Podcast About List - Ep. 297 - Thomas 2 ft. Thomas from Pendejo Time

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

Thomas is in the studio and we're discussing all sorts of important topics to the nation such as RFK Jr. eating a dog and if fireworks are dope or nah. Buy tickets to Pendejo Time's live show (7/11): here Subscribe to Pendejo Time: here Buy tickets to our live show (8/13): here Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

there it is hello hello thomas okay thomas what what when did um why did you do your hair like that uh it's not like that anymore as much as it was recently but that hair did you get a oh so uh my my hairdresser at j c penny who is no longer with us she's uh she's in texas okay she insists that in order for my hair to be cut correctly it has to be straightened right really

it has to be shampoed if you got that haircut on purpose too because I also got that haircut not on purpose before I so I showed her a picture

of Johnny Depp and Willie Wonka and no I showed her a picture of Johnny Depp it was the Willie I showed her a different picture of Willie Walker

I'm not a really walk of Johnny Depp a different picture of William I'm on first name I'm on a picture of Johnny Dad and said So this is Willie

I want an exact pair Yeah I'm watching Pirates A Pirates Yeah, I'm watching Pirates of the Caribbean I'm like Willie's crazy That's so good Willie's acting like a fucking pirate

Dude Come check this back That's like he acted like an old crippled man Chocolatier. Yeah. He's playing this part so well. He acted like an old crippled man. He's acted like a pirate.

He acted like... He acted a damn fool. He acted in Corl and Gilbert's Grape. No, he was not disabled in that. Leonardo de Caprio is disabled. Really? Yeah. Oh, I thought he was the disabled one.

No, he's Gilbert Grape and his brother Arnie is the disabled one. It's not about what's eating him. I thought, okay. Well, he also acted guilty when he was innocent. That's true. He acted guilty. The thing is... The greatest disguise.

Exactly. Exactly. It was the exact same thing as the opening of Willie Wonka. Where everyone's like, oh, he's guilty, he's guilty. Oh, my God, he's innocent. Oh, my God.

He's so awesome. It was actually Johnny Depp the whole time. Turns out there was a piece of poop in the bed. He's in his... What was the big, nasty thing that she did? She pooped in his bed and bit his fingers off. Like a rabbit. Yeah.

That's two things. I'm pretty sure both of those were thrown around. She bit off his digits? Didn't she be around? He's got rings to put on those. The poop one I know for sure. The finger one might not have happened. I don't think he beat his finger off.

I don't think she bit it off. I think she almost bit it off. Interesting. He's got so much. Amber heard bit Johnny Depp's finger off. You're probably going to get a serious. Who was, who won? How do we know that she wasn't trying to do it?

I guess Johnny Depp probably won at this point. How do we know that she wasn't? See, Johnny Depp's. Oh, my God. Look up Johnny Depp's finger in Amber Hurts' mouth. Why is he laying down when it's just a finger? Is this a wax museum? Yeah, this is like that photo of like the gorilla.

He's so barred out. Yeah, you can operate on him. I don't understand why he's lying down for a finger. He's so barred out. He thinks he's getting like a sensual massage. Yeah. Look at his shirt, man. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, he still rocks that car. That's crazy. To the hospital. Wait, did he get... Sauce on him? What's that red? They're going to stitch his shirt up.

Blood, man. Oh, my gosh. That's the suturing the Henley. Not his v. He's not going to do it. You look gay. Do you remember when he like... I guess you did, bud.

I guess you're right. Is that the finger or... Is what the finger... Is the... Is the... Or I thought that was a heart monitor on his, on his finger. That graying thing. How do we know that she didn't do the poop thing as a...

Ferris Hewler estate. Oh, don't show that. That's nasty. Close that. One time my, one time my aunt randomly brought up Amber Hurd being the guilty one, and I didn't see her for like 10 years after that. How long ago did this happen? I didn't even know about the Amber Hurd at the time.

You were a kid when Amber Hurd was in the truck? That was two years ago. No, this was further back. This aunt knew her stuff. She knew. Wow. So she called it when she was on it. She called it like right when they got married.

I literally didn't know who Amber Hurd was when she said it. I didn't know until all the trial stuff happened. Yeah, until I saw this stuff happening with Willie. She's all the man's wife. Once she came at Willie, she probably thought he's made a chocolate. Yeah, turned out she was the Wonka one all along. She made the chocolate. She should have been Willie Normal.

She put a chocolate river in his bed. Willie Normal and Andy Wonka. I've never heard. I've never heard of someone being described as being Wonka. You never heard that? You never heard someone talk, like your aunt talk about your cousin, like, he's a little Wonka. Kyle Rittenhouse went Wonka for one night and look what happened.

Yeah. Anybody who ends up in a court, it's probably because they went to walk. Going Wonka is the same thing as crashing out. It's the same shit. That's what they used to call it in the 50s. Yeah. Yeah. You're going, oh. Oh, that man's going to Wonka. FPG dunk is when he wonka. Yeah. I post Wonka film canisters daily. Yeah. I post Wonka film canisters every day. Your Honor, my client pleads Wonka. He's completely Wonka.

That's the step between being guilty and being insane. That's the defense. If you can't prove you're fully insane in court, you can say, I was Wonka. I was a little crazy. He was cognizant for some of it. Right. The spirit of chocolate was possessing him. The rest of it, chocolate got into his sister.

He was all hyped up like sugar rush. We found chocolate and mint all through his blood. Justin Tableleg went Wonka. Justin Tableleg did go Wonka. Did you see that they had that they found, they released the test results of it. They were like, he was on a crazy cocktail of drugs and they found that he drank one martini. No way. That was

the results. Really? He didn't have coke in his system? They said it was a one martini. They were like listing off. They were like, this is a martini that's not for the faint of heart. Because it's all alcohol. It's like what do you think a martini is? They're like, this is a day, one

of the most dangerous cocktails you can order. It's only booze. This is one of the most dangerous cocktails he couldn't have i saw the video of him performing the day after where he looks crazy fucked up that's because he got no that's no sleep in jail that makes more sense that's those are jail eyes dude are you kidding me like you see just in temberlake in jail if you're like a felon you see justin table leg in jail you're making him sing and dance dude either way Thomas we started calling him just in table leg because that's i can roll with that he's making sure that he knew it wasn't

two different guys i i could not think of another celebrity you could be talking about. Justin Bieber, that wouldn't make any sense. Justin Table Leg. Justin Table Leg. But I guess alcohol is the most dangerous drug, and Andrew Huberman is right to meet all those girls up. Is that what he did?

I don't remember. No, I think he just hit it from the back, if you know what I'm saying. He slapped him in the back. And also he gave some of them STDs. Oh, yeah. But, like, honestly, it's part of, like, when you break it down to a cellular level, in order to rid yourself of an STD, you have. have to give it to a 21-year-old woman.

True. Okay. So he was just thinking about the science between. Right, right. He was like, okay, so I have to cheat on my girl because I don't want to give her the STD. I want to give her a baby and then leave. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give my STD to this child. I mean, there's only so many germs that make up an STD.

If you can give them all away to young women, they're out of your system. And a young person's body has a stronger immune system. That's why kids are supposed to get chicken pox. It must suck for him that when he got. confronted with that whole shit he couldn't even say like yeah i was so drunk because we have thousands of hours of him being like if you drink i spun around a lot sorry i was really dizzy i pushed down on my eyes i was really yeah we were playing pin the tail on the donkey at the time i was so high on red light therapy that i cheated on my girl and i was bobbing for

apples i got like 20 apples i was appled out i didn't know what i was doing sorry i had too many vegetables and i cheated on you i just got out of the sensory deprivation tank and i I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know if it was your body or some random girl's body. He, poor guy. I don't know who Andrew Huberman really is. Well,

if you read the article, that's kind of the whole thing. Nobody knows who he really is. I don't know who he is either. I just said that and I guess that's right. He goes, I guess that was something in an article. It was the big article about it.

You guys didn't know about all this shit? I don't know anything about him. He was a guy who, or he still is a guy. He's alive. And he's still kind of doing his stuff. But he was going on like podcast and his own podcast

where he said like, don't drink because it lowers your testosterone and it'll make you sad and you need to Oh, Tom Segura would have him on his show. Yeah, he did like all that. He did Andrew Schultz's podcast. Uh-huh. Of course. Yeah. And then Yeah, this is the kind of guy. This is the kind of guy

that like Andrew Schultz like he's great. He wants to suck off. Yeah, I want to suck. How about Andrew Scuba men? I was swimming. Well, he is swimming in this picture, I guess. Yeah. Here comes an eel, Andrew Scooperman.

What are you going to do? Optimize. No. You say optimize? Oh, he's optimized the eel out of his life. Aschalcanda. The eal. The ochraganda is going into the eel's body.

He's growing with two balls, and he thinks it's so heavy that it's sinking into the bottom of the Except blowjob? Accept blowjob? Okay, the eel is confused. That's a hack. You walk up to somebody who say, except blowjob? I am the accepting blowjob robot.

That's what I would do. Get me your blow job. This is what Andrew Huberman has been researching. He's researching to see a fish will let him fuck the fish. He's got all sorts of STDs that only fish can get in the article's like... He got one from an eel. He has deep-sea worms.

I know him as Andrew Scoberman in the bottom of the deep blue sea. Yeah, he's been looking for a fish with a big fat ass. Yeah. He's a bastard is basically the point of the story. Okay. He's no good. I hate it when guys like that try and steer, like, young kids. Tom Seguer and Burt Kreisher the wrong way. Yeah.

They're just fucking... They're so impressionable. They don't know what's going on. And they're just starting out in podcasting and they're going on their show and they're saying you need to eat nothing but apples. And listen, they're going to pass people, they're going to pass on more knowledge.

People are basically going to trust this misinformation coming from them because they're fat. Yeah. People are going to believe them think they're wise. Well, Bert can do 15 pushups now. Really? Yeah. That's huge.

That's impressive. Yeah. I saw it. You saw him do it. And Tom Segura is looking very bad skinny. Yeah. It's not good. I mean, you were saying that the other day, like, there's, like, a thing where, like,

fat guys become really skinny and then they turn evil. I think that's, like, exactly what happened to him. He had an ultimate fat guy to evil. Was he not evil before? I mean, he was fat, so the evil was funny. Yeah. You know? Like, what, I mean, every fat comedian is evil.

Yeah. Ralphie Mae. It's a sin. It's one of the worst sins you can do. Oh, yeah. It's one of the big seven. It's one of the seven worst. And literally, it's above the top 10.

It's in top 7. Absolutely. It's top 7 to just eat, I guess. So that's already bad. But then they get also rude. Nobody even knows the other three in the top 10. That's how bad it is. What is it?

It's a lot. Be greedy. Be tired and lazy. Yeah. Be angry. Be prideful. Be greedy again. Or envy.

Be envious. Envious. That's also top seven. But that's kind of greed, too. Worshipping false gods, right? Worshipping false idols is wrong. That's not right to do. That's also envious.

But yeah, nobody knows. Because you're envying a different gods. Exactly. That's what the seven are so bad that we don't, it's not even in, we don't even know it. There's not the one big sin. Just being a dick. It's cool that there's not one that's having sex with animals. That's true.

I would have thrown that in there for sure. That didn't even make top seven. Maybe combined a couple of the others and then go ahead. That's a type of sloth. That's laziness of not wanting to go out and meet a person. That's what I think. Why a rapture. I don't want to go to the bar

I'm so slothful I'm so fucking lazy I guess I'll just fuck my cat again fuck my goldfish because I'm so lazy too much effort It already likes me

whatever I don't have to seduce it yeah it's lazy and it's cool to do that that is lazy some guy going out for fucking a worm

you fucked your worm all I didn't know is the sloth of it all that's why they named it after an animal sloth. They could have just said laziness. They probably didn't even know about sloths whenever it was named.

Damn, that's funny. They named the sloth after a sin. Yeah, they took that animal that named after one of the deadliest sins in the world. You think they tried that with other animals too? You think they tried to like, they looked at something they were like this one is envied.

No. It looks too much like a worm. A wraith? A wraith? A wraith? Like a ghost. Yeah. And they named that animal. They named me a cat after a Kate

One of the sins There was a lady who was around there at the time She had ears Had an issue with them She kept the She had ears on his top of her head Yeah Yeah

She's sinned Oh and lust That's the seventh one Yeah So that's the animal one actually But you don't want to name an animal lust No No

What animal will You have your pet dog lust Well maybe they went With sloth, maybe they went with lust first. Yeah, they called it a lust. Well, the guy was like, you know, we should call this a lust. The animal's giving the slowest blow job ever. We can't.

There's no way we can call this thing a lust. It's too slow. Slots are so cute. It's so fucked up that somebody discovered a slot that was like, we're going to name this after one of the sins. I like the videos of them getting rescued out of rivers. Because they've been in there so long that they're like covered in moss.

Yeah, they have like barnacles on them. Yeah, just can't do anything. They're the most useless animal ever. Yeah,

they're like covered in like all the scum on top of the pond because they just sit still in the pond. They don't even try to move at all? Well, they can't.

They can't wade water. They hold their breath for like six months. Yeah. Just sit there and grow. I guess they float, but then somebody, some good Samaritan

brings them a stick and then they sit on the stick for a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's very nice. Yeah, you know the videos

where they like, somebody will be driving and have to pull over and carry the sloth across the street. Yeah. It's like you literally just stole a year of that animal's life. Absolutely. You just caused COVID-19 to that sloth. That sloth was going to have the time of his life

growing and changing, crossing that street. Imagine how much he was going to learn. You robbed it. It's like how people who were in COVID during school basically didn't get to do, take their math tests. It's the same exact shit. Exactly. Wow.

Yeah. Think about that. Thank you. What if you put a mask on a sloth and it took it like a year to get it off? It just sat there forever. It would be faster than most liberals would be to take off their masks. Wow, that's good. That's pretty good.

That's loud. The sloth walks into the 7-Eleven. They say, put your mask on. You're going to be sitting there quite a very long time. Yeah. Why didn't they do that? Slots are slow, man. Sloths are slow.

They're fucking slow as shit. They're very slow. They're one of the slowest animals. Miner was molasses. I bet they drink molasses. Probably. Because it fits their speed. That's why I drink water.

I drink water because it's one of the faster liquids on earth and I'm as fast as a cheetah. I think it's the fastest. No. You don't think it's the fastest liquid? Okay. Name a faster one if it's the fastest. Well, energy drinks. Battery acid.

Okay. All right. Well, I was corrected immediately. Yeah. Milk can be shot it out of a gun. No, anything is very, very fast. I forgot about the milk gun. A milk gun?

Gun milk. Gun milk. Well, that's different. There's the milk gun and then there's gun milk. Gun milk's what you put in the milk gun. Oh. You guys ever make potato guns when you were kids? No.

Like PVC pipe? I wanted to. I had like a little pellet launcher. My friend's older brother made a gun that shot a nail. No, you were shooting seeds and I was over here. That's not seeds? Entire fruits of potatoes. No, you put it into the potato and then you like do that.

You can get like six of them in there. There's two. There's a potato pellet. gun and then there's the PVC one. Oh, you were like shooting pieces of potato? Pieces of potato. Yes, yes, weak. Yeah, it is.

I wasn't allowed to make the other one. Why not? And I followed the rules. You're gay. Okay. You're a guy. I like the rules. No, you don't.

I have see, I did finally see one of those, though. I did see a video. I'd never seen one in real life. I knew that it existed. And then you just said that you saw a video, so you still haven't seen it in real life. You saw a video of one. That's true.

I did see a video. I don't ever saw one in real, only saw a video of one. Did you see one in real life? I don't think I've seen a video of one in real life. Pull one up. Of a potato gun? Potato guns were awesome.

Potato gun hairspray. Yeah, you hairspray the back. You get by a little ignition button from, it's like a button lighter that you get at Home Depot, and you shoot it in an amazing, well, mine weren't looking this cool. Mine was not tactical like that. It was definitely not spray painted black.

This is a flashlight. Yeah. This isn't the thing. Can you get arrested for having a potato gun? Probably, yeah. Because it's the same thing as a, it's like the same as like a Howitzer tank. Shut up. I wouldn't say it's like the same thing.

It's the same thing. I'm going to get tried for having a tank if I have a potato. You definitely look at that. I think the reason that you don't see people getting arrested for potato guns is it's kids who make them. And the cops go, hey, hey, you stop now. Why do you think you never see Mr. Potato Head around anymore? Oh, he's been shot out of a cannon at lightning speed? Yeah.

He was hit by a potato cannon, ironically. They would blow off all his features. Yeah. That would be so horrible if you got hit by it out of a cannon by your body with no arms or legs or eyes or nose or mouth. Now, here's a question I really don't know the answer to. Was potato head, did he exist before Toy Story? Yeah. It was originally you would get pieces of his mouth and stuff.

It was originally something for people to use for like leftover potatoes and stuff. Like old potatoes. Could you buy just his mouth or his wife's mouth if you wanted to? Yeah. She could. Okay. Okay. You could. That's something they still sell?

They still sell it. Go on eBay. Okay. Mr. Potato Head, wife, mouth. I will. Is it cheaper than just buying the whole kit? And is there any ones where, is there anything where you can buy different expressions? Like maybe him being very surprised?

I think so. I think it was like a kit that you would get and then it would be like you can put this, put these into on a potato. And then they did a fake-ass potato. And then, yeah, then they were like, well, we don't want to waste any more food. That's what they said. That's what they. Do you ever read any of those? Do you ever read any of those things where it's like people,

it was like a story I read about how somebody had like a bunch of old potatoes in their basement and it made some fumes that killed everybody in the house or something? From potatoes? And they like rotted for long enough that they like made some type of fucked up fume. You imagine having a setting up Mr. potato head in your house and he kills you? Nah, but that's how then wings stop fries be the next day. Yeah. Yeah.

I got you. I've been back on watching I'm so glad the buttons back I've been back on watching the videos of these are my favorite videos ever of Adam Savage talking about Mythbusters and he talked about the, I forgot about this one that they did

where they, the entire myth was just like if you let a pig sit in a car for three months, would it ruin the car? He's just talking about it. I was like, I can't, I don't remember this episode at all. I can't believe they did it on TV. was like, yes, we took two pigs and we put them in a car. And then after three months,

it's now disgusting. Like, it's not a myth, I don't think. I feel like that's pretty obvious that that would be so disgusting. Yeah. I thought it was, I don't know. I thought that it was that the car would explode or something.

No, it said that they, because I remember watching the episode, but it was a long time ago. The wording of the myth was that if you let something decompose in the car, you couldn't sell the car. That's what they said. They were like, yeah,

you wouldn't be able to sell. the car because it would smell bad. Oh, oh, so these weren't, okay. They were dead pigs. Yeah, the way that you were living pigs. No, they didn't kill pigs. He actually made a point in the explanation to say... Living pigs aren't dead.

You wouldn't have to kill them. Well, you'd kill them by letting them sit in a car. That kills a pig? For three months, you think that wouldn't kill a pig? So when they were taking care of the pigs. Let's just say I wouldn't leave the keys in ignition. They are some smart animals. That's true.

They're the second only to humans. They'd probably drive away. Yeah. They'd probably drive to the damn farm and say, hop in. I don't think pigs are that smart. I think they are. I think it's all overblown.

I saw a couple of them playing Frisbee the other day, because they got the- Shut up. They can close it. They can close it. They can close the hoof. Yeah. You know what they're called. I guess it is.

Clamps. The clamps? Yeah, that's what they call them in Texas. Okay. Call them. You can order, and you can order clamps on a menu. They had clamps.

Pig clamps? I got two clamps. As a we call them, because we know you can close them, you know what I mean? we just call them feet because we don't know that's perverted what are you going to suck on him

Jesus Christ you're the one who's ordering them on a menu I'm not ordering him you just said you order them on a menu I didn't even say that you said that if I recall correctly I think I said it I'm fucking boned Jamie pulled that up Jamie doesn't exist we have Julio

it has to be a J name if you have a pull-upper yeah pig driving a car let's see it all right multiple pigs driving a car Beautiful page. Wait, go back to the Google search page. Go back to the other tab.

Show that, show that. Beautiful. Beautiful pig driving. And this is by Adobe. That's by John. John and Adobe has some proclivities. John, look through John's page because I want to know what other animals he's calling. Beautiful, man.

Okay, beautiful geese flying, beautiful fox with mouth wide. That's got to be a beautiful cat. There's the beautiful pig again. Please tell me. Different pig. Beautiful pig reading a book. Wait, wait, click on them. I want to see if every pig one is called beautiful pig.

Piglet. This is piglet looks in the mirror. What is a car? The piglet poses with glasses. A pig reads a book on the grass. You know his ass ain't reading. His ass ain't reading. I don't think they read, man.

He's clearly reading. I think that his ass is reading. And you can see right there, he got to the bottom of the page. Oh, that is true. If you couldn't read, he'd be looking at some random spot. You can tell you just finish the page. He's reading the crease. And he's halfway through the book.

He's reading the crease. No, you have to hold the crease open if you're going to lay the book flat. He's kissing it. Not a real reader. Not a real reader. You have to flip the page? Probably only a reads on Kindle.

You kiss your books like this, man? Yes. All right. How is you going to go to sleep? All right. I'd say you mark the pages you've got to put lipstick on it. Exactly. And that's where I was.

I'm not allowed to have paper in the house for bookmarks. So I use lipstick. Yeah, flips. yourself on it. Because of what I wrote before. I wrote fuck. Yeah. My wife doesn't let me

out paper because I was writing things. I used to prank my brothers because I would find their books and I would kiss over their lipstick where they'd marked their spots. Oh, Thomas was reading this one. Oh, gross.

It's a different shade. God. Double kiss. All have different lipsticks that we wear, different shades. Mine's called grapefruit. That's my color. I got that skittled lip mom.

Could you eat that? if you wanted to? You can. It's just not going to taste good. But smells good. Mine is called Moroccan skin. Really? Yeah.

What kind of color is this? It's a, it could be any color. I know where that is. It's North Africa. Yeah, nobody said you didn't. So don't even wonder about. But it was a wonder. I know what they, French Montana is Moroccan, right?

He is, yeah. Only. I think in Morocco, they speak French, right? Yep. Yeah. Okay, that's where the name comes from. What do you think it was Moroccan, Moroccan? I thought he was Moroccan, Montana.

French Moroccan? No. I don't know where the Montana part of his name comes from. I'm not sure that he's... Probably Tony Montana. Yeah, probably... Because they used to be with Max B and they were called the Coke Boys, remember?

That little group. Yep. Coke... What was their big mixtape? Coke Wave or some crap like that. Max B, that guy, he really got a bad... He still makes music. I know he does, but it's all.

through a phone. Some of his recent stuff is okay. He has one that's called, he's an album called Spirituals. Really? Yeah. It's not the full name of it. Oh, my kidding.

It's not sure. Yeah. I don't want to hear the whole name. Honestly, I don't even want to know the full name. I'm tantalized. I can't wait to go home and read the rest of the name. Do you at the computer? Oh!

What the heck? It's funny. Nobody asked what his last album was called. I just went, yeah, it was called, you know, whatever was called, honestly. Because that's how you stopped yourself from just blurting out what the name of the album was. People checking there's no album. I think of all of his albums are actually called that.

I think about it. No. Listen, Fourth of July is coming up. It's coming across very soon, coming across our... The next day after this. The next day after this is going to be the tomorrow of this. In fact, you might call this the second of July. Yeah.

The day that we record this. Yeah. The third of July came out is the third. We're doing a whole three-day July span with this episode. The July special. Yeah, the July special. Thomas, do you celebrate Fourth of July? Yeah, well, we, yeah, I would say yes.

Yeah, okay. So do you have any sort of thing that you do every single year with your beautiful family for Fourth of July? No, I mix it up every year. I like that. My family never, I remember in our subdivision, people would spend like $500 a piece on fireworks and it wasn't like a super rich neighborhood or anything, but there would always be like a big-ass fireworks show.

And then, but my family wouldn't buy them because they'd be like, well, everybody else is going to buy them and nobody's. Right, you can just sit back and enjoy. But I always liked firecrackers. I'm not a big fireworks guy, but I like the little ones. you know, you can light them and throw them in a puddle or whatever. M80 or something? Yeah, it's nice to me. Well, an M80 is illegal. Yeah. Right?

What? M80 is illegal? That's like an actual explosive. It depends on where you are. A lot of fire. Most fireworks are illegal most places. Yeah. But they probably have this everywhere, but there would be these huge, there are these huge warehouses around where I grew up where they're only open like two or three days out of the year.

Yeah. And they're just like massive amounts of firearms. That was like the big summer job in my hometown. Because you work at T&D fireworks. It's not legal, and it's not legal anywhere else around there. So people would drive up from Massachusetts, and that's so you know you cross the New Hampshire border because they're just a line of fireworks stores just along the line.

My hometown's, like, close enough to the border that they had, like, for, or I think it's like, it's like T&T fireworks, then Phantom are, like, right next to each other, right off the highway. It's crazy. And the cracker barrel is in between. Is there beef? I think a little bit. Oh, the fireworks.

The fireworks are throwing fire crackers into the store. That's a terrible. You don't want to start a beef with a firewood company. No. They'll blow you up. Yeah, that could get really explosive. Yes. This button is made for this, bro.

I would like to be a bystander watching that. Yeah. Yeah. You remember the video of the guy riding the bike and shooting the firework? Oh, the Italian guy who puts the Roman candle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best video ever. And he's writing.

He puts you. He, like, mounts on his bike like he has, like, a cannon. He's, like, riding after people and shooting it at them, and they're diving down. People that have wronged him somehow. The thing is, you get hit with those. It doesn't do anything. It just bounces off. It's a great video, though.

Yeah. It still hurts. It really seems like it's doing something to them. It looks like it would do something. Yeah. It's a giant colored ball of light. It's really scary. Does it?

Yeah, if you get hit by a Roman candle, you get a burn? No. It'll go clean through your heart. Really? Yeah. No burn. It caught her as instant. Oh, my God.

Imagine it, like, comes out the other end and, like, it's like somebody's guts from the fucking... That would be sad, you know? That would be sad. That would be really, really sad. To be honest. I fucking hate... I hate when people get mutilated.

Ah. Me too. I don't even like to think about it. I'm sick of all the mutilation in this world. Yeah. And torture. Hey, mutilators. Enough.

Cut it out. Knock off. If I have one thing to say to mutilators, it's knock it the fuck off. Y'all are some bitches. And if you want to mutilate somebody, you can mutilate me. Yeah. I'll take on. every mutilation and every

exactly. Come over here. Our address is if you want to mutilate anybody in New York City you'll have to go through me first literally. Yeah. This just in a second Roman candle has hit the Twin Towers. Hit it. It's too late. It's okay. That was quick thinking.

That's the sound my shit makes. It comes back up. It gets the water and it bounces. If you hear that way, you're taking the shit, man. You're going to have to wipe again. No, I mean, it's bouncing around the floor. It bounces out under the stall and it's trying to grab it like it's a toad. Bounces down the hallway.

Honestly, I just like to your boss's office. Oh, dear. Who's this? Oh, he ruined Thanksgiving dinner. It's like a bastard. No, I met my thing, but it's no big deal. I figured we could run with it You know what I mean

You must have a big thing That didn't even cross our mind Yeah You didn't even think of We can you imagine Imagine you pull down your pants And it goes Boing

That sounds like you're getting a boner While you take a crap Yeah Who doesn't? I mean listen I've taken a crap with a boner before But then you've got to make a decision there Are you going to put your penis

Under the lip of the toilet And get under toilet grime On the tip of your penis Or are you just going to have it sit in up top and then take the piece separately yeah what you what do you mean the worst part about taking it with a boner is like fitting two people in the stall you know what i mean that's true i don't have room yeah you know what i'm saying you'd go that you sit down on the they're saying of you pee and poo i mean who who poops without who goes two without one

happens man it's happened before he just piss off your chest it's the only option you wipe it off No, you angle it right. You just leave it and it just launches forward. You angle it correctly like it's a tower defense game and you just piss into the sink. Oh, that might work. It's just rainbow it into the sink. You're just furiously jacking off. I have to get rid of it.

You got to get rid of it somehow, man. I don't want to pee on my chest. When I was a kid and I used to peed off, I used to just jizz on my belly and just wipe it off. So that's kind of the same logic. Why wouldn't you think to just be it? How's that TMI? A little bit TMI. What, a kid's jizz?

My kid. Me as a kid, I mean. Your kid? My kid was me as a kid. Your kid's giz, you said, on your belly? My kid, as in like, your kid jizzed on your belly. My inner kid jizzed on my inner kid's belly.

Your kid jizzed on your other kid's belly? No, man. You jizzed on a kid's belly? No, the kid jizzed on his belly. My own, when I was a kid. Yes, I did jizz on a kid's belly. the kid and it was my jizzed. Is that such a problem? You guys are acting like this crazy. I'm jizzed on a kid. I'm jizzed in a kid's mouth, my own mouth on accident.

Okay? Just in a kid's mouth on accident? You said you did the kid's mouth on accident. When I was a kid is the same thing as when a terrible comedian says I give a guy a hand job. Right. When you were a kid, when you were a kid, you said that. Who said that? Wait. You never heard this thing that open micers do is they're like, yeah, I give a guy a hand job every day. I jack off. No, I've never heard that. So it's that, that joke, but it's the truth. Honestly, I just didn't a kid's hand, but it was, I was the kid. I would be so weird.

I'm such not a pet file. I'd be so chill about it. If a kid came on me, I'd say, it's okay, I'll just clean it off. Like, it's no big deal. You don't want to embarrass them. Yeah, I don't want to make them feel weird. But again, I don't want to, I'm not even with you because I'm not even talking about some other kid. I would want to encourage that behavior, and I'd probably say, don't do that again.

Yeah. I'd probably say don't do that again. You can't go around doing that. Stop. Just smarten up. Yeah, smarten up and let's behave differently in the future. Whatever you do to my kid, you're doing to my stomach. And that's me talking to myself. Oh.

And that kid is me. That's what I'm saying. It's not so wrong to say that because it's true. Whatever you do to my daughter, who is me. Whatever you do to my daughter. Hold on. I'll be right back. I'll get her.

Hi. Yeah, these fireworks are just getting too expensive, though. The boyfriend walks in the living room and you're just cleaning off your stomach like a gun. Have you ever had that happen to you in Texas dating girls? I know you were a dog. Come on a dog. That was not a dog.

You were a dog. You're dating all these girls meeting their dad. dog. I did meet women's fathers. They clean the gun in every once in a while, maybe once a year. I did. Pull a blick out at you? No. No, they were generally pretty chill. You ever show up with a gun?

I don't think I've ever showed up with a gun anywhere. Except I think for a shooting range, like, one time. That's pretty much the only place you can bring one nowadays because of wokeness. Yeah. Yeah. Sad. Or to your parents' house, I guess. That sounds weird, but

you know what I mean? If you're going to, if you're going to keep it there. Yeah. Or something. What were you saying about you to meet girls' dads and see their gun? No,

there was no guns pulled on me. Kind of a dead in there, unfortunately. That's sad, man. We need to bring that back. Although in the future, probably parents will bring Nintendo switches out

or something to show. Yeah. You're going to play me in Smash, kid. I'll beat you up. I made Falco. A microchip that deletes your brain. Yeah.

If I press that, just bring a button out. Your daughter brings him. Call it die over and... You see that button? Let's slide open a slot on the wall. There's a big red button. See those two buttons with the keys next to them?

Yeah. If you don't bring her home by midnight, I'm touching... I'm getting my buddy. We're going to twist. We don't know what it does. It came with the house. We have no idea what the fuck that button does. But if she's not home...

If you found a button in the wall of your house, like it was a hidden button... Are you kidding me why I press that button? You're not touching it. Are you fucking kidding? Here's what you don't touch is a button in a briefcase. The button's red. A red button? Hell no.

No fucking red button. I don't touch no red button. What color would it have to be for you to press? You gotta be blue opposite of red. Not green? No. Green's actually a good one. Green button is probably the best button to press, right?

If you touch a green button that's going to turn on a light. If you touch a blue button, I don't have any lights that turn on with green buttons. You don't have one, but I'm saying that it probably would if it existed. Just go home, replace a yellow button. A yellow button, I've never even seen one. But whatever if, though. I think there's some on airplanes. So a yellow button...

I would say a yellow button would be very dependent on the situation. Green always, yellow sometimes, red. Oh, when would you then? In an emergency? A black button? I would like a black button. I think almost every... Most buttons are black.

A white button, I don't give a fuck about. I've never even seen a white button. Because I would think that probably doesn't do anything. A white button is just stays the same. Yeah. That's like a test button. Yeah. That button makes sure it's...

when you press it to make sure it's a button but what about a purple button because I don't know if I have an idea what a purple button don't even go there man

you mean a red and a green button combined no thank you red and blue I was messing around I was seeing if y'all were paying attention they passed a test we passed the color test

wait what does a blue button do is that make water no one doesn't make water which one's the green button it does on a blue on a blue water if you're on a boat and it's a blue button

that might be the water button but a blue button cold water. If I'm in a fire and I see a blue button, I'm pressing that mother sucker. Yeah, smart. That's smart.

Because that might mean that the water goes into the fire, making it out. Well, see, here's the thing. Here's my problem. They make all the fire alarms red. Red is fire. But the white, the handles white.

But white doesn't do anything. We just said. Fire alarm doesn't do anything. It doesn't make a noise. What's that supposed to do? This shit fucking sucks, man. Jack shit. White should be the baby button for diaper.

Okay. If there's a crying baby, you press the white button. And the diaper comes in a diaper. Oh, yellow button slows things down. Oh, yeah. Like a yellow light. That's what I was saying, but I'm thinking green is good, red is bad. I wish I could press the yellow button on this damn country right now.

Yeah. And slow us down a little bit because of removing too much going on. I wish I could press the yellow button. So much changing it once. I wish I could press the yellow button on my damn kids. They're going getting too old. Yeah. What? You want them younger?

Getting too old too fast. I'm going to I'm going to blink in them. They're going to be adults soon. You don't have kids? You don't want your kids to turn 18? I do. You want your kids to turn 18? I do, but I can't wait so they can be out of the damn house. Yeah. I wish I got to press a button to kick them out of the house.

Quit paying all this damn child support. I honestly wish I could make my 10-year-old kids to live on the street. They used to do that. My kids? They were called beach bums. Yeah. You ever seen movie? It would live on the beach. My kids lived on the beach? No, just any kids. In general, kids, we used to live

on the beach. You couldn't walk 10 feet on the beaches of Normandy or whatever. Without seeing a kid. I don't know why I said this is the first beach. That was also with the beach I was saying it was a beaches of. It was a beaches of anything else. The beaches of Long Beach. No, you don't say that. The beaches of Normandy. The beaches of Long.

The beaches of see, that would make more sense. Yeah. Yeah. But the point is There were kids. There's kids on the beach every day nowadays, too. Yeah. Yeah, doing a different thing. Yeah.

You've got more kids on their phone than on the beach nowadays. They're looking at a picture of the beach on their phone while they're on the ocean. Kids used to surf on the water. Now. Now, I don't even have to say it. Don't even say it. Just let it. Let's just silence.

Everyone, be quiet. Surf the web. Sorry. I'm really sorry. You did ruin it. All right, what's the firework thing you want to bring up? Well, I just. like them. But the other

thing is that we have a couple of things to talk about from this slideshow that I've made a very patriotic style slideshow. Fourth of July is coming up this week and we I mean I am a huge patriot I would say I would

like to think that all of you are as well no it's not that although I did open that because I was looking for a modern translation of the Declaration of Independence but it wasn't funny I thought it was going to be some funny crap but it's not going to be interesting No, this is just stupid crap. They didn't add dope.

I wish it was the Declaration of Zendipendipendance. Because that's what we're into now. Yeah. That's a great fucking nicotine. Yeah. Maybe I didn't add it to the thing. Hold on. Try refreshing the page with a refresh.

No, just show the pig. Just show the beautiful pig driving. Yeah, it's a beautiful pig. It really is a beautiful pig. Look at her eyelashes. He really does. He really does look like a couple of guys I know. You know, we used to have the Declaration of Independence,

and now we have Girl Scouts selling thin mints. What? I didn't think you were going to stick that one and you somehow did. And I landed it. Yeah. And I landed it. After everything you say,

and I landed in. Bada bing, bada boom. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What is that? Hey, hey, hey. I like that one.

That's really good. I stole it from Al. Al? Yeah. From Saturday, no, fat Albert. I just call him Al. We're on last name basis, but yeah.

I thought you meant Al. the alien. Wait, you're on last name basis with fat Albert so you call him Al? You think his first name is fat? His first name isn't fat. He is fat. His first name is Albert.

Wait, is Ryan Reynolds playing Alf? No, what if Fat Albert got on Ozimpic and became woke? That would be kind of bad. That would be good for that. That wouldn't be good for the junkyard game. They would probably just call him Albert. Yeah.

Woke Albert. Them Albert. Jim Halpert. Okay. ending you this right now. Bam, bam, bam. Well, I don't know how to do this. Okay. I think Caleb is...

Oh, wait. I know. I just figured it out. Hold on. This is awesome as fuck. So that's what Blake lively looks like now. I send you an email, Julio. When you get pregnant, when you get pregnant, your nose gets big. Yeah. She got five different ridges of filler in her face to make her look like Alph.

I think it's a good look. This comes to us from the top tens. And this is a list by Turkey Asylum. Turkey Asylum. This is top 10 words to describe the United States. So there's surely going to be some stuff we agree with, some stuff we don't really agree with in this entire list. This is by a Turkish person. Well, you don't know that.

A crazy Turk. This could be about the American Turkey. They could be a seeking asylum in Turkey. This is Julian Assange. He made this. America is an excellent country or a horrible country. I need a lot of help. Please, top 10 uses.

Depends on how you look at it. We are one of the top of... Oh, he's not Turkish. We are one of the top... He's referring to the American Turkey, a native bird. He absolutely is. And the asylum must be... It is Assange.

It's one of... That clears it. No, it's because he's back. He just got somebody... He is back. He got unjailed. Dude, he's going to have the latest 4th of July ever... Oh, yeah, dude.

He's going to leak so much info. All over the grill. We are... that's what he's growing up some info little bit of leaked info we are one of the top economies in the world but we don't have free health care yet we may have invented things such as cars

but we're also one of the most obese countries in the world so show me the first word to describe the United States this isn't a butt to scenario to me we have invented cars and we're all because we're the most I would say they go hand in hand I would say that's the same absolutely

show me the next one here Julio number one misunderstood okay I don't think there's another thing for that. Number two, Revolutionary. Okay. Okay. This, I very much read. Oh, the Revolutionary War. Exactly. But I'm offended that this was the second one, because I feel like that should be number one, especially this time of a year.

Right? The number one is misunderstood. That's bullshit. I think we're very, we make ourselves very understood as American. Under Revolutionary, someone says, because the world, world emoji, was a little too small, and we didn't know about this one, one, yet. We had the opportunity and the chance, and I just want it all

in one piece, so that it can all work and then it could work for you to do the so that is like an amazing that's like right out of the declaration yeah yeah I think this was in the this is what I was looking for when I searched up modern should have searched declaration and emojis if they put a little bit of

emojis in there I think a lot of more people would understand it I think people would care to read it nobody reads it anymore and don't tell me you guys didn't have emojis back then we're all languages were emojis until English yeah yeah it's true just it took us 500 more years to add that shit into texting

And back then they were real about their emojis too Because they had to have words for everything with their So they probably had emojis for cock And stuff like that Oh definitely We don't have that anymore We don't have a cock emoji We are not allowed to have that

That's a thing, emojis We have eggplant now Which is an innuendo Huh? So you do mean the phallis Huh? No, not a phallis Choose your words

It's a cock Vainy one Like a big cog Choose your words carefully For what? Are you a... What? Don't say that.

Cock? Not in front of him. him. Why not him? I'm 16. Really? Yeah, this is a 16-year-old guest. Well, I regret saying all that stuff. You guys are cursing like two sailors.

I'm not cussing. You know what sailor would say cock? I'm trying to use this video to get me into the Air Force, so if you guys can keep it down, I would appreciate it. I don't have my high school diploma yet, so I'm just sending this episode to the Air Force. Here's proof that I can sit in a chair for an hour. Just like I would in a plane.

Yeah, exactly like I would be in a cockpit. So there we go. In front of blinking lights. Oh, my God. This is a perfect Air Force audition. With the headphones on. You should have to audition for the Air Force like Saturday Night Live.

Yeah, you should do some characters. Roger that, Roger that flying plane straight forward, southbound. That's good. Inbound. Land the plane. We are good to go. You failed with,

they don't want to you to land. You want to fly as long as possible. Bada boom. And now I do that. You're back. Bada boom. Roger that. That's your call sign.

Yeah. Bada boom. Bada boom, what's your six? Doing that right as I fucking hit the Pacific Ocean. Bada boom. Bada boom, out. God, he was the best day of pilot we've ever seen. He flew for 25 minutes.

They called him Cyborg Tom. It's an old documentary about you on Netflix. Eight episodes, a guy who's 25 minutes in the Air Force. He flew it directly into the water said Bada boom. The first guy to manage to get on his phone while 20, we don't know what he was looking at the next one on here is powerful

okay and this person makes a great point they say because Chuck Norris and John Sino live in America that's from Nate awesome It's true. It is true That's an amazing last name We haven't had a new John Sino or Chuck Norris figure

in some time Who is it now? We don't have a new guy You know what it is? hate to say this man don't even say it then it's fucking Andrew Tate oh he's not even he's British he's Romanian right yeah he's not from

I thought he's from Idaho are you stupid no oh he's not American isn't he from Boise I don't know he's got a British accent yeah but I think he's I think he has that because he got a hidden head I think it might be like a South African

accent or something evil like that look up where Andrew Tate was from he does kind of he's like a he's like a gay villain yeah he's like scar yeah he's exactly like

he's from the Walter Reed Army Medical Center okay he was born in Washington DC yeah okay all right Emery Andrew Tate the third

Washington D.C tell me that doesn't sound familiar yeah I've heard those words before I guess you're right

that's crazy you think of that. Next up here we have number five idiot. Oh, what the hell? Come on, man. Seriously? Are you fucking, you're the idiot?

Yeah. Watch back this episode, you goddamn redcoat and tell me that you think that America's full of idiots. This has to be a red coat. There's no other explanation. This is pure red coat smugness. The red coat area is strong with this one. Yes, I'm sensing a lot of this red coatery.

Lobster back. Ooh. But people have. That's a 1700 slur for British people. Lobsterback? Yeah, that's what they called the... I believe that. But lobster's...

The red coats. I almost put a more vulgar term up, but decided against it. So I'm curious, what do you think he was maybe thinking of putting it? Morons. Numb nuts. Numb nuts might have been a little bit more vulgar. Ninkum poop. Ninkum poop, I think is...

Nimrod. That's a scientific word for the idiot. Literally has poop in it, but, okay. Blockhead. Blockhead would have been a little bit more harsh. Buffoon. Shit. Shit.

shit. Shit buffoon. Shit, shit, buffoon. You're a shit, shit buffoon. My guy. Mayor of Lofertown. All right. Interesting.

Neer do well, maybe. Yeah. Is that an idiot? That's more just like a evil guy. A misbehavior. Okay. I'll change it. Which I think evil people are idiots.

I'll say that. Next word that people describe America as is Democracy. Finally, we're getting into something that is real as far. This is meaningful. Yes. Because this is the form of government. This is what it's founded upon. Well, actually, we're a republic. But, nice try. We're a republic. Yeah. No, we're united. Well, because Joe Biden is a democracy and Donald Trump is a republic. So we're fighting. Oh, you're right. Right now we're a democracy, but maybe soon we'll be a republic.

Okay, that makes sense. What do people say here? Julio, just keep it coming. Ha ha, ha, you just got proven ring by a seventh grader me. Maine. Maine, yeah, that's the name of a town in America. That's the most democratic town. America is, ha, ha, you just got proven ring by a seventh grader main. It's right outside of Bangor.

That's more of a Midwest town name, though, I got to say. Yeah. You just got proven ring by a seventh grader main? Yeah, I don't think that's a town, man. Yeah, well, I think you say some weird towns out there. That's true. That's true. Michigan? Yeah. The hell is

that? Yeah, what the hell were they thinking Michigan? Yeah. You're probably thinking, let's make the most badass sounding town ever. No, if you think that that's badass, man. Yeah, you're lost your lost soul. Whatever. You think that you watch Spawn and you thought okay, Spawn is the protagonist. No.

No, dude, it's God. What? God is the main character. Spahn. It's literally called Spawn. Okay. Fight Club's called Fight Club, but there's not a character named Fight Club. But there is a character named Spawn and Spawn. And Michael Clayton's called Michael Clayton, but I don't think he ever was in that movie. He's George Clooney.

Clooney. The movie wasn't called Clooney. Yeah. I guess you're right. All right. Well, that's my bad. I would watch the fuck out of a movie called Clooney. Number seven, large. Okay. So here's where it starts to get kind of offensive to my American sensibilities. Okay. Well, they're talking about the country. Well, oh, that's interesting. You say that. See what the comment here is.

Yeah. The people are large. Wait. You meant the size of the country itself. You fell for the same thing that this guy did. I didn't fall for it. Or this fell into the same. same trap. I do wonder what some of these words mean past a certain point. The word large? Where did you start having trouble? It just makes you think.

Have I heard this one before? Have I, you know. Large? Large. That's pretty good. Large. No, it's large. Large.

Yeah, you got it. So I mean, something big. Yeah. So, I mean, I just feel like he could have gone with some simpler terms. What would you say instead of this? Maybe. Big. Let's see if you can handle this one.

If you're trying to say something, say what you mean. Don't open up the the thesaurus. I'm not going to say, I'm not going to say, oh, we live in a large country. Yeah. What the hell? It's a big USA. Yeah, you're going to be,

especially if you're going to run for president, you can't go around saying stuff like large. It's a big pieces of so many states. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you say. Because I want to sit down and have a beer with you. And you're not going to, listen, stop saying there's 50 states, say there's one in one and one and one and one and one and one. Exactly.

You say I live in a large country around where I'm from. You get your ass beat. Exactly. It's like what, okay, is what am I? You're speaking like a 1600s literature protagonist? Yeah, go back to Princeton. Exactly. You freaking Ivy Lager.

Chill. That's why the Civil War happened is so people could know how many that there was. Yeah. Because we didn't know that there was only just one. people thought it was one versus twos so the ones were saying ones versus twos there's only one

and the twos were saying there's two let's be two and you're like you get that hell out of here and there's a big argument about ones and twos I feel like there are probably

some threes they got erased by history yeah I feel like there probably was a three is fours you think there's a three like there's some three like a three

that was like man y'all are wrong about being one and two let's make it three it's gonna be three uh huh it's like my favorite show the stooge the stooge and the stooge

uh oh yeah so this is what i was saying that this was such a bomb drop that i put an atomic bomb explosion on this because it was such a burn it looks beautiful yeah and then i kind was trying i wanted to maybe take it out but i forgot because it did look cool and it was a bit in a picture i see it every day you see that every day is every day you need to move man you're in a bad neighborhood you see that shit every day every day a giant nuclear explosion mushroom cloud you tell me you must be living in the in the hood man

but I gotta hold it down I respect that shit yeah yeah ate obesity so they're going back to back bangers on us I ate obesity on Thanksgiving again this could just be big I ate obesity

I ate a greasily you ate okay because the number's eight I ate so greasily I became obesity oh okay now we're rolling. There's more... A feast for me.

I hate obesity of a feast for me. A greasily feast for me. A greasily feast for me. Wait till you see. A greasily feast for me. I ate it causing obesity. Diabetously, I ate this. Sweetly.

I ate sweetly. I ate sweetly. Then I got diabetes. A meat in a piece of cheese. Wait till you see where I live. I'm literally by far the skinnier kid on my grade and blackest. So this kid is not only to spy far the skinnier. He's literally by fat.

By fat. He's in the benefit of the doubt. By fat, I'm skinnier. By fat. But because you can be fatter in mindset. But by skinny, by fat. I'm large. I'm skinny.

But in spirit, I'm huge. And I'm the blackest kid in my god. Yeah, that's also in spirit, not physically. Yeah, that guy's a pilot. Um, number two, two. Your fault, man. I really just read that as number two, number 22 corrupt. Uh, again, this is horrible.

America is corrupt because dark falling. divine nephalim fallen angels slash angels have cursed America and the rest of the world as far as the eye can see. Why did you read angels like that? Angels and angels. I don't know.

A lot going on. I can't see that far in terms of the world. That's not that bad. If the world has been cursed as far as the eye can see, that's a pretty small percent of curse. If the nephew's fallen angles

are actually cursing us, I think we would know about it. I think we feel something changed. Some politician would be talking about it for sure. How the nephew's fallen angles have have cursed us.

I know all my nephew's angles. I don't say that. Like nice school pictures for him. Does your nephew do his passport so we can go to Guam to get to the face? Wait, hold up. All the angles

to make him look older. Isn't RFK? Isn't he? Did you guys see that RFK picture? Yeah, I showed it to you. You didn't pull this shit up, bro. This is the best, this is the best picture I ever.

search RFK eating dog what? Yeah there ain't a picture of this motherfucker eating a dog Yeah The funniest picture You are

You have to be kidding Put this shit up Put this shit up You're like An anatomist has confirmed This is a dog By the presence of like A 13th rib

Which indicate like They like did like And that's got to be That's got to be Cheryl Right That was an unidentified That was that was before he was married

to share. Oh, okay. This is in 2010. Oh, got it. Okay. He's eating a dog. He's eating. He's eating. And he looks evil. So he's holding like a fucking metal thing. It's like crucified on. There's like a wire through its legs. So with the way he was caught

he like last year or like within the last couple of years had a friend who was visiting like South Korea and he was like heard you're visiting Korea. You should try this place they serve a mean dog and then sit that picture and we're like jokingly but also that is a real picture yeah oh my god where i mean the source was like oh he was like he took

a picture with it but also like he probably has eaten dog before well the lady's eating it yeah she's straight up eating it looks like there's hair on her piece look how hungry he looks i can't get over the way it's like legs are in on his face it's on a spit it's on a spit like that it's crazy. Dude, it's so insane. It looks like that video that mean,

Julio watched or the guy eating rats out of a bamboo stalk. Dude, you can't run for president if there's a picture of you eating a dog on that's crazy.

I guess nobody can run for president nowadays because Caleb's too woke. If that makes me woke, so be it. But I don't think I want a president who has tasted

the beautiful flesh of a dog. Wouldn't you rather have a president who knows better? Who knows, who knows, who's done it

knows better than to do it in the future versus the president who's never done it and could be talked into it at any time. You know I hate being convinced but you've done it again. It's fine. Honestly. Of course I ate dogs. Back then everybody had to eat dogs because there was nothing else to eat. Do you think he has dogs

stuck in his throat? You can only really, when you look at the ribosomes you can only eat unvaccinated dog or what will happen is you start to grow a tail and once you've got a tail it's hard because you start chasing it and And I had a buddy who he told me that he started growing a tail and he chased off a cliff like Wiley Coyote.

And it was really bad. I was telling him on plaguerant. Whoa. So you really ate a dog for real. No, look, look, Adam 22. Thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it. Well, look, you really, you fucking dollypin.

Yeah, well, look at him. if you had to spend six months in Vietnam every year to train your legs. You see that fucking video? When I was born, I couldn't walk at all. Poor RFK, man. He's been through the ringer.

That video, there's like this video someone posted where it's like, like they're like, you know, after that debate, let's hear him out, blah, blah, blah. And then they scroll up and it's a video of RFK and like in his backyard. And he's like, hey, I'm just chilling. here with my two ravens. That, I mean, I will say

he's the kind of president we don't have anymore. Where presidents used to have... It's from the olden days. Presidents used to be crazy guys who were just the tallest guys. You never had to hear him talk. Apparently Abraham Lincoln had a similarly crazy voice.

Yeah. And they would just have weird animals. There wasn't TV back then, so nobody could find out about this stuff. Yeah. Because in pictures, RFK is my leading candidate. He's the most handsome one. Yeah. Look at this picture.

Seven years ago. He looks incredibly handsome in this picture. I mean, look at that. That's a dashing young man. I was telling Pat, I said to the gym this morning. I don't know if I told you guys this before or said on the show, but I had a professor in college who was a white guy who completely non-sequit

or told us in class one day that he and his family ate their dog. Everyone was like, what? Why did you do that? He's like, it's normal. He's just arguing. He lived in the Philippines, I think. And people were saying, like, I guess there's nothing wrong. They were arguing with him.

He was like, it's just an animal. And people were like, but it was your family dog. Yeah, we hate it. If you're going to eat a dog. He was like, I don't understand why everyone's so weirded out by this. We ate our dog. Is it better to eat your own dog or just a random? Well, I mean, some people like keep like, like a farmer will eat its chicken sometimes.

Like the, like, I guess it's the same thing. You can really only eat the pussy part of the dog. It's too rough. And you have to eat so. You have to eat so many of them to get full. I really prefer not to. Yeah, I ain't dog pussy with relish. I did it over the weekend.

There's pictures from like the day before his debate. That's what he did after the debate. Yeah. The doctor finds that dog penis in his brain. He's like, probably a worm oh that was the other thing they said

the thing I read said that this picture this picture is from right before they found the worm in his brain no fucking way I think it was the dog

man yeah I think he got Fido's revenge yeah in a crazy way all right let's finish out

this list they got to test him to see if he there's more that dog worm in his brain didn't turn him into a dog

someone's got to like while he's doing a debate just throw a ball he already said he's growing It's the opposite of Martha speaks where he eats a dog and then he turns

I guess Martha didn't eat human It's not really how that worked at all Number 26 uncultured And this is a crazy thing someone said America's culture is shameful and humiliating The culturelessness is the reason America isn't considered a democracy I am my own profit and everyone has failed me

Your neighbor rather be your enemy America's behind the rest of the world I've visited China and the people in China are the saniest people you will ever meet but meeting Americans you have to wear knives and guns on you and people will scapegoat you by emptying your bank accounts and cover it all up and lie to courts by buying everyone out and doing everyone dirty.

If any foreigners are debating on moving to America for the love of God and for the love of Christ, never set foot in this country because America is economically imploding and the economy in China is more secure than America. China is the safest country in the world, and China is cleaning itself up and the air, and China is cleaner than the Americas. In America, you are more likely to be hunted by your neighbors

than any other country. while in China people never hunt you down for some Chinese people have more than one belief system culturally. If you migrate to America, I suggest you have a small pool of family and friends and nothing more beyond that. For some people you will befriend, will take your inheritance and commit state, federal levels of crime and violence

without speaking to you ever again. The culturelessness of America is worth $50,000 worth of defense and security or more, no matter which state you settle in, people will maliciously attack you and maliciously hunt you. Even your girlfriend and boyfriend will blindside you and join biker gangs who have bounties on them. people in America will dog you out and smoke you out

and join the most dangerous gangs in each state something bad in America people and gangs buy people out for lust and money and nothing more and the divorce rate is climbing higher each year and peaceful communities in America aren't safe so get yourself a tank if you can afford it okay now next slide people in America will dog you out this next guy says I eat bees

that was the only two comments on this for that crazy guy and then someone who just said I eat bees. And a non-crazy guy. That's crazy that his girlfriend and his boyfriend left him. He dogged him out. They dogged him out. They put bounties on his head with biker gangs.

That's crazy. That's scary. I don't want to live in America. And he eats bees. Well, the next guy again is, I mean, here's the difference between a foreigner and an American. American is saying, I'm so cult. Oh, you think I'm uncultured.

Check me out. I eat bees. Putting a bounty on your boyfriend's head, that's bottom activity, if you ask me. let it ride Bada boom Damas Pretty long A clip there

I don't think we've ever actually heard the whole thing First I've ever More than the first three seconds Okay There's only a couple more Number 43 is heterophobia It's true

That is true That is true I think coming on Now that we're out of the, you know, we don't have our glittered sunglasses on from the last month, we can say it openly that America is a most heterophobic place on planet Earth. It's true. They hate us because they ain't us.

And they're honking at us outside as we said it. They're honking at us just because, and that's the thing. Men in America, straight men, we get honked at and whistled at every single day. We're fighting for our lives because we're being attacked by women. Yeah.

Yeah. You're going to make me cry. I'm sorry to bring the energy down like that. I'm going to cry right now. Don't cry just because of it. Let Petra. He needs to. Get it out, man.

If you got to cry, that's... Some people might say crying's the straightest thing you can do. Hmm. I don't know about that. I'm not the straightest... I mean, if it's a tear, you know, maybe not the straightest thing.

How is that not the straightest? Crying. Another heterophobic thing, can you believe that it's so fucked up gay people have literally stolen the rainbow from Lisa Frank. Yeah. Who's that?

She used to, the rainbow you used to see it only on those beautiful folders and binders. Oh, yeah. Beautiful unicorns and dogs and cats and dolphins. And now it means gay. Speaking of, sorry, this is a complete non-secretor.

Speaking of Lisa. And from Lucky the Lepricon. Just sorry. Speaking of Lisa, I've been watching the Simpsons in Italian to try to learn Italian. And every voice is kind of exactly the same, except Millhouse sounds exactly like RFK. Really?

It's kind of crazy. Chao Bart! That's what I hear every single day when I get home and I watch three episodes. Ciao, Bart! And it's really good. It's always leaving? Is Chao mean bye? Chow means hello and bye.

Wow. I'm hearing it double. Why don't we have a word like that? You're learning Italian through the Simpsons? Yeah, man. It's the only... I tried doing the duolingo shit of stupid. So I know refrigeratory and I know...

Do? Chow, Bart. I know Bart and Marge and Lisa. So I think. I think I've already said for my Italy trip. Yeah, I think you're good. And I think there's just one more here, or maybe two. Oh, yeah, number 75.

It's ghetto. They're saying that America is ghetto. Uh-huh. And I want to push back on this a little bit. United States has been ghetto for two centuries, they said. I don't think America was ghetto in 1824. I don't love that. I don't love it.

It was reds, it was like reds versus blues for a while, you know what I mean? But I don't know if we even wore blue. I think they wore red, and I think we just wore our. our regular clothes. We roll our red, white, and blue. I don't know if that was the uniform. How hard is that? Imagine if the camo was red, white, and blue.

Like the army and shit. It's trying to blend in. I don't know how we were not winning Vietnam, but it's not working in. That's funny. All right. Thomas, everybody should go listen to Pendejo time. This is a great podcast. And if you're in Brooklyn, New York,

there is a Pendejo time live show Oh yeah, plug that When is that? Where is that? No. It's not at 711. It's not at 711. July 11th at fucking, I know where it is.

You do. You can find it online. I mean, everybody knows where it is. Yeah, we want to say. Oh, it's at Eastville, Eastville in Brooklyn. And get your tickets online, please. Yeah, it'll be fun. Jake's coming up.

my co-host you don't know about him that's okay you should though but yeah it's a it's a good show you should listen to it and come to the live show if you can but thank you guys for having me of course yeah um and then we also have a live show yeah yeah omg because i just sent you Thomas basically copied us and our show's the same day in time yeah yeah i'm kidding okay i was like i was like choose wisely people are not coming to ours yeah we do not have a very big family I just need a poster on Discord, Julio, but it's another world's biggest army show. It is the Van Buren Middle School talent show.

And you can come to this if you wish to see a bunch of talented young students perform their talents. Musical, poetic, acrobatic, you name it. Magic. Magical. And this is on August 13th at Littlefield in Brooklyn. And you can get your tickets at swag poop.com slash shows. So come out and enjoy it. vote for who has the cutest kid pick.

My vote is Patrick. I'm voting for you, man. I would have voted for myself, but it's kind of a faux pa. Pierce looks like Squall from Final Fantasy 8. He looks like a beautiful emo, baby. You look like Plank from Ed and Eddie. Me? Yeah.

Why are you pulling up NetSpend? That's what Pierce Lee is saying that. That does look like, oh, my God. Is that a kid rapper? All right. Bye, everyone. Goodbye. Oh, wait.

Wait, knob check. Turn the cameras off. Let's do a knob check. No, man. This knob. I didn't bring mine. Well, well, well. Now I'm the only person with a knob.

Isn't that funny? We went out the other night. It's kind of like when you're kind of like when a fat guy gets really skinny and turns evil. We all had knobs before you, man. Yeah, but then I had two. And now you have zero. I gave you that one. I gave you that one because you had the smallest knob.

Do you have this? No, you threw away the small knob. I did throw away the small knob because it wasn't mine to begin with. I just had it. That one isn't yours either. This one is mine. That one I got for you. It has dirt inside.

And I didn't even hear thank you. For people who don't know. Not once. I just said thank you. Okay. I didn't hear it. Well, we didn't hear it. Oh, well, that's fair.

For people who don't know what this knob is, we were walking downtown Manhattan, with where all the stars walk around and there was scaffolding all around and every piece of scaffolding had this piece of knob on the end of it and he grabbed a knob he went first I was me first

he grabbed a knob he's the knob master he's the knob master we're not going to call him the knob master because he literally doesn't even have a knob master you're not the knob master but sometimes to be the master you're giving huge insecurity right now I just want to say really because it seems like

you're insecure because you don't have a knob to be the master sometimes you have to learn to let go there's a million knobs in the world I literally fell asleep while you were saying that because I was focused on my knob and it's so soothing to me and I bet you wish that you had

I have mine at home I put it up I put it up in my house it's hanging up uh huh yeah it's on a shelf and mine hasn't left my pocket for two days the end of all the scaffolding where they connect we did an insane safety violation

by taking off the knobs we were being crazy boys and they both grabbed one very easily and I tried to grab one and all of them were really stuck on there in a really hard way and I don't have great grip strength. I finally found one that was the, that I could get off and it was finally got a knob off. And it was this big. It was really way smaller than their knobs. Yeah. We could get off with big knobs any day of the week, but you, you got off with a small knob. I got off with a very small knob or you could only get a small knob on. And I'm hoping that

none of those scaffoldings fell down today. They all fell down.