Podcast About List - Ep. 249 - Oh Shit, He Anjured

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

On Cam's special day we decided to give him the gift of knowledge about workplace safety, or rather, just learning about some workplace injuries. Thank you to Vexa from our discord server for the ...suggestion! Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Well, Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Cameron. Happy birthday to you. I love that song so much. And, man, the birthday song? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:36 I love happy, but that's what my weird math teacher in sixth grade said was his favorite song. The birthday song? He said, you would ask him what his favorite song was, and he would, no, he genuinely went. My favorite song is a happy birthday. That's my favorite song. Rept around your linger. You had me wrapped around your finger. I've had me wrapped around your finger.
Starting point is 00:00:58 I've had me wrapped around your finger. around my own finger. The Rugrats movie. That movie scared me. I thought that's in a Rugrats movie? Yeah, dude, the Rugrats movie, remember when he gets the new mom? All I know about the Rugrats movie that I can remember is a repter. Whatever, the Rugrats movie.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Though, the Rugrats movie is the Rugrats movie. Oh my God. That movie is so heartbreaking, dude. When he's on the plane and he clicks the flight attendant button because he thinks it'll bring him a new mommy. Is that what I've never seen this one? I still try that. That's the Rugrats movie. Okay.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Rugrats in Paris as they go, which is a weird, a bunch of babies in Paris. That's your idea for the movie? Well, it's mommies and daddies too. Yes, there's mommy and daddies there. The mommy's that I just go to Paris, I assume. But fucking Mr. Chetty, Chucky, what's his name? Chester. No, the fucking ugly kid.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Tommy Pickles. No, the ugly. Tommy Pickles is actually the handsome one of the Rugrats stuff. Or Phil and Lil. What's his name? Chuckie. Chuckie Finster and his dad, Chessie. Finster.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Chuckie tries to get a new mom. Chaz. Is his name Chaz Finster? I don't think that's that important. I think the baby's name is Chuckie. Maybe he goes by Chaz when he gets into Grote, all grown up. Chuckie Finster's mom has passed away. Is that for real?
Starting point is 00:02:15 I didn't never know that happened. I thought that show was about crawling on the floor. He gets on an airplane. I thought that show is about fucking ripped on. And then he went to Paris looking for answers to questions that bothered him so. Wow. and so he gets on the plane and he sees the flight attendant button
Starting point is 00:02:32 and instantly he's like time to get a new mommy the husband tries to press the husband the child son the baby son the child son of the the rugrat the child son of the rugrat daddy the child son of Chester Finster
Starting point is 00:02:46 is it Chester Finster or Ches is it Chaz I don't know that we have a guy who can look this up for me but the point is he gets a new mommy on the airplane but it's not the mommy that he was looking for
Starting point is 00:02:58 You have the chroma key on your hat. It's kind of cool, actually. I got distracted. White hat. White hat, green hat. White hat, green hat. White hat, green hat. White hat, green hat.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Yeah. You were doing, yeah, okay. I was trying to figure out what that song was for that entire time. I figured it out instantly. He always does the, I don't think you were hitting the right note on that. White hat, green hat, white hat, green hat. You should do green hat, white hat the second time. green hat, white hat. No, the second time. Oh. White hat, green hat, green hat, white hat. Green hat. Green hat, white hat. Yeah. That's good, right? That's an amazing song and they need to put Little John back in the music. And I think I know exactly what the music video will be. Yep.
Starting point is 00:03:46 A guy wearing a green hat and a guy wearing a white hat. Now I got a green hat. That's way too many words. Little John would never say all that. What are you talking about? You would never say all that. He only does like three words per bar. No. yeah what's that song but they don't do shit but they don't do you know the one that's four words all i ever remember that's a sick song all i ever remember about little johns is his song where he talks about or where they sing about pussies and buttholes what's that song called what are you talking about the other song skeet skeet skeet oh yeah yeah which skeet by the way that he says way he says a lot of words in that song well he says skeet the most though he says all these bitches crawl sweat down to my balls i would probably i probably didn't learn that skeet was a cuss
Starting point is 00:04:36 until i was probably 18 or 19 right you were too concerned with shooting skeet yeah you're kind of thinking about that's what the sport of it's dude i'm from the farm yeah i'm from one so i was out there and i was shooting from the main pigeons i was born in a manger pole i was saying pole to my assistant that you didn't even know pole could be a sexual word yeah you didn't even know could be on your wiener. And then all of a sudden, I get to the big city, they're saying, we're pulling on it until it's. So it's making pulling your thing till it skeets.
Starting point is 00:05:02 And then they get mad at me when I pull my gun out. Yeah, I pull my gun out. Yeah, of course you pull it and it's skeets. Are you an idiot? I used to think it was just skeet because of the shooting. I didn't even consider the pulling. Yeah. Pull it.
Starting point is 00:05:14 And then you ski and the pull, the pull creates skeet. And then you, the pole does create skeet. When you say pull, it creates skeet. It creates skeet instantly. It flies up. Skeet flies in this as high as it can. Skeet flies in a napkin or the sky. Skeet flies and you shoot skeet.
Starting point is 00:05:31 I don't like that they took Skeet away from us. And they made Skeet a cuss. They made skeet into a child. I don't know. I guess, I mean, I guess it's technically a cuss, but like if my kindergartener came home and said skeet, I don't know that I'd be like, how dare you say that? Yeah, but what if like his friend is named Skeet? I think I would probably video recorded for fine.
Starting point is 00:05:52 I would think it was funny, I guess. the same way I would if he said fuck yeah kids cussing is never going to get old for me it's funny it's funny every single time my nephew tells on me mean towards you my nephew tells on me when I swear but then he says the swear and it's so funny he says he he says like uncle pat said a bad word and then my sister will be like what and he goes he said motherfucker that's on your that's on your sister why is she asking the kid to say the word just I know just say just trust him bad word yeah but it's i mean yeah it's she's asking because it's funny it is funny yeah it's funny every single it's funny every single time but especially because he's got a but it's
Starting point is 00:06:34 less funny when the kid gets trained like a train seal to say i agree when parents i i honestly think i think that it's go actually trashy to cuss around your kids yeah i think that people should not be doing that you got to wait till they're adults yeah yeah you have to throw down a few maybe late middle school to throw them out of what to... You can say damn and ass in middle school. Right. But I'm saying you have to swear
Starting point is 00:07:00 in front of your kid one time in high school to be like, yeah, that's right. And even when they're grown adults... Even when they're grown adults, until you're like a grumpy old man, you should not be saying fuck this, fuck that, motherfucker you.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Oh, I'm complete trash. Yeah, I know you are. My parents swore in front of me all the time. I know, I can tell. swears when I was a little boy. My parents That's why I was an expert on swearing in elementary school And that's why kids were learned cusses for me
Starting point is 00:07:28 I learned that I could say crap at school When I was around my parents in second grade Yeah I learned that I could say crap In third grade Because out of Jimmy's head That movie Or reanimated
Starting point is 00:07:41 They say the word crap in it And it was the word crap Was on Cartoon Network On primetime and I said Whoa I wasn't allowed to say sucks And then I said crap I wasn't allowed to say this sucks.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Yeah, I wasn't allowed to say, shut up. In my third grade class, there were people who said that jerk was on par with the F word, and they would try to get me in trouble for saying, jerk. What the fuck is wrong with these kids? Yeah, these jerks. They said that it was. F word? Yeah, hey, tell that to a Jamaican.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Tell that to a linguist. Yeah, tell that to a Jamaican linguist. Tell that to a cussist. Yeah. Which I've been looking into becoming. The cussists versus the linguists. A cussist is going to take that every single time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Words have power. Yeah, words have power. The thing about a cuss. It's going to make a sentence that a cussist couldn't even tell. But a cuss can basically, it's basically adapted to be any word in the English language. It can basically mean anything. I'm going to do some shit. I'm going to work some shit.
Starting point is 00:08:42 I'm going to eat some shit. I'm going to play with my shit. That type of thing. A linguist will know what the, the etymology of the cuss word. I have to go to fucking work. I have to eat fucking shit. I'm going to play with my fucking shit. It adapts.
Starting point is 00:08:54 It can mean anything. I took my shit out of the toilet. I took my fucking shit out of the fucking bitch toilet. I fucked my shit in the toilet. I fucked my shit. And then I ate it. What? That's so nasty.
Starting point is 00:09:07 That's disgusting to think about somebody fucking shit than eating it. Picking the image of a guy pulling his, picking up his turn out of the toilet is always funny to me. We're back. It's always funny. Uh-huh. anytime honestly if i imagine that the first thing that comes in mind is like some kind of like that picture the guy where he's like guys i just took the like as a reddit post where he's like i took one of the biggest shits i've ever seen they're like why are you holding it's still
Starting point is 00:09:38 so funny that's like the size of a football it's so funny i always think like if you somebody says pick up a shit i imagine somebody like doing it at work and then they're in like a meeting and then it's like a flashback scene of them being like well I walked into the bathroom I took a shit and then it was really big and I picked it up and took a photo. One of the funny things to me about
Starting point is 00:10:03 picking up a shit out of the toilet is whenever I imagine it or see it, it's always somebody always is full handing it you'll never see someone like being like oh I don't want to touch it. Someone's picking up a shit they're going to there. You don't pick it up like in a clear you pick it up like a cell phone
Starting point is 00:10:19 like a baseball bat. I think that could be funny is like to pick it up like picking it up like picking it up that's that's a that's a thing i've thought about because in my head whenever i imagine somebody picking up a shit with their bare hands it's a full fist it's always a potato it's always like yeah there's this kid that i knew i think i said it before there's this kid i knew my my brother's friend uh they called him tater because he got like blackout drunk and like took a shit in the woods while he's camping or something on uh ron gargandy's ron ron No, the Ron, this Ron.
Starting point is 00:10:54 I don't know what the thing. The Ron who drinks. The comedian. The comedian from the Oh, Tater salad. Ron White. Ron White. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:03 But they, everyone called them Tater because he got fucked up, took a shit, forgot about it, and then picked it up and was like, I think I found a baked potato. That is not a true story. I don't know if that's a lie story. I don't know if it's true. I don't know if it's true. I still think that that is funny.
Starting point is 00:11:20 It's a funny story Picking it up a turd and saying I think I found a baked potato is funny. It's definitely funny but it did not happen. The funny part of that is picking up the shit though. Yes. And then having the nickname Tater is also funny.
Starting point is 00:11:35 That is a made up story. Yeah. I don't care. It's a false hold. I don't care. They told you this as a kid. His name was Tater because he ate a potato one time. And they put a potato to school.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Yeah. And they were like, oh, you Tater now. Oh, that's Tater. And then he's like, how do I? How do I change this? I don't change the narrative. I'm going to pick up my own shit. He told this story?
Starting point is 00:11:55 No, my brother told me. Yeah, that's a fake one, dude. Yeah. My brother said tater's coming over. That. Tater, chowder, who the hell is my brother hanging out with? Food. Yeah. He was best friends with Bob the tomato and Larry the fucking cucumber.
Starting point is 00:12:13 I would tell you what. Actually, I wouldn't be friends with. They seem judgmental. Yeah. Is there ever a veggie tales where Larry the cucumber becomes pickled and eating? evil. There is the Fib.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Yeah. Wouldn't that be good? That would be good. No, it wouldn't be good to make an evil? Wouldn't they're in the
Starting point is 00:12:28 pickle Goliath? Well then they show that they can forgive him. Goliath is the pickle. Yeah, Goliath is the pickle.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I don't ever watched that much Veggie Tales only I watched a lot of it. I watched a little bit when I had these little like pewter veggie tail action figures.
Starting point is 00:12:41 I was on the pewter figures. Instead of watching Petit on my mom bought them from. Yeah. I was watching New Grounds on the pewter.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Yeah. As soon as I found out veggie tails was done with that's right i watched vegetables i watched vegetables for a very long time yeah had an amazing vhs case on the veggie tails they had the green yeah they were green and they were really you know there's like huge ones i have a lot of air in them yeah the puffy ones the clam shell ones that's what they're called they were amazing and the the the the veggie tales ones were really high quality man yeah and they had some great stuff on those boxes
Starting point is 00:13:14 about info i love the info on the boxes me too was that one looking at the runtime i used to take into the bathroom and I read them while I shit. That was like a lot of, that was a real primitive 3D stuff because you rewatch the, they should remaster all that first of all. Buddy, I have a movie for you. They should do like an Unreal Engine 5.
Starting point is 00:13:35 If you want AI, if you're like, reading, like, finding all the old 3D models that they made for VeggieT details, upscaling them. With AI and it gets all like fucked up. Yeah. Proportions are all wrong. Putting like a billion more polygons or whatever.
Starting point is 00:13:49 Like what they did with that G2. anything like a vegetable anymore. Yeah, like San Andreas. Like the fucking San Andreas Remaster. They turn Larry to a pill. Bob the tomato is not a vegetable. He's a fruit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:04 But they also have the blueberry. He's definitely a fruit. I'll say that much. He's walking around being a know-it-all. He's a fucking, he's one of these closeted Christian guys that his megachurch gets defrauded or defunded because everyone finds out that he's gay. Like a marketer. Driscoll. Well, he wasn't gay, but he, I think,
Starting point is 00:14:22 my mother's surname. He was using hair or not heroin, prostitutes. Or maybe drugs, too. There was a bunch of big I heard that happened to, uh, to this one family called the gemstones. I've actually been watching this documentary. Wait, really?
Starting point is 00:14:36 Whoa. Yeah, they were pretty crazy influential growing up. Yeah. But then I went to the gym and pickles. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I went to the gemstone church. Yeah. And I worked at Parks and Rec 2.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Yep, it's true. And then when I... And my dad works at Dunder Mifflin. And then I broke my foot and went to scrubs. Yeah. I'm sorry. And I was friends with a guy named Nintendo. And even when I was a baby, I went to Cheers.
Starting point is 00:15:03 And I drank beer with the... I drank beer with Norm. Why didn't they call that show Beers? They should have called that fucking show. Woody Harrelson's hairline timeline. You go and bawled the whole show. Shut up. Can I save this?
Starting point is 00:15:19 Going buzzer for a question. Yeah, wait, he can save it. Can I save it by presenting Cameron with his birthday present? Yes, you can because it's Cameron's birthday. And it's also America's birthday. Yes, but I don't give a shit about that because of my leftism. That's fucking awesome. Honestly, I see America's birthday is less of a count up and more of a countdown.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Yeah, countdown to annihilation. Yeah. Wow. Uh-huh. It's something I thought of a few years ago. Something I know about camera. Cameron is that he loves music, right? He is the musician of our group.
Starting point is 00:15:58 See, he loves this song. I like this song more than I like anything in the world. So, well. Besides whatever I'm going to see. Okay, all right. Show him the birthday bash. So I spent, I came in here early today and I made Cameron something that is, I think, so amazing. Wow
Starting point is 00:16:23 George Michael George Michael from Wham Which it's supposed to be George Michael But I said that this looks like Juby Which is why I put sunglasses in And also why you put George Michael Yeah I had to put his name in the band he was in It looks good, it looks great even
Starting point is 00:16:38 Yeah And I like you put police department up there I like that too No that's my artist's signature Oh Yeah Well I like okay I was excited
Starting point is 00:16:46 The police department was not very kind to George Michael if you remember history. I don't know anything about George Michael. Really? And this is maybe a bad gift. I think George Michael.
Starting point is 00:16:55 No, this is exciting because it honestly makes me want to learn. George Michael was one of the first gays in the music. He was one of the first gay guys to get got on what would have happened to him. They set his ass up. They were going to say on fire. No, they set his ass up.
Starting point is 00:17:11 They made, they knew he was a gay guy. They knew he was a gay guy and they were trying to expose him, the British tabloids. so then they enticed him with a glory hole. When are we going to be done with a fucking tabboards? What are you talking about? That is a total.
Starting point is 00:17:27 It's not a setup. He was set up. How's that a setup? That's a complete and total setup. They had a paparazzi on the other side. They had a paparazzi waiting. And the police and the police. They had a cop on the,
Starting point is 00:17:38 the police were at the other. The Bobby was on the other side of the glory box, as they call it. Right. In the UK. Yeah. Well, no, it's just a difference. Like how they, we call it like, Oh, like a dollar, but they call it a pound, you know.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Oh, true. You know, I didn't know that quid wasn't a different kind of currency until last year. It's just a name for a buck. It's a buck. I thought that they had quids and shillings. Whatever it's called. Shillings is apparently old. Shillings they don't even use anymore.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Yeah. I would hope not. They're old. Yeah. They're made of metal. Unlike most coins. crowns. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:18:19 He's got a lot of crowns in his mouth. I got that's true. You might have another one on a Friday. I might get another crown in there because I cracked my damn tooth over. So can you tell me why you chose George Michael? So let me actually tell you because I walked in and this wasn't George Michael when I came in. There was a different face that was drawn on here. And it was a picture of Vind Diesel who I like Vind Diesel.
Starting point is 00:18:37 But what I said to Patrick was, oh, I get it. It's like a cheeseburger.com slash pun because it's on an easel. It's supposed to be Vind Easel. And I think that's what Patrick changed. it yes he's one he saw the gift so I got self-conscious it was facing the door okay I didn't think that you'd be the first to show up Caleb said I'm on my way you said nothing so I'm already I had no I had no thing I had nothing to to gauge my time and then I had to turn the white board away from the door and I thought who does Vin Diesel kind of look like right who can you
Starting point is 00:19:13 what can you add on yeah what can I do to like you know when they like do a I can I can see the Vendezel uncter painting kind of. Yeah. Like a Renaissance master. Yeah, you can kind of see. Does George Michael look like that? George Michael looks exactly like this. The, uh, fucking, there's like an album cover where he looks like this.
Starting point is 00:19:31 He's a pink body and blue hair. He looks pretty much. And they didn't know he was gay. To a tea, he looks like this. Oh. I think. I don't think he does. He's Mediterranean man.
Starting point is 00:19:40 That's why. Oh, George Michael. His real name is like Georgios Coppac. Is he have a kind of, these Michaelopolis or something? Careless whisper. He does these Quasi-Moto-style soldiers, shoulders, shoulders. That's just kind of like a perspective thing for my kind of art style. His left shoulders a little closer to us, and that's why it's higher.
Starting point is 00:20:00 He's doing like this. He's like, yeah. He's playing the guitar. He's playing the guitar. Have you seen the faith? Well, he has a music video. You don't know anything about George, Michael. Not really.
Starting point is 00:20:08 He's a music video called The Faith. Well, I know that Limpfiz can cover of that song. Here's what you should have done, man. So this is, this is him in his leather jacket. and his little Levi's 5-0-1s playing his guitar with this big... Oh, I forgot the fucking... Okay, so here's... I forgot the earring.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Here's what I would have done if I were you. Motherfucker. You know, if I was Patrick, here's what I would have done for your birthday if I was thoughtful. Okay. Well, I would have done a drawing. I have a birthday in 19 days. I would have drawn for sure.
Starting point is 00:20:37 I would have done a drawing. But, and I would have done something, Wham. But it would have been Wham City, buddy. Okay. Because he is as much a comedy fan as he is a music. Wham City also... I would have done Dan Deakin now in Resnick here. Okay. And it would have said
Starting point is 00:20:53 one of their names here. Yeah, or both. And it would not have done it in pink and blue because I would not have wanted to disrespect them. That's their colors, though. Wait, are you saying by using pink and blue, are you saying that he's somewhere between a boy and a girl? I don't really know. I think it was just... Just say no to that.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Why are you saying I don't really know? I don't really know. I don't really know. But I mean, if that's open for interpretations... We're saying you're saying you're used more pink because you're saying he's more girl than guy? What the hell is wrong? It's the most homophobic drawing I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:21:22 How's this homophobic? Because you just admitted it was homophobic. I'm admitting that I'm honoring him. Lips with the pink and the beard with the blue. You said that beards are boys. He has a girl mouth. And boy hair and boy beard. Yeah, I don't really know.
Starting point is 00:21:35 And you say, you're saying he has a beard also. No. This is it homophobic drawing I've ever seen. He didn't have a beard. He had a, I guess, a husband. I don't know. He had a husband. and they were wondering he died on Christmas.
Starting point is 00:21:48 He's dead, too? He died on Christmas? You're disrespecting this dead gay guy? Wait, he died on Christmas and he had a song called Last Christmas? That's crazy. Yeah. Wow. And it's the only good Christmas song.
Starting point is 00:21:59 I don't want to die on Christmas. There's no good Christmas song. There's no good Christmas songs. I want to die on New Year's. It sucks that that's a Christmas song because it sounds amazing. I don't care so much for that song. I found out this is a bit off topic. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:22:13 I'm ready to leave this topic. Yeah, me too. I think we should have left it away. I'll leave it in two seconds. Okay. I found out something amazing this week. Okay. In 1920-something, a man in Sweden swapped bodies...
Starting point is 00:22:27 I've heard this. With a man in the year 3960. Whoa. Yeah. Can you believe that shit? No. And there's a couple of different facts about it. I mean, yes.
Starting point is 00:22:39 And they're coming at you right now. Number one. In the future. And this is 1920. This is before nuclear. bombs or anything. But he said that there was a nuclear war in the year 2,800 and something. And it wiped out 90% of the population, including most English-speaking countries. So the dominant language in 38, whatever, is a combination of, like, Swedish and some other thing.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Hope it's not Arabic. Swedish and Greek or some shit. I don't you hope it's not Arabic. Imagine that fucking alphabet? You got all those A's with the umlots or whatever? Jeff Dunham kind of racism coming out here. How is that? First, he's homophobic.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Now he's being racist against whatever countries they do. That's an Arabic, I don't know. But. Imagine you have to learn that? I'm giving you so much knowledge right now and you're just trying to make it. Drop a little more, because I have some knowledge to drop after this. Okay. So, not only that, but by that year, we have.
Starting point is 00:23:46 moved on to the next stage of human evolution which is gills not gill wings it's not so you might throwing mole hands you're thinking oh it's physical oh it's surely a physical oh it's a mental autism no there is a the next step of evolution is people start undergoing this uh this spiritual change called nebel rike yeah okay the spiritual is not so i i knew a no no no no But it changes humanity from being interested in the self and being selfish to being selfless and living for others. And so by the year 3,800 something. And this evolved? It evolved.
Starting point is 00:24:30 And if you were wondering about aliens in this universe or in this timeline, this feature. In this universe. By this universe, you mean our universe? They've existed forever. They're around. They're not interested in chilling with us. Of course not. They are guardians, okay?
Starting point is 00:24:46 And so once we get the Niebuhrig, they pop in. They say, what up, what up? You joined the whole kind of league of guys who don't give a shit about themselves. And now you're awesome. The UN. Wow. Yeah. The United Nebula's.
Starting point is 00:25:00 The uninterested. And he spent days and days there in the body of a man who was in a coma and then woke up. Wow. What was his name? Some shit. Nebel rake. I don't remember that guy's name. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:15 But that is my science fact of the week. I actually have some interesting information, too, to drop. I mean, well, you go ahead. I just, I knew a guy who fully believed that autism was the next step in human evolution. He fully believed this, and he said he hoped all of his kids have autism. That was the big plot point in that terrible predator movie. Really? Shane Blackman.
Starting point is 00:25:38 The predator has autism? No, there's a kid that it's so, dude, the kid, the main. kid has autism and the predator like wants to get him and then they're like, the scientists are like, the reason the predator is trying to get this kid is because he has autism and it's like 2017. It's not a good
Starting point is 00:25:56 portrayal. It's like it's fully like a moaning noise portrayal of autism. Yeah, but he's got like the predator wants him because he's he's highly evolved. He's like a little kid and he's drawing like pictures and he's doing like Matt Nito like in the prison thing or he's doing like
Starting point is 00:26:12 just standing up and all the stuff's flying around him. He's not, doesn't do anything. Or like Matilda in her house and all the stuff's flying around her. Can't you give yourself autism with, if you microwave plastic or some shit? Let's start doing that. What are you talking about? Like the stuff in plastic? Microplastic?
Starting point is 00:26:28 I know the, that's when it's good small. That's if you put plastic in a shrinker. Yeah. Whatever you do, do not use plastic bowls in your shrinking machine. Because you will end up with a microplastic. You know what you can give yourself. You put some plastic in a, in the oven,
Starting point is 00:26:44 Spider-Man, get some shrinky dinks in there. True, shrinky dinks. What's a shrinky dink? We can't,
Starting point is 00:26:50 we can't get into the we're not doing it. Let me share, 100% I've never heard of it. Let me share my information because this is more important than shrinky dinks.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Which are a kid's toy. Is it on the same level as my idea? It's not quite on the same level, but I think that it could eventually get to that level. Okay. Basically, this Facebook group that I've been moderating for a while. Yeah, so I've been moderating this Facebook group for like a little over a year on Facebook.
Starting point is 00:27:17 What? I've told you about this before. What is it? It's a conspiracy group for people who don't like, I don't want to say what it's called because I don't want people to join it. How'd you become the moderator? I just like, I like woke up and I got a notification on my phone that said, you are now an administrator of this group. Like it just randomly gave it to me. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:27:36 I've been fighting spam on it, which I so I've been kind of on the front lines of spam. I've known all that, you know, all this spam links to try to get old people that are like, unfortunately, Justin Bieber has died going 120 miles per hour in Chicago. What? I get those all the time. Wait, and I see all the. Wait, what happened to Justin Bieber? That was actually false.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Oh, my God. But actually, you know, let me actually check really quick what the current one is, because they're always doing stuff like that. They always have, well, no, I can't. I'll find it later. But anyway, this group that I've been modelled. and kind of welcoming new members and such. They recently added to Facebook a function
Starting point is 00:28:14 where you can make a group chat attached to the group and it will automatically put everyone in the group into a group chat. Okay. And so I made this chat. I told everyone, welcome, welcome. And everyone was saying, hello, hi. I was like, how's everybody doing? And this is what I received from member Brenda.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Brenda. Here's what Brenda said. So before you go, this is the Facebook group where the woman believes that her son is an angel who doesn't need to eat me, meet me, administrator of that group. My group is a lot lamer. That's why I don't want to get up. I want to kind of make it cool before I get anybody
Starting point is 00:28:46 because it is kind of late. I tried to start free thought Fridays and there. And the only response I got was my guy going, what? Oh my God. It's been kind of rough getting this off the ground. No free thinkers there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Wait, what was your idea for free thought Friday? I just said happy free thought Fridays. I was hoping someone would get something going. You should have at least explained what it is to the people. I'll do that next Friday. Yeah, yeah, next Friday. I'm going to be ramping this group up. Can you add me into them?
Starting point is 00:29:18 Yeah, me too. I only have a Facebook to use my Oculus. This is the only reason I have a Facebook. I think it's called Doug something. So this is what Brenda messaged me when I said, how's everybody doing? Okay, right now, things are awkward as hell in this group. So what do you guys personally think about Biden's latest comment about selling state secrets? Was he kidding?
Starting point is 00:29:38 or did he let something slip that he really wasn't supposed to let slip? Whoa. And then I said, I wouldn't put anything past him. Yes. Anthony said, me either. Damn. Then Brenda says, I'm kind of thinking that his dementia mind sold him out. There is no video that indicates that he was kidding.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Look at his face. He's not joking. And then I said, what's everyone getting up to tonight? And then Jeanette said, and this is the bombshell. Jeanette said, believe Biden is played by four different people and we are watching theater these days.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Whoa. And I said, true that. And then Jeanette sent a thumbs up. And then J.M. sent a thumbs up. And then Brenda said, is it only four? Whoa. She's thinking it might be more than four guys playing the president. Yeah. That is incredible. Here's, you were being so disrespectful as a moderator that you're asking, what is everyone doing
Starting point is 00:30:33 tonight? No reply. I'm being completely nice down. That's why we're going to get in there. No response. How's everybody doing notes. Okay, this is awkward. You need a couple of plants in there who when you send stuff like that. Like Free Thought Friday or like Meem Wednesday. Yeah, I need maybe, maybe I will. Crox Monday.
Starting point is 00:30:50 I'm switching my pool from all chlorine to half chlorine half square. He didn't even participate yesterday in Crocs Monday. Also, I wore Crocs yesterday. But did you send a photo like me Cameron and Jubio? That's a stupid day. Crox Monday is a good day. That's a dumb ass day. That's a good day.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Our group chat already has. What other day is going to be Crox Day? and there's no day that there's no reason of a crox day you think there's a day called crunday it has to be Monday I don't think that there's a day called cron day you think that's not why you wouldn't have crocs month I'm saying that you're you have lost okay you think it's called
Starting point is 00:31:21 crotch or cry day it should be casual Friday which is you can do that's separate or free thought Friday whatever we can do free thought Friday is that I'm staying I would say I'm the the number one advocate for meme Wednesday yeah Me-W-W-W-W-W-T-W-T-W-T-E-W-W-T-W-W-T-W-M-W-W-W-T-W-W-W-T-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-S-Ske. If you don't like, jumping around, if you do not like, jumping around, if you do not like funny-ass, low-poly skeletons, if you're scared of that kind of shit, do not enter our group chat because you will be, you don't be, you know, afraid you are not allowed in there otherwise you can enter otherwise you're fine just give me your
Starting point is 00:32:12 number here's the thing we got to keep Thursday and Tuesday Thursday and Tuesday Thursday and Tuesday those are those are those are also like those are discussion those are kind of like extracurricular activity type days those are the days that I would be doing baseball or Caleb might be doing gymnastics yeah yeah so we kind of want to keep those I do being gymnastics for people didn't know that I do beam gymnastics beam gymnastics beam yeah I do the one on the beam where you hit your balls real hard. And I beam inventions. I invent laser beams. Whoa. Yeah. So you don't have a hobby.
Starting point is 00:32:43 I do sunbeam electronic sales. I sell like toasters and fucking... This is a sunbeam bread? That's a hobby. It's a job. Well, it's a hobby when it's on eBay. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. It's actually completely true. So eBay, it's a hobby. Loading dock. It's a job.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Yep. What's Etsy? That's a hobby. Speaking of loading docs, wait, no, we got to keep going with what you're saying. Let me call out crossword creators real quick. Okay. When you have a clue that says online marketplace and you start it with E and you end it with Y and it's four letters and you know that everyone's put an eBay in there. But every time 100% of the time, it's Etsy, people are on to you.
Starting point is 00:33:32 We put Etsy in now. We don't think it's eBay anymore. Switch it up. you stole the words right out of my mouth thank god i've been thinking about thank god he said this yeah yeah that's a really thank god he fucking said this
Starting point is 00:33:45 and also wall green security guards yeah yep talk to you do not need a gun no way you do not need a gun and you need to stop buying gatorade uh huh because i here's the thing the gate raids are free for them i am sitting in the line minding my own business and oh
Starting point is 00:34:03 and there's another part about this security gun the security word, the word security, needs to be on the front and the back. Because when I'm in line behind you, when I'm in line behind you, I am seeing just a black shirt, black pants, a gatorade. And I'm hitting you in the back of the head to make you go faster. I'm seeing a black shirt, black pants, a gatorade. I think you're an officer for the line. I have my extendable fork. This is a problem.
Starting point is 00:34:33 I'm seeing the all black outfit, a gatorade. and a Glock on the guy's hip. And so my cortisol levels start going insane. I'm becoming so stressed out that I can't even see, right? I'm bumping into stuff. I'm accidentally cutting the line in front of every single person and being confused about tap to pay, right? Because of how much distress this is causing me.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Until I see them turn around and they have security on their shirt. They have to have a big Velcro patch. Also, you should be wearing a bulletproof vest that has a Velcro patch that says security. Yes. If you're going to carry a gun. Yeah. And if I pay you enough, I get to shoot the vest. Hey, and another thing.
Starting point is 00:35:11 Hey, Wendy's, thanks for making me my food the other day. Yeah. It was good. What'd you get? The thing. The Dave's double. The bag. The biggie bag.
Starting point is 00:35:23 What are you talking to the bag? The biggie bag or the foe, foe, foe, the biggie bag or the foe foe foe for five. Is it a four for five anymore? They do a foe for five. I think it said four for four. that is so fucked up I think they have four five and six the biggie bag is they have five and six and I think they also do four for four when they when Applebee's adjusted
Starting point is 00:35:44 the two for 20 to be the two for 25 I felt a disturbance in the force I'd like sat in my I remember being at home and feeling feeling like a shock wave over my body because Applebee's changed Applebee's changed Applebee's not good man I've been to Applebee's I think two times No shit. I think I've only been with you guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:06 No shit. It's not good. You go there, you get two meals for $20. I'm a TGI Fridays, man. Or a red lobster fan. Red lobster. Yeah, I guess so. I didn't grow up with them. In my head, it's rare.
Starting point is 00:36:19 A red lobster? Yeah, I've actually never been to red lobster. Only red lobsters in Connecticut in New England. I always just got the, they have the cheddar biscuits. Chubias pulling up chilies. So, so good. Chili's for me. I've only been to chilies one time.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Chili's is good Chili's is better than Applebee's Yeah, chilies you can get nachos Yeah That's a big bonus plus Yeah, I didn't even know that Yeah I didn't even know that
Starting point is 00:36:43 Speaking of jobs Speaking of workplace Accidents Well, okay So at Chili's What kind of workplace accident Would you get? The chili in your eyes
Starting point is 00:36:51 From the logo That's so true Fahitas Stabbing yourself on a chili Yeah Bringing a fajitas to a table And a little punk puts his foot out
Starting point is 00:37:01 You're 100% right Why didn't that definitely there's some OSHA violation with the good search yeah fuck I should have looked up
Starting point is 00:37:10 fajita we uh today we decided that for the 4th of July and I got to look up who suggested this in the disc what's more American
Starting point is 00:37:19 than getting extremely physically injured at your job that's my point of view at least well I think the only thing more American than that is being unemployed
Starting point is 00:37:28 holy shit uh huh holy fuck talk on that and there should honestly be an OSHA for people who don't have jobs. That was, I think this was Vexa.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Okay, so thank you Vex in the Discord for sitting in this. OSHA, for people who don't know, OSHA stands for, oh shit. He hurt his arm. Oh shit, he's injured. Which is a, some kind of, it's a, some kind of acronym that. It's a saying. It's a saying, basically.
Starting point is 00:37:59 It's a popular thing. So anytime somebody says this saying is very powerful. on a work site, the government, which I don't even get me started on the government, but the government has to put this in a database of every time somebody said, oh, shit, he's injured. So they have an online database and we found some hilarious accidents. Some funny-ass accidents. And we had a rule. And if it wasn't for this rule, I want to say this would be a much funnier episode.
Starting point is 00:38:26 But the rule was necessary. But the rule was we couldn't do anything where somebody died. which was, I'm going to say 90% of these. Pretty much crazy. A good chunk of them. Yeah. Can I say one where someone died
Starting point is 00:38:41 that I didn't put in? Yes. Cowboy died falling off horse. Because every other thing is the word employee. But there's one that said cowboy. Okay. So cowboy. But that one's not funny because someone died.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Somebody's not funny. A tragic cowboy passed on to the next world. It's not funny because the ranch in the sky. The cowboy didn't die in like a gunfight or any, like a lasso thing. That should be, by the way, Cowboys should not have any... That's not a job. That's not a job. That's a job. That's a thing you wear for Halloween. That's a legend. Yeah. And you should not have, OSHA should not be involved in Cowboy. That's the most dangerous job there is. Yeah. They have a different... They have a different thing. It's the same as a ninja. Yeah. Why the fuck are you...
Starting point is 00:39:27 A cowboy is exactly the same as being a robot. Although there is a lot of robot stuff on OSHA. Yeah. If you search a robot. All right. Throw up my PowerPoint. I'm going to go first here. That was another good search term. Yeah, I don't have all so many. Drive, heave. All right. So here's some that I found, some accidents.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Employee is injected with soapy water. At approximately 7.40 a.m. on September 5th, 2006, employee number one was cleaning mandrels. I don't know what that is when she accidentally injected herself with soapy water. No. Injected a mandrel. How could we have stopped this? What kind of regulation do we need to come up with this? Well, first of all, we should probably not be cleaning with a syringe.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Yeah, I agree. That's horrible. How are you injecting yourself with soap for the sponge? Yeah. Let's use a sponge. Using a syringe. A brush. Using a syringe on the ground to clean something, it really makes inefficient and it's dangerous.
Starting point is 00:40:21 It doesn't even like, it doesn't even make any sense. I'm getting flustered. And maybe the mandrels can stay dirty. If it's between that and injecting yourself. Mandrails are not that important. And listen, even if you inject yourself with soapy water, you're not going to become cleaner man. No. You're not going to clean faster.
Starting point is 00:40:38 You're not going to be able to use your skin to scrub the man. There are so many of these incidents where you read it and then you think to yourself, oh, this guy was trying to become a superhero in this way. There's one where you'll see that is 100% that is one of the craziest things I've ever read. Here's this next one. Employee suffers respiratory distress brought on spray diodo. Is this the one? Assume deodorant.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Was this the one you were just mentioning? No, you'll know. Okay. You'll know. You're trying to become deodorant, man? At 7.30 p.m. on September 16th, 2018, an employee was completing shift change in a patient's room and suffered respiratory distress brought on by the spray deodorizer. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:41:18 This is me in the damn locker room in middle school. Yeah. When I was in friggin' sixth grade. Axe dark temptation. Drop the axe. Uh-huh. Uh, but also, I have to say this guy probably was stinky. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:31 If he's so allergic to deodorant that he's having to go to the hospital, he was stinky. This is an employee turns into chocolate man after spraying acts dark temptation on himself. Mm-hmm. That's a good commercial. That's the most amazing commercial of all time. All right. Here's the next one.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Employee accidentally ingest break cleaner. This one was really making me laugh. At 9.30 a.m. on January 13th, 2020, an employee filled a gatorade bottle that was in the shop with water and meo energy liquid concentrate. The employee drank from the bottle and thought he smelled a chemical odor, but figured it was a co-worker working on something in the shop. The employee took a second drink from the bottle, finishing approximately 75% of the contents.
Starting point is 00:42:13 After taking the second drink, the employee realized the chemical smell was coming from the Gatorade bottle and recognized the smell as break cleaner. That had to be like a prank. Wait, okay, so he drank 75% of it and two drinks. This was an empty, this was an empty Gatorade bottle that you had been used to house break cleaner at some point. I guess, it doesn't really specify.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I would like to imagine that it was partially full with something and he just topped it off. And he's like, what does break cleaner smell like? This is, if anything, this is an amazing advertisement for Mio. Yeah, that Mio can mask the taste of brake cleaner. You can drink anything with Mio. But also, if he had not put the Mio in, he wouldn't have had nausea, which is what he suffered from. True. It was the aspirant.
Starting point is 00:42:56 The accident was because of the Mio. They called O'SO over some nausea. It was not, I mean, I think you had to go to the hospital. That's some bullshit. But, um, this is the insane one. Employee incurs arm swelling from piglet vaccine infusion.
Starting point is 00:43:15 He was trying to become pigmen. At 9 a.m. on October 4th, 2019, an employee who worked on a pig farm was administering exceed vaccinations to piglets. The employee infused herself with a full dose of the vaccine in her, left arm. The employee had a serious reaction to the vaccine in cold and clothing, swelling and restricting blood flow.
Starting point is 00:43:38 What was the vaccine? Exceed vaccinations. She was vaccinating piglets and she thought, I'm going to put this in my arm. I might as well give myself the piglet. What is an exceed vaccination? There's probably some kind of vaccine for pigs. Don't worry about that. I don't, yeah. It's what does it do?
Starting point is 00:43:54 It probably prevents disease. Probably prevents exceed. Yeah. Or maybe it makes them exceed. Higlitt vaccine infusion is so insane. Yeah. I couldn't believe this. This is why I didn't get the jab. This does not seem like an accident either.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Oh, it's not an accident. How do you put a full... She was wearing roller skates. She was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. How do you put a full thing of Higlet vaccine in yourself? Yeah, but it just, her arm just swelled. Yeah, it's really not that. I would have thought it was well.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Yeah, I would have thought something bad happened. Snout or something or a tail. Oh, my God. Pinocchio. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be bad news. Okay. So, employee experiences nausea and fatigue while working. At approximately 9.30 a.m. on September 2, 2008, employee number one, an inspector was at a cinema roof performing steel inspection.
Starting point is 00:44:49 He was feeling a little weak and went downstairs to the restroom. In the bathroom, he started to sweat, so he walked towards his workbox area where a co-worker gave him some milk. The employee immediately vomited and emergency medical services were called. He was taken to the hospital and given an injection to prevent nausea and vomiting. A handheld nebulizer treatment with breathing medication was administered because he sounded congested. He was diagnosed with weakness, malaise, fatigue, but was not hospitalized. He was released after four hours without any work restrictions and was advised that his blood work and EKG were normal. The employee attributes his symptoms and condition to his personal medical condition and not work related.
Starting point is 00:45:22 He did not want to disclose additional information about his medical condition and did not want to sign a medical record release form from the hospital. He drank some milk. he threw up and he had to go to the hospital. Wow. And then he got so embarrassed that he didn't want to sign over the medical release. They were like, you're completely normal. Nothing is wrong with you. He's like, this is actually because of my personal connection.
Starting point is 00:45:42 We need to call OSHA right now. Yeah. I'm calling OSHA because he's sweated in the bathroom. I've had like moments like that where I'm like, oh, like, I'm so sick. Complaints for this for the podcast. I would have this complaint 10,000 dollars. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Tommy egg. Yeah. Tummy ache. Sweating in the bathroom. Mm-hmm. Yeah, taking your shirt off to poop. I don't take my shirt off to poop. Mine was I already have it off.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Okay. Wow. Kind of cool to learn. Okay, then we have employee injured by soccer ball. Please tell me this is in FIFA. An incident occurred when employee number one was seriously injured by a soccer ball. The soccer ball hit employee number one's head while supervising kids playing soccer ball. Employee number one was transported and confined at the hospital for treatment of her head injury and concussion.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Occupation, guards and police. Imagine it was a school cop. A cop got hit by a soccer ball and went to the hospital. And then called OSHA. Yeah. You think I feel like he was planning that. He was like, I could probably get some cop off of that.
Starting point is 00:46:41 It was a girl. Yeah. You can believe girls can be. Cameron, a lot of years. No, I don't know. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:46:46 a lot of years are girls. A lot of them are women. You're trying to hurt girls. No, I don't think girls die as much than girls hurt. You don't think girls die as much as guys? Yeah. Because they don't have as many jobs.
Starting point is 00:46:59 No, I'm kidding. Okay, then these are just a bunch of ones that don't have descriptions. I just put the funny titles in. Employees suffers non-work-related chest pain. So why call OSHA? I don't know. This doesn't fit to me. Seems like you shouldn't call OSHA for that.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Employees suffers burns when sprayed by thick hot beet juice. Was that a death? No, none of these are deaths. Okay. But the, I mean, the description of this was like an employee got sprayed and burned very bad. Like, it's not very pleasant, but thick hot beat juice. Yeah, it feels like the titles are funnier than... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:32 So then here's... I have a whole series. I'm going to go through lightning round here. Employee is attacked by lion. Employee's hand is bitten by wolf. Employees finger bitten by chimpanzees. Employee discovers bees at work site. Employee injured when attacked by River Otter.
Starting point is 00:47:47 Employee injure's leg when attacked by panda when attached by panda bear. Employee injured by venomous vector. I had this one. I have venomous vector. That I loved that one. Employee is bitten by insect during maintenance. employee performing some apartment maintenance and was bitten by an insect he hadn't seen
Starting point is 00:48:03 employee injured when elephants said something. Employee injured when door kicked by camel. Door kicked. And that's all I have. Car door? But I know that these are all from a zoo.
Starting point is 00:48:16 We have to live in the fantasy land where these guys are working a factory floor and they get sat on by an elephant. Best buy. All that kind of thing. Yeah, the best buy elephant that fucking just sits in there. All right, go over to my sluds.
Starting point is 00:48:29 I pretty much have the full of all of these. Employee experiences adverse reaction after insect bite to G. And I'll tell you what G is. At 3.30 p.m., an employee was operating a forklift when he was bitten by an insect on the groin area. No, the employee was hospitalized due to an adverse reaction that required cutting away the infected area. Oh. This guy got his penis cut off because a bug bit it. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:48:57 That is not good news. I have a similar one to this one. I can show you later. This is awful, awful news. Yeah. That's terrible. And he was 57 years old. So he was a little past his sexual prime, so I'm not too worried about it.
Starting point is 00:49:08 It doesn't matter that much. Yeah, he lost his big horse ball. Yeah, there was basically menopause for him. Employee. I bet it was an excuse. I bet he didn't even get bit by a bug. Employee lacerates genitals with skills saw. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:49:20 What? Why are you putting this in here? Employee. This is worse than putting in the one of the dead ones. Number one was preparing. to change bracket on a skill saw. He did not unplug it.
Starting point is 00:49:33 He was kneeling with the saw between his legs and using a wrench to rock the nut holding the blades. As he did so, the saw started climbing up his pants leg
Starting point is 00:49:42 and lacerated his genital. He rocked his nuts for sure. He definitely rocked his nuts. I would call that an unskilled saw. Yep. Employees.
Starting point is 00:49:58 is not injured falls asleep operating vehicle. Hell yeah. Employee number one, the driver and co-worker were traveling in company work vehicle on a public road. Employee number one fell asleep at the wheel and drove off the road into a fence. Employee number one did not receive any injuries in the accident. The coworker was taken to the hospital and underwent a medical examination. After being valued by a physician, he was released on the same day. My thing with this is why are they calling OSHA? Yeah. There's a lot of stuff on here. There was one two that I didn't put in, or another, another, like, death one that I didn't put in because it was a death was, like, employee dies at home from non-work-related cars.
Starting point is 00:50:37 You could have put that way in. And this guy... I was following the rules. The occupation, it says the something hard and soft. I can't read that. Ceramic tile. Tile setters. Oh, tile setters, hard and soft.
Starting point is 00:50:54 This one is employee struck by slow-moving vehicle. I like this one a lot. employee number one while working as a I can't read that something inside a construction zone you made your shit too small was hit by a vehicle driven by an elderly man the vehicle was traveling between
Starting point is 00:51:13 five and ten miles an hour he was taken to the hospital for treatment of a laceration and concussion so yeah some old guy going five miles an hour at a car hit this guy while he was working in a construction zone that's funny yeah I like that one. Employee becomes ill while picking fruit.
Starting point is 00:51:33 An employee was packaging table grapes. When packing grapes, the employees oh my God, I made everything so. Pull it up on your phone. What the hell did you do? The point is this bitch was felt numbness, blind, blurred vision
Starting point is 00:51:48 and shortness of breath for no reason. Well, this lady, this old lady, she was 42 years old. She didn't even go to the hospital. She just felt ill while she was picking fruit. Why would you report that to ocean? Sometimes I feel ill when I'm picking fruit of the grocery store because of how many options there are. Yeah. Yeah. Or also the bananas are brown. Oh, yeah. When I go to the exotic fruit section, I touch a dragon fruit. And this is
Starting point is 00:52:11 employee injured by venomous vector. We won't do that one. Feminist vector is so funny. I read the whole thing. There's nothing they don't say it all what it could possibly be. It's got to be a cobra. But at the bottom, it does say bee sting animal bite. Oh, okay. It's got to be something. Oh, another one that this reminded me of that I put in, that I didn't put in was, uh, was, was employee bitten by snake or spider they were like he wasn't sure what he got bitten by two employees are injured from firearm discharge
Starting point is 00:52:36 oh so I won't read this whole thing but what happened here is that they were at a range and a guy shot through his own hand into another guy's asshole the hole yeah the asshole and then these two guys decided to call OSHA
Starting point is 00:52:51 with a bullet in the guy's ass they called OSHA because they were at work I bet they were police officers right? They were guards and police. So there were two cops and he shot through his left hand into another guy's ass.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Jesus. It's kind of cool. I thought it was kind of a neat one. I would love to see that in a movie. Employees buttock impaled by rake. Employee fed, fell off the bed of a dump truck and landed on an asphalt rake
Starting point is 00:53:20 became impaled in his buttock area. I also looked up buttock buttock but I couldn't find anything. You didn't find this one? No. He was helping to patch a hole in the hot asphalt due to the asphalt near the tailgate of the truck getting cool
Starting point is 00:53:31 the asphalt did not slide to the tailgate and was not usable. Hey that guy got a hole in his asphalt for sure come on now because of his butt he got a hole in his other hole in his butt. He said he got a hole he already had a hole. He got another hole.
Starting point is 00:53:47 Talk about tearing him a new one. There we go. Okay. Okay. It was it was right there and I didn't take it. Employee is injured when cow charges into gate. a part-time employee with the livestock market was helping to move cattle to designated peers
Starting point is 00:54:04 during a livestock auction. As a cow was moving down an alley, a co-worker signaled employee number one to let the cow enter a particular pen. As the cow approached the designated pen, he opened the pen gate, but the cow stopped. Employee number one then backed up to allow the gate to fully open and stood behind it.
Starting point is 00:54:22 Rather than enter the pen, the cow jumped over the gate. Whoa. This is a high jumping cow. employee number one yes this is a one of the highest jumping cows he okay here's what it should say rather than enter the pen the cow jumped over the gate breaking a world record no no because one of them jumped over the moon yeah jinks that is not even true that's a true story from a true song that song is supposed to be like wreck of the edmund fitzgerald it's not called a
Starting point is 00:54:51 the cow struck the gate knocking it okay the cow jumped over the moon including the gate It's exactly like Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. The cow struck the gate, knocking it into his face. Employee number one was transported to the hospital and transferred to a medical center where he was treated for fractures to his upper jaw, nose, and both eye sockets. His sense of smell was also impaired. Oh, no. Well, that might be nice if you're working on a farm.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Yeah, you can't smell. You're in a livestock market. It's pretty actually kind of a blessing to have your sense of smell impaired. worker unearths beehive and is stung in the face over 100 times I have this one you have this one yeah well I'll save it for you then you could use this one later oh you read it I don't have it the title yeah on 8 a.m. at August on August 10th 2017 employee number one employed by construction company was clearing land at a job site employee unearthed the beehive he was stung in the face over 100 times emergency services were called and the employee was transported to the hospital. He was admitted and treated for the bee stings. If you could believe that. 100 times. I don't think I could fit those
Starting point is 00:56:03 on my face. How do you get stung by 100 bees? He must have been a big for a word unearthed. It was a matter of her seating here. He must have been covered in honey. Yeah. That goes up to the top of his head. Or wait, what do bees make honey. They like bears. They like flowers and flowers. They might have been covered in flowers and bear fur.
Starting point is 00:56:17 Yeah. They don't like bears. Well, it says here it was, uh, it says they're unearthing or whatever. Earth moving. Equip. All right, I guess go to my slides. Jubio doesn't want to go to your slides. He's tired of working, yeah. All right, so these are just some titles I found that I, that it liked.
Starting point is 00:56:37 Keyword guy, 177 results. No girls. Couldn't find the word girl there. Wow. I guess Cameron found all of them. But I have a sense for answered women. the risotto did not return any results. No results for risotto.
Starting point is 00:56:57 No results for risotto. That is fucked. That is so fucked. Employee fractures tibia and fibula after being kicked by a hoe. No. Employee suffers from pre-existing condition. Worker on earth's beehive and is stung in the face over 100 times.
Starting point is 00:57:14 Worker injures hand in noodle machine. Employee fractures hand while sorting grapes. While sorting them. I was with some heavy grapes. Oh, my God. I squeezed that. What did you do? I could read it on my computer.
Starting point is 00:57:28 Teacher is inadvertently struck by student falls in breaks. So what happened was the teacher. Employee number one, a teacher employed by a school district, was watching students play a game of four square. One of the students backed up into the teacher and knocked her onto the ground. Emergency services were called. I think she broke.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Yeah, she fractured her hip. Oh, my God. After she was, I like to think that she was watching. watching this four square game and just like throwing down like one dollar bills. But this next one, employee is injured when struck by frozen chicken. Oh, you marked this one up. Yeah, I marked it,
Starting point is 00:58:07 but then realized the window was too small for me to read anything. Yeah, an employee on January, yeah, employee of a temporary employment agency attempted to clear a blocked pipe on the jib chiller. While clearing the blockage, The employee was struck in the face with a plug containing ice and chicken parts. Employees suffered a broken jaw and shoulder injury. That was what was blocking the pipe.
Starting point is 00:58:31 A chicken part. A plug made of ice and chicken parts. Oh, my God. Imagine, like, getting your shit rocked by, like, a chicken wing. That must suck so bad. Yeah, it's not even a chicken. It's chicken parts. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Employee is injured in fall from ladder. Now, you think, like, oh, this is just, like, a typical, like, oh, he fell, hit his back. No, he was getting a chicken. she sample from a hopper he slipped and let or can you make the window big again i like can't read it all approximately six feet landing in a straddling position on a handrail i found this because of the keywords penis ladder slip food packing so if he fell off of a ladder he landed on his wiener and balls yeah handrail this happened at like like i feel like this is a a kevin mccallister trap yeah there's no way
Starting point is 00:59:22 movie. Do not let Kevin McAllister onto the work set. No. No. This guy is a child. Second of all, this guy has not done an OSHA 40 hour. No. Actually, the fur this thing from. Maybe he has now. Maybe he, you know, I mean, that movie came out in, what,
Starting point is 00:59:38 93? Kevin McAllister's got to be old enough now. Yeah. Employee is bitten on penis by Black Widow Spider. That's scary. That is so scary. So the employee, he was working on a job went into the porta potty and got his his penis bit by a black widow that's horrible which i
Starting point is 00:59:58 thought he was fucking the spider wait this is kern county where's that this is in baker's field oh yeah oh my god uh yeah but the uh so i guess black widows is another reason why you don't ever want to shit in a uh let me read this this sentence that's at the end uh a causal factor for this event was identified this guy did something yeah he was fucking the spider he tried to fuck the spider man do you think he tried to fuck the spider he was trying to kill the spider with his penis
Starting point is 01:00:31 yeah do you think that he was trying to do that or maybe he went in there to take a shit maybe this is just because I mean hey those when you sit down on a porta potty toilet those things are kind of deep that's got to be such a nightmare to get bitten on the dick
Starting point is 01:00:47 and realize it was a black widow yeah that's yeah it could have been any spider yeah because that could have destroyed his penis for good. It probably did. It probably did. I'm sure it did. They definitely took away
Starting point is 01:00:56 part of it. Yeah. Well, speaking of taking away a part of a penis, I found the absolute worst thing in the world.
Starting point is 01:01:05 And the reason why I don't wear sweatpants. I think I've talked about it before. Your print is too small. My print is too small. But employee is entangled
Starting point is 01:01:15 in mixer and is seriously injured. Oh, no. Employee was wearing loose cotton drawstring shorts. The other drawstring dangled loosely on the outside panel of the front shorts. He was cleaning a like in a mixer. The outside drawstring on Employee One's short got entangled in the rotating shaft where the
Starting point is 01:01:37 accessories are usually attached. The inside drawstring wrapped around Employee One's testicles and the shaft of his penis while the outside drawstring pulled Employee One into the commercial mixer. the next thing. The employee's skin de-gloved from the shaft and castrated his two testicles as a result of the accident. Employee one picked up his testicles off the ground where the commercial mixer is located,
Starting point is 01:02:06 then place them inside of a plastic bag with a ice pack. Physicians were unable to reattach his testicles, but were able to perform a skin graft to replace the raw skin on his penis. That is so horrible. That is actually worse than dying. 30 times worse.
Starting point is 01:02:24 De-gloved the skin of his shaft. He picked those balls up off the ground. He had to pick up his own balls. Oh, that's like civil war shit. The de-gloving of the skin on the shaft here, okay, first of all, this is this, I put this in here as a PSA against sweatpants, but I also put it in here as a PSA against circumcision.
Starting point is 01:02:45 This is what you're doing to your babies every single time you get them circumcised. But it probably would have not have happened if he was circumcised. Keep it good. Leave the hood. I'm wearing drawstring shorts right now. I actually am too.
Starting point is 01:03:00 I'm going to get sucked into this mixer. Your dick is gone. You're going to get caught in a mixer board. You're getting caught in this one and like your balls have like, or make you sound high-pitched. The drawstring gets stuck in the fator. I'm trying to turn the volume up and pulling my dick. It needs to be louder.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Yeah. Well, that has got to be one of the worst things I've ever heard. It's so terrible. Is that your last one? That is my last one. Okay, good. Because I don't think I can handle it. Yeah, that has to be the finale. I think that one ruined everything for me.
Starting point is 01:03:29 That is, I don't like this website anymore. No, I didn't like it to begin with. And you put, you put the worst one. We did all of this and then I couldn't find this funny and then I just kept looking at the really, it was making me the best gore version of the website. This, you know what this is? This is like, this is like best gore for like a, like a text-based best That's so awful
Starting point is 01:03:52 It's so bad It's really horrible So who sent this to us Vexa Vexa Fuck you Fuck you This is a I never wanted to read that story
Starting point is 01:04:02 We thought that this would be funny It was funny It was funny You just put at the end A crazy one Yeah You kind of you And you made
Starting point is 01:04:12 And it's not my fault You put it in You screenshot it You highlighted it You highlighted the most gruesome parts This is not my But the one thing I'm not going to accept is responsibility for what I put in the slideshow. That's the one thing you're not going to accept responsibility for is booking an amazing show on the 14th of July at Littlefield.
Starting point is 01:04:38 World's biggest army. Tickets are still available and they're going to be available until the 14th when you can maybe buy them at the door or can sell out before. Um, something is going to happen at that show that you are not going to want to miss. I don't like you saying that after the thing you just read. Yeah, don't do this. Something is going to happen. And let's just say, uh, don't show up wearing sweatpants. Because you're going to suck.
Starting point is 01:05:07 I'm going to suck the skin. I'm going to suck the skin off. Oh, my God. Yeah. Fuck, dude. All right. Come to a little. Alright, come to Littlefield on the 14th.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Bye, bye. And happy birthday, Cameron. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Let me just say, let me, I meant that I got a, I got a, I forgot to apologize to for something. What did you do? I have to issue an apology to our producer. Jubeo if you want to get on screen to accept this apology.
Starting point is 01:05:47 or deny it. It's kind of hard for him to do that. I'm here. Okay. So last night, I was asking for reference photos for a D&D poster for pictures of our faces. And Jubio, let's just say he I thought he was trolling me. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:06:12 And in a... Hit the GoPro cam, Jubio. Yep. In a fit of rage my girlfriend is kind enough to draw this poster for us and because I was getting trolled by Jubio last night I commissioned her with a snack and said can you please draw this immediately and come to my defense I'm being trolled and she drew this
Starting point is 01:06:37 which is Bubio and I just want to say that I'm sorry do Jubio why I'm apologizing why You were removing points. He didn't even know you did that until right now. You didn't have, this could have stayed between you and your girlfriend. This was in the group chat. This is in the group chat.
Starting point is 01:06:54 Oh, I don't. I saw this. You sent a photo. You sent a reference photo. Show my photo. Yeah, wait. Also, if we're getting into this, I need my photos to be shown and I need, I need to get some. I need to get some.
Starting point is 01:07:04 Here's my photo. That's a nice photo. It's one of my best photos. So look at show the photo that I sent. My girlfriend said she needed a, and now read what you said. No, no, no explanation. Just read what you said. A better photo with your hair, Cam.
Starting point is 01:07:19 With my hair. Okay, now what did Cameron send? I, okay, I said that because my girlfriend told me... Show the photo that Cameron sent. It's just a photo of his hair. You know why? Because he's following orders.

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