Podcast About List - Ep. 252 - Vanilla Ice Cream ft. Clay Parks

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Caleb is back! and so is Patrick! and also Clay! and that's all the members of Podcast About List I think. Check out Clay on IG, Twitter and Who Up Pod Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Send me cold open and thumbnail pleia. Karen's been following me around the store. This Karen been following me around the damn store. Get the fuck out of my way, Karen. Get out of you. Quit hiding, Karen. Quit hiding, Karen. Yes, you go right up.

See you hiding, Karen. That's not big enough to hide behind. That's not even, I, you are not big mouth Billy Bass. Karen. Oh, and you're going to film me now. Can you call this one vanilla ice cream? Hey, what's up, podcast about list fans? Probably haven't heard.

from me in a minute, or maybe you have, because we backlog some episodes. But yeah, I'm on vacation, but I'm pretty excited to announce something brand new, first time we've ever done this, official fan meetup. So if you wanna meet and greet and say hi to all of us,

just meet us tomorrow, the day after this episode comes out at 8 p.m. And we will be here at the wastewater pumping station in Shannon Bridge, Ireland, in Offley County. This is actually just fairly recently inspected, electrically inspected on July 11th, so everything's above board there.

But just make sure that you're authorized before you show up to the meetup. And we'll be signing anything you bring. Well, I'm off to Tesco. Peep the ending, new ending. Hey, what's up? You're signing anything you bring? I don't know.

Okay. Clay, Clay, Clay. Clay up on my big glass bed. Is this your? Whoa. Do you like that? I didn't think that that sound effect would be the one that came out. I'm not so good at this. It's only my third time ever doing this.

Well, Mommy's gone again. Mommy's gone, but we got a new mommy. Mr. Clay, how are you, buddy? I'm good, man. How are you guys? I mean, you know. There's already a lot of glaring technical issues with this episode. When Cameron fucking leaves,

this thing falls apart, man. Yeah. Yeah, last week we do our most ambitious, highest production thing we've ever done. This one. And this week, we don't have a list. Jubio, can you pull up the photo I sent you of our current camera? Real quick.

I just want to, I want the, I'll show it into the GoPro. Basically, he duct taped a thing to a thing. It actually looks really sick. This is the, the, this is our current camera set up right here. This, that is a,

what are you doing with your hat? My hat's falling off because I can't wear the fucking headphones over it, man. Chill on me. All right. One second. God damn it. Well, that's our, that's our current. This is a JVC. Evario, which comes with a, uh, a proprietary

dock. Also, this lens is for a, a separate high eight camcourt. What do you? I want to wear my hat, man. I got it. Well, I was on vacation, and I want to wear it, but it falls off. Why would you pick that hat? Because it was cool, and it was only $45. I got it because I thought, I was, like, really hung over, and I thought that this was made of snake skin. Yeah.

But it's a spray-painted wicker hat that they put a belt on. Oh, okay. So it's really not a very, whatever. I give up on it. Okay. How was Texas? Well, first show was fun. The first show that you said that was bad, ended up being good.

The first shows were good. I just blew through my material too quick. I love that. Yeah. Don't you love doing stand-up, man? Oh, I love me. Isn't it fucking, I mean. Clay, do you love doing stand-up?

Yeah, it's the most fun in the world. You have the most amazing stand-up pre-ritual where you... What do you do? I've seen him drink like six beers before I go. Six beers? Yeah, I drink like six beers before I go on stage. Yeah, it's incredible. You get nervous so you drink beer.

I get so anxious. I have like three beers and I'm like, all right, this is going to be good. And then I like don't go up for a while and I like try to keep the same level. And then I always go too far. I can't have any beer before I go on to this. I forget all my jokes. I mean, I have one. At your show last or two weeks ago, I fucked up one of my jokes so bad because I had one beer.

I had one beer and I just blew the punchline at the very beginning. Yeah. This weekend I, I, this weekend, I, I just didn't, like, just burned through all my material, started. I was just like, ah, shit, you guys, I'm bad. And then I was like, what if I just sing for you? You sung? I sang.

What did you sing? I sang Superstar by the Carpenter's. How's that one go? Long ago, and oh, so far away. That was what I was supposed to sing Cameron for his birthday, but then decided Careless Whisper would be better. People paid for this show. people paid for the show you promoted it for about a month got a custom poster made for it and then I

well it was the first set that I did I'd just gotten off the plane oh well if you just got off the plane you're gonna be bad yeah you're gonna be bad every time yeah it was getting right it was kind of fucked up what was sick though is we uh so we Dan and I get in the the Uber and uh that is sick well the lady were just like oh we're just doing a couple shows we're staying at this hotel and she's like oh that's so funny, that's the first place I ever got a DUI. Really? Dude, there's something about the people who take you from, when you're going on the road,

from the plane to the hotel who are always crazy. We had in Pittsburgh, a lady was like, we got in and she was like, we ever been to Pittsburgh before? Five minutes in, she literally said George Floyd is a coward. I swear to God, I swear to God. And we were just like, okay, this is, we're dropping. was right here it was fucking crazy

it's insane I mean just like you give them one thing right like I think we said I think what we what got her to start going off was we were like she was like oh yeah Pittsburgh's great

used to be better and we were like oh yeah every city used to be better said something like that and then she was like she told us a story about a lady

during like the BLM protest who she was like these sick people there was a woman who was eating at a restaurant eating out eating a steak, and one of the protesters grabbed her steak and threw it on the ground.

And we're like, okay. Oh, I can't believe that. I mean, we were just like, oh, you're kidding me. Yeah. And she went to jail? She went to prison? Oh, thank God. Yeah.

That's like the best thing to, like, you just, like, when someone says some crazy shit at you, just like go to them into telling you more. Just because it's like, so, like, I want to see, like, every, like, all, how you get to this conclusion. Like the other day I was out skating And I had this I have this Oprah Winfrey show t-shirt And one of this dude's friends like Like was like oh that shirt's sick

And then the other dude went No Oprah's not valid anymore She has a school in Africa Where she's selling kids like Jeffrey Epstein Is that true? I don't know He told me He told me everything

I just was like no shit Should I throw this away And I just let him just like keep talking about it I like barely skate it because I just wanted to talk more about. He was like, yeah, Oprah's worked or Oprah worked with Epstein. Oprah was on the flight loves. I feel like I'm so used to hearing that shit at like a bar or something.

If I'm like with a bunch of people and then a crazy guy starts talking to us. That happened. Me and my dad while I was on vacation, my dad was like, you want to get a beer? We usually every time I go out there, we get a beer for a couple hours and catch up. And we sat down and we were there for about 10 minutes. And then this like drunk guy walked up to us and he was like eating calamari. Nice. And he was like, hey, y'all.

I'm Kenny. Oh, what's up, Kenny? And then he just started telling us these stories. If they weren't good, we would have asked him to leave. But he told us this one story about how he got ran out of the last town that he lived in. He lived in Los Osos in California. He's a big, I mean, a new age cowboy of sorts. He was like, yeah, man, I went on that website next door, right?

And there was this lady who was fucking complaining. She was like, who's feeding all these crows, peanuts? The crows are dropping peanuts in my backyard And then my kid my kid's allergic to peanuts So he's coming and eating them And I replied and I said A lady, I wouldn't be so worried about the guy selling Or giving the crows of peanuts

I'd be more worried that my kid is eating food off the floor And apparently he got like It's a really small town Yeah And apparently people would like egg his house And shit so me and my dad talked to my dad for about 10 minutes the entire trip yeah because this guy he's just cooler man I just liked him more than my dad my boss is kind of crazy in a way like

he'll come come into the restaurant part of where I work and just be like did you know that jim morrison's dad worked for the CIA and I'm just like please tell me yeah yeah like give me more when it's your boss is you can't say you can't be like I don't care right now well also I like love it like I want him to take time out of my day to tell me about Jim Morrison being like a CIA son and I were with Tommy yeah Tommy has no time for it he's just like oh cool but he likes talking to Tommy so much more than me yeah and I'm just like fuck dude yeah you get stuck with the conversation yeah well I mean you want it yeah I want it I like getting stuck with it but it also kind of means you don't have to work right yeah

because they're more worried about you listening to them yeah than you even working exactly Yeah, that's actually a pretty good situation to be in. It's the best. Oh, yeah, that's like the perfect situation to be in. Yeah, I used to have this boss. I've talked about him before, but I used to work at a gym, and I had this boss who used to be like a UFC fighter, or not a UFC, he was just an MMA fighter.

Yeah. And he just had so many concussions. He would, like, drool all the time. And he would do the same shit where he would come in and he would, like, tell me that something about Bill Clinton. And I'd just be like, oh, really? Because I didn't have to fold towels for a couple minutes. It was pretty nice.

Dude, I fucking, I've whiffed it. I was supposed to... I got an interview at that gym, I remember. Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah. You're the only... The guy... I was like, hey, my buddy needs a job. And he was like, oh, dude, he'll come in, he'll interview. It'll be nothing.

Because when I did the interview, they asked me my name and my phone number, and then they were like, you're hired. But he somehow fucked it up. Yeah, I don't know how I fucked it up. I was just... Put your phone number in the name area. I literally, I think I just told the guy, like, I just need, like, I just need money. Man.

That is so bad to say. Straight up was like, look, I don't really. Basically, every single time I did like job interviews back then in college, I would always just like, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'm in college. I need money. Why would you say that to somebody? I don't know. Remember I interviewed?

I interviewed for an escape room. Oh, yeah. And you lost the escape room? I lost the escape room. Did you interview at the wax museum? Escape room? Yeah, I lost the escape room. It was South Park themed to.

And he had an endorsement from like the only other guy who worked there. The clue master. Yeah, the clue master himself. I had an endorsement from him and the lady was like, or person, I don't know their thing. But they were like, they were like, that is the worst interview I've ever had in my whole career. I mean, to be fair, you do not strike me as a man who could give clues all that well. No, no, not at all. I think my ADHD brain couldn't even fucking...

Not my ADHD brain. I would get distracted by a different clue. Yeah. I would give them a clue for the next clue. Uh-huh. I would just be sitting there like, okay, but it's going to lead into the next one. This clue is going to lead you to the next... Have you ever done an escape room?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're fun. They are fucking... I am sick of pretending they're not so much fun. Dude, we should do one. i would do one today let's go let's go after this i love escapers that's so much i've never i've never won a single one i've probably done five yeah i do i always do the easiest room and i fail

i've won once i've done it twice yeah i'm 50 i'm one and two one and one and one and one okay or one and one and one yeah you're fit a bad in 500 that's actually pretty good yeah yeah yeah that's not bad i did one with my my friends family and it was hard it was not because it was like six people being like, we're the smartest people in the world. Yeah, that's always how it is, man. And we were like, fuck, we're not, we're so stupid. But the first time was just like, I went and did a bunch

of shit, and then I came back to my group and they were like, we're done with our shit. And I'm like, I'm done with my shit. Are we done? Did you do, was it one? I always want it to be lock picking, but it's a lot more math and paper. Yeah, or magnets. Yeah, the magnets. I don't like

all that, man. I want to do a safe cracking kind of thing. Yeah, but that's Like, not everyone knows how to fucking pick locks is the problem. I don't know. I just want to try. I never even tried. I tried lock picking. Yeah.

A heist is a very good. Or a heist escape room? Yeah, yeah. That'd be sick. Were they kind of just... Oh, so you're going in and you have like a mission. Yeah, that'd be kind of sweet. Yeah.

I want a full... Oh, oh, well, hmm, I watched the escape room tournament of champions movie. What is that? They made a movie. have you seen the escape room movies no basically saw but they made a movie where they take all of the best escape rumors and they put them in one escape room interesting yeah it's pretty interesting i watched a lot of movies this week i watched uh talk to me did you see that no the australian horror

movie didn't see that one is that the one where they touch the hand i've been seeing that in youtube they go gnar don't kill me no don't touch me i want to live or however they talk But it was kind of interesting hearing a different accent in a horror movie. You don't hear that too often. Yeah, the Australians don't really get scared. No. They got all those spiders.

Yeah, they have nothing to be afraid of. Is that true? The spiders and shit? I thought that was fake. No, that's real. The spiders that live on the wall or go there at least? Yeah. Oh, God.

I think they scare the piece out of me. Yeah. If I saw a spider that big, I'd kill myself. But Australia needs to realize that we don't have big spiders here, but we do have Bloods and Crips, MS-13, mass shootings. Yeah. Yeah. They don't have any of these problems over in Australia.

They do, but it's all like, it's all the, it's Rangas versus Bogan's. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes there's a Bogan Ranga. And that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. What the hell was that? Your phone is talking to you.

Did you? Your phone's talking back. You're supposed to talk into that. Did you accidentally call someone? Yeah, I accidentally called my boy Jack. Wow. This is already a legendary podcast appearance from Clay. How the hell did that have?

Jack's a cool guy. I don't know, my friend Jack Barth. He's cool. Check him out. Jack Barth? I think I did a show with him. I don't think I know.

He's cool. He wears his glasses. I think I did that fucking Nook show with him the same. I think we were all on that one. Yeah. Not all of us. Yeah. Well, me and Clay were.

Well, I wasn't invited, but whatever. I got into town last night late. Yeah. And I had a, I had a bad experience with a, a foreign traveler I had to change out a tire on my car

like right when I get back and I had my dog with me and so I was sitting there just fucking struggling it sucks so much pretending to be a grown man you're like sitting there undoing the nuts

and all this shit and then I hear a guy go like excuse me and I turn around and it's this fucking just annoying looking like Eastern European guy and he's like

staring at my dog and my dog is this big And he's staring at it. Your dog is way big. He's not big. He's really long. He's really long, though. He's under 40 pounds.

Your dog looks like the night stalker from New Vegas. No, he doesn't look like that. Yes, he does. He doesn't, he's a fine, but he just looks like a fucking German Shepherd. He has the same shape and body as the night stalker from New Vegas. It doesn't look like that. He doesn't look like that, actually. He actually looks exactly like that.

Okay. All right. So pretend that he doesn't look like it. Pretend is it. T-cup poodle or something. Okay. But anyway, the guy, the guy's like looking at my dog, and I'm like, and the dog is like halfway on the sidewalk, and I have him on a leash.

He can't get any further. And so I say that, I'm like, walk around, you can walk around the dog. And he looks at me, and he looked so sad. He goes, I scared. I scared. He said, I scared twice. And then I had to take my dog into the middle of the street so this guy could go back, go past me on the sidewalk

like my dog is a bridge troll. Oh my God. And it really put me in the worst mood, man. The rest of the night I was like, I scared. Fuck you, man. It's a dog. Yeah. Was he old or? No, he's like 30 years old. And he was, I scared about a dog. Well, yeah, he probably got, what do you said? He's like

Eastern European. He's something. Yeah. It's none of my business what he is. He's a coward. What is the most cowardly, what is the most cowardly possible nation? I don't know what goes on in. Eastern Europe. Maybe they have like a 50-foot dog there that looks just like Phil. It's possible they have some kind of Cerberus. Yeah. A Cerberus might be a real thing over there. They could have seen him as a Cerberus podling or something. I really didn't like it though. It really pissed me off.

Yeah. And I was cussing the whole time to myself, but hoping that he would hear it. Yeah. Fucking fuck you. I scared. I scared. Piss me off, man. What did you do anything fun in Texas? No, not really. No. I don't. I don't. I. dude it's that they're like the motto is keep boston weird but guess what you guys are weird in a different way they're weird and kind of a touchy way it's uh it seems like it was a really cool city like five years ago uh-huh you know like i mean we we did a show there and it was like fun i mean we went to but we i mean we hung out we were there for like 24 hours yeah we were there for 24 hours i was there for two days i was like oh maybe i what you got to go to the mecca man

I did. I went to the mother ship. I went to the comedy mothership. Oh, you know, we went there. We just stood out in front of it. We didn't go in. Wow. That's the best way to do it.

We were going to the Museum of the Weird. Wow. And I saw a mummy. You saw a mummy. A real one? Yep. I wish that I had more things to say about this trip. I mean, I just kind of flopped a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. I flopped. Band did great. I just was like, I don't, like, oh. I love those weekends. That was my last weekend in Raleigh, dude. You flopped in your hometown?

Oh, I mean, your home city, your home city. I've never, I've done stand-up in North Carolina maybe like 15 times and bombed every single time. Yeah. I had fun doing stand-up in Raleigh. Really? Yeah, I did okay for the first half of myself. Did you do the club there? No, I did Neptune.

Oh, okay. Yeah, the, uh, something. I think there's, I think I get in my head about being in my hometown, man. Yeah. Yeah, I suck at Minnesota. Not good enough for these people. There's something about it, man. Yeah, I mean, I thought that I would be like that when I went back to Boston.

But it was. I did two nights. The last night that I was there, I skated all day before, was really tired and just a bummer of a set. My mom and dad, my mom and dad were there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that's the first time my dad's ever seen me do stand-up. I went to, the before this last time I was in North Carolina,

the time before I did stand-up in North Carolina, it was me and Gus driving back from L.A. Oh, yeah. And my buddy organized like a music show where me and him were going to do stand-up at the beginning of it. But nobody came. It was my brother, his girlfriend, and my buddy Chad in the audience, smells it.

and I was like nobody came for the show the music stuff after or not really no oh damn but I just did my set and I was like that wasn't even yeah that wasn't even saying if I was just talking to people I know but then Gus went up and Gus destroyed my brother was like oh like losing his mind it was like the funniest he made me so mad yeah oh man that's how it is dude it's the worst job in the world I know I know we're we have a worse job than maybe like a police officer. I would rather be working in one of the iPhone minds where you are doing World War Z

and climbing over people. Yeah, because it's like you have to sell yourself to people with stand-up. You have to be like no, trust me. Like, I'm not I'm bombing right now because I'm having a bad day. It's not because I'm it's not because I completely suck at this and I suck as a person.

It's like, please help, please trust me. I'm a good guy. Yeah. You're begging the crap. Yeah, you'd have to, like, get them with you. And then you have to hold on to that where it's just kind of like, I don't know, being in the mine sounds nice. Oh, man.

Probably sounds like dirty. I'm born in the wrong, not just generation, the wrong, like, eon, I think. Yeah. I should have been, I would have been an amazing, like, first man type thing. I would have been an amazing peasant, dude. You would have been a peasant's face. Oh, dude, I would have been so good. at eating just like a whole whale like taking like a quail by like the two bones

yeah and just going like you would have been an amazing surf oh my god if only plow a fucking field but then i was born with like when they started putting like chemicals in the water to make people like not good at concentration and shit so now i have to look at my phone all the time yeah yeah oh you can't spend your days eating cheese yeah oh eating like mold a cow or whatever It does, as I get older, I'm starting to enjoy nature less, and I like looking at my phone and my computer. Oh, yeah. More, I thought it would be, as I get older, I like these things kind of in the inverse. But it turns out, I was in California on the coast, most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And I was like, this sucks so bad. This is so fucking gay. Yeah. I hate this. Yeah, I get like that. Yeah. Like, yeah, when we went to the Grand Canyon. Oh, yeah, we went to the Grand Canyon.

Me, Cameron, and Pierce are like bawling crying, and Patrick is playing Candy Crush. I went, I left the group. I was, like, walking up and down. I stood, I think I, I sat on a cliff. He was like, we were like, oh, Patrick's doing his own thing. And then what did you came back and you had news, you saw a guy with, what, a guy with an arm or something? No, I just saw like, I just saw like so many. What? No, I was actually genuinely very happy because I saw old people, I saw like six

different old people taking iPad selfies. And I was like, that's like, like, I was like, oh, like I'm watching like these people have like these people that don't know how to use like a fucking regular phone. Yeah. Holding up this big thing so they can go with like a big ass iPad so they can take selfies. They look like I thought it was adorable. It was like, yeah, it was like an old person holding up their laptop to take a picture of themselves at the fucking Grand Canyon. I sat next to an old lady on the on the flight back. She's very, very nice. Her name's Emily. Uh-huh. And I ended up helping her out. But the reason I helped her out was that she opened up Facebook and in the Facebook search bar searched, can you take the Q train to the Upper East Side?

I was like, let me help you out, sweetheart. She's Googling stuff on Facebook. That's what they want now. They do. That's what they're trying to do. Just make it one thing, man. I'm sick all these different websites. Give me one single thing. One big website. One big website where I can do basically all that shit. And I'll be good, man. Yeah. I'll be honest.

I think they're working on it. Yeah, that's what X.com is supposed to be. Oh, yeah, that all happened while I was away. Yeah. Yeah, and buddy, that was some crazy shit, man. Wait, that's so funny that Xcom is also a video game. That's all about, like, strategy. Yeah.

True. And aliens as well. Yeah. Yeah, some big news came out while I was going. Aliens are completely real. Yeah. And Twitter basically changed its entire name. What the hell's wrong with this?

The world is going to hell in the handbasket. I mean, it's seriously fucking crazy. Makes me upset. I got really, really scared while I was out in nature that I was scared the aliens were going to turn off the sun. I'm not kidding. I told my uncle that. He was like, are you kidding? And I said, no.

I'm actually really scared about that right now. They pull like a little switch I don't know man I don't know what they're capable of You don't know either They can make a pill that flies I mean if that's the only thing That they're doing

I really don't give a shit Turning off the sun would be bad news bro Yeah that would be so cold It would get cold as fuck I like it though We wouldn't know for a while though Like eight years That the sun was off

Yeah because the speed of light Would it be that long Yeah Eight years really? That's blowing my mind Or maybe eight minutes. Probably eight minutes. I think it's eight minutes.

I think eight years would be eight light years away. I do not think the sun is that far away. No, it's pretty close. One year is one light. I never understood light years. Light year is how fast it takes or how long it, how far light can travel in a year. How far the sun travels in a year? How far light from the sun travels?

Yeah. Light from anything. A light goes the same speed no matter what it is. See, I took two years of science in high school because that was. all that was required of me. You need to start watching Vsauce. Uh-huh. Trazagazact and, um, and Veritasium on YouTube.

And that's basically all the side of my skill points into other crap, like video production, high school video production. Yeah. Learning how to operate. You are like a maxed out sliders on, on one thing kind of character. Yeah. And everything else is at, at, at eight. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, medium is a little. Is in the middle? It's a little high. No, probably. would say the low end probably if if it's going by stat points i'm probably you're like a rogue yeah maybe like a maybe like in a lissa steamer jami thomas me i'm like a main i'm like anybody's first account they get okay at everything you know good at a couple things but never really really

good yeah i'm definitely good at uh drinking a couple beers yeah you have that maxed out also maxed out using my phone that one is completely that one's off the off the scale off the scale That one is like when you, like, when Gandhi accidentally becomes like Hitler in civilization. Oh, yeah. When Gandhi, like, the nuclear war thing. You mean they accidentally put, they meant to put zero, but they put 100. Yeah, where the computer meth redid it. So it went up to 255.

Yeah, that's, you know, Y2K kind of thing. That's what happened to me with my phone. Clay, what are you, do you have a secret skill? Dancing. Yeah, dancing is. kind of the one. Oh my God. I forgot that you're an amazing dancer. Yeah. Yeah. Did you do ballet? Yeah, I did ballet and tap and jazz. I did like everything. I have like a video on one of the dance contest websites because I made it into the Hall of Fame with my buddy. Yeah. Can we look at it?

The Hall of Fame? Yeah. We scored so high in the Hall of Fame. You're a Hall of Fame famer. Yeah. What is it? What can we search to find this video right now? It's called, uh, it's, I think it's like Hall of Fame Dance Competition. Hall of Fame Dance Competition. Clay Park. She Did we search that? No, it won't be my name. It'll be a... What year? What was the crew you were running with?

Fuck, dude. I think it was like 2012 or 2013. 2012 or 2013. Hall of Fame dance competition. This is it? Hall of Fame Dance Challenge? And then it'll be a... Yeah, you got to scroll down and there's a bunch of dates.

It's going to be the Minneapolis one. Okay. Or the, yeah. Oh, wow. Is this you? And then if you scroll down a little bit more, It's me, snitches. Wait, okay, wait, we have to see this right now.

Please tell me that this is going to work. Do you have to buy this? I'm in the red. The red shoes? Yeah. That's you? Yeah. Oh my God.

Wait, hip hop. Whoa! What the hell is going on, man? Oh. Dude, that's incredible. Did you guys trade hats? That was the hat pass. Yeah, we were stealing.

You just passed your hat? Yeah, we were stealing hats all the time. Dude. This is incredible. Do you do a backflip? No. I used to be able to, like, go around with one hand on the ground, though. They traded the hat back.

That is insane. What was your closer? What was your ender? My ender, I think it's just, I think he jumps over me. Oh! And then, yeah, dude, I don't remember this.

This is 2012. You lived another life, man. Yeah, I did. That is incredible, man. Was this a promising career for young Clay? no uh no i don't think so i liked music a lot yeah i mean yeah you got music out right yeah yeah just under your name yeah i think so i think yeah he's got music out too yeah oh my god man i try i've dabbled in like a lot

of performance stuff because so you have performance maximum maximum slider on performance i wouldn't put it max but i mean that looked pretty maximum yeah that was that was fucking amazing you hit you hit the you filled up your special and that kid is definitely that kid definitely is dead now yeah no he's actually a football player he's like yeah he's way taller than i am now uh i think he plays in college actually whoa he's still in college he's a little younger i don't yeah he was like he was like two years younger than i was oh man man i mean i mean i'm not a hall of fame anything i'm gonna be real with you i got no film festival that's all you got a film for that's pretty cool yeah that's that's the one high school credit i got i didn't do anything yeah i did nothing

again years yeah yeah i think i spent a lot of time doing stuff when i was young and now i'm old yeah i just want to play 2k and then be funny on stage yeah yeah i think this was probably the same year that i started doing stand-up as a kid really yeah yeah and uh i got to say man i was much worse at stand-up than you were at dance oh wow yeah yeah it was pretty uh i mean this is this speaks more to how good you were i would say i know when we got our when we gave us the award we got to do little speech. What'd you say? I thanked my mom, God, my

grandpa, Papa Johns. There was like a pancake place around the corner that we went for breakfast. That was like the best food. Yeah. Powered you up. I just kept going until they took the mic away. You got played off in your Hall of Fame speak. You can't play of a Hall of Famer, man. What the fuck?

That's fucked up. Yeah, I was like 13 and my mom. I could like see my mom in the audience just like crying laughing but it was so funny Jesus Christ man it's so sick but ballet I feel like ballet

was probably more your bag huh yeah that was more fun I think once I got into it I got into it in like high school was your favorite you can do the the point the thing or not everybody asked me about that exactly yeah one of the other male dancers

that I danced with in ballet asked our teacher that one time and our teacher was like no no you don't get the box shoes that's only if you're gay you have to be very gay and very skinny to do that what was your favorite position uh honestly my favorite position is second that one is fire wide stance yeah with the open ass feet i don't know anything about ballet yeah you wouldn't yeah i don't i don't uh keep up with that mostly back then I went in 2012 I kept up with a lot of skateboarding and stuff I thought that I was maybe going become like a shop hero or something get freeboards from the stuff the shop and then it turns

out I wasn't good at skating at all when I was 13 I think I was pretty sure I was going to be a famous director yeah oh yeah I was like I'm going to direct I'm going to make a sequel to every Christopher Nolan movie that type thing that would be cool I decided not to do it decided to go a different route did you see this guy there is this This dude on this, like, TikToker, he's got like a million views, something like that. Like, he's like a pretty big TikTok account, made this video where he's like, I'm going to scam the writer's strike. What?

He makes this video where he's like saying he's going to scab the sag strike and the writer's by doing what? Because some like production company hit him up. And then he's like, like, now that all these writers and like, actors are striking this is my this is my moment it's a golden opportunity he's just saying he's going to scab and then the first like he makes this video it's him in a Tommy boy t-shirt and he says like he's like maybe a couple years older than us too which is like insane he says I'm currently writing a movie it's called Tommy's boy Tommy's boy and it's a direct sequel to Tommy boy I'm

I'm writing roles for all of Chris Farley's brothers and hopefully if Lord willing, David Spade will be in this as well. Wow. Wow. And it's supposed to be about him being, he's like, my character's going to be named Chris for obvious reasons.

Wait, it's a sequel. It's a sequel. So is Tommy Boy? Is Tommy Boy dead in this movie? He's Tommy's boy. He grew up without a dad because Tommy died. That's crazy.

Oh, wait. Tommy's boy. Tommy's boy. As in his fucking son. The story of Tommy's son. It's like son of the mask. Oh my God. Oh my God.

And he's saying he's going to scab like the strike and everything. Because this movie's getting picked up. Because this movie has to get picked up because he said his agent knows the director of Tommy boy. Wow. So I don't know. But it could happen. I honestly, I want this to get made and then like right when like the strike ends. shit gets like shut down or something

no no no we want to be at the premiere of this yeah yeah we i don't get this confused i would be i would scab to be in tommy's boy i want to be in this movie badly i want to be in it so badly like this dude's got like millions of fucking like views and shit and all the videos are just him like with like like ticot audios and just going like

and that's and he's like i'm writing i'm the next grits for him yeah he's awesome for the dude there's a fucking video of him talking about the strike and he's like uh like this this project he's probably working on the project that they probably hit him up with is probably non-union and it's probably not like a big production company that's like currently being like struck and everything but like he immediately goes in on the writer's strike and it's like you're all fucking cowards for not working right now and he says this like he's on this he's going on this rant and like in the middle of his rant he's like

and it's really telling that the the screen actors guild calls people scabs who aren't in the union well that's a lot about their character wow it's like dude you're just like burning every fucking bridge you can with sad that is a that is bro Tommy's boy is gonna be tough oh yeah to get figured out I mean this is going to be just Stically, it's a nightmare. This shit is already certified for S-R-A-S. Oh, yeah. It's going to be like how fucking every single, like, old, like, indie movie from, like,

2012 had, like, a million production companies on it, like, like, 12 different fucking logos before the movie starts. Yeah, one of those. Yeah. That family guy cut away is so goddamn funny when he's sitting in the theater and it starts with all the production companies. He's like, ooh, there's something. He, like, doesn't know what movie seems. So he's just assuming when he starts the movie.

I've been I have been watching a lot of Family Guy Clubs recently man Family Guy It's so funny Yeah I can't believe that I ever

Was like one of the people Who was like Family Guy It sucks Yeah I thought I was like Family Guy and Vine Ruined TV comedy

It's fun It's so funny Yeah It's I like watch the I watched a YouTube essay Where this guy was like Talking about South Park versus Family Guy

What did he say? Oh he detailed the feud Yeah, he detailed the feud And then he also like broke it down And he was like Family Guy can still be funny It's just not As funny as South Park

Because it doesn't follow the narrative The jokes can just be on their other I would probably rather watch A current season Family Guy episode than a current season South Park episode Yeah for sure I probably would

I like I like South I haven't watched in a couple years They're pretty sad I played stick of truth And then got like That game is amazing That game rules. That game is so, so good.

Fractured but hole is not. I didn't play that one. It's not good. It's, uh, yeah, I didn't like it as much. Yeah. I didn't even finish it. I didn't like it that way. Ah, damn.

Yeah. They need to make more games. Well, that's Obsidian. Obsidian made that game. Yeah. So it's like a good RPG. Yeah. They need to make more games that just look exactly like the show or the movie though.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's what was so sick about it. It just looks exactly. It might as well be an episode. But that's, it might be how they make the show. I don't know. But just speaking.

of like the family guy shit like he's in the video the Chris Griffin one that was like oh yeah that was an actual that was a dream I had because around the time that I had that dream that's when the big like the first couple of fucking like subway surfer like family guy video started coming out oh yeah so I had a dream because the night before I went to bed because I watched like a full episode on the subway surfers thing like I went to the channel that it was on and there's just watched it as every single part. When the clip ended, I would scroll up and then watched like again.

Wow. Dude, that changed my brain completely. I, once those subway surfer family guy things started coming out, I literally, I think I spent like, I think, yeah, you guys looked at my screen time on an episode and how it was like, too, like, it was like

pushing double digits. It was like, you woke up, you woke up at what time and I was like, oh, I woke up at nine, and then I think we were recording it, like, nude. It said that you had been on your phone the entire time since you woke up. Oh, my God. Because before I got to the office, I was fucking watching Subway Surfer's Family Guy. Yeah.

I think that's, I'm perfectly built for this time period now, I think. You're in your element now. My brain, like, was only built for this time. I mean, I said earlier, like, I would have been an amazing surf, only physically. I think that I... You probably would have been, like, still... You would have had, like, a frog that you touch its tummy all day or something. I just rubbed a frog.

Yeah, you'd have a stick to stem with. Yeah, exactly. Just scrolling through a stick. That's probably, if I was like a night, I'd probably be the guy with the mace just so I could swing something around. No, if you were a night, God, that would be, first of all,

I'd be dead and me. I'd be, I'd be, no, that would have been some funny shit. You would have hit your own head with the mace probably because you didn't realize that it comes back around when you swing in. And then also, you probably would have

ridden your horse backwards, which would have been kind of funny. No, I would have had a great relationship with my horse. I know, you would have thought that it was like an avatar kind of thing. The horse would be smarter than me and then the horse would know where to guide me.

You would try to use the frog to take a picture of yourself with the horse's nuts and then he would kick you in the head. Ribbit? Yeah. Ribot. Would you use a frog like a game? Yeah, that's what you would do. If you eat transported you back to Monty Python time.

Army of darkness. Arnie a darkening? Army of darkly. would have been walking around taking a photo with a frog yeah i would have here let me turn the flash on you pull his tongue out frogs probably look so different back then think about that they were you think they're like corn where they we've we've changed them yeah you know corn used to be one kernel really like one whole colonel maybe just a couple yeah it was probably i think it was three or smaller it was like a one it was like a it was like a bean with corn

that was that was maize and what we have now is corn okay think of about it isn't maize just spanish for corn no i think it is i think it's different right i don't think i i think corn maze is just called corn corn oh my old a hold the phone wait can you see that again oh yeah our corn maze is just called corn corn corn corn sweet that's good that's really good you have way better sounds than i have on my i have like a gunshot and then i have like the The price is right. Oh, that's good. We need to add a couple of things.

Yeah. My brother said the Gangdom style drop. Ooh, yeah. That is good. Yeah. Wait, talk. Me or, yeah, you don't know which one. Oh, what the fuck?

Yeah. Yo, that's crazy. Yeah. Anytime we have a new guest on. Yeah, we always show them. You have to show it off. Yeah. This is, that's so sick.

Yeah. It's pretty amazing, right? Which cable is he? Because there's also... What are you trying to do low? No, there's this, but I don't know which... Oh, it's on me. You got reverbed.

Uh-oh. I'm used to reverb now. I became a musician while I was in California. You did. Have you heard his music? No. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're going to play it?

I did hear you rapping. The raps, yeah. No, well, these are different kinds of raps that they might be used to. I showed Dan backstage. before we went on what did he say um i mean we were about to i think we had like what did he say we had like two minutes and he said he said it sounds good you're lying he said it sounded really me and my cousin matthew decided to start working on some music together and i'll play both of these but the second one's just a snippet because okay we're still working on the verses part but

he's like a hook master yeah he just started walking around singing the song and i was like i have to jump on this track. Uh-huh. But it says, Wait. I got a new telephone, and it's got your number. I got it from the phone book.

I saw you walking across the street, and that you looked just so awesome. My part. Girl, you look so awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. You look so awesome, awesome, awesome. You look so gorgeous, go just, gorgeous.

I might just love you, love you, love you. I want to jiggle on you Girl, I put my dickle on you Girl, I brought my shit all on you Girl, and then we jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle on you Oh, yeah So we came up with that one That's awesome.

But then, so it had been maybe six hours Since we recorded this You guys should hop on a track together Yeah, dude. You wish. But then... Yeah, dude, I want to collab. You fucking wish.

You like to pay me. I have a feature fee. That's over $100,000. But then he came up with something even better, man. Uh-huh. And I want you to hear this. I want you to pay attention to these lyrics. Okay.

Wow. And then I was the beginning of my part. But yeah. I made a new friend. I made a new friend. He really likes me. They're obsessed with my vanilla ice cream. What's that song called? Trace Flamas. Trace Flamas? Because it's actually me. Well, I didn't include all the verses, but it's me, my cousin Matthew, and my cousin Diven. Diven. Yeah, so the three of us, he's from Peru. So if you have anything to say about that, go ahead. They don't eat coy. They don't, no, they do. They do eat coy. It's Peruvians. Cui.

Yeah. But yeah, I didn't ask him about that because I got scared but I got scared that he would say yeah, that's my favorite food. Oh, okay.

So I didn't ask him about it. I do. There was, by the Popeyes in Bushwick, there was people selling Cui on big swords. I was talking to know about that.

Do you get the sword? No, you don't get the sword. That better be, for people don't know, Kui is guinea pig. Yeah. And they sell them on swords,

but they'd better be slain with the sword. Yes. It better be something. where they stick them and then that's you why that's it see you why not clarkson university in in hudson see you why why is any oh no it's i oh oh okay yeah so that's it so i remember wait that photo right there there we used to have a quixote bag that had a picture of that um yeah well i didn't know we didn't lose it in the flood we lost it um why'd they give him a helmet

and put a pepper in his mouth that actually looks amazing that does not look it looks kind of cute. Yeah. Yeah, it was a fucking guinea pig. Of course it was cute. Yeah, it was cute at one point.

But, uh, we lost the cute, the kui tote bag because of the, the night that I, I found Moe on the street. Oh.

And he had, um, well, I had found Moe and then his brother, Tyson chicken and, uh, died. Tyson chicken died away.

Yeah. And, that's why I didn't want to laugh at the name. Jason chicken. I was like, I can't laugh at my boy. I didn't think I was going to keep him. So I gave them like,

So he yelled him. Petfinder names. Yeah. But Mo's original name was The Simpsons. And then my roommate, Neil, said, I don't want to hear you walk around the house saying The Simpsons. I'm, you should not be naming your animal's funny names, man. Well, I wasn't going to keep him.

So? And then he was a foster fail. That's not. That means, I mean, he becomes nothing. He becomes an object. If you're walking around, he's the Simpsons. Yeah, I know. Now he's got a name.

Mo. Yeah. What you short for? Mo. slaslack. So it's still the Simpsets a little bit. Kind of. But yeah, we thought, well, so Moe's brother, who died,

pooped on the tote bag because he couldn't handle, he had like no bowel muscle or something. He was like, that cat was, this is a bummer. Born to die. Yeah. That cat was born to die. But coming up on a year of Mo. Wow.

At the, on the 28th of August. I hate that man. Do you don't hate him? Do you ever call Mo over by being like, hey, Hugh Jayness? Oh, yes. Hey, and then Mo's like, that's not, where am I going? Is that why you named it Mo? Because that's, because that actually happens?

I was just thinking about like. You're just thinking about that part in the city? Yeah. And I was like, it would be funny to call your cat over, but it wouldn't really work. Yeah. Yeah. cat wouldn't well yeah he doesn't have a phone i don't i don't like funny dog names man and cat names you named your dog my dog's name his name is phil i like that that's a normal name mo is a normal

name also my brother had a dog very sweet dog but he named him cabron cavern like bastardard like bastard means bastard wow that's tough or fucker or like piece of shit it means everything pretty much every it's just an everything yeah they figured it out in spanish you just need one cuss yeah yeah You need one or two. And it's all context-dependent. That's kind of sweet. Yeah, you don't need... That's the best way to cuss.

I think the Chinese do that too. Really? I think so. That could be wrong. I've been back into Ja'amah videos, and I think I want to learn perfect Chinese. Him and Rex need to link up. I think that I...

I think that I could learn any language very easily. I've been trying to learn Irish Gaelic. You seem to me like somebody who knows perfect Spanish. No, I... I'm so stupid. Okay. I can't learn very good. I've been dual-linguing Chinese though. Really? You've been trying to learn it? Yeah, I've been trying to learn it. Yeah, I've been giving us a taste. Nehahu. Fuck you. Fuck you. That is what they say. Yeah, no shit. That's what they let out. That's the first one. You can say, shan. I've never heard goodbye. Yeah. And then I'm also, it's all pronunciation based. I might be fucking it up and saying something different. I've been, I've been learning to Irish. I can say, I've been, I can say, Irish. Ba. That's like

Bob the number, yeah. Wow. Ba. That's cool. Yeah. What else you got? What else? I used to be able to count

a 10, but I haven't done it in a while. Oh, okay. So you're not learning Chinese. You're forgetting it. Yeah. Currently, I'm forgetting it. Me too. I got to get back on the Irish stuff.

Don't learn Irish, man. It looks cool, though. That is not a cool language. If you're going to spend the time to learn a language, learn one. I'm actually talking to people. well yeah i want to i want to talk to like an old irish person there's nobody who speaks gaelic that doesn't speak english he wants to be able to tweet on the irish side of twitter where everything is

sounds like looks wrong unless you figure it all out you're like i neir juan ta that shit i hate that i was learning it though and it's just like dude it's it yeah it doesn't sound like a goblin language honestly i do they have duolingo for that yeah i've been learning it um unfair i guess and bond. What's that? A man and a woman. And what are they doing? I don't know.

Fagas and Bond. They're fucking. Oh, no, no, no. Unfair, I guess on bond. And they're fucking. It looks like white petois. Yeah. A little bit.

I got shown an amazing white Jamaican rapper recently. Really? Who's really good. What's his name? I don't remember his name. Have you seen those fucking, those videos of, uh, what is it? Killian Murphy talking and people are like, people are saying like, holy shit, the cork accent just sounds like slow Jamaican.

No. Dude, it's crazy. It's like an actual like, like, I guess the Irish like were the like the English sent like the Irish to Jamaica. So now like the Jamaican accent is like there's interlinked with Irish. Yeah, Jamaican accent is basically an Irish. Oh yeah. Yeah.

That's so cool. I mean, it's definitely, I would rather... It might be the only cool thing Irish people ever did. No, they did a lot of cool stuff until they invented whiskey. Really? Yeah, once they invented whiskey, they'd fuck it. My buddy was telling me about that they... I don't know everything, but there was like a good chunk of years

where they were just inventing the hell out of stuff. Yeah, really? Found whiskey and they were like, we're done. I learned about an amazing thing that I want to try, which is ether. Oh. So it used to be a big problem in Ireland. Ether? Ether? Like from fear and loathing?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that exact thing. They used to get... Ether used to be like... They used to give it to, like, kids and stuff. It was just you put it in a rag and you smell it. It basically ruined all of these countries for like 100 years because everybody was addicted to ether. Is it like poppers? Kind of, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's like...

Probably proto-poppers. It's basically... Natural poppers. I think it is basically like poppers that get you drunk instead of... Opening your butthole. Is that... You know, I've done poppers. poppers one time and I really put all of my focus like I kind of meditated on my

asshole for like a full minute and I did not feel any more bigger maybe you're just what about a guy maybe you're thinking too much takes poppers and then goes to take a shit yeah I that I could see that I did that I've done poppers and then just been like I got to go I got to go shit so bad I didn't realize I ate so much food earlier yeah it helps honestly It helps you shit. I just keeping a bottle of a fucking rush in the bathroom. I've been able to shit for like three days. That'd be kind of fun if you kept that like next to the matches on the top of the toilet, right?

That would be funny. It's at least nice for your guests. Yeah. Yeah, but people who, well, but then, yeah, you walk in and when somebody put a shampoo bottle up their ass and you're like, oh, fuck me. No, I just think that, like, people, like, because I imagine the popper's buying processes, but you could get them at pretty much any vape shop, but it's like, it's got to be more, I would just be scared of the kind of, like, you remember the first time you bought condoms? Yeah.

And you were like, they're going to arrest me. Well, I was blessed with self-checkout at Walmart. Oh. That's what I was doing. See, I had the sweetest old lady in the world, and I would always buy one. I'm going to rail someone. I would always buy one. other thing.

Yeah. But I think that made it worse because I would buy, I'll buy, oh, this young man's buying Bogle. Yeah. Oh, how was your day going? Oh, very good. The smallest size condom that they have. Put it right on top of the Bogle.

That'll be it for me. There was a time in my life where I kept this receipt because I would buy another thing and I was, you know, I was like 17. I was like, this will be so funny. Uh-huh. And the receipt I kept was, uh, I, I, I'd, gone now but it was just condoms

one eye patch same like I was like that's a thing make it look like you're like I'm in the same aisle so I'm just like that's the fucking problem

if you're buying any if you're buying condoms lube anything like that and then you buy anything else with that they're going to assume that it's all going to sex

so I've bought something I bought intimate products and then also dog food and dog toys I did that a couple months ago and then I left and I was like that's

that was probably really weird for that later I'm buying dog toys dog food and different kind of dog bone I bought a full bone and then one of the rawhide pig ears like I just that's just not it should be two different transactions yeah the last time I bought a condom it was in a bodega

and I bought this better been years ago I bought them for sketch. Yeah. For cave to pull out of his pocket and just have it there. So I bought like a Red Bull and the biggest condoms I could find. Nice. And the guys just like it's like eight in the morning. Yeah. And I got shit to do. Yeah. The first time I got condoms though, my mom bought them for me. Oh, that's actually nice. That's not nice. You should not do that. It was bad. No, it's weird. It's weird. It's like it's like it's nice of your mom to think like, Oh, my kids fucking

When she bought them Just because you were going to college I started I started like hanging out with this girl a lot And my mom was like Oh, you're hanging out with this girl a lot I want you to be safe And I was like, okay

Yeah, she didn't want you to have a kid Yeah, because I dude I can't have a kid Yeah, me neither I would be a bad dad I'd be a great dad But I'd be a bad dad Yeah

Why would you be a great weekend dad? I think you'd be a good I think you, I could see you as kind of a 50 year old dad. Yeah. You know, I think the 30s, those are going to be bad, man. You think your 20s have been bad. You're going to have a bad 30s. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know anything. I can't, I can't take care of a child. I can't take care of myself. My mom literally, like, will be like, I'm so proud of you when I do something adult. And I'm 25. And I'm like, do you think I'm incapable? And it's like, she does think I'm incapable. That's very sweet.

Like, I got my ID, and she's like, you did it all by yourself. I'm like, yeah. I'm an adult You went to the DMV? Yeah, twice. In New York I fucked it up, yeah. My ID's been expired

for like four months. It's so cool. Do you have to get like a New York ID if you like live in an apartment? You don't have to. What would change? You don't have to get a New York ID.

Okay. Nobody's making you do that. Yeah, because I mean, I don't know. I have to, I mean, I have to change mine soon. I got to go back to New Hampshire then. Just get it renewed. Just say, use all the same information. My ID photo, I'm wondering if I, I'm wondering how long I can keep this going because I had to get my ID renewed during like the peak of the peak of lockdown.

Got my ID renewed. Took them a couple months to even get the paperwork done. They lost the paperwork. I had to refile it. Then I had to go back again to because I forgot to put my address down. Even though I had already fucking filed it, now my ID photo since I was 18 has been a photo of me the day before I got my like state issue. So you're 17. Yeah, the photo, the photo that I hand to bartenders is like, I'll pull it out.

Mine, I have hair and it says I'm 5 foot 11. Yeah, that's, mine is a mugshot and I look like a little boy. I said I was 6'1. Let me see. You said you were six. Are you six one? No, I'm only six foot tall.

Oh, okay. I just have a lot of... I cheated two full inches, but they don't measure you. Yeah. You can just say whatever you want. Well, I was honest, too.

You look fucking... You look honestly so good and Cuban in this photo. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. You look insanely Cuban. Yeah. I,

I, uh, I put mascara... I put my mascara in my mustache in that photo. Really? Really? Because I was 17, I couldn't grow any facial hair. That rules. My dad used to do that when he was dating my mom.

Really? I would come up with a little fucking mascara. Does that work? Before I was born, my dad would fill it in with mascara. I thought about doing it. Well, you have a decent beard. Yeah, I just have like little patches and weird. My dad, I always was like, oh, I'll get a beard when I'm older.

Because my dad has a beard. But then anytime I used to look at my dad's beard, it's the worst fucking beard. I'm never going to grow facial hair. I'll never be able to do it. shaving the mustache is the worst thing I've done. You look so crazy. You look good right now. This is a nice kind of link.

Dude, yeah, you grew back real quick. Yeah. Like, faster than I did. I'm waiting, so I shaved it on the, I have like a timer. Like, I have it in my, like, calendar. Really? It's organized. I'll see how long it's going to grow.

Like, I took the photo the day that I completely shaved it. You're doing progress picks. Yeah, I'm going to do, like, a photo in a month and see what happens. We need to give you like a monoxidil face mask. see if we can fill in the rest of your face. I think it's possible. Dude, you see up here?

That's what I mean. You are so close to having a... Full Wolfman face. I have like... I grow hair right under my eyes. Yeah, I know. If we put Benoxidil, if you closed your eyes,

you would grow it on your eyelids. Yeah. It would be so fucked up. I could do that like the massager thing. Yeah. Have you seen this dude on Instagram? He like has completely like pushed his hairline forward

just by using like rosemary oil and like monoxidil. All that shit. Rosemary oil. oxidil and then like massaging his scalp and shit my stepdad sits under a red light helmet every night and it doesn't work at all but i have a friend who uses rosemary oil he's got a full head of hair but yeah yeah i was not nervous enough when i started losing my hair i i really was like anytime to somebody be like your hair is all fucked up i'd go yeah man it's crazy it was just it's always

been like this since i was a kid but it's just not true yeah dude when you had when you had when you You had, there's like that photo of you. There's a photo I took at him eating a McChicken. It's bad that you remember specific photos where my hair looks bad. It was a photo I used for an episode recently, which is why I remember it. Sure. It was the, the grommar episode. Anyone can look this photo up.

That was a year ago. That was a year ago. Probably close to it. Well, that was a couple months ago. Holy shit. It's August. Yep. It's flying by.

Oh, fuck it is. Yeah. Oh, my God. Tell me how ugly I looked in this photo. Go ahead. uh your hair looks like the top of a maybe like the roots of an onion you look like a weble you look like you would never fall down so fuck you bitch ass and take this sticker off no no no no no keep the sticker on i'm sorry that i said that i'm sorry i said that keep the sticker on i'm sorry

i said that keep the sticker on you have you had white dreads i did want did you I wanted dreadlocks for so long, way longer, even past when I knew it wasn't good to have them. Yeah. I really wanted dreadlocks and to listen to Kid Cuddy. I wanted that so badly. That's cave one's. I know he has what I wanted. Yeah.

Yeah. He's living that life that I just wanted so bad. I had a dream where I was going to move to the Bahamas and I was going to have white dreadlocks and I was going to work in a surf shop. You can still do it. Yeah. I believe in you. The thing is dreadlocks. have to be the easiest hair transplant you can get.

Yeah. Right? Adam Duritz, dude. I don't know who. Counting crows. Oh, that guy. But he, those are real.

Those are real. They got to be real. He's had them for so long. No, look them up because they look crazy now. He definitely has either a beard transplant or is like wearing a piece of Velcro on his face. There's no way he's wearing Velcro on his fucking face. Dude. What am I looking?

Look of Adam Duritz counting crows. He, he is like. there's no way his facial hair is real I want to see this that's fine he looks good man that's real you think that's fake

did he get rid of the dreadlocks God I hope not well he's definitely dying it I mean that might be true yeah well there's no way that those dreadlocks are real how are they not I mean they look real to me man

there's no way That is a wig. Look at the airline. That's not a wig. That is a wig. No. Made to look like that. You're jealous, bro.

I'm so jealous. You're fucking jealous. I could look like this if I tried. If I put in the effort. You could look like that if you tried. Yeah. I mean, I could definitely look like that. Yeah.

But the dreadlock. He's kind of cool. He is cool, man. Count of Crows is probably one of the five best bands ever. What you stay and what's the problem, baby? What's the problem? No. Oh, hi, baby.

That's them. Yeah, I know. They did a Shrek soundtrack is an amazingly underrated album. Come on, come on. Love a little fanmer. Come on, come on. Love a little fanmer.

Frambling, Lennan, Sander. Come on, come on. It's not any of the fucking lyrics. Get your fucking stuff now, love. No, nah, nah, nah. Well, just hold on, hold on. I was singing it correctly. It's not the lyrics.

That was all the lyrics. Didn't get a sing. I said all of them. As a current. I said, come on, come on. Musician, man, you did not. All right. You did not get any of sure right.

I'm talking to two musicians today. I got a new friend. They really like me. They're obsessed with my vanilla ice cream. I think it's cool that you can remember the lyrics. With the chocolate sauce and the iced tea. Because every time I've ever written a song, I'd never. I was playing in a band for like two years in high school.

And we'd go on and I know different lyrics to, music, same thing. The thing is. live music, nobody's here in a single fucking word you're saying, man. You're doing like house shows? Say watermelon watermelon. Who cares? No one's here in the lyrics at a house show. It doesn't matter. You think that they got a proper mixer there? No fucking

shock, no, dude. No, but it was funny because I just would hit the same melody, but I'd be like that. That's why I suck at karaoke so bad. I don't know what it is. I can't remember lyrics to any songs. Can you not read fast enough?

I think it's fine. Because that's my problem with karaoke when I do something like Drake or M.M is I know the words, but I'm trying to follow them on the screen. Yeah. And then I get tripped up. You get tripped up by specifically Drake certain words. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The timing, the timing gets screwed up when you can't say that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I, honestly, I think they should stop saying it so I can wrap along. I'm with you. I'm with you. That's why I like Christian rappers. Yeah. Yeah. I went to, on my birthday, we were just kind of, I ended up at this, like, weird birthday.

Some guys, like, 30-second birthday party, and it was Barbenheimer themed, and I was like, there's no way I'm staying here. That is awesome. On your birthday, you went to another birthday? By accident, yes. Oh, how was just an accident? Someone was like, oh, go to this address. Oh, and you just do whatever. You're just kind of an automata.

I was just kind of following the night, you know. It was my birthday. I was pretty drunk. Yeah. I was at an event that had free boo. Okay. And I was like, all right. And now you're doing Barbenheimer.

It says the rhythm of the night. And I'm just going in Uber's and stuff. They did Reeboks or Nike's? Oh, my God. And then I end up there with free beers. I went to, well, I went to one spot that had free beer to that spot that had free beer. And then I was like, I can't stomach this. And then I left and went to the karaoke bar.

You couldn't stomach how cringe it was. Yeah. Oh, God. I went to a karaoke bar. I hate cringe-ass birthdays. Well, the 30-second. themed birthday party come on now what is the problem with that you're 32 don't have a birthday anymore you don't you walk a mile in their shoes buddy yeah that's true that might be the only

thing we're going to an axe throwing bar but we went me oh that'd be cool yeah i'd do that too me and my girlfriend and brandon we went to the we went to the karaoke bar in the in china town and uh i kept getting the mic handed to me on songs that i don't know that's a bad feeling and songs I don't know all of the lyrics too I know the chorus so no one was everyone was outside smoking it was like kind of packed in there

everyone's outside smoking so no one's hearing when their song is coming up okay so then so you're doing all of them I'm getting I was getting like every that's the dream karaoke yeah but I don't know the song you got to do a set list but I did get to do dancing in the dark

and then I had to do smash mouth which one all star all star oh that's some fun that was that was fucking epic as hell yeah that is i did crazy i did go hard as fuck on it i believe you did you do screamo no oh actually i did a little bit yes because panic at the disco went on they're not screaming though screamo but all right clay where can people find you because i have to go piss so bad oh we've been doing this for yeah i can't tell because it's not recording on here uh you can find me on instagram at bitch respecter and twitter continues to ignore him

hand job yeah that's easy for people to know H-A-N-F-J-O-B there he is on Instagram there's his Instagram you should get one of those you should get one of those link trees look at that handsome ass photo holy fucking wow

you look like a beautiful painting there's tons of drawings of you wow yeah people like drawing me there's a video of me falling off a chair like breaking a chair you look a purple there it's grimace oh whoa and check out lunch enjoyer

on Instagram also that's some funny shit Is that Drake? Yeah. He stole that photo from me. I did steal that photo from him. All right, I have to go pee. Bye. Bye.

Oh my. So I'm actually pretty sure that Rodney went to sleep because right now I'm calling him and it's just ringing, ringing and usually declines my calls after one ring. Yeah. So I think that he's maybe he thinks his phone was compromised. Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe he dropped his phone or something. Yeah, hit okay. We'll try to call him right now.

Yeah. I think it's just going to ring, unfortunately. Oh, look at this camera. This is definitely going to turn him off. Yeah. It's just my computer he's looking at. He didn't get turned off at all when I called him like five times. He kept talking to me.

I do think, I truly do think he's just to sleep and we probably just have to wake him up. Yeah. By texting him a lot. Yeah, I think we should just call him on his normal cell? Maybe. If you want to. Yeah, that's not such a bad idea. Yeah, Rodney definitely fell asleep.

Yeah. Or I think the Illuminati number is compromised. Maybe he knows. What if we're being surveilled right now? Yeah, I think they're listening in and that's why. Hang that up, hang that up. They are totally listening in. Oh, fuck.

What have we gotten ourselves into? That's okay. I'm just going to call on my normal phone. Google Voice. Illuminati. Okay. Okay. So when did that become a Google voice number?

Okay, so when did that become? Well, he's probably got a Google phone. I mean, this guy can not... No, it's still winging. Yeah, I think he put his phone under his bed. Yeah. God, that's so disappointing. It's horrible.

All right, well, I'll leave a voicemail if I can. Does Google voice even let you do... Here we go. You've made a huge mistake. Okay. Pierce, that is what the number one thing you don't want to say to the Illuminati? Yeah. You said they're threatened them. I don't care.

The Illuminati. And we're here with you. I didn't even threaten them. You're a guest on the episode. And you do this? This is mixed up. I don't care. I don't even care.

This is completely messed up. I'm not scared of them. I think they're stupid. I honestly don't even think this guy's all you're really. Hey!