Podcast About List - Ep. 304 - Back 2 Skool

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

This is our official guide on how to act when classes star back up soon to make sure that you're swagged out and stack paper on your classmates and stupid ass teachers. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

You guys About this You guys went right past that. You read that like it was normal. Pull it back up to me. Size 22 shoe. That's crazy. My cousin's got a size 22 shoe.

Hog shit he does. Yeah, apparently he doesn't wear shoes either. My cousin is like 6 foot 8. That's still... That's still absurd. It's crazy. I don't know if he actually has a size 22 shoe. Instant, instant doubt, instant untruthness.

Size 22 is crazy. The cousin lie. That's what this will be known as. Okay, so that's... Start documenting that. So Master Luke is a size 6 foot... He's size 6 foot 8 tall. Okay.

He's a size 6 foot 8 tall. Maybe my cousin has a size 16. But where did you say size 22? Where did you get that? Well, that's master... That's master size. And how big is he? Seven foot 2.

Oh, he's big. We were talking earlier. about we said men's r slash men's fashion advice and he said how about male soul's advice because their insides are rotten you can't cover that up so then i went on r slash male souls and i spelled it wrong yeah and it's a bunch of but i saw master luke size 22 also size 22 star wars much is yeah found that out healed a toe length in inches 14 inches and 11 16th okay that's not that big with width of the foot five and seven inches. Six inch

wide foot. Yeah, but what if you had like a thin foot? I mean, how big is, how big or shack? What size does shack wear? Because that guy's seven foot two. Shack, I believe it's 7.3. What size shoe, shack, wear?

He wears size 22. Okay, so it makes perfect sense actually. Yeah. And Pat, you weren't being a complete absurdity. What? You weren't being an absurdity by saying that. So do the size of the shoes? Does the numbers ramp up in a different type of proportion then? You think it's kind of logarithmic?

Yeah, because I feel like, I mean, I guess how big, what size? I'm a size 11. Me too. I'm a size, yeah. So that's, their foot is not twice as big as our foot, right? No. So that's why I'm getting stuck. A size 11 is 29 centimeters.

Than a size one. Hold up. Well, I could be. Size one sounds tiny. They're not that small. I know plenty of male guys that are. guys yeah that are

under six but this is exactly this is my point I didn't I'm also not that interested in shoe size I'm not typically

thinking about it that much yeah if you are yeah well maybe there are some people who really like that is true

actually now that I think about it definitely sorry I was looking some people really fascinated

how big why is that such an odd a size okay a size 11 foot is 10 and a half

inches right and what yeah why not make it 11 well because why not make 11

10 and a half So how big did I just say the size 22 was? Oh, but then 11.5 is 10.6. He said 14 and a half inches long. Oh, this is women's sizes. See, that's a crazy... Oh, that's not true. Yeah, 14 and 11, 16th.

Yeah, that's not... See, that... Yeah, that's... They don't need that many numbers in between. My wonder is for the entire world, but also how much bigger is every single size. And here's something stupid. It should be fully...

Like, what is the increment? It should be, it doubles every number. In the UK? In the UK, a size 16 is a 15.5. Just make them the damn same. Yeah, I don't like how do we have a different system? Well, you know, when you look on the 15.5 U.S. You look on the tongue of your shoe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to know. It's the word UK anywhere. 16 in U.S. and Canada is a 15.5 in the UK. Okay, yeah. And isn't there sometimes? Just make it the same size. Why are you trying to be different?

They're different scales. Isn't there sometimes a third one as well that I don't on the tongue of a shoe is a third size? I don't remember what it is. It's, For, well, for us, it would be 43, and that's European. European, okay. Yeah. Which is not UK.

Which is not U.K. Which is different than the U.K. Fuck the U.K. Yeah, thank you very much. Fuck the U.K. And fuck all y'all. Fuck everything except America. Yeah, I think that, I mean, I'm not, I'm not going to lie here.

I know that we're saying we should standardize. I think that this, what is making me think is we need a fourth one that's like, okay, this is the real one. Yeah. Let's just start one. Like, we need to start a new one that's like, fuck it. You know what it is? It's just inches. Yeah.

Thank you. Well, they do that in Japan already, but they do centimeters. Okay. So they don't do it. They don't do it. They don't do it. Well, you can convert that in your head. Okay.

I would like to see you convert centimeters the inches in your head. So is it 24 centimeters to one inch? I asked you to do it. 24 centimeters in one inch. I don't know. That's a lot of centimeters. That is because I just immediately proved. Okay.

That you can't do it in your head. How many, you know how many centimeters your foot is? Yeah, 29. I was so right when I gestured to him when I said some people love shoe size. Are you going to the cobbler? I go, well, yeah, I got to get my boots fixed. You have cobbled? You've been a patron of cobbling?

Yeah. Wow, what is that like? But there needs to just give them your shoes and go away. It needs to be a system. It's like, okay, and it should be called the no bullshit system. Yeah. NBS. MBS.

The NBS size. We should start going into shoe stores and writing it in on the tongue of the shoe. Isn't centimeters like the no bullshit size? Also, it sounds so much cool. saying I got a 29 centimeter okay American defector okay Benedict Arnold what the fuck is going on here

well you could do it in inches too what it's a conversion rate in inches you need to be investigated man it's 24 centimeters you're saying shit like that it's 240 centimeters to one inch I meant millimeters

but it has to be inches because think about it has to be it has to be inches because think how it has to be SI because think about how incredible it would be

to look at a pair of shoes and it says on the tongue size one foot that's true dude that would be and that would be like the gold standard shoes both shoes say one foot yeah that's so awesome okay it's 0.39 1 centimeter is 0.39 inch yeah yeah so it's like 2 plus

give or take 0.4 right yeah right okay give or take out of 3.9 is it's 0.4 so if you took it it really oh so an 11 is a 20 a 29 is an 11 and a half. So we have the best system already. But it's not good enough.

We need the no bullshit system. So you are trying to figure out centimeters. We are trying to figure out the next phase for humanity. Well, yeah, I'm doing, I'm doing calculations right now. Okay, so we already have to set up the scientist who's in our team in the lab. In the lab that we're figuring out. It just won't work, damn it. You're doing, you're crunching the numbers, give or take.

Point three nine. Yeah. give or take there's something it's close to a centimeter you're measuring your own shoe over and over and over again next to your foot and you're like why don't they match up?

Well a size 11 shoe is 11 and 1 8th inches so our feet are 11 and 8th okay so why not just go off of that why don't just do that well because yeah that's what we've been saying

the entire time. It should just be inches stick to the numbers buddy we're going to work on the market I'm sorry. I'm trying to figure out maybe I shouldn't be a part of the numbers. Maybe I should be. I don't think

I'm good. You're the only guy who has the head for the numbers. I don't know shit about numbers. No, we don't know anything about we barely I thought that an inch had 29 centimeters. You thought but you also thought a bunch of shit when you were a baby that now you know isn't true. I don't know. Life is about

growing. So now you're smart enough after that one second. Also, here's another thing. What? There's women's shoe sizes. There's no women's shoe sizes in the NBS scale. There's no more. No bullshit.

No more. No more women's shoes. Well, they can still have their shoes, but they have to try to go by men's sizes. They probably will do, oh, I have an Aries-sized shoe. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. Actually, there is a women's shoe size scale, and it's called the BS scale.

And that's another thing. It doesn't change. The BS scale is based on color. Yes. Yeah. And the day of the week. I have a Wednesday size shoe. What is it for?

The NBS scale is, it's just inches. You subtract, you subtract two men's sizes for one woman's size. It's one of those things where I'm not typically trying to wear women's shoes, so I don't have to worry about that type of thing. Well, I was looking it up for, I was getting shoes for my girlfriend for Christmas. Uh-huh. And she wanted a specific. And she wanted men's shoes.

She wanted a specific pair. Yeah. And your girlfriend wanted girls' shoes. And definitely not for you to wear them on your hands. and take those videos where it looks like there's two people kiss in.

Wait, those are awesome. I like those videos. Wait, those are good videos. We're so beholden to tradition. I can't believe nobody has... There must be shoe scientists everywhere who are begging for the NBS scale. There is.

There's two truth things there. Can you imagine how much... Number one, there's shoe scientists everywhere. Yeah. And number two, they're begging. They're begging on their... Please. God.

There's so much bullshit in this science. They're hand embroidering the tag on the inside of the tongue to put all the different sizes in. They said, we could cut our work down by a third. We could probably end global warming with how much thread we would save.

Yeah. And this should be everything that has something. Yes. Continue. I'm with it should be one number. I agree. It should be one thing,

one scale. Enough with the pants, waist, and other one? In seam. In seam. Fat, skinny. Just one number that means everything.

Add the two together. Well, they have that with letters. already you can do l and m and s and xl but see that's like i'm like yeah oh my eyes it's so just aesthetically i didn't like i didn't like what you did with your eyes there because it was scary well he was being scared by the pantsize and also not everyone's going to speak english so they're not going to know what l means exactly oh right because it's gia for spanish exactly is that true yeah gronde guapo wow the most handsome yeah the most handsome size pants for a very handsome man I like that.

Gordo is actually what it is. No. That's X-O. Extra Gordo. Extra, extra. But yeah, I think that we need to resize the... You know, it is really funny. Do you, like, if, like, the champion sweaters, like, the crue necks, they have the sizes for, like, every single country.

Such shit. In Japan, the champion crewneck, for me, because I, like, wear a large one, it's like a three-X-L. Every time I put it on I look at the tag I'm like I must be fucking fatish I must be the fattest guy in the fucking world over there

You would be a Godzilla in Japan I know I'd go over there They'd be fucking terrified of me You ever been into Mugi Or what's the other one The is different clothes Uniclo Uniclo

Uniclo And they don't They don't even have a single You can wear a blanket they sell If you're over like a 30 waist Yeah You cannot wear any of the clothes If you are

all the big stuff there it looks like it looks like fucking shit looks like you're wearing a trash bag exactly i'd like to see rosan bar get i don't even get me started on trying to buy clothes at micros emporium i fucking hate micros emporium dude i can't fit into anything there you have to pick up everything with tweezers yeah yeah oh yeah i can fit this on the the mole on my foot yeah on the tip of my pinky yeah okay oh yeah look at me and don't get me started on pinky's shirts no i fucking I'm over at the finger puppet Emporium trying to wear all the clothes and none of them fit me. No, it sucks. These emporiums.

I'm sick of it. I do like Emporums. There was an Emporium that I don't remember what it was called in my hometown. Mr. Magoriam? It was Mr. McGorff, no, you ass fucking piece of shit. There was, uh, sorry. Ass fucking piece of shit. I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't mean it like you're an ass fucking piece of shit. I didn't mean it to say it like that. Okay. But I would go there. and they had a deal on the money print boxers, and that was all I wore. A deal on money. Print boxers.

We had a guy in my hometown who wore a, it was called Dollar Bill, and you would wear an umbrella. No, he wasn't fucking called. Look up dollar bills, dollar bills close out. Oh, you showed me this guy before. Yeah.

But his name wasn't Dollar Bill. His name was dollar bill. He was called it because it was on his head. Yeah. And he wore an umbrella, dollar bill, Derry, New Hampshire. That's George Washington.

That's George Washington. You're such an idiot, Patrick. You thought this guy's name was Dollar Bill. No, he's the one, he's the one that looked it up. He was supposed to look up Dollar Bill, Derry, New Hampshire. With the white wig. This guy was awesome. There goes the dollar bill crossing the Delaware.

You thought that's what that was. He was the first celebrity I ever met. He's not a celebrity. He's a local celeb doesn't count. It counts. It counts. If he has a store? He's got multiple.

He had multiple. Did you guys have local celebrities? I feel like Boston's too big of a city to have... We had the Ketar Bear. Yeah, Ketar Bear was big. Did anybody ever unmask him? No, you got the shit kicked out of him one time, I remember. Really?

Yeah, the Ketar Bear got the shit kicked out of him. I know nothing about that. What happened to him? All right, you said that very... What? You went Kaiser Soze for a second there. You went, oh, I know nothing about that. No, I didn't.

I saw the way that your eye moved made, I can tell. I think I've seen... I've seen lie to me. I've seen lie to me. Oh, really? I'm not lying. That's actually, this is Tim Roth's worth nightmare on that show. That show was so, I loved that show when I was a kid so much. That was a cool show.

They'd walk into some, yeah, it would be always, they'd bring them into a police interrogation. We don't know if she's telling the truth or not. He'd be like, did you kill him? She'd go, no. He goes, she's lying. Yeah, I remember the ads for that was just Tim Roth doing multiple faces. Yeah. Show me.

You don't know this show? Tim Roth, this is why. I think I can guess what it. it is it's about he's a deception expert which i guess is based off a real guy and he gets brought in to be it's sherlock or one of those type of yeah but he gets brought in to be a guy who can tell if people are lying or not and he's british but everyone else is american so that's how you know he's smarter yep and they hire a lady straight off the tsa they give her a bag full of money a big duffel bag full of fucking money and they say you scored very high on your tsa test uh-huh and we want you they hire her

on the spot at the TSA and she says what's this today say it's your signing bonus money fucking 100k or some shit like that out of a bag bonus money for you wait what's the most money what she lied what did she lie she didn't lie no they hired her because she's so good at detecting liars who who are you talking about this show this is a different character that isn't Tim Roth yeah okay Tim Roth hires her big bag of money that's your signing bonus 100k money money what's the most amount of money you've ever seen in your entire life cash money probably the money that we had over there yeah yeah now that it's out of the office we can say we had all the money from all the t-shirts on the road sitting in an envelope

probably about six months very visible didn't know what to do with it didn't figure it out but eventually I realized that we were supposed to pay for the shirts that we bought with it so that was pretty smart yeah to figure that out yeah but that was that's the most you've ever seen i mean i'm trying to think i can't think of other times i've seen a i've seen a you know in a movie oh you know what i did see one time i saw a guy i went to the ATM to put some money in and there was a guy taking out like full like probably emptying his entire bank account well it was over the one over on forest oh dude i had a guy i was at the bank uh and a guy was taking out like 150,000 dollars by a motorcycle oh my god it was so insane i couldn't believe it dude i wanted to rob him so

bad he's old dude and he was putting he was wearing cargo shorts and he's putting it in the cargo shorts pockets he's coming a money pinata yeah that's exxs stintas why you're showing us this because he had a lot of money when he died oh they're saying you could he's saying that you could have i mean put dollar bill on the screen yeah go back to dollar bill we liked dollar bill yeah why is that so inspiring to me to just look right at that money why is that all seeing eye on that money. I don't know. It's kind of weird.

I don't think they ever came up with a good explanation. I think it's one of the mysteries of the states. But why is there so many mysteries in the state? Mystery of the states. And also I think they have that.

I feel like all that stuff has fallen out of vogue a little bit and been replaced by like the QAnon stuff. But we need to get back to thinking that there is. I miss the Illuminati. That there is like the Holy Grail hidden

in the Smithsonian or something. Dude, that shit was so awesome. You'd see a video every week and it was like, they would say any new musician was I saw a video once that was like Mac DeMarco's Illuminati ties and I was like

this is amazing they're talking about that song Chamber of Reflection He also had triangles on one of his album Ritual Yeah he did this Which is if you

This is very close to a triangle I mean Jay Z Rockefeller records Are well and you can put that right in there What did you just try to Do it again I'll show you Did you just try to poke my eyes No I didn't try to

poke your eyes. You were coming at me like this. He can corroborate. I wasn't. Corroborate if you were. I don't know if he was. All right, let's see. See, it fits. But if my eyes had been there, what do you mean? This was your eyes. If that was, that would have heard. See, this would have gone into my eye sockets. If I, if I was doing this like Jay Z does in the album cover. I wouldn't do that. You would do that. You would fucking piece of, see, I almost did it again. You almost called me a ass fucking piece of shit. Which is not a good thing to think about it'd be have to be frozen yeah i's on the walk here i saw a guy uh it's the middle of the day i saw a guy alone walking around and you're just holding a roman candle you just was

whoa that's threatening that's what the illy spitz song was just trying to have fun yeah i think you i was i was putting myself into shoes imagining i bet he was like i'm fucking bored today i'm gonna walk around he's maybe i can do i'll have a maybe i have a firework was it lit or no yeah it was a lit Roman cano he's walking around. Did he seem bothered by it? No, he had no emotion whatsoever. This is what I'm saying. I think he was like, I'm going to go no, it didn't look psycho. He's just walking

around. That's the thing. The psychopaths usually have a calm face. Paranoid. You're probably addicted to true crime. I'm addicted to stuff. Psychopaths are like this. Lie to me. That's how you know. To stay away from them. In the movies, but in real life, they're just nile man. They look like this. Yeah, they're mild man.

That's not a normal face. John. in real life they're walking around doing this that's scary you're going back into your guess who type of shit with that face yeah you are a little bit scared me I think that

have you ever watched a true crime thing you like them no I used to my ex would listen to the podcast in the car and I'd always we'd go from New Hampshire do like the commute to school and then she'd be listening to that stuff and it was like yeah this person was murdered

in a city and then no time. I'm like, yeah, this could happen. This could happen to me. I would get super paranoid. I would get super paranoid about it. My first, like, year commuting down to school, I was super

paranoid that, like... A serial killer was going to kill you? But there was also at the same time, there was that guy throwing people in the Charles. No, man, that wasn't true. The smiley face killer. That was fake? Yeah, man. It's all just, it's like all over the country drunk guys. It was a thing. Yeah, it wasn't even a thing where it was like fake. It was like

this, like a bunch of guys just happened to drown because they were drunk and they were walking by the Charles River. And then it was like, yes, someone on the internet would be like, but wouldn't it be crazy if this was actually a serial killer? And they were right. It would be crazy. But how do you get a lot of sad?

Also, you can't. There's no confirmed kill there. No. So that's making it tough. Yeah. And plus, we already got the strangler. Yeah. The boss is going to be hard to outshine the strangler.

I don't know anything about the strangler. Where was he? When was he? Don't remember when was he, but his first. Not during your lifetime. Maybe it wasn't his first one. But one of the one of them was right in Harvard Square, right by the bus the bus station the harvard square strangler the boston strangler one of his killings

was in a very bus station that we used to take to your house the one that i would take every day it's if you go uh i don't know what's there now i'm trying to think it's like right it's a what's it's some it's some there's some restaurant with a funny name but if you go down the street that's uh what's the restaurant with the funny name i can't okay that's that pizza No, no, no, no, no. It's like a new place. Shits pizza. That's a funny cream. You didn't like Pinocchio's? Nah.

It's not my favorite kind of. I only had a few times. It's just all right. Now I'm just thinking of a funny restaurant names. I like that Mark Zuckerberg went there. Doodles diner? Doodles diner? That's funny.

I would go to Doodles diner. Can you imagine how good that menu would be designed at well? Oh, my God. It would be like waltzed out of it. I think the Boston Strangler used to tickle people. No. Bullshit. I feel like I'm trying, I'm trying to,

reach into my memory. I don't know anything about him except for that one spot where he killed somebody where, like, we had drive by my dad be like the Boston Strangler killed somebody there. But I think I looked him up and I think he like would tickle people. To death? No, I think he'd like tickle them. And then strangled them?

Well, no, because now I'm thinking like I guess that they would have to live to tell the tale being tickled. So maybe this is a different guy. Yeah, there's no autopsy report. And it appears he was ticked. I'm sorry to say this. He was smiling and covering his armpits when he died. He was tickled to death. tickled would have. Yeah, it's got to be a different guy because I also don't think that anyone was like, this guy tickled me and I escaped. He's the Boston Strangler. I've been seeing

these videos of this guy. He goes around Times Square and he's got like his phone attached like a GoPro mount on his chest. If I see that shit, I walk the other way. The GoPro. I try to get famous. Oh, this guy goes up to cops in Times Square and goes, ooh, and tries to tickle them and they all just get pissed in it. That's pretty funny. It's so good. That's funny. He tries to. He tries to. tickle them and he goes, I'm the tickle monster and then they go like, you got to stop bothering me. They should fucking shoot him

if he's the tickle monster. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen to him. These are recent videos that I'm seeing and I think one day. It's so funny that part of being a cop is you have to say to people, you stop, stop annoying me. Yeah. Go away. It's not illegal you're annoying me. But you are annoying me. Yeah.

Give me your ID. What is your ID? I've been getting T monster. Well, I'll be goddamn. My apologies, sir. From tickle world, I've never seen one of these before. I've been getting a lot of the Sovereign Citizen video. Oh, those are the best. Those are, those kind of died out at the same time as the Illuminati stuff.

Yeah, but I'm back on it. I think that I think I would join their ranks next time I get pulled over or something. I think I'm going to do the one centimeter window crack. Just say, yeah, what do you need? Yeah. And then say, like, just so you know, I'm not going to talk to you this entire time. Yeah. That's so badass, man.

It's cool. And then cut to you. You get in pepper spray, you have a red face. You're going to jail. You try to sue them. You lose money on it. They have a new type of taser that's only one centimeter wide, and they can put it through your window. They snake it.

And how much is a centimeter? 24 inches. No, it's not true. That'd be two feet. That'd be two feet, Pat. Yeah. No. That'd be two feet.

My foot's only 11 and 1 eighth, so it wouldn't be two feet. I mean, if you round it up. King George vibes. King, whatever, who made the foot. Oh, yeah. The king. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the whole thing with the foot is that it was based on one fucking guy's

motherfucking foot. Well, he had a 12 inch foot. Yeah. So that would be a size... And his inches are one inch long. I don't know, but would it be a size 12? Maybe a 14. I don't remember what an inch was on his body.

Probably his thing. No. Come on. It's a king you're talking about. Probably the size of his wings. It was just, they said, let's just defied your foot into 12. Yeah. And then they did that.

That's called your inch. Yeah. And that is an inch. King inch maybe was his name. What about a mile? How far was a mile? It was probably an inchworm. Yeah.

No. It probably was the length of an inchworm. But inch, okay, yeah, maybe. His inchworm. What came first? The inchworm or the inch? I think the worm. In the joke world or in the real world?

Yeah. In the real world. I think probably an inch. Well, no. An inch worm has been around for many years. But the name. The name is a different thing. You should have said the name.

But you said the worm. But I guess now, I think about it, which came first saying I'm inching forward or the distance an inch. The distance an inch would have to come before that, right? Conversations like this is just plain fascinate me, and I wish I could go to school for those. It means you're moving forward inch by inch. I wish I could go to school for. And they were like, what's an inch? We have to make something for this.

They probably did that. Yeah. We'd have to start, let's start inches. Because we need to describe how far this worm is going. This worm is definitely going some far now. Some thing. They probably said something like, you give them an inch, he takes a mile. So what's an inch?

Yeah. And what's a wait? God, what's a mile? Well, it's a smile without an us. Yeah. Okay. So what does that mean? Well, it's really, it's over there.

That's when the person got backed into a corner describing it. They were like, well, the answer's over there. They said, oh, okay. So I guess this is a mile. See, this is, I think that we should be thoughtologists. We are. We are thinking ologists. Yeah.

And think about stuff like this. And a yard. Think about a yard, too. A yard is... That's easy. And if that was the size of my yard, I'd be so pissed off. Back in the day, that was the size of a yard. People weren't that expensively rich.

Really? I think. I mean, back... How big was your house? When's the last time nowadays, you saw a peasant? Shit. It's been a minute. Yeah.

There used to be peasants. There you don't have them anymore. Well, but it wasn't peasants just like guys that wasn't the king? No. A peasant is piss poor. was it really about how poor they was or was it just about how peasants wear sacks yeah but in monte python they wear sacks but in monte python also christ has a brother is based on reality they don't just they don't just create that wholesale so is the conjuring is based on reality

yeah believe every moment of the country even more based on reality than monte python okay so now you're saying that the biblical jesus didn't exist and that the holy grail wasn't real and all this kind no that's what you said no that's what you're saying no that's what you're saying you're saying the is more based in reality than Monty Python. I'm just talking about the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail is real. Yeah, it's based on reality. And it is a mission of mine to find it.

Yeah, they found it already. They already got it. No, they found it. It was Ark. It was trapped inside of a mountain. No, they already got the grill. They're not going to tell you about it, but they did get it over there. Okay, then where was it?

I don't know, but there are Indiana Jones find it. Indiana Jones was not based on reality. He's a completely fictional person. I thought when I was a kid, he was real and that he solved most of the world's mystery. I heard about Indiana Jones before I saw him. Really? My friend said, oh, like Indiana Jones.

It's like Indiana Jones. You're like, yeah, you know, he goes on adventures. Who's this puzzling? It would be really comforting to find out that we had in Indiana Jones or a Nathan Drake out there getting all the stuff. Yeah. But we don't. Yeah, they're all, they don't. Yeah, they'd be the most famous guy in the world.

A real life treasure hunter? Yeah. Yeah. Indiana Jones is just some lowly teacher. Yeah. In real life, they're all either teachers or they're even. Yeah, they're going to kill people. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Stuff. They're just decimating some village and just taking like a gold statue. Blood diamonds. Yeah. Blood diamonds. Or that bastard who stole those little little babies out of Mexico and said they were aliens. Yeah.

Those baby bones. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he brought them to the country. Yeah. They put them on display. Yeah. And he said, here's these two babies that I think are aliens just because they were born different.

And we don't celebrate differences in this country. No. It was really sad. Nowhere celebrates differences anymore. No. Well, the North Pole. They could have a day

called Difference Day. It's all elves except for a couple of choice. Santa doesn't elf. Very funny. Yeah. You got me. Yeah, I did get you.

That's a good idea, though. We could have a day called Differences Day where we celebrate each other's differences. You would probably do a massive shooting on the entire day because of how prejudice you are. I would not do a massive. walk around with an AK the next day, the 48.

Are you kidding me? I would love to show off my differences. You have no differences. You're the most plain person I've ever met my entire life. There's nothing unique about you. What about this? Literally, anybody could do that. It's so boring that I won't even show you that I can do it.

Do it. I don't even want to. Let's see it. Prove that you have this difference. Everybody can do that. I can't do that, which makes me different. So that's you're different. You're the same.

I'm different from the same. Yeah, so you're the same. Yeah, let's celebrate me. Okay, Cameron Day. Now, that's a good idea. I like this. I like this shit. I like Cameron Day.

I'd like to be the city planner. I know. I don't want to do it. Oh, the Cameron Parade. I can't handle a day. Would you be pissed off if you woke up and one day the, like, you found out that this day that you woke up on was a national holiday to celebrate everything about you? Yeah, I'd be in a lot of it.

He's getting a call right now about that. Probably from the president saying, Mr. Cameron, it appears your, day is looming tomorrow. What would you like? And he's going to say ice cream cake. Nothing. Please, nothing. Please nothing. You don't want a parade. I would be self-conscious. Why? To get a parade. What have I done to deserve a parade? You'd be on the floor like this.

But see, you have imposter syndrome. For having a parade. I don't even have a parade. But if you did, you would have imposter syndrome about it. You're having pre-imposter syndrome. You will have a parade. I'm not going to get a parade. One day you will do something so amazing. I can tell

just because, and I know the doctor, doctors could tell when they took you out. I actually do have a parade on my day. I know, but you are fibbing about it. No, it's true. It's a fourth of July. Well, it's not every year. But that's not your day.

But I'm saying there's going to be a separate day probably in winter. Mm-hmm. In winter. In winter. A parade in the winter? Yeah. What's wrong with that? So that's because it's done.

They do Christmas parade. It's even more expensive because they have to shovel the roads and shit. Yeah. Just for you. And how amazing is that going to feel? And you're going to, you want to, you want to walk. it on TV. You do. TV. I don't even get to go. No.

You can go if you want. You don't have to go. What you're saying right now makes it sound like you don't want to go. If they're going to throw it, I'll be there. I'm going to go. Okay. I would rather give it to someone who better deserves it. Like who? Who deserves it more than you? What, Malala? Where'd she fucking go? No, not her. Yeah, fuck Malala. No way. I don't even know what she did. No. She got what happened to her. A bullet ricocheted around inside her brain for 12 seconds.

she got shot one two i made that up but she got shot in the head and she survived because she went to school and she's the president of iran or something now they said they got onto the bus okay the taliban oh got onto a school bus and said who's the most intelligent school loving child on this bus let's shoot her we're gonna fucking shoot her but not kill her let's just ricochet a bullet around her for a little yeah and she was able to go to school enough that she was able to know exactly the angle. Oh, she was so smart that she moved her head. She said, okay, let me just crack my neck real quick.

Shoot me in the head. Yep. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Shoot me in the head. See what happens. You die. And, but let me do it right when I say. And now.

Go. That's a pretty good reason to be famous, I guess. Yeah. I think that anybody who gets shot in the head should be famous. I agree. If they survive. Even if they don't survive. Look at JFK, he got famous just by getting shot in the head.

Nobody heard of him. That shit made him famous. Kanye West. I made that bitch famous. Lee Harvey. I made that bitch famous. What? If you rearrange the letters in his name, it could spell Kanye.

Yoveral. Tom Marvolo Riddle. He larvae. He larvae. Oh, he larvae. He larvae. He larvae so walled. He larvae.

He larvae so wall. Wow Slow Wad Slow Wad Slow Wad Oh wow And that was a slow wadi shot Yeah

Slowly Slow way Yeah S-O-L-E Slowly Now what's the rest Slowly Harvey Walled

That's good That's a good name Slowly hard Slowly hard Law No Yeah. Slowly hard.

Laud. Laud. Laud. Law. Law, good laud. Slowly hard. That is what his name could be turned into. It could.

It could. We should just be Antigrammers. We should be anagrammers. Yeah. We have Instagramers now. But we used to have anagram. And you know what I thought about the other day?

Yeah. Guess what I just saw in the gram? What? Think about saying that and people are like, what, a new picture, a new story? Uh-huh. No. No. I saw a different.

Slowly hard blog. You know what I was thinking about the other day as well, back in our day, an Apple wallet, you don't have Apple Wallet sound. Back in our day, that was probably a dessert. Yeah. And now it's, or something. And now it's, you don't remember eating an Apple wallet when you were a kid. You fold it.

Well, it was fulled. No, you folded. That was the thing that was the most fun part about it. It was the folding. No, no. Now kids are using this to buy tokens of some sort at a fort. At a fort. At a fort. Or, yeah. Or buying tokens at a chicken cheese. Tokens to use the rides at the fort. Yeah. At the fort. Yeah. And back in our day, we used to eat those. Tokens? Well, tokens, yeah, because it used to be money. Do you remember this? Money used to have chocolate in the middle of it. And now it's, you try to buy it in. it and there's no chocolate to be seen anywhere, not even white chocolate. A wallet used to be a fish net bag. Yeah. It's true. A mesh

bag. Yep. And nowadays it's a rich. It's a rich. Nowadays it's an Apple wallet. You can't even imagine putting a credit card in a coin wallet. No. No. And now a wallet is... A wallet used to be this big. That's what our wallets used to be. And had a picture of a diamond on the floor. Oh, my God. I just

learned that a wallet is a little wall. Oh. That's why it looks like that. A wallet. Like an E T-T-T. exactly okay yeah a while like a cigarette is a cigar a little cigar a little cigar yeah an et it's a wall a wallet it's a little wall because where do people hide money in the wall in the wall in the wall mattress ozimandias breaking bad breaking bad well he held it in the in the floor i think okay a floor is a wall the floor is a wall of the ground hardly it's the ground yeah it is

very hard yes i knew you were going to say that yes i know the floor is hardly i'm not getting i'm not claiming it's not hardly but it is not a wall but that's why it's called a wall okay so is the ceiling a wall no no why not if it's a ceiling is more of a wall the ceiling doesn't stop you from going

somewhere flying out of the top you can't fly out the top fucking try it do it right now the the top wall is too high in this a ceiling is for style okay so it's that what if I don't like the style plus in a building with multiple

levels it's just the floor is a floor. That's a good point. It's not even a ceiling. There's no such thing as a ceiling. That is true, actually. Unless you're at the ceiling, the room shut. I'm going to sneeze, but it's going to stop. Don't sneeze. Please don't do it. Please don't. Don't even think about doing this. Okay. That was a sneeze. No, you know when you have to sneeze? You know when you have to sneeze and you stop sneezing? It's one of the worst feelings. Yeah, I have to sneeze. I think you just transfer it. If you're never going to sneeze. Now I got to yawn because you're going to talk about having to do so.

I've been yawning this whole time. I'm pretty tired. Oh, man. Okay. Yeah. Let's do it. Wait. So we can get into thoughtology on our own time. Yeah. Or thinking ology, whatever invention. So today is the first day of school. Today is August 28th. Okay. We're doing some backups. And so school is about to start. Yes, it is. Sorry to all the kids out there. Yeah, which I was, this is a, this is, I know usually we do episodes to be funny, but we also like to help our audience.

I know a lot of you guys are going into making a jump to middle school. Yep. That's big. It's scary. And you're going to. My first day at middle school, I think I cried instantly. Instant. I think pretty instant crying.

Ran to the bathroom and cried? No. I told, I started crying really bad and I told my teacher that I had asthma, which I didn't. And then my mom picked me up and I was like, Ah, yeah. In the car, like, oh, yeah, she's so pissed off. She's like, did you tell them you had asthma? I said, yeah, bitch.

And then I played Halo. Nice. It was amazing. Nice. That sounds really nice. So I hope that your middle school days goes as well as mine did. Yeah. So, and to prepare for going back to school, we're doing a back to school special.

Yeah. Which every show should be doing. I miss the back to school specials. How come we're the only ones doing stuff that's important? That's true. Yeah. Like what I just did. Did you see how cool that one?

It was. They gave me two cups for a reason. I got two cups. One for the food and one for the drink. Wait, what? You put, okay, now I have three cups. Four. That one is two.

Wait, there's two and there's two? All cups is two cups now. Wait, why do they double stack these cups, man? I don't know. They want to protect your hand. They look at you if they think you have sensitive skin, yeah. I don't have sensitive. Well, yeah, I do.

But only for wheat. As long as it's not a bread cup Wait, that's smart Well, I don't know I've never tried it A wheat cup You have sensitive skin You know, I'm over this

A bread bowl, but it's a cup No, you can't be over it What do you mean? You can't just be over it You run through a field of wheat Like if I eat wheat I get some kind of rashes kind of things

Okay So that's not so hard to understand Is now is it? I get it now But I'm saying they should make a bread cup Like a bread bowl Yeah. For what drink would you eat with bread?

Soup. Okay. You know how, oh, okay, smart ass. No, I think you ever go to a- Fishing your drink and be like, you know what fucking hit right now? So, bread. Bread covered bread.

A slushy. A marshmallow cup for hot chocolate. There we go. Candy cane cup actually could be done. Candy cane cup would be shit. It would get sticky. Yeah, but it could be done. I'm thinking of.

Anything could be done. Not anything could be done. A golden cup. Mm-hmm. That could be done. Yeah, that's easily done. Yeah. But that doesn't mean anything could be done.

That was the most insane thing I could think of right then. It was a golden cup. So for my back-to-school section, I'm giving some tips on what we can do to prepare you guys for back-to-school. But I'm sure everyone's already gotten all the advice. Keep your head down. Don't talk to the older kids or anyone in your grade. Only talk to kids two grades younger than you. Eat up the biggest kid you see.

Exactly. And lick this. smallest kid, you see. Do not do that. That's called marking. That's good advice. No. And Bill Maher said that on Clubb.

Walk up to the biggest bully and smell his butt. That was crazy. Yeah, talking to children about porn. Yeah. What the fuck was that? But I'm coming at it from a different angle. My back to school slides,

I'll be talking about some ways that we can use magic, witchcraft and spells, charms, and other types of things. That's good. Practicers of magic. Practitioners of magic. you consider yourself a practice or no do you believe in it i don't believe in magic but this is for those people this is for people who want to use off forgotten yeah yeah okay this is an important

section of the school going community i found out it's a much larger section of the school going community than i thought i remember there were some kids whose mama's was uh a teacher was into this kind of wickin yeah that kind of crap i didn't know anyone like that uh there's a lot of Watch memento at their house. So here's the first one. Here's a spell that you can do before school. Okay. I love baking and I love bottle spells.

And this is an excellent opportunity to combine both. A bread bottle. This is a variation. Well, this is a variation on the honey jar spell. Oh, okay. It says, which you can do to sweeten people up for any sort of new endeavor.

So here's what you need. Your favorite cookie recipe. It's not a specific cookie recipe. No, your favorite cookie recipe. Okay. An apple, a candle. Okay. A tin with a lid.

Make sure the tin is big enough to hold the apple. And if you've seen, if you watch Harry Potter, you're probably seen all this stuff before. You're familiar with this. Lord of the Rings fans will know this spell. This is Gandalf was doing this type of shit all day.

And a piece of paper and a pencil. Okay. I'm interested for this spell. Here's the directions. Directions. Do this the night before school. First, core your apple and set it inside the tin. Next, bake your cookies.

Do this. Oh, this is for a parent to do, I guess. Okay. Do this with whoever is. going to school. For each ingredient as you measure it out into your cookie dough, talk about what you want out of the school year. For example, while adding your sugar,

you could say, I hope I have a teacher that loves to teach new things and who is kind to the students. Or for vanilla, you could say, I hope this year that learning will go more smoothly. Okay. For salt, you could ask for protection from bullies and safety and traveling to and from school.

As you discuss each ingredient, toss a pinch of the ingredient into your apple core in the tin. After you mixed all your ingredients and put your cookies in the oven, and take your piece of paper and write the name of your student on it. Have your student cup it in their hands and make a wish for a great school year.

Then put it in the apple core with everything else and put the lid on the tin. So my question would be who invented this spell? What dark wizard? Well, this is, as we said, this is a variation on the honey jar spell.

Oh, okay. What's the honey jarred spell? Can you really vary? No, no. Can you really like go off recipe, freestyle a fucking spell? Yeah. Well, it's dangerous, I feel like.

That's not saying. I feel like that's one of the thing that's dangerous to mess with magic, right? kid gets to school and he becomes this big. Yeah. And you go, fuck, I did. Because when you're putting in the, the egg, you said, I wish I was small. Yeah, exactly.

And I wish I was, oh. Honey, will you want to try these cookies? So I found out that in real life, in the movies, magic is mostly Wingardium Leviosa. Yeah. Swish and Flick type shit. In real life, magic is mostly, I hope I have a good time today. That is true. I hope my day is good.

That is true. All of the witchcraft stuff is like, yeah. I want to get a job, like that type of shit. I hope I will have fun today. It's like the secret almost. Yeah. Okay, here's another trick you can do. Enchanting pens and pencils.

So this is if you want to enchant your pens or your pencils. Okay. You will need a white candle, cinnamon and pine, as well as a stone of your choice. Mix in your herbs with your pencils. Picture yourself writing with them. Picture your hand disappearing until the pencils are writing by themselves and you are calmly sitting. Recite, you are a pawn of my intelligence by the power of three.

the heavens have blessed you so moat it be past them through the flame extra witchy this one is a little bit closer I don't think moat and it doesn't make any sense here but this is good if you want to enchant your pens and pencils

well thank you because extra witchy how can you get a wrong answer and there's actually and if you're curious about more ways to enchant your pens and pencil I was this is lovely especially if you use wooden pencils you can blood them by letting the blood soak into the pores of the exposed wood

obviously don't do this for mechanical or pens, that'll fuck them up. Do not blood your mechanical pencils. Yeah, because it'll get all jammed. It becomes a syringe pretty fast. But you got to know that this is a witch or some sort of dark art artist when they're doing a mommy blog

and they say the F. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, this is also, this is a tip, I guess, for everyone going back to school. If you want to blood your pencils, just put blood on them. Yeah.

You know, it doesn't have to be all that soaking crap. Where do you get that blood? Is it the kid's blood? It's got to be the kid's fucking blood. This one is it. This post is by a kid. Oh. These ones.

Then he's in trouble. This kid is putting his blood, becoming a blood witch? Yeah. As a kid? Yeah. That's not okay. My kid would not have this kind of thing.

No. I would be confiscated. Well, I'm not saying you should do this, but I'm adding the information. It starts, you can enchant your pencils with cinnamon. Uh-huh.

If you want to blood them, use blood. That's all I'm saying. If your kid starts going, at what point down the witch route do you stop them and say, As soon as possible. But which is it like a dream catcher?

Is that a point where you're like, that's no. No, no. Those dreams are staying in your head, big guy. Yeah. You can take it. I'll get you a football helmet. Yeah, you can put that a book. That's a dream catcher.

Those dreams of wanting to make music, they hit the pads and they ricocheted back into your stupid head where they belong. Yeah. Here's some more things that you can do to prepare for school. These are from a few different posts. Enchant your, these are like, it's like a back to school witchcraft mega post.

And it'll be like a link. to like a million different tips and stuff. You can enchant your calendar and or syllabus so you can remember important deadlines. So that's important because if you just use a normal calendar. It's not going to work.

It's not going to work. You need to enchant it. Yeah. So it will work. If you have a binder that acts as a book of shadows, place sigils on it to keep wandering eyes away. Now I don't know what a book of shadows is,

but we'll cover sigils in a little bit. The binder is, you've never seen that at Target where you're doing back to school shopping and it says can also act as a book of shadows I haven't seen that, no. I would go to Walmart. It's the ones that have the clip. Yeah.

Oh. Remember the clip you used to try to put your, pierce your tongue with your kid? Try to put your ear on it. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. That's your hurt, man. Yeah. That's how you, it's made for blood.

The three ring? Yeah, it's made for blooding. Yeah. I haven't touched a binder in years, man. I miss binders. Dude. I miss binders. You have a binder?

I got one on right now. Here's some more enchantments you can do. To make my knee look small. So come on, touch it. I'm making your knee look smaller. Because it's an insanely large knee. What happens? It's all swollen, because I touch some wheat, and it's all full of just crap.

Go back. Interesting. Enchant your papers before turning them in with the intent that your teacher will enjoy what you wrote. So a good way I thought of. They didn't really give any details. A good way I thought of for this is to write it good. It's to write it better. Write and enjoy it.

If it's a three whole punch paper, you can take. the margin right there and say, I did a good job. Yeah, that would be good. I did good. That would almost be a dangerous spell because of how powerful it is. Yeah, I would stay away from that. Yeah. And then another thing you can do is put a sigil on your alarm clock so that it's loud enough

to wake you up so you won't miss your classes. I know you're going to get to it. Don't mess around with the volume button. Yeah. Don't do that. No, put a sigil on the clock. It's going to make it louder. Don't get a speaker or anything like that.

Don't get anything to enhance the volume. And get, don't get a particularly loud alarm clock. Don't get one with the thing, the hammer. I actually like this. The hammers are cool as hell. Is there a cuckoo alarm clock being set up so it goes in your mouth while you're asleep? There should be.

There should be one where you, because I sleep on my side, so I'm sitting there and I'm a realistic human figure. And then a general figure just goes in your head. Hello. That's a good idea. Here's another trick. You can do anti-suspition.

Whether your parents know or not, mine certainly don't. You definitely don't want your whole school to know that you're a witch. Trust me. A simple sigil or spell to avert suspicion and ill intent will go miles. My altar is the first thing you see in my room. I hoard bottles and jars.

I use all the candles. And my parents suspect nothing. I've come to school with sigils all over my arm and no one so much as blinks and I. I've also been able to get away with not wearing my school ID for a semester and a half, which was a nice side effect. Moon water is also great for making you less visible or noticeable. So the trick here, if you don't want people to know you're a witch, put an altar in your bedroom and go to school and cover your arms. with sigils. Yeah.

This is going to bring attention away from you. Yeah, this is not going to make anyone look at you. This is basically an invisibility. This is a trick for anti-suspition. Interesting. And he didn't even have to wear his school ID. Will this allow you to cast spells at school? Yes.

Yeah. Really? Attack spells? Yes. That's dangerous territory that I'm not going to, I'm not going to. We won't say. I don't want to discuss that. 100 yes, but we'll say 50% yes.

Yeah, we'll say that. Can you summon a thrall? Enough. Okay. Stop. Whatever. here's a question and answer from somebody on reddit school year so i'm a beginner witch and school is starting for me in a couple weeks and i've been wondering if there's any anti-anxiety spells for someone

with a low budget that people recommend and someone says if you aren't allergic and can handle an alcohol-based tincture i think skull cap is a great temporary anti-anxiety helper i use it for times i need a calm chill it's about 10 to 15 dollars for a small bottle but you don't need a lot and if you like it and have an apothecary or herbalist nearby you can make 10 times the quantity for the same price by buying the herb and a bottle of

high proof vodka but there are other plants that are good for this too I hope you have a great school year this is the same as the Keemstar

yeah and I forgot to put it in but there was another reply they left like the same person was talking about it more and they were like yeah I use this

every day before work they're right yeah I had to think about that Keemstar thing he's right too yeah just two what was it

two to three sips of a one Two to three sips of a beer. You feel amazing. Didn't he say warm beer specifically? No, no, no, no. That's you trying to make him look, bag, man, and I won't have that. Bagman, is what you just said.

Bagman, oh my God, it affected me so much that I talk like the people in the characters now. The people in the character. That's how they're talking. Yeah, that is true. That is how they talk. That isn't on you. They call the movie a character. So, sigils.

Cigils basically are symbols that you can draw and then you can activate them, and they each have their own special effect. How do you activate? I think you can rub them. Okay. But they're made out of, like, drawing. You just draw them on anything. You can draw them on your body. You can draw them off.

Paper, you can draw them on whatever. Okay. Would you mind drawing one on me, Patrick? Do you have a pencil? No, I think the hand will do. Copy this one down. He's going to leave this one. Good luck on exams.

So this is good luck on exams. If possible, doodle this somewhere lightly on the exam paper. And if not possible, try to draw it on your hand or on your pencil as well. How are you going to draw on your pencil? I just, how are you going to draw on your pencil? I did not think about that's, that's fucked up. You can't do that. be little.

Black is the best color for this, it says. Okay, what about finger? Finger is okay. All right. So what I thought was funny about this one is that like instead of studying

for your exam, trying to memorize the shape of this. It's like a crazy complicated than your ninth grade algebra. Bringing in like a little index card to cheat off of

and it's just this symbol. The teacher's like, hey, I see you cheating. Okay. Oh, very interesting. Why did you show the sigil to the rest of the Everybody the sigil.

How would you memorize it? Why would just learn the stuff, man. Here's how I memorize this. I like how it looks like a guy thinking, scratching his head. I think it looks like one guy, one guy, he's doing this. One guy climbing a tree and his leg is the other guy's arm. The H is for homework.

And then he's hunched over with his arm like this with the pencil. Uh-huh. And at the bottom, that's him thinking. And then at the bottom, that's a desk. Oh, I see it now. And that's him writing. Do you see what I see of one guy climbing a tree? and then his leg is shared with the other guy's arm

and the other guy saying, get off that damn tree. I can see that. All of that except for him saying. Well, he doesn't see the saying. The thought bubble kind of, I imagine myself. Here's another useful sigil for school if you guys want to copy this down.

Okay. I understand the math in this book. This is actually... This looks like a spiked cherry. That's all I would think of. I see you're already trying to memorize this really hard pet. This is really going to get some...

once you're in the lab this one's going to help a lot. This is another good one. This next one is I am not distracted while doing my schoolwork. So if you want to focus on your schoolwork, just draw this symbol over and over and over while doing your school work. You will not become distracted. So those are some useful

sigils. This is a guy with the mustache. Those are his teeth and his mouth is open and he's looking at he's trying to eat his own booger. So I've showed you a lot of the important power and goodness of spells and magic. Show me the dark. The last one, I just want to show you the dark side. This is one example of a dark side of magic being used in schools in just a way that you need, just show you need to watch out. It's not all fun in games.

Is it possible for a school to try and indoctrinate kids with spells? Hello, a friend of mine has enrolled her child into a charter school this fall. The school is kind of odd, in my opinion. Said child is in first grade. Some rules I found odd. No parents passed 8.30 a.m. All backpacks to be left outside the classroom. No watches or anything of that sort in the room.

Child comes home. Mom asked, how was your day? What did you learn? Child says the teacher had the class close their eyes and think of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, red sauce. Child proceeds to say that when the teacher told us this, all I could see was a pool full of people on fire. What? My mind went to dark places and I was freaking out of my mind a little. So with this being said, any thoughts, any ideas, please.

I'm aching for help. Thank you all so much. Yeah, this is, that is actually a spell. Don't use that spell. Do not use that spell. Chocolate, chocolate. Stop, stop. Stop.

If you say even one more word, we'll shut your microphone off. Don't say. Chocolate red sauce. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, red sauce. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, red sauce. You guys are seeing... Don't you should not press random... The blows of fire.

Because I don't know what these ones do at all. That's scary. I don't know what those do actually either. We need to do a witchcraft on that. Yeah. My thought is that they're taking away the watches and stuff. This is a casino operation. They're trying to get these kids to gamble.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, and that's a slot machine. They got chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Oh, I'm so close. Red sauce. Yeah. Fuck, I missed the jackpot.

I pull the people on fire. I think they'll hell now. That's what any good gambler thinks when they're losing anyway. Oh, Patrick's. Oh, you can go next. Why? I just don't have a lot. Just close it out.

You want to close it out? I just have like three things. I don't know. That's perfectly fine. Yeah. Listen, guys, for back to school, I went. Old school. Okay.

Oh, I see. I went over to the top tens.com to see what was popping off over there when it comes to the topic of school kids. And a problem that every kid has experienced is being bullied mercilessly by girls and boys and every kind of teachers and everybody. So I was saying,

how do we get revenge on a bully? So this is Top 10 Best Ways to Get Revenge on a Bullie by Yellow Shadow. scary name. So let's see what these are. Number one, fill his locker with spiders. Scary. That is scary. Which I think is a bit of, to me, that's an overreaction. That's also witchcraft. That is

close to witchcraft in terms of it's freaky. It would be witchcraft if instead of filling his locker with spiders, you ate an apple and said, I hope his locker gets filled with spiders today. Okay. Yeah. That's witchcraft. That would be... Well, what is this? Alchemy? To fill a locker with spiders as zoology.

Okay. Yeah. Which is a separate kind of witchcraft in opinion. It was banned in my house. Next, this is, I bet there will be a web too by Nate Awesomeness. And I, you know, I toiled over this one for a while because I really wanted to reply and argue, but I had a hard time

thinking of any point to make. If it's going to be filled with spiders, then there's not going to be room for a web. That's true. That's what I would think. Well, but what are the spiders sitting on? Each other. Yeah. It's filled. There's stat. Oh, filled. You're right. It is filled. That would be, if I were to argue. I would fill the locker up with diapers and

baby toys instead. Now, how embarrassing would that be if you're a bully and people think you're the toughest kid in school? And then it turns out that you have a locker full of diapers. Yeah. That would hurt. The bully's not going to get. The bully immediately goes way down on the social order.

Next is put a whoopee cushion in his chair. In his chair. And this commenter says, most of the ones on this list are way too cruel. So this one, and then everyone will think he farted. That's Nate awesomeness.

So this guy really has an amazing imagination where he can think of every single scenario here. Yeah, this is, yeah, this is, what's his name from, the main guy from Hannibal. I don't know if you guys watch Hannibal. No. Anyone out there watch Hannibal? This is the main guy from Hannibal. Nate awesomeness? Yeah.

Put a whoopee cushion in his chair. He's building the situation in his mind and pulling it out. Well, let's think about this. Everyone will think he farted and I bet there will probably be a win. Next one is tie him up and make him listen to Justin Bee. Oh, hell no. too cruel. This is too cruel, but this person makes a great point. If he, she likes him, make he, she listen to Bing Crosby. That's from music fans. So you'd have to tie them up and make

them listen to Bing Crosby. Well, because they're saying that Bing Crosby is sort of the anti-JB. If someone is a J.B. fan, they're probably not going to like B.C. You know what's so terrible? A J.B. can either be Justin Bieber, but then on the opposite in Jack Black. Justin Bemberlake. Well, no. Well, there's a B and Timberlake already. You don't have to make up black. Blake? No. Justin Timberl.

I'm saying Jack Black is the opposite. Justin Tim. Justin Timmer. Justin Berlake. No. So next one. Justin Berlake. Justin Tim.

You're ruining my section with Berlake. I stole your number. Kill the. I give up. Do my slides. Okay. Kill them. Kill them.

I wish, but we can't damn rules of society. Angry face. Society is. Us mad. Next slide. Blast him with a shotgun. I'll take the comment. I'll take the comment.

Okay. I was really want to blast my... I was really want to blast my bully Ulube. Ulubi. Ulubi is the bully. Luby is the name of the bully. Burn his hair to get the fire inside her brain. I would totally do that to my bully Aspen.

What I was going to say here, if this was still my part, I was going to say, if you're being bullied by Ulube, and Aspen You probably deserve it. Lulubi. Looby.

Alupin. Okay. Go ahead. Take away that. Next slide. Push him in the girls' bathroom and then tell everyone he's gay. But if he was getting pushed into the girls' bathroom,

wouldn't it be like he's breaking into the girls' bathroom? Yeah. See if I, again, if it was my segment. We're so alike. I would have said, go to the girls' bathroom. You mean the straightest thing you can do. Come on.

Next slide. Spend time to think of the best comeback ever. Okay. Yep. Now, Pat, go ahead. Here's what I would say. Well, in my defense, you do have a Neanderthal-shaped head, which I would normally equate with stupidity. Not that you're stupid. I just mean you look stupid. I don't mean that as an insult. I mean, some people mean stupid to mean cool. Like, that's a stupid car. You've got a stupid apartment. I really wish I could stop talking. I tend to ramble when I'm nervous. You know what that word. ramble means you're probably too stupid to know and here i mean stupid stupid stupid stupid not stupid cool stop bullying does e gp yeah wow it's a great reading of that probably did even better and i would have honestly yeah what were you going to say about this um i just you're going to make me read it either way stop bullying does e pg all right go to the next slide only i think there's only

a couple here. Make a me out of them and kill them in smash bros. That's witchcraft. That is what I was thinking what if because kids change all through middle school like sometimes facts you know and Patrick talks a lot about that but but also you imagine you like if you know a kid bullies you and you go I'm making me and then this kid you and you become friends and then he comes over to your housing and it's called the victim yeah they have a me of you at their house it's like perfectly one to one yeah it's It's exactly as every mole in the face. I bet that there's so many Sims worlds that are like that.

Oh, definitely. They should do a documentary series where they like show, they like, they're bringing the kid in. It's like a catfish style reality series where it's like they get the, they get the kid who is there is a me of. It doesn't have to be a kid, I guess. I guess probably adults do this too. But there should be people being shown their sim.

Exactly. There's a guy at work that you have. like I've never talked to and then he walked by his desk one day and he's raising your kid we just had a witchcraft attack. Yeah, we had a witchcraft attack. I would be honest. I wish I didn't say CCCRS. Don't What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't even

allude to it, man. That's crazy. That's crazy. I didn't even say anywhere near the actual, the whole thing, which is chocolate. I'm sorry. Stop. I'm going to walk. I'm going to walk out. Next slide. No, wait. I didn't even get to the end. So he ran 150 miles the teacher did say it was one more lap no you're done and i did do it then all the girls

thought i cheated and well they're really mean and likes to make everyone lives miserable and the best ways to torture them so he wants to torture these girls who said that he didn't run 150 miles at school okay that's what i was saying that's the best way yeah and then i think this is the last one join in among us lobby pretending to be them and say hi i suck in check that's good that's beyond the pale i would say that's pretty wrong to do that's fuck someone did that to me that's the ultimate That's worse than any bullying that you can do. I suck. I suck. All right.

So we've been talking about things that you could do. You were talking about how to get revenge on a bully. And what I found were some strange stories of school. So if you think that your school is bad or weird, you don't have it as bad as these people. Okay. So the first slide here is from the force.net. Again.

Okay. And Darth Badd asks. I would like to say we recorded the movie episode yesterday. Yeah. Well, you guys are getting a month of this, I think. But Darth Bad said, How weird is your school? I don't know about any of you guys out there,

but my school is one weird school. Lately, everybody has turned into a fascist. Yep, a fascist. Fascism in the Hackysack Circle. Is that possible? Fascism in the administration. Fascism and class. everywhere it seems to be. Also, we had a bomb threat today and yesterday, too. We had

lockdown in our school. Today, it was a semi-lockdown. No turning off lights, no getting under the tables, etc. Now, let me get this straight. Let's say there actually was a bomb. Now, shouldn't we evacuate school? Wouldn't that be the logical thing to do? Lockdown? What if the bomb explodes? People could die. How weird. Any of you guys out there have weird school, so in what ways? DB. Yoda everywhere it seems to be. Yoda everywhere it seems to be. The fascism in the hacky sack circle is crazy, though. Yeah. Yeah.

That is... I couldn't even believe that. I can't even imagine what that it would look like, to be honest. Yeah. Well, this next person is, this is more of a question, but this was on Kanye to the... Okay. And this person asked, is it cool to be bad in school? I'm the congey.

I mean, I'm bad in school and everyone likes me for that. And that's what helped me to get my girl of three years, but it's done nothing but get me trouble at home. it me? I mean, is it worth it? Is it worth the trouble? Is it worth the trouble? Okay. Do you think it's worth the trouble? Um, I would say no. It's not worth the trip. Be a good student. Yeah, lock in. Get some sigils. If you're having it. Yeah. If this is you out there, we gave, I gave you the tips. Yeah. You can get out of this. And you were in school in 2009. Ditch your girl. Ditch your girl. She's bad for you. Especially if you guys have been

together now, what, 18 years? Also, everybody doesn't like you for being bad at school. Everyone thinks you're an idiot and they think it's funny. Exactly. They think it's funny that they can draw stuff. I'm bad at school and everybody likes me for that. You have a thousand and four posts on Kanye two. Yeah, you got your parents got to turn off your internet.

And by the way, your girl does not like you. No. No. Next slide. This is from the school survival forums, which had its, had its birthday recently. No, rest and be, school survival forms, though.

Next slide. I hate my bitch of a principal. True. I hate the way she does rainy day's schedule. The second she sees the slightest bit of waterfall from the sky. I hate the way she smiles and waves at me like she's not a bitch.

I hate the way she approaches me while I'm trying to eat and starts talking to me like we're fucking best friends. I hate the way she acts like everyone likes her. Most of all, I hate the way she once announced to my class that I smiled like I'm a fucking dog. principal oh look crazy guy 562 smiled how cute don't you want to pet it me hey look the principal treating me like a dog should I shoot her in the head yes enough about my principal what's yours like and do you hate it too

it I like they bolded it and this is a crazy guy who's also a pariah crazy guy sounds like a sound yeah checks out if a kid if that was if I was saying that name on roll call I treat that kid differently yeah crazy guy 562 here here This next one is a poem that I found. What if they had the number kids instead of giving the last initials? People do that. If there's two people with the same name, people say... But in school.

Well, that's true. You were never Cameron, too? No. Were you Patrick, too? No, never. Were you Caleb, too? There's no fucking Caleb. I met two Caleb's before I became an adult.

Okay. This is stupid-ass school by, I guess, John Basil Skinner. Stupid-school system. You're skipping a lot of words today. Sorry. Well, I'm so friggin pissed. I can't stop myself from being mean. Somebody's probably going to get to meet my fist.

By the end of the day, by the end of this day, most obscene. I'm ready to kill someone, so you better watch out now that my transformation has begun. It's time to show the world what a being a demon slash dragon is all about. John Basil, I forget his name, it's like Basil Boregarde or something, but on all poetry.com, Basil Boregarde is an Argonian. Oh, my God. That's awesome. this next one is called summer school grer summer school is gay

it's just a bunch of busy work there's no point the teacher acts like I'm freaking stupid I hate it fuck school it's so beautiful to be the kind of person who's like school is gay I fucking hate it

and then be like my free time I'm gonna go write poetry poems this next one is called fuck school sitting in my seat

writing on the desk wonder what the hell is going to happen next lame ass teachers talk as you drift away while you're thinking about your boyfriend and what you did yesterday lunch is always great

you get to see your friends but the food tastes like shit and the kids make you pissed is finally all over back to your shelter your little zone too bad you have to come back just so it can be like

the day before the foul that's to make it rhyme the foul I was getting kind of Mike Shinoda with it there you were going a little rap yeah

because this would be an amazing rap the fuck school rap I think Mike Shinoda did that song oh really I think Todd and the Creator did it yeah after mike yes yeah mike started most rap he did absolutely did it's true mike shinota uh we salute you actually no we want to kill you for starting that crap

all that bull crap and then this last one is a video that i found you must die i alone i'm best whoa the ultimate school rant That middle school sucks dick. What the fuck? So basically, if you didn't know already, school means six crappy hours of life. And middle school is even worse than elementary school because even in elementary school,

we got recess and snack time. But in middle school, you don't get any of that. Also, take for example, when you have a substitute teacher in elementary school, basically all they make you do all day is you draw in color. But in middle school, we have to literally do work from some itch who isn't even our real teacher. Die. And always there's that one slow kid in class that doesn't know that there's going to be a substitute that day. and the slow kid says,

uh, wait, but you're not my real teacher. Yeah, no dip, shit, Wad. Also,

the eighth graders are fucking dicks to us in the seventh grade. And they think that basically because they're in seventh or eighth grade that they weren't

seventh graders, they weren't seventh graders last year. And it's like, what the heck? Yeah, leave a comment. If you like this

video and remember to comment and subscribe for more funny stuff like this. I hope you die. No. I knew this was coming because it was the thumbnail. Oh, it was? I didn't see the thumbnail.

Well, so now I see why you... This middle schooler just got you guys. I was saying, no, I was saying defense spells in my head the entire time. I knew it was coming. My defenses were way down for the Rickroll. It's funny to know. exactly why you skipped the gym. But you guys came in and you were telling me,

you were like, yeah, we saw your location here. I was like, oh, no. At 9.45, man, we saw that you were at the office grinding out video. You bastard. Well, that wasn't me. That was a middle school. Or sorry, the middle school.

That's Sparkler 77. Sparkler. Yeah, he's in seventh grade. Dazzle. Interesting. Yeah. No comment. An alter ego that reminds you of glitter.

I don't think they're similar. They do the same thing. They do the same thing, yeah. All right, thank you so much for going to school. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to Sparkler. What was it again? Sparkler, 77. You know what it was?

That came from. I was trying to find, I told you guys about the ADHD kid forums that I was on as a kid. and I tried to find them and I was going to put those in but then I spent all morning looking for those forms and I couldn't find you can go to that website

but the whole website was built in Flash so when you go into the Wayback archive says they can't work no more yeah you can't even go through the forums it's not backed up that's bullshit so I was going to show you guys all the stuff I was saying about school

wait you were going to find your I need to see your post no they're gone I can't find them so sad so I did that instead Maybe he laughed All right Bye We almost had a sympathetic sneeze No you two sneeze and I yawned

Yeah the other day I almost sneezed I had a sympathetic sneeze Yes you had a sympathetic sneeze And it turned into a sympathetic gion And I'm fighting the urge right now You stopped your sneeze Yeah

And then I felt and then it went this way My dog yons and I fucking yawn Yawning will always happen Stop bro I'm gonna that's so mean it's so rude you're going to

stop it's going to work every time it's terrible I know I know but you keep saying it and your mouth

is I got to look away from you I'm not kidding I will I will I just fucked up oh my God

you just sounded like the cowardly like you're looking right at me man you're talking to me I don't want to be rude I can't just don't do the yawn thing but stop man

it's not funny nobody wants to hear me yo no no what's they hear that man that's not good radio it's been getting me the whole time yeah

you just discovered a superpower over it's a superpower it's a superpower It's everyone, everything. I'm stronger than you. I don't care. You got me the first three or four times. It doesn't even look like that how I yawn.

Yeah, it's not working. That's not how you yawn. That's how you talk. It's not working. That was a separate yawn. Oh, my God. And every time I'm... Oh, my God.

It's just destroyed your brain. You did not destroy my brain. I didn't destroy his brain. No, you didn't destroy my brain. is perfectly attacked. I can't look at you for even a second, but for other reasons because you're so fucking ugly to me. Oh.