Podcast About List - Ep. 287 - Everyone Looks Like Patrick

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Have you or any of your loved ones ever seen this man? In some cases you have witnessed a Patrick Doran event, but more often than not it might have been a Patrick Apparition. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Okay, guys. Here's the plan, guys. Tell me the plan. So this morning, I tried to make a list and guess what? I didn't have time. Well, okay. It's been a crazy week. We've been out on tour. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop. Let me take this one on me. No, you're not making it. This is true, man. I woke up. I drank my coffee. I did my crossword. I ate my breakfast. What else did I do? Basically, I did enough stuff in the morning that I didn't have time to make a list. I started to do it. I got about two screenshots in, and I just couldn't do it, man. I had to come here. So what I propose is that today we basically do a premium style episode, and then on the premium episode, we do a list and give each side a taste of how the other half lives. I really like this idea, because we talked about the people either listen to the premiums, or the regular the battle lines are drawn people don't listen to both people don't listen to both people hate the regulars so hopefully this will bring some people over to premium and then also bring some of the premium people have them downgrade so that they're not exactly give us no people who realize yeah oh oh i just like the normal ones so i'm not going to listen to the premiums

yeah and they'll skip this episode as well because the number's getting a little too high the number is it's absurd it's up it's definitely up it's up and over over our lifetime where Over the last couple years, not so much up. No. A little up, but a little bit up. Over the past year, down. No spike. No spike.

Flat line. No spike. Like Patrick, no spike. I have no spike. Doesn't have one. It's plain down there. It's completely plain. I don't know this.

I don't know to see you with a spiked hair. Are you ready to, yeah. Are you okay? to talk about your tragedy? I mean, I'll just get mad. I don't think it's... No, we're not going to talk about it. UPS lost my package, that's it.

And it was expensive as package. It was a steam deck. It was a real tragedy. Really rough. So if you want to donate your steam deck to Cameron. It's okay. They're sending me a replacement. Knowing my luck, it's also going to get stolen.

Do you think you, do you consider yourself to be somebody of... We need to get a P.O. No, I think generally, I have pretty good, decent luck. I do think over the past two weeks or so, I think there's a curse on me or something. Yeah. I think the bad things about. happening in large proportion. You are sneakily the most superstitious person I know.

And I know Mexican people. What's superstitious about cursing, cursed being cursed? What superstitious is about being cursed? You always think that you are being either cursed or blessed. Yeah. Isn't that what life is? No, no, no, no. A good chunk of people don't believe in it. Don't believe in cursing.

Or do you just go, oh, things are just happening to me randomly. There's people who believe in just science. Isn't that fuck? They don't even believe that. So somebody, somebody finds a $20 bill on the ground. They go, oh, thank God. that the molecules arranged for me to find this today. Yeah. No, no. I mean, yeah. You say, that's exactly how they ask. You say, oh, my science. Yeah.

No, you know who this is? Stephen Pinker. I zoom out and I look at the great-haired guy. I look at the world through, uh, cause and effect. Hmm. Cause. God hates me. Cause. I've been blessed like his cancer lost. Wait, you are a scientist. That's much more scientific. That's Christian science. There's nothing wrong with being superstitious. That's Christian science. And you're not there's Christian science.

related to that woman. Mrs. Mary Baker, Eddie. Mary Baker. She should have been a baker. I would love to communicate with her and have her kind of ghost. Let's communicate with her right now. You believe in ghosts? Pull up Ouija board.

I don't really believe in ghosts that much. Pull up virtual Ouija board. I don't want to do that. You're scared. That's because you're afraid. No, it's a member of my family. So, it's disrespectful. You're afraid.

You're so afraid. It's disrespectful, man. It's going to make the curse worse. What if she says something? about like my great-great-grandmother or something and then everybody knows it. Yeah, that's true. Was my great-great-grandmother a slut?

Well, that's good. I don't trust you guys and not ask something like that. Pull up the virtual Ouija board. We're asking right now if your great-great-grandma was a slut. It's so horrible. How's that horrible? That's not my family, man. You didn't know it.

And if you did. Okay, is there any way that we can use dictation software to ask a, you have Dragon, naturally speaking, that we could use? No, I don't think so. Ask the question. Is Cameron's great, great, great, grandma? Is Cameron's great, great grandma a slut? Great, great grandma.

A slut. Well, I was a, was great, was his great. And then follow up question. Would that be considered a slut now or is it just because of the time? Wait, wait, wait, it's shaking. It's jiggling. The paddle is shaking. You have to hold your mouse on the pointer.

Oh. Oh. Oh. See, I know this is 12. Oh, my God. What do you mean? I told you, this is why I didn't want to do it. I told you it would say yes, dude.

Exactly. That's why I don't want to fucking do it. How is that an I told you so from you? I told you. What are you talking about? She was a slut, man. I said it. She was a complete, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, ask, was she a slut by today's standards? I don't even want to know this. I really don't want to see this. Ask, was she a slut by today's standards, or was it just a timing thing? wait it doesn't have an answer for that we'll see you can't ask a two part question to a yes or no you can spell it out man

a slut by today's standards there we go was is was Graham Cameron's great great grandma slud by today's standard so this is just was she showing ankle or was she showing at all oh wait you have to keep your mouse on it bro oh it's it said no okay so she probably it was probably that she married young

yeah oh okay well that's not that I guess that's what they did back that Or married old. She married old like a real slut. Yeah. Wait, to ask you the devil. Okay, now we know if it's been lying the whole time or not.

Wait, how? If it's the devil deceives. Wait. Am. Now what? M. What? A.

Oh, no. I think I know what it's doing. I don't like this answer. Why? Okay, it's maybe. It's maybe. It's maybe. It's maybe the devil.

Speed up. Speed up devil. Speed up. Devil, you're very slow. Well, maybe the devil. E.

Now what? Now what's next? Are you not? Are you not? Maybe not. Maybe not. Yeah, no,

maybe. Whoa. What's going again? Wait, what the maybe L? Wait, wait. Wait.

It's getting scary as fuck. L. A. La laugh. Is he going to say lap? Late. Later. Maybe later.

Oh. Oh. Are you the devil? Maybe. Maybe. later? What does that mean? You're like a baby devil?

I think maybe this is the stupidest demon we've ever, or the ghost we've ever talked to. Have you guys ever done a Ouija board? Yeah, it's fake. Really? Yeah, it's fake. Are you serious, man?

I remember we did, it's fake, you're hearing it here first. My wife had a friend in high school. One time she came over when we were in high school and me and my wife conspired to really scare her

with a Ouija board. And she was like, and we thought that it would be, she'd be like, oh, I'm getting scared. She immediately started just bawling crying. Yeah. If you don't know the secret of it, it's terrifying for it to be saying something like that. Yeah. It was funny.

You're hanging out with your friends? Yeah. She's probably crying because she realized her friends betrayed her. Yeah. But then we made it say poop and funny stuff. You know. But that is probably... Are you a demon? Pea. Oh my God. Oh. Oh. Oh, it must be some demonic name. Oh. P. Oh. P. Oh. Poop. It's the demon poop. A demon would be named poop A demon would be named poop

It's disgusting Being of poor taste Ice spice is damn near obsessed with this Poop Her newest song So the last three songs Have had stuff about poop Well I remember you think you the shit

You're not even the fart This next song This newest song has the word diaper in it So I know She's a big butt Yeah she probably wears a diaper She probably does That's why her butt's so big

Diper is the bra of the butt How do you get a bubble that big? Was she born with that? Probably. It's probably genetic. Or grown into it, I guess. Some people have a genetically big butt. It's kind of gross.

Because of years of science, I think. Well, again, we talked about this a couple weeks ago. You love big butts. I cannot lie. You really, really liked them. Wait, that was fire. That was fucking gas, dude. So what's going on, man?

There's been an attack from Iran on... On U.S. soil. on sovereign U.S. land. Not much has gone on in the news. I feel like that was one. Anytime there's a news story like that, I get freaked out for about three minutes as freaked out as you can get at the news.

And then I completely forget about it. And I don't think about it even one time. As soon as it stops being something where everybody on Twitter is talking, like every single post I see is about something. As soon as someone says something about a movie I don't care about the news anymore Oh yeah

Yeah, we were at a bar Two nights ago after our show And they were playing the Eternals On the TV Which one is that? That's like the one with the D.C. Oh yes So I saw that

That was a huge flop right? Yeah, yeah I saw the ending of it And fucking Harry Styles Isn't it as Thanos's brother? Really? Yeah, that's stupid I was looking at it, and then, like, I asked the bartender what it was.

He's like, oh, it's the Eternals. I was like, this looks like fucking shit. Isn't his character's name Star Fox or something? Something like that. But then the bartender showed me a great video, which was called R-rated Spider-Man. And it's the scene in Spider-Man. Where his arms rip off? His arms are you haven't seen that before?

I never seen it before. That's a crazy video. He pulled it up on his phone and just showed it to me. That's a funny video to show somebody. Yeah. I was like, dude, this is awesome. You know where he's hold it. You stop in the train.

It's that, but his arms just rip off and his whole body goes flying. He does it with his legs too Who made it? Corridor Digital? Maybe. I don't know. Probably someone like that. Yeah, his arms and legs rip off and I was trying to close out

but he's just showing me a video on his phone. It was actually fucking, it was a good video. I'm glad he showed it to me. I'm going to keep that one in the archive of my brain. Your fat material? My fat material, bro. Do you think that's fat material? Do you think that's fat to be?

I'm a fat to that. Don't fap to that. You're a fat to Toby McGuire. I'm a fap to that. Dude, you're not supposed to fap to. I love you for that. I'll fucking... Don't, man.

Are you serious? I didn't mean to. What are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? It's called a reflex. Yeah, man. If someone comes up to me, people could say anything to me on the street

and if they try to dat me up. You got to do it. I want to look cool. Yeah. I'm going to try as hard as I can't. And I'm going to be real with you guys. I probably miss 30 to 40% of all handshakes. You got to look at the elbow.

Yeah. See, I think if you do that, that is worse than just missing naturally. If you have a system to always hit the hand, that might be the wackest thing possible. That's not bad. That is pretty wet. No.

Yeah, it is pretty bad. No, no. If you have to, it's called the, it's called the, it's called the,

it's called being a social samurai. You start going for a high five and you think, okay, time to use my trick. I think if you're a white guy and you're like, all right, look at the elbow, look at the elbow.

All right. Coming in. That's pretty well. I never even considered doing that in my life. Yeah, but they don't know that you're doing it. What just fell? No, you do, what are you doing?

Oh, you're looking at my elbow. Oh. I don't even notice, man. Not doing that. What do you mean? What's up, man? Oh, it's up, Darrell. Yo, how's it going?

Darrell? I've been watching the office. Oh, okay. Let's do a slow motion high five. I'm going to do what you do when you do a high five. That's not what I do. It's really, and you hit it every job. Yes, nobody knows.

Everybody thinks I'm cool. You wouldn't say that to a sniper. What? Who's looking down the barrel of his sight. Well, but he's not trying to hit your hand. He doesn't aim for your elbow to hit your hand. He could be aiming for your hand if you have a gun in it. It doesn't automatically, so you think that a sniper, if you're, if you're in a hostage situation and the, which I was.

Which you have been, obviously. If the sniper has the gun to the hostage's head, you think that the sniper or the guy does, the hostage taker. The hostage has the gun to the sniper's head. Okay. I'm getting really confused about the roles that happen in a hostage situation. But basically, the person has the gun to the hostage head. The hostage taker. What do you call?

The criminal. The criminal has the gun. Let's call them a terrorist. The terrorist. I give up on my story. So you're saying that they would need to aim at the elbow to hit the hand. Well, if they aimed at the hand, it would be a funny shot, I will say. What do you mean?

If they shot the gun, if somebody had a gun, if somebody had a gun to your head and there was a sniper on a building like a mile away or something. That's a watch this. That's a check this shit out. Check this shit out. He shoots the hand that has the gun. Yeah, the gun goes flying. The gun, either the gun goes flying or he shoots. Wait, isn't that what they do?

No, they always shoot the, they always shoot the guy in the head. Which is crazy. If you're somebody like... Wait, have you ever seen sniper with Mark Wahlberg? He blows off the guy's arm. She does. Guns out of people's hands all the time in the movies. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think they do that in real life. But why not? It works in a movie. I bet the gun would blow up, man. The gun would either blow up. Guns are not bombs. You're confusing weapons.

Yeah, but then all the bullets in the, gun, the, the, wouldn't it not have some way to, to misfire and get fucked up by by, yeah, I guess if you fucking hit the trigger, shooting the trigger, because the person being held up, that's what you do. That's what you're trying to assassinate someone who's around a corner. You set up a gun pointing and then, oh, you shoot, then you shoot the gun and that's 90 degrees. That's a cool idea. That's a super hot idea. Takes a lot of set up, though. That's wanted. Doesn't take that much stuff. All you have to do is put a gun pointed at the guy close to him. Well, but then you run away. A gun hanging. A gun hanging from fishing line. It's a team.

What is the first guy in an alleyway on fishing line. Oh, what's that? And the guy sees it and he's like, whoa. I better stand in front of this. There's an invisible guy. Well, I'm safe to stay here as long as nobody's here to pull the trigger. Oh, wait. There's a little red circle here. That must be the safety zone. I'll go sit in that. Oh my God. I've been shot. Have you guys rewatch wanted ever? I've never seen it. I was one of the movies that I wanted to watch really bad when I was in like middle school. high school and my parents are like absolutely not and I just never I never got it

yeah I saw of course like I saw the keyboard that's why I wanted to watch the movie That's Chris Pratt getting hit You know that? Really? Yeah, wow James McIvoys Smacking Chris Pratt with the keyboard Then it spells fuck you Yeah, you is the tooth

I always couldn't believe the people said That that that scene was stupid Yeah I always saw people say this is the reason This movie's stupid It was so fucking cool They curved bullets by doing this shit Yeah Which was myth busted

Unfortunately Yeah that is unfortunate I've been watching the Adam Savage Yeah You know, he does, like, YouTube videos where he does, like, question and answers about Mythbusters. No, I didn't know that, but now I do. They're amazing. Uh-huh.

As a huge Mythbusters fan, they're really, really amazing. But I will say that it makes me so fucking sad that Adam and Jamie were not friends in real life. Yeah. It's always crazy when that. It eats me up inside. When there's, especially if it's a not even like a, like, if it's a reality show. Yeah. You know, where it's like two people.

Yeah, they're not co-stars. Yeah, they were just, yeah, they were just working. Working together. Yeah. It's crazy. They don't even share the stardom. They share the work. It's really, really sad.

It is really sad. Yeah. And Grant Imahara. Grant Imahara passed away. What? Grant Imahara? Did he get Looney Tunes rocketed into the atmosphere? They tried to myth bust if he was immortal or not, and it was busted.

I got his death confused with Anton Yelchins. I thought that they went out the same way. No. They went out at the same time. of virtual buddy stuff with Granny Mahara on those busters. And they turned them into George Bush. Yeah,

they turned him in George Bush. And John Kerry, don't forget you can do John Kerry. This is why you were confused, Pat, is the MythBusters were actually trying to bust Anton Yeltschen's death. Yeah.

He couldn't have died that way. They ruled it of suicide. There's no way. It's definitely all fake. He must have died of, he must have just died of pure cowardice right before it happened. That is the worst way to fucking die.

You put your car in neutral and it backs up over you. I think worst way to die would be because it's a lot of, worse ways. Well, that's, no, that's the worst way because it's like, cancer. Like, why, why weren't you using the parking crimes of a dark nature? Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. Like, any kind of darkly done crime. Well, that could have been a darkly done crime that could have been, he could have been Russian mob. It was, it was, it was pure negligence.

It was pure stupidity. Listen, it's sad, but I hate when somebody dies of pure negligence. It's sad, but come on. Yeah, I mean, actors aren't especially known for being all that bright, I yeah they're usually pretty dumb people they read what's on the line what's on the thing script see they're stupid yeah and that one really affected you right um that one bummed me out a lot what's the most he's good he was a good actor celebrity death you've ever experienced in your life chester bennington chester bennington sure michael jackson was that affected my uncles who were making jokes about him being a nonce forever but then when he died they played all his music and they're like you need to learn

music history about him. You need to learn how crazy good he was. He was crazy good. He was crazy good, but then it was like, you know... What's our official stance on non-ship of Michael Jackson? Do we think he did it or no? I kind of try to stay out of that game. I don't think he did it. I don't think he did it? No way. All right. No fucking way. Who do you think did it

instead? I don't know. I think it was his twin brother. Yeah, it was his evil twin. Nose-cadge. He's Jekyll Maxon, his evil brother. Wait, he has like a million brothers. Yeah, he has a, his brother, I think it's Jermaine or somebody. Who in his family has a history of doing sexual crimes? Michael Jackson.

Well, no. Yeah, Michael Jackson. No, Janet. She exposed herself with a super husband. So I think that Janet Jackson did it and made Michael Jackson get surgery to make him look like a girl so people got confused. That video, just in Timberlake should be in jail for that. Yeah, it is fucking crazy. She should be in jail.

It was her breast. what are you talking about I think that the all the entire NFL should be in prison yeah for allowing that to happen I mean it's everybody who was there nobody jumped in to stop

I felt like I should have been in jail the people in the audience nobody did anything yeah that might have been my first boob yeah my uncle Kevin pointed at the screen the same man who showed me

all of the Michael Jackson music videos after he died pointed at the screen during the Super Bowl and scream, that's a fucking titty right there. And that's the first time I ever heard that word. Titty? You had never heard that before?

I never heard it. And I was like, what's a titty? And then everyone just kept saying, no, don't say that. Don't say that. Don't say titty. It's natural. It's part of a woman's body. It is.

But he said, that's a fucking titty and pointed. We're demonetized. I said, that was before they had the auto moderation on YouTube. So I remember that was on YouTube for like an hour after. That's where I watched the video Because I didn't see it live No, that was 2004. YouTube wasn't around That was Google video then

Okay, well I watched it on something on Google You watched it on Meta Cafe maybe Maybe, but I remember watching it And on the computer with my brother After and it was pretty fucking awesome E-bom's World maybe No, E-Bom's World didn't do that much nudity They had Franks Quest 3

Which was a flash game Where you played as a little guy And it was really great because you could play it in front of your parents But then there was a part where you would walk over and they would have all the ladies from the Flintstones with their titties out. Wow. Yeah.

So I would go over there and just, I wouldn't even play the game. I would just sit there next to them and just look at it. I wouldn't touch my penis. I didn't know why I liked it, but I just walked over there and I looked at it. Yeah. Has there been another TV or like live TV flashing since then, or is that the only one really? That might be the only one on a grand scale. Yeah.

I mean, in what is it? Unless you count people being naked in HP. Yeah. Like Game of Thrones. I think there was a lot of accidents in Game of Thrones. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of accidental, they were like filming a dragon or something.

They turned the camera and it was two of the characters having sex. Yeah. And then they'd air it. Oh, God damn it. We forgot to fuck. We didn't mean to fucking put that in. We uploaded on Max like that too.

Yeah. I mean, they're on a deadline. They filmed those the night before it comes out. I don't think I would be. It's live. I don't think I would be able to do any kind of sex scene in a movie. No. I watched poor things.

I was like, Jesus, that's a lot. Did they have been sex in this? There's a lot of sex in that movie. It's a strongly sexual movie. Yeah, it's a completely sexual movie. But it is very good. I did like it a lot.

I bet you did, you purve. I think the story was good. I think actually... I like that for the story. I was actually amazed by Ramey Yousaf's acting. That's what I was thinking about the whole time. I was thinking, wow, he's actually a pretty good idea. You were watching poor things the whole time you're thinking about a guy.

I was thinking. And how good of a job he's doing? He's doing a great. You would think because he's a stand-up comedian, he wouldn't be a good actor. But then he was. But speaking of stand-up comedians and acting, Gerard Carmichael, not that good in that movie.

Whoa. You do know that he dated Tyler the Creator. No, he didn't date Tyler the Creator. Don't tell me. This is the fucking two guys. The backrooms, actually. Did you know Gerard Carmichael dated Tyler the Creator? But wait, he actually didn't.

He actually was just told his feelings for him. His feelings. But then he called him a bitch for it. A bitch. Wait, but he's a guy. No, no. It was actually, answer my question. Tyler the creator said,

Shut up, bitch. Wow. Wow. And this was pre-Tyler the creator coming out or post. I don't think he's out. What do you mean? I don't think he's. I don't think Michael Jackson did it,

and I don't think Tyler the creator is fucking gay. What else did I not think? I don't landing. What's your opinion on that? I won't believe he's gay until I see it. Moon landing does feel. Until I see it up close. He needs to make a gay.

If he makes a full gay music video. I won't believe it till those nuts are slapping me in the eye. Until he makes a fully gay music video that I accidentally bookmarked, I'm not going to believe that he's gay. It kind of makes me feel crazy about, like I feel like it kind of makes me, it feel crazy about the the like sphere of of media and interest that I occupy that I'm like the second that Tyler the creator became gay and sort of making gay music I stopped hearing about him forever yeah oh wow and it's like I know he's not unpopular I just isn't that crazy yeah yeah yeah you may

be the tastemakers in your life it might have been that that happened once you graduated college yeah that's I think it probably just times of aging up yeah out of Definitely. When people were like... But I feel like I still hear a lot about, like... I'll listen to Martians versus Goblins every once in a while. Oh, yeah. We listen to that on the plane coming back from Detroit. With the game and Little Wayne.

That's a cool song. Like, you were go. I was poor somewhat. It's a fucking awesome song. I miss that kind of rap. Yeah. They don't do that anymore. No. You know who's reminding me of this, though?

Who? Of this era of the world is you for sure. You're definitely... What is a... Is there a word for, like, people like like uh rappers and like like characters and movies and stuff that are that act for lack of a better term slim shady esk no no i think you've coined this debauched debauched deba i've been watching i just finished season one of fargo the fx show and billy bob thornton is

in it and he is fully a slim shady character that's great and no it's the worst he sucks it's so bad He's supposed to be like Anton Chaguer, but they named him Lorne Malvo. That's their, like, scary guy name. Like, wasn't it John Lee Malvo, the D.C. sniper? I'm thinking of that it's got to be some kind of Tom Marvelo-Riddle type thing. I just haven't put it together. Lorne Malvo. Malevolent?

Malevolentor. Okay. But that is the only way you could justify a name like that. I've been like racking my brain. I haven't written it down to actually do it. But it has to be some kind of anti-a-lawful. because it's such a stupid name but also he's like

it's the worst version of Anton Chigur where he'll like walk up to like a bunch of kids on the street be like hey kids do you like candy and they'll be like yeah it'll be like do you like blood flavored candy and the kids go no and that happens once every single episode

some shit like that wow this town of Fargo is crazy I never watched that show yeah I don't care me neither it's pretty good minus him you'll like the movie no I like the movie it's awesome it's the same The first season is like the same shit as the movie. It's in North Dakota.

It's Minnesota. Oh, okay. Yeah, I also thought I was North Dakota. Yeah. But it takes... What goes on in North Dakota? I've never been there and never had any interest going to. I don't really hear about it either.

North Dakota, not a lot going on. A lot of people, a lot of people say that, well, I guess they have Mount Rushmore, right? Or is that South Dakota? Really, I didn't even know that. I thought Mount Rushmore was in... What's the capital of... Honestly, I don't know where I thought it was. North Dakota and then South Dakota is Pierre.

I don't know, but, or St. Pierre, right? You're naming towns again? I'm naming the capitals. Oh, okay. Did you do all 50? I could maybe do all 50. I don't think you could. Arizona is Phoenix.

You start at A. That's smart. Yeah. I would have thought that you would start from one side to the other. Alabama's Birmingham, Alaska's Juneau. Okay. Wait, this is kind of crazy. I actually believe you can do it since you're doing alphabetical because then like you have to

actually remember all the states. and not just think of the map in your brain. Arkansas is Little Rock. Yeah, Little Rock. He's gotten all of them wrong. He's gotten all of them wrong. He's like, yeah, that was Little Rock. I feel like, like, like you, like there's some states where it's like, that's not your fucking capital.

What was it? Did you ever do a, yeah, that, that happens all the time. Yeah. Like, what's, like, you'd think Manchester would be like the capital of New Hampshire and it's like, no, it's conquered. Yeah, I wouldn't think about either of those. That's probably the worst. possible example of that. You think it would be Manchester.

You think it would because it's the biggest city. Well, that was weird being in Toronto, that Toronto isn't the capital of Canada. No, it's Ottawa. Yeah, but everything in Toronto kind of looked capitalistic. Yeah. Well, I guess when you go to anything, I just say that. Did I just say that?

Did I just say that? Yeah. It's due to the late stage we're in. Oh, yeah, that's like how yeah, Vermont, too, where it's like, oh, it's not Burlington. It's Montpellier. I would say a lot of, A lot of states are like that. It should always just be the biggest. Oh, no, wait.

No, it should always be the coolest. Isn't the capital, the capital of Massachusetts, it is Boston. It is Boston. Yeah. Okay. I thought it was one of those things were. That we're the one who follows the rules. Yeah.

I remember being a kid, not even living in Boston, living like, you know, 20 minute drive from Boston. The capital of New York isn't. No, it's Albany. It's Albany. Yeah, that's one of the, that's the big one. Yeah. I remember living in, you know, near Boston as a kid, not even in Boston and learning the state capitals and being like.

Whoa. I look near the capital of Massachusetts. That was a big field trip. The Capitol. We went on a field trip to Concord. Wow. Wow. Look at that building.

We got to look at the state house and stuff. One day I'll be tried in that building. One day. One day I'm going to be there for murder, capital murder. Because I'm murdered everyone in the capital. Yeah. That's why that's called the Capitol murder. They should make being the Capitol matter a lot more.

They should. They really should. I'm thinking about that now. If you live in the Capitol in the state. You should pay no taxes. There should be, You should get something crazy. Yeah.

Every place should look like, every capital in the U.S. should look like Dubai. Yes. No matter what state is. It should be giant fake islands and huge Birch Kalibas. Gold paved streets.

And just like restaurants from like celebrities that you didn't know how to fucking restaurant deal. Dude, Toby Keith's I love this bar and grill should be in every single capital. It should look like Corrissant. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Fully. Yeah. There should be a second and third level to every. Yeah. They should have a street flying cars.

Uh, God, I'm getting pissed off. Now, think about how lame it is to be in a capital city here. Capital sucks. Who gives a fuck? Capitals fuck. Dude, I mean, the Albany one is a perfect example. Why is Sacramento is the capital of California? Why is it not L.A.? Los Angeles.

Oh, and then Oregon is not Portland, it's Salem. Is it? Yeah. Michigan is not Detroit. No, no. Is it Lansing? It's not Lansing. Which one is it? Oh, this one I don't know. Oh. heavens, I don't know. Wait, he doesn't know one.

Is this the thing that you guys had to memorize in school as a state cap? Yeah, yeah. Well, I did. I did not have to memorize it. I did do all the presidents in order. I remember 50 nifty United States by Ray Charles. We definitely learned about it. We didn't have to memorize anything. Did you have to sing that at the all school assembly? Sing what? 50 nifty United States. I never heard of this. You had to sing a Ray Charles. The United States from 13 original colonies. Each individual state was a loot that that we salute them now. I'm going to look up what Michigan is.

What is it? It's not Detroit. It's not Ham Trammock. No, not. That is part of Detroit. No, it's not. It's not. No, it's its own city.

That place was awesome. Hamtramic, Michigan. Shout out. Shout out. Shout out. Shout out hamtramic. I got a free Quran from a coffee shop. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's Lansing. I was right. It is Lansing. You're smart as fuck. Yeah. And then because I thought it was, but then Pat said no and I fully believed him. Yeah.

Well, you were right. I wanted to double check. What is the Minnesota's not. It's St. Paul is the, no, no, no, no, no. This is becoming Patrickpedia once again. Patrickpedia has just, we have just turned on Patrickpedia once again. So I got like four, I got a couple of them. You got a good amount.

We got a good amount. We'll take four. That was a thing. You got at least five. That's a thing. Five is probably as much as anyone wants to listen to his five. Yeah, I can't. That was a thing that Bamar Jarrah would brag about all the time in interviews.

He's like, No, in 50 words? No, no, no. Ask me, he would say, ask me any capital of any country in the world. Oh, really? And I can say it. Well, that's pretty cool. And he memorized all the world's capitals.

Tim on Stern, I think. There's so many countries that we don't even know how many countries there are. Yeah, because he was doing like Lichtenstein. Yeah, I don't even know what. I thought that was a vampire. Those were ones that I did have to memorize what was country capitals in school. I had to memorize those. I remember some of them.

I don't remember Lichtenstein. I didn't have to do it. But I remember I remember doing it. I remember doing the Africa ones because there's so many of them. Oh, that sounds so fucking awesome to know, though. Yeah, it was pretty cool. All the Africa's capitals.

I love Africa. Me too, man. We need to go back. We need to go back. We need to go back. We need to return home. I want to go there so bad. Yeah.

Where in Africa do you have an interest in going, actually? Democratic Republic of Congo. No, if you're, okay, if you're doing a whistle stop tour of Africa, which is a probably, probably, but take a week or two. Do I have to worry about danger? No. Fuck, no, man. You have a pass.

Not Sean Stevens style. You have a pass for all tribes of Africa. You don't remember he got held hostage in Africa? That was in South Africa. I forgot about that. I don't care about South Africa. I would not go to South Africa. I don't care about South Africa.

I guess I would probably go to Kenya. I'd probably go to Egypt. I'd probably go to Morocco. You don't get to go to North Africa. And I would love to go. Only East and West Africa. Cause Swaziland. What about the middle?

And the middle. Congo. The Congo. Yeah. But North Africa, I feel like I don't even consider this Africa. Sure, but I would. Why? I would. Because it's more, it's like culturally more like Middle East.

Oh, okay. You know, like Egypt. Egypt has a lot more in common with, I mean, let's be real, Egypt got pyramids. Yeah. You've got sand. Right. Okay. So that's like a combination.

Okay. So then what are your answers? My answer would be, um, what's the really what's the giant african megacity wakonda not wakonda what's the giant african megacity the giant african megacity from youtube videos this city this african megacity is growing faster than any city

what is it a con city not a con city no no the giant literally you can't even name one country in africa african megacity what countries you'd visit you start saying African mega city

over and over mega city the largest I'm not allowed to say Egypt and Morocco the largest largest one no not the hell wait maybe Lagos

yeah the one that has like water and shit where is Acon City that's in the Sudan I don't know is a Sudan a river no the Sudan is a river

but Sudan I don't know why I say those Sudan yeah I don't know why I said that yeah me neither me neither I thought that that was

I'm starting to realize I don't know that much about Africa. I don't know that much about the world. I know the names of a lot of different countries there, but I don't know what makes them different or cool. I knew Swaziland, except for the ones I said, seem interesting to me. They all have different. That one's got a cool name. People. Yeah. Well, and different stuff, too. I mean, that's all, you know, there's a wide range of biomes. Yeah, that's true. That's what I tried to cover in my, in my trip, you know, sand, jungle. Oh, yeah, that's smart. Serengetti. Is Africa the biggest,

It's the biggest continent, right? Is it bigger than Russia? No, I think Russia's the biggest. I have no idea. Serengani sounds like a dope-ass Italian meal. Yeah, I would eat that. I would eat serengette. With clams in it, for sure.

Serengette with white sauce. That sounds awesome. Let me order some. There's so much red pepper flakes on it that has to go to the bathroom. That sounds so fucking good. That's what I did last night. I made, I've been making this Tantan ramen, the peanut butter style. You've talked to me about this.

I've made it five times in the past 30 days. That really can't be good for you. No, it's a gut-clearing meal. I put too much spice in it, and last night I let out... I let out just, like, balloon around the room fart, and I thought that my girlfriend couldn't hear me, but she was in the other room, and I just heard it again another... The balloon hitter.

Followed by an, oh, my God, Jesus Christ. Did she smell it, though? She didn't smell it. I don't think she came into the room until she... knew that the smell had dissipated. You know, I had to open a window. I've been not farting that much because I haven't been drinking beer this month very much. I've been drinking when we go out on the road.

And, uh, but I've been sober like 80% of the time if you don't count nights. Uh-huh. And so I've been not farting. That's wild nights. If you don't count the times where I drink. The only times when anybody drinks. No, I've actually been not drinking. Yeah.

But, uh, you know, it was. so awesome when we were in Canada. It was paying for a beer with a coin. You did that shit on purpose, bitch. I wanted to. You did that shit on purpose. Paying for having a five and then two two tunis. That was awesome. You guys

up there, you guys respect the coin, which is why I think you're a very prosperous country. Canada does it right in a major way. Here's one way they don't do it right. Talk to them. Everybody in line at every store takes fucking 20 minutes. That was unbelievable. And it's not even, and you'd think,

that maybe, oh, it's because they're polite and they exchange pleasantries. No, it's because everyone in Canada is a fucking moron. They're all very nervous. Do not know how their credit cards work. Don't know how to open their wallet. It's always something. It's crazy. The 7-11 and your money's big. The money's big.

It's bigger than a dollar. It's smaller. It's bigger than a dollar. Is it? Yeah. I thought it's smaller. Cut a couple inches on it. There's no way that's a couple inches. Well, it's got... It's that big. It's not a piece of paper. Say this is the U.S. dollar.

Someone paid you... That's not the size of the U.S. dollar. We're saying it's for scale. Okay. So the U.S. dollar is about this big, right? Okay. For height wise. Okay.

So let's say like this big. Canadian dollar is a little bit shorter, but it's taller. Whoa, stop flipping me off, man. I think this is what a Canadian dollar is the way that you showed size with your hands right now is insane. Yeah, that was crazy. That was like an alien monkey. Everything was really, really wrong. make any sense.

It made sense. It went from this. Say this is the size of a dollar. Then this would be the size of a Canadian dollar. No, it made sense. It made complete total sense. When we were at that 7-Eleven, there was a whole drama at the 7-Eleven. Oh, yeah.

The cashier was like a guy was buying like two cups of coffee or something. And then the guy was like, you want to get a cookie? And he was like, oh, no, I'm okay. I don't need a cookie. And he said, no, it's, it'll make everything else cheaper. If you get a cookie, if you get the cookie, if you get the cookie. will be cheaper than if you don't get the cookie. Yeah, I think I was like, oh, okay.

No, the guy was like, wait, what, what do you mean? And the guy's like, right now you're paying $8. If you get a cookie, it will be $7. And then he's like, oh, okay. And they have a huge, are they have a huge basket? I don't know what it was a deal. They have a huge basket right next to the cash register that had all these packs of cookies. And so the guy's like, yeah, three cookies.

And so the guy grabs on. He's like, oh, yeah, okay, sure. Yeah, I'll take the cookie. And he says, oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's even, it's even crazy. He pays like, oh, sure, yeah, I'll take the cookie. He pays, and then the cashier's like, oh, don't forget your cookie. And then the guy's about to leave, he already paid it.

And he goes to grab the pack of cookies. And the cashier says, no, you can't take that. That's three cookies. You paid for one cookie. And there was no one cookie anywhere. It must have been a scam. Yeah. The guy was definitely pocketing the money.

But it was just crazy. It was so funny. They set up the bait cookies at the front. And then my clever American mind learned from this ahead of me, the guy said, You want a cookie? I said yes. And I didn't even try to tick one. I just got cheaper.

That's right. Cheaper. I went to dollarama there. We didn't need that cookie. Huh? There's a, there's a, it's so crazy. Here it would be called the dollar tree. Well, every, I was talking to my wife about everything there.

This is not true. This is not, uh, to my point. But everything in Canada is not named. Like, I feel like in, in, in, uh, New York, especially if you go to like a a deli, it's called deli. And like places are just called restaurants. restaurants sometimes or like hardware store and in Canada

everything is not named like what it is. They're all named Lenny's or Leblib blimblum blam blam blemblum Gimgum. Gimgum. Yeah. Yeah, that's well that's Canadian. Which was a different thing because they expect you to walk in the store and say what's this? Yeah. Yeah. Because they like

talking to people. Exactly. Which we don't like doing here. No. I want to buy my shit and leave. It was I did like it though. I'm going to be honest. I like that. I loved it. I was definitely awesome. I love Canada. I like politeness.

It reminded me of the South in a good way. It reminded me. Toronto felt like if you mashed up two cities. This is the Girl Talk country where you take two countries. That's where you belong, man. You take two cities and you mash them up together. Toronto was Seattle and Boston, for my mind. Speaking of Girl Talk and Patrick's music career, he's going to be suffering a fatal blow today.

Caleb's taking his piano back. Oh, shit. Yeah. Wow. It had to happen someday. Yeah. So are you going to buy one? I might get a little USB one.

You should, man. You can get a really cheap one. Yeah. And I would have given you a heads up so that you wouldn't have any kind of gaps in between because I know that this music stuff is like, you know, the inspiration comes and goes really fast. But I know that if I did that, you would have never ordered one. You saw me taking. What happens is we will be rehearsing for the shows.

And then I get. I get, I guess the word is bored. You get bored of doing. I get bored of doing what we're doing. I would say honestly, an hour and a half is very generous. I would say five, ten minutes. Five ten minutes. And then I walk over and I have to, I have to touch something.

I have to be doing something or else I can't think. Yeah. And then you think about. And then you think, well, I have to also be listening to something that makes me so I can't hear anything that's happening. And then I get distracted completely. And I also have to look at something. Uh-huh. I get completely.

distracted and I just wander off and I do my own thing, which is just something I do while we're out in cities too. Yes, that is true. That is a really scary thing. If anybody's ever gone on tour with Patrick, what happens is you'll be walking through a city and then he will completely disappear and then he will somehow teleport five blocks ahead of you and be doing something else. And I keep getting scared that you're going to start wearing disguises and you're going to be like a homeless guy and I'll like that kind of shit like I think you you know what

you're doing well you know that you're being you pointed it out and then I started and I should have never pointed it out once you pointed it out because now you just disappeared yeah you guys are in the Newbury comics on Newbury and he always has his location and this one and I want to stress though this one that you're describing right now this was before it was pointed out

as a funny thing that this happened so this is fully up your own accord. And now go. We were on Newberry Street in Boston. And Patrick always has his location on and he had been gone. We were in there probably 20 minutes, didn't see him once. And we walk out, we're like, where the fuck is Patrick? We expect him to be on the street.

We check his location. He's in a Brandy Melville about five blocks away. I wasn't in the Brandy Melville, but I was in the front of it. You were in the A on brandy. You know what it was? I saw Joe coming up the block. So I just waited right there. See, because you think that it's funny to be skis.

daring and surprising, and it's really just not. It's upsetting. Because why do we hang out, why do we even bring you on tour? It's not because you're funny. We want to spend time with you. We want to hang out with you. Okay?

And you're robbing us of that time by going into Brandy Melville and smelling all the underwear. Have you guys ever even tried to just follow me on my path? We follow you everywhere because every time we walk on the sidewalk, you're 45 feet ahead of us. Taking random turns.

Taking random turns. and we're like, where are we going? You're like, I don't know. Well, that's called adventure. That's called adventure, buddy. I just don't, I, I need you to stop being scary. If you want to start doing, it is scary because I'm paranoid looking for you.

And also, by the way, everybody in the world looks just like you. It is crazy. Everybody walks around and a fucking hat and a mustache. I think I see you. Whenever you disappear, I always think I see you a million times. I think I see him every day yesterday. I finally meet my neighbor and she's sitting on the stoop

and she's eating a sandwich and she says oh I thought I saw you yesterday and I waved and you didn't wave back and I was like I had to explain to her yeah there's a lot of people that look like me it's a crazy thing it's a strange phenomenon almost every single person looks like you

every guy looks a lot like you I also had to explain to she I've been when I leave the house I don't shut the door completely it was a problem for a little bit my door is heavy but not heavy enough to close completely so like you know like when you have like a heavy door and it's like sure it's shuts automatically it shuts automatically for some reason my door has not

been shutting my front door and mo has figured out how to open it and he likes to explore around the building okay so she was telling me that she's been hanging out with him when that happens oh that's cute and uh she was like yeah i was like oh yeah sometimes i'm really busy and i need to go and she's like where have you been too busy to close the door where have you been going She was like, where have you been going? I was like, oh, down the street. Down the street to go. Get a sandwich.

Or to go touch a keyboard. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just going up the block. Recreating still dray. What? Has Moe ever gotten out and done the thing that cats do where they go out for like a full day by themselves and come back? He's too afraid of the outside. That's good because I don't like that.

That's what scares me about a cat is that they want to leave all the time. If he sees the door. the front door open he runs back in the apartment uh-huh so that's good he never jumps off to like back porch no no no we don't well there's that one time where i had the like the house warming party and he almost got onto the roof because we're all going up on my roof would that have been such a problem yeah he would have jumped off man he would have killed himself he would have killed himself he's a party's too loud i'm gonna fucking he's not smart that's me ever yeah yeah i shouldn't be allowed on roose at parties either he just kind of drifting away

remember the door was wide open and then I like when I was because I was going up to the roof to hang out with Eric and then I saw Mo just in the doorway just looking at me like hmm like you fucker you little bastard and you know that damn look I had to get him I had to get him downstairs do you think that I can have a cat with and a dog no Phil would eat it but I think that dogs can be trained I've never tried it but I think that they can be trained I feel like Phil would immediately I mean you'd have to I don't know how you can introduce dogs and cats together I know introducing cats together I know introducing cats So you have to, like, put them in a separate room, but then have something that smells like them in the same room. They have to have something that smells like each other in the same room. And you have to wait three days until they finally start, like, getting curious about each other. This is how men are. Yeah.

Men are the same way. Yeah, I guess it's the same. Every man that I've ever become friends with, I did not like it first. And then I understood their smell a little more. Right. You have to gradually get acclimated. Yeah.

That's true. I think I do think that Phil would Oh Steve told me the most disgusting thing That I learned That I have to do with my fucking Oh yeah

You don't know about this I didn't know That you have to express Their anal gland I would have not I would have not gotten a dog If I knew that this was something I had to do

You can pay someone to do it That's all the pet stores around here If you look on their sign It says like $20 anal That's what it means How'd you find that out Huh How'd you find that out

You walked in a I know what I know about expressing a dog's anal Glend. Cameron walked in. Gee, I just saw your sign, $20 anal. In the lobby just on all fours. Tell me you guys aren't conscientious pet owners without telling me. You don't have a pet.

I have a pet, bro. What? My mom is a dog. We never express those anal glands, though. That's not your pet. Pets don't count. Interesting, though, that from that pet, I learned more about taking.

care of a dog than it seems you did from owning a dog. That's kind of awkward. Well, you don't own. Well, you don't own a dog, though. Didn't know about dog's ass. He didn't know about dogs. He didn't know about dogs. He learned about it a week ago.

Yeah. So? Because that, you know why? You know why? Because learning is a part of pet ownership. I would say it's less about learning and more about just being good at it and doing it right. Owner, owner, steward. You are a steward. I'm not a steward. I don't know the dog's not here. You're a former steward. I'm fully outside of the dog's life. You are a little.

hat and you've got little white gloves and you give the dog. You get the dog's you're doing your bare hands. You're asking the dog if they want a jet blue teeny. And they say I'll take a bone.

Yeah. I'll just have the water. Imagine you're walking down the aisle on the fucking dog plane and you're in the back and all they have is bones and chocolate and they're all out of bones. Yeah.

Why would they have chocolate? The dogs are killing themselves on the but it's a full. dog flight. Right. That's what I was saying when you said the dog plane. I wouldn't. That would be the worst flight in the world. A full dog flight? Yeah. I've been getting a lot of babies on my fucking flights. I always sent them right next to me, man. I always get the baby

in the wing, man. I've talked about that damn wing before. Fuck that wing. You always jump for the middle seat or the plane, the window seat and then you fly the whole plane with the window closed. That's because... Yeah, it's disrespectful. How's that disrespectful? You have no sense of advice. You use the wall as a sleeping It's understandable, but you have to open the window at least for takeoff and landing.

Why? Because that's what the window seat is, man. That's what the experience of the flight is about. You can buy a neck pillow if you know, yeah. I don't want to spend money on a neck pillow. You already have a neck pillow, which is why you sit in the middle. Well, then you get the window next time. I lost it.

I lost my neck pillow in Chicago. And also, he doesn't like when I fall asleep on his shoulder. I don't like it. So I have no options. You have an option. You don't have enough. If you sleep in the middle, you get two shoulders. No, but I can't use yours

And I can't use yours because yours looks pointy Probably pointy You like mine because it's got that weird slope Shut up about your shoulder slope It's no real shoulders It's just a shoulder I don't know man Patrick was in the gym and was

He was convinced he looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame You pointed it out and then it made me self-conscious No, that's not true, that's not true No, you were like oh my God I really have a slope And then you started walking around with one shoulder on like a foot above the other one and like yeah see look I have a slope and

it's like you're doing that on purpose no no it's because of it's because I have that that my sternum bone protrudes in a way that is crazy my sternum bones like you're you're 1% through a mortal combat fatality where they're taking out of the cage my it makes my rib cage taller for some reason my rib cage is like all the way up there yeah slants up well you also have your ribs go like down to your like you're all ribs i'm all torso it's crazy i looked at my my legs are so small i have 20 i have a 29 inch inseam there's that's nothing to be ashamed of that's small that's crazy it's not even an even number it's not even a 30 sometimes a 30 is too long for my legs really it's fucked up yeah that is some little like in car hearts in car hearts my legs are

i have to cuff them twice i have to go get them hemmed to get to go from a 30 to a a 29, 28 somewhere on there. You think you ever go to the, to get him hemmed at the clothing store, and they think that maybe that's for an amputee or something? Maybe. Well, no, the lady at the, I go to the one on Fresh Pond right near that's like got the, it's like the newsstand, but also the dry cleaner. I love this damn city.

That lady thinks that I'm a different person. She thinks that you're a different person. She thinks that I'm somebody else, because every time I go in there, she asks me how my job is. What do you say? I just fully have just been like, oh, yeah, no, work's been good. You don't think maybe this is what we call small talk. Right.

No, no, no, because she's asking me specific things about like, like, oh, I thought, I thought that you work today. I don't know. I don't know what is she never. She said, I thought you were working today. Yeah, she said, she says like, oh, I thought you were working today. Yeah. So she knows this person's work schedule. Yeah, she knows this guy.

She knows this guy well enough, but she thinks I'm somebody else. And she says like, oh, I thought you were working today. Do you have the day off? And I was like, I just say, yeah, yeah. You're impersonating somebody? Yeah, fully. Everyone looks like you. I know.

So I just like, yeah, so I'll go in there. I'll get my pants, like, fixed up. And then she'll ask me like, oh, how was work yesterday? She's like, oh, oh, you're not working today. Oh, long weekend, huh? Whoa, dude. It's good. That's funny.

That's amazing. You get to live a double life. I do. You should be asking about her, about her work. I do. I ask her. You get a lot of... You need to try to take a step across...

You need to be spending... Every day you need to be spending like eight hours as this guy. You should... Here's what you need to say. You need to go in there next time she asked you how your work was or whatever. You say, guess who I saw yesterday. And you keep... And once she guesses, you say, you say, yes.

Yes, how did you get it? How did you know? How did you know? How did you know? That's so crazy. Guess who I saw yesterday is a really good... Yeah. A really good next step in your impersonation journey.

Just saying yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And guess who I had lunch with? He's up to the same. Oh my God, two for two. He's up to the same shit.

Yeah. Well, he hasn't changed a bit. No, he hasn't changed at all. He hasn't changed a bit. No, no, no. He hasn't changed them last week. Yep, he's completely different. You need to start asking about her life.

I ask her about work. You should confuse her for somebody. This could be the beginning. This could be a romance movie. This could be a romance. She is my friend now. She's got to be like 40-something. She's like early 40s.

Something like that. Early. She asks me about... Early 40s. I was wearing that hat that has the 50th thing and she's like, you're not 50.

What do you say? Yeah. Thanks, Einstein. You don't bitch. No, no, I'm not. I just liked the hat. She was like, I have clothing like that.

I have clothing I like. Yeah, I also have clothing. She sounds incredible. She sounds like... She's awesome. She actually is awesome. If you do need your pants hemmed or your jacket, dry cleaned,

you should go to her on fresh palms. and I think it's Katalpa. I don't know, but she's the best. Someone's going to steal your girl, man. They better not. Someone's going to go in and show a picture of you. If you go in there looking like me, you better not steal my fucking life.

They fully could. Someone could. It's like face off, but only for jackets. I'm getting somebody else's jackets. You, they're funny to do a sequel to face off and they switch jackets.

Yeah. Yeah. Close off. Close off. Close off. yeah it just keeps happening at the same dry cleaner enough guys look so much like you that I could certainly be I would say within 15 feet I can tell it to you

outside of 15 feet it's troublesome sometimes I really don't know but also you have a kind of way of walking like a monkey that I can identify I have a weird gate if someone's standing still though I got to be pretty close to recognize them as not you me and Alex were laughing so hard because at the Airbnb that we the Airbnb hotel thing that we stay at in Toronto.

Oh, you could see into the shoppers. Oh, yeah. Well, just multiple times it happened to both me and Alex where we just

we were just like we're sitting in the living room and just looked out the window and Pat was just outside. Walking into the grocery store. We're like, oh,

I didn't even know he was not here. Why did you keep going into the grocery store? I, why are you so weird? I, okay.

He also got to the grocery store like five dollars. I don't know. I just, I realized I do this a lot. We were there for it. If I have nothing to do. And he went and got like 10 bags of chips.

If I have nothing to do, I will just go to the grocery store. I have a, okay. I haven't like I have a full NPC walk cycle. I go, I leave my house. I don't know what to do. I go to the grocery store. I'll walk around. I'll just like, I fully walk around the grocery store.

And if I see something new, I will buy it. But I do an interesting thing because I do it before shows too. I was, I was waiting to do a show. And I was hanging out with my friend. And, like, we were, like, walking somewhere. We were, like, too early to go to the venue. And I fully was just like, oh, I'm going to pop in here real quick. And I just went in the grocery store.

Did you buy anything? Yeah, I bought, like, beef jerky and, like, soda. Like, shit like that. And then I was like, okay, this grocery store was far enough way that when we get back to the venue, it will be time to go in. Hmm. Which, like, why the fuck did I go to the grocery store? because there's a bodega next to the place. Most people when they're bored will look at their phone or read or watch TV or talk to their friends that they're in a hotel room with.

No, they have to go to the grocery store. And you go to the grocery five times in 10 hours. And I get like, I'm like, oh, well, I drank soda earlier, so I need to counteract that with water. It's so funny to look out the window and see somebody that you thought was in the room with you. Yeah. And just so clearly them too. Yeah. Like, just, like, again, your walk, your gate is so iconic that I, at the corner of my eye, we're seeing you and knowing it's you walking.

Yeah. Yeah. Just funny, man. It is really, really funny. You could see me in the store from there too. Yeah, that was what I went to the first time, when I woke up and I like got up and I, like, I was waking up and I went and looked up the window and I saw a pet like through, like through our window and then also through the shop, the shoppers or whatever was called window.

Buying a solid chip. Yeah. through the store. You know what it was is right? I know exactly where you were looking to because right there was like they had a big thing of like colognes. And I was like, oh, maybe

I'll buy some cologna. Signature scent in Toronto. Was there anything that was good? You don't wear a cologne, do you? I do. Really? Yeah, sometimes. Not all the time.

I think if you wear all the time, you're a businessman pervert. I don't care about that shit. It smells odd to me. I got deodorant, man. There's a website called Fragnatica. Called what? Fragnaica.

That's a game where you're underwater. Yeah. Yeah. No, there's that website. Yeah, you can just look up different scents by their notes. Their notes. Yeah. And these ladies are obsessed with it.

What notes do you tend to trend towards? Sandalwood. Woody sandalwood citrus. You're in every man, Jackman. You said smelling things gives you a woody. That's what I heard, too. Feet. like feet gives you a woody

that's nasty smelling them no speaking of that bar we went to like two nights ago smelled like a locker room speaking of feet I don't remember it was called but it was not the one

where venue the one on Sunday we walked in there the show the show after the show oh okay we walked in there we have been to so many

different bars yeah that guy the bouncer at that bar told us oh yeah he was a liar I think you must have been a compulsive liar

because it was crazy. So he said he went to Juilliard, which is like, that's believable. That's whatever. Yeah. And then Prince is like, oh,

you went to Juliaard? Did you know, did you know Glenn Howardton? And instantly he was my roommate. Yeah. With no emotion in his face or voice, not even like, how funny you should say.

Yeah, actually just how old was he? Did he seem like he was. Glenn Howard's age? A little younger than that. Yeah. Yeah. Then no way he was.

No, I mean, I did not believe him at all. Yeah. And then, and then, And then someone was like, oh, maybe it was K. It was like, oh, is that song A Thousand Miles really about Glenn Howerton?

And then the guy's like, no, but I know who it is really about. Whoa. That's sick. Which, again, that is that is exactly what you said. That's a good liar. A thousand miles is about Glenn Howardton? Yeah. I've never heard that.

Well, no, it's not. This guy knows who it was. Why is it? Because they were at the same school at the same time. Fucking, everybody's stupid. I hate everybody so much. Everybody's fucking dumb. But that was, what was I even going to say?

Oh, but the Roadhouse has made it so that every bouncer thinks they need to be interesting. Because that movie, that movie, The original, the one was Swayzee. I will say I do like interesting bouncers. Oh, yeah, absolutely. There's a good type of interesting bouncer and there's a bad type of interesting bouncer. The guy. Good type is the guy from L.A. with the scar over his eye and the full one. Well, the villain scar.

Perfect. Perfect bouncer. That is the best possible. Worst type of interesting bouncer is this guy. Yeah. He says, I was actually roommates with Clinton Horton. Yeah. Not even an interesting thing.

The guy in the middle is the guy that I saw the one time who dresses like a Mad Max character at this bar. Welcome to the Johnsons in LES. And he fully has a big red mohawk and a big red flashlight and a leather jacket that's also got red on it. That's awesome. He looks like a mad.

He's the direct middle because like... I said, I like the jacket and he went, you're goddamn right, you do. Damn. Okay. I like the commando look on a bouncer. Oh, yeah. The guy at Carmelo.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Commando. But Roadhouse, when you think about that movie, it's just like, like everyone's like, oh, shit, there's Dalton. The most famous bouncer in the world. Oh, shit, here he comes. Yeah, I heard that he broke a man's thumbs

just using his hands. Wow. And it's like, how does everyone know about this fucking bouncer? He's the most famous bouncer in the country. I think that's good. I mean, it's good for the story. We're talking about bouncers that are famous to us. Yeah, that's true.

And there's a lot of people, I bet, have you brought these bouncers up to them? Yeah, I know, but you're not going into a bar and like, like, the bartender's like, hey, keep an eye out for that guy. He's the most famous bouncer in the world. Which that movie is also so fucking sick. I want to rewatch it because it's like, first, the first half of that movie is him being like, like, yep, I'm the famous bouncer. I'm so dangerous. Then the second half of the movie, shootout. Full shootout, he's like,

Patrick Swayzee is in a gun battle with somebody who wants to shut the bar down. That's how they should do it, man. It's so sick. There's a remake now. There's a remake with Jake Gyllenhaal, and I bet that it doesn't hit all of those same notes. I heard that it's all the, they use CGI to do all the punches.

Really? They do, like, they have the actor go like this, and then they use CGI to extend their arm. Oh, my God. Maybe I do need to see that. Do a double, double feature. That's fucking awesome. Yeah.

Okay, guys, next live show is in Carborough on April 26th. North Carolina. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. And then the day after that is Atlanta on the 27th. We're going to fucking get some cookout in Smithfield. Yes, bro. I'm excited. And you guys should be excited to go buy tickets at swag poop.com slash shows.

And then Philly. That's pre-set, pre-sale is sold out. That's in a while. But there's tickets at the door. There will be tickets at the door. They're confirmed. More than maybe. There are tickets at the door.

By Cameron. Don't you worry? We'll remind you about that crap. And this is Cameron's confirmation. Do we say Atlanta? Yeah, I said that. Oh, okay. Well, Atlanta, buy some tickets for that.

That's a sketch show. That'll be a blast. Come see some new videos and some fun. We have new home planet videos. We have new world's biggest army videos. We have new sketches and we have new. We're all going to get a new shirt. We'll bring shirts.

We're going to sell shirts. But we're also, we're going to get. We're just going to wear. shirts for sure. We're going to get maybe like family vacation style t-shirts that we all wear together. That's definitely possible. Maybe. World's biggest army family vacation. So imagine the same logo, right, that we have for the shirts, but instead of holding a gun, he's holding

maybe flowers. No, a cocktail. A cocktail and a plate of mac and cheese. A cocktail and a plate of mac and cheese. Lops or mac and cheese. And then the tank has an umbrella coming out. Oh, because it's a whole high umbrella coming out of it. Yeah, confetti is a bunch of bunch of umbrellas and it's printed on teal shirts uh-huh tie-dye tie-dye shirts okay i'd like to actually this is actually we we need to put in we need to buy six of these shirts i really need to we all need to be wearing that is badass all right we can all tie them tie them here at the office i have a day i kid at home all right peace music choice was like a channel that you would just like

they would leave it on it like the doctor's office and it would just it was like it was like Basically, like, Pandora Radio, where it's just, like, all this shit comes up. It was the one that just played random music videos, and they were by... It was never music videos. It was just, like... Oh, yeah, you're right. It just had, like, tracks. And it was, like, decades and genre.

Yeah. Yeah. So, like, 90s alternative... I was listening to the rap station on that one. And, uh, my, I think it was a fat Joe song. I'm pretty sure it was twins. Okay. I'm pretty sure twins was playing.

Deep cover. Yeah. And my mom came inside and heard me listening to the... It was at the part it was like, down in the middle little little did we know

we rid of a big pun song I would say yeah true my mom comes in hears me listening to that and she's like

what the what are you doing it started freaking because she has no idea what he said yeah exactly

he's going did do dillididid dillidid dillidid what what the

what the hell is this? What is this bullshit? What the fuck is that? And I remember she came in and she's like if you want to listen

her rap you can listen to this and went to the classic hip-hop station and the song that came up was you can't touch this. Nice. Like, you're allowed to listen to this. This is the only hip-hop you're allowed to listen to. It's so funny that the moms,

they can't understand a single word. No, it's a different language. Until they say what, they say one thing. Yeah. They will never forget for 10 years. They say one thing. Remember when you're listening to that song where he said getting head? I remember my mom. Do you remember the, the

Jim Jones song? You hear, oh, turn it off. Do you remember We stay fly No lie You know this So my mom I was listening That in the car one time

And my mom I was like Singing along to it It was my favorite song And then he goes Ballin My mom turns off the radio She says

You do know what Ballin means Don't you I was like No She's like It's a Where you put your

balls in a moment I was like I don't think He's saying We stay Fly. No lie. You know this. Put my balls inside the woman.