Podcast About List - Ep. 253 - Pitts Doran & Fetter Attorneys at Law

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

The rumors were true, we have officially started our very own law firm and we're solving some of the most pressing legal issues on this episode. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Okay, all right. Do we still do a clap or you just don't even... No, we don't do a clap. See, he comes back and now we have to explain that every single thing has gone to shit. Yeah, that's all we talked about where you were going is. Oh, yeah. We cried and cried and cried and complained. Okay.

Because you were gone and we didn't have anybody to do stuff like turn all these little knobs. Yeah. Well, you don't touch the knobs. Yeah. That's the first, that's your first mistake. These knobs don't have to move at all. There's the first thing that is my problem. The first thing is that...

I was rotating these cables I was trying to. They don't want to give. Rotating them? Yeah, I was trying to rotate and change the volume. Like, switch them. Oh, like this. Yeah, but they didn't work at all. They don't rotate these ones. Yeah. And that does something? Yeah. Yeah.

There's not enough dials on this soundboard. There's a lot of buttons. There's a bunch of virtual ones. See, we need his tech wizardry back Because I wanted to install Doom on this the whole damn time Yeah Yeah, well

Do you think we could? Doom Eternal You can honestly install Doom anything on anything Damn But can it run any type of doom on Yes Wow You can install crisis on Doom these days

Fuck me Yeah Could you build a Minecraft computer Did you guys ever watch these videos You know they build a computer Redstone Out of some kind of stone I'm not sure what color it was.

But they built some kind of, well, agreed to disagree. I don't think it was red. Sumner Redstone. But whatever this stone is they use, they made a Pokemon game, and they made a Tetris. In Minecraft. Yep. Was the first Pokemon game. For this, because of the stone.

Can we stop fucking arguing? You've been here five minutes. We're already arguing. I'm not starting any arguments. I'm so, so happy to have you back. It was so peaceful, though. Can I tell you I'm so happy to be back in the United States? yeah I really can I say something completely honestly from the bottom of my heart I want you to every time I go because I went to I went to Mexico this year yes I loved I loved I've been really world I have never been this worldly before this is the year of my being worldly you're traveling I went to I went to Mexico okay and I thought this is incredible this is the best country I've ever been in in my life this is I'm having a beautiful time I'm seeing beautiful things I'm meeting beautiful people and friendly people who aren't beautiful um

and that's okay and it's okay to not be beautiful if you are friendly if you're very friendly it's okay to not be beautiful if you're not friendly though and you're ugly I can smack you legally

I can smack the shit at you but I'm thinking maybe the U.S. maybe all my life maybe the U.S. just sucks maybe if it's not as good as Mexico yeah maybe I'm mistaken I go to Ireland the U.S. is a million times better than Ireland

of course it It sucks. Thank you. It's horrible. Yes. Can I tell you a fun fact? What? Here's something you might not know about Irish people that I learned from our tour guide.

Okay. So apparently, one of the most unique things about Irish people is a social custom they have, only in Ireland. Apparently, these people, they drink socially. Wow. That's what they told you? And it's actually customary for when an Irishman goes to a pub. He'll actually sometimes buy a round of drinks. for his friends.

And this is a social custom in Ireland that kind of defines their culture. That actually would be nice to do here. To drink socially, I know. It's a shame that only Ireland does that. But I mean, yeah, it's just kind of a custom they built their. And also, here's another fact I learned not from the tour, well, indirect, the tour guide didn't tell me this, but I learned indirectly through the tour guide's actions, which is that Irish people, every day for lunch, they eat Thanksgiving dinner.

Really? You just learned this from observation. They have restaurants that are like Chipotle, but for Thanksgiving. Turkey. You pick turkey or ham, and then you pick mashed potatoes or roast potatoes. Do you wear you pick cabbage? They have the sneeze shields and they go through the metal cafeteria. And it's the worst food you've ever eaten in your life.

I imagine it's really bad, but sometimes I call it carvery. Sometimes I kind of want, oh, yeah. Because you carve a ham and you carve a turkey. So, yeah, of course, sometimes you kind of want that, right? but which also you want the mashed potatoes you want the meat you don't want the boiled carrots and the boiled cabbage that shit is fucking disgusting it's a nasty thing it tastes like literally nothing but here's yeah sometimes you want that of course sometimes you want that that's why we have Thanksgiving we get it once a year maybe twice a year if you have a special family whole month of uh but these people they have a restaurant every restaurant does this every restaurant is their meal that they that's what they do that is their hot dogs they said that's what they get yeah they're instead of being like I'm going to go get sweet green at lunch They're like, I'm going to go get Thanksgiving dinner. So I have a question.

They go to the carvery in the in-betweeners in the first episode. That's not Ireland. You can't slap me. That's really, it's not okay to do this. I'm sorry that I thought. How strong I am. Whoa. You are the ultimate slapper.

That's the first time I ever slapped you. You slapped me all day. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? That's the first time I've ever slapped you. But I don't complain because you're weak. Uh-uh. Yes.

Tell me. Yes. We're the people in Ireland. You better. You slap me again, that coffee's going. Were they as big and as fat as you could possibly imagine? Yeah, here's another, here's another Ireland fat eating that shit. That's what I'm saying.

Here's another Ireland fact. You think, okay, America's, America's the... How do you get fat eating Thanksgiving every day? Makes no sense. I'm drinking Guinness. Four Guinnesses every night. This is a low calorie beer. Guinness at lunch.

Is it really? Yeah. It's only 4% alcohol. Yeah, it's low alcohol percentage. Low alcohol percentage. Isn't that funny? That's the other thing they do. Like, yeah, we drink.

like eight guineas a night. And they're like, it's actually 2% alcohol. Yeah, it's basically. I think it's 90 calories. It's a radler. And 12 ounce poor is like barely 100 calories. They're pussies. But yeah, so people in America are fat.

You'll hear that from the news and the media and you walk around. Maybe you'll see some chubby people. But I would say maybe the top three fattest people have ever seen in my life were all in the past week in Ireland. I knew it. I knew it, dude. Most of them are not, most of them are not that fat, but you'll see. you'll see some big ones.

You'll see some crazy-looking old people. Do they have the vest on? Do they have a stopwatch? They have full protruding. Yeah. The big fucking beer, beer gut from all the ganus over their life. That bats could live under.

Yeah. Could go up and make a pensioner's nest. It's called a pensioner's gut. It's called a pensioner's gut. Yeah. Really? Uh-huh. What is a pensioner is an old person who's on retirement.

Yeah. They get social security. Uh-huh. And I made, I made up pensioner's gut. I think that maybe... That's a good thing. How seniors can maintain a healthy gut.

Yeah, see, they all look like this over there. That's what I would be doing if I was walking around with Thanksgiving in my belly every day. That would be... I mean, no wonder they've never made anything interesting in terms of art. They also have the most boring history of all time.

Yeah. You go to these amazing... You go to these amazing historical castles. Yeah. Which, first of all, there's castles... So the castles are so cool because they're ancient castles from the year 900 or whatever.

It's before they even knew they were Irish. you see these incredible, well, also, most of them were not built by Irish people. They're built by the Vikings who are invading. So the Irish people didn't even do the cool thing in charge of all this. Those are the people who are coming and dominating them and ruining their lives forever. Yeah. You go there and it's the most incredible thing you've ever seen in your life. We went to this old like crumbling like abbey that was like these ruins in the middle of a field. It literally looked like Lord of the Rings. And I was talking to the tour guide who was this old guy who had lived in that town like his entire life. I was just talking to him about about it. And I was like,

Yeah, this is so beautiful. Like, the sky is so blue and these ruins are incredible. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. You kind of take it for granted. It sucks. Yeah. I can imagine. Well, yeah, I'm going to get that.

They're living in the coolest place of all time. Dude, I mean, we wake up every day. We see the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building right outside our window. And we, I mean, I'm not. Every American thing is bullshit, though. We don't have castles. Hearst Castle. Where's that?

We don't have as many. That's also most of the castles in Ireland. It's a California castle. It's made out of, like, fucking. it's made soybeans you never been to Hurst Castle no I've never been to I really haven't I've been to L.A. maybe hers castle is this

it's the guy William Randolph Hurst that uh oh yeah is this the one that the the houses all traps and trap doors and stuff or no no no thing of H. H. Holmes that's the Winchester Mansion that's a hotel the Winchester the one where the like the person

who made the rifle so they have all like the doors that goes to nowhere well that's a that's a lady who she was her haunted by the ghost of all the people that were killed by the Winchester Rifle. And she was building a big house to escape them. That's a different story. That's cool.

The Hearst Castle is basically this guy who was really, really rich. Yeah, he built a... He's the one that Citizen Kane's based on? Yeah, he built a giant house that was made... It's made out of like, it's, yeah, it's made out of, like, random shit from other... Like, he has, like, a, like, a 10th century, like, church, like, walls and shit. Well, so that's the thing about a lot of the castles, too, that we visited. like a lot of the cool ones are the ones that are completely fallen apart and are like authentic or whatever because most of the castles you'll go in and it's like this huge like castle it's just it's huge and it's got like the fucking it's all built up and it's giant you go up spiral staircases and stuff and you'll the tour guide will be like yeah so this castle was originally built in the year 700 AD and the only thing remaining from that time is this wall right here and the rest of it we all built 10 years ago yes I know this I hate that we restored they do that in Boston too I remember going to

the Paul Revere house and they were like, this is not even Paul Revere's house, by the way. This is what it would have looked like if he had a craftsman style taste. Is that the one in downtown? No, it's in the north front. I'm thinking of... I remember going to Paul Revere's house with the kid. Yeah, didn't somebody who fucking... Being like this is there.

It's $20 to watch. And it's a house from the 1700. So it's one room. What kid in Boston also learns about Paul Revere? every year from kindergarten to eighth grade. And it's like, fuck, I want to see his house. I want to see his horse. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, like, you get a,

he doesn't talk about it. The house doesn't come into the story at all. You get Revere burnout, dude. Complete Revere burnout. Yeah. I like his beach. I actually hate his beach. His beach is the worst beach in America.

He's got a bad beach and a bad house. It's like Revere Beach, Hampton Beach. No, Hampton Beach is way better than Revere Beach. There's no one there for a reason. That's true. All they have is like, Kelly's. Yeah, they have a, that's it. That's the only fucking good thing there.

Hampton Beach is fire. And Kelly's is not even good. No, but it's the only food. They have like a boardwalk with one restaurant, the worst beach ever. Kelly's is, I mean, it hits, though, but it's not good. Don't say it hits. It hits, though. Don't say it hits.

Here's another thing about Irish history, every single cast that you go to, if it has a tower. It was built by an alcoholic. If it has a tower, they'll tell you, every single time the tour guide will tell you, so this tower was built in this year. And then 300 years later, lightning struck it and blew up the top of But every single tower, they tell you that lightning knocked off the top of the tower. We went to one where they said that lightning blew up half of the town because it struck the room where they kept all the gunpowdered in the castle. It truly is a land cursed by God that God does not want to exist.

No, trying to wipe it off the plane. That's why, I mean, yeah, they don't even get light. Like, they don't get lightning there because it's not hot enough normally. It's so rare that every time that lightning is struck, it's destroyed. That's why they're the strongest people. Human greatness. Yeah, Ireland. They're God's strongest people

because he's constantly torturing them. That's why they're all Catholic. As somebody who's 60% Irish, man, I can say that that's... I do not claim them. I have zero interest in going. And listen, I know I'm wearing... I'm the only one here who has to...

I'm not even defending myself because it's two against one. I know I'm wearing right now. I know I'm talking a lot of shit and I'm wearing a shirt that says Ireland on it, but it's a nice shirt. It was $100. I'm lying.

That's not true at all. You got, you got, no, it was less than that. That was in a tourist store. Yeah. Well, I bought it because it was out of a tourist store. You think they saw this at like a normal clothing store? You think I thought they wove it somewhere? They sold this at Eddie Murphy clothing.

Yeah. You think I went to a, a weaver in an old Irish guy, pulled out his loom and made this for me. I thought that this was maybe the football team. One of, I, one of my greatest pleasures is to go, that I've learned about this year is to go to a country and to buy a piece of clothing that says the name of the country. Yeah. It's good. I have to be doing that for the rest of my own. America who live in America.

Yeah. People buy shirts that say Montana on them. I see a shirt that's in New York at least 40 times a day walking on the street. Dude showing up in like a shirt that says like Brooklyn with the statue of liberty on it and say it's not even in Brooklyn. Yeah. Where did you get to? Who is this ecosystem? I really don't understand, man.

They have a shit ton of those. They buy it in a different city. That's a New York tourist. They get it in Jersey. They get it somewhere on the West Coast. I have to take this phone call. It is regarding my boot on my car. Oh, yeah.

But you guys continue. Do we just pause it or? All right. Okay. He got the boot on his car because he's a delinquent who doesn't pay his bills. Yeah. Or tickets, rather. And he has six children that he doesn't feed.

He's, for somebody, for somebody who's only 60% Irish. Yeah. He's acting like real, real. Here's another. I just remember another thing that made me mad in Ireland. You're, like, you went there and I had a wonderful time. I've always wanted to go and you come back and all. do is complain. Let me tell you something. You are such a pessimistic person. You would love, you would love Dublin. I know that you would, you would fuck with Dublin. I'd probably like all of it. No, because the rest of Ireland is, it's a country that is a museum. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing interesting. It's all, you know, I hate museums. Exactly. It's all towns that are, that are one street. Uh-huh. And then, and then everything else is a tour of the castle. The pubs are not fun except for where there's a lot of people. Yeah. Because it's all towns. It's all to, it's, well, yeah.

and there's only like a few people in there you're stuck talking to some guys like oh it used to be a good country and then these fucking people moved in. You would like Dublin but I don't think that you would fuck because you also don't like nature and you don't respect God. I would like the beautiful country of Ireland

because it's where you would be disappointed because you thought you had to like it because of what you saw. But anyway, here's something that piss me up. Here's something else that by a tour guide said that well first of all he was talking about he was talking about biscuits. I'd be going to cork.

He was talking about... That's where my lineage goes to. That's where mine is too, yeah. Whoa. We're cousins. We're probably. It's just nature, man. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. I didn't go to that. All I went to was Dublin, then a bunch of castles. So I guess I'm not the expert on it. But I think I've got a pretty good idea of what goes down there. Yeah. Where was your tour guy saying?

So he basically... So first of all, he said, but this tour where I was with my fiance's family, everyone from the south. He said completely unprovoked. He was just like, we were talking about how they called biscuits cookies, cookies, biscuits, or whatever.

And he was like, he just completely out of the blue. He was like, yeah, and I think biscuits and gravy are disgusting. I think that's the grossest food ever. The fuck. It was just making me laugh so hard. Not because of thinking that, but just because of saying that to a group of like eight people from the South. For no reason.

For no reason, completely. He was also, and so he said that, but right before that, what he had said, and nobody said anything mean to him about this, which I wanted to kill him after he said this. Yeah, of course. He said, one of the Irish delicacies, one of our best delicacies that you guys have to try is we take two slices of bread, we put butter on them, and then we put crisps in between them, and it's called a crisp sandwich, and it's the best thing of ever tasted. I thought that was a, oh, never mind, chip buddy is fries. And he said

that was one of the delicacies. And then he said biscuits and gravy are disgusting. These people need to die. This is so, so bad. You always take it way too far. This is getting worse every year. I can't believe we let the UN needs to send so. We need to send people in all black outfits to destroy this country. They went and they wore all black outfits and tried to destroy England.

I wish that the trouble, I hope the troubles come back 50 times worse. People's heads are exploding in the middle of the day. This is a bad, bad place. You're only saying this because there's a boot on your car and you're angry. I just found out it's going to come. I hate money. No, you like money. I'm mad about, dude, this fucking boot.

You're coming in here with the sour attitude. I'm sorry, I'm sorry about hitting you. You come in here. You have to come in here. Once the episode starts, nothing bad has ever happened to you. You have to think about nothing. You can't, you have to be completely said.

It's going to cost me $1,000 plus $100 a day until, because my fucking license. All right, to be 100% clear, we don't need to talk about this on the show I just want to say it's 100% my fault right yeah I don't my car my tags are expired my insurance is out I'm I think this has been

this has been looming over me for a long time if I cast my mind backwards through time I think I can walk through maybe 50 memories of you bragging about not paying a parking ticket over the past few years you moving you moving parking tickets from switching your license plate just having your license plate stolen and saying

that now you could get a new license plate and none of the old tickets be attached to it. I thought that we could claim that the person who stole my license plate got all those tickets. But that would have been us reporting the license plate stolen two years after they stole it because we had two years of tickets.

Anyway, yeah, I owe $1,000 and then $100 a day and I have to get an attorney. It's fine. We're going to get a bump here. We're just going to get a bump on the Patreon. So please go to the Patriot. I need it so, so, so. I could see that I don't, since I have no clock of timing.

It's a, we started at 12.10. Okay. Anyway. Anyway. What did you say? He said 18. 18. 18.

I, I would like to say I've been, I've been wanting to travel because I've been interested in some history recently. Yeah. And I've been watching this, this guy, voices of the past on YouTube. Have you ever seen this guy? No. He does, he reads like first hand accounts of, like, like, primary sources from when, like, the first embassies from one country to another. like the 1600s and stuff

and I watched the one that was the samar the first time that the samurai the Japanese their embassy to Mexico Wow and the first the first words written by a Mexican

about the Japanese embassy that comes into Mexico City is they have long hair they kind of look like girls that was the first historical record that they have it was very very You got to be careful watching those history videos on YouTube, though.

I'm addicted to them. I'm addicted to them. You're going to be careful on, like, specific ones, though, because I tried to look up the difference between, like, a Cajun and a Creole, and it was a whole race science video. That's not a history. I was like, I was just trying to figure out what that, what that was, because it was sometimes these Cajun seasoning, sometimes it's Creole seasoning. You can really easily stray into some bad history stuff without realizing it, though. If you're not, you have to be so hypervigilant. I was watching some.

You got to make sure the thumbnail. And this is the most dangerous. one. So I had my guard up. Robert E. Lee, good or bad? No, even more, honestly, even more dangerous than that is if you are watching videos on YouTube about Viking history, you have to be so careful. You click on one recommended video and you're gone. You're done for it. Because they know exactly how to say it so that somebody who doesn't know. It's a pipeline. The Viking history stuff is really interesting how they were like the, that's like the people who were the, the fucking royal family, the, what are they called, the Winsers?

Uh-huh. The Winsers, is that sure? The Winsers is, Lizzie. They claim that they're, like, related to the first king of England. Uh-huh. But there was, like, 15 kings in the middle that were just Viking guys who just killed enough people that they, there was nobody left to be king. Vikings were crazy.

You know, like, a bunch of the, like, Norse mythology stuff has been completely corrupted by, or not corrupted, but, like, all, because of Christian missionaries, all their, like, legends that weren't written down, got, like, lost because they got switched out with like Christian stuff where they were trying to like, it's very crazy. And that's another topic. We have to be really careful when you watch about religion and Norseithology.

You're going to make sure that the person who uploads the video that their like profile picture is not like a knight from the crusades. Yeah. Or a statue. If it's a statue, if it's a statue, don't click on it. If they have to have a fat white guy. This one's counterintuitive, but if the person feels a need to put a disclaimer

at the beginning about what they're talking about, that's the danger. That's bad. You always got to have a fat white guy with a little goatee or something. Maybe a ponytail. Sometimes you can trust them. They need to look,

yeah, they need to look like a teacher. Yeah, exactly. But that's a slippery slip too. If they're in good shape, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You see a buff guy talking about Vikings. That is the most. That guy has done a hate crime. I do not want to see any of that shit, man. Do not show me that. That's going to ruin all my, I'm not going to get recommended

any more gambling videos. It's all just going to be this shit. It's going to be like, why do Filipino people ruin property values? Exactly. It'll be on a history channel. Yeah. It's got like Jason history.

Yeah. And it's just like, these fucking Filipinos moved in a line down. It's not a good idea, man. Now there's pool halls everywhere. I saw one that was the voices of the past thing where he was a Chinese guy who went to, where are Vikings from?

Norway. Viking land. Scandinavia. He goes to Scandinavia. That's part of Scandinavia, right? Norway. And I've realized 90% of these videos, these like first contact videos, are just these people being like, I went to this other country, they are disgusting. Like this entire bit, he was like, he was like, it's the most, they're the most disgusting people. He said they're barely even human.

He said that every morning, a bucket is, is passed around the entire village. And every man washes his hair, washes his face, blows his boogers into it. spits in it and then it goes to the next guy like it's a fucking like pirate movie yeah and that's what they did every day what's true it's disgusting the Viking I'll say it dude the Vikings said almost no sense of hygiene the Vikings

were kind of gross they were disgusting and now you get like like it's so funny sorry like the people like the buff races dudes are like well Vikings only ate like salted meat and shit and it's like yeah they were also fucking stupid they're also the

stupidest people in the world all they knew how to do is like rape and pillage. He said they were seven feet tall, though. They were seven feet tall. They may have been stupid, but the Irish, here's some other Irish history stuff is the like cities on the coast who would always get raided by the Saxons, the Vikings, they, it's something that's so funny to me is that they would get rated like every year. They would get rated the same time of year by the Vikings.

So the Vikings would always would just know, oh, these people are pussies and we can beat them in a fight. So they would just come back every year and fuck everything up and then leave and then. town would just be like, oh, great, and build everything back and get more treasure and stuff. It actually is. Somebody is definitely, somebody is definitely, somebody's playing Civ 5. Yeah. That's the only explanation. It's so fucking funny. Oh, absolutely. No, they didn't weren't like, maybe we should move a little. Maybe we should move some, move towards the, the center of this, the, the, I also saw a video, sorry, I'm

obsessed with these videos. I recommend anybody watches a video. I wish this is what the episode was about. Me too, but this guy, it was the, the, the Japanese, the first time, the Spanish visited the Japanese and again the Japanese guy is like they are not even human their noses are four feet long and then he says he tells the story about it was kind of cool that tells like the story

of uh he he says like they have this religion where their Buddha is a baby it's so stupid but there's all these like paintings of like uh Jesus as a Japanese guy I'd never seen that before whoa it was really cool those are sick and he's got like a halo around

his head they have like uh mother mary as a japanese lady that's pretty tight they drew they drew the devil it's so amazing when two cultures come together i honestly love cultural confluence this has got to be one of my favorite things in the world i mean could you imagine personally i've been trying to spread i'm just americanism i've been trying to spread my own culture yeah they have that everywhere i mean you can get like a korean style burger spanish style burger exactly i'm trying to further that yeah we need to dominate i do think here's another fucked up thing. We've done burgers. Here's another fucked up

thing. I went to a pub for lunch. I ordered, I said, I'll have the burger. They said, chicken or beef. They do that in Australia they call... No. In Australia, they call chicken sandwiches.

They do it everywhere else except here. They call chicken sandwiches. That is disgusting to me. Isn't that horrible? That is a physical reaction. A fried chicken sandwich, which is a different thing, which is a different thing. In Australia, in like every other European country, they call it a chicken burger.

It's messed up. I know, but I'm saying I experienced it first hand. I know. And in a scenario where it should have been cut in dry. Should have been cut in half. Yeah. Should have been cut in half. It was big knife in the middle.

Yeah, exactly. Give me that. And it should have been a 10-foot-tall burger. And pub cheese dripping down the side of that. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm also done with smash burgers, and I'd like the burgers to be five feet tall again. Yeah.

Robin, contact me. That's your problem. you did order a burger in a non-American place. Did you get fish and chips? I got fish and chips. Where they, I. That's the only thing you can get anywhere. You choose between a burger, fish and chips.

Or Shepherds Pie. Or Cottage Pie. Did you have blood sausage? No, I've had blood sausage before, though. I had it when I was in Scotland. I got their blood in my sausage. It's not bad. It doesn't taste like anything.

None of their food tastes. It's all brown and black items that don't taste like anything. Like every other fucking country has blood. Do you get a spice bag? what's that it's like a they throw pretty much they put everything in a bag and then throw a bunch of spices and then it comes with curry sauce wow and by the way this is the brownest food in the world

this curry sauce is not curry the only green the only green thing they eat is pea puree yeah mushy peas and because and I know I said they ate boiled cabbage earlier but that it's not even green no it becomes completely white it's brown translucent it's literally all brown food They're on a brown food diet.

Did you feel like it was almost walking around? This is kind of political. Did you feel like Ireland was kind of Trump vibes? Let me think for a second. No. Kind of lots of whiteys? Well, there's a lot of whiteys, but they're all like... There were a lot of whiteys.

They're militantly woke. But were they woke or were they craggers? I saw a group of military men training and running around with plastic guns. See, that's wokeism. Yeah. Get a metal gun. That's the woke arm. me. Yeah, a microplastic gun, is that

what it was? She was microplastics in your body to make you LGBT? Yep. Yeah. Go figure. And that's when they signed with Palestine. Ireland does? They do. Yeah, they decide. But they're very heavy. But they'll let you know that they do. Because they think they're doing the same thing.

Is that really why they think they're doing the same thing? They're literally, yeah. The tour guy with the first day we met him was talking about. I don't even remember how, like, yeah, no reason to bring it up. Yeah. It's like, and yeah, that's why we, side with Palestine because I guess like we're used to being the underdog wow well yeah they get

fucked by the British for years they don't get they let themselves get fucked by the British they are in British they are Northern Ireland they are British dude they have a different accent that's the only fucking difference we're not getting into this let's get into these list I'm you know how I know my DNA test says 60%

Irish and British you are not the hello Chubio said hello he said hello oh he's saying we need to start the yeah okay okay here yeah thank god thank god we did because i was about that i've been i've been holding my tongue this whole episode no no no no let me intro this here please do so sorry oh let me pull it up but anyway i guess i'll just i'll come right out and say it we started a law firm we did fetter and dorin and pits international no yep fdp fdp fdp fdp fd pfd pfd pfd pfd pfd pfd pfd pf dp

Fucked up police. No, it's PDF. PDF is way better. Yeah. It's d'n't fatter. We start, you know, a lot of these, a lot of these. Isn't it alphabetical when they do that? It's none of you.

It's an order of whatever letters are coolest. Exactly. Okay. It's, you know, it's a lot of these lawyers that work nowadays. You see them, they wear suits. Uh-huh. They're prim, they're proper. They're annoying.

As long as I got my suit and they're old ass. I'm a little old, old heads. I think that the legal profession needs a little injection of young blood. Where's the young blood? Right into the core of it. Where's the elder zoomers? Where are the elder zoomer lawyers?

Where are the elder zoomers who know actually... Who know, because here's a thing, exactly, Riz law, that's what I'm saying. Lawyers, these are lawyers from the past, if you ever created a meme that was your, you... Your IP? What? Your intellectual property?

See, he doesn't know. He's got some lawyering to do. If you confess to a crime and a meme, the old guys, they're not even going to know. They don't even know. What's that? What's that? They're going to say something like Mamet. And then now all of a sudden, I'm catching an assault and battery charge. They got caught on a meh, yep.

And now I'm catching an assault and battery charge because it's pronounced meme, you know? These are old men who say Jif instead of GIF. He took a picture of you with his telephone. What are you talking about? Yep. What do you mean? A picture with his telephone? I'm reaching over the stand.

I'm strangling this guy. I'm trying to kill him with the plaintiffs. Yeah, he's like, sexual assault. What's that? We didn't have that when I was working. Exactly. This is why we need, and this is what we do when we have our first meetings with people.

Amendments? The Constitution doesn't have any amendments? Well, it has four. That's what he might say. And then we, so that's what we do in our meetings with new potential clients. And this is how they understand it. old lawyers be like this and then you do that and that's the commercial yeah and it's like trying to attract a difference so anyway yeah we're gonna get we're gonna give out some legal advice

today legal advice you can take this seriously you can take this completely hold us accountable for all I pass the bar and this was sent to us by Bailey I don't know if you want me to say your last name so I won't Bailey we're gonna say your full email address right now Bailey for sending us this website a good website where it's called Avo it's called Avo and it's people post there. It's basically, if you've listened to our doctor episodes, it's practo, but for the legal profession. But the name, the name derives from,

like, I have a legal question. I have a legal question. I have a legal question. The word for lawyers, avocado. Damn. In other languages. In what language? Every other language.

It's avocado? Yeah. Really? Avocat. Oh. Well, yeah, but it's the same. In French, it's avocat. And that literally means both lawyer and avocat.

and I assume it's in Latin and Spanish and all that shit too. Because they're green on the inside. Yep. Yeah. They got a pit at their center, a cold heartless pit. Unlike us. But so we're going to give some legal advice on these legal questions that people have. So I'll go ahead and start it off here.

Because the people who are answering on this website are usually older lawyers. Yeah, who don't. They don't answer anything correctly. Can I make a real Krusty Krab restaurant? I want to open a restaurant from a TV show. Specifically, I want to open a restaurant. open a crusty crab from SpongeBob. Is this possible?

What problems would I run into with copyright issues? Who would I have to talk to in order to make this restaurant possible? Us. From a legal perspective. Talk to us. We'll fucking, we'll sort it all out. I don't think you can get in trouble for this because Stephen Hillenberg is dead.

He's passed away. So what is it? I mean, who's going to make the Patrick Star show, then you can make a Krusty Krabb. Exactly. I don't understand why. Which again, again, both of these would go against his wishes,

but what's he going to do? You can't, you know, he can't get to roll over in his grave. People always say that, oh, this guy's rolling over in his grave. That wouldn't scare me at all. I don't give a fuck. I wouldn't be able to see it. I can't, yeah, he's so far down. Suck my dick.

I don't care if he's rolling over. I'm up here. Yeah. As long as you're not rolling over into my bedroom really fast or down a hallway. I say, yeah, suck my dick. If you can reach it, ooh, and I start dancing with my dick out on his grave. But then that's, yeah, how do you, then it's Yao Ming under their seven foot wingspan. Uh, grab your dick.

I really liked that this one. I just liked this one says, I want to open a restaurant from a TV show. Specifically, I want to open a Krusty Kruj, couching the restaurant from a TV show first. Yeah, and then he thought of the specific one. I mean, these old lawyers don't know SpongeBob. They don't know SpongeBob at all. Okay, this isn't working now.

Great. That's fine. Great job, Jubio. Okay, it's working. Is it legal for your doctor to request to watch you poop? I saw this one. During my GI exam today, the doctor suggested that he watched me go so he could see where I was having problems. I said, okay, even though it seemed strange.

It made me uncomfortable. Is this legal? No. I like this because this is a... This is not legal. No, no, no. This is legal because this could lead to an entirely different type of medicine,

which is that it's not what you eat. It's not the poop itself. It's your technique. You have poor technique that gives you diarrhea. It's normal shit until it gets to your asshole and then you bend your knees wrong and it's water. Yeah, I can see that. I could definitely see that being true.

But why not just put a camera in the bathroom? You said okay, so it's legal. Yeah, that's also true. Yeah, you have no case. is it illegal to hire a hypnosis to control an ex-husband? I found out my ex-wife tried to hire a person to hypnotize me into signing passports for my children so she could leave the country with them. That's legal.

Okay, I will say. That's legal because what you do under hypnosis is very weird. I did not include any of these in my slide shows because it goes against my feminist agenda. But there is a lot, like a lot of questions on this thing that, are like, I lied to get my husband in jail, and now I regret it. Who should I tell? There's like, there's like, I saw like 10 or 15 different questions. They were like, I lied and told my, told, one was like, I stabbed myself and blamed it on my

husband. Now he's in jail. What do I do? Oh my God. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. This is such a good website. I really love this website.

I recommend anybody check it out. I had a landscaper buried a poop in my backyard during the job. they did here. What can I do? Had a landscape company coming to work in my backyard. They finished yesterday. I went out there today. Saw that my dog was digging up some things. I looked at it and it smell it and it smells like human number two. Human number two.

Doug about a foot down and realized that one of the workers and defecated in my backyard and buried it. Call the company. They talked to the guy. He admitted to doing it. Why do if they do not resolve this issue? Human number two, who's this Austin Powers? How do they want this to be resolved?

What do you mean if they don't resolve the issue? The guy has to come get his poop. They buried the poop. That's the resolution. Someone's looking in here, and I don't know why. They can leave us alone. Does it look like a male man? It looks like a child.

It looked like a person. And they waved and smiled and then left. Maybe we knew them. The sequence of events here, I don't believe at all. Your dog was digging at something. You looked at it. It smelled and looked like human poop. So you dug a foot down into the ground

until you found more poop. You were expecting to find a person down there pooping up. How would you be able to dig a foot down? It's shit. It's shit. That's crazy. A foot down.

To find more poop. To find more poop. But the guy, I guess, admitted to doing it. Yeah. Who knows? I know this may sound silly, but I'm just wondering, is it illegal if a medium or psychic puts a spell on someone? I know this may sound silly, but I'm just wondering.

is it illegal if a medium or psychic puts a spell on someone? If I went to a psychic and she did this for me against someone, would I or could I be in any legal trouble? Yes. Thank you. Yes, this is different from hypnosis. I would say... Because this is true.

And hypnosis is weird. Hypnosis is weird. No one works on drunk people and women. But if you're like a spell, I feel like there's no probably legal definition of a spell. So I think you can get a word of that. There's a legal definition of spells. I don't think so.

Yeah. I don't think that a spell has any magic action. I don't think a spell has made an action that retains to. Any magic words that have been said that pertain to or involve magic, which thereby lead to a magical action occurring or being incurred upon a piece of property or individual. Yeah, which ascertains property. Which at the time of casting the spell were unspelled previous to the spells casting. See, this is why.

He knows the bar better than you. This is on the bar exam. I mean, I've studied the precedents. I only got a 20 on my bar exam. Yeah. I got a 10,000. Yeah, and it's out of 10,000. Yeah.

But I still let me pass. Yeah. Yeah. They let you pass because you're sleeping with the teacher. I was sleeping with the judge. I'm, I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm, also this is, this is the number one question. This is the question they have the most of on this website. This is the only one of it I put in. This one was making me laugh out loud so hard in my house. I'm going to have trouble getting through it.

Okay, here we go. I'm 23. I called a 15-year-old sexy just to be silly in the context of the conversation. Did I break the law in Ohio? This was a message over a messaging program. No pictures, no sexy talking. It was literally just that one phrase. And it got me thinking.

It got me thinking. I called a 15-year-old sexy just to be silly. Just to be silly. 90% of the questions on this website. Your honor. Your honor, I was in a silly, goofy mood. Every single question on here is I'm 20.

My girlfriend is 13. Is this legal if I only kiss her? Yeah. And all the lawyers respond and they say, yes, this is perfectly legal as long as you ask her parents permission. Oh, God. I called a 15 year old sexy just to be silly.

Just to be. How silly would that be if I called her sexy? as a as a lawyer yeah what's your take on this I don't know I think you're going to jail for life bud

I think in Ohio this is a death penalty most crimes most crimes you can usually get away with with the silly defense you are going in Ohio this is beyond the pale in Ohio yeah

in Ohio in the legal system in Ohio be like most normal legal system in Ohio yep wow this is

see that stuff that lawyers exactly our our lawyers wouldn't get yeah they wouldn't get that but this you're going to

you're going to be fed skyline chili until you poop out all of your internal organs yeah how's that for silly buddy yeah yeah it's going to be you can get silly with your license plates you're doing custom ones and say stuff like cum and shit I have I have patronized a fried chicken restaurant for quite a while

and about two months ago I had diarrhea right after the meal I left my experience in their website one week later the manager called me denying anything wrong in their restaurant and I still went their location for the fried chickens thinking maybe I ate something bad in the previous day. But I had other small diaries a few times after eating the chickens.

A few days ago, I had some serious diarrhea right after finishing the fried chickens. I suspected maybe they put something to make the chickens tender and tasty that something could make my intestine suffered in having diarrhea. That something could harm my health. I just wonder how I can prove my diarrhea caused by the fried chickens and that's something and hoping they can improve their chickens? Thanks. I want to know.

People out. Yeah. Yeah, what did you look up to find this? Diarrhea or chicken? Oh, yeah, diarrhea. Okay. I got another diarrhea one coming out. All right, let's go to it.

Let's see it. I don't know if it's next to not. Because these are maybe the same legal. I don't think it's the next one. Let's see here. Oh, yeah. This was my favorite one I found. So I really want to hear you guys thoughts on this one.

Can you use telekinesis to clear away a storm? I would like to know if you could use telekinesis to clear away a rain cloud. Yes. Okay. No, you cannot. No, you cannot. Not if it's over your neighbor's property. Oh, yeah. Okay, if it's over your own property, but if you put it on your neighbor's lawn, it is a problem. You can move it up or down. There's two. This is going to be, this is going to be an issue in a, in a civil case.

You could have a civil case brought against you because, like you said, this could belong to your neighbor, depending on how much sky area they have in their, as their property line, how high up their property line goes. Yeah. Right. But also, this could be a federal case. You are interfering. If you're going into airspace. You are interfering with the EPA's weather control devices that they have, yeah, exactly. They have set all across this nation.

So if they want to put a cloud of toxic acid rain above your house, you don't have any legal recourse for that. You especially can't use offensive telekinesis. 100%. And speaking of weather control, I mean, this could even escalate the issue beyond the federal level. You could be even in the UN, you could get in trouble with Israel. Exactly. Oh, yeah.

You're going to get in big trouble with them. like maybe again you're going to be forced to eat instead of skyline chilly you're going to be forced to eat to bully until you diarrhea maybe this doesn't become a legal issue at all maybe you you know you're tampering with rain clouds

and you know you catch the eye of a foreign country that maybe has a strong interest in weather control you're going to be dealing with a lot more than a rain cloud I'm going to say yeah yeah yeah they might want to deal with this in an extrajudicial manner and if you have telekinesis how about you do

your country a favor and enlist Yeah, what the fuck are you doing controlling the rain? How about making the world a better place by making flowers get taller? Or become a magician and make the world a better place by making people smile. Entertainment. Yeah.

Make birthday parties a little better. I love magic. I am looking for a lawyer with the guts to stand up to Facebook. I'm right here, buddy. I have received multiple bands for jokes and memes ironically taken off of other Facebook pages predating the current presidency. This is from 2018.

What is regarding immigration, the other refugees? They keep removing them, followed by bands, for so-called hate speech. I have screenshots of the posts as well as original pick I tried to post. Screenshot plainly show Facebook accusing me of hate speech with the original post. As far as I knew, the U.S. Supreme Court

has already ruled that under the First Amendment, all speech is protected, even if it offends. Please help! I will help you. I think we are the lawyers who will stand up to Facebook. We don't agree with you, but Facebook took away flare and they took away the wall.

They took away a lot of... They took away pokes. We want that shit back. Yeah. We have the... Make Messenger back into the main Facebook app. And that's what we're going to have on hats. And there are going to be red hats that say that.

Make Messenger back into the original Facebook app. And take out the bots from Marketplace. Yes. And Mark Zuckerberg, gain some weight. You're too skinny. You're looking like a twig. I just watched the social network. I'll snap you like a twig.

I watched that social network on a plane. Zuck. You are a little weird bastard. Zuck, you look surprised. But you acted really well in that movie. I was surprised by how well you did. And you were good in Zombie Land. I was just about to say that.

You were amazing in Zombie Land. You were amazing in Zombie Land. But I didn't like you so much in Adventureland because I wanted to be in love with the girl in that movie. Yeah, it's kind of crinzy. And you made me jealous? But you're the worst Lex Luthor. Oh, don't even get me started. What, Lex Luthor has hair?

Yeah. Comic Book Nerds, Rise. Yep. Yes, Comic Book Nerds. How about Comic Book? nerds versus the state of Mark Zuckerberg. Yep. That's a movie that we'll be. And we're going to throw away your whole case.

That's our new case. Thank you. Yeah. All right. Okay, here it is. Is it illegal to give someone diarrhea without their knowledge? And this is listed under civil rights. I think it is. This is a civil right. I think that's technically poison. Yeah, although the replies under this, we're all like, what do you mean? Yeah. How would you do this? What are you talking about? I think my mom has been poisoning me every single time I go home. She'll leave out,

she'll like leave out chicken for like 10 hours and then I'll get home I'll get off a flight she'll be like hey I just made this chicken yeah you want some I'll go yeah and I mean even if you didn't get poison eating it and she'll be like yeah I made this at 11 a.m and it's been sitting on the counter all day she could be jailed for lying yeah exactly exactly we're doing lying to your son against all moms yeah yeah yeah law firm versus moms I'm down I'm fucking down, dude. PDF versus my my client has a large list of grievances

that go all the way back to 2002. Yeah. This is a lot. He's been building a case for near 18 years. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And you are losing your house, ma'am.

Can I file a lawsuit in what type against a recognized comedian for verbally abusing my seven-year-old while left under his care? I saw my son today for my weekend visit today. Immediately I noticed his puffy eyes. I asked him, what's the matter? He replied that he was,

left with Mike Cato comedian, public performer recently while his mother worked on a Saturday. He said he took him out, my son to eat. Mike arrived to his home and demanded my son to carry his two-liter out of Mike's vehicle. My son tried and said it was too heavy to him. He said Mike called him a damn bonehead and other names he was not allowed to say. Dictionary definition, bonehead, bonehead, noun informal, a stupid person. For not being able to cater to him, he accused him of acting out to his mother when she arrived. He told me he never wants to see Mike again. He is afraid of him. He said while they wear alone, he was very demanding on him. Mike Cano is a comedian, Ontario at Gold Star.

He claims he is family-oriented. Verbly insulting my son is no laughing matter. How can I proceed to have this verbal abused stopped? This roast battle. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but this is pissing me off so much. The war against comedians stops today. First, Will Smith viciously attacks, nearly kills Eddie Murphy on the stage of the Oscars, right?

and now this guy is being accused of child abuse because he says, Bonehead, dude, come to the comedy seller or the comedy mothership on any weekend night. Try that in a small venue. And if Bonehead, yes. Yes.

If Bonehead offends you, buddy, wait until they say the F word. The C word. Have you ever heard of? Yeah, C word. Crazy. The B word. The F word.

The F word. The F word. Fart muncher. You are going to get so obliterating. Shart juggler. Matt Rife is going to say so much shit. Matt Rife, which now I'm remembering,

it wasn't Eddie Murphy, got slapped. It was Matt Rife. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I've completely fucked that up. Matt, Will Smith slapped Matt Rife.

Matt Ripe was on stage at the Oscars. He pointed at Will Smith and said, damn, you here with a black girl? I'm really sorry. That was me,

that was me being racially insensitive. It was Matt Rife. Anyway, If Matt Rife gets you in his laser sights, dude, you're done. Yeah. Bro, your kid's going to fucking kill himself. Uh-huh. Right?

If Matt Rife tells your kid to bring a soda to the car, dude. What are we doing here, man? The war on comedians stops today. And me as a lawyer, I'll defend comedians pro bono. And they'll probably say something about, that sounds like boners. I did. I found one on here that I didn't put in that was, that was, how can I find a pro boner lawyer? You know who put that in their slides?

Yep, we'll save it. We'll save it. All right. We'll save it for pets. Can I serve dentist for inappropriate behavior? My wife was told inappropriate sexual jokes. Yes. No, you can't.

No, you can't. There's dentist client privilege. Oh, yeah. Well, dentists are like funny doctors. Yeah. I got a headache from playing GTA 5. Can I sue Rockstar games? Yes.

Yes. And we'll do it for you. If I were to make a sex robot costume for Halloween with a screwdriver penis and a peer in public, do I break indecency laws? The screwdriver has a small vibration. motor attached. There are small square buttons where the nipples are that activate annoying lights and sounds beeping. Sex robot is stenciled on the back. It is quite obviously a joke and is not realistic in any way. You will be sued for copyright infringement

from white as kids. Yes. It's over for you. Is it illegal to practice voodoo in the state of New York? This female is illegally practicing voodoo on me and in turn is making me very ill with her actions. Is there legal action I can take against her to make this stop? Because when I have asked her to stop, she is simply refusing and her lawyers, plural, are not helpful at all. she reports she is a witch and this is what she does but her actions are causing harm and sickness and are based in evil behaviors it is illegal and we will protect you

but evil is not illegal voodoo is uh... leave out the base in evil behaviors part evil behaviors are based evil but certain vectors of evil is in voodoo or not they're not okay do I have a case no hello I used to be employed with a company about seven years and endured a lot of bullying and harassment I was called Patrick from the cartoon SpongeBob

and McGilla the gorilla I worked in two different locations and both supervisors call me those names and when they spoke about me, they would refer to me as McGillowler. I told them to stop and they said, as long as I work there, that would be my name. Your full name is Patrick McGillow. Yeah, you don't have a case. You have no case. As long as you work here, McGillow the gorilla will be your name. Also, Patrick from the cartoon SpongeBob, you must have a very long name if that is a shortened nickname. Yeah, God, it's so funny to get completely owned by your boss, to ask them to stop calling you McGill of the gorilla and say, As long as you work here, that will be your name.

As long as I work here, that will be your name. Yeah, that's all my slides. All right. Now, we're going to go to my slides here. We're going to look through some of these things that I found. So we were talking earlier, you know, all these old lawyers, you know, we're, we're the new, we're the new jacks. We're freshman class to 2023. Yeah.

We're going to be in lawyer magazine. Uh-huh. We're going to be a lawyer magazine freshman, uh-huh, the lawyer's the opening statements. The lawyer of the filibuster. That's what we're going to be doing. Yeah. Yeah, we're going up against people like Andrew Tate and Chris Griffin. We're going to be going up against them.

We're going to be going up against Peter Griffin. We're going to go against gay glaze. You know, all these people. And this is the first thing I found, which is does a comedian violate any copyright laws by doing celebrity voice impressions? I do voice impressions in my children's birthday party magic act. I don't want to break any copyright laws. Can I talk like Kermit the Frog without getting sued? No.

No. The voice is the main thing about Kroft. Kermit the frog. You can't wear a hat with the M on it or you get sued by Mario's company, which is called Nintendo. If you use Kermit's voice, which is basically his Mario hat, you will be sued by the Henson Foundation. Sorry to say. Also, wait, was that from 2010? Yeah. That's the oldest question on this website.

Everything I found was from like 2019. I found some older ones. Really? I couldn't find shit like that. Can I break my least after a week from a severe roasting foundation? Hey, did Matt Rife move in your damn house? Oh, damn. Can I break my lease due to a roast invitation?

He didn't Matt Wright move in your house. Yes, he did. Imagine Matt Wright standing on, oh, my God, standing in the gutter like it talking shit to your kid. Oh, my God. Hey, hey, what's up? Where'd you get that yee-y-ass haircut? Oh, Matt Wright, get out that damn sewer.

Stop talking to my kid! Wait, your dog is actually cute as fuck. Wait, your dog is actually cute as fuck. Wait, did you guys come together as friends? I actually love that. I love that, though. I actually love that, I love that, though. The best Matt Rife clips are the ones where he's not, he's doing crowdwork, but he's not

roasting anyone. He's not really commenting anything. He's just going like, oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wait. So you two are brothers? Wow, bet. That's actually nice.

That's actually fucking nice. And he posted to his Instagram and get 300. People like, I just, wow, I saw you live when you came, when you came to Pittsburgh. I love that shit. I fucking shit myself laughing. You shouted out me and my cousin and you said that it was cute that we were there together.

That's 50% of the crowdwork is that it's cute that you're here with somebody else. You're here with your mom? That's cute. Wait, I actually love her. You look hella young for how old you all? Is it your 28th birthday? Oh, shit.

He posted this clip where he's in Honolulu and everyone keeps giving him a lay. And that's the whole clip. Wow, that's, I actually feel fucking. blessed as fuck for wearing this necklace. And then he's doing the crowd work and then a woman in the car goes, you, wait,

what the hell she said? Wait. Yeah. What the hell she said? I came to Honolulu. I thought the whole crowd was going to be waves and shit, but it's actually fucking, it's actually people and shit.

Wait, but you're actually a volcano. Why is you wearing blue like a wave? I thought it was all going to be waves and sharks and shit. I was low-key scared as a motherfucker. I thought there's mother. You're, man, there's volcanoes here with a black chick, damn. Yo, shout out volcanoes. I never seen a volcano with a black chick before.

Damn, that's fire. Good for you, bro. I bet, I bet you hate hanging out with his in-laws, though, huh? Yeah, two volcanoes. What the fuck? Can I, is it legal in the state of Michigan to pay a woman to fart for you? Just have a fart fetish and would like to find a woman to do this for me. But I want to do it.

I want it to be legal. I would say that this is not legal. It's not legal. an independent contractor is the category. Yes. 1099 for farting. Not even. I mean,

not even. Filling out a W-9. On a guy. And then the, the, like, the memo just says like, blasted.

Yeah. I mean, I guess the question here is not, Incorporated. It seems like it's not about legality. He wants it to be taxed. He wants to be taxed on it. This guy's,

yeah. I mean, the government's always going to want to take extra money. Oh, if you want to do above board work. Because I could buy that plastic cup. cup from you right now. I don't need to fill out no forms. Okay, how much? Two bucks. While you're doing that, I'll go to the next slide, which is, uh, what's to stop me from making an

energy drink and calling it bottle of jizz. I know, I know. That's a really dumb name for an energy drink, but we have one called pussy, and I know for a fact, a large group of people would buy it and drink it. It'd be a normal energy drink with the consistency of, ahem, a bottle of jizz. That's not a normal energy drink that has the consistency of jizz. Is make it taste like mango, though, because mangoes are delicious. It'd have all the basic ingredients as monster energy, but healthier and different enough that they can't claim I rip them off. My question is, are there any actual laws and stipulations anywhere in the USA besides California that would stop me for making such a drink and selling it a gas station? Comipornia.

They're going to outlaw and they hate Jizz. Well, you know who else hates Jizz, these old lawyers? Your drink is not a bottle of Jizz. The mark is therefore misdescriptive. Of course, it is questionable whether there is any market for an actual bottle of juice. Okay, a bag of Cheetos, those aren't actually Cheetos. No. They're just little snacks.

Yeah. Do you think the animal's a Cheeto? Yes. No. It is a Cheeto. Let's move. A Dorito is a Dorito. It's just a chip.

Let's not get into this. You're going to get, he's going to not going to understand. Sorry, I'm going to go out of the bar. Sorry, I'm worried about my wheel. Can a bail bods man call me and threaten me and call me now? nasty booger names. So this Bonds lady has been texting me calling me nasty names and threatening me

saying that she is going to send the cops to my house and tell me that I'm going to jail. Nasty booger names. That's fucking, okay, first of all, bugger names, again, depending on where you are in the world, bugger names can be really, really bad or kind of fun misdemeanor charges.

Yeah. Yeah. Somebody distestable at my school world, I have a huge booker in place down my back. How would you label this crime against me. Is it a battery, assault with a booger? Yes, I was assaulted with a booger. And what can I do to legally punish the transgressor in this situation? This is not a joke. This is absolutely serious. With the police care and punish the transgressor, or am I supposed to accept assaults with boogers against me? Unfortunately, yes, you are. If it was at school, you're going to have to

accept it. But here's the thing. And you're going to be called booger boy for the rest of your life. There's a wrinkle, though. There's precedent for this. This person who did this is detestable. This is a detestable person. And he has to register as a detestable person and tell everybody, excuse me, you know, I moved in next door, I'm detestable. When they go to a new school, I just want to let everyone know. My fun fact is I'm a detestable person. I'm a detestable person.

I've put boogers on people before. I'm a sonocated with a roly backpack. I'm a nasty, nasty detestable. Hello, my character trait is detestable. Yeah, exactly. How can I legally get my neighbors to turn their damn rapcraft down? I live in a very small valley and our newest neighbors think they can blast their rap crap as loud as they want and want everyone in the valley to hear it. What can be done

to make it stop? Sadly, nothing. Unfortunately, there was a Supreme Court decision about six years ago when Sicko Mode came out. There was a Supreme Court decision. Apparently, in now this New America, Joe Biden's America, you can play rap music as loud as you want. In any valley, it doesn't matter what kind of neighborhood you live in. It can be flat. It can be a valley. You could live on a mountain. You can play your music as loud as you want. And this is a big loss for Patriots. I would say that if the framers were here,

they would not be accepting this. No. You know, if they were still alive, this is not what they wanted. And if Antonin Scalia was still alive, they would have been going. And there was another ruling pretty soon after that, just because I know people are going to be curious

about the corner cases where if you're blasting Lincoln Park, you have to turn it down for the Chester parts and turn it really loud for the Mike Shinoda part. Exactly. And by the way, I went to a pub in California recently that was owned by one of the ex-members of Fort Minor. Wow.

I met him. Did you meet him? Yeah. Which one? It's a white guy with like with a... I don't know them by their... I don't know his name. I don't know his name, but he, uh, that I had some chicken wings and they were really,

really bad. Yeah. Wow. Well, but he's friends with my brother now, so... That's pretty awesome. Maybe we can get on a track with him. I would love to get on it. I mean, I would love to collaborate.

But the whole song is about how his wings are bad and he doesn't know. The pub is pretty cool, though. We should do it. And then his verse is just him defending the wings. It's in downtown New Hall, California. Go check that out. Some gay-ass crap happened. I was cited for underage drinking and urinating in public.

Went to the bar and nature called. Cop wasn't thrilled and wrote me a ticket. How can I fight this? You can't. No, so I would say that you could get off easily here on what is called the cool defense because the fact that you're keeping it up through this whole thing. It's one, it's very cool to underage drink. very cool to your name in public, but the fact that we have evidence of you being cool online

in the aftermath saying some gay-ass crap happened. He's not worried about this. And saying in nature called? Exactly. That's Ace Ventura stuff. Another another possible defense you could look into that would be the defense I would choose if you chose me for your case is the why were you looking their defense. Yeah. I'm underage. Are you gay? I'm hearing it's a wall. What are you looking at? You're a gay pedophile. I was trying to kidnap my pee. Yeah. That's what I would say. That's what I would tell them. I would say, what do you do? Wait, you have, you have, you have, you of gloves. Are you Michael Jackson, he-he? Well, that,

but also are you trying to use that glove to scoop up my piece? You go home and jerk off to it later because you are what I just said. Yeah. Yeah. And now the cops in jail. Will you go faster so I can get to mine? I want to sue Fortnite how. Yes, W. Fortnite banned me. I want back on. Fortnite banned me. I want back on

but they won't let me. I spent like $2,000 on that game, so can I sue them? How can I find a pro boner lawyer for a sexual harassment case? Buddy, I think all of them are going to be I think that that's got to be some kind of joke one. It wasn't joke one. And there was a description that he cropped out that made it clear.

I didn't read that. I just saw that. But look at this one. Okay. Okay. I will redeem myself. He cropped it out though. Pro bono.

But if my wife and I same sex have a baby through a boner. I saw this one too. That affects my immigration paperwork. Yes. Farting trying to get our kids back from D.H. Sewing D.H.R. for desiccation of character and discrimination. For.

Oh, this is the last one. Can you adopt a mentally retarded adult without permission? That permission is so crazy. I'm going to say, I think there was a whole thing. I don't think you can't. I think that probably is not going to work out. There was a whole, like, description of this where it was very, very, very, like, they were like, like, the lawyer now controls my, like, mother's estate or something. So it's like a weird, it's a very weird legal thing.

A backstory, I don't want to hear. story, that's not great, but that phrase right there is fucking crazy. Okay, here's mine. Could this in any way get me in trouble? A girl was giving me a hand job. She initiated it and it was very much consensual. Sorry for the lewd detail. But during it, I asked her if I could ejaculate on her breasts and she said, no, you can't come on me.

Later in the hand job, I came. And while I got Seamon on her hand because she was giving me a hand job, it was not a problem. She did not seem to mind it at all. And I just started overthinking it later. After we were done, I asked her if everything we did was okay. and she said, yeah, I had fun. I had no intent of coming on her. When she said, no, you can't come on me,

I thought it meant I can't purposely try to come on her body. I did not think it would include her hand, which was giving me the hand job. I thought that was quite obvious. I don't know if this is a silly question. I tend to overthink and overanalyze everything. Any insight would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

You are going to jail for 10 years. I'll show you my reaction as a new young lawyer. Okay. It's all good, bro. Here's an older guy's reaction. Uh-huh. You are on a public forum communicating with professionals. The subject of your question is not offensive, but the manner in which it was described is very offensive.

There are three forms of communication that every person needs to learn. One, the way you talk with your buddies over a few beers. Clearly, you've got that down. Whoa. Two, the way you communicate with teachers, coworkers, and people in authority. It is more formal, but some slang is okay. If you respect your girlfriend, then she falls into this category. Three, more importantly, is the way you communicate at a funeral to a judge-in-court police officer or to professionals on a public forum.

If you were sorry for the lewd detail, you should have spent a few minutes thinking about how you were going to communicate the facts in an appropriate manner. You need to read the room before you speak. Damn. Wow. This is Patrick Seinfeld.

This is from Patrick Steinfeld, who is a wrongful death attorney in San Francisco. Well, because he gets all the jizz. How fucking crazy is it to be a lawyer? You're working as a lawyer, and you're like, well, it's time to log on to avvo.com and scroll through the sex crime section. Right, 200 words about this guy who accidentally

jizzed on a girl's hand. I was accused of peeping and I was charged with Class C misdemeanor with fines. I have court soon. Should I pay the fines? This is great. Okay. I was looking for an associate in a woman dressing room where I work at and saw a roach and I jumped

on a stall to escape it. And a woman from the other stall saw my hair and said I was peeping. She was a crying and I said I didn't mean it. Now I have fines. I didn't mean it. What should I do? Should I tell the judge what happened or pay the fines? Again, for me I'm saying, oh dude, a roach. I'm scared as fuck as bugs.

This older lawyer says saw a roach and jumped on a stall to escape it. Seriously, you should find a local criminal defense attorney as soon as possible. I've seen this guy a lot. This guy's all over this website.

Yeah. Will I be arrested? I was in a private room at strip club and I touched her private part. She didn't say anything and no one come to room and said anything. It was quick touch. Will I be arrested for this?

Yes, you will be arrested. You are going to jail. You are going to jail. Uh-huh. Does being charged with a video of beastiality mean this such person would no longer be allowed to have pets? A video of beastiality on someone's camera roll, not of which person being charged,

a random person on the internet, but it was in this person's camera roll. Could this charge, if found guilty, make it so this person would no longer be allowed pets for a certain amount of time? Why are you putting this in your camera roll? Put in your bookmarks bar or something. Put it in a folder in a folder on your bookmarks.

Yeah. Come on. Put this in an encrypted folder on your desktop. that says, you can't be trafficking. You can't, you can't handle this kind of weight. I'll say that. No, put it in a zip file called boring PDFs. Yeah, that'll get, you getting away with that.

Why is it on your camera? Why would you ever need it on your phone at any point, whether you have internet or not? I think that. I need this in case I'm on a plane. And this guy's in Seattle. I think they may be. Oh, wait, Seattle. Yeah, this is fine.

You mean the birthplace of Mr. Hans? Yeah, this is completely, yeah, I didn't know this with Seattle. This guy is not in trouble at all. Yeah. They're going to give you extra pets. Is it illegal? like a boy who 18 and you're 14. They're a YouTuber who 18 and I like them and my friend

14 would it be illegal for them to date. Yes. Yes. So this is at first I thought. But the YouTuber would not think it's illegal. At first I like this question because at first I thought there was a 14 year old asking if they could or if they were allowed to date this YouTuber. But I realize now they're trying to explain. They're trying to set up. They no, no, no, they're not. They're a YouTuber who 18 and I like them and my friend 14 would it be illegal for them to date. They want to know that it's illegal so they can say, I have to date the YouTuber because you're only 14. Wow.

Yeah. And this guy says, ask your dad. And this, I liked, I included this, this lawyer's answer came with all these disclaimers about this not being artificial intelligence. Yeah. That came up with ask your dad. And they're not your attorney. Meanwhile, us, we are your attorneys.

We're all your attorney. Yeah. We are your attorneys. Actually, now that I think about it, we're kind of doing a breaking bad, better call saw thing, where if we're lawyers, every all these Patreon subscribers who are giving us money we have that's a retainer yeah we have privilege we have we have privilege so you can tell us anything yeah in the comments of this video say anything all of your legal questions go ahead uh huh post all your legal questions we can't tell anybody to crimes yeah yeah if you get attacked by teen girls can you legally defend against

them asked in dallas texas during a talent contest a riot broke out i am a male staff member i am considerably weaker than averages at some point a pair of teen girls who were rather large, attached to me. They were wamping my skull, face, and upper body. So when they chipped some of my teeth, I lashed out landing blows after several minutes. The other staff separated us, but I ended up being checked by the paramedics.

They chipped a few of my teeth, blacked both my eyes, and broke my nose. But I was written a fine for assault, but I won against it. They were not punished. They had many bruisers, but nothing serious.

So technically, who broke the law, them or me. Well, you won the case. I just love him telling his whole story. They'd be like, So technically, he's not trying to sue them. He just said, technically who broke the law, me or them.

Yeah. But this guy got, won't by two rather large teenage girls. Is it a hate crime to call your roommate a F-A-G in Texas? Roommate is terrible. I called him F-A-G. He had the cops come. They said it would be a hate crime if I did it again and left. He is not gay.

He called the cops. He is not gay. And he called the cops on his room. called the cops that's actually you know what if he's trying to get the other guy to leave

yeah kind of the perfect petty thing to do pretty good yeah can I be convicted of murder yes

I let you this is such a crazy one I let two of my friends use my apartment I come home with blood everywhere and two dead bodies

my friends are dead and my blood may be in the apartment but I really don't know what happens Well, yeah, I mean, I get to be fair, my blood might be in my apartment right now. I don't know.

My blood is all over my apartment. Maybe I got kicked under my bed. My blood may be in my apartment. My blood might be in there. I let two of my friends use my apartment. And I come home with blood everywhere, two dead bodies. My friends are dead. My blood might be there.

But I don't really know. I don't know if my blood is there. And he got this advice. You must not say these things on this site. Just promptly get a lot. a lawyer. It's actually pretty good advice. He's got an avowed rating of 10. Yeah, no, this guy's a killer. Barry Health Hand, more like Barry Helping Hand. Can I sue a TV show for using a picture of me without my permission? I got a, this guy's in a bad situation. Yeah, Jesus. I got a call

for my brother one evening saying that I was on an episode of Forensic Files as a suspect for a rape and murder that happened in 95 and another one that happened later on, and a picture of me was on the screen. However, I was never questioned. The picture of me was from me complying with an investigation in my area willingly and was taken out in front of a pizza joint. It wasn't even a mugshot. What can I do about this? It's representing me as a criminal and I have no criminal record. I'm a law

abiding a citizen. That's insane. Can you imagine? Holy shit. Can you imagine your girlfriend is in that you're playing, you're playing Fortnite or whatever your girlfriend's in the living room watching Unsolved Mysteries? It's like, hey, you need to come in here. Yeah. What the fuck? Did you just do you walk in its paws and it's a picture of you? Suspect for a rape and murder that happened in 95

and another one that happened later on. Yeah, they're like, look at this criminal. This is from his criminal arrest. That's so funny that you would never tell you. I guess they wouldn't tell you. Yeah, I guess not. They're doing that. Yeah.

The fact that it's not a mugshot is so far. That it's just a guy out in person. They just asked him. Yeah. He thought he was going on the wall for being the thousandth customer. You ate the most pizza here. Yeah. Well, they probably just, yeah, they went up to him.

We're like, do you know anything about this? And he's like, no, I don't know. I just work here. Yeah. Yeah. God damn. This is the number. one suspect. How can I sue if I had a bug in my drink from a restaurant? How can I sue if I had a

bug in my drink? And then this is the last one I think. Can I sue a daycare for a roach being in my child's ear? The daycare has a big infestation of roaches they're addressing. I took my child out of the facility a month ago. My child was seen at urgent care. The doctor said it had been in there for some time because it was dead and causing her a fever. I have proof of the roaches inside the facility along with cold food served to children and videos of how one teacher talked to my child and no action has been taken, and that's why my child is no longer there. I can accept the roaches in the place. It's a daycare. Cold food. No way. Disgusted. My kid goes to daycare. He gets a hot PBJ that's been left in a car. Something that I found out about one of these, I didn't put

any of these in. There are a million of these ones that apparently is a real medical thing, but there's a bunch of questions that are, can I sue the hospital? My newborn baby ate poop. I almost put that one in. There's 20 of them. Yeah. It's apparently a thing that babies do. There was one that I didn't put in. And everyone says, no, you can't. Babies do that. Babies do that. There was one I didn't put in that was what happens if my baby eats poop during delivery.

Yeah. That's all stuff like that. Sorry. That's on you. You're the one who pooped. Exactly. While pushing the baby out. Well, it's the baby's own poop that it's eating.

I have to go give the state money. So what day is the shareholder? 23rd. 23rd. So go ahead and subscribe. Oh, yeah. I'll be in Washington, D.C. trying to, spending all of the money

I make on a boot that's attached to my car. Yeah. On the 24th of the 26th. I'm there with Adam. Yep. And subscribe to the Patreon. Subscribe. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Subscribe to the YouTube. Yeah, that too.

If you're watching on this, get us to 10K, we're almost there. We're almost there. We are almost there. I think that right now we are at 99. And let's try and get me to 6 foot 6. Let's get Cameron tall, y'all. All right

The hypothetical is this Would you rather Be a hand or a foot But you don't get to pick Whose hand or foot you are So you don't get to be like Duolipa's foot You have to say

I'm going to be a hand I'm going to be a foot I just Is that a person? I just made up a name Is that a person? Yeah Well I did you fucking know From what I know

From what I don't know much about her. I think that she is maybe like the prime minister of Albania. Let's see. Who's this? Duolipa's feet. Okay. Back to my question. Would you rather be a foot or a hand? No choice on who's hand or foot. Probably a hand because it, you, I mean, I could pick up pencils. Okay. I could get I could get it all up in them guys. Here's the thing. Okay. You don't have any control. You are just sitting there. It's basically you're a face where everything

just gets shoved into your face. Like I'm a vegetable. You are not in control. Yeah. So it's like I'm completely awake. Yes. You're a sentient hand attached to a person. And the person controls my every move. So you're going, so if you're a hand, you already chose hands or you're

locked in. Yeah, but feet you're wiping ass and buddy, I've wiped my asshole before and I've missed the toilet papers in the wrong place. Poop on my finger. I've picked up every disgusting fucking thing in the world. Yeah, that's true. I've touched the tons of tons of animals at zoos

that have been eating disgusting slop. Yeah. Right? I jack my off. I jack my off. Every other day, I jacked my off. Yeah. I touch my bees. I touch them. I touch my bees. And I jacked my off

every other day at least. I sit on the couch, right? I sit on the couch. I rewatch girls. I hold my bees. Uh-huh. You just, you front, front of the, front of the pants. Yeah, I go around. So here's a problem. If you're my hand, I go through.

So you're not, you're not just touching, you're touching the, the tea as well as the bees. I credit card through my cheeks, above my tea, grab the bees, grab the bees. No pee. No pee, can't even reach the pee.