Podcast About List - Ep. 269 - Letters for Santa

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

We happened to stumble upon Santa's sack and found within a handful of letters addressed to him, so, we did what any reasonable Christmas elf would do and read them out. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Yeah, you've dropped your phone at the same, bitch. Yeah. You put this down. Well, you dropped your phone at the same time as the clap again, bitch. There we go. And another clap for Christmas, y'all. Try syncing that, Jubio. Slow clap for Christmas.

That's disrespectful, man. Slow clap is more respectful than fast clap. No, it's not. Slow clap is sarcasm. No, slow clap. Dude. No, slow clap is sarcasm. Slow clap is sarcasm.

No, that's because you guys are irony, poison, grinchis. No, slow clap is like this. Like, well, well, yeah. If you say well done, well done, well done. And it's well, that's an implied, well done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. A slow clap is a slow clap as you do something, you think, oh my God, I fucked up. I took the L.

No. And you hear one guy, you hear one guy near the back. Yeah, but it has to rise. He stands up. If it turns into rupturous applause, then it is not sarcastic. But if it is the only, okay, say this, say, you know, listen. We're standing comedians, right? So imagine you're up there and you say, clap it up if you all like movies.

And one guy. And one guy just like this. You're doing a sarcastic face. I don't know what you're doing. All you're doing. all situations. Obviously, it's not sarcastic when we say, when we say a slow clap for Christmas, it's a respectful, like

God, I can't even believe it. I'm a suit and tied. So tell me this, man. You mentioned the Grinch. If you said, clap it up for Christmas, who in this place likes Christmas? Do you think the Grinch would give a normal clap, bro? He wouldn't do anything. He would definitely. He would

slow clap. He would slow clap. No, he wouldn't. First of all, he would not, first of all, nobody would be able to tell he was slow clapping because he'd say clap for Christmas everybody in the room was going nuts. Also, he couldn't hear his claps anyway because his hands are made of fur. He wouldn't clap. He would boo, dude.

He wouldn't slow clap. What are you talking about? Depends on which grade. You don't know the Grinch at all. Depends on which part of the movie you're at, man. That's true. I guess if he liked Christmas, he might slow clap. So, I made my point.

Yeah, I guess you made your point. What is that drink you're drinking? It smells. It smells a stinking. Perps? Perps? I don't know. The fuck is perps.

Berry, superfruit, or? organic energy, there's no GMO, no preservatives, no gluten. That actually sounds pretty good if they want to give us a Christmas gift. Perps? Perps. Yeah, I guess it's got it. Why does it have a picture of legs on it? It makes you run. Okay. Makes you run fast, I guess. I don't know. Check it out. It's just a new energy thing I'm trying. Oh, it's vegan. Do I see it's keto friendly? Do I seem pipe to fuck up off this perps? I wish I got some. It smells crazy. It smells like shit. I can smell this. Okay, and I'm, I'm recovering from illness, so I can't smell anything. I can smell the can.

There's a little drop. There's a little drop that's about to hit the thing. It's coming out of the can and getting to my nose. Ask me how it tastes. How is it taste? Like shit. So bad. From this earth, perps. Perps unites nature and science to promote your life's health. We don't make

excuses. We do not jeopardize our standards. There we go, man. See, that is some Christmas shit. Yeah. And you know what? I was at the store. Directions. Drink one serving per day. It has directions on the drink. It says directions drink one serving per day, serve cold. Also, at the top, it says servings per container and then no number.

I like that. It just says servings per container, nothing else. Wow. I got it for myself as a little Christmas gift. I honestly, guys, last week, we flopped on the first week at Christmas because we couldn't get it done, right? Because of extenuating circumstances. Sickness. I mean, can I just, can I just say, guys?

I need to come clean right now. I need to tell you guys that this past week I was going through hell. I was being tortured. Yeah. I was being slaughtered alive. Okay. And I was staring the Grim Reaper in the face every second of my life. You looked like?

I grabbed him by the neck. I ripped his damn head off. Oh, shit. And I'd put my fingers up his, well, I didn't do that. Put your fingers up his bones. But guys, I see, it's not sarcastic. or if you think it's sarcastic, maybe you're so rude to me about my suffering, man. I'm trying to tell you is that God tried to strike me down before Christmas.

He tried to show me a reality where Christmas could be ruined by the weakness of the flesh. You got. By the spoilage of the body. But my spirit rose up. And I literally returned to 100,000 percent strength after recording. We're recording much a backup episode, so we're doing them all in a row. But the one we recorded yesterday, where the last episode that came out that was very sick, where I was very sick and my brain was addled.

Yeah. We're 24 hours after that, maybe less. And I'm, I'm operating at 150%. He looks like Christmas. You know what? Friendship has restored me and my soul is thrumming. You look like shit. You sounded like shit.

I couldn't keep it together. You were basically. And now I have nothing but positivity. Even the face of people being strangely weird to me right now. Just clapping. I don't even. You were, I'm talking about that more than the clapping.

What did I say? I said that you, I said, okay, before this, before this, you looked, sounded, and acted like a pile of crap. But look at you now. You were visited by the ghost of sickness present. I became the ghost of Christmas. Wow. I left my body and I got taken on a journey. You got turned into a scrooge by sickness. And then you had a miraculous turnaround. That's incredible. I'd say less of a scrooge, maybe more of a tiny tim. You got turned into tiny tim. Unfortunately, unfortunately. And then you were saved by that's that's one of the morals of a Christmas Carol is that tiny Tim is is supposed to be the character you do you just tiny Tim you're not supposed to ruins ruins Christmas. Yeah, he doesn't really for him at all. No, of course not. Imagine. But what if you what if you went over to your family, your family, you visit your family for Christmas. You get you get there and when you're family was like, oh. Yeah. Great. Now Christmas isn't about Santa. Shut the fuck up bitch. I want to open up my remote control. It's about Aunt Jeanette's leg. Christmas is now about Aunt Jeanette's. Jeanette's leg. Yeah, exactly. Shut the fuck on. If you go to your Christmas in America and you have one cousin who's an eight-year-old

British boy who's sick all the time and has tiny legs, get the fuck out of here. Flick him over. You're ruining Christmas. Fucks me up. Does Tiny Tim get cheered at the end of that movie? No. He just gets a goose. What?

The goose is going to kill him, bro. He gets a goose and he's still going to die? He just gets a boiled goose or whatever. That sucks, dude. He has some kind of, he has polio or something. The only island. Just just goes to. show you the strength of capitalism.

That's what it's all about. That is true as fuck, man. Yeah. And that's what's kind of disgusting to me about this Christmas season. It's about Christmas more than anybody. It's about people wanting stuff. For other people, Christmas is about toys,

and it's about capitalism going to the mall. For me, it's more about snow. And this is a point I wanted to make. It's snow this morning, too. I literally am so excited about Christmas and so ready for this to be the first day of Christmas, and then I walk outside to go get the decorations to decorate this set.

And guys, it started snowing. Thank you. It looks incredible. It looks so festive, right? It looks amazingly festive. And I'm going to put this tree right in front of Patrick.

I put it in front of you. It was in front of you for most of it. You got fucking owned. You see my bow I tied? Doesn't it looks? It looks amazing. Really festive and beautiful. The tree isn't too big,

this is the perfect spot for it. Okay. If you want to have it that close to you? Oh, I look so festive. You look amazingly cute. I'm not going to fucking lie to you. Look at me and Cameron next to the tree. And guys, when I woke up this morning, I stunk.

You stunk bad? I stunk worse than I stunk in my entire life. Did you take a shower? Yeah, I showered. So it's cured. And that's what I'm saying. I've literally been born again. This is an amazing day.

This morning, I was in the shower. All I could think about, you know, your typical shower thoughts, you think what happens after we die, what happens after we eat and inside of our body with the digestive system, this type of thoughts, scientific thoughts. This shower thought, my only thought I could think, hallelujah. That's not a Christmas song, though. Maybe not for you. What on earth?

It's about, yeah, what on heaven on earth? Huh? I'm sorry, I got distracted by the argument. Christmas is about Jesus Christ. Yeah, Christmas is about... Hallelujah is not about... A baby born in a manger in Bethlehem. New chord.

Well, first of all, are you thinking of a different... Hallelujah? Because you were singing it just like Leonard Cohen's. I'm singing that... I'm singing it not because I was... The shower didn't make me think of Christmas. It made me be clean and think hallelujah. Oh, I would have been better if the shower made you think of Christmas.

Why? Because it's festive. I think you just weren't paying attention. But he washed up and I think that I got. I think I got distracted by an ornament. Yeah, the tree's going to come over here so that you can't touch it and be distracted by it anymore. Got distracted by an ornament. That's okay.

We have so many amazing things planned for Christmas. I mean, I feel like that's obvious. You know, you know us. We have 10 or how many episodes was in four weeks? Eight amazing Christmas episodes planned for you. The eight days of Christmas,

the four weeks of Christmas. The set is all decorated. On the four weeks of Christmas. My podcast gave to me one episode, another episodes, three episodes, four episodes,

five episodes, six episodes, seven episodes. And a premium on the Patriot. Wow. On. On. On.

On page. Patreon. There we go. So today we have done a complete. We stole a sack. I guess it'd be a crime, actually, right? We did a crime. We found it. Okay, we found it allegedly. We found a sack of letters. And I think the- The bag said to the North Pole. The bag said directly to the North Pole and had a label on it. We're not going to give the address out to the North Pole. one Santa's lane don't come on man you can't docks that is actually illegal yeah that's not right all right my bad

fucking idiot sorry and you can't say that it's in Santa's Wonderland either dude you fucking idiot

and you can't say that the the what you call the post enough enough 12 25 you're gonna get us in trouble

you're gonna get us in trouble stop it They change it every year to try and hide from people. Yeah, they should. Can you imagine living in the Christmas zip code? So we all have letters here, amazing letters that we're hoping for Santa Claus. And we will, I promise you, you know us, we will eventually get these to the North Pole. Yeah, we'll get them where they're going to be kind of a middleman intermediary.

We're always looking for something to do for Christmas. So listen, if you intercept a sack full of letters for Santa, You like to read them out. Yeah, exactly. And do whatever you want. No, it's fine. I mean, we're just checking them for poison. How about that?

Yeah. Because there might be some, you know, you should taste testes. And maybe some of these Christmas wishes we could even help fulfill. Yeah. Because what are we but Santa's little helpers? Right. Exactly. That's what I was saying.

I'm Santa's Toy Soldier. He can do with me what he wants. I'm Santa's Street Soldier. All right. Who wants to start? Let me see if this is. I can start. Okay.

Oh, this one is in Spanish. Hold on. Wait, I have one too. Ola Santa. Me am Jubio. Para Navidad me gustaria connocer a Kaizenat.

Kiero Salier-Cone-El. And there's a little, there's a little drawing. A drawing. Oh, that's so cute. Can you hold that up to the camera to show, everybody? Wow. Wait, wait, is that?

Who's that? That is, I guess that is Jubio and Kai Sinat. Oh my God. In front of the Christmas tree. You guys look insanely happy. Yeah. Holy shit, that's a Christmas miracle.

That kind of reminded me of this letter I have, man. Oh, really? Yeah, this is from Julio. Oh. Dear Santa Claus. I want that's Navidad is the best Navidate of all.

I want a book Rojo Grande, a tarietta of a bibliote sexual. I want to

deletriar and attar me the sabbatos. So I gay. So I'm

stupido. Atentamente Julio Garcia. Wow. Oh my goodness. Julio, can you

translate that for? I can you understand. Can you say what you said at this letter? and why you set more than one? I want a Nintendo Switch.

I think it says I want a big red book. I want a library card and I want a sexual toy. Yep. And something about shoes. But who knows? Yeah, Cameron, let's see yours.

Let me read one. Okay. Well, this one says, uh, dear Santa, I want a funco pop for Christmas from the soy boy. No. Rip that up right now. Get rid of that shit. Rip that shit. That one is not.

I know that's a federal crime. I'm willing to go to jail for that. Uh-huh. That's going to, that's, you go to jail. Really? You go to jail. Really? That's your name?

The soy. Boy, that's really your name. You tell the highest level gang member that you ripped up the Soie Boys Mail, they're going to make you second in command. They're going to respect your ass, man. That's immediate respect. What kind of sick, fuck. It changes their name to the

Soy Boy. That's so disgusting to me. Oh, my God. Who's going to hunt him down and kill him? Dude, I hate that shit. You know what? We'll lift our spirits. I have a letter here that I can read. Okay. And I'm sure. Oh, look, there's a little there's a tree and a heart on it.

It looks so cute already. Wow. Dear Santa, hello. My name is Amy. I am a 10-year-old girl from Kansas City, and I am so excited for Christmas this year. This year has been, well, interesting to say the least. My mom and dad divorced,

and my older sister is in the hospital for issues related to body image. She throws up when she eats hamburgers. This year has been so stressful for me and my family, and the only thing that would make it better would be if Jubio from Podcast About List sang a Christmas song

Oh my God I love Jubio and so do all the other girls in my grade I even have a poster of him on my bedroom wall He talks to us in its Discord server called Jubio's Angels

but he never sings to us If you could make that happen It would be a dream come true Thank you Santa Love Amy. Now, Jubia, are you going to sing a Christmas carol for little Amy? Hello. No. No?

What? You're not going to let this little girl's wish come true? Her sister's in the hospital for hamburgers. She has a hamburger throw-up disease. And you won't even sing a Felice Navidad? That is messed up, man. You can't even sing O. Tannenbaum for her? Sing O'Tanenbaum.

Come on. Oh, Tannenbaum. Got to be the best Christmas caroling to sing it with you. Oh, Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, O Tanninbaum. Ble, blee, blee, blee, blee, Germany. When air is Schneid, oh, Tannibon. You actually know O Tannibon. Yeah.

Well, it seems that a lot. Jubio is fully grinching out on us today. Jubio is being a complete grinching. He's using to sing to one of his little. Also, what's a lot of it? deal with as a little a jubio's jubio's angels angels discord server i want to know yeah you got to shut that down man yeah we've told you that's not okay to do man

are you there okay I have a let's see I got a this is also from from a little from a little one oh okay yeah how sweet is that it seems like we've taken a lot these are a lot from kids

yeah yeah it's weird that we didn't get that many adults in our letters kind of weird right yeah i feel like mostly kids i guess it makes sense this is from little ben oh okay hello santa this year the only thing i want for christmas is world peace oh oh my god that's so cute war disease social disorder how could i sit here and wish for big red fire trucks or superpowered action when some people are struggling just to afford basic human needs. What a smart of a kid. It would just be selfish.

And that's the problem with this world. Selfishness. Selfish corporate CEOs and money-hungry politicians hogging all the wealth up top and leaving the little guy with nothing. All the way at the bottom. He's probably referring to himself or his family as well, at least. Is he related to Big Ben?

He could be a clock. All the way at the bottom. I just wish I could do something about it. You know what, Santa? I finally decided what I want for Christmas. I want a voice. I want a say in what direction the winds of change blow. A say in the future that I'm inheriting.

When I grow up, I'm going to run for president. Wow. And I'll make sure that never again does another immigrant enter this country illegally, enter this country illegally to impregnate a white woman. Little bit. A little bit. Little Ben, what the hell are you saying? Right now I'm 31, so I should be able to run for president by 2028.

Oh. And when I'm president, every border of this country will be protected by nuclear bombs and big red fire trucks to put it into you illegally flying over the border. Go back to your igloo, you disgusting red snow pig. Holy shit. Little Ben. What the fun. I thought you were a little-ass kid. What a turn.

Little Ben is made. I didn't know you were a grown man going by Little Ben. I mean, his first name could be little like it. Little John. Little John, yeah. Little Richard? I know. Yeah.

Little Wayne. Actually, there might be more little men than little boys. At least in pop culture. That's so true. Little Ben's, you seem like a bastard, man. Yeah, you seem like a prick. It seemed at first maybe he was, maybe, I guess at the end I was kind of curious whether he was just racist against people from the North Pole or if he maybe also was having some. I think he's racist against every, well, he said another immigrant illegally entering the country to impregnate a white woman.

yeah so i thought that i don't think that doesn't sound like Santa's done that but it could be an elf i'll say it that letter gave me the ick do we know where mrs claus is from yeah we'd missus domestic investigations we'd found that out years ago but i don't remember it she's got to be from america right she's from someplace so i don't know okay i got another one here I want to be a bad bitch. Right now, I'm mid. I barely have a gat. I want a BBL so I can twerk.

I need to have big butt and boob Riz. I'm practically an MPC right now. Oh, no. But I want to level up my body. I want to be a baddie with a bubble body. And that is from Taylor Swift. Oh. Taylor, T. Swizzle?

Honestly, that does kind of break my heart. To know that Taylor Swift thinks that about herself. When she's one of the most stunning women on the world. are the baddest bitch in the universe. Okay? You already have a bubble body girl. You look like a complete bubble. You look like a bubble. You are honestly borderline like fat to me.

Taylor Swift. You look disgusting. Your get is there. It's there. It's there. It's there. You don't need to improve that thing. This is where you think it is. And you're hardly an NPC. You're the man of the year. You're literally main character. You are the man of the year. Your main character is that is. So don't beat yourself up over that shiz.

Okay, and Santa can't give you that, by the way, Taylor Swift, and you shouldn't be writing to Santa either. No, you should be writing to a doctor in Beverly Hills because that's where you can get that done. Yeah, true. Or you go overseas and you have to sit on the plane backwards. Yeah. That usually, that happens a lot. I have a letter here. It looks like it's from a little boy.

Yes, it is from a little boy. And it says, it reads. You can tell just by the handwriting? Yes, I can tell by the handwriting. It looks very juvenile. Yeah, it looks like shit. I can tell some, but nobody who went to his finished primary school wrote this letter. Yeah, there's no way.

Absolutely no way. It looks terrible. Hello, Santa. My name Pepper Donaldson. I five-year-old. For Christmas, I want blood. I have no blood. No blood in body.

I live on machine. Machine Mac blood in my body. mommy daddy cry a lot Hospital Spensive I like Poul Patrol Pol Patrol Doctor said should not be live For Christmas I want blood

And Paul Patrol toy And that's from Pepper And looks like someone drew a pepper for him Let me look at Hello Santa, my name Pepper 15 years owed 15? ODE It looks like 15

I think it's I 5 year old Well let's just say It's 15. Yeah, it's probably seems 15. And he wants blod. So this guy. He has no blood

in his body and he lives off of a machine, it looks like. And pop portol, powpartle, I'm guessing he means. Listen, Pepper,

let me give you some advice, buddy. If you're writing a Santa and you're asking for a present, do not put in your letter that you're going to be dead before Christmas.

You just fucked up. Santa is not going to be giving you anything. What you should say is I'm going to be a doctor said I'll be alive for 200 more. Christmas is. Exactly. And actually, I need to get it all in advance. Oh, yeah.

Wait. Doctor actually said that for me, I have a medical condition or Christmas is every day. I have, hello, I have a mental, I should have written that letter. I have a mental disorder where I think every day's I need toys every day or I'll get really upset. Every single day or I think you abandoned me Santa. Yeah. Well, that's, or I guess my brain will break. Can we talk some real shit? Have you all ever gotten cold for real? No. Yeah. My parents used to give

potatoes because it was cheaper. Cheaper than coal? When we could just use the potatoes to make mashed potatoes for dinner after. Wait.

Your parents gave you a potato for Christmas? If it was like you were bad this year, if they wanted to make the joke like, oh, you were bad, you get, instead of coal,

Santa gives out potatoes because coal is expensive. Your parents convince you that you were bad? They would tell me that I was bad sometimes, yes. only on some years I would tell me I was bad sometimes yes

they would tell me I was bad some years on Christmas yes it feels abusive man I don't know I feel like it's it's supposed to teach you maybe it's just an Irish Catholic that you get potatoes if you're bad potatoes aren't so bad

yeah I mean I ended up liking potatoes but it's not like they give you potatoes in place of another gift I think that's what it was I think that's what they probably wanted you to think it was but they never wrapped any of my presents either way well you know Santa doesn't wrap presents

He puts them in the living room. Yeah. How is he going to wrap? That's normal. You can't wrap a treadmill. Well, yeah, they're not going to wrap it. Unless they wrap the potato. Dumbels.

He's not going to wrap all that shit. I think they continued doing that. I think they gave my niece and my nephews potatoes this year. And I think they cried. That's fine. It's a funny joke. It's good.

I don't think that's funny. You can't do that shit to a kid. You can't give them a potato. You can't. You can't give them a potato. That's fucked up. I draw a hard line. No, fuck that.

You're getting. toys and only things that will make you smile. Kid doesn't need a potato. You're not going to teach them. What the hell's wrong with you? What do you say? No, you say no toys on Christmas. No, you give them all the toys and then you give one potato at the beginning or something. It'd be like... To do what? You think pranks are funny? Yes. What the hell is wrong? I guess it must be a

Christmas prank. It's a Christmas prank. That's not funny, man. To tell your kid, oh, you got this because you were bad. This is the one reason kids are alive. No, yeah, you shouldn't say that. You don't say, you say, you tell it was a prank. You say, oh, you say, Oh, I got you. Christmas should be... Christmas should be... You don't say you got this

because you were bad. At that point, that's when it goes wrong. That's what my parents would do. Yeah. They would say, you got that because you were bad. I think they were trying to teach me that...

This is pure abuse. Yeah, you were purely abused. I must have been completely abused. And I bet you didn't even get to make French fries out of the potato. No, I bet you had to eat it baked. I think that they were rotten old potatoes.

Yeah. Whoa, with the black spots all over. I think they had mold. I think they were moldy. And it's sprouting. Yeah. I just think that Christmas should be a candy, a DVD, and a lottery ticket. That's a real...

I can't wait to get lottery tickets this year. I won $75. I got lottery tickets every year. I never got lot of tickets. Since I was like 10 years old, I got lottery tickets for Christmas. I would just get stolen. But did you have a rule that if it was over, if somebody got over $1,000, we had to split it with the whole family?

Yes. I always thought that was fucking... You just said you never got lottery tickets. Why are you saying? No, I meant lottery tickets in general. I meant lottery tickets in general. When other times are you getting lottery tickets with your entire family? What?

I could see that. I've never heard of that once. Well, you're, to be fair, you're the only other person I've ever met who got lottery tickets growing up at Christmas. No, I've met other people who do that too. I'm sure you have. What I said is you're the old person I've met. But you've never met anybody who's even mentioned doing it on a 4th of July. Never even once.

Yeah, never even considered that it could be an option. It's just the thing that, like, your dad does because he just bought a bunch of beer. So he's like, all right, fuck it. I'll get lotto tickets, too. We'll see what happens. That's what Christmas is. Your dad buys a bunch of beer for Christmas, too. No.

I had to hide beer for my uncles. We did, we did, we did mimosas at Christmas. Yeah, so that's what my aunt does. That's fun, man. I usually do coffee cake and coffee. So you're more uppers. My family's more downers. I like that.

All right, what's your next letter? Let me see. Let's see. Oh, there's a really short one. Okay. Dear Santa Me and my co-workers Walter and Ahmed

would really like a girl puppet this year, Love Peanut. I wonder who that's from. There's no last name. There's no last name at all. It just says Love Peanut. Huh. That's an interesting one.

But this guy's got to be an adult because it was straight to the point. No boo-hoo. Oh, my blood doesn't work. Oh, I live on a machine. Yeah, shut the fuck up, man. All right. Straight to the point.

Here's one. Dear Santa Claus, here's a list of things I want for Christmas. Straight to the point again. One, a Santa hat and outfit. That's cute. He wants to be like his hero. Yeah.

Two, some strands of your hair, both head and beard. What? Well, to make more to three, a cloning machine. For a house key to your palace in North Pole City. Five, your federal ID. Six.

One minute audio sample of your voice with minimal background noise. Seven, itemized list of your daily diet. And eight, tooth tunes style fleshlight that plays music when you fuck it. That doesn't seem like it has anything to do with it. It seems like it was kind of all had a through line. Unless it's like a Mrs. Claus fleshlight. Oh, that's nasty, bro. Why would you even say that?

You say flush light? I said fleshlight. I think you said flushlight. I said Mrs. Claws Some kind of toilet flashlight. I don't know that that even exists, so does it? Do they have a Mrs. Clause fleshlight? I'm talking about a musical tune's flashlight.

I mean, I guess there's songs that I would like to fuck. If it's the same as the tooth tune songs. S&M by Rihanna, I would fuck that song. It's the same as the tooth tune songs. It's got to be like rock and roll. You hear from your son's room. There's like a fate, like really low quality. speaker

and you hear the song and it just rock and roll yeah but you hear it going like up want to rock

like and then you walk in and he's like when you hold your phone up with the speakers

and you're like oh yeah and he's fucking the back of the do around the world it can be like

a giant it could be like it could look like a giant cow's tongue if there's a kiss one you

you know I've always thought those things could probably be fleshlights yeah cows tongues are huge

man that's true Not that that's requisite for me to fuck it. That's true. A cow tongue is huge. They are huge. That's true. All right. I'm going to read this next letter.

Oh, this next letter has a picture on it. Why you seem so scared of showing it to me? Hello, my name is Rex, and I host the popular podcast beers we drank. Here is a picture of me. For Christmas, I want a beer. Wow. You know what, Rex? You really look like.

Rex, you look amazing. They look like a famous comedian. Hold it from the top. Political activist, Brett Gellman. I'm going to be honest with you, Rex. It looks pretty similar. Jesus Christ, is this what he looks like? You know what the title of that article was?

Let me pull it up real quickly. I see the picture? The title of that article. Wow. The title of the article where I found that photo was, oh shit, I screenshotted it for sure. I screen shot at it? I screen shot it. This is a People Magazine headline where that photo is from.

Stranger Things Brett Gelman praises his really impressive young co-stars. Wow. What an amazing, dude. Imagine how amazing

it would be for him to be your mentor. Oh my God. Imagine, imagine Jaddy coming up to you? Yes, dude.

Oh, he says you want to go you want to go break into the nerd melt and we can smell the stage? Yeah.

That would be awesome. Oh, my God. Jonah Ray once performed here, man. Oh. Kumil. Oh, my God. Kumel and Jonah Rae performed here.

I mean, you guys are talking about this and all, you know, but you guys do realize that we lost him. Who? He supports Israel. Brett Gelman supports Israel? Why would he support Israel? He does no dog in that fight. Wait a while. We lost him to the right, to the right.

The fascistic right? The fascistic right. We lost him. Gellman is not, is he, Brett Galman is not. And I'm sitting here like, I'm over here like, how am I ever going to enjoy a piece of media with Brett Gilman in it ever again? How am I going to watch Stranger Things with no. I'm going to get no joy out of seeing Brett Gilman on TV anymore.

I'm not going to be able to smile and laugh. Dude, how am I going to get through that one part and the other guys now? That's going to be hard as fuck. How am I get through his Mickey Mouse blackface performance? This is going to be really tough for me. I just really hope that he, at this point in his career, he stays the fuck away from Tim Hidecker. Please don't do it to Tim, man.

Get away. Get away from him. Brett Gellman, if you were thinking of politically corrupting Tim Hedker. Get the fuck away from office hours right now. Brett Gellman, if you, if I ever see you on office hours, I will not fucking hesitate. Uh-uh. I swear to God. I will not fucking hesitate.

I'm going to do a flip at you. Straight up. Jackie Chan style. I'm a spin on you. I'll spin on you, man. Spin on you literally. Yeah. All right.

Let's see. Wait, what are you guys asking? Santa for Christmas this year. We should wait on that. That's a whole new episode. That's a whole new. Well, at least I don't know. Well, I guess I'm asking him for nothing because I don't need anything because I'm so blessed. Yeah, me too. I think I'm completely blessed.

Both of you? You don't want like money? Like, I'm asking for money. Okay, money. Yeah, I'll do money. You can't, okay, so you can't copy. First of all, that's one of the rules of Santa. I want the money that Caleb is going to get. I want whatever Caleb's going to get. Should I just read this next letter? Yeah. it looks pretty quick

it looked pretty short dear Santa for Christmas I want gold gold member okay that's all it says and it's interesting it kind of went

oh it's written in gold font it really looks like silver more silver to me but no if you look in the light you want to call that gold yeah if you look in the light

well that's what's just a colored pencil says you wouldn't got colored pencils that genius That's cute. That's cute. Oh, go ahead. Me?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's three letters in there. That's really just two. Oh. Wow, this one's all typed up. Looking crazy. Dear Mr. Clause, re, notice of IRS audit. We hope this letter finds you well.

The Internal Revenue Service has identified your unique TIN, commonly known as your SSN in connection with the annual tax return filing. The letter serves as an official notice of our intent to conduct an audit of your tax return for the tax year 2023 under the provisions of the Internal Revenue Code. The IRS has noted certain discrepancies in the reported income and deductions on your tax return and we believe the thorough examination is necessary to ensure compliance with the tax laws of the United States. Specific areas of concern include classification of gifts. I could see that happening. Oh, yeah. Please provide detailed documentation supporting the classification of gifts as

non-taxable, including a list of recipients, the nature of the gifts, and their fair market value, eligibility for charitable deductions, and business expenses. What the fuck? Requested documentation within 30 days of receiving this notice. I probably need to forward this one. Sincerely,

Bearish Gretzky, IRS Auditor. That's a crazy name. Bearish Gretzky, IRS Auditor Internal Revenue Service. We appreciate your... Barish Gretzky. Barry's Gritsky. It's an odd name.

It is an odd name. I wouldn't think that, I mean, I guess Santa's in some kind of trouble with the IRS, but he's not a citizen of the U.S. No, but maybe he has a home here

in Boca Raton. Is Boca Raton in the U.S.? Where is that? Florida. Really? Where do you think you vacation? But it's named Boca. What's Boca?

Boca. Bokadis. Oh, shit. Oh, snap is a Christmas miracle, y'all, we destroyed Cameron on his own track. No, no, no. This isn't my track. You have the tracks in front of you, bro. You do. I'm barely

in front of me. They're right in front of you right now. This is our track, man. No. This is a Santa's track. All right, read your damn letter, bro. Yeah, shut up and read your letter. Shut up and read that letter. Wait, gosh, should I read my letter? Yeah. Yeah, so we're telling you to do it. That's Patrick, my impression of Patrick. Oh,

oh, shit. That was fire. All right, I might have been destroyed. He's my impression of Patrick. Look at my, I have the, the stupidest Santa hat of anybody. You bought it for me. I picked it myself and bought it for myself. You threw it at me and said, here it goes.

Dear Santa Claus, I want a puppy for Christmas, but not just any puppy. I want a puppy that is the size of a quarter. It's so small that it just floats around the room and I have to catch it in a cup if I want to pet it. I have to feed it tiny amounts of food.

I assumed when I asked for a puppy last year you would have known I wanted a small coin-sized one, but you brought me a normal-sized one. This time, Bring me a tiny puppy. Make sure the puppy is really, really small. It's better for it to be small.

That's from Micro. Seems like he was a little upset about in the last person. He was a little upset. I forgot about Micro. I hope he's doing okay. I hope Micro's okay. I hope Micro didn't get stuck in the vacuum or something. Oh, God, Micro.

Oh, no. Can you imagine how, what a nightmare that must be for him. a normal sized dog. I mean, not a puppy is one thing because it gets there and it's still too big for him. But then it gets even bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably when you get a bull mastiff or something. Imagine how long it takes him to feed the dog. Imagine a dog.

It's like mining one piece of kibble at a time out of the bag. That dog is going to just think he's a flea. Exactly. He's probably going to kick him on. He could literally drown in the dog's poop. Not that I would want to see a picture. Not that I would not want to see micro covered in poop. I had to take a turd out of Phil's

asshole last night. I had to do that to myself before. Yeah. Did you eat a tennis ball? And it got stuck halfway in. It doesn't happen to Phil. He had a tennis ball. And I, and dude, it sucks. Whenever he eats a toy like that, I just know I'm going to have to finger my dog in like 24 hours. I'm going to be on the street. And I'm going to have my finger with a bag, obviously. Yeah. In my dog's asshole pulling this out of his ass because he can't digest tennis. yeah stuff yeah I don't think most people can he's a red blood

an American dog he's not gonna be playing football yeah that might work he might be able to eat a football but a tennis ball no way he's not a poodle

no way no how this next letter here this one is actually this is a typed out one type shit typed out type shit Santa I don't know what to do

and I am hoping for a miracle. I'm 32 years old and I lost everything. In 2020, I put $43,000 into the game stop short squeeze plus the rest of my savings into Dogecoin due to some bad advice from a subreddit, my only friend who I no longer associated with. My stupidity cost me everything. I lost it all and I haven't been able to bounce back since. I lost my boyfriend, my apartment, everything. I had to move back in with my parents. They hate my guts. Every day I feel them glaring at me. Looking at the failure of a sun they have created. A waste of precious life. I started working at, ironically,

a game stop two towns over. I hate it. I hate driving there. Every single day I think about how stupid I am. Some days when I'm driving to work, I imagine veering into the oncoming lane, hoping a semi hits me. I hope the windshield shatters and the glass explodes into my face. I hope that the impact does not kill me. I hope that I have to endure the pain until I eventually succumbed to my injuries. I know that I will never do it as I am a coward. That's it?

For Christmas this year, I want a realistic action figure of Cameron Fedder with realistic hair that I can brush and I can undress him and play with him and have him go on adventures with my Spider-Man from William Huxstable. Whoa. Hey. That's actually kind of flattering that he wants to.

Yeah. I mean, to put me in the same league as Spider-Man. to brush your hair and I'm wait then I got to hang on a Spider-Man oh okay he thinks I'm Spider-Man's friend

you would I'll talk that up as a W you would have a a brush included with your action figure yo you do I have two AK-47s and a brush

that'd be dope yeah maybe to brush the AK-40s a toy that comes with a two AK-47s and a bazooka and that'd be cool fuck, dude.

What kind of toy would you be, Pat? I would probably... I feel like you'd be one of the stretchy ones. No, no, no, no. You'd be one of the ones that you could throw on the ceiling of the classroom. I'd be like a rescue hero that's on sale. Yeah.

One of those... You wouldn't be a rescue hero. I think I would be a rescue hero. You're the least brave person I've ever met. You're a complete coward. There is... See, he flinched. No, I didn't.

Yeah, I didn't flinch it. Are you really trying to say that you're the... I'm the one that gets scared of noises? Please don't scare me. You just opened up a can of worms You did not want to open. Open up a can of fucking You're both.

You guys are just both scaring me. Stop. I'm sorry. I just got scared. It's not fair because I'm getting scared every time by each of you guys. I'm getting double the scares. That's true.

That's not fair. And it's not fair because I'm not even part of this. Let's remedy. Let's hear another. You wouldn't be a rescue hero though. You would be a bouncy ball. I would not be a bouncy ball.

You would be a bouncy ball with a star on it. I would not be a Pixar bouncy ball. I would not be the Pixar bouncy ball. You would be a dog toy with a star on your belly. I would maybe be a dog toy. I could see that. People would complain they would buy your toy. They'd be like, I thought it was fully articulated,

but the hands are stuck to the belly. My kid hates this toy because he can't move the arms. My kid hates this toy. Why are the arms stuck on the hairy belly? Every time my kid sees this tour on the shelf, he starts crying and screaming. I had a toy like that. And then you have a toy like that.

My aunt got me this toy. I forget what it was called. I know what it looks like. It's like a little boy that has like a big bugger coming out of it. And you like squeeze down on its head and it just says like annoying shit. And one time it like was like the most annoying toy and it just like had like a big like droopy bugger. and I remember waking up in the middle of the night

and seeing it's just silhouette and I was like six or seven but seeing it silhouette scared the shit out of me and I made my mom throw I like cried and then made my mom take it out of the bedroom and throw it away because it was so scary reminds me of garbage pill because I hated those things I was never scared

of a toy that's I and I'm sorry to say this that's a younger sibling thing yeah well I'm a middle child I'm a middle boy I was not scared of any toy either I'm not the youngest though younger, I said. What kind of toy do you have that scares you?

How can you be scared of a toy? How can you be scared of a bugger? You were a bugger, motherfucker? I was afraid of the silhouette of it. It looked like a little guy staring at me. It is a little guy. It was probably pointed in your direction. What do you mean the silhouette?

You had them backlit all the time against a wall? Well, it was like a window. No, see, I know what he's talking about because I saw the silhouette of my toys when I was going to sleep, but they would just excite me. Yeah. I just talked to you would think

that they were moving at night, right? Yeah, I would want to be. I would think they were moving around. Well, okay, all the cool ones that I liked, all the ones that I liked, you would want them to move around. Yeah. But the scary ones, like a little boy with a burger. I think in my head, I think in my head I hated that toy so much that I looked for a reason to get rid of it. Yeah.

But that thing, I'm scared. Yeah, I just told my mom that it scares me and I don't want it anymore, even though it was just like, oh, I don't want to play with the booger boy. I was scared of the egg stealer. I had to hide the egg dealer? Egg dealer. Oh, stealer. Egg stealer. Because imagine how hard those dragons

Were on those eggs, man You're scared of the nebulizer? I mean, that is a scary Sounds like an alien Yeah, Lord I was scared of my nebulizer The nebulizer. It's a scary name.

I only have one more letter But I'm gonna read mine. I can give you one of mine. Okay, I'll take one. Fuck it, man. I have tweemian. Fucking great. What?

Little Ben again, man. He double texted Santa Claus. I don't want to hear from this guy. I forgot to I forgot to wish for this in the last letter but for Christmas I want every single homo to go to jail first they ruin my favorite movie

Rocky Horror Picture Show then they ruin my favorite singer Janelle Monet now they're trying to ruin my favorite game series Grand Theft Auto by making it take place in Florida which to me seems gay why can't these fruity gay guys just have their own gay ass country

where everyone there is gay oh wait they do it's called Mexico little Ben candidate for president of the United States 2028 Constitution Party Ben stop emailing stop mailing Santa Man there's that Ben yeah this there's no place

for that because that's all you're going to get I take a look at that you get for Christmas and take a lap man wait show him that again show him that in the middle finger again so not only is this a gesture of rudeness yeah this is also the number of votes you're going to get in the election

and it's a thumbs because I'm voting for you money it's funny that the president always does the thing where they go and vote for themselves I was about to ask, do they do that? Yeah, it's always, there's always every election year there's some news coverage of like, oh, there goes Biden, he's voting for himself. Wow.

He put in the wrong guy, though. Yeah, yeah. You can read that one too. Okay. Well, I get to double read. I'm such a reader today. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. You are such a wrong one, man.

That's the wrong one. Dude, I'm such a fucking reader. man. You're so readered. So readerly and writerly. You just read it. You're holding us, you're double, you get the chance to double read. You're holding us up.

Dear Sanda, me, Caleb Pitts, me want corn, me want to be new corn kid. Dear. sand i didn't write this man yeah you did yeah you did

dear sanda me Caleb pits me want a picture of corn it is it's not doesn't say corn me want to be new corn kid and it looks like

for some reason it was it was written and then written over with another color of colored pencil for it might have been too it might have been too light of a color

or maybe it was two kids who the fuck is The same letter on the same piece of paper. I don't know, maybe that's just a spelling mistake. I mean, it says it's from Caleb Pitts. I didn't write this. Me want to be new corn kid. I don't want to be the new corn kid, man.

That kid's life is ruined. He's not going to get into college. This is the letter you gave me to read, man. Would you have preferred I give you this one? I would have preferred anything but that. I'll read it. I'll read this one. Dear Sanda.

I know how to spell Samp. Santa. That's the first clue I do. Would you rather I give you this one? Yeah, man. Dear Santa, I'm called Jack, and I've been very naughty. Very, very naughty. I curse, I fight, and I drink. Oh, no. Earlier this week, I was in jail. God, Jack. But using my rapier wit and help from my cellmate, I managed to escape. I've been on the run sailing the seven seas for days in search of the black pearl. For Christmas, I want treasure. Savvy Savvy Yeah, I wouldn't like that one more Oh my God, I think that's from casting Jack Sparrow I think you might be right Oh my God, search of the black

I didn't know he was still around Yeah, I guess he is, I don't know. Okay. Dear Santa Claus, my parents said I can't have a little brother for Christmas. Aw, that's sad. Don't read this one, it's sad. So, I want one of your elves. Oh.

I could rough house with him and force him to lick my armpits. I promise I would love him like a brother, and I would not sexually molest him as I'm old enough now to know better. you must be able to spare just one elf for a kid like me I could tell him my secrets and he wouldn't tell anybody because he only speaks elfish me and him would go apple picking

and it wouldn't be as much of a commitment for my parents as a younger brother would be because elves only live to 15 years old love you Santa from Timmy oh that's okay no you don't want to live with an elf first of all he wants an elf I mean if you say

a kid wishes for something also did he say he's old enough now to know that he shouldn't sexually molest? How old is he? Does it say? Doesn't say? Doesn't say at all? What age is too young then to know? Well, I mean, he can write, so, you know, he's probably at least...

So he's at least 15. Yeah, at least 13 or 14. Yeah. That's around that age where you start writing a set. I wouldn't want to live with an elf, though. I feel like they might eat a lot of food, like a surprising amount of food. Yeah. There's a whole fucking movie about this shit.

They eat a lot of cam. I just fucking realize there's a movie about an elf being your brother. Well, that's about, yeah. Well, that's about the being an older brother that acts like a younger brother. No, it's about, maybe the whole, the whole reason that the family's out of whack in that movie, Elf, is because the brother is younger. The human brother, but the elf brother acts like he's younger than the human brother. So the younger brother. So it's all, it's a dissonance that's throwing everything out of whack in the universe in this movie.

If they just switched it, if the elf was actually younger than the. brother and he acted like it, then it would be a normal family. And they would be able to say, you can't eat candy like that. I thought, okay, I'm younger. I thought the whole movie was about an elf that comes from the North Pole to New York City. No, it's about family dynamics. It's about

leaving your kid at the orphanage. It's elevated. I thought it was about spying on women in the shower. That's a good chunk of it. That's a good scene. That is a good scene of it. I like that scene. I really can't stay. All right, so I got this. This is my final letter, it looks like. And it looks like this is dated 2017. It's old?

Yeah, there's an old. This one just didn't make it to Santa back in the day. That's kind of sad. That is sad. Dear Santa, for Christmas, I would like sanity restored in America and Mango Mussolini impeached from Stephen Colbert. Wait, he got what he wanted. Yeah, I guess he did. I guess you got everything you wanted for Christmas.

And Santa didn't even read your letter. We'll get it to say. We're going to get it to Santa. Yeah, we'll still get it to him. We'll have him sign and send you a headshot. I mean, honestly, though, knowing Stephen Colbert, he probably sent this letter and then also, like, texted him called and not as people call him. He probably, like, really is sure that this is going to make it through. Why has?

He never been a guest on the late show. I think he has. I think he has been on there. Can you pull up a clip? Does, do celebrities have to even write the letters? Why can't they just go through their agents and managers to get to Santa Claus? Yeah. I guess that's how they do it.

That's how they get G-wagons. maybe Santa doesn't have representation so he's just like I'm not going to talk to an agent of the phone or like a manager Kind of like Bill Murray where he's just got a phone in his house. Yeah, I guess. That's how he gets movies. Are you thinking of Ghostbusters? That's what I was. Yeah, he lives in a fire house. Yeah.

And he's got a lady that screams we've got one and that means he's got a new role. Yeah. Yeah. That would be kind of cool. A fire pole. Cameron handed me one to read. Oh, that's nice of him. It was nice. That's a little gift. Yeah, because you're kind of, you ran out.

I'm sorry for the handwriting of whoever wrote this. I immediately thought it said roll instead of coal. Well, I said what? We'll just read it and then we'll know. Spoiler. Dear Santa Claus, I want coal. I've been a bad, bad laid kid. This kid really has the worst handwriting ever.

I slap my mom. I held down my dad. dad and touched his butt. Jesus Christ. What the hell is wrong with this kid? I painted my brother's toothbrush brown. It doesn't sound as bad as the other two. I don't know why that'd be the third one.

I married my teacher. That's bad. I conducted my whole class to not, sorry, I converted my whole class to non-binary Santa, and I'm only in fourth grade. What? What?

I'm like one of those kids that go, that booboo-go-y everywhere. Wait, hold on. I'm like one of those kids who goes everywhere in a Spider-Man costume, but I dress like Hitler. I didn't set a birthday present. I didn't get a birthday present for my neighbor.

So give me Cole. I genuinely want Cole. Signed chip chocolate. Sounds like the craziest kid of all time. This kid's insane. On top of that, he can't write a fucking word to save his life. No, his name is Chip chocolate.

The part where he says he dresses like Hitler took me a minute because it's really it says Spider-Man costier, but I dref like Mittler. My handwriting's normal. It's not that bad. It's really bad, man. It's readable.

I serioli vat coal. I seriously want coal. Look at that. Yeah. It's not that crazy. That? I thought my handwriting was bad. I made a very...

You can show it to the camera, so I let everyone else decide. Where's the second S in that, man? Sometimes I don't write letters, but that's not a big deal. I made a very conscious effort to... I painstakingly, I think it took me an hour to write everything because I wanted to make sure that everything was legible in case we were passing the letters around. That's common courtesy, man.

Well, I figured that we were just going to read our own. Oh, okay. And I also... We read our own that we picked from the pile. Yeah, what else would I mean? Well, you just said yours took an hour to write. To be fair. No, I didn't.

Wait, what was that voice? No, he didn't. All right, I have one last one to read. I must have been Santa's elf. Santa's elf is around? Yeah, it must be. Okay, I'm going to read this one now. Dear Santa Claus, my heart aches for you.

The night we shared together sticks in my memory still. A night of tangled hotel sheets, breathless gasps frantic rubbing and wet wallpaper Ew Like it gets bubbles behind it? When I woke up next to you I felt my heart my burst from the love pulsing through it I need to see you again

I can't function without you At my job I drift off to sleep And dream of you and your body You're all that I want all that I need I can't live another day without you Your faithful companion Julio Oh, my God.

P.S. on the back of this letter, I've drawn you something to remember me by. Looks to be a hairy middle finger. Something. I don't know what it is. But I guess Julio drew it. Is that true? Did this have...

You had a steamy night with Santa Claus last year? To be as angels. Santa Claus is one of your angels. Did you meet him over Discord? I could see... I mean, how is this any different from... I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus? Yeah, that's pretty much the same exact ball game.

Ballpark. Yeah. Which is that... Have we ever gotten clarification on that song? Whether or not this was about dad dressed up as Santa or she's actually... Well, it just would be a much more boring song if it was called I saw Mommy Kissing Daddy. That wouldn't be as interesting. I would not hear that song.

song you can play any day of the year. They should make a version of. I saw my. I saw my. They just change the words and not be about Christmas. Or that you can do on every single holiday. So you can do. Yeah. Well, you can do it any day. Kissing the Easter bunny. But if you change it to like I saw mommy kissing daddy. I saw mommy kissing Martin Luther King. I saw mommy kissing Martin Luther King Jr. That'd be a great. That could be a full album of remix. Exactly. I saw mommy kissing. I mean, what other people do we have? Blake in Christopher Colom on his birthday in February I saw mommy kissing an arbor yeah I saw mommy kissing I saw mommy kissing Bastille Day I saw Mommy kissing a ghost or a goblin or a skeleton or any number of things yeah that would work for everything okay so now that we finish the letters I do want to talk about our Christmas lists okay let's talk about it I do because the fact that there's this many letters already headed to the North Pole kind of has me a little scared yeah because I haven't written mine yet.

Not me neither. Yeah, I mean, this many letters that are definitely heading to the North Pole and are not going to get thrown away. Who are we throwing away? I'm definitely going to throw away a little bin stuff. I'm throwing away all everything. Yeah, me too.

Really? Even the blood kit? I need a chance, bro. Can I tell you guys what I want for Christmas? I thought about it a little more. And I can tell you, if I'm going to go home and I'm going to write a letter to Santa Claus and I can tell you exactly what I'm going to write in it.

I'm going to say, I'm going to start with, well, first, I'm my address on. Yes. but then I'll say, Dear Santa Claus, this year for Christmas, I need a W. Wow. From Cameron. It's been L's all year, Sam. It's been L's for me.

I need a W. It's been L after L, and I need a W for Christmas. I need a W this year, Santa. I need a W fucking badly. I really badly need a W this Christmas. So bad, so bad. So bad. I would probably, I'm probably going to ask for a Draco.

Yeah. Yeah. Dear Santa Claus, send it. I'd like a Draco, but don't send it to New York because I'll get in trouble. Send it to Tennessee and I'll go pick it up. Or Philly. You could send it to Philly. Can you get a Draco in Philly?

Probably. That place crazy as fuck. It was slut week there last week. Whoa. It was slut week in Philly? We missed it again. Yeah. We missed Slot Week in Philly again.

Wait, how did that happen? I thought we all marked it on our calendars. I had it written. It's not. Not a notification not go off? No, my God. The calendar's gone. That's why.

It's the third week of, or it's a fourth week of November. It's not like a, it's not the same time every year. Yeah. Well, I thought, oh, yeah. So I guess our calendar. Because sometimes November has five or six weeks in it. Sometimes November has six weeks in it?

Yeah, sometimes, yeah. Really? Depending on the year. Leap year. So we missed it. Yeah. Because last year it started on the 29th. November started on the 29th.

No, the slut week started on the 29th because that's technically it was the fourth or the fifth week of November. What if you're, what if sometimes months only had two days? I get confused on which months have how many days. I thought November lasted two more days and it did. That's an amazing idea. Isn't that a great idea? And then it would be an opportunity to have more joint birthday parties

because it'll be like, okay, if there's only two days in November this year, you either, everyone who has their birthday in the first half of November, you get your birthdays on November 1st this year. From the second half, you're November 2nd. You can have a bunch more joint birthday parties because sometimes you want to have a joint birthday party with your friend, but their birthday's just a little far away. Because our birthdays are the same month, but they're just a little too far

just a little too far away tummy and Joe are too yeah yeah so if it was just two days one year that'd be great right yeah you know what I want for Christmas you guys I'm just gonna come right out and say it I want the fans to subscribe to us on Patreon and I want people to subscribe to us

on YouTube guys we're almost at 10k subscribers we're almost at 100,000 subscribers guys that's kind of a 10k times a hundo yeah that's kind of you don't want like a TV well basically my real oh yeah he wants that and I would like a TV Santa my

my letter to Santa looks almost identical to the Taylor Swift one oh you want to be I want to look like a bubble okay we can bubble you up but I want to look like a bubble but you're gonna have to it's going to be indirect you know because Santa's not going to give you a bubble

let's be real yeah so you need to get more money on Patreon to yeah that's true yeah and guys if we hit 20K on Patreon we are making a movie about Christmas. I'm making a Christmas movie. We'll make, even if it happens in July, we'll be making a Christmas movie.

Should I plug my thing that I'm doing on the day that this comes out? Yeah, dude, yeah. 9.93. Wait a minute. Are we going to hit 10K while this episode is out? Could be. So everybody, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out and you better rush over because I will be appearing on

on social media shows TV networks classic interview show in the office with Joseph Skoda at 3 p.m. Eastern today and it will be airing live on I don't know where they're aired. I think it will be on social media shows.com. That's it. I would miss that interview for the world.

Maybe also on Twitter live or something. Our first media appearance, man. That's huge. I'm going to be giving an interview. you about the podcast. Yeah, well, first of our, you know. He went on TV at the beginning of the year. Yeah. And now you're doing this.

Well, his end, but here's the thing. His TV appearance was not about the podcast. No, no. This I'm keeping it strictly. This is for the podcast fans. I'm going to be answering a lot of questions that this guy must, we'll probably dig really in depth. Oh, here's their website.

Here's their website. And sponsorships are welcome, it says. Social Media Shows. Go ahead and click TV programs and we can see in the office with Joseph Skoda. And I'll show you. This is the show that I'm, yeah, in the office. here. So this is the show I'll be appearing on today. Wait, he made himself the eye and it's an educational and inspirational show on social media platforms and stream live in real time

on social media shows network with Joseph Skoda. Joseph Skoda is an experienced marketer and coach. I can't wait to hear this shit. I really can't wait to see this. Oh my goodness. Don't allow loneliness gets the best of you. Wow. Only you know if you got wealth, make memories worth remembering, et cetera, et cetera. So anyway, I'll be on that on a tune in live because I will see. We'll see. happens. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening and Merry Christmas. Should I press the button that demonetizes us? Yes. Go right ahead. I'm not going to do it today. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye bye. I want to have a tunnel in my house to go somewhere. I wish. I want a tunnel from my room to the bathroom so they don't have to walk through the living room. That's called the

hallway. No, but I want it to lead directly there. I want to have a house where I can press button at the door and it switches to whatever room. Like, you know what I mean? It goes like and it sort of switches the order

of the rooms. Like Monsters Inc. Dishonored 2. It builds a new room. I think that's the game. I haven't played it either, but I saw it. I wish that I had a big hamster water bottle next to my bed in a catheter. I wish I had a big hamster. Big hamster and a catheter

connected to my piece. I just had a hamster that was the size of a German shepherd. Yeah. I said, did you see?

And I kept in a cage in my room I never let it out. Imagine it stiffly dies. I just shaking the bars. I throw a blanket over it whenever I'm home because it hears me

walking around that's trying to kill me. It hates me so much. I just drop, I drop meal worms in through the bars. That's what you're feeding? And I'm like, yeah, I can't get rid of it.

Like, it was my uncle's pet, and he died, so I have to take care of any. Disgusting hamster monster? With human eyes. A quarter of the space in my bedroom. I have to get rid of my bed and get a twin bed. I think you'd like that. It would be nice to be beholden to a demon. Yeah, I think so, too.

Yeah, I think it would be nice to have... That's the experience of at least 50. percent of dog owners, I would say. That's my life. Is what I just described. Hey!