooklyn. Patrick would have actually been on Monster.

dot com searching like food tester and like video game tester skateboard store employee what of like one day one day you guys are like you guys are downtown in Manhattan you're walking by

where is that that's like first and something second first and second and third and third you're walking around that area and there's that big as zoomies that is in a building that looks like it used to be a bank and what do we tell you you just you just see me in there just like folding

a shirt. And you're like, oh, what the hell? He must be, he must be like folding it to put it back. He must be, yeah, folding it to put it back. He tried it on. And then you see me and I'm putting like 10 more shirts out. I'm just working at. I'm working at Zoomies and you walk in and I pretend like I don't know you. I'm just like, hey, what's

going on? And then you're like, oh, you must know my brother. Yeah. My brother Patrick. Yeah, my name tag. My name tag says Ricky. I'm just in this zoomies. Oh my God. You're starting a second life as as Ricky yeah oh my god I have gauges that you don't know about

I got big at like the spikes like the trainers and you're like what the fuck what the like I look a different enough that you're like this guy definitely has to just and you've worked at Zumi's for a long long time I've worked at Zumis the whole time I've lived in New York the three years I've been here I've worked

at that Zumis my whole job is like making the worst custom skateboard for like a fat teenager yeah All right. It's got, like, pink trucks with a big blue grip tape job. Before we get too far into talking, having a friendship conversation. Sorry, wait.

You never got, you guys never said what I would do about home. You never resolved what you would you do if I, you saw me and I was Ricky. You never resolved what I would do, what I would be doing. Well, you go ahead and say. I don't know. You guys have to decide for me. What, no, we both decided ourselves. Okay.

You can just adapt yourself into the Ricky thing. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. All right. Pianist. No. Pianist.

R. Rango Ringo. You'd be Rango. You'd be Rango at the Nickelodeon amusement. I would work. Yeah. I would be a good mascot guy.

You would be at Nickelodeon universe at the American Dream Mall and you'd be walking around dressed up as Rango and then the security would come out and say, you can't fucking do that anymore, Taylor. I could definitely be. You can't be Rango. He's not in the park.

I can be a walk-around character so easily. But you're bringing your own Rango costume. I feel like the walk-round. Wait, wait, wait. wait. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Can you play just like Timmy Turner sounds? What? He would be a perfect walk around Timmy Turner. You think I can play Timmy Turner sounds? Tommy Pickles. What is it? It doesn't, it's a

costume. He wears his 25 years old. They would dress him up. No, that's a costume. No, but it's 25 years old, but there's like parts in Nickelodeon universe where it's like, okay, this is here for the adults to remember. They got legendary. of the hidden temple and stuff. You've been to Nickelodeon Universe? Yes. It's in the American Dream Mall

in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Okay, true. It's actually dope and we need to go ride the show, Razor. You're an actual dope. I'm sorry. Okay, guys. Yeah, this is what I'm...

Do we need to get into this? We need a full screen this, though. As a friendship trip, though, can we go to the American Dream Mall? Well, he can't even see it. Oh, well, it's wrong. He's going to try to fix it. Oh, you're...

You're getting there. Yeah, move your mouse up now. Okay, now move your mouse up, up, up, up, up, up. You're going too slow. Yep, more up, just all the way. Okay, stop. A little down, a little down. A little down.

Now to the left, to the left. Oh, you can't see that, Katie. A little more to the left. Click and hold. And then drag to the right. Yeah. Okay, wait, no, back, back, back, back, back, back. Why didn't you just extend your displays?

Stop, stop, stop. That's perfect. That's perfect. There's probably some stuff. We love that. All right. Now, now will you focus it so I can use the clicker? So that's okay.

I don't know if you could hear that. He said it's so fucked in here now. This set up will be okay soon. Yeah. As soon as he goes home. Yeah. Once we figure all this crap. Once we get rid of him.

So today I've, I've, I thought. Before we go and I'm sorry to interrupt, I did say, should we go to America, can we go to American Dream as a friendship trip? Of course. Yeah. No problem. Okay. But I'm putting, listen, friendship.

conversation is over until I get through this because just because you're going to you're going to burn through everything. All right. So you have to stop for now for for and just wait. Do you have my toy? Just wait. Do you have my toy? Thank you. I already got him on. Okay. We're looking today at a website called the pleasant relationship, which from what I mean, I mean the way I thought about I googled pleasant relationship, and I feel like I would like to have a pleasant relationship with you guys. I feel like we have a pleasant relationship. So it seems like it makes sense for this to be the website. I mean, it could be more so. Yeah. So this is going to help us. You know, nothing's per Pobody's Nerficked. Yeah. My dad came up with that. I think that we,

I think Bart Simpson came up with that. No. Wait, is your dad, no, no, no, no, no. Is your dad grown up, Bart? My dad is the creator of Pobody's Nerfict. If anybody wanted to know, I'm serious. The dad is grown up Bart. No, he's not. But, uh, but, uh, is your dad. My dad invented writing in all capital letters. That's not true. My dad invented the Cooper black font. But I think that in the, I want to be more, I want to be normerficed.

So if, and I want our, our friendship to be more. Our relationship to be risen. Yeah, exactly. Scooby-Doo. Yeah. But I want, I want to have more nerfection and more affection. Yeah. And our relationship.

And pleasancy. Yeah. So let's go for it. Let's dive into this. So I've pulled up an article for us to have kind of a friendship conversation that can span the rest of the episode and try and deepen our relationship a little bit. The logo is beautiful. That is so pleasant. That is so friendship to me. Will you click on this? It kind of looks like an asshole. It's kind of Dunkin' Donuts core. How is that a relationship? The clicker's not working. Oh, turn it on. It's on. Oh. Okay. Okay. And we're looking at today. 40 things to talk about with a guy. Oh, we're two guys. Yeah.

We're two guys. Well, you're the leader of the list. We're all too good. No, we're all two guys. In a conversation. Between the three of us, we have two guys here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And this is... Please hate him. And this has been... He's the girl. He's my girl. Okay, we're not going to do that right now. Look, that's you on the left.

That's you on the left. That's me. No, no, no, no. Okay, so anyway, 40 things to talk about with a guy. And this has been, this is exciting to me to announce. This list has been reviewed by Julianne Cantorella, MSW, LSW, Certified Relationship Coach. Whoa. Nobody better to deepen a friendship than a certified relationship.

You're saying this is about friendship, but I'm sitting up here in pink letters. It says romantic conversations? Oh, really? Yeah. I think that must, that must have been another part of like a, there must have been an article that went upward. Oh, so these are the two, so it's like this was on the home page

and then you click the other one. This is solidly epilonic. Or maybe it means romantic, like the romantic period, like kind of like romantic literature. Maybe like Roman, like Italian. Oh, yeah. Romantic. Yeah.

Romantic. Like gyro. Typeo. Typeo on the website. It's supposed to be romantic. Yes. Romantic conversations. Romantic.

Romani. Yeah. Oh, okay. Romani. Yeah. All right. So, yeah. Let's see here.

um start with paying him a compliment so who is going to be the tester i think we all just have a conversation okay i don't know what the test the tester well buddy if i could say one thing to you right now if i could i would say this okay your hat matches your shirt in a nice way wow and if i could say one thing to you it would be button your shirt up that's not a compliment oh what's a compliment uh your shirt looks good buttoned your shirt would look really good You would look really good if you were completely covered, head to toe. Not really a compliment. You look really, really cute if I couldn't see any of your body.

You look good when you're sitting up straight. See, now it's a compliment. There you go. You would look really good, scared. With your hands out like this, too. There we got. And your hands looked so good just now. Yeah.

That's my compliments. I'm known for having really ugly, awful hands. You do have very ugly hands because of the, the cuts. I got cuts all over. You can't say that. I have calluses. Can you guys compliment my hands?

And look at the dirt on his nails. Nothing wrong with that. See, you're supposed to compliment me. So your hands look as human as anybody else's. Those, those look like real human grabbers. Thanks, guys. Yeah.

Those look like real human grabbers. Let's see. We'll move forward here. Oh. All right, why don't you be the one who advances this slide? How about you just say next slide to you? he doesn't know how to do anything he's not good at clicking

okay can we get the next slide he's a clicker's again not working there we go okay thank you oh yeah we're skipping some numbers here I just gonna skip to the because it's 40 things we're not gonna make it all the way through talk about your passions there's a woman playing bass

um I play bass I also play bass I play bass we should how have we never talked about this is crazy ever talked about this once wait we all play base every last one of us

Round, round wounds or flat wounds? I do both. You do both? You do both? You do top, top two round wounds, bottom two flat ones. I don't have any wounds on mine. No, no wounds. I try to play with out of wounds.

No, no nylon either. Wow. I do nylon. You do nylon and you have one strings, two. You have nylon. I have one string on my base. And it's nylon. I have one big nylon string.

I try to play with that wounds or nylon just to see if I can do it. And I have a tooth in the middle of my big tooth, one tooth in the middle of my mouth. That's your pig. An egg tooth? Yeah. And I just I just picked that thing. It's attached to a little bucket. And my base is a bucket in a stick. My base is necklace. I know it's, well, I, yes.

Whoa. But it has no neck and frets. Do you guys play Eastern or Western style? I play North Elodian scales. Northeastern. Mixelotian? Yeah. Nickelodeon scales? I do. I've never played those. I play Nickelodeon. In scales.

Did you guys go to college for bass? I was in a conservatory. I played with a bunch of people who played cello, French horn. I used to put on a cruise ship. Yeah. I was around Berkeley. It's true.

I never went in. Berkeley? Yeah. College of music. I was around Barclay. Charles. Stop playing that bass. Man, get that bass out of here.

That's Shaq. That's Shaq. Barkley's up here. He sounds like a Muppet, like some kind of Muppet. We should just do the first. the episode is a Shack and Barclay.

You and me are kind of a Shaq and Barclay. And you're Ernie. Uh-huh. And he's Kenny. And he's Kenney, Ernie.

No. Ernie and By the way. You guys are Ernie and Bert. I'd like to say this. I would like to, I would like to right now curse the Boston Celtics recording this on Monday.

The Boston Celtics will lose tonight, game seven. Oh, you're doing a reverse psychology? I, they're losing tonight. Okay. Yes, I'm doing a reverse curse.

Okay. Smart. yeah i got you this is playoff game so or yeah champion they're down it's the only time anybody if they win tonight only time anybody's ever come back from a zero to three game deficit in the nba wow it's only happened in four times in any sport that's incredible nope so make sure make sure to reach out to your uncles tonight everybody yeah actually give your dose your uncles with vivant so their hearts are racing really fucking hard while the game's going so maybe we can they'll die but that's the thing your uncle has to have complete

concentration on the game. Every single uncle needs to have a mind-milled blue light thing coming out of their forehead headed towards Worcester Mass tonight. Is it? Isn't that where they play? No, but that's just like where most of the people, where it should be. Yeah. It should be in Worcester.

Yeah. I think Boston should be replaced by Worcester. I think Boston should be replaced by Boston to Worcester. Yeah. Or call Worcester a, they should switch them for a few years. Worcester is a property of Boston now. I think Boston should... Other way around.

I honestly think Boston should be replaced by like a Godzilla foot or something. I think it should be wiped off the map. Let's just move on before he says anything else. It's got to go. No, you don't think that. Let's just go to the next slide so we don't touch that. He's eating his boogers. Play the old and famous question game.

Now, I don't know what this means. Yeah. But what I'm seeing from the picture, if anyone can see, it is a question mark inside a square. and I think it's making me think, oh, Mario. Let's say it on three. Well, no, I guess Pat can say it on zero.

And then me and Caleb will say it on three. Okay. One, two, three. Mario. I didn't hear the on three parts. Yeah. When I see a block like that, I fucking ram my head into it.

I want money from that. Because I want a turtle to pop out. No. Let's play the question game. Okay. Okay. 21 questions? I don't know.

20 questions or 19 questions. Okay. Three questions. Three, okay. Okay. Let's play three questions. Okay. I have an object.

Okay. Is it. It's an object. Shit. I have an object. Is it red? It is. Is it a fruit?

It is. Is it round? Does it have one leaf? Um, um, um, iconically, yes, it does. Ooh. What is it? Is it an apple? It's a red apple.

It's a red apple. I was going to guess, I was going to guess a cherry. That's crazy. We did three questions and you actually got it. Yeah. I mean, I panicked and said, I just, you know, just agreed with him. No, no, I panicked when I chose my object. You actually picked Apple?

I swear to God, I picked a red apple. I was just looking at your, no, no, no, no. Maybe that's what I was looking at when I chose to. Yeah. That's why I said red. You would have done orange and you would have done banana. I've maybe would have done a man. Maybe a plantain.

Plata. Planta no. Plontino. Okay. Three questions. Okay. I've got some. It's mine.

It's a concept. Okay. Is that a literary concept? I guess it could be. Is it in the room with us? Yes. And it's all around. Is it fucking friendship?

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That's another win for us. All right, Patrick, your turn. We ain't getting this. This is a... is a person.

Is it you? No. Is it a real person? Yes. Uh-oh, one question left. Choose your final question. Is he wearing a hat? Famously in this room, no.

Is it Jubio? Yes. I can't find that. But I mean, I guess that's technically a loss. That's it. Yeah. Wait, how is that a loss? Because you didn't get it in three.

You got it in four. I got it in three. He only asked one. Yeah, but I think it was a collective, right? I just want to hear the collective. We're going to get stricken from copyright YouTube. Yeah. We're done.

All right. Next slide. For favor. Okay, so this one, shit. Bring in the S word. And I know people were going to have questions about this. So I put in another slide of their explanation of what the S word is.

So I hope you all are ready to have this conversation. Let's get the next slide. You don't have to brainstorm your head to figure out, you don't have to brainstorm your head. I didn't read that. To figure out what to talk about with a guy all the time. For starter, men can and will always be interested in conversation topics related to sex. However, you need to have a way with it. Don't just shoot a million sex-related questions or topics on him for that might throw him off.

conversation entirely. I've shot a million sex-related something before. Bro. Probably not in Jesus. We're starting already. We're deep in it. In my, in jizz.

So would you guys rather be deep? Would you have to think sex? Would you go deep or not deep? Would you rather get deep-throated or just the tip in your mouth? Just the tip in the mouth? Yeah. Or in their mouth. Or the butt?

Do you like, would you rather? Would you rather do a butt or a pussy better? Yeah. Or would you rather have a butt or a pussy? Would you rather, Oh, well, I already have a butt. Oh, gay.

So, wait, so I replace my butt hole with a pussy? Would you rather go fast or go slow? I like going as fast as fucking possible. Yes. Uh-uh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

When I know it sounds like a fucking turtle. No. I, yes. That's the only part of life. I wish I could finish fucking instantly. I wish I could finish 10,000 times in a row. I wish I could start at the end. On three, everyone do your O face.

One, two, three. Well, I said earlier, I said earlier, I'm just doing the face. I said earlier it's because I nut like a turtle. You do speedy. I go. Do you guys like being on your tummy or on your back? I like being on my back, but as long as I get flipped over. As long as I get flipped over onto my tummy later.

I like being on my tummy. do you guys where do you guys like shooting jizz probably in the air big floor I shoot it up yeah the air to the floor yeah I did I give it a busier curve so is that you say that busy I have no idea be easy I say on about I guess I read it as busier be a bezier we are that's not what we're here to talk about no okay but but but you are introducing a new topic to kind of an angle to tackle sex from would you guys Photoshop a sexual photo of yourself. I already have.

And what would it be? I gave myself boobs. For real? I keep putting my face on Lana Rhodes' body with AI. Yeah. I'm just fucking throwing the videos away. Yeah.

I don't even open them. I'd do it and I just move it directly in the trash. You burn them out to your just to train the AI on it a little bit so that somebody in the future that picture might appear somewhere. I'm hoping I get some kind of eye cloud hack or something.

somebody finds it, but I don't want to see it. You never empty the trash can. You have it all burn. You burn it out to a DVD and then on your honeymoon you show your wife. I got you this present. I'm just putting all this shit in my, I'm putting all this in my recycling bin and then I'm just watching like the most shitty illegal

hockey streams of all time. So I get a nice kind of malware thing that downloads it all. Yeah. But hopefully soon that goes public. I got you something special. I got you something special. DVD player putting it in.

Also, I made a custom, I made a custom menu. Yeah. With bonus features. There's an Easter egg on it. Yeah, give me your wife a sex tape where you made a, you made a DVD menu with bonus features, scene selection. But the scene selection is all like, it's like, uh, it's like, I got tired. I needed a break. Yeah.

It's all, the scene selection is just like, it's ripped directly from the crankyankers DVD. Yeah. So it's just got special ed and stuff. They're going, hello. That's perfect, dude. Yeah. It has a DVD-wrong game. You put it in your computer and you can go on to choose your own adventure.

And there's behind the scenes footage of you getting interviewed by like your friend. Like the Star Wars documentary. And you're talking, you're going like, so basically, you have a completely different. It's playing that. I set out to make the most erotic film and in the registry. It's playing that song from Star Wars. A porno. A porno to elicit erotic feelings.

Illicit. Huh. basically I thought to myself if I combed at the end of the movie or you could do a bunch of different characters in the documentary unless your characters you're the boom operator

yeah yeah yeah that's what I would do is I would do cross-cutting of the sex scene and then like a little behind the scenes thing of me holding the boom and like well they're really going at it yeah they're giving it to me

yeah damn those five guys are giving it to me yeah I'm getting close posting an ad for a boom operator for a sex tape with your wife and not telling her a little like lower third uh one of those things but it's like chuck on em and on nbc it's like check out chuck on mondays are you about to say MSNBC well there is chuck on there

too yeah yeah chuck uh from from uh thank god for not putting that one of chuck from what's the show called meet the press uh-huh so fuck mangioni nowadays when i watch the one i want to watch the news instead of meet the press i think me depressed shit speaking of brainstorm why is that

why is brain people say brainstorm like it's a good thing it sounds painful yeah and I think

that's our cue to move on to the next imagine a squishy brain hitting you in the head no number seven

what's his idea of a perfect date so this is about our friendship well yeah but it's like friends can talk

about what their idea of a perfect date would be honestly I think I started before the list saying what

my perfect date was so that's why I was trying to stop you yeah that's why I didn't really

I'm going to say that. Oh, my God, Cameron, I should listen to you more. And see, we're getting, I'm pretty sure there's a slide in here about communication. That's probably going to pop up. I think these are all about communication. Damn. That sounded like a fart through the headphones. Mine is probably a movie, sex and cuddles marathon.

24 hours. I just do the cuddles marathon. I want to have sex. Why do we always need a movie to have a marathon? Yep. That's a good, fucking point. And not just a couch marathon. Uh-huh.

Or a hanging out all day marathon. Or a food. Marathon. Food Marathon. Yeah. Food Marathon. That would be dope. Yep. A Marathon is a food marathon when you're done. Yeah. You got to eat as much as you Oh my God. That. I want to eat all my food. So that's your, that's your perfect date. Cameron, what's yours? Mine would probably be going to first I would fly to Mexico. Then I would might fly to Montere. Well, no, no, no, no. Just to just I want to just like more beautiful part than Montebello, wherever he is. I would like go to the beach. Yeah. I don't think you don't live near

the beach, right? Yeah, no, I'm not coming anywhere near you. He's not going to say where, but he lives in northeast Mexico. I would be going to the Yucatan Peninsula. Then I'd probably go to Japan. Yeah. Then probably. I'm with my friends with Yucatan. Iceland. New Zealand. I would do the Lord of the Rings. This is your first year in New Zealand. Yeah. Then I would fly to Vegas. And I would be like, we'd see the like the thing where you can get married in Vegas. And I'd be like, uh, I'd be like, no, no. And I'd be like, yeah, it's too soon. And then we'd probably fly to Alaska and then Arctarctica and then Arcta, Alaska, work on a ship for a couple years. Greenland, catch snow crab. I think then we would go to Siberia. I'm kind of like a cold weather

winter guy. So I'd be going and then I'd go to Ukraine. Yeah. Save that shit. Yeah. You know what you could do. Go to Las Vegas. Go to that place. Well, yeah. Then we go back to Las Vegas. Place in Vegas that looks like Italy, right? Leave immediately get on a plane, fly to that exact location that they're ripping off in Italy. Yeah. And then... That's actually genius. Then you can compare and contrast.

So then I do that. I do what you just said. Then I fly to Portland, get kind of our weird on a little bit. Maine or Oregon? Or I go to Maine and then Oregon. Then I'm taking a bus from Portland to Seattle. Then fly, once we get to Seattle,

we're going to get to the airport. We're going to fly out of amazing stuff. But I'm not done yet. I'm at about 4 p.m. Yeah. At this point. All I care about. And it started at two.

All I care about is, Are you getting lucky? Okay, well, wait into, okay, so I'll skip over all this stuff. Okay. Right? The next, the final stop, middle of the Sahara Desert. And you go to Pantan. Go to what?

Pan Tand. I don't know what that is. We're getting a little Indiana Jones plane. We're flying to the direct midpoint. He's not even talking about getting the Pantan getting in the Gett. Just wait. Just wait. Just wait.

Just wait. Just wait. Get to the middle of the Sahara Desert. Nobody around for hundreds of miles. Ready got fingered more. Completely, completely. flat and then I'm going to lay down a blanket and I'm going to hit that

red and white checkered blanket with a picnic basket full of condoms and there's no ants in the desert I think I think there's actually tons of fucking ants I think the whole thing is ants then we'll go to the tundra and lay down a blanket good luck fucking with a winks around fucking peen taint okay okay okay we're going to go

then we'll go to where else is there no people the ocean the bottom of the ocean the bottom of the ocean and i lay down a blanket you want to hang out with sebastian you got to be careful because you could get crabs come on man and sharks and octum and an octopus you know the fish are going to be looking in the window though and be like damn i want to hit that too yeah and i'd be like come on in y'all and then you let the whole ocean run a train on the first date girl that's right that Right. Yeah. I would let every single person from the Little Mermaid, the newest CGI one. P-Tam.

Beat my wife. Beat it up. Yeah. Getting to P-N-T-T. No, I don't want to go to Pintin. P-Tam. All right, next slide. You're not trying to go to PIN-Ting? The Mind Fool. Oh, yeah. This is just in the middle of the list.

The Mindful recommends our top tip pick of dating sites, eHarmony.com. I think E-Harmony. I don't know who the Mindful is. It doesn't say it anywhere else on the page. Kind of scary. The Mindful. Kind of a villainous name. Yeah, but Mindful recommends me harmony, y'all.

So just so you know. All right, number eight, talk about his long-term plans in life. We talked about the long-term plans. Yeah, we actually covered that already, I think, so we can skip ahead here. Restaurant. Ask about his crushes, both celebrities and real life. I just want to hear some names. Okay.

Celebrities. Sully Saline Burmast. Selina Gomez. Selina Gomez. No, no, no, no. Selina Gomos. Oh, she goes the most. She's different.

She's different. Gossamer. Gossamer. Who's Gossamer? From Looney Tins. Oh, yeah. Because most people are looking at Lola Bunny. I'm licking my lips at a completely different.

I'm looking at all that hair. Because under that hair. Now, just the hair. He gave me the hair. Cousin It. Mm. I wouldn't want to have sex with Lola Bunny very much. You wouldn't?

I guess if I was a bunny, I would go after her. If I was a bunny, but even as a bunny, I'd be like, oh, she looks like a human. Yeah. she kind of is in that spot if you're a bunny like to up to a bunny that just the most just normal rabbit is what you want to just be a bunny be got to but i guess if you are also i guess the only person in the world would be bugs yeah bugs is per they're a perfect fit or bugs is uncle how can she ever imagine how awkward it would be if you're at a party and you're bugs bunny and you're kind of you're you're you're trawling you're looking for the ladies it's all human ladies trying to go to peon team and nobody and nobody will even look at you because you're a disgusting bunny man man. And then you turn a corner it's Lola Bunny right there. And you're like I feel with Hallie Berry. And she's got her butt hole

out. Yeah and you're just like, well I guess yeah, this is I think that's the worst part. The only person in the world. That's the worst part about Lola Bunny is she's got a big, tough to hair right next her junk. Most girls do. Most girls do these days. No, on the back though. Yeah, they got everywhere. You can't even beat it from the back because it's got hair. Every girl

in America now has twice as much armpit hair as me and intersecting unibrow, one going this way, one going down their face. They have sideburns. They have moustaches. They have hair on their back in places that only dad should have it. Hair on their fingers. Yeah, they have

hairy knuckles. Uh-huh. It's like girl. It's like girl. It's like girl. Get more hair. Get a chemical. We just talked about cousin it. Yeah. At this point you might as well go all the shit off, girl. Just cover yourself in the hair at this boy. Boil yo hair.

Just boil yourself. Ladies, boil your hair. I'm not going to tell you anymore. Boil that shit. I already told you how many times boil your damn hair. Now that we have the YouTube clip podcast set up, we can actually do a perfect vertical. I'm not going to tell you again. I'm not going to say it.

I'm not going to tell you. Boil your hair. You should be boiling your hair. Boil your hair. Boil that hair. You're combing your hair. You're brushing your hair. You're washing it in the hot water.

Not hot enough. Boil that shit. Boil it. Put that pot on. Step backwards. Go like that. Put all your hair in an eight-court pot. Boil it.

I know you want to make lobster later, but you can clean the pot. It's noodles, girl. Okay, next slide. Ask him about his favorite thing about a woman. Probably the pussy in the butt and the boobs. Okay. I'm going to say the opposite. They're clothes.

And they're high heels and their makeup and their hair. The clothes in the way they're glasses. I want to wear the clothes I have on. Yeah. For me, it's probably the eyes. Yeah. And the teeth. Yeah, when they're around your cock.

Oh, my God. I love when the board job got a tooth in it. Yeah. I love when she got that one tooth that's long in the front. Tell them about your plans. We did this kind of already, too. For today? Ooh.

We were just talking about going to the roller coaster. I guess my plan is I'm going to go home and then I'm going to go eat. Yeah. Can I just say, one last thing that's explicit in nature you have one more explicit go ahead yeah i love what a girl got that one front tooth that's way too long and she shaves your shit down like it's a baby carrot no that's not how they shave baby carrots they put them in a tumbler and she's doing this you go that's a bugs bun another bugs bunny thing she looks like bugs bunny you look like bugs bunny you

You interrupted the plans to tell that. You liked it. I did because of the Friendship Relationship Day. But I would be getting you. You'd be getting me? Yeah, I'd be throating you right now. If you throat me, you better have that one long tooth in the front. I don't want that.

It doesn't exist. Absurdest humor. Is that what we've come down to? I guess. It does seem that way. We've never been absurd. It's been years of this, and now we're turning into absurdist nonsense. Googly-Mugly. What the hell are we

You know? I'll admit it. I've been on one today. We should go back to puns. I've been on one today and I'm sorry. And I miss the... I apologize. Before a girl sucks my dick, I make her hold a raw egg in her mouth to prove she can hold it without breaking it. That's right. That's right. What's funny?

Where is the pun in that? There's no pun. I'm just thinking about things. I'm just thinking about sexual life. I thought you were like teeing that up. And I'm like, damn girl, you say eggsy. Yeah. Oh, there we go.

And before I have sex with a... And before I have sex with a woman, I have her put a bag of flour in her basketball to see. She can take care of it. So it's really dry. No, no. And then if you can make... Yeah.

Don't do flour, do cat litter, absorbs it better. Okay. Put cat litter in a woman's ass to clean it. You got to get the tidy scoop. Is douching something that I should be doing as just a guy because of it's it's are you playing down there not even once well I mean you know

40 times but it was a long time ago but not anymore so I think if you are I just don't I don't feel comfortable having shit in my asshole yeah all the time if you don't think about it you don't think about it but like I think there's a turd

always in your butt on stand I can shit right now I don't have to shit I could shit right now you need a fire hose strength bidet I think is what you need in your life There's a turd in your butt right now. All right. Just sitting there. Next slide.

Conversed about his career and yours. I'm a podcast. We all have the same podcast. Okay. Actually, Zoomies. Yeah. Beer's we drink. Beer's we drink, yeah.

And I'm going to be pretty soon a librarian. Yeah. You actually have to go to school for that. Yeah, I'm getting my master's. You got to go to school for that. You have to get a degree in library science and then you have to take an exam. Imagine how boring that is. Library science?

And then you have to stay active. Pick up the book. You have to keep your education active. You have to go take, you have to, like, attend, like, keynote speakers and stuff. What? Or else they take away your library credentials. You spend all, all it is, all it is putting the book in and taking it out for someone. These days, no, it's a lot.

You may got to make signs and say all are welcome. Yeah. That's what the job is these days. That's not librarian. That should be the arts and crafts counselor. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right.

They trash your pussy up, too, and make it bad. They trash it. They junk it. They put an Elmer's glue stick in it. They make it terrible. Librarians used to be the top in the world for sex. Now it's real estate agents and step-mom. Librarians used to be so sexy in the 80s. It was sexy.

The lady from Ghostbusters? That is literally, on average, the ugliest job in America. It's because they all went in thinking this is going to turn to be sexy. I would rather have sex with a lunch lady than a librarian. Lunch lady. What? Adam Sandler. I would rather sex with a lunch lady.

from that from prison she's a fine too i think i think i think the reason that i think the reason that librarians got less hot is because since the 80s now we have homeless people yeah that come into libraries and they i think maybe it's ronald regins fault i think that is easily the librarians they have don't even bother putting effort into their appearance because they're like i'm going to walk in i'm going to be next to some guy who's wearing a tunic anyway exactly used to walk into the and right there in front of you, Marilyn Monroe. Pretty much. Nowadays, you walk in the library?

A book about Marilyn Monroe. A scary weirdo. A woman hiding behind it. And a woman hiding behind the book. Because guess what? You walked into the library with six guns again. By scaring all everyone who was going to be a library. They did.

Yeah. I used to be able to walk in and start immediately chatting up the lady behind the library lady. Now you go up and say, hey, excuse me, little guy. Are you looking for your parents? because they're all, they all look like Damien from the kids section. From the, The Omen. Yeah.

The Omen. Number 25, don't forget social media. You definitely want to know his social media behavior. Some of the great conversation starters for this topic are, which social media platforms he is active on? Which one does he prefer the most? What is so likable about it? Imagine you go on the most amazing day ever, right?

Like, a guy has taken me. Imagine I'm taking you out. We have an amazing time. It's like maybe two friends set it up. up we're going we'll go to uh it's mostly a walk and maybe we do an activity maybe we make a terrarium together and then i make i make dinner at my place but we're not going to have sex or whatever but at the end it's your first time meeting me at the end you're like um let me get your instagram you just made me imagine all that i'm was close to hands-free nutting and he's like

oh i don't use instagram he's like oh i'll here i'll just follow you you you're like okay cool you go to the bathroom freshen up maybe you're going to have sex ding followed by funny hood clips What do you do? Well, I mean, it shows that... Well, you know, 5 million followers. Well, first of all, it shows that you can... Well, I'm giving it up because he's clouded.

Of course. That's what I'm saying. You have to... It shows that he... Maybe I could make an account called Mrs. Funny Hood Clips, and I could get maybe 3 to 4 million followers... Funny Hood Clips. Just being associated with it.

Fifth account. Yeah. Follow the YouTube. Back up. I could run his backup account in case he gets banned. for posting something with blood in it that he really shouldn't be posting

on Instagram. No, no, no. No, and you're like, how do you even get this video? Yeah. What is this? It says funny hood clips. This video has never been posted anywhere else on the internet. It's fucking funky town.

And you're just like, all right. I guess it's a funny hood clip. I don't know. Yeah. Funny hood clips and it's all just other women who kind of look a little bit like you. Yeah. Being the victim of CCTV crimes.

Yeah. On the same block. What if you, Okay. Now what about this? Now look at now nowadays, so what about something like this? You say, okay, let me follow you on Instagram. He says, oh, I don't use Instagram. You're like, okay, what can I follow you on? And he says, here's a QR code to my Etsy store. Damn. I would say. He makes earrings out of clay. I don't have Instagram. I do like that. I still have Vine.

Yeah. He's on Google Plus. It never left my phone. Yeah, you can follow me on Google Buzz. Okay, next. Religion and faith. While imagining your future with somebody, you will. want them to share the same beliefs as you. Here comes the knowledge about his religious beliefs. You will like to know if the person you are talking to believes in God or not.

If he does, does he spend much time worshiping God? Discuss if he thinks all religions are similar. Try to know what he has to say regarding communal problems. Don't get into a debate. Try to keep it subtle. Every religion doesn't even have one single fucking thing in common. No, they're completely different. Probably

chains. And I'm bloody agnostic. Probably a chain. Slash mindful slash headspace. Although I think I I do think most religions, I think, are unique and beautiful and all this type of thing. But I think that I've noticed a lot of similarities between Buddhism and Satanism. I got turned to pure evil. Definitely. I got turned to Baha'i because of Dwight Shrut.

Yeah. Yeah. I got turned to Shinto because I liked the word Shinto. Yeah. I honestly thought that was food until right now. Me too. You know what it was? You're thinking Shishu.

pepers. I'm thinking a bento box. Well, guess what's in my bento? I barely have room for one language. I'm actually going to be the first ever guy to be into Norse mythology and believe in Viking gods and not be racist. Yeah. I don't think that's possible.

I think I'm going to make it woke. I'm going to wokeify the white nationalist religion. You will do it for two weeks and then you will be on fire. You do it. You're going to try and wokeify the white nationalist North stuff. I'm going to turn them. I'm going to set them right. You're going to make like. They are like Filipino or something

and someone's just going to fire bomb your house. There is evidence that Thor was Filipino. See, that's a sad thing. I think that probably is the one true religion. Yeah. Is that Thor does exist. Yeah. Why would we have lightning?

Exactly. You know that most of that shit, they got it all twisted. You know what's crazy about that stuff is most of that is just they never wrote it down and then all the Christian people came and just changed everything.

So we don't know what any of the original stuff was. It's all just. Thor might have been Thor might have looked like Jubia He could be Thor What if all the North stuff That wasn't written down

Just said like Be excellent my dudes Yeah I think basically It did That's my theory Be excellent my dude Would have it just said that

Be tough I'm gonna be the first atheist To go to heaven Yeah Because you Final moment You're like No

Just kidding No No I will be so good I think Stephen Hawking Already went to heaven Yeah He was an atheist

He built a machine to teleport himself. They're like, I don't know what to do with you now. He didn't believe in any of that. He just teleports right back. He didn't believe in any of that atheist crap. That was just his computer talking for him.

Yeah. He literally was nothing. He was trying to type it. I believe in God. I love God. I love God. Yeah. All this stuff that I am quote unquote discovered

has been trying to mislead you into darkness. And the computer's like, translating, translating, translating. I love science. God is not real. I am a heathen and proud of it. Yeah. And he didn't cheat either, by the way.

I love the computer. That was the computer, too. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Hey, baby. Yeah. He's not responsible for you. Do you want to fuck this guy?

I mean me. Do you want to suck this guy? No, no, no. All right, what's next here? Try to dig deep and discuss fears. While you enjoy talking, take a sneak peek into the person's darker version. Once he is comfortable with you, ask him if he has any phobias. I know his phobia is shouting.

It's not my phobia. You have a pretty big I don't like I'm I have It got me See you have a phobia I've gotten over that

But I have a phobia You got scared of it Two nights ago I have a phobia Yeah me too Yeah I came close to sinning I didn't even

It came out the other night It was I know I was standing in a circle And the next thing I knew It was next to me I didn't even At the Shindig I didn't even know

It was there until I turn. It's right next to me. This smoke is puffing out. I'm thinking to myself, you know, I could. Yeah. What's going to happen?

Bro, if I ever took a hit of weed, it would be such a problem. It'd be so, like if we're all hanging out, somebody passed me a joint, and I think, this will be funny. I remember when you used to smoke weed all the time.

Dude, that's the thing. I used to smoke weed constantly. You'd come to my house and it would literally look like, like a movie version of what a stoner does. You'd come home at, you'd come to my house.

There'd be chips everywhere, and I would, like, multiple bags, and I'd just be playing the switch on my TV. I think that was basically every day until your most recent apartment also. It's true. Yeah. I didn't smoke weed. The thing for me, the reason that the thing that stopped me from doing it in that big circle of people is I was saying, like, so I haven't smoked weed in like two years, right? Yeah.

But also, I haven't smoked weed around another human being in probably like four years. Yeah. No, there's no telling. There's no telling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

One time he smoked weed and he turned completely green. I remember that. You greened out. I let my power show. It was actually the craziest thing I've ever seen. I've never seen somebody turn green. That was the night I drank 30 beers. That was one of the first times that I hung out with that group of people too.

Yeah, at my apartment. Yeah. You turned green and then you sat down for a little. Yeah, that was the night. It was like the first couple of weeks that I had known you guys and I showed up with a 30 rack and drank like, 15 of them. I think it was the medicine I was on. Oh yeah, this is probably. These are all here

to share. You were on a greener. I was on a green. Yeah. But I did. Was the pilgrim? I showed my power, though. They really scared me. Y'all don't know. I'm a hero called the chameleon. You are not. The comedian. You're making me laugh with that shit. And we go right

to trigger funny conversations which we have covered thanks to me. But we don't have to do this one. Let's go to the next one because we do have this unlock. And this the last one. Don't demand extravagant things. And that has a picture of a car. Can I just have a

napkin? Don't demand extravagant things, Patrick. You need to chill, bro. Stop demanding extravagant things. No more than can I have a tissue paper from a present? That's even more extravagant. I don't know. Can you? May I

please have a diamond hanky? I don't know. May you? A diamond hanky. What's a diamond? Hanky made of diamonds chain mail mithril Mithril.

Oh, Mithril. Gilded Mithril. Mithril Hanky. They don't gild Mithril. In Roomscape, they do. They do? Yeah. That's bullshit.

Mithril and adamant. They gild it? He's adamant that they don't do that. They gilded it. You put a trim. You a bitch. We're in the dueling arena. I would beat the shit out of you right now.

You would not beat the shit out of your friend. Good luck. Good luck. The chameleon. I'd be crawling up the wall, changing the color of the wall. Look at how sticky his hand is. I will eat Mo.

I'll eat Mo. Don't eat Mo. He's just ruin his thing. Don't eat Moe. Did you keep his nuts? No, I wish. You didn't? You really should have.

You should have eaten them. That would have been funny. No, I would have loved. You should have put the jar right down. Yeah, Mo's nuts in a jar right there. That would have been funny. That is not funny. That is gruesome.

It would have been funny if we did an episode where we're scientists. I mean, I guess if we did it when we were a scientist. How do you not think of that stuff? Because I'm an artist, not a scientist. Yeah, but scientists. I can make art out of anything. Artists can parody scientists. He's going to poke it through the bottom.

Yeah. Coffee pop. It's an inventor, not an artist. That's an invention, you idiot. Oh, God damn it. It's science. I can't fuck, no. Don't throw that out, Cameron.

He squirted him. Look at him. He rubbed his squirt off. My shirt turned orange and brown. It was a, I had her completely brown with coffee. This was all white and brown. Look at the splotch you made.

This black splotch. The coffee pop was coffee pop. Coffee pop was a flop. Coffee pop was a flop. Coffee pop was not a flop. Oh, the bus is here. The bus is here. We've got to go.

Bye guys. I got to get the hell out of here. Oh, wait. Do we promote that? No, we don't have that. Okay, whatever. I could go into his room. You could go through the wall.

had the most incredible vision of Patrick in like 10 years from now teaching like like an English 101 course like a 200 person like public university English class and how amazing your lectures would be. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be teaching them funny words. I'd be teaching them how to talk in a style that is. What books would you put on the curriculum? I know I know what your first, your first slide would be. Screenshot of a drill tweet. Yeah. Study this. A lot of people would say this This is the study. This class is about the study of brevity. This is a text. You would say that. This is text. This is text. This is, and this is photos.

Yeah. Teaching in English class and it's showing photos. This is a photo. Yeah. Learn how to look at these. You think that texts, look at this line of text. Thinking that they don't know. Yeah. Six words. Look at this photo that accompanies it. One thousand and six words. Wow.

You would be such an amazing. amazing teacher. I wish there was more professors like you in this world. I'd be such a good teacher for people with adult ADHD. No, normal people. Normal people, completely normal people. I could teach the syllabus, one line. I wish I could, I wish. Fuck the bullshit. I wish I could go back in time and make you older than me. I want to look up to you so bad. Yeah. I want to look up to you in every way. And I want you to teach me everything that you've ever learned. I showed him my penis and now he's being very kind to me. And I want to look up at it. I see you. I see you. I see you. I you differently. He's being very, very

calm. Yeah, I think you don't realize, but you completely changed your relationship with us forever. I looked at the cock through the cracks in your fingers. And now I can't... That's poetry. Oh my God. I used to be the English teacher. What's incredible? I peered at the cock through the cracks in your fingers. And that is a Rupy Cowher poem.

The most incredible line of poetry I've ever heard someone say. Say it one more time. I peered at your cock through the cracks in your fingers. I could listen to that forever. Keep going. And what I've seen cannot be undone.