Podcast About List - Ep. 271 - The Christmas Debate

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Woke vs Based, Jesus vs Santa, Gifts vs Presents, Caleb vs Cameron and also Patrick is there for the most part, it's The Christmas Debate. Watch the full video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Go ahead. Say some woke shit right now. I'll blow your fucking head off. What is this a sex toy? For me it is. Yeah. For me it is. I point this in the mirror and I jack off. No. Ew. No, he pointed in the mirror. I think nobody should have access to guns, even soldiers. Okay. Oh, okay. That's interesting. That's interesting. So go ahead and tell me how you think we should fight a war. How are we supposed to kill millions of people without a gun? Using I feel statements. Mm-hmm. So give me an example. When you take my territory or when you ethnically cleanse my country or area. Ethnically cleanse. It makes me feel unheard on the world stage. So maybe we can work towards a solution where I can validate you.

you for you wanting my brace to no longer walk the earth and I can validate you and say and then I walk into the meeting and I see every single person I see both sides of this I see completely both sides of this

guys were back to debating if you couldn't tell we're doing the debate on Christmas we just ate six enchiladas between the three of us and about four pounds of beans so two each six into a lot We'll see how this goes. What, the debate? Because there's a lot of enchilada meat.

You can piece out, man. You don't even have a position. Yeah, you ask what your position is. You say, I don't even want one. Yeah, exactly. That's true. I am a complete centrist. Anytime we do these debates, which anytime meaning one time and now, you, you.

We did a different debate, but it wasn't between us. We had hot dog and hamburger, but that was more of a boxing match, I guess. That was a battle. I thought we were going to do a battle, but it's a different thing. It's a word battle. and ideally battle but basically I am

I mean this is last time we did a debate we did all sorts of topics right we did every topic out of the sun go ahead and do the voice or Pat whoever you are what voice

the voice of the intro oh we did stuff like I don't remember it well just say stuff man it's improvised Christmas well we didn't do that

well we actually didn't talk about Christmas but this time this time it's only Christmas it's only Christmas it's only Christmas And it's a, it's a, we're having a debate on the role of wokeness in the holiday season. And whether or not it should be allowed or disallowed, this, obviously it should be disallowed. Whether it should be obviously allowed.

And we're all, I don't even remember what the second option was. And we're all elves because we ordered these elf costumes and forgot to use them in any time it would make sense. We did the girl god show. I, I fell in love with the elf costume. We felt amazing. I asked for them afterwards. They said no. yeah which uh first of all i also i'll take listen i'll take credit i masterminded this i sent

caleb i said caleb you have to go you have to go be like the face character for our party like in balder's gate you have to go and and finesse these elf costumes charisma you have to steal them from girl god charisma was way too low you rolled out one i rolled a critical failure yeah and then i said i said let me buy them off you and she was like oh well you know you don't yeah i'll send you the amazon like i was like well just give them to me then and she said no I came back to you elf hat in hand

and I said we have to buy them ourselves elves are stronger together but today we're divided funny noise you guys are like tomatoes oh someone wants to talk today are you kidding me so how is your day today buddy let's see what you look like turn your camera

on buster you mother buster he can't turn his camera on you a gun you bastard say something say something You sound like a tomato, bitch. Say some of the other than tomatoes. Fucking Christ. I'm not the tomato brothers.

We're not the tomato brothers. We're not the tomato. We look like elves. One, we're elves. Two, today we're not brothers at all. We're brothers and arms on opposite sides. We're sisters, because sisters are always arguing. Sisters fight.

They say you fight like an old married couple of sisters. Yeah, old married couple of sisters. Sisters do fight all the time. What's that about me? brothers. I talk to my brothers once a year. If I had brothers, then this, then you wouldn't be like how you are. No, I wouldn't be so damn woke if you had brothers. I grew up with brothers. I grew up in a household full of women and men. I grew up with two brothers and a sister. I grew up, I grew up with a purple furry monster. You're kidding. Yeah, maybe a bald

face lie. Maybe let me guess. It's my lived experience. Because you're from where. You're from woke Disneyland, where they have gay night. Yeah. I'm from wokester. You're from wokester. Wokster mass. That would I need Worcester to become a center of, of a liberality and wholeness of people can call it. Isn't it already?

That would be a killer. Okay. So now you're coming over to my side. I would say that Boston. Lamebridge, bro. Lamebridge. The land of fruits and nuts. Summer fill up your welfare.

bag. Somerville, is that what you're trying to say? Shut up. Yeah. I'm not really good at it. Bro, don't even talk shit about Somerville. Because you're from there. Bro, don't you even dare talk shit about Somerville, kid?

You look like a tomato for real. I don't look like a tomato. You are dressed up like a tomato. I'm an elf, bitch. Look at the glove. You look like a tomato. I bet he's from red. Pronounvidence, Rhode Island.

Yeah. Pronavidence, Wilkins, Wilkins, Wilco. That's really good. bro that's literally what it is there bang him main oh yeah that's more scary Stephen king territory oh well man's chest's new hampshire chest her her new hampshire man with a chest who's a herd new hampshire damn that woke conia new hampshire wokenia let's see wilmington drummington kilmington that's what it really is girlford new hampshire that's good Like Guilford.

Milford. Mills, I like. That would be the anti-woke version. What's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? I'm a hot over there.

Or instead of acting, it could be like action. Like an action movie. But that would be anti-woke. Well, you got to put some woke states. You've got to put some woke cities and some unwoke cities. Action Glocksboro.

I want you to know this today, Cameron. P-Town. You are, now that you are my gym brother. Yeah. My brother in arms, chest, legs, and feet. Back. Or back. We don't do a feet day.

Why don't we do a feet? We do muscle. There's that motorcycle one where you do this, but I guess it's a calves. Yeah, but you use your feet for it. Toes. Use your feet to walk too. The toes, you have to be a dancer if you want to work out your toes. But because we are.

And I know all about ballet because I did it my whole life because I'm woke. That's, I do. that instead of having a job. You do ballet? Yeah, that's how I... And you got blue ass hair. You do it eight hours a day? Mm-hmm. I clock in nine to five ballet. And I guess what? I teach children ballet and drag. Oh, my God. All ballet is drag if you ask me. What the crap are you doing? Guys like you think ballet is a drag, but I see it for what it is in art form. My wife asked me to go to a ballet recently. She said she would really like to watch it, to watch one. Yeah. And I said, it's better to watch a video. Do you want to come? of it where they have perfected it.

You don't have to go see a random time. It's like if you're... Why do they... I don't ask her to come to the Korean Gaming Cafe with me. Okay, here's a thing. This is, I guess, outside of the debate, but this is why I don't like plays, man. Okay.

And it's like going... Would you like to go see a movie, but they're just trying it? They're trying to do it. Do you want to see all the actors try to do the movie? A one take movie? Or would you rather see the movie

that they worked for two years on? Yeah. Right. That has effects. That's exactly right. They did the best try of it. That's exactly right. on the screen, man.

And they can put like a giant dinosaur in it. You can't have a giant dinosaur in a play. Unless you do, I would actually, I would actually watch that. Do you want to see, do you want to go see a movie that could be completely different? Every single time. Every time. You want to see a movie where somebody might just forget their lines in the middle of the movie. Exactly.

They just, they try to, it's in a, do you want to see an attempt at a movie? I don't like plays, man. No, it's not for me. No, I don't like plays, but I also don't like ballets because of my. But I think theater fosters important community in high school. Mm-hmm. It shows boobs. to guys, I've heard.

Says who? Dude, my friend Levitt, he was in... Your friend's name is Levitt? Well, his real name is Jesse, but his middle name was Levitt, he went by Levitt. He told me that he saw boobs when he was working,

when he was in theater when we were 12 years old, he saw boobs. I didn't ever see boobs. I didn't see boobs either. Well, he said he was seeing him like every day. I wasn't in theater.

Was he doing, like, was he in a burlesque show? He was in a burlap show. He was in a, child burlesque show, which is something you probably want, you sicko, bang, bang. I don't want it because I already have it. I have all I need.

I'm woke, man. Oh, God. So, tell me what your plans for Christmas would be. Okay. Well, I guess do we want to introduce our positions? Let's introduce our business. You mean X-Miss. We'll start, let's start with Caleb, I guess. We'll show Caleb's

position on the debate. We'll start at that end of the table. so all right read out your so listen I am a Christmas traditionalist

obviously I think that Christmas season starts on December 1st and no earlier I'm sick I am sick

of the day after Thanksgiving waking up and there is garland everywhere garlic garlic no that's Halloween

garland everywhere disgusting green parts of Christmas trees leave that out of my shit man remember the reason

for the season hmm What could that be? No. Shut up. No. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Christ's present.

It's about Christ's birthday. It is not about commercialism. That's the complete opposite, actually. It is not about, unless you're buying black rifle coffee company with my discount code. No, none of that. And then Mrs. Claus is white. I'm sick and tired of all these different races of Mrs. Claus. It's just not sure.

I mean, listen, I'm fine with people being from all. sorts of worst countries than the one that we're in. Right. But I'm not fine with rewriting history. And it says in ancient texts going back to Mesopotamia, in the hanging gardens of Babylon, there was tablets that read Mrs. Claus

white as the snow on which she walks. Right. It's just the truth. You know she was Egyptian, right? So it's African. Mrs. Claus was not fucking Egyptian. I didn't know that. That's bullshit. It's true. That's, but that is Mad Al. We worked at the history books.

That is mad out for bulls. It's not true. Don't listen to him. Don't be swayed, Mr. Middle. I don't know who to believe in this. Well, let's look at Mr. Middle. Let's see, let's see Mr. Middle's position. All right.

Let's see what I believe, which is, I am a Christmas fan. I'm a supporter of Santa Claus, but also commercialism. I like the presents and the stockings. And I don't care who brings the gifts as long as they are. are fun. You just like Christmas. I just like Christmas. I couldn't see.

That TV is too far away. You simply just are a fan of everything Christmas related. Oh, yeah. I don't care what happens with... I just like the music and the pageantry. So you're like, keep the politics out of it on either side. You know what? If you want to put politics into Christmas

and if you want to put... If you want to change anything that Santa has willed into existence, F you. I'll say that much. Well, that's both of us. So we're going to push you. We're going to kill you. We're going to kill you. We're going to put you so into the middle that you'll become nothing.

You'll be, you'll disappear. Well, all right. If that's it, and so be it. And here's my position for the debate. I am, of course, woke. And I am a woke iconoclast. So I want to destroy the icons of Christmas. I believe Jesus Christ belongs in jail.

Whoa. Not in Christmas. You shut your phone. fucking mouth. He's only a baby. No, man. He literally manipulated a group of 12 people to do his bidding. He was a cult leader.

To hang out with him? What? Are you manipulating me and Patrick? I think that on Cameron? Why am I saying you're Cameron so many times today? Sorry, continue. I believe on Christmas Eve we should be leaving out gluten-free cookies and oat milk. Shut your trap, you bastard. And if my

kid asks for Harry Potter books for Christmas, I'm hitting them. Did you just say them? I said them. I'm going to shoot you to death with my fucking gun and then punch the hole. I think we have one more position to look at, too. I don't know if we have one more member of the debate. If someone wants to read this.

It says, Jubio, he's a white Mexican, which I've been dreaming of. It says, Amola Navidad, Amo a my papa, I'm my mama, I'm Papa Noel. So he likes Christmas. He likes his mom, likes his dad. He loves Christmas. He loves Christmas, loves his dad, loves his mom, and he loves Father Christmas. Santa Claus.

Yeah. Oh, that's cute. That's nice. That's actually very sweet. I'm curious to see where he ends up by the end of the debate. I'm guessing that he will have a strong stance on my end, probably. No. We'll see.

Bro, he's from Mexico. I'm going to send him. Their walk is fucked down there. No, they're not. It's literally an entire country full of Latin X people. Latin X. But they also have, they have the cartoon.

tell, which I think is kind of cool. They should have the cartoons instead. Well, that's a very good point. Rudolph, which is... A year without his Santa Claus. Eight Crazy Nights. Santa's beginning. Wait, no, not eight crazy nights.

I hate that movie. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, my God. So what's our first topic here? I guess I'll put forth that I think that Christmas is a time to basically promote anti-racism.

Hmm. And how do you suppose we do that? Well, through gifts, I hope. Yeah, through gifts, I'll be giving my white uncles. I'll be giving them gifts on... Like what? White Frigility, this book? This goddamn book that ruin the world.

And activity books, workbooks with anti-racist word searches. Because they've done studies, they do studies, and this is one, besides therapy, this is one of the best ways to learn emotional intelligence is word searches and match the difference or find... Match box cars is what I'm right. What are your sources on these studies and was it in Berkeley? This was a study that was done by me with my feelings. You're fucking joking. No logic.

Yeah, that doesn't involve logic at all. That's just as I suspected. I don't know if you know this. You're committing what we call a fallacy. The lying fallacy. You're committing what we call a felony. Which felony? By wielding that gun without a permit.

I have tons of permits. Yeah. Yeah, right here and right here. My two permits are my hand and my gun. Doesn't food called chicken participation sounds so good? That does sound really good. What did you say earlier? Chicken salutations.

Chicken salutations. I would order that too. And there was another one too. I can't remember. But also, we talked about this very briefly because I did want to save for the show. But no chicken on Christmas. Meatless. Can't eat Christmas.

Meat out. Meat out day. Oh, well, that's a good. That's actually, that's great news for you. I think on Christmas we should take our meat out. That's great because chicken isn't meat, man. No meat, man. We should take our meat out.

We're not eating steak. We're not eating chicken. We're not even eating eggs, which I think is meat. Because it comes with different colors. You're making me want to throw up. Chicken is not meat. Eggs are not meat. Chicken is not meat.

A chicken is a person. You're making me want to throw up. Shut. The fucking has two legs that it walks on. It's a person. A chicken has two genders that it has. A human. has 252 genders in every strand of DNA.

You woke fucking piece of dog crap. I will blow your head off all over the Christmas mantle. A kid should get a different gender every year. For Christmas? For Christmas. That's a terrible gift. That's a great gift. It changes your outlook on...

That's a terrible gift. There's no commercialism in that. I'd like to get something. There's no physical object that you spend money on that gives back to the world. What about the wrapping paper? you're putting gender in a wrapping paper i like rocking rolling paper i bet you instead of having i bet you don't even know how to start a damn fire and i bet you pull up the crunchy roll fire uh simulator and you put that on the tv at christmas you fucking bastard uh i don't and i bet you use a soy

i do not pull i do not actually use crunchy roll at all that's cultural appropriation i have my japanese friend he pulls up crunchy roll at his house in japan i have him call me in the middle when he's awake and he tells me what's happening in the anime's. Oh, so what? And I only watch anime is where the characters have different colored hair. I think I'm completely going to throw up and I think I need to go. You're going to throw up? Yeah, I don't feel good right now. From the debate? I'm worried that I caught Noah's sickness

right now. He doesn't throw up. That's not a throwing up sickness. I'm worried that I caught whatever Noah has. Well, you can throw up if you need to. I think I might have to go. This guy just left in the middle of the fucking episode to go puke? We were having a really heated debate, I guess. We were really getting into Maybe we need to slow it down. Let's get it slow and sensual like sex between two men.

I think sex between a man and woman should be over quick. I think I actually agree with that there's more time. I think I actually agree with that too, even though I'm conservatively right way. I think it should be fast and jerky. Yeah, because you don't. So we're agreeing on something here,

which is that time is money. Time is money and this. What, I'm supposed to pay this bitch $10 of time. There's a finite amount of sex to be had in the world at any one given moment. That is true.

And it's better for a black guy to have it with a white guy. You're kidding. And I suppose you think that white guys can get black guys pregnant and vice versa. Let's get right into it.

Let's dive into the issue of black guys versus in the bedroom. Who would get pregnant and who would be the inseminator. I wish I could get pregnant. I bet you fucking do.

I bet you probably walk around with one of those period cramps simulators. Out of all of our friends, who do you think is the man most likely to get pregnant through a freak incident? Joe. Joe could definitely get pregnant.

I bet he already has and he's hidden the baby. He could definitely, he's had an abortion. I think he could definitely get pregnant. I think men should have abortions. I think men should go have monthly abortions, so they know what it's like for women to get abortions.

And what? They take out their nutsack? I think they should get abortions. I think if a man eats too much, he should go to an abortion clinic and get it taken out of his stomach. You're kidding me. And you think I should pay for it as a tax pay. Yeah, I think that. And I also support OZMPIC. I do not support OZMPIC.

If you are going to get skinny, you have to go work for that. You have to go to the gym every single day and you have to run for four minutes. And then you have to get so winded that you have to leave and think you're having a a part attack, a heart attack, a stroke. Yeah, a part of your body. Part of your body is attacking. Well, it is true. Or it's being attacked. I think that we should, I don't think that anybody should have a gym membership.

And instead, I think they should have a public pool membership. And I think that everyone should wear their shirts in the pool. To hide their shameful bodies? You think that's okay? Well, in case, to normalize it in case there are people who are ashamed. But I don't think anybody should be ashamed of their body of body, even if they're like, 200 pounds. 200 pounds.

Even if they're a fat guy, it's like 200 pounds and 6'1. That's disgustingly fat. I don't even want to imagine this person. Okay. You woke piece of shit. I think that Mel men should wear the shirts in the pool so if a woman who's 120 pounds

wants to wear a shirt in their pool to hide her body, she can. Her big fat body. Yeah. Yeah, no, I just disagree with you. I think that women should be wearing bikinis and men should be wearing suits at the pool. Other way around.

You think that. women should wear pants. I think that men... How are they going to give access to their bush easily? Which is shaved. Oh. Or should be.

Are you serious? I don't think anybody should shave. Any part... You think that photos of Marilyn Monroe where her dress is being blown up by a guy with a straw or whatever, you think that there should be hairy black pubs crawling

like spider legs out of the side of her panties. I don't like photos of Marilyn Monroe. I like photos of Marilyn Monroe. I like photos of Marilyn. and Manson. You? He's my sex icon. You think that's a he?

Yeah. What the hell is wrong? I bet you jack off the photos of Lena Dunham, eating food. You fucking woke piece of dog crap. We're getting a little away from Christmas, I think. Yeah, it's mostly just fat. Just talking about fatness. All right, back to Christmas.

I think that girls should be, by Lena Dunham should have been called boys and girls. So it's all inclusive. So you agree that boys and girls includes everybody. Yeah, if you have an ampersand and they're a weird squiggly symbol. You bastard. Okay. Here's what I want to know. Yeah.

Walk me through what you think the Christmas story is the original. Don't be going, oh, I shot my eye out with a red writer BB gun. I'm talking an amazing movie. I'm talking about the one that happened 2,000 years ago. Walk me through that. What you think happened in that manger. So basically. A straight

Middle Eastern male was born through in vitro fertilization, which should be the norm as well as surrogacy. I hate surrogacy. Or maybe if I'm woke, I'm supposed to not like surrogacy.

It's kind of one of those things where to me it seems evil in real life. Surrogacy? I think I agree. I think that... I think it gives me a kind of existential horrification.

A baby. But I do support horror for the whole. Horrification of America. Anyway, a young baby is born. Okay. First of all. It's that, well, that's probably, that's actually the last part of the story.

Scientific freak accident. No. That's where it all begins. So you don't think it was, you think that they had this science back in. 2,000 and 23 years later, basically capitalism has taken this mystical occultic story that's a perverse. And it's, they've pervert. did it you think and I think that commercialism has taken over which is good but I or or I like when so it's good if people if you spend money on pink presents where the hell to even buy you let me guess you do your Christmas shopping at Target yeah on the crox store and you do it a month I do I do it I do it three months in advance and I do it in Target in the electronics aisle oh god I get my I get my I get my I get my nephew I get him cooking mama.

Shut the fuck up. Don't you dare teach that man to cook. For the Nintendo Switch, the best console ever released. No, I don't tell me you got the OLED version. No, I don't have the OLED version because we don't have a TV. We read books instead. So when my nephew plays his switch, he uses the built-in stand that comes on the back of the switch. Do you know the one that no one's ever used?

Yes. He uses that and he puts it on the kitchen counter because we have no chairs in our house. He goes and he sits on the floor or the other end to the kitchen. and he holds the joycones. Why don't you have chair? Oh. I believe in standing desks. You're kidding me.

I had to beat your fucking fruity ass for that. And he has a, he has the pink model of the switch. Dude, no. Here's what Christmas is about. Okay. Robert Earl Keane. Okay. Christmas.

Sounds like a presidential assassin to me. Happy Christmas, Merry Christmas from the family. That's a great song. Motley crew. I want T-shirts from them. every single Christmas. I want a different Motley Crew t-shirt.

I want studs on my belt. I want to get every single Christmas. I want the same three things as a conservative father. Yeah. I want golf balls. I want a 12-pack of golf balls. I want a brown wallet.

Yeah. And I want some kind of gift card. Right. Anything more than that, anything less, it's going to be a no for me. I'm going to cancel Christmas next year. Let me walk you through

what I'm getting for Christmas. And maybe this is my way. A Ridge wallet. I would like a special edition Blu-ray of Black Panther 2, Wakanda Forever, the one where they fight underwater Mexico. Don't tell me you have Blu-ray in your house.

Okay. First of all, I have a Blu-ray optical drive that I plug into my MacBook. Whatever happened. And we watch it, and the screen is smudged as shit because I think it's a touchscreen

and when I go on Etsy, I try and grab all the heart-shaped necklaces out of it. I like heart-shaped necklaces, then I wear jewelry. I like Etsy. And I like Etsy for, buying jewelry for myself. I think all jewelry should be edible. And what else do I get? But I get an, I get a master class. No. Yeah. You're getting an Aaron Sorkin masterclass? I get, I get, I always ask

every year. I ask for the Aaron Sorkin master class. I ask for a cooking masterclass and how to make macaroni and cheese. And I, okay, so you eat cheese. That's good. Well, don't tell me it's diet. Cashew. Oh God. Cashew cheese. You fucker. And I ask for. a master class on how to correctly address the homeless population. I got a good thing to do. You fucking turn them into hamburger. No, address them like whether you're supposed to say, sir, ma'am. Oh, not the problem of homeless people who are camping?

You mean the blessing? It's no. It's no blessing, man. The blessing of diversity and income brackets in our neighborhood. Thousands of people every day are murdered by fentanyl-crazed, walking around who think that I think that you should get fentanyl if you have a headache.

No. And there was something else I was going to ask for for Christmas that I'm having trouble remembering. Probably. Oh, I remember what it was. And this is the most important one. I want this is my favorite gift. I want this every year. A hand-drawn gift certificate for one free

hug. That is a bullshit nonsense la-law gift from a fucking dumb-ass kid. and I want one that says one free item from the grocery store. Well, that's just a normal gift card. And I don't think, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a normal gift card

that says one free item from the grocery store. Well, how much is the most expensive? That's actually not a bad idea for a gift. Well, some grocery stores sell grills and like, well, yeah, whatever the most expensive thing, you would need to buy the gift certificate for that amount. That's such a good idea for a, well, yeah, I guess it kind of, or it's very, we go again, capitalism ruining Christmas.

We can't have a free item because everyone's going to abuse it and get the George Foreman grill. I'm fine with capital. I like George Foreman because he did what God said to do. He went forth and multiplied. He has 11 children. I like big families as well. And I think they molest each other. Yeah.

What the hell? Why is that even woke? It's woke to, well. No, it's not? I guess it's not woke at all. You're just saying yes to things. Yes and. I believe in improv.

You fucker, piece of shit. Let me guess. happy that Second City and UCB are coming back to New York City. Not UCB. Why not? Because I'm against sex slavery. Well, I guess I'm pro-U-C-B then. I guess I'm completely pro.

I'm super woke. I'm against sex slavery. I don't believe in sexual assault. I don't believe it should be done to people. Oh, okay. All right. That was tricky for a second there. Here's what I would get you for Christmas. Okay. Let me get you want a, well, a helmet, probably, because you can probably ride your bike with a helmet.

Oh, a bike? You mean a stationary bike? That's how I get around. You don't tell me you put on a helmet and ride the Peloton. I put on helmet. The Peloton. And I go on my phone and I open up Google Maps and I... Google Crapes. I use Waze.

I actually use Ways also. Well, then I use Google Maps. Ways is across the aisle. I use Yahoo Maps. I still print out the Map Quest. directions every single day to get to work never memorized it i go on street view and i and i write i i i go on a new type of street view that goes inside of buildings and i ride the peloton with my helmet on and i ride around the library i think that you and me right now we would do an

amazing round of geogessor together yeah you'd be guessing everything in san francisco i'd be guessing mexico hmm this has to be compton i think yeah of his Hispanic Latinx descent. I think that this is probably Shirek, they call it. What do you think about the North Pole? I think it exists. Yeah. Because I think it's a settler colonial state.

What? You think the elves aren't happy? They get to make toys all day. The elves are the colonizers, man. Who was there before? Inuit people? Maybe. I guess.

I didn't really think it through. I just think that God bless those elves for being up there They work hard for you every day To build your your bad dragon Triple XL size dildos That you're fitting in your mouth all day

Sure sure You realize that they're alienated From their labor right Do they get Do elves get paid? I don't care but do they get paid? I guess they're bored Room and board

Is that enough to be making billions of toys every year Are elves are they native to the North Pole or are they from some kind of dimension of light? I think it probably is Wonka status where... They were in the jungle? They were from the jungle

and Santa went in and he was slashing all the vines with the machete and then he slashed one big group of vines and he looked out and there was just a bunch of... One elf that looked up to him and ran away. In a river basin, yeah. They led him to like... And it's like a waterfall and they have like kind of like a city built vertically.

into the side. I think it was probably that kind of thing. He met with the chieftain of the elf tribe and the elf said we will come for you we will come to you

North Pole to your great pole. Thank you. You saved us. You saved us from being in this. You saved us from yeah,

I don't know what what's an elf's natural predator in the jungle. Me. Jaguars. Yeah. Jaguars, panthers,

anacondas, eating elves all day in the We need a place where nothing can live. That's what they said. You probably want to, and let me guess, you probably think that Elon Musk is some kind of dumb A, B, bastard.

Yeah. Are you kidding? The only reason he's, the greatest genius of our time. The only reason he's famous is because he's handsome. You think he's handsome? Yeah, we don't live in a meritocracy at all, man. I think he's an ugly piece of crap. If he was ugly, he'd never be on, he'd never be buying. and Twitter doing all this stuff.

Which, by the way, my social media network of choice is Pinterest. What, so you can look at pictures of flowers and all sorts of dumb, gay shit. Here I'll list off my Pinterest boards for you. Go ahead, you best.

Flowers. Okay. Birth stones. Okay. I don't even know what mine is. Live birth footage. Miracle. Because I think it's a miracle.

Okay, we can, so the miracle, it was a miracle when Jesus was born Immaculate Conception. It was immaculate. And anti-Christian rhetoric. They have a rhetoric section. A rhetoric section where people post rhetoric. You can find basically anything on Pinterest.

Can you find pornography? There's some pornography, but do you know what pornography is to me? Probably you think... Erotic literature. You're saying that every piece of media you think it's called text. Yeah. And this is an erotic literature. So you think that, let's say, Lana Rhodes getting double-teamed?

I prefer Lana. of Del Rey. Back to fat. She's big and fat now. I think she looks good. Let me guess. Your favorite porn stars are probably Buck Angel and what's the other guy? Oh, yeah.

Steve. I wish I knew some names of male porn stars right now to drop that big funny as fuck. That is list off 20 of them. God. I watch straight porn, but I look it up by the man. name. He just like how he doesn't. Yeah.

Okay. I expect that. Christmas. Yeah, bitch. Yeah. What's a Christmas dinner? Christmas dinner. Let me guess.

Well, I don't know. Traditional, a roast beast. Yeah, we've had roast be. I mean, I don't know. My wife and my daughters and their friends all make it. Okay. We have every woman in the town come over. All the guys sit, I have a 40-person love seat that we sit on.

and traditional love seat. And we sit there and we watch football game after football game after football game. Well, let me tell you what I'm having for Christmas dinner as a woke iconic class. Can I guess? Because you actually nailed mine. A toferky roast. Did I get that? We don't do roasts, first of all.

We only have an air fryer. We have no oven. A toferky roast. You probably have chowmaine. No, can I tell you? I have a Christmas roast. Can I tell you right now what I eat for Christmas dinner? Wait, okay, the middle guy's back. Sorry, continue.

You a Grinch, motherfucker. Boy. Breakfast for dinner. Scrambled eggs. That's a good thing to come back from. That's a good thing to come back and I do that. Yeah, pumpernickel. Breakfast is a, breakfast is purely a breakfast meal.

I think breakfasts belong. Breckfellis burlongs at night. I don't even do breakfast. And I do dinner for breakfast. I do one meal a day, man. I do, I believe that people should eat 10 to 15 meals a day. No. You think they should do tiny meals throughout the day. No one should even eat any...

No one should eat at all. That's your opinion? That's your take is no one should eat. No one should eat at all. And I don't know what this debate has been about. Yeah, because you've been gone. I had a sickness attack. Did you ralph?

I didn't throw up. Did you fart? But I had to calm down. I did let my... I think maybe eating a bunch of enchiladas before we recorded was not a good idea. I'm fine. I eat it. I feel great.

I feel better than I felt in. two hours. Yeah. My body's full of carbs. My brain is firing at a rate. I'm my body's full of cars because I think that people should be transformers

and should transform their gender and also become machines. And I'm a transhumanist as well as a transgenderist. I don't even know. What the goddamn hell are you on about? Men shouldn't become, women shouldn't even know

what a car is, first of all. Men shouldn't drive or shouldn't be cars. They should drive. drive cars. No, no, no, no, no. We need to get rid of roads. No. Don't tell me you like public transportation.

I like bastard. Public transportation. Oh, God. And I like swimming. Bring back the public pool. Let's talk about the public pool again. You think we should. And I think it should be summer weather in Christmas time.

Where has this debate gone? Wokeness versus Caleb. And this is just, this is nothing to do with Christmas anymore. We're trying. You know what? You're trying on hardest. You could you moderate it, man. You two have lost the plot completely.

Okay, then you moderate. You two have completely lost the plot. He thinks he should swim to work. He's talking about the pool. You don't get a pool for Christmas. You don't even get. Actually, you do. You can, man.

Someone's never had Christmas in L.A. The greatest city on earth. Oh, my God. The greatest city on earth. You're making me go on to his side. Sorry, second greatest, Portland. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Third greatest, Portland, Maine. Shut up right now. You shut the hell up. Portland, Maine, Los Angeles. You shut the F up. The greatest city in the world. You, San Antonio, Texas. The greatest city.

What is that? Oh, and now you're mocking me. Because that's what I look like. My tongue's out all the time. Fucking idiot. I'm about, that just made me sick again. That just made me sit.

Bring us to Christmas. Ask some Christmas questions. Okay. Well, what, okay, if I have to give the topics, maybe that's what we should have been doing from the beginning. What do you think about the role of the, of, the of movies. I hate roles

and I like them. Rolls Royce. Keep going. What do you think of the role of Christmas movies in society? Are they promoting

are they promoting woke enough or have they become too woke or are they not being woke enough? Of course it becomes Not only

not only is Diehard a Christmas movie shut up but so is Johnwick 4? No. How so? You're making me hate woke.

Because it has of violence in it. You're making me hate and despise. And I bet you like these sacrilegious movies such as Violent Night with David Harbour. Is that camera all blurry up? Which one? The one that, oh, it's gone. Caleb's just went away.

No, mine. Well, I accidentally knocked into Caleb's camera when I was coming back. Well, now I look sharp as attack. Well, let me guess what your favorite Christmas movie is. Go ahead. Probably. Rudolph. You got it.

I think every reindeer should have gotten a red nose to be equal. No, no, no, no, no. There's something called hierarchy of something. I don't believe in individuality. Jordan Peterson talks about this. The hierarchy of needs. Hierarchy. No, not hierarchy of needs.

Hierarchy of the hierarchy of needs, it starts off a diverse community. No. Second of all. Starts off Christmas gifts. Second of all, missile, cognitive behavioral therapy. At the top of Sanchez's love. Third of all, being a girl. No.

And then after that, it's shelter, food, and all the rest of the stuff. No. You fucking piece of fucking... It's Christmas gifts. Mistletoe. Santa's love. Let's talk mistletoe. What do you think about mistletoe?

I think... Up or thumbs up, thumb does down. I think thumb up. Yeah, thumb up or fucking pussy if she catches me under that mistletoe. Oh, my God. We're getting down and dirty. You fuck under the mistletoe. You don't have sex under the mistletoe.

You give a kiss. No. If I catch my wife under the mistletoe... I thought you were the traditionalist. Yeah, and that's traditional. That's traditional. There's nothing more traditional than sex with your wife. There is nothing traditional about sex with your wife.

I believe sex should be in front of everybody. Jesus. Oh, my God. I think you get under the mistletoe with a somebody you don't know a stranger at a holiday office party. You think that's a holiday party, I guess there's no difference. I should hook up at EDM festivals. I like sluts. I like hipsters.

And I like pirates. I don't. don't know how pirates fit into that. I like pirates. They're cool. I like pirates because they seize control of ships. I just like presents. I don't like any of this stuff. I like presents and I like Christmas. We know you're the Christmas fan. Okay. Santa could be Chinese. No, he couldn't. He could. No, he couldn't. We actually don't. We actually don't know evidence pointing. We actually don't. Again, there is writing. And if even if we had gotten some DNA from Santa, like his beard hair when tested it, the results, we would still not be able to know whether

whether he was Chinese or not, because that is not biologically in your DNA. It's a mindset. What? That you're so woke, do you think that Chinese is a mindset that you can add? Do you think all race is just a mindset? Race is a mind mental construct.

I think wokenness is a mind virus that you seem to be verily infected with. Okay, that's fine. I like viruses. I like COVID-19. I hope it stays around forever. What the hell? I'm wearing masks because I can put my favorite

Stephen Universe characters on them. It's a new, fashion accessory for me. It's basically jewelry. I have a bedazzled COVID mask that I've worn since 2017. I have one that says my wife makes me wear this shit. As much as I hate that, I do think that

if somebody were to get you that as a gift you would enjoy it a lot, so I'm conflicted now. Right. Give us another topic then. Gifts. Have gifts become woke in the past year? Yeah, since the COVID-19

pandemic? Oh, we already talked about gifts a little bit. But I would say that gifts, since COVID-19, what do you get now? A PCR test for Christmas now? Yes. Because of its people are trying to. Well, I get that every day of the year. You get a PCR test every day. Yeah. I've never had one. I think

that that shit stands for prison. Photograph, catch, release. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you very. My entire camera roll on my phone, there's one picture of me and my gender neutral partner. And every other picture is a picture of my

of a negative COVID test that I took that day that I sent to my boss at work you scroll through it it's for three years I read it yeah I read it still clean the paper I'm holding in front of my face

still clean and I'm wearing lipstick in the pick oh what the hell wait was it a gift what the lipstick no I bought it myself using my unemployment check you're on fucking unemployment

even though you're employed it's literally my job that's a gift from the government that's a gift from the government I accept that that's a good thing. If there was a Christmas election to decide on who was Santa, how many times would you vote?

I would vote as many times as I could. I don't even vote once. Okay, that's how traditional I am. I guess actually maybe I wouldn't vote either. But I would give my... No, you know, here's what I would do. I would give my ID card to someone like Julio, Mexican person

who's white enough to pass for me in the picture. And I'd let him vote for me. You know what I would do? If there was a Christmas election. What? I would vote for myself because I'm running

for Christmas comptroller. Really? Mm-hmm. What is it? I think, I don't believe that we should have comptrollers anymore.

I think it's their fascist. Oh my God. You don't, it's just, I think boards of selectmen are inherently a right wing. You are a fuck-ass.

So you want a, if you think that I can't be Christmas comptroller. And I think our government should be a paramilitary woke death squad. God who kills white chuds

on Christmas on Christmas Merry Christmas White chud Every year we should have a chud purge No

and that would be the greatest gift I could ever get would be if all these fat fucks that's not that's not body posy

we're lying and body posy they have blue Lives Matter shirts on okay they got Blue Lives Matter shirts on

they're walking around I'm like is that flag waving the wind. You, okay, you're getting sidetracked right now from what the original thing was supposed to be about. I bet. You were talking about gifts, actually, but let's transition from gifts into stocking stuffers.

Okay. Stocking stuffer. I think that stockings should be normal socks for people that are fat. You probably weigh. Why do you bring it up fat people all the time? I'm woke. He's woke. He's obsessed with fatties.

That's the number one thing that woke people think about. You probably think that stockings are something that you want. wear whenever your boyfriend gets home. It's what I wear when I get fucked. Oh, yeah, sure. In my house, we hang, we hang those, those same stockings that I wore up

by the chimney. Yeah, we also hang up my mesh basketball shorts that I wear when I get up. You wear mesh basketball? Yeah. They slide down easier on the stockings. Well, that makes some sense. And my, am I, am I, my fishnet tuxedo shirt?

Do you hang all that up on the fire so that the smell emanates around the house to dry them off they're soaking wet if you were at my house they smell like chicken if you were at my house I'd hang the stockings up

but I'd also hang you up by your nipple piercing right on the mantel that would get me off I'm into kink and I stuff your mouth with jizz jizz

he probably likes that whoa whoa whoa I would put it in candy can you don't even make jizz anymore yeah I'd probably just give you a candy cane gingerbread man. I just don't care much about this stuff.

I got a special type of vasectomy where they snipped my tubes and they connected them into my esophagus. So I constantly am tasting my own jays. Wait, do you even have to climb out? They reroute it inside my entire body. So constantly there's this, and they do the thing where like a, so they're siphoning gasoline where they go, and they sucked it a little bit, and they plugged it into my, into my throat.

So it's constantly, whatever my balls generate a, a, new sperm, it immediately gets sucked up into my throat. And you feel at the back of your throat. And I go, and I lick my lips like this. A new sperm? You generate them one at a time? Do you have what? How many do you generate it? Yeah, what are you talking about? I thought it was like you have a million sperms.

Yeah, but you still make them one at a time. Do you think you start with all your sperms? Yes. No, man. That's women. You're a girl. No. Stop trying to trick him like that. Is that true girls start with all their eggs? No. I don't know. How big is an egg? It's about the size of a grain of sand, I think. there's no way they start with all of them

but the egg is huge compared to the sperm how many spurs and I think that should be the relationship of size between women and men you think women should be big and men should be big and strong and men should be a size of a pin no no no no look

every single time that we bring up something you say some crazy ass shit and it has nothing to do with Christmas you're the moderate It's your job. Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now.

He's piped up, man. You're not, you're complaining. You're not even bringing a question. You say, oh, I don't want to talk about sperms and eggs. That's all I want to talk about at any given moment. What you should be talking about? All I think about day and day out, how big is an egg compared to a sperm? How many eggs does a woman have?

How many sperms do I make at a time? How many sperms can I fit in my mouth? What's a new surgery I can do on myself to access more sperms? You should be talking about shirts and or bikes with pegs instead of sperm. We talked about bikes already. You talked about bikes already? How much did I miss? I was in the 20 minutes?

He said he wears a helmet to ride a Peloton. He missed that completely. You would have loved that. I would have loved that. I just had a sick attack out of nowhere. Okay. Mall Santa. Mall Santa.

Okay, Mall Santa. It should be, I think that every single store should have a Mall Santa. Yes. Every single store should have a Santa. You should be walking into you probably like GameStop and not even the Xbox parts of GameStop. I don't like malls. Why?

First of all, because they're basically, a mall is basically a modern day Coliseum, a Roman Coliseum. What? We watch amazing people spend the fruits of their labor. Okay, you realize you're referring to a blood sport right now. What's a blood sport? It's a sport where blood is spilled.

I do not like the Roman Coliseum. Or football, which I also do not support. You don't support football? No, because I think the. ball is not circular enough. You are, if you don't support football. You're like the oblong shape of the ball? No, I want everything to be the same.

I want every ball and every sport to be the same. If you don't support, if you don't support football, then you are supporting, taking away a specific gift from a specific child. That's true. That's true. But again, I think that football and baseball and sports like golf are inherently violent. And so we shouldn't be giving these. Golf is violent.

Golf is violent. You literally, it's a club. It's fine. When I play, I aim for the birds. Bro. Yeah, you join a club. A sand trap. It's okay.

Why do you think we call it a trap? It's because it sucks your life away. You probably like the trap. I actually live in the trap. Really? Yeah. Which trap? I don't know.

I've never been outside. You haven't even seen the sign? I bought a second house in the hood. Wow. Oh, my God. I bet you like living in the hood. I bet you are opening a muffin store there. A new type of muffin store that's going to put a business out of business.

I know what you're talking. Well, no, I don't know what you're talking about. A muffin store? Is this a reference or something or just like an example of a woke business? An example of a woke type of business. Yeah, okay. So I did get what you're saying. For a second,

the second part of what you said, I thought there might be some movie about a muffin store that opens in the hood. No, but that'd be a good. No, but I would not at all put that past that being a movie that both of you guys have seen and I've never heard of it. that's fair yeah um but mall santa he i i think that anybody should be allowed to dress up as santa i'm with him on that i think that i think that santa is the perfect representation of christmas jure you probably think that the kids shouldn't sit on the santa's lap i think that

they should sit on like well i'm not going to say what i was going to say okay that's good yeah we can that's good yeah all right next topic anyway okay next next topic is um the fruit cake wait no i'm teeing i'm teeing you up no i can't that's not i can't in good faith fruit cake i can't in good face i can't in good face that's the worst fucking dessert ever it has fruit in it which is my favorite food we have cheesecake or actually i should say my favorite food is fruit flavor i like laughy taffy oh i eat laughy taffy and salad and soiled Ew. I have soiled salad.

Instead of salad dressing. Do you dress up like a salad? Yeah. Why was the ketchup red? Why? Saw the salad dressing. Okay, that I like. I like that.

That's a good joke. I'm going to remember that forever. I haven't ever heard that. I think it was going to be the one that. Why did the tomato? Don't think ketchup would be in this. Why did the ketchup turn red? Why was this tomato red?

Why was the ketchup? that's not it that's not the ketchup that's not ketchup that's the calming the sound that ketchup I bet I bet I bet

I bet for Christmas I like when ketchup makes the fart noise when it comes out of the bottle you nasty I respect to the body and all its functions you nasty as hell

I don't think farts are funny I think they should be revered what let me guess and I think that the only time a fart should be heard as if it's in a gag gift I think parts should be

heard, smelled and seen you want green floating and tasted by me. I had a dream last night that somebody had a green fart cloud. Who was it? I think it was you. It's probably me.

You prophesized my sickness. Did I? Oh, yeah, because you had a green, stinky fart. It's not like prophecy. I think that's a prophecy. You probably don't even believe in prophecy. You probably don't. No.

I bet you think that... You know what prophecy I believe in? And I bet you don't even believe in prophets. See? Christmas is... about commercialism, boy. I don't. I like buying stuff from small businesses,

from local artisans, bastard, and from farmers. Wait a minute. These can all be gifts. I actually like them. You like gifts. So here's examples of gifts that I bought this year for my family. Okay. Now I'm, now I need to, okay, gifts. You two

list all of your gifts that you bought. Okay, so we'll go, we're going to go gift for gift. We're going to go back and forth. Or say a family member and we'll say what we got. Aunt. Wild Turkey 101, 7.50 mil. I got my aunt a new dress because I think she'd look really, really, really pretty in. And it's low cut.

Shut up. Uncle. Video of me playing the No Russian Mission on DVD. I got my uncle perfume, not Cologne, but perfume. Nephew. Nephew, I got him some stilts so that he could be the same height as all of his family members. I got him a Barbie video game. Shut up.

Neese. Neese, I got her a football. or no, I got her a Barbie ball. It's a pink ball. It's a pink football. You got your niece a Barbie ball. I got my niece a barbell to start working out and become buff and rich. Shut up.

Brother. I got my brother, some flowers for his grave. He passed away. He passed away. He didn't have a seatbelt on. I got my brother, uh, witchcraft 101. candle kit to become Wiccan.

Your other brother. My other brother? Older brother. My older brother. I got him a letter from Thomas Jefferson. Authenticated. I got my older brother estrogen shots. What the? Thomas estrogen.

I think that's what the name was. A letter from Thomas estrogen. I guess that's all the siblings. Older sister. It doesn't have to, why are you doing siblings? There's so many possible. members of the family. Cousins, second cousin, great.

Your best cousin. Here's what I got my dad. I got my dad. I wrote him a note that says, you are no longer the man of the family. I don't, because I don't believe in patriarchy. And I think you have no claim

over this family. Leave now. Every single fucking holiday, me and all my brothers and cousins and dads, I mean, dad only have one. We wrestle on the front lawn

to see who's going to be the man of the family. I do that with all the women members of my family. To see who's going to be the woman or the man? to see who I'm going to wrestle. You just wrestle women.

You're sounding a lot less like a wokey and a lot more like a pervert who hates fat people. What's the difference? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. At least you're a little bit self-effacing. I like that. He's a sleeper agent for your side.

Has anybody ever gone too far in the woke direction for you? No. I don't think I've ever met anybody who's been more woke than me. Because every time I do, I either kind of shatter their mind with an argument tactic and make it so that they don't ever aren't able to hold a conversation anymore. Or I just get more woke. Just get more woke. That's disgusting. And you're on Mastodon?

Yeah, I'm on Mastodon. And Blue Sky. I played half of the new Spider-Man 2 game. Oh, my God. I didn't even touch it. I think you can guess which half I played. Like, only the Miles Morales missions. Is there more than Miles Morales missions?

Yeah, they also have White Spider-Man, which is what I think his name is. There's Spider-Man and White Spider-Man? Yeah. Okay, let's get down to one more Christmas thing. What do you have? Spider-Man. No, you can think of one Christmas topic. Yeah, you were making such a big stink. Carols.

Oh, that's a good one. Here I am. Rock me like a hurricane. Not really Christmas. I think. It doesn't matter, man. It's fucking bad ass. Here's my hot take, or should I say cold take when it comes to Christmas.

Here I am. Or hot when it comes to the Christmas fireplace on Christmas carols. I think that Carol of the Bells should be banned because it's too scary for people with sensory overload issues. We can't cater the entire world. It's too many notes. If I want to blast that out of my Ford Maverick with the subwoofers, I should have every fucking right. That song came on. That song came on Pandora, which is the music streaming service that I use.

You don't even have a choice on Pandora. There's no freedom of market. It's radio. And my little brother, who was four years old, and we just diagnosed him with autism because he likes playing with blocks, died. Oh, my God. The song killed him. Well, he might have actually had something wrong with him if he can die from a song. Yeah.

And the autopsy, they lied on the autopsy. No. They said it was because he did not have enough nutrients in his diet. What were you feeding him? We were feeding him paper. we were eating tofu wrapped in paper the paper that the tofu comes in in paper. I think I'm supposed to be the

pressing the tofu either. I think I'm supposed to be the worst guy on this and somehow you have killed a child and you... I didn't kill it. It was my little brother since what... Oh, so now you think the eldest sibling is responsible for raising the younger sibling. Yes, because the mom should be on quailudes and the dad should be at work. No, no, no, no. Do you know what? To raise a child, it takes a village. Fuck a village. It takes a village in any country. Fuck a village. Fuck a city. Fuck all that shit. I demand, I demand we get back to talking about Christmas carols.

What do you want me to say, man? I already told you my favorite one. We talked about the carols. Okay. I think our carols are good. Are carols becoming woke? You just have this, the same question for every single one? I had a, I'm, I shouldn't be here. So stop. shoehorning all this fucking Christmas shit. I just need to speak about Christmas because I love Christmas so much. I think Carol. I'm trying to stay in character.

I think Carol is a beautiful name for a baby boy born in 2023. You're for real. Like Carol Spinney who played Big Bird, which is how I say for real. What the hell is dead? Your ass is about to be dead if you keep talking about all this bullshit. To me, the female ass is dead as a

erogenous zone. I don't go anywhere near it. You're not. You're not that is a it's a no man's land no man's sky i think that game is bullshit the woman's ass is a no man's land because it is for women only no women should not be anywhere near another girl's ass women should be constantly touching each other's ass

except in different videos for videos online videos online women should be touching each other's asses i guess i like videos i guess we could find some common ground there what are you doing you building me a silencer that's my gift to you of course you would have a silent silencing the voices of everybody around the world, all these minorities that live in other countries over the sea.

Yeah, I guess I would like to silence them. All these minorities that live in, for example, Asia, where there are minorities. The only silencing I do, honestly, because I like my guns loud and my t-shirts proud. Uh-huh. The only silencing I do is silencing the night when I play the song really, really loudly. Oh, silent night. Holy night. these lyrics. All is calm. All is right. Yeah, I like the song Silent Night too. The cover by

the dickies. What the hell? Yeah. I like punk music that has irreverent references to sexual anatomy. Listen, I like rock and roll all day. I like Elvis Costello. I like the red hot chili peppers. But as soon as you bleed over into this punk BS, dude, I like punk music, man. I'm a fan of Phoebe Bridgers. I'm a fan What the hell is that? The other her sisters that are in her boy band. Is this an animal crossing character? I like racquetroll man. I like Brock Hampton.

What the hell's Brock Hampton? It's basically a hundred guys who are in a what we call a polycule. You're kidding. What the fuck's a polycule? That better be a bug. I like bugs. You like bugs? Their skeletons are on the wrong sides.

It's on the outside. It's on the outside. Okay, one more Christmas Day. I need you to come up with one let's get a Christmas banger. One Christmas thing, because we are getting off topic talking about Brock Hampton and bugs. What should be on the top of the tree? That's a good question.

That's a very good question. Not an angel. A maga hat. A big red maga hat that says make this tree green again. Because you probably want a white Christmas tree

because I've seen those. I want a green Christmas tree that has lights around it that are every color of the rainbow and I think on top of the Christmas tree

I think that it should be a high achieving female who's worked hard this year and is on display for everyone to see and appreciate it

you want them to put Sidney Sweeney on top of the Christmas tree would be a good choice I bet you want yeah I bet she did she got all her

fucking rolls because of her boobs that's what I think and I bet you want the top of the Christmas tree I didn't even know if I bet you want

the top of the Christmas tree to be That demonic statue they put up in the financial district of all the tentacles coming out of the woman's head. What? The bull and see in the financial district? Are you talking about the fearless girl? Are you talking about Starbucks? Are you thinking of hair?

No, I bet he would want the Starbucks logo on top of his tree. There's this golden thing somewhere. I saw it. Somewhere there's a golden thing. Yeah, and I got so mad at it that I shot everybody in my house. It's a golden statue. And I bet you like the little girl more than the bull.

Yeah, of course. It's a defiant piece of art work. All right, well, it doesn't seem like we've come to any sort of resolution here. Well, we have to ask the undecided, we have to ask, I mean, Julio, who convinced you, who won this debate? Are you pro-woke? Anti-woke, or do you just like Christmas? I'm pro-woke. Pro-woke.

Oh, my God. Of course you would be. Oh, my God. Well, I mean, you got to think this is a guy. All's fair. in... Oh, a show far. That is not a show far.

That is not a Christmas horn. That is a Christmas horn. I think this belongs at Christmas. No. Keep that out of it. All right. Well, I guess that that is the debate.

I'm sorry that I became completely ill in the middle of it. And it won't happen again. All right. Merry Christmas, everybody. Bye. Join us next year. podcast about list i remember this each other things i remember that i'm just going to say it avatar pussy probably tastes so good dude dude you can't start the

episode like that ha ha ha what's up y'all welcome back to pot about list we're here recording in the library at our college yep our college located at 120 boils i'm just kidding i'm not going to docks us dude do you know what i saw today i saw the fattest guy right riding a skateboard around campus. He was like, and I'm not even kidding. He had to be like 200,000,000, thousand, thousand pounds, but he was taller than me, and he had a Mario mustache. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah, I saw him too. Honestly, dude, I wish that I was him. He looked so awesome. I hope I see that guy again. I want to make him jiggle like a jello bowl. He was really good at skateboarding, though, especially given his height and weight. God, it made me so

jealous. You have no idea how jealous I am of that guy. I want to sniff his stinky shoes after he skates. I want to turn him into a bubble and make him squirt bubbles. God, I'm feeling so sexual. I wish the bubble was my boyfriend. I would. Take the bubble out to dinner and drink wine with him. Oh, I love wine. I love red wine and white wine. Yeah, and I wish I had to make the bubble squirt every day as my job. Oh, and the bubble looks like Mario. Dude, me too. I wish I could make love to a bubble and achieve mutual orgasm. I wish the bubble I am imagining was the third host of this podcast. I hope one day he becomes the third host of the podcast. I bet he would be the funniest podcast host of all time.

I'm in love with your song. I'm going to sing too. In a few years, I will bring a Mexican on as our producer. You would not believe your eyes. Ten million fireflies. Lit up the world as I fell asleep. Because they fill the open air and leave cure drops everywhere. You think me rude, but I would just stand its stare.

I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep, because everything is never as it seems.