Podcast About List - Ep. 262 - Dear Pierce,

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Pierce is here for a 'claws episode, so you know someone's gonna say something outta pocket 💯 Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Welcome to minute one of this show. Welcome to minute one of podcast. The first minute of this show. We just had to catch up on all of our nice times that we spent together. We caught up and now we're ready to do this shit. Okay, so here's tell your story again about watching a deer get shot in the night. No, we recorded 30 of the most unreleasable minutes of podcasts. It was all about animal gore, and that it was about chickens and being cut and killed.

I had a full breakdown. And now I have a song parody, guys, that I came up with in this last minute. Oh, my God, and I need to do my song parody again. We still, we have to redo that song. Yeah, we'll let Caleb go first. Okay. Okay, you guys know Frank Sinatra, it was a very good year. Uh-huh.

When I was one, I was very, very young. I was very, very young and very hungry. and I wore different clothes. I smelled like the clothes that my mom made me wear it was a very one year. That's excellent. In my first year.

In my second year. I learned my first word. I learned to say dad. I learned to say dad. And what food tastes in bad? It was a very My second year In my very third year

My very third year My very third year It was the very third year I learned about different shapes So that's my parody Instead because that's And I stepped on the rain It was my very third year

I listened to my first mistake He's saying When I was 70 When I was 25, when I was 35, now I'm 45. I'm saying, what happened to 11? When I was 13, I had my first love. There we go. Thank you.

Remember that song? Because my uncle did. And I was good at drawing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't remember. That's Usher or Ludacris. Ludacris.

Yeah, yeah. When I was 13, I had my first love. Usher's the one who signed Justin Bieber. Yes. The Scooter Braun is the one that signed him. So here's my song, Perry. And now he's a mega race. Like a civil war name.

This one will be a good lead in. to the third one, which is the best one. I thought mine was pretty good. Yours was really good. Yours was really good one. And then maybe a kind of meh one that everyone's already heard a couple times also. And then a good one. And then the perfect one.

Best one. So this is a song parody by somebody who thinks that the office character Jim is named Joe. Okay. And it goes like this. Well, the weather outside is Dwightful. But inside, it's just so Michael. And since there's no place to go. Pam and Joe, Pam and Joe, Pam and Joe.

It's great. And then everybody's like, no, it's Jim. It's Jim. All that doesn't rhyme. Actually, I knew that. It just doesn't run. Since there's no place to win. Since there's no one named Tim, Pam and Jim, Pam and Jim, Pam and Jim. The British one, the British one was named Tim.

Pam and Jim, Pam and Jim, Pam and Jim. There we go. That's good. Okay. Now the third song. The third one. Why is everybody at the Grinch's pool? What is it?

Why does everybody think the Grinch is cool? Everybody's at the Granch's pool. It's why. I just saw the Granch at school. Why does everybody think the Grinch is cool? Everybody skipped school when the Granch's pool. Went to Grinch's pool. That's very, that's new.

Solabically impressive. I think it's, I just saw the Grinch at school. I just saw the Grinch at school. Why did everybody think the Grinch at school? I just saw the motherfucking grand at school. That didn't start for any good reason. No. It started from one.

And then I think I just had too much cold through today. Do you like Christmess? you want to see me swim in a 9-inch pool with a green guy like I did? You want to see me do it like I did? Was that before? I just drank a bit of the eggnog. Dare me to fly?

I just got to say to slay. Dare me to fly? We were also doing the Slay me to fly? The final rap battle from... Rudolph said nothing, you idiots. He's locked him.

What was the one? when we were doing the final rat battle of eight mile oh yeah he's doing he's going like uh oh and he think the grinch ain't cool then how come i saw him at the grinch's pool oh yeah fuck christmas what's the area code for the north pole that's what i was trying to figure i was trying to figure w h o maybe for whoville but it's hard to figure out the world health organization the 1225 everybody in the 1225 yeah i don't know man yeah i don't know either what was that

Some parodies are so difficult. I don't know how weird how does it. Before that, we were doing... I think they're pretty much the easiest thing you can do, man. We were doing Peter Griffin fucking Jennifer Coolidge. Or no, Jennifer Coolidge, fucking Peter Griffin so hard his butt falls off. I got a kick out of this. He loved that one.

Just say, oh, my butt fell off. It's pretty good, I think. It's not so funny anymore, but it was funny back of the day. When it happened, it was really funny, but that was what led into the Grinch's... Oh, I have a song. song parody that has no lyrics, but it's a, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a, oh wait,

I just remember another song parody we were doing. Okay, wait, let me do that real quick. This is, feel good ink meets crazy frog, ready? Okay. Don't, do, don't, do, do, don, don't, do, do, do, don't, do, do, I don't get it. Bing, bang. No, that's just girl, you just did that, you just did girl talk. That's it. That was girl talk.

Here's a one. Here's another one that I just thought of, um, that before this, it's, um, it's like, it's like, imagine like, kind of like a 2009 YouTube video style song parody, maybe Miranda Sings type 5. And it's a bunch of guys and they're singing,

this is why I'm wearing douchebags. This is why we're douchbags. This is why we're doing. And you were saying something about how they have no class. Yeah, we have no class. We just have swag. This is why I wear douchebags. I could see that.

We don't use that to make up pants tight. Isn't that have been a video? Yeah, that could be like 2008. What was that? that thing, the station. It was a rucka-rack-a-a-a-all-ie-song. This is why we're duch-backs. This is why I were dush-bags.

Well, I watch a 40-minute video about the downfall of Freddie Wong today. Yeah, the downfall. Is he fallen? He hasn't made a video in five years yet. That's because he's working on the Avengers movies. He's probably working on video game high school five. Well, it's the downfall as in he doesn't make

YouTube videos anymore. I'm sure that he's probably never had better. They needed to say downfall to get you to click that. Facts. You wouldn't click on a video that was like. Like the continued success of beautiful Freddie. Well, he's not beautiful. The plateaued success of Freddie Wong.

I don't say that. Don't say that about him. Freddie Wong is beautiful. Freddie Wong looks like the most beautiful. What is he up to? How did he fall? That was the first podcast I ever listened to. Freddie Wong's podcast.

What was his podcast? Face rocker, man. Face rockers? And he had a he had a pickup artist on there. Which one? Mystery? No, his name was like... Fudd.

His name was like Brian... A pickup artist named Fudd and he's dressed up like a hunter. His name was like... He's walking up to women with a dead rabbit. That's not working for me, man. That's not working at all. His name was Brian Lion or something like that.

Brian the Lion? It was just something lion. And he told some story... Maybe he was just lying. About how he would pick... I've talked about this before, actually. He told some story about how he would pick up girls at LARPing events.

That's a beast. Because they're hungry for dick. That's the only reason you go to a larping thing or a renaissance fair is to have sex and fuck. Yeah, both. Yeah. It is crazy

that how every single person at a renfair is like the horniest person in the world. I think that's why game, like the game theory is real because sometimes game is just an actual game. Sometimes game is just play time. That's always who wants,

everyone who wants to play a game is interested in engaging with another person in an homosexual way. Yeah. Jigsaw. Jigsaw is kind of sexually an old man. Jigsaw is sexually active. Why do you think he watches the trap?

You know, I just recently found out Jigsaw is the good guy. Yeah. Only in the new movie. In the new movie. Well, but he targets people who litter. He targets people who pretend to be sick and who are fat or who cut themselves. He says, didn't one?

What's really funny about the first one? He said, yeah, the first one has one where it's like, there's a guy who is, or it might be a woman who's like, like, you cut, you slit your wrist. but I think you did it for attention now you have to prove that you really want to live like you have to in order to survive you have to crawl through this barbed wire or you can just stay here and die and the person's like

and like crawled like it just showed the person it just why would you not just die man it's not as apprentice actually are there any is in the reverse bear trap are there any traps where there's just someone standing there like with a gun like instead of it being like a pre-rigged Rube Goldberg thing

if you diss this guy he'll shoot you when they're both chained in the bathroom they're just one of the guys is like you have to kill the other guy. Oh yeah. He does do his apprentice, her crime is that she's addicted to drugs. She's a drug addict. But also, but then so also here, I'm sorry for the spoilers for everybody, but then it's

revealed that also she she's addicted to drugs but then also her boyfriend was worked at a clinic where Jigsaw's ex-wife worked and he was rushing quickly out of the clinic after wanting to get drugs and he opened the door too fast.

and it slammed on Jigsaw's ex-wife's pregnant stomach and caused a miscarriage. I thought that that was a bad dream. I thought that was a bad dream that I had as a kid. I never thought that that was a jigsaw movie thing. I thought that I imagined that and then I looked it up later and I was like, does the first one have the booby trap at the end where there's just like a shotgun sitting above like a doorway? That's the eye hole.

Yeah. That's the best trap at all of them. That's the funniest thing. He's a trap genius and he invents. Well, it's just, yeah, because the person is just like, well, why don't we just leave? That one also is the best ending where it's, like, at the beginning, they have, they kidnapped Donnie Wahlberg's son. And Jigsaw's like, your son is safe and sound. And at the end, it's revealed that the son was in the same room as Donnie Wahlberg the whole time he was just inside a safe.

Yeah. Oh, that's scary. I told you exactly where he was. Have you guys, have you guys ever seen safe room or panic room? No, that's what it's called. It's about a lady, I think it's Jody Foster, and she has, house where she has a panic room in it and the most of the movie just takes place her and her daughter in this room and i wanted one of these rooms so so badly yeah a bunker type room

a bunker in your house sounds so fucking it's because of the family guy episode that's the only weight reason i know about that i would use it as it would just be a man cave it yeah Xbox yeah i really wanted a crawl space just to be lay down somewhere secret there was a crawl space in my house but it was uh there was a hole in the roof type of vibe crawl space of you're not supposed to be into this part of it. Thinking about a saw. I told you guys that I used to talk about that. Talking about that.

I used to work at an escape room in L.A. And there was one escape room that was cartel-themed. That's insane. It opens in a... That is insane. That is insane. Why would they have a cartel theme? So you're trapped in a van?

Because it's L.A. Yeah, exactly. You're trapped in this passenger van, and then you have to get out. And the way you get out is... uh this is if you want to impress any dates that you're taking to the 60 out escape rooms and silver lake it's probably gone that's probably gone by the way all this all the escape rooms that i worked for are controlled by like an actual russian mob how many did you work for just one but

the the one location i worked for uh i went to a um i went to like a award ceremony for the employees that worked there and they were just like there um like three like very old babushkas like counting hundred dollar bills while they played candy crush that's amazing that's sick yeah Anyway, the traps are always broken. They were just pieces of shit. But there was this one part of the puzzle where you had to rig like an actual car battery to this old school radio

to get in touch with the outside so that you could call for help. But the radio would never work. So we had to just call in and pretend to be the guys in the cartel who the people who were paying to do it had earlier heard. So we literally had to do a cholo impression to make it work.

Because they're supposed to be like overhearing the guys, but the audio clip would never play. But they would do it right, and it's so finicky to get the actual... That is a sawtrap. You were... You were forced to... You have to... For years, you've done an impression

of a Latino with your friends. Now you have to do it for your job, or you'll get fired. And then so every time we did it, they would just go, huh, I guess that was a hint. Because they weren't able to understand that we were... Yeah, anyway, it was cool. It was a good job.

I did an escape room. with my family wanted to do an escape room with some of my extended family over Zoom during COVID. Remember that was like a like a COVID thing? I don't remember that. It was like, it wasn't We had to do that too. Yeah, it was pretty horrible. It was like some guy

in a like, you know, on Zoom, but still wearing the mask because it was like early COVID I feel like and he was like, it was pirate themed. So he was like, Arr, you know, like to show him. And then it was like it was so horrible because they didn't even, it wasn't even that they had a camera and were going through the room. It was

let's see what he does it's on the cable I'll clean it up it's covered in plastic I know but I just wanted to give you some urgency before I go any further before I go any further the spiller

we can over here we can let me finish yeah all right it was so horrible because it was it wasn't even that they had a camera inside the escape room it was that they had like essentially what we do for like they had like a slideshow

of like pictures of stuff in the room yeah and everybody my family was just slightly too old to understand understand that was going on. It's a point in click game. It was less than a point in clicking. It was like, can you say the right thing

so we can go to the next slide? And everybody kept asking every single slide like five times, do you have like a different angle of this? Can we look closer at this? And you would just hear clicking noises and the guy would be like, no, we can't.

Unfortunately, I can't get any closer. And it was just, it was just pictures of like walls with like the classic like escape room like codes and stuff. Can you zoom in? And be like, no. At least that one has more free will because when we had to do it over Zoom,

it was just like people would call in and it was just my friend. Patrick holding a phone and just walking around the escape room and they were like can you go over there and he's like I can but why don't we try to go you over here that's exactly what it was

I guess we could go back to that but like yeah I did an escape room twice with my family and the first one we had like 11 people and we had to like convince the people like we because six was the limit and we were like we really want 11 people to do it and a lot of us are kids

and I was like 13 or 14 and it was the entire thing was my brother's ex-girlfriend trying to figure out all the math stuff in the thing and then me and the other boys in our cousin group taking photos of each other with a disposable camera

having sex with a statue that had boobs yeah when I was in fourth grade my grandma took me to an escape room like back before I had any idea what it was and it was ancient Egypt themed and we went in and it was like the second room and they had a skeleton

and it scared me so bad that I got sick to my stomach and I told the employee that I had to leave and he took me out a secret exit and I waited for my grandma finished the room and I waited for myself

I waited by myself in the lobby you got scared by a skeleton I was like I thought it was they're so fucking expensive I've never done an escape room for that reason just don't let yourself do it

I only did that one and then I got taken on one at a school trip and then the one on Zoom yeah we talked about that before like I almost I failed that interview so bad I almost worked with the Clue Master himself.

Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah, we've talked about that up and down. Yeah. But what I want to talk about is the spiller right now. Why? Mr. Spill? Mr. Spill. Because the other day, he spilled Joe's coffee,

and instead of cleaning up the spill, he ran and got him another coffee and left all of the spill on the table. I'll get you another one right now. The only... The only reason he picked up the spill. right now was to because he knew that we were going to tell this

story. No, I don't care about this story. He knew it. I think that's a nice thing to do Caleb, because you're counting on your friends to take care of the spill. The spill is did the spill cost you $4.50? What? Yes, and emotional damages. You know what? The spill cost me? This patch of table right here. Yeah, that's a different

spill. That wasn't the only spill. We don't have to litigate this whole thing, but if if you go back to the other video of the podcast. By all means, put me on trial. Zoom in. I'm going to put you on trial right now. Put me on trial. You know, this is more, I don't know if you watch Oppenheimer.

This is more of a hearing than a trial. You don't have a chance to defend yourself, pal. It's over for you. He's the guy from winning time that yells at Oppenheimer. I'm sorry I use so many performance-enhancing drinks where I'm so good at the podcast that I have to spill around. You stick around and spill them. Can you guys imagine being the first person to have your pink nipples on IMAX color stock? Is that what Peeley?

Yeah. Look at me. I'm so girly. I can't remember if she was up. That's my Florence people Wait, can you just do that again? I like that. I like looking at you when you say it.

Just one and a half more times. Long hair or something. She didn't have, no, she has short hair normally. She's not quite so girly at all, is she? No, but she has long hair in that movie. Not quite. It's pretty, it's quite long.

She looks like she plays rugby. It's quite long. I like. You like? I like. I can see you like that. Yeah. Yes

Not so much for me But I'd like to fight her In an octagon I'd like to fight her and lose I'd like to fight her and lose a hundred times Oh this hurts so bad Keep doing it's so fucking strong It hurts so bad but I'm still awake

Keep fighting me Yeah I would like to have a contest Where she's only allowed to use her lower body And I'm only allowed to use the top of my head You want to what you want to do That's how we can have a co-ed a co-ed fighting

all right I want a good clean fight Pierce you can only use the top of your head Florence I'm going to tie your arms

behind your back Florence Florence her friends call her Florence it's not you poo it's poo

her name is close to her bitch's name her nickname Her name Pierce keep her hands down Pierce they don't do this

You have to keep stopping the fight. Pears, you can't keep Wiggling, stop tickling her peers. He learned how to break out of handcuffs just for the fight. He's doing David Blaine. Yeah, I would like to do a fight where she's only allowed to use

the soles of her feet and I'm only allowed to use the tips of my fingers. The tip of my tongue versus the bottom of your ass. I want a good, clean fight starting there. No dirty business.

What is the bottom of the ass? The bowl. I think it's the crest of the ass cheek. It's where the ass cheek falls over. That's where the asheek falls. Falls over the leg. Over the butt. It honestly depends how big your butt is

because some people's butts are so small that they're assholes on the exact same topographical level as the tip of their cheek. The gym I go to is having an epidemic of the bedbugs. Most insanely fake asses of all time. And the women go in and they work out and like, why are you doing this? You already paid the money.

Yeah, women with like crazy BBL. Yeah, women with like crazy BBLs. I want to pretend to get a BBL. And it's always a woman who has... You spent riot points. You don't need the IPs. You're bad. You don't need to grind it.

What are you doing? You already bought the skin. It's always a woman who has like no neck at all, just like head bolted onto the shoulders. Yeah. She's got a BBL still. Big is crazy. And the skinny, skinny chicken legs. All the fat, they moved up to her neck.

Yeah, it's kind of crazy, man. I want to pretend to get a BBL just so I can sit backwards on a plane. You can do that already. You could just do that. I was on a plane on the... I just want to just sitting like this on a plane with my flat ass is such a funny... I would love to be sitting on a

I would love to be sitting on a plane. The women who get BBL can't sit on the flight. There's like women who can only pay for the BBL so then they go on the plane and then there's just like videos that just like people walking by and it's just like two girls sitting backwards with gigantic asses. They're facing the head of

the seat. I would love to be sitting next to a girl doing that and being like, what are you doing? And she says, I just got a BBL. And I say, you got a bubble? It's actually B, B, B, B, B, B, L. You stupid whore. I went on a, I'm wearing a sweater vest and big 80s nerd glasses. You dumb, B, B, B, B, B, L.

They bring you on B, B, B, B, L. They bring you a, B, B, B, L. Y for the adjective. They bring you on that fucking podcast called, like, whatever, that, whatever. And then it's just you and the fucking sweater vest and the big glasses. And it's like, this nerd owns these only fans. You got a boob job. You mean you gave a blow job? That makes no sense.

I went on a plane. Cameron de nerd. That's like you did that. Lower third. Like that fucking 16 year old is really kid. You like blow up. like that I went to I went to actually couldn't be president he was already president twice I went to on a plane I went to on a plane and I had a speaking of planes this was a spirit air plane to

Myrtle Beach South Carolina and there was on the plane it was like 50 people just normal people from New York and then 50 like Hasidic children who had never been on an airplane before and thought it was the most amazing thing ever yeah and they were running around like I didn't know this was allowed and now I want to do this next time I go on a plane once they turn the seatbelt sign off you can go wherever

up and down and hit each other well it's allowed for kids I don't think that you can do that adults well I mean it would be funny if like you saw all of that and then you just like

all the kids running up and down the aisle you see that you immediately unbuckle you try to join them and you're just like Billy Madison dodgeball scene I wanted to you're throwing kids across the plane one of them dropped a bracelet

and I picked it up I said, here you go. I would have you guys ever gone and asked for more snacks on the plane? Yes. Well, actually, on JetBlue, you can get up and get the cheese it. JetBlue has a pantry with unlimited snacks. But you've asked, have you ever asked people? It's basically like asking to get more farts on the plane, which is my favorite parts.

Can I actually fart a thousand more times that I already have? I have to reload my fart meters. I fart. I think I save up all my farts throughout the months. And then as soon as I get on a plane, I let them out so. You know what's crazy? Something about the plane. I get on the plane having to shit, and I get off the plane not having to shit.

The pressure in your stomach is building up. But it doesn't turn solid waste into vapor, does it? Yes, it does. It's a pressure cooker. It's a little supplementing. Look at a bag of sun chips when you're like 60,000 feet. I get off the plane and I make 100 foot long unbroken spaghetti noodle. Yeah.

Every time. You make an eel. Yeah. When I have an explanation for your problem. I have add all shits every time I get off the plane. You go up, right? And that's pushing the poop. down a little bit. But then you go

down to land and the poop is flying up your body. It's turning back into food. Yeah. It's getting another chance at digestion. Yeah. That makes some sense to me. That's why your poop when you get off a plane is crazy. Everything, the time's in my life. I feel like Adderall shits is the whole point of Adderall. Like, I don't even, I think that taking that kind of shit is what motivates me to work for the rest of the day.

That's why I like coffee. Yeah. You like coffee? I've been getting into coffee. I love. Look at that. You like coffee? I think I don't like coffee? I've been drinking so much more coffee recently. I think because of this new store. Yeah, me too. It makes you have insane.

I think I have two cold brews a day now, which is insane. I'm always getting three cold brews a day with cream. I'm getting cold brew with cream. I'm getting black cold. I always forced myself to have, usually I try to make myself have half a cup of coffee a day, and that's my top level max to try and give myself a healthy body. Yeah. Coffee is good for you.

Coffee is good for you. Coffee is good for you. Coffee is good for you. And this is rocket fuel. It's changing me. It's a different type of coffee than what I make and my Mr. Coffee machine from 1995. I have been...

I'm gonna go pee in the wood. I've been the one I've been completely pooping so much. We're gonna turn off the cameras and do an audio-only throwback, right? Yeah. All right. Yeah, fuck it. Of what?

Fuck it. Let's just say fuck it and close all the cameras right now. Yeah. That's one or two. We were talking about airplane shits, but every single time that I've... I can never shit on an airplane. Every single time I've gotten off a plane

has been the worst guess I've ever had in my entire life. Have you ever farted in an Uber? Have you ever had to fart so bad that you have to pee? Yes, all the time. But I hate, I hate shitting on planes. I won't shoot on a plane, but I love, but I love shitting on the Amtrak.

Sitting on the Amtrak and you're getting thrown around. You have to hold onto the handles next to the toilet so do not get thrown off and shit onto the floor by accident? I'll never, never, ever. When you have to piss and you have to put your, you have to lean your entire body, yeah. And you have to jerk off, just so you can get a boner just so that piss can fly out of your boner, like straw into

the toilet, you know what I'm talking about? Where you have to get a bigger reach so you give yourself a bonar so that it can... Why does it feel like? Why does it feel like every time I go on the Amtrak and I need to pee, it's smooth sailing? But the second I get into the bathroom and I lock the door with that strange

lock that looks like an alien's antenna or a robot's weiner, a red robot's wiener. The train starts bouncing around like we just hit some turbulence on the track. Right. Before you know it, this train was built by Toddlin. the tracks. Exactly. I feel like I go into the bathroom

and I get teleported to a train in Topsy-Turvy World or a roller coaster. Yeah. And I guess that must be because of something weird. Right. And people in the Northeast know about this shit. And people in the Northeast bin knew about this. God damn. I do love shitting in my...

The best shit I can ever take, though, is that like a Gelsons or just any grocery store, just an upscale grocery store. Oh, Air Juan. Oh, yeah. You just go in there by yourself. No one's knocking on that door. So I got off a plane one time, gotten an Uber, and then I don't know if it was just because I think I was leaving, like, the, yeah, I think it was, I don't remember what I think I was leaving L.A. And I must have ate at that fucking rock and roll restaurant at L.A.X.

And I just had the worst gas in my entire life. And I just remember farting in this Uber and it was like a silent, like really, really disguster. Silent disguster. And I was like, I hope that it doesn't smell. I hope that it doesn't smell and then like a minute later I just see the Uber driver just open the window

and I was like I see the Uber driver just open the window I took a one of the more recent a few weeks ago I took a shit in a public bathroom in a public library yeah I think it was the one

near Barclay Center maybe and you wiped with a book and I went in there I went down it's been so first of all I haven't been in a library since yeah forever but this was

the craziest public bathroom I went down there was a like a room like kind of like a big like studio you know that you could like rent out for events and the basement of the library where the bathroom was and there was a group of people who were like being taught how to walk the runway

like it was like everyone like doing runway walks and someone like going like okay now like and they were doing a whole thing and I go into the bathroom and it's three stalls the ones on the outside edges are taken and so I go into the middle one to take a shit and the both the guys on both sides of me are smoking clearly

smoking and they're both the entire time I was trying like the fastest shit I ever took because I was like I need to get out here they're both just going like oh it's just smoking it was so horrible I would love to smoke on the toilet yeah just two guys smoking on the toilet of one stall apart and you're both groaning literally both identically doing the public bathroom they're both stressed yeah they're both two models they're both stressed they're studying upstairs probably that's the that's why they're in the public library right they're probably don't walk for louis v they probably are so fucking stress that they have to go take a shit and smoke because they don't have the time it's like they're models too if they were

walking runways they are models so that this is like the only poop listen what i from what i think of these guys feet these were not models yeah well they're not foot models yeah i bet they were really skinny these were um normal guys i don't think librarians yes The two librarians are in the bathroom. I love taking those shits that do feel like you're pouring, like you're dumping a bucket. When you have an urgency of like I need to go fast. I hate every poop I've ever taken.

It is a crazy, it's a crazy difference of like, oh my God, I can go fast. Yeah, there's something like that's similar to diarrhea where you're dropping turds, but it's like that scene in aliens where the alien queen is laying her eggs and each egg has that layer of slime. You have a lobby positore.

You don't have a butt anymore. Yeah, exactly. I feel like each turd has. like this little, this go bot that's attached to it, like this little layer of... It has a film. Yeah, exactly. Like, each herd is wearing a condom and it's sliding out. That is very, very

nice. Because you can just kind of machine gun those out. And they're not even like tiny rabbit pellets. They're like... And it's not that they're bad, yeah. They're simply... They're bad. They're not foul. They're not so rotten. They're just nice to do. I wish that I could never... I wish that I could never... Like, I wish that something happened

where it's like I could eat as much food as I want and I never had to take a shit ever again. That's what visiting the South is like after having a Yankee lifestyle, I think. Yeah? Yeah, I think, well, I don't know about you guys. Well, when I went to- Visiting the South, eating all that fried food and, like, barbecue? I can save it up.

I can save that up. You can save up your poops. I can save up fried food for sure. I concipate myself on purpose in a few weeks. What do you mean? Save up fried food. I don't have to get con-tipated after eating a ton of fried food. I don't know about you.

I don't. Yeah, me too. The oils mixed with my stomach. We have a seed oil. some kind of an allergy allergy to it. Yeah.

Yeah. I just, I get constipated anytime I'm not at home. Yeah. I saw something. I think vacation you're going to build up some kind of natural immune system defense to having to poop every single time.

You're lucky. Even if I'm on, even if I'm visiting home from here, I just, I won't shit the entire time. I have to take a shit right now and I'm not going to go take a shit

because we're recording. Like you're trying to censor it? I have to take a shit right now. I want to do a list. I just feel like Do we have a list of To talk about? Yeah

What? Do you have a list to talk about? What you're doing is weird, man. What's weird? That's what my stepdad does Instead of cussing. Yeah.

He says, what the fuck? I'm doing stepdaddy moves. That's what the Mormon kid I'm at my school want to. All right, let's dive into this motherfucking list. There should be news for stepdad. Hit the slideshow,

there should be a podcast for stepdad's to talk about being a stepdad. And today, our our clicker is broken. So sorry to the audio listeners, but you're going to have to hear me say next. Wait, before we go any... Should I not talk about the Christmas podcast you found?

I want to do a full expose on this Christmas podcast. Because I said that there should be a podcast for stepdads to talk about being stepdads. And there basically already is one, but it's also about Christmas. Yeah. Save it. Save it for a couple months from now. That video you sent me is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It's really good and everyone else is going to have to wait until December.

So Cameron, I'm getting word This is the first ever double list on P.A. I don't know where you heard that. Okay. Well, it says right there. We've done plenty of double list before. I didn't make that slide. Jubio made that just now.

Oh, because you don't put the titles. Yeah, I don't put titles. So Jibio must have made that just now. Oh, damn. I'm lying, guys. It's the first ever double list. Let's fucking go. I don't mean two lists one after the other guys.

I mean a double list. And this is on a next, please. This is on a website called Wonders List. And you can see here the different categories on this website. People, animals, travel, most expensive, bizarre, net worth, and Michelin. We should put a net worth section on our... That's a really good idea. On your website, yeah.

Because it's all just, like, made up information. Can you hire somebody to calculate your net worth? He's got the biggest net worth. My net worth is about $500,000 right now due to the properties that I own in New York City. They're really bad properties. Me and him are both basically negative tens of thousands of. We are struggling every month. Are you gullible net worth-wise?

Can you Google? Oh, yeah, let's Google it right now. There's no way. There's Caleb Pitts net worth. If it says anything more than minus $50,000, Yeah. There's no way that my net worth is good at all. My credit is bad.

There's no way you guys are Googlerable net worth. No. No, no, no, no, no. No, don't even look it up. On the Adam Friedland show. Wait, Caleb Pitts was on the Adam Friedland show? Caleb Pitts, 1975. Here we go.

Patrick, there we go. Doren net worth. Let's go. $8.7.1 million. Patrick Joseph. Mr. Doren owns over 14,973 units of synchronous technologies ink stock.

And over the last 14 years since you were 12 years old. I have been dropping. I have been waiting to talk about this for months. This is horrible. Wait, look at that grass, man. This has to be about the... Patrick, no, you need to take your spot out.

This has to be about the Irish rally cross driver that I share a name with. Yeah, it's got to be. I guess it would be funnier if it was you, but it has to be someone else. No, no, no, no. I can't let people think that I have money. Yeah, people really thought.

It's actually fire to be broke nowadays. It's really cool. All right, I don't give a fuck about these hominidemette worths. So this is Wonders List. And I made this slideshow a while ago, so I don't remember what's on it. So next, please. Okay, so it's a surprise to all of us. So here it's a double.

Whoa. So we've got two different lists from Wonders List on the last. we have top 10 reasons men are better than women by Warda Hajra what are top 10 reasons men are better than women the debate is perhaps the most long-standing one as men have been trying to prove their superiority over women since the beginning of time it gave birth to masterpieces like men are from mars and women are from venus yet either side has been unable to prove their point to an absolute extent what reasons could men give in favor of their awesomeness take a look and then coming in on the right side we got 10 reasons why women are better than men, also by Warda Hajra. This is a truly awesome list, and we had a lot of fun compiling it. The debate about who is better

will continue in the long term, but meanwhile, let's enjoy both the lists of the series compiled. Listed blow are the top 10 reasons why women are better than men. I think men already win because it's a longer pair of them. I was going to say, I'm already sensing a bias.

But the women list says this is a truly awesome list. These are not say that on the other side. Can we look up... But let's analyze the thumbnail. Yeah, I got to say these thumbnails couldn't be more obvious about, you know, who's being prioritized here, at least at the outset. I mean, men are having a smiley time with the girlfriends, and I will say that all these people are white. And then we have two black people who are arm wrestling in the women's side. I think that's one on the right side is an optical illusion where you're supposed to see a lobster's cloth.

Oh. I think you might be right. who's broken his rubber band. It's a leopardons. I thought it was a leprechaun's drawers. Okay. Oh, that too. A leprickon with his pants pulled down.

A sagging lepros. And you know what? This is just, it just goes to show that the gender of women is all about conflict with men. Okay. The gender of men is all about being him on the beach. Warda Hajra is a woman.

By biased. All right. So let's go next here. Let's check out. Bias towards men. Reason number 10. This is a county. Look at how.

She's actually fucking beautiful as fuck Look at how she is Whoa I didn't even know Did you guys ever use I jiggle? I can't say I've used I jiggle

I can't say I've even heard of it I think that's What is I jiggle Pierce? There was an iPod touch app Where you could put a picture of Megan Fox And touch her breasts

And then you can I never see that With the accelerometer no less You are You were a sexual freak. You could shake the phone. You could shake the phone. And she would jiggle against her will. Giggling is so sexual.

Even the word itself. So each of these, let's kind of compare and contrast these. I think each of these, because they even linked each list on each other's list, I think you're supposed to take them together. It's a double list. So we're going to look at each reason and kind of do a versus here. Okay. So here we have number 10 for men. Men think sex and love are different.

In today's world, it is very common to have sex after a few days into the relationship. and yet women would call it humiliating if the guy ditched them right after having what he wanted. Men, on the other hand, would never curl up in fetal position and cry for the blondie who didn't call them the next day after their one-night stand. And for women, 10. Women grow, in quotes, other human beings inside them.

Women have the capacity to grow an entire new person inside of them. Men, on the other hand, make sperms that look like tadholes and don't even know which way to go until they accidentally budge into an egg inside the female's body. That is all the role they play While a woman carries a moving, kicking, grown baby inside her This does not feel band for band

No This feels like this is not an equal 10 We're going to be seeing a lot of stuff like that On these lists But it is true that men's sperm Don't even know which way to go Until they actually fucking stupid My sperms are the stupidest spurs

Maybe stop trying to diss my sperms Also women make eggs They're just balls They're like a tadpole without the tail It's like the worst sperm I don't understand One of these is a fact about like The men's side

Well I don't understand what men think How is that number 10 for why they're better Because women don't think that they're different Because women get obsessed Okay so Women catch feelings An example is the The photo here, the image

Is that they're sharing a Coca-Cola Or maybe talking to a small alien What the captain should say is the woman in this situation thinks that she may become pregnant as a result of this interaction. This really is just women, men are smarter than women. Is this entry?

And it doesn't even say no. It just says men think, men have an idea that these two things. They think about things like this. All right, let's go to number nine here. So number nine, men are stronger. Their upper body is very strong as compared to women.

and to be very honest, even the world seems to be designed along this fact rather than the delicacy of women. This is probably why they make the lawnmower strings so hard. I've never even noticed they're hard. Number nine for women, they can tolerate pain. Like having a baby push through yourself is not enough once. They do it again and yet again.

Women have a greater tolerance for pain as they would go on doing all their chores for the whole nine months. Men on the other hand would hide under the sheets if they have flu. So they're saying, It doesn't matter how strong men are and how much they hit women with their strong hands. Women can take it because they can tolerate pain way, way more. Yeah, if these are... They can't even tolerate flu.

If these are twin lists, then that's exactly... That's exactly what they're saying here. What we have right here is just DPS versus tank. Exactly. Women are pure tanks. They're spongy. Yeah. They're spongy.

Man are DPS. This is what Wada is saying. Men are demo man. Yeah. Men have a 45 defense. Women are happy. Oh, yeah, heavy. Well, I guess women can also tolerate fire.

There's a theory that I'd like to show you about women being pirou. Women can tolerate fire would be another good reason. Maybe. Could be. They hide under the sheets if they have the flu. God damn. On the other hand. There's a lot of on the other hand.

I do have a very low tolerance for pain and bad feelings. And I probably, yeah, see? I, you know, I hate shit. I hate pain. Yes, dude, you pinch me. Don't pinch me. I say uncle when I'm a girl Wait, Patrick's a woman

Wait, he's a girl No, wait, I can feel it now Because my jacket is heavy Oh, you got delayed response That hurt me so bad Because I'm so manly And he barely felt the pinch That I did to him

Wait, do it again I didn't even pinch him That was a test I did not even pinch him You know what? I think that maybe I have a Can tolerate some pain But what I can't tolerate

It's true that I don't think I can tolerate the flu We're having a stomach No, stomach bubble Definitely not You eat a bad food, and it's like you got shot. And yet you see me out here every day living my life. Yeah.

Here's another point for us, guys. Wait, so that means you're a woman? Yeah, wait. You just told him yourself. He's like a woman. This is another point in our favor. Women in. Well, I get that from my mom.

Yeah, that's what I get from my mom. For my dad, I get that I really don't like having a stomachache, but from my mom, I get that I can just take a pepto and go about my day. Men are always saying uncle when they experience pain, right? Like, oh, please stop pinching. I think nerds are saying that. Yeah, nerds are saying, uncle, sure. Nerds are boys.

There's no such things as a female nerd. But women are always saying, uncle, when they have too much pleasure. They say, I'm not in the mood or stop. You're saying when a woman is experiencing a lot of pleasure, they go like, Uncle, uncle! Oh, uncle! Like that? This definitely needs further research.

Yeah. Well, they always going on a diet Too Much cupcakes What are you saying? They're like, oh, please, no more cupcakes, Uncle, whereas men will eat an infinite cupcakes Uncle Uncle Uncle's not going to be Cupcakes, is that what you're saying?

It would be an infinite cupcake. I just feel like women are always... Wait, the infinite cupcake, this is a paradox here Because it's like at the infinite cup Because listen to this here. Party of Infinite Gist. You are eating the top part of the cupcake first and you never have to eat the bottom part.

Oh, that's a paradox. Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. Wait, so which part of the cupcake? So why even make the bottom part? But do you need the bottom part? Which part of the bottom part of the cupcake is female? I don't like those muffins.

I don't like the muffin tops. You like bread, man. Give me the muffin bottoms. Shut up, man. I want to eat the bottoms of the muffins. You're even lying. You can't eat bottoms of muffins. You can.

No, you eat lettuce burgers. How do y'all eat your wreaths? First I lick off all the chocolate, then I put the peanut butter in the freezer, and I eat it a week later. They wrap it in the paper. I eat wreaths. I wrap it in the paper.

I put the wreaths on the roof of my mouth and melt all the chocolate, and then I hold the peanut butter, and I screw it into the paper and throw it in the fridge. Because sometimes you take the wreaths off the wrapper and a little bit of chocolate islands are left. I ate the paper one time.

You eat the paper. You put the paper in your mouth to chew it. I guess with a cupcake wrapper, too, you can put the wrapper in your mouth to get all the little granules off. Well, you just chew the wrapper like a zin's. Somebody told me in... No one cares that I fucking said. No. No, that's what you said was what you said.

I don't know what you said at all. Put the wrapper in your mouth, chew it like a zin, and get all of the cupcake off. I knew someone who did that, and I thought it was weird. That is weird. Yeah. We spit out the wrapper when you're done. Somebody told me that stride gums wrappers were made out of sugar paper and that you should eat the paper on stride gum all paper

you were actually as dumb as a dog growing up no no this is they told me that they did that because I asked them why they put the whole thing in their mouth did you ever do the thing where you take the foil off of the five gum and then you rub it with your fingernail and you make a grill you make grills yeah that shit was I did that

see I never ate the stride paper you ever make a few about tin foil yes I've done everything with tin foil yes done basically everything yours to do you know what you can do I don't buy the shit anymore yeah if you're all done within sixth grade man I'm over I wrap my sandwiches in it I made a cube out of it

I threw up all of it at a guy I put it in a microwave It's over What else am I gonna do man It's over You know what you could do is get a cat Right put your tinfoil down on the counter If you have a problem with the cat

Jumping up on the counter all the time While you're cooking It hits the tinfoil scares the shit out of them I'd yell and hit the cat Yeah why are you wasting your time doing I wouldn't waste my tin foil that I can make into a cube You can yeah but then you can have a tin foil countertop

I do that all the time when I make fish Well buddy buddy buddy let me tell you I don't even need a cat Oh you know when you take When you take the cat off of the tinfoil

Sorry When the cat is stuck in the tinfoil When you take the fish off the tinfoil A little fish is left behind Yeah You put the tinfoil in your mouth You get all the fish off Oh

Right Like when you put the salmon You have to wait for it And the skin connects to it That's right You put the tinfoil in your mouth You chew it you get all the salmon What I do as I make it in papillon

Is it wrong to eat Butterfly style it's one of the okay things that you can chew on is it wrong to eat it with your body yeah that means you got a pica it means you have a deficiency

of some time I don't love it but like I've definitely if you love it it's a do you have metal fillings if you're well listen Kayla if you're addicted to it I'm not it can be bad

it's bad if you're addicted it's fine once in moderation okay number eight let's go to number eight here before we I have metal feelings and one time I bit a piece of tinfoil and I felt a surge

in my mouth of a liquid That's a lie. That's false. You just had pain. You just told a Kevin Gates story. You just had a surge in my mouth of electricity. I had a surge in my mouth. I hear me.

Number eight for men, the knowledge of tools. Men can read instructions and decipher them easily. It is a part of their innate nature to understand the mechanics of how things work, which is why they have DIY projects at home that women can't do. Women have way more DIY projects. Number eight, that's because you are a lazy bastard. Number eight is multiple. multitasking for women.

Don't you dare trying to say. Women can reply to emails on the smartphones, cook, watch over the baby, and listen to TV news at the same time. Men? Ha, ha, ha. See, also, best jobs for women. Okay, so here's an obvious example of men

having a greater knowledge of tools than men, or women, rather. Think about how many sex toys men have access to, how many little shapes and sizes and dual. It's just a whole. No, because there's the, Double-sided. All men have is a hole.

What, tool-wise? For their to have a sex toy as a whole. I don't think so men have more sex toys than women? No, they don't. I think I disagree. Okay, so think about this. I want you to think about this. Men, women have different stuff.

Think about a flesh light. That's the, that's the, you know, the, this is the burial ground of sex toys, right? That's all you need. That's one hole. Yeah. Then you get the double-sided flesh light, right? Two holes. Yeah.

Then you even have a flashlight that has a mouth on one side and a pussy on the other, right? That's still a hole. That's just holes. Yeah, okay. So I want you to talk to me. You're just describing holes. Women have... They have a dildo and they have a vibrator.

No, but then they... They have a dildo and they have a vibrator. They also have... They have a dildo and they have a vibrator. They have two things. They have two operators. Okay. Men have different variations on a hole.

I'm sorry, but a men can also use a dildo on their anus. But so can a woman. So women have three... But that doesn't make it a new dildo. But women have three axes of pleasure because they have the vaginal cavity, the clitoris, and the ass. I'm going to own you. I'm going to own you.

What about a ball clamp? Has everybody ever developed a sex toy for both that plays with your nipples? And women have that, too. Women have nipples that feel something. Women have nipple clamps. Women have nipple clamps. They're not as good. They can use that.

The woman, though, is sitting and watching porn at this point with the nipple clamps only. And also, women don't watch porn. Women like sucking dill clamps. those off too. And guy, no guy. I've never seen a guy do that. Guys like fingering fleshlights. Yeah. But again, all male sex toys are

variations on a hole. Just get buying a flashlight just to look at it. Or even then, even then they're using a different hole. Matt don't always just need a hole. I feel like a, you know, a body pillow isn't a hole. It's just an image. The body pillow is going to have a hole in it eventually. I don't think you know

how a body pillow works. You're going to dig one into the stitching? Buddy. that's like a bad as a sex toy it can be if you put a hole in that okay so this is the perfect platform to talk about my new favorite video have you guys all watched this video yet the washing the guy fucking the washing

I watched this video about a thousand times everybody should go up we have to watch it and by the way a men can use a vibrator a man can use a vibrator a dildo a man can use anything a woman can use plus Pierce you're getting you're getting hung up on this you sound gay

we're gonna go on yeah we're gonna go on X dot And we're going, what are you doing? That's a pretty good try. That's a pretty good try. We're going to go on X right now. We're going to watch a video of a guy fucking a washing machine. And we're going to listen to the sound of the video. Do you have it on your Twitter?

Yeah. On your X? You have to put it under, you have to put the underscore. Why don't you just go on X? Oh, there it is. Okay, now play this video right now. Yeah, you're barely allowed to look at Twitter X now. What the hell?

If you're not logged in, if you're not logged in. It's simply just memes I've made in the past. Look, and it even has all three of the Twitter accounts associated on the side. Why does it have my fucking hottest memes going on this? Look at that. Look at that. You might like the three accounts associated with the show. Just play it into the audio machine. Yeah, put it on the GoPro. That's good.

And it's dark. Did you spit in it, friends? A lot. Mama. But what the fuck is you in here doing? Washing my clothes, Mama. Washing your clothes? You know what I was doing.

I'm washing my clothes. It looks to me like you was trying to get your dick wetter than your clothes. Mama, not today, all right? Don't do that to me right now. All right? Well, did you put off of a little more clothes that your damsel don't need no condom if you're fucking washing my clothes? You know what I either. Let me just finish washing my clothes.

Mama. Not today. Don't do this to me right now. What he says, you know what I was doing. Washing my clothes? He wasn't even. He also, if you let closely in my video, he's got a condom hanging out of his butt.

Why would you put a condom in your butt? I don't know. That way you don't have to clean the dildo. He's humping the dryer. It's not even like he's put. It's not even like he's putting anything. Who cares if that's shit on it? That's the funniest video of all the time.

He's not even like humping the crack of the washer. It's crazy. I don't understand what it. I think any actor in the world should be jealous of that line rate of not today. Mama, don't do this to me right now. He's slashing over to hide his boner. I think this is a,

he is doing, he's going totally fake. I think it's also a bad mom. I think it's a fake video. It's definitely a bad mom. It's definitely a bad mom. If it's really, it's just pure abuse. I think the thing that makes me think it's fake.

That he thinks a washer dryer is a sexual object. The thing that makes me think it's fake is there's no possible way to derive any sexual pleasure at all from fucking that dryer. He is rubbing his dick against the hard metal corner. Hold on now. The way he's doing it, you watch that video again. You tell me that doesn't. Pull it back. That's not the most painful thing you could ever do.

The only thing that makes me think is fake is that her lines are too good. Yeah, they're too funny. He might be a cenobite. Could be. Maybe he's been so abused that he likes pain. Exactly. He's a cenobite and pleasure is pain. Reason number seven for men is men are solution-oriented. Men tend to move towards the solution of the problem

instead of spending three hours crying, seven days worrying, and three weeks talking about it to friends, parents, and other people around them. There might immediately comes up with 12 solutions without thinking that it might be an insult to how they are feeling right now. Twelve solution seems like a waste of energy, but... Yeah. Female brain. Seven, female brain has better healing ability. Let's say if both a man and woman met an accident at the same time,

a woman would be up doing her daily tasks even before the man opens his eyes. That is because a female's neurons are interlinked while the brain of a man is compartmentalized. Wow. Yeah. I like that the... Again, this is DPS versus 10. Yeah. It's healing abilities.

I'm actually thinking that this could be a whole sort of. These are kind of both the same thing. GPS versus Tank because the healing ability, that's Sandwich. Yep. And then... This is ADC and support. Uh-huh. Yeah, easy. Why is the woman on the table sexual style?

That speaks to what we're about to get into, I imagine, as we get into the top five. Number six, less complicated relationships for men. Because men don't give a damn about what others think of them. They don't worry about what they think of others either. A group of male friends can go out every weekend without worrying what the other person was wearing. This cool attitude comes naturally and makes things less complicating, including fashion. Communication experts for women. Women can talk to anyone anywhere. They know how to socialize with the bus

driver, the teacher of their kids, the cleaner, the salesperson, or anyone sitting with them in the bus. Advances in human life are because of communication and we owe that to women. I think, I mean, this is a perfect example of men having not complicated relationships. Look at us three. and the guy who just went to the bathroom and we're touching each other. We just go to the bathroom all the time.

We should start going to the bathroom together like girls. Does that shit make you jealous or what? When they say, we're us ten are going to go to the bathroom and I say, can I? Never mind. I would say that you guys and I are maybe like, you know, two months out of me asking to piss in the sink with you while you guys use the toilet.

I mean, I like doing that when it's like... So you think that we could reach the point of penis friends. Penis friends. Penis friends. I would cross-sourcing. I'm definitely penis friends. It just hasn't happened with him yet. I think that the central tension of our friendship for years on end is that we are on the precipice forever of being penis friends.

I don't think so. I think we're basically, I think we're all but penis friends. Everybody's seen my penis. I haven't seen your head. Really? And I guess I imagine that your penis looks identical to. I think you never showed it to me because you're afraid I'd like it too much. Definitely.

Definitely. Just text you. Hey, Caleb, just thinking about what you. You show me the other guy. I actually really liked it. We're talking about how we have a lack in our friendship. Because, okay, all your friends from back home have seen your penis, yeah? No.

Okay, so you should go back home, figure that out, and I'm going to come back and join us again. But I've seen your penis. Yeah. You guys have all seen my penis. I don't know if you have. That's what we were saying is Pierce might be the only one where we haven't seen his penis and he hasn't seen ours. I don't think anyone's seen mine. Me and Pat have seen each other's like double digit times.

Because we're the most just like, you guys show stuff showers it's funny you guys like to show it's funny to show your male friend your penis

I it's not funny to show a person you don't know your penis it's also not funny to show someone that you like now you're not who you like

but if somebody doesn't know you at all that's the least funny that's a little bit funny that's the most romantic thing though yeah ooh that is romantic

ooh that is romantic that is like showing someone a candle. Lie down, girl. I'm going to show it to you. I'm going to show you it. You're going. Look.

Open your eyes, girl. Look. It does. There it is, baby. What do women think of penises? Dude, I look at my penis, and every time I see my own penis in the mirror, I feel like a woman who's being subjected to looking at it. Oh, my God.

I don't want to see mine. Oh, my God. I know you guys. I know that mine's nothing special. I'm a tiny man. I'm a tiny man. I got these little wrists. I got a tiny head. I got a big belly.

And I do just have the penis of a normal human being. I look like, you know that picture of that orangutan? A normal. That's what I have, too. Is that the... A normal size. Is that the monkey that I'm thinking of? The orange monkey has got a big gut and his dicks out.

You know that one? Yeah, that's an orangutan. Are you talking about when he fucks the woman's hand? No, no, no. I love that video. It's so hard to find. I'm talking about that photo of just like the monkey. standing.

Oh, we got to finish this top 10 also. He's not peeing, but he's just got his dick out. Well, I've seen all types of monkeys penises in every possible context, so I'm sorry that I kind of... There's a very famous image

of an orangutan standing in a field. I know which one you're talking about. It's cool images and orangutan penis. He's just bragging about how many images of monkey penis is he seen. It's honestly a curse on my personal life. You're bragging. I get into a lot of trouble with a lot of people

over how many different photos I try to bring up and videos of orangutans and monkeys fucking hula eggs. Humble brag. I watch videos of monkeys fucking humans. Number five, the appeal in opposite gender is visual. While many men will not admit it, their attraction to the opposite gender is based on the looks of most of the times.

They will just look at the person and decide whether they want to date her or not. Women, on the other hand, will be unsure of this even after three years of knowing the person because they tend to find marriage material in each guy. Women like every guy is what it's saying here, I guess. And on the other side, women to get things done. Well, wait, that's a thing about, that's the thing for men, is that that's a positive for men they're saying. Yeah.

Every single positive that they list for men, it just makes men sound like the most manipulative people in the world. But this is like the best thing about being men. Welcome to Earth. Maybe it's different on Mars or Venus, but here we have a system that I don't like very much. Yeah. It sounds very patriarchal. Yeah, where is the thing about men being a warrior?

well that was tools well look at them in the back those are they have an army if men don't find anything interesting they will not do it likewise they will not do anything again if they aren't encouraged and appreciated the first time

even if it is something like washing dishes women on the other hand will get things done when they have to I do not fuck with the dishes dude I fuck with the dishes my wife takes three days to do four dishes I know I have a one day

other day switch off situation each day other each day other day. I love it. I'll do them all the time. I walk up to the dishes and my girlfriend will say, she'll say, I'll do him, I'll do the dishes. I listen to music. I get my cue right. I shuffle my playlist with all my songs. I take out the songs I don't want. Wow. What I do is if I cook. I was talking. Sorry, Pierce. Sorry, Pearson. Everybody clear the air. I was complaining about my woman. It's time to eat. Thank you. I was about to, you know, do the dishes, let's say. My girlfriend says, no, I'll do them. She goes up to the saying she puts on the rubber gloves as if that's even necessary. I always cringe when ladies put on the rubber gloves. You don't need that. And then she says, okay, I'm going to start washing. And then she turns on the water.

And then the dishes that are dry that are sitting on the drying rack, she doesn't move the dishes from the drying rack back to where the dishes live. And I'm like, that means you're only going to be able to wash three. And she says, I only feel like washing three. So that's perfect. You wash them all every time. You have to wash them all. It's got to be empty. Just clear the dry dishes.

And then listen. You scrub the sink down. Yep. Oh, that I actually don't agree with. That I actually don't agree with. Well, how could you not agree with that? Why would you not agree with scrubbing the sink?

I'm washing my chicken in the sink already. Because it's a sink. It's going to be dirty. It's already dirty. Why not have it clean? That's crazy. The dishes are what you're supposed to be making clean. You clean the sink.

The sink will smell. Why not? It takes it one second. When the sink smells, you can clean it. But it's not going to stay. You clean it when it smells. You clean it every time that you think about doing it. What you have is a system where you do the dishes every other night with your significant other, and you know that you're the one who likes washing the sink,

and the other person is the one who doesn't, so you know the sink gets cleaned every other day. I would love to wash the sink, but the dishes I don't like. Right, so you can't wash the sink because you don't do the dishes. Number four, programming electronics. That's men's. Yeah. Men and boys could program their VCRs and tape recorders in the 1970s when something went wrong. The same applies to gadgets.

and electronic devices in today's time. Apparently, these skills are inborn and just magically appear in every generation born. And then for women... Look at the TV. They're watching one of my favorite shows. Number four is women have superpowers that get things done. The utility boy will leave the power on.

The policeman will let the woman off without charging a ticket and she will get her way around any problem. The superpower is tears. The superpower is using sex. It's sexuality and showing. showing your boobs. Showing the boobs. Showing the boobs through the closing. I will say that tears hit different when she got boobs. True. That's real shit. Stop going ahead. I'll say next when I want it. We're going to talk about both of these for 10 more minutes. No, I don't want to talk about it. Okay. Let's go to number three. For men, less time getting ready to go out. I know that's real. That's real as fuck. That is one point that we would definitely give them points on. They don't need makeup hairstyling and they don't need hours. to decide what to wear. Honestly, who notices? For women, detail-oriented. Women can categorize things like task lists, birthdays, shopping lists, assignments, and whole calendars

in their brains while remembering smaller details like what their boyfriend likes for dinners and other basic facts. That is downright impossible for men. Yeah. I take basically one second to go out and I just go out on my undies. That's the big division with my wife is that I am early to everything and she is late to everything. You're not early to everything. I'm early to everything. You're early to everything. Important. Right. Yeah. Everything that doesn't involve me

and Patrick. Well, that's because your time is not valued by me. And your shirt says mad balls. You left the house wearing that shit. Get this guys? This is my wife's shirt and she wouldn't let me wear it for months because she was like, I like that shirt so much. Your wife likes mad balls.

That's what I was thinking. Bro, your wife likes mad balls. Why are you so protective of this balls shirt? You're in your PJs right now. honest. You are in your girlfriend's clothes. What a t-shirt? What are you in? Your girlfriend's clothes?

You're in PJ's type of shirt. It's a PJ's shirt. That's crazy. A t-shirt? Is it not so bad? We're having two separate things here. Moving on? He fits in his girlfriend's clothes,

is what he said. Well, her shirts. I don't wear her undies. I can fit in my girlfriend's clothes if I'd reconstitute them and rip them apart and restitch them with the material. If I put on one of my girlfriend's shirts,

it would rip almost instantly. Strength. My girlfriend is so much smaller. Oh, man. You're kind of breaking up. out. There is something so sexual about a man bursting out of his clothes. Don't you guys think? I do

want to ask her if there's anything she's getting rid of so that I can put it on just to do this and just feel strong for once in my life, like Hulk. How bad would you feel if you try to do that and you just hurt your arms? If you did it in front of her. Oh, you're throwing this away. Watch this. No, just doing that, doing that, but I'm not going to admit

that I hurt my arms. One second, one second. Is it unattractive to women when you throw your back out? Yes. Really? Man, if you hurt yourself. That sucks. If you ever stub your toe, this is what you should do.

You say, I didn't stumb my towel. Yeah. I didn't stub my towel. Number two. Wait, can I just ask your fans real quick? Lady fans, what is more attractive? When a man peels off his shirt like this and then kind of drops it and then, you know, well, you just did that gayly.

Yeah. Right. Okay. Well, if he did that straightly, if someone did that straightly, if someone did that straightly. Is he peeling? When he peels off his shirt. Or if you just pop out of it, if you just pop out of it.

If you pop out of it? Do you mean rip out of it or you mean pop out of it as a different thing? You go like this, and then you're next to all your clothes falling in a pile next to you. You get raptured out of your clothes.

Your night crawler bamp out of your clothes? Oh, like you have clothes that are on you with suction cups. No, like there's a tear and you flex your biceps. and then your bicep pops out of that. But that person has ever done that. That necessitates having a very tiny shirt on for anybody.

Right, well, that's what I mean. Is it more sexy when you peel off a tiny, tiny shirt? If you're a woman, leave a comment down below. Address it to Pierce, say, dear Pierce. Right what you think is sexy about a boy taking off his shirt or whatever, however way. Is it sexy? Because I think it's sexy when a boy pops out. The question is, so your question is, women, do you think, get sexier when a man takes off his shirt

or if loads his clothes. Do you think it's sexier of a man explodes his clothes? We can boil his shirt off normal. Women, do you like it when a man pops out? Pops out or do you like if a man pops out at you?

Or slides. Slides. Slides or pops. Do you like it when a man slides on you? Sliding or popping? Sliding or pop. Dear Pierce, I like sliding. Dear Pierce, I like popping. This is a new column. This is a new column for the show. Amanda. Dear Pierce. Because all men have this relationship. My boyfriend has been taking his shirt up.

He's been sliding. How do I get him to pop? All men have this sliding and popping dynamic that they do in their daily lives, right? You're sliding until you meet the right person, and then you pop all over time. I can pop a shoe off. Oh, I've popped my shoe off for sure. Yeah, yeah. Some people slide, they slide each lace together in a delicate knot.

I just pop them on. Right. My shoe laces. Yeah. Okay. Number two. For men, making babies is easy for them. For men, the whole process of becoming a father involves three minutes of their time. That is an overstatement. That's a diss. That's a diss. The ladies who have to face nine months of trouble for the baby to come into this world. So making babies is easier for men versus, let's compare these two. For women, women live longer. Women are stronger than men when it comes to nerves, which is probably why they live on average a year, a whole year longer than men. And women are also better decision makers regarding their diet duties and health techniques.

Women don't understand that men, the difference between how men experience time and a women experience time is like us and like mosquitoes. Three minutes to us having sex trying to think of our grandma so we don't come is so much longer than nine months to a woman. Right. And here's what I'd like to introduce here too if we are comparing these two. So sure, women live a year longer, but about 90 months of their life, we're going to going to be taken up by being pregnant.

Yeah. Yeah. So you're actually losing. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, if you're pregnant, if you're pregnant, you might as well not even be alive. Exactly. Why do we count that?

Yeah. Pregnance women should be a birthday. I agree. You shouldn't have a birthday. You should have to wait. Well, you're sharing a life with someone else literally, so it should just be halved. Well, and you just can't do anything. Oh, my God.

Except eat pickles. Yeah. Pickles and tuna fish. Pregnant women literally will skip roller coaster rides to eat pickles. What the hell's wrong with them? I know. You know what my mom used to do when she was pregnant with me? My mom was pregnant with me.

Allegedly. She would get mayo. She would get mayo and pickles on Italian meatball subs. Why do they like pickles so much? The pregnancy craving that she had was marinera sauce, meatball, mayo pickles. and she still orders it to this day and it's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in a person eat.

If I was pregnant... That shit hits different when it's not coming through the amniotic sac. If I was pregnant, I know that my simple ass would be craving PBNJ. Yeah.

Every single day. Do you guys ever read the stuff that Elvis ate and maybe he was pregnant? Elvis was pregnant. That's why he ate a fool's gold sandwich. He would eat bacon and peanut butter all the time. Which that's really good if you've never had it.

My mom made me have that. That's really good. It's really, really good. My mom made me have it. But he would put chocolate on it, too. But no, okay. No, the thing that was fucked up that he did was he, like, it was like a hollowed out sandwich.

He ate some messed up strange things. A whole loaf of bread covered in bacon and peanut butter. He stole a 14-year-old girl from her parents. Really? And all of black culture. Priscilla. That hasn't been proven yet. Okay.

So we're going to move to the final entry on this list. Number one for men. Men are not social Camilla. A woman can change yourself according to any gathering within a few seconds like a cult. Men are somewhat consistent and persistent in their opinions and feelings regarding anything. And for women, number one, psychic powers. Not only can women tell why their baby is crying, they can also be absolutely sure if their husband is cheating or their friend is having a problem. She will already have figured you out so there is no point to lying about it.

A woman has strong intuition. And a husband is cheating is in blue. So there's a bunch of links here. Is there like a thing? for top 10 ways to find out of a husband is cheating? Probably, I don't know. There's been a bunch of stuff on this website.

I'm going to look at that and apply it to my own life. We'll go back to saying funny stuff immediately, but I just want listeners to know, look, this website is header. It's not trans-positive. This website, this list, it's very, it's very cis-promotive, you know?

Plus, it's also like, I'm totally a social chameleon. Yeah. Right. Does that make me a woman? No, it makes me a woman? No. It makes me a psychopath, sure. Yes.

No. I go, hey. I like girls put makeup on me. And I just want the women of the world to know that your motherness does not impact your expression of femininity at all. It just makes you disgusting and sort of unwaived machine. Sure it does. It just makes you annoying. Your maternal instincts just make you annoying because you want me to clean my room.

You want me to do my homework. What's more important to me than mothering a child is like. Brothering a child. Being mother in the sense of you ate. Right. But what's more important is that I serve cunt. Exactly. I'm trying to serve as much cunt as in my lifetime.

The cunt doesn't matter. It's metaphorically. Cunt doesn't matter to you. No, it doesn't matter to me at all. It's about did mother eat? Yeah. Okay. You guys ever try to feed your grandma?

No. My grandma died a couple weeks ago. One of the most horrible experiences. She was, well, you go to whatever, you go to whatever, like, horrible. Maybe on a paid episode. You go to whatever situation your grandma's in and you feed her, and then she eats like four or five bites. It really is like, Grandma, you thought you ate, right?

Yeah. Like, Grandma will take three or four bites and say, Grandma, you thought you ate. You left so much on your plate. You left so many crumbs, grandma. Meanwhile, she doesn't know what the hell going on. Grandma, the waiter served you meal. Yeah.

Grandma, the waiter served. You need to eat, Grandma, Grandma, the waiter, the waiter served you meal. But you didn't ate. Yeah, but the waiter, the waiter, the waiter, the waiter, served you meal and you said it tasted like cunt. Oh, my God. The craziest part about grandma eating is that she actually thought that she ate. She actually, that's how far gone she is. She literally thought she had two or three bites of a piece of fish.

Uh-huh. And she even said it tastes like, and she said, I ate, I'm mother. And you say, no, your grandma. Maybe you did not eat, but you thought you ate. You left crumbs, Grandma. Your son downing. Grandma, the fish is breaded. There's plenty of crumbs.

Yeah. I wish you were crumb downing. I wish you were downing those crumbs. Grandma said this fish tastes like good. That's disgusting. All right, there's one more slide here, which is what got recommended to me after I viewed these lists. This is the final slide here.

You may also like 10 countries with most slaves per capita. This was the recommendation on both of these lists. as the next list to read. I bet the number one is. What? America. Every single person in America is a slave. The kingdom of evil.

Yep. It's going to be my guess for number one. Well, that's a pretty good guest too. But I'll stay with America for now. Slave world. Probably slave toopia. Okay. Okay.

If you like this guy, if you like these three guys, podcasts about a list, and if you also like a job. No, if you like Slavetopia. Slavetopia, kill yourself. If you like Slatophobia, get the fuck out. If you also like Home Planet, Alex Forrest, and Joe Gleason,

well, buddy, I have good news for you. We are doing a sketch show at Littlefield. On October 20th. And there will be amazing new sketches, and it will be basically how a wind band. Podcast about list is only a distraction. Shut up! Podcast about list is only a distraction from sketchcom.

which is all of our passions all of our sketch comedy unlawed podcast about list I've done it since I was a kid man we've done and listen even if you like sketch comedy and you're coming to the show

because at first of all I can't imagine any other possible which if you want to go to the show it's swag poop.com slash shows if you want to get tickets for October 20th but you should also check out Pierce's whatever video he did

yeah there's some fucking Reddit post of Pierce oh I I thought we were talking about a different one. You should take out Matrix Powerpoint and Outer Spacian Station. Check out Matrix Powerpoint, Dinosauron Corner, Outer Spatian Station. Infinite Jost.

Infinite Jost, co-written by Jordan Wold. This is even more important than that is the sketch show. Come to the sketch show. The sketch is the biggest army. If you came to the last one, which I know you did. And you had an amazing time, by the way. It's only new sketches. We're not repeating anything besides one or two or five things.

I'm lying. It's all new. It's completely new. New videos. sketches and it's all Halloween themed except for the stuff that isn't. We have video proof of you enjoying the show. We have a full video of the show, the whole

show. If you were at the last show and you're not at the new one, we have a video of you at the last show. We're going to be comparing faces. And I know, I know a couple of people in the crowd. I know a couple of you because I know some of you were my friends. If you don't show up to the next one, I know where you live. Hold on Pierce is holding

his finger up. The reason none of us can legally drive right now, because we are celebrating a long day's word. of sketch writing. Each of us came in here into this office and Caleb will tell you we were here at 9 a.m.

and we were working up until just now to write maybe 10, 11 sketches. And honestly, the 10 11 sketches that we wrote today not one of them is going to make it to say. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Because we do this shit, it's every day, bro. It's every fucking day, bro. It doesn't matter. If we write 10 sketches in a day, we're going to write 10 better ones tomorrow. And they're all going to be in the show unless there's another day

before the show in which case of those ones. Or the ones that are the day before the show and we come out swing, only hitting home runs. Right. Malaney.

All right. Bye everybody. We do have a video of the show but I have to pay the origination fee. Not coming out. Not coming out. Bad audio doesn't matter.

Bye everybody. But that's the thing about those like labels, like the excessive. So if they were to do the cigarette type things. The only warning that they could give on like Doritos and stuff is like you will become fat. No, you know what they do is they just have to show a guy who's going like, oh, you'll have a stomach egg. Stomach egg warning. It would also need to be controlled. You would need to

have like an FDA guy who just eats Doritos and it's like, oh, how many Doritos guys? They snap a picture, put it on the bag. I guess the other, so it's either it's either stomachate guy on the picture on the label or you can have guy who it's too spicy. Uh-huh. He's crying. He's tearing up. He's dripping. These labels would look amazing too.

Or little piece of little stuck, piece of Dorito stuck on the roof of your mouth. Yeah. Stuck in the tooth. Shard. I guess, yeah. I guess the only two warnings you could have. The only two, oh, three is like that and then like dental warning on like a bag of smart food. Yeah.

It's a picture. It will get stuck in your tooth and it'll be annoying. Put that on lettuce too. Yeah, you got to put that on lettuce and kale and all that stuff. They should put warnings of everything. They need warnings on every food. There should be a warning on popsicles that say, once you're done with this, brain freeze, but once you're done with this, buddy, you're going to laugh. Yeah, laughing warning.

Yeah, just the guy. Holding his head, holding his head and his leg. Yeah, yeah. Is this guy having a heart attack? Yeah, we can't tell. But then at the bottom, it says, you're going to get a brain freeze and you're going to laugh. It needs to cover every possible side effect. Yeah.

Brain freeze. Maybe also. Stained hand. Stained. Stained hand, laughing at the thing, brain freeze, and then also you bit into it so your teeth are cold. Splinter. Splinter from the stick. It's like a man going through. You know, we're actually returning. Jubio, Google, right now, wound man. The only wounds you can get are just something stabbing you. Yeah, right. I think it might be a stick. His feet are fucked up. Dude, we need to create the modern wound man.

We just did. We did, but he's the food man. He's the food man, but we need to create the modern wound man. The food, food, food man.