Podcast About List - Ep. 289 - The Official Vacation Guide: How To Chill Out & Have A Good Time

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Ever wondered what do people do when they aren't at the office? What does PTO stand for and why would I even care to use it? Well, this podcast episode will maybe answer some sorts of questions, probably not those ones tho. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Life on to be like it. I don't know. I'm going to work. I'm going on. I'm going. speaking of the Ridgewood subreddit man today my bus here was a couple minutes late i don't know if you guys noticed my bus here was ruined by the shooting of goosebumps oh yeah they had to do a 4,000 point turn with a bus because yeah they are shooting goosebumps here did you see

anyone? Did you see Slappy? Celebrity? I saw Slappy the puppet. Yeah. I saw the sink. Yo, I'm really supposed to be scared of a guy named Slappy the Dummy? Yeah.

I'll slap you, dummy. That's right, man. I don't like, I don't do, I do not want to live anywhere where video production is going on. It's like always happened here, man. We do. No, no, no, no, it didn't. Yeah, it did. No, no, no.

This was the spot for like, they would shoot like SVU over here and they would shoot like other stuff. They filmed the Irishman here. Well, I don't like actors. And I don't like actors running around my neighborhood. You guys both like actors. I do not like actors running around my neighborhood. I'm liable to up the lower.

One actor we like. Michael Shannon. I don't like Michael Shannon. I don't like Michael Shannon. I want to rip his throat out with my teeth. You're lying. You're just saying that for a comedic effect. I liked in Man of Steel when he got punched into a thousand buildings.

I thought it was real. Oh, great job, Michael Shannon. You can play a weird looking guy. I saw him on the street. I wonder how you can do that. I saw him on the street with his daughters. Probably because you have a male name and a female name back to back. How long did you have to practice to play a guy with eyes that are far apart?

He's one of the top men. If you don't shut the fuck up. You just said Shannon is a male name. Yeah. That's Shannon Sharp. Shannon Sharp is the exception that proves the rule. That's one of the top men. He's not, nah, man.

That's one of the top guys right now. He's not one of the top men right now. Have you seen how he dresses? That is a woman. You know what? I didn't even think the tight-ass suits. You got to stop wearing them tight-ass suits, man. Why do you think he wears a tight-d-out?

Because he's got nothing down there. Yeah, he's plain. He's a plane down there. No, it's inside out, man. It's inside out? He's got one. He's got a penis that's inside out. Otherwise known as.

A reverse penis. A vagina. He's got a vagina. Okay. Shannon Sharp is also the most female name I've ever heard of my life. Shannon Sharp. Sharp. Sharp, like the tip of a boob.

Like the tip of. Exactly. Like a clit. Sharp. When I hear Shannon Sharpe, I think of, oh, I got to go to the mall and buy the new Shannon Sharps. They're a new high heel. Exactly.

It does sound like a woman's shoe. Yeah. It sounds like a pop star from the early 2000s. But yo, but yo, I guess it sounds like a woman's shoe, but what's more masculine than having a woman put her foot in you? Damn. So he is like a shoe. Have you seen the video where he's talking about how I don't know who he is? You know who Shannon Sharpe is?

He's a NFL player, a former NFL player and now he has a podcast. called Club Shay Shay. Cat Williams went on it. Yeah. It was like the big Cat Williams return podcast. Yeah. There's a video where he, I didn't, I hadn't seen that much Shannon Sharp, just like stuff on ESPN. And I watched the Cat Williams thing and then it auto played like the next video.

And it was just a video of him talking about how if, if a woman has like, is like really beautiful, he's just going to jizz instantly. And he says one of the best things I've ever heard where he says, if you got that scunnion. That sconion? He called it a scunnion. Like the butt? I don't know. I just, something about that word. I'd never heard that word before and it may he laughed so hard.

If you got that scunnion. Can you look up scunion? I'm out. That's what he said. Can you look up scunion? I need to know the exact. I don't want to know what skunion is. I don't want to know the dictionary definition of sconion.

I don't think sconians in the dictionary. If you got a skunion, I'm out. I don't know what it is, but I'm out. I need to know what it is. I need to know what a sconion is so bad. I wouldn't be surprised if you have one. In fact, let me inspect. I'm sure that you have a sconion.

I bet it's, I bet it. But that's the thing about, like, I've heard the phrase onion ass before. Yeah, I've heard that before. Why would you associate that with the butt? Because of the shape. Well, think about the smell. Well, I think a butt is more of the smell. Well, but that's what people say about an onion's ass is that it's so beautiful,

or not an onion's ass, an onion ass, because it's so beautiful, it makes you cry. It also smells Like an onion Again If you're The association of a smell With an ass is a lot stronger Exactly

The poop that comes from there I wouldn't be worried about smell at all But I wouldn't want to associate I don't know I've heard apple bottom I mean I would get it if people Were saying like a shit ass Yeah

That's what they're saying The shit Worse than ass You think onions smell like shit Yeah Would you rather Would you rather smell Oh it smells like shit

Well you think it smells like poop You would rather smell A random onion than a or a random ass than a random onion. You'd rather smell an ass than an onion is what you're saying. I don't want an ass to smell like an onion. But what do you want to say? But which smells better?

Which smells better? An onion or an ass? They are equally as bad. That's crazy, bro. Poop? What the fuck are you talking about? If you go into a room, if you go into a room and the whole room smells like onions,

you're going to comment on it. I'm going to say, oh, I'll have a hamburger. I'm going to like onion in here. Thank God it doesn't smell like poop instead of like. Yeah, that's like comment. Would you rather?

Okay. Okay. Would you, if, I guess this is, I guess they're both a bad smell, but one of them is food. I don't think onions is a bad smell at all. Unions is a pretty bad smell. There's ants that we're fighting all over the mixer today, which is kind of a new battle that we're having. The mixer is infested with insects.

Yeah, which is pretty awesome. There's another one. They literally are living inside the mixer. We have a bag of trash sitting over there. I don't. I don't think that it's maybe the sugar that got inside the mixer somehow. The soda that is trapped inside of the mixer that they're mining for. How do we get ants?

Soda. It's soda. It's soda. Soda is the number one ant attractor. Because we've had soda in here for a year. It's because the soda is not in our stomachs. It's in some. We've had soda in here for a year, but we have not had soda in the mixer for year.

That one month when trash wasn't getting picked up ruined us. This has happened in the last like five days. This is crazy. This is what happens when you leave for tour. You don't do anything. Listen to me and stop talking Would you Are you saying that you would not choose

To have your ass permanently smell like onions If you could if you It never smelled like poop ever again It never smelled bad And not like onion like oh it's so strong That's what I'm thinking That's what I'm thinking It's so strong

It smells like an onion But still think it different Well then why would I'm making me You're trying to guide how I think Because what you're trying to teach you I'm trying to teach you, this is what we're doing. We're asking you, which smells better? Onions are ass and you say, well, if the onions smell really, really, really bad and strong, then they'd be worse.

If an onion, okay, if a butt smelled like an onion, it would be the worst smelling butt in the world. Because it would also smell like shit. Because it's a butt. We said instead of. No, man. No, this is what I'm saying. But you're not the one asking the question. You're not the king of the hypo's like me and.

and Cam, okay? You're not a hypothetical. So, wait, your answer is... Your answer is both. I'm just saying... The conceit of this... Both of the same time. The thing that I was saying,

the thing that I was saying is that associating butts with onions is not good visually. It's not good on all of the senses. I think, honestly, I'm going to say that I think I've just been particularly sensitive to your opinions on stuff,

ever since the Bobby Boucher thing that you talked about. Can you please tell people what you said at the North Carolina show? I said that, well, I knew a guy

whose dad was growing up where I grew up in New Hampshire. Julio, you have to listen to this. Where I grew up in New Hampshire, Adam Sandler lived the town over. And this guy was saying

that he knew Adam Sandler in high school and his name is Bobby Boucher. His name is Robert Boucher. And I said that he would brag about how

he said Adam Sandler named a character in his movie after him. And I think that that's not an honor because of the context of that movie. No, okay. This is what he said. The way he said it was my friend's dad grew up with Adam Sandler and claimed

forever that he had a character in a movie named after him, but we all knew it wasn't. the true. And I said, what character do you say? He said, Bobby Boucher. And I said, what is the guy's name? And you said, Bobby Boucher. Yeah. He said it wasn't named after him. Well, I don't think I don't think that it was named after him. I don't

think that it's the same name, but I don't think he, I don't think he consciously was like, I'm going to name it after my friend in high school. And I don't think that Adam Sandler wrote the movie either. I think it was something it's the guy who, or Tim Hurley, he

wrote it. Mr. Herlihy? Yeah. Tim the Hurleyhy boy. But you think that Adam Sandler... I don't think that... You don't think he could have even named the character in the movie? I don't think that it's named after this guy. Does he act like Bobby Boucher? I don't know. I didn't know him that well. I met him one time. Was he... Did he talk like that? Did that what you have that kind of thing? No. No. But imagine, okay, the what I was the point of that I was trying to make when I said that is imagine

you like go to the movies and you see the water boy and then you realize a couple minutes later oh shit he named this character after me you would feel horrible I could see that happening the first scene in that movie is like him

it's the most bullied the kid in the world so you just told this guy that it wasn't true but you know it is true if it is true that would hurt my feeling Of course. It is true. Yeah, I'm sure Adam Sandler was a vicious bully bastard. Well, I'm just saying that... How do you think he got so funny?

If that's the case, if that's the case, I wouldn't tell anybody that. I wouldn't tell anybody. Oh, yeah, I'm named after the water boy after me. That's because you have no pride. Yeah. Because you're humble. But if you were a braggart, then you would tell people. I don't think I would tell people that that was... If you were a gart. Yes.

I don't think that would tell people if my... If I was named after, or if they named the Waterboy after me. There's probably a couple movies in the works right now. If my name was Billy Madison, I'd say, do you check that out? Yeah, my name was Superman. I'd tell everybody that out. But if my name was Zodd? Hell no, Michael Shannon.

Hell no. Hell no. I would not tell people that that character. Like, imagine, okay, imagine your name. Who would play you in an insulting role? I don't know You don't know No I have no idea

I'm completely confused now I think that Pedro Pascal Would do an amazing turn as you Yeah You think so? I really think so yeah Pedro Pascal In a movie where he plays a bumbling

Fucking It'd be a rain man reboot About the years that movies came out It'd be so awesome We should write a script about Patrick's life That's like one of those books you would read in, like, fourth grade where it's, like, teaching you about other cultures and, like, it has, like, italicize Spanish words in it. Uh-huh.

Yeah. That'd be so good. We ate tamales. So, wait, I have a... So, right of Mexican family. It's about you traveling. It's Pedro Pascal's the whole life, but it's just... He just changed his name for mine.

Where's he from? Minnesota Pedro Pascal's from Minnesota Really? No, I don't know I made that up Really He's probably from some

country in the world Is he not American? I don't know I don't know what he sounds like I think he's from I don't even know where he's from He's from somewhere Where they speak Spanish

I tried to show my wife The video of the guy crashing his flying machine Same thing this morning Not like a bull by a woman Woman do not like this video, man. And I got to say, man, when I was watching it with her, when I was watching it with her, I fully got it.

But for some reason, I'm literally the exact same experience where he crashes and he's going, and then there's like a full 30 seconds of him. And I was like, I was like, wait for the phone call. And it's like 30 seconds of him just going, I really didn't realize how much that video,

If you haven't seen it, watch it, but not with girls. And girls don't watch this video, but guys, watch it with four other guys. I didn't think it was funny. So we watched it in the car. That was the only time I saw it. I was like, oh my God, that's horrible. Him, yeah. But then when are you going to say, I crashed my flying machine.

No, no, no, my train machine. That is an eye. I crashed my flying machine. I really thought. I'm in the middle of the desert. I will be honest, man. I had so much fun watching that video the other day, but watching it with my wife, made me not like it as much.

Yeah. I really thought, because I was just sitting there, I just felt like an asshole. He had incredible parallel experiences. I felt like a dick as well. She, and it made her,

she, I think she thinks less of me that I liked this tortured man. He broke his whole spine, right? Well, I also lied when she said, did he break, did he break in both sides?

He broke his arm. Just because I was like, I want her to be able to enjoy the video. Then later, I'll tell her that he broke. And then after I was like, actually he broke his spine. It's like donkey hit by train again, man.

No, my wife likes that one. Really? Yeah, my wife think that's funny. Oh, shit. That's what I like when he flips over in the flyer. She goes, Woo-hoo! Oh, yeah, 48 miles an hour!

Shit! Oh, shit. That video. I was reading that the reason he crashed is because he was looking at his phone. He was looking at his phone. He was reading his phone the whole time. It looked like it was a wind.

I mean, can you imagine going 48? miles per hour, 85 feet in the air, and you know in your brain, you know you're being held up by a parachute. Yeah. You don't even have wings. Yeah. Have you seen the video? Would you jump off a house with a sheet? Maybe. Have you seen the video where the people are driving the the Jeep that has like the parachute or the wings on it or something? And they start like taking off and people like, yeah, woo. And then they just hit a building and immediately both just die. I have not seen It's going to have seen this video. It's so crazy.

Why did the Jeep have wings? They were like, let's make a flying car. And then they made it, and then they aimed it at a building. And they just fucking went right into it, man. I expect to go, and turn sideways like in top guys. Oh, my God.

I just don't understand why people want to start over on flying machines. We already have planes. You can already make stuff that flies. You don't need to make your Jeep. fly you don't need to build a flying machine we have that it sucks that uh i mean they made like jet packs or like jet packs that don't need water right because every jetpack that i've seen needs to be in the water yeah yeah i think they have jet packs yeah those jet packs don't seem

like they're doing that much i'm gonna be real no those are fun toys yeah there's a reason you only ever see those on cruise ships yeah those are jokes and not in the military exactly yeah i guess they might be i mean then it could be in the navy that'd be cool that'd be cool I don't think it would be useful for anything. They made a jetpack in somewhere in some country. It would be intimidating. Yeah. Yeah. Not really.

I don't see people. That'd be the easiest target in the world. It goes side to side like that. You literally can only have fun on it. But imagine you try to go somewhere. But imagine you have an M16 and you're shooting at Al-Qaeda. Yeah, but even then, that's the easiest target. Well, you might get distracted and have too much fun.

You can't aim. I literally think you can't not have fun on that. There's no way you can It's 100% The military cannot use jet packs Because it's like Think about it Like it's just a guy in the middle

Like yeah on the ground You can duck and you can hide and everything But like in a jetpack Like you're just in the middle of the sky You're just a big target But what if you have a shield? Oh I didn't think of that Or invisibility

I'm thinking of that now If you have a shield or invisibility Wow See if you just see Because then you just think that it's an amazing natural occurrence that there's a giant thing of water standing there because you're completely invisible. Oh, we're talking about the water ones.

Yeah. Well, we don't have to. We can talk about normal ones. We can talk about any jet pack, man. They made a real Iron Man. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, and he run around. It's so sad that all that stuff,

they're inventing this stuff, they're inventing this stuff, and it all doesn't matter because we can just blow people up with bombs. Yeah, it is sad. It's so sad, man. If they made it ban bombs so all the Iron Man stuff can take over for them. real it wouldn't fucking matt we have nuclear bombs we can destroy even a normal bomb would kill iron man just an RPG 7 just one just one RPG and that thing there are grenades there are bombs there are a grenade could bounce off but then it bounces right in front of it that's true it's not the

hitting something the hitting with the grenade is not the thing that hurts right i don't believe you know have you guys seen the thing we're like oh you the you like the best way to survive a grenade is to jump on top of it. Is that what you're going to say? I don't remember actually. No, you're supposed to jump on the ground away from it. But people can actually survive jumping on grenades. Well, you can jump.

You're supposed to jump on the, like, go completely prone away from the grenade because that can reduce the amount of shrapnel you get hit by, but it's not like you're going to. I'm so glad I don't live in Chicago. Yeah. Where that happens every day. I think the best way to survive a grenade is just to get outside of the range. Yeah.

And by getting, and getting on the ground gets you out of the range at least a little bit more. I would just run. I learned how, yeah, the pineapple grenade. I learned how that thing works. Oh, with all the things on it. It blows up inside and then all like all the pieces fly everywhere.

Yeah. So basically the only, the, if you're away from the explosion, you're just going to get hurt by a piece. Yeah. You have to try to dodge pieces. Yeah. Which dodging a piece, I think, is pretty easy. It's easier than dodging a hole.

Pieces are small. It's easier than dodging an entire. an explosion or an entire an entire to get the hell away from me with that I can't dodge that yeah I'm not dodging that

you know what is a giant fear of mine I don't think anybody will ever up up some pole or up a blower at me and try to shoot me but I do think that I might be around this one day and a big fear of mine

is that the bullet ricochets through somebody's entire body and then flies out and hits me I do think about what it's stray bullet flying through my window and killing me while I'm watching TV my aunt got hit by a stray

It's horrifying. Really? Yeah, she got shot in the leg. It's so terrible. On Halloween, no less. That's even scary. What was she doing? Walking home.

And she just got, she just walking home got hit by a bullet? Yeah, she got hit in the leg. That is insane. Yeah. Did she get any money? I think so. Did she go to jail?

It was the 70s. Yeah, they arrested her because she was a woman walking. Dude, imagine you just sitting out of the saddest part. Yeah. Imagine you're sitting on your couch and you're watching Schitt's Creek and somebody tries to kill someone outside that bullet flies and it just hits you

on the arm you don't even know what happened and then this is watching Dan Levy just enjoying Dan Levy you have to

you are going to have a flying machine style 911 911 call you're going I was watching shit's crick

and my my arm and my arm I think of PTSD you can't see Dan Levy ever again there was a guy

that my uncle used to drink with who I don't remember his name his name was like little or something

it was tiny no it wasn't tiny but it was close little little was something like he had like a micro name like tiny but he uh met my uncle at a bar and he his dad got shot in front of him got in like a gang violence thing and then the bullet ricocheted through his dad's head and then went out and hit this guy in the spine and he like couldn't walk anymore isn't that how long like a day forever oh well not forever he'll pass probably Probably earlier than he would have. Yeah. But pretty scary.

My uncle loved this guy and they would talk all day. Well, my uncle would talk. He couldn't talk very well because of a bullet. Yeah. You couldn't get it out? I don't remember if they got it. You can just have a bullet in you for like a long time. Have you ever seen the videos of people popping bullets like pimples?

No. Where they got like a bullet. What kind of videos are you watching, man? Gangsta ones? What are you talking about? Gangsta videos? Jeeps flying into buildings and bullets being popped out of people's legs. I just don't like the violent videos.

I like extreme pain and suffering. Yeah, that's funny to me. But there's videos of people who are like, I got shot in the leg 10 years ago, and it's finally coming out. And they just like push on their leg and the bullet just pops out like a pimple head. Pretty cool.

I've seen a similar thing, but it's somebody with a worm inside them. I've seen a similar thing with pimples. I used to be obsessed with videos of people popping sebaceous cysts. Yeah, me too. I don't like that crap. I used to like a sebaceous and then at the bottom it's got subway surfers.

I think we talked about my, we tried to give my friend's dad a sebaceous cyst. You tried to give him? Or he like had one that was kind of starting to be. He was like, I think I have a cyst and we're like, don't see anybody about it. We'll do it. We'll just let it grow and then we'll pop it. My girlfriend's got a crazy one on her leg right now. Pop it.

I want to, but she does not want me to. Why? I don't know. Why not? Because it would probably hurt. It probably doesn't hurt. I mean, you have to, like, cut it open. No, you just poke it.

Well, I don't think it's a sebaceous cyst. I think it's something from some kind of strain. But she has a big lump. This is... My girlfriend got a lump. This is a muscle thing, then. You can't pop that, man. Damn, there's no point in you even trying.

I thought you could pop them. No, no, no, no. You can pop muscles on a bodybuilder and they'll get scrawny. Nope, that happens in SpongeBob, but not real life. You're thinking of a cartoon. They did that in pumping iron, too. Mm-hmm. Really?

Yeah. Pumping iron to They took all the bodybuilders from pumping iron and they popped them. And it was, and it was impressive because they strongly

after the first act the whole movie was them. Really? Yeah. Having your recovery from having your muscles popped? Yeah.

It's like the start of a sequel it's like the bad guys back. Yeah. We're all scrawny again. Invenges end game style. They killed a Hulk. Or no. Loki.

Loki. Lokey. Thanos. Poiler. Spoiler. Spoiler alert. I don't remember anything about that movie.

Me neither. That was the movie event of the decade, no, apparently. They called it Endgame, and then they made six more movies. What the hell is that? Pound that out. What the hell is up with that, Disney? You can't be doing that shit. You can't be doing that. No, no, no, no, no.

That'd be like calling the movie the end. This is the end. This is the end. And then there's more movies. And there's literally so, like, a 90 minutes left. Yeah. I found something, a new thing. That's awesome. What's that, what is it? I don't want to tell you guys. All right. So please tell me. So, well, I really, I like going on Reddit and looking at random subredits and seeing what people are saying on there.

I think it's really fun. Reddit is coming back. And I realized that there is a, it is coming back in a big, big way. I realized there's a certain type of subreddit that is the best type of subreddit ever. And I've found finally the second type and it made me realize it's a type. So basically, I was having some trouble with UPS. And I was Googling some stuff about UPS. So then Reddit started recommending me a bunch of posts from R slash UPS.

And here's what's incredible about our slash UPS. This is a subreddit where exactly half the people are people who are there because they're having huge problems with UPS's laziness and shoddiness. And they're coming there because they hate UPS and they're bitching about it. And they are talking about how much they despise it, how much they want to kill their driver, et cetera, et cetera. They despise UPS. The other half of people that are on the UPS subreddit

are people who are there because they are UPS drivers. And it is a full all. out war subreddit, where every post, if it's made by someone who hates UPS, the comments are full of downvoted UPS drivers and vice versa. And it's a complete war zone. And I realized that that is the best type of subreddit is somewhere where it's obscure enough to be like the, it's just a thing that you can have a stance on and it's a war zone. The other one, I think I talked about before a little bit is R slash sharks, which is half

people who are like shark conservationists and then half like eight year olds who think sharks are evil robots. I mean, imagine how amazing that's got to be for UPS drivers that, like, people hate you. Like, on the whole, people hate you. Yeah. And you have a place where you can get back. It's fish in a barrel. They get back, man.

Everybody who hates you, like, you were getting the top 1% of, yes, people who are going out of their way to hate. People are trying to find the place to hate on you. And you just, and you can, fully anonymously, just somebody says, like, my package got stolen, you say, good. Yeah, exactly. Good. Fuck you.

Literally all that come and people say, but I think. the UPS driver stole my package and then there'll be comments that are like, minus 20 that say like, get over yourself. We probably did, bitch. Just a picture of the package. Oh, it is? Oh, you mean this one, huh?

I would love to be a UPS driver. I would steal everything. My dad was. Did he ever steal? No, no, because I mean, sometimes Christmas was good. I wouldn't be stealing Amazon shit, though. I'd be stealing fucking the Amazon shit sucks.

Nobody orders anything good for Amazon. I'd be still in factor meals. Uh-huh. Eating them in my car. Oh, yeah. That would be the move. I'm eating all the ingredients separately. Yeah, all the IDB and the frozen black eyed peas.

Little plastic package of croutons. Yep, yeah. Does somebody catches you doing that? Frozen chicken. My wife packed this, actually. My wife's name is Factor. My wife packed. My name is Factor.

My name is Factor and she put it on the box for me. I am Factor. I am a UPS robot. I can't understand you. It would be pretty hard to maybe sell that. Yeah. I think about it. My Reddit thing that I was looking at was the Bakersfield subreddit. I was really looking at a lot of it.

And I looked at the most controversial posts on there of all time. And literally on the first page of all the controversial ones, like 10 of the 20 posts there are people asking if there's any black-owned coffee shops in Bakersfield. And then just every single one of them gets downvoted like 2,000 times. God, do you? Why do you want to go? Are you racist? It's so funny, man

I went on R slash New Hampshire and I saw a post there that was like I love going to a local London Derry has lost its luster My hometown has lost its luster And all the comments All the comments are like

Yeah, no shit What are you talking about? London Dary used to be like a giant Is there old photos It used to be the New York City Yeah, really Yeah No, it was like

There's like, I mean We have like a big like historical society and there's like a lot of like old like houses there that you can like there's one next to like the elementary school that's like it's like this is a conserved

a conserved uh house one of the houses with the plaques yeah the house of the house and it still has the bed I used to live in a plaque house really? Yeah that's so weird there's so many black houses in New England yeah the house that we lived in was like it was like a

factory for like civil war uniforms or something. Yeah. So there was like half of the house was like unlivable. You know those New Hampshire guys were so pissed off they had to make those fucking costumes. Oh yeah. Yeah.

They were trying to sneak a little bit of blue. So I'm going to kick me on the back. It beat my ass. Yeah. But yeah, the whole thing was like like oh I don't like it's not as fun. anymore now that they're like building all these shopping centers and stuff and it's like it's

like I don't know way more fun to me yeah no they fucking farms and they're putting like a historical crap what did they they put like a brewery next to uh isn't there a founding father from London yeah Matthew Thornton Matthew Thornton named the they named the why do you know so much about the founding fathers

because what it's like to be from New England yeah New England education really yeah we're supposed to learn Button Gwynett Gwynett Button Gwynet from Atlanta Gwinnett County. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh, I think they have... Button County. Yeah, I know, that's a way... Why the fuck was this dude name Button? It's not even like... It's not even like John Button-Gwynett. No, his name is Button.

Yeah. Actually, I'd have to confirm that, but it's, I don't know. So you have to confirm whether or not it was a nickname? Yeah. I'm going to believe it was. I think it was his name. People were named stuff like that back then. Yeah.

Yeah. It's believable. His brother, his brother Buckle. Yeah. They would always... Well, that's because they had, they had like, as many as we have now, they had probably 150 times more Johns.

Yeah. And so then when you went different, you really got to have to be a little creative with it. Do you think there's any names that maybe they tried back then because they're like, oh, it's a 1700s, nobody cares. Button. Yeah, and it was maybe the last one. Yeah.

That's kind of a, that's a name that you like gave your kid and then it's like cute when they're a baby. And then they get old. Well, any name's cute when they're a baby. Yeah. No. Elmer.

Elmer's not cute. or it would be cute as a baby? No, no. Shit eater? Shit eater would be. No, it would not be that cute. Diaper would be kind of cute. Because it would be a diaper.

Underwear was not a good name for a baby. That's a bad name for a baby. But once they grow up. Well, once they grow up because then they wear that's the opposite problem of diaper. Underwear Jones. Underwear as a name is really funny.

I think that that'd be wrong to name your child. It would be abuse. What would you name your child? kid. Ooh. We do this so much.

Freak fly. Fruit fly. Oh, freak flag. Fruit flag. Fruit. Freak flag. Fruit flag and fly.

Run hide. Kids. A kid named fly. Kid name fly. A kid named fly. This is my son fly. Fly Richards. We need to go get flies vaccine record.

Fly. Her elementary school. Fly pits. Fly is a really funny name. I knew a girl whose name was P period. Sabrina. That's cap. Her name was P dot. P.D.

P.D. Sabrina. P.D. Sabrina. Yeah. So her first name was started with P. It was an initial. Legally, her name is P. Period. That can't be. Sabrina. That can't be. And everyone called her P.D.

I would hope so. I would hope they'd call her her fucking name. P. Dot, man. She went by Sabrina, but it was like P dot. Yeah. Oh, damn. A P dot. A P dot.

A P dot. That's a, that's, that's, that's evil. Mine have been getting my kid pee spot. Mine have been getting much worse, my P dots when I stop peeing. Yeah. Yeah. Hard to get it all out sometimes. Me too. It's quite difficult.

When I was at the airport, I got the pat down. Sometimes you, oh. I had a little bit of, I had a little bit of moisture. You actually did get the pat down then? I did. Well, actually, when I was, when you were leaving Atlanta, I had. I had apparently my leg was really sweaty because they had to check my,

they were like checking my ankle. I looked at the anomaly thing and there was like anomaly detected and it was right on my ankle. Is that really what it says? Anomily detected? Yeah. Whoa.

They're always checking me for these damn anomalies, man. You are an anomaly. I guess. When you walk through. Because it's probably the bling that you refuse to take off. Mm-hmm. My chain.

Yeah. Walking through with 15 gold chains that's all spin. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When we're leaving North Carolina, no, I didn't get the pat down then. He has been, by the way, he's been rehabilitated. I believe it. He put the bins in the bin receptacle. I'm glad to hear it. Because in North Carolina, I could tell that they were stressed out because there's a... Empathy.

A lady who just certified Yappa. That was crazy. She, so she was talking all about... In the TSA line. In the TSA, the whole line, and I mean, you were in pre-check, so you didn't see any, how long this line is. This is what you missed out. I was playing civilization. I won. No, no, no. You missed out on a beautiful, amazing moment. Yeah. You guys can think that as much as you want. We were stuck behind this lady who... I got to play an hour and 15 minutes of video games. We have to entertain ourselves. So this woman was talking a bunch about, like, she was running her business in the line.

She's, like, telling somebody like, you know, it's important for you to take a mental health break, like, la, la, da. And, like, I think, in my head, I'm like, okay, this woman runs a Fortune 500 company. And she's getting, she's getting yelled at. You heard her say, it's important to take a mental health break and you thought she runs a Fortune 500 company? The way that she was running this business, the way that she was talking. She was also getting, she was simultaneously getting yelled at and ignoring every, TSA person she walked by because they were like get off the phone got that you just did

not get a fuck not not acknowledging the TSA she's going through she's like I could see that she was on hold with other people and she was switching calls and stuff it was important whatever this was was quite important so she we're I'm like oh my god she is she is like running this business like

crazy and then we realized halfway through the line she runs a hotel for dogs yeah and she's like we I realize this because she's like saying like okay well this one's a little bit confusing because that is a girl dog with a boy name so what you're going to want to do yeah Shannon yeah what you're going to want to do is put these dogs in a completely dark room and play some music maybe Josh Grobin or

the tenors and that was an amazing line over here and that made that made a TSA agent giggle yeah which i thought they had an anti-giggle training i like when they left i think i gave the guy like and he was like you connected with them that's what happened you realize that they're real people yep yes over at TSA yeah and your rudeness was stomped out

it was like my heart grew three times the size yep I was the TSA Grinch yeah and now now I understand they got a deal with Mrs. Dog Hotel every day yeah yeah I know who I'm still you know who I'm still at war against

you know all the all your rudeness can be taken out of the TSA agents and directed to the people at the bag drop desk. I don't fuck with them at all. I don't like them. You know, I realize that okay, get this, bro.

Okay. Remember that sticker that comes with your bag thing so that you can like identify it? Oh, yes. You put one on my phone. Yeah. I thought that he did that.

No, no, no. He put one on my phone and I'd like to show you the back of my phone right now. Whoa! Completely no text on it. What the fuck? And it looks like there never has

That's scary as fuck. That's how they keep losing bags. Completely. It is a timed invisible ink. They lose bags because of that. Isn't that insane? That's scary as fuck. It's so scary.

Whoa. I mean, look close. It looks like there was never anything on it. I mean, you can see it. No, that's lit. That's lint from my pocket. Oh my God. I thought that was a remnant, but no.

No. So I'm glad we did that experiment because that means that they are not investing in permanent ink. No. For their printer. Cutting corners by buying the Jeep. which is anything that works for a day or two and then goes away. Yes.

So we buy that for our printer, man. Save some money. I mean, we never need anything more than a day. Yeah, more than a day. And then you can reuse the paper. Yeah, exactly. Reusable paper. But that really scared.

That's an amazing idea. Okay, speaking of traveling. Vacation time. I'd like for you to take a look over at Cameron. Tell me like vacation Jason. Like he looks like he's into. Guys. Vacation Jason.

Okay, vacation Jason. Lead us. Well, guys the weather's warm we just got on a we just went on a beautiful getaway to carborough north carolina yeah couldn't have been nicer and uh and well that was hot vacation that was work yeah but carboro was a full vacation um now we're back to the grind but we wanted to share with you guys just how you could hell they put all the grounds in there put all the grounds in the bottom of my cold they girded you spill it on me they did dirt prank yeah we're going to show you guys how to take the

best vacation of your life like we just did so that's right yeah you want me to start it off because i have a list of things go ahead bro found i have these are the top 10 things the top 10 things that can happen to you during summer vacation and these are uh let me guess you find love oh buddy you find a job i think you have the slides mixed up man you have the wrong screen oh he's it's okay you have present a mode present a mode you're just capturing the wrong who yeah you're capturing the wrong window but that's but in the meantime we'll talk about vacation which is what I like about vacation is going away I think of you I was going to say this earlier I think of you you as a vacation super fan yeah yes look at it I do I really do

because I think you've been on the most vacations out of the three of us in the last couple years that's only because I'm marrying into a vacation family I know I would be on the lowest the lowest rung of vacate if it wasn't for but I think that I think that that is, I think that you like it. Of course I like it. Who doesn't like vacation? But all I'm saying is this isn't something I was born into.

I'm on the second most vacations. You have learned how to vacation. I've learned vacation. I think that that is probably the best way to live is to be a vacationer. It's great that we have a vacation expert here because then we can have somebody to consult. I'm not an expert.

That's what I'm saying. I'm a newbie in the land of vacation. I'm basically, I'm Scrooge McDuck swimming in the sand of the beach. But Jason, you're, you're becoming. We can't. We're stealing IP, man. We can't keep calling him vacation. What's the IP? Chris Getherd Show. Oh, really? Oh, I thought you just made that up. Oh, okay. Well, then we'll call you. I thought that you would under, I thought I said that because I thought you would get it. I watched one episode of the Chris Gether show. I thought it was just funny to call vacation, Jason. Well, the concede of him was that it's the most unfunny character and then he became the funniest. Okay, so I was having so much fun of, with vacation Jason and now you said I'm the most least funny no no no this okay it's not him he's not he just looks kind of like vacation can you pull up a picture of vacation Jason right now he's already

struggling to even look at the slides I don't know yeah give him extra things to do let's see oh wait it does look like Cameron yeah this looks exactly almost like Cameron if you had I'm sure that was very funny when they did that but Cameron I think that you I think that even even so even though you weren't born into it. I do think that you now have the most vacation knowledge of the three of us and I'd like for you

to put us on game. Yeah. And say if these things would be good and bad if they happened. Okay. So let's go through this list here. Top ten things you can,

the top ten best things that can happen to you during summer vacation. So this is summer vacation from school. Scary name, by the way, of the guy who made the list.

Draco. Listen, Draco went to school too. He has summer vacation as well. Is it? Summer's off at Hogg? Yeah, bro, did you... End of the movie.

Come on. I thought that they just lived there for... I thought that was them going... Fake Harry Potter fan. How do you think he gets on the bus in the third movie? You think every movie starts with him at home because they just forgot that he was supposed to be at Hogwarts. All right, let's see number one here.

Oh, fuck, I forgot he was already at Hogwarts in the last one. But should we got to get him back? Number two, you get VIP seats to your favorite singer slash bands concert. Has that happened to you on vacation? No. Well, let's see. The comment here said, uh, let's see. The Beatles broken up and half dead. The doors half dead. David Bowie retired from touring. Billy Joel already seen him. Super tramp broken up. The beach boys. Half dead. I guess I could always see Billy again. Half dead is a reason not to say. If you're that big of a beach boys fan, you got to see them. Right. Half dead is not an excuse. Yeah. They're replacing the beach. one fucking guy in the beach boys anyway. The beach boys are, yeah, if you love pet sounds that much, just go see if Brian

Wilson is going to be on tour. Don't give a, who gives a shit about the rest of the beach boys? Yeah, the beach boys are a modular band. You can replace all the members you want. Every band is a modular band. Who cares? That is true. As long as the lead singer is alive, I will see a band. Well, that's the thing about the, that's how the Beach Boys

are. It's Mike Love and like a bunch of it's a bunch of men who also look like they love vacation. I think it's just him and one other guy who's still in it and then like all these guys that look like it looks like if you put Joe Biden through a vacation filter so you're saying they're old they're very old but also very very vacation and detected and detected 500 of them bro Cameron is in an ant battle

this is so disgusting it's just an ant it's horrible they're living in our machine keep going all right the next one here you get the house to yourself everyone else is going to lose the house in the street the moment and then they have to let it go Eminem Eminem

so again this is everyone is going to lose the house in the moment in the street to get it to let it go did you not realize that's what it was you just put a

I got that that was somebody having a stroke lose the house in the street you didn't that would not make any sense beyond that I don't everyone else is going to

okay he doesn't say everyone else is going to lose the lose their cells no but so this is the parody you get the house to yourself everyone else if it said dash M&M I think I would have understood it well I hope you would but I'm not sure

that you would have the only thing that could make it more obvious maybe all the next one that's the next one here for your prom Stevie Wonder performs I just called to say I love you for you and your girlfriend two words certified marriage

Certified marriage. Okay, so does prom happen in the summer? Yeah, I was going to say a lot of this is not so much about vacation. I don't know that I ever had a prom on vacation. That's my vacation expert comment is. Okay. Had maybe, you know, two or three proms I've attended what I've been in other countries. Imagine Stevie Wonder.

Imagine Stevie Wonder pops up at the prom, though. Yeah, that would be crazy. That would be crazy. That would be crazy. That'd be a good way to kick off vacation. He could just be confused. And he can't tell how old you are because you can't see and you start making, making some moves on Mr. Stevie. when you're just a simple high schooler.

Okay. That could be a great TV. And then you get some money out of them. Me and Stevie. Me and Stevie and me. I'm 15. The next one is Paul McCartney gets you singing. This is a classic vacation activity.

Yeah. Yeah, this could happen. I bet I doubt even Sir Paul could salvage my singing voice, pet sounds. Here's a script here. You're supposed to. He's a knight. He's knighted. You're supposed to say it.

to Paul. He's knighted. I doubt even Sir Paul. He's knighted. You're supposed to say it. If you don't say it, that's disrespectful. But you're reading. Well, I'm correcting mistakes is what I'm doing.

Okay. And here's the script. Sir Paul. Hi, love from Badlands. Why don't you sing for me? So I can assess your level. Me. And then you start to feel the rush.

Paul. Sir Paul. I'm sorry. I don't think I can fix that. Can you imagine Paul McCartney telling you you don't got pipes like that? Damn. Honestly, if he asked, if Sir Paul McCartney said he wanted to assess my level, I would have a heart attack. Yeah.

Let me be so... Hey, man. Let me assess your level. Oh, no. Give me the jitters just thinking about it. This next one here is your birthday. You get to have thing your way. Yay!

But my... Wait, I'm seeing a problem with this. What? You two both have summer birthdays. My birthday is in the spring. Oh, interesting. My birthday is in April. Could happen.

So how could my birthday be on summer? You could go to maybe the hemisphere where the months are different. Yes. Oh, or a different planet. Yeah. Okay. That's a pretty good idea. The next one is you do not get burned.

Okay. That's, yeah. That's good. By the sun? Uh-huh. Or in general. This in general. When's last time you had like really bad sunburn?

When I went to Oakland. Really? Yeah. Because you were outside all day? Yeah, I went out. On the block? There was a skate park that I went to that was just in direct sunlight. And then I was like, man, why is my arm stick?

Why am I red and stingy right now? And then the rest of that week was just like putting aloe all over myself. I like sunburn, because you are fully, you get to be, if you get really badly sunburned, you get to be sick. You like just have to sit on the couch and do nothing. I like peeling. And I love that. I love putting the after sun with the lido cane, like the aloeira gel with the lightokane in it. Oh, and it's all cold.

It's cold. You put it on that sunburn and then it like immediately dries it out. Why does it feel so fucking? You know what happens to me? What? I get, I don't think I got sunburn in a while or like badly, but whenever I go into the sea, the ocean, I get, I get hives all over my body. Oh, you're allergic to the ocean. Jelly bellies.

Yeah, jelly bellies. Yeah. And that's terrible. That's worse than sunburn. Jelly bellies is bad, dude. It's horrible. I've never had jellybillies. It's ugly and unseemly.

And it goes around your nuts. Yeah. And sometimes it gets, really? Every time I've had a, like a long session in the ocean, I come out and my nuts are like a football textured. Oh. Mine is just mostly my upper body. Really? Yeah.

Well, it meets my nuts. Yeah. And my nuts sack. This next, uh, this next thing that could happen. You get to go on a big vacation. This is very rare for me. That's sad. On vacation, you could go to on.

You could go on a bigger vacation. When you're on vacation. Let's go to the fucking bigger one. This shit sucks. This one's our hot. But you know what's even better? Dubai. The next one is

you get to eat at a buffet at a casino. My first casino buffet was probably at the former sands in Atlantic City. My second one is at the Mirage in Vegas. I can't wait for my third one. This guy is so awesome. You've only had two and you're probably

you're hitting probably. Probably. Probably. We've only had one. My second one is. It hasn't happened yet. I've had one casino buffet. I already can't remember.

Damn, you get fucked up of those casino buffet. Oh, that's true. The Mamosas. Bottomless Mimosa for $55. The next one, I think this is where it stops, and this is the worst things that could happen. So this is by the same author. He made dueling lists.

I don't even want to look. Oh, well, you got to see number one. I think I'll look at you. Okay. Next slide. You go to summer school, which I learned from this one comment, this happens all the time if you're Asian. I think that you are not a real vacationer. Yeah, I don't think you know a vacation means.

Summer vacation is a style of vacation. Summer vacation is time off. Vacation is what you do with time off. Yeah, but these are things that could happen while you're on vacation. This is not while you're on vacation. You can't go to summer school while you're on vacation. Well, that's a... You're also not on vacation.

You're in summer vacation. This could end your vacation. These are the worst things that can happen and going to summer school would end your vacation. Okay, you've justified it. Next slide. Carry on.

Your Disney trip is canceled. I didn't even go to Disney that much. That would really suck if I had a Disney trip and it got canceled. Do you think us three should go to Disney? I think we should go to Universal. Universal. Would it be funnier if we went to Disney?

No, no, no. It gives a fuck. Disney sucks. But wouldn't it be funny for? If we tried, we jinks. But what if we, it wouldn't it be funny if we tried all the, all the Star Wars food? Shut up. Wouldn't that be fun?

Shut up, me? Shut up. But what if, okay. Next slide. You get paralyzed from the neck down over the summer. That would suck big time. That would suck. I would be horrible.

Did you guys ever have a broken bone over the summer or something that like ruined a summer for you? I don't think I broke a, no, it wasn't over the summer. I had a crazy fear of breaking my leg right before summer vacation and then just Losing a heart of darkness. It happened to my brother. Really? Summer vacation. Kid breaks home on swing.

That is every kid's worst nightmare. There's a video of it. We've all seen it. Of course I've seen it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He broke his arm. My parents were supposed to go see Rod Stewart that hour.

Damn. And they couldn't go see. They had their Rod Stewart plans canceled. The next slide. We're just going to go through these real quick. Your laptop breaks. That would suck. Hopefully this won't happen with my laptop.

Yeah. Your parents are divorced. That happened to me. Yeah, during summer vacation. Because then I got two vacations. I got two summer vacations. Well, this person probably knows how you're feeling.

Your parents can divorce, so that is why I vote for you, buddy. Are you my buddy? After all, I did vote for you. Somebody whose parents just divorced and they're really looking for a friend. Are you my buddy? Are you my buddy?

I don't know. Next one. A wasp stings you. That would be so painful. Hopefully it never happens to me. And then the next one is Justin Bieber comes to your neighborhood. No. What is with all this Justin Bieber

stuff? Because he sucks, man. Facts. That would actually be good for summer vacation. You'd have a big summer block party. I used to have a daydream about when I was a kid meeting Justin Bieber. Maybe I've told you this before. Meeting Justin Bieber and being like, dude, I don't care that your music sucks. I just think that we could be chill friends. And meeting him at a Walmart.

Dude, it would be so sick to hang out with Justin Bieber back when he was 14. Yeah. And you'd be like, he'd be like he would be really down and everyone's saying I'm a girl everyone would be like hey man Justin you're fucking I'd never call you Justin bro

you're the fucking man you're the fucking man I'd never call you Justin Beaver dude just ignore them your shit is fire it's on the radio yeah why do you have to look they're haters man don't listen to them my fantasy was specifically he's looking at the shirts at Walmart and I'm like

dude that shirt's too that shirt's sick I pretend I don't even know his music at all and he's like don't you know I'm Justin Bieber I'm like dude who's just I'm never heard of you And then he has to become friends with me because I'm the only person in the world who doesn't care. Check this out. He'd be like, you know I'm Justin Bieber, right? And you'd be like, yeah, and I'm Caleb Pitts.

So what? So what? Keep looking through the shirts. Try force. That was all my slides. Cool. All right, I'll go now. Okay.

So, yeah, again, not so much about vacation. Not so much about vacation. It was about vacation. But mine's about vacation. Guys, what's the best vacation ever? The first vacation I remember going on, a cruise ship. Never been. Well, you're about to go.

Okay. Virtually. All right, virtual cruise. This is from the cruise ship subreddit, regret inviting my cousin to my cruise. I invited my cousin to go on a cruise with me, seven-day carnival, panorama, Riviera. But now I regret it.

I have a cabin booked for myself and thought I can just add him to my booking for a nominal fee. The Cheers program, so this is the program where you get to all you can drink, right, forces me to buy a package for both of us, and even though he doesn't have to drink,

I would have to shell out another 500 bucks for him. Now I feel like I should just make up some excuse like my boss isn't approving my leave or some important project came up at work. I don't really know what to say to him. I would rather go alone and enjoy the privacy and relaxation. I felt bad for him because he's from a poor family and has some autism.

But now I realize it's not worth paying the extra money to bring him on board. Any advice? And here comes an update. Oh my God. My comment got heavily downvoted when I mentioned that I plan on maxing out my daily 15 drink limit. Just to add some context,

I'm a former and recovered alcoholic in my late 20s and my AA sponsor of the past two and a half years, help me develop this customized strategy to compartmentalize my drinking and completely eliminate it from my normal life on land. It's been a long time since my last drink. So, yes, I booked this cruise for three reasons, primarily to drink, enjoy good food slash gym on board, three, enjoy good food at ports in Mexico, four, burn off some PTO before it expires.

So this. What an ingenious strategy. I had to, I saw this and it made me, this is what put me down the cruise. rabbit hole, which was very shallow I found, but I really enjoyed this post. This guy is an alcoholic, recovered alcoholic. He doesn't drink,

except when he goes on cruises, and then he has 15 a day. So amazing. Isn't that amazing, dude? You have to go alone. Why would you bring your cousin? And also going on a cruise alone and just getting drunk all the time? Well, he's

only there to drink. He probably doesn't give a fuck about cruising at all. The fact that he wants to eat food. It says primarily to drink and it's bolded. Yeah. Enjoy good food is second. Yes. And it's also,

it's enjoy good food plus gym. And going to the cruci and he put a drink emoji. And he puts drink emoji. He puts enjoy good food twice. He can't even think of four reasons. Enjoy good food. Burned off and in Mexico. And yeah,

waste time. Yeah. He just is going to just fucking drink, man. That is so fucking smart. Okay, next. Embarrassed to ask this. So me and my hubby were on a carnival cruise and accidentally left, well,

a marriage enhancer on board. I'm terrified that a credit card is going to get charged with some kind of special fee for leaving it on board. We have a healthy bedroom life and wanted to spice up the cruise. I'm just beside myself that I left Bam Bam in the room. Bam. This is a Sibian.

Yeah. This is a full Sibian they brought on the cruise. Actually. That's why they're so mad. They have this fucking motor sitting in their room. peep game man next slide was it on the right side of the bed in the nightstand bottom shelf purple carnival

paradise that's bam bam all right omg oh my god he links to this go to the next surprise found in our room and it's a picture of a purple dildo city that looks like Larry boy dude it does have Larry boy

a Larry boy look to it all right that's magical. Isn't that magical? The cruise community, who would imagine that so many of the couples who go on cruises

to spice up their marriage would also be on Reddit those two communities could possibly overlap. Negs. You know you're cruising when. Okay, so this is a cruise forum? This is a cruise forum.

So this is like, you know your cruising win blank. Okay. You might be a cruiser. Yes, it's you might be a cruiser. Okay. I know I'm cruising when I walk into the Lido deck

for the first. time and I hear the Caribbean music playing. That's the moment when I say, I'm on a cruise. Ha ha. What is that moment for you? So when do people truly know that they're on cruises? You know when I know I'm on a cruise is when Mario is there and we have to smash blocks and we have to jump around the ship doing all sorts of mini games.

Oh, Mario Party. Mario Party takes place on a cruise ship? One of them does. It's Mario Party 7, I think. Go next. Oh. Hearing the Boeing of check-in and the jet engine they call a toilet flush. They have scary flushes on boats as well as planes?

Yeah. I don't know. I had no idea what this meant. I thought that we could maybe... You've never flushed the toilet on a plane. No, I leave it. I didn't know they had a flusher. There's no water.

There's water. There's no water. You don't flush on the plane? There's no water to flush. Yeah. He's got a point. There's no water. It's just a metal bowl.

I know I'm cruising when my husband goes to the buffet. for a pre-dinner before going to the main dining room. That's so sick. And there was a lot of responses of people being like, oh, your husband does that too. He's an experienced cruiser. The buffet. Yeah, your money's worth.

Go to the buffet, the all you can eat buffet for a snack. That'd be so funny to go on this website, then like everyone's name like cruising, whatever, and then you're just like, oh, this is not the website I thought it was. Oh, yeah. I thought this was a website for anonymous sex. Well, it is exactly the same people. It's the same.

I guess that's true. You would be like, oh, I'm on the right website. You would think that you're on the, you're seeing all this stuff. Then you get to the one page. It's labeled NSFW. That's why they're called cruise ships. I didn't put it in, but I found a host of somebody being like, yeah, we're at, we keep thinking we're getting approached by swingers on the cruise ship and we're, like,

interested in, like, dabbling the lifestyle. But then we get back to their room and they just want to, like, it's like an MLM and they're trying to, like, sell it. Okay, next. And this is my last one. The username This is Somehow they did a slightly different font I know I'm cruising when I see water all around me

Belly button 530 The username is really good The username is really fucking good Belly button 5300 I know I'm cruising when I see water all around me Okay that's it for me All right guys

So we've been talking about vacationing Uh huh Oh the expert here What I want to talk about is I know that basically, you know, all of us were pretty well off. We make, you know, take-home pay upwards of $12,000 a year. But I know not everybody, you know, can afford these lavish vacations like we go on to Carborough. Yes. So I wanted to do a little presentation today on how we can vacate, how you can vacation on a budget and save some money on activities and trips.

And here's how to vacation without breaking the bank. So I have basically what the expensive option is that you'd be doing if you were, well, us. And then I have a kind of an alternate budget option that will be more cost effective. For brokies. For brokies. And let's just jump into it here. First of all, expensive to hit the casinos in Las Vegas. Yes.

This is fun to do to go to Las Vegas and win, you know, upward like a million dollars on the slots or a million dollars on poker. But not everyone can afford to win that much. money. It's true. So if you want to stay on a budget, your option would be to maybe use a vending machine. Yeah. Because that's a gamble too. Spend less money, win almost every time, maybe. Yeah, you win every time. 80% of the time, maybe. And stuff that is, you know, edible. Instantly more delicious. More delicious than money. Yeah. You know, in the immediate. They're called chips at the casino. They're not chips. Yeah. So we had to learn that the hard way. Yeah. Very hard way.

Cracked a tooth. Here's another expensive vacation. This is scuba diving. Okay. And, Yeah, because you got to buy all the gear. Right, you have to buy all the gear. You have to pay for classes to train.

You have to fly to the place that you're going to scuba dive. You have to pay for basically an expensive spear gun to kill all the fish that come too close to you. And you can't do this in the pool. No, you have to buy it. You have to spend a lot of money on a special waterproof camera so you can take pictures of the rocks on the sea floor. Yeah. Yeah. Blurry pictures of your wife 30 meters away.

They're attacked by Neal. She looks like a PS1 cut scene. She's all polygons. She's like, yeah, you put it, you show your, your mother-in-law when you get home. And she goes, oh. She goes, what? So, yep, this camera cost me $50,000. So if you don't, if you can't afford going scuba diving, a budget option would be to take a shower

because you will get just as wet. Okay, if it's wetness that you're looking for, then you can get wet at home. go to the bottom of the ocean. No, no. There's plenty of water in your head. Go to the bottom of the tub. It's literally a thing. And if you can't afford a shower, just stick your head under the sink.

Yeah, you get a little wet. You put one part of your body at a time in the sink, and it's 90% of the experience of scuba. Right. Yeah. I mean, that's, and that's all you need. Yeah. Here's another expensive vacation activity. A couple's spa day.

We all like to, you know, go and get massaged, get some oil rubbed on us, some cucumbers on the eyes and maybe some shiazzu. What? But if you don't want to spend the money or you can't spend the money on an expensive spa day with your significant other, what you could do instead as a budget option, is nothing. Oh. Just don't do anything.

Just don't do anything. Because you're spending money to do what? Nothing. Nothing? That's basically what spa days are. Massage is a pseudoscience. It is. There's no evidence.

You're paying to get touched. There's no evidence. that your muscles can be touched through your skin. Right. We know they exist behind it, but they're really just touching your skin. And it's always going to be cheaper to not do something than do it.

It's 100% true. That's a great budget. That's a vacation standby. You could have done this for all of them, honestly. Right, yeah. Well, I'm trying to, you know, show varied options, but you totally could. I mean, you could, you know, for example,

it's expensive to fly to, say, Portugal and go on sightseeing tours and go on fancy dinners and go, you know, wherever, whatever, but it's not that expensive to fly to Portugal and sit in the airport the whole time. No, just fly, yeah, just chilling a turn. Five-day layover.

Well, a more expensive food options there, maybe. Yeah, but you don't have to eat. Yeah, and you don't have to pay for a hotel either. Yeah. Okay, here's another expensive trip. Staying in a five-star hotel. This is a favorite of mine. With every luxury, I love it too.

I mean, look at all the cars at this hotel. One of the same Roy's. These are the people who are staying at this hotel. You can tell. They're all parked here in a line. This is the parking lot. Everyone driving a Rolls Royce right into the five-star hotel. So, yeah, I mean, of course, we all love to stay in five-star hotels, but it can get a little bit pricey.

You know, some of these five-star hotels can be $3,000 a night. Yeah. So if you're not looking to spend that much money, $3,000 a night at a five-star hotel, instead, on a budget, you could spend $2,000 a night at a four-star hotel. Oh, yeah. See, I've never been to one of these, but they seem quaint. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you're willing to, you know, get bed bugged up and whatever, this is a good option. I mean, I think, busted-ass fountain. I believe they call these hostels.

Yeah. In, uh, over on the other side of the pond. But it's much cheaper and you can spend that extra $1,000 on a meal. Yeah. Or, well, I mean. Snack at least. Or like a phone charger or something. Yeah.

Yeah. So here's another expensive, uh, uh, trip here is, uh, paying for a tour guide in a foreign country. No, thank you. No, no, no. You have to pay a lot of money for someone just to show you around, show you all the cool stuff. It's a racket. Here's what you should. do instead of spending that money on a budget what you should do is find somebody who lives

in the place and follow them around the whole trip now this will cost no money uh-huh most uh people most say in a foreign country like france or or japan the villagers there will usually go to all the interesting places you know that's true daily routine a lot of them work at the catacombs art to triumph the louvre you know it's it's that's where they're that's their daily routine You're saving money on Google Maps as well because you just follow the person. Right. And here's the beauty of this.

You might be worried about this person seeing that you're following them and getting upset. Well, get this. They literally don't speak English so you don't have to explain yourself. They can't get mad at you. I mean, they might get mad on their side of reality, but in your world, I don't know what the fuck you're saying.

You can just shrug. You don't even have to say, I'm following. You can just shrug and say, Purple car, big monster. And pop out a pepper sprayer too. Let them know. And then they'll keep walking. Honestly, some of them might be telling you places to go. You don't know. You can't speak the language.

Right. Well, we're not interested in going somewhere else. Don't follow me. Go here. But you don't know that they're saying that at all. I mean, any interesting place they're going to know. I mean, they know all the places. A lot of, a lot of local kind of, again, villagers will know places that you would never find on, say, TripAdvisor or Expedia.

Like, you know, Anchor Wat, Machu Picchu. Yes. Chichen Itza, you know, these are places that you're not going to find on, these are foreign places. But it's literally where they live. Yeah, it's, or where they go to buy their groceries or, you know, hang out. Go chill. That's their version of like the mall when you're in high school. You go to Machu Picchu. Yeah, okay. Let's look at the next one here. Expensive, Star Wars Cruise. So we talked a little bit about cruise ships already. Well, that does look quite fun. It is expensive to go on a Star Wars cruise. You have to pay for all these dinners, the, you know, staying on. the ship, you have to pay, you basically are

paying the ship's operating costs by buying a ticket to this. That's expensive man, don't do that. Here's what you should do instead to save money on this crazy curated experience on a budget, just go to one of the planets from Star Wars. Yeah. You don't need to be, it doesn't need to

be so curated. No. I mean, it's the same thing as with the Bahamas. Don't go for a cruise to the Bahamas. Just fly in. Yeah. Right. Just go to fucking indoor. Right. Exactly. See what is actually, see what the locals Live like a local. Exactly.

Lived like a local. Yes. I mean, they've got, what do they got there? They got an island made of completely man-made. That's a wonder. That is a wonder. There's many wonders on other planets. Also, yeah, I mean, another piece of bunch.

Just check out other planets. It's not all about Earth all the time. No. Okay. Here's the next one here. It's expensive to go to Cancun, Mexico. Okay. I mean, look at it.

It looks expensive. It looks expensive. Man gets bustling. It's thriving with culture, Mexican culture. Water is too, so blue, and there's just so much to do. It's going to cost you an arm and a leg. But if you want just a little taste of Cancun, Mexico, the budget option is just go to Chipotle Mexican Grill.

It's the same fucking food. A lot of the same flavors are involved. And it looks the same. Salt, pepper. Look at that building and then go back a slide. All Chipotle's. Those are all Chipotle's. They look the exact same shape. Let's see, instead of the blue water, you have a blue sky.

Yeah. There's still a road. There's still a building. And, yeah, realistically, the carnitas are going to be... They might even be better at Chappaloa. So just save a little money. Check it out.

Don't get the guac if you want to save money. Yeah, that's a good tip. That's a tip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Up to $2 extra. All right, next, let's look at... Expensive is a family trip to Disney. You got to pay, you know, for the hotel.

You got to pay for a ticket for each of you. The outfits, matching outfits. The food there. And I mean, let's be honest, this one's a little bit your fault. Three kids, you don't need that many. Show the fuck out. Here's the budget option. Instead of going on a family trip to Disney, go to Disney alone.

Oh, yeah. You can have a lot more fun by yourself and you're paying literally five times less. Yeah. And a lot of people don't realize that if you don't have kids, they let you ride the R-rated rides. Yeah, they have R-rated rides at Disney. They have sex and violence. They're underground. They're themed after the single frames and some old Disney animations that have worn on a

You go on a roller coaster and it just says the word sex. Yes. In a cloud. Okay, let's go next here. This is the last one. It's expensive to go out to a fancy dinner. Yeah, look at how fancy this fucking place looks.

Looks fancy as fuck. It looks like so fancy they don't even have a door. It's like shit. This can be a lot of money to go out for a night. I mean, you and your wife, you and your brother, whoever you're traveling with. I mean, you know, it can be expensive to basically go out for a sentimental dinner, enjoy each other's company, and

just have basically the best night of your life. Yeah. And if you're on a budget, I would say if you seriously can't afford a single fancy dinner, there's not really much hope for you. You shouldn't need a budget option for a single meal. Why are you even on vacation? Honestly, if you can't shout out for one nice meal when you and your wife

are in Miami or whatever, you might as well kill yourself. Thank you. Thank you. It's one fucking dinner. It's one dinner, you fucking cheap bastard. Don't go on vacation. Yeah, what are you doing if you don't want to spend money? I'm going to go on vacation about any of a budget option for dinner. Fucking idiot.

Hell no. No. It's over for you. Yeah, it's completely over. Work the rest of your life. And then you get one dinner. Okay, that's been our vacation guide. I hope that you spend your spring vacation doing amazing things and saving money and being a student and going on a cruise.

Yeah. Okay, guys, shareholder meeting will be on Thursday. That's tomorrow from the day this comes out. Sorry that I know it's technically not in April, but tour was crazy. We're doubling up on May. This is the way it's going to have to be. Double May. Thank you so much for coming out to Atlanta and Carborough.

Philadelphia will be May. I think 18th will warn you about it when it's closer. Anybody else, anything? Subscribe to the Patreon. Yes, sir. And join the Discord. Basically, goosebumps. Is filming here.

I'm going to scare every single person on your cast in a way that you can't, you can't anticipate. All right. Bye. Bye. I think it's just what you do to get by back then. I think it's like if you want to be a film director, you've got to figure out how to get a budget.

And it's like, yeah, there isn't much out there isn't much analog in any other industry. It's like, God, yeah, I really want to, I really want to work in marketing. I guess I should do the porn version of marketing first. I guess I'll do marketing for a porn company. Have sex in a glass box truck and drive around. That's what happened with Matt LeBlanc and also Simon Rex. They both did solo jacking stuff. Well, but that's, that's, and then they became amazing actors.

I think solo jacking is, is like, like, really brave. Yeah. You have to sit on a leather couch and jack-yo thing. Because who's watching that? I don't know. Am I watching? I don't know. Yeah.

I think you are if you think it's so brave. Brave. I mean, it's, I think that that's like, that's like samurai shit. Yeah. Solo jacking video is, is, uh, but back then. It's a lot to, it's a lot. a burden on your shoulders back then it was like carry the whole thing they had to it wasn't like you know you prop the webcam up they had to have a whole casting crew sweat wipe and sweat off their

brow somebody's hand cranking the film uh-huh yeah that's a lot see i i would be scared to do solo jacking not because of my penis but because the if you don't wipe good that day they have you sitting on a white linen couch on the fucking on the couch and somebody sees it in my asshole and see you'd be rocking around leaning around in ecstasy i'd be doing so much i'd be perfectly still my problem would be if if my technique might be critiqued that'd be so it's like for me i just i don't think i can keep the interest levels up i don't think i can you know in the same like in the same way you know in a movie you can't just have one character yeah you can't just have one thing you're doing i don't think i can keep it interesting for the entire what four or five

hours also what what is the like like porn always has some kind of plot that is part of of it. What do you do? Here's a plot. It opens like, okay, bye. I close the door to lock it and that's it. You're doing the kitchen and jack off in the city. You're doing the dishes. That's how you keep in there. Just walking around the house.

Different spots. Different spots. Long take.