Podcast About List - Ep. 254 - If My Couch Could Talk

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

The boys did this one on Cam's couch and they said there was no space for me but that's fine I don't mind. They also said I wasn't allowed to listen in to their conversation so I actually don't even know what this one is about. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Belong to do a clap. Belong to us. It's hard to do a clap, bro. All of your base are belonged. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. All of your base are belong to us. when the long cat

when the power level is over 9,000 when the long cat is over 9,000. When the long cat is long there is nothing in this song. We are feeling so casual because of our environment right now. Look at how casual we are. Normally, here's what every day is for us.

We wake up. Oh shit. Oh, fuck, I'm late. I go. I hit the alarm clock. I smash it into pieces. or maybe and then I fall back asleep my dog wakes me up by licking me in the face

and then I go fucking late to work I go into our office see once we started going into an office for it I think that the chill-ass vibes that we feels like a job bro yeah it feels like now we're kicking back we're doing what we used to do

we used to sit in a line on a couch straight ahead at the TV and we would watch TV most of of the episode we would usually we had on Pluto TV some fail army or some fail army Pluto TV bar rescue we're watching it right now

uh huh should put on fair army on no don't put on fair man I don't know yeah not that bad not a bad idea but anyway it's a pretty bad idea just burped it was stinky that is maybe I that smelled exactly like

dinty more beef stew yeah it smelled almost it was like if you were telling somebody to replicate a scent? I think that they would... What was it? What did you eat? I didn't tell people that often.

What did I eat for dinner last night? I had carneasada. No, what did you eat that before this? I had some leftover rice for my carneasada meal, and I had some chorizo and some eggs. Okay, so I guess that combined with grape frost C4 creates a perfect beef stew scent that I don't even know. I can't even...

You putting this on the TV is genuinely... bad for me. Yeah, you're trying to kill I can't dude, can't do this this guy just fell off of a stove

let's describe the stuff okay this lady's riding on a hoverboard okay oh she's going to she's definitely having a seizure oh she's fallen

and hit her head so hard her glasses flew off imagine if you if you like ended up on fail army in front of like failing

in front of your children do you think that like they would look at you too turning it off yeah you can't

we can't you got to shut it off man it's way too much you can't do that to me did you guys ever see your parents fail yeah yeah one time i think my sister talks about this a lot it was like the the day she says she cites it as the day she realized my dad was not uh not what's the word god yeah that my dad was not like uh a moral person a moral person she found my dad my dad just uh my My dad ran a red light by accident. And he just went like, he just went like, oh, my bad. And she was like young.

So it's like when you're like young and you like learn about like the laws and shit and you're like, oh my God, he's going to get in trouble. Traffic thing. When I was young, I'd always think about this. And I always tell my parents this that if I was in a car chase and I was trying to flee, I was trying to get away from the police, I would just signal a left turn and take a right or vice. Whoa. True.

Because they're behind you. They signal left now. And now and they're not going to, they can't break. They can't break the law. Yeah. So they're going to have to commit to that left turn. I had that idea around first or second grade, and I've held on to it. I remember telling my teacher.

Because my dad used to drive, who drove all day between, like, job sites because he was doing construction. And he would always drive while reading a John Grisham novel. Yeah. He would read and drive. And I thought it was like a cool trick. And he would drive with one knee. He would have no hands on the wheel. Driving with one knee and reading a book.

And I told my teacher that it was this, my dad's special talent. And she said, that's illegal. My, uh, bitch. My buddy in high school, when, like, he would, uh, we would, like, go back to his house before we'd, like, go skate. But this kid would, like, always drive with his knees and, like, text while he was driving. I miss. Dude, it was so, he would, he would be driving his mom's minivan and, like, just fully just, like, on Snapchat. talking to some girl or something

and I would get I was such a nerd that I was like maybe watch the road he's doing the coolest thing you can do as a 16 year old and I was like I'm kidding well there's nothing nerdy about not wanting to die I think that that is probably the nerdiest thing

you can do no if you want to die things are changing in today's world cool jocks want to die that's why you play football modern day gladiators can I tell you something cool jocks nowadays like anime I learned this from watching nerds like to lift weights. I watched 21 Jump Street

and I learned that nowadays it's cool to be gay. It's cool to be sensitive now. According to 21 Jump Street and Dave Franco who's in it. And then in 22 Jump Street they said well, never mind. Actually all along we were lying. I didn't, I don't think I saw 22 Jump Street. Do they go to middle school?

They go to college. That's a good idea. I would have gone the other way. They'd go backwards. Why would you go of college, dude. So they can play that's needle drop, Asherroth, that party last night, and then it goes You can do that in middle school? So it's them walking

into a party. It did, me too, and I was like, damn, college is going to be amazing. I was thinking the other day about how old I used to think people in college were. Yeah. And how I was like, that's really when your life starts. When you're a kid, you're like college is the one. I used to think fourth graders were teenagers

back when I was in fifth grade. When I was one, I thought two-year-olds were double my age. I was like, that's crazy. I thought my grandma was old. My grandma is as old as dirt. But back when I was a kid, she was like 17. I did think, I think I saw someone in my neighborhood. I saw a 16-year-old smoke when I was younger, and I was like, damn.

Didn't you start smoking when you were 12? Maybe that's why. Because you saw a 16-year-old. I saw a 16-year-old smoking. There was a girl named Joey. Okay. That is, you have destined your kid to a cigarette heaven. And she was the first person I ever saw to wear Jenko's.

Joey. Joey Jenko's. Joey Jenko walking around smoking cigarettes. Was she beautiful? I don't remember that well. I just remember thinking, damn, those pants are huge. She was a beauty queen. Probably. I mean, she was smoking at 16.

You just said she was, wait. You just said, I said, you're a 16 year old smoking cigarette. She was smoking at 16. You walked me. She walked me right into that. She was. Smoking? That's it. Cool. No, it's a cool thing to do when you're 16 years old is smoke.

So if you're 16 and you're listening. You said she was smoking. You said it as an adjective. I am not. I am not accepting this today. You've already accepted it. I'm not accepting this. We're on the couch. This is casual. Uh-uh. I said she was smoke. Whoa, that changed the whole vibe up. Yeah, I just realized it was really dark in here. It was really dark. I was feeling that I was in a bit of a swamp. Do you guys like this painting?

This is of the good old days. It's called Good Old Days. By Paul Daughter. Really? Really? Paul Daughter. I didn't even know that. That's like a Joey kind of name.

No, Paul Dofferson. Oh, okay. Not as good as good. I can't read that. I actually said this morning when I woke up. Paul Detto, and then they scratched out his name. I want to jump into this painting like a Mario game and go hang out with those guys. This is the good old days, but where the hell is this?

I want to jump in it. You know those paintings that they? They have all that Roman food. No. No. You know, those old Italian paintings of like, oh, there's these grapes and there's these bread. I don't know. And different cheeses that we don't have anymore that we've lost the recipe for.

Stop fidgeting with your microphone. No. It makes loud noises. I want to jump into one of those so badly. They looked so delicious. If they saw like a bald person back then, I think they would probably. They had plenty of bald people. Socrates was bald.

Yep. Did he shave his head? Every day. More people were bald back in the day than ever before. Yeah. I thought that they just let that shit hang like Benjamin Franklin did. Benjamin Franklin is one of the ugliest people I've ever seen.

And he got a hell of pussy. He did. Benjamin Franklin is literally you realize he was an author, inventor, scientist, politician, philosopher. And he got so much pussy, but he was ugly as fuck. Same with Washington. Every single person, I don't think Washington was laying that down. Every single person

up until, I mean, even Even JFK, he was ugly. Every president has been ugly until maybe... Here's how you know that people used to be way uglier than they are now. People used to... When a woman was really good-looking, they used to call her handsome. Yeah. That's how you know.

Because they all looked like men. Yeah. They had big square faces. They used to call women handsome. Yep. Yeah. Now all women are saying is hand me some credit cards so I can go shopping. Yeah.

Handsome. Handsome. credit cards over and me some hand sanitizer yeah so that's their current pandemic well we're out of that yeah it's been over it's been over no we're still in a damn pandemic y'all no it's over think about it okay think about it what you want me to think about what part of it think about how sick everyone is getting I haven't no oh I just broke the painting I didn't break it I almost did though if you could jump into any painting in the world what would you jump into I was thinking

about this when you're talking about that Rothko and yeah I was going to say the funny answer, the obvious funny answer is to say like Rothko or Pollock or something like that. I don't want funny. But those are funny, right. Those are kind of the... That's what a class clown would say instantly without giving any thought to the deeper meaning of art. I want real fucking shit.

That's right. I won class clown. Some of that real shit. Shoot to me right now. I won class clown of the podcast and Cameron won most likely to become president. That's reverse shoe. Caleb. What's reverse what? Caleb won. You were gone for that, weren't you? Oh yeah. He doesn't know shoe. You don't know about shoe.

Just don't tell them. Shoe is the opposite of cap. So when you're telling the truth, you're shooing. That makes sense. Yeah. Well, reverse shoe is that cap? That's lie. Okay.

So you don't think Cameron would win most likely to become president? He said he was the class clown of the podcast. Cameron just said that I won. Cameron just said that I was class clown. I didn't say you win anything. Cameron just said I was class clown. I said that's something a class clown would say. I didn't say you won class clown.

You said I won class class. We don't have superlatives yet. I won, I won next World Farrell at legendary high school class of 2015. Four years, though. It is, we are doing four years. It is four years of the podcast. It's been five years.

Five years? It will be five. Well, the first year is a fluke. What do you mean? It's a fluke. The first year, I'm with you on that. The first year I wasn't on the show. Okay, so let's do the superlatives zone.

Okay. This is this, we're doing superlatives now. Maybe we make like a Google forms. Well, no, what are the... And then we have the fans vote. No, fuck the fans. No, do the fans vote for the kids in the high school? What do you mean?

No, the other kids do? So let's No, you don't have all the Fans of the high school kids Vote for the They tried that But it wasn't good It doesn't make any sense

That is so stupid No We vote for each other They tried that at a high school And it was just like too many Too many They were noticing traffic from one One neighborhood

In the town What? Okay, so now you and me vote for what Patrick is. Oh, isn't it? Most likely. Okay, sure. Most likely to...

Just to maybe influence your answer a little bit. Go. Next Will Ferrell, class of 2015, Linden Derry High School. You got next Will Ferrell? Yeah, and then two years before, it was next Tosh.0, so I thought that I was going to get next Tosh.0. Okay. You could be next...

Will Smith, because I'm going to slap you. No. What? No. Next, it should be a... He's already gotten Will Farrell and he's already gotten Tosh. No, no. My friend's brother got next Daniel.

Next Tash.0, not Daniel Tosh. Oh. Next Tosh.0. Next show, Tosh. No. Most likely to be Tosh. Next Simpson. That you look like a Simpson. And it's not just the couch talking.

and this is shoe. You look like... Oh my God, we need to do a couch gag. Yeah, that's... Pause it right now. Pause it right now. We're going to record ourselves doing a couch gag.

A couch gag for us. That will be the cold open. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be us scrambling onto the couch. And then sitting down and turning on the TV.

We should do... It's walking into the room. Can we do... After this, can we do an exact one-to-one? Recreation of the Simpsons themes We have to sing it That Acapella act That Acapella app

We could do the whole thing Yeah Somebody's at Jubio could be Jubio is Maggie Jubio could be Maggie Jubio is definitely Maggie Doesn't speak English

Just like Maggie And Who's I think Cameron's Maybe Marge I agree Cameron is March Because I have to get groceries After this anyway You're a homer

and I'm a combination of Bart and Lisa. Yeah. Patrick's Bart, what are you talking about? I'm a combination of Bart and Lisa. You're the skateboard. Man, you skateboard in the theme song. You're Bart. Well, I'm a combination of...

You can't skateboard in the game song? I'm a combination of Bart and Homer. No, man, you're the music teacher. What, you're going to strangle yourself? You're the music teacher who tells Lisa to leave the room. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.

If I grew my hair out, I would. You're Dr. Nelson Hibbert. I will take that one. Thank you. Yeah, but you don't get to be in the couch gag, then. That's fine. as long as I'm black off screen somewhere. It's fine by me.

You're season one, episode two, Wayland Smithers. Why that one? They made him have purple hair. He had purple hair? And black skin, yeah. He looked different? Smithers looked different. For one episode.

I don't remember that. Did all that type of thing. Yeah. They made mistakes. You know who I hate... I hate those white twins. Oh, they're not white. I think they're supposed to be Asian.

No, they're not. No, they're not. They're white. I think they're Asian. But they are the color white in the show. Am I just being racist? Why do you, because they're twins? You think they're Asian?

No. What do you mean? What about them? Well, there's the way that their eyes are drawn. What? No, the weird little white twins? Not the sisters. Okay.

Is it crazy of me to think that they are like Asian-coded? Wait, not the sisters? Wait, maybe I'm not thinking of a twin. The two twins who have the long blue hair. Who's the white kid with the curly hair? That's not a twin. That's a one of. That's a one of.

Wendell. Well, we don't know he's not a twin. What if we haven't seen his second one? What's he has some kind of name attached to him. Are you thinking of Martin Prince? No. No,

Martin. Everybody knows Martin. But you're still stupid. You thought that white kid is a normal white kid. No, you're right. The twins are Asian. They got to be right. Yeah, no.

But they're not white, I don't think. Where are they? I don't know. Oh, no, no, no, they're not Asian. They're Marge's sisters. No, no, that's different twins. You're thinking of Patty and Selma. Yeah.

I'm looking up Simpsons Asian twins. See, okay, yeah, they... Actually, no, I don't think that they're Asian. Okay, okay, are the twins Asian? Nope, they're not Asian. But I don't think they are. Yeah. So...

And I'm standing fast. Okay, wait. So they're going to read that first post you found from Vin Diesel, too. Vin Diesel 2 So Wolfenstein 38 asked Well, I forgot their names Because Caucasian people and the Simpsons are yellow And brown and black people are brown

And Asian people are white And are the twins Are they white? So are anyway, are they Asian? Vin Diesel 2 says, I don't think so, dot, dot, dot. Their eyes are normal. That's Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel said that on NeoSeeker.com That's fucking crazy. Oh, their names are Sherry and Terry. Whoa. Yeah. Like S&L. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Probably a comedy reference. It is probably a comedy reference. I saw a video the other day. It was three and a half hours long. I want to apologize for being the racist about a Simpson. You were right about them, though. They were not Asia. Oh, never mind.

They weren't wrong. Vin Diesel confirmed that they were not. You were wrong. Yeah, I was completely wrong and I apologize. I saw a video the other day. basically the Simpsons, the Simpsons decline. Get this. The death of

satire, people are saying. Wow. Satire died with the Simpsons. Because the Simpsons was the satire of what if a family of a white family's skin color. It's essentially What if a white family had a different skin color than white?

That's like the baseline satirical thing that's going on. Why were they so obsessed with Butterfingers? What? The Simpson family. Do they love Butterfinger? Bart loved Butterfingers. When I think of Butterfingers, I think of Bart. I call him in my head. I think of my brother. I think of, I call him Butterfinger Bart. My brain goes blank. I think in my head, Butterfinger Bart. When I look at Butterfingers.

That makes no sense at all. Because the inside is orange. Yeah, you're being a little random. I swear to God, there is a series of commercials for the Simpsons. And then there was Butterfingers in the show all the time. Mate, mate, when it comes to the Simpsons, you've lost the plot. I don't want to hear another Simpson. opinion from you? It's over for you with the Simpsons. It's over for me with the Simpsons.

Get rid of the Simpsons from your brain, your house, or TV. Delete that shit. It's out of your knowledge. I don't want to hear you say that shit ever again. I think that I don't know

enough about the Simpsons to be talking about this stuff. Have you watched all of it? No. You've been confidently speaking on The Simpsons with not much to back it up. Okay.

Well, get this. The comic book guy loves movies and comic books. Right. Is this a fact that you're trying to... I'm just showing that I'd have a functional understanding of the Simpsons. His name is comic book guy.

A working understanding of the Simpsons. I'm just showing you guys that I know at least a little bit about The Simpsons. You know almost nothing. Comic book guy. He loves animated properties. He works at a comic book store, but he's never that happy about it. No, he doesn't... He's kind of missing.

He doesn't like the people who like comic books. He loves to hate. He's a hater. You know what I've known. He's a boring hater. Do you ever feel like, I'm going to keep hitting that? Do you ever feel like comic book guy, a lot of these people who work as baristas now watched comic book guy and they said, they said, I'm going to become coffee shop. They stole a coffee store guy.

Coffee shop. They stole the flow, bar for bar because you walk into, yeah, because that, I feel like when I walk into a coffee shop, everybody I can like comic book guy these days. And some comic books or some you want a cup of coffee. We don't do that here. We actually don't have coffee. We do a mug of coffee. And you can't have it for a takeout. Can I have 40?

Yeah, that's how they act now. I ask, can I have 40 or 50 scoops of vanilla ice cream in a cup? No coffee, please. And they say we don't do that, actually. That's what that, afogato? We actually don't do ice cream. Ice cream coffee. Shut the fuck up.

Do ice cream. Yeah, they should do ice cream Every coffee shop should have If I didn't want ice cream in my coffee I'd make it at home Yeah, I can make it, you think I can't press It's a button I got to press I put a pod in the thing

Of ice cream The button, the coffee comes out I throw the pod in the backyard And you think, listen, you think that I don't know I can't make ice cream at home, I can I learned how in second grade I had an amazing idea this now You use salt or liquid nitrogen

And you put it in a plastic bag It's fucking simple That shit is easy. The fact that I want to come to your store and give you money to make it for me. Cameron, I got something and I'll calm you down. I'm calm. No, you were just, you were reaching. You were popping off for a sec.

You were steaming. You were reaching pot of clams. I'm sorry, I was just thinking about ice cream. Shoe. Curig, but for ice cream. How would that work mechanically? It would be cold, Kierig. They already do that.

It's a liquid nitrogen pump, and it all goes into a pause. So you've just thought of, you've just invented an ice cream. factory. But it's an ice cream factory for the home. Yeah, it's an ice cream curing. Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. Because it comes the flavor, the flavor, you have to load it up before you make it. Yeah, it's not like a soft serve machine where it just comes out and it disappears. An ice cream line next to your gas.

The ice cream and a saucer just shows up. No, no, no. You don't understand. The ice cream curig, when you put it, you put in the, you put in the ice cream in a container that's only the size of a K cup. So it only makes that much ice cream at a time. Yeah, it's perfect. It's one scoop. And if you want more than, if you want more than one scoop, you've got to do multiple K cups. Would you be able to like take this to the one at work? Yeah, you can bring this to work. Do you need a special curing for it, I'm asking? Or do you

Oh, like the ones that like, it's like you can only use? What about a nanobot that transforms any machine into an ice cream maker like re-does everything you're like the Transformers I think that you're going to win the Transformers you're going to win next big adventure You know when the Transformer gets the

They drop the AllSpark and the Psylabauff drops it And the pulse goes out And it turns it the vending machine Into the transformer And it's shooting sodas I have seen that That's probably the greatest scene

In a movie of the past 20 years Why so this is this The AllSpark is a giver of life It makes huge it makes so here's so a transformer that's an alien yes they have nothing to do they have nothing to do with an earth car even though they might look like a fire truck or a Ferrari it's a prank that's just what they look like on their planet so imagine you were a transformer and you brought your special cube to planet earth because you're running away from your evil

step dead enemies really and you accidentally drop your cube on the ground and it brings to life a car and the car turns into one of you can you imagine how so odd it would be to go to another planet and people are driving, all the aliens are driving things that look kind of like you. I mean, also, you really are lucky. They're looking in to like, yeah, exactly. Like, you've really lucked into an easy disguise if you walk around an alien planet and people are like using arms to make food and shit, you know, that's easy. The Transformers are not cars before they get to Earth.

They are cars before they get to Earth. They're not. They learn the cars. We haven't seen a nude transformer, but they are fully nude on their planet. Look at my search history, you will. They show them on their planet. I don't think their cars on their planet, but I'd like to imagine that they are. I like that the Transformers should do movies.

The next one should do a scene where when they're doing their alternate history, they always do where they say that Harriet Tubman was a transformer or stuff like that. They should do one where the O.J. Simpson Chase, he was driving the Transformer. That was, and he had no control. He was driving. He was like, he was like, tie. He's like, yeah. The Bronco, the bronco decapitated the two people.

Yeah. And then they should use the seatbelt like a lizard's tongue. They should do, and they should do JFK to grab him. The car was the one thing that did it to him. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It has a little, that's what I never found a bullet because it was a bolt. Yes.

Or a nut. They were like, well, we find this bolt and nut inside his head, but this can't come from a gun. That must have always been there. That must have fallen off the car. Yeah. That must have fallen off the tire. or something. I've just opened

a whole new door into the Transformers universe. So, so fucking brilliant, bro. Amelia Earhart. Amelia Earhart, it flew home. It flew her to space.

If we were all the way to, where do they live on the moon? What other stuff happened to Tiananmen Square? Tiananmen Square. The tank, the guy was like revving the fucking engine trying to hit that guy. Yeah.

And then the transformer said that the transformer really like groceries. So he just decided to try to go around. He was a grocery bot. Yeah. So what other famous cars in funny scenarios. Maybe I...

Franz Ferdinand. Yeah, Franz Ferdinand's car. I mean, that's the same as JFK though. But it's slightly different. Yeah. It's slightly different, but I think there's a very clear... Listen, it's obvious. It's maybe too obvious, but it's 9-11.

Yeah. Yeah, both of the buildings were transformers. Yeah, that's too obvious. Yeah, they transformed into rubble because they were bored. Yeah. Or they're transformed into rubble as a protection. thing. Can a transform

be a building? I don't, have we seen that? I was wondering could they be a gun? Wasn't there one? Yeah, Megatron was a gun. Yeah, Megatron was like a walter. This is easy. Yeah, every gun.

Every fucking gun has ever been used. Yeah. I mean, that would be my defense. Yeah. You're on. The first thing, at first I'm using my Blackberry and then all of a sudden it's shooting three or four people on the street.

Yeah. My BlackBerry became an AR-15 out of nowhere. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. And also, I had helies on. I still use a blackberry. And they were also transformers because they have wheels.

Yeah. And I'm a transformer. So your legal system doesn't apply to me. Yeah, I'm a sovereign citizen as well. I would like to be able to transform, but I think that... What would you transform to? I think right now I transform into a car because I need a car. That's true.

And it'd be easier to just be a car. Because then I wouldn't have to park anything. I just parked my ass on the couch. Exactly. You couldn't be a car on the couch. Well, you could change back, I guess. Never mind. I'm saying I want to be a transformer.

I'm saying I want to be a car forever, man. Come on, dude. If you wanted to be a car forever. I don't want to be a car forever. I'm so sick of my fucking life, the daily grind, the hustle. My God, I wish I could just be a car. Watching cars, like, they're like horses galloping in a field.

They're so free. Oh, my God. They can go wherever they want. You think that's how the car fuckers look at them? What's a car fucker? Remember that from Mancers, the guy that was like, or a thousand ways to die. It was the guy that like, uh, they put like the beer coosies in the exhaust pipe and then they fuck the cars. Dude, at that point, just fucking fuck the wall.

Yeah. Why are you fucking a car? Put a hole in the wall with a beer can. At that point. I mean, from, you know, Celsius can. And then fuck that hole. Why do you need to, why does it have to be. You know why I mean.

You know why. Don't ask me that question. A beer can't, you think you can, okay. Okay. You think this would be anything. Imagine you're about to have sex with a woman and you look at her vagina that's this wide. You call your mom. You're getting picked up.

Yeah. I'm not going. But that's the thing. The thing about those guys that. I'm not even taking my clothes off. Yeah. Because I don't take my clothes up until she's fully making it. It's showing me the whole of her.

Spritting your legs. Spritting up. And I'm standing with my arms crest and I'm like, nope, too big. I'm like. later take a quick flash can you can you call me an uber i have to go i have to go and my phone my apple pay is not working i have the i have the ruler app on my phone the like distance app on the iPhone and i'm like oh it looks like it's 12 inches wide me and me and sam were laughing so hard the other day about about like going to like we he took me to the tow company to like

trying to get my car back and I talked to the lady and then she was like oh you actually need this other piece of paper like you can't get the car today I was like okay we're laughing so hard about being like okay sorry about that and then just taking a photo over with the flash on and leaving

you hear the iPhone the flash okay thank you so much it's just super bright this is walking out she started to ask you why you took the photo later

thank you so I gotta get a piece of paper you've got to get a piece of paper and you have you have one of those like phones from Japan

that has like the really loud shutter click too yeah you have to you unfold your phone you have a foldable

phone you unfold it take a flash photo and leave it just works at any place where somebody

is just working there yeah taking a picture of your like the drive-through guy yeah

thank you So much. Wait. Hold on. I love taking pictures of people. Yeah. I wanted to take a... Oh, man.

Oh, fuck. I told you guys about a... A guy I saw at the airport on my way back from California who had the craziest facial hair I've ever seen where he had...

Oh, yeah. One half of his face had a mustache, and then he shaved the other half of his mustache. But on that side, he had a full beard. Yeah.

So it was half and half. He had Windows antivirus. And I really, really wanted to take a photo of him. But he looked at me the entire time as a measure. I was playing the hide from the teacher flash game with him. I could see his cone of vision was very wide, too. His eyes were offset. Yeah.

When I was living in Manchester, I saw these, like, I saw this couple walking down the street one day. Full Harley Quinn cosplay. Both of them? then the man had green hair that's a that's nothing dude what do you mean that's nothing

that's a joker couple that doesn't have a car let me guess it was on Halloween no your whole your whole August is close enough to Halloween that any costumes are acceptable you're you're telling your story

is that you saw somebody wearing a costume I saw a joker couple that guy was not even joker he's green hair he's the joker I sent you guys a picture this I saw Chris Griffin taking stuff out of my trash oh yeah We're in the exact

something that Patrick had talked about for, I mean, so this is a crazy experience for me because Patrick talked about this for like probably 10 months straight the idea of seeing somebody dressed as Chris Griffin. And we always kept saying Patrick, that's stupid, that doesn't make any sense. You wouldn't see somebody and be like, that's Chris Griffin.

That's not an outfit that would register. And I hear, I'm walking out of my house to leave to go to the office. I hear somebody go through my recycling. I open the door and I just immediately first thought, oh my God, that's Chris Griffin. Yep. It's vindicated.

I was so right about this. But to be fair, I wouldn't have thought it unless you hadn't made that video. You would have thought it. No, I wouldn't have. He was also, he was Portly. Yeah. Like Chris Griffin. Like Chris Griffin.

I mean, it's not from- Skinny Chris Griffin, you're not going to think about it. Was he a dunce? Was he a dunce? Yeah. He's getting recycling, so. I mean, he thinks trash is food. He likes trash.

The people who live. He thought my house. was a store. A guy who thinks that homeless people just eat cans. That's why they're doing. They're transformed. All these fucking, these homeless drug addicts eating my cans.

They're going through the soda cans to try and get a drop a soda out of them. That adds up eventually. Yeah. That's over the course of the day you could almost get a swig. The family that lives under me, they moved in and I've been smelling this awful, awful smell every time I walk by their apartment. And I've been thinking they've just been making a fucked up fish. Yeah.

And it turns out. No, no, nobody has passed away in that apartment, although they do cry all the time. But the, what? Like, I, I always see the mom, like, outside of the apartment just, like, cry. Okay. Yeah, anyway. Maybe it's because of the smell. Yeah, I think it is because they do the can thing.

And I found that out. The smell was just, like, stinky beer, old beer cans. Yeah. But I'm so stupid that I thought it was fish. Uh-huh. Yeah. But they're nice people. I let them.

They never have their. Let them in your house. They never have their keys, so I always have to let them into the apartment. Okay. Okay. Yeah, but they're very good people. You're saying that you're like giving them like the shirt off your back. I mean, it's pretty sweet of me.

It's a nice thing to do. It's not sweet. It's kind of just expected. They come in and they stink up the whole apartment and I'm still letting them in all the time with the cans. That's fine. But it made me think that maybe you can make some decent money doing that. Oh, you make pretty good money. It's five cents per can.

Really? Yeah, you didn't know that? Hi, me, five cents. You never collected cans? No. I did that all the time as a kid. Yeah. I didn't live in a place

where you could walk around and get cans like that. Oh, you just get them. I've been, I've been giving my cans out. You take them in a grocery store? I leave them. Honestly, it's less about the money you get, more about the funness

of putting the can into the thing with the two wheels. Oh, my God. Have you never done it? I've never done it. It sucks it in. I've known that it's five cents per can, but I just leave my,

I leave my cans out on top of the trash. barrel so that the guys who dig for him can get I don't I put it under oil yeah that's under an oil slick so I let's say I love whenever I hear someone going through my cans I go I look at them I watch them do it because you said that could you're stealing money out of my pocket just so they know that I'm here you'll never get there's no I just want them to know that I'm watching that one was mine just looking out I just look out I drink out that window right there and I just look down and I have no expression on my face I just watch them the entire time they do it you're not my soda.

No, I already drank my soda. I just want to look at them, do it. You think those are full. Nuh. I already drank all that. Let's make sure they don't try to take the rest of the trash. Oh, yeah.

The trash belongs to the city. I have a little bit of sentimental value with my cans, though. Sometimes I'll look into my recycling bin, and I'll go, I don't remember that one. Yeah. You ever do that? No.

Oh, yeah. I do that. I don't drink anything from a can. Okay, Rich. Yeah. drinks out of boxes. Yeah, Mr. Boxed wine over here. Boxed wine, box beer.

I should go back to the canned wine. Used to box chardonnay. Yeah. Would you drink a beer in a box? Yeah. I don't think I would. I feel like it would eat. It would definitely be bad, but I would still drink it.

You would drink it. I feel like it would eat up the box. What if your friend made it? Let me ask you a question that I asked Julio a while ago, and he thought he couldn't wrap his head around. Yeah. So you go to the grocery store. Yeah.

You go to the meat section. You're looking at the raw whole chickens. Pollo. Poyo, exactly. Maybe you should have said that. You should have said that. That didn't seem to be the stumbling point for him. Okay.

You're looking at all the raw whole chickens because you're going to buy a raw whole chicken. Okay. You're going down the line. You're looking at them. You get to one. This chicken, it looks exactly the same as all the others. It costs the same amount. It's packaged up.

You grab it, you pick it up to put in your cart. You look at the label, the label on it. says peanut butter chicken. So are you going to buy it or are you going to put it back? Okay. Only if they have jelly chicken. You don't even want to try it. Well, okay.

You don't even. There's no curiosity in your mind when you see in a grocery store something called peanut butter chicken that you can't tell in any visible way why it's called that. You wouldn't buy that even to find out. Certainly there's curiosity, but I'm not sure that I'm willing to spend eight bucks to have a chicken that maybe I'm not even going. Okay. You're not thinking of, you're not thinking of any tied recipes at all. I'm thinking immediately

peanut butter. I'm thinking satay, maybe making that. Right, yeah. Okay, but let's see you have a curious mind. Let's see you to do a smaller piece of a chicken then. What about a rotissory peanut butter chicken? 699? Yeah. Hey, why is it cheaper than the regular peanut butter chicken? We already did that. With peanut butter? Yeah, with peanut butter too. Oh, okay.

Where's my question? Why don't they put I should have a rotissory option for everything, get a little discount. Yeah. Why doesn't the grocery store have kebabs? But the... They got the rotissary? They got the rotissary? I would put the chicken on there.

I would assume that the peanut butter chicken is going to follow the same naming logic as... What was that? Beer can chicken. Okay. Where somebody maybe just shoved a can of peanut butter. Well, they're putting a can of peanut butter in there. That means the whole interior of that chicken is coated in plastic. Yeah, so I guess my first thing that I would do when I got home was cut it open to see if there's peanut butter in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess I would definitely cut it open before I cook it. And if there is, then I'll probably just take it out. So. Well, no, you take that peanut butter, you cook it down into a little sauce. This is no room for what the chicken actually ends up being. This is fully a grocery store scenario. Well, then, no, I don't buy it.

It ends at the grocery store. I don't buy it. If I don't, if, yeah, no, because the best case scenario, I'm a peanut butter chicken buyer. But, but, so I think we can maybe do a really interesting psychological study. The best case scenario is that you get. Because Jubeo also would not buy the peanut butter chicken. Is that you get a jar of peanut butter for free? No, it's not.

No, you don't get a jar of peanut butter with you. The best case scenario is you cook the peanut butter chicken and it tastes delicious and it has some type of peanut butter flavor that you never thought could taste the way it does. It's, it's the nuttiness. That's the best case scenario. Yeah, the nuttiness. You get a jar of peanut butter inside the chicken? What do you think that's the best case scenario? That's a medium case scenario.

Yeah. That's a normal case scenario. Best case scenario is the peanut butter chicken tastes good. Yeah, and it's good. But that's the best case scenario is any chicken. No. Any chicken you could buy could taste really good. Peanut butter chicken is chicken.

Yeah, that's what I mean. So that's, I have a chicken. Wait, so it's a chicken raised on a diet of peanut butter. No, no, no, no. No, there's no questions can be answered apparently. Because the best case. scenario for any piece of chicken is that it's better than any other chicken you've ever eaten

yes yeah well hold on hold on it could be true for peanut butter chicken which could be true for any other chicken in the store hold the phone right but there's a difference we can't ask any questions about why it's called peanut butter chicken that's what he says no because I don't know why you don't okay this is the worst hypothetical

well obviously peanut butter chicken does not exist no no it's hypothetical yeah exactly it will exist is the thing so how will I know what it is if it doesn't Because it's your question. Answered the questions. No, it's a thought experiment. Buddy, it's existing. I don't have an answer.

It is the worst experiment. We'll finish the experiment. You guys are just pushing it onward to eating it. It's not about eating it. It's about buying it. What do you mean? It's all about eating it. That's what I mean.

There is no way to buy it. I said it's not about eating it. But it's all about eating it. At its core, it could be, the label could say. It's a question about a consumer's curiosity. Then at that point, if it doesn't have anything to do with how it tastes or what or, and I don't know anything about it. then the piece of chicken could say anything different than the other pieces of chicken.

Yeah. No, he's right. He's right. It is a question about, I did get too hung up on the thought of eating it. It is about the consumer curiosity. It's about how you act in the grocery store. I act polite. I let women, no, no, no.

What if you would buy a weird food at the grocery store? And you're completely right that it could, it doesn't actually, it could be jelly chicken. Yeah. Why is it jelly and peanut? I mean, just pick a normal. Well, those are just the first thing I thought. Okay, okay, see. The point is it has to be weird enough that you have to be curious in order to buy it.

The first two things you thought of were peanut butter and jelly? Well, the second thing I thought it was jelly because I was thinking about peanut butter. The thing you got to, the thing you also got to think about in this, right? You replace chicken with chips, okay? Yeah, that's more grounded. That's, exactly. That's, see, that's the thing where any person would probably get the weird chip because they want, it's normal to try a weird chip. It's also low stakes.

It's very low stakes, not like a chicken meat. High stakes is. So this is testing If I'm buying a whole chicken If I'm buying a whole chicken That means I have some recipe planned Yeah peanut butter may not really be a part of what I have planned I might be thinking I'm doing

You suddenly make chicken tinga or something Yeah exactly I'm doing some kind of slow roasted thing All of a sudden it's a mole See for me But that would still be good For me I would try I'm not I would buy it Even if I was I was worried that

It would completely be horrible and be ruined I would be okay with throwing it away just for the chance to try peanut butter chicken and see what the deal is. I would love to try peanut butter chicken. This is not. And try making it. I guess I do not have an adventurous child like Peter Pan spirit. Peter Pan is a brand of peanut butter.

Yeah, it's a type of peanut butter. Then I definitely don't. What if, yeah, what if the label is just a big Peter Pan logo with a chicken on it? That's, yeah, I'm more tempted to try that. What if you bought that? Because you thought, oh, they spread out. They're doing chicken now instead of just peanut butter. You get home, you cook it, and it's peanut butter flavored.

Uh-huh. Or it's made. Or it's like, you know, like they have the canned chicken. You ever seen that? Canned whole chicken. I think so. Jard whole peanut butter chicken. Jard whole peanut butter.

Whole big peanut. Do you ever do the machine at the grocery store that makes the peanut butter? No, but I got to start doing that. What? The machine where you press a button? They had let beef fresh. They had let be fresh in Austin, Massachusetts. I've never heard of this in my life.

You've never heard of this? It makes peanut butter? They have a peanut butter one and an all. And you can make honey roasted peanut butter. I never did know about this. Yeah. I never did know about this. You can get fresh peanut butter at the stove.

It's good as fuck. I don't think they have that on my store. They don't have it at any of the stores around here. But if you go to like the Wegman's... We live in a food desert. If you go to the Wegmans in Dumbo, I think they got it there. That's the biggest grocery store I've ever seen.

Who the hell named that fucking neighborhood, bro? Dumbo? Because it's... The under my Brooklyn Bridge, oh, no, I don't know. Down under Manhattan Bridge Overpass. Is that really what it means? Yeah. So you knew the whole time?

Yeah. And you made me, you made me look like a dumbo. I thought you were going to do something funny. I thought I was, I don't know, I was floundering. I was floundering. Yeah, I wasn't going to bail you out with the actual. You could have bailed me out. the actual one.

I was going to let you flounder. You just wanted to see me fail. He's mad. He's mad about the peanut butter chicken thing and he's just going to let us fail. I do not care about peanut butter chicken. You've made it clear. You care so much about peanut butter chicken.

I wouldn't even pick it up at the store. You'd pay it. I know. You wouldn't pick it up and you would read the later. I wouldn't even. I wouldn't even pick it up to look at it. You know what happened? You know what happened?

He would, if he found peanut butter chicken at the store, He would pick it up. Get out of my personal face. He would pick it up and go, and then he would come in here next day and go, you know what I saw at the store? Yeah. These stores are selling a peanut butter chicken.

But that's what I would do too, but I would say I bought it and I ate it. And I would just leave it. But that's because I would bring up peanut butter chicken in conversation like you guys have known about it. I'm such a good anecdote teller and such an amazing storyteller that I wouldn't want to ruin it. ruin my own story by learning that it was normal chicken or something. You would just make it up. I would just want to see it and then tell you guys that I saw it. I would come in here. I would have peanut butter

storyteller. I would have peanut butter chicken. I would say the name of it. I would make the peanut butter chicken. I would bring it in for us to eat. I would say it. I would say it while we're talking on here. And I'd say, and you know, I used peanut butter chicken and then you guys would go, what? Yeah. And then you'd say there's no peanut butter chicken at the grocery store.

And then you show us a picture of it online. And then you guys are so mad that it's real I think the couch is tearing us apart The couch is not tearing us apart It's making us very introspective The issue with the couch is just that you're You're in the middle so you want to disagree Yeah

You're so right Yeah you're so fucking right I mean you were supposed to be reading No no no this is the couch talk What do you talk about on a couch? I thought that we were going to do a couch thing I thought we were reading a list of couches Oh wait, I had something I wanted to read

I had a poem I wanted to read Oh is it about it's about I found it Oh I googled things Do tell I googled things to talk about on a couch Look at how excited I am And for all for some reason

All of the results were Is this a is this the dingler from Wayfair No That's the one I have at home I have the dingler He doesn't know his own fucking couch What the hell is that? I hate my couch

You just wanted to talk about your couch Let me just say this While we're on the topic of couches, I hate my couch. If anyone wants to give me a couch for free and deliver it to my house, I will hang out with you. My couch is S-tier. I will hang out with you, weirdo. Did you want to give me a couch at my house?

It's kind of hurting my back. Really? Yeah. In what way? I think it's just because I'm... Maybe sit, move your butt back and sit up more. This hurts me. Be careful with the C4.

It's empty. Okay. I was going to say you're about to spill that all over the laptop. But now I look weird. You don't look weird. I wanted to look more casual. Look at how casual I've looked the whole episode. I've been completely casual.

That's because you guys got the sides. The middle's hard, man. Look at this. I have to crane my dad. I know that's my issue. I have to look at both of you. Look at me. Look at how casual.

So I googled things to talk about on the couch because I knew we were going to do a couch episode. Okay. And for some reason, most of the results were things your couch would say if it could talk. Most of them were? They were like three or four in a row in the first like 10 results. that were that. And one of them was this, which is like, it's a cartoon, but it's a poem. The cartoon doesn't really add much, so I'll just read through what it says on it.

Okay. And it's called If Your Couch Could Talk. And this is what it says. I don't have arms and leg. I don't, this is before the poem part. This is just the intro. I don't have arms or legs. I cannot speak. I have no name, but I am at the center of their lives. I've seen Jake develop every step of the way, been there day to day. And as ever, I'll still be here for the next chapter of his life. Which one of us do you think is Jake? Whichever one of us is a baby That grows up into an adult I think a couch does have arms Yeah Depends on the couch I guess I have arms and legs But I cannot speak

I have a name and it's couch Here's the poem And this goes throughout Jake's life Okay I'll be here as the carrier Of his toys and milk spillage I'll be here as the foundation Of his first pillow village

I'll be here as the foundation of his first pillow village I'll be here as the helping hand during his first steps I'll be here as the desk when he studies for tough tests I'll be here as the banker when his wallet goes amiss I'll be here as the wingman during his first kiss I'll be here as the comfort when he begins a profession I'll be here as the witness for each career progression I'll be here as the piece from home when he moves on

and I'll be here as the storyteller every dusk till dawn I mean... And that's over the course of 30 years. Yeah. Who has a couch that long? Yeah. I mean, unless you're getting like a really good.

So see here, he's six months old and he has the same couch all the way until he's 30. Well, at this point, he's not there, but he's been trapped inside of a photograph above the couch. With his family. I'm seeing it. So that's just a fun, interesting photo I thought that could start a conversation about a couch. Yeah. Well, I guess what would your couch say if it could talk? My couch would say, ow, ow, because Mo scratches it.

Yeah. And people sit on it. My couch will be like, I love when you sit on me and watch. I love your butt. Watch things. I like your butt on me. I like everything you do on me. I'm in your couch and I like your butt on me.

Please use your computer more on me and go on your TV more and PlayStation on me. Put your thing in my cushion. Put your thing in my crack. That's what the couch would say. The couch is a pervert. The couch is a perverted object. My couch would be like, I'm so hungry. You haven't fed me once the entire time you've had me.

Please. I've fed me is Eminem. I feed my couch. I feed my couch. My couch eating good. Yeah. Riblet. Don't say,

don't say farts. Not farts. No, but I drop stuff in there all the time. Yeah. Okay. Accidentally. What's the worst thing

you've ever found in your couch? Um. Dust. A headphone. I had a nasty old headphone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bluetooth headphone. Crumbs. Yeah, I guess crones. Dog hair. Dude, I've had it. I'm having this problem. where there's so much dog hair in my house. Every time I eat food, I just find dog hair.

And I stopped even taking it out. Yeah, you just eat it. That's fine. It's got protein in it. I just eat the dog. We didn't have... There's too many of them in the food. You can eat dog hair.

Yeah. If somebody... Are you guys weird about if there's a hair at your food in a restaurant? No, I don't care. I don't care at all. It depends. It depends... It where the restaurant is.

If there's like a hair in my food at McDonald's, whatever but if there's like a like a hair at like a nice place i'm like why will you tell them but maybe i could get this meal for free maybe i can be an asshole then you're a fucking karen mate you're that's a complete karen i am a karen real men just eat hair yeah just eat it bro yeah how many if you're in a loving relationship how many opportunities will you have to eat another person's hair exactly you know what i'm thinking rethinking my whole this is this is cheat You can cheat. That's cheating.

Eating a waitress's hair is cheating. But nobody's getting mad at you. It's just a free... In fact, you have the opportunity to get mad at the other person if you want. By the way, you can still eat the hair. Say, I ate your fucking hair. Yeah.

Excuse me. Can you call this, chef, out here? Hey, buddy, I ate your fucking hair. Hey, do you recognize this head of hair? Yeah, you put the hair in the food and I fucking ate it. What did you expect? Gulping the hair.

Good for you. I ate your hair. Hey, notice anything about... Now I'm going to grow one of you inside of me. Notice anything about my plate? No, sir. Well, there's no hair in it. You know why? Because I ate the fucking hair out of it. Now I'm going to grow a mini you in my belly and I'm going to grow a watermelon in my belly. Yeah, that's too scares me.

Your hair is seeds. Hair is seeds for humans. Why are white seeds okay to eat, but the black ones will make a watermelon in your body? it's due to the blackness of the seed is like because it's heavier like a black hole interesting but and then the biggest seed of all the peach yes can't eat that can't eat that because it's full of arsenic you can eat that is there a white hole a white hole yeah yeah yeah what is a white hole it's in space I figured this much but what else about I said yes immediately

but I don't know if it was in if it's real or in a book about wizards I read in third grade. Just one of those things that you're like

well it's got to exist yin and yang there's a black hole. If it wasn't a white hole they'd just call it a hole. It would just be it wouldn't be on a blank hole. It would just be a hole.

A white hole is a it's hypothetical. Oh great. Back to hypotheticals. People also ask. Hypothetically there's also the rainbow hole and the

well in general. General relativity is agnostic about the reality of white holes. Thermodynamics gives the concept a hard no. So a red hole couldn't exist. Hey, I saw a red hole. Goatsy. On the computer and the library. Come on.

Bring it up. Bring it up. Thank you. Thank you. I thought that was fine. It was fine? I thought that was fine. You shouldn't be striving for.

Fine. It should be striving for great. Standing for great. Straming for grand. Greatness. It is amazing. I think it was actually great. You think that was great? No, it was not great.

You should have said white hole was goatee. That would have been. White hole is goats. No, because the hole is red. He's white. Pull it up on the TV. Pull it up on the TV. You can't pull a go.

There's no TV app that has goats. What do you mean? Roku. Roku is the device. It's not a device. screen saver. You could do that, I guess, if you were at a Best Buy and you were really funny.

Yeah. Oh, I just thought of just to jump back. We talked about this a while ago. If there was a painting, I could jump into Roku City. Yeah. The original painting of it. That they developed the Roku City from

that was painted in the 70s. Roku City has too much shit going on, man. That's why you'd... I don't want to deal with Godzilla and Borer. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to come out of the painting after I go into it. Yeah. And Roku City is a whole ass city.

It's a city of movies and film. I would probably go. McDonald's is there. They have McDonald's in Roku City. Oh, really? Yeah. Someone hasn't been spending time looking at Roku City. I did change it.

I changed my... I look at Amazon Fire Stick TV City. We have our own city, actually. Yeah, you have Jason Bainment's picture. We actually do. My God. There is... This is literally Philadelphia vibes right now.

Philadelphia vibes. What do you mean? by that. What does that mean? I don't know. Just like a worst city? There are so many different Roku screen savers

that everyone gets hung up on Roku City. Buddy, they got the jungle. They got the Wild West. They got the Wild West. They got romantic. They got romantic. What does that mean?

But once we're done with this episode, I'm going to show you all the Romantic means. It's just people in love. Innocent. It sounds lovely. So it's still a city. It's pretty much always a city.

But they're different boroughs, different biomes and burrows of Roku. I would, if New York City had a jungle borough, a sandborough, a sandborough, well, yeah, I guess. But like a, like a desert in Arctic borough. Biome, Minecraft. This would be way better. This would be a way fucking better place. Yeah. There has to be some place on earth where all of the different biomes meet.

They have, every place they have like that. they have all they have the cities where states meet you know they have texarkana yeah they got the four corners yeah yeah all that stuff they waste it all in a place where it's the same on every side where is the four corners it's between four states what's four states it's like uh is one of them utah nevada new mexico colorado no i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know it's one of the five of utah nevada colorado new mexico and arizona it's four of those but I don't know which four and they should build

a city there they tried corner city yeah it was called corner city they tried to make it the problem was you got four states heavy Mormon populations four times the taxes

four times the taxes heavy Mormon population so no bars are getting made I'd probably jump into the Mona Lisa and then I'd jump into the Mona Lisa and then I moat about it I jump to Montalisa a motorboat. No, I wouldn't do that.

But I, I mean, I would maybe jump into the Mona Lisa. I guess you just have got to say one of the paintings from Mario 64. Yeah. Probably jump in a bomb-mom world. Bobom Battlefield. Is it the very least I could collect stars in there? Yeah. There's stuff to do there. I know that.

Yeah, for sure. Like, Mona Lisa, that might just be it. That's it. It might just be one bitch. Who is this strange white bald guy who has appeared behind a Mona Lisa. They would not be saying I was strange. They'd say it would literally stop

being called the Mona Lisa. It would start being called. There's a speech bubble from you in the background that says, I thought I could go in a different place. I thought there would be more in here. You can't get past the frame. And then it becomes an even more important painting because it's the first time that somebody's done a speech bubble. Yeah.

Is there, am I misremembering the Mona Lisa, but is there a river behind her? Does she have a slight smile? She has no smile. I don't know if there's a river. There's some kind of landscape behind her. Yeah, there is a landscape. Yeah.

I never really understood why that one popped off so hard. Because it was the first time that there was ever a painted woman. Back then, it was not, it was, everything looked like balloon animals. Yeah. And tomato soup cans. They didn't quite figure out how to realistically paint a subject quite yet. But didn't they discover the Mona Lisa only like two, 150? years ago or something.

Yeah. And at some museum, or I did at least. I discovered it actually while watching Pink Panther, I think. No, I think that they didn't discover it.

They knew about his other paintings for a long time. But he drew that guy with all the arms. He drew tons of shit, man. This guy was a genius. He also made,

he was the guy that first thought of, like, the airplane. Which guy did Mona Lisa? Was that Mr. Lisa? That was Mark Lisa. Yeah.

Are you guys stupid? Literally, Leonardo da Vinci. Really? Yes. I think I knew that. He wasn't a painter, though. He was an inventor and he went into pregnant women's bodies and an adventure. He shrank down.

He shrank. That's why that movie was a painter or not only was he an inventor. That's why that movie shrinking Da Vinci is existing, exists. I don't know what that is. Shrinking Da Vinci. I never heard of this. He shrinks. Cameron just explained it.

He shrinks down and sneaks into pregnant women's bodies. And he. What? You haven't seen this movie? You've never seen shrinking DaVinci? What is the purpose of having He's a scientist, he does experiments.

Yeah, he's invented, he tried to invent a plane back in whatever 1430, flying machine. Actually, But then he had accidentally invented a shrink ray That only let him into pregnant women's bodies. It would actually make a lot of sense if, because DaVinci, the whole thing is like, oh, did he? It's like the Shakespeare thing's like, did he exist or was he, nobody knew him? But what if it was. because he was really, really small.

He was shrunk himself with a ray. But he was getting all up in pregnant women's dead bodies. I don't know about that. They're dead bodies. Yeah, that's the problem. Are you for real? This is an actual truth that you learned on the history channel. It's a movie.

Well, again, this might be, well, first of all, nowadays, you're watching the history channel. Yeah. It's not going to be telling you. You're not going to be learning about Leonardo or DaVinci. You're going to learn about ghosts and paranormal UFOs, which I know from watching it a lot recently. which they have no history on there at all. But I think that this might be something that's... No, I watch it at completely in the middle of the day.

They don't ever... Shrinking Da Vinci is on at 4 in the morning. I'm thinking of the travel channel. It's also only ghosts now. Yeah. But I think Leonardo da Vinci was... I think he was... That was one controversy among with him

is that he was always going into pregnant women's bodies. Why do you keep saying going into? I don't want to say anything gory or... nasty like he was cutting them up. It's all alleged and he doesn't want to... Well, I think it was true. Well, you have to say allegedly because his people can come. Well, you don't have to because

it's been a long time. He's a state though. He has left the world of the living. He doesn't have an estate anymore. He has an estate, buddy. But is this true that he was completely acting up? What he was doing was maybe okay in the terms of science but not so great by today's terms

of what's okay to do to a pregnant woman's body. There's almost there's one thing that's okay to do to a pregnant woman's body that deliver the child you don't think they have sex fuck no no you can't have sex if you're pregnant fuck the baby up there you fucking scramble the baby

oh okay Mr. Big Dick Mr. Big Dick going all the way up I'd probably fucking kill the baby with my huge fucking car yeah the baby's gonna come out with like a split head let me tell you can't do that

you can't do that Not even if my dick is small enough That it's not getting anywhere near Is so small that you only You only are barely You don't penetrate You just are in like the labia area If it's just kind of like a head

You have a dick penit Okay Yeah all right That's I mean we should have known That's what shrinking Da Vinci is kind of all about So he can shrink his penis small enough That's okay to have sex with a pregnant woman Though

Was he actually dissecting pregnant women? That's what he meant His famous drawing of the circular man A Trovian man Yeah That's what the circle was from a pregnant woman's stomach That's how he was able to develop that shape He was trying to develop

He traced it He had a He put her on her belly And then like drawing a hand Yeah and then he was like And then he was in his laboratory Or his workspace or whatever And he was sweating

He's like fuck how am I going to get a triangle How the fuck am I going to do the triangle? Yep I did this the circle's obvious You just do a circle around the guy And that's when his assistant pinhead into the room

his assistant Dracula smiled widely at him did anything boss oh my goodness actually yes

we'd you come lay down on this paper table his assistant johnny braff and that's how he invented a Dorito

yeah da Vinci that's why they're called Doritos Dorito yeah Dorido da Vinci da Vinci

da Vinci this is my son his name is Dorito da Vinci. It's a pretty good name. It was a good name. I am Dorito da Vinci. All right, the couch is, um... It's made me loose.

It really made me relax, man. I've been so calm this whole episode. Usually I'm freaking the fuck out, but... My heart rate is dropped all the way from its normal rate of 28 beats per minute down to 15. Look at how... I have a really not still hand, I think. I could be doing surgery. But I did just take pre-workout, so I have tinkly itches.

over mine. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Whoa. Here his hand is not twitching. Whoa. I think my hand is moving. Look at how my fingers look like that.

Whoa. How do you do that? I've known people who can do that in my life. I've never known somebody. Well, I guess I did know somebody. It's called skydiving fingers. It does look like some skydiving fingers. Look at that.

Oh, my God. That looks insane. That looks incredible. Jesus crazy. All right. Well, I think that's it. Go check out. I am going to be in Washington, D.C. with...

When are you in D.C.? The 24th through the 26th opening for Mr. Friedland. I think that's this weekend, right? No. No, next weekend. And then I think the weekend after that, at the end of the month, the 28th through the 31st, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh, and Baltimore opening for Girl God.

Grace and April I will be and Patrick always the opener is never the headline yeah we're never headlining

we should do a back to back show where I do like I will be I do like five minutes next month I'm gonna be opening I'm gonna be opening for Blink 182

oh you're shitting me mate doing spoken word well spoken word punk rock spoken word punk rock but you're just doing like slowed down

have you seen that word with guitars and drums they already do spoken word fucking word punk rock. It's called Adams' song. No, it's called. It's called Mother's Day.

I was listening to that song this morning. Mother's Day? Or Adam's song? Adam's song, yeah. Remember Mother's Day? That was a funny one. I'll be sucking and fucking and touching, sucking and fucking attention. And also that it's Mother's Day.

Adams or Blink 182. Blink 1282 did so many funny songs. I want to fuck a dog in the ass. That is some funny shit. What's the other one? There's the, I think it's called family reunion. Yeah, family reunion. It's Christmas Eve and my grandpa just ate 16.

In that live album, they do a version of, What's My Age Again? Where's my Asian friend? Where's my Asian friend? Dude, they were on top of the world. My buddy Jake, I think I told you guys about this, but Jake's got a tattoo of Tom DeLong from the Mark Tom and Travis show. Like the cartoon, like right there. That is such a sick tattoo.

That is beast. All right. Okay. Okay. Well, we'll see you. Catch you on the next. And I'll see you in Pittsburgh or Baltimore. And Caleb will see you in our nation's capital. Bye. Richmond, north of Richmond.

Ice spices being around for one year is basically the blink of an eye, the flash, and a pan. Wow. So that's when people say one hit wonder. It's like, yeah, I wonder. Why? I wonder if they're going to have another Big Bang. Exactly. Wow.

Yeah. Because again, and that's rocks and geology and dinosaurs. Yeah, let me, that's, if there was a science, maybe the science equivalent of a youth pastor,

he would be like, you're, you guys are all obsessed with these one-hit wonders. Let me tell you about the real one-hit wonder. Jesus Christ. There is a science teacher, I think, is a,

well, this would be more of a middle school science teacher. Yeah, but this, he was kind of exactly analogous to a youth pastor in that he's at a science church. So what's your, A Christian science teachers. And he's sitting on the chair backwards.

And you can imagine maybe even just the way that every youth pastor looks in a meme or video. So what you're proposing is a, I like this idea, a science church with a science youth pastor. Yeah. Where he said he does all the youth pastor joke meme stuff, but it's for science. Has everyone doing tonight? Wow. Yeah. Yeah, but they don't have like, they don't have like science class.

Like they have Sunday school. And it's actually. Check in. What's going on? on everyone's week. It'd be called SSS Science Sunday School. It's less, there's less danger that he would be able to... It's Saturday because they're not observing the youth science pastor wouldn't be molesting

the kids because he has an intimate knowledge of the human body and he knows how to pleasure himself without the help of another. Maybe he would be doing, maybe he would have a wife or a husband. He could be touching and playing with the little frogs. They're even smaller than a kid. He feels even more power over us. Or he's Polly too, which is weirder because it's maybe he's just the, like poly people are not scientific he would be instead of molesting the kids he would be doing

experiments on the kids he would be doing to experiments on twins psychologically yeah seeing physically physically cutting them open seeing if they have conjoining them conjoining them taking them apart yeah exactly conjoining them at different combination conjoining them at different parts of the body like the foot or the ankle or the the hand. If you were conjoined to your twin at the bottoms of your feet.