Podcast About List - Ep. 295 - The House That Seth Built ft. Dan Licata

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Dan Licata is here to talk to us about how life is an awesome celebrity rules, and to share his past experience as a bellhop. Watch "For The Boys" here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrCb9rntbv0 Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

You are white. Do you think I should start a rap career as sexy white? Sexy White is actually a good name for you. Actually, I was making fun of you before, but now I'm completely on your side. Now you're thinking that that might be a pretty good idea. Now I want to be your rap manager. You want to be my rap manager as sexy white? Mm-hmm.

You don't strike me as somebody who listens that much rap. I don't. Damn. To be honest. Sorry. You don't get down with Lucky? You don't like Gid? You're just making people up.

I swear to God. Yeat? You don't listen to Yeat? You're totally pulling fast ones on me. I'm not buying it. You seem more like a rockhead. I'm definitely... Rock and roll.

A rock and roll. King of rock and roll. Guitar. Do you like going to guitar shows and listening live? Yeah. I like to find a nice wall to lean up against none and out these days. So, you know, chill in the back. Let the kids bop into each other.

You don't like to. punching crowd killing I like to be a passive observer I don't like to get clocked in the head it's not I don't know why even when I was a kid and I was going to shows like that I was like why the fighting

yeah yeah can't we just dance I just want to disagree come on I just want to feel the see this is why of the Rangeloid song at a rap show everyone's just breakdancing and doing their own thing yeah that's true exactly No one's punching each other.

No, there's no fighting. You know how they do like silent discos? Every once in a while they're shooting, but it's like more of a fireworks type of thing. Yeah. You know how they do like silent discos? Yes. They should do that for a hardcore show. Yeah.

So just a bunch of fucking. Just a bunch of people just with headphones on. Just fighting with headphones on. There's plenty of people there who have nothing in the headphones. They're just listening to. There to fight. Yeah. Yeah.

Guys with the headphones off. Beating people up. Yeah. They're listening to Bill Simmons. Yeah. There was in the Info Wars Just getting piped up I would love to do a silent hardcore show

Like everyone's wearing headphones In like a school gym and just mic it up As you just hear all the squeaking And the panting and the thuds Oh my god How old are you? That would be probably a big problem actually Well, Dan Lakata's here in the studio with us.

What's up, everyone. Good to be here. Goda, man. How are you? Doing great. Just coming off of late night. Late night with Seth Myers. Yeah, he's actually pretty chill in person.

Why did I know that? Why did I feel? I looked at him and I felt. something about that new hampshire the new hampshire glow he's from new hampshire bedford bedford new hamps really wow we don't have a lot of celebrities so when we do we all know them that's massive him sarah silverman two bedford people adam sandler and then matthew thornton damn the declaration of independence signer wow aunt the comedian oh shit oh i thought there's our top five damn dude that's comedy mount rushmore was he when you say he was chill

tell me he was sparking in the green room that type of shit oh hell hell But, yeah, beforehand, he's got a bong that's to scale the little guy from Game of Thrones. And he's just like, dude, you got to hit this or else we're not going to let you go out there. What orifice do you hit him out of the Peter Dichlidgebone? It's kind of like a mouth-to-mouthed. Wow. So you get the experience of kissing. Where's the carb of giving him CPR?

Yeah. And the lips are made of rubber. Yeah. The rest of it's glass. It's like the same material as a fleshlight, basically. Oh, my God. That's so amazing. dystopian future where they breed human

beings to be used as bongs. I agree. That'd be so amazing. Sir, would you would you like to hit me and then look up? Dude, that solves the unemployment crisis right there. That's right. Well, no, they're not

they don't know. They don't pay. They're not human. No, no, no. These are genetically created beings. You know how like Snoop Dog has like a guy that rolls blunts for him? Yes. Imagine you get paid to be Snoop Dog's bomb. Yeah, exactly. It would open up a

job where you're the person who buys and sells these kind of human-esque creatures. Yeah. This is an amazing idea to end unemployment. Yeah. I feel like, this is Alex Jones's worst nightmare. He's got, he's like, they're breeding. I mean, like, short people

that are eight bongs. That'd be a good, I don't know, man. I think that's a pretty good idea. It's a great idea. I would even volunteer. We should be breeding more species. I'll be the first one, like Neurilink. Yeah.

Like the same way I was Merling guy, yeah. Really? That's why I've been, yeah, that's why my brain hasn't been working lately. That's okay. That's why my shit's all fucked on. I would even volunteer to be the first, like, a trial to see if it worked out. To try it smoking out of a person?

No, people smoke out of me and I'd walk around. The thing is, though, you'd have to take a lot of showers and be really clean, so maybe I wouldn't want to do that. You don't like showers? Not as often. Every time somebody smokes me, I have to take a shower. You'd have to, like, do, you'd have to, you'd have to, you'd have to, you'd have to do like those detox things

I have to do a lot of cayenne and lemon juice and then fill yourself with water yeah I shove nuggets of weed in my ass it could just be like

a cotler or a cast iron type situation where I don't wash you don't really need to wash because it increases the flavor how would that

increases the flavor of weed it smells like someone's got shit rings in out of your butt nobody wants to fucking smoke out of my dirty ass

okay well in this scenario you're made out of some Right, you're genetically modified to sweat beautiful sweet syrup or something like that. Maybe I sweat like Orange Crush or something. Yeah, that's a pretty good, okay, now I'll do it. Whatever, not a fucking problem. Tell me, man, when you were doing late night with Seth Myers, were you scared?

I'm not trying to act cool for your listeners. To be honest, I actually wasn't nervous to be perfectly honest. You didn't seem nervous. That's why I asked. I wasn't nervous. I think I was just excited to do it. And I was just like, I knew that my comedy doesn't work if I'm nervous, you know? So I'm just like, I just have to go rip it.

And I was very grateful that they were down to get weird. Yeah. That was my biggest fear that is that. it would just be a bunch of people going, huh? That would start to catch one huh on the mic. They did gasp audibly when I

mentioned AOC, though. They just went, you can kind of hear it. That's awesome. Yeah. That would kind of be a legendary late night set if it was all like, huh?

Like every single punchline. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Not even booze, not no no idea. Every time it's a different. person saying like, what? What did you say?

Not even talking to people. Not even talking to people. I'm talking to you. What are you talking about? Explain that joke. Excuse me? That's really funny. A full special way. What are you saying?

A full one hour. Are you crazy? This guy's weird. This is the weirdest guy I've ever seen. Well, I mean, that is pretty cool, man. What's the next? Let's see. that's basically the top of the food chain

in terms of things you can do as a standup we don't have a lot of amazing things now that cordon's off the air normally you would try to go get a little bit of carpool karaoke doing our Kelly song if they let you get it now you can't do that a couple of reasons

carpool karaoke only place left to go is MCU oh you could get Kumail the Myers Cinematic Universe dude you could end up on the other Seth Myers programs the MCU oh fuck the Myers Cinematic Universe That's a good idea.

The Myers Origins. Mm-hmm. Seth Myers' origins, you could be in that. Trying to get in the MCU Michael Chey universe, right? Yes. That's what I'm talking about. His HBO Macs sketch show. Please, Michael.

Please, I'm watching, which we know you are. We know you're watching. We've got you on the Patreon. Yeah, we probably face time him right now. I got a few numbers in my phone that I'm like just, sending to my friends now I don't even care anymore call their ass

they're probably in the Hamptons on a boat but fucking call their ass call them right now ask them what's up yeah we haven't done one of those in a while where we call somebody funny we need to get we need to have more one degree of separation celebrity friends

where we can maybe call who's the last person we called somebody big I remember we called Sarah and asked her if hot dog or hamburgers. We did a whole episode when our hot dogs or hamburgers are better.

We asked her if Keenan likes hot dogs or hamburgers or more. But we asked her with Keenan if Keenan likes hot dogs or hamburger more. Yeah. Oh, we called my mom.

That's not a celeb though. We've called your mom to me. Five different times on this show, man. That's true. What's your mom's name? Patricia. Patricia.

Oh, yeah. Oh, Patrick and Patricia. She says that she didn't plan that. Then she's got to be one of the Those people I'm planning to not plan that. Pat and Pat. I'm just, you guys remember, it's Pat from a,

could not do that skit nowadays, I'm telling you. Or you could, and it would just be very pro. Pat was, very pro Pat. It was somebody where they couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, that was the whole conceit of the sketch. See, nowadays that's not comedy anymore. Yeah. That would be a documentary.

Probably too many people now. nowadays would be falling in love with Pat. That would be the big problem, I think. They should make more stuff where it's like, okay, not more stuff. They should make a thing. Okay. It's like a sketch show. It's like, but instead of being funny, you're supposed to fall in love every sketch.

Oh, that's good. So it's like, you know, 10 to 12, every episode, different things for you to fall in love with, different people or situations. And just showing them at their most charming. They could air it on Valentine's Day every year. Wow, wow. That's so romantic. Yeah. Wow.

I didn't realize you were like, it could be called sweethearts. No, my God. That's like the most romantic TV show idea ever made. Some Sweethearts TV. A show called Sweethearts where you fall in love with every character in order?

Wow, I really want to watch that. Oh, you can't watch it until February. Yeah. I want to kiss that show. Damn, I wish we could watch it right now. Have you ever pitched a reality TV show? Oh, I think you would be great as a master of a reality TV show.

What do they call that? You would be a good master. The host. I legitimately pitched CISO an idea where I tried to find Woody Allen and put a ghost pepper in his food And they said

Yes They were like Okay so seriously I was like I kind of thought you would bite on that one He's pretty easy to find man Yeah it's a short show He does like

That's the thing it had to be a special He like plays the clarinet in the upper west side like once a month or some yeah you just hand you'd be he'd be like playing the clarinet he reaches for his water and then you see just a big orange pepper floating in the water

it'd be something like that or you know I you know try to find a a restaurant on the upper west side and you crush it up and put it in his whatever the fuck he eats out honestly bro I hate to say it I think that you could go to jail for that

yeah I think that would kill him instantly it'd be great for my It would have been great for my career. The guy who killed Woody Allen with a pepper. The mugshot. Ellen Dershowitz is his lawyer. And you know that he'd do a good job. He'd do a good job.

He cooks, man. I can't even put you under the jail, dude. The banned TV show where Woody Allen died on camera. Yeah. And episode two. Yeah. You're not allowed to watch it because they don't have CISO anymore. CISO is God. You could have done

Legends of the Hidden Temple but only with like octogenarians Like people over the age of 80 That's a good show And they're just going so slow Up and down everything And they get so scared That they have a heart of death style show

Oh man Well they'd be walking around the hidden temple Like oh I remember this For my childhood I fucking hate old people Fuckers So fucking annoying You ever drive in a car with an old person

And they point at every gas station And tell you what it used to be yeah shut up bitch it's like when we drive through my hometown you do that you are an old person and a young person's body that is the most annoying thing I know Terry

fuck you Terry my grandma my great grandpa would read every sign that we drove past when I was a kid I remember I was like why is he doing that and my mom would be like he's just trying to prove that he still knows how to read yeah I just hate you drive with your grandpa and he's confused

by every game stop he's like oh that used to be a clan headquarters I don't care, man. Why do you know that? It still is. Yeah, well, it depends on who you have. Some of these gamers. Yeah, gamers are really bad people.

I was walking on the way here, and I was, I had something, like, stuck in between my teeth. I was trying to, like, suck it out. And I walked by, like, a lesbian couple, where I was trying to get something on my teeth, and I accidentally were like, s. During Pride most seriously, dude. I was like I've talked about it before I was making me laugh

the whole rest of the walk thing what could they have thought that I was trying what was about that sound supposed to me sucking your teeth at them and then just laughing a crazy person

a mouse noise yeah I had another run in yesterday where I thought that people accident people thought I was whistling at them when I was whistling at my dog and my dog just so happened

to be playing with his ball. Your dog just happened to be really sexy at the moment. He was cute. I can't lie. But he was playing next to just like a bunch of girls playing volleyball. And I was like over and over and over again. And I don't think they liked it. What is that supposed to make your dog do?

Come to me. It's like a hell of, okay, hunger games. Well, okay, he's not a hunger game. He's a dog. One time I called out at work and later that day, my boss walked past me exiting the movie theater after having seen Hunger Games Mocking Jay Part 1. And I was just like, I'm sick.

I have tuberculosis. You should not have me in today. This movie made me sicker. That was really tough for us in college because our job was right next to a movie theater. And there were plenty of times when I skipped a shift to go see a movie. yeah and there was a full dangerous zone walking out of that damn theater man the dangerous zone is so it's living life on the edge it's magical it does feel good to be if you call out sick and then you're around just go to every store in town feels good for no reason maybe you dress a little differently than you would address but i'm not going full disguise no because i don't care i want to be found i want to be caught out yeah yeah yeah that's half the fun everyone wants to be caught deep down yeah exactly what was the last job you had normal style job not one of these

bull crap writing style BS jobs I was a bell hop for like four and a half five years five years serving we I had a bellhop

phase where I really wanted to be a bell hop like a year ago I was talking about I should dress up like a bellhop and just go into a hotel and start working how long it took them to get mad at me I think there was like a couple

like episodes at bellhop swag we were talking about like how that's going to be the new trend is like be kids dressing up like bellhops on the bellhops way i was wow you and you were before everything yeah i had uh it was like this real swanky place and like you have the hat no i fucking wish i had the little fess hat with the chin strap but uh yeah there was there was one time uh i was there and you know diplo for uh oh yeah do we know diplo yeah yeah we know i mean to install your intelligence but uh uh uh

There was one time where he would get a room that he would stay, and then he'd get another room that was just like the fuck room. And he would just have a constant cycle of like 18, 19-year-old girls going up to the fuck room. Wow. His manager, he's just like, hi, this needed to be done yesterday, but we needed to take his wardrobe from this room and bring it to this room. And in my head, I'm like, that's bringing it from his room to the fuck room.

And I was like pounding on the door of the fuck room. no response pounding on the door of the fuck room no response so i like use my key to open it and i just hear you know chimpanzee noise so i just like brought it downstairs and his manager was just like uh maybe you didn't understand me that needed to be brought to the room i'm like yeah he's uh fucking uh 18 year old in there i'll do it later he would cool guy he wouldn't put the rooms next to each other

that's the easiest to Just get one with the door in between. The door, the double door. Yeah, that would have been smart. Or just get two rooms and tear down the wall. Wait, actually, why can't he just have sex in his room? I don't know. Maybe he was into some, some, uh, dukey play or something.

So he calls the girls up, they get so addicted to his duky that they might hunt him into his normal room and find his real room. So he has to have a distraction room. Yes. He probably has an embarrassing suitcase with, like, postcard style pictures on it that he doesn't want anybody to see. Here's how much I like Diplo. I just watched a 45-minute house tour that he did of his house in Jamaica that he named Pompeii. Wow.

It is really exciting stuff. That house is going to blow up. I know. He did have one thing. He had like a, there was like a rock in the middle of like the courtyard and he was like, yeah, so that's actually like a thing from Pompeii. Like that was like a chair from Pompeii. And I was like, shouldn't this be in a fucking museum?

Yeah, why does he get that? Diplo's Jamaica house. he should get one thing from who's going to miss a chair i guess you're right but it just rub me the wrong i think best deal should have it yeah i guess they wrote that song pompe yeah that put it on the map they should get the entire city of yeah they should get the rest of it i really like when celebrities name their house i really really really like zanadu stuff like that heart house who's that who's that kevin hart oh wow yeah he has the heart house and yeah his house has a logo so wow yeah What's Drake, Castle Bam?

Castle Bam, that's a classic one. The ultimate one. Shea Patrick. Yes. Oh, my God. That one's coming very, very soon. What are you going to name your celebrity house now that you've been on Seth Myers? Oh, shit.

That's a great question. The house that Seth built. That's pretty good. You invite him over. He doesn't know that it's on the mailbox. Invite him over for. a dinner. Long ass table you at one end. It's just a big portrait of

him in the kitchen. Yeah, I've got like the, it's like in the King of Comedy. I got like the fake talk show studio in the basement. Welcome, Mr. Myers. I've been planning, I've been planning to be on your show forever. This is way before. When you name, when you name your house like that, do you get to put that as like your address on your mail

and stuff? Like would the, would the mailman have to find the house that Seth built? That's a good question. You know, You got, you know, if you're real rich, you get you buy the whole road. You get your own street. You name, you put a street sign on. It's like when you look at the, like a Chipotle Cup and it's like for complaints, mail a letter to one Chipotle Street. Yeah, exactly.

And then you, you buy the road. You never made a Chipotleville? Seth starts getting a little curious when it's on Seth Ave. He's on the corner of Seth Ave. He's like, okay. Well, that's interesting. That's my name. That's really cool.

Cut to him, he's driving, he's driving into a giant, his own mouth in a gate that opens up. That would be really clattering. My one qualm with him is he doesn't have a little sidekick, you know? He needs a little Guillermo. He needs a little Guillermo type guy or, uh, who should he get? Um, I mean, I'd gladly do it if he, if he'd let me, but I'm thinking, I feel like you'd be better as kind of the roots roll. maybe music and sidekick type of thing okay yeah I'll try to learn an instrument

you don't know bass I don't know I don't know how do you not know the bass guitar I could see you knowing the bass guitar I could see you doing that better than anybody I've ever seen I could see you picking it up right now and just completely destroying maybe yeah I'll buy a bass

at least try it yeah but Seth needs he needs somebody yeah dude I'll be the chair on Seth I don't care Actually, in fact, I'd rather be the chair than the host to be completely perfectly honest with you. Oh, my God, can you imagine? Yeah, I mean, it's a core workout, first of all. I'm doing a wall sit the entire time.

He's probably quite a bit taller than me. He'd have to make everyone sit against the wall. Yeah, well, that's where the chair is. Yeah. Sorry, Seth. Seth could get a, he should get someone way more famous than him to do the, maybe a John Travolta. Tom Cruise. Travolta's been out of the public eye for quite a long time, so I think it'd be good for him.

Yeah, that could help Troultta. Yeah. He needs some help right now. Travolta has not recovered since my old boss Rocco told me that he saw him giving a blowjob on the set of Saturday Night Fever. Damn, Daniel. Yeah. You see that movie, you see the Fred Durst movie he was in? Yeah, yeah, the fanatic.

Yeah. What's his name in that? Moose. Yeah. And he has this sort of. autistic tick where he keeps rubbing his oh wait no it's not his armpit it's his earlobe

and he keeps like yanking on his earlobe and then smelling it it's kind of like that it's a crazy movie that fred he put a scene in that movie where devon saw was driving with his son and uh and a limp biscuit song comes on and devon saw always goes yo turn this up this is my favorite song and they just drive and listen to you up for like 30 seconds straight

that's feel well wait isn't that the thing with fred durst is Is he the one where he won't be in any movie or game where there's not one of his songs as a same track? Dude, he was just in, I saw the TV glow. Is there a Limp Biscuit song in there? There is not a Limp Biscuit song? How is that possible? So that can be debunked. I thought he had like, that was in his contract for every single thing.

Yeah, I could see that. Or no, no, no, sorry, it's the opposite. That's not boosted. If they use a Limp Biscuit song in a video game, they have to put Fred Durst. Yeah, that's what it is. That's the rule. That's sick. They put on one of the death jam games, right?

like some fighting games because they wanted some fucking lip biscuit song. I think that's pretty badass. Yeah. He's the man. I want to live with him. Can I tell you another hotel story that it kind of blows the fucking reveal at the end? But one time I got into this huge like screaming match with a cab driver and I turned around

to walk away, standing five feet away from me watching the whole interaction for a durst of limpiscuit. Wow. What I thought to say. five minutes later was sorry man, it's just one of those days. But if I had thought of it in that moment, I was too, my adrenaline

was too, I would think of anything weird. If you had said that, him, you would be a celebrity right now. Yeah, he would have been like, move in with me. Come up to my hotel room. Yeah. You're getting in my suitcase. I'm bringing you home with me. Come to Bisgit Manor. Fredtopia.

Dude, I would not have known what to do in that situation. I feel like I would have given the most evil energy to him. I think if I saw him, I would not be able to be like, would not be like, oh my God, hey, what's up? And like, so I feel like if I was screaming at somebody, I'd turned around, I would still, I would be like, Fred, oh my God. It's like immediately run towards him with my hands out. I would not be able to. What was he dressed like? It was, it was the same backwards red hat. Yes. Wow. This was changed up his style lately. Yeah. Yeah, he has. He has a beard now. It's going

corporate. And he's been wearing some button down shirts. Yeah. This was like 10 years ago. This was like 2014, I'd say. So he was still in his gangstay. He still doing that back then. That's sick. He's still doing it now, man. Yeah. So what kept you at this bell hop job for five years?

I'm so curious. The money was pretty good, honestly. Yeah. You're making bank as a hop. Clean up with tips, yeah. Damn. Yeah. And, you know, I was done at 3.30 p.m. every day so I could do open mics and Bushwigs.

You know, got a. Do you ever go back to the hotel? I walked past it Not that long ago And saw one of the same Bell hops working there Wow And I was like

Damn One day you'll be on Seth Yeah Walk in and look around Like at the end of Fresh Prince Like Like What are you doing?

One day I'm gonna stay here I live down the street But I'm gonna rent the room For a day Was it haunted? Just beat off all day long in here There were rumors it was haunted

I never witnessed any sort of, I don't know if I particularly believe in ghosts myself, which I said that to a girl once. She was telling me this story about how a ghost came out of a painting and spooned her. And I was like, oh, that's crazy. I don't know if I believe in ghosts and she acted like I was like, you can't say that to a girl. Yeah, you can't. She freaked out on me. She's like, I know what the fuck happened to me.

I'm not crazy. I know what I saw. You're not going to tell me I'm crazy. Yeah, I was like, all right, I guess you're not crazy. He came out of a painting? Yeah, she sucked in boo. Was it the subject of the painting? Was that a factor?

Mario, sorry. Mario jumped out. Yeah, I guess it was the subject of the painting, which... Oh, my God. Yeah, some guy hopped off his horse and... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of the museum. That's actually kind of beautiful.

It is beautiful, man. It's nice. I mean, it really depends on the painting. Yeah. Yeah, the goia, the... That would be scary. That would be really scary. He jumps out, starts spooning you,

starts eating your head a little bit. But if it's the Mona Lisa, hello. Hello, Mona. Some of my paintings are Master Chief. Yeah, yeah, my original. Master shape. My finger paintings. I don't know if I want him spooning, me, obviously.

He wants, maybe, master shake. We should get into finger painting. I was saying. Hang them up everywhere. couple of hand turkeys just in case they decided to jump out. Yeah. Were you guys in Boston when they were putting up the the Muna Nights? No, but I've read

that Wikipedia article about a hundred times. Yeah. I think that was before I was conscious of adult swim. Yeah, I think I was. Which is a point in every human's conscious level of consciousness. Yeah. I might have been six years old when that happened. Damn. Was that

national news or did it? That was national news, yeah. Some Boston cop was like what the fuck is it? Yeah, they thought it was, they literally thought it was Al-Qaeda. You'd have to be Al-Qaeda to come up with that. You know, Al-Qaeda, when they thought of 9-11, you know. They will not admit it if you ask them, but that is the crown jewel of any marketing team's career. Oh, absolutely.

That has to be the greatest honor you can be doing guerrilla marketing and people think that you're Osama bin Laden. People think you were trying to destroy the world. You're trying to bring down America once and for all. That's how good your... That's the ultimate honor is. Damn. When was that? Can you look that up?

Like 2003 or 2004? Yeah? I think it was a little late. I think it was like 07. Oh, then I was... Then you were 10, 06, 07? I don't know. How old am I?

You were born in 1997, man. Okay. So I would have been 10. Nine or 10, yeah. Either one. Yeah. Let's see how old. is Patrick Doran.

Oh. It says he has 14,000 followers on Instagram. What is? Whoa, I was in Spider-Man. Homecoming? Dude.

Thinking speed? Breaking the band. You were in Bomb Squad Bobby as Bobby. When did I go by Patrick Holley? When were you in this stuff, bro? Hobbs and Shaw? Your life is crazy as fuck.

My life is amazing, passerby, party goer, bounce or one. Commuter. When did I go by Patrick Hawley? 6-3, damn. I'm tall. I'm tall as hell.

Patrick Hawley. Debenair, Pat, Holly. What's up? Patrick Hawley Wood. Patrick Hollywood. Yeah, that's what he would. They said, what's her name is Patrick? Holly.

Look at the Hollywood side. Interesting. And then they put you in all sorts of fast movies. Yeah. I had something to tell you about the Moody Night thing. But I don't remember it, man. I really don't fucking remember it. Why don't you guys think the next terrorist attack is going to happen?

It's probably going to be a Rick and Morty bread slime that they put somewhere. Has a slime attack ever? The molasses flood? Yeah, molasses flood. Can I say this? I don't mean to... I think it's going to happen in Los Angeles. That is my prediction.

We've had New York. We've had Boston. Where else we're going to go? That's why I moved to New York. Some of all fears. LA has not had anything bad. happened to it for quite a long time so I have what was the last one OJ besides Madame Webb yeah well that's pretty good yeah that is pretty good there we go

yeah but there has not been a mass killing I'm saying oh yeah well there was since a big famous stand-up comedian performed there okay so yet again you have destroyed me but you got to start hitting the zombie nation again I have to say it again say it again and hit zombie nation where there's not been a mass killing okay wait I have to I don't know where it is oh I thought it. Since Joe Rogan went to Austin. Since there was a big famous stand-of-comedian performing.

Yeah. Yeah. We don't use that enough, man. We've got to use that so much more. The week that we, like, first installed it on this there, you first installed it? We used it every day. There's too many on here now that I lose track of everything.

I have to pair it down. here's what I say about that. Yeah. Yeah. We are a little bit of professional here. Probably a little higher production value. You're not used to this kind of shit. I've never seen a soundboard like that before.

It's amazing. What else you got on that thing? You are about to, let's do every sound. Let's do Dan Lakota reacts to every sound on the podcast about what sound. Wait, I know that you want to see him a different size. Do you have that set up for his mic? Here, let me do this page first. Okay, yeah, get through this one.

That was a good one. That was good. Fatality. That one's for Mortal Kombat. Gunshot. Classic. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's that page.

All right, and then I think this will, here, try it. Let's see, let's see if this works here. Go ahead. Say something. Just say, oh, my, my, my ass is so fucking small. So we've had a lot of fun with that one. Yeah. Oh, we got, man, we got everything.

Warning. Yeah, that's good. A warning. Catch up. Catch up. Catch up. Yeah. I saw a ghost.

That's just like a scary one. We should have had that for the, uh, see? Ghost story. Exactly. I have to be always ready. The problem there's eight pages of these. Yeah. We can, we can go through and pair them down.

Yeah, I'll do that. Or maybe we can like have like numbers on here. Like when like a synthesizer has like, like these banks or whatever. So you could like remember like one through like five dash one is, oh my God. I'm not going to do that. Yeah, that's crazy. That's some crazy shit.

It's a lot of work. Yeah, there's a lot of work, but it would be worth it. Why have you not started a podcast about basically your life yet? Well, funny, funny you bring that up. I am starting a podcast with Nick Nanny. It's called Chicken Podmajan. Oh my God. So it's mostly about issues relating to Italian Americans about, you know, the anti-Italian discrimination that we face and things of that nature.

Wow. Thank you very much. We got the scoop. I'm 20% Italians, I'll be dialing in and tuning in as well. I get mistaken for it a lot, so as an honorary. But you don't like it, so you're part of the problem. I guess I'll learn. I'll sit my Irish ass down and listen.

The two of us together, we kind of got a Mario and World. Walloigi things on. Classic tearing. Yeah, I could see that. Are you going to have Waluigi on the show? We're trying to get Wala. If any listeners know him personally, he could get us his contact.

Dude, I think he got him big trouble. I don't think doing what. I heard he can hoot. Some stuff he says at open mics. Really? Waluigi, for real? There are some videos that came out, yeah. He should stick to fucking reverse plumbing.

Don't come over to the Coyote. What is he doing? He must do reverse. He puts the shit into the toilet. He's a reverse plumber. Luigi ghost hunts. Yeah. That's true.

That's kind of plumbing. Okay, so he brings ghosts out and puts pooping toilets. Oh, shit. See, now you have to see this. Yeah, okay. So while Luigi is a reverse ghost hunter. I saw a ghost. They have to go through every page.

Dude, I had this, my toilet got clogged, and this plumber came over, and he was just like, uh, listen, you got to get a whole new toilet. I was like, what? He's like, eh, if you don't get a new toilet, I'm going to have to keep coming back here every few years. I was like, all right. Sheared two years, I guess.

I like the, I like the passive voice you used of my toilet got clogged. It's so bad that the blubbers said I needed a new toilet. Yeah, what did you do to that? You did something foul to the toilet. I had a, I had half a meatball sub, and I didn't want to put it in the garbage because I knew I would rifle through it and eat it. The other half. I was like, I need to flush this so it disappears.

Yeah. That was smart. Yeah. Okay. We'll hop into this. Oh, we had the perfect transition earlier, too, when he was talking about calling up Michael Che. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you like prank calls, yes? Oh, yeah. Okay. What's the top prank call you ever did in your fucking life? Oh, fuck. What was it? Uh, I, uh, I, uh, I called. this

I can't remember I will say I don't know the best prank call I ever did but I had a buddy who was like I do the best

prank calls like you guys you're gonna be really impressed with my prank calls and we're like okay so he gave him

a phone number he calls and he just goes hi this is Monsters University he's on the phone for two seconds

I was like damn really gasped yourself up. That's pretty good. You just say I'm a movie? That's pretty good. I hate it. It's sharp.

That person did get majorly prank. Monsters University. Click. I said there's a couple weeks ago, but somebody, a little kid called my wife's work and asked if they had anything for boys. and then said, and my wife was like, yeah, we have some stuff for boys. And then the kid said, do you have anything that I could put in my ass?

I was like, that is actually a very good prank. Yeah. I think I might have talked about this on the show before, but my older brother and his friends, they found a New Hampshire phone number that was like 603, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or whatever. And they would call every day and just like, just ask if he was making spaghetti and meatballs. and they would just like there's like a full week where like

they would come home pick up the phone not Star 6-7 like not hide the numbers so the guy would call back just be like hi I'm just like ask or they would like

go through the call and then halfway through just say yeah spaghetti and meatballs and hang up and he was like listen you little shit

I'm gonna call the fucking cops if you do this again when I was a little kid my brother used to use me to call people do pranks on them because I had a little kid voice and the one that I remember is I called a lady in Texas and I said that my house was on fire

and I couldn't find my parents and she was like really really concerned and I stayed on for way too long and I did not break at all and the lady definitely thinks that I was like trying to call 911 and I died no fire it was really brutal I think about that lady a lot

that she just heard a little kid like die in a house fire it was not even a prank so much So this list is the top 10 celebrities would be most fun to prank call. A prank call opens up your chance to get whatever rage you have towards a celebrity off your chest. So let's hear your ideas. This is from Positron Wildhawk. Yeah.

And prank calling celebrities, I feel like, is not, I just think that they're going to be kind of expecting it. If it's somebody who's not in their phone. You know what I mean? Or maybe they have like all unknown numbers blocked. I feel like, yeah. I guess maybe it's just, maybe it's that. Whenever I see videos of prank calls

to celebrities I feel like they always seem like they have no idea what's going on and they can't even believe what is happening the fact that this could be

like they are I feel like they're so credulous on the phone it's always like they're like what? You're serious?

So they might actually be the best candidates when I think about it I feel like if you can they're just I feel like they are just are not expecting you to be able

to get to them yeah Dan for you this website is is called the top tens this is a list voted on by like children okay this is

it's you know ranked based on who votes for what so let's see the top the number one celebrity that would be the most fun to prank call Steven Hawking they think Stephen Hawking would be number one I have to agree with that I think I would also

agree yeah yeah you know what he's been calling me a lot actually recently and asked me about credit card debt let's see people have some ideas here You go next. Hello, I am an alien from Outer's Place. Please surrender immediately.

So that would be a pretty good prank calling. Yeah, that's a good prank call on anyone. Please surrender. Yeah. We want you to surrender. You must surrender right now. Telling a celebrity to surrender to you immediately. Telling Stephen Hawking, stand down.

Stephen Hawking. Don't do anything. You better stop. You don't even try to battle us. Don't even do that. be thinking of doing that. Let's see who's the next celebrity we got here. David Cameron.

Remember this bloke? Yeah, I remember this bloke. Vaguely. So he was the bastard prime minister who messed around with a pig. Oh, shit. Okay. He put his thing on a pig. I believe it was inside of a pig.

That was the rumor. That was the rumor. But it was confirmed he put it on, but the rumor that he didn't know. Yeah, exactly. Like he even said, like, yeah, I put it on. It's been confirmed. He confirmed he went about one inch in, but there's rumors he went all the way. He slapped it on the pig's face.

And then... That's gross. But it's been confirmed. I don't know. But I don't know if he did it. It has been confirmed. It's been confirmed. He said, yeah, well, I slapped it on his face.

Sure, I slapped on his face. I wasn't going to fuck him. Poor GoPro, and I slapped him. It's called hazing. I was hazing the pig. The pig joined the frat. And they were like, like, I guess... I don't know, I guess we do it like every other guy.

Slap it on his face. It would be rude to treat the pig differently. Oh, yeah. Because pigs are some of the most intelligent animals. They're intelligent, they're kind, they're carrying, they're horny. I mean, they should be treated the same as you would treat a guy. Yeah, slap it on his face. They should be allowed to vote too.

Yeah, absolutely. They probably vote for him. When I was walking here, I walked by an early voting place and I'm not registered to vote here, and I thought about just going in there and trying to vote, see what happens. You know what's the sad part in liberal democracy? democracy, New York City, you probably could do that. I wonder if I could just go in there and tell them a random name. Just vote.

Why are they got early voting? For the voting vote comes before. Why are they doing that? For the upcoming election. To do more fake votes. Yeah, I guess that's it. Yeah, this is what I've been hearing. This is the, they're doing voting for 2028. Really? That early. Uh-huh. And everybody can

vote 400 times. And they've revealed it. I'm not supposed to say this. It's going to be Jaden Smith against AOC. Really? That's going to be a tough call. yeah and aOC also what happened did they explain so it's two they don't explain anything okay so that's the republican primary it's like when you see the marvel slate and they go just revealing this road map that's a good idea an election roadmap for every election for the next 100 i want to get prepared it takes me a long time to do research yeah i'm going to need at least

four years to figure out how i'm not going to do the research i'm not going to do it until the day i get dude i go to the library i check out every book in the library about really yeah Put him on the back of a U-Haul, and I take him home. And you read before every election? I don't read them. I take pictures on my search and my camera roll. Oh, that's good. That's really good.

Let's see if there's any... The funny thing is, is that he was once prank called. That's a good prank call right there. You were once prank called. Hey, I'm the guy that prank called you before. Yes. I'm back. Or at least I'm an imitator.

Yeah. Of the once great prank call that you suffered. Who prank called them? Did you look this up? Probably the pigs family. Probably the pig's family. Yeah. That's not really a prank.

It's more of a revenge call. Yeah. How's it revenge? We're going to kill you, Doug. Their son liked it. We already went over that. He did like it? Because he said they're horning.

Yeah, it was hazing. Yeah, it was hazing. He wanted to be a part of the government or whatever reason. Yeah, that's how they get in. David Cameron has to slap you with his penis. Yeah. Next guy is Scrillx. Okay.

I need to know what you would say to relaxed in. I'd be like Hey, um, we found that chunk of your hair that, uh, got ripped off in a roller coaster accident. Bunkmaster flex that's a good idea.

Hello, ma'am. That would be an own. Is he still rocking that haircut? Uh, no. You're fucking, he's not, man. No, he got like a, he got a, he He turned into a porcupine.

Really? Shit, man. Let me see. Scrillix today. Oh, my God, he's Drake. Whoa. Yeah, he draked. Scrillix fans, Poland.

Oh, my God, he actually is a full Drake. He draked. And now he basically does. He just shrank. He just shrank. He just became small. Does he, what kind? Does he still make music?

He now works with Young Lean and Blade. Really? Wow. They did a collaborative album. Oh, my God. Well, that's pretty much awesome. It's pretty fascinating. Sonny John Moore.

Okay. Yeah, how about Sonny John less? No thank you. Oh, yeah. Sonny John. Come on now. Got less hair now. Yeah, for starters.

Yeah, more like daughtery, John Moore. Oh, shit. Long hair like a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's say, there's a comment on this. There's an absolutely hilarious video of Dead Mouse doing exactly this. What I find most amusing is how easily he falls for it, whereas the mouse can't be fooled the same way. Wow.

Because Dead Mouse is more intellectual. Yeah. Well, you try to prank called Dead Mouse. you call him and you hear you can't understand what he's saying is wearing the big mouse has and then all of a sudden you've been sampled

in the number one song in the country yeah fuck you dead mouse recording of you said yeah that would be a good that is the baseline prank call that's how every song starts is fuck you blank

fuck you Stephen Hawking anything like that that is such a layup is you just say fuck you He's just sitting there confused. What the hell? Well, you don't have to do that, Patrick.

He died. You could call him as him. He passed away. He could call him as him. He would probably, with his ass, he'd probably think it was the future calling. He'd be like, oh, I invented time travel. And now I'm calling myself.

That is a step. So that's actually, that would work really well. That's what to go on. I knew it. I knew it. from the future. In the future, in order to clone yourself,

you need to cut off your balls. I must know something. You eat dog food right now. Go to the future. All right. Who's the next celebrity? Jeremy Clarkson. I just thought this was a funny,

who's got beef with Jeremy Clarkson? I think a lot of people. Doesn't he roll over in a car every other year and break every bone in his fucking body? That might be, you're thinking of Leno. Jay. Mm-hmm.

Can you pull that clip up? Have you seen this? Jay Leno on a, Jay Leno in the rally car? No. Oh, look up Jay Leno car crash. Oh, my God. This is the best video ever. There it is.

The Lano laughs off scary rollover car crash. This is the best video. The power to laugh off something scary. That's, now that's incredible. Oh my god He got pieced up I'm not gonna lie He got fucking destroyed

That's crazy He took it like a champ And that wasn't even the one That made him burn his face off No no no this is This is he was doing this for fun This is for Jay Leno's garage I think he's got the Jay Leno's garage

You're telling me he did this for fun He did this for fun dude yeah Well he gets up and he laughs it off He's got protective gear on You don't laugh something off unless it wasn't fun. Oh, yeah. Pull up the part where the car like tips that it does a wheelie in the back. Right here.

That's good. I wish I could. I wish I could make a video my ringtone. That is so good, man. You know he shit his fucking pants when that. Oh, absolutely. Just those denim jeans just fully just, that light denim he wears all the time.

You could just see a full brown stain. And if I was a PA on that show, I would have taken a home. He should have just completely shit his pants. He's rolling over so many times that looks like spin art on the seat of his pants. It's just like a tie-dye. Hey, Jay, what's that, man?

It's probably oil. All right. You know, the oil. Probably the flying oil. this is Donald Trump Oh snap So this is You know that there's going to be

Some absolute heaters in here Because everybody This is a very divisive figure Everybody got something I want to say to this guy Exactly And I need to see every single one Yeah

Hey bitch Is that what you would say Log the fuck off of Twitter That's what I would say That's what you'd say to the president Log the fuck off Oh okay You're psycho

You see you motherfucking psycho Leave everybody alone Yeah Why don't you go fly to the moon And live there Wow I'll be saying stuff like that. Sorry, I'll let my politics run away with me for a second.

Yeah, let's stay out of politics. Yeah, I know that you would have, Dan, you have some strong views that. Yeah, I don't want to get into it. I'm kind of a one-issue voter, to be honest with you. And it's just we got to lower the drinking age to 18. And any politician that's willing to do that, I'm willing to vote for. You'll go along with every other thing that they got. Yeah.

Let's see what the comments are. People have some ideas. Hello, Mr. Dump. it's Mexico calling you're being deported so I really like this one hello hello hello already off the bat he's like what

hello yeah and then he hears Mr. dump and which I think John Stewart is ready to hear a fucking base of shit he starts screaming I think John Stewart has already covered this but that's his real name was dump and then he says it's Mexico calling you're being deported so this kind of insinuates

that Donald Trump is in Mexico right and he's getting kicked out Or I thought it was implying that Donald Trump is Mexican. Oh, wow. Interesting. Wow. He very well could be. Yeah.

Yeah. So that'd be an amazing play if we could write that. Yeah. That would be a really good play. We got to hit up Max from Job. Yeah, he needs to write this. That would be very, very powerful. That's his next play after that.

Is Donald Trump as a Mexican guy getting deported? It would make us think about things. I don't really know how, but something would change in people's brains. It would change the whole world. One or two catchy songs. Yeah. And that's Broadway. You don't see too many plays where in the middle of the play, the actor eats a full burrito.

And that would be the amazing interview with Jeremy Strong who plays Donald Trump where he'd have to explain like the real challenge of that was having to eat a whole burrito like four times every single night. And you know, I had to find my motivations. Yeah, we did a back-to-back matinee. Every performance, he's like, he's like fucking, he's killing it. He's destroying for the first, like, he's acting so hard. Everyone's like has tears in their eyes or what he goes, he like houses a full Chipotle burrito and the rest of it.

He's like, oh, my stomach is hurting. My stomach hurts. The second half of the play is just terrible. They bring on Kobayashi as a consultant and he learns how to eat the burrito like a bat. That would be really cool. Jeremy Strong just crying. Yeah. And the producer's like,

We could fill it with like whipped cream or something. No, no, no, that would be too fake. Oh, damn, that's what I need when I go home to beans. A whipped cream burrito. It's a dessert burrito. Damn. Whip cream, chocolate. That sounds good as one.

No chocolate, bro. No chocolate. Whip cream. Okay, just cream. I told you, when I was in that math concepts class in high school, where they taught us the concepts of math through cooking, they made us, they didn't trust us with any of the, like, ovens or anything like that.

They didn't try, like, so, we made a microwave tortilla with cinnamon sugar and Pam baking spray. Was it good? And that was supposed to be that was supposed to be like life hack churo

like easy 30 minute churo 30 minutes sorry 30 second 30 seconds well I was in math concepts man of course I don't fucking know I got in trouble for dumping a bowl of noodles out the second story window in my home that class.

Did it land on someone's head And it looked like hair? It landed on a teacher's car Which is why Yeah, you get in trouble for that Yeah, you don't fuck with the cars Why are teachers so protective of their piece of shit cars?

I know, I don't know, let me blow it up Yeah Do whatever I want to it, man Senior prank, come on Next one Hello Donald Dump, yet again, I hate it So this is pretty to the point Yeah

And then I think there's one more on here That would be huge Oh no, there's two more Oh, I didn't get that Huge. Hi, this is God, and I saw you stole poop, and you're going to put your face in the mirror and going to go to hell in your ugly face. Return is butt in your bottom. Mwah ha ha ha.

This would be a terrifying call to get. Even just calling and saying Muh ha ha ha ha would make me shake in my boots like that. If you started the call with Mwah ha ha ha ha. Yeah, because everything after that is going to sound pretty evil. Yeah. There's a strong start and end. Hi, this is God, and I saw you stole poop. Yeah.

Also, he's a vengeful. evil god saying that's true it's kind of it makes you think about the real nature of God as well yeah

so you stole poop kind of an Old Testament style God they have calling him who's next this is oh but then you

have the other side Barack Obama and someone says yes Mr. President this is more of a call Dan would do yeah

you would call him I see what would you say if you could have Barack Obama on the horn for three minutes what are you saying to him

okay I'd be like, listen, dude, I'm huge fan, first of all. Like, never, never really got into politics before until you came around. And, um, listen, man, I want to ask your daughters on a double date. That's a good. Do you think he would give you? I mean, he would certainly give you his blessing.

I think so. I think, like, I, uh, I don't know the type of. the type of hooligans they're going out with but I feel like I'm there's nothing that wrong with me where he wouldn't want me to date his daughters exactly you know who could put in a good word

for you is old Seth oh I bet Seth could put the good word in and all of a sudden you're chilling with Malia and the other one and you are going crazy taking them in laser tag oh yeah Domen kids in laser tag

I'm flying them out to Cedar Point like check your email. We've got three tickets. Delta, you have to buy, you have to buy like

10 tickets because you have to get all the secret service people to fly out too. You're going on all the roller you pass out you pass out on every roller coaster full eyes rolling blackout.

Yeah, because I'm doing heroin. You're buying all the photos. You're just ignoring both of them the whole time and just talking to the secret service guy. Yeah, talking about ways that you could kill the president.

Yeah, so. could with this work, what about this one? Would you guys be down if I did this? Yeah, no, you don't have to worry about me, man. I'm cool. I'm never going to do anything. I know that you probably, just so you know the second date, you guys don't have to come.

It's really chill. Like, I swear, now you know that I'm chill. Who's next over here in terms of a beautiful... Oh, Chuck Norris. I mean, listen. Oh, hell no. If you think that you're going to do this and fucking live... His name is Carlos?

The hell? Oh, my. Carlos Ray Norris. Wow. How is Chuck short for Carlos? Yeah. That blows my mind.

Yeah, me too. It should be cuck, not... Man, Chuck. This is a... I mean, this would be terrible. I'd be so nervous, calling you. There's a reason why... He might just leap through the phone.

Exactly. Destroy your brand. Put you in a guillotine joke. The big fear of me, of mine, would be that I call him, and then he prank calls me. Yeah, you were. would get prank yeah i call him and then i get prank called because he seems to have some reverse power yeah yeah i mean you know we've we've all heard the chuck norris jokes like you know

chuck norris he got hit in the head with a airplane and it didn't even hurt it felt good to him so you know you know the guy he's he's he could he could lay down an ass whooping of a lifetime he could probably just say punch punch kick kick punch and then you know your brain with He does seem to live in an opposite world where everything that should hurt feels good and every bad thing is good for him. So you've got to start thinking about ways to hurt him with good stuff.

Right, because that might become bad. Exactly. You never think about that. If you give him a birthday cake, maybe he dies from it or something. Because it's the only way to touch him, he's a reverse person. Right, if you're kind to him.

He's not a reverse person. He's not a reverse person. That's a different concept. We donated a huge amount of money to charity in your name or something. Head chopped off. his veins all start popping out like scanners nobody's ever done anything nice for him that's so sad they only tried to hurt him and so he had to learn to yeah he had to harden his heart exactly

damn um there's comments that are agreeing with here with us here fun is not the word i would use hazardous would be more like it yes yeah i would definitely use the word hazardous and then i really like this one where someone says uh better rethink this plan that's chuck yeah that has Yeah, you're going to want to be Terrified. Please don't break calling. That would be good of one of these celebrities. There was like a hundred comments that were all anonymous.

Seriously, don't. It wouldn't even be funny. No, it wouldn't be funny at all. It would actually really hurt his feelings. It wouldn't be worth it. 18 M&M. Another one. That's what I'm saying.

I can't believe that you would even think to prank call M&M, man. No. He's going to take whatever you say, and he's going to turn it into an amazing diss on you. Right. I'm sorry. keep getting distracted by his. My refrigerator is running. He was born in St. Joseph, Missouri. What the hell is that about?

Is everything I thought I knew a lot? I thought that he was from the D straight up. Yeah. But it turns out... All these celebrities are fake, bro. They're fake as fuck. A different saint, not even St. Louis. Yeah.

How is this possible? He should have been in St. Lunatics then. Oh, him and Nelly would have made some bangers, man, for real. No, he had to go be crazy. Yeah. But he would do the last rap battle from 8 Mile, he would say. my refrigerator is running. I do have to go catch it.

That's a great one. So you would really, you have to be careful. You would call him immediately dump he'd break against me. That's a very good point. There's no way to prank him, man. Yeah.

He's one step ahead always. Then we have Greta Thunberg. I would love to prank call him. Dude, I can't believe this isn't higher. Yeah. Just fucking dumb little. mother earth calling i'm crying out in pain yeah i you're not helping enough see i would call and i would say this is mother earth hummers are awesome yeah giant flat screen TVs and buffalo wings are the cool

two coolest things on earth and you're a business and then i would hang out i would call and say i'm your mom you have to go to bed that might work too that's an easy one for anyone too she kind of fell off i'll be real yeah she was i feel like my grandpa hated this kid more than anything yeah and then she became an adult and he didn't really care anymore. Yeah. Yeah. He really just wanted to hate a child, I think, is the truth of the matter. That's, you only, you don't, you, you only get so many children to hate.

You don't get an opportunity for a really hateable child in the public, the public sphere. Yeah. It's pretty rare. I mean, it's, you know what it is? It's that all these old people, they all grew up reading Dennis the Menace. True. So they're thinking that this is a Dennis. Menace.

Greta the Menace. Yeah. Greta the Menace. Greta's. Really? Gretis the Medes? It could be the news. It could be a good comic.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that would be good. Gretis the Medes. That would be the most insanely good, like, right-wing little comic that just starts showing up in the local paper. Gretis, the Medis. It's her throwing soup on the Mona Lisa. And it's, yeah, it's her throwing soup on the Mona Lisa,

and then two cops shrugging me like, we have to let her do it. A combo police officer, firefighter, truck driver who's like, God damn you, Greta's. Barack Obama said we have to let her do it. Yeah, it's so fucking true and said. I hate Gretus. Who's next?

Angry, angry grandpa, I don't know. So at the end, the thing is about this one is at the end, there's a couple of people that I don't, I have no idea who they are. I don't even know if they're celebrities. Angry grandpa, I think is fitting in that. Yeah, I think I know.

I know Angry Grandpa. How is you possible? I know Angry Grandpa. What are you talking about? He was a YouTube channel and it would just be, it would be his grandson filming him. Let me guess. He cusses. Yeah.

I need rants. Hey, man. I guess I do know him. Yeah. His whole thing was that they would like tell him like the gas prices are up or something. Oh, so he would hit him off. Yeah. Tourette's guy.

He would, yeah, he's basically what you have shown here. is his enemy and then him. Oh, Gretus and... Yeah. Gretus and Granthus. No, what would he... He would like... I'm pretty sure it's more like Tourette's guy.

But he is like a... He was like a big YouTube figure. Big enough that they like had a memorial for you. Yeah, they'd be like... They'd be like at a birthday party and everyone would get a slice of cake and they'd be like, oh, sorry, Grandpa, no cake left for you.

There's only enough cake for everyone else and be like, fuck y'all motherfuckers, I'm grandpa, motherfucker. You know this, dude? Yeah, I mean, like, just somehow. I feel like I'm missing a lot of the same pranks. Somehow I know. I didn't have no concept of like when he was around.

Yeah. He was like 2011, right? Like something like that. Is he in the other world? I think he's passed on. He's passed away. That's the one. The one comment.

Now that is one ghost. I don't want to come out of a painting. It's a great. Grandpa. Do not. Again, it's four pages away. I'm not going to the effort. An angry ghost.

Yeah. Do not keep a painting of angry grandpa. If you have one, throw it a wet. And if you have any paintings in your house with angry eyebrows, put a smile on them. Get rid of the eyebrows. He looks so happy here, though. You never know.

Unless he's saying shit. He's definitely, he's on the eye part of shit right now. That's why his mouth is open and it's resembling a smile. But he hates everything. I think there's a, just a couple more here. Pend Gillette. This is another one

where I'm like, you should not prank call this motherfucker. He's not up behind you. If anything, you should call Teller. Exactly. Try to get him to talk for once.

You know, that's, if you get Teller to talk, you fucking, oh my God. It's the greatest prank ever. Yes. It's like a,

it should be your CISO show is trying to get Teller to talk. That's good. That's a really good. That's a good idea. Ruining his life just to say one thing

on camera. It's like a noir movie where you dial a number and you call it rings and you just hear it click and you just hear the hum of just the background I know he doesn't say hello you're just on on the call with him you could call it wait wait don't teller me

oh shit yeah you should just you kind of just hunt him hunt teller all day through the streets of Las Vegas you throw shit at him you try to spit on him just do all sorts of just disgusting stuff to him. Throwington is not going to work

because what is he's going to say, hey, don't throw that. No, he's going to do this. What you want to disappear. Well, that would be really tough. Well,

that's the other thing. You don't want to fight a wizard. Yeah. I'm the scariest part of the show. Yeah. I think Penn is a wizard and he's a sorcerer. That's my theory.

But you just want him to, you want it to be 10 episodes of you just like progressively. You're turning up the volume. You're kidnapping his wife and all the sorts of shit. And then the very last one, he just says,

stop. Yeah. Enough. And then it just fade to black. Is this for a TV show? What is this? Produced by Dan Licka. Yeah. And Seth Myers. I'll let you guys be involved because, you know, it's like, it's gonna, I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need help with these pranks. I feel like it's gonna have to be a team effort. Yeah, I'll do anything. I will literally, oh, you know, it would be good. Have him hit one of us with his car. We like jump out in front of his car. That's really good. And then like we, he has to, and then like somebody's like, oh, my phone isn't working. Oh, I can't download on. and he has to call 911. All that would do is I jump on from his car, get hit,

and I'd be like, ah, I need you to tell me it's going to be okay. And then he lets you die, man. And that's where we see the real. He does this at you. Yeah. And then he sees the camera through the bush because he knows exactly what's happening. Dude, the nothing.

The point halfway through the season where he realizes what's going on and he becomes more determined. Yeah. And then he becomes a back and forth. Wow. This would be the best TV show ever, I think. This is really good.

Or we put them in. I mean, another good thing would be to do a John Wick movie-style movie about him where he has to, he's doing... To cast him in a movie to get him to talk. Yes, exactly. Well, that's a good point. Do when he sit with him? Yeah.

We put him in a movie and just see, we just have him get yelled at. When he said he speak? Yeah. Oh, when does he speak? When does he speak? When does he see the speak? When does he tealer? When does he tealer speak?

That's a good idea. that's good as fuck who's next Sasha Baron Cohen again he's a pranker you don't want to go against Oh he was Nabi butcher prank things

There's only had one comment on it I think with him you could Right now he's he's going hard For Israel right now So I feel like that might be the thing That gets him to flip As if you know Yeah

You call me say Israel sucks Oh This is Sasha Baron God. Israel's crap. You listen to me, you fucking shit. You listen to me. You're the little fucker. He's just screaming at you.

Israel is loki, not the vibrator. He tries to put his finger up your butt. That's what he was doing. He did that to a woman. But it was a funny style. he claims. Right. I mean, he didn't do it.

Borett did it. Yeah. That's a creepy point. We got to find Boret and kill him. He's done a Boreh's on a lot of terrible stuff. Not to mention Allie G. And then the one from Israel. Yeah.

Bruno's the guy that he did in his new show that has like the Robert Adar thing. Oh yeah. I remember that show. I would imagine all those guys in a room. How did anyone look at that guy and be like, yeah, man, you're real. That's crazy.

Yeah. That's got to be. Well, you said Robert Zed. I mean, everyone had to look at that guy. Well, yeah, but I bet even his wife was trying to take his head off all the time to see if there's a real guy underneath. That is not real. His marriage has been a 30-year prank.

Yeah, just stretching his fucking face out when he's trying to watch football all day. I know, come on. I fucking know there's some real guy under here. He's got a little beetle juice head under. Yeah, that would be scary. Yeah, like the Coupas from the original Mario movie. Yeah, that little roundhead. And then I think

there's just one last one, which again, I don't know who this says, I just thought it was funny. This is Carson Luters. Just a kid? I think it's just a kid. I think it's literally just a kid. And then there was one comment, I didn't put it in here, but it said, I think he's 13 years

old. Which I don't know what the legality is of prank calling a kid. I think maybe you could go to prison for that. Can you? Because I thought, you don't, you do not want to be in jail as the guy who prank called a kid. They do some crazy shit to you in there. They'll prank you to a different. a different degree.

Yeah. You prank called a kid. When I was a kid and I was doing the house fire prank call, I remember I also got prank because my brother said that it was illegal for kids to do prank calls. And so I was like all worried that I was going to go to jail because I was under 18 doing a prank call. Yeah, because it's legal for 18-year-olds to do a great-year-olds. I don't know.

I guess it. Is it illegal to do a prank call? It's not illegal to do a prank call. It's illegal to record in certain states, I think. I thought it is illegal to prank call. That's what I was told. Yeah, again, I don't... Yeah, you were told by someone

who wanted you to stop using the house phone to prank call. Yeah, I don't think that you can illegalize prank calls like that. Well, isn't it, what's that term? Who would have...

How? That's a law. Who would have made prank calls illegal? If you, if it's continued prank calls, it becomes harassment, that's one thing. If it's like prank calling 911, that's another, but I think just a straight-up,

like, it's not even illegal to scam somebody on a phone call. Call somebody and get their credit card. If prank calling, if anyone's ever gone to jail for prank calling, I swear to God, I will go and study law for years to become the world's first prank call lawyer. The jerky boys would be on death row right. Exactly, man. Do you know how many fucking muffets, the state of Illinois would have destroyed? My celly would have been the fucking special needs cranky anchors puppet.

That's what I had to do cranky anchors so that when they, when the, when the, when the. The prank callers get the electric chair. It's just a puppet. It wasn't me, Your Honor. It was special ed. They set him on fire. Well, we can't kill special ed. I don't think that'd be a good look.

Didn't they rebooted crank anchors in like 2018? Yeah. Was special ed back? Oh, I don't know. That'd be very interesting if he was. That would be very interesting. Couldn't do that nowadays. No, he would probably be one.

The puppet fell apart after years of not being touched. All the felt fell off He would be woke ed And then on my one man Podcast I would be saying Okay woke ed special ed what's the difference And people would be saying yes Caleb And I'd be getting a lot of amazing

Blue Chew sponsorships and stuff I'm pretty sure Jim Florentine would say that in his act That's true The man who voiced special ed That's a good point Yeah Okay Dan Plug your special man

This is the best special I've seen in years or not I swear to God I think it's unreal Thank you, boys. Yeah, let's watch it with Dan. A good director's commentary right now. Yeah, it's called For the Boys. I shot it at my old high school for an audience of 15-year-old boys.

And yeah, please check it out. If you like it and you want a little bit more, you can check out my Seth Meyer's set. But really, the special, I'm just trying to get as many views on it as dollars I put into it. And need a few more views. So please check it out. It's an incredible special.

That's great. Oh, yeah. Check it out. And look, it's right here. And it's worth. There we can watch it right now. All right. Do the commentary.

Well, one thing I will say, so, like, you just saw a shot of it. All the kids that were, like, on the stage crew, like, controlling the spotlight and the soundboard were in high school as well. That's a lot of trust. Yeah. Was there any boys that came up to you afterwards and they were. like, I thought this was going to be whack, but this was amazing? A couple of kids were, yeah. They didn't say they thought it was going to be whack, but one kid was just like,

dude, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Like, I want to do comedy. Yeah, there was like a couple of kids that I think. That is so nice. Was it, it was in my brain that this was mandatory. So that's why I was wondering. I thought that maybe these kids, it was like an assembly, actually, where the kids had to go. That was my dream.

I mean, the dream was I wanted to just waltz into a high school and just do it in front of unsuspecting kids, but it was like, you're definitely getting arrested halfway through the same. Millennial Lenny Bruce style. Millennial Bruce. But, yeah, no, they were good kids. So please check it out.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Dan, for coming. Everybody checked that out. And do we have anything to plug? I don't remember. The shareholders meeting on the 28th. 28th, yeah, I don't know when that is.

That's a Thursday. That's a Thursday. All right. Well, thanks everybody for a listener. Later, gang. Thanks, Dan. Bye. You can't appreciate amazing Imagine Dragons.

First of all, they literally appropriated computers in their music. That's actually actual electronic music. Say Poppycock right now. That ain't true. I won't. Say it. Say it. Say you're, I'm calling Poppycock on that.

You are on some bullpucky. You better stop. You are a knave. You guys. Listen, Imagine Dragons don't know even a single song. Yeah, you do. Shut up. I can't think of it.

I'm sure I would know it if I heard it. What is this an Imagine Dragon song? Just try and sing one. Just sing an Imagine Dragon song. Radioactive. Yeah. Radioactive is an Imagine Dragon song. So, Magic Dragon, Radioactive, kind of cool. Believer.

Believer. Oh, Believer, believe a believer. Now that I sign it, I understand it. You know every song by then. I like them, man. But I don't really like their music that much. but in terms of amazing name, that's the best name of any band ever.

It's not even close. Yeah. Come on. Don't do this to me. Don't you fucking don't. I'm trying to think. There's one that's on par, but I don't.

Fu fighters. That is pretty good. The number one best band name of all time. Is it Kung Fu? Are they missing to D? Is it like, oh, you a down-ass fool? Yeah.

And then fighters. Which I don't like that. Literally badass occupations who could ever work in. That's true. That's a great. job yeah yeah that was the deadliest jobs in america fighter fighter yeah you might see mic row do that no microw would never go do the dirty job of just be fighting fighting not even winning just micro is way too small yeah he would be an amazing

fighter despite his size micro is a tickler micro he's a tickler micro he's a little mac let's see little mac was a real micro fighter yeah damn that's true as fuck and he does a giant punch on uh i'd like to have a big mac and a glass of giant punch why you must be hungry man you must be fucking hungry as fuck eating a big mac and a big glass of punch punch the most filling drink on earth that's red wow uh what were we talking about oh amazing band names yeah so imagine dragon's got to be number one foo fighters too food fighters is definitely up there and if not tied for number one i do think that why has there never been a band called Like Amazing.