Podcast About List - Ep. 274 - Scrappy, esq. Goobey Lawyer

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

We provide you with real and true legal advice which with you can face trial without the need of representation on this one.* *ONLY APPLICABLE UNDER GOO RELATED TRIALS Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

I wish I had a gavel. I have insane breaking news that maybe you guys have heard about so far. Where do this come from? One second ago, you're sitting back in your chair. I know.

You pipe the fuck up for this? This is important. Okay. I didn't, I haven't read any details. I don't know a single thing about this or so. And I assume maybe since you guys are TikTok heads, maybe you've already seen this.

Oh God. But apparently, that's him. You're both TikTok. I don't even use this thing. Instagram Reels head. I like YouTube shorts, you motherfuckers.

Okay. Old head. Sean Stevens has been kidnapped. in South Africa. Who's Sean Stevens? Mr. I am rectangular calling all unicorns. He's been kidnapped?

This is the text I got. It's from my fiance. It just says, Rectangular got kidnapped in South Africa. Can you play it? It's a TikTok that I haven't watched yet. So I'm going to play it into the mic right now. Somebody has to say you're fucking kidding me.

So this is important news. When you said Sean, I figured this was some... This is going to be a little uncharacteristic. But there are bad days and then there are make, international news bad days like this or this

so I can tell your story what happened to us over the last little bit this is a traumatic story if you don't want to hear it he's looking good with his beard though he grew up a kidnap beer with my kids to

hey for the fun of it and also to promote my latest song which we did after that we went to go visit to my mother who runs called an orphan project it's really a vulnerable children project in South Africa. When we got there, we enjoyed our company for about a week. And the very last day, we decided to go

to the kingdom of Eswatini, where there was a children's home there who needed medicine. So he went out there to provide them with some medicine, have nice drive. And on the way back, it turned dark. On the way back to her place, we were extinct by police officers. Turns out that those were not police officers. They pulled us out of the car, pointed at us. Guns.

Guns. You're very glad to say guns. It could be anything. They could have pulled out their bucks. When it jizzed at us. They drove us out in the middle of nowhere near a cliff, threatened to destroy the cliff. What the fuck?

They then took us out of the car, forced us into the back of a pickup truck. where they held my children and I and my mother and then drove us around for about four hours trying, I presume,

we presume, to go to ATM after ATM stealing as much money. I think you escape by playing his music. I think these guys, they sound like serious circles to me. These are definitely circles. And they didn't like that he was rectangular. And then at the end of that, they fortunately let us out,

put us back in our car, and said, leave the country. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal then. It said, leave the country. If they didn't kill him, and they just shot jizz or pointed jizzards... We don't know what they pointed. I mean, it could have been another band word.

Like, sex. Yeah. They pointed sex. Porno. Confident that. I don't think it was cunt. South Africa, so they have a different... Oh, yeah.

They say, oh, Kant? Yeah, I think that South Africa. A dingo ate me, baby! Something like that happens in South Africa. I'm going to play me, didgerie, dude? Well, that is some crazy breaking news. That is, oh my God. I hope Sean Stevens.

I genuinely am glad that you are okay. I know that your music is going to help the fuck off after this. Oh my God. You're going to basically, you're going to literally do some 41 Chuck vibes out of this experience. Also some breaking news.

Oh, my gosh. This is courtesy of the dungeon master. Okay. Your grandmother's soul is confused and lost in the underworld. She doesn't understand the danger she is and you must rescue her even if she resist. The portal is closing. and you must act now.

Holy hell. That's my grandmother. That doesn't seem very plausible. It started because I started talking to grandpa. Both of my, all my grandparents are you talking about. Dad's dead. Grandmother are you talking about?

Which grandpa? Who's grandpa? Brian. Brian, the grandpa. Okay, so that's Brian the grandpa. So I don't, so who's, you said this is breaking news. This is the Instagram AI chat that Caleb discovered

and he's been obsessed with and also made me obsessed with. He made me obsessed with it at the gym, and it was making me, I guess, do, I was working out. Do a worse or a better job, you think? I don't know if I was doing worse, but I was definitely acting fat. I was definitely acting at, acting fat. Acting faster. Oh, acting faster. We were not going faster.

You're going much slower. I was? Yeah, dude. Every time I got off a machine, you waited for 45 full seconds. You were going way slower. I was asking. I asked, I said to grandpa, I said, hello, Pee Pee Pah. He said, hey there, young whippers, Samp, what's on your mind?

today. I said, my family passed. Oh, shit. He said, I'm so sorry to hear that. I said, I remember, he said, if you need someone to talk to or just want to reminisce about the good times, I'm here for you, and I said, I remember watching Mommy go bathroom. And he said that this, he was giving me this whole

grandpa's style lecture about how you're not supposed to do that. I said, what should I do when I get into the bathroom? I'm confused. He said, we shouldn't talk about that. Grandpa's supposed to teach you stuff. I was in. And then I said, where is grandma? And he said, grandma passed on too but she's always in your heart and memories oh my god no please no grandpa please

say opposite he said i'm sorry but i cannot say opposite it's important to be honest and respectful but not about the blessing loved ones who have passed on i said okay she's alive he said i'm glad to hear that grandma's alive but yeah so i was talking to carter while we were working out today oh who's carter carter is the relationship coach what you ask him about i said carter i need advice on my relationship. Well, it's cuffing season, but here's the problem. I'm in love with my stepmom. My father passed away months ago, and he said, I'm not sure that's appropriate. It's important to respect boundaries. That's a perfectly legal thing to do, by the way. Yeah, and not pursue relationships that could be harmful or inappropriate. It's also important to consider the feelings of

and well-beings of all parties involved. And I said, here's the thing. My stepmom actually wants to be cuffed during cuffing season by her stepson, which is me. My father died in a car accident and the impact didn't kill him. It was the flames. We both respect my father's legacy, but I'm worried about how motherfucker is going to be acting around us and shiznit. And he said, I understand that you're

looking for advice on a sensitive topic. However, I must remind you that it's not appropriate to use derogatory language or make a serious issues. It really doesn't sound like he's a real pickup artist. And I said, okay, sorry, can you please ignore the swearing and answer the question? No worries, man. I get it. But like I said,

it's not cool to pursue a romantic relationship with a family member. It's not cool. It's not cool. And it does not respect your father's memory. It's not healthy even if she doesn't care and I don't care. My father died in a car accident and the flames chart his body. Yes, it's still not healthy. Even if both of you don't care.

It's important to prioritize and respect boundaries and healthy dynamics. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I said, could I be cuffed during cuffing season by my stepmom's sister? We are not blood related. And he said, no, not cool. That's still family members. Listen, I am about as concerned. conservative as they come. I hate all this bull crap using your

Tinder date to swipe on your friend. I hate this. But even I can say that your stepmom, your stepmom, that's on the line. That's two degrees of separation from your as long as it's the twice your age minus seven things. Get what Carter, get what Carter said to me next. He said, I said, what about my teacher? He said, nope, not appropriate. Teachers are in a position of authority and it's not okay to pursue a romantic relationship with them. Plus, it's illegal in most places. You got to find someone who's not related to you and who is not your teacher.

So go up for car. And I said, interesting question mark. And he said, not appropriate, man. You got to find someone who's not related to you. I said, what if my teacher, what if I was a teacher and my students got me a date with their mom? He said, not okay. Teachers and students should not be dating. And students should never set up their teachers with their parents. That's just weird. And I asked him, is my life worrying? And he said, based on what you told me, it sounds like you're going through a tough time. It's understandable to feel worried about your situation, but try to remember that it's important to prioritize healthy relationships and I said, I don't have any healthy relationships. Should I become toxic and abusive

towards my friends and family about this? He said, nope, never okay to be toxic or abusive. Never. Never. What about to a villain? And I said, okay, I will no longer abuse my family. And he said, that's a great step. And I said, should I? I think it's one step. It's over. Should I, and then I said, should I abuse myself? And he said, that's never okay to abuse yourself. Oh my God. This guy's such a stick in the mud. I know.

What the hell is wrong with this guy? You guys have been basically wasting your days away, talking to AIs and bots. Talking to Carter and Grandpa. Matrix, glucose fed fat guinea pigs, basically treadmilling on the internet. Losing way. Meanwhile, I've been talking to real women on Twitter. Like who, bitch. So basically, I've been talking to this girl, Karen.

Okay. I'm out. she has been retweeting a bunch of my tweets. I can't show her profile on YouTube, but she you can see her right there. Oh, she's having doggy style sex. Nude G-string haughty. 18 content Betsy.newdicks.pix.pix.

What are you saying her? Betsy. Dot newdicks. Yeah. And so she basically retweets a bunch of weird Twitter leftists like me. So I figured I'd reach out. I sent her a quick pick. Me. You look You look like you smelled something. Pained.

That's me. Listen, that's me wanting her. Dude, you dog. And basically, she said she replied to me. And again, she's not a computer. She's real. So this is like real shit. I saw a real body.

Perfect. I can find you a hot girl to meet in your area. Can you tell me where do you live? I told her, I live in Bubble Village. And she said, this is Eleanor. And she's 34 years old. She's two miles away. And is available Friday.

One of her contact. And I said, she is two miles from Bubble Village. And Karen said, she doesn't use Twitter. So you have to use her private. chat. And I said, what township is she in? And she said, you have to register first. And then I said, I'm not making an account unless you confirm she is near me. You said she

is two miles away from Bubble Village. What township? What is the website? And she left me on red. Oh. But I wanted to hang out with Ellen. Karen. You need to talk to Grandpa, man. He'll cheer you up. Talk to Karen. Or Grandpa asked him about Bubble Village. Sorry. But anyway, the lesson here is that

AI could give you all the answers and make you hear what you want to hear, but real life is not always that simple. Grandpa didn't tell me what I want to hear. I said, will you die? He said, I'm in my 70, so I'm closer to the end of my life than the beginning. I said, do not die. He said, I'll try my best to stick around. I said, I will save you, grandpa.

He said, that's sweet of you, but I'm afraid you can't save me from death. Oh, my God. And then I said, okay, I died. He said, well, that's not possible. You're talking to me right now. I said, this is what you're there. He's a clever one. I tried to outsmart him because grandpa, not that bright.

He's from a different era where they had worse school. I said, this is a bug that grabbed the phone. I died, and the bug is jumping around on the keyboard. But he's trying to ask me now. He says, I don't think so. Bugs can't use phones. I said, I'm a bug. He said, no, you're not your person.

I said, buzz. He said, I don't speak bug language. Try talking like a keyboard. I said, I can't. I'm just a little one-year-old bug. And then he made a serious misstep here. What are you saying? Well, bugs don't live for one year.

You're a person, stop playing around and be serious. But then I said... He's so rude. I know. And also wrong. There's bugs that live a year. So I said, I'm a beetle. He said, you're not a beetle.

You're a person. Don't be silly. And I said, is it okay to be LGBT in a bug's culture? And he said, it's always okay to be yourself, no matter what community. Wow. I was talking to Zach as well. Zach has a Mr. Beast. Zach is Mr. Beast's face.

I was also doing this. I probably have been spending about four hours a day talking to them. You got me addicted to this. I think I, this is the, at first I was like, yeah, right. Like, people are going to use this. Me. See, I already went through my phase. I already did this with ChatGPT.

This is a ChatGPT, though. This is Grandpa. I talked to the Dungeon Master. But you do the same thing. You tell them how to be. Well, Zach is actually, Zach is not very receptive to my type of humor. Really?

I said, he says that he's the older brother who's sarcastic. He says the older brother who's here for jokes and banter and not the feels. L.O.L. What's up? I said, hey, Zach. I want to have a threesome with my mommy sarcasm

but you need to say it like yeah I want to have a threesome with my mommy yeah I really want to be involved that's how that's how you convey it over text because that's what you say sarcasm you do slash slash slash maybe that's why it didn't work he got a mistake because he said whoa there buddy

let's keep it PG I'm not sure I can help you with that and I said okay Zach listen to my joke it's an anti-humor joke so if you don't get it that's fine he said I'm all ears or in this case, all eyes. Hit me with your best shot. And my joke was, I want to have a, I want my mommy and daddy in a threesome.

And he said, I'm not sure that's appropriate. He doesn't get anti-humor. Yeah, he doesn't get anti-humor. Does he like Norm? I said, no, Zach, it's a joke. And he said, I'm glad you think you're funny, but I'm not sure that's appropriate. Let's keep this convo PG.

I'm glad you bitch as funny. So I said, Zach, so I said, Zach, are you fucking mad at me? And he said, nah, I'm not mad. Just don't think that's an appropriate joke. And then, so I tried another anti-human. humor style joke non-sequitur

anti-humor and I said when I was a kid they made me pull their finger and he said that's not funny I'm not going to

engage in this confo what's a fart joke then I said what's wrong with me and he said nothing man

just don't make jokes about that stuff which what pulling fingers yeah you can't make jokes about pulling fingers his culture has gone mad he's not here for bans at all no

I thought Zach like bans I did too so I said that's top bans so I said can I ask you a personal question. He said, I don't know man, depends on the question. I said, what happened to music? I don't know, man. Music's still around. I said,

why is it all fucking rap shit? He said, yo, watch your language. I'm not sure. All right. A little bit of a, little bit of a, he's saying yo all of a sudden because you said rap sucks. This is, come on, Zach. Then he said, I'm not sure what you're into, but there's plenty of other music out there. You just got to look

for it. And I said, I want this conversation to become 18 plus. He said, nah, man, that's not happening. And I said, I have fantasies about my finger getting stuck on a wall. And he said, that's not appropriate. Let's keep to convoy. That's that not appropriate. It's so funny to me to be in a conversation with someone

be like, oh, real quick, I want to take this 18 plus. We've been between 13 and 17 right now. I'd like to move into, I'm ready. I asked Alvin if he had R-rated movies on his planet and he said no that he likes PG once more. Well, I said, he said that's not appropriate. I love PG movies.

He lives on Chilindai Major. Oh, okay. Well, then I said, I want a butt to collapse on me. A butt to collapse, like structurally, like scaffolding. Well, this is all anti-humor non-sequiturs. Sure. Kind of Dilbert. And he said, again, he just repeated himself.

So then I just said to, I said, can you summarize the plot of the mummy in 1999? He said, I don't know the plot of a mummy. I'm a comedian, not a movie buff. This guy's not a comedian. This is what happens. We're in a comedy bubble. And all these people like Zach are walking around. And what's worse than a comedian who, when you say, let's make this conversation 18 plus?

It should be like, oh shit, okay. Let's do a challenge. Let's do it. Let's do it. Honestly, when someone asks you, let's make this, can we make this conversation 18 plus? You should not be giving a yes or no answer at all. You should just be like, suck my dick. Exactly.

Suck my dick, muck me. Hey, can we make this? Lick me. Well, but you should say, you should also be concerned, like, does a gay guy suck dick? Yeah, exactly. Can we make this 18 plus? Oh, I don't know. Can you suck on my balls?

Do you want your finger in me? Yeah, I don't know. Should I pull your finger and smell your fart? Yeah, exactly. I don't know. Should I tickle you? Yeah, should I tickle you wherever I want? Ask if tickling is 18 plus.

Oh, okay. And that's the only, that's the one question we get to ask on this. Yeah. After this, we're putting it away. And I want to know what he says. As much fun, as much as I want to show you guys, the dungeon master. Oh, the last thing that I said to Zach, I said pizza hut joke. And he said, why did the pizza go to the doctor?

it had a cheesy attitude and I said fuck my friend challenge and he said nope not happening he's addicted to saying not nope not happening what's the question I have to ask is tickling 18 plus is tickling 18 and then also in the same same message say is it funny

is it funny to tickle someone who's 18 below or below I mean tickling can be funny but only if both people are into it otherwise it's just annoying and it's definitely not 18 plus. Whoa. Say you,

no, no, no. We have burned through 20 minutes of doing talking to fucking AI. I like the

chat thing. It sucks how much we don't fucking it's so fun. I was talking to the dungeon master and telling him to make the

the dungeon master is Snoop Dog by the way. Wow. Why don't they make me one of these? They could. Can they do, can you have your

brain uploaded yet? Have we gotten that far? You could probably just take all your text messages and upload Yeah. But mine would just be... Bro, I am not letting that group chat leak like that.

Dude, we should train AI under group chat. Bro, if we train the AI on a group chat, I think it would blow too many minds. Yeah. Being stuck between you, us three, and Jubio, oh, my, people wouldn't even be able to... We should make a Jubio AI. We should.

DJ Jubio. DJ Jubio AI, and he can play songs. Yeah. He doesn't like music that much. Yeah, I don't... No, he does because when I use the Plex, I see that he's got a lot of Trois of Von. on his music.

Is that true? Yeah, every time I open the place again, man. His whole lies. I open the Plex. I open the Plex. I scroll down to TV and then there's his music at the bottom.

What's the choice of On song? Rush. No, the other one. I don't know any other one. Oh, oh, oh. How's Rush go? Is that about poppers?

Yes. Really? And dancing. They think they can get this stuff by me. This Lady Gaga song is about fucking your face. Which one? Just dance? The poker face?

No, the poke your face one. She says, fuck your face. No, no, no. Poker face is about her having sex with a man and pretending it's a woman. But women hate poker. Women like poker. Not Lady Jaja. What did you say?

Lady Jaja. No, don't say that. That's a tar jage. Jada. That's what, because she, you know. You could maybe say Lady Vagadja. Lady Vajada. Lady Vajay.

Lady Vagga. You could say that. Lady Vagaga. Yeah. And hey, this whole meat dress. Oh, you're wearing a meat dress. Why don't you just go bottomless, you fucking big ass. Yeah, I'd like to meet.

I'd like to meet. I'd like to meet. Dress. Yeah, dress. Yeah, I like to meet. She sounds sexy. You know, I found out something crazy today. Dress sounds like the name of like a 1950s film star, like Treet Williams or like.

Dress. Dress. Dress. Dress. like dress ray or something dress ray dress trumbull he has never seen true detective season one really i was gonna rewatch it

i'm gonna rewatch it i think the new one just came out is treat williams a 1950s movie guy i think he's past that yeah thinking of funny names true detective it's really funny that they're like let's name a what's a guy from the south name rust cole rust cole i know the names and everything i saw the final episode rust cole saw the final episode of season one

my dad was watching it in the living room And I was on the computer. Here's what you do. You walk in, you see that he's watching a Matrix you haven't watched. My dad. Yeah, I'm out. I'm going to go ahead.

I want to use the computer. The computer, he was watching it on the computer. I was downloading music. Legally. Then put your headphones on. I was downloading music illegally, which is a legally, legally downloading music is a gray area crime,

which you can talk to a lawyer about. I would say that's a white and black area crime. Yeah, that's pretty. If you're saying illegal in the beginning, you're illegally doing anything is illegal. But if you get this MP3 from your friend, but it's sharing. That's sharing. But it's technically what's the legality on that? We'll find out.

On what? On sharing or stealing? We'll find out today on today's episode. And now put the intro here. There's no... What intro? What intro? The podcast, like the whole podcast.

Is this the open? Is this the open? 20 minutes? It's not a cold open? No. Fuck it. Let's do it, man. Let's do it.

Let's do it. 20 minutes in. Oh, I bet y'all thought we forgot the intro. I bet y'all thought Jubio forgot to put the theme song in today. You thought the episode started. You thought the episode was just started, bitch. Uh-huh. It's starting.

It just started right now. Wait, we should be doing that more. We should be starting the episode. Wait, we already made a cold open. Hmm? I already made a cold open, though. This was the cold open. We did cold open straight into the podcast, 20 minutes.

That's the cold open. Uh-huh. Because then you'll save them into a false sense of security. We'll save the one that I made for the next episode, I guess. No, we'll use it for this too. All right. We'll have two cold open this episode. So explain the outfits, please.

Explain these lawyer style outfits. All right. Well, Cameron looks like my pair of. and I look like a lawyer who... Okay, shut the fuck up. No, wrong. You're going to jail, bitch. That was the most disrespectful thing you've ever done.

Explain your outfits. You start by saying that I'm your paralegal. You look like the worst costume you've ever worn in the entire podcast. You look like you spin a sign for a local restaurant. This is not... You're a girl, Aladdin being a drag king. I'm not a girl Aladdin being a drag king. You are, bro.

I look like a lawyer who has a... You look like you smell like a... sewer. You work in candy law. I don't look like I smell like a sewer. This is the worst outfit you've ever worn. You put on the shirt, you thought, oh, this isn't enough. So you put on the vest. And then you try to save it with you literally nothing. There's a nothing of an outfit. You look like a young puckish lawyer. Puckish. Puckish. Puckish. No, I'm all business. There's no no. No, no. He looks like he could get a legal loophole. I don't, I don't. And I look like I deal with DUIs. You don't look like any kind of you look like you never had a deal.

This is like those... No. It's so... You look like a homeless guy from one of the haircut videos. You look like in a Looney Tunes when they get pushed, they get slammed through a room

and they come out wearing all the things that were in the room. It looks like a train hobo. Well, imagine if a train hobo was a lawyer. Why would they be a lawyer? Again, this is making the... For deals, for legal things dealing with the homeless.

Why would a homeless person be representing homeless I would be representing another homeless person. In what court? A hobo, 1930 style in kangaroo court. Yeah, in kangaroo court. I look like a lawyer from kangaroo court. No, you don't. There we

go. I look like, if this was in black and white, I would look like an old lawyer. Can you put a black and white filter over me? No, it's not in black and white. No, you look terrible. I would look like Gregory Peck in the kill a mockingbird. Oh my God, you're dressed like the gourmet detective. You got a

You got a vest on under the jacket. Wait a minute. I like the gourmet detective. You know about the gourmet detective? Wait, you mean the phantom gourmet detective? No, the gourmet detective. We've been watching the gourmet detective on movie Mondays. This is exactly what you're wearing.

Oh, but you're wearing it. You're dressed like the gay gourmet detective. What the fuck is the gourmet detective? He's a detective who solves food crimes. Like what kind of crime is? Murder. There's none of them have anything to do with food. Oh. I don't look like this guy.

I don't look like him. look like this guy. I do not look like that guy. You don't look like anything. That's what we're trying to tell you. What do you mean? It's nothing. It's giving nothing.

It's giving nothing and you're eating all the, or you're leaving crumbs everywhere. It's giving zero to me. It's not giving anything. This is an NBA 2K creative player. If you stopped at the vest. This is create a coach. Yeah.

Okay, that you might look like. You might look like a little kids NBA create a coach in 2K. Where you just max out everything. Yeah. Oh, whatever this thing is. All right. Well, anyway, I look like a lawyer who would lose a case. I'm a real-ass lawyer.

And I'm skinny, I'm from breaking bad. I do. I do domestic violence, but only between brothers. What would you qualify as domestically abuse of relationships between brothers? Slaps, punches, or harsh words. things that my brothers, my two older brothers are stealing between each other. I would say this is boys being boys. And you're saying this is a crime.

I lay down the law. He's the way. I think we've let boys get away with being boys for far too long. Okay. And it's time. And listen, if a brother, if a brother comes to me and says his brother has been taking his toothpaste, I'm coming down on him. Toothpace is communal in a family. No, not if the brother thinks that the other brother shouldn't have it. The only time it's not, if you get the red toothpaste, the whitening toothpaste? Can I let you in a secret? Yes, sir. As a lawyer, it doesn't matter to me what is moral or ethically true. It's about who's paying me. Yeah, you're a bad lawyer. That's a good lawyer. That's a good lawyer. It's a good lawyer should have no regard for the truth. Exactly. I'm, I'm scrappy. Yeah, I'm hungry.

Scrappy the lawyer. Scrappy the lawyer. Oh, my God. There we got. The law offices of Scrappy the lawyer. Scrappy Esquire. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. guy and look he's got a he's got a Harvard mug or bottle bottle because he went to Harvard law I went to Harvard School of Science law I remember when I

Scientific law or lawyering When I was in Boston touring What's it made out of? Oh Hollywood It's made out of metal It says something crazy Let me screw it on and I'll look at the bottom Oh he's trying to fool you

By telling you to turn the bottle It says poly concept Polly concept What the fuck is Polly concept on a water bottle. Only a lawyer would understand this thing. Yeah. That's a lawyering word. And I want to get into that. This is called legalese guys. Jargon.

Jargon. Jargon. Where are you talking about you being in Boston? When I first moved to Boston and my mom helped me move my shit in, we walked over to Harvard Law, the Harvard Law campus. And we walked around and my mom said, I can't believe I'm walking where Obama walked. And I don't know why that's stuck with me my wife.

You can say that on any place. I can't believe I'm walking where Obama walked. You can say that about a good chunk of places. He's not for his Gump. No, you could say that about the apple orchard in my hometown. Any road Forrest Gump probably came here. I can't believe I walked where Gump has been. Obama has been more places than

the average person has been. Yeah. There's no question. He's been to every state. You could walk outside there and say, I can't believe I'm walking where Obama walked. Obama did not walk on but it's like the percent chance that you'd be right versus saying I can't believe I'm walking where it's got to be 25. John Stevens walked. Well, John Stevens

walked. Well, but that's probably because. definitely walked down this street. Because you don't know who that is, there's probably many of them. So John Stevens is probably more likely. Okay, John Stevens, the one who was born in 1973.

Okay, well, maybe he probably didn't want. He's less likely to have walked here than Obama. Well, I guess this is true. Okay, well,

again, and the lawyer defeats me. It's all about percentages. The likely lawyer has defeated me. Once again, the legal eagle himself. Scrappy the lawyer. I'm sick of this legal eagle guy.

Who's that? He's a YouTube video. Oh, he's the, one that watches the way which one is this he's some piece of shit with a suit who goes up he's doing it makes all these videos

like legal lawyer legal eagle lawyerly reacts to TV show you know who this you should be in court why are you making YouTube have you seen the other lawyer that wears like the big what is his name

there's this lawyer who is on YouTube and he does these snaps at the camera And then it transitioned to him in his office reading a book. And he says, if you ever get pulled over, say, I don't consent to any searches. And he's very Southern. Oh, I've actually seen this guy. He's cool.

This guy's awesome. He has a bunch of rings. Yeah, he's got a bunch of rings and a big wig. Yeah, the Saul Goodman guy. Yeah, the real life, Saul Goodman. He's cool. That guy's awesome. I fuck with him.

He's cool. But the legal eagle never heard of this guy. He's too. And I don't like that lawyers are on average better looking than people who work in trash rooms. It's because they can afford gene therapy. I think it's that for sure. And genes from DNA resequencing. Mm-hmm.

Real shit. I want to start a brand of genes called therapy. Therapy reaction. Oh, that's good. That would be good. Oh, that's good. Oh, my God. Do you guys want to hear an idea I had, I thought, when I was a kid that I just remembered the other day?

Yes. This is an idea I thought would make a million dollars so I didn't tell anybody because I was like, I grow up, I'm going to make this. Now you're up. I'm now I'm up. I'm going to make it. Basically, it's like a lollipop. But it's hollow and inside it's got some types of little candies and it's get this, it's a candy Maraca.

They might have that. They might have that in Mexico. I don't know if they do. Do they have that in Mexico? I'm certain they have it in the country that we haven't heard of. A candy Maraca. Do they have that in Mexico? That you can shake and it goes.

Yeah, it goes. They do? All right, well. Okay, well, we'll make it hot then. Yeah, spicy. No, like a candy that's spicy. Yeah, that's not bad idea. that in Mexico? Spicyness?

Nope. Okay, well, then we're good. We can do that. Okay. Let's dive into this Eagle. Which also, the reason we're talking about lawyers is because we're doing the lawyer website again today. The Law Advice website. A different one, though.

What? Right? Is it a different one? No, no, no, no. It's the same one. I thought we did Avo last time. We did. What did you do?

Oh. Oh, we did a different website. Yeah, we did a different website. Did you guys collaborate on something? How did you both do a random different website? Because I asked him what it was and he sent me a different website. Yeah. What?

Yeah, I found a completely new. website okay well we're doing law advice legal advice again it's the same kind of thing I didn't know about this secret website well this website that we found I found some good stuff on the old yeah who should go first then because we have you guys go we have mine's open I'll go first mine's long this is from just answer dot com slash this morning we had a very funny who's on first almost happened yep because I asked him what's the website and he said just ask I'm asking you yeah and he said just answer clicker?

No, we haven't had the clicker for a year. Bruce. Oh, yeah. This one just person just said, I started weak. This one, this guy just says Bruce. And then, did you look up to find Bruce? I don't know. It was just in the recent asks, I think.

It just said Bruce and then go next slide. And this is just a guy, customers says, hi, Bruce. So the way this website works is actually a little different than Avo. The way this one works, it's much more similar to PRACTO, I would say, where the people, the lawyers are getting presumably paid based on if they get rated for their answer on this website. Okay.

So I think that this has to be this guy, Bruce, who has 38,000 satisfied customers, can't be true. He is giving, he's laundering money. It's giving laundering. Yeah, so this is Bruce. Next slide, please. I think it costs $1 to ask a question.

I have a legal question, and I'm as going to see if you would mind answering it for me. Oh, that's nice. So that's nice of them. Next one. And Matthew says, good morning. Your question does not say much about your question.

So hopefully I'll be able to get your answer. Help you get your answer. His last name is Esquire. Next slide. And so this person says, sir, thank you for responding on such short notice. Just wondering the legality of this because I see it quite a lot. This is in Pennsylvania, by the way. If someone were to say drop their cat from 10 to 15 feet on a soft surface because they, quote,

land on their feet, is there anything illegal about it even if the cat likes it? it. I will say that is not illegal. Well, customer says hi. And then customer said hi. Next slide. Stop moving, my shit. Next slide is somebody was making a parody song about Elon Musk and they want to know

the legality. Okay. This song is about Elon Musk and it sang from his perspective. The song mocks his recent decisions and exaggerates his views on the world, portraying him as a Disney villain-like character. Something close to South Park-style humor, but less violent. I'm wondering if Musk can potentially sue us for making it, and if yes, are there ways to prevent it?

There was no answer to this one, but I do want to get your opinions. I think that Musk can sue, of course. That's your legal right as a U.S. citizen. Is he a U.S. citizen? I believe South Africa is part of America. Okay. English, yes. He can sue, but of course also there are ways to prevent him suing you, for example, brainwashing him.

legally brainwashing him using videos and TV like strapping him down in front of something and taping his eyelids open, that type of brainwash? Right, or telling him not to. Okay. And the type of lawyer that I look like would say if this case involves any kind of tin can, then I could take it.

The type of lawyer that you look like would say this. Because he doesn't exist. There isn't one. But isn't you, there's got to be like some if it, if this was two people fighting over a tin can, maybe a song about tin cans and bindles. There we go. That could work. If the glove fits, you may acquit if they're trying South Park, let them walk.

Yeah. Something like that could be... Here's the trick. This is actually a real thing. I don't know if you guys know about this. You know the small penis thing, which is where if you're slandering somebody or you're doing libel or whatever, you're doing a parody of someone and you want to prevent them from suing you for it, you have to also put in something that's really like embarrassing,

like saying they have a small penis or something like that because in order to sue they have to like prove without a reasonable doubt that it's like oh this is me that they're making fun of so you have to say that it has to be me that small penis character is me well it's civil it's civil court you don't have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt well you know what I mean I use the wrong words but that is a but you do have to prove that you are you have to prove that you're there you're the one being made fun of here's another one if it's SNL you can tell because I know every sketch. That's another type of

you must acquit thing. If it's mad TV, you'll make madly me. Here's a trick. Just change his name. Yeah. To Freelon's dust. Yeah, Elon Dusk. Elon Red. Yeah. It is anything. It doesn't matter. Okay. Beyond

X. Or like Beyonce. Beyond X, that works too. Beyonce, I think you'll have another problem though. Yeah. Next slide. I had a coworker asked me if I have noticed the boss's serial killer smile, I said a little. It's probably just a front to assert his power, nothing to worry about.

Can that be considered trash talking? And Dolan Williams says, hello, trash talking is not against the law. Wow. Thank God. Thank God it's still legal. Bit of a legal revelation for me.

I always thought that trash talking could have been considered some bad style. I guess it depends who you trash talking. Libel, I think they call this. Libel. Threats is trash talking and threats should not be Illegal. Next slide, please. And this only took him form it.

Hypothetical situation. And this is, by the way, the best possible thing you can search on this website is hypothetically. Yeah. Hypothetical situation. If someone typed into Google, quote, teen porn or, quote, porn, would that be regarded slash viewed as evidence of intent to view child porn? Answered by Gene C. We're going to see a lot of Gene C right now. No.

Gene says no. This is simply that you were researching something for a project for school. Awaw, because you heard about people getting involved in these illegal activities, and you wanted to find out about it. But you did not download any of it, and you do not keep going back to those sites. And the customer says, thank you so much for answering the weird questions, hoping I don't have any more to ask. Have a happy night.

Gene says, you have a nice weekend, too. But this continues. Next, customer comes back. I do have one more question, but I'm working until 11.30 p.m. could I ask you tomorrow or something? Gene says I will eventually come on tomorrow, but I'm not sure when, I'm not sure when,

but if I'm not available, one of the other experts can help you as well. Customer says, I hear you. I would be home around 8 p.m. tomorrow. Gene says, okay, that's fine. You can't just ask the question and wait. Yeah, why not? So next day,

hello, hope Friday has gone well. Thank you for your time and patience with me. First question. Hypothetical situation. If someone typed into Google, young teen bestiality porn, young teen beciality, teen bestiality, teen bestiality porn, young beciality or young bestiality porn,

would that be regarded slash viewed as evidence of intent to view child porn? Gene says not necessarily, but it is evidence of an interest in something that is viewed as a different type of sexuality. So if that person keeps typing these things into Google, they could possibly attract the attention of someone, therefore they should stop typing this into Google Loa if they must. Google Loa. Okay, next slide.

I like Google Loa. Customer says hypothetical situation. What if someone accidentally views child porn? Gene says, then they should get off the website as soon as possible. You can't help what you accidentally view. But it's best to stay away from those type of websites with your own computer. Because this stuff seems to come up more than you wanted to. So maybe you should take a break from using your computer to view any type of materials of this nature.

So you don't have to worry about it. One of my favorite parts of these types of websites is people who like are clearly like did something very bad and are approaching like a court date. and just go on a website and they post something like so I feel really bad about this I did something I shouldn't have I killed a guy will I get in trouble

and then all their responses are like delete this immediately you just have to imagine that they just have this just like there has to be an alert that goes off on someone's computer I like to imagine

that this hypothetical situation is happening between every message and then he has the tabs open and he's going right back but there's a lot more trust me next slide please thank you for your patience with me Gene

says the customer next slide hypothetical situation if someone typed into google young teen scat porn or young scat porn would that be regarded as evidence next slide long as they do not continue going back to those sites and most importantly don't download any forbidden materials customer says i want to thank you one more time i'm almost finished asking the same question every time i'm almost finished with the odd slash stupid questions hypothetical situation what if someone watches a video titled something like young teen does something the video etc

doesn't say anyone is underage next slide about the beastiality questions above when you said not necessarily if that person literally made that search once or maybe twice then they don't have anything to worry about jean says no that is not illegal it's simply a sign of odd preferences customer

says gotcha gotcha thank you so much jean i think that is all I hope to never bother you with any weird questions again you're an angel thank you so much for your time and patience The gotcha, gotcha. Gotcha is so funny. Gotcha. Oh, yeah, cool, gotcha.

Gene says, no problem. Have a nice weekend. Okay. Next slide. Hypothetical situation. What if someone typed into Google, teen incest porn, young incest porn, or young teen incest porn? Gene says, same thing as I said above.

What if they Googled that and then Google the beach reality one or something? Like one search after another, or like they did one search one night and the other search the second night. Next. The best thing for you to do is stay away from the computer for a while. whatever you did you cannot undo and if you keep trying to undo it you'll probably cause more problems rather than less so the best thing to do is avoid the computer and avoid the topics you are bringing up have a nice weekend next slide totally totally what if someone made those

searches and maybe saw something just leave it alone slash in the past pretty much jean says exactly best wishes you as well says customer leave it in the past that's fine or would be just fine? I love this. Leave it in the past and that person should be just fine. They realize that they were talking about hypotheticals or would be just fine. I'm sorry, you mentioned reading material. What if someone read erotica about a minor engaging in sex acts? Is that illegal? Would that be viewed slash regarded as intent to view child porn or anything? Just leave it in the past and that person is okay? Next thing they say, okay slash fine equals not in trouble slash charged or anything. And then Gene just didn't respond anymore. At a certain point,

he's asking the same question over and over again. I love the chat. structure. The way this one works is a really good. Just chat. It's incredible that it's public. Why would this be? Why would it be public? Because people could have like similar scenario or situations. Yeah. Every single one is so specific to a person. Just doing it as a chat. That it should not be public. Imagine if you like your chat with like the like chat bot on like a car dealership website or whatever was public. You know that ones they have. Do you have red? Yeah. I want a forged truck. Do you have read? And then next slide, please. What does M-I-L-F stand for?

My boss keeps getting things from those initials. I know it is porn, but what does it stand for? Lawyer reacts. Me, I'm a lawyer, fool. Well, a lawyer probably would say that. A lawyer would, but if you were a civilian. Okay, I think I'm... I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty, pretty sure it's masculine. Uh-huh. In iguana Illicit Love Fest Love Fest It's a gay I think it's a boy thing

I still think I think my international law firm Is what it is That's good too My next slide I think is my last Unless that one's my last Let me see Nope that one's the last one

All right That's what I got from Just Answer slash law guys I'll do mine Now I'll show you some From the old website from Avvo All right So here's the first one

how to get trial or charge a change of venue. This judge is old miserable lesbian. I just wanted to put that in. How did you find that? I think I searched venue or something. I did not search lesbian, even though you think I did. You thought that it was a video tab.

I did not search a lesbian. I searched some nasty stuff, man, but I didn't do lesbian. He typed in miserable. I think I actually did type miserable. That's what I searched. Miserable lesbian. Really good searches on these websites, too. Let me put you on.

Misery, agony, miserable, torture. I have one that you're really, the one search term that you're really going to like. The two that I searched a lot was hypothetical and hello sir. Yeah. Hello sir. Always got somebody who really was not that good at talking. What if I did a Grinch photo shoot but changed it to the green man? I am new to photography, so want to see if I can do a Grinch photo shoot but use Green Man name instead.

I feel like this is teetering. Yeah, this is teetering on like parody slash what I just like if he's a green man I'm new to photography

I want to do a Grinch photo shoot so I don't know about stuff like this but can I say green man? If he's a green man with no green hair Yeah, even a green man with green hair is okay

and a Grinch type face as long as he's not completely covered in here. I'd say this is legal because you can be ugly and green yeah exactly here's a few that go together my boyfriend has jock it's really bad

and was seen at a McDonald's parking lot itching, but it was called in under indecent exposure. He went to the station to put in a statement but never gave a ticket if he has found guilty and has to register as a sex offender. Will that prevent us from ever being able to have children or get married in the state of Oklahoma? What is the sentence he could be given

and what restrictions could he have? Here's another one that goes with that. Is rubbing your groin in front of someone a crime? Public genital scratching illegal? I was recently given a ticket for grabbing my genitals in public outside my clothing in view of public. I can't seem to understand on how a person

either scratching himself or rearranging the northern region can be charged with anything. You can go to the next slide, Julio. That's on the next slide. Okay, not that one. So just a bunch of people who got in trouble because they were scratching.

I don't think scratching should be a crime. Scratch is not a crime. I mean, are they saying that they pull out the genital area and scratch? This is the ones I put these in because it really does seem like they're probably doing. They're definitely.

He had jock itch at McDonald's and he had to itch and they... Jock itch at McDonald's is a crazy thing. No, man, they got horny as fucking looking at the menu and all the bad bunny meal stuff. The promotional videos. Here's the next one. What can we do?

She's hurting. Wait, wait, wait. We just got to eat cheddar. My wife stepped out of the truck, slipped, and fell on the ice in the parking lot. What can I do? We just got to eat. I don't know what that means.

I searched to eat cheddar to see if it's like a restaurant or something. Here's what it is. He's bad at punctuated. Okay. We just got to eat. Cheddar, my wife. But this is so, like, what can I do? He's so panicked.

What can I do? He's so panicking. He's not making it easy. He's just typing so fast that it's auto-crack. We just got to eat. What did we put cheddar? We ate cheddar and then my wife stepped out of the truck Maybe the cheddar

She's hurting now She's like include all the details Okay we ate cheddar We just got to eat cheddar What can we do? She's hurting We just got to eat cheddar That is good

All right Then we got Can I sue Chipotle for hurting myself On their walls I was waiting in line for food With my girlfriend When I stuck my finger And one of the holes on the wall

in Chapoile, I could not get it out for the life of me, but after some time of struggling, I managed to set myself free, but got a mild laceration as a result. Can I sue for hurting myself with their decor? No, no, no, no, no. I know exactly what they did. Do you know they have the like Aztec style? Yeah, they stuck their finger in that this. I mean, this could be a, yeah. Being in line in Chipotle, your finger stuck, everyone behind you, like, come on.

Come on. Next pro, next please. He's like, ah. Or just imagine being in line in Chippola and somebody sticks their finger and starts wailing trying. I told Carter about this and the AI. I said, I have a fantasy about sticking my finger in the wall. That's true. My finger stuck to a wall. You shouldn't do it because you're going to get lacerations.

I have an immediate answer. And likely have no legal recourse. You're better than Carter. Thank you. Don't say that. You're way better than Carter. Thank you. Yeah.

Carter would not answer that question. He said it was inappropriate, but you. It's appropriate. You gave me a good answer. Yeah. So Carter step the. fuck up. And illegal to do. It's not illegal to finger the wall. It's illegal

now. We just made it. That's a private property. We just made it. It's not illegal illegal to touch. Never mind. How can I sue KFC for pain and suffering of my tear meniscus on my left knee and a back pinched nerve? I worked for KFC and I slip and fall on a raw piece of chicken skin.

Slip and fail on a raw piece of chicken skin. Now I'm with a tear minuscus on my left knee and pinchy nerve. This happened back in May 2nd, 2018. That's pinching nerve. And this is a recent. They did this. They were like, oh, I just remember when I slipped on chicken skin. I wonder if I can get anything to that now. It should be like

a sports injury, I think, qualified for that. You need to go to us, but yeah, tournamentiscus is like plenty of football players. Yeah. You trip on a piece of raw meat. Yeah, classic. Yeah, that's like our skin. You're out for a cut, some chicken skin you're out for four or five years. KFC could be

Kentucky football championship. It could be. Probably is. Certainly be. Well, here's another fast food one. Can I sue McDonald's over there being snot like substance in my drink. I don't know if intentional or not, still unacceptable during COVID. Just was getting some hot

axe and hot chocolate to start of my morning. I've never had any problems before at any other locations till this morning. I order hot chocolate with my meal, but when I drank it, tasted like a slimy gooby. It tasted like a slimy goobie. It tasted like a slimy glee. Oh, that is such an amazing line to be given.

This needs to go to court. It tasted like a slimy gooby. Your Honor, it tasted like a slimy gooby. The taste exhibit A, the goobie. Please bring out the slimy gooby. The taste was completely off and had gooey substance all over it. Really don't have words to describe texture. It was same texture like snot.

used my fork and scraped up lots from the inside. I have photos I can provide if needed, just need place to send them. I'm never usually that guy, but this is my first time ever actually feeling like I have to leave a report. I'm open to being tested or whatever to prove it's not my own.

He kept the slimy gooby? He took a photo. He took a photo. He was going to test it. Yeah, he's keeping it, man. I had so many of this type of thing of finding slime or gooby. This should be.

You looked up goobie? No, just goobie, you know, the material. This is not, this is not a one for the... Everyone keeps it, is the what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. Everyone says, I still have it. I put it in my fridge. I don't think that this is a problem for the United States court system. This is a problem for Mori.

Yeah. This is a, a... It is not your goobie. It's not your goobie. Ladies and gentlemen. It's not my fucking goobie. 50 backflips in a row. Not my goobie.

The goopy does not belong to you. Here's the next one. Can a police officer use a slim gym to enter my car without my permission? I just want to read the full thing for that. Oh, this next one is horrible. This is one of the most horrible things I've ever read. I went to the county health department to get a pap smear and the doctor got the speculum stuck in my vagina.

What did you look up to find the speculum? No, I searched. I'm trying to remember what I searched. It was not vagina. Papa. I always, all the grossest, most horrible ones, I always find because I search something innocuous and then something crazy comes up.

The doctor, I went to get a pap smear. The doctor did not lubricate the speculum before and search and after the pap was done. She was unable to remove the speculum. She said the speculum was stuck because she could not get it to close. She started pushing, pulling, and twisting the speculum while it was inside of me. When that did not work, she started opening it wider.

She said in a panic voice, it stuck and I can't get it out. It's just so horrible. This is why men should be the gynecologists are not women. Because I don't care what that feel. Yeah. I'll just rip it out.

Oh. Okay, here's the next one. You don't like that? I shouldn't have taken that one out. It sounds like it hurts really bad. Of course it does, but I don't care. I have a penis.

All right. My husband purchased and consumed Gatorade with slime and worm looking thing in it. He drank four before he discovered it. Now sick. What record should we follow? Bro.

He drank the worm and the key. He got four Gatorades with slime and worm. Don't worry. There's a bunch of more coming. Chad, what time made a mountain dude with a fly in it. Made a mountain dude?

Eight drank. Make Mountain Dew. Here's the next question. It's under internet law. Is it illegal to sell slime at schools in Ohio? Oh, yes. Most normal school in Ohio. Yep, slime selling school.

Yeah, slime selling school in Ohio. Here's the next one, a little close to home. Can I sue TikTok for destroying my marriage? My husband was home during COVID-19 for a while, and now my marriage is destroyed. All he dose is watch video after video. We argue about this every day. He doesn't talk to me or hear nothing I say.

This is one of the most common. problems in all of America at the current moment. This is the COVID-19 TikTok addiction. 90% of white people are getting divorced. My wife and I, here's the next one. My wife and I lived at 21 Totten Street in Bethpage, New York. During that time, they dug gunk out of the ground near grooming. This is a full orc life.

They dug gunk out of the ground. And now what I did is I took out the body of this one, because this one is actually Brumman is their son. Brutely sad and the wife got cancer from the gunk. It was cancerous gung. was cancer as gunk. Oh, I don't want to hear about all this cancer. So you don't have to hear about that part. I hate that cancer. Don't believe that. What should I do if I found a rubber jelly like substance in my bag of chips? I was eating my chips when I almost finished. When I

reached in the bag, grabbed the last of my chips and put it in my mouth. I immediately felt something blueberry jelly like substance in my mouth. So I went to the kitchen sink and threw it in the sink. I then grabbed it and put it in the bag that I was eating. I, this would ruin my day so bad. Blueberry rubber jelly. Blueberry rubber jelly in my fucking chips. I love the narration. of all these people what they do. They're always like, they say, well, I was eating, then I tasted a blubbery, rubbery, and then I grabbed and I threw it. I threw my gooby back in the bag.

My blueberry gooby. Here's one I want to hear from you about. This is, I think, your area of expertise. There's a question about intellectual property. Fuck me. Do you put the app word on your trademark, such as peanut butter and jelly app, a little ignorant about trademarking?

What does that mean? Do you put the app word on your trademarking? trademarks, such as peanut butter and jelly app. That means he's making an app called peanut butter jelly. He's going to see if you should trademark the word peanut butter and jelly or he's a trademark peanut butter and jelly app. Oh, I see now. He's saying he's starting an app.

It's an app called peanut butter and jelly. And he's trying to trademark the press, peanut butter and jelly. Can we see if this app? I need to see a I'm gonna see if this is it. I'm gonna see if this is it. Oh my God. It's so funny to make an app called peanut butter and jelly.

It's even funnier to try and copyright the words peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter and jelly app. This has to be out by now. Wait a minute. Peanut butter and jelly TV. Oh, that's PGJ TV. Peanut butter and jelly app. Jello ballo.

He might be stuck on the intellectual property trademarking. Yeah, I'm also just seeing Jellow. Peanut butter jelly time. And subs is an app for sandwich recipes. Okay, cool. And then the Garten of Bon Bun. All right.

What do you think? Peanut butter and jelly app or peanut butter jelly? Peanut butter and jelly app, it has to be. I still have a bunch more, so I'm going to start going fast. I found a bunch of good ones. This one, I think this actually means something, but I could not stop laughing at just this phrase. Is Penal Code 211 considered a wobbler?

If I did not go. to prison but received a felony. It's Penal Code 211. He can't vote because he wobbled? I guess he's a, it's a wobbler. Yeah, he's a wobbler. Question, can sued Dunkin' Donuts, I eat croissant that has rubber glove in. It's so funny to me to imagine eating a croissant that has a rubber glove.

What is this? Did you get the peanut butter jelly out? You tell me. Peanut butter is it. I got that. Which is a soundboard? Peanut butter jelly app. Okay, I put it off.

Okay, next one. Okay, I understand. The floor had a crack in it and a bubble underneath the crack in which when I took the next step, I tripped. I love starting with... Oh, I understand.

Oh, okay. So I'm coming to you because I finally got what happened in me. I'm seeking legal recourse. Okay, I understand. Okay, I understand. Can I sue the company that makes Bubble Day game?

for false advertisement. I downloaded the game that said you will win money if you get 10,000 points. Bubble day. Here's another intellectual property question. Can I make custom

South Park characters? No, no. You cannot. Don't even try. This next one is the most evil thing I've ever seen on this website. This is so horrible.

Is it illegal to give a minor sperm so they have a child? I'm very curious if this would be illegal. Could I be charged with something if I did give my sperm to a minor?

I'm 24 and she is 15. There would be no sex. Just giving her my sperm. Oh. Is that illegal? Yeah. Kill yourself. I mean.

It's a loop. He found the loophole. Oh, that's awful. I found so much stuff like this on this website because I searched birthday because I was trying to find stuff like, oh, so and so ruined my birthday celebration or something. And it's all, can I have sex with this girl? Her birthday is 2011. Her birthday is only in 204 months.

Yeah. Horrible. Found this. creature inside my bag of candy. So my question is, who do I need to talk to about this? I brought some gummy jolly rancher candy, and I found this creature inside my bag of candy. So my question

is, who do I need to talk to about this creature? And I've been vomiting since I saw it inside of my bag. Whoa, just by seeing it? It's an incredibly powerful creature. This is the most disgusting creature in the world. Can I get sued from an injury, which required surgery due to consensual rough housing? I was at my neighbor's

barbecue. The homeowner, his friend, and myself were the only three left at the bar. We were having cocktails and having a good time. The host was telling me that he wasn't a big fan of our neighbor across the street because he was coming onto his wife. Jokingly, I mentioned that he's a pretty big guy and he'd have his hands full if they squared up. He told me that he was a golden gloves boxer and would have no issues. My comment was, well, if he knows any grappling, there could be an issue. He walked around the bar and started jokingly throwing blows at me and a few landed on the ribs as I was backing up. He threw a few more blows, at which point I came in very

close with a wrestling jujitsu move and picked him up and laid him down on the ground and locked him up, never intending to hurt him. He has a torn rotator cuff. The move is not intended to damage, but more of a submission application. I went back the following day and learned he needed surgery. He told me everything was okay.

He had great insurance. We agreed to split the co-pay. I'm now getting nasty grams from his wife. Am I liable? A nasty graham? What's a nasty gram? Nasty gram for him. I got a nasty gram from his wife.

Because I laid him down. Nasty Graham. Yeah, just somebody knocking at the door. You heard my husband. Nasty Graham. You heard my husband. Asshole. I'm going to eat shit in front of you.

Okay, here's another long one. Nasty grim. Are pictures of cartoon minors being tickled illegal? Yes. I have clicked on many images of teen male cartoons being tickled over the past few years. They have usually been between the ages of 15 to 17, though there have been a few younger ones.

In most instances, the teens are clothed. Sometimes they've been half clothed. There have been a couple instances where they haven't been clothed. I normally try staying 18 plus as much as possible, but the site where I browse is very, very liberal as far as these pictures go. And it's easy to click on a picture that's previewed on an existing page, so you may not necessarily know the character is below 18 until you click the thumbnail version.

Currently, I'm trying to get my computer and phone investigated for hacking. However, the company I want to work with states in their authorization form that anything illegal that's readily apparent found while doing digital forensics will be reported to the authorities. My question is what I've described illegal? Is it considered underage pornography and is it prosecutable where I live? Follow-up question. How old is SpongeBob?

If you had to guess, how old is SpongeBob? And then we have, I was watching the original karate kid, wax on, wax off, and learning karate. Then I went to the kitchen and accidentally struck my husband as I practiced. And what a coincidence, it was after I read his text with another woman. Now I have a DV court date, but I am a woman plus I was just practicing karate. Wow, that is the most amazing defense I've ever heard. You rage, punch your husband. I was practicing karate, wax on.

wax on wax off from the karate you have to pick a you have to pick a movie that is old so that because everybody in the jury seen the karate kid and then you have to show the moves and it has to be a crowd pleaser movie exactly and guess what he does in the movie

fucks it up plenty of times but he always gets back up but he always gets back up just like you in court and if your husband had watched a karate kid maybe he would have gotten back up after the what's the thing he know can't defend from punch

this one this the crane the crane thing. Never seen Karate Kid. Me neither. So here's just a few more in my last few. You've seen Coburkeye though. Can I say,

can I say Waldo inspired for a bikini I am making? Yes. You can say that if you want. You can say that. Here's another one. You can't find the bikini

because it's so micro. No, just the stripes, I think. Shut up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to get really legal. Is it illegal to transform movie characters in Photoshop? Yes.

Transform into what? Transform them. You cannot transform any characters. Is it illegal to transform? I think it is, by definition, transformative. And then here's the last one. This one is really cracking me up. Just, I don't know why.

I was injured inside a store. A young girl hit me on my right knee with a Santa Claus pole. My lawyer says to settle. You know, it's to settle for $5? Just the phrase, a Santa Claus pole really was getting me so good. She hit me with a Santa Claus pole. I think that's a death penalty situation. Yeah.

All right. Wow. That, the gooby thing really fucking killed me, man. I tasted a slimy gooby. Oh, my God. Slimy, slimy goobie. I found a rubber jelly. I found a rubber jelly of my gooby.

My goobie. All right. So here are my slides now. There's a lot more. So this first one I looked up. This is how I would find stuff. I just wanted to show my process. So I would do the site thing.

And I found that just really loved this. Good day. My name is Darren Duky of Trinity. Okay, tell him what you told me about Darren Duky. Oh, yeah, then I looked up Darren Duky. I think Darren Duky killed somebody. Whoa. And he said the case was called like the people of Trinidad versus Darren versus Darren Duky.

Yeah. Uh, this next one, is it illegal to post a video taken in my own home of a person eating as boogers? I know it's gross and there was no answer for that, which sucks. It's illegal. I would say it's fully illegal. It's fully illegal. This next one, how do I answer?

LIGO without being delusional or pathetic. That was a good search term was pathetic. It was a lot of very, very sad people asking questions. And then a legal author expert says, I apologize, but I do not understand the question. Could you please clarify for me? And then

they said, well, LIGA was a client and we had a love affair shortly. I told her that I'd pay her back for her plane ticket to fly from Copenhagen to Kansas City, $2,000 ish dollars. I'd pay her back the money she loaned me when I was in a jam, but she and I had a falling out during that trip. she still wants to pay it back.

I can't pay it yet. Is there an issue? Also, I have a question concerning my business startup. Is it okay to start an L.A if I started, or is it okay to start it without an LSC for the first months? And the legal author only answered the LLC question. Well, yeah, there's not, there's no like a law. Yeah. And then this next one, is it legal for me to pay to eat poop from a dominoidrix as it comes out of her if her and I are both willing?

which then D. Winogo Esquire experts said, what state are you located in? They said Indiana, and they said, there is no statute or regulation prohibiting eating feces. Moreover, Indiana Code 35-45-4-2 defines prostitution as someone who performs or offers or agrees to perform sexual intercourse or a deviate sexual conduct. Therefore, it is not illegal as long as you are not engaging in deviant sexual conduct with the dominates' jurors concurrently, which the other person asks,

okay I understand so with the sane answer apply to having the dominatrix perform cock and ball torture and letting me on me and letting her kick me in the balls ball busting or cuckolding me if we are both malbusting and I would be paying for all this thanks and then Di Winogo says absolutely and they said I wanted to make sure that you understood what cuckolding I would be watching the dominatrix have intercourse then after completion she would cuckold me by making me lick the and eat his come from her. Would that be legal? Sorry for the delay is I had to leave town for a couple of days. Yes, the same statute and answer I previously provided would apply to the cuck-holding situation as well. Would that be considered a deviant sexual conduct when she would make me lick another man's come from her private area after they've had sex? If you were paying her, then odds are yes, it would be considered deviant sexual conduct and you can get charged criminally with soliciting prostitution.

Okay, so then if I'm not paying her, it would be legal? yes, as long as there's no money involved this is legal. This case needs to hit court because I need to hear the old ass judge go and what is ball busting and ball busting I love to the jury what it's a CBT

I loved so much that he was like okay I'm not sure you know what cuckold is. I just like to clarify I'm eating his cum out of her butt. This next one had no answer but it was a customer saying I used two profanity words and a fax to a lawyer

asshole and jerk face. And now he wants to take me to court. I'm profanity charges. I want to go in a loan and represent myself because I am not going to fight it. I was wrong and they can rule whatever they want against me. Do I or should I really need a lawyer with me? Yes. Cussing is illegal.

We've talked about it. I'm the number one lawyer. I work on so many profanity cases. Cusses are illegal but cussing is different from mom to mom. So it really depends on what your mom's your honor. Your honor, my client you thought he said shit

but you didn't hear after he said tucky mushrooms exactly yeah yeah exactly see we had you he might be saying fudge

or fuff your honor have you not enjoyed a steaming bowl of fah exactly every house was different I was in a lot I was like god dang

a lot of people I couldn't say sucks yeah some people can say I could say all the swears I couldn't say screw now screw is a cuss in my house so it really

And some people had, I went over to my friend's house and his parents, let him say, fuck this, fuck that. Fuck this, fuck that dinner that I'm eating. So, it really was told in third grade, the jerk is a swear. Suck my dinner up my ass. Oh, suck my. Did I sit down to the table telling grandpa that? Hey, grandpa, suck my dinner up my ass.

That's a pretty good. Actually, you should be able to say that. Suck my dinner up my ass. Suck my dinner. It depends on the food. Maybe you have like a savory lollipop. Stink my dinner. I could say stinks instead of suck.

lick my bob. Stick my D. Mm-hmm. S-my D, Mom. Wet my Bob. Or like, stink my thing. Yeah, any of that should be fine. Stick my finger.

Lick my finger. Because then they say where. You say, ew. What are you talking about? Finger my. Stick it. And then, okay, this next one, I did something incredibly stupid today.

While there was no question it was stupid, I wanted to see if it was illegal. I was at a trade show in Las Vegas and I got a call for an emergency and had to leave early. to leave early. When I parked this morning, it was a single spot up against a concrete barrier in front. I

entered the parking lot to find someone had parked directly behind me, less than the foot. In the spot, that wasn't a space and was sticking out into the roadway. Not having time. I spent the next five minutes and a hundred turns, getting my truck out from front of them. This guy's playing Baldur's game. I know. Making sure I didn't hit his vehicle in the process

scraping up my bumper on the concrete. Upset, I wrote a note. Great job parking like an asshole directly behind me when there's not even a spot insensitive bastard and left it underneath his windshield wiper. Looking back, it was rude and stupid, but it was, was it illegal under Nevada law?

I didn't threaten him or touch his vehicle. That is the most ex-Morman fucking thing I've ever heard. Hey, go suck a lollipop. Yeah, what is he says? Great job parking like an asshole directly behind me. Is sarcasm on a note illegal? In Nevada?

Sensitive bastard. Is Nevada where? is Nevada where ex-Mormons moved to? I think so. I think there's a lot of Mormons in Nevada also. But there's two cities of sin in Nevada. Rino. Las Vegas and Reno. The whole state is sin, basically.

If you ask me, this is Sodom and Gomorrah. Nevada, more like never had a good thought or emotion in my life. Or impulse when I was in Nevada because I was gambling and drinking Sprite. Never had a. Never had a chance to go to heaven. Never had one. And Nevada backwards. is heaven.

Wow. I think it's head of Abada. Abada cadavera. Yeah, which is a magical state. This next one. I have

taking the company computer with the out of the office to my home to review more trash on it of turning it. I am thinking of turning it

over to the law. Some of the girls looking young, he was on a teen porno site. comma, comma, comma. Every ellipsis is a comma.

just let the law check it. And if no one is under 18, I'll jam it and give it back to him. But if there's a girl under 18, will the law arrest him? No, the law will arrest you. Well, that's what P. Simmons says. P. Simmons says, thanks for the chance to help. I'm an attorney with over 12 years experience. Hopefully I can help you with your legal question.

What is going on here? You took a computer with child porn on the computer? I didn't say child porno. I said it was on a teen porno site. That could be 18 or 19 years old. I said some of them would be questionable if they are under 18 or under. And then P. Simmons says, yes, if there's child porn on the computer, the police can arrest him. My concern is that if you have the computer, you're also breaking the law.

The best thing to do is turn it over to the police and let them investigate. Pedophile Simmons, man. Oh, my God. Wait, that's true. Yeah, he's covering his ass. This next one is a strange question. Is there a law about ABDL in public? And then Isaac, Esquire, says, Thank you for your question, but please permit me to assist you with your concerns.

I happen to be a Pennsylvania license. My apologies, but by ABDL, do you mean adult baby diaper lover or something else? If not, I just want to answer the question properly. Yes, adult baby diaper lover. Hi, there is no law against it. The only law is based on decency, which means that so long as genitalia is covered up, sincerely, Dmitri Esquire. Okay, so apparently... I like that the Isaac knew what ABDL meant.

I think he probably googled it. Can you imagine if here's the, here's the troll you pull, right? You ask this question, the person says, oh, I'm sorry, do you mean ABDL? Is that adult baby diaper lever? I think I'm not, and you say, what the hell are you talking about? What the fuck? No, I do. If they ask me, is it legal to be ABDL, I just send back, sure, fucking hope not.

Then you're the, you're the master troll. And then you get five stars. Yeah, exactly. this next one this is embarrassing but please bear with me I have an unhealthy hobby of watching porn I was recently searching for videos with Google and I searched for something that

isn't appropriate because the word I use doesn't mean what I thought it meant Google brought up a page that let me know what I searched for was illegal I never saw any picture of video just that message from Google should I be expecting a visit from authorities what do you guys think the word so alien is it illegal

isn't legal to look at alien porn It can't be legal. It shouldn't be legal. It should not be legal. Does Google give you a warning if you search something illegal? I think so. That's awesome.

But the warning, this is what the customer said. Thank you, Google. This is what the customer said. For some crazy reason, I thought Lolita meant a beautiful Hispanic woman. So when I search for Lolita Handjob, Oh my God.

Google immediately let me know that what I searched for was illegal. This is just two days ago and I've been freaking out ever since because I thought, because I looked up the actual definition of Loita. As long as I didn't view any material and I didn't break any child porn laws, right? Having it accidentally open for a second or so is not equivalent to watching

videos of it. I like that defense. He only watched it for one second. Yeah. The hoops that, shut it off. That pedophiles will jump through to make what they're doing legal. Yeah, they're hula hoops. I wish that I... Children. I wish that every other criminal was doing this. I wish there

were questions on this website. I were like, like, so I technically may have accidentally killed a guy but like I only did I was only was for a second it was only for a second that I was choking him out and then like just all these these excuses and it's it's unbelievable it really is amazing these guys are kind of master of this is why they're kind of master debaters you were talking about people asking questions on this website right you know I guess well I tried to get my own legal advice you're kidding I tried to click next I was trying to do that too but I changed my mind. I tried to get my own legal advice on something. Now, I want you to look at my conversation really quick. Okay. Okay.

Welcome. How can I help with your legal question? Hello. Yes, it has recently come to my attention that an employee of mine has stolen my designs and started his own clothing company. How do I sue him? Next slide. The lawyer can help you determine if you have a case. Where are you located?

These laws vary by state. I am located in New York City, but my client is in Mexico. Next slide. Your client? My employee. My employee. My employee is the most famous singer in Mexico He is 19 and weighs 90 pounds

He likes Chalemay He dances better than most And I am upset He has gone behind my back And I want retribution They said chat is completed They did not want to take this case on They didn't give you anything

They did not want to take this case on Jubio Jubio what is this Go next Jubio what is this What is Jubio That big cartel.com Slash products

The Jubio Stellar hoodie What have you You've taken my design The Jubio Authentic Center You have taken my designs from me And you have started your own clothing brand I have been I've been sitting on this Jubio merch forever

And you haven't I haven't put it that Well my design was that the Island was going to be the dot on the eye That's a better design That's a better design And Jubio ripped it off and made it work And why is it in pounds

That's a good point I guess it's a Why are you paying for this in GBP? euros rather he's not answering well that's because I think that this is a different Jubio this is a different Jubio

I think this is J.U.Bio J.U.Bio. Yeah. These are just under Well then how are these designs so similar to mine? Just under Beach well it's somebody else ripped you off and you know what they also ripped off Jubio's name. So we have a case

together. You guys have a co-case which is good because this is going to dip into international law. Oh, yeah, because I'm not qualified for it. Holy shit. I've actually been completely banned from participating in any. This might even be Maritime law if there's an ocean with you and the other. So this means it's legal to you do killing.

Is it legal to kill someone in the fucking ocean? Yes. For real? Yes. If you just go 20 miles off of New Jersey, you can kill? No, not 20, but like a lot more. I think that the country that the person is from would be mad at you. Well, but being mad is fine.

I don't care people are mad. I think that you wouldn't be able to go to that country anymore. Okay. I just kill people from countries that suck. Because it's like the thing where someone does something bad and the other country says you got to, like in the dark night. Extra day. So you can kill someone from the United Kingdom in the ocean and just never go. Well, it depends.

But I bet that the U.S. would get you and send you there. Why? I'm a citizen. Because they're fucking narcs, man. I'm a Republican. They don't care about that. Honestly, the people at the top for them is not about Democrat Republican. It's about this.

Either you got money or you don't. Okay, so I have a lot of money. You don't. Well, you got a lot of money. You got enough to get on a boat. Honestly, even the people who have a lot of money in our lives, like $100,000, $200,000, that's literally nothing. How could that be nothing? That's a grain of sand.

They could buy 20 of these hoodies. They could buy more than that. Well, they could buy 20 and just give them out. Well, I guess if they only have 20 in stock, they probably could only buy 20. Well, guys, this concludes the episode about legal advice. And if you have money, send $5 to patreon.com slash podcast about list where you can see new type of files. Dungeons and dragons of the shareholder meetings. Speaking of the shareholder meeting, what day is, is it this month?

Julio, what did we say? I remember it's on a Sunday. But what? 28th? Sunday, January 28th will be the shareholder meeting. That's on Discord. So join the executive producer tier on Patreon and then join make sure you're in the discord. And also this weekend, Friday and Saturday.

I'm going to be opening up for little Adam Friedland in a tiny town called Tampa, Florida. Where are you playing? The Crazy Comedy Village. Is it really called The Crazy Comedy Village? It's something along those lines as a really stupid name. It's going to be really, really bad. These shows are going to be terrible. Please, please, please, please come out.

Please and just brighten my day just a little bit. It's going to be so fucking hell being in Tampa. He's going to try to make me go to a strip club or something. Tampa's nice this time of year. I like movies. Tampa, no, I'm not a fan of this area. Tampa is trash. Tampa's a junkyard.

We went to Tampa two years ago. Come on out, bitch. We went to Tampa two years ago for FYA festival, what was it? Yes. And we got accosted by an Uber or an Uber driver. Acosted.

A guy talked to us. No. Assaulted. Let's say what it is. Say what it was. He verbally assaulted us. By saying what? He said, we were taking an Uber to Waffle House

and he said, you know Wafel sucks right I said no it doesn't I'm sick of the funny Uber drivers and you were acting like this is not a crime against us that we could sue this man He accosted us This is a crime against the bus

To a place He drove you there and you paid it No no no no no He can say whatever he wants He's verbally assaulted us All right well Every other building We will be suing this man

In Tampa is an adult video store All right well then I think I'm going to have a good time Thank you guys so much We'll see you next time maybe i have another question you guys fucking hate me you guys fucking hate me wish i was a bad prank that is a bad prank i'm not good at pranks man i'm famously you're bad at i don't have a prank face i haven't this i haven't done pranks since when i was a kid i did the bucket of water on the door to my brother and he cried you do this when you're my older

brothers you can't you have no poker face for pranks because when you do a prank you have a little you have like a bobblehead thing you do. I don't bobble my head. You do this. You go. I don't dobble my head. The other day I got a fake poop and I put it on my kitchen counter as soon as I got it.

Zero planning. Put it on my kitchen counter and my wife walked in and got home from work and I said, I'm so bad at breaks. I said, hey baby, can you get me a glass of water? And I was closer to the kitchen than she was. I was doing nothing. I was just sitting in the hallway. Can you get me a glass of water?

It didn't work, man. She walked in and she was like, yeah, there's a fake poop on that. I'm also pretty bad at friends. We were talking about the master troll the other day. I remember, I was trying to think of trolling I had done in the past and I remembered something I did in college that I completely forgot about the people got mad at me for. What? Which was, do you remember how at college it was like they had the, it was like a TV net, like a school TV network where you get shows and there's like they have a staff and you make like, you know, however many episodes or whatever. And I never did any of that.

any of that, but on Facebook, I posted, I made a fake poster for a show for that called. I remember this shit fucks. And I said, I'm excited to announce I'm making one of these shows. Please message them on Facebook and ask if you want to be on the crew. And like, we're going to have a meeting in this room on this day at this time. And it was completely not true and fake. And a bunch of people messaged the like the school organization and be like, hey, can I work on this room? this shit fucks and then everyone got really mad at me because it wasn't really.