Podcast About List - Ep. #275 - Asexually Laying Pipe On Myself ft. Therapy Gecko

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Patrick cut his own hair again so we called in a therapist. Check out Lyle's show: https://linktr.ee/lyleforever Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Lyle, Lyle himself is here in the building. Lyle, The crocodile himself is here in the building. How's up, boys? How's it going? How's life? What's up, you killer crock? How are you? I'm doing good, man. I love this set. I love this fish. You guys, uh, you guys have a really cool operation here. It used to be Christmas around here. You do all everything.

We used to be Christmas everywhere, Patrick. Well, on the set. is true as fun. On the set, it used to be Christmassy. You do a digital set. Yeah, I do it. Well, it's crazy that you guys have like three cameras and five. It's just me and a camera that sometimes

works. And you're 40 times more successful. Well, I don't know. That's tough for us to hear. Maybe don't tell us about how bare bones are you sit down. Oh yeah, I'm nothing and I'm the, yeah, no, don't do that to us, man. No, this is really cool. I love that you have a guy

who sounds like jigsaw that's Yigsaw out there in Mexico doing his thing man Say hello Julio You don't have a producer Hello Julio I have not like I have somebody who like Who helps me edit the podcast after the fact But nobody live doing all this

You don't have a Jamie No like when somebody needs a Jamie The Jamie was a giant change for us Really? Yeah because now we can say If we don't remember something Or we don't remember what somebody looks like Google pig in the farm

you know something like that like oh here's a yeah pig in the farm we need oh we need a photo what does a pig and a farm look like now watch is just hold your horses pig in the far cry four and see he's an expert right here he pulls up far cry four pig hunting where to find pigs for quiver upgrade so you actually

quiver more in the game he's not all that good at the job I would say well that well I mean there's the pigs he did it he did find a pig he's an expert how you like in New York City so far New York is awesome man I was I was really stoked and happy the first like a week I came here because I sold my car and stuff and the honeymoon phase has

has kind of ended it's over yeah it's like this is my life now I got to have people started being mean to you um people first question do you walk around wearing this uh not yet I want to it's too cold yeah yeah it's too cold do you think about going to like Times Square hanging out with like Elmo in the Gecko costume I walked around Geico oh snap I walked around uh Las Vegas once in the costume and this like 12 year old old kid came up to me and he was he like showed me on his phone that he had listened to all of my podcasts and then we took a picture and then his mom like came up behind him and tried to give me five dollars and I was like you know you don't have to do that it's not one of those

what a mark that lady is Jesus Christ we never gotten a 12 year old no no I would say our audience is one of Caleb goals we just need one there's a one pick with a 12 year old well because they they'll start going to school, spreading it around among all the other people looking at different toilets or the toilet videos they liked. What did you guys, like, did you guys listen to podcasts when you were 12? I'm sure you had like YouTubers that you fucked with. I used to

be a big fan of you made it weird with Pete Holmes. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Really? Yeah, me too. Yeah. So I used to listen to that when I was a kid and I would play Halo and I would do that. It was homeschooled, so I'd do that instead of learning. Really? Yeah, so I would do that pretty much every day when I was a kid. And then I grew

up and now, it's not really my thing. How long were you homeschooled for? Seventh grade all through high school. I have a friend who's homeschooled and he mentioned... Now? Yeah. Well, no. I'm friends with a home...

No, I have a friend who he was homeschooled. Okay. And he talks about how he feels too normal for the homeschooled people, but too homeschooled for the normal people. Do you ever feel that one? I don't relate to that at all. Boyd. No. Oh, yeah.

I was fully... Home school blade. I loved being in homeschool. Really? What did you like about it? No fucking school. It was awesome. Were you not, were you like, were you lonely?

Were you not sad? Really? I had movies and YouTube videos. Yeah, I guess. This shit was amazing. That's cool. And then I had to go to college. All of a sudden,

you're walking in and you have books and shit. Pencils. What are they? Yeah, I really didn't know how to use them. I wasn't even the kind of homeschool kid who gets good at something. Like I didn't, I wasn't like getting good at art.

But that doesn't really ever. happen. Well, the spelling bee. There's one kid who was homeschooled and destroyed the spelling me. Instantly, you've been proven wrong. No, 99% of schooled kids. And yes, schooled. I'm not, because a homeschool is unschooled. Well, there's no, that's a third thing. Our beating, well, the numbers don't matter. But the point is that it's smarter. What was, was your, was it like a religious thing for you? Was it, was it, was it, was it, was it, your, your mom and your dad? I got in with the thugs at my school. And I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, what, was, what, was, we call a future thug.

Really? Yeah, so I got pulled out because of the thug stuff that I was doing. He ran over a teacher with a car. Yeah, I did a lot

of really bad stuff. And then my mom was, I was getting suspended and I was on the verge of getting expelled and my mom was like, we're taking you out of school. You got accused of treason. He was hanging out at a rival school.

I was hanging out at a rival school. I was spreading. We don't even have lunch at our school. I was giving them the football plays He's doing sort of very discreet handoffs. And so I just ended up being taken out of school. You're giving the sheet music for the band. And then I went from, this is a very rare, well, I guess it's not that rare.

I went from thug to nerd. Like today, do you still feel as though there's any thug remaining within you? I pray for your sake you don't find out. I pray for you. I'm a de-escalation gecko now. Yeah, you don't want to test my. my, test my gangster, as it were. Yeah, because it bites. Do you guys, uh, you guys ever imagine the situation? Well, I'm sure you do when you get mugged in what you would do. I think about this more

than anything. I had a new scenario I came up with yesterday. Okay. And this is if you're getting, you're getting mugged and you're just going next door to get some food. You didn't even bring your wallet because you're going to pay with Apple pay. Yeah. And I was thinking about this when I was going to get some food across the street. I thought, well, someone comes up to me and tries to mug me because, you know, it's seven o'clock. Yeah. The muggers are out. The muggers are out. Um, they just I would just say dinner, in fact, they're charged up. I would be like, man, seriously, I don't have my wallet on me. I'm just getting food across the street with Apple Pay.

But if you want, I'll go into my apartment and get my wallet for you. Go in, lock the door, call the police. He would come into the apartment with you. I would be like, I don't want you to come in because my girlfriend is home. Have you guys ever gotten? Have you guys ever gotten mugged before? I've never been mugged and I know that because of that, it will be the end of my life when it happens. I have this, like, I've never been mugged before.

And I have this thing in my head and I'm like, there's no way I'm getting. getting through life without the happening. Because I've never been mugged, I'm building it up so much in my head with all these scenarios and strategies that I will get stabbed. I will say there will be one word out of my mouth. They'll be like, give me your wallet.

And then you'll be cycling through the dialogue branch. Where do I go from here? And then they'll stab. Oh, this guy's already dying. Obviously, he's having said. You'll actually, you'll die of natural causes thinking of what to do. Yeah.

Just trying to just trying to do every, every strategy at the same time of like, just going like, like, well, I'm a deaf cop. Well, I have cancer and also I'm gay and then trying to make myself throw up. I've had the fantasy that I would like appeal to the mugger emotionally.

Right. I would look at them and I'd be like, hey man. That's what I always think. You know, what's going on. You don't need to do this. Yeah,

yeah, but that's not what would happen. You know, the way I would actually get stabbed is that they would mug me and I'd have like two $10 bills in my wallet and I'd try to give them one $10. Getting mugged and that.

What is 100%? that what I would do. Immediately looking at the guy and just going, I also think if I ask from my phone, I would probably go, really? Really, man? That's the one thing that, like, they really can't take anymore because you can just, like,

they have programmed the phones to be mug-proof. You can, if you know, if you're not your eye-clear. There is a, there is a Bushwick Bandit who has been going around on a bicycle or a motorized one. A Bushwick bicycle bandit. He's been going up to people, showing them a gun, and saying, give me your money, when they don't have money, he says,

come with me. He goes into stores, he'll go into like dispensaries or GameStop. He'll buy an Xbox with their Apple pay, or they will, and then he'll leave. Wow. And he does not kill.

Why don't just tell the GameStop employee? If he doesn't kill, why not just stop them? That's my theory. See, this is exactly the scenario I need to be theory crafting for it. This is what,

because I'm, I'm still stuck on a guy shows me a knife and says, give me your money, but what do I do when he asked me to buy an Xbox? Yeah. I'd say, no, man, I don't game. I don't have time for that shit.

I would go into the game stop. I would be in there for about five seconds. I'd walk out and I say they don't have Xbox, man. Are they right now? Well, I'm going to go home. Buying him at Xbox 360. Well, here's what you do. You spend the amount of money.

You're like, oh, is this not what you want? You didn't want stick of truth? I don't get it. That is a really good game. I hope you would want it. I think the thing that you're supposed to do is you're supposed to look at them and say, I've been waiting for this for a long time.

Yeah. And then when they say, what do you mean? You run away. I also think that's another scenario. Confusion tactic. 100% someone tries to bug me. There's a good chance I will just try and sprint away. I think there's a good chance I would do something really offensive to get out of it.

And so I just don't want to be put in that situation. When I was a kid, I used to think, like, if I just, like, if I just like, whoa, this guy's nuts. Yeah, I don't want his money. It probably is crazy. This guy's going to, this guy's crazy money that doesn't work in America. This guy's crazy. He probably only has coins on them. Probably does that monopoly.

That's what you do. You walk around with the monopoly money. You should walk me. Walk around with a little bit of monopoly money. Oh, you want to mug me? Look how crazy I am. I have a monopoly money. It's all money that has your own face on it.

Yeah. You want Caleb coins? There you go. You can only... $100 million. You can only buy stuff at my house with this. Yeah, that's not really going to work. And then you have a little closet where you have like red vines and skittles.

Oh, my God. I just thought of a big redible. I just thought of an incredible satirical idiocracy style thing to do. Oh, bloody hell. Come to mug you, you say, sorry, man, I don't have any cash. You got a card reader? Oh, that would be. But the thing is, with this current state of the world, they probably would.

They would, and you would have to tip. Yeah, exactly. And they just flip around your own phone. They say, how much is it to be like, I'm tipping 100% of the fucking mugging? Yeah, the mugging tips are 100%, 150% of 200%. I've been falling into this trap a lot recently. Getting mugged? 250 for a cup of coffee.

They flip the thing. How much you want to tip? I don't know two dollars I'm paying five bucks for one cup of coffee now just because this fucking piece of shit wants money what the hell is that it's fucking killing it is destroying this country yeah we need to get rid of tipping

yeah we need to get rid of tipping how do they do that in the other countries where they don't have tips yeah I don't think that they don't really have tipping in like Europe and Australia did you just make everybody just poor isn't it like they like actually pay the like people in the way

stuff okay well that's definitely not the solution We can't be doing that I think in German class they told me that if you do tip more than like 20% or something if you don't leave just like a dollar coin or something they get like offended Which I think is pretty true

This is invented because in Mexico When I was in Mexico And they don't they don't tip there really Well they do like but it's well maybe Julio could speak to this I guess but they don't really normally tip But it's just like you just weren't tipping Well no I was we were tip every time And every time we tip they would always be like

Oh my God Thank you so So much. Like it was like to the cars. Like you have to stop. This is not okay. It's too much. Everyone is looking at us.

Maybe like I got to save your son. You probably did. That's maybe why nobody tips there because they're too grateful. Yeah. And it's a little embarrassing. Well, here's a cheat code. You live in a country where they're tipping is not the norm.

All you have to do is move to a tourist city where Americans are going to come and tip you. True. And you're going to make twice as much money. That's and then you act all offended or whatever. Yeah. These are money hacks. Money hacks.

Have you traveled internationally? Yeah. I did, uh, went to Mexico City, uh, went to, uh, all over Australia and Europe. Were you doing shows there? I was doing, yeah, shows. Not in, not in Mexico. I did one show in Japan, which is fun. Oh, that's, wow.

Yeah, there was like, there was, there was, like, 40 people there, maybe, but like, that's pretty impressive. It was pretty cool. Dude, there was, like, most of them were, like, expats, but there were, like, four or five, like, actual, like, Japanese people there who just found the podcast from the computer and stuff. That is sick. Have you guys done shows internationally? No.

No, I don't have a passport yet, so we've got to get passports. Do a lot of international folks listen to this? We don't know. Millions and millions. Dude, I get, I get come to Brazil a lot. That's like, are you, well, no, I get come to Brazil, and I'm like, you guys, and then I'll, like, I'll see a comment that says come to Brazil, and I'll click the profile and it'll say, like, that they live in Brazil, and I'm like, fuck, maybe I should come

to Brazil, then I was just fucking with me. I thought the whole thing was that you go to Brazil when people say that, and then they want to be mean to you. Chop up your body? Yeah, something like that. Would you go do a show in Brazil? Would you do a show if you knew they were going to chop you up afterwards? Would I do a show if I knew they were going to chop me up afterwards?

I'm open to any and all new experiences. Okay, well, with that in mind, what if they kept you alive as they chopped you up so you felt every chop and you couldn't die? Well, I don't know. I have certain status tendencies. Well, let's just, I mean, let's strip the hypothetical question just down to the bare essentials. Would you get chopped up? Would I get chopped up? It sounds like a euphemism for something else.

Just into pieces? Yeah, just little pieces. Chumps. Chunks. Well, no, I actually, I would because there's strength and numbers. And if there were more little pieces of me, I could. You're a gecko. You can agree.

Oh, you're a deco. They would all, like, just become their own little mini-mees. And then I could go and. A million little wiles walking around. You know, I could be more productive. You book a tour. You do the whole thing in one day. In the same time.

One fucking day. you do the tour because you have a bunch of mini U's and each of them is... God, that's such a funny idea to book a tour

where every show is on the same day at the same time. You know how like M.F. Doom used to do that thing where that would be kind of sick to put on

a bunch of you just have an imposter it's a roulette. It's a roulette. One of them will be the real one. You know what we just invented guys?

What? Mormonism. God damn it's what they do in Mormon temples. God fucking They all do the same thing at the same time. Is that true?

I think so. I was told that before. maybe it's not true. I was told they do Proxy Baptisms. Doesn't every church do it at the same time? Well, I think they have like the same

Sunday. They get the same like script. Yeah. Oh, really? That's what I would. Well, again, someone told me that. It could be completely false. Where are you from? You're from Baltimore.

Where are you guys from? I'm from New Hampshire. Okay. From Massachusetts. Okay. North Carolina, man. East Coast boys. All East Coast.

All east coast all the time. Have you guys, have you guys been to Baltimore? Yeah. What did you do? I was on the news there. I drove around on it. My family. What were going.

I was on the news with our friend's Girl God, and they were asking me about a viral carrot hack. And he said one of the most legendary lines plays all of news history. So that's worthy of being pulled up. Yeah, I don't know if we can find this line, but Patrick says, and I quote, I can't eat carrots. I'm allergic to carrots. This is the one line that I'm not in. Okay. This is the one clock that I'm not in.

Yeah. They used my high school photo as a headshot. The delivery is important. He says it like this. Yeah, I can't eat carrots. I'm allergic to carrots. It's the only line I think I said on the news. And that was what they let him say.

And that was the first TV appearance from anybody on the podcast. And that is probably going to be the only one. Yeah. And so it's going to be a lasting legacy for us. That's relatable. There's somebody else who has an analogy to carrots who's like, I can see myself in this man. Yeah, exactly. Maybe I'll check it as podcast.

How do you like Baltimore? Baltimore is fine. It's not like I enjoyed growing up there, but I wouldn't want to live there. Yeah. Okay. Did you eat crabs every day? I love the crab chip. I love the crab chip. That's a good one. It's a good chip. A little fan of Old Bay. Yeah. Old Bay is good.

The drug trade. You're into this drug trade from the shows. Oh, hey man, I can't give out too much information about his involvement in the Baltimore City drug trade. Don't worry about it. There's another man. Yeah, well, we'll do that. I hate soliciting so much that I really, we need to get a gun for the office because this can't stand any longer. You guys ever shot a gun before? Yeah.

Yeah, when you were 13. Come on. Yeah, I think the last time I shot a gun I was like 14 and it was like a, I think it was an MP5 and it was not a legal type of gun. And we would go to the, my brother worked at a paintball field and we would wait until everybody left and then we would just shoot guns into all the like trees and shit. It was fun.

My friends I used to play with Aerosoft a lot and we found out that the Aerosoft gun hurt enough that you could kind of use it like a real gun in that you could use it to force people to do things. Yes. Like you could point your fucking Airsoft gun at somebody and be like, get on the ground right now and they'll do it because they don't want you to show.

It just works the same way as a real good. Yeah, I never liked any. That was a thing. Everybody I knew like paintball growing up and I would play it and you go home, you're covered in bruises. Even if you win, you have bruises on you. It should be the loser who gets bruises.

Right. They line them all up and just Yeah, exactly. For the winner. You shouldn't have, you shouldn't be walking home feeling like physically bad after winning. You should never feel bad.

That's what I'm saying, man. Have you guys ever got shot by like a Red Rider BB gun? Oh, no. No, I got shot by an Airsoft, though. Yeah, like a metal BB. No, I don't think so. Have you? That can get stuck in you.

Yeah, they can hurt bad. You just remember when the AR-15, like I associated it with Call of Duty instead of mass shootings. Yes, that was, well, there was one in the game, though. Which one? The Red R-R-15. Oh, there was a mass shooting. Oh, like Call-Duty 4. Yeah, so even when I felt.

that it was a call of duty gun. I saw the tide kind of creeping up. Right. I was like, this is getting. History. Yeah, yeah.

So if you guys don't know Lyle, Lyle does a show called Therapy Gecko. Therapy Gecko. Where you are live taking, live taking calls from anonymous strangers on the phone. Here's my question. I have, I don't know if anyone's ever asked you this.

Is anyone ever called and made a fart sound into the thing? Yeah, people called and made fart sounds and quefe sounds. So how do you differentiate between the stuff? I mean, you've got to have a trained ear. So you've gotten so many of these calls that even from the first millisecond. I have two folders in my Google Drive. So you save them.

So what are you saving all these sounds for? What am I saving the far and creep sounds for? I'm going to make a cool song with that. Oh, okay. That sounds good. Put them on a sampler keyboard. What's the worst thing that anyone's ever called and said into your show? Prank style.

Oh, prank style. Jesus, man. I don't know. Well, I had a guy. I had a guy very since, like, he very earnestly called me to tell me about how he had a small penis. And so for about 15 minutes, I was really... Keeping it together. Really earnestly, like, trying to talk him through his low self-esteem as a result of having a small penis.

And I really felt like, you know, we kind of, like, connected in this way. Not saying that I have a small penis, but we just connected... There was something. Right. In this way. And then at the very end, he goes, I'm just kidding. My thick is huge. you're a dumbass

and then he called it. And that just really hurt my feelings. Okay. So first of all, you got destroyed. I did. I did. I did. I took the,

no, no, I took the bait, but, well, here's the, as like, if I had told him

he was fucking with me, then, what if you really did it? What if he really did it? He would have killed him so. He was, and then he leaves feeling sad. I'd rather,

I, you know, I leave feeling like, his life is so bad. Can you imagine you call, you're like, God, I've struggled with this self-esteem

based on my small penis my entire life. I don't know where to turn anymore. I'm going to try calling my favorite podcast. Right, right, right, right. That sounds fucking stupid and fake. Yeah, I guess that would be bad. Most people, like, I get calls about a lot of like weird stuff and most people in the comments are like, this is fake and stupid. But I don't, I might, I think like a smaller percent of stuff is fake and stupid. I generally believe, I go into a believing things. Has anyone ever called and you recognize the voice and it's a celebrity.

Gilbert Godfrey or somebody like this. Somebody with a really recognizable voice. Yeah, I had someone who was doing a Scooby-Doo impression. You had Scooby-Doo? You assume it's an impression, but I'm sure. It could have been Scooby-Doo. I mean, Scooby-Doo's seen some shit.

Yeah. He's a ghost. He literally knows ghosts are real. Wait, hold on. Actually, so in Scooby-Doo, isn't the whole thing that ghosts are not real? because at the end, whatever any kind of supernatural element

is then revealed to just be like the mailman. At least aliens for the non-taxent real. Aliens are hundreds of real. That's the last episode of Scooby-Doo is that Scooby-Doo takes off his mask. He was a lot of a guy doing a really bad dog impression.

Doing a very bad dog impression. I believe dogs can talk. So you like what you do? Sometimes. Sometimes. This documentary just came out about me on Vice that were, and I went into it wanting to like, uh, be honest

about like my own, uh, like mental health struggles and whatnot, but I watched it and I was like, oh, fuck, is my life sad? And, uh, and I, I, I do like what I do, uh, sometimes, but sometimes, like, uh, like, what you guys are doing, like, this is like a, a, just a, uh, lighthearted riff roast. It's fun. Like, do you walk, do you walk out of this being like,

energized? Well, sometimes we hurt each other's feeling. It gets really, really rough sometimes. We get nasty at each other. Sometimes we will realize that we said something that we've already said before, which really. How long have you all been friends? Basically the exact same time as we've done the podcast. So tell me if the podcast is over, you guys are just never going to see each other again. No question.

Yeah. Yeah. Wait, are you trying to psychoanalyze me, you bastard? I'm just asking questions. What kind of fucking Freud witchcraft are you doing in this gecko suit? This is the way. People, I'll be talking to people. This happens to me in my real life. I'll just be talking to somebody and I just ask them something and they'll be like,

are you doing your therapy thing on me right now? Are you a classically trained psychoanalyst? No, I'm a crazy person. I went to film school in Philadelphia. The same type of thing always happens to us. We'll be talking to people in our personal lives and they're always like, are you trying to make a list out of me? Yeah.

Are you trying to listen to me? Are you reading a list right now? Do you guys like what you do? Yeah, I mean, I do so many things Yeah, I definitely do a lot of other stuff Yeah, it's not my only thing I've gone on. What things do you do? I'm a future artist.

Just kind of bon vivant stuff. Cool. All types of bon vivant type of things. Three times a day? I cook a lot. Two times a day, one time a day. Yeah, I actually do cook a lot. I'm on, I'm going to give a free shout out

to the factor meal plan. I'm on those meal plans. I hate fucking cooking. Don't tell me. a code. I'm not giving out a code. Do not give out a code. No, no, no, no. It's not a code. I don't even sponsor the fucking thing. You do the meal

plans? That's what you're trying to do. You're my question about this. You're going to hear this give you a code. What happens when you get these meal plans and then you're like, oh, I'm in the mood for spaghetti? And then they give it to you and it's some bullshit fucking stupid ass salad. If you're a good enough chef, you can literally turn the ingredients of salad into spaghetti. But what

if you're a horrible chef? You break it down to, you know, the molecules. The molecules. Yeah. And you put them back together. I guess if you are really good it's cooking, you could do that. That's a YouTube video right there. I made spaghetti out of salad. You will see that on your YouTube page. Isn't that all like molecular gastronomy is?

It's like, oh yeah, we turn this tomato into an apple. That's alchemy. You're thinking of alchemy. You guys know so many things. You got molecular gastronomy. This is the kind of stuff that we talk about here a lot. So you like this factor meal plan thing. I do.

I do. I'm trying to, all right, so part of this, like, I watched this, like, documentary about me being sad. Is that what was so sad about is that you're eating out of these plastic bins? No, it's been, no, this has been a happy thing of my life. Because normally I'm like, like, I've been on a crazy binge this, like, I was like, well, that's my thing is like binge eating. And so, like, I was, I was, like, waking up at 3 a.m.

And going to the bodega and drinking a yu-hoo, but I was, like, romanticizing it, like I was doing heroin in the rain. That felt good, yeah. No, well, it felt good. I guess in the way that heroin feels good. So very good. By the way, just to, like, because this is something I want to debunk. A lot of people think that Youhoo is chocolate milk.

It's not. It's chocolate drink. Drink. It's water. Chocolate water. Although there is milk in it as a, as a, well, yeah, you got to have milk. Yeah, there's milk allergen. You've got to get the milk to get the chocolate or the other way around. Milk to get chocolate from a bean, my friend. There's a cookies and cream, UHoo that I'm hesitant to try because I think it'll ruin my life.

Like it'll get hooked to this new year. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we all, you're in good company. We've all had some level of candy addiction. What's your guys' stuff? I mean, him is everything. Pretty much candy. Kind of, all candy.

He loses all his teeth every day because he eats so much candy. Yeah. He's cracked his teeth on candy. I cracked my tooth on a, it was either a gummy worm or some kind of heart. He doesn't even remember. I didn't crack your tooth on a gummy worm. It was bad, it was one of those hard. It was like on the bottom of a, it was like on a car's carpet on the ground.

You know, he has a candy problem because he gets the types of candies that have like four adjectives in the name. He's like, he's not satisfied with gummy worms. You gotta get the very, very sour crawlers. Have you had the crunchy crawlers? No. Have you guys ever had nerds gummy clusters? Oh, yeah.

You guys ever seen that Jimmy Neutron? They're like, it's the candy from Jimmy Neutron. It's so fucking good. They're really good. I had to stop eating candy. So I'm pretty much off of candy. Except for the other day I had the new churros kidette. I just remember this. He says new. He knows when they come out.

what I mean. Well, you read the trade. What it was is I saw the Kit Kat there and I was like, well, that is a new flavor. I have to try it. And it was churro and it was, I'm going to be honest, not even worth it. Every morning you were. It was not worth breaking edge on candy.

Every morning you take the newspaper and you like unfurl and you go to the candy section. Oh, let's see. What is Haribo doing? So the factor has gotten you off the U-hoo somewhat. Somewhat, just like having a routine of something. I'm kind. That's my new thing. I'm trying to figure out how to, um, well, see, this is the thing about therapy, Gecko is that ultimately it is the story of Pollyachi the clown where I'm like, how do I'm trying to figure out how to, uh, be happy and exist as a person. And so I'm like,

all right, maybe the first step is to, uh, not drink you who's at 3 a.m. And then I'm like, how do I, all right? Now I'm trying to get into that, uh, you know, so. Yeah, so I'm on, I'm on a bit, I'm on a bit of a spiritual journey. These days that sugar makes you happy, though. Yeah. These days that whole clown nonsense. That's the premise of, Willie Wonka. Well, that's true. Did you guys see the Wonka movie? Not yet. My wife did. It sucked. Yeah, I heard it was terrible. I re-watched the

2006 Willy Wonka movie. It rocks. With Depp. Really? Yeah, with Depp. I mean, also, by the way, just they don't give a fuck about it. I like that Willie Wonka, because he like the new Willy Wonka is kind of like a dope, but the Johnny Depp one, he hates children. Yeah. And he's

mean to all the kids, and it's way for. This is his origin. I hear the new one is Woker. Oh, shit. No way. They want Willie Woka or something. Oh my God. They drop a, they drop a, a, a, a, a slur in the fucking, in the 2006 one. Oh, yeah.

Sure. They were cussing up a story. It's so funny. They, when they're, they're, they're wokeifying the, the new Willy Wonka. They're like, how do we, how do we fix, how do we fix the umpalumpus? How do we make this not Willy Wonka having a bunch of jungle slaves? Yeah. And then it's that they put, they make you grant small.

And he's like, my God, I can't believe you've enslaved me. Yeah. It's just that he's still as a slave, but now it's a quipy, done and dusted, man, we don't have to worry about that anymore. Isn't it, well,

he has multiples of Hugh Grant in the movie? I don't know, man, I didn't see it. Do we have a Wonka expert that can call in the trailer that he catches Hugh Grant

in a glass thing like a cockroach. He catches him. Yeah, he catches him. There's only one of them. I think the thing about the umpa lumpas that's cool is that they're a bunch of little guys.

I don't care that there's just one. He only had one. That's the single one. Only one umpampa. Sometime between the prequel and the original, he's the Hugh Grant, he's fucking laying asexually reproducing. Yeah, he's asexually reproducing.

He's putting the pipe down. What is it like when a person is asexually laying pipe on them? Isn't it strange that, they're all guys. Yeah. How do they make new ones? Well, again, well,

let me tell you, they don't show you the girl umpalumpas because it's a kid's movie. True, and they'd be bad as fun as big, crazy thick. It's something I could only dream of. And orange as well. Yeah. Wait, is Hugh Orange in the movie one?

Orange with green on top. He has his orange hue. He looks like an orange hue. Yeah, so there we go. That's why. That's why they got him. Yeah, Hugh greened and orange. They could have made a million different types of hue.

They did. There should be, well, no, no, in different hues. In different hues, they could have made a movie of Hugh Grant as different Oh, my God. It could be called the seven hues. It could be called the seven hues, exactly. And it's a Hugh Grant, purple, Hugh Grant, red,

and all have different powers and abilities. But what if you don't know anything in a movie, they have to do something. What are you doing with just a bunch of people saving your colors? Somebody stealing colors from the world. Exactly. There's plenty of movies where nobody does anything, right? Well, there's, you know what I just watch.

I just watch this movie sideways. I'd never seen this movie before. Oh, right. That's that, is that, I, oh, wait, I keep confusing sideways with the one about heroin. There's one about wine and it's one about heroin. This is really good, guys. This movie's about wine, and I went home and I had a glass of wine. And I put my nose in it, and I just smelled like piss to me.

Yeah. It always smells bad. I didn't like it at a little. I don't think I can get into wine. I think wine is going away. I've, yeah. I heard wine is declined. It feels ancient.

It feels so ancient to drink wine. You feel it's kind of Greek. It's desert vibe. You drink it out of some organ. I like beer. Wine is going to go the way of mead and flagons. Yes, it'll be gone very, very soon. We're not going to see, someone will see a wine glass and think, oh, what am I in the castle?

Yeah, exactly. Do you like drinking? I do. It's not my main vice, though. It's not my main, but, yeah, you who. I like to drink. I'm trying to, I drink an entire bottle. I got my latest, like, I think a big binge was I drink an entire bottle of like it was a chocolatey liquor.

Oh, Bailey's? Don't tell me you just drank Bayleys by itself. I drank Bayleys by itself. That is... You mix it with you? Yeah, dude. No. I drank a whole fucking bottle of Baileys.

And the next morning, I'm like, I got to get on the Factor Meal Plan. That's like my... Well, that knocks two things out of the way right at once. It gets your chocolate and your liquor. Yeah. Yeah. Just ultimate sin.

It's much better than, you know, drinking a handle of vodka and then eating a chocolate bar. It is actually better than that. That also sounds pretty awesome. Yeah. That sounds amazing. Do you like, do you like? Actually, no, it was a horchata.

Oh, rum chas. Oh, rum chas. It was like a rumchata. Yeah, that makes, that's better than Bayleys, I think. Yeah. Because Bailey's is like, it's a thick syrup. Bayleys is a cream. Yeah.

Just adding a bottle. Really fun. And a paper bag on the stoop drinking the bailies at the bottle. When I was a kid, I used to think, because they have those little Irish Bailey's like chocolates. I used to think you could get drunk from just eating the fucking chocolates. We were, we were. We had a big, we were trying to figure out if there were alcohol edibles, and then we tried to make an alcoholic beef stew on this show.

Yeah, and it was a fail. It was really bad. You guys have had vodka gummy bears? That was something from high school. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, where you put them in the thing of vodka and then they absorb everything. Yeah. I remember those, yeah.

I never had one that was done right. I always had them when they were like, they were still sitting in the pool. The ratio was off. And then the gummy bears just became this sticky goo. it never worked but I tried one and it didn't even get me drinking I've had a chocolate ball

that had whiskey inside of the ball infused? No, like a liquid whiskey like a wonder ball and it was disgusting I can imagine it was fucking disgusting

it was like $10 for three of them it was not a good candy I think that alcohol I love alcohol keep it in a cup man what's your what's your what's your ultimate vice what is what gets you

my ultimate vice thus far has been single one at different points in time. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So now I'm kind of on the nicotine pouch. Oh, the zincs?

Very close. The zen. The zen. I took one of those and it made me, like, I get, I feel like the buzz, like, goes away after a while. Oh, yeah. And that's why you just do more of it. And this is kind of how you get over a dependency on it.

Yeah, so it's really amazing. And now my wife got on them, and then now she's trying to quit. Do you really have a wife? Yeah, I'm really married. Okay, cool. She, she's trying to quit. and now she's saying I can't she can't see the tin

in the fucking house and so now I'm hiding it now I feel dirty because you gotta get the rewards yeah and she's like well you could just quit I like the hiding of it doesn't that make give you

even a bigger rush bigger thrill well now that I've re-contextualized it and perhaps it will now that I'm hiding but then she's always going to be like what are you hiding and then I'm going to have to make up

of some kind of pornography it's all twit sours I have them still yeah and now I'm going to have to develop a real drug problem so that I can hide the sin in the... Make it easy thing. I've been having to come to terms recently that I feel... I've had my vices in the past of TV and eating candy and gaming and wasting what time in whatever way.

But I think truly right now, my vice is literally actually simply sitting on the couch and doing nothing. This is claimed my biggest struggle right now. No, that's not a vice. That's meditation. It's not the way he doesn't. Uh-huh. No. zero, nothing behind the eyes

full, glazing over. Becoming a piece of furniture in the room. Can't move. That sounds like good. That sounds like how you do meditation well. No, because are you watching stuff? I've seen him in the state. He's too lazy to get the remote. But you're really actually, literally doing nothing. Maybe sometimes I'm on my phone, but sometimes I am just sitting

there, man. That's good. Actually, I do think that's good. I have a vice that I have been doing only in the winter. What is that? I get so cold in my apartment that I will take my wife's a hair dryer and I'll sit in the bed and I'll just blow my entire body. And she comes in and she says, what the fuck are you doing? You're bald. And I say,

shut up. I'm growing one hair. My hair got wet. My one hair got wet. My big baby hair. Yeah. I think all my vices are normal stuff. Candy and candy, alcohol, tobacco. Gambling. Dude, I'm trying so hard to have

an alcohol vice. I just can't do it, man. Fall asleep. I can't work. I got, I want to have a margarita every night of my life for the rest of my life but then you fall asleep when you do it it makes me fall asleep yeah this is where you need to because there's so much effort that's put into making it that like once you have

just power through man why you're being such a bitch yeah just power through drink 10 and one night and then you'll be able to drink five come on Cameron you can do it I'm gonna do it drink 15 tequila sodas in one night Cameron I think you should do what feels right to you it feels so right to me

here you come with this bullshit again that's all I can do God damn it, man. That's all I can do. How about you said, look him in the eye. Screw you, me. You know what feels right? You know what feels right to me?

Tell me. The current U.S. government was going to charge. There we go. Do you get political on your show? All the time. We always talk about, uh, you know. Are you sick of this bulk crap up in Washington or what? Uh, what you mean?

The public transportation issues. Well, basically the whole thing. Here's my one question. Nuclear bomb watching the D.C. Yes or no? Blow the whole thing up. Start over. That wouldn't be, like, I'm, like, you know how people are upset about global warming and how the Earth's going to die?

I guess they're upset. Well, the Earth's going to be fine, but humans are going to die. But is that that bad that everyone dies? I think it's everything dies. Yeah. Well, no. I don't think it's everything. No, no.

Oh, my God. Because life evolves. I've learned to this, even though I was homeschooled. Right. And I wasn't allowed to learn this. But now I've learned this. And so what we're just going to get, the world's going to get. hotter, we will get colder.

Do you know what's crazy? I was reading about, well, I was really getting interested in trying to go to the place where they did the Castle Bravo nuclear test, because you can go there. Yes. It's in the, it's the bikini atoll, atoll, atoll. Atoll. You can go there. You can fully go there and you can go scuba diving and you can look at like wrecks of ships

from the nuclear test and stuff. And it's crazy. And the crazy thing is, I don't understand how this can be possible. That they say it's safe to go there. You can go there, but do not eat anything from there. How can that be okay? If there's a place where you can't eat anything that's there, how can you be okay for you to go?

It's fish, too. Because how did that stuff get bad? It was there. It was fish. They're going to keep swimming. Yeah. Their fish are going to keep swimming. They could go anywhere in the ocean.

Well, that's true. That scares me. That's horrifying. Yeah. It's not that scary to me. I don't care. But how can you be allowed to go there and it be okay, but you just can't eat an apple there?

Wait, if you eat food, you have to bring food from somewhere else when you go there. You can't eat anything from there. I had a question. I watched Oppenheimer the other day. In the bikini atoll. It's somewhere in the Pacific. It's in the Pacific. It's between, I would say, but in the, I would say it's between, if I had to guess, I'm not a geography guy.

It's somewhere between Australia, Japan, and Hawaii. Maybe they tell you not to eat anything because it's so good. I need you at the helm of the ship. You will be telling me exactly where to go. Yeah. I watched Oppenheimer and they do an explosion in the movie in the middle of... Trinity. You can go there too.

They let people in there every 10 years. I was watching the movie. I was like, this is this whole secret thing and you did all this outside and nobody fucking noticed. That's crazy. Well, all the name of American people noticed who they made very sick. Yeah, but they didn't tell anyone. Those people weren't like, hey. Well, I'm sure they did tell.

people in there. Everyone was like, oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, okay, buddy. A great cloud blanketed the sky. A rain of black ash fell down and made us very sick. Oh, you're off with your mythology again.

I couldn't believe how long that movie was, though. It was too long. Three hours. You watch it on a plane? No, I watched it on my couch and it took three sessions of watching. But one day. Is it worth a watch?

I haven't seen it. It's so fucking good. There's a little, honestly, a hundred percent, not kidding. A little bit. bit too much nudity for my taste. The nudity. The nudity is a little overdone. It was incredible. Who's

nude? Florence Poo. Is it, is the nudity like, is it in a context where it's like, all right, this needed to be in here for... I mean, I never feel like I need to see anybody's body. I mean, I think that was the first... I think that's the first nudity on IMAX.

Really? Yeah. What did it look like in IMAX? The nudity body. Flores ceiling. Imagine a warehouse we're looking at a naked Florence pew that takes up the entire room. Okay, yeah, I could see how that would be at least like the spectacle. It was crazy.

Also, and imagine you're in a room with 500 people. 500 guys who wanted to see Oppenheimer just, whoa. Wow. Does you hear everybody in the theater? I go, whoa! Yeah.

At the same time. Holy. Holy crap. What the? Those are big. Wow. Well, Lyle. That's the real bomb. Yeah. The, we have,

because we know that you, give advice to people. So, uh, sort of. Yeah, well, we've watched hours and hours of your show. Well, you have therapy in your name. You have therapy in your name. And also you're green. I am green. And a little bit of kind of yellowish as well. Yeah, something like that. Oh, I had a question. Why'd you go for Gecko? Uh, do you believe that you can be anything that you want in the world? No, definitely not. Well, I do. Okay. And so I chose to be a gecko. I like that attitude. Are you worried that Geico was going to come after you? Is this a Geicokego? I, I legally cannot answer that question.

I believe that is actually true. We found some people who are very in need of advice. Oh, sure. We need to kind of solve their problem. You know what? You know what? Yes. I do give it.

Yes. I'm doing time. I got to be more confident. And now you're plugged in. And now I'm plugged in. So go ahead and go to who wanted to go first? Somebody said they wanted to go through. Oh, are these phone calls?

These are from a forum call. Yeah. Cameron, you, or... Oh, sure. I can go for it. What was it called again? E, help me or something? E, not alone.

E, not alone. Oh, these are real? Like, these weren't, like, are these guys, are these your guys' viewers? No, these are real. These are real people. This is what we find. The real people have real problems.

Cool. Real therapy. Let me, let me read you this first question here. And this says, is it Stange that I enjoyed this? Summer 2001 was one of the best summers of my life. I had finished my sophomore year of school and was finally going to be an upperclassman getting all that closer to graduating and

going to college and took driver's ed you all know i loath you all know i loathed being a kid slash teenager i finally felt like i was truly growing up plus the weather that summer was perfect not hot and humid but gorgeous of course we all know what happened that september i'll never forget it none of us will as my forum title implies when 9-11 happened i actually well enjoyed it Oh, my God. Why? Because I knew that a catastrophic event like that comes once in a lifetime. I just loved the fact that I knew that I was going to be able to tell people that I was around when it happened.

Like JFK's assassination. Naturally, I took a photo of the TV set that day. Naturally. Wait, hold on. I also saw Janet Jackson's infamous wardrobe malfunction live at my first college. I remember that. My first college. I leaned over to my friend Nadia and asked, they allowed to show that?

again i say i can't help but enjoy the fact that i'm able to say i remember that and i saw it when it actually happened is it strange that i enjoyed those events and was not exactly horrified or heartbroken remember my reasons also remember this all happened before it was it was found out that i'm autistic thank you for reading and for feedback i appreciate heart i do like the idea of watching the wardrobe malfunction and being horrified well here's the thing we all want to be a part of something, even if that's something is 9-11. Yeah, of course. So I think that that's really just what, so is it strange?

So somebody called you and said this word for word, they said, I enjoyed 9-11 and more so than that, if you think that makes me sick, I enjoyed a wardrobe malfunction. Yeah. So you would say, it's all good, man. Well, I think it is indicative of a desire to just be a part of something. So for this guy, I mean, it's really beautiful more than you know. Yeah, it is. Well, if I were him instead of why, I would like join a sewing club or something

instead of watching YouTube videos of 9-11 all the time. Yeah. It's probably more, it's probably healthier ways to find. You could find some friends in that comment section, though. I bet, yeah, but I bet there, no, I bet there are like 9-11 truth form people who just love the scene. Yeah, yeah. People don't, I'm not interested.

I don't care. Like, they show up to the meetings and whatever, and they're just making friends. Yeah, that's what it's really about for that. It did actually launch a lot of community in a way. It really did. And when you see, like, the, like, people wearing, like, the, like, or they have the bumper sticker on their car. You're like, ah.

I liked 9-11. What a, one of me. Right. Yeah. This is a different guy from a truther. I've never heard. I just love it. I just.

He goes around when it happened. Yeah. A 9-11 liker. Like a liker. Yeah. Are you a truther or a liker? I wonder how often he looks at that photo that he took. for the TV.

It's probably the phone in the background. Every day he's like dude I can't do it on like

a disposable camera or something back then or no they had digital camera they had digital camera

it's in a frame and it says memories on yeah I'm just imagine

I'm taking it with a Polaroid though do you wait do you think that do you think it

was a selfie yeah could have been it might have been the thing is about a Polaroid

you don't I mean you don't have to put the fucking date on and everyone knows

it I do like the idea that it has the date at the bottom of the Polaroid. What the hell? What's this? Oh, shit. Looking at the back to figure it out. I see now. Okay, this next one, this is kind of a back and forth with this guy.

This is the question, why did only that girl say bye? Wow. And this is from Abinash. Abinash says, five days ago I had a training for a batch of 49 students. After the class, only one girl out of 10 girls said by. while leaving the classroom. Why that girl only? What is the difference

between other nine girls and this one? Wow. Oh, no, he was counting. So then Bolton Run says, I used to teach training classes every day. Very seldom did anyone say goodbye. I also didn't keep track

of how many male students said goodbye and how many didn't. Why are you hyper-focused on the women at your workplace? Are you hoping to find a wife or girlfriend at work? To which Abinash replies with this picture.

And no caption. Tell me why? And a big picture of a woman. Redbird. And maybe a son. It looks like some kind of sun behind the bird. And then Abinich replies again and says, I find girls' actions are not normal.

I feel they are always in a tight situation. Okay, Abinash, now you're talking. Bolton Run replies again and says, and you know this how? Is this something girls have told you? And Abinash says, no, the way they do things. They try to decorate themselves more. That's true.

They wear stuff on them. And now Abinash answers his own question here. He says, I am thinking she is brave because she did something what other didn't. Thank you, everyone, for the replies. Wow. I'm glad he answered himself. Yeah, so he doesn't even need you on this one.

Well, I don't know exactly what he is asking. He's talking clear his day. Well, he has another question that he actually didn't get an answer for. So you might be helpful. This is his second question. What is this DP image signifies? Okay. And this is the image.

D.P. It's a puppy lying on the ground. and he said, what would be the psychology or current state of mind of the human who has this image in his or her profile? Oh, he's calling somebody out. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. What would be the psychology or current state of mind? Of someone who has a puppy in their profile? Yeah, who's someone who has a DP picture of a puppy. I would say they would be in a dogish state of... Dog picture, DP. They're loafing around. That makes more sound around.

That's what I do. DP, yes. Did anyone answer him on this? Someone said it just means they will. like puppies. I think there's really nowhere else to go. Could mean they are a dog. Yeah. It could be a dog who has a computer. All right. I have this one.

This next one is not a question, but it's from the same forum. It says, For the girl who's been dissed, revision to Gloria Gaynor's, I will survive. Oh. And Patrick, I need you to sing this. Okay. All right. Because you have the singing voice. I have a singing voice. At first I was afraid. I was petrified.

When you said you had 10 inches. Lord, I almost died, but I'd spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long that I grew strong. This is long. You don't have to sing it all. Then I knew that I could take you on.

But there you are. What? Another I was ready for a Big Mac, but you brought me a French rock. I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad, pathetic dream. Should I have known there

was no anaconda lurking in those. What is this is on a therapy website? On the chorus. Okay. I will, I will survive. I will survive because as long as I have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive.

I will always have good sex with a handful of latex. I will survive. I will survive. Hey, Hey. So there's a lot of lyrics to this song. There is a lot of lyric. This is the song that someone wrote on the therapy.

They owled out. They weirded out. Yeah. Yeah. And now here's the reply to this. This is from Random Advisor says, LOL, L-O-L-L-L-L-O-L. Oh, God, that's brilliant.

Very funny. I'd laugh harder if I didn't have a French fry myself. Isn't it so awesome that there just exists a place for these people to just find each other? That's why we love looking at stuff like this. I mean, this forums been around for like 20 years. All this stuff I found was old as fun.

This next one, this is the last one I have. And this one's from 2004. I am 26 M in passing through a problem. I suffer from flatulence. have to fart frequently. I have to fart 50 to 60 times daily and that it is quite loud but rarely stinky. It's very embarrassing but I cannot help it. Strict dieting and exercise didn't help nor the medicines. Medicines cause side effects. So what should I do to get rid of this problem? And then this person replies and says, try not farting loudly. This person says try not farting loudly.

It's straining and I have been told since I started farting for fun that it causes more of the same problems. Try to find a sit-up style exercise to help. It only needs to be light duty and don't push poos out. Let the internal muscles do the work and answer the call of nature as soon as you can. I have a deep respect for this guy for farting for fun because if you I mean if you take the shame out of it and you're just like I'm just going to be like my

hobby. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun. It is fun to fart. I'm done farting for my boss. I'm done farting for my boss. I'm done farting for my boss. It's like a little prank to other people too. They have to smell it and it's bad and you kind of get them. Pat did it earlier. I did you earlier. We all had to sit somewhere and then

he farted and then I walked over and honestly the fart. It didn't smell that bad to me. I didn't smell it. It's because I just let it out. You just let it because there was no stress. A paid fart smells worse than a fun one. That's true as fuck. A leisurely fart. Have you guys ever ever like

eaten so badly one particular day that your farts smell like someone else's farts? Yes. My farts, if I eat really badly my farts smell sweet. Huh. And I think that this is a sign of diet, some kind of deathly disease. I feel that way. Sometimes if I

If I've eaten really terribly and I wake up the next morning I'm doing dishes or something and I fart, sometimes I feel like a blanket has been laid over my head. Yeah, yeah, you can't escape. Just like a blanket of stink. Yeah, not even a blanket of stink,

like a blanket of hair. Ah. Is sitting on you? That's, I think, worse. Yeah. Just like walking out of a spaceship onto a swamp planet. Just the humidity hitting you.

The Luke Skywalker Crashland is getting off. Getting off a plane. in Florida, and you just came from Colorado. Oh, my God. When you're trying to turn on the stove burner, and it takes a second and it goes, when you smell like gas for a second. Last night, there was this weird

like con ed letter that we got, and it was supposed to show you. It was like scratch and sniff. And it was supposed to show you what natural gas smells like. It was supposed to show you what natural gas smells like. And my girlfriend came up to me with it and was like, smell this. And I went, oh, why is that paper smells so good?

I had no idea. It was supposed to be a natural gas thing. By the way, an additive design specifically to be unpleasant to be disgusting. I sniffed. I took a huge whiff of that thing and I was like, oh my God. Was it a perfume? Sample? That's amazing.

I love that smell. All right. Are you done with your slides? Yeah, that's all right. Let's go to Caleb. Yeah, let's go to mine. I have my stuff is all kind of older stuff from a different time. um this is girls are attracted to quote g's by rip dime it seems so strange and i'm sure to people older how idiotic my generation is not in the sense that our iqs is indeed lower than they've ever been but in how fickle our fads and attractions are however i think it's safe to say the stupidity of my generation has reached its point of no return yet as much as you can say i'm just an angsty teen or whatever you will there is one thing i can't ignore it seems that girls are only really attracted to what is called a g or simply a gangster

No matter how you look or what your personality is, a gangster seems to get all the girls or is considered cool. Why? How is wearing all white being practically bald and swearing in horrible English while disrespecting women attractive? Why is it that when you be yourself, you are deemed or you are demeaned

and yet when you conform to the standard and normality you are considered a god? Where is justice in this girl? So right before you were mentioned that you were kicked out of school? I was a G straight up. You were a G? Was this as accurate? This is just basically, this is the era I was a G. I used to dress, I mean, I was bald, still bald.

I was, I had no hair. I would speak in a horrible cussing type of words. And you had to pry the pussy off you. I literally, I was 10 or 12. I had to punch women. Oh, just, oh, get out of here. They were trying to just marry me all day and night, man. It was really horrible.

Next slide, please. And he got some responses here. This guy says 20 years ago, it was metalheads. 50 years ago was greasers. Now it's gangster. in 10 years, it'll be hackers. That's sick. That's awesome.

Wait, 2017, do you think it was hackers? Oh, my God, the year Mr. Robot came out. Oh, fuck me, man. Wait, who's like, I'm trying to like a character from like a movie or a TV, like who's a hacker that's like a hot. Cool. Johnny Lee Miller and hackers. I mean, if this person had said, imagine if this person said in 10 years, it'll be hipsters.

Then that would be a Notre Dameus type of thing. Every generation has its own version of a bad boy and most women. want them at some point in their lives. I went through it very shortly in my early teens and had grown out of it by the time I left my parents' house and started dating good men. So she used to like greasers, metalheads, gangstas. And I bet right now...

Is she dating a hacker? She's dating a hacker. I bet she is. I put my money on it. What's next, guys? What's 10 years from now? Past hackers? Ooh. 10 years from now? 10 years from now?

So we have hackers right now. I think everything lasts 10 years. So until 2027, we will have hackers. Yeah. And then what comes after that? One of these days, uh, The furries should have their day. Furies, very, very possible.

That's the kind of tough guy, bad boy image. Yeah. Well, yeah, they got that scary wolf. Yeah, the wolf guys. Usually, the red wolf guys are really scary. I think next might be demons. A demon with horns. Daydric type people.

Yeah, yeah. With split tongues. Street magicians. Street magicians. We already had that, though. Robots. Yeah, when the Carbonaro effect dropped. Yeah, exactly.

That was kind of the era of the street musicians. All right, go next for me. Wait until you get. older and all the G's are working at Taco Bell and McDonald. Stick with your studies and make the money. You will get all the girls when you are older. F the G's. Whoa. He's saying the Gs should get Fed. Yeah. I don't know about all that. I wouldn't go that far because G's are they, the Gs are, you don't want to mess these guys. Seems like the issue the Gs are already getting F too much. Yeah. True. Yeah. They probably like getting it. Over the other G's.

Yeah. The Gs are effing G's girls and the G's the geeks. Well, this is tough. The G's hate the G's, the geeks, but they like the other G's, the girls. G's and G's both like F's females, but Fs are Fing Gs. Yes, but not the, but not the G. All right, we got to think it's something else. Okay, what about instead of G, uh, D's for dorks, maybe? But Ds and Gs are different. Yeah.

Hey, maybe they're talking about geckos. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You'll be talking about geckos. Well, then that means that's, that's, that's, well, then they're saying F you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You don't want that to be true.

Yeah. Well, F, you're a G2, Ghost 69. Oh, my God. You're a ghost. You're saying F to yourself. F the ghosts. F the geckos. By the way, fuck ghosts.

They're scary as shit. End at the end of a work email. Yeah, I'll have that end of the day. By the way, if a ghost is reading this damn email. Ghost 69 is a sick username. Oh, yeah. You couldn't get that these days. All right, next four.

No, because he's got it. The homeboy question. So this is a really important one. In order to be someone's homeboy, you have to have known. them since you were children. True or fall. It doesn't make sense with the word a boy from your home.

Homeboy. Yeah. So I didn't even think about this. And this is a therapy question that's oldest time. Yeah. Every... The homeboy question.

Is this my homeboy? The homeboy paradox. The homeboy conundrum. But there's some answers here. Go next. Some people are saying, good question. And then he took some time

to think of the answer. Good question. I've always thought it was a best friend or good friend. Just a friend, really. It depends. And then the truth in the form of hip hop says,

since I have a reputation of being a gangsta and stuff. No homeboy is someone you truly have love for. Example. Oh, who? Him? Yeah, he's my homeboy.

We hold each other down in war. I really hope this guy didn't read the last post. He would have been stanchly offended. He would have been really mad. Any more from the streets questions? There's literally something so intoxicating and titillating to me

about me imagining two gangsters holding each other down. There's two Gs in war. Going at it. Oh, God. Going on war on each other. All right. Next slide.

I have noticed this too Oh wait sorry This was in the beginning You know I'll skip this But go to the next one Oh wait no this is That's ripped dime again So he said he made another post here

It's hopeless I think I just realized something today No matter what I do I just cannot get a girlfriend While this may seem nothing to worry about As some people say When I'm 17 I know that I should have one

Yes as egotistical As this may sound From what I've heard From every social event Or from my observations Is that I look very good And apparently Apparently girls sound me cute

And attractive Why did he put apparently In quotes Where did you hear that? Apparently, girls find me cute and attractive. Next slide. He gets some, oh, this guy, I've been doing it. Wait, go back to I've been doing it.

So this is this guy's Shadow Cat, okay? So I just want to set up that Rip Dime is having a really bad time. It's getting, having a hard time, senior year of high school. This is tough for a lot of people. And Rip Dime, or in Shadow Cat says, I've been doing it. Okay, next slide, this is the body. He says, lately, I've been on sites like link remove, link remove, whatever. And I've been getting tips on how to approach women, how to dress, how to act,

what to do if you're nervous, this and that, et cetera, and I've tried to put it into action. Everywhere I go, I try to say hi, or at least smile at a girl. I've gotten rude responses and just a high, in one case, a little conversation. But I still feel like I'm getting nowhere. I'm still in the high barrier and seem not to get out from it. It seems there are so many things these sites tell you to do

and what not to do that you forget easily. Is there simpler ways to approach girls than following up on all these rules of the game? I know it's good tips, but I can't remember all that bleep when I talk to a girl. I love that this, I love here, he's studying these websites on how to pick up girls and he's failing to pick up girls and he's blaming it on like, yeah, the stuff they say is too hard

to remember. I just forget it all. Is there any way that I could just remember this crap? And next slide, here, an old friend pops in Rip Dime says, can you please talk in English? You know talking in gangsta isn't going to impress anyone here. In fact, it just makes people annoyed, so please just talk normally.

This guy hates gangsta speak more than anybody. Anti-gangsta. And the Shadow Cat says, first off, I ain't no thug. Second, how am I typing gangsta? Define the term typing gangster. And no, I ain't here to impress nobody, okay. I got my own set of problems and goals, and I come to this site to get ideas

and information on how to do things. If I were to impress someone, I would come here as a cocky mofo, not needing any help telling everyone how many chicks I get at night. By the way, this ain't a spelling bee. It's the net freedom of speech. If it was an English test, I'd care.

Since it's not, I don't. And that's a bomb drop. That is gangster, though. You have to admit that. He's not trying to. You know how he's gangster he is? He's gangsta without even trying. Exactly.

And this guy tested him. All right. Next slide. I think this might be my last one. This guy just says, dude, I need crazy help, man. I'm a 13-year-old snowboarder

and I dress like a gangster because I am one, but girls don't go for me. So I've tried changing my wardrobe. I'm kind of chubby, but girls hate me and I don't have a life. I like this one girl, but he probably doesn't even like me back.

Dude, I need help. So we can help this kid. Yeah. So first of all, no snowboarding. You need to choose one. Either be the snowboard. or be the gangster. This is a 33-year-old man now.

He's very, very old now. And he's still stuck in this in-between. He's never got the answer to this question. He's decrepity. He looks disgusting. And he's still half. He's snowboarder from the waist down, gangster from the waist up.

Okay, and there's a problem that a lot of young men in this country are having. Yeah, it's kind of a... People that there wearing snow pants. Exactly. And a big chain on top. That's true. You know, I think I'm ready to diagnose the problem.

I think it's 100%. I think it is the snow pants. Yeah. Got to stop. Stop wearing those to school, buddy. Uh-huh. You're too warm. You're sweating.

Everyone thinks you're crazy because you're covered in sweat from these snow pants. All right, Pat, do your sludge. All right. I guess I'll just read them off my phone right here. We don't all have to see them, you know.

What is this website one more time? E, not alone. E, not alone. Are people still posting on this after 20 years? Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool.

I forgot the name of the website, so I just turned to Quora. and I said there was a lot of interesting thoughts and questions that I was finding on there what can eating onions do to help your mental health

any particular preparation that's healthier have you experimented with this at all as onions as kind of a mental health helping like just try an onion yeah

boil an onion eat the whole thing raw or boiled boiled well they do well they do actually that because they make you cry, and that lets you just get it all out.

Get it all out. You get to kind of... What eating the onion make you cry because your teeth are working as tiny little blades to open up the onion? If you had a nose and eyes in your mouth. You had a nose on your face, maybe, but yeah. But so far, no.

But I'm not sure. All right, all right. Well, we're glad we got that one answer to this next one. I hope there's a Shrek joke in this. Oh, I don't think there was no answer to this. Oh, I thought there was an answer. Nobody answered. Nobody answered.

This person has done. died. Yeah, they died because they couldn't. No onions. Yeah, their mental health, their brain exploded on itself. This next question, though, this is more of a somebody needs advice.

Okay. I have a crush on my therapist, and I want to get him to act unethically with me. I don't care about healing. I just want to go to therapy because I like him. Why do I want him to fail so bad? And there was one answer for this, uh,

from Nicola Slobodda. And they said seducing a therapist is harder than say, seducing Brad Pitt. You might have a better chance at that. Oh, well, then just try that. Is anyone ever tried and called to try to seduce you? Is anyone called and tried to seduce me? Yeah.

I guess not that I... And also, what's the number again? I'm going to be getting a call for it sounds a little bit like you late at night. My name is a... Calabino. My name is the phone. I'm the phone calling right now. This is just the phone.

You're getting a call from another phone. All calls are from another. That's true. Exactly. How come we don't talk to these phones at all? Yeah. Well, you can talk to your phone. Yeah.

If there's technology now, it allows. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. This next one is a very, uh, this is a question I needed answered as well. Oh, you've made this question?

No, I didn't make this, but once I read it, I was like, I need, I also need this answer. Is Daniel Tosh a sociopath? Yes. Which one? Tyler Trout said sigh.

No, denial Tosh is not a sociopath. What you're referring to is just a style of comedy known as dark humor. A lot of these people don't realize that it's just dark humor, man. Yeah, a lot of people who dark humor fans don't realize it literally poisons your brain. Well, I used to traffic in dark humor until I realized it was turning me dark. Exactly, bro. Let me tell you, I used to go on, I used to basically consume as much dark humor. as I could from YouTube, I've funny, Reddit,

Facebook, wherever I could get it. And now I've, you know, my dark humor brain it's working, it's turned dark in there. I'm walking down the street. I see a sewer great, a manhole cover, I think, wouldn't it be so fucking funny if a homeless guy fell down there? Exactly. What's wrong with me? Because of dark humor. Because dark humor made me think of that.

It's called, you know what? I learned actually when I was doing my own research, uh, you, you've grown something in your brain called the Jeselnix lump. That was very, very, dangerous. That's what happens when you do dark humor. So what seems to be the problem today, sir, Dr. Walking,

basically, I think babies are gay. Well, I went to my friend's birthday party, and I said one year closer to death. Yeah. We need to do surgery immediately on your brain. You have a lump. You guys listen to his podcast at all? Anthony Jessenik, what does he say?

Oh, no, the Daniel Tosh one. Oh, no, I hear it's good. I also hear it's good. This next question is a question about therapists. What if your tea accidentally vomited or farted

in therapy? Your tea. Therapist. Which stop dog stop dog said and I'm wondering if stop dog dog is more of a

command than a username because they said I would handle it like in any other situation. I'm an adult and I don't think

about these sorts of things in general and don't worry about them at all. This guy rocks. Good advice. Yeah. Stop thinking about that.

This guy only has one way to handle it. That's how I answer every single question when I'm in a bad mood. Yeah, yeah. I would do the same thing I always do. I don't, it doesn't matter. I'm grown. I don't need to think about that.

I'm going to don't. I'll figure it out when it happens. Yeah. Well, it's a, is, is he like turning around and doing it like in your face or is it just kind of a... He's turning around and farting in your face. That would, that, I would do something about that. I think I would say something.

Knock out. If he just farted... I'm talking about my mom dying. And he's like, well, if he's... If he had to fart and went over and did it in my lap, I'd be like, if your therapist was sitting in the chair and just let a gigantic fart rip all you were talking. You know he would try and play it off and be like, well, you'd be like, dude, it smells bad. Why'd you fart? He'd be like, well, how does it make you feel that I just plug them in the middle of your time?

He'd be like, so what do you think about that? And he'd be like, well, I really think you did. And try to mask it by yelling. Yeah, 40 second cough. You can hear the fart under the cough. So loudly. God, it's so funny to imagine you're opening up to your therapist

and you just goes in the middle of it. It just doesn't. It just stone makes this there. It doesn't even say, oh my God, I'm sorry. No apology.

Just looks at you. Continue. And then this last one, are we bad friends for going to the gym yesterday without our personal trainer? We went with my roommate instead.

My home for reference, my roommate is named Noah. Wait. Wait, your roommate is named Noah. And we went to the gym. The gym. Without me. Without you.

I think maybe someone has a similar thing. It's not a coincidence. It's exactly the situation that happened yesterday. You went to the gym without me. Well, hypothetically, without us. Hypothetically speaking, would we be bad friends for not going with our personal trainer

to the gym and for reference our roommate, my roommate, their roommate is named Noah? They're afraid that they're going to hurt their personal trainer's feelings. Yes, they're going to hurt their feelings by maybe making the schedule not sync up anymore. Or just having more fun with this Noah character than they ever could have. Took us to Wendy's, took them to Wendy's after. Well, that's the thing, Noah's going to be more fun, but he's not going to get your glutes right.

That's an interesting theory. Well, what if he did talk them how to use the dealt pull down or the lap pull down or whatever it's called that he taught, did a great job of teaching everything except for the name of. Noah sounds like he has nice broad shoulders. But what if the other... If that was my roommate, Noah, that in this hypothetical... I know how we can describe this better. What if the roommate Noah had long, beautiful,

womanly hair, but the personal trainer was bald as a baby? Bald like a bald. Would that make any... Don't answer that one. Don't answer. Or maybe. And maybe Noah taught us that you can eat as much Wendy's as you want. And taught us a Wendy's hack.

You can eat 20s. $2,500 calories of Wendy's because it's called games. The Wendy's heck was to eat a lot of Wendy's. Yeah. And he said you can get two Frosties for free. So, okay, just answer to this. What's better? Bald or hair?

I would listen to Noah's Health and Fitness podcast. He has like an Andrew Huberman style podcast where he talks about the, uh, the benefits of Wendy's Frosties. Yeah. Him talking directly to the camera. You need to wake up, you look in the sun, and then you eat Wendy's. That's pretty much. That actually does sound healthy.

And it just sounds like a good day, yeah. Yeah. Well, Lyle, thank you so much for being on here. Thanks for having me. I hope I'd, you know, set words. Plug. Oh, sure, man. I'm going on tour to 36 different cities around the...

Jesus Christ. Well, only 20 are out. Yeah, no, it's just a lot. Well, I'm going on tour, Therapy Gecko. Tor.com, and I also have a podcast. It's called Therapy Gecko, and you can find it on Spotify. Apple. And check out this Vice documentary, perhaps? Oh,

don't watch that. It's a complete smear job. Don't watch it. Yeah, don't watch that. But yeah, go listen to the podcast. It's fun. And check out Factor Meals, y'all. And we actually have a plug to today, which is that we're doing a Q&A for this play.

Oh, yes. Job the play. On the job to play on February 1st or second. It's the first. I think it's the first. I think it's the first. I think it's the first. Well, it will be the play, and then we're doing a Q&A after. We will be asking questions about the play. It's real.

If you want to know what it means, I don't know. Yeah, we're going to find out when we get there. We're going to watch this play. Yeah, February 1st. That's a Thursday, I think. So come out to that. Yeah, come see us, ask questions about this play. There should be a link on our.

With the guy, Frank from Successions on the play. Yes. And so I really hope I get to talk to him. I would like to meet him and talk to him about his character. I want what his motivations were. And I really want A's from him. Yeah, I want to see his A. All right.

Thank you guys. Also, want to plug, I got a haircut. The haircut looks really nice. Wait, take out the headphones off. It's my dad's haircut. It's really good. You did a good job this time.

All right, thank you guys. Bye-bye. I want to be the, the, uh, the, uh, Julie. What's her name? Julia. I want to be the Julia Child's fellow at the recipe institute. She's leaking.

recipes. She's leaking recipes that we're not supposed to see the public soup from above. Yeah. Oh, that's dude. They're working on tri fusion. It's a secret tri fusion. Yeah. But maybe they could do something beyond food. Oh, the third thing is not food. Like being like, oh, like more of a concept. Maybe it's drink culture. Oh my God. Yes, man. They kind of do that here. They do everything in this fucking stupid thing.

I saw it. You go to a bar, you go to a punk bar and they're like, oh, we have a vegan Korean fried chicken I got an ad on my Instagram this morning.

And piercings. They put little bonito flakes on the top. This is actually a good idea. I got an ad for a, I got an ad for a gym today on Instagram. I'm sorry.

No, this is, I just, this is fusion that I'm watching. I guarantee that there's already a restaurant in New York called punk rockedom place. Wait, there's a plate, there's a vegan place called like fuck you burger or stinky slit burger. There's not a stinky slit burger. Fuck you, stinky slit burger. No, it's got.

Search it in quote, searching punk rock dumplings and quotes. Somewhere in like Greenpoint or some, no, in like Fort Green, they have like a, I've been to it. before. I haven't been into it. It's not called fuck you slit. It's called slut. Fuck your slut. Fuck your slut. No. No, it's not egg slit. It's stink. Stink slut.

It's not stinky slut burger. And all the, everything on the menu is called like the fuck you burger. Did you get a dix last resort? No. They don't cuss there. Yeah, they do. See, that's a fusion where the fusion is rudeness. Yeah. True.

And crud and rudeness. Disrespect. Food and rudeness. Food and rudeness. We're the first. people to mix food and rude fruit. Well, Dix Last Resort It's more of food, rudeness fusion. Yeah.