Podcast About List - Ep. 283 - A Woman Driving A Car with Mike Recine

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Mike's here to talk about comedians from the 50's and what it was like in school. Watch Recine's special releasing on March 21st: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjt3mkpvquw Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Hello. What's up? What's up, Mike? How are you doing? Mike, Christine here in the studio and his dog. Hello. Yeah. This dog is very, very nice dog.

How old is his dog? He's six. Six. Can we get him up on the... But I appreciate you letting you. Frankie. Come here. See if we can pop him up here.

People would love this dog. Yeah, this is a very nice dog. This is one of those dogs. He was, um... Wow. For a while, my Instagram Explore page, It was all dogs like this and Asian babies. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I thought that I was a pregnant lady for some time. This is Frankie. Wow, look at that fucking dog, man. Sharp head. Is this the, no, this is the second dog on the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I thought that we've never had a dog on the show.

It was Joe's dog. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was going to say, I was trying to think of somebody that we know. Who's that dog? I'm not quick enough. Who's somebody that we both know that? Who's a complete dog?

Yeah. Oh, did you guys have... Well, you've met my wife. No, I'm kidding. No, no, no, no. My wife's not very ugly. I was just, you know. I was just saying that I saw a painting of a pug from the 1800s.

It came up on Twitter. it was a normal dog. It was before they fucked them up. When you say normal dog, though, what is... You wouldn't, you would not be able to guess it was a snout and shit? Yeah, you would not be able to guess it was a pug. It was just a dog with, like, kind of like a downturned mouth. Yeah.

Oh, a frowning dog. And that was it. 200 years for them to fully do it. So he's a Sharpay and a pug, but he's not half and half. He's like three quarters Sharpay and quarter pug. Okay. So somebody bred him with, like, they already mixed. They already had a weird mix.

Oh, and then they just fucking... Yeah, interesting. That's a kind of dog. And his dad is the pug, so his dad was really small. Yeah, the holding up thing. Yeah. Yeah, there is so many. When you start thinking about how many of the dog breeds that are popular are made,

it does not paint a very pretty picture. Oh, absolutely not. My dog is a German Shepherd and a corgi mix, and I believe the German Shepherd was the dad. So this is a bad situation in the opposite way, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. where that German Shepherd where it probably wasn't consensual

probably not yeah I mean dog sex I don't know is uh like two minutes that

consensual anyway we're getting normally it's I don't know man I just I don't care yeah

I don't care about my ex's parents had a POMSki which is like the logistics of that don't make any fucking sense that's a Pomeranian husky

ew yeah Yeah, that's disgusting. I was thinking about, like, I mean, the 200 years to fuck up a pug, can you imagine being like, you're, you are just a really ugly guy, you're so, so ugly, and you see a picture of your ancestor and they're like so fucking hot. What the fun? People are experiencing that, right? Isn't that the whole, a lot of people always talk about, like, people used to look older?

Yeah. Like, people would be 21 and they let, they had, like, fucking beautiful masculine faces and shit. Like all the people in Greece, the movie. Or it's like, oh, these are supposed to be high schoolers. Guys look like Charles Bronson. Yeah. Yeah. Not anymore, really.

No. Sometimes I will learn that somebody is over 30 and it sends like a shock down my spine because they look younger than me. Yeah. And that's always very scary. But also, I'm bald. Yeah. Which is not helping me. Well, you've always looked old.

No, I don't think so. How old do you think he looks? Well, he's probably like in his late 20s. Yeah. Well, he's hit the nail on the head. I think I knew that already. already but you look fine is the point okay

I've always looked older though I think when I was 16 I looked the exact same so I think I've grown into my face well you have a fucking your beard grows up to your eyeballs that's very scary yeah I have to shave that thing I don't like that at all no and it does make you look older

oh yeah I have a wolfman syndrome or something and like a cartoon yeah not even human yeah I would say so I look like a cartoon is what you're saying yeah that's exactly what I said Okay. You do look like a cartoon. I said you look like a cartoon.

You said, so I look like a cartoon. That's what you said? You said a specific character. I said cartoon and then I said Bob Spurgers. No, he sounds like Bob's Burgers. He does sound like Bob's Burgers. I guess I'm the most cartoonish of all three of us. That's easy.

Well, yeah, I have maybe given you a little bit of competition, but you have big eyes and... I'd be easy to draw. I don't think that's a terrible thing to say. It's not bad to be cartoony. You have like a mission impossible to mask on type of like this to your head. It does look like it would be ripped off at any point in time. You have a normal skull under there. There's no way it's a normal skull under there.

That thing is massive. No, you will be confused. You will be confusing a lot of archaeologists in 10,000 years, I think. There's going to be like a dent I don't know about in my skull. You definitely have a second. Have you guys ever gotten scared that you had a twin that you? you ate in the womb? No.

Scott Chavlin had that. Really? But I think you would know if you did, right? Scott had that? Yeah, he ate. Well, I always have been scared that I have some kind of medical thing happening to me that my parents know about and have never told me. I've talked about before where I thought when I was a child that I was intersex because

I thought my taint was my vagina. But that wasn't true. But something like a twin or like, um, I, I had. a friend growing up who had, he was born with 12 fingers. And they cut off his fingers. He didn't know about that or? He found, his parents told him when he was like in middle school. Oh my God.

Isn't that fucked up to cut the fingers? Keep the fingers. Keep the finger. Make your kid cool. It's way cooler and having two little fucking scar. Is there like, does it, will it kill you if they leave the fingers on? No. They're not deathly. I feel like, well, I don't think, I feel like I hear a million stories about this guy was born with 12 fingers. He had to get him cut off. And I've never seen a guy with 12 fingers walking around. It's really just because they're shitty fingers.

They're like, think about bad, your pinkies. I guess also when it happens, it's worse than that. You're a baby and you can't be like, no, I want the fingers. Yeah, exactly. They're cool. You can't advocate for yourself. Really. Because boomers didn't know the world's going to get nicer, you know.

Yeah, true. It's 12 fingers. You get the shit kicked out. Oh, yeah. They were like, it's going to be a hard life for this kid. Yeah, you'd go in the circus and that'd be your whole life. Yeah. The 12-fingered man.

Yeah. The 12-fingered man. Give us a nickel. You can see him in this tent. But now. you'd have more fingers for iPads and iPhones. That's true. Which is sad to say, but it is true. If I was born with

12 fingers and they cut them off, it would really motivate me to invent a time machine and go back into the app and be like, stop. Stop. Add more fingers. Take my big toe. I would trade, let's see, which toes do you actually need? You really only need. Pinky toe and big toe, I think. Yeah.

The middle ones you can get rid of. So put the other fucking three on my hands, man. Let's get into my finger. Let's get to work. Yeah. Can you imagine what kind of jobs I could get walking into the interview? They're like, so what are your qualifications? I don't know you tell me. How about you tell me, man?

That looks like you have toes on your head. Yeah. Am I hired? What the fuck's going on? There's a girl in my German class who had an extra thumb. Wow. Currently on her? Yeah.

She would hide it. She would hide it in her sweatshirt. Was it be beautiful or ugly? No, it was on top of her thumb. Was it movable? She had a horn. She had like, you know, like, when cats have that? It wasn't separately moved.

movable. Okay. It was just like a horn. No, but she could put a piece of paper between it. Wow. Yeah.

So it doesn't sound like she was that embarrassed. She's walking around showing you that she can do magic tricks with it. Well, she was hiding it.

They didn't cut her extra thumb off because they were like, yeah, you can make a lot of money joining the circus with the human clip and be putting paper between your

non-the-war. That'd be good for counting money. Yeah, for counting one bill at a time, yeah, well, it's like, oh, here's,

you know, you go, well, I mean, you could stuff I wouldn't even have a ballet, man. I'd have, like, a fucking... Oh, sorry.

No, it's fine. Did he see a bone? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what he saw. I don't know so much about dogs. So... You could hand to the doorman, like, very slickly. Yeah.

Good for tipping. Yeah, good for being a spy. Drug dealing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that would change the whole game. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. You could also hide... When you were getting arrested for drug dealing. You can hide it behind your hand because it's clipped over on the back side. Just a little baggie of blow, just, yeah. Yeah, we have to have to have a big, you have to work out your thumb to make it. Yeah, you'd have to make it strong. Yeah, but that's fine.

That's worth it. But that's nothing. I've got your thumb. Have you ever known anybody who's horribly disfigured? Not that I know of. Just, sorry. No, he's fine. He's cool.

I don't think that even comes up on the mic. You know what? There was a guy, I don't know if he's still around, but on the L train, there was like an acid attack guy. And he would have a sign and he would say, I got to. attacked by somebody through acid in my face oh my gosh yeah I always thought it'd be funny because I saw him on Halloween once took up me like oh spooky yeah inside joke between you and that guy me my yeah you're good that your close personal friends the acid attack on Halloween is custom he just doesn't wear the sign yeah yeah yeah I uh did you I'm trying to think if I knew

somebody who had extra stuff besides a finger guy yeah no there's like homeless guy near my house who has a volcano on his hand. Have I talked to you guys about that before? Probably. He has some kind of sore or something that is open and it has created a ridge and it goes up like this and it looks like he has a firepower or

something, but it's actually just a disgusting abscess. Huh? Maybe he does. I think if he had a power, he wouldn't be homeless. No. Have you seen Hancock? Probably a supervillain or a superhero. See, that's a big plot hole in that. If you were homeless, you'd be a villain. You wouldn't be a hero.

It's subverting the expectations of the audience. Is he homeless in that movie? Spider-Man would be like, get at, move along. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, dude. You're showing up to the crimes. He's all stinky? The cops would shoot you instantly.

Right, right. But why is he not, like, making money off of that? What, do you just drink? Well, I think you should rewatch the movie. I don't remember it. You never saw Hancock? No. Man, this is a funny movie.

Yeah. It's pretty good. Is it a comedy movie? I would call it action half, comedy, half. Okay. Yeah, not so much drama. There's not so. It's heard he was homeless.

It's an addiction story. Well, that sounds like drama to me. But it's played for laughs. It is action because they do a lot of close-ups on the beer when he's drinking it, a lot of montage work. But it's a very, I mean, I probably saw that movie 40 times when I was a kid and I don't remember a single thing about it, except that he sleeps on a bench. I wanted to see that movie really bad. My parents wouldn't let me. It was on FX all the time.

so you missed out. Yeah, it's a good TV movie. Yeah, good plane movie too. He's just like a homeless superhero? Yeah. Yeah, and he like accidentally saves everybody pretty much every time. He's like always reaching for like a quarter and then he turns out the quarters on like a train track and there's people tied up and the train hits him. Nice.

Yeah, it's that kind of shit. Yeah. And it's like just fucking go to the NFL. I guess it would. He goes to punch an elderly man in the face, but he hits the bad guy. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty much that kind of thing. Yeah. It would suck to be a homeless superhero because you'd be, you know,

fighting the villain and having this big battle and you'd kill him or whatever or send him in jail. And you'd just be like, well, I guess I just lie down on the ground. I'd have to lie down right. Interview on the news. And they're like, totally got Spider-Man going home. Like, you wouldn't believe the day I've had as Spider-Eye-I-Ham. Trying to find out his secret identity. Anybody have any card?

And then he lays down on the cardboard. You're like, okay, you can break them. You can go home now. We get it. You're Mr. Hobo, the superhero. Did you guys ever see anything by Red Skelton, the comedian from like a long time ago? My dad loves Red Skelton. Yeah.

Yeah. He had this one like routine, I guess it was. He goes, he's like, all right, this next routine is called woman driving a car. And he just pretends that he's like a lady driving a car. He's like doing his makeup in the rearview mirror. And he's like, you know, he's like trying to fix his bra when he's driving. driving. But there's another

sketch that he did where he plays a homeless guy. He plays a homeless guy and he's trying to get arrested. Okay. Because he wants to

like go to because it's like the holidays. Yeah. And it's more fun at jail. Yeah. He's like you get

meals and you so he's trying to get himself arrested. That's funny. But he can't. Because he's too good of a guy or? Because he goes to

throw a brick through a window and he's talking this other homeless guy. He's like, yeah, I'm going to go to jail. And the other homeless guys is like,

I'm going to, Well, I better get out of here. So he runs away. He throws the brick through the window. And the cops show up and they're like, where'd that guy go? And they go to arrest his friend. They're like, who throws a brick through a window and stands around? When was Red Skelton working?

Probably like the 1950s. Yeah, something like that. This was some cutting edge shit. Yeah. He was in one of those Christmas movies as Santa, I think. One of the Rankin and Bass ones. That's the only thing I know about him. I just assumed he was a Christmas guy.

You thought he was Santa. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought most of his stuff was. about the holidays, yeah. Can you pull up a woman driving a car so I don't look fucking insane? Just so I can show that it's...

Yeah, man. No, I don't know. No, you don't look back crazy. But this is red skulls. This is a really good sketch. You could tell it's AI. He does an amazing impression of a woman driving a car.

That's really incredible. It's AI art of a woman driving a car because they can't, they couldn't get the show. It has to be AI. That's the only way you can get that shot. Now, that one's real. Yeah.

Drinking the coffee while you're in the car. Yeah. Although my wife's a very good driver, I have to say. Really? What's that? F1? Yeah. My wife is fucking really bad at drive.

Really? Really bad, dude. Interesting. And they hate it when you talk about it. They fucking hate it, dude. I sit in the passenger seat and she's like, the big problem is she puts the music at maximum volume. Okay. So she can't hear anything.

And people are honking at her constantly. She has no idea. Honks and bees. She just has no idea. So she's just driving around. Screaming compilation. Fuck you bitch! In the Red Ford Focus.

Get out of the fucking road! But yeah, she has no idea. It's her favorite song. You can't. You can't knock that. And she's. just fucking she's swerving she'll swerve to the music like she's DJ screw it's really really scary but then I get in the car I drive like a like a pussy dude I I will let anybody cut me off

I've honked I think I'm up to four honks in my entire life I can't I never honk I never what is that dude what is honking the horn do that's what I'm saying and my wife will honk at people who are in the crosswalk what and have the right away yeah and she will all just lay on the fucking horn because she wants to take a right turn. It's that kind of thing. And I will just never honked, dude. Because I don't want to get shot in the head.

It's really that simple. I don't want to get shot in the head either. I really try to... Does that happen a lot? Sometimes. It happens. Yeah. I feel like...

Every once in a while. I would say once or twice a day somebody gets shot in the head for a honk. Because it's the word, because imagine you get shot in your car and you just have to slowly like bleed to death. Yeah, that's terrible.

Because your wife honked. Yeah. That's the other thing is when I'm driving with my wife. You would pass. He decided to walk in a woman. That'd be mean. My wife is a young lady. Nobody's going to get out of their hummer and go and beat her up.

They're going to kill me. They're going to fucking kill me for her sin. Oh, I see what you leaned over and honed over. You leaned over in the tracks. I know what it was. Pulling you out of the window. Yeah, I try to avoid that situation at all costs because, yeah, don't want to. There's just no reason to.

The honking, it just does nothing for me. Yeah. I don't, a lot of people use it to get out their aggression, but I don't have, I don't know, going fast is better than that. Exactly. I'll just go way fast. You don't even make a noise, just go really, really fast. Do you have a car in the city? Yeah.

Do you like having a car? Is it? Yeah, it's all right. We're getting rid of it. But yeah, it's not bad when you have to. You're going to sell it? It's a lease, so we're just giving it back. Oh, nice.

A bunch of damage. I did a similar thing. Yeah. Yeah, I got it impounded, and then they burned my license plate. And then they put it in a lot that cost $300 a month. And it's been sitting there kind of growing mold for a couple months now. It's got all this green molding and you're saying. Well, six months, I think.

I haven't had a car for six months. Well, your car was like a target forever. Like you kept like someone threw a glass bottle through his window. I had a Bernie sticker on the back of my car. Somebody threw a Heineken bottle through my fucking window. Yeah. The Heineken bottle exploded. Beer everywhere with little pieces of glass stuck to everything because of the beer.

I did have a little. fucking bad, man. I had a little Palestine flag before October 7th on my rearview mirror like the cab drivers have and then I took it down after October Yeah, you know, see the money that you could be spent

that you would have to spend on calling Safe Flight you can just donate that money. It's a better use of that money than having to pay to the tax for having a sure for being a good guy Yeah, driving that around South Williamsburg, you'd be you'd get a couple bottles through the

window yeah well that's just because it's a car and they haven't seen no no no they're not omish uh listen mike you have a stand-up special coming out man i'm curious to ask you what is it like to have recorded a stand-up special this is the crown jewel of the comedian's life yeah well anybody can do it no but not all of them can go on youtube man So tell me. Yeah, well, you know, we shot it like over a year ago. Really? Yeah, just I don't like, you know, it's hard to watch yourself.

Yeah, that's all, I have nightmares about taping a special and having to go and do the edit. Yeah. And being like, wait, I fucking just. I'm standing so gay. I'm not funny. Why am I so fat? Yeah, this is awful. Can we, I look 42 years old?

Can we make me skinnier in the edit? It's like the liquefy effect, just movies. I'm doing Instagram filters. I hate listening myself so much. I mean, I used to edit this podcast and now we pay somebody. Just so you don't have to do it. I don't have to hear my voice every week. Yeah, no, that's terrible.

Seeing yourself do anything is really, really terrible. Yeah. I'd rather not. No, no, no. That's why we don't have security cameras. You can take anything in here because I will never be reviewing that footage. I really want to put a security camera up just over the trash can outside. Oh, yeah.

We throw stuff in there and shame them, putting posters up, wanted posters. Yeah, this guy threw away his trash. You used our trash and now you will pay for it. Well, you told me the funniest thing about, there's a big problem in this neighborhood, actually, of people get a lot of these, a lot of trash cans have signs that are like, don't throw dog poop in this, you are,

you will be on camera. A lot of people have locks on their trash can. The locks are so funny. The locks, I want to get a lock. I do too. I never even thought that that was a, the thing is, these people are such animals. Yeah.

They will, this put the trash on top. top of the can. They will. What you gotta get is a fucking laser beam. Yeah, so you got a whole McChicken one time. Somebody just took two bites. Impaled a McChicken on our fence. Through the spike over there. This is a, I mean, I just can't believe this shit. I always push the trash can all the way up

against the wall inside the fence and nobody grab it and pull it to the fence to throw their shit away. What the hell, man? That's what they, I think of, I truly think I think we should get a camera, we should put it on the trash can and then every, at the end of every episode, we put the footage. Yeah.

show all their faces are freaks of the week. Yeah. If the dog poop is bagged though, it's fine. Yeah. That's what I'm throwing out. I mean, where's it going to go? And very few people are like holding their dog up and having a shit into the trash can. Like, I don't know to allow us to get the poop in there.

But, um, it's just a fun thing to get mad about. And then you told me that, well, you can dump it in the, um, the can and reuse the bag. Oh, that's true. So you can save some money that way. Yeah. Yeah. Put the bag in your pocket. I have

had to do sometimes I've never left a dog poop on the ground I think that no I don't think I have you that's a really wrong unforgivable I think it's unforgivable so I have sometimes run out of bags and walked up and down the street looking for like big gulp cups and then you have to scoop it's one of the worst things

ever should have never gotten the dog man these are disgusting animals dude I was thinking about this the other day like I like I like living in New York and this neighborhood's really nice but it is crazy that every day I see 100 poops yeah that's just I never would have that would be like part of my life was like I'm going to go out Oh, yeah, poop.

You can't tell if it's a dog's poop either. A lot of it isn't, I think. Some people have, like, giant dogs that have, like, human-sized shits. Yeah. You're like, oh, my neighbor's weird. But it is a little sauce to bend over and pick up dog poop. I think about, this is why I have incorporated, I do a Japanese-style squat. Okay.

Nice. Down to the ground with my ankles still on the ground. Yeah. And that's how I pick it up. Yeah, I would... The bending over, it's not a good thing. I would walk around with, like, a big vacuum cleaner on my back, like a guy. people between your shoes and kick it up there are people who walk around with the

scoopers and stuff yeah but that looks even worse to me yeah you can't that looks like you're a collector it looks like you're collecting your own dog and honestly it's kind of stuff to use a bag too yeah i said like basically a condo your bare hand rugged hand you can take you can and rip a little piece of plastic off the off the bag and pick it up with that that works too. That's what I've done. I don't love doing that. Or you could go into a bodega and ask for just a roll, plain roll. Well, no, you would want to, you'd want a hero, because then you could clamp it. Right. You guys have any hot dog box. Yeah. And then you stick it in the community fridge and then my day's done, man. Yeah, no, now you've provided. Now you've provided for your

community. Someone's getting a meal later. Sometimes I want to get the food out of those fridges so fucking badly. The community food? Yeah. Yeah. They're always empty. I check. I saw some baked ziti in there the other day. And that was tempting me. Because I was in the mood for Italian food. But then I remembered that that's probably for people who are very hungry.

It's not just like free food. I was looking at it like drooling, looking into it. Your ex-girlfriend is like, Caleb, I haven't seen you in a while. you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm not poor. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm just hungry. He's just really hungry. If somebody like listens to the podcast, I'm eating. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I just love baked Zed. I don't have a good recipe for it. I buy all the big Zedith's name. Yeah, this is the only good one is from the fridge. Yeah. It just hits different. I guess it's like I guess you can do it like a like a lending library or whatever like those little ones where you replace it with a book or whatever yeah I'm not

gonna I show up to the community fridge and I bring like a carrying a microwave under my arm with like a portable generator yeah you just find a cold book yeah I get really confused this is the Bible they have at the hotel what is this doing in the community cold bottle doing in here yeah I think it's nice that that kind of stuff is around but I've never I don't think I've ever seen anybody actually get the food out of it. I think most of it probably goes bad, I would assume. I see people wind up for it. For the community fridge?

Yeah. Really? Or it might be a thing that they do buy the community fridge. It's like a food pantry thing. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I see. I used to be heavy into the food pantry in college, man. That was the best shit of all that.

I would eat those, you know, it was like bagged lentils. I would eat like six of those every day from that thing. I would clean them out of bagged lentils. What was it just a food? It was like a food pantry at our college. It was free? Yeah, yeah. And it was like, but you had to like,

they did it in such a bad way where you had to like come in. You had to sign your name. Yeah, they wanted to keep track of who was getting this stuff. Yeah, and it was mostly, I would look at the sheet and it would be like, Caleb, Cameron. Nobody knew about it either. No one knew about it. Yeah.

It was very few people who were poor enough that they had to research how to get free food. And me and Cameron were basically legends. We'd come in. They had lifesavers? They did. They did have candy. I was saying it was a lifesaver. Oh, oh, I thought you were saying you got life savers there.

No, it was like, you know, there was stuff like, oh, there's like ramen and mac and cheese. But it's like, okay, there's also like cookies. Yeah. Yeah. Rice, crispy treats. And we would usually. Oh, I'm so hungry, bro. Oh, I'm so poor.

I guess I should eat lunch right now. I remember they. Did you ever talk to the people there? A little bit. They were very nice, but they would always like try to get you to go to some kind of like counseling. thing they would like try to they would if you talk to him for a little while they'd be like oh we can you get human traffic

yeah I thought it seemed like some kind of honey pot situation where they were trying to trick me into devil therapy like no thanks I'm just here for the lentils don't talk to me yeah well that was the other things I really didn't like I didn't like that I was a regular at the food pantry yeah

yeah that's that was not awesome because I went every day and I didn't want to go stock up for I didn't want to go in and take 45 The bags, yeah. Like the criterion closet. Because then I'm taking money. I'm taking food. This one.

This one. This one. This might take all the time. It's honestly one of the foods that got me interested in food as a kid. I've still never seen one of those videos, man. They're really boring. I don't know why they are so popular. It sounds like the boring video ever.

They are. Do you know those, Mike? The criterion closet is that it's called? Yeah, the criterion collection. It's like criterion collection. They have a closet with all the movies in it. And they just get like directors and actors to come in and just take movies and talk about which ones they're taking and it's it is it everyone's oh my god it's the new one and as

they walk in and they like and because the criterion collection also has like like you know a thousand movies yeah it's not like they're going to pick something and you're going to be like what yeah yeah it's like they're all like good movies yeah right yeah this is a guy who makes movies is going to come in and say five good movies and they've been picked by the criterion and he gets to take them yeah they get to take them yeah they get them for free they get them they're millionaires right right free movies and you get free movies movies and you're talking about it. You get free movies for

already being famous, yeah. That's what they should need to have a criterion collection for homeless people. All right. They come in and get all the blue rays. That puts me over the edge. I'm going to become a famous actor. If you also get

to get free DVDs, however many times. I forget who or there's a couple of them where the people come in and take like 30 Blu-Rillet. Like usually people come in and take like, you know, like four or five. There's a few where people are like fucking like

taking everything. It's so funny. Yeah, that's rude. They are kind of greedy. sometimes yeah yeah I um one time I rented uh the movie the savages from the library and I was returning it and there was a guy on the train and he was like I think a little mentally challenged and he was like oh you got you got a movie and I'm like yeah he's like what movie you got and I'm like it's called the savages and he was like what's that and I was like and then I had to like explain

the plot of the savages to this like mentally challenged guy I'm like it's about these two siblings and they have to go home to Buffalo to care for their hailing father. That'd be bad if you had picked up a copy of freaks. It's like, what's that? It's like, ah, toy story. It's a movie about toys. They come to life at night. I need to do a rewatch of those movies, man.

What? Toy story, man. They're good. They're good. Well, you have a baby. Yeah. So you watch a lot of kids movies. We've been watching a lot of kids.

What is, I'm so curious because every kid has their movie that they're like, watch every day that kind of thing yeah we don't make it to the end of anything yeah but uh we've been watching um puss and boots the last wish that's the new one where he has a panic attack yeah yeah he's got anxiety that's really sweet that is i do want to see that footage of antonio bandaris like in the studio like okay now you're you're having a full on panic attack how do they even get a guy that yeah well he probably is he's such a like suave cool guy he's no idea what that is. Right.

So they had to tell him, like, act like you've been having sex for like 45 hours. And you're out of breath. Yeah. Okay. So there's a bunch of women who just want to have sex with you and you have to do it. Oh,

no. Yeah. They're just like tricking him the entire time he finally sees him. He's like, I'm a cat. What is this? He thinks he's playing himself. He's got to sue that.

They're like, okay, for this movie, we're going to do the audio first and we'll film you later. That would be cool if they just put him in Shrek instead of some dumbass little cat. Fuck that cat. So you've seen how,

you've seen Pussin' Boots how many times at this point? I've seen the beginning like maybe 10 or 15 times. Oh, that's actually not that bad. Yeah. My little brother when I was growing up, I have a brother who's like 15 years younger than me

so I babysit him a lot I have seen cars one front to back probably a hundred times really front to back front to back was that one as good because it's hard it's like weird it's a weird story yeah it's not there's not a lot going on

how do they like reproduce he's like in I don't think they touch upon that they don't I'm trying to think if they ever have a kid and I think they have eggs I think they have eggs or something they have a flamethrower or like hard yeah i i think uh there's i don't know if there's a kid i don't think there is a kid one of the cars goes into labor yeah it doesn't come out of their

that was a deleted scene yeah the trunk yeah there's another car that comes out yeah that's disgusting yeah yeah uh but that movie doesn't make a lot of sense it doesn't make a lot of sense because he gets he like gets arrested and then he gets he becomes a slave for a whole town and then they let him ghost because he has to go to work that's like the whole movie I don't think I've ever seen that I think that came out like I was probably like nine years old

so I was already into like Vivaam and shit I was like oh that's fucking gay You skipped cars dude? Yeah I skipped cars What's the last Pixar movie you saw in theaters Probably the third toy story though I did see that one because it's like I did see that in theaters too

I remember this from when I was a kid I was like I don't care Cars was cool man I become a spot I also thought cars was gay as a kid. Yeah. In the third one, he gets, he does a, he dies basically. Yeah.

And I remember that. Yeah, but you can just bring him to a body shop. That was one of the coolest. That trailer is crazy. I remember that trailer. Dude, unbelievably good. Because a teenager bought him and he was drunk driving. He was racing his friends.

And then he hit a wall at a hundred 10 miles an hour. That would be an awesome reveal. That's the opening scene of cars three. Life is a high. I'm going to be a lot forever. The, uh, that trailer, it's like, this sucks. They were not really mad. They made it woke.

That trailer is up there with, uh, uh, that's a movie called shrinking. Oh, yeah, downsizing with the best trailers of all time. And the movie is just mid. Do you remember the Cars 3 trailer? No. So the first one was the one I was just taught was the one where he became. comes a slave. The second one, Mader, Larry the cable guy, becomes James Bond. Okay, and this one's very, very cool. And then the third one, the trailer, like, they're kind of getting more and more

absurd as the series goes along. And then the third one, the trailer is just a minute-long footage of Lightning McQueen crashing and his, like, body is flying into pieces. Yeah, and everyone's Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He's like, Lightning McQueen is dead. And it's like the most dramatic and they do the like fading into like yeah yeah they really and i didn't even i don't think i even saw the movie but uh if it's not all like that i think it'd be pretty disappointed if they didn't go for a full like it's like prom night 2014 i really think it's a cautionary day that should be the fourth movie they should just reveal that there's been people the whole time yeah did they do that at your high school where like around prom season they would put like

they would find like a car that was in a drunk driving accident and put it on the lawn of the No, high school. No, that's pretty hardcore, though. That is crazy. Like a car that a real person died in? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. They were, like, rented, I guess.

I guess there was a company that rented messed up cars. Stop! You can donate your... Frankie, stop. Frankie. Come here. You need to bring him over here? Yeah, that's okay.

He's not, like, racist or anything. Really? Yeah. Because I'm looking out of the window, and I think he might be. I don't know what he's seeing. Well, there's a bus stop right there. Yeah, but a lot of people. Lots of people ride the bus.

Everybody rides the bus. He's definitely raised. Something in there he's not liking. I'm sorry. You want to grab him? You're fine. I think he's good. Yeah, I'm not too worried about it.

Oh, yeah. So when you die in a car accident, you can donate your car to education. Yeah. I guess. Yeah, I guess that's the lesser thing of like, you know, you donate your organs after you're done. Yeah.

Thank you so much. And I also donate my car to high school. Because they would put this fucked up car on the lawn of the high school and be like, this is what will happen if you drink and drive. And then people just take pictures in it. Yeah. Senior prank. 40s in both of that.

Dude, doing Edward 40 hands in the drunk driving car would be so fucking awesome, man. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't have anything like that. Do they re upholster the car? Because I imagine there's a. If it's that fucked up, yeah, there's probably a big splat of, yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah. I hope they don't get in a pool.

Yeah. Well, imagine like they do that and then like, it's like, oh my God, the interior of this thing is beautiful. I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah, these seats are amazing. I'm going to drive this off the lot right now. That's a pebble grain leather. What the fuck?

Me and my friends added some of our own stains to that car. Oh, I like that prime night. Yeah. yeah you jacked off on the dead kids car yeah that's awesome if you catch my drift sir you have to get out of the car I'm not done but I was like did they have like a warehouse where they had where they just kept those cars they must have some Indiana Jones warehouse where there's just a bunch of cars that kids died in yeah trunk driving yeah they find like the worst like school that I forget like the worst car the one that's just like a cube they just completely fucked it up yeah one one piece of metal yeah you guys hey kids you know what this is this could be you yeah not being able to get a fucked up car one you're being like yeah this car crashed so bad it doesn't exist yeah yeah we just have a tire they're just one tire the school budget is just tanked so hard you can't even rent

the drunk driving car why is there a tire on the front yeah well that's because it's a drunk driver i don't know he was so drunk he took his tire off and rode it all the way home An amazing job to have is a guy who works at a high school. I guess it's like the counselor's job. Your whole job is like scare kids. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking awesome, man.

When you hire other guys to scare kids to not do drugs and shit. We had like a hell's angel come to our middle school one time, our middle school health class. And tell stories about being a hell's angel. I just thought this was a good idea. It's cool. He just sits around the house all day. Frankie. let me grab him

okay anyway this guy this like hell's angel came to our he hates this story let me just bring him over here that's yeah yeah yeah

do you guys have dare yeah no we had something called the tiger program yeah what was it again and it was like I don't know it was like an anti-bullying thing but one of the guys looked like Matthew Lillard so we all thought

that Shaggy was at school it was kind of cool but yeah you can be like But it didn't have anything of drugs or alcohol or anything? No, no, no. Oh! Wait, cut to that camera.

That was cool. Whoa. All right, put it back over there. It was an anti-bullying thing? It was anti-bullying. I don't think they talked about drugs at all or any kind of thing like that. But, yeah, we had that. No, we had this guy named Mr. G who would just come in, and you could just ask him, like, have you ever done cocaine?

You'd be like, yeah. That's what it should be. It should be a guy who's done everything. That's what they always had the assemblies where the guy would come in who used to be a drug addict. And he would be like, like, 55 minutes of the assembly would be him being like, I was on top of the world. I played basketball. I was dunking on the basketball court. And then at the end, he'd be like, but then I had to stop.

And not say anything why. That's sad. This hell's angel came to our health class in middle school and told the start about how he, like, killed a guy. The last time I was in jail It was for It was for murder one And then his eyes got like watery And he had to stop

And then I got really uncomfortable And he told the story about how him And his biker friends like Rode up to some guy And beat him with clubs Oh my God On their on their bike And they're supposed to make you not do drugs

Yeah It wasn't he didn't His wife honked And we can't kill a woman With baseball We're house angels Because we have to kill somebody. We have to kill somebody.

We're all keyed up now. Yeah, that's. Yeah, seeing it's just a woman alone in the car and hockey and just be like, I'm just walking in the next car. Time to kill the male, man. This drag guy on killing. This FedEx driver is done. How did that even tie into like health?

Oh, yeah, help. Don't die. Yeah, yeah. Don't be a murderer. Yeah, and then he like handed out Bible payrolls at the end of the seminar. Oh, that. That's what it was. Dude, it's so fucking awesome that these murders have just, like, get out of jail free card with this Bible thing.

Yeah. They're just like, like, of course you like the Bible. They say, like, oh, you're fine. Yeah. Like, you killed a guy. It's not so awesome. Yeah. I didn't really have that my dare guy was basically, because I was homeschooled.

So my dare guy was, I'll tell you what saved my life. Judy. That would be an interesting. That would be a lot more interesting. It's a big reveal. he puts a yama call check me out the Old Testament

saved my life yeah I didn't have I didn't have dared basically my brother was my dare I was like if you smoke weed

you are old you're older than you I guess I don't know your younger brother my older brother he smoked weed and then what happened was he okay

no he got addicted to the stuff yeah yeah pretty much immediately it's pretty sad but yeah it's so funny is he okay now oh yeah dude he's opening a pool hall man oh okay yeah the weed i mean the weed i mean the weed basically took him out for so long but then he he rose from the ashes once he put down the dope nice yeah um did you guys have do you have siblings right yeah did uh did you guys have a thing where like you're well you are the only one is older brother right yeah were you were your parents weird about your older brother like smoking weed and then when you

Came to weed age. They didn't care at all. Yeah, that's pretty much what it was. Oh, really? But my brother didn't smoke weed at all. My brother's thing was cigarettes, and he would just steal my mom's cigarettes, and they caught him with a toaster in his room one time because he couldn't find a lighter. So he had the toaster and was lighting it off the toaster, and my dad found it in his room. I mean, it's a smart thing to do.

Is that a whole loaf of bread? He thought he was just making it. Well, that's how we tried to get out of it. He told my parents, like, I heard them. No, I just wanted breakfast in bed. You're going to eat carbs so you're sick. Oh, you like carbs that much? Okay.

We're keto in this house, you bastard. Yeah, they would catch him smoking cigarettes out the window all the time. And it was just like, yeah, I can get away with whatever. I can do whatever the hell I want. They're not going to find shit. They're too worried about that, the fucking toaster kind of took the cake. I mean, that actually, if your kid is so addicted to cigarettes that he's using a toaster to light them,

because my mom would hide the lighters. Not the cigarettes? No. I mean, you go to work, you forget that you, like, left them there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'd bring them with you. You're rushing to work, you know? Yeah, I'd be bringing cards of cigarettes.

Yeah, I wasn't trying very hard to stop you guys from smoking. Yeah, well, look what happened. Leaving the toaster out. That is smart, though, to, like, light a cigarette. I've never... I would never consider that you could do that. Yeah, it was really smart. I don't know how to light a fire.

fire like I would not know I would be trying to do that literally I would have no idea how else to light something yeah although when I used to smoke weed carts I remember I broke I didn't have a battery because my battery broke so I stripped the wire of an android charger and I would put like the positive inside of the cartridge and the negative outside oh my god and that's how I smoked weed for like six months because I didn't want to pay ten dollars to buy another yeah it is difficult called getting like that shit when you're like 16 to I was 22 oh yeah

that changes the whole story I just didn't want to spend 10 bucks that changes everything that's five bags of rice yeah that's true yeah that's a waste of money yeah yeah I when I was like I was like stealing his cigarettes

that he would steal and use the he's the fucking toaster too he was like 13 doing that shit though I was like 12 would you always just bring the toaster up into your room and then bring it back yeah well he didn't he wouldn't do it Would you dad would does your parents ever like

try to make toes to get a room with the toes What do you do? You better be killing yourself You better not be smoking fucking weed again No but he found these like My uncle was in the Air Force And he left his like

What's that fucking thing called? He had the like a big like foot locker And in that he had like a care package That he had like a carton of like Wait that's a real thing A foot locker? Yeah What's it for?

Like your boots and like your uniform and shit. So he had like his combat boots, basically on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. So he had like his combat boots, like his old uniform and stuff.

And then like two cartons or like one or two cartons of like cigarettes. And one of them was like Harley Davidson brand. And that's what my brother was smoking in his bedroom. It was like black box with like the Harley logo. And he was like, dude, check these. That's so fucking cool, man. Like yeah, of course I'm going to smoke those.

It's fucking the Harley logo. Did you smoke growing up? No, not really. I feel like you're at the, you're in that age bracket where smoking was not, people didn't like smoking, right? Yeah. Like when you were growing up. Yeah. Like early 2000s, people didn't really like smoking. They kind of, yeah, they were big on, they kind of drilled it into your head not to do it. You had the lady with the, that lady. Yeah. You shouldn't smoke.

Like what? It's like, it'll turn you into an alien. Because I'll get a power up. Fucking. oh i get to sound like a cool robot i get to sound like scream yeah it's cool man yeah so you didn't do any of that kind of thing i didn't oh i think you're talking to me i didn't smoke weed at all it is but did you smoke weed grown up not like a little bit where are you from again jersey what part of jersey like central your uh trenton jersey so you did pills i like that yeah exhaust fumes that was the thing there i snack i snack i snatched

really heavily. That was the drug of choice. Yeah, I got a lot of cold cuts. Yeah. That makes sense. I eat a deli tray of cold cuts in my room. I just pass the fuck out so much. Well, hey, you could have brought a toaster in there, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you could toast the bread. You could make sandwich. Yeah, make a whole sandwich in there. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

It makes sense. Barely. It makes complete and total sense. I have a, something about cold cuts. I don't know what it is. As I get older, they're starting to really disgust me. Me, too, man.

I can't do it anymore. I've let two things. They're like really bad for you too. They're bad for you. There's so many bad things in them. RBST? What is that? Roast beefed. Oh, roast beef.

I guess you're right. Or whatever that is. They all have shit on them. They all, I don't like, I think it's bad to eat the asterisk. Any food that has a million asterisks on it. And everything of roast beef I get, it's got 40,000 asterisks

that are saying, this contains fennel lebenaminosamine yeah and it starts with the pH you don't want it yeah

well that's in Dr. Pepper too the final nucleide or whatever well that stuff's healthy yeah Dr. Pepper's healthy well it's carbonated

so it's made by a doctor yeah yeah yeah I still I don't know why I think that eating a sandwich is a healthy option like a big

Italian it kind of is compared to like yeah yeah it is in a way well when we're growing up it was like the healthiest thing yeah right

turkey sandwich is fine I'm talking like Italian BMT from so well it's because of subway That's why I think you're talking about unhealthy sandwich Yeah Yeah I'm talking about a big growth cut combo Yeah it could be anything It's such a broad thing

That it could be healthy It really depends on the sandwiches I'm picking You could eat a salad but it could be a lobster Yeah fucking salad of mayonnaise and all that kind of Well that's a healthy A lobster salad of mayonnaise Yeah that's a healthy thing to eat

But I heard you'll get pancreatic cancer If you eat the processed deli meat eats like five times a shit really your risk goes up like 65% oh my god yeah well that's a good chunk of my diet yeah well i but my kids started a new preschool next month so my wife's like he's got he has to pack his lunch now so we got to get him used to like turkey sandwiches and stuff yeah you got to go Korean on this one man yeah you think yeah you're like what else do i pack him that's not a turkey sandwich well dude yeah i would really like to see a youtube video of you making hand-rolled sushi yeah yeah yeah i'd be interested in that okay

I think that would actually be very cute as you record all you are you like cooking. Yeah, you made pasta sauce. Yeah, yeah. What happened in that pasta sauce? The jars are like really heavy. So like carry around. You can't really travel with it. Yeah.

You know. Wait, what was the model? Because you sold pasta sauce, right? I sold pasta sauce. What was the model for that? You make a bunch of, you make a bunch of jars. Okay. To probably make like 12.

cases at a time and then six or no maybe six cases at the time okay but uh yeah you sell them at like a maybe a 75 or 60 percent markup something like that where did you sell them to just people just friends yeah oh shit but the you know the jars are heavy so you only carry like five or six in your backpack at a time so you can't walk around on the street wait you were doing door to door uh and then sometimes i would put them in like the trunk of my car and so out of there but if it's too cold or too hot outside you don't want to leave them in there you don't mean you didn't have distribution. Yeah.

TSA will confiscate them. That's true. You're like, I thought we lived in a free country. It's just taking 12 fucking charles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now if I was white, would you be doing this? Yeah, it's all over your hands.

They're doing a swap test. There's no white shirt covered in pasta sauce. You also definitely, you would be. Six jars of pasta sauce were seized today. You would definitely be taken. out of security line and look through your luggage just because they'd be like that guy has pasta sauce in his

luggage, there's no doubt. Yeah. Yeah, that guy Michaels of Brooklyn really stole your flow, huh? His came out around the same time that mine did. Yeah, but I never thought that sauce was very good. But sauce more. But if you want to make a good pasta sauce, you just get a can of like San Marzano

tomatoes, which is like you get those for like four bucks at Trader Joe's. You get a half a stick of butter, half an onion. You simmer that for like 30 minutes in a pot covered. And there's your tomato sauce. So tomato sauce is like a lot easier to make than... You can make a great tomato sauce with three ingredients. You're not putting garlic in this motherfucker?

You can if you want, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Or basal? You can. You can. How about oregano? I don't like oregano.

You don't like ore? I don't really like it very much either. It's too strong. Yeah, it has a... Sometimes it'll ruin a pizza. If they put too much oregano in a pizza sauce, for sure. It's disgusting. Yeah.

It's really wrong. Because sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who feels that way. No, no, no, no, no. Well, you know I'm Italian. Yeah. Are you? One, or I'm 17 and a half percent of time. Yeah.

Which I always thought, when I was growing up, I thought it was half Italian. Turns out, not that much, so much Italian. That's what all the house of pizza places in New England do, though. They put, like, a shit ton of oregano in the sauce. That pizza is fucking disgusting. I still lied. The pizza I grew up on. It's all, like, the Greeks, like, the Greek guys, they own, like, house of pizza.

Last week I had Sallies in New Haven. Oh, yeah. That is so good. Yeah. That is the only good pizza, I think. In New England? It's like New Haven. Well, yeah, it's in Connecticut.

It's barely New England. Yeah, you guys have some, it's barely New England. It's the best part of New England. Not true. You said Connecticut's the best part of New England? Yes, dude. You, that's crazy, man. Yeah, that is a psychotic thing to say.

Connecticut is the worst state out of all 50. Okay, well, let's go through it. Pizza, ESPN, WWE. So? So, that's the big three. That's why you go there. The freedom trail? Close to New York.

The Red Sox. Fuck the Red Sox. I tried to, I was selling my clothes earlier and I heard the lady behind the counter say, Ew, don't buy any Red Sox merch. Good. What the hell is that? Fuck the fucking Red So it'll still sell. Some guy named Bill wants the hat with his initial on it.

You come back in the store, forget that you sold it to that. Buy it back and double the price. Oh, this is exactly my size. Go socks. Oh, that's clearing out the Red Sox. I got a lot of half all the Red Sox merch. Walk into the strip store. Oh, shit.

I never find this in New York. Oh, my God. That's crazy. What an amazing gym. Yeah. No, that's a disgusting baseball team. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, you don't watch baseball.

Nah, I stopped in 04 when they won the World Series. You stopped watching baseball when you were seven years old. Yeah. That's your story. What else is going to happen? It's like, there's like, it did get so much less interesting after that. Because it's like years. It's like you get told when you're like a kid.

It's like a hundred years, right? Yeah, a hundred years since like they won a World Series. It's their first, like, yeah, the big World Series win and then like they win again. It's like, all right. Okay. Can't beat off two times in a row. I do. I do distinctly remember this.

And what year was Jackie Robinson? Like the 20s? Yeah. 2003, I think you're still. Some shit. I don't really know that much about history. Yeah. No, it was, yeah, it was the 50s?

I don't think it was the 20s, was it? No, it was like the 40s. I think it was the 40s. Maybe the 40s. Like, Because that's when, because it was still the Brooklyn Dodgers. Yeah, like 48. That's my guess.

1948. Something like that. But they had this guy in the 04 Red Sox. He was like, legacy player. Is that Kurt Schilling year? Yeah, that was the Kurt Schilling bloody sock year. But they had this guy, Ellis Burks, who was like 50 something. And they just had him on the team just so it was like, like, he didn't do shit.

But he was just on the team just to be there. And he just got a ring and then just fucking left. That's what baseball. That's why it's such a great sport is that every. single team has a big old fat guy. Yeah. Whose entire job is to walk out and get hit by the ball. That was pretty much what he did.

I think he was a DH. And it's every team that's their favorite player of every fan. But he was like the secondary or the second D.H. It was like David Ortiz was like the DH and then he was like the second guy. So he was nice with a bat? Yeah. Is that the only sport where you can be fat? Yeah.

Bartolo. Football you can be pretty fat. Bartolo is a man. Yeah. He's a big boy. He's a fucking man. You got to be tall to play football, right? Yeah.

Yeah. You can be tall and fat, but you can't be short and fat, I think. Yeah, yeah. You can't be like five foot two. Like in baseball, you don't really have to be anything. I don't know how a lot of these guys got it. I was reading this thing the other day that apparently every baseball mascot exists because they would keep a disabled person in the dugout for good luck.

That was like, yeah, that was like a whole thing. Like, there's a good chunk. I think there was like a guy on the Mets who was like like slow and he like was like I went to a fortune teller. That's where the Philly fanatic comes from. Yeah. He actually looked like that. He looked like that.

And all the Irish ones. They, I think the Yankees kept like a dude with like a hunchback in the dugout and they would like rub his hunch for good luck. It's before they invented costume. That's, yeah. Baseball is so great. It's so awesome that baseball is like the only major sport that does have full superstitions. Yeah.

Like there's not like witchcraft level. voodoo stuff is like what baseball players believe it. Yeah, I think they, Mickey Mantle would make the guy sleep under his bed for good luck on the road. It's fucking awesome. You have to sleep under my hotel bed. I don't like, I don't like the whole like, the optimization stuff that goes on in sports. That really turns me off where like, what's his name? Tom Brady is like spending two million dollars a year. To eat CEMOS in jail? Yeah, he's doing. the like the guy's reversing his aging he's doing like that type of diet

yeah like baseball it's like I have to keep like I have to keep this piece of wood in my leg yeah or else I won't hit I have to keep all my baby teeth in my pocket yeah to make sure I can throw I'm not gonna throw a fucking slider and then they throw no hit or one time and they're like it was the teeth

exactly yeah and not their hard work no they can never just let their hard work speak for itself no they never give themselves a break no I know man well they do it's funny podcast was like that. You got to eat like four hard-boiled eggs. I would say we fully do it like that.

Yeah. I would say I have changed my pre-podcasting regimen so many times and it is fully superstitious. Yeah, I would agree. We have a one big rule. We have a bunch of different

curses, I think. Our biggest rule is that you cannot under any circumstances eat fried chicken within six hours of recording. Oh, yeah? Yeah. If you do that,

we just don't record. It gives you a chicken bread. We have skipped multiple interests. I also think if you have to pee really bad the entire episode, it makes it better. If you are cold, the entire episode, it makes it better. If you don't start the episode hungry, but you start getting really hungry halfway through. That's good. There's something that happens in your brain that makes you way better.

I time out what time I eat, so I start to get hungry towards the end of the episode. Of course. Yeah, it makes it better. That's not, having to pee is like, that's valid though, I think, because it's like you're like, let's get this over with. Yeah. Let's get the laughs in. You're running.

I feel like that it's all that's kind of the same stuff with stand-up, I feel. Where you're like, I don't know, are you superstitious about doing stand-up? Do you have anything like that? I give up my toddler a gun with one bullet-in-it and just let them walk around the room. So you have to run home pretty good. That's good. Maybe having a dog, that's another kind of loaded gun situation that you brought over here. So that's nice.

I would think this would be bad luck, though. Having a dog? Having a dog. I have to worry about your dog, yeah. Well, yeah, but. you have again it gave us something to talk about it's that the dog is uh barking a lot of people actually like barking yeah especially when it's quiet in the background yeah people like a fain socks a lot of people probably there's going to be a negative review

there's going to be a compilation on youtube all barking moments micracine podcast you know people like even more than barking is the other complication that comes out is people the podcasters reacting to the barks yeah what the what oh oh my micracine's family ruins the podcast It's four hours long Yes Longer than the end of the house Do you guys record at your house? No

We used to But we used to Yeah recording at the house was See that's another curse Yeah that's a curse Oh yeah Yeah the house recording You have to go to a different location

Yeah Where you can You get to treat it like a job Yeah Yeah Yeah Or like a trash In his house

We were doing this Like we were doing the show while he had like gas pumping into his apartment. Yeah, about a year and a half Yeah. At a major, described to me as a major gas leak.

Yeah. Yeah. We were just sitting there just like, well, fucking, probably some of the best work. Yeah. Made it's completely brained it.

And you'll never find the exact right amount of gas needs to be in the apartment to make the show good. Yeah. No, I wrote, I wrote actually in one time,

I used to also smoke a lot of weed at the time and I would write ideas for movies in my phone. And one time I wrote, I wrote, down in my phone before I even knew there was a gas leak I wrote down guy who knows he has a gas leak but keeps but doesn't do anything about it because he likes it and I realized that was a movie about me that I yeah it's your real life yeah yeah is because I actually quite liked having a gas leak

and then once you get the I just had another scare with lead paint in my in my vintage china okay yeah because this is another situation that's going on but I like the feeling of discovering something like this and being like oh this is why everything. This is why this happened and this happened and this happened. And you're like, I survived. Yeah, and I am at zero fault. It's not because I didn't work hard enough. Okay, time to be, okay, straight now

time to be normal. Yeah. Back on the couch. Getting so disappointed for the next week. It does feel like you're uncovering a conspiracy too because you're like, oh my God, that's it. Yeah. This has been it all along. It's the lead paint in the plate. It turns out I'm just not very good

at any. Yeah. It's like every time you eat macaroni and cheese, the doll's face on your plate gets lighter and like, what's happening? Yeah, I got it was like, she just changes race.

Yeah, it was like, uh, the different types of food, different meals. Yeah. Oh my God, she's Mexican today. This is crazy. It's just all the layers of,

of lead paint stripping off from like they start, they just kept painting and be like, no, I don't, this isn't except for it more. It gets lighter and lighter

as time went on with more lead paint every single, But that's why I love to eat hot dogs from the gas station because you eat them and you survive. Yeah. Yes. I didn't get sick. But then one in every four, you do actually get quite sick.

You get that crazy green diarrhea. I've gotten so sick from gas station food before. Oh, really? Yeah, the tuna salt. That's because I go for tuna salad. Oh, that's your own fault. I don't know what is wrong with me. Yeah, you got to get the rollers.

And then I throw away the package and then I realize that it probably had an expiration date I could have read before I bought it. But it's already in the trash. So I'm not going to try to hold my tuna salad above my head and dig through trash to find it. Right, whatever. You got mussels from the gas station. Amazing. Muscles, Mariner.

Clams Casino from 7-Eleven. Pretty good idea. I think mariner is like the worst thing. Like any kind of tomato sauce is the worst. No, no, no, from like a fast food place. Because when I was like five years old, I got, that was the first time I've ever had food poisoning. I got the Burger King chicken parms sandwich.

Oh, yeah. And, dude, I got up for school the next day and just both ends, just like a fountain, just like shooting. You have food poisoning from the chicken's a damn? From the marinera. You think it was a mariner? That's good that it happened before school, though. Yeah, I know. Because I, one time before school, I ate like six Entomans donut holes.

Oh, yeah. I'd probably have more than six. That's not a crazy amount. Yeah. And I just, like, sat in study hall and I couldn't. And I was, this was at a point where I didn't, I didn't poop in school. But I just sat in study hole and I couldn't stop farting. but then once I started I was like

I can't get up because if I get up they're going to know it's me so I just had to like sit there and keep farther I was a software I had all these seniors in my study hall and I just hear people be like what the fuck it's like

it's so I have had It was right after 9-11 I thought it was a terrorist attack I remember this one girl gets up and she gets up and she closes the window. That's not

what you do when it's where the room smells like shit you like it yeah she's

she thought that the smell was coming in from the outside that's farting outside the window yeah

yeah yeah walking home walking home from work and up since the

snow is the window yeah yeah oh what's happened outside that

window huh nobody that means that means that you're that means that your farts

were smelling so indububes industrial. This can't be a human. This must be the septic drug. There's no possible way this came from a human body that is inside. It has to be an environmental

Yeah, that's so crazy. I think it was coming from outside as insane. And there was this white trash kid next to me who was like asleep, the whole study hall. And I was like, they probably think it's him. Did you ever blame it? You never went like, oh my God, the sleeping guy's farting. No. No. But I did

ship my pants in kindergarten once. And it was same kind of situation yeah everybody being like oh what oh it smells so bad i'm like yeah i know there's a there's a picture of me when when me i have a brother who's like a year younger than me and uh there's a picture of me and him in a bathtub and i took a shit in the bathtub and then i blamed it on him and he's like bawling crying there's a shit between us your mom's like i better get the pole i think my dad was like this is too awesome and took a photo of us and i'm like smiling And my brother is crying so hard. Your little brother?

My little brother, yeah. And they thought that he made a shit in the toilet, or in the bath, but it was my ass, man. Having a little brother is pretty great. Yeah, it was really awesome. You get away with a lot. You just get to torture somebody. Yeah, yeah. You just get to ruin their life, which is really a nice experiment.

Because you get to grow up and decide if you liked it or not. Yeah. And then you can become a good person. Basically, nothing ever happened with your brother. Yeah. I remember my little brother being like, you're always making fun of me. Yeah. you know yeah they they do that you know yeah see but my older brother i was always like

i i thought i was like a celebrity with his friends you know but it turns out when i got older they were making it's making funny yeah yeah there are and look at this jacket Jacket. Very cool. Oh, Caleb, you're so cool. Caleb,

he's so popular on MySpace and posting photos of you. Yeah, there is probably a hundred photos of me in a dress because me and my brothers,

which I mean, at least they thought it was funny for me to wear my mom's clothes. And be like, oh, look at me. I'm in here. And I found out later, yeah,

they're making them. Bastards. All right, Mike. So where can people find your special? It comes out this week, right? Yeah, it'll be out Thursday, March 21st. Okay, the day after.

Oh, yeah, the day after. Yeah, cool. Yeah, so that's perfect timing. Yeah. And what are we trying to hit in terms of views so that people can reload the pay? Like if they see it's at the view count, they can just close it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I'm probably going to get demonetized because I say some curse words in it. Oh, okay. So I can't recommend. I can't endorse it then. I'm sorry. Yeah, well, you know, I say, you know, I say fuck. Oh, come on. I say fuck, pussy.

Oh. In the same sentence? On YouTube, you know, like here and there. All right. Well, that's fine. I say, and some other, tune in to find out what other curse was like I said.

Okay, so check it out for all the cursing people. I won't be watching it because of the cussing. But if you like cussing, go check out my cursing special. It's called what? It's called I'm normal. That's a perfect name. There's a lot of fucking cursing in it. Far from normal to me.

But yeah. But if you could watch it, I'd really appreciate it. Go check out, Mikey's one of the funniest comics. I'll say in the world I'll say in the world in the galaxy, in the whole entire galaxy Mike is always somebody I stick around for

at shows frankly yeah I like skipping a lot of people's sets in the bathroom and then I'll come out and watch you I don't have any new stuff though really what do you mean

it's hard to like write material develop new material so you probably seen everything that I'm doing but if you haven't seen this this hour that I taped a year ago I would love you to watch it

and I'll be watching it Just watch it. Are you doing a YouTube premiere? My wife's in it. I guess what is that, though? You like premiere? You sit there and you got to watch it with people. Yeah, they have like a chat that pops up.

I mean, you don't have to watch it. You don't have to go do whatever you want. You don't have to do it all again live. It just means it like all gets, it acts like a live stream. Yeah, they have a live chat. I mean, you could sit there and just like, wait for this punch on that. Oh, this one's good. This one's really good.

Y'all laughing? So, yeah. I did put my Venmo in the middle of the special. Oh. Because I, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got to make money on it. You got to make money. All right.

Thank you. So if you like it, you can Venmo me $5. Okay. You know? Venmo, Mike. Say your Venmo, right? But if you like it. Do you like this episode?

Yeah, that works too. Yeah. Yeah. And for us guys, it's less than a week from our first show of tours. So come out if you want to buy one of these shirts. Oh, yeah. We got Mike in one of the shirts too. They will not be online ever.

That's my promise that I'll never break. Okay. You might... Oh, you just sell it? But I'm a liar. That's cool, though. So, but come to the show to buy the shirt if you want it. Yeah.

It's kind of suss to sell T-shirts on the internet. But it's annoying. It's annoying. It's very annoying. Yeah. It's so much easier to just do it in person. To do cash business. Yeah.

Like we used to do. Like we used to do. Like websites used to be. And please bring cash to buy the T-shirts. Yeah. We'll take Venmo, but please bring cash. Just bring cash. Just bring cash.

Yeah. So we can hide it. Yeah. Our mattresses. All right. Thank you, Mike. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Bye.

Oh, great. My body moving back and forth sounds like this. Oh. My body. Just for your body. It's just my body, idiot. It's honestly fucked up to judge you for having your body make. My body does make this noise when I move around.

Yeah. That means that you have an excess liquid in your belly. Wait, did you hear it? I didn't hear it, but he's doing this. He's trying to shake his belly. I can do this, I can like... Wait, wait, wait, you can fully hear it, stop, stop. I know that my body does this.

Listen, listen. Oh my God. Can you do that thing where you roll your belly? It's so faint. I wonder if people at home can hear it. If I drank a lot of water right now, Hold on, I can do it. I think.

Are you belly dance? Whoa. Why is it belly dancing? Well, I just got the answer, actually. Why is it like sexual? I don't know. I think it's because it includes other parts of the body. The belly to some cultures.

So think about this. Let's take a step back. In American culture, we have the pussy and the asshole. Correct. The line between these two points of interest is known as the taint. The taint and this... The taint or the perineum.

Right, right, right, right. This is seen as probably the most sexual, utterly attractive zone on a woman in American culture. Yes. Because it's between the two best stuff. How does this relate to belly dancing? Now in other cultures,

they don't regard the asshole as really so nice. It's not a sexual option. It's not so sexual. And this is replaced by the breasts. Oh, so now what is the zone, Patrick? What is the perinium of the breasts and the pussy?

The belly. Wow. That's a great point. So belly dancing to a Middle Eastern culture is almost the same as when an American woman gets up and shakes around her taint.