Podcast About List - Ep. #281 - Five Weeks of War: Cold War

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

The coldest of wars, which happened during the coldest of days (Christmas) I think. Let's listen in and find out! Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

What's the most disgusting thing he ever did? Disgusting? Yeah. In terms of getting hurt, I guess. No, in terms of just what did he do as a kid that would make it, would repulse us? Oh, Jesus Christ, there's too many to less, dude. He was a violent kid. Five Weeks of War

I'm recording, I'm recording, I'm recording. Like I'm a stoner. I'm a coder, I'm a recorder, I'm recorder, I'm recorder, I'm recorder. You should bring that to JFL. Oh, wait. Oh, snap. Let's get into it. Big, big news day around here.

You're done, JFL. Just for laughs. Destroyed by bankruptcy. Another. Comedy Institution is gone. Just for laughs. More like all for nothing. And here's the question.

Should have been just for... Just for... Just some laughs. Just no more. Why wouldn't they call it just for money? Yeah. Because more people would have come and tried to make money there.

Yeah. Just my theory. And do you guys find it coincidental at all that the same year that the comedy mothership and... Which has, by the way, every night, killers and murderers

and rapists and child predators that place as that rises and anti-woke humor becomes the king of the hill which also king of the hill very anti-woke

making fun of Texas yeah as that rises the wokeest JFL which had SJW comedians like Neil Linsky on their show are

plummeting into the into the earth and exploding because they embraced SJW is like that is crazy Neil is the last

of that class The last class of JFL Neil That's crazy The pendulum swinging My friends The pendulum swinging Well I'm just gonna say it

Fuck liberals This is I mean We're anti-woke Completely now People like People like me Who take an interest And take an interest in history

And step back And look at the big picture These kind of broad strokes of human civilization. I mean, all the way back from the Paleolithic era all the way up to the future years of the 3,000s, or even beyond.

Scary to think about it. We have known for years, literally since this has been studied since, honestly, since the 1800s and probably earlier in some clandestine circles, the pendulum of woke. Yeah. This has swung back and forth for all,

for as long as guys could walk on two legs, there were girls there saying guys should have to crawl. Yeah. They shouldn't spread their legs out on the wheel. The pendulum has gone. What are the big woke moments? All these men are man spreading on the wheel? Fish walks out of the water like a man.

Do we were meant to believe that that really happened? No, no. Men are men and fish are fish. According to school, they want you to believe that. But love is not love. No, no, no. Fish are fish. Love is not love.

Love has got a lot of stuff going on, a lot of very specific rules. And that's that. okay it's so funny to have a to have your slogan have your whole thing be everybody has one thing where their thing is like this is this yeah every side everybody's got it america yeah yeah love is love funny is funny is funny it's funny funny comedian's creed comedy is philosophy is philosophy green room going and kept having uh tony clifton come in and say right terrible words that would have been they would be what are you Puerto rican Exactly. That's right. They had him do that every day. And by the way, the funniest thing about that Tony Clifton thing,

which one? Is that he, that they, that the guy who was, uh, Andy. Yeah, Bob Zimuda is just like this fucking groupie of Andy Kaufman who dresses up like his number one character. Well, he was like he was his, uh, he was his stand. I don't believe any of that. Yeah. I think that he's also a famous liar. I think that he's like a, yeah, I think he's like a crazy guy who worked for. I mean, he was his writer, sure, but like I think that. I don't even believe that. I think none. that's true yeah well there's tapes there's a whole album called Andy and his grandmother I got a lot of tapes too I have tapes of both of you doing things that you don't remember doing that doesn't mean shit that's true yeah it doesn't hold up

in a court of law unless it's digital is it Gallagher or Bob Zmuda that had a walk I think it's Gallagher walks off of Merrin WTF yeah and Bob Zamuda just lied the whole time and Marron's just like you're fucking lied yeah yeah yeah he has a whole book it's like a tell all

I think I read it in high school and like I was reading he claims Bob's Moody claims that he would like go like he was David Mamet's transcriber like he would go around he said that he would like go around

with David Mamet and I think it's David Mamet would go around with him while David Mamet would like fight people or get into arguments with people so that he could record the dialogue to make it and use it in his plays yeah using it is that how David Mamet You know, it really seems that way from David Mamet's writing style.

Yeah. It's so naturalistic. It is very, it's exactly how people fight on the street and in bars. Isn't it nice? Say, isn't it nice that, uh, that you can be a, uh, I mean, a famous guy. You can be, you know, however famous. And you can decide that you're just going to lie about everything. Yeah.

And the best case scenario is everyone's like, wow, you're really cool. And the worst case scenario was just the people were like, oh, man, come on. Shut the hell. All right. Okay. You'll still be famous, though. Yeah, man, Steve Renazizi. I saw him.

He was recently on something. He's at the mothership. Yeah, dude. He's at the mothership. He's one of these criminals that they have every single night. But he... His crime, lying. His crime was lying.

The best lie ever, by the way. Lying about doing something really funny. Lying about surviving 9-11 and having like such a serious, like, as he would tell the story, he'd be like, and don't, like, it's not funny. Like, obviously 9-11. And then he would tell a full lie. That is so fucking lost. Dude, it's so cool.

When comedians cross the, they cross the threshold and they start lying about stuff to be serious instead of to be funny. So that's like the scene in a movie where like the like future drug addict like stop is smoking weed and gets offered heroin for the first time.

This is the thing that destroys you. You have a nice chill time lying about the guy you saw at the store and the funny thing your wife said to you. And then someone says, you want to lie about nice. Your dad a lot. I think actually he's dead.

I think he died. A bear attacked him now that I remember that, actually. I think I'll go with Howard Stern and tell this story. You tell the revenant. It's like you start trying to tell a really funny joke about how somebody mailed you anthrax. And then everybody gets really quiet. And you go, oh my God, wait a minute. Wait, I just, wait, that's what happens.

You tell the stories a lie the first time. Then it bombs. And you say, but that was true. You're actually not even supposed to laugh. That's a true story. Because it's real, because it really happens. It's a true story. Broken escalators are just stairs.

Yeah, so that's my true story. Yeah, I used to do drugs that I still do, too. That was actually true about him. That actually was true. Yeah. I did actually end up taking his satellite. Yeah. Yeah.

Mitch Hedberg died on an escalator? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's one. He's, you know, that video in China of the lady falling down the, down the thing, getting grinded into the gears. You know the video of the crazy guy on wheelchair

tries to open the elevator too early and he flies inside. And you know the falling man from 9-11 that was Steve Renner's his name. Or that's what he claimed. He fell to the ground. At least say, that's probably how the story started. From SpongeBob.

Steve, it's easy. That's Steve? Yeah. Wow, that's what actually happened. Yeah. Well, that's a much more traumatic. I mean, it kept happening over and over again. Millions.

I hurt my leg. That fish doing a stand. Guys have been laughing a lot tonight, but he sits down. I hurt my leg. He sits down. He sits down. He's like, you're probably wondering why I'm sitting. Yeah.

Well, uh, because of my leg. I hurt my like millions of times. That's such a funny thing. You may be. I hurt my leg millions of times. You maybe have seen it on TV. It was. Um, and lots of people laughed when it was on TV.

It wasn't funny to me. There was an explosion at the crusty crowd. And basically it exploded. It was a nuclear explosion. And I said, the only thing, the only words that came to my mouth were my leg. My leg! Dozens of times, I mean, I was lying there injured on the ground screaming and SpongeBob SquarePants. Yeah.

Patrick Star, they just walked on by. They kept jellyfishing. They kept jellyfishing, even though they didn't even realize, I'm a goofy goober. The people on TV don't care about you. That's true, man. Spongebob by here is a diva, man. Oh, yeah. He's unrecognizable in his new role, though.

I'll say that. Jonathan Van Ness. And the Jonathan Van Ness Biopick That they cat What's wrong Back in our day We had Jonathan Van Halen

Now we have And the Van Ness monster Jonathan Van Ness There's no It's not his name Jonathan Van Halen No From Van Halen

It's not Jonathan Van Halen No no no Jonathan Van Halen No no no That's the one with the The one with the guitar Yeah that's Eddie Jonathan

Jonathan I think his name is Wolfgang No Wolfgang's his son Jonathan's Van Halen Wolfgang Van Halen So what did Jonathan Van Ness do? What did they do this time? Jonathan Van Ness apparently...

It's a monster. You're gay. This is a freebie for a weekend update. Van Ness Monster. Thank you, Che. Or you're welcome, rather. Hit that applause. Catch up.

Different page. I'm not going to search it out. Wrong one. It's going to take a long time. Yeah. I saw a ghost. That one still scares me quite. That one.

You scared a. burp out of me. That's what JVN was doing on the set. JVN was running up behind people. Saying that I saw a ghost. Yeah. That would be a really horrific abuse on a set. Yeah.

Telling everyone you saw a ghost. I became an actor. The abuse that Louisiana actors do. The new season of Queer Eye was in Louisiana. Really? I know this because of Ben and Jacques. Ben and Jacques. Watch his queer eye.

Especially if you're in Louisiana. Wants to be like the guys from Queer Eye. The victims of Queer Eye. The victims or whatever they're called. Monument to the victims of Queer Eye. They make them change shirts. A monument to a bunch of just like Grand T's in the Rath graphic T's.

Zelda T's in the Raffirs shirts. This belonged to Daniel. Daniel used to keep all of his food next to his computer. And now he shops at Express for Men. Yeah. That's, oh my God. What? That's our American Shen Yun.

America before Queer Eye. Yes, yes. We finally found it, dude. Yeah. Just, like, big, like, ton, like, do, do, do, do, do, do. We used to chop at Spence's Gis. That's the dance. We used to shop at Spancers' Gis.

Like, an ironic evolution of dance. Yeah. I'm doing this. Yeah, doing the two fingers across the eyes. Like, this is what we used to have before. Now we have twerking. Not even the first. Mail twerking.

The reboot. Yeah. Mail twerking. Get into it. Here, okay. So male twerking. Here's my problem with you, man. You ain't got enough ass.

Unless you do. If you have a giant ass, I don't care if you're a man or a woman or an animal. If you have a big bubble, then you can shake it. You have to. You shake the bubble when you walk. If it's that big. Your bubble pops at the end of your life. Is that true?

That's why all the poop comes out of your butt. You can't take your bubble with you. You know how your hair keeps growing after you die? Yeah. If I have an open casket, this is a real logistical question. If I have an open casket, will some guy shave my dead body? Probably. I mean, they do like makeup and shit and do all types of stuff to you.

I mean, the shaving's probably the, they will, man. Borat style, you have no makeup. No, no makeup. Borat style, no makeup. What I want when I die open casket, but I want to pay the coroner, I want the coroner to step aside and get Dr. Miami in there. Yes. And he just makes me look so beautiful.

Here's what I want. No corner. Johnny Dang. When I die, I do. I want a half-open casket. I want in a jar casket where it's open a little bit. So you're allowed to look at the corpse or at the body, I guess you should say that's more polite at the body.

And you have to kneel down and get really close to look in. And there's a pressure plate on the ground. So when you kneel down and look in, I go, I was going to say, I thought it was like the casket closes. No, I can't really close to it. No, it doesn't even move. They just kneel down and look in it. My face is right up at the garden.

Where will my viewing be probably Madison Square Garden? right so I want whoever has the most lit reaction to my corpse goes on the jumbo tromba. The jumbo tron. That's basically what they do for famous people. Getting down and wailing. That's what Michael Jackson's funeral was.

It's so fucking extra that they do that for these famous people's funeral. They get there like a funeral with like a million people all waiting outside. Do you remember Michael Jackson's funeral? It was on CNN. It was like in the Staples center. We should spend like $5 million.

And we should have a funeral for like a 98 eight-year-old guy named Fred and do like the whole a parade through the middle of like time square yeah the entire thing have it televised and people are taking paparazzi photos and it's an open it's an open casket funeral but the middle of the casket that might be the casket is in three sections and you can only see his and he's not in a casket he's in a dracula coffin standing up like this yeah it's like pope mobile it's like a car with a piece of glass around the thing and it's it's like this and you can't tell if he's going to glass glass coffin A glass coffee.

Roses. And it's steamy. Yeah. You know it'll be a really scary funeral? Full of steam. You just see a shape. It's like when they open the teleporter and the fly. The fog machine behind his body.

You know what will be a really scary funeral and that I don't think I would go to or watch on TV is David Blaine. Oh, yeah. Because you fucking know. Do you know what the worst part is? You say, okay, I'm too scared. I won't go to the funeral. You turn on the TV as televised. You go, damn.

I can't believe he's really gone. You hear, I know, right? He's sitting right next to your left. It's so fucking weird to have an immortal God living among us, like David Blaine. It's really fucking scary. He breathed water for 100 hours. He didn't eat food for 30 days. That's not even a trick.

That one is not a trick. No, I mean, it's not a trick. Nothing he does is a trick. Yeah, he's not a trick. He really caught a bullet in his teeth. Did you see that? Yeah. He sat there and caught a bullet in his teeth.

He's a freak is a old. Like a real guy. David Blaine, you're a freak. I hate you're the freak of the week. He did one trick where he ate 20 birthday cakes. In one, and it wasn't his birthday. For his 20th birthday? It was somebody else's birthday.

Every year. It wasn't even supposed to be a trick. Every year he eats a birthday cake for every year that he is. It's like his spanking. So the first time it wasn't impressive. I mean, actually, that might have been the most impressive. A baby, a one-year-old eating a full cold stone cream cake. Oh, my God.

A baby magician is a great idea because everything's so much more impressive. You don't have to learn that good. tricks. A baby. Yeah. But people would say it was CGI. Yeah. Not if they see it live.

That's true. But then you don't have that. The residency is not going to be very long because eventually they're going to not be a baby anymore. When I was at Fringe in Edinburgh. Which is the only, by the way, now that JFL is going. This is the kind of cultural comedy that I prefer over things like. Well, JFL is French.

SpongeBob or family guy or whatever. You like British. I like British and Squishish. But they kept, I kept saying ads for this one. I really wanted, I like comedy from Germany. I kept seeing ads for this one show that I did not go to because I think it cost

money and I, but I thought it was so funny. It was like and it had so much a clip. Like this is the type of thing at Fringe. It's like they have the flyer for it and the entire, it's like a little picture of the guy's face in the corner. The entire flyer is just five stars, five,

old. This is the best thing ever. And it was like the quantum math a magician who like does equations.

Wait. Like mathematical they don't have magicians. It's so fucking funny. No, they have the greatest

show. Yeah. They have mentalists who are their job is not to impress you but to confuse you. Yes.

And to transform you to a barking chicken it would confuse me. It would confuse me just as much if they did magic though.

I don't know magic. I know this. Magic is all around us. But magic tricks are at, this is stop, man. I've told you to not do this before. It freaks me that.

Magic is stop. I'm not kidding. Magic is as scary to me as anything, any movie, any ghost. I'm scared. I'm like terrified of when people do magic and I don't understand it. And I spend hours Googling on YouTube.

Don't do the rain. I've seen this before and I still don't like it. I spend hours every time I see a magic trick looking on YouTube to see if somebody has spoiled it. And they almost never do. You know, it would be a good idea for a magician, for a magician's schick, as if you just did everything

that doesn't work with just a finger. If you need a pencil. You can just do this with your finger. It's rubber. It's completely rubber. With a wiggling finger. A magician who just does everything that Spider-Man does.

Just climbs the wall and swings, shoots webs. But not like being like, I'm the Spider-Man magician. And for my next trick. Clearly, it's Spider-Man's secret identity. He has a second job. He puts on like a top ad in the suit. He's like, after my next trick, I'll swing through the city. I need a volunteer.

I need a volunteer. I'll be up there. Climbing the wall. Slowly descend and kiss. And now I'll use my magician sense. To detect if there's any criminals. And then I'll take a photo. I mean to defeat, I mean, impress.

Has there any criminals in the crowd? That's a good idea. If you're a superhero, there's not always going to be crimes. Isn't there one, yeah, there's one, and you've got to get, I feel like being a superhero, your power is like,

your power is going to be like a, it builds up in your body like sperm or something. And that's, I mean, that's that's the difference between superhero world and real world is every um every superhero comic the origin story is always i realized i had powers so i tried to use my powers to be really good at a job but then i realized actually i need to be a superhero and the differences in real life there's no such job as superhero so you would just be the x-ray vision librarian forever police force okay that would not doesn't really come across so well in 2024 yeah that's kind of because of

police brutality he's literally wearing a blue lives matter hat I am seeing that. What does it say? What is that? What? Carpet bomb? What country? All of them.

Every single one. Carpet bomb country. Every single country. I think I think so, too, because I'm crazy. Yeah, I think I think that says that too. Okay. So what's wrong with police? Bombing.

Basically war. War. War. Oh, shit. War has been declared. I fucking forgot. Yeah. war has been declared welcome to the five weeks of war this is the the war rages on thank you this is the

cold war so the war didn't so much rage on during the cold war more steamed and bubbled welcome to the future from last from last time oh that we move forward in time i guess that works every single time if we say yeah it does because we've been you've been stopping it and saying welcome to the past but we could just say we could say welcome to the future from the last episode. I mean, that didn't have to be talking about wars to say that.

Okay, wars this week. Then we got that button forever. Wars this week, and I got a good one, so I want to go last, because mine is mind-blowingly bad war. I don't think I have a war this week.

I'm trying to think... Peace. Peaceoid. You're a peaceoid. I have a piece. You have a piece? You have oids all over your piece. Yeah, I have oids.

Oh, here's of my war. Yeah. I have a war with my skin. I have been breaking out in hives. We talked about not talking about you wanting to be black on the show anymore. Yeah, we said stop saying

you have a war on your white skin and you want to be only... We really, I feel like we had a couple meetings about this. Yeah, like that's every weekly. Well, that's behind the Patreon. And now I'm bringing it to the regular episodes. So if you want to hear all that stuff, go subscribe. The details, his war plan

that he has against his own white skin. Okay. What happened? You have boils and disgusting postules. I think that I have, I think that I maybe have psoriasis, but I don't have health insurance to go check. So this is a war. Why would you check if you have psoriasis? To get a pill or the scratching post or something. They can do stuff for that.

Scratching. To get a medically prescribed scratching post that I can rub my, your back on. My psoriasis scars on. I can see me coming into your house and you're, I'm just like this. Yeah, you're, you're scratching up and down on a post like a cat. yeah on my back you would do amazing in a cat enclosure

yeah yeah you would really my cat got a new tower a new cat tower and I want to play on it they look they always look so fun I always want to shrink down but then you got to battle a cat yeah not if you yeah well yeah and also you shrink down is just a room with carpet

yeah no dude it's so a room you can climb is basically with what a ball on the top of the well that's a guy I think if I shrink I don't think I'd want to be this big I think I'd probably want to be as big as my hand. Yeah, that's the perfect shrinking size. There's nobody that's this big. There is.

Nobody that's 20 years old that is this big. They're literally. They've been documented. They've been documented. Show me. I can't show you the documents because they're probably at City Hall or wherever they keep documents. They keep it in a lockbox at City Hall.

Not a lockbox. It's just a document section. It's like the archives. Yeah, the archives. Okay, why don't we just like, F-O-I-A it? For ya. Why don't you, F-O-O out my face? for you? No, no, no, you

can't do that. No, freedom of information. Did you say, why don't we FUCK them about the people that are this big? F you see K, somebody that's this big? If they're of age? We don't even know where they are. You can't FUCK some of the people didn't even exist five seconds ago. Now you want to FUCK them? And you haven't even seen a photo of them?

If they're, if, if, this is fetishism. I guess there's no problem. I mean, I would have a problem if you had a girlfriend that was this big. I would have a little bit of a problem. If it happened because of an accident or if she was born that big and grew into her age.

People who are this big deserve love and to be FUCK. But I think people that are this big. I mean, even in New York City. I think people who are this big should be gross. No, no, it's not gross that you're saying. It's gross that you're spelling out. Fuck.

Well, it's what's wrong with what's wrong with FUCKing? A thing this big. A thing this big. Or I thought a thing a person. Spelling you. FUCK. It's so weird. I've never actually seen somebody

It is kind of weird to be this Okay, you're fighting this big You're weird My way I actually do have a war I have my war You're looking at your hands He's imagining Yeah you just imagine

A guy can't look at his hand Are you trying to lose a dream Because I read that if you stare at your That's one of the things to hell That shit is all That's you look up They say how to lucid dream

You go on let Reddit They say look at your hands They say look at your hands And then in your head say I want to lucid dream Now count to 10 You will lose a dream I've tried all that

You stared at it the whole time. I can look at my hand whenever I want. It's my hand. You're wishing that you try it, try it today. It could happen. It's not, he does, he has to wear devices that do it. It's not just his friends. It depends on the version.

But usually it's, it could be you today. Try it, try it. I'm trying it now. All right. I'll try to. Jesus. So my war's on the green goblin. Okay.

All right. No, I actually, in a war with all the movie going public of New York because all these fucking brain dead hipsters I went to see a movie with Patches we went to see the original Godzilla at the film forum and everybody was laughing the entire time it made me so mad so fucking annoying

they should be cowering in fear from the mighty strength of Godzilla literally it even stuff like okay you can laugh you get like one laugh at the rubber suit sure but you bought the ticket to come see this movie it's not like you're being surprised here like everyone's sitting in like sees the rubber suit and goes,

ha ha. Yeah. Just the like, the like very, uh, just, just trying to show everybody that I'm like, oh,

it sucks so bad. But they were even doing it like, it would be a scene when like, like the, they put on diving suits. It's obvious, it's a movie from the 50s. So the,

they have old 50 diving suits with the bath of scaf or whatever. And, uh, and they put it on everyone. That's the worst. What are you, what are you doing? What is,

what is the, what's, it made me so mad and it made me mad enough that I was telling people to shut up. You were really. I'm not going to act like, like I was yelling it out. I was not, I'm not a tough guy, but I know, I was, I'll do exactly how I was okay. Shut the fuck up. Whoa. Did they have headphones on where they could hear everything you said?

There was people right behind me so I think they could hear me saying it. And did they stop? They did not stop. Yeah. They laughed harder. So you lost the war. And I did it. I said shut the fuck up two times and I was like, oh wait, I'm being way worse than the people laughing. Yeah. Yeah. Saying shut the fuck out loud. It's, but it made me genuinely so mad and that's my war. It is always so annoying like doing that in a movie theater it's always old movies they always go see an old movie that's not funny at all I happen to me with dinner for schmucks I went in there people are laughing I'm saying shut the fuck up dude people are just so eager to to show that they could they like whenever there's a line that's even a little bit funny like a line that's like very matter of fact

everyone will laugh is like oh actually I'm aware that there people could write funny lines in japan in the 50s dude you know what was one of the worst movie going experiences of my life was seeing the disaster artist. Yeah, that was fucking brutal. I hate the people in movie theaters. Yeah. Yeah. That's my war.

That was a particularly bad experience, but that's my war right now. It's just everybody. I like watching movies at my house. I like going to the theater, but when it's a new movie that everyone understands is new. Yeah. Oppenheimer. I remember hereditary, everybody was laughing in that. Yeah, I guess it's just, you have to pick the right time in the right theater.

I was like, so. scared watching Hereditary that I couldn't move. And everybody else was laughing. And it was making me feel like such a bitch. I was like, oh my God, dude. I'm like, I'm too scared to get up out of my seat. I'm too scared to go to the bathroom. I love when people yell out things in the movie theaters.

I love when someone says something. Yeah, that I always love that. That's the best. We never see no movie like this before. Yeah, that's my favorite one of all time. That's when the people behind me a barbarian. Yeah. That's awesome.

We had never seen no movie like, speaking for the group. We ain't never seen no movie like this. I've seen no movie like this before at the very end. I didn't do the entire movie getting in the part of their cloud. I have said that so many times in my house watching a movie. It's the funniest thing all the time. We ain't never seen no movie like this before. It's so good.

I hate when a movie becomes like a cultural phenomenon type thing. Like going to the room just to quote it, going to see Rocky Horror. The disaster artist, everybody there was just saying all the lines from the movie, dude. Madem Webb, Morbius. Yeah. Stop watching movies if they're not If they're not amazing They're not the best movie of all time

They should not even be in theater I'm like what's your war I have a fucking massive war Yeah something incredibly sad happened I think Something really bad so people Bad not sad Should know that I have a Ongoing war

Against environmental effects on my body Okay sure The first one was of course a couple years ago The gas leak in my apartment Okay that was was an environmental war. I guess you could say mouse kind of.

That's man. The man versus animal. This is man versus environment. It's MBE. Okay, PVEE. Most valuable. The last night I am,

I have a, we have a copper pot. And this is, this is what I hate about telling you guys this, is that you guys are right about everything in my house. Okay. What do you guys,

what do you guys know about my house? What do you guys know about my house? It's all salvaged from the junkyard. It's all salvaged from 1800s. It was a, it was a, a hundred-year-old guy's dog shit that my wife picks up

for $80 and says I'm going to bring this home and put it front and center okay and she never thinks maybe there's a reason why people don't use these anymore so we have been eating off of for the last couple years

old antique China oh you didn't fucking test them did you and last night she said something about the copper pot we have she was like oh we should get that refinished because copper can be bad and I was like yeah these fucking plates probably have a lead in them wait let me Google every single plate that we have and what it says on the back plus lead on

Google every fucking thing I own has a lead glaze I had the same shit happen have horrible chips all over them scratches all on the plates so now last night I'm freaking out I'm like I have lead poison I have full lead poison yeah and my wife you've been sick like for the past three years every day you're like I have crazy diarrhea oh I that's different you get Like, you get sick so easily. So, yeah, what are the effects of lead? Poor brain function. Uh-huh. Okay.

Birth defects. Okay. You're... This right here. Cyborg is a loss of words. Lots of words. I have lead poisoning. So now I'm going to go get a blood test at Quest Diagnostics.

I just ordered a bunch of swabs. And if those come back and we test all the plates and none of them have lead, then I guess I will. You're one Christian. I had the same thing happen where my girlfriend bought all this shit off of eBay. She bought all these antique plates and then didn't test them. And then we had to throw out, like it was like when we first moved in, had to throw out a good chunk of them. Dude, now I'm feeling like... They're supposed to be decoration plates.

I have so much dog shit in my house that nobody else has. Bro, that corn broom is going to have this best. I said, I said, you need to get... I would rather you get... Even though these plates have lead, I would rather you get rid of the corn broom so people stop making fun of me. and I will keep eating off lead for the rest of my life. I swear to God I will.

And she got so mad at that. And now I have all this glass that I think has fucking uranium in it. You can't make fun. You can't make fun of any antiques that your girlfriend buys. It's like, that is like putting a sign. Even if they have poison in there.

That is like holding up a sign that says kick me. My wife brought poison plate. I'm getting fucking phantom thread. You still can't say anything about it. I'm getting phantom thread. That's the, that's the, you, you have to pick your battles. I can't win the lead battle?

You can't win the lead battle, man. You have to keep that cornbrough in the house. I was losing my mind last night about me being my amazing, wonderful brain being affected by lead. Yeah. We could lose a generational talent. And there's stuff that I don't even know, that I'm probably good at that. I don't even know about it. Are you talking about your son?

Yeah, no, myself. I could probably direct some, I could probably direct movies. and make amazing all the fucking all the people in the 70s when this shit was good they all had they ate lead paint chips my dad had Woody Allen Romney Polanski

wrong no it won't be like that no Brian Poissain you could be exactly like that no I do think that old Brian I don't know why that

he's a generational talent generational talent he was the first guy to be like So Star Wars is kind of weird. Exactly. He invented a whole new way of talking. And I feel like I'm this close. And he was a fan of heavy metal. Lead.

Like lead. Holy fuck, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Metal head could be a literal thing. Metal head. Because you have to have some kind of disgusting poisoning to like that bull crap. Literally means metal in your head. Uh-huh.

Through the way of your mouth. That shit had me fucked up. So if anybody has antique plates and a very... Test all your plates. Crazy wife, test your plates to see if you've been going insane from lead poisoning. Yeah. And I got rid of, or I took them all out of the cupboard. That happened with a bunch of antique, like, glasses that you bought.

Yeah, so I looked at the, I looked at it up. The glasses have uranium in them. Yeah, they have uranium error or some kind of lead coating. And I was like, I'm going to, now I'm not going to take out of these. I have two plates that I can use that are from urban outfitters. And I have one cup from Regal Cinema. that's made out of plastic. That's even better for you.

Which is way better for you. Listen, I'll take B-P-H-P-A over lead. You know what? I'd love drinking an ice-cold drink out of a metal cup. I like really hard plastic cups. With the cold water. Yeah, cold water in it. Cold water with a plastic. You know the ones that are like really big?

And then they have that rich. Noah has that Mission Barbecue Cup. That's a perfect cup. 32-ounce Mission Barbecue cup. That is a perfect fucking, like cold out of the fridge water. Oh my God. Anyway, that's my. That's my war.

My war is on both my wife and the lead, the metal, the type of metal. War on my wife is raging on. I think all of your wars have been on your wife. Yeah, they all have been. She's never, she's always on the wrong. She's always against me. You know what? I can, I can, I also had a war.

I had a war on my girlfriend. Okay. Because I like that. Two weeks ago, I think there was one, yeah, there was an episode after the day of my anniversary. And two days before, I took her out the day before because I was like, I've made reservations at this place. Day after our actual anniversary,

she is like, oh, yeah, we're going to go. I took the day off of work. We're going to just go walk around. I took her to this really nice restaurant the night before. What does she do the next day? She takes me to an even nicer one. That's wrong.

And completely cucks me. Dude, I have destroyed. In the restaurant world. Dude. Destroyed. I've been playing. Listen, this is a fairy. I can't wait.

And the food was better. This is a similar feeling. This place was better. Let me tell you a similar feeling, okay? Me and my wife have been playing Halo co-op. Sometimes she gets so far ahead that my guy gets teleported to where she is. Dude, it makes me furious. You should not play the Lego games with her.

I don't want to even think about this feeling. You're tearing up. It's amazingly affecting. I'm not cheering up right now. I'm not cheering up. You're tearing up thinking about your wife being running away from me. It's not running away. It's not running away. It's her being better at the, at the halo game.

Yeah, and it's making you. Your eyes are getting, I saw a tear in your eye. I have an allergy to this. bird bird or fucking whatever that is a wig okay so those are the wars this week

those are our wars those are our wars the war that we're talking about is the cold war which some people would say people said it's still going on the cold war there's nothing to talk about

it's the most boring war nothing ever happened but I say it's still happening I say you were talking earlier about how war is cyclical the woke versus

coolness is I would say that this was the most recent Woke versus, it was Woke Russia communistas. Yeah. Che Guevara, one of those wokenest men of all time.

And versus Ronald Reagan who's got to be the most American president of America we ever had. And some of these Eastern European guys named like Woke Jablonsky. Their names were exactly. And they were doing... And it's spelled with a J

that O with the line in it and then an I W-O-J-K-E-E. And it's Woke J-Blonsky. Yeah. And woke Jablonsky, if you're listening, we're coming for you. I will destroy every woke thing on Earth. But I would say that the Cold War was a pretty good example of woke versus awesome guys.

Right. And now Cameron, you have something to show us from the Smithsonian. Yeah, I can do that. Let me play my theme song here. Podcast About List Presents, show and learn with Cameron, A swashbuckling descent into the world of archaeology and war. Sponsored by the Smithsonian Institute. Okay, guys.

So, today we're talking about the Cold War. And today's artifact, out of all the artifacts of any of the wars, this is by far the rarest artifact and also, as an effect of that, this is by far the most expensive. okay so one of you guys who wants to volunteer to to hold it the last time that I held one it was really bad so somebody that should hold it it can't be put down on the table you have to hold it I really want to make sure it does not all right break or what line this is worth so much money fine I'll hold it so and just even yeah you're not going to take a picture of me saying

that no there's I mean you can hold up for the camera if you like but to silver and see what I feel like I'm falling you're not falling man it's okay I just need you to hold it while I read the report okay I'll hold it it's literally not and it's not allowed on the table if you're worried about dropping it you can even like hold it in your fist okay okay whoa I was just seeing chill sorry chill like the cold war did you try to punch me try to punch him don't do that's cold war that's a cold war that's a cold you and me have a cold war how because we fight each other with our fists all the time we did okay guys for like five years I slapped you one time here it is drunk yeah

Hold that up for the camera, Caleb. So many people ask why the Cold War is called that. Is this a piece of ice? No. Well, you see before you the very reason. Yes, this, you can get up and show the camera. It's kind of cold. This is the, it's kind of hard to hold.

This is the ice cube that made the Cold War so cold. Okay. And now, Caleb, now that they've seen it, honestly, just you can hold it. I really don't want you to drop it or, like, lose it or anything. So just hold on your fist while I read. this, okay? The Americans were cold, the Russians

were cold, and it was all because of this rare ice cube, which is now worth upwards of one trillion dollars, that if somebody loses it, they'd be on the line for. Some amateur historians will tell you the Cold War was called that

because, quote, there was no direct military engagement between the United States and the Soviet Union. but they're completely wrong. It was because of this ice cube that's in, and my hand is sweating.

Inside of Caleb's fist. The Americans and the Russians both hated this ice cube. Americans hated it because it kept cooling everything down. Russia

is a cold country Did you speak it on? So, oh, I lost my one second. Russia is a cold, cold country. It's cold. What happened next? So they actually hated the ice cube for being too warm for them.

This is how the war started. Oh, in second, I just got a text. What did the text say? Pierce just said, yay. I don't know what it was. There's got to be some, I'm sorry, we're, can you finish? Russia is a cold, or no. Yes, this ice cube has been around all the way since the 1940s.

This is what makes it so expensive and irreplaceable. Over one trillion dollars. And the Smithsonian Institute has made it very clear, that if anything at all happens to this ice cube, that they have so graciously loaned to us that whoever was responsible or let it go missing under their watch would be subject to rigorous and vicious legal action.

They gave you the ice cube, so it's under your watch, right? Well, I was under my watch for a minute, but I gave it to you. Why? Is something wrong? No. No, it's fine. It's fine.

Where does it go again? What? Where does it go? Where does it go? Where does it stay? They keep it in a freezer. Oh, okay. Where have you been keeping it?

Oh, nowhere. Did somebody turn the heat on in the office? It's been very warm in here. It has been a little warm lately. Kail, please keep your fist closed. Yeah, you're going to... I really don't want you to drop it. It's slippery.

It's ice. Have you ever played an ice level in Mario? No. Well, can you describe an ice level? Yeah, so it's a cold level. So now that I'm done with it, where should I put it? You're done? Oh, you want...

You're done with it? Or now that... I'll just hold onto it actually for a little bit. Because I feel like exchanging it has so much potential to slip. Mm-hmm. Don't stop doing that. Because you're going to drop it. But is it okay if I just hold onto it for the rest of the episode?

Well, I'm just... I just finished reading my report. So I think I need it back to put it. So what do you want to put it? Just put it in his hand. Yeah, just to give it to me. Let me see it. Can I see it?

Is you say a trillion dollars? Over a trillion dollars. Where? Where did it go? I think it's in his hand. Wait, have you seen... Do you see it? Have you seen National Treasure?

Is this it? Can I see? Is that here? No, I'll give it over. I'll give it over. Is this it right here? Was this what it looked like? I don't think that was it.

Where is it? Did it slide out of your hand and go somewhere? um where did it go i think it's been stolen i think it's been stolen oh we need to call the police then i mean i'm can you check check the footage for losing it but we're on the hook for this money so we should find it's got to be somewhere in this room the camera was on you the whole time so we don't know if somebody came in and swiped somebody come in and swipe it somebody come in and swipe it from you it could have had i really wasn't paying attention i was really focused on just keeping my fist closed and squeezing it

really really hard right and getting all the blood well maybe you just squeezed it and it flew i mean Again, it can't have gone. I mean, it has to be in here somewhere. That's a lot of money. A trillion dollars? Yeah, that is a lot of money. That's a lot of money that we lost if you let it get stolen. Oh, I found it.

Oh, it was right here all along with us. Oh, thank God. That was a close. That was really, really cool. You want to hold on to it for the rest of the episodes? Yeah, sure. I'll hold on to it. I do kind of feel like it makes me,

I'm a little bit more energized holding an ice cube. If anybody has to ever do any kind of just dribbling down my hands, Did you turn the heat up in here? What's going? Why is it so warm? It just has been warm. Because my body is so warm. I run hot.

People say. Wow, it's actually burning. It doesn't hurt to do. It's burning. You actually, you have to be, you should be careful because I got, I almost got frostbite on my finger when I was a baby because I was holding a popsicle.

You did not almost get frostbite when I was a baby from holding an ice cube. That's definitely something that you thought for your entire life and only just now said out loud. Oh, Patrick's back. No, I had, I'll send a... I'd almost get Frostbuck. I'd have to call my mom and ask about it, but... Call her right now. Call her right now and ask, did I almost...

Almost. Which I don't know how they even measure almost in terms of frostbite. Call her. I'm not kidding. It's been a while since we called Mama. She might be at work. That doesn't... Her work doesn't matter.

Please don't say anything. racist I feel like this is going to Hey we're recording right now Oh god damn it What happened What

When I was a baby And I held that popsicle for too long And you said that I almost got miniature Frostbite right I didn't say you did I said you did get it Okay can you explain Can you explain

what that means. Can you please what is miniature frostblet? You're holding a popsicle in your hand. You're clutching it. You're clutching the popsicle stick. Yes. The popsicle was laying on your hand. How did that happen? What's miniature

roughball? Because you were fucking eating it. You were holding it, eating it. But I had put a paper towel around it, but you took the paper towel off. How old was I? I don't know, too. And you had to take me to the hospital for this? Yeah, because you got blisters. over your hand.

How cold was this popsicle? Did you make this up? No, I'm not lying you. Ask Dad. Get Dad on the phone. He's driving here now. Call him. Okay. Let me, hold on. Call him right now.

Miniature frostbite. Are you doing a three-way phone call? He had freaking frostbite, dude. He had blisters all over his hair. I'm putting dad on the call. Are you still there? I can't tell. Because you're going to call him

and they have to merge it. Oh, yeah. Come on. Pick up, man. He's driving. I think he is busy. She said he's driving there right now. Yeah, I don't know where that is, though.

It could be work. That was a good saying. Hey. Hello. Hello. I was trying to merge the call with dad, but... All right. So imagine you're holding a bopsicle, right?

With a fist. Yes. Holding a bopsicle. Yeah. Uh-huh. Your pointy finger and your thumb. Yeah. So I was holding it with just my pointer finger and my thumb.

No, like in a fist. Yeah. Oh, so the top of the fist was getting cold from the popsicle. Yeah. And then his pointy finger in his thumb got a blister. And in between your thumb and your, you know, up to your... Because we're talking about the cold. war today. I'm going to be completely

honest. I don't believe this story. I don't either. Now that I'm hearing it. Patrick, was anything that could have happened, Patrick, it happened to Patrick. I'm not lying to you. Why would I lie about something stupid like that? What's the most disgusting thing he ever did? Disgusting? Yeah.

In terms of getting hurt, I guess. No, in terms of just what did he do as a kid that would make, it would repulse us? Oh, Jesus Christ. There's too many to list, dude. he was a violent kid have tantrums and throw himself on the ground

like flat back on the ground boom his head off the ground okay all right we got to get back to the episode we don't this is so good

call me back later I'll tell you more stories okay I will wait do you want to I ran away one time because I didn't get to yeah you're pissed about something

I was in the middle of making brownies for your goddamn class it was the day before Halloween and you came in and you wanted to tell me something and I said just hold on the second patches let me I'm in the middle putting the batter in the How come I've never gone to like therapy That's on you

I tried Oh yeah They took me to a therapist when I was seven And they all I talked about was Star Trek Yeah This is stupid You're awesome You've always been so awesome.

And then another time we had a reclining couch, and he was probably four. I heard this, yeah. Mm-hmm. And baby Eric was two, and baby Eric was jumping on the couch. I come down the stairs. No one knows.

Yeah. Oh, your brother. Yeah. Your baby brother was jumping on the couch. And he had, you know, when you recline a chair and the feet go up? Uh-huh. Yeah. And underneath, there's those bars.

Yeah. Okay. So he had. his head stuck in between those two weeks. Okay? And Patrick had the biggest freaking head I've ever seen in my life. So he had his head stuck underneath there

and I'm coming down the stairs and I see his younger brother jumping and all I can picture is the kid is going to land on the footrest and it's going to close and Pat's going to be decapitated. Which I don't think it had the... That sounds really scary. I don't think the recliner had enough like torque or whatever

to cut my head. That's a four. How hell, you got your freaking head in there, dude? I tried lifting it, and every time I lifted, like, I tried to lift the footrest, the bar would come up and, like, almost cut your neck. I don't think it would cut my neck. The top part would come down. I don't know how the hell you get out of it.

How did I get in? I don't remember. I don't even know. Did you have to call the fire department? I had to call my uncle Jeff. It was slow motion. Like, all I see is your younger brother jumping on the couch. And my first thought is he's going to land on the footrest,

and Pat's head is going to be under the couch. this kid is going to die man that's a lot worse it is so it's so hard to be a mother and then like I said I tried lifting it lowering it

I was there for probably like five minutes yeah that hurts ah that hurts I'm like kid you're about to die all right well I have to introduce a song now

oh all right all right bye mom love you Love you. Bye. Wow, man. That, um... A lot of insight. We should just have an interview with her.

I would really love to sit down 60 Minutes style. Yeah. And ask about what color your poop was when you were a kid. Green a lot of the time. Or shoes on your hands. Yeah. Figure it all out. Well, making of a murderer.

Speaking of my mom, this was a song that my mom was really into a lot of old rap stuff in the 80s. Okay. She's really into LL Cool J, Run, DMC, that kind of stuff. Nice. And we were talking about the Cold War today, and I remembered this song by Rime Reynolds called Football Rhyming that has a lot of lyrics. This was a classic.

That has a lot of lyrics that relate to the Cold War. I don't remember. Rhyme Reynolds, I think, had one album. I'm not big into rap, I mean, rap. Mm-hmm. Rhythm and poetry. Yeah, I didn't even know. But Ryan Reynolds had like one song.

You don't remember this album cover? I think he might have been ostracized from hip-hop or something. something. I don't know why. His hair's ostrich-sized. All right. Well, roll the song. Football time. There's passing in Russian. I want to drink the blood of every single Russian. Kill all the children and all of the women.

Communism is made for villain. USA will win the Cold War. I love all the states and I love the store. I see all the things and I want more. The United States will win the Cold War. But we've never lost enough, an odd inside. We've never had a tragedy like that. Perhaps we've forgotten the courage it took to the crew of the shot.

Hope the Berlin Wall stays up for us. stays up forever we should make one more for good nature i know that they're behind the challenger explosion i want to change their food to different types of poison i love football and i love bees i want to get stung bad on my knees i slide them myself up in raw honey then i wait for bees to give a stung on me I wish I could talk to every man and woman who works for NASA or who worked on this mission until then you're dead.

I think he was ostracized from hip hop because he had a bee kink. Now, can he be a bee sting king? With your ass out like a slut trying to get stung. Stung by a bee, yeah. Can I provide some a little K-fei breaking background here? Yeah.

Because I like this song a lot. But we were having a sketch meeting and Pat was like, guys, I need. to finish the song. You guys have to leave. You can't be here while I record this song. You guys have to go get lunch. I mean, Caleb's like, okay, we'll leave. We go to the store. We get sandwiches at the deli. Five minutes. Yeah. I did not want to hear. Five-ish, four to five minutes. Come back in. Pat is already done. Yeah, he's completely done with every single.

I maybe wrote it last night and maybe didn't want, maybe I'm embarrassed of my singing voice. It's not that you didn't want us to be there. That's funny. It's the amount. of time it took. You should join us. That was one of the best one of the best one yet. He's on a conference call. Yeah, with us, bitch. Answer the phone.

I can't. To add us to the conference call? Answer the phone. Yeah, let us call in on the Cisco right now. We can behave. I'll behave amazing. I'm a daddy's boy. I like dads more than moms. Yeah.

Even though moms make the food. I like dad. My house is the opposite. Your dad made the food? You're upset. That's why you're like this because you grew up with a dad that made food. Mm-hmm. And now you grew up into a sissy.

Grew up into a wimp. A wim. A wim? A wuss. A wuss. A woman that worked over there at the Iron Yard. She worked at whippersnappers. She worked at whippersnappers. Which is the name of the garbage company. There's a lot of info that was, my mom's voice could be deep faked today.

Someone could deep fake a phone call from my mom. I had that for three years. You think that someone will fool you with that? I think somebody could. Well, we're going to call you and have a, and you can hear, it goes, your mom voice says hello and you say, hey, mom, and there's a long pause. You hear someone click. I need you to send all of your money to me, son. Please, please, please, please. Again, Mom. This is getting fucking. Remember when you got your hand stuck in the peanut butter jar? Yes, Mom. Yes, ma'am. Oh, you're right. I'll send the money right now. I got a bunch of gum stuck in my hair when I was a kid and I had to get peanut butter. I had to get a peanut butter. I had to get a peanut butter. I had to get a peanut butter hair. What a nightmare. That sounds actually fucking awesome. That's the best type of haircut of all time.

You're so ungrateful. Oh, I got peanut butter in my hair. I never got a peanut butter haircut. No, I got a gum in my hair and then had to get a peanut butter haircut. You're complaining about the peanut butter haircut. That's fire. A peanut butter haircut would be so great. I got bird shit in my hair and I just got it washed out at the YMCJ.

I got lice in my hair. I had lice in my hair. Right now? Yeah, right now. Is that why I'm itching all the time? Yeah. You think you have. Oh.

Excuse me. Excuse me. I don't want to look at you. Did I ever tell you guys about when I? got shit on by a bird? When you got shot? No. I got...

Shot nine times. I ever tell you about that? I got shot nine times by my op. And then I wrote a song about it. That one's just boring, though. That's not even an interesting story. Yeah. I should tell the bird one.

I got one time I was shit on by a bird through the, in a moving car through the sunroof. Okay. Isn't that crazy? It's like a one in a million chance. I don't think that's one in a million. I think that's maybe one in a hundred. I don't think that's one in a million. I think it's actually a member of my one in a hundred.

A moving car. It's a one and a hundred chance that it happens. Yeah. A moving car, the sunroof. Every hundred times you drive a car. With a sunroof open. The bird shit. Okay.

One in a thousand. The sunroof is not even above my head. It went into the car and then traveled backwards because the car was moving at such a speed. And then it hit me on the front of my head like a sniper's a bull's eye. And you don't see you just, you don't care at all. You think that it's interesting to get your head stuck in the couch. This is a better head story I don't think this is

And then we had to go into the girls' restroom at the YMCA And my mom had to wash it out of my hair Okay Why didn't she go into the boys one? Because that would be weird Because she likes little boys So we went into the girls one You should have, it was fucked up

To bring poop into the girls' restroom That is supposed to be only in the boys' restroom It was an animal's poop and it was white for your information Girls are animals and they could have been ice cream I guess but it was definitely poop white like birds That's true. With the string?

Okay, tell me you never watch your wife poop. Is that what that string is? I've never watched it. I have a hard rule about pooping in front of each other. Yeah. It's not nice. Yeah, I don't think it's disgusting. I'll pee in front of my girlfriend all day.

All day? All day and night. I do kind of pee in front of my wife all day. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just, I pee so much. Yeah, I pee constantly. I'm chugging water. I'm just peeing every.

And that's the worst my penis ever looks. Yeah. When you're peeing. Right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

I mean, it's just, it, the way that the stream comes out, it's like, I wish this look different. Yeah. You ever hear, somebody the other day, I don't remember who I was with it, but somebody peed on the street. And I was like, I wish that's how my pee sounded. Yeah. That sounds amazing.

Mine sounds, I think I, I think it's the location. My pee is like a laser beam. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a, it's what a laser beam. sounds like to you. Do you have anything about the Cold War? Yeah, what you made? No, dude. Last night I was supposed to do this

and I spent two hours looking up lead poisoning on my phone. So that was the only time I had and I wasted it. So that's another reason why this war on my wife is being cast a song again. You could sing along to it.

I don't even know the lyrics. Well, there's a guy called The Lyricsmaster who put them on the screen. Well, that's true as fuck. Run it. No, I don't want to do kids. Okay. No, I don't want to do that.

No, no. All right. No. No, I would rather. What else happened in the Cold War? The Challenger explosion, full house. Cold War was long as. America's funniest home videos.

40. 40. Started in the 40s. It didn't really pick up until the 60s. But it counted. They're like proxy war stuff. But it counted. If you look it up, it'll tell you 40s to 80s.

Well, that's interesting. Isn't that crazy? When did it end? 80s? 80. What? 80? No.

No. The Berlin Wall were 90s. I don't. No, the Berlin Wall went down in 87. No, maybe then. Reagan wasn't the president anymore. Yeah, it did. Look it up. I think he might be right.

He's probably right. I think I remember this being true. He's probably fucking. But if he's not right, then I believed Caleb. Either one's fine. You shouldn't believe either of us. You should believe history. You guys are going to be history soon.

Chill. Chill right now. Chill right now. Do you guys think it's, did you ever watch any of those Cold War things? He did pop up on the creepy side of Reddit every once in a while. the instructional videos where it's like if a nuclear bomb goes off go under a desk

Oh yes Yeah we watched those on history class Those are so awesome Bert the Turtle Bert the Turtle Yeah that one is A turtle and his name was Bert And Bert the turtle was very alert

And we wonder why That was one of the first examples of rapping Actually in history Could be Yeah We wonder why everybody from that era is so Well the lead paint Well they had a lot

of things working against them. It is so funny. They told them to go under the desk. Why tell them to do anything? Yeah. At that point, like, at that point where you're telling me to go to this, you should be, you should just be like, there's no danger. Walk to the window and look at it.

Yeah, exactly. But that's, it's just as it's the same thing. If you see a blinding, bright white light run towards it as fast as you can, it will feel good. It will feel better than anything ever. I bet it feels kind of good. I don't think it feels like anything. Yeah, I think you are instantly dead.

I think you get incinerated before the neurons even activate in your brain. I guess it depends how close you are, but yeah, very fastly dead, I think. But my mutant power is to absorb it. You do not have no mutant powers. We've talked about this before. You do not have mutant powers to change the color of your skin. Well, that was a coincidence. He just would, he had a V attack.

No, sorry, guys. I got vibrating pennies on him. You activate them like this. You do not have vibrating panties on camera. My power is that I can't be. Is there a vibrating boxer briefs? If you wore vibrating panties, that would be discussed. Vibrating, tidy white is vibrant?

Isn't that what, like, there was like people were, after all the meek mill news came out, there was just people going through his old tweets and like he had his Amazon. Did he have his Amazon link? Did he have his Amazon link to his account? They should make edible long johns. Yeah, it was just shit like that. There was one where I was like, I guess that is kind of. I think he had something about edible panties on there for sure.

Yeah. Was it him or was this a joke that I fell for where it was like. Don't tell me you ate the onion, man. I fucking ate the onion now that I'm thinking about. I got trolled into thinking that he had his Amazon linked to his Twitter and he bought like a, a massive dildo. You fell for a joke. I fell for a joke.

Wow. Yep, there he goes, hitting himself. What are you going to do? Jump on the floor and bang your head on the ground? Oh, you're flagellating. I thought you were pretending to hit yourself. You were too scared. Oh, yeah, you used to do that.

You used to throw my... I would do this, I guess, when I was the way that... I don't think my mom described it good enough, but I would just throw back like that. Your mom doesn't realize you're like John Cleese-style doing physical comedy. I think that's probably what it was.

And she was just being... did Chevy Chase falling over. Right. And she was like, my kid is putting his head in the oven and under chairs. Yeah. And she didn't realize it was off just for laughs, what I might say. Uh-huh. Maybe.

Maybe that's what it was. That's right. Guys, we're going on tour. And if you want to see us, call Patrick's mom live at every, I think we'll do it at every show. Uh-huh. Definitely. My mom will be calling me for sure. Yeah, guys, the tour is really coming up.

Boston is getting close to sold out. So is Minneapolis. Minneapolis is actually the closest to selling out. So if you're going to want to come to Minneapolis, you better buy those fucking tickets at swag poop.com slash shows. Everything is going quickly. Because we don't do none of that extra tickets shit. No, we don't.

Once it's sold out, it's sold out. You're going to have to wait. And we're never coming back to Minneapolis. In Philadelphia, I think we have tickets on the day. But most places? Most places besides Philadelphia, which is not even a really place. What is selling the least?

What is selling the least as of right now? Well, I won't phrase it like what's selling. the least. But I'll say that but I will say something like maybe at one show we'll do an extra special thing that we won't do anywhere else and that is Atlanta. So you really need to buy

tickets to that show. Let's say low ticket warning but we won't. We'll say low amount of tickets sold. Low ticket one. But you guys really want to see this. It's probably never going to happen again because we're six guys and it's expensive as fuck. Which is why we can't go to L.A. Stop asking.

Nobody asks. Someone messaged me. Nobody lives in L.A. Wasteland. Some pervert message. Nobody who lives in L.A. knows how to use a phone or can read. Boston. I can't act either.

Atlanta, Philadelphia, Toronto, Chicago, Minneapolis, Detroit, and Carborough. Buy your tickets, man. What's the tickets looking like for Carborough? It's great. Everything's great. Oh. So again, you better buy them soon because these shows are far out. And you fucking losers talk down on Carborough.

I didn't say anything. Talked out of Carborough. One of the six jewels in the crown of the United States. No. Yeah. No. That's what I learned. The crown of the United States?

The crown of the United States of the President wears six jewels. Carborough. Sheboygan. Tulsa. Weemaho. Wee-Mahoe, Fresno, Bakersfield. Okay. That's the crown?

That's the crown. No, that's not the crown. Those are the jewels of the crown. Then what is the crown is all the other cities? The crown is everything else. But the jewels are the best part of any crown. So the diamonds are the other cities. There's no diamonds in the crown.

There's jewels. Okay. And diamonds are types of diamonds. Don't even shut. Jules are types of diamonds. I'm supporting you. Jesus. So combative.

No, is changing your brain. I have lead poisoning. You don't have lead poisoning. I have full lead poisoning. Look at his eyes. Look at me. You really don't think I have lead poisoning.

No, I don't eat that much ketchup. Well, you don't have lead poisoning. But you have an abnormal levels of ketchup in your stomach. Okay. And actually... You have something called picklebelly, which is drastically affecting on your mood. I think that I'm definitely a candidate for gout.

Yeah. I eat a lot of... I think my uncle got all of the food. That's why I'd say that. Why did I say that? What's wrong with the family member hasn't so much? Yeah, what does that mean? I said too much about it.

I try to keep it all separate. I try to keep it all my life separate from the show. Yeah. Fail. Then you're failing. You called your mom. I did call my mom for a half the show. She called your brother, baby Eric.

Okay. We'll see you guys on tour. Bye-bye. I just ate so much Korean fried chicken. Oh, you had cheeseling? As your reward. I had, I will. I like that.

I talked enough. about it. Yeah. You had cheese like, oh, that's your reward. You guys cover

for every detail on it. I would say that was, I'm not kidding. That was probably in the top five things I was thinking about this week. Cameron's your war.

The five things I know about this week, normal schedule stuff, and then oh yeah, Cameron's going to go and get cheese sling Korean fried chicken as a reward for his

doctor's insane. I live the worst. I live the worst. I live in a pathetic way. How was a reward that was made? It was great. It was delicious. And anyway,

I mean, the only reason I mean, that's why I don't want to have a chocolate tart. Yeah, it's really funny. It's, this is genuinely how I live my life. I plan my,

my rewards. I don't know why say calling food your reward. I have a reward. I'll pull the curtain back a little further to, too. And I'll tell you guys. that I have a notes, a note on my phone. It's a list of different foods I like. And I think I can get when I want something good.

That can't be true. I need to see it. I need to see the list. Please open the foods I want. I'm kidding. Wait, I'm getting it. Oh, my fucking God. Okay.

Foods I want. This is, this is insane. It's nice to be able to remember what foods you are. Let me see. Let me also see. Okay, just read it then. Number one. It says at the top, foods I want.

Number one, duck. I watch me and Julio watch so many videos of people eating duck. Oh my God. It's so good. Number two, Cheesling Chicken. Okay. These are all future rewards potentially.

Yeah, there shouldn't be foods I want. It should be future rewards.