Podcast About List - Ep. 284 - Experimenting On Ourselves

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

It's time to say enough. Enough to mediocre podcasts, enough to bad episodes, enough to unlocking premiums, enough to flops and fails. That's why today we have decided to partake in a little experiment on each other: will a podcast episode be better if something was different... Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Okay, guys, right at the top, I'm going to say we added a new show on tour. New York City, April 14th. Go buy your tickets right now. Swagpoop.com slash shows. World's biggest on me at Littlefield will do. On April 14th. Well, it doesn't really. I couldn't figure out how to rhyme it, but that's a song that explains.

On April 14th. But guys. Here's Alex, Joe and me. Well, you're missing. two guys. Meantz. Oh, Meets. Like us, Meantz. Oh, okay. So, yeah, come out to that show. It'll be Joe Alex Pearson Meantz. You know what? Come out of the, come out to your parents on the

phone at the show to do that. Might as well. Nobody's ever asked us to help them come out of the closet. Yeah. Why is that? We'll do that for you if you come to the show. If you want us to, we will call your parents and tell them you are gay. FaceTime from the crowd on an iPad so you can get all of us and just say mom and dad there's something I have to tell you and then we all six of us on stage pointed the things they're gay yeah if you hang up because I don't want to stick around yeah if it goes badly you have plausible deniability that it was just a joke at the show yeah yeah yeah if they don't like it then they're just oh they thought if you have they were pranking right yeah exactly they were prinking me that's why it hung up so fast exactly

Well, guys, you might be wondering why we are all dressed like we're tall. And the answer is, today, we are conducting an experiment. I didn't even notice we're all dressed in these white lab coats. This is definitely a lab coat. Yeah. You look great. Guys, basically, we have puzzled for many, many years over the mystery of how to make a pod. good and I think we've come close to it before but we've never actually

we've never figured it out we've gotten pretty close to making a good episode of a podcast but we've never actually done it no and we were talking actually close last episode I believe about like rituals and superstitions with the shows with doing stuff on a podcast and what you do to kind of prepare and so we figured today why don't we put these theories to the test do the scientific method to the The scientific method, I'll explain it for everyone at home who's not familiar with it. It means you try five different things and you see which is the best. Yes.

So today we're going to do five different experiments to see which conditions produce the best podcast. And then I guess you guys maybe will vote on it and we'll do whatever wins forever. Every single time. Every single time. And so we're going to do it in 10 minute increments. we will start a control 10 minutes. Which is this. This is the, I'll start a timer here.

This is all been preamble. Oh, okay. I didn't. And then we'll go every 10 minutes. Something is going to change. And even if you're not watching, and even if we didn't describe it to you what we were doing, I think you'd be able to tell just by our performance.

Right. Or at least that's the idea. Yeah, maybe we'll tell you. I don't know. I guess we didn't decide. But guys, we're going to start the control now. Okay. Okay.

Are you ready? I'm ready. Hold on. Let me set my, what the sound it makes when I... What's the timer goes off? Do you have a scientific sound? Well, this one says radiate. That sounds kind of scientific. Oh, that's good.

Okay, we'll do that one. All right. And away we go. And I actually... Guys, come on. I just have something to bring up really quick, too. I mean, what is the deal with nowadays? I feel like I've seen, in the past week, I've seen maybe 20 people riding those motorized boards that have a wheel in the middle.

The one wheel. The one wheel? The one wheel? Wait, wait. The board with the wheel? Or the one that's just the wheel and the wheels between your feet? Wheel and skateboard with the weird. No wheels on the one wheel in the middle. Yeah.

I think that's the one wheel. I don't know. Oh, it's called the one wheel. Yeah. Or it's either the one wheel. The one wheel is the vertical one. The one wheel is the one where you put your feet on a pegton. Okay.

What kind of fucking name are you going to come up with better than one wheel? It describes it all. It describes it all. It is one thing. wheel. It literally needs a sci-fi name. Like what? It would sell twice as the dirger. It's fictional. The dirger. I don't know what that would mean. I don't either. I just thought of a word. I would call it the teleporter.

It doesn't teleport. Well, again, I'm not going to say the good ones, because I'm asking to be hired, so I don't know why I would. It's not a cop-out. It's not going to be better than one wheel. It is going to be better than one. One-wheel is the worst name of all time. They'd come up with one right now, dude. The what? the Unower. The Unower. One, because it's one.

But that maybe wouldn't work. People wouldn't know what that meant in America. Uno Mo. Anyway, I've seen so many of them this past week. I've never, I've seen maybe a few before and thought, that's crazy. Why is someone writing that? But I've seen, I think every day I've seen somebody writing one or break next speed on the sidewalk. Have you guys noticed this too?

I saw some piece of shit coming out of Dunkin' Donuts on it. Like they, like they were in Dunkin' Donuts on it. with the one wheel. Wait, which one? The one. It's so hard. I know. If only it had some specific

interesting name. Well, the one wheel is the one that you're on either side. I don't know what the board ones called. But the one wheel where the wheel is between your legs. They were on that and they just rolled out like there and used the wheelchair ramp. Oh.

You shouldn't be able to use that, man. You don't have a disability. You have a power up. Yeah. That's not right. I saw this guy. That's a good name. The power up.

The power up is. Take power up. But I saw this guy one time on one of those using it. This is a $1,500 piece of equipment. So you've checked. It's a car. It's not a piece of equipment. It is a car.

It is basically a car. And I saw a guy using it as if it was a skateboard. I saw him. He clapped his legs together and jumped with it. Wow. I saw this at Maria Hernandez Park in Bushwick. That sounds cool. Was he trying to avoid somebody?

No, he was wearing a helmet. it and doing tricks. Like, he was the kind of shadow you could ride up on the wall of a tunnel. Yeah. It sounds kind of cool. The more that I learn about these,

and they do go fucking fast. He was going crazy fast. They go insanely fast. Yeah. Like, I feel like sometimes if I'm riding a bike and I'm going really fast, I'm afraid that my leg is just going to touch the ground

and I've been... Evaporate and skid. You know what I mean? I feel like that my feet are too close to the ground to go fast on something like that. People always say that you never forget how to ride a bike. How to learn how to ride a bike, yeah.

But I think I forgot how to learn how to ride a bike. I think that last time I was on a bike, I was a little bit scared. Yeah. Well, that's not, being scared isn't forgetting how. I mean, unless you mean you also forgot how. I'm pretty scary in the city. It's scary to ride a bike when you ever read a while. I was in a suburb.

It's wobblers. I was wobbly. Yeah, I always ride my bike when I go home to the suburbs. And I'm not as good as I used to be. No. No, you do need a lot of practice. You don't need that. I'm actually completely normally as good as I used to be.

I used to be doing all sorts of shit. No hands and pegs. peg legs legs on the pegs but now I can't do any of that shit you've seen those kids that right around the city with the one well it's one back wheel the front of their bike doesn't have one they just only

do a wheelie the whole time that is crazy yeah they don't even have a front what is the downside of having a front wheel and there's these kids that go are you sure it's not like when a wheel gets stolen off a bike it's a wheelie it's a wheelie device they're only using their bike to do wheelies use the the part of the bike like the hooks where the pegs go and

the wheel on the front, you could hang a bag of food off of you. Yes. Or you write it like a Versa climber and you put your hands on that shit. And now you're like, it's like an exercise machine that makes you pretend that you're an exercise machine that makes you raise the roof. Basically, you're like, oh yeah.

And it really hurts. But maybe they can pretend to be here. Yeah. But I've seen this around the city. And I've also been seeing there's the people that do like it's an activity that these people do where they do wheelies in the in the road. and they go at oncoming traffic

and the whole point of this is to dodge every car that's coming at you. I've seen accident videos of people doing these. This sounds like something that this is like this is a city thing. No, this is like exposition for like a Law & Order episode or something. Oh, yeah.

Kids are doing this. Kids are doing their kids are going around. It's the introduction for a movie about Twitch, a horror movie about Twitch streamers. Yeah. They're looking for a six. thrill. Have they done a law and order episode

about Twitch streaming yet they have to have right? Some kind of swatting action. There was a law and order episode. Or like walk in like it's the gluttony thing from 7 there's a Gamergate episode. There's a GamerGate episode. There's a GamerGate's episode about girl

about a girl getting harassed at TwitchCon or their equivalent of TwitchCon I remember reading about this when I was studying a Gamergate. Mm-hmm. Because we're scientists. Well, we were trying, yeah, we studied everything.

Yeah, as a scientist, you always have kind of your one area of expertise. Specialization. You specialize in grad school. Yeah. And we went three Gamergate researchers. That's a young field. Yeah, I mean. It can really get in there and change the perception.

We have the first. Uncovered the fundamentals. First peer-reviewed paper on Gamergate. Why Girls stink. Why girls stink. And guys are awesome. as fuck. Peer reviewed by all of our dads

and a couple of our friends as well. That's the colon there is the Jupiter theory. Yes. Oh, that would be an amazing documentary for a little boy to make. On YouTube,

four and a half hour, like hyper-normalization type of documentary. The Jupiter theory. The Jupiter theory. So basically, so essentially girls are freaking. stupid as caught because he'll go to Jupiter to get much more

stupider. It's visually identical to an Adam Curtis. Yeah. It has like burial songs playing over just like women's March footage and so here girls are really dumbed in too. Every girl trying to, I think

they're trying to build a spaceship with these pink hats to go back to Jupiter. Crappy, they get stupid periods and they're gayer than gay guys. And look at all their Long hair. Moby song. The massive attack song

Teardrop. The one from the intro house. That'd be awesome, dude. Yeah. You know, those damn eggs from Jimmy Neutron,

remember these motherfuckers? Yeah, hey, motherfucker. You remember their name. Leave my dad alone. I actually would not remember his name, but I saw a tweet about it yesterday. Why did I?

Because he's an, but you know what name I do remember? Poltra. Remember Poltra. Polter was good. Polter was fucking fire. Polter was cool. Sick as fuck.

But the egg guy was definitely Uble something. Ublebubel, boobel. Mablar, Ublah, Ublik. Hoopla. Ublah. You started with two O's and a B.

I'm positive. Ubi. Are you thinking of Ubi, the hand? Wait, don't look now, Patrick, Ubi's right here in the room with us. Who's Ubi? Hello.

It is Uplar. Oh, it is Ublah. You don't remember Ubi? He was implicated in Quiet on the set. Maybe you might be too... What is Ubi from? You might be too young from Ubi.

Oh my God, you might actually be. No, we've talked to about Ubi before? He just was from Nickelodeon. He was a show called Ubi. And he had Grampo and Kaku and I never heard of this. This does not look like a Nickelodeon show.

Yeah. Ubi. I'm not saying it isn't. I'm saying it doesn't look like one. It was. I'm not saying it isn't. I'm saying it doesn't look like one. It looks like one.

It's about a hand with eyes. It looks a lot like one now because it has a Nick Jr. logo under it. Yes. And now you're... Oh, it's Nick Jr. See, I didn't watch that shit. Oh, true.

Nickelodeon. Why are you always hating like that? I'm not hating, man. I just didn't watch that shit. Can you pull up Granpoo? I just need, I need camera to see the difference between who being Grand Pooh. G-R-A-M-P-U.

Oh, this is a Mario streamer. Yeah, I don't know who Grand Pooh is. Graham-Poo. This is how? Yeah, so this is some kind of clove, a Granpooh clove that Pat wants me to see, I guess. There he is. This is how you knew he was old. He's got hair on his arm.

First of all. And he did this. Yeah, he did this like his, you know, how old people, their lips curl into over their teeth. This is supposed to be wrinkles. I was thinking it looks like a mustache hair is covering, coming into the mouth. We should do it. That's kind of one of the beauties of it, isn't it's open to interpretation. Do you think there's room in this world for a dark, the analog horror version of Ubi?

I guarantee they have 50 of those already. Well, what about a darkly sexual? Yeah. I've done that without watching the show. I just sometimes jacking off. Ubi, what are you doing? Ubi, no! Yeah, I just sometimes jack off and say Ubi going from this.

I didn't know what are you doing in the bathroom? I'm hanging out with Ubi. Me and Ubi and Grampoo. Dude, the thing is, if you're Okay, well, and now we'll move on. The experiment begins to phase two. The analog horror version of Ubi is you were saying

he goes from this to this and he becomes a hole. Is that how you jack off? No. With you jack off? No, but he becomes like this. Okay style. Wait, that's kind of sick.

I might have to try that. Maybe you should. Well, these three fingers, you can look at them and imagine they're three women. Right now I'm imagining. I'm standing in line waiting to check you on. Okay. Did you start the new timer?

No. Oh, okay. Well, none of that gets in the episode. None of that counts. Okay. No of that counts against. Go, go, go. Okay.

Okay. Wait, I have ideas. I have topics written down. You have topics. Standing? No, not well. Because we're standing now. Are we supposed to reveal what the experiment is?

Yes. For the audio list. Of course, we'll do it. Yeah, we're standing for this next 10 minutes. This is a 10-minute stand. This, honestly, I do feel my energy is shifted. Yeah. I need to reframe this middle camera really quick because of my tallness.

I think just don't worry about it. I think I'm going to push it up one tiny. But I do like being able to just walk around a little more. To have a little bit of freedom is nice. Yeah, this is, it does make me feel a little bit freer. Okay, new topic. Yes. Are domos still cringe or do you think I could buy one?

Oh, I forgot about those. I bet the day it's passed on that. Yeah, I think you could have that and people nowadays wouldn't even know what it was enough. you could get, are you looking for the hat? The domo hat? I'm looking for the doll, man. You want the doll in your house? Or,

Webkins. Ooh. As Webkins, you can still register your Webkins? I don't know if that's gone. I don't know if that was a flash player or Java or some shit. No, they've definitely preserved Webkins somehow. I mean, there's a lot of money in Webkins. They're not going to just let it die like that.

That's true. Why does that not come as like a speculative investment type of thing? I don't know. Did you guys ever do Webkins? I did. I think I got it. Isn't it Webkins? You have to, you buy the webcam, but then you also have to pay for a membership if you want to

get any like a, I'm pretty sure that's the case. Because I think that I, no, I think it used to be that because I think I begged for a Webkins. I got one and then I couldn't do any of the cool stuff on the website, despite having one. I remember I'd never had one, but somebody, some of my boys in my, I never had one. Some of my boys in my class had Webkins and I'd be like, isn't that kind of girly? Do you have a doll?

And they say, no, man, because actually you can go online. You can play fun as fun as fun games. You can do your makeup Did you guys ever play Neo Pets? No, I never did Neo Pets. Neopets was fired. Actually, no, I did. My sister made me a Neopits account.

And then I went to school and my friend, she was like, oh, we'll log into each other's accounts and we'll send each other's stuff. And my sister was like, I remember the story. I remember exactly how the story ends

because it's the most, I can say the sentence that ends the story. Tell me. And then she stole my firefighter chair. No, that's, That's Webkins. That was the Webkins one. My cousin came over, and my neighbor stole all of his webcam stuff, and his mom almost called the police.

Okay. Really? But the neo-pets thing, it wasn't, she almost called in a cybercrime threat. It's a very rarely seen 911 call. A cyber attack on my home. The Neo-Pets thing, this girl became not my friend anymore. And we didn't talk forever. We became completely not friends anymore.

It's not really a funny story. We let the internet tear us apart over stuff like this. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it doesn't even matter. It's not, there's not even a real neopet like there is a webcast. No, exactly. There's a big omelet everyone eats from.

Is there? What the fucking is what I remember from? All I ever did was play that gambling games on neopets, this big wheel. Yeah. I think my parents would have seen, seen it all coming if they had watched what kind of flash games I was playing. Because I was only doing the slot ones, basically. Me too. I played a lot of fancy pants adventure.

That's not what I thought you were going to do. say in terms of flash games. I thought you're going to say you're playing. You think I played dirty games? Yes. I got scared of dirtiness. You did? I never played a dirty game in my life. You never played leisure suit to Larry? No. That's not that dirty of a game. Leisure suit Larry? What are you talking to the

whole point of the game is to have sex in your leisure? You know what leisure is, right? What? Pleasure. They should have called it Pleasure suit. Pleasure. Pleasure suit, Larry. Please her. Please her. Please her suit. Please her soon. Please her soon, Larry.

Yeah. That would have been a better name. I wanted to call it birthday suit, Larry. But they couldn't because of the Australian ESRB. Yeah. Woke Australia. So how are you guys feeling about standing so far? I actually feel a lot better actually. Completely.

Really? I feel like a new paradigm has been opened. I don't feel any way about it so far. Yeah, I don't really feel all that different. I do wish that the base of this microphone wasn't here because I think... Well, look at this strategy that I was doing for a second. He's basically a natural. This is a pioneer.

I like this, though. Well, try this. you haven't tried this yet. Okay, the one-handed, hold the microphone? No, I don't think I like this too much. Why are you easily holding in? Where do you seem to be about to make it fall? I don't know.

I think you guys are bad at holding. Your hands are the exact size of the plate, whereas mine are... I think I'm also holding it more on the heel of my hand and my wrist than you guys are. Oh, I think I've discovered it. I think I figured this out. Me too. So this is actually kind of nice to me. You know what's good about this?

What? Back to bumping mics. Back to bumping mics. Back to bumping mics. Sounds great, man. That's a good. fucking both, man. Let's hear that again. That one was

good. That was a good one. That was a really good one. Do you guys ever think you could be a waiter or it would be hard because of this? I have no difficulty really doing this. Holding the plate. I do always think of waiters, seeing waiters carry the 500 plates and think I couldn't

do that. I think I would drop them. You know what I'm doing that shit every day. The waiter thing, I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe I could do that. The bartender thing where you're holding all the bottles in your fingers because you're like, oh, I got to make a I got to hold blue Carouselau

some other shit, triple sec, all this other shit and then hold it all into it, you know, doing that with the bottles in your fingers. Yeah. That's a cocktail that I really enjoy it. And sparkling water. That's my favorite cocktail.

Triple sec. That's it. And a paper cup. That'd be good as fuck. Oh, last night, yes, it must be served in a paper cup. Last night. I have now experienced a rare spirit

because last night I went to a bar called Travel Bar It's like a whiskey Bar or some shit Noah took me over there And guys they had something there That blew my mind They had a Doritos

Nach cheese gin Why would they have that? That sounds horrible It was one of the worst things I've ever had in my fucking life Yeah that sounds disgusting But I had it because the lady was like

You gotta have you gotta try this shit She said that I would really like it And it smelled like Doritos It tasted exactly like Doritos much they should have done is made it a cocktail, combined that with Baja Blast. Apparently they did that. Oh, really? Yeah, the day it was released, they did that.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm a not much else you do with that. Well, she said that's pretty much the only thing you could mix turritos. She said you could put a half ounce in a margarita. You could also put beef tallow in it. Or you could just turn it in the chill and make it in nachos drink. You're trying to think of something to pair with a Dorito cocktail and think what drink.

Of course, you're going, of course. Mount Dew. Not, of course. Because you could be tequila. You could mix it with tequila or maybe tomato. Yeah, I mean, you can mix it with anything. Tomato? You could put anything in it.

Tomato puree? Yeah. I don't understand what point you're trying to make. You could also mix it with a burger cocktail. Here's what I don't like about standing up is a way he's turning towards me right now. You're kind of intimidating him, I would say, a little bit. You know what this is revealing is Patrick's kind of odd. standing body language.

What about it? A lot of wobbling. The hand in the pocket. What about this is odd? You're kind of like trying to make yourself as wide as possible at all times. I'm not trying to make myself wide at all. You're looking quite wide. I'm just,

this is how I look when I stand. I'm trying to keep my back. I mean that this is kind of you anyway. And just I'm seeing it kind of now with clear eyes for the first time. There's something weird about the way I stand. My God, look at that. Wait, turn back. Dude, go back to that same shot.

Look at that. Look at my jacket My God He's thick Oh no It's just an email Oh Cameron got an email God damn

We have two more minutes of standing We have two minutes of standing What are my joints give out I think that I like this All right Are you gonna keep standing The whole episode

Maybe Maybe no I think I'm not Corrupt the experiment This is kind of Guys we're one experiment In it And I kind of want this

To be the entire podcast From now on Well we'll see what Science has to say This is reminding me Is how We used to hold hold the microphones.

We did just hold the microphone. And holding the microphones makes this so much more fun for me somehow. Why? Because I can do this. Yeah. This, I don't want you to do that with.

Yeah, we don't like that. Okay, well, not these ones. We don't like that at all. I can do it with the old ones. Yeah. You can just do that in your free time. Yeah, we can get you like a carry-over microphone. We should get him out.

We should somehow. Or you just watch TV and just hold the microphone. Hold the microphone and just speak into it. We should get you. We should get you. We should get you a lab mic that you don't even know is on you. Oh, and then I'm holding a play microphone so that you can do your stupid shit that you've done. That is funny.

This would be a good show with lav mics. Yeah. People, some people do that for podcasts. It's weird. That is odd. It is odd. You need something that you got to know what you're up to. You got to know what you're up to.

Yeah. Right in your face that you can look at. Interesting. I have a text row. Oh. Yeah, because that's what we fucking need is you to be taller. We have like a minute left probably. I have a text room.

This is not one of the. experiment standing on the chairs standing up is one of the experiments okay nobody take a screenshot of this and say damn Caleb somewhat shorter than the other two this is not accurate you look smaller than us now it's not forced perspective or anything like that well it's not if the chair if you couldn't see the chair behind you right now what's your look like you me Caleb is so small i'm not that just the back of the chair we have that has no seat that I'm just standing in your legs a little bit and then it'll oh my god no it really doesn't you look like You look completely shorter than us.

No, I don't. I don't look shorter than mus. You look shorter than mus. I don't look shorter than us. Wait, why am I giving basically adults from cartoons right now? You're giving Dr. Doofan shirts, man. You look like the nanny from Muppet babies right now. Yeah, with the goggles and the experimental thing.

Really? Oh, all right. Okay. Experiment one, complete. Experiment one complete. We will have our results later. Hey. All right, and go there.

Experiment number three is back to normal. Experiment number two. Three. Experiment number two. It's a second experiment. The control. The third segment, second experiment. The control is not part of the experiment. Well, it is part of the experiment, but it's not an experiment.

You know what I mean. Yeah, I know. I said I understand. That's really hard to talk. Do you guys think that... Maybe we have to take the headphones off. I don't want to take the headphones off. I think this is part of...

This is the point of the experiment. I guess, okay, yeah, because then, yeah, that's true. It can't, you have to hear the high voice. Exactly. The high voice. Okay, what's our topic, Kayla? You have to hear the high voice. Do you guys think that, I thought this, because I was walking by a karate store today.

Karate store? You know what I'm talking about. A dojo. Yeah, okay, I do. Should girls have different karate outfits, like how there's swim trunks and bikinis? Don't they already do? No, they don't. And Moral Combat and Street Fighter vibes.

Oh, I also was walking by a karate store today. And on the way to the gym, there's a playground, like a school playground. And I thought that was so funny. There's directly across the street from the school playground is the shooting range. Oh, yeah. And then right next to that is a martial arts dojo. I've never thought. It's the most protected preschool in the whole city.

But do you think maybe in the shooting range, the direction you're shooting. That's what I'm saying, like, my movie I'm imagining in my head when I walk by there is that a guy shoots out of the shooting range at the preschool and then the martial artists all come and, like, defeat the shooters versus the high-you-ers. The high-you-hers? Yeah. Sorry, it's high-ya. My bad. Hi-you. Ten minutes.

That's just a greeting. Ten minutes of this. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. We should timestamp maybe the end of the. in the YouTube if people aren't mad enough for this wait what I feel I feel like there's like something in my mouth when I try to talk yeah yeah it's like did we already

do the do they do the chipmunk for Christmas we've done the chipmunks basically every time we've had the little voice did you just ask did we ever done high-pitched voice is that a question no no did we already do the chipmunks song oh the chipmunks song the Christmas yes we did Christmas. Yes, many. Yes, we're not going to do it again times. Many times.

You know, if you ever listen to them, the chipmunks song slowed down, they have to say it really, really slow. Yeah. We've all heard the, what's it called? When you slow the chipmunks down, they're slow? You slow, no, they're, they are speaking like this. So when it speeds up. No, there's like a, so.

No, some motherfucker could call the chipmuck songs. blew them down. Oh, 10 sludge. Sludge. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I said, and you told me to say,

I didn't say shut up. To be fair, I can't understand a word you're saying. Yeah, I also can't really understand. It's pretty difficult. What is your water going to sound like when you slurp it? Let's see.

That sounded kind of cool. What does that burp sound like? Your sound like a normal burp. Yeah, that sounded like a sci-firm. Yeah, that sounded like a sci-fi Why is it in every scary movie that the evil guys always have a deep low voice? Why does nobody have this kind of voice? I'll get you.

I'm coming for you. I'm going to kill your whole family. I'm going to kill you. There should be a high voice slasher is what I'm saying. Isn't that? Well, slasters don't even really talk usually. The villain and up. The ones I like to.

The villain and up? I'm burping a bunch now. Because I forced that burp out of me. Who's the villain in up? He's like a Doberman with a voice like this. No, he's not. It's an old man. No?

Yeah. His head dog. That's a different old man. The woman is the villain, but she dies very early. Yeah. But then there's a different villain. Yeah. And then he goes, woo.

He goes, woo, balloons! Oh my God, I can't get enough of these balloons. Yay! The bitch is dead. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Go into Hawaii.

Going to Hawaii. Is that where it all takes place in Hawaii? That is, takes place in the biggest city in Hawaii. Yeah. Wow. Honolulu. Yeah. He's in the middle of, he lands at the airport.

You don't remember that? That's, wow. Oh, my God. The thing is about Upman. He would have been shot down by Biter. Up. I thought he said the thing about Batman. The thing about up, man.

This is crazy. It's really hard. I thought you just nonset when he said, the thing about Batman. No, fuck no. The thing about up As soon as he goes up What's his name?

The thing about that His name is Up His name is Mr. Up. No, not even Mr. His name is Upington, Sinclair. Nope, Up. That'd be a good name. Anyway.

For Mr. Balloons. He would be destroyed by fighter jets. Yeah, yeah. And balloons pop when they fly. Exactly. Where is the... I mean, I would also call it police. Where the physics?

Where? Hey, did they not have a fucking physicist in the room? Yeah. That's how you know that Christopher Nolan was not involved in Up at all. Right. Because he would have had. It was rumored that he was. He would have said if a balloon flies far enough into the atmosphere, it goes back in time.

I think they should be doing more, like how he did that with science, his last couple movies. They should be every fucking food movie and every racing movie. And what's that movie with Will Smith where he's homeless? Are you saying they should have the experts in their? They should have a homeless guy consult on homeless guy movies. I think that's the, isn't that, that's why the bear is so popular because it's a homeless guy consult on. Yeah, because it's a show about chefs that was run entirely by homeless guys. Yeah, their idea of what goes on in a case, they've never been in a restaurant.

I need food. I think they're all real mad at each other. I bet they're all real mad. Fucking make the food. Make the food, you bitch. Make the fucking food. This is how, there should be a program, Joe Biden, if you're listening. Check this out.

There should be a program for homeless people to bring them out of homelessness. Give them Hollywood writing jobs. So the first of all, we actually get some good, fucking shows. They would be running the best movies. They'd be amazing. Oh, my God. Did you imagine? They'd be amazing, dude.

They give $100 million to whoever, Max Landis, give it to a homeless guy. Yeah, they should switch the places. Max Landis should be out on the loose on the streets. No Man's Landis. He should not be out. He should be in the loose. He should be on the loose. He should be on the loose.

He could strike at any time from any city. He should be haunting people in downtown Los Angeles. He should be in a cage. Why? I don't know. Anyway, homeless people should write movies. He should be in a cage. Look at his hair.

He's crazy. I mean, homeless people are already so good at writing. They're always writing stuff like, please. Exactly. I lost my legs. Oh, hello. Can you imagine they would write the most beautiful emotional movie of all time? Yeah.

And then at the end, there's a happy ending where the main character gets a hamburger. What was it two years in a row? Was the pursuit of happiness before or after Hancock? Because now I'm thinking about it, there was like a string of movies where Will Smith was a homeless guy. I robot. He's got a home there. The world's over. No, sorry, not I robot.

What's a vampire one? Apocalypse? No. No. No, the other vampire one. Fucking, I am legend. I am legend. I am legend he's got no home.

He's a vagabond. The whole earth is home in that one because everyone is vampire or zombies. Earth is a fucking homeless guy's home too. He sleeps in the bathroom. Yeah. Bathroom is a home. Bathroom is a room. Temporarily.

A homeless guy who sleeps in a bathroom, you wouldn't say he's homeless. You would say. I would say anything. If he just sleeps in the bathroom of a house. Well, that's a different thing. That's a house. He's just sleeping in only a bathroom in that movie. There's no house around it.

He sleeps in a house because he's so smart that he invents away from it. I've never seen it. I don't remember it because I watched it a long, long time ago. Which movie are we talking about? I am legend. Oh. I thought? No, I was like the whole art goes his home because everyone dies in the bathroom.

And I am legend? Perchita happiness. Oh, okay. We're getting, there's a high level of confusion with the high voice. It doesn't have anything to do with the voices. It's becoming really, really confusing. It's really, really difficult. Yeah.

I can't imagine that people are having a good time following it. I can't imagine. Yeah, I really can't imagine that anyone is liking. Well, if you don't like this part, you can always just pitch it down. It'll be better than normal. Yeah. Just slow it way down. You can pitch us down.

Yeah. But it'll sound kind of bad. Because I am wondering what our voices are sounding like. I'm definitely probably talking in a higher voice than usual maybe. I'm definitely, I feel like I'm doing something different with my voice, but I can't tell what it is. Same here. You're done this. What?

You're sounding like this. It sounded like that. I'm done something different with my voice. but I can't tell what it is. I can't tell. I can't fucking tell what I is. We're just three cool babies. Wee.

Just three cool babies, chilling out. Play you're with blacks and Legos. Yeah. What's that, motherfucker? You're in the wrong playroom. Oh, my God. What the fuck is that bitch? What the fuck is that you bitch is a baby.

Hello, baby. Baby gangsters. Baby gangsters. What's three of the baby gangsters? That's a good movie, I think. We should just want to do baby gangsters. Baby gangsters. Oh, that's a good movie out there.

Oh, fuck, we can't do baby gangsters anymore. Ah, we lost baby gangsters. That should have been the first thing. All right. Gangsters. Next one. Okay. And go and go.

Okay. So for those who aren't familiar with the back catalog, there's an episode that we deleted many years ago because we ate fried chicken before and we were affected by something called chicken brain and it's been a rule on the podcast. I just ruined the display before recording. And today we broke that rule because

everything, the science is a process and things need to be re-evaluated. For example, evolution has been shown to be false for the last couple years. So it's something like that, I think. Well, I got to say, I thought maybe I didn't, I only ate one piece and I thought maybe it wasn't enough to brain me, but I'm feeling chicken body at the moment.

I do feel brain might be short. might just be short to follow. I think the brain just kicked it actually as you were trying to say that since. See, the thing that I'm remembering about the chicken brain was also that our brains were being deep fried by the heat in your bedroom. Well, it's actually quite

hot in here too. I think we've had multiple chicken brain incidents though. I don't think that was the only one. It just hit me. Yeah. I can definitely feel it's going to hit me in a second. It just hit me. I thought it wasn't going to while I was eating. I really think that it's going to get the grease off of my finger and I tasted my deodorant and now I just feel a little sick

that you should feel sick with yourself that you were licking your fingers like that his finger looking good is the brand name that's KFC this is Popeye's you're not supposed to lick your finger it's actually dangerous to like your fingers after Popeyes they put chemicals on it that should never be late

they can be fit and I also get a dry ass biscuit you ate the dry ass biscuit you did the no water biscuit challenge that is basically the reverse of wet ass pussy dry-ass biscuit and biscuit could be a

dry-ass pussy word in England or something dry-ass biscuit dab oh shit she got the wap

and the dab she has a dry biscuit what is her biscuit she got a dry biscuit oh that's a butt sheet it could be slang

toy story two my bitches are burning my my bigs say my big skis come for the fucking the prospector

piece of shit who turns out to be a villain stinky stinky stinky Stinky Pete. They touch his button. How do they not know that he's a bad guy?

He literally name is Pete. They touch his button. Stinky pee. And I don't want to spoil it. He gets out of his own box. Stinky pee pee, what is? That's the man in my mind. Expergis.

A man? Experagus. Expergus. Okay. So we've had three talking fails about two minutes in the experiment. It's the grease on our mouth. It's stinking. We're all sticking.

I think that we've already proven that chicken brain is real. Chicken brain is like not only real. It's realer than I even thought. I thought that maybe we were being super. No. It's 100% real. This is documented. This is a, yeah. This is an actual, now we actually have it documented. This is a real scientific experiment. If you work in the arts, do not ever eat fried chicken before you chicken. You should be only, only rest days. Roast chicken is okay. No, maybe. I think no chicken at all. It's okay, isish. Red meat is better. You can eat beef jerky before

you do an episode. I've eaten beef jerky before every single episode. You can eat beef jerky. You can eat cereal. You can eat bar. You can eat lettuce. You can eat bread. You can eat all of these salad. Salad. Salad, that's part of lettuce. Well, the other way around, but you get my dress. Sometimes there's asparagus or arugula in salad. Okay, now you're trying too hard. I'm not trying to. Yeah, there's no way you just said asparagus. I meant to say arugula. No, because you would have said exparagus. No. Because you already had salad before this Caesar salad. And you probably didn't pick up on salad brain through any of the episode, did you? I would say that you were working

I've had a good amount of episodes where I've eaten chicken Caesar rap I feel fucking ill I do feel ill I don't feel ill I feel greased I just said I woke up How weak are we as men

Where we can't eat one piece of frying It just happens This is giving me a bad name Because I just happen I'm having a bad stomach day already That's why it's just a sound Another thing that I think we've replicated From the original chicken brain experiment

The hostility Not what hostility Fuck you You see that? Yeah What hostility? The other thing that I remember is that we... Don't fuck it me like that, motherfucker.

I'm not able to shoot. We ordered the chicken at the KFC in Alston, then took the bus all the way back to your apartment. So the chicken was lukewarm when we ate it. And we have once again eaten lukewarm chicken, which is not safe. We've had it sitting out for 30 minutes. No, it's not safe at all.

It's safe to eat chicken that sat out for 30 minutes. Maybe 30 minutes, but not 30 hours. Can you admit that? I can't refute your point. 30 hours would be. He screwed up another word. What word? Refute. What is it? You mean refuse?

Yeah, you idiot. Yeah. You fucked it up again. Yeah. You're a chicken scientist. You mean shit. Yeah, you said, he said, he's a guy can't even speak right now. Oh, my God.

Fucking dumb piece of shit. He's completely, look at him in this face. He's completely pale right now. Is it all, do you guys think that it has, is a fried food issue? Or do you think that it is an issue with chicken? You should be the narrator of my life. And he's shrinking his lip. striking his lip up.

What are you asking? Do you think it's all fried foods or it's just chicken? I think it's just chicken. So we have a debate. And go. Okay. I think we just have no experimental proof behind other. I immediately concede.

Okay. Shittiest debate, Emma. That's so nice of a debate, I guess. Do you guys think I immediately concede because the thing it has to be. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom is going to come back. You're talking about Vietnam. NOM. Because we straight up nom, nom, nom, nom, nom on that.

It has to be, it, it's a meat, it's fried meats. I think I got a feather in my eye from the chicken. That can't be right. No feather could survive the hot oils. It's fried meats is the issue here. So if we ate a Salisbury or no. A chicken fried steak. What's a Salisbury steak?

Salisbury steak is a hamburger that is made to look like a steak. You put gravy on it. Yeah, okay. It's actually pretty good. I've had a lot of chopped cereal. If you like hamburger meat, then yeah. I ordered chop sirloin at a restaurant once time, and I didn't even know what it was before.

Okay. What's omikaze? Omikaze is a sushi, a chef selection sushi meal where they serve you each roll one at a time. Or in courses, rather. So you'll go to an omikaze. Like a tasting menu? A little bit, but it's more. It's what they did on Pearl Harbao.

You're eating more. They didn't do, no, you're thinking of kamikaze. No, it's when you sing with your friends at a bar. Yes. Omakase. That's karaoke. My bad. You know the guy died from karaoke?

Yeah. I'm singing at the age of 100. Yeah. Isn't that it funny? It's funny that it was an actual guy. And he invented singing? I didn't go, but we were maybe going to go to karaoke and then I didn't want to. That's a bad moment.

You can't go. But the night that I, the night that I was like, I'm going to go to karaoke. Ah, no, I shouldn't. Then the guy who invented karaoke died at the age of 100. Do you think it was your fault? Do you feel a little bit responsible? Can you imagine the, the, I would probably have had the best time of my life. Yeah.

100-year-old, the death of the creator of a 100-year-old art. And you were the last... You might have been the last person to do it before he passed on. During his lifetime. Jacob karaoke, a Japanese man. Yeah. And he was a brave soul, too. He was so brave.

He said that anybody can sing. He sang. Anybody can sing. Do you think, wait, was he... Amazing. Anybody. That was his slogan. His speech.

Even if you're annoying, you can sing. On the Japanese National Mall. If you're annoying and you pick maybe like the, like the TV show theme song to sing at karaoke, you do funny karaoke, you do funny karaoke. Even people who are so, even people who are so brain-ded that when they are up doing karaoke, they think that they are on TV and they get up there with five friends and they take, all take different selfie videos. Yeah.

I don't like when people disrespect karaoke. I mean either. I want to get up there and I want to go. Yeah. You're supposed to sing. Me and him. You're fucking hard out. You should see me and him sing in the end.

Oh, you like karaoke. Here's another ancient Japanese are karate. Every morning after karaoke, I wake up and I'm hung over, and I also feel like I screamed for my life being kidnapped the night before. Because I give him my all. You does the raps. I do the, I do Chester Bennington. And I do all-American rejects as well.

And he crushes that shit. I do hinder lips of an angel. No, I don't know. I don't even know a single Hindu song. Yeah, you do. Lips of an angel is hinder. Does Hindu music exist? Yeah.

Probably, great. I would imagine so. It's a religion. They all have songs. Every religion has a song. Not atheism. Flying spaghetti. Atheism does a song.

They do have... Flying spaghetti monster in the sky. Why is he Jamaican? I don't know. Pastafarians. Yeah. Oh, shit. Actually, it is actually a good reason why he is.

I think Steve Martin made a song about atheism. Yeah. Bastered. What is wrong with that guy? Nothing funny about not believing in God. God looks a hundred twenty fucking years old. They're shooting something for only murders. Yeah.

Oh, no, wait. This isn't a couple of weeks. But they're shooting at the venue that we have Alex versus Patrick, our show, they are shooting at the windjammer. You can say it. You're like promoting the show. It's not a secret on your address. But they're using the windjammer to shoot something there for a week. So the show, the next show got pushed.

Oh, shit. And it's in the middle of the tour now. So we have to. Steve Martin's going to have to go through me. Only murders in the building. I wish it was only TV show in the trash can. Get rid of that one. Keep all the other ones.

I like all the other TV shows. Just not this one. only TV show in the trash can put this one in the trash throw it away everything else keep it and when I say put the TV show in the trash I don't mean just one copy

I mean every copy the masters the masters the negatives the negatives every single thing they shoot it on film all of the cameras that were used we don't want this to be recoverable data no we want this show gone and this will be the only show

that is gone every other show every other show even the ones I don't know if you're getting it every other show is going to Stay on air. Only TV show. The only TV show in the trash can. Oh, fuck. All right.

Right as I was breaking out of my chicken brain. Is this the same one at Jackhead? No, this is Aqua style. Aqua, guys, this is smelling salts. So a little backstory. We went over to Jack Bensinger's house. We talked about this on a previous episode. Yeah, but we don't know that people remember that.

We used his smelling. salts and we really liked them. And we thought, and I wish that we had been recording an episode then, because guys, at that party, we were funny as fuck. But now this is a chance to rectify that once and for all. So now, let's show the world what we got. And before risk, before we do this, just because this is YouTube, I just need to do a disclaimer here. Guys, it's going to be us sniffing something. Yeah. But listen to this, okay? And you might think, what, sniffing something? That can't be illegal. The combination of chemicals, mix and it can't be legal is what I

said. It may inhibit or delay a proper and thorough neurological is no this product is not wait where is it there was something on it that is bad there's something no wait the use is not wait where is it

ammonia inhalants are legal and safe yes that is the line I was looking for they are keep away from children don't be doing this shit kids so this is legal yeah Mr. Mr. tube and this they want they're trying to suppress this shit by the way with all these warnings don't give it to children what so they can't unlock their full potential

okay get the camera on me here because I'm about to do it oh my god that's making me burp like a fucking madman Oh, my God, go. We have to start the timer. Go. Close it, close it. Close it up. Oh, okay.

And go. All right. My heart is pounding. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel amazing. I feel great. Jesus fucking Christ.

Why did you get mad? I just had a spurt of energy. I literally, I'm shaking. I just spit. I don't show any different, really. That's crazy. I feel insane. Hit it again, man.

Come on. Let's do this shit. Yeah. Yeah, you like it, don't you? You fucking like it, man. I heard the way that that cough sounded. I'm confiscating this from you. I think I got some stuck in my nose forever.

I think I did too. It's actually that one. The first one, I think, that I didn't really do much. The second one, that one hit real good. We need to start taking these to the gym. That's what it's for. I think it's more for this. No, it's exactly.

It's for this completely. Who is the monies sport for? Athletes, weightlifters, fitness enthusiasts. Artists. Add podcasters to your fucking. What is it? This is a hydrate. This is a thing I came up with earlier that I texted you guys.

We're podcasters. Of course we like microphones. Yes. We're podcaster. Of course we eat chicken and do smelling salt back to back. That was actually, oh my God. It's a laser. I feel complete.

I think combining the chicken and the food. I'm closing this. I don't want to even see that anymore. The salts. Well, salt goes good on food. Oh, my God. And these are not tasting salts. Do not eat these, man.

these are not good to eat. For inhalation only, keep away from fire or flame. Oh, we have to experiment with flame now. If this product dries out, rewet. We have to experiment with this in flame now. I would like to see that. I want to throw it in the air.

Flame and salt. With a lighter. Well, a moment. Or put it on the table and light it on fire. That'd be awesome. Fire. A city was cleansed in a pillar of fire and a woman was turned to a pillar of salt. Redstone. Fire and salt in the Bible.

Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit about the fucking Bible? Yeah. I'm just talking about that. We're talking about salts. I'm saying that you were saying the meeting of the smelling salts on the fire would be a beautiful experiment. I say, yeah, because it's in the Bible. That's how great it is. You think it's great that it destroyed a woman?

Yeah, it's a great that a woman. She turned into not a woman anymore. Many people are more salt than flesh. She turned into a sexy statue. He wasn't a woman. Just because she had a masculine name. Less of a woman just because she's a pillar of salt. Well, you think Angelina Jolie is not a woman.

No, I think. Because she's a woman in the movie. Because she likes to adopt children. Because she adopts her children. You think adopting children is wrong. Yeah. You think that has nothing to do with this. We're talking about you.

We're talking about you liking when women turn into pieces of salt. I love it. What is not to love? All right. Well, he actually just admitted it so we can't even press him on it even more. I think that, man, you are too charged up. What do you mean I'm too charged up? You're an attack.

I'm going to completely fine. You're an F-1-F-150. I'm not even F-150. Or what is that? A piter gilet. A piter jilot. What do you even say? You don't even speak English properly.

You're a pilot of a fighter jet. A piter jial. You said a piter jilot. No, I didn't. You just fucking made that up. You just said a piter gillet. Oh, I didn't know. Smellings always make you lie, too.

They don't even lie. Oh, I'm so hyped up. I'm going to lie to my friend. You don't lie. I don't lie. You lie. You fucking lie. I don't lie at all.

You're a liar. Who? You're a fucking liar. You said that at the camera. You didn't even say it to either of us. This is not the camera. This is the TV. Oh, you said it to the, me and the TV.

It's causing confusion. What is happening to you? I said you're a liar. You're the one. Let me get it again. Wait, you said there. You're way with the way. That's you.

This is me. Calm. Collected. You're not calm right now. I'm calm and collected. Let me get another. Oh. Fuck, man.

That is bad for you. That's actually not good for you to do it like that. Yeah, you're doing it. You're doing it very close to your face. Okay, so that was kind of a funny style. That was a, oh, that actually burned my, oh, my God.

Yeah, it will burn your nose. It's fucking ammonia. What are we doing? You're not supposed to do that. That one got in my eyes and I'm crying. I am also crying right now. So maybe, actually, I do feel amazing. Oh my God.

I still feel really good. I feel amazing. I got, I just, it had, I think it lingered in my, in the space in the back of my throat and I took a deep breath and it, I got another hit of it. Oh, my God. And that's why I said, oh, my God. Like that's a hack.

I'm feeling like, I'm feeling like Jocko Willink right now. Who's that? You don't know, Jocko? No. I know Jocco's modernized. It's a different guy. Jock's that guy who does a podcast where he interviews like liars from the military.

Drenched and sweat. Drenched. Yeah. Drenched. I'm feeling the same thing. From chicken and you're a nitpicker. What did he nitpick about? I said my palms are drenched and he said drenched.

He said drenched. How's that? Like you would. Like you would? Like you would. You would. instead of pen. How do you say drenched?

Drenched? That's basically how I said it. You literally say rum. I don't want to fucking hear it from you, rum, Mr. Rung. Okay, PIN. You say rum. He says it too. No, he doesn't.

Yeah, he does. I'd say it maybe like 25% of the time. It's mostly trained. 100% rum. But it's crazy to me because I always thought that I always thought that rum and room had two different contexts. When I was growing up, I thought like, it's like, oh, there's a, I'm going to go to my room, but there's not

of room. Oh, that's interesting. I always, that's what I thought, but it's just that I was sometimes around people with New England accents and sometimes wasn't. There should be a, and the people who had New England accents are always very great. I didn't realize that I say drawing weird. Yeah, you say drawing. How is that? You say, wait, what's yet? Warrior, warrior, warrior, warrior, warrior, will you say will you say, willier? Don't come at me about pin, man. I'll say pin all day. Pee and that's an accent thing. You have an issue. Yeah, it's just a accident, man. He doesn't mean to say it like that. Well, I said accent, but maybe this was my

accent again. Warrior. I really, I, we talked to Jesse about that and she said, I also say it that way. So it is a New England accent thing. I think it's a problem with dumb, dumb, dumb, babe, people. Dumb, dumb people. Something has completely happened. Something in the last two experiments has really changed in the dynamic. The wires are getting crawled. Something is really going wrong. Yeah, this is a brain melter one.

I think I'm rising like a phoenix out of the chicken. That's why this episode should be called the gauntlet. Yeah, so basically the challenge of eating chicken and standing up is a well, that's a real don't, don't downplay the smelling. Yeah, I guess the challenge of smelling something too.

Don't say smelling something. Don't you know what that is. Don't use your science. Don't use your science. Don't. Okay, let me read the warning right. Let me read the warning right now. it says ammonia and halins are legal and safe.

There's more words than that. There's a lot of words. You fucking piece of shit. Don't lie to me. You're a turd. You're a complete turd. It has lightning on the front. It has a lightning guy.

He's blue. It's not lightning. It's like those like tech molecules. Yeah, he looks like. That's lightning. This is a man-made of lightning. This is literally a man-made of lightning. It's the Eiffel-65 blue alien.

I don't know what Aqua means, but I bought it because it was cheaper than the other styles. What was the other one cost? It was just like, it was like a $3 difference. Oh, I don't remember what the name of the other one. You don't have to skimp out on salt. Well, it was my money that I bought it with. So I thought it was on the company card.

No, I bought it on my own card. Oh. So you get to own it for yourself forever. So we all have to buy our own now. Well, I'll let you guys use it. I was going to come in. You know what I was going to do? You know what I was going to do?

You know what I was going to do. That's a good idea. I was going to, I didn't want to buy them because I'd have to ask the bodega guy if I could get them. But there's a bodega. I was going to get. Yeah. was going to get poppers. That's the reverse. Because I was going to do salts

and then after pull out the surprise the little bottle of rush and then see what happens when we all do poppers and try to podges. That maybe you can't do on YouTube. This you can do on YouTube. If they come after us for this, we can shut their shit down, man. It says right on the bottle. It's legal and say. Do not

use, it may inhibit a neurological assessment. But aren't poppers legal also? But it's legal to use as a VHS cleaner or whatever it is. They're not legal to smell. Yeah. It's not legal to It's something that's illegal to smell You can buy this, but you better not fucking smell it. That's bullshit.

Don't you dare take a sniff. Is it illegal to sniff to huff paint or sniff glue? I don't think it is. It can't be illegal to smell paint. It can't be illegal to smell. I mean, it is illegal. It is illegal. It is illegal.

How? What jury can convict somebody for smelling something they fucking own? That should just shouldn't even be, you can, that just is not even in the realm of something that it can be delineated by the law. I couldn't have said it better myself. That's something you can have but can't smell it.

It should not even go to jury. That should not be allowed to be written down. It should be an amendment to the Constitution. That you can anything you know whatever you want. Google right now, is it illegal to smell. It is illegal to have paint. How can they make it illegal? You're not an expert. It is illegal.

You're not in trouble for it. Okay, video or pictures. Inhalant abuse is illegal in New York. That's bullshit. Wait, is this technically inhalant abuse? No, it says it's legal. How do we abuse it? We use it to get pumped up.

Yeah, that's true. Wait, if that's illegal, then how do they sell poppers at every bodega around here? Because that one is, well, that's what I mean. It's because there's inhalant. I mean, they're talking about inhalants like other inhalants, probably because they say, you know, use possess, sell or distribute your chemical. inhale it's in order to abuse them. But a lot of these things you're inhaling have purposes like painting your house or painting your VCR or painting your closet or painting your car or painting your

whatever or gluing your house, just door to the hinges. Gling your airplane to a wing. Et cetera. I don't want this one to end. Me neither. That's okay. We can keep this one alive during the last one. Okay. What is the, entering the last one. The final experiment. All right, Julio, I want you to open a tab, mute it, and do not under any circumstances show this tab on screen right now. Okay, now I want you to type in right now. P-O-R in the bar, P-O-R-N-H-I-B. I don't even ought to spell it.

U-B dot com, seeing that there's some Firefox 6. Gay, sex, gay porn videos, fastest come shot ever. Wait, let's click on that one. Let's watch the fastest come shot ever. Okay, just start playing, start, put this on auto. I'm not going to hit the timer here Keep that shit mute Okay and go

Guys for the next 10 minutes We'll be watching porn while we talk Oh my God I don't want to watch That's exactly Oh and he jizzed instantly Oh god Oh fuck man

Okay well Sex is so to We just have to, the way for this experiment to work is we just have to have a normal conversation and not mention this. While it's up on the screen. Oh, okay. Well, I did another Costco order today. That's great. What did you order?

Well, I got a, let's see, I got some steaks. I got a cauliflower pizza. Can you watch Heather Kane absolutely humiliates his, because I'd like to see what his means or what comes. Is he a clown? Humiliates his premature ejaculation. Okay. Now, keep talking about. Costco? Sorry. So, yeah. So I ordered Costco. I got a, I got some cauliflower pizzas. I got

some steaks. I got some chicken. I'm planning on making a stir fry. I actually did. I got a what type of sauce to do that? I got a Japanese barbecue sauce. Oh, I'm thinking about Japanese barbecue sauce right now. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm thinking more of yum yum sauce from a habachi place. You ever have that? Yes. What do they put in that damn sauce that makes it so yum yum? Mayonase. But there's other ingredients. And other ingredients. Why do he put his shirt over his face? I think it's playing in reverse. Yeah, they just did a reverse come shot where they went back into the dick.

Which was really, really crazy. I've never, I've never, ever seen that. That is insane. But he put his shirt over his face. Like, he's some kind of fucking. I'm getting the worst headache right now. From just the sex? I think just from the chicken into this into this is.

That's why this is the gauntlet. I think we need to combo a couple of things here. Yeah, I agree. I think this is the last experiment. Piece of chicken. There's just bones left, is it not? Oh, there's a little wing. Okay, go ahead and eat that.

Yeah, go and eat that. We're going to handle stuff like men. Do you have any other topics to talk about or anything that happened? What happened to you guys recently? Let's see. This is an interesting method of Jackoff. Sorry to this. She's just rubbing her finger on the bottom of his dweener.

What's that called again? The pin. The frenulum. There's a name. Flit your frenulum. It's a frenulum. That's a Ron. That's a Ron white joke.

That's a really weird. It's like the thing at the bottom of your tongue. but for your cock, which I never understood why. What is that Ron White joke about it? They got these articles in Cosmo telling me to flick your frenulum. I haven't heard that one.

That's a pretty famous Ron White Joke. I only know it's Tater Salad. They call me Tater salad. If somebody jizzes in your mouth, you might as well just fucking swallow it. Right. I don't understand if the... Stop hitting him. Slap his cock, bit.

Don't slap him! Guys, we can't. can't we can't we have to we have to be normal you're right okay you're right there's uh i mean under these circumstances it's a little bit hard but um this is the experiment we have to we have to podcast through it all tater sat but i'm having a hard time looking at you that looks like tater salad just look right at this no just look at me and just imagine the video okay okay what's this one called tell me this one has a drawing of a piece this one is called tell me when you were about to come edging pathetic dicky can't last three men pathetic

Dickie. That's a good rapping name. That's a good rapping name. They already have a little dicky. Pathetic Dickie's a different guy. Is Lil Dickie still around? Yeah. We're doing his TV show Dave now.

He's making a Childish Gambino turn into TV. I know. I heard about that. People say it's actually good, but I can't imagine that that could be. This guy is the weirdest. Childers Gambino show isn't even that good. I don't really like any. I think that rappers need to stay away from my fucking television son.

Absolutely. And that's that on that. Do not try to listen. Dave. Dave, more like save all the other TV shows throw this one in the trash. Yes, yes.

I was just thinking you can keep every other TV show just recently. You can leave this one. I feel like we were just talking about this. Every other TV show can remain on networks and streaming services. Save them. Save them.

But hey, Dave, you're going in the trash. Dave out. And the Dave, and the Dave, do you know what, Dave? Oh, yeah. Drop the mic. Dave.

You drop the mic, Dave. Yeah. Forever. Yeah. Drop the mic. Don't pick it back up. And Little Dickie, I know for a fact that your five fingers of death freestyle was pre-written. I know for a fact.

By me. Because I wrote it. I was on the writing team that wrote it. We each wrote a finger. We each wrote one fingers. I got a message on Instagram. I got hired as a ghost writer for five fingers of death and each of the fingers I wrote about a different finger. I made the guy first wrap about a thumb, then an index finger.

First comes a pinky. There comes a ring. There comes a thumpkin. Where is thumpkin. Five fingers of death. And go. The pinky, the ring finger, motherfucking middle. Motherfuck you.

The pointer finger is a riddle. Then we got the thumb. It makes me want to come. Why do you? Why do people watch small cock pornography? Is it because they have big dicks and they want to imagine a different world? Or they have the smallest penis and they want to see themselves represented. Right.

same reason that a nerd who in real life knows zero elves would escape to the world of Lord of the Rings. I guess that makes some sense. You look up Lord of the Rings full movie, see if that's on there? I don't think it's going to be on. I think I'd think I'd rather watch, maybe look up full movie see if there's a movie on here.

I think we really just need to let this run. We don't want to talk about it or do anything about it. Then what's the point of the experiment? The point is podcasting, man. It's how does it affect the point? And I can't tell right now. It ruins it because it is affecting it because I'm I'm distracted, so don't be distracted.

You need to fight that urge. That's a hard sell, or what's the word I'm looking for? It's hard. It's hard. It's difficult. It's difficult for me. It's not, it's just hard. It doesn't have a bargain or anything.

That's hard. Wait, that reminds me of the cock that's in front of me. Cock and penis. Cog and penis. Who's the last time you guys played the penis game? We've done it a few times, I think, on tour. When did we do that? What were we doing when we did that?

I don't remember being in school. I think we played the penis game in Portland. On where? In what context? I think we were in the hotel room. I'm just in the hotel room. We were in the hotel room playing the penis game, yeah. Who won?

I think you did. It sounds like something I would win. Yeah. It was in that hotel room that had. the chalkboards everywhere. I feel like a wound is opening between my eyes. Your third eye? I feel like my third eye is literally.

I feel like a pain right here that feels like it is like this. I get that every once in a while when I really think too much. Are you seeing any visual representation of me becoming? Off of the porn, I'm getting visuals. I'm getting like crazy mushroom-esque visuals, I would say. I'm seeing some mushroom-esque things too in these porn videos. Do you think it's funny that, like, there's so much porn.

Whoa, it looks like the dune worm. Chill on his dick. Isn't it crazy that there's so much porn? It has to be 50% of all people in the world make porn. Yeah, women. Yeah, women. That's probably all the women in the world that are making it. But there's guys' penises that are involved in this as well.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess when there's 8 billion people in the world, four billion of them are hoes. Are complete and total hoes. And we're saying hos, guys are hos, guys are hos. Guys can't be hoes. We're right, guys are pimps. What are you talking about?

Do it the big pun? Or whatever. What, big pun? Not a play, I just fuck a lot. That's a ho. It's not a ho. That's a ho. Or what's the other song, Lil Kim, crush on you?

Who sings that? She's a girl. Yeah, but it's a guy singing. Who sings that? Little Kim. No, no, no. Someone's rapping on it. It's not Lil Kim's a rapper. Unless they pitched her voice down.

You don't know this song, Crush on You by Lil Kim. He goes, he's a ho, he's a slut, he's a freak. Got a different girl every day or the week. It's true, not trying to put their rush on you. I got to let you know that I got a crush on you, and it's a guy, and it's not Little Kim. Wait, rappers sing about things as sensitive as having a crush? Yeah, but he's saying he's a ho. He's a slut.

I may have to rethink my idea of rap because I thought Crush was only for rock and roll. I thought Crush something was rappers did to beer cans. Yeah, yeah, at frat parties. At all these rapper, all these fucking rappers, Ashurroth, Sammy Adams. Well, I would say, Little, Sam Adams. Nation of Islam is kind of a frat in a way.

Oh, I think so. Nation of Islam? I don't think it's a frat. It's kind of a frat. What's not a frat about it? It's a religion. That is not a reality. That's a religion, dude.

It's the only true religion. Fratism is a religion. I never tell you guys about when I was a kid and I started listening to J. Electronica and I gave $15 to Nation of Islam. You never know what's that? I was like, yep. These guys, they're doing God's work out here. And I had like probably $20. Yeah.

15 of it to Nation of Islam and then bought a steam game. God, it would be back in the days when you had $20 and you decided to spend $15 on something. Yeah. My net worth, eliminating my net worth. Yeah, it's gone. So that I could give it to, what's his name? What's the guy from Nation of Islam, the head guy? Louis Farrakhan.

Ferricon. Ferricon. The Honorable Louis Farrakhan. Well, that's going to do it right as this guy is, looks like his girlfriend took a backseat. This is a Drake-Ty-style flop. Putting his floppy winner. That girlfriend does not want to be there.

To work. No, I don't even know. The title of the video is limpest dick on earth takes forever to milk. And by forever, they mean four minutes. All right, close this video down. The experiment is over. All right. So what did we learn?

What did we learn? All right, let's go one by one. Okay. So through every experiment. This represents the first experiment. This is the control. The Sharpie represents it. And that one worked.

What? Because it's standing. I don't know. I'm feeling crazy right now. So basically, I think that we should be doing smelling salts every time. Chicken brain is completely real, as my other takeaway. And the third takeaway is that it's fun to watch porn with your friends, but it's not good for podcasting because you want to talk about the shapes of the penises.

Yeah, like porn is really awesome, I think I learned today. Yeah. And it's like funny but not funny to listen to people talk about. We could have done a mystery science 3,000 theater 3,000. That's what I was on Patreon. We go with our heads. Right. And we'd say, getting really close.

Yeah, getting really, really close. I thought that that was the, what we were supposed to do. That's why I kept talking about different size of the penis. Yeah, so. So you kind of had you're going to have smelling salt again?

I'm going to do one for the road. I would say, speaking of the road, unless we're full-throated, you can't just leave it open like that. Full-throated endorsement of smelling salt.

Yeah, this is the best product ever made in the world. We'll have an Amazon affiliate link up for this. Vote which is the best one and you don't have to comment that this is the worst episode we ever did because we already know. Yeah.

And speaking of the road, which was the transition. The road by Corbeck McCarthy. I did before. We are currently on the road. Right? Yes. When this episode comes out,

we will have done Boston already and it will have been the best show ever, but it's not too late to see the show that will dethrone the best show ever, which is every successive show on this tour. Guys, we're going to Chicago, Minneapolis, Detroit, Atlanta, Toronto,

Philadelphia, and Carborough. And guys, that's not all week. I said Philly. Later after Carborough. I said that one. He said it. But that's not all guys.

We have added a show in New York City, World's Biggest Army. This ain't no damn podcast show. This is a sketch show and you're going to want to come see it. It will be very, very great. We will be huffing this shit backstage. Oh, yes. Every single show.

This is going to become a problem. I hope that they never run. Do they run out? Yes. Yes. Blast. It's not that expensive. Oh, Joy.

Yay! Joy holders. Shareholder's meeting is what day. It's already passed. It's already passed this one, right? It might be already past this. Or it's a day or two. Shareholders meeting ours to win on the fire.

If we're going to go and then we go. And rock on. Rock forever. Rock and roll forever. There's an Italian restaurant like that in Rhode Island where you walk in it. But it apparently is a like a fucking community center like four days. of the week. Yeah.

Turn it to an Italian restaurant. That's so awesome. There's a spot somewhere downtown. These old ladies who work there. Beautiful. Yeah. There's a spot somewhere downtown. It's like a Ukrainian restaurant that's just in a basement.

I like that. That's why. And who is the person who showed us these places? Me. Divers, drive-ins and diners. Mm-hmm. Diners drive-ins and dines. Davers.

Divers. Diders. Diner's drive-ins and dives. Divers, dogs and dirgers. And he hits, he hits a lot of diners. No, dergers. Not so many drive-ins and very few

dies. Drive-thru's. What is it? Drive-thru's dog channels and... No, that would be a different... Divergibles. Dijer's. There is a didgerie dudes. That's the one that's the Australian. So hard to say it. Demons and demonic presences? No, that's not the show at all. It's dive-vins.

The dive-vins. Dive- I fucking hate this shit. Dumbledore. Dodger. Dodgers. Dodgers. Dodgers, Diamondbacks and the Mets. That's the National League. No, divers. Drive-ins. Drive-ins. Drive-ins. Drive-ins. Okay. Let's make a, let's make a mnemonic for it. Say that what it is. Drive-ins. Drivers. Diner's. Diners. Diner's. Drive-ins and dives. Wait, what is your mnemonic? Drivers, dyns and dives. Okay, what is your mnemonic? Drivers, dynens, and dive wars.

Dive wars? That's what is it? It's drive-ins, diners, and dives. Diner, it's diners, drive-ins, and dives. Diders first. It's diners first. Diner's drivers first. Diner's, drivers, and drives?

Divers. Divers. No, don't even say that about Guy Fieri. I think he did, no. Diner's. No, he's very happy. Okay, I think diners. I bet his wife loves him so much.

First middle of the date. Diner. if you wake up late.