Podcast About List - Ep. 265 - The Five Weeks of Planets: Mars

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

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Say what you said, Cameron. He stuck his wiener in between that part. No, not that part of that. We're not even going to acknowledge that. What do you want me to say? We're not even going to talk about that. You said, before we started recording, you said, why do I feel like it would be so fucking fun to be in a relationship with every single person in my family? I didn't say that. You did.

You said that. I said right now copycatting you. Why did you say that? Because you said that. You said, and by the way, we were talking about romantic relationships. And so you were saying, why do I, why do I feel like it would be so? I mean, I'm already in a familial relationship with my family. But you meant like, like, like, like, like, like, like, fingering and stuff.

I love them. You meant like squirting on your mom. I love my family. He just said he like likes his family. He likes his mom more than like my family. I love every member of my family. You like, like your own mom, bro. He squirted on his mommy.

Ew. What are you doing? You're taking this to a strange. You're acting differently with your hair, man. You're doing a strain. You are taking it strange. Keep that thing away. Guys, if you can't guess based on how we're dressed today.

It's Mars. Welcome back to the five weeks of planets. Week two. Week two, day one. Yeah, week two, day one out of two. Part three, week two, day one. And I've already seen a fatal error that we've made, which is that we gave Patrick something to do. What do you mean?

What's wrong with this? You have something to play with, which is, yeah, that's, you know, it's not an actual So I'm not really grossed out by it. It's nothing wrong with there's nothing. This is going to be the best episode of all time and it's going to be age restricted. Yeah. Yeah, because you have this devil tail. You're wearing a cock ring, bro.

You should have had a red juice. Okay. Well, let me tell you a little story. Let's go through the costume. Wait a minute. Green juice, green pants. I do have green pants on because I didn't have red pants. But listen.

Let's go through the costume. I literally woke up. I put on my red outfit and I said, I guess. got to go get myself a red tea. I walked into the miniature grocery store, and I said, give me a red tea right now. And they said, there's no such thing as red tea. We only have green tea.

So I got a green tea, man. You could have got a brown tea. Brown tea is not brown. It's a little, it's the red planet. But in reality, obviously we were all going for full red, man. Yeah. In reality, it's a rust red. Let's talk it over, though.

Because my outfit here, I've got the red for Mars, the red planet, which is with oxidation and it's everything. yeah um but i've also you'll notice here i've got the i've got the white stripes as well wow and what are the white stripes represent you might ask jack white and his white meg white those that's not what it represents that's what it is that was the white stripes that's the name but what my white stripes represent is ice because guys mars is a cold planet and it has ice on it it's not cold it's red hot it's cold as fuck okay somebody okay somebody needs to hear the planet report i mean i surely need to be educated but we'll get to that and of course i got my i got i got i have

A red Mars aid. Martian Red Gatorade. G for Galactic. Wow. Galactic aid. Galactic aid. And obviously I'm in a red, I'm in a red shirt with some red shorts. Tell me why you have this. Oh, wait, I forgot one thing. I have a red hat.

Red faction gorilla. Do you see that right here on the icon on my hat? It's a hand holding a sword and Mars is the god of war. Wow. Holy shit, man. So I'm wearing the wig because if you look closely at this planet of Mars, it is kind of a rust color. You're wearing a

kind of a strawberry blonde swag. Strawberry blonde. Mars is kind of a strawberry blonde looking

planet and Mars is the devilishly red planet so I have the devil's tail on my front because I thought

that that would be why do you have these glitterly yeah stand up and stand on the chair here for lack of a better word stand on that chair

and face backwards and he's got the he's got red underwear on yeah the shorts are very short and these shorts I got to say man little fruity.

What's fruity about that? I should have had like a lav mic clip to this. That would have been nasty. Yeah. I love making pets stand on the chair. Whoa. What the fuck just happened?

I hit the, I hit the headphone cable. You hit me. I hit the cable on the way down. I think that if we're going to, if you're going to make me stand on the chair, you got to like make sure, if you love to make sure.

understand you need to stabilize me my outfit man yeah well i have a marlborough red hoodie on right because what does it because the marr mars moves so fast through the galaxy that it leaves a trail of smoke did you guys know that wow call you in your planet report and i have on my jacket oh a red jacket you might think just a normal red jacket wait what does it say you read to me cairo american college cairo hmm what country's that in egypt egypt and what kind of thing do they have in Egypt? Sand. The sand.

And guess what Mars is covered in? Or at least it kind of looks like it. Sand. Some kind of red-ass sand. Soil and sand. And then also, hmm, wow, he's wearing a bandana. Wait, but that's a black bandana. Right, that's not no red bandana.

Well, guess what the bloods wear, bandanas. Oh, okay, and bloods are red. But also the guns shoot iron bullets. And also the guns are war-like. Exactly that, too. Yeah. That too, man. I mean, the layers to my outfit are amazing.

And my tongue's red. I feel like we really, I feel like we knocked out of the park with this one. No, we hit a hat trick. We got three goals. Yeah. And do I have green pants on? Yeah, man. We're within 90 days of Christmas.

So shut the hell up. And green is the complimentary color of red. Green could be the future of Mars. Yeah. Green could have been the past of Mars. That's something I want to get into. Yeah, there could have been light there. If we do nuke both the poles and then create a new ice age that creates

water and earth And also don't forget about Martians And Sid the Sloth Martians which are green Yes So Mars is kind of populated by green Exactly Yeah

Okay all right Green beans And that's why you're drinking your green bean juice And it's almost Thanksgiving Green bean cassero Yeah So the connections are just out of the water There have been so many

crazy connections Castle wall There could be a castle on Mars So last night Cameron watched the jerk I didn't watch it last night but I watched it this week well you watched it this week

I watched it last night independently of Cameron we didn't even know each other had watched it until Cameron said that he watched it this week today before today

I said it de tay he said it so we both felt as if watching now let's think about this Steve Martin Steve Martian Holy fucking wait that's awesome

Steve Martian freak the fuck out. Green Martian. Green's Martian. Steve Martian. And he plays a character named. No, he plays the the Pluto instead of the banjo.

I don't know of any. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's good. And he's a... Does he play the banjo in the movie? No, he plays a banjo. He's famous for playing a band. Oh, I know that.

Yeah, I was still on the... Wild and crazy fly. Because he flies around his spaceship. And the arrow is through his head because of war. Well, it would be a plasma arrow. The arrow could also. be pointing to a planet. Yeah, that's true.

Or it could be like, oh, I'm going to go this way. Yeah. Only murder. Or maybe it's a reference to Aranus. Only murders. Only murders in the planet.

In the galaxy. That would be actually, that'd be good news. That would be a very cheery show. Yeah. Oh, Selena Gomez painted purple and because she's an alien, she'd be fully naked.

Yeah. That'd be so awesome. She would look like, Seraena. Serena Glowlick. She's a purple. Selina Gomez. Her going live on IG.

I'm now Serena Glomax. I changed my name. Horns popping out of her face. Still giant boobs. Yeah. She's awesome. No, she's not awesome.

What's wrong with her? You don't like her? She is being a dimwit. She's being a dim wit. We're not talking about our earth problems. Oh, you're right. Earth, we're leaving you in the past. Earth, we're on Mars.

We're in the future today. You're on Mars. You suck, man. Earth, you suck. It's over for Earth. You got a lot of problems. You're done, Earth. You've done.

You got a lot of problems, Earth. You're done. Something about this wig makes me want to talk like this. We got Thomas from Pendeo time. Hey, what's up, you guys? And he hates Earth, man. I fucking hate the Earth. Speaking of Thomas, no.

I was going to say he put out that rap a couple weeks ago. You want to get him on an OJ track? Maybe. That was a good rap. That was a good rap. That rap that Thomas made was very, very good. Um, should I, should I, should I blow this load? Should I, should I go right into OJ's rap? No, man. All right. We talked about. No, we're going to do plan a report and then

we'll do mine and then we'll end with OJ. Then speaking of Thomas, his last name is report. I don't know if many of you know that. That's not true. Anyway, what I was wondering, do you guys think that, what do you think the states will be like on Mars? The United States of Mars? Yeah, what kind of states do they have there? They probably will have an analog. It's maybe like a bizarre. I bet they have a Bizarro. Bizarro States. Buzaro USA. It's not Bizarro Earth, though. Why would it be Bizarro? Well, it is kind of the Bizarro Earth. If you think about it, they have no green.

What kind of question is, it depends on who is colonizing it. And I hate to say that shit, but that's how it fucking works, man. Whoever gets there first and says, this is called Stephen. Didn't we get there first? The Martians were there first, man. Nobody's been there. Oh, well, you would know that if we had gone through it. A robot in there. I'll do the planet report, and I'm going to clear a few things up. All right. Clear this up. Clear the air.

Join us once again on a five-week galactic journey through our solar system. Be prepared to learn and to laugh a little too. And now the Planet Report with Cameron Fetter. Oh my God. Julio, can you open up the drive? This will not be normal for Planet Reports, but I put a little visual aid together for this one. This is incredible already.

There's a PowerPoint here. That's crazy. The TV is so broken. Our TV got fucked up. Everybody. But nobody else will be able to see it just does. Okay, so just ignore all the crazy red lines. Uh-huh.

I don't think they can see that. Okay, I know. I'm talking to you guys. Oh, okay. I'll do that. Hopefully they can't see. I'm sure they can't. So you guys know about poetry, right?

Yes. More than anybody. As a rapper, I know. Have you guys ever heard of acrostic poems? Yes. So these are poems where the first letter of the poem, every word in the poem creates the word of the title. Oh, I'm intimately familiar.

So this is called Mars, A Planet Report, by Cameron Fedder. And I've put together, it is an acrostic poem where it spells the word Mars over and over again. So I have a visual aid here, but if you're just listening, you should be able to pick up on all, you'll get the rhythm of it. M-A-R-S. M-A-R-S, y'all. So I'm just going to go ahead and start it, start reading through it to teach you guys some facts in the form of poetry this time. Wow, pop. Mars, all red stuff.

and you're just Juby you're just going to have to click through for me because we don't have a clicker mostly

a rocky surface okay meager atmosphere rather scarce makes all respirators suffocate

wow mm-hmm me air requires some Mars air really skinny there's not skinny

Mars average rotational speed matches almost rotational speed my affiliated residential sphere. The earth got a similar rotation. Moons? Ah, revolving speedily. Mars as rocky satellites. That's a British kind of twinge there. Moors as.

Moons amount, roughly some. Oh, Phobos. And Damos. Mars, the name, also represent significance. Moniker ancient Roman supreme mascot and representing strife. I love strife. Military action, ruckus, swords. Mm-hmm.

Many aliens really seem majority at Red Sphere. Okay. Martians aren't real species. maybe ask research scientists my answer requires studying that guy doesn't look more asinine research scientists martians are real stupid moron ah really sorry oh that's kind my anger rises sometimes me apologize really sincerely man anyway returning subject

Mars actually rather small Mercury ah remember smaller most all round spheres much ampler round size

many astronomers recently spotted about reservoir subterranianly. Mankind hasn't reached surface. Mars. Actually, rich scientist Musk, astronauts recruiting, send Mars, a royal situation. Me and recording squad.

That's us, y'all. Musk adore. Real shit. Musk asking respectfully. send me and recording squad Mars all repay sexually all repay sexually mentioned all research statistics

mystified anything relax see me after report Sayanara and that's today's planet report for Mars That was an amazing That was amazing That was one of the best reports I've seen

I learned so much shit man But are you saying that... We have to suck and fuck Elon Musk. Well, yeah, I just figured I'm sweeten the offer. He's not going to send us to Mars for free. But what if it doesn't... There's got to be something between free and blowing... The letters lined up.

What else am I going to do? Money... No, it was a... It was A-R-S. It's all you can do. All repay sexually. No, the M is not... The M is not in place.

All repay significantly. Money all real... That works too long. I feel like it wouldn't fit significantly. Money all are sending. Sentimentally. That's not that you said. The only thing you said mas. That's what you're saying right now. Money

all are, the letter are sending. He doesn't need money. He doesn't need money. Aposophy A. There's a possibility. He doesn't need money. What are we going to offer him besides a pleasure? Moonshine. It's something homemade. All are sending. There's something. There's something that you can't buy. And that's, that's, that's, that's,

sex from they make sense men who don't normally sell sex well that is the rare thing it's priceless man i guess you're right yeah there is almost no price on having sex with my bottom yeah yeah there's not anything it's priceless my bottom is completely priceless it's something they would auction off it's worth like billions of dollars it's like it's never been done before well it's like a uh like an olive wagyu kind of like level of rarity and like this has never been seen before. Yeah, you can't even assign a monetary value to it. Like when Martin Schrelli bought that Wu-Tang album and released it,

that could have easily been my butthole. You could do the same thing where you add in a clause that someone can come rescue you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Someone can come steal you back from you on the loss. I'm looking here at this Google thing and it says the Google image or the Google bar up here, whatever it's called is amazing.

It's images, news, videos, photos, planets, definitions, and then chocolate. Can you click on chocolate? Mars bar. Like a Mars bar. Oh my God. They should just add a chocolate tab for everything now. You can always search web images, shopping, and chocolate. Wow.

Mars snacking. Mars makes a kind bars. What the hell? Is that what? What the fuck? They make orbit. Orbit. That makes sense, but kind is a surprise.

Yeah, kind is a big. surprise but uh yeah what alien kind on mars have you thought about that oh the tv went back to normal yeah that's true yeah fixed it Mars chocolate fixed the TV wait oh my god it's jittering anyway the TV doesn't matter the TV does not matter what does matter is our planets back to

Mars guys the five weeks of planets we're rolling through these at a breakneck speed it can almost say we're rotating every single thing that we need to get out every thought we've ever had about these planets ever here's my thought about this this planet? Why is it called Mars? It's called... You weren't you paying attention

to the planet report? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. He wasn't paying attention to the point. Shut up. Shut up. I said moniker ancient Roman supreme mascot. I'm not done!

Why is it called Mars? But there's only one of them. Because of the ancient Roman Empire. Should it be called Mar? Mar. Well, you're saying that? Here's something I was thinking about. Here's something that I was thinking about

on the walk over here, actually when I think about more stuff. Mars stuff. is, I believe the month of March is named after the planet of Mars. Is that true? I think that's true. And we're in March right now. And I think that even one of the days of the week might be named after Mars.

Mars Day. Mars Day? No, no, no, Mars Day. I got mixed up. Monday. Yeah, I was thinking of Moon Day. You're thinking of Moon Day. My bad.

My bad, y'all. But there's a French day that we called Mardi. Marty Gras. Now, what's that Tuesday? It's Fat Tuesday. Marty Gras. Tuesday is named after Mars. Marty Gras makes women take off their brars.

Whoa. But I, there should be a multi, bars and spars. And spars and spars. Well, they're already doing it at spars year round. Arrarned. True. Your round. Wars aren't there.

Wait, guys, we should literally become spa workers so we can see women naked all the time. Wait, that's a fucking, it's a great idea. I've never thought of anybody thought of this. Oh, my God. Yeah. All these people who are wasting their time. jacking off to porn. Just get a job

at a YMCA. What are you doing? Are you brain dad, dude? Then you're making money while you look at all the naked women. Yeah.

That's a great idea, Cameron. You're so smart. Oh, my God. It's a great thing to say. We have to go on Shark Tank and we have to pitch that to Mark Cuban

and Mr. Wonderful. A spa for women who don't mind being ogled. Yeah. A spa where you... How about this? A spa where you go for free. and you get a bunch of perverts who pay to why.

Oh, it's like add, it's like freemium. So like if a woman wants to go to a spot, you could either, you could either. The perverts are paying double with the word. Yeah, you can either pay, this is great idea. You either pay $50 to go to a normal spot or you pay zero. Meanwhile, the perverts, Patrick and Cameron, are sitting behind a, uh, I didn't say that I was going to be there.

Oh, wait, here's the thing, though. You could do even do the inventor of this company. I wouldn't be one of the perverts. You can even do, well, you have to test it out. You can even do. tears of the, the, I would honestly be whipping and torturing the perverts. The pervert tears could be this dude. Listen to this. You could be, you could either have, it's a pervert. It's a pervert honey pot. We, we pitch this business on Shark Tank and then we, we post that. We,

we, we, we, we, we tell them afterwards, like we, and this is the secret. Don't air this part on your TV show, but actually we're going to kill all the perfect. We don't want to kill people. We're going to get the ancient, Anton Chiguerre. You guys, if you, okay, you guys are fucking idiots because you're wasting a million dollar idea. You could even have it. He wants to go. You could even have it be tiered where there's windows that they can be seen through both sides, and that ticket's $50. But then they're shut up. There's one that is a mirror, what do they call that, a double-sided mirror, a one-way mirror, a two-way mirror.

A two-way mirror. And that one is more money so that your identity is hidden. And then there's one that's even more that is a private cube. They have this already, the window and everything. It's called a peep show. But these women are just doing their... own thing, though. They're not like putting on a show. Yeah, but wouldn't you want to pay for women doing the show? If we're trying to maximize

profit, I just thought of an even better idea, Caleb, kind of jumping off your two-way mirror idea. What if we have it? It's all two-way mirrors. The perverts pay $100 to come watch from behind the mirror. And the women also are charged $100 to use the spot. And they don't know the perverts are watching them. Oh, and it's double the money. If the perverts pay an extra five bucks, they could fuck the women. Uh-huh. Well, no, because that kind of brings the whole thing tumbling down. Yeah. Well, let's just cut out the whole spa thing and just guys pay five bucks to fuck women.

Yeah, I guess that's in a bathroom. That seems kind of sinister. I don't know. What do you mean? The girls are going to cut? The girls get $2.50? Yeah, but they also get that sex. Sex is awesome.

They're going to say, yeah. I don't know. I don't know about that. You don't think we'll get any girls? I don't think we'll get any girls. I think if it was men, I think you could get gay men to do this. Why they got to be gay? Okay, woke

I'm trying to walk I'm trying to walkify it Yeah, okay Okay, wait Okay, yes, I was trying to wokeify it Let's think about this even better Okay, so a spa Where gay guys

pay to watch straight guys And the straight guys Are, yeah, but if you're a straight guy going to that, there's like, you're like a little bit you're a little bit you're maybe like a one on the Kinsey scale or so I'm sure or two

if you're like Is that gay or straight? I think that's like Which side is which? He thinks. Well which side is which though I'm asking Patrick Kinsey by the way What if we invented a machine

that turned straight guys and the gay guys? I think it what is it is zero And then the negative is completely straight scale Should be Caleb to Patrick And Cameron kind of right there in the middle. Sure. Yeah. I think that's a pretty good idea. Yeah. And why does this guy you zoom out and we're all up. We're all really far. It's like a tiny.

Yeah. It's a subset. It's like you zoom it out. That's from four to five. This is called the Cameron Patrick scale. And it's a subset of the kids. It's 9.7. 9.8. More specific than the Kinsey scale is the way to do it. It's like the brackets on or the that lines on a ruler. It's somehow a triangle overlaid over the line of the Kinsey's get like they're somehow out in three different directions from the same like

end point. It's different subclasses. It's the thief fighter and mage. That's funny. This wig is itchy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I keep moving my. I don't want to take it off.

It would ruin the outfit. You think it'll ruin your fit. I don't think it'll ruin your fit if you took it off. I did say this before. You do look like a. a magic school bus character right now. The one with the mustache, the one who's

sneaking onto the bus to hang out with the kids. You do look like the cartoon. Hey, Ms. Frizzle is me. Carlos. I don't know if you remember me. In puberty last night, so don't think anything of weird. Where are we going today? We're going to the public pool.

Oh, I've got to do. Let's all shrink down and go inside my body. Oh, my God, I'm feeling a little sick today. I think about it. I guess I can't go. It's really, you can't go. All these kids should just. just go in and that's that there's bus of yours. And you can stay here and you can watch. And also... So make sure the

kids, nothing bad happens. You can make sure that. I, Billy Madison, if he was on that Magic School bus, I mean, God only knows what that would have been. He'd be peeing his pants all over the bus. He'd be going, shit up! He'd be saying, shut up.

How about this? How about a movie theater? You know, everybody hates these jacking off-style movie theaters that Peewee Herman got cut in. Why did he get in trouble for that? Because that was a, that's got to be a, it was a porno theater. Yeah, but you're still not supposed to be doing that. Yeah. It's like, it's a gray area. People always say that.

I mean, it's like, it's still illegal. You can't be like, yeah, it's still. Oh, it's a playground. Who cares? That's different. That's a false equivalency. No, it's the same exact thing. No. You think mommy's and daddies? You think mommy's and daddies were in the movie theater? Because when I got that story explained, to me as a child by my uncle Kevin, he said that he was

jacking off in a movie theater. He did not tell me he was jacking off in an adult movie theater when they were showing pornos. He's not going to tell you about porno theaters. Almost every movie theater. He was saying what jacking off was though. But he doesn't want you to know about it. It's like how you're allowed to say like to your nephew you can say like you know it's possible

to make napalm with home ingredients but you can't list the ingredients. I guess I can see the logic. On Breaking Bad you can kind of go through all the steps of cooking meth, but you have to change one crucial step. And it's got to be candy. One crucial step that means that when you try to make it at home, it kills you. Yeah. That's what they should have done. I'm breaking bad. They should have done like a recipe for meth. But if you follow it, you die. It makes poison gas and kills you. I think. Or it doesn't make meth. It makes like a

fucking like, it just makes a slime or elephant toothpaste or something. Elephant toothpaste. That would have been funny if they made elephant toothpaste. Oh, I thought you just said that. We got to show him That's the thing. If I was on Breaking Bad, I would have been like and here we go cooking the meth. Here comes baking soda and flour. Flour. And it's time for our secret chocolate. Our secret ingredient, blue food color. It's how we make the blue math. And nobody else knows how to make it,

Jesse. That's what it. They can't believe it. They can't believe it's blue. Why don't they just put blue food coloring in it, man? That's what the competitors were doing. I think the competitors do do that. Plot hole. No, plot hole. I think they make that in the show. Here's another plot hole.

Better call Saul. This show takes place afterwards, but all the characters are younger. Huh. I think it takes place before. And a lot of characters who died are still alive. That makes no sense. I think it takes place before.

No, it takes place after. Came out after. Yeah. Came out after, but it takes place well before. Oh, they had a time machine?

Yeah, they did. Walter was so smart. Camera. Walter is not. Walter is a genius. He's not Rick. He's not.

He is Rick Sanchez, basically. He's the Rick Sanchez of his universe. Okay. I have to. I'm touching my pain. Almost like a tick. You're touching your pain? Guys, last night. He said he's touching his pain. I didn't say I'm touching my pain. I'm touching my pain.

Last night. Almost like a tick. Almost like it's a tick. If you guys remember, it's the size of a tick. Last week. Take that rubber band off your pain. We're going to cut the rubber band off your pain and like fight. club.

I'm glad you guys are having a lot of fun with this man. You know, I'm not even going to go. No, show, no, no, no. You guys want to say, just nonsense. Show us your pain. Everybody wants to see your pain. Listen to everyone, they're fucking excited as shit right now. Listen, even the, even the bugs are excited to see her painting.

Last night, stayed up late. I poured myself a glass of non-alcoholic cooking wine because I'm not really drinking right now. cooking wine yeah some cooking wine that's got salt in it yeah it was it tasted not that good but i needed it in a glass would you drink marcella it was marcella cooking wine i did that in high school and it's really not good well it was non-alcoholic as well and it just tasted like grape juice basically you but listen y'all i stayed up put on a little luther never too much never too much and i just started painting away yeah Luther the tv show Luther van dros no not luther van trot

But there's a TV show. You know, what's Luther? Luther. With Idriselba? Yeah, you never seen Luther with a... No, no, no, no.

I was thinking... That's what I throw on... There's one Luther. Whenever I'm painting and I was throwing... Throw on some Luther and start painting, man. I didn't know that. Had Wifie pull out the watercolors? Because last time was a digital painting, guys.

Yeah. Now I'm going for real. First of all, this is my warm-up painting just to get me all ready. Okay, let's hear a description. An artist statement. Guys, I don't even know what to call this.

This came to me in a dream that I had two nights ago. I have no idea. It's some kind of purple, kind of weirdly tired fruit almost. I'm saying, member. Wow. Yeah. And as you can see on the back, I started a little more ambitiously with a bunch of them. And I gave up and I just did one.

We'll call it a member berry, y'all. Wow. You came up with that? Yeah, I came up with this. Wow, that's amazing. my original thing. It looks great. And he basically would say, uh, member fourth meal, that kind of thing. Uh, anyway. I love the sound of your paintings. Yeah. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Guys, and here it is here. Oh my God. I'm my painting of. Wow. There is Mars. Oh, my God.

Wait, what is this right here? Mars. Well, that's little black. There's stars and stuff. What are you saying black dot? Oh my God Wait, you are so fucking right There is a little black dot on here That looks like a person That looks like a stick figure Let's take out our magnifying glass

And get a little bit of a closer look How's that sound? Yeah, I need to see. Who's that? Who's that? Oh wait, that's me That's me on the surface of Mars painting my member berries photo

On the surface. There I am, guys. Oh my God. God. This is an incredible painting. This is very, oh my God, you have a full head of hair and I like your cockpriced, man. Hold on. Okay. Sorry. I just like to point out. Patrick, Patrick says you have a full head of hair. I'm also on Mars, man. Who cares if I have a head of hair? What's that on the corner? That's my, that's like my artist name is Michael. It's my middle name. I thought you're all signed. I thought your middle, I thought your artist name was DJ something.

You're holding a knitting needle? I'm holding a knitting needle. I'm holding a, paintbrush. I change it. They're all called my they all have Michael on the bottom. Okay. Okay. But yeah, I spent up to a couple hours to do this. Looks great. Yeah, it looks good. We're going to have to put these up. I got those gray sweatpants on you see that. Yeah, I can see you your cock print is. You're wearing a Nike fly tech. It's obviously got me salivating a little bit. Yeah, I got the Nike tech on.

I should have put the Nike tech on my. Oh, you should have put the Nike tech on that ice spice would have hit you up after you guys. Do you guys think I'm a good drawer? I literally want to run my fingers through that matted curly hair and lift you up by your pub hair. Really? I don't know what it is. man. Jesus crazy. Something about this

drawing got me that's completely feeling a certain type of way. That's sexual as hell but something about the redness of the planet.

I don't know. Yeah. Had to get a closer look at this who's this hunk down there on the anyway, these are going to be

for sale. I literally want to make you shoot a hunk of sperm a hushy chunk of red honestly we're in the hot shower together and you shot so much

jizz and it congealed into a brick. I've been thinking about my freezer and put a popsicle stick in. Ew. Well, actually

it's hot. I've been thinking about fucking you guys again. Yeah. Yeah, that's been coming back into my mind. Because of Mars? Because Mars is the I almost did by bringing each other together with these planets. I think I was thinking that I was going to have it zoom in and it was going to be Patrick kind of like doing me. But I didn't want it to be disrespectful to him and I knew it was going to go on YouTube. But Patrick, I do straight up want you to do me, man. I just got to say that. It's kind of put that out here.

I want you to do me badly. Day two of week two, I think we might see a doing. painting. I mean, on Patreon, you know, oh, here's what I'll do from now on. The YouTube ones will be stuff like this. The Patreon ones are going to be NSFW. That's right. That's right. Planet X rated, if you know what I'm talking about.

So maybe next time I'll just do Patrick just with his thing out. You better, you better not overdo it. You know, if you're putting my thing, if you're drawing a painting of me of my thing out, you better not use your imagination, okay? I want it to be biblically accurate. You should do a dry rubbing of his penis like when you find a leaf in the forest or like the Vietnam Memorial.

Oh yeah. What? Oh yeah, I know you're talking about. When you see a name you think is funny so you rub on it. So you rub the name. So you take your fingers and you rub it really fast. Because it's named like Michael Riblet or something. When you see a name that you don't like

so you try to scratch it and rub it out with your fingers. Try to scratch it out of the memorial. Yeah, you put a piece of paper over it and then you put charcoal down. Yeah. God, I'm sorry, I'm just lost in my beautiful... It's a good painting. I'm going to hang this one.

Yeah? Yeah, this is... Do we have thumbtacks? No. I'm going to hang it up over this. Okay. All right. He's taking down...

It's a painting of Cyradil. Now, can you... Do you want to keep this. I've had this since... I've had this for a while. He's now hanging up his painting. So, do you guys think we're going to reach Mars in our spaceship? I think that we will...

And how long? I don't know. Has there already been a mission to Mars? No, man. You weren't... Mars, mankind hasn't reached surface. As in reached it. Well, I mean, is there a mission that, like, they launched a jet right now?

I'm sorry, a spaceship. What? Have they launched a spaceship now and they're going to get there in a couple of years? No. Because of the space travel? No, they have not even... I mean, they've put rovers on Mars. They had Curiosity rover.

Elon wants to do it, but Elon also wants to build, like, a... like a bunch of fucking trains or something. Elon wants to turn Twitter into a bank. I'm sorry, X into a world bank. I think that Elon might be able to get some, might be able to get the first man on Mars if he stayed off the dope. Let's just look this up.

Stop going on Rogan. Elon, stop going on Rogan. Stop smoking weed. You have no time to enjoy yourself. Rogan is a bad influence on you, Elon. Stop trying to enjoy yourself. You need to commit your life to sciences. It's fucked up.

List of Missings to Miserings tomorrow. successful missions. There have been a bunch of successful missions, but no human kind. They put a bunch of rovers in crap. Wait, who's in route? What? Psychi. Well, there's no.

Oh, psych. That's not a person. Oh, yeah, they're saying psych. It's not actually there. It's just a flyby, a gravity assist. Okay. Oh, whatever. Yeah, it's kind of, I kind of hope that we'll be able to be the first man on Mars.

Yeah. I don't want to go to Mars, man. I want to visit Mars. It has an odd atmosphere, and it would be hard to live. live there. But I feel like we would befriend the Martians. Yeah. Or if, and then if we failed to befriend them, I feel like we could probably eradicate them with the common cold or the norovirus. Are those the same thing? Well, they'd probably give us some crazy Martian disease first. No, we would use hand sanitizing. Norovirus is a stomach. Yeah. We would give one

of those. Oh, the rhinovirus is the rhino virus is the quote. Rino means, y'all. I've been getting into learning the meanings of words. Me too, actually. You did, what was it two weeks? Etymology. I'm so into etymology. Well, because the thing is Latin is always always what I'm Or Marginosophelian, sorry. You knew immediately what it meant. You know what it makes me think of, I think the reason that I want to know all the words, the reason I want to know all the names of the words, or the reason I want to know, well, anyway, you know what I'm saying.

No. It's because of the names of dinosaurs. Oh. Because it's all, they all have name, like, their names all mean big wings or spiky wings. What would your dinosaur name be? Probably. Maximo Pinnusius Maximo penusius

Yeah What the hell is peanuts What's the Latin root? It means peanut Big peanut Because of his hard shell He would be a dinosaur With a hard shell

I would be like an anchylosaurus I would have armor No I'm saying if they found your bones Yeah And they were like This dinosaur Nobody would guess based on your skeleton that you had a peanut

When I die I will have a shell Maybe a peanut allergy By the time I die I will have a shell around my body. Yeah. I don't think so. I know him. I know him pretty well. He will. I'm going, I'm going, I'm been working on getting a genetically surgification. Something has been wrong with me. You're so focused on words that you're trying to create new

words. I can't, I keep saying things that don't make any sense. You're becoming a word smith. I think I keep having some type of mini stroke that lasts for weeks that keeps coming and going. I already told you guys about how I couldn't remember out of time of shoes. Yes. You told you said, I feel like that happens to you a lot though. That does. No, that. I don't know it fully happened to me where I think I definitely had a mini stroke, which I think is caused by probably energy drinks. And nitrites from all the bacon that I eat. I remember,

I'm putting bacon on everything. I was thinking about nitrites because we were talking about them. And I remember my grandpa telling me when I was little before I knew really what, you know, nitrites are a heart attack or anything like that really meant. Yeah. He was like, my doctor said that I have to cut down on eating bacon, but I'd rather die. than not eat bacon. And I was like,

what are you talking about? What does that mean? What the fuck are you saying? You'd rather die than not even. It does not understanding what the link between those two things could be. It's a crazy thing to say to it. Also,

everyone always says that about, he wants to die. He's going to eat bacon until he dies. People always say that, but then you start fucking dying. Yeah. It's not worth it. No,

dying is horrible. You like salt? Yeah, what? Okay, salt is good, though. But you can't switch to, You can't switch to, like, turkey bacon or something. You'd rather die?

Have you seen this stuff new salt? It's like sodium bromide or some shit. The fuck are you talking about? It's science, man. I saw a thing called NU Sals. Mars is making you warlike. Yeah. It's making you pretty much.

Combative and warlike. It's not salt too. That's a movie with Angelina Jolie. Oh, shit. It's called NU salt. Oh, new, like new metal. Like, yeah. Salt too.

I don't think that this is happening on the wrong. You're obsessed with salt right now. N-U salt. N-U. New salt, you suck. You're the word. This is... N-U.

Say your favorite fact about Mars right now. I bet he doesn't even have one. I bet you don't have a single one. Oh, there is. Yeah, I saw this at the store the other day. Substitute. You can't even speak. It just has no sodium or something?

I think it is, yeah. Sodium-free salt subset. Potassium chloride instead of sodium chloride. Salt is good for you, man. You have to have salt to live. Salt is a basic building block of life. Did they have salt on Mars? They have salt on Mars.

They have water. They definitely have salt on Mars. I feel like they have to have salt on Mars. At the very least, they have rocks. They have lettuce on Mars. No. No, man. No. They have radishes and Ruta Begas, though.

Okay. Beats. Did you ever see that movie? That's the, oh, my God, the contributing factor to the redness of the planet. It's all beats. Oh, my God. That's incredible. It's because God ate a bunch of beats and then he shat Mars out.

That's not how he made the planets. That's how he made Mars. Specifically Mars. Because Mars is a war like creature. I didn't know. Something I learned when I was doing my planet report research, I had no idea Mars was so small. I thought it was the same size as Earth. I thought it was the second smallest.

What the hell? If you don't count Pluto. What's smaller than? Mercury. Yeah, Mercury is the smallest. Pluto is the smallest planet. They kicked it out. They kicked it out.

It's too small. There's a dwarf planet. Lear. Yep. Sorry, man. No, no, no. I keep. All right, you know what?

I know it will bring us back on track. Yeah. Oh, I know it will. So you want to introduce this? You guys, we promised it on the premium episode. We promised that there would be a collab, a collaboration track. Combination. This is a collaboration track between OJ the Alien and Dr. Dazzle.

And before you play it, I just want to say, I haven't heard this yet. I don't know what it's about. But what I did hear, apparently there were some people like picketing the recording studio when Dr. Dazzle was recording his verse and apparently something made them really mad. What the hell's wrong with Dr. Dazzle? Everybody likes him. But apparently he did something really wrong during this song. So it must be something about, he must have said something about Mars.

I don't know what it was. It's got to be about Mars. The song is called Wise Guys on Mars. Oh, he probably just talked about crime. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. He's usually so positive. Let's hear it. Roll it.

Play that boom before. In space and prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a galaxy. Oh, wait, started over. And then we had an alien. In space prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a galactic pasta course, and then we had an alien meat. Pauly did the prep work.

He was doing a year for space contempt. He had this wonderful system for doing the space garlet. He used to light savor. And he used to slice it so thin that he used to lick to fry in the pan with just a little grieboil. It's very good system. Once upon a time on a planet so far, me and Dr. Dasso were just hitting this bar. This alien chick, she pulled up in a floor. She says, hey, wise guys, come on, let's go to Mars.

So we did, we hopped in her flar. That's an alien bottle. It's a flying kind of car. It doesn't run a gas and runs a rock's called gars. A garr is a fuel that goes in a flar. So we fill up to the mobile to get some guards. When Alpop's a guy who has guns for arms, so we shot his ass, and we hit him with a flar. And once again, a car is not a flar.

Wise guys. Whoa. We're on Mars We have flying cars Now me and OJ own this Mars operation Underneath the nose of the Galactic Federation Running packets at the robot casino Wearing sunglasses like Robert De Nino

Space Getty and Mars falls with gravy Damn I love at moon V by Martians Corsese Green Street stays on the rotation daily A planet's rotation is how long it's baby Mars years are longer, almost twofold So if I was on Mars, I'd be 12 years old Smoking Mars, Pearl Golds, and sipping on the moonshine Fucking on adult women in the boot tying

Every time the moon is up, I'm in the motel The women have to book the rooms Because I'm 12, we do it all night I know all the styles, I'm a sexual machine That turns women into pedophiles Thick small, though I know how to use it Turn down the gravity and throw on some music Give her my peen and make her scream

Even though she's 28 and I'm not even a teen Do it on the couch, PG movie on the boat, Cushions get so wet that it feels like tofu Hit it from orbit till the atmosphere smells Oh my fucking god, man As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a wise guy on Mars OJ the Alien

Dr. Dazzle Wow That is a I mean that's a masterpiece man I'm going to be honest That was that blew my fucking mind I don't know why What the fuck

People were mad at Dr. Dazzle's first I think maybe What? Because he said Oh I'm told me here's all. Nobody, who gets mad? That's victim blaming. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think the thing that people were maybe mad at was that he's

so he'd be 24 on Earth. Right. So then the women are 48, so they are 57? No. No? 60. 56. Yeah. Well, you have to hope, yeah, I guess that the, he's talking about the Mars age of the women. So he'd be, so people are upset that it's the Mars

age, which there's also already an age gap. But then I think maybe they were upset about the age gap. Yeah, I think it was an age gap thing. I think it was like a Leonardo DiCaprio style. These 56-year-old women are having sex with an innocent 24-year-old. But why would they picket the recording studio of Dr. I guess they just thought, I mean, there was something unsavory, I guess they thought about. They thought maybe the content was not typical for his usual.

Are these SJW types that are picketing this? Because if so, we can basically ignore everything they're saying. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it's SJW's. It's just people getting basically triggered. But space jumping. Because they don't believe in space. Space jumping warlocks, man.

Space jumping warlocks. Yeah. Which is a scary thing that you have to dodge in your alien astronaut. When you do alien type of songs. I guess I do kind of wish that Dr. Dazzle maybe talked a little bit more about the wise guy stuff.

He seems like it kind of went off topic. But there's another verse. I guess that is true. I mean, it didn't have that much to do with being a wise guy except for the hook brings it back. Yeah, we have Tommy guns. Yeah. Right, yeah.

But there is another verse that wasn't recorded that's mostly about Flaars. And what a Flaar is? What a Flaar is and basically the history of the Flaar. Can you give us a couple of the Mars bars about that? It was like. About the Flares? Let me tell you something about these things called Flaars. Back in 23, they replaced all cars.

Okay. Continue. And also they discovered these things called Gars. They were rocks and they go into Flaars. Okay. So it was basically the exact. exact same as the other verse. But then it goes into the history.

I think maybe that OJ, the alien only got a little bit. The Flars Wars. The Flars Wars and then all that stuff. But then there was these space jumping warlocks outside the studio that were protesting and picketing. And he said, fuck it. This needs to

go out right now. Yeah, yeah. We need to show this song. This song was originally going to be four minutes long and they were like nope, we need to, it needs to be. Yeah, drop it now. This is the single, cut it. I'm curious how does OJ the alien, how did OJ the alien get linked up with Dr. Dazzel?

It seems like they're in completely different world. Interplanetary communication. Yeah. Well, Dr. Dazel was big into ham radio. I'm not asking about how they talk to each other. Like if I said,

how did Doja Cat and Pink Canter? Or in. Chat rooms. How did, yeah, you don't say, oh, they talked on the phone.

If I say how these two people meet. Well, that's probably how they did. That probably is how they linked up, man. But who, it's not like they, what do you think they just teleported into each other's rooms?

I'm just wondering. They probably had to make plans. Why did they, who reached out to who? Why did they collaborate? I think I heard that OJ, the alien, asked Dr. Dazzle to hop on. Yeah. I think that's what it was. So OJ watched our American Idol episode.

Yeah, I think what OJ probably was thinking is like, oh, Dr. Dazzle famously dresses in all green. That's one of the main fact that everybody knows about Dr. Tazel. He wears that one jacket. Yeah, the green jacket. Yeah. So he probably was like, this guy even looks like an alien a little bit. but if this jacket was his skin.

He probably thought he was an alien. And it's probably also a thrilling contrast to the red color of Mars. Yeah. Same with O.J. the alien, who was a green alien. Yeah. And he was probably even thinking, us green guys can make a song about red Mars

because if it's, listen, if it's about wise guys, and it's in the 1920s, there's a chance it's going to be black and white, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's no difference. Yeah, see, it's kind of combining the two, it's combining the, something that, like, they used to do in hip hop a lot

where they would put, they would put like samples from like mob movies, gangster movies, stuff like that. Like they put Scarface stuff in music and then they would have like a string section kind of Scott Storch style. Yeah, the sample from Moonfellas was really sick. Yeah, the sample from Moonfellas is very good. So then it's combining that with the new space age style rap that OJ the alien does. So it's basically what this song is is it's bringing the past and the future together.

Right. And that's, that's the ethos behind wise guys old on Mars. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. Which is a thing that everybody wanted. Yeah. Everybody wanted to see wise guys on the planet Mars.

I mean, man, it's one of the things. Cowboys versus aliens. Yep. Aliens versus predators. Yep. We haven't seen a combination of on Mars. Mafia and aliens that much. There was one combination of, uh, maybe like, uh, mafia, not mafia, but yeah, I guess the mafia is in it is

a little movie called Pluto Nash, which may have been the inspiration for why it's guys on Mars. It was an Eddie Murphy movie from 2003 where he goes to a space casino and I think he has to deal with the space mob. Oh shit. Like Robert DeNino?

Robert DeNino. But Louis Guzman is in it as well. Louis Guzman. He's a alien? And I'm pretty sure Joe Piscopo is in it. I don't remember if I know this movie that well. Luis Guzman is always typecast as an alien or on motion. is always an alien movies or himself and community can you can you look up uh the pluto the adventures

of pluto nash i'd need to remember some stuff about that's a good name for a guy who spends much of his time in space yeah yeah Pluto mesh oh 2002 that's like me being called new york oh joe pantiliano not joseopo joey piscopo joey pince joey pince is fire and joe and peter or yeah Miguel A. Nunez Jr., this had a pretty stacked cast for 2002. Oh yeah, Rosario Dawson.

Ileena Douglas from dating Martin Scorsese. And Doug? Doug Spinoza plays Doug. Yeah. There's all types of people in this movie, man. Yeah.

All different types of Martian types. Like Olga Golova Nova. Olga Golova Nova. And Vladimir Vickroff. Yeah. Olga Golova Nova was in Pluto now. Oh, good Golova, no.

This might have been a real Martian that they cast. Oh, she was in Turbo Zavri Zimni. Oh, yeah. And Kouverach Jerez. Yeah. And TurboZorz and Mr. Pranka. I know Mr. Pranka. What the fuck is Mr. Pranka?

I know Mr. Prank. And they have a really bad bunch of movies in Russia, I think, man. That's why they are so they're lashing out and making fake McDonald's and shit. Because they didn't grow up with the movies we grew up with, man. Well, they have Mr. Fucked-up movies. We got Mr. Deeds. They got Mr. Pranka.

Every Russian movie is about like a piece of rice that runs away or something. It's not ever happy. They let art get into their movies a little too much. Yeah, they kind of dodged commercialism a little too much. Yeah, like Pluto Nash has like a million different types of like Las Vegas puns and stuff. But you see, like you ever, you see, and I don't know if you guys have probably seen all these old Russian, the Soviet cartoons that people always post the Soviet animations. And it's always about a wiggling. man running away from his wiggling

doctor. Yeah. And it's all basically that. Everything is always about going to the doctor with these Russia. How many times you go to the fucking doctor if you live in Russia, man? We literally already have a wiggling show in the U.S. It's called home movies and there's no doctors in it at all. It's about the kids.

There was one wiggling doctor. Oh, yeah. Come on. Dr. Katz. Yeah. Well, but they don't even have therapy but he's a therapist. That's not a real doctor. And by the way, in Russia, they only have doctors. They don't have special No, there's no, the doctor is the therapist, technically. Yeah.

But you walk in and you say, I'm, I need, I'm ADHD and also I need to have my leg sawed off. And he does both. I need to have my leg sod off because I keep getting distracted by the boil and my foot. You go in Russia, if you go to the doctor and you tell them you're depressed, they'll prescribe you one pill. And guess what? It's a lead pill and it's fired out of a gun at your fucking head. Holy shit, wait. If you dare to break conformity by having anxiety over there, they will little early put you and buried in the ice.

And here's what I fucking hate about all these kids walking around in the United States saying, yeah, man, I want to be a communist and I want to walk around with my hammer and sickle and a book or whatever. Like, dude, look at Russia. Look what's going on in communist Russia.

What did they do on? Russia used to look like Miami. Russia, in the 1960s and then they got communism. And now they got communism. Everybody's got a weird. Now it's like the damn thing, bro. It's insane. I heard that in Soviet, Russia.

Soviet Russia. I heard that in communist Russia. Which it already still is. Which it already still is. I heard that the TV watches you. That's horrifying. I fucking hate communism. I know.

I'm supposed to be watching the TV. Uh-huh. I'm supposed to be. Now I have to do interesting stuff all days. Yeah. Now I've been in my whole life entertaining my TV. What the hell kind of backwards bullshit is this, man? It is backwards as fuck.

Isn't it? It is kind of reverse. I heard the cars drive you as well. Yeah. The cars drive you. And one of the most horrifying things I heard than in Soviet Russia actually I could defeat

Chuck Norris Oh buddy let me stop you there Not even in Soviet Russia Do you have a chance Why do you look at me like that I'd say fat chance Fat chance

Fat Cameron That's so rude Hey Fat Cameron I know when the subtext is there When you say fat chance Well it's you versus Fast Norris Fat Cameron versus Fast Norris Fast Norris

So you don't stand a chance Yeah Oh man It's so fucked up over the You could have said that my chances were skinny or narrow or something like that. I don't say fat chance. Fat-ass fucking obesity chance. I-B-M-I chance.

Fat-fatty. And plus a chance. Wait, that's a snore. That's not an oink. Me and Julio were on a quiz website. We took a quiz questionnaire to get signed up for a whiz that's white. A machine that fixes erectile dysfunction by using sonic waves. I want to get in that.

We, it asked you for your height and weight, and the default weight was 300 pounds in the default. And the default height was one foot six. That'd be, uh, that's literally the default. They said it, they, you click on the next page and it auto fills in one foot six inches. Oh, I had a great hypothetical that I discussed with a lot of my friends the other day. Yeah. Would you rather be like a five out of ten or four out of ten face, but you're, you're six foot five or would you rather be a 10 out of 10 but you're three and a half feet tall

hmm that is a good hypothetical your three your face is three and a half feet no no no fuck you you're you're you said in the face in the face yeah a 10 in the face if i had a three and a half face you guys are okay so this is a new hypothetical would you rather have a six foot tall face or a three and a half foot tall probably a three and a half but what if the rest of your body is 100 feet tall. So then the six foot... And it probably wouldn't matter very much what I pick

either way. Well, it actually kind of would, man. It's double the size. Almost. Well, it's always double the size no matter what size your body is. Yeah. What?

No, I'm crazy. It's half of six, man. That's what I mean, but it'd be a little bit better than having three if you had a hundred foot tall body. I feel like if I was at a hundred feet tall, I'm not going to,

the three feet is not going to bother me much either way. The six, if I was in a in a 100 foot body. You got other problems going on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'd be concerned that like that's like, man, that's like being the kind of guy who walks around and says I'm six foot one and a half or something. You know, I'd be very, very concerned.

My head's actually six foot and a half feet instead of three. I know it. Because if I'm 100 feet tall, I go pee somewhere. That's a, that's a tsunami. No, you have a, you have your current penis. Oh, then, yeah, then I have a really big problem. I have a really big proportionate problem. But you have a hundred, the bladder of 100 and your earre of 100 foot. Oh. You want your current.

size penis because there's no hundred foot one yeah exactly well there might be who knows that might be part of the hypothetical that i come up with later you're most likely probably going to have to end up fucking a normal sized woman or an elephant you're not going to want a big giant you know 10 foot long penis or a whale from the because i'm not having if i'm 100 feet tall i'm not having sex for pleasure i'm sure it would hurt you're not having sex for pleasure why would it hurt your sex drive would be gone no my sex driver would be completely gone i'm not seeing it you know i would not have a libido at all that's true because you're not having a libido at all that's true because Yeah, because everybody's an aunt to you.

You're not looking at ants like, oh, I want to fuck that ant. I have a question. Would your phone be big? Your phone? Yeah, you get to keep your phone a comfortable size. Then I look at sex or wool picks on my phone. Well, you can't masturbate because your penis is human size. You're just like, oh, I'm not even human anymore, is what you're saying. You're, you're... No, it's

kind of a human. It's Konda hard giant. You're big. Condahar giant is like 10, 12 feet tall. You're literally 100 feet tall with a three foot head. is the hypothetical that I was talking to my friends about. So, yeah, I guess... Well, now it is. It was a completely different question.

It was a different question, completely. But would you be... Okay, here's the new hypothetical. Would you be 100 foot tall with a three-foot head? No. If you had to? Oh. If I had to, no.

Yeah, I would if I had the choice. If there's no other option, yeah. If there's no other option, I would be. Yeah. I guess I would. I wouldn't. Oh, all right. It's my kind of thing.

Yeah, oh, that's all right. But do you think that that guy would have more fun on Mars? No. You guys ever heard about the face on Mars? Speaking about... Yes, I have. What's the face on Mars? They have a giant face on Mars.

Let me see this. Pull up the face of Mars. There's an ongoing scientific theory that Mars is ahead. I heard that science... Not actually a planet at all. It's a floating head. Can I run a late night joke by you guys? Yeah.

I'm putting in my packet. Whoa! So apparently Elon Musk is putting together a Mars expedition. Yeah, he wants to yassify the face on Mars. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow, yeah, that's... You think that could be funny on a TV show?

I think that general audiences would understand that. He wants to yassify the face on Mars. Whoa. Okay, that looks like a bear. And Elon Musk would say, yeah, we're going to look at petto bear on the face of Mars. Because that's what that actually does look like. And he wants to yassify peto bear, because that actually kind of does look like peto bear, man. Petto bear would have a better time with who is yassified.

I never understood what makes this bear. or such a pedo. He has, he's a probably his actions. Yeah. It's, oh God,

mostly his molestations. But he's a tune, man. He is a, he is a, a pedophile tune. He's a simple tune. We,

you know what we need? We need a friend who's a meme historian who we can call it any hour of the day and tell us the entire history. Bring it in like pond stars. Yeah.

Hey, take a look at this. He tell me everything about this. That's actually David the gnome. This photo of this ugly woman. David the gnome. That's actually David the gnome. It's a meme that,

It only lasted for a year in 2010. This is very rare. Please show me socially awkward penguin facts. I need to hear socially awkward penguin by the... Don't look up socially. Not you. No, not you. Well, I guess Jubio kind of is a mean story.

We're looking up too much stuff, man. It's too much. Yeah, it needs to be about... We're about Mars. We are exiting Mars's orbit, I will say. We are exiting the orbit of Mars. Well, let's go back into the orbit just for the last little bit. Okay.

Tell me about it, man. Well, I mean, I brought up face on Mars. I'm trying to think of something else. They have ice caps. I mean, it gets very cold. They have ice there. Nice spice.

They're looking for water as well. Red hair. There could be water underground. Ice spice has a Mars shape. You keep rubbing your penis against my leg, man. That's the thing about, okay, so everybody's so obsessed with,

if we find life in this reservoir of water that's on Mars. Yeah. But, dude, I don't give a fuck if a fish is on another planet. It's not even going to be a fish, man. It will be a dot. That's a dot, of course. I don't want a dot.

The biggest fucking thing ever, would be that there's a fish on Mars, right? I don't give a shit about it. I guess that a dot means... Well, it wouldn't look like our fish, and it would be interesting to see. It would be as if you were watching one of those nature documentaries

where they say, can you believe this is an animal? But what if it did look exactly like our fish? What if it just looked like a fucking tuna? I guess that wouldn't be so exciting if they found something that looked exactly the same. If they found a tuna on Mars... I guess, yeah, if you take the... That'd be more exciting.

But if you find a dot, that means that one day it'll evolve. I could believe that we find an octopus on Mars. Yeah, it's probably going to be a seven-legged squid or something. Do you guys believe that Octopi came from another planet? No, no. I do. Okay. I believe that. That's cool, I guess.

And I also believe in Santa Claus. All life came from other planet, I think. That's true. I think that their Big Bangs smashed all the rocks. They said that. They said not that, right? No. They said that. They said that? They said that? No, dude. Who said that?

Steve Jobs. no he didn't man Steve Jobs said that what if somebody who's a completely not a scientist at all but like has just has a very high standing and maybe seems like a smart person like Steve Jobs or someone like that

did like a press conference and made a huge announcement and it's just like they have set weird now announcing that all life comes from another planet is said to they completely wrong we have discovered life on

every planet in the entire universe somebody who you're like you see and you're like well I don't really I guess I don't know why he would right did the sea seems like maybe he would be someone who would know about that I get maybe yeah sure probably a little yeah Carson Daley okay I guess yeah I guess I guess I guess I trust I don't know why I mean I haven't married men you know scientists are like

Steve Jobs is lying who is not gonna believe and then yeah and then Steve Jobs is like the scientists are lying Steve job basically versed science in his last couple moments of life anyway he versed science versus juice yeah and juice science y'all science loki Molly Wopped him. No, uh, because remember he said, I bet if I drink juice every day, I'll fucking die. And they were like,

you have cancer. The juice is one's killing you. And he said, prove it, bitch. Yeah, he started the juice thing before he found out about cancer.

My hypothesis is that juice will give me cancer. I bet you all get cancer and die in one year if all I eat is juice. All I drink is apple juice. They said, okay, man, knock yourself out. What kind of died? He was like,

I told your bitch ass. Has it been released? I bet you guys. And I bet you guys. Has it been. released a full regimen as an iPad. I bet you all an iPad. Now I got an iPad.

I bet you an iPad. I fucking die of cancer from drinking juice in one year. Yeah. Oh, they released his full regimen of what types of juices he was drinking.

He was drinking like green juice, like pineapple. He was drinking a lot of pineapple, I think. But he was trying to make that last load taste good. It's just fucking, just like metal.

Yeah. Not even fruit. Just juice of like... Metal juice. It's just juicing his t-shirts. Yeah. Putting it in like a big spigot. I've tried all the fruits.

One of the fruits are working. I'm over the fruits. I've tried the veggies. I have to try the fruit or the loom. My underwear. I'm going to drink my underwear. The juice of my underwear. I've tried the meats.

I've tried the fishes. What else is there? Fish juice. He didn't even eat meat, man. He drank clam juice. Well, you think you, meat would have saved him. He combined.

He made it. He would have fully saved him, man. It actually would. of, I think. I think that meat saves... Yeah. What do you think do you think he held strong

to the last day? Do you think maybe on... His soul was completely leaving his body and getting uploaded to the cloud a little computer joke. And he was like, fuck,

shit. It wasn't, it was meat. It was meat all along, man. The veggies gave me cancer. It could have been. It was the pesticides, man. It was.

The GMO beef could have saved me. He had this juice cocktail that he was doing, though. He did actually like, It was like a lot of like different supplements. Like he had like tomato juice and a clam juice and vodka and celery and a whole chicken. He was just drinking bloody marries until he died.

One of those giant bloody marries with a donut on it. That's why he was trying to cure his cancer. It was a big Caesar with the fucking. He got prescribed hair of the dog, man. Yeah. Hair of the tumor. Hair of the tumor kind of old school. I really wonder what his last thought was before he died.

His last thought was probably... Shit, man, I should have made Windows computers instead. My computers look too clean. An iPod with two screens. Oh, I spent my whole life making... Tell them to take away the headphone port. They need to get rid of the headphones. Lightning.

He just completely... He's dying and he's like, he's... seeing like fucking like like biblical accurate angels and he's like the world is like psychedelic, he's completely delirious. He's like fully nothing is making sense

in his world at all. His brain is firing random electrical pulses and he just says no, head phone to pour it. He's like, okay. He's still the CEO for about one more minutes.

No, we have to do it. I guess we got to do it, man. Tim Cook just standing there. Or Tim Cook standing there. He's like, what? What did you say? Two headphones.

No headphone port? Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, he wants to get rid of the headphone port. I would have loved to chill with him. He saw, he was hallucinating, and he saw a human head having sex with a telephone, and he said, headphone porn. No more. Headphone porn.

Okay, man. All right, Steve. We got to do what you said. We already, like, we already sealed your will, and it's notarized or whatever. We can't change it. But, you know what? We'll force it. just for you. Just for you. We're going to scribble

this in there. Poor Steve Jobs, man. Yeah. Well, whatever. I'll see him in beautiful heaven. You'll see him in Beautiful Heaven, aka Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. Wait. Speaking of Beautiful Heaven, what's more beautiful than Malibu, California? And right next door to that is Los Angeles, California.

And in Los Angeles, there's a venue called The Yard that I will be at next week on Friday, November 17th with my buddy Gus Viveros. Doing 30 minutes to stand up. I wrote about two minutes so far, so this is going to be really fucking amazing show. We're doing two shows. You want some of my jokes? Yeah, give me one of your jokes right now.

Okay. I wrote this new one. Okay. You could go up immediately get on stage, right? Immediately get on stage. That's a good start to a joke. Gus introduces you. You're waving to everybody. You say, yeah, I just flew in here from New York

and boy, is my ass tired? Because I flew in here from all the farts propelling my ass. I farted all the way here. feel like my, if I was generating, if I was generating farts enough to propel me across the country, I would think

my mouth would get tired before my ass from eating all of the propellant. No, but the fart. Okay, wait, I just, I just thought of a joke you could do it, you could try this over your head. It'd be like, this is maybe like observational style comedy. Okay. You'd be like, why, why do they call

the, why do they call them butt cheeks? Is it because my butt is like a mouth? I would say, immediately and you say you guys. Or like go up first go up immediately. Get up on stage

immediately. No intro. Just get up immediately and say we're going to start in five minutes. Why are they call my

why do they call them butt cheeks? Is it because I'm there's a smile between them? Yep. And then you mind putting your face in

between someone's but you guys know me. I'm dirty Jessanic style. I'd go up and I'd say why they call them butt cheeks

I store a year's worth a nut in them like a fucking chipmunk go up you'd say why they call butt cheeks because my butt because my butt has

a Hitler mustache I say, no, it doesn't, but then I pull me it out of my pants and it does. Or you could, if you want to get really nasty, I mean, you could just say, you could be like, why are they call these cheeks? It's because they look like butt cheeks. It's because of all the shit that I eat. So what, my mouth is like an asshole? It's called cheeks because all the shit that comes out of my mouth.

Okay, yeah, this is, see, we're getting somewhere. Anyway, if you want to see stuff like that. He's going to workshop this with you on stage. I got probably 400 abortion jokes I'm doing. So come on through, man. Subscribe to the Patreon if you would like to get access to the next. part of the five weeks of planets will be Jupiter, a premium episode for Jupiter

coming up right this week on day two of the planetary week. And I want to thank the beautiful city of Chicago. And if you are the best city I've ever done a show in. What day is the shareholder meeting, Julio? What day did you say for us to do that? I don't

remember. I think the 15th. Give me a sec. Not the 15th. It was definitely not the 15th. No, it's the 21st, we said. It was the 21st, 21st, 15th, I'm on a show. So go ahead and subscribe to the Patreon at the executive producer tier if you want to see the shareholder meetings, which are a fun little thing we do, where we have a, we do some presentations and some Q&A. It is basically a monthly Zoom show that we do for you. And make sure to join the Discord if you subscribe to that tier to be able to get access.

And this is my phone. That's my phone. And my red is almost done, y'all. Hello. Hey, Mom. it's me, Patrick. Get off the phone with my fucking mom. No, it's me, Patrick. Get on me a pick. Whatever. Whatever, man. All right. Happy planets. Happy planets.

If you couldn't tell, we're dressed up like Venus today. Although we had some amount of disagreement, I guess, over what color Venus is. That's okay. I got both going on. You do have both, but what's his black wig about, man? Well, we'll go down though. You want me to start with my, with my costume? Are you dressed up as Coraline? No I'm dressed up as any

If I walked down on the street right now any person who knows literally who attended at first grade would know I'm dressed It would be Coraline

I think some people would think that you was Coraline No a first grader would look at me and say that's Venus No they wouldn't make A child who was

into science and into movies Who would have seen Movies would be Why did you say movies Of course they'd say Coraline man Well

Coraline if it was Movies Around Halloween time If they saw me in a costume like this They would say That's Coraline

She's very pretty today No, they wouldn't say that. They would say I like Coraline's mustache. Jumping off of pretty here, Venus is actually the name of the goddess, Venus is named after the goddess of beauty and of love.

So I elected to put on a beautiful wig today. To show my beautiful hair. Now you're asking about the yellow raincoat, so let me explain this to you. Venus, the color can be, some people say it's yellow, some people say yellowish white, some people say beige, this raincoat

is yellow. Definitely too yellow for Venus. Some people at this table would say beige. I think two people would say beige. But Venus has it's surrounded by sulfuric clouds. It has a sulfurous atmosphere, which is why it's that color. And in the upper atmosphere, constantly acid rain. Wow.

Wait. So you dressed up like correlators because of rain. So that's the yellow. It's the yellow acid rain. And then I have a yellowish white shirt here. this is kind of closer to the color I feel a little bit like Coralane and then dude chill I'm dressed up as Venus

I don't know why you guys are stuck on this I don't look anything like Coraline you pull up a picture of Coraline it's going to look completely different from what I'm wearing right now Coralane though yeah you said Coralane though that's not

then you said a nonsense word and you're proud of that you're proud of making up a word that's you man that's you man I don't know what you're talking about guys I didn't try to to dress up like this.

Oh, no, wait, no, she has blue hair.