Podcast About List - Ep. 260 - The Battle Of The Century

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

An epic tale of two titans who battle in our plates every single day, a fierce war that can only be decided by a panel of experts and a surprise celebrity guest. Ladies and gentlemen, Hot Dog vs Hamburger. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Okay, play. Hit the play. Hit play already. Quick. And turn it up a little on the video. Yeah, that's good. Wait. Guys, it's the most important battle of the century.

Welcome to the Battle of the Century. Hamburger. Versus hot dog. In one corner. Hamburger. In the other. Hot dog. Battling each other.

The eternal battle. To the death. The clash of the Titans. Whoever wins, we live. With these two foos, these foos are going to have to choose. Between the twos. Between these two foos. Of whose will lose.

Yep. Of who, and who will lose? Who knows? Probably use. But use will soon. We're to desude. We would dissude on the news. On the news.

Welcome everybody to the news. And this is the news. But yeah. Basically, we've been hyping this up for a while, guys. Okay, you can cut this song. And we have two pages of... Oh, we have notes. We have notes of things that we have to go over.

Here's how this shit's going to work. Here's, these are two... There's a list of things that we've got to say. Yeah, and we'll get into it soon enough, but basically it's going to be the hot dogs versus the hamburgers. Can I just get a real quick hot dog hamburger? Oh, yeah. Hot dog.

Hamburger. We have our beautiful announcer here, five or higher. And we are going to be... grading every single... That's what this is for. We're going to be giving points head-to-head battle. Your job is going to be the point master.

Thank you. And we're going to figure out basically which is better. Hot Dog versus Hamburger. This is a debate as old as time itself. Yeah. And we're here to solve it once and for all today because this is, I mean,

this is one of those things that this is kids in the school yard. Who would win? Who would win? Every kids say their first... of the variance of these two. So real quickly, as the judges, I feel like we need to give

a little bit of a background backstory on our experience with hamburger hot dog. Who remembers which one they ate first? I think I ate a hot dog first. I'm not sure which one I... You know, I probably would have to wager hot dog, but I have a pretty interesting history

between this, too, I would say. I have a pretty strong bias. I can't hide it. It will be revealed. I got to throw it out. I got to, you know, just disclaiming Just disclaimer. Yeah.

Well, what I remember... This is important. One of my earliest talk dog memories, I remember eating a hot dog at somebody's house, my mom's friend's house, there's something like that, and what did I do with that hot dog? But I threw it all up when I saw pieces of my hot dog in my throw up. And after that, I would not eat hot dogs for years after that when I was a little one. And I also have a pretty strong history that I'm sure you folks are aware of with the noble hamburger

and the cheeseburger. The burger fest is a family tradition. of mine that has started pretty soon after my parents divorced. Three years ago, a burger fest, which is a great way to cope if you're a man going through a messy divorce with children, a great way to bring them all together. Yeah, Burger Fest. Now, now that's a good point. I'm going to go ahead, you know what, I'm going to award the first point to burger because, guys,

I would argue that you couldn't make a hot dog fest. I mean, if you have you ever heard of a sausage fest? Yeah. One point to each. Oh, my God. One point to each is nice. That's a good way to start it off, I think. All right.

I'm liking your point drawing technique there. The point technique is amazing. So I see you've given hot dog the L. I give a hot dog an L, dude. It's hard to... Hey, why don't we move it over? Shut out, no, because in the camera, we'll see it. Stop.

All right. All right. I'm going to focus up now. I'm going to stop fucking around. Yeah. I am not going to have fun anymore. No, no, no, this isn't fun. This shit isn't supposed to be fun.

It is not fun at all. Listen, listen, listen. It's journalism. I, exactly. I disclosed. I disclosed who I'm in the pocket of, and I'm going to be fair, but I need you guys to tell me your personal histories, too, with hamburger and with hot dog. Well, I'm going to stay completely neutral on the two. I'm going to say my first memory with, I think the first memory I remember is the shadow of a hot dog poking out in my bedroom when I was a kid.

I saw the shadow of a hot dog on the wall, and it was kind of like a come to Jesus, like a Batman type moment. moment? No, come to Jesus. Are you saying you saw the shadow? Are you saying you got molested? No, I'm not saying I got molested. I'm saying I saw the shadow of a hot dog like Batman seeing a shadow of a bat. Are you saying shadow of a hedgehog?

Oh, did he see the full bat? I don't know. I thought he saw the shadow of a bat on the moon. No, he got attacked by bat. So you got attacked by a hot dog? No, I was attacked by burgers, but I saw the shadow of a hot dog that saved me. And there's nothing about molestation in this. Why are you bringing up molesting on the high hamburger versus hot dog debate?

Well, you brought up the shadow of a hot dog on your bedroom wall as a child. Yeah, which kind of makes it, it feels like that's what you're getting at. It feels like you were, and the way you were kind of laughing when you were saying it, it seemed like, no, I was imagining a hot dog style Batman. But what does the shadow have to do with that shadow is because Batman is of the night. That's a different. Shadow is Batman of the night. Also, what are you, you're saying like you, like you, bats are to Batman, like hot dogs are to you? A shadow is the Batman of the night?

Is that what you just said? Let's just move on. because we're not going to get anywhere. We're not even going to get anywhere. This actually makes the most sense to me, is what I was trying to say. This is what makes the most sense to you. This is what you're trying to say

is that a hot dog as Batman on a plate, you're making no sense. Something is wrong. I feel like I just went crazy trying to puzzle out what you said. Can you answer? Did you actually say a hot dog or a shadow is the Batman of the night or did I?

Was I like falling asleep? I heard that too. A shadow. I don't believe that I invented that in my head. The shadow is the Batman of the night. I don't know what I said. All I know is that now we're here. What?

Hot dog. Hamburger. Okay. You have something so wrong with you that we need more research to figure this out. Okay. So my relationship with the hot dogs and hamburgers is, guys, I, I ate a hot dog first. I ate a hamburger, not until I was probably 17 years old.

Hamburger. I ate veggie burgers. Here's what I used to eat. Oh, my God, that's... I eat, well, we won't get that. Veggie burgers. Yep, yuck. I ate veggie burgers, and I ate...

My dad used to make... He used to grill pieces of pineapple and put that on a bun for me. Interesting. Try to trick me. That's a different thing as a hamburger. Is that a new kind of... My goddamn fruit? Is that a new kind of contender, pineapple on a bun?

We'll worry about that later. No, that's like a, it's like a Hawaiian trick. So that's a type of burger. It's a trick they do. Yeah, it's a trick they do. That's like in the UK when they say, you want a burger? Chicken burger.

Yeah. That fucked me up, man. That completely ruined me when I was there. You have to shoot lightning at them. Hamburger or chicken burger. Yeah. What the fuck you need, bitch. You know, I think every every announcer should have to do this before any type of fight or match.

They should have to say what their favorite team is. What happened. Yeah, what they thought about them for their entire life. Yeah, both judges and announcers should have to disclose their prior history. I mean, you know, I guess while I'm thinking about it, I do, I feel like I kind of made my bias seem to swing pretty strongly towards hamburgers, but I will say I've made infinitely more hot dogs for myself than I ever have. Wow. So I may seem pretty biased toward hamburgers, but I also do, I do fuck. with the hot dog heavy the hot dogs oh i just cleared out my ears from air hot dogs

hot dog heavy all right so let's jump right in as you can see before us we have wow as you can see before us we have hamburger and we have hot dog now what's the first thing here the first question would aliens like it Oh, my God. Wait, I think we're going to go in the other order. Wait, we're going actual alphabetical. We're going alphabetical. He's going reverse alphabetical. Also, I don't see that anywhere in the list.

I don't know what you're talking about. That's in there. Just go alphabetical. Okay. We'll tackle that one later. Okay, what's the first question? The first question about hamburger, hot dog. What is their artistic potential?

Yep. Artistic potential. So let's explain what that means. Guys, to an artist, you may think an artist would look at this and say, well, this is how I would create my art. An artist would look at this and say, this is bullshit. This is the subject of my next work. Yes. I'm going to make this Expo marker. I'm going to make this or a paintbrush. I will build a paintbrush out of hamburgers and hot dogs, but which one will be my chosen tool? Which of these will be the chisel with which I chisel. Or, for example, maybe are there any famous works of art or paintings that feature a hot dog or a hamburger and which art have the better works of the better opus?

What I want to say now for artistic potential, I thought of this question as what can you like, which one would be easier to use as like a tool to make art? So my bias is leaning towards hot dog Because think about it You could dip this in ink Right And then draw with the hot dog Uh huh Like a pen

You could use the hot dog like a pen And then the bun is a piece of paper It would just be a very wide Yeah Which people do art with wide nibs I guess you're right It's been done It's been done by some many famous artists

The interesting thing about burgers though They got cats ketchup on them, take the bun off. It has a built-in ink. It has built-in ink. So, yeah, I guess I... It's its own ink, well...

In terms of using them as an artistic tool, maybe I would give it to hot dogs. But when I'm thinking about famous paintings, famous artists, I do think that maybe the highest profile art that you could argue that a hamburger might be present in is I feel like I'm at the museum all the time. You know me? Yeah, of course. I'm always walking around. And there's one artist who I always look at her paintings.

I'm always seeing a hamburger and that's Georgia O'Keefe. I feel like she's always painting things that look like hamburgers especially these hamburgers. Yeah, I mean, look at this. Look at this. This looks like a Georgia O'Keefe.

Yeah. Look at it. This is exactly how Georgia O'Keefe's work looks today. Can we get a punch in on that? And I guess I'm afraid I can't, I can't think of a... Let me show you what it really...

It would be like you... No, Georgia O'Keefe, it's like you took a hamburger but you didn't want to eat the bun. but you also didn't want to rip the bun off. So you kind of fold just a little bit. A little bit of the bun back. Just like that kind of. And maybe we move the pickle to be up there.

Right. And it's something like that. This is classic. Something like that. So this is a kind of burger that she's eating. She's like a picky eater. That's Americana. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That's classic Americana. I can't help myself. Oh, my God. No, okay, that looks the most like a Georgia O'Keefe now. Oh, my God, that is good. Yeah. Mm.

I want one so bad. Me too. I'm hungry. But I have to wait. I have to wait until the end when we decide the winner. We'll wait to some of the questions where you actually need to eat them instead of jumping ahead. So I think because of the Georgia O'Keefe point, my argument is we give this point to hamburger. Hamburger wins.

Agreed? Wow. I think I would agree with that. I agree with that as well. Hamburger wins. What's the next topic? Bun type. All right.

So far we have On Dog 1, Hamburger 1, Hamburger 11. Those are Tally Marks, Caleb. That's two. You call me Tally what, nah? Tally Mark was my neighbor growing up. You better shut your mouth. Bun type.

I mean, this one's cut and dry. Like the buns themselves. cuts and dry. I'm going to have to give this to hot dog personally because hot dog has somewhat somehow hot dog has

more bun but I mind the bun less. There's more bun on a hot dog also hamburger buns could also be used for chicken sandwiches

regular sandwiches It's not iconic PB&J PB&J I've only made a PB&J and a hot dog bun four times

this has been my speaking of canvas this is my sandwich for a peanut butter and jelly The hot dog bun is a genius

business move because you're never We're going to buy a hot dog bun and say maybe I should put chicken or salad. Exactly. I'm surprised these because, okay, so I bought these hot dogs and I bought these hot dog buns and they were different brands. And I was at the store and I was like, why the fuck would they not just sell these two together in a combo pack and shit?

They should. The dog in the bun? The dog inside of the bun. And fucking sell them out of a restaurant or a truck. And what the hell is going on with you buy a package of six hot dogs? You buy a package of eight buns. What the fuck? Well, that's why I was avoiding that.

I got eight dogs and eight buns, y'all. That's a genius way to avoid it is by picking the packs up the same number. Yeah, I picked it. It's kind of my, that's a little bit of a food hack. Yeah. Life hack for you. All right, so hot dog wins that one. Do you think hot dog wins that when we're giving it to hot dog?

We are giving it to hot dog. Unless you have evidence against hamburger buns or evidence supporting hamburger? I don't have a, I don't know. Yeah, a hamburger bun, it's just a bun. It's not even, it's not, you could not even iconic as a. No, no, no, no, no. It's a role, really. It, yeah.

Hot dog wins. So that's, it's two and two right. It's neck and neck already. All tied up, guys. Holy fucking shit. It's already so contentious. Wait, what the hell's going to happen next? What can happen next is the age old question, can you draw it fast?

Can you draw it fast? Um. Hamburger. Hot Dog. I think Hot Dog wins this. Yeah. Well, let's see. Let me see.

I'll demonstrate. Try both. Here, take out your stopwatch. You know your stopwatch? Yes. Actually, Julio, you have a stopwatch, right? No, no. You time it.

I do have a stopwatch, actually. Hold up. Hold up. Okay. I wish you had a pocket watch on the chain right now. Me too. Tell me when to start. And I'm going to count it down.

I'm going to do hot dog first. Okay. Okay. Ready? Three, two, one. Okay, that was 2.41 seconds. All right, ready? Oh, I forgot the bun.

That's okay. That's up on the front of time it. We'll add them together. We'll add them together. All right. Ready? Okay, so total is about five seconds. Yeah, let's shave off like a couple milliseconds.

We'll call it and even say. For people listening, I did just the hot dog and just the bun. It was that simple. All right. Let's do burger. All right. Three, two, one. Okay, so I'm going to start with this top button.

And you can't forget the sesame seeds. You cannot forget the sesame seeds. Oh, here come the sesame seeds. Oh, there's millions of these. So then first layer, how do you build a first layer? The first layer is going to be always lettuce, y'all. Lettuce is coming in hot or cold. That's good, man.

And then we're going to do a big beefy beefsteak tomato. Tomato, yes. Here comes the little edges of the tomatoes. on the tomato. And you got to put the tomato stripes. The tomato seeds. And don't forget the red onion.

We're going to put two pickles right here. Yeah, pickles. We've got to go up there. More sesame seeds on there. Yeah, sesame seeds on the pickles. And here's a couple of onions.

Oh, there's an onion. Red onion. The piece de resistance. The burger bun. Oh, and that's a bun. And that's bigger than the bun. There's no patty. The burger patty.

You put the bun on the bottom with that. Where's the burger? Man, why is the bottom bun so big? Okay. Okay. Okay, so this button, I'll turn this into it. Wait, wait, wait, big Mac. Oh, it's a big Mac style.

It's Big Mac style. So put another, put the patty underneath. Then the patty goes under here. And what's on the patty? Beautiful brown char. And what else is on the paddy? Sesame seeds Here comes

Some sesame seeds And then what Oh and the sauce Oh yeah What kind of sauce Secret And then here's The bottom bun ya

Yes All right stop the time One minute and 38 seconds Hot dog Hot dog wins this By country mile guys Flawless victory Yeah that was a flawless victory

Let me erase these As beautiful as they are I can't believe I forgot to draw the damn Purge And here's the bottom bun you know maybe if you hadn't forgot the bun a bun hamburger could have won it would have been at least a little closer it would have been close yeah I ate his end this next this next category has subcategories so

can you feed it to a baby um burr hamburger no hot dog if you cut it up into maybe an octopus shape But you shouldn't. You shouldn't really feed it. But the hot dog, you shouldn't. It's not shouldn't. It's can. Yeah. Can.

So this goes to a hot dog. Okay. Hot dog wins. Can you feed it to an animal? I think both of them get a point. Yeah, we'll do that. Hamburger. Hot dog.

Hamburger. Winns. Hamburger. This smell is really getting to me. Me too. I want all this food. Can you feed it to an old geyser on life support? On life support?

I don't think either of them would probably get. it, but definitely not hot dogs. That'd be a choking hazard. Yeah. Hamburger. How would a hot dog be a choking hazard and a hamburger wouldn't? Because it's a little stiffer. You can grind them up, though, with a mortar and pestle. If you grind up fucking anything with a mocha hette, it doesn't matter. Thank you for saying mocha hette. If you put anything into a motherfucking mocha hette, then yeah, it doesn't matter. All right. This one is a stalemate. This one is a stalemate.

This one is a stalemate. He said thank you for representing Spanish culture. Oh, okay. Yeah. You said mocha hette. This one is a stalemate, I think, the old geyser on live support. I don't have a button for still. Yeah, well, I'm going to give both of them zero points for that one. Yeah, all right. Oh, I actually have something that could say put for that. That's gotta hurt.

Because it would kill the guy. It was like no points. Yeah. Oh. That's got a hurt. You think that's the hamburger would be like this would be like, That's got a hurt. And then the hot dog would be like this.

Hot dog. And wait, then they could do this. Hamburger. No, hey, get that, get that hamburger. That hot dog got that hamburger, man. That's making it look in a sexual.

Oh, okay. It's not flawless. It's not flawless. It's not flawless. I can tell you that. Oh my God, I'm drooling all of myself. You're drooling like that. It's just so hungry.

All right. I got so hungry when I sat down here. The next one, you know what? I could go get the microwave really quick. Can we just really for just a second? For just a second, guys, it'll blow the circuit. For just a second, can we appreciate that we officially have the best job in the sitting in front of four or eight beautiful hot dogs

and six beautiful hamburgers sitting here getting a rate and review and talk about this. This is a guy's paradise. This is a male. Podcast about list. Yes. And we are win.

This next one here is color. Press wrong button. Press wrong button. Let's have water in my mouth. Press wrong button. I think that I'm going to give this to the color of a burger is so much more appetizing than the color of a hot dog

black don't crack man What? Black don't crack Hamburgers are black All right, they're kind of more brown But what? Black is night Hamburger Hamburger wins

I want to throw a Maybe this will come up later You're giving it to hamburger Give it to hamburger with an asterisk because they're... I don't have a button for asterisk. Well, that doesn't really matter. You can give it to hamburger with an asterisk because I'm going to throw a wrench in it a little bit later

when we get to the... Oh, I think... When we get to the a R's. Well, let's not spoil anything, though. Okay, all right. Number... The next one is condiments. Ketchup.

Why is that sounds so sexy That's got a Ketchum Ketch up Ketch up Ketch up Um

Okay So They both Ketchup Yeah They both Yeah And so funny

When it says Ketchup Ketchup Ketch up Ketch up Um Oh man They both can have

Ketchup Yeah And by the way We're on If you're from Chicago, if you're from Chicago, hot dog and we're on an entire another level, y'all. In other podcasts, I'm telling you, ketchup.

That's right. Nobody's debating hot dogs versus hamburgers like us. Not a single podcast. Nobody is doing it. And you're like, hot dog. Yeah, because it's such a great episode. Yeah, I'm so excited. All right.

So I guess they have the same condiments. They have the same. I guess that's another stalemate. Well, because that's the thing. Some people believe that a hot dog should never have ketchup. Speaking to your microphone. Some people believe that a hot dog should never have ketchup. Not like that.

Not like that. I just think that maybe there are some differences. Like, for example, what's, I list the ingredients of a Chicago dog right now. Well, that was going to go for. The condiments. The only thing. Color was going to. So you look at a burger, right?

You see the stack of color. You see a Chicago dog. You see the stack of colors. That's what the asterisk was going to be for. Okay. I don't know why you thought you need to save that for 45 minutes. A Chicago dog has a lot of color on it, but a lot of condiments as well. You wanted to wait to bring in Chicago dogs.

Okay. Would you ever put relish on a hamburger? Yeah, sometimes. I don't know if I've ever had relish on a hamburger. I have, and it's not good. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You have not had relish on a hamburger, but you've had McDonald's secret sauce and in-and-out secret sauce on a hamburger, which I think both of them have relish. They have pickles chopped up.

Really? Which is what relish is. Catchup. I didn't know that. Stop playing the ketchup. Playing what? For the sake of never hearing that again. I think that we...

This has to be a tie. That's fine with me. Was that your feelings getting hurt? Because I said I didn't want to hear the ketchup anymore. That's what you said that's going to hurt? No, I just was playing different sounds. Oh, okay. Pressing random buttons.

Next one is... Oh, wait, shit. That keeps happening. That's an honest mistake. Playing this flat. I'm not doing it to be funny. I have two pages I'm flipping between here. I'm getting confused.

They actually put the splat on the arrow. Craziness. I just have to switch quickly. Craziness. I'm going to get, okay, so here's what I'm thinking with this. Have you guys ever seen these fucking burgers where they're so insane that you, they have eggs on them? Yeah, yeah. You have to put a knife through it.

This is burgers. They literally make burgers in restaurants where you cut it, it explodes. Yeah. Camembergers. They pour cheese on top of it. They put cheese under it. Ain't somebody doing that with the hot dog. The craziest hot dog you can ever see is this hot dog is extra long. Yeah.

Oh, look, we made a long. Hamburger wins. Yeah, shut up. Come try our long hot dog. Yeah. They have pink hamburgers. This is a flawless victory for hamburger. All right.

Hamburger. What's next? Next is customization. I feel like we almost just did that one. We just, that's kind of the same. A lot of these are maybe overlap. We can skip that one and go to the next one. One of the top customization options would have to be.

True. How much? What shape you put it in if you do a smiley? What ketchup brand do you guys like? I'm not a huge ketchup fan if I can be honest. I don't like ketchup that much. I like that much. I use Heinz, but there's this new one that I got that it's called Primal Kitchen, and it's pretty good.

Primal Kitchen. Oh, shit. Does it have, like, no oil in it or some shit? Yeah, it's one of those. I got that whole foods. I think I have Heinz in my house probably. I like nice ass ketchup. I get this one ketchup called like Sir Kingsley or some shit.

I want to make my own ketchup at home. I never use ketchup. So when I buy it. Sir Kensington. That's what it is, Sir Kensington. I know exactly the one. It's good as fuck. Uh-huh.

It's actually good as fuck. They have a spicy one. Uh, all right. this next topic be ready for this title card yeah you really need to be on this title card really this one this is the most important one i would say does it look like a turd okay so this might seem so cut and dry yeah but but part which part in the pun but oh but well that's good and pardon the bun yeah pardon my buns pardon my buns uh you might think wait a second they both are inside wait

hold on they're both between buns hold up they both oh my god listen oh shit a burger may look like a turd like it look you know what it looks like it looks like it looks like a texture pack for a in a video you accidentally you wrapped it around the turd texture onto a frisbee yeah exactly a turd texture got loaded onto a frisbee and a Gary's mod server. But guys, this one over here, this hot dog somebody accidentally

put a frisbee texture on a turd. To a blind, to a colorblind man? This is a turd, guys. To a color blind person, I'm holding a turd in my finger right now. Yeah, this is as close to a turd as you can legally walk around on the street holding. Especially, especially

maybe if you, well, what do you guys think? If you, more turdy, if you grill it or you boil it? Definitely. Definitely the darkness of the color for grill. But I don't know how many of my turds have grill marks that are dark only on certain lines. You know what the best, the number one way to make it look like a turd? Microwave it and it gets those bubbles. We have a microwave right over there.

Stop trying to get us to use the microwave, man. And stop. This is a very smelly meat that you're. What am I doing wrong? I'm doing what you're doing with the pen. Hot dog. We're giving this to hot dog. What way?

Is it a point if it does look like a turd or a point if it does? It's a point if it does. It's a point if it looks like a turd. Oh, okay. What are we at here? We'll wait till the end of Canada. We'll wait till the end of Canada. I like that your tally marks go past five.

Oh my God, my finger smells. I'm just doing, just doing wrist-free styling it. I was messing around. I forgot how to do that. Yeah. I forgot that you're supposed to. Well, that's fine. Yeah, we'll worry about it when it comes to that.

The next one. Yeah, I'll start crossing them now. That's a good point. Next one is ease of access. So this means how easy it is to get a hot dog. I mean, in the streets of New York, it depends where you are. Depends where you are. But you can get in Times Square, you can get a hot dog pretty much anywhere.

But now with food trucks, you can get a burger. Listen, I'm not with the fucking hipster New York food cart, food truck bullshit. Yeah. I'm hard of America, blue collar, grew up in a computer family. Yep. We were out in the circuit board farms. Yeah. every damn day

just trying to make ends meet trying to make $250,000 last a month. Yep. It's hard. It's tough these days. And let me tell you, a working man,

it's easy to make a hot dog, but if you're talking about going out, getting one, it's a hamburger all the way. Not a lot of restaurants have a hot dog on the menu. No, no, no. You are not going to get a hot dog

in somewhere the salt and the earth kind of town like Cambridge Mass. No shot, man. No. Way, no, how. Not even at Tasty Burger or Muya. Straight out of, straight out of Kindle, motherfucking square? You think that you're going to get a motherfucking hot dog? You think you're getting anything but Glover Food Lab?

Some kind of nice ass, oh, fancy hot dog. No, you're getting a burger, buddy. My mom sat me and my 12 siblings down on the table and said, times are hard today. Yeah. Today. Times are hard. Specifically today, they're going to be okay tomorrow. But today it's tough.

And all I have for you guys, I was able to go to the Alamo draft house. and I got you some to go orders got some to go orders from there and that's all we have to eat that's all we have to eat for a couple hours pace yourself this is all we have for just a few hours some of these we can really

save the toothpicks yes please save the toothpicks because we need those to do a room goldberg machine so we're giving this to hamburger why don't you count them up right now and then start crossing.

Don't worry about the counting. He's got it under control. I trust him. Okay. He's got the... You keep your eyes on your page here. All right. Well, the next one...

We all have a job today. Uh-huh. I'm sounds... This is why I feel so good today because I have a purpose. And you guys, we are 30 minutes in. This is going to be the longest episode we've ever done. It can't be because I have somewhere to be.

He has to go get ink on his body. That's true. Ease of Access. That is what we just did. It was the one we just did. Now, easiness to make. where'd I go Okay

I think this is a clear Yeah this is pretty This is clearly hot dog Because so these hamburgers I know they look homemade But I didn't make these guys What? These came from McDonald's

Another bite Can I have one? Yeah Time to eat Time to eat Hamburger Flawless victory All right

So um easiest to make that's good hamburgers are so hard to hamburgers are so hard to make that i just i was like i'm not doing that shit so i made so i made the hot dogs you buy the hot dog you buy the bun you put the bun it's two things to buy it's only two this is a cold dog they didn't know that they didn't know that they didn't that's got a hurt yeah that hurt that hurt so we're going to give this to hot dog all right now I'm learning about tally marks you do one across the corner like so and there we are thank you good work all right next exchange

rate so how many hamburgers before we ate how many hot dogs before we ate these right how many were there in the there's okay so there's six there's eight hot dogs And if these, if the scales are even, well, if they were even, they're definitely, oh, I dropped my, I dropped some burger on the list. If this, these were supposed to be even scales, right? I mean, I don't think they were, I don't know, hot dogs is equal to six burgers. I just didn't want to spend more than $30 on the, I don't think they were even.

Okay. Okay, wait. In terms of, maybe we already have this on here, but in terms of, uh, exchange rate, I will say these hot dogs, hot dogs, hot, hot, dog and bun cost $8 for eight of them. So that's a dollar each. These hamburgers, which I got them delivered, but if I because I'm too far away from McDonald's, but if I didn't

get them delivered, I could have gotten picked them up. The total would have been $3.29 per. So in a money sense, it's three hot dogs per hamburger, a little over three hot dogs. But in terms of how many of these hot dogs,

if you were, if it was a school one, situation. So wait, if it's three hot dogs per hamburger, does that mean that I would even say that that even beyond money, that holds up to I'm going to eat one hamburger, but I'll eat two or three hot dogs. Maybe not these specific hamburger.

Yeah, does that what we're supposed to say for exchange? So who wins this one? Hamburger, it's worth more. Okay. That's what I was asking. Higher value, yeah. Hamburger wins. All right, we're going to go hamburger on that. All right, the next one.

is fan base So we all have been We've all been In this situation With some shit like Odd Future Where you're like wait They make the funniest

Doppest fucking rap in the world But These fans are cringe Gay guys that wear pink Uh huh So that's what I wanted to get at with this It's like Who has

Also like Like just to give another example For example Rick and Morty I'll have a lot of fans I think the show is funny that are just wanting to laugh and watch TV and laugh at cartoons.

And they don't care about the deeper voices, the deeper voices on the show and what they say. For example, Rake. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. They only care about the higher pitch voices. So who do you think has the more chill

fan base? Probably hot dogs. Probably hot dogs, right? Hot dog because burgers, burger fans are going out to different restaurants and they're like, oh my God. You have the biggest burger. There's no such thing as a hot dog challenge.

Yeah, there isn't. They don't do that. People don't do hot dog challenge. There's nobody, there's no restaurant on earth where it's, what are you doing a burger challenge? People do, people eat big burgers all the time. Nobody's eating 50, 60 hot dogs. Right. Yeah, that would never happen.

No. So with that alone, I think that the burger fan base is more cringe, but I think that the hot dog fan base can be maybe a little more. They're more gatekeeping. annoying they're more gate keepy and like talking about hot dogs all the damn time and they think they're special for liking hot dogs yeah plus they they're like what like you like that's an entry like a chicago dog that's an entry level hot dog oh you never had a chicago dog oh you never had one oh okay he just remembered that there is literally a fucking contest where they like that's gotta hurt 20 fucking hot dogs um yeah and because of because of that because

I fucking hate that 4th of July bullshit so much that it's going to burger I think it's going to burghur I feel like burger has a better fan base just because of that

that one and burgers are not taken up the one the one day a year where we get to celebrate our beautiful nation

that's what you eat hamburgers on hot dogs and hot dogs on hamburger hot burgers wait wait actually you have

final say on this I do think that is your birthday it is your birthday so you do get final say I think it's a class on 4th of July.

The hot dog eating contest, I'm not so much a fan of. But you eat both a hamburger and a hot dog on 4th of July. That's pretty classic. Or as some would say, you eat a hot dog on hamburger and a hamburger on hot dog day. Yeah. Which is what you just said. I think I maybe said something a little more sophisticated than that. No, really?

Yeah, maybe a little more eloquent than that. But, you know, I personally, if it's just coming down to fan bases and I'm leaving my birthday out of it, I, my vote, I think that Hamburger has the Cringer fan base if it's about cringiness. If it's based on cringiness, but I think it's based or based on cringiness. I think hot dog fan base is more based. Not saying hot dog. So who's the winner is what we're asking? I think I'll give it to hot dogs.

All right. Hot dog wins. All right, what's next? Flavor. Okay, we already just tasted them. So we're in a perfect place to. to talk about the flavor we tasted one of them you know what's really good yeah all right Caleb hey Caleb okay give me the cold hot why me he's the one who likes nasty stuff

no go ahead and eat it you're the flavor oh my god it actually smells it smells like has the legs just eat it sideways like pretend it's a burger and eat it sideways oh it does it actually does have legs yeah it's really sticking to the side and the terroir. Teirwa. Tehrah. I mean, it doesn't taste bad. It's a hot dog.

Hot dog. It tastes like cold fat. Yeah. It is better when you cook it. But you can eat a hot dog cold, which is interesting. Okay. Isn't it funny?

It has hot in the name. Yeah, that's rather interesting. So basically what it boils down to is pigs versus cows. Yeah. I don't like boiled hot dogs either, though. No, boiled hot dogs are trash. But if you had a boiled burger, would you like that? Dude, actually, that tastes like a fucking tire.

Yeah, I think it goes to burger. I think it's a burger. It has like an awful chemical aftertage. Well, you bought, which hot dogs did you buy? Sebrette. Yeah, yeah, that's what, that's the problem. You got to cook those ones. You got to cook all in their fucking hot dogs.

Those ones taste good when they're cooked. Those are the, don't even red me up. Don't even red me. It's pink, bro. Don't pink me. Bro, it's pink. Oh, you fucking pink. You fucking pink.

all right this one's the burger all right now we will get into the future 1,000 years from now whoa what are these two things because guys there's been a hundred years

of discovery the hamburgers and hot dogs no more ketchup no more ketchup in the future no no no where will we will we even recognize this shit I bet that they

in all tomorrow's style what are these going to going to look like. Yeah. I've got something to say. I think that in the future, hot dog and you, and listen, when you, I think that one of these will have a square shape and it's going to be hot dogs. Who's just gurgled? Me. That hot dog is not sitting well. And my, my throat made it sound. I think that we will see square hot dogs in the future. You can't even barely find these on Google nowadays. It looks like. You're talking about like square like a Japanese watermelon. I don't even know what it could possibly

mean to have a square hot dog in the future. A hamburger is a classic shape. Right, but and people do square hamburgers here. Wendy? People do hamburgers? Yeah, there's already square hamburgers, you're right. So I feel like it's going to take us a thousand years to get those square hot dog. That's crazy.

I think, you know what I think is going to become the standard in a thousand years? Well, this is more, this is all, this is kind of a subjective question. Yeah, I don't matter. Oh, these are all subjective questions. What do you mean? That's why we're judging. Well, this one's specific is like, we don't have enough facts. Let him say what he said things.

Sorry. What I think is... You want to look up some facts right now? Can you look up what a hot dog will look like in the future? Go ahead and Google, future 1,000 years. Future hot dog. Well, actually, this might be helpful if we see what it's going to look like. Three hot dogs, hot dogs three ways.

Wait, what the hell? What? What the hell is there? Some kind of squeezed hot dog? It's a green hot dog. It's a green springy hot dog. Oh, my God. It looks like a coiled snake.

Here's what I think is the future of hot dog. And people have already caught on to this, but it's not the norm. And I think a thousand years from now will be the norm. A butterflyed hot dog. Oh, when you cut it in half and put it on the grill? Yes. A hot durger. Why is the hot durger not a more popular thing outside of my dad's house?

I don't know. It's good as fuck. In my dad's house, it's one of the most popular foods that is in mad. That and sourdough toast are the two most popular food. They were growing up where they were kind of my foods and they never really popped off for the rest of the world. Yeah. What's it called? Frosted many weeds.

Frosted mini with puffins. Puffins. Oh my God. I loved peanut butter puffins with soy milk. All right. Well, we're getting out. You're getting off topic.

Oh, yeah, you're right. What will a hamburger look like? Hamburg up future hamburger. Hamburger. And book up a future hamper hamper from the creamery. Future burger. Okay.

We'll be a city. Okay. This will be called. Okay, hamburger clearly wins. Yeah, hamburger wins. Hamburger is going to become a city based on the world. All right, next. Getting sick from it.

With a question mark. So I already shared my story. I think you're more likely to get, feel sick from a hot dog than a hamper. We have an event with you. You got sick. Just now. I didn't get sick. I gargled.

You gargled. Gargling is sickness. No, it's not, man. Catch up. I think that. Uh, when it comes, I think hot dogs are more likely to make you sick. Uh-huh. I think I agree. But a hamburger could be cooked rare. It could be cooked rare and make you sick. You're so right. That's what I was about to say. You're so right. Yeah, you could literally get food poisoning from me.

Because it's literally, because I just connected this. I never connected to this board. This is probably why. Because a hamburger can be pink in the middle and that pinkness can make you sick. Yes. A hot dog is all pink. Sheesh. It's only to pink from, they probably. probably make it from the pink from the burger when it's not cooked

enough. Yeah. My God. By God. That's crazy. You've made a discovery. So who wins? Dude,

something about eating a hamburger and a hot dog at noon on a workday is really making me feel fucking crazy. Yeah,

I have a... I have so many so many meat chemicals are blasting through me. Let's call it a draw. Let's call it a draw and move forward. Move forward.

We will move on to giftability. What would you rather receive as a gift? Hot dog. All right. That was too quick. Hand field.

Now, this one is subjective. There's an asterisk next to it for some reason. Don't remember why. Let's see. Here, wait. Close your eyes and see if you can tell which one is which.

See, okay, you can tell a hot dog. That's actually perfect because you can tell a hot dog is a hot dog. This could be a chicken sandwich. That could be literally. anything. Or just a bun. It could be a hockey puck that was in the microwave for a few minutes and melted. Yeah.

Okay. Hot dog wins. Hot dog definitely has the iconic hand feel. History. History. All right. So they both came out at the same time. That's a draw.

No, wait. That's not true. No, no, we can dig into this one. This is an interesting one. So hamburgers were made at that one fucking place in hamburger. All but no, it's not from Hamburg. Germany. No, they're not from Germany.

Hamburgers are from, there's this one place in, I think, Albany or some shit. Oh, is it in, you mean Connecticut? Connecticut, where they put them in the broiler. Yes, yes, and they boil them. They broil them. They broil them. They broil them. They have these like 120-year-old burgers.

Okay, it actually came from Hamburger Charlie in Wisconsin, and go back one page? It says, a history of the burger says from ancient Rome. 1860s versus 1885. I guess hot dog wins because it's first. Hamburger came from ancient Rome. What's just the title of the article? A history of the burger from ancient Rome to the director. Well, but they're just saying that they made a meat sandwich.

The burger that we know today. Okay. That's the signifier here. Did you guys watch the founder? No. This was a good movie. Okay. Next is holiday variants.

Hamburger wins. Okay, holiday variants. Hot dog wins. Yeah, put a tally up for hot dog. holiday variants Santa Claus Burger yeah we all know the Santa Claus burger

when you use ketchup as the red on his suit I will say you could draw stuff with the ketchup more easily on a hamburger but a hot dog

itself is almost a holiday variant we've all had a Valentine's Day hot dog a hot dog a valentine's dog I've had a hot dog on every holiday

except for Christmas I think the holiday of burgers is Burger Fest Yeah, that's true. There is a holiday already. All right, we're going to give it to. Burger. Hamburger wins. All right, these two, I think, can coenside with each other.

Okay. How fun is it to eat and how often can you eat it? I could honestly eat a hamburger probably every day. Yeah, 100%. Hot dog every week. I went through, you can go through a phase of eating hot tea. dogs really often, but if you don't stop with the, if the phase doesn't go away, you'll die. There's also the thing about a hamburger is like, you can eat one that's like fully loaded

on a bun and shit, but then if you want to eat something a little healthier, you make it at home, you do like a lean ground beef. Don't even, don't even talk about the lettuce wrap. No, no, no, leave the lettuce wrap at home. No, no, no, no, I like this. I do. I do. You guys are going to think this is gross. I make a burger. I put it on some white rice.

That's Hawaiian or Filipino style. I boil some broccoli. I put some sour cream on the burger and I put some hot sauce. This is not. That's strange, man. It's really good. And salt. Oh, you put salt in me.

I was thinking we were talking about a burger joy from dollybee. Yeah. Burger on rice with sour cream. Burger over rice. Hey, let me get a burger over rice. Yo, Ak, let me get a burger over rights. Can I get a burger over rights? burger over rights

burger over rights please you guys this next one is actually wait who won that me with my delicious recipe hamburger wins because you can eat it often and it's more fun to eat nice good one thank you you guys this next one

is ingredients are we saying ingredients hot dog okay this is ingredients yeah I guess toppings is the same No, no, no, because the ingredients, okay, so here's, let me, let me, let me, let me throw this out, let me throw this out. A burger, you look at them, you think maybe they have the same amount of ingredients. Hamburger is the patty and the bun, just the two ingredients.

The hot dogs ingredients are the hot dog and the bun. That's the two ingredients. But the ingredients that go into a hot dog, there are millions of different parts of the body of the animal. That is so true. And I see ingredients list for hot dog, foot, leg, arm, Hand, brain, asshole, intestinal lining, plastic. Yeah, plastic. The plastic of the pig's plastic body.

Nitrites. Squid. Yeah, nitrites, which I still don't know. And they put squid in it. And burger, it would mostly say beef. Lean and fat. Yeah. Lean beef and fat beef.

Yeah, the two ingredients. There's literally two ingredients in the patty. Hot dog wins. Hot dog has millions of ingredients. But you guys, this is the most difficult question yet. Okay. Likeability. I mean, well, hold on.

Like which one's more charming? Look up dancing burger versus dancing. Because the dancing hot dog is very famous. We don't need to watch a video to decide. But just I need to see what a dancing burger would look like. You'll pick it up and show them. Okay, wait a minute. This is easy to figure out.

Oh, you know what I'm thinking of actually? Okay, so there's the dancing hot dog, right? But there's the Fortnite, Fortnite dancing hot dog. But then there is the better off dead hamburger season. where the burgers play guitar. Well, this is, I'm not talking, you're getting into the, you're going next. You're looking at the next one, which is, oh my God, movie role. I'm sorry.

Likeability is, so here's, here's my argument for burger, okay? With a hot dog, you can stand him upright and go like, hey, I'm a hot dog, right? But it doesn't look like his mouth is moving. This motherfucker, you can say, you can come here. Hamburger. He can say his name. Look at that. Hamburger.

Hamburger. Hamburger. Hamburger. Time to eat it, Caleb. I know. I'm full. I'm so full. All right.

Well, I guess in terms of likeability. A hot dog looks like a fucking cock. And if you like that, that's okay. If you like that, you like that. But for me, I don't like that shit. Keep it away. All right. Well, I guess we are doing a draw here because this is too hard.

This is the crux of the whole argument. Yeah. This is the crux of the whole. battle. I was thinking about... Actually, Julio is a tiebreaker. Julio? I just thought of a joke.

That's it. You heard of this shit called Shugays, right? This, uh... Yeah. Guitars, yeah. Yeah, what's that? What Patrick says it was fucking kids.

Flawless victory. Shoe, Gaze. Your gay son. Oh, okay. Like, Shoe. Like, Shoe. Get out of here. Yeah. Ah! Gays! Shoe!

You guys like my joke? flawless victory I thought so too all right this next one I kind of jumped ahead got ahead of myself movie rolls

movie rolls okay so what I want you to do right now have you guys seen the Seth Rogan hot dog movie

what I want you to look up right now hot dog there this one might end in a stalemate two tabs open I need you to look up weiner's movie

and then Good Burger Good Burger is about friends or brothers it's barely about the bird But look at this. This is not about the burgers, bro.

What the hell, boy. Go to images for Wieners. Kenan Thompson is literally. Keenan Thompson is the star of both burgers and hot dogs. This is the food master. Kenan Thompson, you are the food master. And we need you to decide. We bow down to you.

If you, if we call Sarah right now. We need to ask her. We need to ask her... We need to get Keenan to give his to weigh in on this. I'm going to text her right now and ask, do you think Keenan Mike's... Hot Talks,

should I do that? You think she'd be bad at me? We say we're doing something. It's very important. It's very important. It's urgent... Text her urgent. 9-1-1.

Okay. Let's see if she responds. Urgent. Wait, 911. Do you think, sorry to bother you. Sorry to bother you.

But we've been talking about hamburgers and hot dogs. And about hot dogs. And about hot dogs. And we noticed that Keenan Thompson is in a movie about both. And we noticed that Keenan Thompson is in a movie about both. So we need someone to tell us about both. hamburgers versus hot dogs is in one movie about each

yeah is in one movie one movie well they're making a legacy sequel to good burger do you think question question is do you what question is

what does he like more hamburgers or hot dogs do you think he likes hamburgers or hot dogs more okay and this will be a five pointer yeah this will be when we get the answer this will be five points

She ain't going to respond to that shit. I'm going to be honest with you. And the next time I see her, she's going to say, I totally, I'm sorry, I forgot to respond to your question about if Keenan Thompson likes hamburgers or hot dogs more. I thought that was an immediate response.

Me too. I got so excited. No, it's Mike. Anyway, what's next? Musicality. Which you guys, I mean, you know me. I'm a, Patrick.

Oh, she answered. What'd she say? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha wait which one is the hot dog movie it's called weaners and it's from 2004 weeners okay enough with the laughing i just need to know it's like it's a simple question it's a simple question she said no say weeners 2008 and it's she's just texting he's like wow that's so crazy. Please just say, please, does he like?

Please. I feel like I've seen him eat a hamburger before no cap. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. There we go. Okay, so that's five points for hamburgers. Hamburger wins.

Oh, he says he eats McDonald's. all the time all right but never hot dogs okay all right so weeners he did for the money

and good burger he did for the love and maybe for the free hamburgers yeah all right wait that's five points that's fucking five points

for burgers crazy and you guys with this next song from Patrick Doran music we'll see who wins oh because it's musicality

yeah Is it on? It's on. Oh, sorry. All right, go ahead. Talk your shit. I'll mess that up. Wait.

Is this like a song? Inspired by... This is a song inspired by burgers. Eat that fucking... This doesn't sound anything like this. Wait, turn the drums off. That's why it doesn't sound like it. Okay.

He doesn't know how to... No, leave the drums on. Ready? Eat it. Yeah. Hey. was making tons of burgers. Time to eat.

Eating at the hot dog stand. He was eating put in ketchup on the brine. And people they just don't understand. Because he was eating and breathing and listened to his music. And just when he got hungry, somebody turned around and told me, sell me all your burgers, white boy. Eat that fucking burger, right? Eat that fucking burger, white boy.

Eat 14 burgers and go to the fucking hospital and die. Okay, now do a hot dog. See, this is the hardest part. So what's the hot dog stand? This is the hot dog song, I guess. What is it? You guess? Whoa.

Hot dog. Wait. Hot dog. Hot dog. Stop. Hot dog. I don't know this song. I can't sing this one.

Okay. Wait, dude, dude kiss me. Dude kiss me, dude. Okay. This is, I've derailed the whole show. Yeah, you have to stop. I thought that eat that fucking burger white boy was going to be, I think that burgers wins, though, because we did more of a song about burgers.

Well, we were going to sing, eat me between the two big white buns. Eat me with ketchup and some sauce. Eat me. Eat my meaty skin. I want to see your mouth and then go in. My meaty skin is horrible. Eat my meaty skin. That's not right to say, man.

Eat me Eat me Between the two big white buns Eat me and all my meaty skin Eat me With some ketchup And we'll put the sauces Then I'll go right in

Oh, eat me I don't know the intro I don't know the other part Well fuck you Which one was a better song Okay Which one was a better song Which one was better

Easily the hamburger song Okay I don't like kiss me Okay This guy doesn't like fucking Oh I like the drums man You got no rhythm on the second one Here

Eat me Here You think I don't have You think I don't have Rhythm What's that? are you going to Cameron

you got to sing a song about hot dogs now to see that would change Why did you have a song? What? I didn't know we were preparing songs But how do you have one? We had a whole thing about

musicality Oh, this is you Oh turn that up Okay We've spent way too much time on music guys Yeah We need to go

We need to go Rapid Fire Yeah I want to put it And we can't do Rock or Rap I don't think No

We just did music No we just did music No, we just did music. Let's go smell. Okay. Well, right off the bat, hot dogs had the worst smell. And the burgers, actually, that smelled, give me that smell again. This is a bad smell.

Can I smell the burger real quick? That one smells like a car. Can you hold the burger over here? They both smell very vehicular. Oh, wow. This one smells, that burger in specific does not smell like food. This smells like bad food But that really is

I'm bringing be a bring bring brought back to the days of smelling DVD cases in Patrick's basement with the smell of that Yeah Oh my God smells plastic That does smell plastic Because of let me smell that again give me one of those So I think maybe these maybe each burger smells different though maybe it's like a fingerprint This one smells like fruit Oh my goodness is a worse

It smells a little bit like fruit This one smells like jelly Maybe it's the ketchup Oh my God No you need the you need the onion side Yeah I actually I like that smell

It smells like a burnt onion The smell I just smelled wasn't so bad Yeah When I smell it close Burgers is Burgers is all up for debate When I open it I'm liking it a little more

But what else Well let me You need to let me see Because you know I don't under where the hot dogs That's what I was about to do. Yeah. I was about to maybe take this out.

These smell. It's the bun that smells like food. Oh, yeah. The bun smells more like a hot dog than the hot dog smells like a hot dog. This smells like something. Is the smell of a hot dog from the bun all along? This is what you need to be put. This smells like something you put in your car.

Smell this. This is smells like a hot dog. That's what a hot dog smells like. Wait. Did we just discover something that. That hot dogs don't smell like the bun. The bun. The bun is the smell. The bun is the smell from which the hot dog dwells.

That really smells so much like. The bun is the smell from which the hot dog dwells. This is an easy. That's such an easy hamburger. Hamburger wins flawless victory. All right. That's got to hurt. We'll go with stats.

Backability. Well, I mean, the hot dogs are stacked pretty well. Well, but you have to pyramid those or you have to jinga them. Looks cooler, though. Looks cooler. That one, hot dog wins. All right, we'll give that to hot dog. Hot dog wins.

Now, this is interesting. This is, I feel like we can go through all the rest of them. I feel like we, we're good. And Julio, get ready to pull those title cards up. Yep. So after Stackability, we have a taste. Taste. I liked the taste of the burger better.

I did not even taste the hot dog because of the anticipation of how it might taste. Yes. You got to taste. I think you both need to taste it. All right. Here, a little lady in the trampet. I'd rather not do that with that one. Just eat your own, man.

It tastes like a hot dog. I think that was the taste disgusting. It would taste good, cooked. Yeah, they're gross. Okay, so burger wins. And we all ate a whole burger and liked it. Yeah. I devoured it.

All right. If I put this down, it'll break. Who gives a shit? I don't even want to have the rest of my bite that I'm, it's in my mouth. Guys, burger's in a massive lead right now. I'm going to be in. Temperature and hotness. I mean,

so what's in front of us today, I think there's. But normally, I think that hot dogs might be on average hotter. It's in the name. It's in the name. I get to give this one. They call it a hot dog. Hot dog. Hot dog.

All right. so time of day you have to eat them both at lunchtime or dinner you can eat a burger for dinner but you can eat a hot dog at 3 p.m.

Hot dog is definitely afternoon I've had a breakfast burger yeah but a burger also can't really be a snack in the way that a hot dog has the potential to be snackable that's true so the hot dog really is all day yeah except I probably you know I wouldn't eat one at breakfast

but I'm sure there are people who do it and they brag about it. People do that in different countries, I think, or different states. I tried to make a breakfast hot dog one time and it was the worst decision I've ever made. You put egg on a hot dog? I got was a breakfast sausage in a brioche bun with scrambled egg.

So not a hot dog at all. Yeah. I guess you're right. That's a breakfast sausage. Breakfast brought. Not a piece of shit. I'm just an inventor. You're a piece of shit. I'm an inventor. So we're giving that to a hot dog as you can eat at any time? Yes. Okay. Utility.

Hot dog. Hamburger. Hot wings. Utility, I don't get that question. Okay, so this is a hard one because... Well, we kind of did that with exchange rate. We said exchange rate, but I don't know... So you are getting three hot dogs for the three and one-third hot dogs for the price of one fucking hamburger. But, okay, that's true.

You say bun? That, but... Bun, bun, bun, bun, listen, you're starting with the situation, let me tell you something. You're starting with a situation. situation where you have some money and you have no food. Obviously, maybe you go for the hot dog because you can buy more of them. But imagine this situation that you are the type of guy where in your house you have hundreds and hundreds of food items and no money. You're going to want to have the hamburgers because you can sell them for a higher price. Yes. Because they're

worth more. Yes. Okay. If you're a farmer or a minor and you're gathering hamburgers from your environment. So which way you're saying is a better value? I'm saying it depends on which side of the question you look at it from. Because if you're, I would say the hamburgers higher, of course higher value. That's almost empirically true, right?

But maybe if you're a poor peasant. He said empirically, he, that one point for Cameron. Yeah, one point for Cameron. Write down Cameron, give him a point. The, you, maybe you're on, it's on, you know, you're a poor peasant. The hot dog is going to be supreme because of the lower value. Yes. But you're a rich farmer or rich, uh, food maker.

So you're just saying that this is a wash. I'm just saying it, it, that our perspective in this world matters. Wow. Well, okay. Another point for Cameron. Yeah. Yeah. The next one is actually one of the most important questions.

Yeah. Vegetability. Which one is better in a vegetable version? I have extensive experience with this. So do I. I will say it's a little dating. I have some experience with this too. I have some new or I actually have some recent experience with this.

For me, let me go first because I, I've been in this vegetable game the longest. When I was a kid, didn't eat meat, I would eat boca burgers and smart dogs. And smart dogs were fucking disgusting. Yeah. Eat them all the time. I would cover. them in every condiment possible. That's still what they're working with.

Boca burgers were the vegan ones. They were okay. They were honestly pretty comfortable to this. But now there's a million different types of vegetable burgers. I've had impossible. I've had beyond. I never had either of those. They're dreaming up new ways to make the vegetable look like a meat. You want a veggie hot dog, it's still smart dogs.

Yes. To this day, it's still smart dogs. Lightlife smart dogs. It is smart dogs still. They do not have beyond. I feel like this is barely even meat. This has to be the easiest fucking thing to make. Also, hold on, hold on, hold up, hold up.

Here is a, here is a huge disqualifier for hot dogs, vegetableity, right? Smart dogs, we've been talking about, Lightlife Smart Dogs, main ingredient, vital wheat gluten, satan is bread, barely vegetables. So you're saying that you're basically just eating two buns. You were eating a bun in between two buns. Damn.

That would honestly, I'd rather eat a bun between two buns and a lot of fucking smart dog, man. Hamburger wins. And I haven't even had that new shit. I even had that new shit, but I still like Boca burgers more than I like that shit. And the final question. Well, there's two here, so which one are you? Well, that Julio said he can't find the thing for that. Well, we have to do the last one.

Okay. We have to do that last one. All right. Then we will do this. This is the penultimate. This is the penultimate thing. Penultimate doesn't usually need an intro. Weirdness.

Weirdness. So this is, if you were going to the North Sentinel Island and you showed them this. If you, okay, so you're in a kayak, right? You're trying to spread the word of Jesus Christ and you're running at the North Sentinel tribe like this. You jengaed that hot dog so well. Thank you. You're walking up like this, right? Which would they understand?

Which are they killing? Which side of you is getting blasted with arrows first? Is it this side or this side? This side because it's spear shaped. Which one looks more alien to you? The hot dog is shaped like a spear. Right? So they would see that.

But this is shaped like a sphere. The hot dog is... The sphere is a shield. If you come with just a shield, you're like, I'm trying to protect myself. Do I look like a tarot card when I do this? Yes. You do. That would be an incredible.

incredible tarot card, the chef. Look to the side like that. Here's another direction to come with the weirdness question. Okay. Maybe less about how weird they look, but I feel like, don't chew into the mic. Just lean back. Why did you eat that, dude?

I feel like the hot dog is built for the human hand. It's ergonomically designed to rest in your hand like that. The hamburger, you're either balancing it on your palm. Why does this size feel so perfect in my hand? Or you're two-handing it. this half hot dog size why does that feel so perfect in my hand why did you do that

yeah why does this feel why is it exactly it's like it was built for your hand that's what I'm saying it's like your hand was built for that that's saying that to your wife

no it's perfect it's like it was built for your hand I feel like the hot dog is more natural in that sense uh huh you're I feel like you're more likely to find some

oh my God dude I wrinkled Oh my god You can wrinkle a hot dog I think you're more likely to find I think that if you went out into nature into an undiscovered undocumented jungle You'd be a thousand times more likely to find a plant

That looks like a hot dog than a plant that looks like a hamburger Oh my god what's that thing in the pond A cat tail a cat tail Nature's hot dog There's no burger plant There's no burger plant No no No

I don't think I ever made a laugh like that before I don't know what that was all right so we're giving this one to the hamburger the hamburger is weirder or no we're giving the point to the hot dog because it's less weird yeah

the very last one guys which we actually we kind of started with guys would aliens like this shit is there Visual evidence of maybe an alien eating a hot dog. I had slime sex with a green alien. That's why we had to do.

All right. I had slime sex with a green alien. Can you say I had slime ketchup? I had slime ketchup. Oh, actually sounds pretty good. Oh. I had ketchup. I had

Hamburger He said, I had flawless ketchup This is going to be a tough one I had flawless ketchup Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I had flawless ketchup Wow, okay

When an alien, I mean, I feel like that's the same thing As a North Signal Island thing This alien This alien is yearning for this burger Yeah, he loves the burger Yeah, burger has more for an alien to study Yes. That alien, yeah.

Analyzing. Uh-huh. You can't. The hot dog, the alien, if you look at the back of this hot dog picture, the alien doesn't even care to analyze it. He's like, yep, this is going straight in my mouth. He's screaming at it. He doesn't even care. This one, he's tapping the glass.

Reveal your secrets to me, hamburger. What's that yellow stuff on top of the brown stuff? How would you talk this so well? So he'd say that. You'd say what? She'd say. Yeah. This is how an alien speaks.

Yeah. You give me the voice. So who we're giving this one, too, guys? I think it's going to burger. It's got to be burger, right? All right. Hamburger wins. Well, guys, that is the last category.

And it goes to hamburger. We will be tallying these up now. Go ahead and tally them up. Count out loud. 5, 10, 15, 20, 22, 23 for burger. 23 for burger. Hamburger. Versus 5, 10, 15, 15.

15, 18 for hot dog. And for Cameron, one, two, two, two for Cameron. So even if, some of you might be saying, it's a two, it's a two-party system. What about Kenan Thompson? What if Cameron split the vote? Well, Keenan Thompson is literally what gave Burger the five person lead. It would have been a complete time.

He was the swing voter. If it wasn't for Keenan, it would have been a time. If Sarah didn't text me back and let me know, yeah, it would have been a complete tie. That's insane. Oh, my God. This was really, it all came down to the wire. She said, are you guys on crack or on podcast?

We are on podcast. Show her the results. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Yeah, I got to send her a picture. Yeah, send Sarah the results of the hamburger versus hot dog debate. So, yeah, I guess I'll, I'd like to close it out here. Yeah, with a little speech on the winner.

So everybody, we've tallyed up the votes. As you can see, Hamburger. Got 23 and got 18 and which kind of sounds like Cameron got two. And well, maybe Keenan. Yeah, Keenan got five. I had slime sex.

And I'd love to give the win here to Burger. But, you know, the truth is that when a hamburger in a hot dog fight, it's us who are the winners. Oh, wow. My God. A ribbon for me? Holy crack. It completely doesn't, is not sticky at all because I believe that these are actually maybe 25 years old. Well.

But I've gotten ourselves some winter ribbons because we kind of won today, guys. We got to eat hamburgers. We got to eat hot dogs and we got to hear a beautiful. beautiful song played by a friend. I'm not eating another one. I'm so full I couldn't need another bite. Unless you guys want to get lunch. I would love to get lunch.

All right. Well, that concludes the Battle of the Century. Thank you for being here with us. Go check out Patreon.com slash podcast about lists. We do this every day on there. Wait, no, that's not true. But we do some stuff on there. And we're going to be having another live sketch show in Brooklyn.

If you're in Brooklyn, come through Underworlds, Biggest Army. Go buy tickets at Swagpoop.com slash shows. Biggest mummy. Hips, they'll be very, very fun. Us and Pierce Campion and Home Planet will be doing live sketch. God, this smell is just... Yeah, my stomach. We got to take this trash out right now.

It hurts right now. Thank you, beautiful. And that's all we got, I think. Bye. Shareholder. Oh, and shareholders meeting is today. No. Thursday. Thursday.

Thursday. Thursday, you fucking sluts. Subscribe to subscribe to the shareholder. Holder tear if you want to yeah and big thank you to Keenan Thompson and Sarah Sherman for guest appearing on today's episode we're going to say that in the title of

the episode featuring featuring Keenan Thompson because we did get breaking information about the one and only Keenan yeah all right bye guys do they have a little Ben in London's

it does piss me off that they name clocks over there what kind of backwards bullshit we don't even have the name of a clock at least Claw, oh, that's Big Ben. Well, what the fuck is this then, huh? Yeah. What's this?

That's 101. What's his Caleb? Little Caleb. Hello, little Caleb. Hi. What's this? Watchie? Hey, I'm watching.

Oh, yeah, that's Big Ben. So why's this? Fucking watchy. Hey, I'm watching. Hello, watchy. Oh, my watchy. Hi. I never noticed you before.

Watchy. Oh, I'm doing that being alone, traveling to London and doing that on like a tour. Yeah. It's like a tour. 20 tours. And here it's Big Ben. Yes, you're at the front. Yeah.

Oh, that's Big Ben. So that's Big Ben. What's this? Watchy? Hey, I'm watching. This tour's boring. The tour just continues. Oh, watchy.

Can we go underground? Watchy. That is, that is, oh, you're so rude, watchy. Oh, and who's this? I know who's wearing a watchful girl. Oh, who's that? Is that Mickey Mouse on your watch? Sorry, lady.

It looks like our watches are in love. I guess I'm going to have to go home with you. I didn't book a hotel. Wait, it's almost like we're like in-laws now because our watches fell in love. Yours is kind of more the strong, silent type. I can't get watchy to shut the hell up. Somebody's talking to you, they're asking you at one of the restaurants, what would you like to eat? And then watch he starts ordering, you have to cover him up real.

He did not say the N5 wagg you. Watchie, yeah, watchy, that's market price, watchy. What are you doing? Come on. I'll live a lotter. Live a little. Shut up, watchy. Okay.

We are not getting the surf in turf. What? You get the turf. I'll eat the surf. Watchy. You're following this day. What are you doing? You're like, oh, it's Watchy.

Like, if that's Big Ben, then what's this? Watchy? Pointing out the window, you're nowhere near Big Ben. You're not in London anymore. Like at that, you're going on a Europe vacation. If that's Big Ben, then this has got to be watchy or some shit. Oh! Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.