Podcast About List - Ep. 245 - The McChickening

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

This one's actually about feng shui, but if you want to make Pat feel better about his recent trauma, please consider buying a ticket to our upcoming show at swagpoop.com/shows Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Maybe it's just because I'm fucking scared. Weirdness alert. Why do you have such a protective kind of like defensive energy today? I'm on edge. You're on the edge of madness. You're on the edge of barely being friends with me anymore. We have been fucking targeted. I don't know if you know.

Clearly, we've been targeted. That's like an arrow hitting a target and bouncing up and down. We've been targeted. Oh, wait. By. That's obvious. One of the most probably dangerous serial killers in the world. Probably, I mean, okay.

And he does a lot of fatalities. Two women, men like me, whims. Women like you? Men like me. He said women and men like me. Women and men like me who are wimps. He probably targets wimps and women. I think, um,

chump. I'm not a wimp. You're definitely a chump. I'm not a chump. That's the number one chump thing. I'm not a chump. I'm not a chump. You think that you...

I'm not a chump. We've been targeted by the McChickener. And it's going to... It's ruining my life. I didn't sleep last night. It's all I've been thinking about. It's all I've been thinking about. I mean, it's definitely tough.

I do think that this is clearly... I don't think this is a current serial killer. I think it is a future serial killer. Oh, retired. No, no. No, no. No. No, no, no, a future serial killer. Right. Yeah. He'll retire in the future, though, probably.

One day, I don't think they really retire. Some of them do. The Zodiac did. Oh, that's true. Well, maybe he died. I think that's, I guess, though, that is the thing about him is that that's the reason he's so. Mm-hmm. Is he the first one? He stopped and they didn't get him. He's like that. He's Michael Jordan. He, like, just, he goaded. But his calling card is not as scary as a chicken. As a chicken, impaled through a spike. Uh-huh. Is it impaled or was it just in between?

It was impaled. We were targeted by, you want to just tell the story? Yes. So, Friday night. I mean, what's in the intro? Yeah, but there's listeners who don't listen to or don't watch the show. So Friday, I was here. I was working late.

Tell people what that means. That means that, no, I was editing a video. What video? That flopped. Oh, okay. Editing a video that flopped. No one cares about promo for sketch shows anymore. No one cares about...

They used to care so much. It used to be huge. About a funny video game looking visual. Kind of Eric Andre's show. Crazy insane style. People don't like them anymore. People prefer 2016 style square posters. Definitely.

Yeah. And even then, I put it at the end of the video. I put it in there so everyone can have what they want. If there's anything people like less than a 2017 style video or a, 2016 style poster. It's a 2016 style poster at the end of a 2017 style. Well, okay, maybe that's why I was targeted by this disgusting, vicious man. This is a disgusting villain. So this person saw the, so let's assume they saw the Instagram post. They probably like smelled my pheromones on me. They probably think about this. Think about this.

I leave here. I'm all day. I'm editing this video. Yeah. I leave here. I leave here. I'm closing up shop, this guy walking down the street like that. He was doing that? Yeah, obviously. Obviously. He's a fucking crazy psycho. He's sniffing the air like that. And then doing that with his tongue so he can get the taste too.

And then he sees me, sees me standing there. He knows this guy just made a flopping video. For a sketch show at Littlefield. You could smell the flop. But that was even before it flopped. And the landlord is outside. this isn't good flopping video

and then he saw he was like okay I'm going to come back here later but how am I going to remember how to come back here so I can completely decimate this fool and what will remind me

of this like that Bible story this fucking flopper and so what did he do he impaled his McChicken that he was eating through the spike in our gate.

Yeah. Oh my God. Put it right through there. Put it right through. And then I immediately, I turned around because he thought I wouldn't notice, but I watched that area like a hawk. Yeah.

He thought I wouldn't notice. I see the McChicken impaled through. And you go, hey, get over here. You pull out your guns. No, no, I ran away. Oh. I ran away. all the way home. I went we, we, we all the way home. Texted you guys a photo of it immediately.

Yeah. And we have been on guard since Friday. You've been, you haven't left the office. No. You've been sitting here you're armed, aren't you? Why do you think I've been doing? You're like the opposite of a sitting duck. Yeah. I'm a, I'm a

sitting cannon. Yeah. There's a way to have century. Uh-huh. You were at the there's a table. There's a cannonball that has been sitting in me for a centuries and this guy is going to accidentally light the fuse. You're a balloon's

TD. You're upgraded. I'm doing tower defense. You're the monkey in the middle. You started out, they bought you for $1 on balloons, wimpy chump. Yeah. They upgraded you. Now I'm in. Now he's going to be he's going to be my interactive buddy and I'm going to put

the Napoleon dynamite skin on him and I'm going to bounce him off the wall. Tell you what I always used was the George Bush skin. Yep, because I... George Bush or Saddam. Because I... Let's play both sides here.

Yeah. My dad got mad at me for using the George Bush one. Yeah. Yeah, because he loved Bush so much. Bush was cool, man. I mean... He did... He golfed.

Yeah. Everybody golfs. Yeah. That's true. Every single person else. Yeah, I wonder when's the last president? Last time we had a president didn't know how to golf, man.

Probably before golf was invented. Probably Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter was a fucking pussy hippie bitch. Mm-hmm. He was a pussy whippie. my peanuts my peanuts my peanuts they made me steal they made me get away my peanuts fuck him jimmy carter bitch ass motherfucker jimmy carter if that was you who put that mcchicken on the gate we're gonna shoot the shit we're gonna i don't think we can say that you're gonna i don't think we

can say the one who built all the houses and they take pictures of him and he looks like a yeah he looks like a buddy i know you ain't built those houses he looks like they're using him as the hammer on the house they're picking him up swinging him around demolishing walls with him like hurt his sledgehammer using him exactly like a tool he looks like shit he's been a tool since day one if you ask me oh yeah oh yeah yeah but anyway so the mcchicken thing kind of got patrick pretty shaking he's sitting here with the bulletproof on looking like troy ave he looks good i have a good look for you i have bulletproof it willven into my skin so i don't need a bulletproof woven into your skin the fibers i've definitely yeah i've

definitely had enough teflon from that's what you just scrape a nonstick pan and eat out of it. But that's the only covering this part of me. Eggs that you scramble in the pan for about 15 seconds. Yeah. On the highest heat. The highest possible heat.

For 15 seconds. You take a, you take an archaeologist chisel and you go, to get them off the pan. Well, you break it in the, my double fork technique.

You have a hammer and a, you're doing like a sculptor. You have the, you have the heat on like the highest setting with a Teflon pan because you think you got a, you got a season. at like a carbon steel walk.

I think it's the black stuff is pepper. Yeah. When it comes out. I think that it's pepper that they put in the pan so you don't have to pepper your eggs. Yeah. My dad used to have this.

I do hate fucking peppering my eggs. I wish it was already in the pan. I wish it was already in the pan. Oh God. Just put it in the pan. Just shaking it. That's a wait. He got so scared for a second.

I'm sorry. Another amazing invention. I didn't like peppering my eggs. Me? You don't pepper your eggs? Well, I was, I was confused.

Guys. I have another amazing invention to add. I have one after you. It's more of a, it's a scientific concept. I guess I could come up with one by the time you two do one. I guess you can do three. You can just piggyback off of mine. Pots and pans that have all of the seasoning and ingredients already in the pot,

slice the pan. All you have to do is add the meat or the rice of the veg. And the heat. And the heat as well. But yeah. So say you're making. Oh, and they're disposable? Like you can buy them at the,

you can buy them at the store, like the Tony Sachery's injectables. The engineers will figure. out this. Yeah, I don't give a shit about any of these. That's for the nerds. Okay. It'll, it's going to refill. Or you're going to buy things that go in the pan, like different like fill, like color. Yeah. Covers. Yeah. Yeah. Carvers out of this. Yeah. Carters. Oh my God. It's like a soda stream. It's a soda stream for your food. And it's called a food. And you can put, you can make a stream. It's called a food a pan. Food a pan is good. Food of pan is really good.

You take a, you take a, say you want to make, uh, chicken. Alfredo, right? Well, let me look at my fridge. I have chicken, but I don't have Alfredo. And actually, I don't even know what Alfredo is. Let me throw in my invention before Pad's really quick, because I just came up with it based off of yours. And it's called, and it's basically you buy a straw, but on one end, it is closed on the straw. And inside the straw is a small amount of a drink. And you buy them, you can buy, okay, this is a soda straw. This is a water straw. It's called it. It's called a drink a straw. And it's part of it. And it's part of it. You can, part of it's like kind of the spinoff of the food of pan and you get cost very little money so if you don't

because it's not much liquid if you want to sip and it comes with or you can buy a big straw that's the size of a bottle or it has like different flavors the straw has different flavors you can put it into like a sparkling water yeah so you can mix and match the straw flavor with the liquid base and you only get one flavor it's like I want just one sip of Sprite right now these are disposable these are like you have to buy like racer. These are very bad for the environment. How are you going to turn water in a milk? Well, that's one of the base liquids. So for example, it's like I can have nice truck and meat full with water, milk, uh, wine, chicken broth, or if you don't really, if you don't like drinks, then maybe a powder like salt or pepper. Yeah. So then the straws are like

strawberry. Oh, maybe you could do something where it has a savory, it has some kind of like just flour in the straw so when you suck it turns into a dough or a drinkable flour oh my god a little pretzel or a flower where you put it into the drink and it sucks up through the stem your drink and it puts it into the air yeah here's the this is like a seven-year-old girl's invention you can breathe in the drink in your room it's like a humidifier you can put this is literally like a little girl's admission you could probably put any liquid into an ultrasonic humidifier yeah because they just throw it into it the air. Is that the bad one of the good one? That's the one that's dangerous if you'd use tap

water because it throws sediment into the air because it doesn't boil the water. Cool mist is dangerous. I mean, it's not only dangerous if you don't clean it and aren't careful with the water. Yeah, I've never cleaned or you or barely. You would never clean a humidifier. No, what kind of psycho? I'm not a fish. It's made out of water. Yeah. It is, it's, oh, humidifier that's made out of water. That's another good one. That is a good one. This is the I was thinking of. And it's not really an invention. It's more of like a biomedical engineering.

Okay. And it's done to, it's not done to humans. Okay. Why don't you say what it is. So don't get all scared or anything. Well, what is it done for?

What we do. Flavored chickens and eggs. Yeah. Yeah, I'm liking it. So you get a, it's 101, y'all. Oh, I thought you were giving me a,

you can have a fist bump, but I was going to stamp approved on the table. Oh, okay. So what we do, we get like multiple types of chickens. Like, they're already doing it to make chicken breasts bigger, right? Why don't we put the flavor? As well as the black chicken

and the black egg. Yeah. Yeah, true. The silky. No, the black chicken and the black egg. It's called black chicken with completely black egg, and I've seen it on a lot of websites and Facebook posts. I know. I know what this is now, yeah. Black meat in the chicken as well. We're going to, we're going to, from birth, from the egg, plus the eggs,

they're going to have like tons of flavor in them. Because it's going to be flavor concentrate in the egg. You can cook these. You're going to be putting barbecues, sour cream, and onion. And think about this. And think about it. Barbecued chicken, though. You don't need to.

But then think about this, right? To a barbecue chicken. Because then you got the flavored eggs. You can flavor separately, the yolk and the white. Uh-huh. Create some ratatouille style combinations. Strawberry and cheese. Yes.

But, but, but, but, but, but what if you were making a... An egg with cheese already in it, so you can make a crazy omelet. Was that what you're going to say? Why? That's your problem. What? You say something and say, is that what you're going to say? Yeah.

I've just diagnosed you. Well, here's what I was going to say, and you were never going to guess this. Okay. I was going to say, what if you bake a cake and you accidentally put a some kind of hamburger egg into your egg mix? Oh, that's really a year, right? Yeah, that one that's on you. But what if I do if I do that?

That's on you, one, and then two, the eggs are going to have like a screen printed logo. Can you have some kind of neutralizer egg, or you put that in? That should just be exist for flavors in general if you make a mistake. I agree. I have been saying this for too long. If I add too much salt to something to the point where it's completely inedible, adding pepper should remove salt. It doesn't, it doesn't, but it should.

As what my roommate told me in community college. And he told me that's exactly what you do. And I was like, that is not what you do. No, I made it. And then I tried it and it didn't work. It does not work. It just makes it taste worse. Yeah.

I made a chili that was just far too salty. And here I am... You can have water. You can have water to chili. But a flavor remover. Yeah, flavor remover. Anti-gredients. Antigreedients.

Antigreedients. Antigreedients. Anti-gredients. Anti-gredients. Because here's every ingredient has an anti-gredient. If you are one of these freaks, you don't like... Out-gredient. Out-gredient.

Oh, my God. There we go. And here's what it is. It's a square, kind of a scratch-and-sniff square with a bunch of different little pellets like pills that you pop pop out for each thing. cilantro, lime, salt, all these things and carry it with you. And so if something comes to the table

at a restaurant with some shit that you don't like in it, sprinkle that on, it's neutralized. Well, here's what I was thinking is that maybe more realistically, it would have to be, since their their outgredients, there will have to be the opposite of the ingredients.

So you have to go to, you'd have to maybe, they'd all look like the same ones, but opposite. And you'd have to go to kind of the ungrocery store and go shopping and be like, okay I'm going to get all this stuff and then you'd have to you'd have a whole separate pantry a can'try full of ingredients and it's like okay well if I'm going to buy this ingredient I better buy the out ingredient of it and then so it's like you can like they're all the uh yeah I think so you'd maybe need a whole other house to keep to have with an empty kitchen you just came up

with the opposite day yeah I'm thinking of a actual product that people could use people in need I'm just trying to fit it into actual physics uh-huh no it doesn't no physics framework. A scientifically designed pellet. Oh, I didn't realize that's scientifically designed.

Okay. Food science. Designs the pellets so that they are basically they're a salt kind of thing. They are a salt. It's mostly salt.

It's one star burst. That is negative of whatever it is. If somebody doesn't like cilantro, they do that. If you did like the chemical breakdown of it, it's basically let's do the chemical

500% of, Let's go ahead and do the chemical breakdown. 500% of your daily sodium intake and then whatever the other flavor is. Chemical breakdown, I'm going to say it's going to be a lot of chlorine. Hydrogen. Hydrogen. Hydrogen, which is a different. Hydrogen.

I was all that I meant to say. No, but you actually got the right thing when you said it the first time because, again, this is scientifically designed. Hydrigon. That's a Pokemon, I think. We're going to put him in there. What about? It doesn't matter what. and boron.

The point is that it works better than any of these. There should be unmatched potato. Dehydrated mashed potato flakes and boron. I'm often making something I accidentally add too much mashed potato flavor. Or you mash something

that you didn't mean to mash. An unmasher. Everything should be honorable. Why can't we in this world undo our mistakes? Why do we have to bear our sins to the grave? Our food mistakes mostly. Cancel culture.

Yes. Let's get into it. We need to all have click remotes. We do. every last person on earth no though I think one person should be in charge of the click remote and then that should be kind of that's hard to decide everybody's gonna think that they're the one who should be the Sandler yeah that's why the audition process is so hard yeah I'm not I'll step back I'll let somebody

handle it I'll do it I will not do it maybe group of people each maybe friend trio or something like that I did not think he meant yeah I mean each race yeah why would you jump to that one what is there on each of seven like this. This is the sign language for race. What are you guys on today? Oh my lord. I'm on bold green tea.

Each group of people like each white group of friends has one person who has the remote for that group. Yeah. And then maybe there can be a king who controls everybody. Yeah, but it can only control the group. That's good. That's good. And it could be families or just friends.

Yeah. I guess it is a paternal remote because the dad has it in the movie. I never saw that movie. You never seen Click. I saw Click in the theater. Is it supposed to be more funny or more emotional? More emotional. That's so crazy to me.

Because I always thought it was supposed to be simply an Osmosis Jones style rom. Well, Osmosis Jones is very scary. Yeah. Yeah, but the park is not really an emotion. What is the dad here? What does he get a remote? What is Drick supposed? Strip finger.

Strep finger. Yeah. That's his name. Crazy finger. I thought it was strip finger. and I told my girl when I was watching that because I wanted to see it I said the villain's name is strep finger

you said the villain's name was strep finger I thought 100% thought his name was strep finger did she at any point during the movie say I kept saying over and over it's going to be why are they going to say strep finger strep finger I think that Dricks the idea that it's also just strip

I'm 100% sir I've said that before on the show, but I just remember. I think Dricks says something about strip. I think he says something about strep in it. I don't think that you're that far off. I think you're just mixing two things up. He definitely has a finger. He uses a finger to make people sick.

He has a soul caliber. What's his name? Drax is the good guy. Drix. Because it was Ozzy and Drix. He's the good guy. He's the good guy. Drix is the pill.

And he says, Drax is the guardian of the galaxy. Drax is a guardian and Groot's a tree. So what's the evil guy? It can't be strep. His name. He's not strep because of that was... Julio, can you Google it for us?

If he was, if Bill Murray's character was in the hospital like that for strep throat, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. There's no way it's strip throat. It's not strip throat. It's a strip finger. Yeah. It's a good point. It's a very good point.

It's not. It's, I know. It's a thrax. So that's what I'm thinking of. So can you Google strep finger is what. What is he supposed to be? He looks like strep finger. He does.

Let me tell you something about Ebola, baby. And he's an evil doer. Ebola is a case of dandruff compared to me. This is straight from the words of Thrax. Yeah. Hi. This is the secret 1070. I'm the admin of this site.

Oh, no. I thought this is part of the thing. Search strep finger though and see if that's a real ailment in a cartoon. Strep finger. Strep finger is peeling. Strap finger. infection. It is. It's a rare cause of

finger superative infection. You can get strep in your finger. What the fuck? You shouldn't pull up a picture of this on YouTube. I want to see it. Show it to us, but don't show the audience. Oh, they're completely black fingers. Wow.

Don't. That's unbelievable. Those look exactly like the Haribo Colas. They did. That was crazy. And that's the, what does in Osmosis Jones? No, I will say if he had strep,

now I'm a little more convinced that he was strep-fing because that looks fucking serious. Yeah, how does he make a Zit? Remember he has the Zit? Isn't that Thrax's fault?

It's oils. No, it's because like the fried chicken, yeah. Yeah, he does. He eats the fried chicken and he ate an egg off the monkey exhibit at the very

beginning. Yeah. At the very floor. And that's how he even gets this guy in the first place. get strep finger. We should do an Osmosis Jones panel next episode. Can we do that?

Osmosis Jones panel? Yeah. It's a very good movie. I like that movie. I've seen. Did we watch that in recently? Yeah, we did. I watched it recently.

A couple years ago, I feel like we watched it somewhere. I watched it in a hotel. We watched it in a hotel. No, it was just me and my beautiful girlfriend watching Osmosis Jones. I said, just wait, just wait, baby. Just wait for strep fingers coming right up.

And if he had chosen. I mean, that would have been disgusting. It would have ruined the romantic mood between you too. Yeah. Damn, I hate strep finger right now. You kind of look like a pill that would be in... In Osmosis Jones, I look like an Osmosis Jones character. You do.

I can see you in the steam room. Yeah. No, I just think you have big eyes like a cartoon character. Remember they had Kid Rock and Joe C in that movie? And he says that line about... You know what? Statutory. Stachatory, but I say it's mandatory.

Yeah. Who said... Kid Rock says that or Joe C? The little one. Joe C. I thought Kid Rock said it. And Osmosis Jones

has the evilest smile in the world that's scary to everyone. Joe sees on that album cover when he's holding a word of the poster holding a sign holding a word

that says fresh eggs over Kid Rock's penis. What does that mean? His penis is fresh eggs? He's got wavos. His balls are fresh eggs? Yeah.

Yeah. I thought it had to do with sperms. Probably not. A sperm is the exact. They're saying they hang out in the south. The sperm is an ingredient. In the south where Kid Rock is,

women in the South are so fucking stupid. He's in from Detroit. Shit. That's the Midwest. Fuck. That might as well. But he likes hanging out in the South. Yeah.

So they welcomed him with open arms. That's why he went to the South and he started confusing women by saying you want eggs and then he would try to serve them his hot balls on place. He'd have them. His piping hot nuts. It looked like two haggies. into a bonneted, cut a hole under a piece of paper. I don't even know what the hag is, you Harry Potter, motherfucker.

It's intestine. It's Scottish. It's pretty good. Shut up. I've had it before. It's good. You are such a sucker. I was fine with you until you said it's pretty good.

No, you. You are the ultimate food sucker. No, I'm not. You are the food sucker. That's a, from now on, you are the food sucker. It's a food from, I think that I have Scottish blood in me. No, shut up. Any kind of weird food.

Maybe you did. Yeah, there's a little bit at the top. Put a little blood on your top. Like 0.01% or something? Well, no, because I had, like, tested populations and, like, there's, like, Newcastle upon time, which is, like, right next to Scotland. Oh, it's next to it.

If there is a weird food from another country, this guy is going to say, no matter what, he likes it. No. No matter what, he will say he likes it. I don't mind if someone says they like food, but if they say, it's actually pretty good. Yeah.

That's... You like, you are an Andrew Zimmer. I'll eat bizarre foods I don't care you are a bizarre food you want to start eating you want to hang out with Timon and Pumba you want green eggs and ham you would hang out with you want green eggs and hen you would hang out are you kids I would eat green eggs and ham you would eat the big you'd eat the big great yeah all the time in the cafeteria did you all not have that no I'm all made green eggs and ham one time you never had that we had that every year you're lucky on what day I don't even know I have no clue I don't know.

I'm St. Patrick's Day. Oh, maybe it was St. Patrick's Day. Green milk? She didn't make green milk. She made it. She made it. Actually, just mixed it. She put red.

She put green food coloring in the milk. Yeah. But I do think that the reverence that you have for odd foods is really disgusting. And you need to get out a grip. And also just figure out most shit. You don't like any food. Ma'am like cheese and bread. Sign me up.

Actually, no, he's the one who doesn't like food. He doesn't like any food. I like all food. I like the middle. I don't like making food. I like the middle amount of food. I like all food. The only food I don't like is stuff that's gross.

Or outside of my comfort zone. If cheese is too spicy, if bread is too crispy. Stop making spicy. Things like things like guys. I like spicy cheese. Stop making it's actually. If the mayonnaise is too cold out the fridge. That is.

Oh, and it hurts your teeth. It's so cold. It hurts your teeth. Oh, my God. If the water glass too full and it would. ribbles down your chin. Oh, no, no. I, um, it doesn't matter.

They are investigating the McChickening. There's two detectives. There's the landlord with two detectives. There's two grizzled detectives outside investigating a McChirder. They are detecting it. Yeah. And they're not seeing much. That is incredible.

Thank God. Thank God for our beautiful way. Oh, we have a DNA sample that we can use, apparently. Oh, yeah. I found the McChicken wrapper outside. Left a McChicken wrapper outside. Mm-hmm. And you hear those sirens?

It's happening. y'all they're arresting Patrick they're not arresting me for faking the entire mc chicken thing from the start I was a fire truck from the jump you were faking it admit it could be no it's a fire truck yeah because you're getting fired I'm not getting fired and you have to drive a truck yeah and you're a truck I don't know how to drive yeah you don't have you went go-karting with you though and you you fared all right that was fine it's a go-kart though it's basically the same exact thing it's not it's the psychological thing that matters I can't drive a car

I can't drive a car because of my name which I found out recently every single person if you look up Patrick Doran there is some incredible car related injury or crime that has happened there's an Irish traveler who was going around the UK doing a bunch of shit

with cars then there's that guy in Richmond Virginia who rented a dump truck under the name Jacob Fury. Right, I remember that. Yeah, and then he killed a baby. And look, you that. That's him?

I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is, but, yeah, baby killer Patrick Doran. And if you look up that Patrick Doran, he was wanted by U.S. Marshals. If you look him up, if you look up fat Patrick Doran on YouTube, he's there. Oh, this looks like there's some kind of one lunch underscore enjoy. And who's this, some pedophile guy? That is not a pedophile. Wait, this is the guy who killed a baby?

This is a dorn. I mean, it's the same name. It is the same name. It looks like the type of guy would kill a baby. I think that guy looks handsome. He looks like a shit. Bird. Looks like a shit bird.

Are they coming in here? Chill out. You need to relax. You mean, aren't they coming? What do you mean? There's a door right there they could walk into. There's nobody at the door. She walked in like Kramer that one time.

Yeah, that was the day that we moved in. Yeah, I know. Well, when she walks in and does it again. Oh, no. She opens the door. We'd have to move. That would ruin everything. No, it would ruin the episode.

You're ruining the episode right now. I'm not ruining the episode. And I'm bringing it back. Let's get that energy up. I want to see you bouncing. What's wrong with you? This McChicken thing has you in all. I'm really not doing well.

It must be the feng shui in here. It definitely is the feng shui. It must be the fung shui. It has to be. I'm so fucked, man. We should move the fucking table around. Let's start the episode. We need to move the table around.

You think so? Yeah. I think it's fine. I don't think you should move the table around. We can turn it at a crescent moon shape. It is a crescent moon shape. It's not a crescent moon shape. It's a half moon shape.

It's a half moon. We can make it a crescent moon shape. crescent and then change the fun show you want to take a jigsaw and shave my friend i've heard of a waning moon but that's a bit i don't know the moon cycle i don't remember it basically it starts out nothing and then it grows to full and then it's small again and it goes away if you watch it the all if you watch it 24 hours a day which is possible because sometimes the moon's in because i'm traveling around the earth that a play yes yes yes if you watch it 24 hours a day there is no moon phases man yeah and that's when you realize the moon phases

are moon falses. They're moon falses is what I meant to say. And they don't exist. It's all just the moon just keeps going. Yeah. If you saw a guy every couple of weeks and he was getting taller, would you say,

oh, this guy has different phases that he goes in. Well, if he got shorter again and then he repeated every month, I might say that. Yeah. No.

I would definitely say that. No, you wouldn't. I would totally say that guy got taller every single day and then one day just like one day gradually went. went down. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, he's waning today.

He did not do that. Wayne is, his name is Wayne. His name is not Wax. Max is waxing. Max and Wayne. This is his brother. Okay. So today we decided to do a little bit of a study on feng shui, which, if you don't know, is Chinese for water and wind. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, man. I learned that from my website. That makes a lot of sense. During my research, I found plenty of wind references. Yeah. I've always had the same sense. We have all three of us always been so fascinated by feng shui. And honestly, since the beginning of the podcast, since 2018, we have been like waiting for a chance to really delve into and be like, can we get down to business and do the feng shui episode?

Yeah. But it's tough. It's tough because people don't want you to do it. People don't. I mean, it is sacred knowledge. There's feng shui masters I've learned. But I also learned doing this. I have a fucked up. My house has like complete anti-functional. My house's feng shui is so fucked right now. You're supposed to have the bed not looking at your door. Yeah. Which is there's all sorts of things. Do you know what's horrible about my house's feng shui right now is that we switched our office in our living room. And the new living room is great and it's really cozy and nice. But the new office is the worst room of all time.

And it's just bookcases in two desks. And it's so bad that we keep the lights off all day. And it's in the middle of the house. And it's like it doesn't exist. It's like you're walking through a portal from the kitchen. Bad fengue. It's horrible. What if you combine the two?

We're looking at getting a chair. A living lot of. Let's change the office to an arcade. Yes. Your girlfriend would love that or your fiancé. Barcade is not a bad idea. I wanted to change it. What did I want to change it to that I, there was trouble with?

Maybe it was a room for building things. You didn't put enough Godzilla stuff in there. A man cave. A man cave. No, I was thinking more of like a lot. laboratory yeah nerd a man laboratory a man um tell me my slide show i would like to see this so uh let's see i went to a website called i don't remember what it was called dot com no very very funny really fucking i i went to a website i don't remember what it was called but

it was a forum for uh fung shui things and i found some amazing questions that we are here to answer um pizza slice shaped house equals bad feng shui this isn't and it's also called geomancy i learned yes so someone named tor says hey all i see a place i liked it very much me and hubby walked in felt very comfortable and somehow we just kept keep going there despite first time viewing they reject our offer second time viewing we increased cov someone offered higher cov then somehow the higher cv did not go through so we still offered and they accepted now it is transacted and it is mine. And I read here that those pizza slice-shaped layout is bad any way to remedy. What is C-O-V?

Pepperoni's. So, yeah. So, okay, so how do you fix this? If you find yourself the proprietor of a pizza-shaped house, which way? Which way? Pizza shape going vertical or the whole house is a pizza-shaped? I believe it's a pizza-shaped floor plan.

Yeah, I think most feng shui, I don't think most feng shui deals with the shape of the house from outside. I think it's 2D. floor plan. Okay, so their house is like... Shaped like a pizza slice. One of those, like, fun house tunnels that keeps going like this? That's what I'm wondering.

Yeah, I don't... They included a floor... This is a very old pose. It's 10 years old. So they included a picture, but it was gone now. Oh, damn. But I'd imagine it's something like... akin to the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile,

where it is a pizza-shaped house. Do you think the front door is on the pointy end or the crust? I would hope that the front door is on the pointy end. The pointy and the crux, it's going to be this thin. Yeah, but that's your, that's your hallway. How are you going to get through this little door, man? Well, hopefully it would motivate you to lose some weight if you're a fat fat. Have you come as thin as nothing?

I don't. I think that the person who buys a pizza slice-shaped house will need to lose some weight. No matter where the front door is buying a house that is a giant piece of pizza. It's looking at the pizza-shaped house, yeah. Wait, does this have bad fun shui? a giant pizza house but yeah pepperoni's round table round desk round chairs

oh yeah the round table the round plastic tables yes yes round everything and then for the crust a rug that is brown yellow yellow and red floors

yellow and red floor I think you do just have to lean into the pizza theme anchovies in the bathroom what is your opinion for showcasing weapons in the house s Ryan Y-T-H he says single here

we'll be getting my two room flat soon and living alone I fancy buying a Japanese katana sword. Not from authentic sword blacksmiths. Blade is, of course, blunt in accordance to Singapore law. It's an SLO. To display my bedroom as I really like the aesthetic. I'm usually not a very superstitious person,

but a weapon is still a weapon, even though it is not authentic, I guess. Would you advise someone to display weapons in the house, especially the bedroom? And if anyone knows if there is any temple that can bless the sword to act as a deterrent against malignant spiritual forces, as in and then some thing I don't know.

As I said, I'm not particularly, superstitious, but I could use all the spiritual help if I can. Thanks in advance. So you've got a couple replies here. This person says, hmm, it depends on many factors. If we speak about katanas, I don't see anything wrong with doing it, but if you want to showcase some fire

guns, I don't think it's such a good idea. Maybe if you have a collection of old and rare hunting guns, I would understand it, but showcasing any other kind of gun, it's not okay. I have five pistols. So do I have to showcase them in my living room? Nah, I don't think it's a good idea. I even ordered a new Sig Salis.

It is my sixth gun. I decided to buy it after reading this Sig Sauer 1911 review. I mean, this gun seems to be precisely what I want from a freaking pistol. And then this is the last comment here. This guy, I think, just got confused about the topic and said, Hi, all, I want to choose a scope for hunting. I am considering various options, but I decided to stop at the vortex. What do you say?

The vortex? That's a brand. Oh, oh. I thought he was saying he's, I thought this is some fengue related thing. No, no. This guy does not. Look at, he's the only, everybody on this forum is Singapore, is from Singapore, except for this guy. And his name's Kerrigan, and I think this is the only comment he ever made.

Huh. Wow. Help. Anyone know where to get a red roof? Maybe from a chest. Yeah, from a trove. Yeah. How do you get a red ruby?

Because apparently, I bet if you finish a dungeon, there's a good choice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would say go to your nearest dungeon. You may need to slay something, kill everything in there. Yeah. See if there's a chest. Lately, my H.D.B. Block underwent HIP and the two toilets in each of the 96 units could not be used for 10 days, meaning wewee poo-poo slash washing have to go void deck. Some rich ones moved out and stayed elsewhere temporary.

Only then all neighbors discussed about toilets and also appreciate the importance of toilets. Is it about a boat? No, this is just about something in their apartment. Oh, okay. I think I accidentally included this, but it was a funny comment. Yeah, I guess because at feng shui is a lot about the different elements, I think. And a toilet is a strong water element. Weewee and poo-poo and washing.

It is the controller. And there's a lot of posts about toilets on this forum. Office desk near toilet. So this is a bad, this is a dangerous situation. This is not where you want to find yourself at any point in time is with your office desk near a toilet. Hi, everyone. Any advise? Recently I joined a company.

My desk is near to the toilet. I can even hear the flushing sound I heard that this is bad from feng shui perspective. Out of all the companies I had joined, this is the only company that I felt that I have lose my confidence in my job and things has not been going so smoothly. I'm not sure what

whether I'm being superstitious or if it's true. Any advice? Thanks. The smell or even the thought of the smelly smelly yucks, already bad lao le. If one of your colleague didn't flush that day or have a bad stomach, you'll be the

first-hand filter, superstitious or not? You already lost half the battle, Leo. That's what I was going to say is, I don't think you even need to bring Feng Shui into it to know that this is a inauspicious setup. Yeah. They all want to be either auspicious or inauspicious when they're selecting there.

Mostly they want to be auspicious, I think. They always are talking about if something is auspicious or inauspicious in this forum. And then this guy says, one way is to treat each flush as a nature waterfall and psychologically win the war, which is genius. And people just have a positive mindset here. Look, far.

God wants to train you to be different and specializes in thus temporary torture you. Enjoy the torturing and become a great man in the coming. You are not far from success. That is really deep. Yeah, it does say leo at the end. Which I think it's some kind of, I think it's some kind of Singapore word for like, brough. Yeah, I think it's like Singaporean for bruh.

bruh yeah Harry Porter's magic Callie Manton says so do you guys believe in Harry Porter's magic in today's world is there such a thing as black magic

what do you guys think? Yes yes you think there is such a thing as Harry Porter's black magic I'm looking at a black magic device what is right there

oh wow that's very interesting there could be something emitting off of that right now some kind of frequency or field that scares me

Wi-Fi is a type of black magic. That is. Last night, oh my God, I'm sorry to go off topic. Last night, I was playing video games. My wife is at my house with her sister. Okay. They're in the living room. I'm in the bedroom playing video games.

They're giggling. I think they're probably pillow fighting or mud wrestling or something. Until the internet cuts out. They were playing with the cable. They literally were playing with the cable. Dude, I walk out, I say, did you guys turn out the internet? She was like, no, I didn't turn off the internet, but I unplugged the, like, cable cable because we don't need it.

And I was like, I was like, what? She's like, yeah, you know, the, like, cable thing, the thing that goes into the TV, I just unplugged it because we don't have a TV that we don't have cable. I was like, that's where the internet comes from. She's like, no, it's not. It comes from the Wi-Fi router. And I had to explain to a grown woman how the internet works. And then she unplugged it two more times.

I think she did that on purpose, dude. No, dude. I mean, they weren't giggling. It was killing me. Yeah. I literally, I've never been so mad. I wanted to cave their heads of it. Yeah.

And they made us lose games. Oh, wow. But just sorry, that's a little. That was, and I blame bad feng shui. Yeah. For both of that, for making them stupid as rocks. If the fengue had been good, the cable would not have even been in a place where it could be unplugged.

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Wow. Well, they unplugged it once. They unplugged it once. And then when they were trying to plug it back in, they unplugged it again.

to plug it back in. They plugged it in and then try... And then they didn't... They didn't... They were trying to... They were trying to jump rope with it. Yes. Well, yeah.

They were trying to eat it. They thought that it was going to... It was a straw. Wow. But then they put... Then they put a piece of... We have like a big storage chest. And they put it directly on top of it.

And unplugged it once more. So that was my fucking Monday night. God. We've had such a fung-shue experience these past, however, of much of us. I have a couple more slides. So Harry, Harry Porter's magic, of course, is

Feng Shui-related. Geomancer's hand chopped off. What? So this is a story. I won't get into the story, but basically this is a guy who said, who's a geomancer got his hand chopped off in a vicious attack, and he admitted that he did not get

any premonition that something bad would happen. Wow. And the comets give him what for for this. They tear them apart? Full loads of excuses, calling himself a feng shui expert and not a fortune teller, can't even predict for himself how to help others. See, this is why I don't call myself a feng shui expert.

You never know in your hand's going to get chopped off and people say. And you look like a bitch. You look like a fucking bitch. As I should have known. Yeah, if I got my hand chopped off, man. Man, that changed a lot of stuff in my life. Oh, yeah. And then I'll change about half the stuff in my life.

It would change how I opened doors forever. The last thing here is that there's a bunch of posts on this forum that are really, it's really old like from 2006 and stuff. stuff that I've just been completely deleted but they all they have good names but this is my favorite one I really wanted to read it but it only had the title

and just says what da fish the 16 year old post called what the fish wow what the fish but I honestly I spent two or three hours going through this forum and I learned so much about feng shui I thought function was I honestly

thought that it was Pilates I thought it was an exercise I knew what it was because of Frazier. Putting the couches in an interesting way. It's pretty fun. Mine is kind of more about how I kind of put in a bunch of feng shui rules and stuff that I found from online that maybe we could think about for the office

or if we were designing a house for us all to live together in the future that I know we talked about maybe once before. That is definitely in the cards. Maybe it will happen. And it's funny to say cards, but we'll get to that later. But so these are kind of just some some rule,

fungoy rules and ideas for whenever we're designing a space that we can maybe I'll pull up this this, all these things and they're from a bunch of different websites and we can just talk about how we might implement them and how it might be fun in our space.

So first off, dormats. Functuary rules for dormats. And so this is something that we, this is the first thing you ought to think about right now our dormant is just red. Yeah. So we're actually going to look into this. All right.

Well, we do have a dormant. Yeah. Welcome Chi to the front end. entrance of your home with favorable colors, shapes, and accessories like doormats. Funguay rules suggest the right doormat will give a boost of positive energy every time you or a guest crosses it to enter your space, which makes sense to me. So door direction establishes mat design. So is someone have a compass app on their phone?

Does anyone still have the compass done? Maybe I do. But I want to figure out what direction our door faces so we can figure out the right type of. Or I guess you can use New York-style thinking. I think it's facing north. Northeast. It looks northeast to me. Yeah, because it's...

Do it this way. Yeah, it's northeast. 30 degrees northeast. All right. So southwest or northeast? The earth element is in the southwest and northeast. Earth's colors are sandy clay and soil shades as well as red, pink, yellow, and purple.

None of them pastels. The best shape for the mat is square. We are already expert. That's a kind of a rectangle. It's okay, though. It's okay, but it could be, but we need to cut it down to a square. And also, we need to make a doormat that is like a toothed tunes where you step on in it.

It plays a song. Yeah. Let's get it. I want something just like this. Every time you walk in. Then, let's see. The Black Hat School of Fung Shui, which I don't know what that is. I put the same thing.

That's like a black hat hacker. Yeah. So it's a bad guy. teaches that a black mat at the door that is about as wide as the door is a money magnet and will energize your career. So there's something to think about too. Yeah, maybe we change it then. Maybe we get another one.

I don't really give a shit about money. I also am not sure if we should trust the black. hat school because they sound a little sinister. They sound kind of an anonymous style. And also mind your message. So we're doing well here. Forget cutesy sayings and monogram mats. No one's home.

No Rugrats allowed. And beware the cat are guaranteed to chase away positive cheat or at least give it pause. Placing your name or initials under foot just means people are stepping on or wiping their dirty shoes on the Smith Jones residence every time they visit. Why would you want that? So you have to find a good message, I guess. That's not funny or has your name in it. And we have no message.

I want something just like this. That's good. Monogramed right out. Dormat. Yeah. Step here. Step here for positive chi. Could be good.

That seems like a no-brainer, actually. Also, holiday mat. That's good. Well, you don't really want to step in a shit. So maybe foot cleaner. Shit eater. Clean.

Step here to clean. Bullshit. Barentheses. Metaphorical bullshit. Bullshit that doesn't get on shoes. Yeah. And it's metaphorically and it doesn't get on your shoes. shoes, and it actually invites positive

Chi. How about just a picture of the fucking queen? Yes, that's not bad. With her eyes axed out. Holiday match should be displayed with extreme care. No kitschy or cluttered designs and removed promptly when the holiday period ends. Faded Beachy flip-flops in February or happy holidays with Ponsettas in July. Signals that you are lazy or just don't care about the all-important portal at the gate of your home. That's not a good message for guests or good fortune.

So switch them out with the holidays. Okay, stop. Get rid of the Christmas one after Christmas. Okay. Stop with the Christopher Columbus. And also, here's to how to get it auspicious. Oh, yeah, this is just what I wanted to read. One lucky trick is to tuck red ribbon tied feng shui coins.

So they have a whole currency under the mat to attract money to your door. Three coins are okay, but nine are better. So here's what I've learned about this coin thing. Uh-huh. So you use its Chinese coins. Uh-huh. And you use them like real coins, but you put you, people put them under the doormat, but they also, when they tile their homes, they will put coins under each tile.

So your house is full of fucking money. Well, that makes sense that it's a money magnet. Yeah. We're no, wait, opposites attract. So wouldn't you want to have opposite money? Wait, an ingredient version of money? Here's the hard thing. Opposites attract.

Bullshit under your tiles. But birds of a feather. So, wait. together. But wait. So how do we square this? And one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Square the circle? What the circle? What is that?

Square the circle. I think we're finding out something about the world right now. Okay, so a doormat is a square and you put circles under it. Also, what about a doorman? Is that good feng shui or bad feng shui? An old doorman. What if you had an old doorman named coin? That's...

An old doorman from New Orleans named coin. Yeah, that's a good idea. Coin crab tree. Yeah, that's an amazing guy. That's a really good idea. And that's got to be the luckiest doorman you could have. Yeah, 100%. 100%.

You can function your bedroom for better sex. Okay, guys. I don't even want to know about all this. Guys, I think we can maybe use this in the office. Okay. Who's having sex in this office? If you play your cards right. With what?

Or who I mean? With what? With or I mean like. you know, but what can we do? A piece of rope. So first of all, find the love or relationship corner. So this is a map, which I guess I didn't know about this before I was, did research, but I guess each corner of everything of the house has a different thing.

So if you want to have sex, you should always have it in the back right corner of your room because that's the love and marriage square. That's where my radiator is. I can't do anything there. We are in the wealth and prosperity corner. We are in the wealth and prosperity corner right now. The rear left. I can't read these right.

What does that say? Casper? Career. That's the front door. No, that's your piano is in the career. Pat's desk is in knowledge and self-cultivation. That's pretty good.

And the bathroom is in the love and marriage corner. So I think we just figured out where it's going to go down. Huh. What's it? It's sexual acts. The center, it just says center. That's good.

If on a long enough timeline, anything happens. Yeah. If somebody will have sex in this bathroom with another person who works in this office. It's between the three of us. I think that it would be probably, it would probably be Alex and Patrick, I think. Why? I could see that. I can see that the most.

Yeah, that's what. why you guys wouldn't do it at your house because like your girlfriend's there. Oh, yeah. Here is like a, it's like this is this is Brokeback Mountain. Yeah. And I think you guys could have like,

down the street. Yeah. Down the street where she can walk over whenever she wants. That's what happens in Brokeback Mountain. Yeah. That's true. She walks in.

I haven't seen. What the hell is going on it on this mountain? You're fucking this guy. Also, why are you dressed like a cowboy? Um, guy can't read any of this. I've did a Patrick. I made it too small.

As they call it in feng shui terminology. I want to go here's the nose. The big nose. The big nose for having a sexual room in feng shui. Do not have violent, aggressive, lonely, or desolate imagery in the bedroom. So it says no civil war scene, no painting of a vase of dead flowers, and no painting of a single person or a barren landscape. Wow. So just keep that stuff out.

You want to be sexy. No evil paintings. I saw another thing that was how to stop your partner from cheating on you using feng shui. And one of the biggest ones that they reiterated multiple times was don't have two beds in your bedroom. Well, that's funny because this one said, try to have doubles of everything in your bedroom to represent couples. Dude, there's a lot of contradiction. That's why we need a feng shui master.

The other big note is filth and clutter. Being dirty with your lover in the bed is fine, but dirt and clutter in your bedroom is a definite love slay. And in the Game of Thrones way, not the Beyonce way. Wow. Yeah. So you won't fucking die. Yeah.

Okay. But then I think this next slide is what I really wanted to talk about the most. No, this isn't. This is just an extra thing. Color theory within a chair context. So this is just a diagram I found that I thought was funny that if you're getting a gaming chair, this is the colors you pick, whether you wanted to be energetic and optimistic or calming and creative.

This is specifically a website I found for, there was a gaming chair website that had a whole page about the feng shui of their chairs. You know, this is my gaming chair. This is the chair, the exact chair I use on my desk. Really? Isn't it awful? That's horrid. Yeah, it's really horrid.

But it is, the color is formal, stable, and harmonious, though. Well, I actually have a brown one. Oh, okay. Okay, that's not even on the chart. Yeah. But here we go. Whoa. Tips for functional.

This is actually incredible, and this actually will change our lives forever. Okay, because this is very important. And this is very important to go back, to hit the casino again. Wow. I have learned so much from me. This is what I needed right now. I went on like five websites. about this and this is we're going to have a gambling room in our house that's obvious yeah we can

also use this one over oh that's what you need to use this extra room for in your yeah yeah but here we go according to feng shui you are also lucky if there's a small hill or a mountain behind your structure the land formation symbolizes the patronage of the turtle if you have the presence of a mountain on the left of your structure it means that a green dragon protects you the turtle and the green dragon can give you and the inhabitants of your structure great fortune and prosperity I knew that about the turtle. So we need to build our structure near a mountain. Yeah.

Because turtles live in the water underneath. Well, wait. We're going to have a gambling room in our home. Yeah. Or we could just build a casino in here. What's the money come from? Who does it go to? Just wherever the money comes from in a casino.

The bank, I guess. Yeah. But if, so I think that this is more useful for us to scope out lucky casinos. Yeah. So that was, this started out as I was thinking, we can build a gambling room, but this did turn into how a lot of these are how to win money at a casino. Yeah, because I think, I think the only

place that I can think of is, is like a casino royale in whatever, Monty, whatever. Yeah. Or Las Vegas has mountains. Yeah, so there you go. But it has to be to the left to get the Green Dragons protection. Is there a

mountain or any kind of maybe like a butte or something in Atlantic City? We could make one. No, no, it's as flat as an apple. But we could lift it up. with geographical, geological activity. They could do some kind of

terraforming. Oceans. One of the oceans movies. Which one? The third one? The second one? No. They build a mountain?

They cause an earthquake. To build a big drill. Yeah. That basically can make a mountain. That's what causes mountains is earthquakes. If you did a drill underneath up. Well, if you just push it, that's what, if you push them together.

Yeah, I'm running millions of fucking years. Yeah, but we just do it fast. with hyper power. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, here are a few suggestions to attract feng shui luck for your gameplay. So here, pay close attention. Okay. Limit bathroom breaks.

Before playing a game in a casino, make sure that you go to the bathroom first and do whatever is necessary to avoid breaks during your game. This is to prevent your hands from getting wet because water is a symbol of money according to Chinese lore. You will lose your winnings if you wash your hands if you need bathroom breaks in between games. Try to stay dry and anticipate nature calls. So what I'm getting here is it's not actually that you need to not go to the bathroom.

You just need to not wash your hands if you go. Don't wash your hands. And don't get pee on your finger. And this goes double for the fucking dealers. No lotion. No lotion at all. And dealers stop washing your hands. Yeah.

Because you got that your wife and the money off. We need a dehumidifier in the casino to bring a dehumidifier pack in your backpack. And that is an amazing idea. Okay. So then here's the other one. Wear a ring. If you're going to plan a casino, make sure that. you are wearing your ring on the correct finger.

Remember not to wear a ring on your thumb when going to casinos because it symbolizes letting go of success and losing all your wealth. Which is a really dangerous thing to symbolize in a casino, losing all your love. That's maybe the worst possible thing. They're going to instantly clock you. You must wear a jade ring on your left hand

if you're a woman and your right hand if you're a man. So we've got to get some jade rings to not wear on our thumb. Yeah. Invite a pregnant friend. pregnant women attract good luck for gamblers according to Chinese beliefs even if there's a pregnant stranger standing behind you

to watch the game make sure that she stays and lets you win just making her like follow you around putting a leash on her yeah but so yeah as many pregnant women as possible are going to up your luck factor next time your friend tells you that she's pregnant

you say oh my good but you know we're going to Vegas you offer yeah you offer her crazy weekend in Vegas one last dry trip to less Vegas well no you can get fucked up just don't wash your hand just getting her fucked up on all her like weird pregnancy

craving foods like putting like pickles and peanut butter sandwiches damn all that pregnant food sounds good to me yeah yeah my mom still orders a fucking like a chicken parm sub with pickles and mayo on it because i got her fucking pregnant because the pregnant thing yeah because i got her she did that at a real italian place one time and she got they looked at her like she was the stupidest person she's pregnant with my son and i'm gonna name him patrick no yeah you won't have a son named Patrick. I think that's my last slide, actually. If you had a kid and you named him Patrick, that would not even be an honor.

Whoa. Okay. There goes my name idea. I'm sorry. It was either my son's name or Romulus. Nice try. My son's name will be Norm C.K. Carlin.

Murphy. Changing it just to Patrice. You had Patrick at top of the list and right under it with Patrice. You're just like, my daughter. I was going to have Tim. Thay Chalameh Fetter. Yes. And Sirsia Ronan Fetter.

And my daughter, Amy Wong, Heideker. Jazz. My daughter, fucking... My daughter, Sam, Sam Kitteson, the insult comic dog. My kid. My kid.

Super deluxe This is my son's super deluxe Doran Bart Homer Fedder And this is my daughter Josh Is your son come into the party Which one funny or die

Yeah they're both coming All right This next one So You guys know about like a non-standard McDonald's Like the you know This one here That shaped like a church or something

And then this one on the right That's shaped like a bank That's not a government The one on the left is like a church. Yeah. That's not a church. It looks like a church. That's like a town hall.

No, the one on the left is an animal zoo. No, that one's a church and then the other one looks like a bank. So then I saw, I looked up the, I was trying to find the feng shui of McDonald's, maybe an article talking about it, but there was a McDonald's in Hacienda Heights, I think. It's somewhere in L.A., suburban L.A. that remodeled their whole fucking place under the principles

they got a consultant in they made it look like this it looks incredible wait this is a feng shui McDonald's this looks like a normal McDonald's this looks like the feng shui McDonald's this looks like the Burger King

they stop at on the megabus no no look at those red table well okay you're gonna see more photos you're gonna see more photos the colors are a little different but this is I would not

Cameron there is a waterfall in here where you'll see just be patient The ancient Chinese practice of feng shui is designed to provide people with a sense of serenity. A McDonald's in suburban Los Angeles has recently been remodeled to reflect the principles of feng shui. There are waterfalls, wooden ceilings, and a specially designed entryway. The doors don't align so we confuse the evil spirits and they stay out and we keep the good spirits in, says Mark Brownstein, the restaurant's owner and operator. If you look up McDonald's fight on YouTube, millions of results.

True. None of them at this McDonald's. That is so true. Can I say something really quickly that I learned about feng shui, which is when you move, you're supposed to be doing, you're supposed to do something called a door blessing when you move into a new place where you roll a pineapple

all around the apartment. Wow. Wow. And if you do it wrong, you will get 100% a demon living in your apartment. Damn. That's scary. That's scary. That's a story that I read, and a little girl said, where's my big sister? And they said, you all have a big sister. She said, yeah, she walks around every single night in a white dress. That's scary as fuck.

It is scary. Can I say something about this slide, too. Yeah. How pissed off would you be if you were a good spirit and you, they trapped you in a McDonald's. Keep the good, the evil spirits out. They keep the good spirits out. They keep the cut. Yeah. Because in evil spirit, I guess I'll go in here. Oh, yeah. This room looks like it looks like it. This is amazing. Imagine it's a lot. Oh my God. The doors are uneven. God, fucking damn it. Brownstein, who runs 23 Southern California McDonald's says the redesign was all about rejuvenating slumping sales. When he looked at the most recent census data. He saw that the Asian population

in the area had grown to nearly 40%. We wanted to make this store inviting to everyone, but particularly the large and growing Asian population in this area, he says, sitting in an earth-tone booth next to a waterfall. This is just a white dude that's like, hey, there's a lot of fucking Asian people

in this town. We're going to function in my McDonald's a feng shui environment. He started from the waterfall, and then he found out there's something called feng shui. But look at this, look at that. beautiful, look at how beautiful this looks. That picture is nice. It looks incredible. I actually think that casino

is probably, looking at this, it does look like it looks like it would have. They literally do. They actually do, yeah. Well, it's because it literally they do it because they're a bunch of like high rollers from China that they want to come and they want them to be like, oh, it's look, it's nice.

I read a whole interview with, it was really funny. It was like an interview with like this high roller Chinese gambler guy was like their interviewing being like, so what do you think about these casinos like using feng shui to attract more like high profile Asian gamblers and he's like you know I don't care at all but it looks nice yeah he's right he's completely that's probably why casinos feel so amazing to be yeah they're literally the peak of feng shui I thought it's because they were pumping some like well they actually I would say they use black hat feng shui because

if you read I did read a lot about this people who feng shui experts don't like casinos because they have no windows it's like fake sunlight which is evil and it's like the fungway is in service of trapping you, but they do you, I think they use evil functuary to trap you in there. We're a trapped good spirit whenever I go to the encore. Because I'm leaving with an uneven wallet. Yeah, because I left my credit cards in the hotel room. But I kept all of my grocery store rewards cards to the other half of my wallet. For all the suggestions that Lou's made, there was one thing they couldn't change the menu. Just like

all McDonald's, this one serves up artery clogging fries, Big Macs and milkshakes, which raises the inevitable question, how does one, how often does the grandmaster chow down at the Golden Arches? Depends, he said, when I'm very busy and very hungry, sometimes I need to eat. So there are these two, they consult these like, they are grandmasters of fengue in Los Angeles. FSMs. Yeah. Jenny Lou and her, in her dad, I don't remember the dad's name. Jenny Lou suggests that the feng shui somehow reduces the negative aspects of greasy processed food. Fung Shui is about the laws of nature.

So in that way, it's a counter, she said, adding, when you're an environment that's wonderful and peaceful and soothing, your whole mindset relaxes. You eat food slowly and don't rush and stuff your face. The mental is very important, her father agrees. That

part is stronger than the poison food. Wow. He's calling the fucking food poison. Mind over matter. Oh, then this one, a woman named Tina Turner was in there, even a double cheeseburger. fries during her lunch hour. Then this is like the end of the article. Mark Brownstein says that he sees nothing peculiar about blending fast food and feng shui. It's not ironic at all, he said. One more thing. It's not ironic at all. Maybe. One more thing. Don't

call it fast food. The food isn't fast. The food appears quickly. But that's service, he said, adding, we're willing to do this to say to the community, we're going to build a store that really stands out. That's just good business. And then here's just like, that's the water pool. This is beautiful. It's incredible, right? I want to eat. Yeah.

And look at this picture that I found in the article. It's so small. That's how big it was. Look at how big. That's actual size? Yeah. Look at that. Oh, it's got bamboo.

So this is what it looks like when you walk in. So describe it. It's got bamboo. It's got bamboo on the left and then like another plant there. It's like circular. There's a lot of tiles with a path. Yeah, tiles with a path, like a lot of beautiful looking stuff. And you know there's really under all that.

all those tiles. Oh, absolutely. We steal all the tile money. And then this next slide here is a review from Angelica Cerna that says Aaliyah is black.

Four stars. Four stars. It's incredible. And you have to guess that it may be Aaliyah is somebody who works there or maybe the singer. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, whatever it is.

But the original, I guess, yeah, it's translated by Google. it says Aaliyah is black and then the original says Elijah Serna. Oh, it was her name? She was trying to put her name in. Oh. Yeah, then look at these photos here. There's, Juby, if you can zoom in here, there's a man who's astounded by the beauty of this McDonald's.

He's covering his eyes up with a receipt. And then this next photo here, just pure album cover vibes. Look at that. This is album cover. That is one of the most beautiful McDonald's photos. ever seen, and then this one is the board for employee shoutouts, and it is

completely empty. Well, that's not feng shui to put people's faces up staring out. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, exactly. It's like trapping them. Yeah, exactly. It's like trapping them. Here's some more photos. Here's a guy in a booth, and then here's another photo of the booth.

But I have some bad news. What is it? What is it? I think they remodeled the McDonald's. I think they remodeled it. Based on photos I found on Google. the same. Well, this is an old one. Oh. Most of the fung shui stuff is, I think, gone.

That's what it looks like in 2022. I think those two glass things right there. It looks like just a brand new normal McDonald's. I think that those two glass things right there are where the waterfalls used to be. Yeah, I think you're right. Because usually, I was, when you showed the waterfall, I was thinking, that's usually where the glass thing is.

Exactly. Yeah. Then this next one here, they put the kiosk in. Keosks, bad sliding automatic doors. Yeah. It's terrible. terrible, terrible feng shui. And then I was looking up trying to confirm whether or not there was a remodel. Thomas M says, obviously a recent remodel. And then there was something disgusting in the bathroom.

Pooh. I think it was due. But again, bathroom water, fengue, you know, it's all connected. It's all connected. Wait, go back. This guy ends it in a perfect way. Had to ask for a drink cup. Next.

That is so funny to say about a, at the end of your McDonald's. Next. On to the next one. I made it too small. My local McDonald's, it's nice since the remodel that was in 2050 or five years ago, not 2015. Some homeless that hang out there, blah, blah, blah. And then Dan Man said McDonald's socks, no more food from there.

But, yeah, so all of that stuff about the, the feng shui, they got rid of it complete and total remodel, right? Getting rid of every single. Well, not every single, but, you know, Changing a lot of the feng shui in there, right? So that was five years ago. Five years ago was 2019, right? Close.

2018? Really, really close. 2018? I thought, I'm still right in 2022 on all my chicks. Well, that would make it more wrong. That would make it way wronger. So, okay, okay. So that actually makes sense.

So it was five years ago, was 20. That does actually make sense. Because in 2019, employers, employees were hospitalized with mysterious symptoms at the Hacienda Heights McDonald's. Holy shit. At the Fung Shui McDonald's. After it was remod. Firefighters have found after the remodel, firefighters have found no abnormal readings

after a carbon monoxide detector was triggered at a McDonald's on Monday. Hasmat text with the L.A. County Fire Department determined air saturation is normal inside the McDonald's at the one, I'm not reading that. The alarm may be malfunctioning. Despite that, three employees experienced symptoms, three employees reportedly experienced. minor headaches and will be hospitalized. Wait. So there was a

no carbon monoxide, a fengue attack. Yeah. Full fungshue. Wow. They get rid of every single thing. And then the carbon monoxide detector goes fucking crazy.

Three employees are hospitalized. But no carbon monoxide. Wow. That's insane. And this was in December of 2019. So this could be something else that happened around that time.

No, I don't think so. But there was a, because, no, because there was a feng shui change. It would say mysterious disease. There was a feng shui change and it was a carbon, a clear carbon monoxide attack. Well, no, that is crazy. No, it means a fengue attack, a pure energy. Yeah, what is energy, but not carbon monosite? A spirit got their Casper tail stuck into the carbon dioxide, got sucked in.

Oh, no, please, please, please, bleep, be, beep, be, beep, came back. He dissipated, turned into mist, and then people started breathing it in and went, oh, oh, I have a ghost headache. Yeah, and maybe the only way that they could cure that would be with my invention I mentioned earlier, the flower that puts food in the air. Exactly. That's a shit invention. Exactly. Well, I guess the moral, the moral here is that once your feng shui is perfect, do not fuck with it. No, but we don't mess with it.

Do not make a room where the lights are off all day. The most powerful thing in the world. The universe. The universe. The observable and unobservable. Uh-huh. It's more powerful. I don't want to talk about this.

I don't want to get into details. Okay. Then let's not talk about it. Okay. No, I want to very quickly say there is, don't look this up, there is feng shui rituals and practices that you can do to assassinate somebody. I think that's a Chuck Palinock story. It's true.

It's 100% true. Yeah. I thought that's in one of his, I'm from reading that in high school or something. It talks about it. I thought that show was so cool. It's true. I found it from that book. You are scaring me right now.

It's 100% true. You are scaring the fuck out of me right now. It's in the book or it's in the short story about foot massage. Yeah. Wow. But it is true. But we won't get into that. We won't get into.

We shouldn't get into. Is the some fucking trouble. Promo. Poop. We talked about it. The video flopped. The video was a community. So, the video, we don't have to worry about the flop all the fucking time.

You can make another video, man. And you can't live another life. I can't live another life. Go buy tickets. It's going to be sketch comedy. It's going to be a fun show. We're doing it at Littlefield with Home Planet who make the videos that you love. Alex and Joe, we're doing it with Pierce as well, who you also like.

And you can buy a ticket right here at Swagcoop.com slash shows. It's July 14th. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to be writing a lot of fun crap. We have already written some videos. I've already written. so much and I'm gonna we're gonna maybe a lot of it won't make

it in we're gonna go ahead and buy 10 tickets right now that you can't have so that's called scarcity maybe we do a 10 ticket giveaway to one lucky person why would one person need to 10 lucky people one person brings 10 of their friends that well then they wouldn't

have a ticket exactly all right well that makes them have to buy another ticket bye bye happy happy no it's a library you do i was going to say laundromat it's a library that's next to a laundromat whoa that's already good and i already like this the the lady who works at the laundromat closes up the closes up shop puts a shirt on a hanger and then walks out walks into the library so then she walks up to the it's clear that she has a rapport with the librarian she's talking

She walks in I love that Is a librarian girl or boy Hey Janice Oh hey Bernice Hey What have you You clean a lot of clothes today

No Just one shirt today And I hung it up Before I left Oh alright Are you here to get a book No I'm here to return my book Okay

What book is you returned Memoirs of a Gatia Oh wow No No? No, because I said laundromat because then that could be racist-coated. No, 50 shades of gray.

Okay. Now, do one more. And then Bernice picks it up and goes, ooh, and she goes, yep. And then suddenly a man in a trench coat and a hat runs in and slits her throat. And she falls on the floor and screams and grabs her throat. Which one?

Bernice or Janice? Both. Her name is not Bernice. It's not like a meal. It's not like a meal. Yeah, it's the laundromat lady. gets killed and then cut it

and then theme song and then the rest of the episode What in the what is going on in this library I've heard of this happen I've heard of a bookish demeanor but I've never seen A bookish murderer Madura

But when it comes to this criminal There's no one demeanor This is Domina's criminal all of them.