Podcast About List - Ep. 288 - Masterclass In Virality

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Take a seat and listen to the teachings of the viral masters themselves. Watch them as they craft one of the most perfect posts, destined to go viral. The post at the time of scheduling this episode sits at: 3 replies, 2 retweets, 90 likes and 2,900 views. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Three, two, one, recording. I really like that. It's a new one. I think you should start talking like that all the time. Three, two, one, recording. Welcome to the podcast about list podcast. They don't do... We should change the name to the podcast about this podcast.

That's a good idea. That's such a good idea. The podcast about list podcast. No, no, no. We could just add it on Apple Podcasts. Yeah. And just add on the cover art. The podcast about list podcast.

T-P-P-A-L-P-T-L-P-T-L-P. There we go. Tlaplip. To palp. To palp. Who's a... Who's a... Who's a...

Who's a... Who's a... Oh, this might be... I can't answer it right now. What is it, bro? No, the plumber. It's probably the plumber. You are always having...

My sink has been backed up really bad. I do think I need to answer that call, but I'm worried that it's also a bill collector. Either way, you don't want to talk to... Yeah, I don't want to talk to the plumber. Yeah, I don't want to talk to either person. I don't think that you have a good standing relationship with any maintenance person.

Yeah. No, that's not true. My brother is a maintenance person. Except for your brother. He's your brother before he's a maintenance person. No, no, no, no. He was my maintenance person. We're not saying anyone out in the world.

I had him on FaceTime and I was taking apart the trap under the, that's what it's called the, the S part. I was taking that apart. I took it apart with channel locks. I call that a pipe. Yeah. Well, it's actually if you knew a plumber in your life,

you would know that. I do know a plumber. You know that's why it's called the sink. Because the S spells sync. The S is S, I, and then you don't see the rest of it because it goes underground, but it's incursive. Yeah. Well, the whole thing is spelled out underground.

Under, well, not underground under the floor. My cursive part is blocked up, and I don't know why. If you're in a basement, then it's underground. Your cursive part is blocked up? There's too much headroom on that camera, but my cursive part is blocked up. Look at that. Look at the difference. You don't look at it.

You don't look at it. And tell me about your cursive. I know what you're talking about. And then look at that. I think it's because I shaved my head and then some of it got in the sink. I'm going to be honest. I put that hair in the sink every single. Oh, yeah.

Well, you're not supposed to. I don't care. My brother told me. Wait, what do you tell me? But you're also not supposed to use Drano as much because the, maybe that's what. I shaved my head all the time. They're very little tiny hairs. All of this, I don't care at all.

I'm not, I'm not fucking on the place. Wait till you have a hair problem. What's a hair problem? What do you think? Yeah, well, I did. I did sink got clog because I shaved my face. I mean, I have hair. Yeah, I did everything.

I bought a snake. I got a plunger. I got Drano. I did it all. And then my brother said, you're not supposed to use Drano if you already used other chemicals in it. I used Drano. It didn't fully work.

I texted. my landlord said, can you fix my sink for me? That's what I did. It's that simple. That's what I did. It seems like you bought a lot of stuff before you did that. Yeah, that's weird. Why? Okay, because I want to do it myself. Why? You bought a snake? Because if I'd learn how to do it, then I won't have to call somebody. But it's free. But it's free. It is free. Yeah, I know. But it's also proving right now your relationship with maintenance people. Yeah. I'd rather do it. I'd rather, well, it's actually a good

skill to have. It's a good, it's a good thing to have. We're all going to own houses someday. No, I'm not going to own a house, but, like, rather than have, like, somebody, like, if I know that, like, a sink is clogged, I could unclog it myself. Another alternative. You know, it's like, it's like how a Goodwill of Teng when was the janitor at Harvard and he got an education for free. I'm getting that with, with performers. I want you to get one of the ones with the cameras on the end, because I would love to go down your sink with a camera. I would love to also, because I live with Alex and Noah. There'd be toys and gummy bears.

There was earrings. My girlfriend dropped some earrings in there. That's tough. I got those out. You got the earrings out? You're a hero. I am a hero. I was a hero. Until I didn't fix the sink.

Was it magnet? No, I just, it was stuck in the trap. It was stuck at the bottom of the trap. And also my brother told me that I understand now why it's called a trap. And my brother told me that the trap that they installed is installed incorrectly. So that's probably why it's not draining. well my invention plus the rust in the pipes i'm thinking that the trap is useful for if you drop your earrings or maybe a wedding ring or a piece of food that you'd still like to eat something

like that into the sink that's useful to get it out but it my it's not so useful if like your pet ferret or your mouse or your shrew or something goes down the drain because it's going to run it's just going to run yeah go over that it's going to see that as a as a tiny wings jump i mean we've seen the way that they operate in tubes i'm thinking that we will have sharp nails to dissuade them if it doesn't want to run my shrew keeps getting

my shrews keep going down the sewer yeah how many shrews do you guys have I have 50 to 60 I mean you know they run away you can just replace them

with a new one no one's gonna know yeah it's like a turtle I use them to feed my constrictor yeah how many constrictors you

I only have one but it has a big appetite for sure well I used to have two one of them went down my big sink no so that's I need

a snake stuck I keep losing animals down my sinks. Anyway, I just need to buy a lot of nails, I guess, and hammer them into my plumbing. Like a reverse scary baseball bat. Yeah, exactly. You almost never see that baseball bat anymore.

No. That used to be the number one weapon that we were worried about in this country. And now I've seen one the last 10 years. It's a testament to the power of swag that people will walk around with those in a world where guns exist. That even they did in the 80s. And in the 80s, I mean, they still like guns. The Warriors? The warrior.

Can they stop you from bringing that onto an airplane or into a movie theater? They can't stop you if you bring the separate ingredients and make it yourself. It's so easy, right? I don't think you can bring nails on a plane. I'm a baseball player construction worker. Oh, yeah. I do roofing and dingers. They don't have a nail bat detector in the bathroom.

How am I going to get the nails into the roof if I don't have my bat? Exactly. Yeah. I'm better with a bat. I'm with a hammer. I stand on the ground and I hit the nail. I didn't throw the nail up. But I swing, I hit it with the bat.

Just right into the side. I targeted to put the shingles on the side. Yeah. Well, I throw a shingle up like I'm shooting skeet. Uh-huh. And I throw a nail in the air and swing my baseball bat. And they'll be so distracted by how amazing you are. Yeah, it's fun. My brother said, they'll let you on.

He used to skeet bat with rocks in the neighborhood. And our neighbor, our neighbor yelled at him. He called it skeet batting? No, I called it. Wait, what was he hitting with the rocks? He was hitting a baseball bat. He was hitting rocks with a baseball bat. and my neighbor came outside and accused him of hitting his car.

That's not... Yeah, that's just baseball. What part of it was skeet shooting, like shooting a target? Throwing the rock up in the air? No, it's the skeet part is that you're hitting something that was thrown in the air. Yeah. So here, we have two components here, the shingle and the nail. Yes.

So this is something... Yes, I'm missing a component. Or maybe a robotic arm. And then throwing another rock and hitting it and the two rocks or hitting each other. That'd be cool. Yeah, that would be really cool. It would be hard to do, though, I think. Yeah, that would be hard.

You could do it by just putting the rock on one side of a trampoline and you jump down. Did you and your brothers play so many fun games when you were kids? We did. What was the most fun game you played?

We did a manhunt a lot. I always wanted to play manhunt. It's tagged. I played it like one or two times, man. It's scary. I wanted to play a

bag, but it has a cooler name. Yeah, it was only the name. The only reason I wanted to play it. Yeah. I was so good at it too. I could climb a fucking tree. Well, you're good at hiding.

That's true. I am good at hiding. And disappearing. Is that a trace? One thing that me and my brothers did that was I mean we all watched a lot of jackass

I might have talked about this before but we had a bunch of leftovers that my dad made like you made it was taco night there was a bunch of taco leftovers like just the meat or all the toppings that's how you know your family's poor when you're making leftovers

that's right he didn't make the leftovers but that's funny it's leftovers for dinner what's we're doing the night we're making leftovers making leftovers you just

hold on hold on somebody needs to eat a little bit of this and then we'll serve it but yeah we we had our it was like a small like small roof and then like the back door

and on the back door the roof of the back door like the little awning we made a roof taco where we threw the tortilla down and if it landed that was you get points Oh, that's fun.

I don't think I've heard you say this before. Yeah, where we threw, so if the tortilla lands on the roof, that's a point. And did you have to get the beef on the tortilla or just on the tortilla? Like, it was like, you had to make it fully onto the roof. You had to make a taco. That's a good strategy. I could honestly see that as a challenge in a TV show. Was the beef strategy like the beginning?

Well, yeah, we were watching a lot of like Vivaabam and Jackass and we were like, oh, yeah, well, and then who ripped you off? Breaking Bad ripped you off. They did put the pizza on the roof. Did you do like the ground beef like LeBron with the hand chalk? at the beginning of a game, just throw it straight up. No, no, no, I was going for points. What were the rules? Was it because beef is crumbles?

Was it one crumble as a point? Or are you trying to get... I mean, if there was any beef on the taco, there's any beef on it, you'd get... I think you can just kind of follow the spirit of it. I mean, it's not, this is not yet a TV show challenge. We played by rules in my fucking house, okay? But yeah, the beef landed on the taco, you get points.

You know, it was just like a tiered points too. And so what could you purchase with the points? Well, you don't get, it's just you win. This game sucks. Well, you probably saw you get to eat the taco. No. Okay, the game's good again. I quite like the game.

You get to eat the taco. And, yeah, I remember my mom coming home. The loser has to eat the taco. That would be good. We played a game where there was a cooler that my dad left out after a barbecue and he left it out all summer. And then we opened it up and there was like a thousand maggots in it. And we would see who could stand in front of it with the lid open with the smell

hitting you and take like a deep breath. Oh, that's nasty. It was really gross. Yeah. But yeah, my mom came home from work and was mad. I don't know why. About the roof taco? She was mad about that.

Must have been hungry. Yeah. Now I've got to walk all the way to the fucking roof to eat my taco. I got to climb up this. Imagine putting in a fucking double at a restaurant and come home. Yeah, and right when you think you've escaped food, it's on your roof. Your kids put a fuck.

disgusting. It's like they've rained the day before so it's like soggy and like all like the sour cream like the sun the heat of the sun is melting

the sour cream up there it's a it's a taco did you get the whole thing list all the ingredients no no it was like tell me give me the ingredients it was like this

like like like it was like a warrior where please tell me you had those delicious taco night diced tomato oh yes delicious taco night

list them out List them out, man. So, I mean, it's, it's, what's that fucking, that song from that guy from the tri-guides, the white people taco night? All the ingredients of that. I'm not familiar with white people. Big, big, uh, song in like 2013 or something, but it's like, so flower tortillas, no, no corn, uh, ground beef, the Mexican cheese that you get in the bag from market

basket, white and yellow, lettuce, tomato, sour cream, uh, chopped white white onion, uh, chopped white onion wow iceberg or tega yeah iceberg lettuce ortega

um taco sauce oh yeah the taco a white a white person staple yeah

the it's not too spicy but it's got a little kick and it's maybe cool off on whiteies for a second kind of going a little hard at whites in their food

all right okay I'm sorry white people were you squirting the sauce onto the thing uh well it comes in a jar so you have to uh you have to

I think that was the worst part was that we didn't fucking clean up the sauce off the porch. And my aunt lived next door, so she fucking saw all this and was like, I'm telling your mother! And we're like, yeah, good, tell her. It's funny to be cheaper by the dozen with four kids.

Yeah. Like, you guys had the same level of misty and annoying, crazy shit happening. It was four children. It was fully Malcolm in the middle style type of family. Well, Malcolm in the middle, they weren't doing all that much crazy shit. What are you talking about? They were just hanging out. They were completely crazy.

No, they were just hanging They'd go to the beach That's more cheaper by the dozen No cheaper by the dozen Did more Malcolm in the middle was Listen, if they went to the beach They would be when they leave

The beach would have no sand That's right That's the type of vibe Dewey versus Hillary Duff Dewey versus Hillary Duff Who you can't go clear We're not going We're not going to clear

Mischiff for Mischief with We're going mischief And also Hillary Duff by the way You could not have picked a less mischievous cast member Okay well I don't know anyone Well, Allison Stoner. What about FedEx?

Oh, FedEx. That was a character in that movie. FedEx was somebody... That was a character in that movie. Is that what the company was named after? Yeah. The FedEx kid? Yeah.

They named it after the kid. I really don't know which one came first. That's crazy. It's crazy that they made in the same year they did yours mine and hours and cheaper by the dozen were two movies from like the 60s. And then they both remade them at the same time. Well, because Octo Mom. Oh, yeah.

Good point. But also the... but also the the the original one sucks so bad cheaper by the original cheaper by the dozen you ever watch that why are you watching that shit bro i i liked when i was a kid you are an old gay nerd yeah when i was a kid i like to watch the remake or the original i'd rather watch the original i didn't read i wasn't saying that i rather watched it i was just saying i wanted to watch it and compare and control that's so funny i do i'm not saying i wanted to watch it all i'm saying is i watch both the I did. You wanted to see the differences. And I had a class in high school that I had to do that with, too. All right, what were the differences? Because I don't think anybody seen that first movie. The first one is, it's just fucking, it's just fucking game.

What? What about it is G-A-Y? It is, well, there's no comic mischief. There's no some 41. It's not a comedy. It's not a comedy. It's more about the parents. Back then, that would ruin your fucking life.

If you had 12 kids, how much money would you have to make to support 12? Even back then in the 60s, that was just like a fucking Irish Catholic family. That's not even a fun concept for a movie. People didn't start having that many kids until, like, Dugger That was, that was, that was, that was, uh... The Irish Catholics had, they were...

I feel like it was a... No, Irish Catholics where you have 15 kids and nine of them die and now you have six. My, my... My, uh, my, uh, grandma had 11 brothers. Yeah, really? My mom had... Live it, uh, seven. Oh, yeah. Lived past childhood? Well, I had seven siblings. My mom had seven siblings, and eight,

Jesus Christ. Back then, it was all you could do. Yeah. I didn't have steam deck yet. Yeah. I didn't fuck all day. Because now we don't have to fuck because we got steam deck. We're afraid.

Oh, we are afraid. And they didn't have condoms. Completely afraid. The world is afraid of fucking. I didn't say that the class that I took, I talked about this, I think, where I had, no, the movies class that I took senior year of high school. He had us watch, guess who's coming? coming to dinner, and then guess who with Bernie Mac and said, what's different? Tell me what's

different about these movies. Like, well, I can tell you one thing. Well, Bernie Mac's awesome. Bernie Mac isn't it? And Ashton Couther. And the races are swapped. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot about that. That's the whole, I'd read a whole essay. About how the races are different. The races are different. And there's more jokes. I never saw either of those movies. I'm going to be honest. but that's a movie they did that not that long ago right with um

who did they have in a in one of those like white guy at the black family things like a couple years ago Jonah Hill Jonah Hill was Jonah Hill it was Jonah Hill it's amazing to keep making that movie it's I mean

that movie will have a movie that makes money yeah of course I mean what movie is that called though it's called like what movie is that called what name is that movie You people. You people. What the hell?

Eddie Murphy? Yeah, it's Eddie Murphy and Jonah Hill. Which is, it's, if that was made, if this was made in 2013, that's a moneymaker right there. This was, this was the movie where they had to CGI, uh, Jonah Hill kissing the, the, the, his love is, his girlfriend. Because he's so racist. I don't know. I wouldn't do it.

I mean, it was either he's racist or he smelled bad. He grew up in Huntington Beach. True. He's so racist. I think I'm, I don't think I'm making that up. I'm pretty sure that. They really did that? That they, yeah, like, they wouldn't...

I mean, if I was in a movie, I wouldn't be... I can't kiss. I'm married. That's a funny Google search. You people, C.G. Get the hell. What are you doing? Get the fuck off of here.

You're ruining the episode. Get the fuck off of TikTok. You're selecting shapes. Where are you go? What did you do? You deleted everything. He did a panic. He did a panic.

He did a panic. He did a panic mouse movement. That was scary. Shit. What, man? Nothing. You can't just say nothing. dude i have to help my my girlfriend carry a bunch of stuff from the train being a guy's

fucking dog shit uh-huh she just got back she just got back she just got back i had to claim the humidifier today i'm going to be i want i wish the light bulbs two times so far i wish i either didn't exist or was a girl you know what i you know what i forgot to do what or i forgot to tell her and then it's going she's going to come home and she's going to be mildly upset about mildly infuriated infuriation oh i forgot to tell her that mo knocked over the green onion that she was growing. Okay, that's, she has every right to be mildly infuriated. She has every right, but I should have told her before so that when she comes home,

it's not like, oh, by the way. Wait, knocked over a propagating green onion? She, you know, when you like chop it and then you have the whites and then you put it in, she was growing a green onion and it was like almost like. It was almost ready to eat. He was almost ready to eat. And now it's been knocked over. And he knocked it into the sink.

And did you just maybe put it back in some more water? I should have got another green onion. And replaced it. I should have replaced it. It's a miracle. My Blue Heaven style with the turtles, but no, I didn't. Putting a red onion in. Putting a whole red onion.

There it is. Wow. She was reusing. Well, we didn't know what kind of onion it was. It was still growing. It grew out. It grew out into a full one. That's crazy.

You have such an amazing green thumb. You have such an amazing green thumb. That's so, you're like a carrot. I don't know what water you put in this, but that's incredible. Oh, I also. Fuck, I forgot to watch. water one of her airplants. Oh, no.

Well, it's got, it's an air plant. You don't need to water it. I'm screwed. You spritz it like this. I'm in a... Oh, no. I'm in a battle.

I finally had it with the nude photo of a man holding his cock in my bathroom. And... Do you guys know about that? You finally used it up? What do you say? Have I never shown you guys this?

You guys haven't been to my house in a while. No. My wife put up a playing card of a nudie? And you said you finally had your with it. You finally had it? No, I didn't have here.

Wait, I'll send this to Julio. I have a censored version. He, uh, I didn't have my way with it. I thought that's what you said. I finally had my way with the movie. You really think that's what I said. He pulled it and he pulled it out of the frame and walked it. You said, I've had enough of it and I had my way with it.

This is a playing card. So I censored this. No. No, it's not. Because guess where it is? Where? Right above the toilet. Yeah, that's funny.

She never has to see it when she pees. Every time I, I pee, I'm looking at a guy with his cock and his balls. No, the chicken wing is not there. That looks like, what's his name? You didn't, okay, let me show it to you with the penis, then. Zoom in on him. Zoom in on his face.

No. I'm going to show you, just you, it with the penis, and you're not going to like this. And also, wait, you like, you think it's funny? I think it's funny. It's funny to have nasty stuff in the bathroom. Come on. That's funny.

Come on, dude. You know the crazy thing about this. I would look at that every day, smile. The thing of the crazy thing about this is that this is from a normal deck of playing cards. It's the only card that's like this. This is a printing error. This is the guy who prints the cards. He uploaded the wrong photo. That's so funny. Dude, no, it's not. They make this on recycled paper. It's like he smelled something bad. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's it's not funny. That's like how Steve has the painting of Tom Pearl above his toilet. That's

funny. That stuff is funny. It's funny to put a nasty thing in your bathroom. She's not thinking of it as like, oh, yeah, it's nasty like a bathroom. She's thinking of it as like, oh, it's cute. It's not cute. It's a male naked. It's funny. It's agree to disagree.

It's really funny. I think it's a male naked and it's not funny at all. And I think that I need to put underpants on it and I've been devising a plan. That's what that's what I'm doing. As soon as I get home, before she gets home today, I'm putting underpants on it. And I we'll report back with the reaction.

I have a feeling it's not going to be that good. Yeah. And maybe we'll get in a giant fight and break up. Because I put underpants on her cock photo. Because I put underpants on it. I have some white tape. I'm going to put little lines on it like it's tight tight white. You should do, to make her not want it, right?

Cut, print out a photo of one of your friends and put it over. Like put like Joe's face over it. You want me to put Joe's face over it. You want me to put Joe's. Joe's face on it, so it's Joe's cock. So when she looks at it, so when she looks at it, she's like, oh, my God, I didn't realize it was Joe the whole time. What if that massively backfires? How would that massively backfire? What if she's, well, what if I get caught up and I start tributing the photo of Joe with his cock out. Here's what here's another solution to. The underwear is a nice solution, but what you could also do is you could get another playing card that has a naked woman on it. I've thought about next to that. I've looked into them. I couldn't find any ones where you're fully nude. Well, you can just print a custom one. Yeah. But then I'm going to the print shop.

No, no, print it out here. We have glossy photo paper. We have sticker paper. You can put it on. There's ink. Oh, we have black ink. You can put it black and white, yeah. Black and white, but then I can't.

But that's more tasteful. Yeah, and I don't see what the real. I don't see what the problem is with this photo in the best thing. Oh, a fucking hard dick looking at you every time you pee. And then I look down at my soft one. I don't like it, man. I don't like it. I would like it.

So I'm going to figure out a way to put an end to it. I can, here's the compromise, right? Because what she likes about it is that it's in a bathroom and it's a piece of art that she hung up. No, she likes it because she's a hoe. It has to be that. Okay. All right.

Well, I guess that's it. I guess that's it. Then I was going to say, I'll put it in my bathroom, but my girlfriend wouldn't like that. But what if, what, she's not a hoe? What if, uh, you just kill her? That could work. That would, uh, destroy my life. Who would pay for my groceries?

Oh. You need to think before you have ideas like this. That's a good point. But maybe I don't know. I just, I need to have an office where I can put awesome stuff in my house. Buddy, look where you are right now.

Well, I have this, obviously, this paradise, this men's paradise. This truly is a men's paradise. We have ants. I mean, this is a male only space. We have two ants. No, no, no, no. And they were big male. We have a lot of ants, man.

We have a lot of ants. Because of one little guy who keeps leaving his fish plates here and one big guy who's addicted to soda. I think that ants like soda a lot more than they like fish. Yeah, they don't think that. I think that that's kind of the thing about ants is they like sugary things. Okay, well, I'm going to say that the one big guy, I'm sure he didn't think about it. Well, bigger than the little guy. He's definitely bigger than the little guy.

but we nipped the little guy's problem of leaving the fish and the coffee everywhere. How did we nip that? Also, there's sugaring his coffee. So I think it's a, I think it's a collab. Which are you okay? I think it's a collab between, because I don't want to name names, but I think it's a collaborative effort between. I don't think there's one guy who's in here every day for eight hours and drinks five. And plays a piano.

I don't know. I don't know about that. I'm not going to name names. I'm not going to name names. And had a collection of all of his sodas and beer cans. I'm not going to name names. For a long time. I'm going to say that there is a collared.

It is, I think it's a collab. I don't think it's a collab. I think it's a collab because maybe the big guy doesn't want to take that much of the blame because it'll feel bad. That's okay. That's okay. Nobody wants to be blamed for anything.

Yeah. You don't want to be accused. Except for this little guy who keeps leaving his. damn food place. I'm talking about big guy little guy. Okay? The ant problem.

The ant problem is definitely the big guy's fault. It's growing, but it's not quite at the point where it's, I don't care that much about the ants.

I'm going to be honest. If I lived here, I would care. I mean, I was maybe one of the people who lived in this building. I might be a little and maybe we were letting

get a bunch of ants into the apartment building. Yeah, I'd be a little upset. And you hear a scream all the time. You hear a screaming about you hear a

Yeah, you're saying that's right now. Yeah, you're saying how dumb you are for living in the same building as our office. Don't they know this is an office? These fucking morons. What was I going to say? I'm so... I don't know. We were talking about big guy, little guy.

No, you were talking about big guy, little guy. The big guy little guy. The big guy little guy. I think some people... And then there's an even bigger guy who comes in here. And he's also got a soda problem. I really think that nobody else has a soda problem I think you have a real sort of problem

maybe the medium guy because now there's a big guy that's you you're the medium guy why are you naming names we don't have to you is not a name we don't have to name we don't have to point fingers you could be a name in the far east

a last name or a first name or both or both someone named you you you you me me is a white girl's name in the United States yeah it's also i mean it could be a nickname i'd rather have ants than like cockroaches cockroaches or bees yeah or not lions lions would be a really bad infestation that's what they have to deal with in a lot of villages and asking a jaguar crows because you left a soda oh fuck my life fucking damn i left my beef jerky out oh that is a problem

that's people would have like fucking bobcats in their back yard in New Hampshire because they like left that has to be a bear came in at a watermelon out of my in-laws garden whoa yeah bears going everywhere they can yeah and they walk around on two feet sometimes sometimes they do and that really scares me yeah they can climb trees as well yeah and they can open doors yeah they can drive cars and drive cars yeah they can drive a little tricy now it's driving a car is using a computer wow what the fuck what the fuck even beyond Tesla there's these little things called microchips. And no, my friends, these aren't the most disappointing snack you buy at the grocery store. This is basically a foundational piece of our modern

culture. It's basically a brain. Magic Wizard came, snapped his fingers and said microchipo delito and every microchip vanished from the world, our entire society would cease to function. How come I never seen a macro chip? You have. You have. You see a lot of them. I see a lot of I'm around here. You, it's probably why to answer in our office. It's because of all your macro chips. I'm talking about technology. There's technology involved there.

I don't see any macro chips. Pull up a macro chip. I want to see it. No. It's just a flick of floppy disk. A macro chip, I don't know. I think a floppy disk is just a storage device. It looks like a thing in Caleb's bathroom is what I'm seeing.

Did you guys like my... This is a macro chip? Look at this guy's face, man. Look at him. He's, he looks... He's stoned up his ass. He looks like a... He looks like a...

manipulated into taking this picture. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's really a dark photo. Now that I'm looking at his face, now that I can see his face even bigger, yes, this is a dark photo. He looks like he just got pepper spray. Yeah, he got hit with the pepper spray.

And then they said, take your cock out. The cock handling that he's doing looks defensive. It's an arm, it's armoring his cock with his hand. He looks like the, he's not stroking his cock. He looks like the, what are they called? The trogs from, from, uh, Fallout 3.

That's what, that's his pose right there. on his knees. Yeah, he's posed exactly like the trugs from fall of three. And also, I would hate to see what the king and the ace and the queen look like. The ace, I don't want to see the ace, man. I don't want to see the, I know, I think I know what the ace is. I know what that's going to look like. I think that I would.

I don't want to stare the ace in the, in its eyes. This complete close up. Just like you can't know, no skin tonne at all. Just the asshole. Just the brown and pink part of the asshole. All right. So, the ace hole.

Speaking of ace holes, today. we are going to be taking a look right into one. I don't know. I just fucked that up. I'm sorry. We'll let Cameron give a shot at the intro. He said, he said,

we're going to look into an asshole. That's what he said. So we're going to take a deep look into one. Which I don't think has it. I don't know how you could think that that's what we're doing today. And I've really misunderstood. I really don't want to see what you prepped for this. If that's what you thought that the episode was.

Guys, we're going to take a break and I'm going to have to change everything. Guys, today, so I've been getting a lot of emails, a lot of messages from one specific person that we're going to leave unnamed, at least for now. Someone asking me all these questions. How do I go viral? How do I get a lot of followers? How can I make a tweet or a Facebook post or Instagram poster or a TikTok video? How can I go viral? I want to, you, I mean, you guys are the viral experts.

How can I go viral? I mean, think about it. Obama video. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Fancy chef. Scary clown. Subway eats the subs.

Subway eats the subs. Subway eats the subs. And this, this one specific person. And I say a lot of messages, I said, clarify, it's one person. Yeah. Sending these messages. And I think we've all gotten these messages from this. We have one.

And he says, Uno. Yeah. How do you? Yeah. Uno massage. How do you go Elviral? Elviral. of viral. And so today we're going to be taking a look at some

posts from across the internet. And these are posts that maybe aren't viral. But we're going to say how to improve them. We're going to talk about how to improve them. Mine at least, I think that I kind of did it a little weird. Mine are mostly, they're not viral, but they're ones I think should have gone viral. Me too. I did the same thing. Good approaches to it. And maybe that, in the end, we can try and give this.

We can still workshop. We can give this one Amigo some advice on how he can finally go viral and how to improve some of what he's been shitting out. And let's do compliment sandwiches on these posts. Okay. Okay. Is that fair? Yeah. So the first, my first couple is a strategy that I had never thought of before, but I think these definitely should have gone viral.

So if you can just pull up, pull up my first one here. Here's some red garnet crystals already mined about 70 kilograms readily available, kindly repost. A client might be on your timeline. And it's a picture of a guy holding a bunch of crystals that he has mined. Interesting. And this has 6,000 views. But only 43 likes. which is a pretty bad ratio.

Yeah, that is a bad ratio. Who doesn't want to buy a gemstone? Yeah, these look amazing. And look at that big blue one in the back. Yeah. Okay, go to the next one here. And this is just a strategy I'd never seen before, but gemstones for sale.

And this person is mine to gemstones at the home. Seven views. I mean, this needs more attention. I think that this could be a great strategy. So what do we think? Why aren't these going viral? Okay. Here's what I would say.

The photo quality. Virality needs one of three things. Okay. It either needs. to be funny or as we would call it humorous. It needs to be interesting or as we would call it learning. Or it needs to be a valuable gemstone for sale. I was going to say like a nude woman or something. Like that can go viral. Oh, nude woman for sale. No, you wouldn't want to sell a woman because of gemstones that attract nude women. That might work. That is actually a really good idea.

So that's the thing. And also everything that people post online is fake. Yeah. You have to take that is a truth. So just say that it attracts women and women want to eat these rocks or whatever. And then just, it's fine. These are rocks that women like to eat. Yeah, women love to eat these rocks. And I'm the only one who sells them. Yeah. You know, maybe they're made out of what do girls like? Oat milk latte. Yeah, they're made out of oat milk or jizz. And they're cubified. Yeah. Cubed jizz for sale. Heart. Yeah. So that's it. Okay, so that's the new, the new, the new thing, the new capture for this to make it go viral will say, cubed jizz

for sale. Yep. Yeah. And I think that that's put, that's going to push a thousand likes. 70 kilograms. Easy. More than a thousand is what we're looking for. Yeah. We're looking for 10,000. Okay. At the lowest. Well, I think, where does virality start? I guess it's more in views.

But I, in terms of, you know, it's also really good. I mean, yeah, I think you could consider something viral when it's got just a little bit of pop on it. But come on, we're trying to help out our friend here in the big way. We're not trying to... So it's 10K to 20K in the first 24 hours.

Oh. So, yes, 10K in the first 24 hours. Fourth Wall. Fourth Wall is saying this. Yeah. So maybe we could... Actually, these could be controversial. We could go for the controversy angle

and say, I put this gemstone up my ass and turned black. Or stole this... See, it started out pink and now it's black. And then we could get somebody to quote... Oh, you said the gemstone turned black. Yeah, the gemstone turned black. No, no, no, no. I thought you were saying you put the gemstone up your ass and you turned my bet.

Well, that would be vague. That would go mega viral. People would hate that. Most people hate that. The quote tweets on that would be like, no, you didn't. And I turned black. That would be a massive viral mega hit. That would be such an incredible viral mega hit on both fronts where one people, there will be one camp of people who are getting so upset.

No, this is scientifically inaccurate. A gemstone up your ass can't turn you black. This is and the social justice work. saying you shouldn't even say something like this. This is allowed in our current society to even posit ideas. Yeah. And then this other camp saying,

where can I buy me this fucking gemstone? And I know it's right here in the second tweet in the thread. Yeah. And then you're making millions. But then here comes all the bots that are saying, I found the gemstone here. Yeah. My pussy.

Linking different gemstones that aren't even the ones. They're not going to turn you. Rip off gemstones. It'll turn you even whiter. Yeah. Scary. Dangerous. All right.

What's the next one? Here's the next one. This is a picture of a werewolf Silhouetted in front of the moon Wolfman And it says Regeneration Pulse Strength

Power to leap 15 feet This one I think It's got It's got The picture is beautiful Yeah Prime viral material But it's too informational

Yeah I think I agree This is me when I don't get enough sleep See that would be Yeah The caption is good This is a picture That is when I don't get enough sleep

And I leave 15 feet This is so When I stay up real late Rife for funny... Rife. Rife. Well, first of all, you got to channel Rife. But this is so rife for amazing captions.

You know what would go viral? This same caption, but a picture of Rife. My werewolf... Yeah. Regeneration pulse strength, power to lift 15 feet. Yeah. That's a beautiful poem. But that's the thing, poetry doesn't sell.

Yeah. Now we're going to go now into my favorite genre of viral post that I think has the most potential and I think our Amigo could learn a lot from. And this is the viral question, the engagement bay. Oh, yes. So let's go to the next one here. This one says, which is more important?

And it has a picture of toiletries and then a picture of food. And I didn't put the screenshot on, but I'll tell you basically everyone was voting food except one person who said toiletries. Okay. Now, this is a great question because it's so open-ended. Well, I would say this is a great one because the answer is so obviously food that people are going to be outraged that the question is even being. asked and they have to let people know, y'all do know it's food right? Yeah. Seriously? You're going to

get a million. You can go hella viral off saying toiletries. Yep. But what did not... Because this only has 19 likes and 11 retweets. What is this missing? Because this should have gone mega-viral. You know what it is? I bet the food is too ethnic. We don't know what kind of food that is. I don't know what that is.

We're not sure if it's... But I don't know what the audience on the right. Obviously, I know it's plantains and chicken and rice. But yeah, the large, I mean, you know... The tastemakers. Yes, the lukewarm IQs of the webbysphere may not know about Dominican food. This would be better if it was a picture of mac and cheese on the right. Yes.

Because then people are going to say... Yeah. Because a lot of people never had this kind of food. So they don't even know. So they couldn't even answer the question. Yeah. You know. Here's another food-based question.

Okay. This food... Or 20K. Choose wisely. Would you rather have this food or would you rather have $20,000? And this is like Huevos rancheros or what is this? This is some kind of like... Another type of food I don't recognize.

This is some kind of seafood boil. Yeah, it looks like some eggs. And there's chicken on top. And there's hard boiled eggs. You can put eggs in a seafood boil. That's pretty common. I've never seen that. You never seen there?

No, no, no. Well, you are from New Hampshire, my friend. Yeah. This is another one that should have gone viral. I mean, I think this is prime and ready. Well, this might have been. two, this one maybe was too obvious because obviously

you choose the 20K. Some people were choosing food in the comments. Interesting. But. Some people said food. So, I wanted to be able one or two. I'm, I should have put these screenshots in one or two, I'm telling truth, one or two people said food because you needed to live. Well, but food, but this person is asking

this food. Yeah, well, that's what that's what the person's, I'm just telling you what people said. Okay. It wasn't so cut. So that's a misunderstanding, I would say that they have. Because you could buy probably 20 of these with $20,000. I'm also thinking now that based on this type of food that I don't recognize, that maybe the 20K is in a different currency where that is worth a whole lot of West. Oh, yeah.

That's a really good point. Yeah. I just realized that's a great point. Yeah. So maybe that's why something that we don't even do. This is go viral on on American Twitter because of people. Yeah. All right.

What's the next one? Next one. This is another viral question. This is from user Daddy's Little Girl. At Divine Alfred 5. Is it wrong to buy DVD player in 2024? Okay. I don't know why this didn't go viral.

This is a perfect trio. Is it wrong to buy DVD player? The name, the at the post. It's all perfect. Everything is perfect. It's literally a, this, they must be shadow band. This is a great point where a big part of virality is the name. And they, and they, they bought.

they bought X blue they bought X premium so I mean I don't know they're definitely shadow banned because when you buy that you get your posts boosted and I it should have been viral this one this one is different than the other ones though

because this is not cut and dry no no is it I don't know this is actually you know what the problem is you know what the problem is is it wrong is it wrong not not should I yeah is it wrong yeah to buy a DVD player the problem with this is that it's going to, it's actually, it's going to stay low

because so many people are going to debate it. It's more going to be, it's going to be, people are afraid to even engage. Oh, yeah. Nobody wants to be the first reply to say, yes, it's wrong. People would say, really? Really, fucker.

With all that's going on in the world, we're going to, we're going to clown on people for DVD players. For DVDs? Seriously. You fucker. Okay, here's the next one. This is another viral question. Do any of you have any info,

about a type of interdimensional being that attaches to addicts and alcoholics via energetic signature and has the capability doesn't say that, I just can't read, to imprison some aspect of them after death. And this is from Facebook,

and they put the kind of Facebook memoji. Yeah, and they have kind of a turning point USA background. Yeah. Too wordy. I think this is way too wordy. Not going to go viral. It's way, way, way too wordy.

The character, see, here's what can, go viral. This character. I mean, whoever it would be who would want to go viral could maybe try attaching a little character. Yeah, just make a, I mean, because this guy could have had, and here's another one. Yeah, here, we'll just go to the next one. Go to it. Go to it. What am I supposed to tell my very young grandsons when they see too many kissing? I need some help. That is a picture of the Facebook emoji, very confused about a big chalkboard covered in math problems. Yeah, a lot of math problems. And one of the math problems is poop equals pi R. H.

And one of the questions is Apple. Apple, yeah, with a bunch of question marks. Yeah, this one... This should have gone viral. This is, you know, this is after its time, I would say. Because gay marriage is sorted. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Everybody, it's not really a piece of public topic of conversation anymore. So in 2011 or 2010, this could have gone viral. Because it would have been people would have given real answers. But at this point, you know... Here, I'm going to go through the next viral questions a little. more quickly here. This next one is

from a Facebook user electrician Thanda. Okay. And he asks, is Donald Trump the king of fierce countenance and understanding dark sentences?

That's a memory. It's a memory. Yeah. And I don't know what that means, but it's an interesting viral question. It is. And maybe too,

too scary of a question. Too open. Here's the next one. Does this have any meaning to anyone? And it's a scribble that someone made. On the back of a receipt.

Yeah. Which this is also. this is a great, not the best execution, but this is a great viral format, I think. Does this have any meaning to anyone? It's a scribble that you made. And then here's another viral question. Is it normal for quail

to constantly attack each other? This one couldn't go viral. No. It's too niche. This can go viral in the quail community. The quail community will see it. This person is a top contributor. But virality in the quail community is what, a hundred likes? You would be surprised.

Really? You would be surprised. I have popped off in the quill community. Oh, really? Yeah, interesting. And now I'd like to tackle a different way that we can try and go viral, and that is through the gimmick account, okay? We see the gimmick accounts popping off these days. So here's a gimmick account here.

This is a Facebook page called... Gimic accounts for people who don't know are usually... People gripping food with force. Yeah, they post pictures of people dying. Exactly. Women die. Grind face TV. And it's always called crazy-ass videos,

and it's someone getting decapitated, and this happens probably 5,000 times. And they reply to you a lot, and they say, I have crazy videos on my page. Yeah. So here's this one. This is Facebook page. Cooked Meat.

Just what you need on a cold winter's night. Ah. And it's pictures of cooked meat. Okay. That should be the biggest account on Facebook. We have a lot of very similar things in our slides. Really? Yeah.

Well, this page is one of my favorites. I've followed this page since 2019. Oh, interesting. Cooked meat. Again, this has huge viral potential. Cooked meat. Who doesn't like cooked meat? It's just what you need in a cold winter's night.

It is. Everybody does. Do you think any of these people who started, when Facebook first started, made one for cooked meat or a page for like water or something. Do you think they ever regret this that they have 10 million people that follow their page? It's really funny that they didn't

never did anything. They never even thought to yeah. They just waited until it got hacked instead of selling it. Yeah. Yeah. Sad. Another similar Facebook gimmick page, flakes of cereal. Oh. This is another thing. Who doesn't like flakes of cereal? I love flakes of cereal. This is

so our friend could maybe change their their account to of that, that's a start. Change their avatar to this or maybe, yeah, I don't know. Or maybe name your Twitter account flakes of cereal. Cheezzie casidias. Oh, that would work too. Yeah.

That would be a good gimmick account. Cheesy cassidias. Here's another gimmick account. I wish I could eat cakes off of cake boss and they say, man, those cakes look good. Yummy. Wow. Staying in character, gimmick account. And then here's the last one, last gimmick account on Facebook.

It's called crap. And they say, I like diarrhea. I like diarrhoea. We really did do the same kind of thing, man. Really? I don't have Facebooks. I don't see any of this stuff. We really did.

Okay, well, then I'll go between. All right. Wait, no, let's just do, let's get mine out of the way. I think I have a few. Let's just see, let's compare and contrast our differences. Like the essays I used to have to write. So the first one of you is, guess who's coming to dinner? Cameron, probably.

I'm the original. So, okay, the first thing I found, There's a couple of tweets that we made that I think should have gone viral. Okay. So let's see the first one here. RIP Chemgrade from Cameron Fetter. That's not me, man. Yeah, that's not him.

It's a different guy. No, that's him. The photo is not him at all. This is some random guy that you're inviting harassment upon. This one's from Earth. We can block him out. It's joking. It's okay.

We can blur him out. The next one was from me where I said, Tulsi Gabbard parody said captioned this photograph of Pete Buttigieg and I said I thought he would be better at playing the fiddle. That's not you either.

Who are these people? That just has the same name as you. Is that like an attempt at homophobia? I don't know what that is. Yeah, what does that mean? It feels like I feel like that's the only thing I could be, right? Does you think it's gay to play the fiddle?

I mean, I guess it kind of is. Yeah. Well, this next one was from Caleb and I thought this one maybe almost went viral. this next one nobody Caleb Pitts

I'm fin-a-m-bitches to get feet pictures I don't know why that one is me that one is me fine-ass Caleb fine-ass Caleb I'm fin-a-diam-bittes to get

feed pictures that's how I talk that is how you talk yeah then this next one I don't really remember what it was I think it was also on Facebook other than blank slide

next one oh shrimp toast and they said is come on become a fan you know you love this stuff so this is a gimmick account for shrimp toast this is a gimmick account for shrimp toast but there see this is interesting

because we're seeing again let's compare contrast here the gimmick account I feel like the gimmick accounts I found are kind of very concerned with staying in character whereas yours is more in a style of I post crazy shrimp toast This next one

Staying in character Staying in character Do you remember the parody accounts And how big they were Back in the day Of course Yeah

Well I found one for Forrest Gump Okay And that must be Jenny or somebody In the photo Above That must be Jenny And the thing That was interesting

About this page is Well the thing The parody accounts Have gone away Yes But just like Thinking about how big Their impact was

It's like that people would, you know, act like it was the person. Like these people did. This first person said, Forrest, I really admire the way you act. Hi, Forrest, where is Jenny? And then this next person said, want to see Forrest Gump film, see movie.

So, I mean, that's like a good way to get engagement from people. That's a good idea. That is a good point. The time is ripe for these types of accounts to come back. And maybe I'll skip, maybe I'll delete these slides. We could combine this whole thing. We could, oh my God, here it is. Our Amigo, our Guapo Amigo, could change his account to Flakes of Serial parody.

He's going to be getting all the engagement. Want to eat flakes of cereal. I really admire the way you taste cereal. And he responds and he says, fuck out my mentions. Something like that. Yeah, you ate the onion. Yeah, you ate the onion. And there was also another parody account here.

Let's see the next slide. Just skip past the. Bob Boob. This was an parody account. This was a Incredible man sex video. This is a parody account of female girl with huge boob.

Anybody see this text back? Which they're doing it. This is an example of how not to do it. Right. This is a bad, because when you're trying to go viral, you don't want to be texted. Yeah.

So it should be anybody see this. You're going to skip ahead. Why are you skipping ahead? We're still talking about female girl with a huge boo. Yeah, we need to talk. about female girl with YouTube?

So for people listening. Anybody see this reposts. The profile is the profile picture does not look like a female girl with a huge

boob. And that's probably why this page has 94 likes. Which is that's weak man. That is very weak. That is very weak.

But then this next one I think this one more I put this in to show that it was a relic of a bygone era because back in the day it used to say likes and then you could put

likes blank. I miss that shit. Yeah, well, this one, here's a trip down memory lane. This next one, to eat poop. So, likes to eat poop. Well, why am I, though? I don't know. There's three of us.

That was here. Could have made up any. Or Waco Amigo likes to eat poop. You're directly on the way to the screen. I mean, his eyes are going to make a detour to look off your body every time. See, they wanted to make a new Facebook account completely because they want to make a Facebook account for Ringo. Ringo. I don't know.

I don't know who not. Which Ringo? Yeah, it's interesting. Well, it can't be a Ringo star. Nowadays, this is why the parody things don't work anymore. Nowadays, they have the verified accounts for people like Ringo and Forrest Gump or the real Ringo. Which Ringo Ringo are you talking about? We don't know.

It's probably Star. We really don't know. It's probably Starrangus. It could just be their friend. Yeah. I don't know who that is. Well, that could be Ringo Stee. I mean, I feel like if we're going to use names or use last names.

Okay. Well, it could be Ringo Stevens. It's foolish of them to assume we would know who they're talking about. Here was a Ringo Phillips. Say Ringo Warren. Yeah. This next this next

account. What's the next one, man? I really just liked it. I just put it in because I liked it. Poop frog. Poop frog? And he's got a middle finger photo.

This is a comedian. Oh, wait. He does a, yeah, he has a show at the gutter. Yeah, yeah, I know. Poop.

Yeah, he does a really funny show at Eugene Hall. Poop frog. Yeah, poop frog. He's a very famous Brooklyn Comedy. It's a weekly over there.

This next one. So another thing that goes viral a lot is art which nowadays you know people you could make this with AI.

Seth Krogler Kogler made a picture and I'm saying their name because I want to credit them because this picture is amazing. And he posted this

on eating poop. On eating poop, yes. They made a picture of a toilet paper eating poop out of the toilet. This is really cool. This is actually

a really cool photo. This is a great way to go viral, yeah. Seth, this photo is about to blow up. This is probably my second favorite photo behind those ones where they make Garfield scary. Yeah. Those are a good way to go viral. If you want to go viral, draw scary Garfield. Draw a picture of Garfield where he's as big as a house.

And that says, yeah, that which is dead must eternal lie. And he said, yeah, he says something scary. And then at the end says, John, this is a guaranteed viral photo. Yeah. So if you're good at drawing squiggly lines, that is basically free. $5 for you if you buy X premium. Yeah. There you go. And I found a new

comedian who I really like when I was doing my research. Besides poop frog? Besides poop frog. I found a new comedian that I really like. I forget his, I think it's Desmonico comedy. And he made this post that said, before you try to loose weight, check your head

size, you make you know come look like sweet stick. Stick sweet. Stick sweet. So this saying a viral joke. Before you lose your weight, check to, is it viral, though? Did it go viral? It could go by this. I'm saying this is an up and comer. This is somebody that I'm saying should go viral. And you're going to see why. This is the next fat Jewish. This is the next fat Jewish because you're going to see his posts and you're going to be amazed. And this can be you can be a template, you know, this can be a template where it's, and it can be like before you try to put a tag on your head that says Hershey's, check, check with the tag says Hershey's make you no come look like Hershey's kiss. Check to see if you're chocolate. Exactly.

These type of jokes you get from somebody, you follow the page. Before you cover yourself in sugar, make sure you aren't a kid, you will look like Sour Patch Kid. That's a really good one. And these type of posts are you like them because you like the personality, like the fat Jewish, right? Like this next post that he made, who can tell me the food I'd shop that makes me cry to make me to cry inside the toilet? This is Desmondco comedy. This is Desmondco comedy. Is that his face?

That's him. That's him. He's, this is the type of post you make if you're a personality. He has stunning eyes. He has very, very big eyes in this photo. And you know what he does?

You know what he does that you were talking about earlier is the viral question with this next post? Let's see it. The next post. This question done tired me for Facebook, but I ask my own ooh, will you slap me for 20 million? And this looks like,

Sorry, man, but yes. Yeah. Yeah, listen, Desmondco, huge fan. I would slap the shit out of you. For 20 million, man? $20 million? I would slap you for $20,000. But that's the thing.

This is the type of post that would get engagement. Like these next posts, my friends make Una tell me the truth, no lie for me. If I shoot the gun, will I die. Yes, he will die. This is perfect because this is frantic engagement. Please, Desmondco, if you shoot the gun, you will die. Please don't shoot the gun.

It's at your head. He has employed this tax. a lot. Look at this next post. If I shoot the gun, will I die? And then this next post. What is up with that gun? No woman want to marry me. They all say I'd be moo-moo, which I learned means like clown.

I'm tired of life. I want to kill myself shy. And then this final post. How is this not viral? This guy's amazing. This should be viral. This final post, I sold the only land my father left me to pay for my girlfriend's school fees from first year to final year in university.

She has graduate and gotten job in one of oil company in Lagos. Now she say she can't marry me because I am to egg bo-tick and poor. I want to kill myself, should I? Don't do it. Don't do it, Desmondco. That's a great idea for a while. You have a million fans now. I want to kill myself.

Should I do it? Should I kill myself? Because you'll get, I mean, I would hope that you're getting 90% knows. Of course, there's going to be some yeses in there. Yeah. But that's engagement. It's engagement. It's all engagement.

That's virality. That's fire. And that's what it's all about. Yeah. Yeah. And they just don't actually kill your time. And he's the majestic Moomu, the majestic fool. So I guess so far, before we get to Caleb, I think we can synthesize what we want is a post that courts controversy, has a gimmick to it.

Yes. Asks a viral question and threatens to kill oneself. Yes. This is the perfect post. Yeah. So once we see yours, Caleb, we'll be able to build on this perfect post and then we can probably create something at the end. All right. We'll create a perfect post and we'll post it on, let's just say, Julio's account.

That's a good idea. Okay. Why not? All right. All right. So this first one is... I'm going to write down our bullet points. It only got three likes.

I really feel like it should have gone viral. This is from Alex F. It says, turns out duck sauce doesn't come from ducks. I wish I knew that before I groped that. I almost put one in from him also, but I didn't want to be rude. I mean, we don't... I mean, I blurred the name, so this could be any... I found this.

same page and the post was I don't get people who are vine famous congratulations you can point a camera yourself and act stupid that should have gone viral I feel like actually maybe that was viral and maybe he copied and pasted that from somebody maybe maybe this was in 2014

I hope Alex F wherever he is is doing well this next one is from Reddit because Reddit is where all popular posts originated and learned and this one I feel like this one should have been an obvious hit zero upvotes so my wife decided to to stick this up on the walls of our home.

And in Post-it notes, it says, no masturbation when alone. I like that pillow. The pillow's cute. It's got penguins on it. But why didn't this go viral? I thought this was funny. This was, everybody can relate to this.

Who hasn't had this happen to them? I know exactly why it didn't go viral. What? Dutch angle. Yeah, hard to read the text. You have to turn your head to about 35 degrees to even read the text on it. See, in my eyes, that adds to sort of the candidness of it. Okay, but if you think about it,

kind of a Dutch angle is a little too artistic. I think it's a little too A24. We need something broad appeal. We need something scary movie. They're trying a little too hard idea. Also on Reddit, you guys are familiar with a giant subreddit I found today is one that's called, I think it's called Perfect Comebacks or something like that. Oh, okay.

And it's like, these go viral all the time. I'm sure you've seen this. Where somebody will post something and then someone will own them in the comments underneath. So this one, you can go next. This one is from that thing. It's a screenshot from the Tinder subreddit of somebody saying,

what if I gave you Sour Patch? Fine, but only to your dad. And then the person responded, my dad is dead. But then this person who posted on clever comebacks, I was proud of this one, commented in that post and said, that's because I fucked him to death.

So why didn't this go viral? Because I feel like that's also a perfect... What is this missing? It has a clever comeback. I, oh, he's dead? Yeah, I fucked him to death. Why didn't that go viral? Well, I mean, what are the bullet points here?

There's not a really question. I mean, I'm just looking at it. I think it's the, I think it's the way that this person drew the arrow. Yeah. I think that maybe people thought that the person who posted this had some type of mental disease that could catch by touching the post. What I'm thinking, that's a really bad arrow. Yeah. What I'm looking at here.

Okay, so bad arrow. Yeah, bad arrow. The arrow is pointing to the user. it's making me think that the user is the person who's saying my dad is dead. Oh, I see. Yeah, I would say the screenshot. They could have done a better job formatting.

Yeah, presentation is very important. Another thing that I think is, goes viral all the time, is comics, right? Like four-panel web comics, right? Yes, that is a great call. So this one is O.C. Taylor Swift writes new song lyrics. It's Taylor Swift sitting there. hmm, then she has an idea, then she writes down P, P, P, Poo, Poo, Poo.

And I, oh, I know why this. Because I'm looking at this and I'm, I mean, this is a hit. This is a, yeah, undeniable hit, I would say. But the person is begging for money, man. They put their Patreon in the first panel. Yeah. Oh, you're saying Zooted Comics shouldn't put the Patreon in the... Patreon.com slash Zooted Comics, at the very least put at the bottom of the fourth panel.

Also, I thought this was a bit moji. Well, Zooted Comics actually, they fixed it up in the next one, but Taylor Swift, you're not. safe. In their next comic, they do this. So this is their self-insert, by the way, for Zooted Comics. It's somebody with a rockabilly. Yeah, Rockabilly

with a blue pompadour and a joint and a big mustache. This pumpkin spice latte is freaking delicious. Ah, what's happening to me? I have the sudden urge to get wine drunk and blow my rent money on tickets to the Erez tour. And he turned into Beck. And he turned into...

Maybe at the last panel, maybe in the last panel, maybe the first one could be and this one has 49 up votes which is pretty it's getting there that's close to viral but then he goes back down to the the dregs of non-virality because he tries to get political okay okay so there's an excellent 24 presidential debate and it's both of them asleep so this is an amazing joke and I would like to say that I look through his profile he has three or four other comics about both presidential candidates falling asleep interesting yeah so this is his amazing roast but then I was thinking okay so viralness is one thing but

What about, like, what about, like, actually achieving something with a comic, right? What do you think of when you think of, like, a one-panel comic that is really saying something? The New Yorker. The New Yorker, exactly. So there is a New Yorker cartoon subreddit where things go viral all the time. Everybody's seen a post from this subreddit. And I found a guy who posts, because you know they have the contests. It's against the rules of the subreddit, but he posts his own captions on the thing very, very often.

on the subreddit to all the contest. So this first one is people playing pool in heaven, and the caption is, I can't believe I'm in heaven because on earth I shoved these balls up my asshole all the time. So this is something that this person thought maybe you might see in the New Yorker. It's actually really good.

It's actually, I would say, by far the best New Yorker comic I've ever seen in my entire life. I can't believe I'm in heaven because on earth I shoved these balls up my asshole all the time okay and they keep going this next one

is a bumper car pulling up to a pickup truck I saw your bumper sticker I am horny but this thing doesn't have a horn so I couldn't honk but I felt like I should still tell you that's I think you should leave

that is I did okay so that's why it didn't work out because this is a joke steel there's a joke steel I just don't understand what these didn't go viral and then the next one is an alien spaceship

pulling up to an RV and they The caption is bleep blue parentheses. Aliens don't speak English and I don't understand their language well enough to translate. I actually like that. I think all of these are really funny.

These are good. I don't know why these aren't going viral. These are actually funny. Okay. And then I have some videos here which are, what's the other thing that goes viral all the time? Podcasts.

We're no strangers to this world. Right? It's usually a podcast of somebody's being mean to a woman or something. Right. It goes mega popular. Okay. Yeah.

So this is a. guy his name is um let's see what is his name something we go to the next slide see what the name this video is rough rider talk radio this is the alec baldwin teaser okay okay so this is just a short snippet of what would be a full podcast episode i would hope yeah let's listen yeah hey everybody rough rider talk radio coming from edmond oklahoma the studios this guy in the back oh you're going to love the guy in the back Subdivision Oh, I thought

Juilliard Teaser for the next show This is just a teaser Pace of each Alec Baldwin Let me tell you man This guy keeps getting off He pulled the trigger

He pulled the fucking trigger If this guy here pulls a trigger And shoots me Guess what? He goes to jail If I pull the train The man guy asleep He fell in sleep I'm just holding a gun

And it goes off I'm gonna go to jail Alec Baldwin really Alec why don't you come on her show and let's talk about it you're a fucking murderer

killer killed him so why is see if this went viral maybe Alec Baldwin would go on the Rough Rider radio hour

and talk about how he's a murderer I know what no fucking captions man oh they need captions it needs the vertical it needs to be vertical

yeah well we'll We'll open up cap cut. Yeah, we'll make one for them. Check out Rough Rider Radio. We'll put audio on. This guy does good stuff. And also, they, he double dips in terms of virality and in terms of the form.

Because he doesn't just do a podcast, he also does YouTube shorts where he just talks to the camera. Let me see. So I have a couple of those to show. And then I'm done. And then we can craft the perfect post. This is the same one. Here it is. This is part two of five.

Talking about race. We start talking about race woke and cancellation hashtag government. it's a little political and it's been on my mind ever since I heard this song Shaka Khan ain't nobody that loves me better got him thinking it comes from the movie where I first heard it was

bringing down the house with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah what a hell of a movie funny laugh your ass off a great movie but what I don't understand the left the establishment thank you the ones that want to cancel

everything and it's all racist and everything. There are so many stereotypes and racist, blatant racist things in that movement. And it's still out there. That's what I don't understand. I'm going to give you a couple examples in the next video. And I want to know why. Tell me why that is okay, but everything else is not. So he's doing two videos because he doesn't know how to edit. Well, no. He needs an editor. He says it in the In the next short, I think, I think he says it in that one, or maybe it's part five. But he says that people's attention spans these days, he has to do shorts because they won't watch long videos. Yes, okay.

But let's get in, let's get into part three. Oh, yeah, he does he does the next part. Okay. Yeah. But what does he mean by is it's still out there? Here we go. Here's the example from bringing down the house. One scene at a bar.

He's doing it himself. Enjoying dinner. His ex-wife's there. with a girl that didn't get along with Queen Latifah. Queen Latifah actually kissed her ass, kicked her ass in the movie, pretty funny scene. But the one girl goes, I don't understand. Why can't you, you know, talk about what happened?

Oh, if I talk about it, gangsters will come and cut me. Boom, right there. Typical. And then the ex-wife sees Steve Martin with Queen Latifah dancing sexy. to that song at the bar and she goes once you go black

you never go back huh is that racist is that stereotypical leave comments so how is this any different from Anthony Fantano

talking about music that's a good point yeah because he goes viral every day but that's the thing this is this is niche because not a lot of people have seen

bringing down the house So for Rough Rider Radio, you need to move your, here we go. You need to move your focus to more popular media. Right. You need to be talking about Lego movie and stuff like that. So, Julio, what I want you to do is pull, is Logos open your Twitter right now and log into your Twitter while we finish up this checklist. Here's what I have so far. Okay.

Here's what a viral post needs, and we're going to add on to what we learned from yours. Yeah. I have, it needs to be controversial in some way or another. needs to have a viral question that people can engage with needs to have some type of gimmick or character needs to threaten to commit suicide and probably should have

some type of sexual picture attached. Yeah, I would say what we learned from mine is that the sexual picture should be a cartoon. Yeah. Okay, sexual cartoon. So look up sexual cartoon. Don't look that up yet. He's still working on it. We're talking about the checklist right now.

It should be a sexual cartoon. Yes. And it should be I feel like it should be You should mention a movie Yeah Okay mention a movie that you've seen Okay so maybe the question

Maybe we could lump the Let's just go one by Let's go one item at a time Okay what's controversial What kind of controversy do we want to talk about Abortion Okay Is there any movies that deal with abortion

Little Man Or problem What's that movie with Jenny Slate Problem Child Something Obvious Child? Obvious Child. Okay, so it's a post

about Obvious Child with Jenny Slate. Have a lot of people seen that? Yeah, probably one of the biggest... Oh, and I guess we could include something about gemstones too. Yes.

Can't hurt to... Yeah, I mean... Yeah, I didn't really... That didn't go viral, though. No. But I feel like it's like ready. I mean, it's ready to pop... Wait.

I feel like we crafted the perfect viral post earlier that he should just post on his... I shoved these gemstones up my ass turn me black we can maybe put well we need

just a question do you think I should kill my son I show these chimpsons off my ass they turn me black do you think I

should I kill myself do you think I should kill myself or watch obvious John okay Jubeo can't log

into his account I guess we'll just do it on Patrick's I'm just on Patrick's. I'm not logged into my Twitter. I'm not logged into mine. Yeah, you are.

Yeah, you are. Just post that. No, I'm not logged in. Oh, he's in. Okay, here we go. All right. All right, Julio. We're going to get you viral once and for all.

Mm-hmm. Okay. I shoved. I shoved gemstones. I shoved these. These gemstones. And we'll need to attach a photo. Yeah.

Yeah. Up my ass. Comma and. and comma again and you know what he's already black though so we should say turned me white okay yeah turned me white

and it turned me white and it turned me white exclamation point should I kill myself should I kill myself oh and make and attach a pole yes we need a poll or watch obvious child

choice just put choice one and two yeah choice one yes kill yourself choice two should be no it's perfect and we need a photo though yeah now search now search sexual gemstones

gemstone sexy yeah this is going to go so viral I mean this is going to be millions of likes I think oh yeah wait maybe that yeah

there we go all right okay so this is a this is a gemstone I wouldn't say this is a gemstone this is more like a carved rock that is oh you can get rid of the pole

yeah or watch obvious child it looks like a beautiful a beautiful woman's body I mean I think this is as is I think this is a all right let it fly let it fly let it fly and let's see the

likes roll and you know what we will um at the time of posting this episode we'll put the amount of likes and the link to the tweet in the description and i hope that the thing is this is good though because it is getting posted before the episode comes out right so we can't nobody exactly the virality we'll see how viral it goes up to the point when it comes out that's a great idea all right all right and there we go another lesson given to you guys for free yeah by three of the masters of this world. Guys on Friday we'll be in Carborough,

North Carolina. Very excited, can't wait. And the day after that, Saturday will be in Atlanta. So get your tickets. Come see us. It'll be a blast.

And subscribe to the Patreon. Yep. If you want more wonderful masterclasses on virality and internet culture. Yes. All right. Bye.

Bye. Bye. We're having fart offs. Ew. You are. They're Shrek. You are Shrek and Fiona. Uh-huh.

I guess. Why does Fiona... If I got chin implants, I could look like human Shrek. Why does Fiona become an ogre and now she's in all this nasty crap? She wanted to be disgusting. Weren't you a princess? Ten minutes ago? She was a princess.

Now you're going to suck farce out of your... Well, she was a princess and turned into an ogre through a curse. Yeah, but you're not... She's still her. Yeah. Her name's still Fiona. Yeah. So she still likes jewelry.

Why is she like... Oh, I want to fart. in the mud bath now well i mean when you get uh when you get open to that lifestyle i think you start liking it you're gonna breaking the seal she was deprogramed yeah deep programmed she was brainwashed by it's a really sad story it is it really is sad yeah yeah she has to love this green one now to love this hideous monster is green it sucks yeah you're also for who he is not because he's handsome or no he's fucking disgusting when he becomes a man though he do look good i don't like that. I like human trick. I really don't like that. He looks cool. I don't like him either when

he turns human. Okay. Tell us about this list. Today we're doing top 10 awesome things to do when you are home alone. I didn't even know that Patrick was home alone. Yeah. So this is actually kind of serendipitous. It's actually, so maybe we can talk about these and have you want to try them today. Okay. And how you would do. You know what I've been doing? I've been watching the fallout show and I've been playing the fallout games again. Yeah. That's what I've been doing. Well, maybe you're Maybe this is on the list. I think it's wrong to double dip like that. No, no, no.

Because I'm seeing how the lure lines up. Okay. Yeah, I'd say I think that's too much fallout. You're going to start thinking it's real. I really made a mistake by turning around my hood. I really made. I saw this coming. So I'm going to take a screenshot of Caleb right now,

put it in black and white and get 700,000 likes on Twitter by saying it's a medieval plague costume or something. You kind of look like opus right now, the cartoon. You guys don't look like anything. I look like so. I look like me. No. Everybody needs a certain lonely time to discover what he or she is.