Podcast About List - Ep. 270 - Mystic Christmas Investigations

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

We're back delving into the mystical depths of Mystic Investigations, specifically their Christmas articles to learn more about our favorite holidays and Santa 🎅 Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Guys, New York City is no longer safe. There was a complete, like, brawl in front of the studio. A crazy situation. Female brawl, by the way. The whole situation is genuinely completely very sad. Seems pretty evil. You don't know the details. Maybe it was a fight over candy.

I could hear, no, because I have. I was the only one that went. It seems like there was a candy dealer. I could hear everything through the other door. Okay. And, yeah, it's really fucked up. But somebody has been arrested. Big ups to the NYPD.

Thank you, NYPD. Our boys in blue, you did it again. Another sicko off the street. Are they still fighting? Yeah. Well, that's good news. The guy looked exactly like Matthew Golden. The guy looked like Matthew Golden.

It looked like Matthew Golden. It looked like Matthew Golden was getting arrested. But a woman got her face completely busted. And then they started attacking a motorcycle for no reason. They were doing a street fighter bonus stage to a motorcycle. Poor innocent motorcycle. First they knocked it over and then the guy walked over and just stomped the fuck out of it. So somebody had their motorcycle with no engine completely destroyed for no reason.

That's the weirdest part is the motorcycle has no engine. It doesn't have an engine. Maybe somebody already stole the engine. I think we slipped into a backwards world. I think we did. This is like it feels like it feels like it feels like twin peak season. three. Wow. It's genuinely

Lynchy and the fight we just saw. No, it it's like that fucking scene where the lady he walks up to the car and the lady is just screaming. I never been to that. That's how that felt. I never have been to that either. That's how it felt witnessing the fight. I only watched, I watched the first episode probably five times. The first episode is so goaded.

It's so long. Good. It's a movie basically. I know and I'm like, I can't do this four times every day. I watched Twin Peaks a while ago. and me and me and the fiancé just restarted it like the other day and the pilot blew my mind I couldn't I thought I was going to be like well it'd be nice

to go it'll be nostalgic to watch this again but I couldn't believe how much I like the pilot It's still very good It's crazy man But anyway that felt to me more like Grand Theftada David Lynch It was much closer to Grand Theftada

The video game Am I the only leftist that loves Twin Peaks You might be I like the restaurant Twin Peaks When they put the guy into the car He started like smashing the door from the inside I thought we're going to see a full escape.

He looked like he was halfway through, like, Zaz makeup from, like, Batman Arkham's night. Yeah. Yeah, he looked like he had, like, a bunch of markings all over the back of his head, isn't it? Very sad scenario, I'm going to say. Yeah, well, the saddest part is it scared me. I didn't think it was so sad when he was peering through the front door.

I was trying to make, I was making, I thought that someone was going to die. You were going to step up. I thought somebody was going to die. Hey, Mr. Cop. Leave the guy. alone, Mr. Leave that guy alone, okay? He didn't do it.

All he did was break a woman's face in half. Oh, yeah, and then stop a motorcycle? That's what made me, yeah. I thought that this was like a, you thought it was a cat fight and you thought it was hot.

But then as soon as a guy gets involved. Yeah, when a man punches a woman, it's immediately the saddest thing. Dog fighting a cat? That's not fun. No, that's scary.

That's not fun. A dog chasing a cat around. There's cartoons about this shit. We all became, we became the three little Karen's in here. We're looking at the, the window like, oh my God. It was awesome. What are you? My life is so boring. That's literally all I do 24-7 is look out my window and go, oh my God. I'm so proud to be an old, that's literally I look out

the window. I do exactly what we just did, but for when someone is talking on the phone, I go, yeah, what are you talking about, guy? And maybe the one or two times a year when someone gets into a traffic fight. Oh my God. This is what we live for. Come here. Look, look. Yeah. Well, that's They're arguing. We live like, our neighborhood is pretty quiet. But when I was living at that place in Bushwick where like the ceiling was constantly like falling apart and there was black mold there was on Thanksgiving night or the night before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Eve, I saw this whole family like brawl and it was like they were only speaking Spanish so I couldn't understand what was happening. But I saw one dude coming down the street with a cinder block and I was like, oh. It's bad to get crazy.

Oh, no. But, like, the worst part was the windows in my room. Because, you know how I had, like, it was, like, an illegal, like, Alex's room should not have been built. Like, everything was not built up to code. It was just on top. Yeah. So my window, I wasn't able to see everything. So I had to go up to Alex's room because he wasn't home.

Alex, I went in your room when you weren't home to watch a fight. But, yeah, it was just this family just with cinder blocks and beer bottles being tossed at each other. and it was, that street was so fucking crazy. You gotta see one thing like that a year. Yeah. Like it's always like around this time. In Portland, the guy telling us he's going to kill the guy of the machete. Yeah.

Did we talk about that on the show? Yeah. Yeah. I saw a guy dragging a chain. Yeah, the chain dragger, the, the, the scary resident evil. We saw a guy with a laser gun. We saw a laser gun. Who?

There was a homeless guy with a laser gun. I don't remember that. I remember it. Was it in the future or now? It must have been in the past for us. You're kidding. No, it was one we were there. A laser gun in the past.

Yeah. Oh. That's even scarier. Yeah. That's important. Because he brought that technology from another time in another dimension. I do.

I did realize the other day, like when I lived on that street where there was like constantly like a fight or like somebody like throwing like glass around or like somebody a couple of guys. Or someone collecting cans. Someone's. No, there was a couple of guys who decided to have some fun one night and to slash the bike tires on my car. on my folding bike. You remember that? Did I ever tell you about that? The folding bike I gave you that one?

Yeah. I woke up at five in the morning and I heard a bunch of guys going, no, don't do that. Oh, no. And then I heard, then the next day, both of my tires slashed completely.

It was a fucking... Guys like that would say, yes, do that. No, no, no, no. There was a group of teenage just pieces of crap walking by me the other day and I was walking Phil

and they said, look that dog. Stupid ass dog. Fuck that dog. And I was, and I just literally, I mean, it was eight people, so I just looked down and just ignored it. Yeah. The other day, my neighbor rang the doorbell. She's like, I forgot my keys.

Ah, that's not similar to this. Get out of my house, you crazy bitch. Yeah, why? You crazy psyche. You crazy. I was walking with my girlfriend somewhere, and I cut through that big, that park where we shot the underworld's biggest mummy thing. We were taking a shortcut through there, and this group of teenagers pointed at me and said, Yo, don't he look like Mario?

Way. And the worst part was I was wearing the, I was wearing the poop. You're wearing the pee hat. And you guys, if that happens to you, your girlfriend is not going to look at you the same that in the day. No, no. You have to, you, I honestly, I should have just broke off and went into just like a bodega and just hid there. I don't, I think a lot of people, a lot of these teenagers. are very well aware of the fact that they can ruin any relationship.

If there's three or more of them, they can ruin every relationship. It's like fucking nocturnal animals that movie with Jake Gyllenhaal. It's like that. Zootopia? Are you talking about Zootopia? No, bitch. Is this a documentary? It's a movie that I saw probably 10 years ago that is about Jake Jillenhall being such a loser that his wife and daughter get murdered.

But it's the same kind of scenario, basically. He's getting roasted. Yeah, where he's like just going along with stuff. The bartender roasted me last night. You're kidding. You were there. He called me mustache. Oh, dude, this guy was on one last night.

He was on one. I turned to hand him a drink ticket, and I was like, hey, does this cover a June shine? Okay. And before you say gay, beer else, that's my stomach. The bartender, the bartender at the bell house. Oh, that guy likes me. He likes everybody. He must like like me and camera because he was bullying us.

Yeah. Can he give you a shot? Well, I said, can I have a June shot? Can this get a June shot? And he said, I don't know. Can it? Damn. And I just said, please tell me if I can buy a juice with this.

And he realized. He called me mustache. And I said, what? Yeah. And he started laughing. And I said, did you roast me, man? Did you roast me? Yeah.

And he said, no. I said, did you really just roast me? Mustache. Well, the other thing, the thing that we're leaving out is that all three of us were in elf costumes, which I wasn't in an elf costume. Not at this point. No. Okay.

Well, I was in my. elf costume. He was normal to me when I was in my elf costume. He said that he gave me a shot and said, bro, you better than Will Ferrell. He said that? Ask your wife. She can confirm. She defended Will Ferrell. She said you better than Will Ferrell? She defended Will Ferrell? His wife

defended Will Ferrell to the guy. Why did you let her do that? Because he's not better than Will Ferrell. You're kidding me? You don't have to get into a debate about it in front of the bartender. The bartender said it. That's a crazy ass thing to say. You're better than Will Ferrell? The bartender said that. Oh, you're smarter than Albert Einstein. She said, I don't think that's true. She's right. You're not better than Will Ferrell.

I don't know. You're good. According to the bartender. He's better than Will Ferrell. Maybe as an Elf. Talladega Nights. As an Elf, maybe. I don't like Talladega Nights. Oh, that's what he was referring. Oh, I thought he was saying your whole body of work was better. No, no, no. I forgot he were dressed like an elf. No, no. I'm just like it. He's not saying I'm better than Will Ferrell in all walks of life. He's saying I'm probably a better elf. Okay. Well, you're definitely not better than Will Farrell as an elf. I don't know. We can't talk too much about

welfare as an elf because that's part of my presentation. Okay. So we have to move on from this topic. We'll move on. Well, I did,

you know what? I would like to come clean and admit to a I guess a party foul. One that was an honest mistake. No. You guys,

I accidentally stole the spotlight of a karaoke song. It was the You didn't steal a spotlight. You accidentally stole somebody's spot in line. You cut in line. It's disputed because we both picked the same song.

But they clearly picked it before you. We don't know if the jury's still out. Well, then you didn't do anything. But they looked upset and I want to apologize formally. I didn't realize until after. Even if you did, you snite to their song. I didn't realize until after when the song came up later in the queue. You have to assume anybody at karaoke, if they pick one song,

you have to assume that's the only song they know how to sing. But I already sang twice. they have a person you're handing the request to? Yeah. Do you tell it to them or is it like you write it down? You write it down and then you write it down and then you hand it to the cop car that's over, girl. That's sad.

That's the saddest part is that it's over. I hope they're doing a raid right now in that building. Me too, man. That'd be so fucking awesome. I hope they're doing the movie the raid. Yeah. Repelling down the sides of the building. But I would like go clearing out every floor.

Hitting every corner like this. I've never seen the raid. That movie is sick, bro. I think we have you seen the raid? No, but I can imagine. You got to watch. You guys got to watch that movie, man. I think every single time we would go to not Gus's apartment, but anywhere with Gus in college, he would try to get us to watch the raid. It's a good movie. Is it Beast? It's Beast as fuck. Is it a Boston movie? No, it's like a, but it kind of is.

It's a tie or something like that. Gus only likes Boston movies. It's literally just watches like the town, Black Mass, and the departed. That's all he watches. And movies that are like that. I hate hanging out with Gus. He always puts on fucking Mystic River. I need to get the, I need to bring this book, but he gave me a book when I was in LA that he has this detective series that he's been reading since he was like 10 years old

that he still reads. And there's like 200 of these books. And it's about like a fat old detective. And it's the picture of the detective is a picture of the author. And it's called like Mick Barney or some shit. And he just, just solves mysteries every single time. It's the only book he reads.

He gave me one, and he was like, yeah, you should read this book. It'll, like, change your life. And it's like a worst version of the John Grisham novel, and it takes place in Boston. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. This one's completely in Asia. The raid. Yeah.

It's not an American movie. I don't remember what country it is. I said Thai. Could be Thailand. I don't know, so I'm not going to make a strong... Is there an outland? Might be Indonesian, actually, now that I think about it. Oh.

They have the curvy letters. Ty has curvy letters. But the guys from the rate, they put them in every action movie now. Okay. They've just, so if you ever see a guy who's Indonesian, they usually are bad guys. They were in some of the Star Wars movies, I think. They were good guys first? Well, in real life, they're actors.

Okay. And athletes. Oh, athletes. Yeah, martial artists. I wouldn't say it. athlete. I would say artist. You know what? That is artists is in the name of the thing. I was going to say, I would say that they are athletes, but then you bring up the point that they are called artists. The acting is the

art part. But the martial... I would say the martial is the art part. No. This is a beautiful dance between the wind and the man. Yeah. I will say an escape artist is not an artist. You don't think so? No. Houdini? That is a stunt that is a stunt man or what's another artist? Stunt athlete. Yeah, but there's a martial artist is an athlete 100%.

They have tournaments, bro. There's no art figure skating. There are art tournaments. What are you talking about? That's art. That's not art. That's beautiful art. There is an art tournament after they're done. There's an art tournament and it's the game informer

art of the month. That's an art tournament. What are you saying? The game and former art of the month? I don't know what that is. The things in the Game Informer. Who does that have to do? That's an art contest. That's just one example.

I didn't say contest as a tournament. We were talking about it. But that has nothing. Of course, those people are artists. Yeah, but it's a, that's,

they're not martial artists. I think I've lost the plot, mate. I think you, honestly, you bloody have. I feel deft. I feel completely daft right now. You've done bollocks.

I've gone bloody bollets. You've been driven mad by this horrible world that you saw just a sliver of. I know. Recently. this violence is driving you out of your mind. You would not last one second in war. It's all up the junction. I've completely lost the plug.

You're round the bend. You're over the hill. Mate. You hit the wall, mate. You hit the wall. I've hit a wall. You've hit the wall. You've hit the wall.

I've hit the wall. I'm completely washed. I'm mid, man. What celebrity women do you think of hit the wall? But now I'm mid. Susan Sarandon. Susan Sarandon hit the wall. Helen Mirren.

Helen Mirren hit the wall B. Arthur Uma Thurman B Arthur hit the wall Betty White hit the wall and passed away because you hit it so hard yeah

oh the cops are still here what the hell now they're going to come get a we're going to have to give a fucking statement God damn it dude we'll just we'll just hand them the first 30 minutes of the I will give a statement

I'm willing to give a statement if it is on recording yeah because for my own protection we have two cops standing right here. Oh my God. I think that's a good idea, actually. I will not talk to them.

Pound that out. Yeah. That's a good ass idea. I'm leftist as hell today. I'm talking about Twin Peaks, not talking to cops. What's next for you, man? What's next for me?

Right wing. I'm going to completely turn. I'm going to become post left. I'm going to go talk to those cops. Go talk to them, man. I'm going to go out there. I'm going to ask for an application. The thing is, cops are so different in New York

versus North Carolina. Yeah. In North Carolina, every cop is a super soldier. There's bread from birth to be a police officer. Same with my hometown. Well, my hometown, we have the SWAT team. In New York, they're just like normal, like five, four women. They go to the store here. Yeah. They go to the store. They walk around. Down in North Carolina, they go, they have, they do, they walk as an army.

It is a literal army in North Carolina. People always say the NYPD is militarized. This is not, none of these people could be in the military. No, no. They could be, they could, I mean, they could be drone operators for sure. They could be drones. Yeah. They could maybe be part of the BTS Army.

Perhaps a BTS Army. Maybe the BTS Army. The only cops that he's seen. The U.S. Army. The only cops that Cameron has seen are Korean guys. Yeah. White people are in the BTS Army. I thought that they were called the BTS Army because...

You thought they were called Army because they were Korean. No, I thought the group was called BTS Army. They're called BTS. What? I thought BTS was short for BTS Army. and then BTS was short for something else.

BTS is short for something but I don't remember behind the scenes. Oh yeah. Boys, the singers. Boys the singers.

Boys the singers. But BTS has to go into the army. They broke up because they got pressed into military service. This keeps happening

to guys. That's what is Korean pop stars. They have to go fight in the army. That's insane. You have to do one year

bring up mandatory service. Whenever a country has mandatory army, that's fucked up. They have to do it a lot. This has been taking down a lot of e-sports athletes, speaking of athletes. Yeah. Yeah. Which those are the only real athletes nowadays.

PRX Jing just had to take up a year off because he got put into the army. Oh my God. Yeah. And then he came back and he was even better at using his gun in the games. Yeah, because now he knows how to reload it. And now he has the, the thrill of the kill means nothing to him anymore. He's doing, this is my rifle. This is my gun. Exactly. It's completely been brainwashed. And so this makes you better, I don't know how it would make you better at music and dancing and rap, which BTS involves himself in rap. I couldn't believe when

they wrapped. They also involved themselves in McDonald's. They involved themselves in a new meal. It's being distracted by a car. Yeah, the car is beeping at the cops. Yeah. Yeah, so this is another, that's a classic New York moment. Developing a conflict.

Yeah, I feel like you'd only get that in New York where, like, they, like if you honked at a cop that for blocking the road at all, they would draw their weapons immediately and Swiss cheese your car. In North Carolina, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be, you can't do that kind of thing. No. You have to be respectful and you have to cry

or else you dead. Yeah. Here, you PC, I mean, there's so many videos of people fist fighting police in New York City. Oh, yeah. And the cops are just do it. Yeah, they go for it. Yeah, the cops will hand some, but literally like that video where the guy is fighting the dude in the park and he like slips

out the gun and hands it to his friend. It's exactly like that with all the cops. They take off all their shit. Yeah. And they're like, I'm off duty now. Let's do it. Let's do this shit. Yeah. That's the thing. That's a respect thing. Yeah, that's fucking honor. Do you imagine somebody coming like moving to New York to

become a New York police officer? That's got to be the most psychotic person in the world. Can they do that? Can you do that? Do you have to be a resident of the place that you lived to be a cop? No, because all the traffic cops in my neighborhood are all from India. Like every single one of them. Do they ever do the thing that they do

in movies where they're like, listen somebody, you're, you're too crazy where we're forcing you to move to a village. You can't be like hot fuzz? Exactly. Yeah, they do that. Is that real? If somebody gets in a police involved shooting and gets whatever they move into the sticks. Yeah, but do you have to... That's funny.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, your cops and the sticks are eviler. I know. Well, that's because they're all from... They're all because they all shot somebody. Yeah, they all got sent away. Yeah.

They got sent to boarding school by their bosses. Imagine the reverse, though. like a cop that's like too shitty, so they send them to New York. Yeah. We need to toughen you up. Well, it's a cop here. I heard there's a cop here who shot a couple people.

They sent him to Christmas City and the North Pole. Really? Yeah. Doing what? Cop? Being a police officer? Yeah. Imagine the police there.

Yeah. Wow. They don't have guns. They have a candy cane in their holster. They have slingshots. They have slingshots that shoot bullets. Yeah. That shoots bubbles.

A slings shot that shoots bubbles. That's a good invention. That's actually an amazing invention, man. You might be back. You might have gained the plot back. They might have jelly marbles kind of bubbles, kind of bubble like that. Jelly marbles kind of bubbles. What could this be?

Yeah, you lost it again, man. Orby. Yep, you're back to being completely gone. I liked it when it was just a bubble. Yep. A sleigh that with an alarm system or a siren system rather. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah.

I don't mind that at all. A sleigh. I mean, wait. What other vehicles are there in the North Pole? Is Santa the only, the only one with a snowmobile? You see the only one with a fucking car? Cross country skis. Yeah, you have to, like, walk everywhere or ski everywhere.

They definitely got snowmobiles, man, snow shoes, snowmobiles. Did you guys ever, remember snow shoes? Sn, E-A-U-X? No. Oh, that was like Stivo's shoe company. You ever see snow shoes when you were a kid on movies and TV and say, I want to walk on those, man? It's far. Have you ever been snowshoing?

So it spreads out your weight so you don't sink into the snow. Oh, that makes sense. But they're just tennis rackets, right? yeah well i mean a cartoon one is yeah i'm sure the old tennis rackets to my feet when i was a kid it probably does about the same thing well we didn't have any snow i used to go snowshoeing with my mom they're like metal and like i mean they're kind of like like like yeah they're like metal and they're your head lock in like skis have there been advanced yeah i was gonna ask because there have been advancements in snowshoe technology yeah probably do you think they

have a snow shoe that looks like a jordan four no well so you could you wear your shoes oh okay so you could just wear your but that would just wear your but that would be fire, dude. Yeah, you just wear your shoes and you strap into the snow shoes. But it's fun. It's a fun thing to do. Imagine the Valenciauga snow shoe.

Pulling up at your Inuit village with the Balenciaga snowshoe. Free idea, Valencia. People losing their fucking mind. The fun part is here and you get the poles, like the cross-country ski type poles. You don't really need them at all. I'm watching this woman on the phone who is from...

Oh, ambulance. Oh, dude, it just keeps... What? The fucking mailman is going to show up next? What the hell? Come on. The mailman did show up in the middle of it. The mailman, the pizza guy.

Everybody just showing up. When I was in the other door, when I was in the other doorway, the mailman poked his head over and then threw a package in and then started walking. That sucks if you're a mailman and something happens like that. And it happens like at the place you have to deliver. It's illegal for you to not deliver that mail. You have to deliver it. You have a literal honors bound system. You have a code that you must have.

The mailman's code is. one that is punishable by death. I've been trying to get... If you break it. I'm trying to get car insurance and every single time I go for a quote, it always asks,

is anybody in your family in the military, a police officer or a postal officer? So apparently you get all the same benefits... Yeah, you get crazy benefits. From just being a fucking mailman?

Yeah, my uncle's a male man or was a mailman. This is an amazing... Anybody should do this job. So it takes a long time to get to where it's really good. like that's very heavy seniority based yeah that's what my my uncle's at yeah you have to like work for a long time before you get like the samurai they kind of they kind of they kind of i think it's

one of the things where they kind of initiate you they kind of fuck with you a little bit you get hazed well you get hazed in getting the worst hours well you definitely get who the new kid the new guy definitely gets the santa letters yeah and they're like go ahead bring them to the north pole yeah yeah yeah yeah i used to give my uncle my letters to say go to it you know they have a training academy my buddy's a mailman shout out to to Emmett. He's telling me that he has to go to like an, it's like a full academy.

You go to like for like two weeks or whatever and you go take different classes about different types of mailman things. Do you have to do you do? Isn't that awesome? Do you spin the bag like the gun? You have to learn how to spin the bag. There's reading bad handwriting on letter. No. On the addresses. Oh my God.

There's not. I knew. Oh, I thought that was true. There is a whole section of there's like a. I thought you actually think you were telling the truth. Well, the, I Academy is real, but that's not a real class. There's a big USPS, like, center where all the mail where they can't read the handwriting goes, and they all, they use some computer to input it. And then some of those letters have just been, they can't throw them away.

So some of those letters have just been sitting there for like 40 years. It's crazy. Because they just have no idea where it's supposed to go. Have you ever thrown mail away? That wasn't yours. My wife threw away a giant box of mail that was sitting in our apartment for a while this week. and I said, that's illegal, you're going to go to jail. You just admitted to your wife's crimes.

Yeah, well, like, double jeopardy, can't be held responsible. Oh, okay. I always, I always throw it, I always return them. Yeah. You return every last piece? So, if it's a former tenant and it doesn't say, or current resident, I cross out the barcode and say not at this address, and I sent it back in that.

Is that what you're supposed to do? Yeah, but it doesn't work. I just put it in a pile. You're supposed to do that, and then supposedly the mail-carrying service is supposed to take, Like the post office is supposed to take it and like, well, they take it, but they're supposed to take it and be like, oh, we won't deliver this to this person anymore here. For some reason. But they still send them. But they do take it away. I get like every single apartment that I've lived in. No, my first apartment. Every apartment, but after my first apartment, I've lived in three places. They have never, ever once given me a mail key. Really? And in my last apartment before I moved out, I started. I talked. I talked.

to my mail lady and I said, is there any way that you can open this up for me? I have not been given a mail key. Like, is there, do I go to your office to get a mail key or what? That looks awesome. Wait, talk into it. Cam put a Santa hat on his microphone.

I think it's dampening it too much. I don't think it's dampening it at all. I don't think it's dampening it enough. You sound like Santa. Whoa, oh, whoa. Wait, you really do. Oh, oh, oh. It's a little Dracula now.

Yeah. but yeah she said oh shit that makes so much sense and then open it up and there was just crammed mail like like the slot like just had so much shit like like a real thinly cut turkey sandwich yeah folded over a million times that's what it looked like and she was like yeah i just thought nobody lived here wow i thought you were nobody man yeah i thought you were a complete ghost thought you just didn't matter at all yeah well Cameron stack of mail that tall you putting that hat on your microphone reminded me of christmas got me well into the Christmas spirit.

Guys, it's week two of the, or is it? Four weeks of Christmas. I guess, I think so. It's week two of the four weeks of Christmas. I wish we had it sleigh bells on there. Well, watch this. I think you're going to be surprised in one second.

That's the bell shaking. It's if you hit them really hard. It's a different, they change the bell. That's a Jaws harp. It's not a Jaws harp. It's a Jew's harp. Why you say Jaws harp? Because it goes in your jaws.

You're afraid to say Jules harp? It goes in between the Jules. There we go. That's kind of Jinglebellish. That's closer to a Jekleville. That's Christmassy. Yeah. What is that sound?

Chimes? Hmm. No. It's chimes, maybe. It's fully chimes. It has been declared chimes by the sound association. Open up the PowerPoints. And go.

And we're off on another amazing journey to guys. Mystic Investigation We're back on Mystic Investigations, y'all I think Untitled Presentation is mine Yeah And mine is Kaki Webibaba Cacki Wabi Baba All right who wants to go first

I can go first Let Mr. Patrick go first All right so We are back talking about Mystic Investigations you guys You're back talking me No I'm talking about mystic

And you're doing it right now you bitch I'm not back talking I'm not a bitch I'm not sassy I'm not sassy You start Can you give it like an applause Because it's Mystic Investigations

This is one that the fans look I think we I love mystic investigation I got lost looking in We were investigating a mystical event Over there Of a fight That I feel like

We did not give Mystic Investigations A big enough applause When we mentioned it When we dropped it Again back talking me Mystic Investigations Y'all All right you get that

You get a couple of claps from me. I was concerned that we weren't going to talk about what Christmas is really about, which obviously, as you know, No, that's exactly what I was going to talk against. I thought it was commercialism. I think that maybe you're forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. What's the true meaning, Pat? Well, the true meaning...

It's about corporations having green and red. It is about... In their logos. It's about respecting the birthday of... our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Now, Julio, click next on the slide. Did Santa Claus ever meet Jesus? Oh my, okay, here's my theory.

Posted December 7th, 2023. My theory is yes. The Christmas Spirit. Wait, the Christmas Spirit wrote this. My theory is no, because Santa came, Santa had no reason to be Santa until Jesus had passed away. Well, let's, let's hear it out. You're going to love this, what you're about to hear.

from the Christmas spirit more back talk and as an Amazon associate we earn from qualifying purchases yep yes

Santa Claus has indeed met Jesus Christ the first son of the omniverse God on several occasions this includes the one time Santa was in heaven

upon his death at the hands of the Antich Claus on December 6th 343 AD while in heaven he was able to witness Christ in his

complete magnificent metaphysical form although that wasn't the first time he met the most famous demigod. Oh, click the next slide. Demigod and vice lord of the omniverse. Despite being born almost 235 years after the death of Christ, Santa was able to meet Jesus via time travel.

As a demi-angel, Santa, or Nicholas at the time, accidentally stumbled upon his developing chronokinetic powers at age 16. He spontaneously traveled 15 minutes back in time to meet himself. naturally 15 minutes before that happened he was shocked to meet his future self after that santa began practicing time travel but he found the further back he traveled the more energy was drained from him he also found himself greatly weakened and need and in need of ever longer ever longer recovery times at age 19 he finally

traveled back to the year 1 a d to meet baby jesus santa at age 19 i bet he would i wish they had a photo rippling muscle bulging through a red pinstripe suit. Ooh, because he had the suit. Because he had the suit. No beard. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Adventures of Young Santa Claus.

That is an amazing. Let's make the movie, guys. We got to make that movie. Adventures of Young Santa, like Young Indiana Jones. He could fight a piece of glass. Or Young, Young, whatever. Young anything. It'll be any young movie.

People love when old stuff is young. And Adventures of Young Little Wayne. We could make that too. Young Scooby-Doo. They made that. At age 19, he finally traveled back to the year 180 to meet Baby Jesus. and officially became part of the first Christmas. The three wise men magi sensed his holy nature

and he was allowed to approach the Christ's child. He technically gave Jesus the first Christmas gift when he presented a rattle that he made. Although it was actually the fourth gift after the three wise men's presence. When Santa was 24, he visited Jesus in his 30th year of life. Jesus had complete knowledge of St. Nicholas' importance in the future. They discussed the state of reality and the destiny of human. humankind. I do, I do feel like that's a little bit of a flop gift for the son of God.

Yeah. Yeah. After, after gold. Yeah. Franken sense. Mrrh. Mrrh. Oh. Franken sense. I do. This, uh, where, while we're speaking about movie ideas. Yeah. Uh, this, a kind of a my dinner with Andre, Santa and Jesus sitting down and chop it up about the state of reality and the destiny of humankind. Isn't that an incredible idea? My dinner with Santa and Jesus. Yeah. Santa's dinner with Jesus. Santa's dinner with Jesus. Santa's dinner with Jesus. coming 20, 25. The thing is, Jesus has, he's not

ascended yet, but he has some knowledge that Santa will be an important figure. Santa will be one of the most important figures of Christmas. I think it's hard to argue that Santa's not maybe the most important person ever lived. Imagine, imagine meeting somebody, like, somebody who is like, I have time traveled to meet you.

Please, please, let me be the God of your birthday. Let me be the God of your birthday. I want to be in control of your birthday after you're dead. Once you die, once you die, I have to get your birthday, and I am in charge of your birthday. I'm from your future. You're going to die. Here's a rattle. Here's a rattle. Do you remember this rattle I gave you? I think that I just would be, I'd be a little skeptical of him being the son of God as a baby he was playing with a rattle. Yeah. It's a bad gift. It's a bad, bad gift. The frankincense, he's going to smell that.

The murder. And that stuff has, he's going to use that. That stuff has spiritual significance. It's in the Bible. Yeah. Well, I guess rattles kind of have a spiritual sense. significance. How so, bitch. Maybe the sound of, maybe it's a sound, you could, if you're dead, if you're dead, you could yeah, your death rattle. Oh my God, Santa

delivered his death rattle. Back with the sarcasm. Holy crap. The sarcasm. He's being sarcastic. No, I'm not being sarcastic. I can tell based on the way you're talking. No, no, okay, well, speaking of death rattles, Santa Claus witnesses the death of Jesus Christ, and I need you to see this photo of Santa kneeling at Christ's

cross. Holy shit. The unmistakable silhouettes of Santa. One of the most artistic photos I've ever seen in my life. It is so beautiful, this photo of Santa and Christ. Well, it's Christ isn't there. It's just the cross. Well, it's the cross of Christ.

Caleb. Is it cross, your cross to wear or cross to bear? But he wears it. He bears it. It's on his body. He wears it, man. Finally, at age 32, Santa went back to witness the crucifixion of the Lord's son. When speaking of this, he begins to weep and says it's the most horrendous.

thing he ever saw. Santa openly admits he went back a bit earlier in an effort to save Jesus from the Romans. However, Jesus himself implored Santa to let history take its place at its predestined course. In reality, Christ knew the Romans weren't the real threat, but a mysterious force from beyond the omniverse who had a vendetta with his father. They are the ones who weakened Jesus so that the Romans could murder him. Had Santa tried to intervene, he might have been wiped from the very face of the earth before Christmas ever truly got started. This can't be the worst thing Santa ever seen. No. How many times has Santa gone down a chimney and it's that one episode from Breaking Bad with the ATM? Yeah. You know, it's like a little dirty kid who's like in

shackles. Yeah, but he's been really good. He's got a deliver. How many child slaves has Santa not saved? Probably a million. I think like 60% of the children on earth are slaves. Yeah, and he's and they're, what? So they're naughty because they're slaves? Yeah, no, they're nice. Yeah, they're nice. Go give them a present. And while you're there. slip him a key. Yeah. All I want for Christmas is his skeleton key.

Yeah. Just get out of that. All right. This next one is just a photo, but it was, I picked it because I liked that it was a paid ad. Wow.

And it's a photo of Santa feeding baby Jesus, breastfeeding him. Yeah. And it says paid ad at the bottom. I wonder who paid for this figurine. Well, I think it's some kind of auto.

It must be. Anyway, the coolest thing about Santa and Jesus' relationship is that Santa's prayers are directly answered by Jesus. Wow. Santa Claus is one of the few

people on earth who can pray to Jesus Christ and actually get a spoken reply. That's unbelievable. Although he keeps the direct prayers to Jesus minimal, so as not to annoy him. Plausibly, the Vice Lord Christ gets trillions of prayers from parallel universes and multiverses within the greater omniverse.

Most of St. Nicholas's prayers are the equivalent of a rhetorical question. So no direct reply is required. Santa also gets the treat of Jesus being his Santa on Christmas. Whoa. The Holy Christ leaves a gift for Santa underneath

his Christmas tree in Clause's manner. Santa's perpetually young kids, Nicholas and Mary, always try to wait up to see Jesus coming down the tree. Unfortunately, they always mysteriously fall asleep. I bet he gives him a rattle. I have some, I had a mention of

of his perpetually young kids and mine too? And I was like, who are they? What's their story? I googled them. I googled like site mystic investigations, Nicholas Jr.,

which is the kid's name. And they never explain, they just always, there's just a bunch of different things where he is, and Santa, and his perpetually young kids, Nicholas Jr. and Mary.

Santa eagerly awaits the return of Jesus Christ at the conclusion of Armageddon. Although he makes a point of inviting him to Christmas and Easter dinners every so often, in the hopes of him taking biological form.

In his eyes, it would be the highest honor and most beloved guest to have second only to God himself. It is rumored Jesus Christ will appear at Santa's Christmas dinner in a spiritual forum not long before the final battle of Armageddon. Oh, M.G. That's unbelievable. Before all

shit turns south, Santa's gonna, Jesus would be like, all right, fine. You know, you've been inviting me for a while. I'll finally show up. In spiritual form, though. I'm busy, so I'll show up in spiritual form. I'll have a, you'll see me at the end of table in a force ghost and I'll just wave. But that's all I

have to say about Santa and Jesus, but I did find one more interesting thing that I think we need to learn. We need to discuss. What is it? Even Santa poops, not. Unlike the imposter

in the video, the real Santa Claus does not poop, nor does he produce noxious gases. As a demi-angel, angel human hybrid, St. Nicholas does not require food to survive. Although his human half does crave it. His digestive system is supernatural and 100% perfect. Everything he ingests is utilized by the human half of his body

or transferred into angelic energy, the same angelic energy that allows his human components to survive without sustenance. More or less, he could theoretically eat anything without any negative side effects. This includes insane things such as a chunk of steel, some uranium, or even a cup of hot lava. If you're one of the unfortunate beings on this planet that must endure the indignity of defecation, then you probably need the product in the video above to mask the hell of your smell. L.O.L. Poop-hre before you go, toilet spray, is the perfect stocking stucker suffer for humans.

For most humans, aka Animal God hybrids, on your Christmas list. So why is he as fat as a fucking melon? Because he doesn't poop. He doesn't poop. Yeah. Every time he eats his system is not. But he doesn't need to eat, he says. Right. But he craves it because his human half craves.

So he does it anyway. He has 2,000 years of shit. Yeah. That's why his belly is big. Okay. And I'm surprised that even makes him jolly. It would make me fucking, if I was that impacted, I'd be mad as fuck. Oh, yeah.

I would become the anti-claws. Yeah. That's all my slides. All right. I'll go next here. I haven't, this is more, this is a story time. Okay. I have for you guys.

And this is, this is apparently true. The movie L. with Will Ferrell, we were talking about earlier, is based on a true story, guys. Oh, M.G. So I'm going to tell you guys about what actually happened. Tell me the true story of Elf, because it's become so commercialized.

Yeah, it's been basically corrupted. And the real story is, you know, I'm just, all I'm going to say, reality is sometimes stranger than fiction. That's my preface to this. That's an amazing saying. Thank you. I never heard that.

The movie Elf starring Will Ferrell is the story of an orphaned human baby who was raised as one of Santa's elves at the magical North Pole capital of Christmas. An unnamed celebrity in the paranormal community who was a regular guest of North Pole City learned of the true elf story and then gave the idea to elf screenplay writer David Barrenbaum.

David then built his own buddy the human elf story around the real one because the rights of the original story are held by Santa Claus and the human elf. However, Santa does give people permission to create similar stories around the true ones. To some extent, the supernatural secrecy pact could be in play, but realistically, nobody would believe such stories are real anyway.

So Santa is the copyright holder of this story. And he said, you can't use the story, but you can do one that's almost exactly the same. So David Barrenbaum has a direct line to Santa. Yeah. He had to talk. Through an unnamed celebrity. Who do you think it is? That's North Point, yeah.

Is it like, in the paranormal communities? Yeah, it's got to, it's got to, okay, who is a celebrity that is also involved with paranormal community? Zach Bagan's. No, that's too involved. And I feel like it's got to be someone who maybe knows Will Ferrell or role with Will Ferrell. It's probably, it's definitely not Zach Began. Could be Sasha Barron Cohen. Could be.

Could be Sasha Barron Cohen. I wouldn't be surprised. It's definitely not Zach Began. Zach Begans is like that video of the guy standing outside of Ice Poseidon's bus. I don't know that. Don't know it. Okay. Mrs. Claus come along for the Christmas Eve flying sleigh ride.

In truth, the real elf was technically Santa and Mrs. Claus' first child. Although be it an adopted one. On Christmas Eve of 1888, so this is an old story. Mrs. Holly Claus wanted to come along during Santa's present deliveries that included the usual three-year-old. sleigh-managing elves who assist Santa. There are certain dangers with her coming along as she was merely a human at the time who had to be magically protected against the stresses

of flying a light-speed teleportation sleigh. There are also potential attacks from various dark supernatural beings. Even in her current status as an immortal human, these supernatural stresses would still be an issue. The magical protections required things to be slowed down, which can also make Santa more vulnerable to the Anticlaas, crampus, or other destroyers of Christmas.

Since most of these dark Christmas entities were beaten back sufficiently at 1888, it was somewhat safe for Mrs. Claus. So it happened that year. Yeah. Oh, okay. Mrs. Claus only came down the chimneys of select places with Santa. That included a religious orphanage in New York City. Sounds familiar, right? I'm sure you remember this.

Where she greeted some of the babies in their cribs as Santa delivered gifts. The priest who ran it actually knew St. Nicholas, so there was no violation of the supernatural secrecy pact. Mrs. Claus took an automatic liking to one baby in particular, and she wrote, rocked him gently in her arms. When it was time to go, she asked Santa if they could take the child back to the North Pole to raise as their own. This was before the angelic heavenly hierarchy intervened to grant them children of their own. Immortals such as Santa can't have children naturally, despite an angel being able to have one immortal child with a human. It's nature's way of preventing the earth from being overrun with immortals, thereby overshadowing the predestined story of humanity.

Wow. The priest had no objection to the adoption, but Santa regretfully said he was forbidden from bringing a human to North Pole City who did not find their way there on their own. This was another amendment of the supernatural secrecy pact. She was quite melancholy over leaving the child behind in his crib. Her sobbing in the back of the sleigh made the rest of the delivery schedule a real downer. Santa and the elves tried to console her, but she just couldn't forget the adorable little baby boy. However, she eventually kept a stiff upper lip and fell silent so as not to hinder Christmas in any way.

So Santa ruined Mrs. Claus Christmas hard. But they had to have gotten the kid at some point now. Then a little fella invades North Pole City. Later on, during Christmas morning, Santa was enjoying his first post-delivery meal. So here we see that he does eat. A behemoth of a breakfast fit only for a powerful human angel hybrid like St. Nicholas. Mrs. Claus barely touched her hotcakes laden in peppermint syrup and butter made from reindeer milk. Ew.

Actually, it's probably fine. Nearby a plethora of elves chattered and chowed down with glee. Suddenly, everyone fell silent and stopped inhaling their sugary food as the subtle sounds of a baby, cooing could be heard. Santa uttered, What on the seventh heaven is that? Everyone walked over to Santa's giant red velvet sack that should have been empty after being drained of all Christmas toys.

The bag was moving, and suddenly a baby came crawling out, smiling at everyone. It was Mrs. Claus's baby boy from the orphanage. The child had somehow miraculously left his crib and entered the bag in the short span of a minute. He managed to stay hidden in the bag throughout the rest of Santa's deliveries, due to it

being a four-dimensional bag. It had virtually unlimited space within, So, the child was probably crawling about what appeared to be warmly lit corridors for hours before finding his way out. Imagine if it didn't find his way out. The baby was in the back rooms. Yeah. But inside of Santa's back is the back rooms, man. He could have been in there.

They could have never found him. Yeah. He could have died of starvation and water lack. Imagine if Canada, Santa killed the baby on Christmas? I know. Mother Christmas scooped the cute baby up in her warm, loving arms as she cried tears of joy. She looked at Santa and asked, found his way here on his own. Can we keep him, dear? He grinned widely and told her,

yes, my dear. From that moment onward, she raised him as their own child and named him Sandy, in honor of Santa's father, the Archangel Sarandiel. Although he spent a great deal of time with Santa's elves, normally people age extremely slow at North Pole City, including Mrs. Claus. However, no human baby had ever lived there for any long length of time. Something caused him to rapidly age physically to adulthood by the time he was 12 years old in the year 1900. Although he was still mentally a child since his friends were all childlike elves, it was later revealed that his constant inhaling of elf dust acted as a supernatural stimuli to accelerate his growth. Does elf dust come off of an elf's body? So here's a little sidebar on. What is elf dust?

I pulled up this article just to so we know here. More off, most often, elf dust is a byproduct of their respiration process. When exhaled, it's invisible most of the time. However, it accumulates in the surrounding environment at North Pole City. Much of the glitter in the snow is actually elf dust. The majority of elves, including Santa Claus' enchanted elves, only breathe the helium in our atmosphere. This partly explains their comical low-pitched voices, which I think they mean high-pitched. Helium composes a mere 0.000524% of our air as opposed to the oxygen. We breathe, which makes up 20.946% elfin cells, paranormally process the helium and manufacture an argon neon compound of AR2 and E3 that is exhaled from their lungs. Scientifically, such a compound could

never exist, but this is the world of the supernatural. We're talking about here. That being said, the second this rare gas hits the air and immediately breaks down to argon and neon, these gases, famous for causing the glow of neon lamps, emit a brief glow from the elves' nose and mouth if viewed in complete darkness. In addition,

the exhaled elf dust will visibly shimmer in that moment as well. I'm always so fucking amazed at how in-depth all this is. But beware! Oh my God. That some glittering and glowing substances can in fact be radioactive rather than supernatural. Although, In some cases, supernatural substances are radioactive.

Thankfully, true elf dust is harmless to humans. So if you see something glittering and sparking, sparkling, it's either. Don't touch it. It could be radioactive. Well, but it could be elf dust, which could make you your body get bigger. That's true. Could make you age. Kind of a gamble.

So back to the story here. Sandy confronted his adoptive father, Santa. He and Mrs. Claus sat down with Sandy to give him the news he was adopted and was originally a human. Despite that Santa made it clear, he was their real son brought to them by the spirit of Christmas. He had also grown into a true elf and should no longer consider himself human. Sandy was content for a time until 1909 when Santa and Holy Claus saw the birth of their first biological son, Nicholas Jr. The archangels allowed that to have kids after seeing how positive

it was for the clauses to raise Sandy. Sandy became somewhat disenchanted and jealous of the arrival of the new child. He decided to return to the human world in 1911 to find his real parents. As a demi-angel, Santa could look into anyone's mind and see who their parents were. So now we're get into the movie plot here. Sandy's mother, Ellen Hemingsworth, was part of an affluent New York City family who arranged a marriage for her to another wealthy clan. Her husband, Percy

Hemingsworth, was a horrible cad who cheated on her and was only in the marriage to increase his family's power and position in life. Sandy's heartbroken father, Patrick Forrester, was disowned by his own working class family and run out of town so they wouldn't be blacklisted from working at

local factories. He headed out west and became a cowboy who never married because he was still hopelessly in love with Sandy's mother. Sandy was given a mystical snow globe by Santa that allowed him to open various portals. In a flash, he was out west in a small Colorado town called Woodland Springs, current home of Mystic Investigations. The creators of this website, he found his father on a cattle ranch. That's almost amazing.

And now we'll see more similarities with the movie here. Without blood and DNA tests, it took some time to convince Pat Forrester he was his son. Thankfully, his mystical elf powers aided him, and they bonded. for some years. Sandy didn't reveal where he had been raised as per the supernatural secrecy pact along with being told by Santa he would be branded a nutburger

without proof he wasn't allowed to produce. Although in defense of life, one can reveal their paranormal powers. This happened when a violent gang of psychopathic cattle rustlers attacked the ranch in the winter of 1913. Everyone would have surely died if Sandy had not single-handedly repelled them,

mostly via dense high-speed snowball throwing. Happens in the movie. Happens in the movie, yeah. Being being beamed with a 100-mile-per- hour wet-packed snowball can mess a person up real good. Sandy was also forced to display other elfin abilities such as super strength when he talked a few rustlers around. This caused the formation of glittering elf dust to emanate from him.

He finally told his dad he was an elf. Knowing such magic existed, inspired him to take his son back east to reclaim his true love. They traveled there instantly via Santa's paranormal portal activated by the magical snow globe. Then, in New York City, Christmas 1913 was approaching. That's Christmas 1913. It's a different holiday. As Sandy finally convinced his mother

He was her son, she demanded a divorce from Percy Hemingsworth as she fell in love with Pat Forrester all over again. However, the abusive cat of a husband sent thugs. Not thugs. After father and elfin's son. The thugs that were then dispatched Christmas style

by Sandy. A divorce was denied by everyone as Sandy's mother Ellen was whisked away to England in the dead of night. Father and son managed to find out where she was, but the magical snow globe portal was only programmed to go to Woodland Springs, Colorado, New York City, and back to North Pole City.

Sandy was going to return to the North Pole with his father to ask Santa for help, but it was Christmas Eve, and they spotted him in the skies above, bellowing, ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. Santa sensed Sandy's presence below and landed in some woods nearby. That happens in the movie, too, landing in woods. After hearing what happened, Santa told Sandy and his father to hop in the sainted red sleigh. They immediately flew away to England in a flash.

Sandy kicked in the door, and his father got into an epic fist fight with the abusive CAD, Percy Hemingsworth. this cad as how do you i'm sorry how did they get to england so quick it's a sleigh you ass hat no no no no no not i know how the hell they percy hemingsworth and he's rich white man he's a rich abusive cad yeah but wouldn't they have been on it would have made more sense of they got on a private yeah he got a private boat all right all right he's rich uh his father got an epic fist fight with abusive cad percy hemingsworth as sandy hugged his mother he said let him me floor dad i don't that's weird after healing the other two guards and putting them into a deep sleep.

Old St. Nick st. Nick strolled in with an uneasy smile. He then easily pulled the two brawling men apart with his Titanic angel strength. His supernatural voice bellowed loudly, enough of this insane violence. This is Christmas Eve for the love of God. Sandy pleaded with Santa that his parents should be together

as the wealthy cad said he had every right to keep his wife and demand everyone leave his property. Now this is an insane power of Santa that I never knew he had here. Listen to this. Santa reluctantly agreed, but then recited some important words. I St. Nicholas

in my holy capacity of heavenly ambassador hereby make this unholy marriage null and void in the eyes of the holy Lord and savior of the universe. Amen.

He can dissolve marriages. That would piss me off. Yeah. There's legal stuff we have to do. And then Santa walks in is like you're not married anymore. What if you're, yeah,

what if that's what your wife wanted for Christmas and you can fucking, that's how you find out. You're just done. Percy Hemingsworth angrily attempted to pull. punched Santa and the kisser as he exclaimed those words meant nothing because he had marriage papers. Santa restrain him and said, all papers and records of this marriage have been supernaturally

disintegrated. You are no longer married and you will continue to be on my naughty list for the rest of your life, no doubt. Santa placed the pathetic Percy into a deep sleep as Sandy's parents embraced and kissed. The joyous family used the snow globe to travel to North Pole City with Santa's blessing. That is amazing. And this is something they don't show in the movie. See? Sandy's parents finally get married. Well, because I think his mom's dead. Yeah. Right.

So, again, they didn't want to deal with Percy Hemingsworth in the movie. They didn't want to put a cat on. Yeah, the cat is a scary character. But who would have been the perfect cat in that movie? John Favreau himself, the director. Sandy's parents finally get married. Santa finishes Christmas deliveries and had Mrs. Claus make plans with Sandy's biological mom for a wedding. While doing so, the women bonded as Ellen showed great gratitude toward Holly Claus for raising her son.

All the elves approached Sandy and welcomed him back with open little arms. They officially declared he was a real elf. Sandy also made an effort to bond with his little brother, Nick Jr. At about 7 p.m. on Christmas Day, everyone gathered at St. Nicholas Church. In the witness of several elves, Sandy's parents were married by St. Nicholas himself. Naturally, Sandy was the best man while Mrs. Claus was the maid of honor. To this very day, Sandy and his parents still reside in North Pole City. Often the Clauses and the foresters get together for dinner and other activities.

Sandy's full name is Sandy Claus Forrester Elf. He's still just called Sandler. Last name's elf. Now this is the most insane part. Wait, so this is like a movie. It's like Milk. That's the movie. It's his last name. Yeah. Wow. Now, this is the craziest part. This part they need to have put this in the movie and I think that they should

release a version with this alternate ending. Okay. On Christmas 1914, Santa gave the Forrester family a unique gift. Sandy and his parents opened a gift box and were transported into a mystical realm drenched in the spirit of Christmas. Sandy was made into a baby again, and his parents got to raise him until 18 with it a dream world.

They simultaneously believe it was real while knowing it wasn't. A supernatural state that is hard to explain. At the end of what seemed to be 18 years, their bubble reality ended, and they exited to find only one month had passed. Sandy and his parents now had the memory of a happy childhood together. Sandy got the gift of two childhoods, both of which he remembers. Did he have a say and being turned back to a baby? Oh, my God, there's a fucking Twilight Zone episode.

And then here's the epilogue guys. Yeah, that's not a gift. They also didn't cover this in the movie. Epilogue. Way more cops. After the orphanage priest died, he spiritually visited St. Nicholas from the Great Beyond. He confessed to secretly placing the baby Sandy in his toy sack after seeing how much Mrs.

Claus loved the child. Santa forgave him and both agreed to never tell a soul for fear of the repercussions of a supernatural secrecy pact violation. Angels, demons, or any other entities who signed off on the SSP could possibly go back in time to prevent the event. Thus, Sandy would never become an elf. nor would his parents ever find happiness. You don't want that shit. Yeah.

And that's the fucking amazing story. Like I said, reality, it's stranger than fiction sometimes. It really is. They have so many

different magical things that happened into a baby for almost no reason at the end of it. Wow. That's amazing. Okay.

I have, I was looking, so I know it's a Christmas episode and we're supposed to do all Christmas stuff. But I did get, I just found something that I liked a lot

that it was not, it's holiday related, but not so much Christmas. Okay. So I have to apologize for that. That's okay. But I do want to really quickly look at the... Have you ever looked at the disclaimer for this website?

I don't think so. We might have looked it up the first time we found it. No, I don't think so. I mean, maybe we looked at it for a second, but at first you think that it's just like a normal, like, copyright policy or something. But it says this. The following text below may be required

under the supernatural secrecy pact of 33 AD. The characters places organizations at events on this site, Mystic Investigations.com, are completely fictitious. Wait, I know what happened in 33 AD? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah.

That's crazy. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental. Any similarity to any place, organization, event, or anything else for that matter is also purely coincidental. Despite this site being a total work of fiction, we have no way of knowing for sure if the various supernatural beings and folklore mentioned actually exist on this planet, another planet or a parallel universe. In fact, they might very well exist.

If you believe the religion of godhoodism, which states that everyone who's good eventually ascends to godhood and creates her own universes, which we should do a deep dive on godhoodism at some point. Godhood might be the most important part of this entire thing. The guy who made missing investigations has his own religion called godhoodism, which he takes very seriously as an entire blog about it. But basically you become a god at the end of your life. Okay, next slide. Who knows if we're required to say all of this under the alleged supernatural secrecy pact of 33a, blah, blah, blah. The information on this site is not intended to or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice and then this big medical disclaimer.

But you might see this and say, oh, man, it's all fake. But they seeded these little things about the supernatural secrecy pact of 33 AD. And if you go to the next slide, there's a photo of this thing. Look at that. Oh, my God. That's the pact. Whoa. It's a golden tablet with a bunch of crazy writing on it.

And so this was signed. I'm guessing that these are all signatures of different. of Santa, God, angels, all that sort of thing. And this is a very, very important pact. Okay, I want to move on from this, though. But I'd just like that they have this disclaimer, but then they tell us the truth in the disclaimer.

Okay, so the story I'm covering is, what are the digital demonic dangers of Cyber Monday? This is by Xavier Remington. Here you have a photo if, well, yeah, so you have a photo of some kind of hacker hacking into a MacBook, something that says 60%. And that's in Mordor, it looks like. Door door, and then there's a bunch of stairs up to heaven.

It looks like heaven and hell almost. All right, next slide. So maybe you skipped the frightening shopping frenzy of Black Friday to avoid the dangers of being injured by hordes of human shoppers, zombies, vampires, and the demon god of greed, mammon. A lot of bad things can happen in a chaotic crowd. There's also the potential for demon possession when it comes to those with weak minds. Those suffering from the unfortunate and mental condition of greed

and the lust for material items they don't really need. These misguided individuals with monetary malevolence in their hearts are compelled to injure innocent people who get in the way of their supposedly sweet shopping deals. There's a lot of alliteration on this website. It seems sitting in the safety of your home and shopping the dynamic deals of Cyber Monday, that's an ad, built-in ad, on the internet is the way to go. Sure, it's a lot safer, but there are still risks as you furiously click away, adding items to your virtual shopping carts, while whipping out your credit card. And there's a photo of a melted computer, guys. And a scary set of yellow beady eyes behind a black shadow.

Oh, shit. I didn't even notice the eyes. Yeah. So this can get scared. I thought that that was just a modem. Next slide. You may think that Cyber Monday safe. The risk of Cyber Monday includes the aforementioned demonic possession for the simple-minded,

overwhelmed by a lust of luxury items. There are indeed cyber demons within cyberspace. Those dark spirits who can't quite make it into our reality completely end up as paranormal binary data forms on the internet. This makes sense when you consider that everything in our physical realities ultimately compose of non-corporeal energy, which is, in essence, a dynamic form of data.

Often, they become trapped in the unfamiliar reality. They are bound by the limits of the worldwide web, hardware, and various software platforms. However, they can still be diabolically dangerous. Even more alarming is a new form of magic which dark practitioners of magic, or even demons themselves, are writing intricate get AI code that they can breathe life

into. In essence, creating new cyber demonic life, their own private minions ready to dominate and corrupt the future virtual reality holographic internet. Oh my God. And this is a Monday problem? This is a big problem on Cyber Monday.

Jesus. Next slide. Demons who merely haunt the web while still existing in the metaphysical world will simply use their cyber form to brainwash your mind. Once weakened enough, they will perform a standard direct possession. True cyber demons will sometimes have the assistance of a real-world demon to pass the possession off to. So they will possess somebody through their computer and then say, hey, Beagleborg, come get this bitch.

Yeah. Scary. The beetleborgs? Bealborg. It's considered a living sacrifice and the cyber demon is rewarded with power and a promise to be released from the computerized prison someday. If it is merely a lone virtual demon, then on-screen hypnosis and Wi-Fi connections are there. entry into your mind, body, and soul. The high-frequency electromagnetic

waves of Wi-Fi act as a conduit for higher-dimensional cyber entities to enter your subconscious. Oh, shit. That is where perplexing possession begins. Not perplexing. Perplexing possession. I do not fuck with perplexing. The risk of demonic possession is particularly high while sleeping

as your subconscious manages your greedy material-possessed thoughts of the day. Be sure to sleep far away from the Wi-Fi or turn it off. Listen closely. Ethernet connections are best. We already knew that shit. Certainly, use of mobile devices is a risk on this malevolent

Monday. Oh, just on Cyber Monday? Just on Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday is probably the highest demonic attack day. Next slide. How to repel cyber demons of darkness. And this is a pair of green eyes shoot in a green hoodie, shooting out

ones and zeros. It's a Java. Cyber Monday is the number one day for calamitous cyber entities to rear their blasphemous binary heads forth to plague people with their hellish horror. If you want to avoid the hazards that range from computer

issues to being eaten alive, then be extra cautious on Cyber Monday. Just think happy thoughts, or realize there's plenty of trinkets for everyone on the internet. So don't obsess over your trinkets, guys. You'll get your shopping deal, another ad, but even if you do, even if you don't, it's no big deal.

Don't obsess over material items and keep a cool head along with a calm heart. If you see your computer starting to wig out, then immediately shut it down and leave the room. because it could be a demon entering your domain. Blessing the computer with holy water to put water on your computer or merely cleaning the screen off with it can help.

Placing religious artifacts around your computer can also help. Using a Bible as a mouse pad is a major moral measure of security as you surf the perilous virtual waves. I never considered that. Use the Bible as a mouse pad. As you surf the perilous virtual waves of Cyber Monday's ocean, swimming thick with sea. sinister shopping sharks.

If all else fails, try praying to the holy cyber god. Cyber God. Yeah, cyber god, man. Amen. Next slide. Cyber Monday at Mystic Investigation. So they're taking measures at Mystic Investigations. And there's an ad on either side of those.

Ones for an LG OLED Evo that says it's time to upgrade your television. Our employees are given 15 minutes every two hours to personally pursue the internet for Cyber Monday deals. All our computers are cyber vaccinated with the latest magical anti-demmonic software, along with being blessed by a priest. There are also protection spells in place. Employees may also take turns on cyber patrol duty and shop on websites as they officially look for signs

of trouble. Some are also assigned to our cyber phone center on this dangerous day, while waiting for calls they are allowed to shop as well. Generally, we get information on the type of entity inhabiting one's computer, and then we design an antiviral type program to deal with the supernatural scourge.

Tougher cases require us or our partners in other communities to make a house call to exercise the cyber demon, which could be a reboot of the exorcist. Yep. Is that your computer or your phone is completely has a demon in it, man. Get that thing out of here. The computer cyst.

Interesting note. This to me is the most interesting part of this whole thing. Weborcist. Okay. The WebSosocyst. The exercise. Oh my God. It was right under the nose.

The Webser site. The Websor site. The websor site. Interesting now. Cybergenies are usually far less nefarious and think Akinator. Akinator. Far less nefarious than their real-life genie and a bottle counterpart. Their mind is oddly altered in a positive manner by becoming digital.

Me too, man. Then there's the awesome freedom they feel not being confined to a bottle or lamp, nor are they bound by the three wishes rule. However, it's best to exercise caution if you come across one, they can still get quite vindictive if you offend them. So cyber genies are nothing like real genies at all. they don't grant wishes they just live in the computer they just guess to see

what oh you're talking about Hasanabi right so that's interesting I think maybe there's another slide but that might be it now that's it that is it so that's the I know that Cyber Monday is already over I want to know about Cyber God I'm really

yeah I forgot to include something about Cyber God but maybe we can look at it real quick just search CyberGod Mystic Investigations I'm sure it'll come up because I do I am interested to see I want to see a photo Cyber gods

This has got to be him right Yeah Whoa Oh my god He looks like a tool music video Wait Does the fabled cyber god exist It is a five minute read

There are those who claim to have contact With a so-called cyber god However most of the time they are cyber demons Cybergenus Cyberghost and other enchanted electronic entities more or less real life higher dimension dimensional entities or souls that either purposely or accidentally

are transmuted into digital data within one computer, a network or on the greater worldwide web internet. In the future, complex computer viruses may form an artificial intelligence and become cyber demon-like entities. He predicted chat GPT back in 2017. It's scary as fuck, man.

And look, a metabolism secret has been revealed. Try this bizarre, five-second hack. Let's just see if there's any more photos of him. False cybergods in the future. Just scroll, scroll through. Then the cybergod afterlife. Weird science. Wait.

A genie possessing a computerized creation created Lisa the weird science cyber genie. Wow. The cyber god's mission. What does he want? Whoa. He kind of looks like the...

Oh, he's stopping. He stops the AIs, it says. He fights against the AIs on behalf of you. Thank God. We have this cyber god fighting for us against the genie. And thank God for the LG OLED Evo. Yep.

And that's actually an amazing deal. That is a great-ass deal. Check this out if you have money. And Alexa is built into that guys. You're looking for a Christmas present. That's a gift guide. All right, you guys. That is the episode.

It looks like we might be getting arrested. Yeah, I think there's a pretty swayed. They full patty wagon is in front of the office. They have been here for an hour. So something crazy must have happened while we were recording. So if you don't mind, we're going to go talk to some police officers. Bye, guys. Guys, I've made a terrible mistake.

What happened? Maybe a marriage destroying mistake. Oh, no. Yeah, last night. What happened? Me and my wife have decided to start doing a budget, right? To take care of our money. It's that season, man. I've been on the budget, too, and it's been ruining my life.

It's not good, dude. It's not good. Dude, the moment you realize how much money you actually have. And your wife makes. that you've actually double the amount of money and it's still not that much money. Exactly the same experience.

And then she's like, is this really how much money you make? And I go, yeah, we have an office. Actually seeing the exact number of money I'm putting into savings

every month. Yeah. Oh, sorry. They should probably be more than two digits sometimes. It's only sometimes. Yeah. But last night,

we went over his budget to spend hours to have. Yeah. We set up a joint. bank account took us weeks we finally got it finally got it put together had to go to go to bank of america set up the joint bank account had to do it took days i'm going to need your advice on this because we have no idea how to do he said that this is marriage ending i don't think you need his advice i know he's getting he's working up to the mistake i'm making them i made the mistake okay

so last night so we set up the entire thing right and then and and and in my checking account not that much money but we agreed that like our joint checking account is going to be groceries and yeah like stuff that we'll both do right so last night she goes to bed and I stay up so I can do the dishes like a good guy right yeah and I'm sitting there and I'm watching YouTube videos and I get this ad man I get this ad for something called Alpine butcher that sells A5 oh wait no I know because you were saying you were gonna buy it last night after the gym you oh my God did you put it on the fucking joint bank account I accidentally bought it

with the joint bank account card A5 Marbling score 12 Wagyu, New York Street State is $130 and for one I was telling you go to Costco

go anywhere go anywhere but buying A5 Waggoo online there's butcher shops all over this fucking neighborhood How the fuck are you buying something off a YouTube How the fuck are you buying something off a YouTube?