Podcast About List - Ep. 305 - My Encounter With Officer Tickle Monster

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

This episode we talk about keeping the law and having fun while you're at it, we know you will all enjoy this one! Peace! Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Why do I always want to get clapped by Pat when we start? You wish. I do wish. That's what I'm saying. Why do I want to? Yeah, you want a sip? Go ahead, man. Do I have to put it in your potion glass?

I'll do it. No, this isn't washed at all. Go ahead. You can have the rest, actually. Go ahead. Kill it. How much? Oh, there's so much sugar in this.

I forgot. It's a sweet drink. I'm trying to cut down on sugars. Really? Sugary stuff. Yeah. I saw that one of the actors from that show Angel died from a tooth infection. oh tooth infections are scary

yeah that is scary as fuck you don't think about it because you think oh it's just my teeth it's cavity it's what kids get I don't even think of my teeth it's actually the closest thing of your brain besides your nose and your eyes stopped his heart is what I read yeah that it could really fuck you up

if you get a tooth infection infections in general are not are they're bad they're really really bad they're not good to have it mainly it's a bad thing yeah unless it's an infection of your devilish side I have that's good I have UK teeth

you do have oh so you admit that the Ireland no no no no you just admitted that Ireland is British well a part of it is but we're going to take it back you're going to take it back I'm going to take it we us three we're going to take Northern Ireland dude I already tried they don't want it back they don't want to be free they don't want to be free this they like of Ireland they're living in the lap of luxury up there

Irish are genetically servile and they like being lorded over as an Irishman Oh, that's true As a newfound Irishman I know that I don't like being in charge and I like having a boss And so I can

I know my brothers and sisters Throughout Ireland We are begging to be Subjects of the Crown Step on us Please make a subject of the Crown They literally live in hills Like hobbits

Yeah and they have those damp You see a... When they build a house They say hold on We need to make sure this house Has a way for somebody To walk all over it Yes.

When I lay my head down at night, I need to know that there's a possibility I'm being stepped on right now because I'm high. Yeah. It's not that they want to live underground because their rats are moles and ferving or anything like that. That's racist. Yes. Yeah, they'd be fucked up to say. But they do anything they make, they want it stepped on. They want it squashed.

Yeah. They want any dreams or hopes that sit in their house to be squashed. They put their dream catchers on the ground in their house so that they just step all over. him all day and then they could fall asleep. Speaking of dreams, I told you guys about that dream that I had. Yeah. That one time where I helped Genesis to write the song misunderstanding. I don't know what that band is.

Genesis, like Phil Collins. Oh, I know Phil Collins. I had that dream. He killed a pool or something. He watched the guy drown. I don't know what the myth was, but I had that dream. And then I've been getting really into them.

I've been getting really into like Peter Gabriel and stuff. And I read earlier. Is that the one who's alive? Yeah, he's the one that sings Sledgehammer. Okay. I want to be a Sledgehammer. I know that song. I was reading about him and I learned that his wife cheated on him

with the guy that produced his fourth album that Shock the Monkey was on. And then he made Sledgehammer the song that's about, how bad he needs to have sex The album immediately after he's like I just got divorced I'm going hunting for pussy And then you had a dream about Well I had a dream that

I had a dream months ago That I helped Phil Collins Right Misunderstanding What's that song about? That's the That's one that's like Burr-down down down down

But what's it about When I say what is a song about It's about him getting stood up on a date Okay It's funny that when a musician wants to have sex, they write a song about it instead of just going out. Just go, fuck, you're a fucking rock star. Just wear a shirt with your face on it and do this. They're so stupid, why are any rock stars that are they ever made?

It's going to hear it on the radio and go. Cherry pie? He needs it bad. He needs that bad that he's writing songs. He wrote a song about it. All he can think, he can only think in terms of songs. Yeah. I think that the rock star sex lifestyle would get exhausting.

we're to the point where I wouldn't even want to think about sex let alone throw up. Tired of sex. Tired of sex. Tired of sex. That's a good song. Basically the only time that a band would admit that. And why is fucking what's his name? Yeah, a weezer? Tired of sex? I don't know a thing about Wieser. What's a lean singer's name? Rivers Cuomo. I know yeah, rooster Cuomo. I know. He is a perfect example of what I would be like if I was a rockstone. Yeah. He'd be obsessed with Asian women and Oh, I didn't say that.

Every song about it. I know that about him. My song would be called Across the Road. I don't think I've really listened to anything by your neighbor. Why are you so close to me? You know, I'm supposed to be 100 feet away from you. I only know their hits, man. I don't know any of these other ones.

What are you talking about, tired of sex? I don't know that one. That's like one of the main ones, I would say. Yeah? Yeah. I know my name is Jonas. Yeah. You probably know all the Blue Album.

Yeah. I think I've heard. that's the good one. That's the good one. I would argue Weezer has many, many masterpiece albums. But blue is the one. Blue is the one. I'm not saying the other ones aren't good, but blue is the one. I even like the one with the monster on the cover. Dude, the monster one is good. Yeah, I don't know. Pork and beans because of the meme video. Red album. Yeah. I know that one. The thing that was so perplexing about this dream that I had, is that I never, I had heard that song in my life before, but then in my dream I heard like, I was like in the, I was behind the booth. You never heard the song? No, I've heard it. I've heard it before,

but it wasn't like a song that I really liked. But this dream made me really like the song. And you found yourself perplexed. I'm perplexed by this. Because in the dream, I'm the guy in the studio doing all this, doing the sliders. And I'm telling Phil Collins, you got to keep going, man. It's so good. You got it. This song's going to be a hit. No, I didn't like the song that much. And then I had the dream about it. Then I listened to it like all day. And I was like, this is the best song ever. Yeah.

And then I'm getting more into them now. This is the modern world version of that guy, Kakuwee or the guy who solved the chemistry problem in his dream. I don't remember that. Is that from bionical? No, that's from real onical. Oh, okay. The chronicle. The world.

Yeah. No, there was a guy who was trying to solve some chemistry reaction thing. And he went to sleep and he dreamed of the. shape of a ring and then he woke up and he was like oh the molecule needs to be ring shaped

wow I believe in that shit but nowadays it becomes about I really love I really love dream magic I like magic is crazy dream the subconscious is

very very powerful I guess subconsciously I've always loved that song yeah it's where the truth actually comes out yeah

I had a dream the other night that I had a blue penis this is gonna happen man like Dr. Manhattan yeah but what you do with it just a weiner just the weenie

just it what I do with it I did it woke up to get away from it. I didn't want to have a lot of life. I ran away from the truth. I told you guys about the dream I had that we were arguing because we had a... It made me so sad that I was barely in it.

You were barely in it. It made me really happy. It made you happy because you were on his side of the dream. I wasn't in it at all. Joe was your enemy. Joe and Pierce were my enemies. We were arguing about us doing a sketch show at my childhood home to my mom and dad. And I was like, well, first of all, we didn't even rehearse.

and everyone bought tickets to our show. And when he was explaining this in the car, he was actually getting mad again at the dream scenario. I was getting mad at the dream. He was like, well, first of all, it's at my fucking parents' house. Yeah. Well, I was showing you what I was doing in the dream.

I was acting out what I was doing. You were acting out in your dream by not even ignoring I exist. Ignoying. Ignoying me. You were ignoring me. I was ignoring you. But I also... Do I even exist?

Did I tell you how I woke up from that dream was I was wearing... Because we were all dressed up. We were all to the nines. Love that. And I was wearing like a white dress shirt and I jumped into a puddle in front of my house. Oh, yes. And then the shirt got dirty. And then in my dream, I was like, well, I need to go put this in the washer.

You jumped in a puddle. And then I woke up. I was like, wait, I've had stuff like that for. I'm not wearing a dress shirt. Where you wake up because you know you're supposed to go do something when you're in the dream. Yeah. Yeah, that's an odd feeling. Yeah, it was crazy.

Dreams are truly so, I wish that a movie director would do something about dreams. Oh, unfortunately, there's been nothing. thing about dreams so far. No, there's no movies about dreams. No good ones at least. And also the dream stuff, the only movie that has kind of a dream like thing in it that makes it is kind of like a real dream, I would say is eternal sunshine where just a bunch of crap is going on. I never saw that movie. Really? I saw parts of it and even then I was like, this is too trippy for me. I saw it in, uh, put on Star Wars. It is too trippy. I had a freak out the first time I seen that movie at a film class. You lost it. I

lost the plot. You crashed out. I had just done psychedelic drugs for the first time and then I watched that movie and I was like this is reminding me too much of being crazy on drugs and so I had to stop. I close my eyes for the rest of the movie. Closing your eyes is a good cheat code for a movie. It's so easy to escape a movie.

The problem is the sound. How do you get mad at a movie? The sound is hardly ever offensive. But sometimes you never know. You always watch movies with the descriptor stuff, the deaf people thing. Yeah. And where there's like a voice that's like, he walks into the room. He's picking up a piece of poop. Well, because I have

a hard time with understanding. That happens in Eternal Sunshine and Spotless Spot. Yeah, I told you. It's like crazy as green. He picks up a piece of poop. Jim Carrey, he's got to be funny. The middle 30. That's true, yeah. And he's making a crazy face. Yeah. Jim Carrey is making a crazy face. He, they should have gotten. Jim Carrey's face. It looks like two eyes

and nose and a mouth. What a talent he is, man. To be able to do being birthed out of a rhino. Both ends. Yeah, because he did do both He does the girl's mouth in Eternal Sunshine, does the Rino's Rear. What? Does a girl's mouth?

Probably. There's a few movies where he does a girl's mouth. Oh, he does the old lady's mouth in a yes man. Come on. That's true. Shout out. He does a boy's mouth and I love you, Philip Morris. I remember leaving Yes Man and being like,

I'm going to be a yes man. I did the same. We talked about my yes man. Yeah, he did my first date when I was 11 years old and I ate all the popcorn and then told the girl, I'm sorry, I thought you didn't want any. No, I didn't remember. I've told you about this.

I definitely have heard this story. You ate all the popcorn? I ate all the popcorn on the first date. Yeah. I want to be a no man. Before the movie started. I am a no man. Okay.

So starting a no man life. You start right now, right? No. You're starting. No, I'm not. Do a one week no man experiment. Why? No, I won't.

Please do it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Patrick. Please do it. He started? No, I won't. I'm not going to do it. Is that part of yes, man? Does that happen?

No, nobody ever. Nobody tricks on that. How to make him say no to something. Do you want to not do this? Yes. Okay, then don't do it. That's genius. They should make a sequel to Yes, man,

where somebody figures that out. Somebody figures that out and turns yes man into their slave. Yes. And all the guys who are at the yes man conference, he has a full. First half comedy, like audition. First half comedy, second half, Scorffs. Second Hoff Scurry.

Second off scurry. Where it's that someone finds out he's yes man. And controls him. trolls and tortures him with the yes that's exactly that would happen because the world is so cruel yeah that's what would actually happen that's how that would be gritty and realistic like if batman was in real life yeah he wouldn't have a flying spaceship he would just have a car that shoots rockets which mr nolan picked up on this pretty fast yeah but he also gave him a bet copter right he gave him he had a he had a normal copter he had a cape he had a he had a plane

but dark night rises was kind of the one that stretched reality yeah they've got robin in it two face i get that yeah A guy could look like that if something happened to him. Yeah. Odd. But Catwoman? No. Nobody looks like that.

No one looks. That's not normal. Especially not what's her in. No. And he hath away. Say yes to the dress ass bitch. Le Miz. Say yes to the dress is not.

That's a, that's a reality program. Don't make me do you. That's a wedding show. You're not going to do me. What are you talking about? Sorry, do you in.

Don't make me do you in. Talking about doing me? I didn't mean it like. I didn't say don't. I didn't mean. Don't make me do you. I didn't mean it like that. See, you would be, you're kind of laying it down for the evil yes man.

I'm laying it down. See, you're doing a great job right now. So don't make me, so how would yes man answer that? Don't make me do you. Basically, what would happen is the bad guy. The bad guy's name no man. Because yes man is like, can I get, can I escape? And no man's like, no.

Can you not escape? Yes, man. Like, do you want me to cut your arm off? Yes. Yes. The thing is, it's never gone bad for him before. So the first time He does go bet for him

He gets put on the no fly list I didn't see the rest of the movie I saw the whole thing I saw to the point where he watched He fucked the old lady And he liked it And I said And then Danny Masterses

His best friend in the movie What? Danny Masterson's in there Yeah He's his best friend in the movie And he's a real life Yeah he's real life no man He would be no man

In the in this And the reboot Give him some work That's what you can say They should do It's like you feel It would be good It would be good to give

Danny Masterson work as an evil pervert character. Oh, that's what they should do. All of the actors and people who have done horrible crimes who are in jail, that's what they should be cast as the villains. Christelia would not have been so, people would not have jumped on him so fast if he had not played like a hundred pedophiles on various different TV shows. Was he in yes man also? He was the yes man.

Because then also. I'm genuinely confused now. Is he in yes man? I don't think he's in yes. He's a yes man's son. If you are, you know what people always say about people? Wait, they have no man. Who?

Look. No, that's Norman. Oh. With his accent, I guess it is no man. Yeah, his accent. Norman. Norman. Norman.

So, Chris Delia is not even in it in a cameo role. No, but I'm bringing him up because he's an evil pedophro. Oh, okay. They'll say like, oh, I love to hate that guy. Yeah. Can you imagine how much better that would feel if it was a really bad villain? It was like their public service. They don't get any money.

They go back to jail. They don't get craft services. And guess what? Their trailer is a prison cell. Because nowadays with the advent of cancel culture, nobody wants to play villains anymore. They're afraid. You're not allowed to see the fucking... Doesn't have media literacy.

The actors, this is also the only thing they do. Can you... Have you ever seen any of these license plates that the actors in jail are pressing? They look like... shit. They need to be doing something that they actually know how to do. Yeah. They need to be acting. They're putting all the numbers upside down. They're doing, they're writing whole scripts

and printing that into the... They're putting their... They're putting IMDB at Danny Masterson on license plates. And you're like, I think I know who made this. Yeah, I think I can see... I think I can see through this. They need to be acting. And also for anybody who wants to break into acting, just do a horrible crime.

Be bad. Remember when the like the news dropped about Danny Masterson and people were circulating that Conan clip where they're like, Conan knew. Conan, yeah, there's like a clip of, there's a clip of, Danny Masterson makes like some joke about dating women

and then Conan goes, I've heard about you. And it's like clearly such a throwaway joke but everyone's like, he knew. Conan knew. He did probably know. And he put him on his show.

Conan doesn't get to choose who's on his show. That's true. That's true. It is the network, yeah. Speaking of people in jail and music actually This morning I read some I read the name Mumia Abu Jamal And I was like oh yeah

I remember something about that guy And I looked him up and I was like why do I Why have I heard like a like something he said Like an interview with him or something And then I went to I searched Mumia Bujamal rap song And there's an immortal technique song Called Homeland and Hip Hop that I used to listen to

every day, probably like 30 times a day. And it's just him talking. And I had no idea who that was, but I was obsessed with Mumia Abu Jamal. And I would talk about him all the time when I was a kid. Musicians love that guy. Yeah. Who is common. He was a guy who, yeah, he was a guy who got framed by the police for killing a cop. Oh. And it was like right around like the move stuff in Philly. Uh-huh. And then he got like put on death row and then taking off death row. And now he goes on democracy now. But he has the craziest voice. Yeah. And he says, sounded really, really cool when I was a kid, and I thought that it was from a movie, but apparently it was

a real guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, and a really sad story, but, uh, yeah. Kind of end of, yeah, I just, I had to just tell you guys that. That I got obsessed with him and didn't know who he was when I was a kid because I thought that he talked really cool. Hmm. And it's true. Yeah.

Why are you looking at me? I don't know anything about the guy. You don't know, oh, well, why am I not surprised? I'm learning about him right now. Why am I not surprised? You don't know anything about Mumia Abu Jamal. And what about, are you familiar with Biggie Smalls?

Yeah. Are you? He's like a rapping pig, right? Did you say piggy? No, no. I said pig. Yeah, maybe I did. I think I said Biggie.

But it could have been saying me saying Piggy. If you said Piggy, then I think I'm right. I think I'm correct if you said piggy. But I don't know. Do you think you'd do well on death row? Me? Yeah. No.

I was talking about death row meals yesterday. Which would you have? I'd have the big stuff lobster that my dad makes. You'd make your dad come to death row. You're fucking dad. Your dad is disown you so old. And I would sit there and I'd point at him and go, check me out, bitch. I'm going to die.

I'm famous. I'm fucking famous for about to die. You're in front of 12 people. I'm famous. I'd ask for, I'd ask for a freshly. A freshly made Century Egg Mm-hmm

There's no way to trick them actually, I've looked into it You can't trick them Yeah, I was talking about it It'd be so funny if that would If that worked Every single time Another fucking guy

Went on Reddit And discovered that you can trick us But they made it so I forget what state it is But they made it so like It's just a checklist And you can say like

I want this You have to select off of something Which makes sense I bet also if they let you I bet it's so many people if they'd let you just select it they'd say something and then they would just give them something else

and it's like oh you can't do anything about it because we're gonna kill you yeah who are we gonna tell you're about to die there's that guy that ate the one bean that's like the most famous one the guy who ate a single bean

is that the most famous one there's also the guy who had like a thousand he did the old I think you should leave order yeah he had like a shit ton of stuff and then was like there's one guy that I think it was in Oklahoma he got them to make him a bunch of expensive food and then was like

I don't want it. That's funny. And you know that pissed them off so bad. And I think that's what started, that's what created a, like I think they like, he ruined it for everyone else. Yeah, he ruined it for everyone else and then you changed the law. Here's what you do. You order something that you're, order something you're deathly allergic to. Then they don't even get

the satisfaction of pulling the fucking fit. Can I just get a bowl of penicillin? Peanut butter, shellfish. You have a bunch of cat dander. And grass. Yeah. Because you just mix that all up in a bowl. A steak, dry age in cat dander with a glass of penicillin. That sounds so fucking good.

That does sound good actually. A steak and cat dander? I don't even know what cat. That's skin. That's dead skin from a cat. That would taste pretty good. And then birch pollen ice cream. Ooh. With some dust mites. A dust mite boil. Can I have poison ivy soup as well? But that would be good because then, you know,

the psycho pulls the trigger on the chair. Uh-huh. He is going to lose out on all, you know, He's got to wait like 10 more years Yeah, they'd get rid of the chair They should be doing With the person on it That's how they should kill them Just shoot it up like a missile

It kind of sucks that there's no Oh sorry I thought you're being against it I didn't know you're so pro No, I'm pro death row Yeah Death Row It's cool that we get to kill people

And like half of them are on accident That's cool to me It sucks when you hear the stories About like the guys that get injected and then it doesn't take and then they're just kind of sitting there and they're like, don't even go, oh, just go, oh, just go, oh, my God, I'm like, and then, pretend to die.

I don't know if you've seen Kill Bill. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or let's go to prison is the better one. I mean, that's the better situation. Well, you fucking eat shit. No, they both get injected with the stuff that makes you like. I never seen the end of that movie.

Oh. I've only seen the first three minutes on Comedy Central. Yeah. They die. What happens? What happens? Well, they get, they both get injected. Wait, they're on death row in that movie?

No, they, they, Leschitsky and the other guy, I forget his name, get into a fight in the prison yard, and then they both inject each other with something that the prison drug simolee makes, that makes you, like, show up as dead, but then you wake up hours later. Romeo and Juliet.

Yeah, they both stab each other with that, and then Will Arnette's boyfriend digs them out of the grave. And then they become... Yeah, I know that from the first three minutes. Wait, what? And then they become... What do they?

Oh, they become prison wine sommoliers in Napa Valley. And Tim and Eric drink the wine at the end. Wow. Because it was directed by Bob Odenkirk. Wow. And he called in a favor. And they're both at the end and they drink the wine. Can you come act in this comedy movie as a favor?

Yeah. To the two comedians? Yeah. Well, they are a cameo appearance. That is true. They're cameo artists more so than... Yeah, cameo is a favor most of the time. I would

If you had to go one of the big Four execution styles What are you going You got the chair You got the firing squad You got the beheading And you have Oh guillotine

Oh I would be the person To request guillotine No lethal injection No I guess lethal injection As well yeah Guillotine because of Because I'm a big Alice Cooper fan

At the The firing squad is by far That's how Alice Cooper died Fire squad would hurt so Who gives a fuck? You get to smoke a cigarette What if you don't die You get to smoke a cigarette.

What if you don't die with any of them? Wait, what do you mean you don't die? You get shot a thousand times? No, no. Firing Squad is they, like three of them are, like, isn't that always the case where it's like most of them are blanks except for one so no one knows who did it? I don't know. Is that just Twilight Zone? I think I would know if I shot the guy.

If I was aiming at his head. Well, even then, that doesn't work because it's like all of you think you shot him. Every single one of you were like, oh, it was my bullet. Yeah, it was just Twilight Zone. It's to stop people from bragging, I think, more so than it is to alleviate the guilt. What are he looking at? Oh, there's just a man drinking. Guy wants to have his little treat.

It's okay to fucking drink. I thought it was Dan. I thought we were getting another. I thought he was drinking wine. Wine. But it was just a long necked seltzer bottle it looked like. That's perfectly okay. I know it's fine.

It's not going to be wine. It was going to be cool. When are we going to have the 40 ounce white claws or the 40 ounce truly hard selters or the 40-ounce twisted teas? Where are those? Where are they? where are they because I'd have one of those well aren't you don't don't they have to be

malted to be in the 40 well how about a keg okay I used the just been logically I used a keg this weekend for the first time ever in my life I realized we were with you this weekend when did you use a oh the night that I got back the skate shop you went to a keg

the skate shop that I'd like to go into is closing yeah back from Atlantic City where you got so drunk that you got tays and then you went, I'm going to get, I'm going to hit the kegger. Well, they were closing. They were closing that shop for a while. Not even permanent, a while. Well, hopefully they'll find a new spot.

Hopefully they'll find a new spot. They're closing for the night. That's where like the first shop I went to when I, like, moved here. So I was like, oh, I'll go to the going away. I know some of the, like, employees. That's what sucks so bad about living in a city is that there's something every fucking night. I know.

And then there's not, you can't just, well, you can. That's what I do all the time, just don't go to anything. Yeah. But then you feel like you didn't get to go to the, the closing. This is called FOMO. Well, but yeah, yeah, I guess it is called that. Yeah.

But I have very little of the FOMO. I actually have, when I go out to stuff, I have the fear of missing out on sitting down at my house. Yeah. Where I'm out and I'm like... Oh, I could have been watching a movie. I could have actually been just sitting at my house right now, looking at the different chips in my pantry and deciding that I don't want any of it.

Well, if you stay home, you also have the option of get... Well, either way, you have the option of getting more chips. I guess that's true. Yeah. But they don't have the same selection. That's stores that I have in my pantry. I went to this bar with Gus when he was in town, and the bar it was selling these Irish chips called Tato's.

And I had a Tato for the first time. Those are a great chip. A Tadot? Yeah, T-I-Y-T-O. I'm sick of the Zaps potato chips being the only option at these bar. These damn stupid-ass bars. The voodoo-I or whatever. Dude, it's a fucking all-dressed chip.

Yeah. But it's not even as good as an old-dress. It's too crunchy. You had too many of them. I thought that was like the main chip that. everyone was always talking about you guys moved on you don't like it anymore too i have we have we have voodoo fatigue i have voodoo fatigue i can't believe this for the second time my life had voodoo fatigue you guys are falling for the well i haven't had him in a while so i think i could have them now i'm fine to fall for

capitalism i'll fall in love with capitalism and i actually have been back on to a crunchy cheeto grind oh i hate cheetos shut up why i'm voicing my opinion what part of it do you know i don't like the dusty finger I don't like the texture that much I think I'll have I don't like a dusty finger I'll have them once in a blue moon

I'll have them once in a blue moon Once with a blue moon Once with a blue moon Yeah that's what the orange slice I'm putting on the Cheeto On the top It's a orange

Put the whole Cheeto in a blue moon Sounds pretty good actually Yeah No but I don't I don't like Do you I don't like anything That's too powdery Crunchy or puff

Oh I hate the crunchy ones But I like the puffs the puffs i don't like the way the puffs stick into your teeth i like to just push them onto my teeth yeah that's weird yeah you just take it you just push it oh like that it becomes yeah i really liked talkies though that was kind of an exception but that i also have i have talky fatigue and every time i look at them i think about the time that i got oh that week that i was taking prilosec and i had an allergic reaction and it makes me think about how i was still getting heart and I was getting hives and I was eating tachies.

That's it. Well, the fact that you were, you were medicated for heartburn. I wasn't medicated. This was OTC. Okay. That's medicine. It's medicine, though.

The fact that you... But, I mean, I thought you meant prescribed. You were eating medicine for heartburn, and you still were like, I'm going to hit the tachis. I was a lot... That's crazy. Worse with my diet habits back then. What are you eating now?

I don't eat that many chips anymore. I eat chips probably... Candy is kind of... out of the rotation. I've had a massive chip. Candies completely. I've relapsed before. I relapsed before. I relapsed on gummy worms a couple months ago.

But I'm completely trying to get rid of candy for my diet. That's smart. I don't think candy is it's a good. Ice cream is pretty good. Once every three months, get a Van Leeuwen pistachio. Oh, God, man. I had ice cream sandwich the other day. I wanted to have an ice cream cookie chip witch.

Which, yeah, chipwich is better. But they didn't have it at the store that I went for. It was a chip-witch ice cream set. Yeah. You don't call it a chip. That's a chip-witch. Okay. So the ice cream sandwich in my mind immediately.

It's the rectangle. Yeah. So when you get a fucking corned beef sandwich on ride, you call it a rye witch. I called it a rubein. If it's a Rubin. Well, that's smart, actually. Yeah. That's pretty wise.

Yeah, I guess there's a different. It is a Rubin. I had a chip which was really good. And then two days later, I had a frozen ice cream twigs bar. You had the Twix on the way to AC. It had a disgusting big boogers in it. I love the big boogers, dude. They were really good.

The Snickers ice cream, too. Yeah. I had one of those a couple months ago. I really liked it. I hadn't had one of probably 10 years, the frozen candy bars. Snickers ice cream is so good. I was like, Atlantic City, yeah. Yeah, this is a weekend.

I'm going to go to eat ice cream. It's a weekend of pleasure, honey, the Twix ice cream. It is, that is what it's supposed to be when you go is a pleasurable weekend. Starting it off with ice cream. I had a lot of, I knew you were going to get crazy. we had a lot of my stomach was already kind of upset going into that trip and I had a lot of food that didn't help yeah and the past couple days I've been really having troubles

and I've been taking the I've been taking poops that have been so horrible well don't take that I wish to I've been doing that and they're still like paper it's the type where I wish I wish that it could I could be sitting on the couch and have it just appear in the toilet yeah not because i don't want it to feel it come out of me but because i just physically don't want to be near that so i agree and i don't want to be in the room with yeah i had a i'd find a funny prank on my wife take like taking poop like i like saying that as a fecal like meaning fecal transplant oh i need to take some i played a funny prank on my wife where i got

home and i was all i was like god damn i was like i listen i really have to tell you something we went while we were there we went to Hooters and she got all freaked out until I said that and then she was really mad at me actually but then I told her that she was way more beautiful than any of the girls at the Hooters and I wish that every girl who worked there was her

the wings were good though I'm gonna be honest I'd never been to Hooters before that was my first time I'm honestly I was too scared and now I feel like I was being a baby the boobs weren't even big it's not any different And maybe we had an ugly waitress. No. It's not any different than any.

Oh, well, he had it. He had an interest. Well, we didn't have an ugly waitress. We were also sitting next to it. It was like us and then like the table next to us was like a group of guys that were like very into hooters. And it was like, oh. I was really into hooters. I was there in a full suit.

The guy during his birthday thing was doing the wing dance with the ladies. He was telling them that he's a coward and he's too cowardly to have sex with them. Oh, that's what that was. Okay. Yes, it's a different, he's from a different country. Don't even try. Don't even try because I'm a complete chicken. I'm a chicken.

I'm afraid. Stay away from me. You ladies are wolves. That was funny to see though, because I don't, like, I think the kind of general consensus about Hooters now is just like, yeah, it's just a fucking restaurant. Yeah. And just the guys that were there were like, we're at fucking Hooters. Yeah.

I mean, that's what we were doing. We thought it was funny. Yeah. Yeah, but they were there. They were there to, they were there to be debauchous. See, us, us five as a crew, but we were looking away, though. I don't even know what our waitress was like. We were there to be respectful.

Yeah. Oh, we will just have. We'll have the, and we love. The mildest wings you have. And we love the Barbie movie. That we should have been doing some. That's because saying something like that is going to, is basically trying to entice a girl. Yeah, that's true.

We hate the Barbie movie. We don't like the Barbie movie, but we are foodies. Yeah, we're foodie. We're just here, we're foodies. Yeah. We're the guy from Ratatouille. We're a group of foodies. We're a group of foodies on vacation to Atlantic City Hooters.

And we had to try it once. And we had to try it. We didn't realize the whole gimmick. That's what you got to say. That's the, you got to say, got to try it once, right? Yeah. That's what you say to the, so that she knows it's your first time there. Yeah.

And you're not a creep who's coming there all the time. Exactly. Have you seen there's this guy on a. online, like his whole Instagram page is him just taking selfies with Hooters waitresses. I think so. He's like a guy, like a retired guy that just goes there all the time now. He goes to

every single one of them. If you were a girl, would you work at Hooters? Probably. My life would be shit if I was girl. Well, I guess you'd think about it. If you would if you worked at Hooters, you I just know I'd have a terrible If you worked at Hooters, you'd get to have.

Probably fucking a thing. You get to have an all-female workplace. That's true. That is true, except for the chefs. Yeah, but you're not talking to them anyway. Wait, are the chefs naked? The chefs are all males, what I saw. With big balls.

They're all males. You don't see it because of the bar, but the chefs back there all have like really short shorts with their balls hanging out on either side. That's a good idea. And the back, it's empty because the girls don't know about it, but that's for the girls. yeah a little bit of balls on the side girls love balls they love them big balls

there was this one time during like uh like 20 20 i got a text because some hooters waitress gave out like my number some hooters waiters that's got to be a first time or put out i mean oh that's i'm sorry yeah yeah you didn't mess up yeah messed up but i got it messed up you didn't set me up right no he said the wrong thing there was a hooters uh waiters uh gave out my number and uh what does that even mean what does that mean she just gave a hey why she had she gave out a fake it was a hooters waitress in kentucky i've never been to kentucky okay but you've texted her before on what's that no no because she gave out my number she just gave out a random number and then this guy uh darius said hey this is darius from earlier at hooters

and i said what's up and he said playing spades right now with friends how was your workday beautiful not doing too good my dog ate a whole cake off the counter while i was And then I sent this, I looked up like sleeping dog on Google images and said this one of the sleeping dog. And then he went like, I got to find the rest of the text, but he was like, oh, damn, I'm sorry. Why didn't you establish a full relationship with him and, and, uh, oh, I also sent a picture of a cake on the ground. What kind of dog do you have again? I never said, I don't think she said anything about a dog. I said, oh, he's sleeping now.

And he said, he's cute. And you didn't try to get compromising, yeah, he was very determined. Yeah, he was very determined. Stuff on him or anything. You didn't try to blackmail this guy by getting a picture of his ass. I just told him my dog had a whole kick off the counter and fell asleep on my CDs. It worked. I guess it worked.

That was pretty funny. Yeah. All right. You guys want to do this? Motherfucking shit. So basically, if you travel back in time to when we were talking about the death row and that type of thing. Yeah. Now, then there will be a perfect segue.

So today we're talking about. What? I flicked his nipple and it got hard. Didn't get hard. Look. I can see the imprint. Oh, my God. It's not hard.

It's not hard. I flicked it and it's hard. It looks really hard. It's not hard. It got hard as. soon as my finger touched. Stop. Get those off.

Don't even do that. We can't do that. I can't show that. With my nipples. Oh. Now I'm just looking at you doing this. Why? You should be sent to the police.

To do what to do this? Hey, guys. And today, we're looking at the police. Yeah. And we're looking at what makes the police officers tick. Yeah, we went to the police. I know what makes them ticked off. Rap music.

My research. And we're, we're backing this episode up, so I hope nothing happened. That's all I'm going to say. This isn't coasting off anything or something happens. This is a few weeks ago. This is a pretty dangerous one to back up. Does we really want to make that clear?

God willing, nothing happens, but you know these cops, they're wily, and they're always going to do something. Okay, so whatever happens, you will describe, you will have described as wily. They're always looking to make us look bad. is the big problem. Yeah. The main bad thing.

So I looked at this website that I think maybe you guys did too. It's officer.com. It was like the one big police force. There was so much stuff here. Yeah, there's a whole lot of stuff. And this is, I found just a few posts on officer.com. And I'll start off now. Are there any nerdy slash geeky cops here?

Maybe this is more likely among younger cops. but are any of you verified officers, fans of the following, anime slash manga, i.e. attack on Titan, Dragon Ball, etc. sci-fi or fantasy, i.e. Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc.,

superheroes, i.e. Marvel or D.C. I'm pretty much a fan of the above as I have yet to get to that. But I'm curious if there are cops with such interest. Anyone? A geeky cop? Yeah, and there's a few. Someone said,

I listen to the BBC and NPR shows. I have Rickroll someone and I enjoy lull cats and other internet fads. YTMND.com for the win. Woot! MST3K is my most favorite show in the history of TV. You got the guy. Wait, I like the idea that he...

Was it in 2019? Yeah. I was old. Oh, the things that he joined in 2018, I'm like, damn what the fuck. I like the idea that he Rick rolled someone he pulled over. Yeah, I know. This can you imagine. Excuse me, sir.

We actually have you on camera. That would be good. Can you... What a world back when it used to mean that you were a geek if you liked Rickroll. Yeah, and roll cats. Yeah. Nowadays, that basically makes you enormous. That makes you an old fart.

Yeah. An old head. Yeah. It makes you basically you're like the guy who dresses up like it's the 50s and smokes a pipe. Yeah. What is the equivalent of the Rick Roll these days? Is there one? I guess it's that website, like San Francisco News website that shows you the picture of that guy with the big black penis.

Yeah, I know that one. Yeah, where it's like that was going around where it's like Dr. Fauci exposed and then you click on the link. There's definitely videos that people, I'm trying to think of one. I definitely, there's definitely. video memes. There's a gnome. Where it switches into something. There's gnomed.

You just got gnomed. I don't know that. See, I'm too old. I'm an old far. Is that a Tumblr one? I remember the Rickroll. That was an old tumbler one from like 2018. What is the gnome?

It's just a video that says you got gnomed and that's the gnome going, what's that? What's that? It's a gnome. I don't remember. Yeah, I know what a gnome is. It's a laughing gnome. Being a dick to me, but I'm not known.

All right. Here's another, here's another nerdy officer. The open nerdyness. a good amount of the officers at my old jail was one of the only redeeming factors of that job. I fit in well as I love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Disney Movies, Terminator, etc. I like

a lot of the Marvel and DC stuff too, but I'm not as big a fan as some people are. For about 0200 to 0500 one night, I and about 10 other officers had a serious discussion as to if the jail were Hogwarts, which officer would be with Harry Potter character. Many a night was dedicated to speculating the outcome of the newest Star Wars

movies and the analysis of the older ones or whether a Jedi or Harry Potter World Wizard would win in a fight, et cetera. None of us were virgins. That is so funny. Slyther and slither. I wrote several. I wrote several fan fiction stories

for the Prince of Persia Sands of Time video game series. I can quote Holy Grail pretty much in its entirety. On that note, my family and I can have a dinner conversation almost entirely of movie and TV quotes. Wow. This is 11 guys that work at a jail.

Can you imagine you're in jail? You're trying to sleep. You're in the drunk day. You're like, so, okay, we, a wizard would definitely not win against a Jedi. He would be so Hufflepufflepuff. He's so Hufflepuff. No, dude, he's got to be.

Dude, that rapist we just picked up is so slithering. This guy, uh, slathering coming through. We got a slithering coming through. Bigged up a slithering. Crucio. Well, let's just try it one time. I wish I could have a vod a cadaver, the guy that just walked in.

Put, put it down or I will have vodakadover. Because it's one thing to get pulled over by a cop who's a nerd because you're also probably not going to hear it unless you're wearing like a doctor who shirt and they're like you're a fan too my friend and you get off the ticket but you're in jail you have no recourse yeah and you have to listen to them talk i think there are a ultimate torture yeah i feel like there probably are a lot of nerdy cops this thread was i mean this also was one of many threads or like any nerds out there like i feel like it's i think that the culture has changed where back in the day it was only people who wanted to crack heads yeah yeah

Yeah, crack heads of crackheads. Yes, yes, yes. And now people are growing up and they have soft parents. You might be able to get a, you might be able to get away with, you know, how like, oh, if you're a girl, you cry or something. Maybe if you're a guy, you always keep like a some kind of nerdist style t-shirt. Or you have an ID that just says the Spanish Inquisition. You give to one of these cops and then. There you go, oh.

Bye time. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Yeah, it's crazy, too, that people, I think a lot of these cops, too, they live a full young adult life as a nerd. And then, like, in their late 20s, they're like, fuck it. Let's kill people. I'm going to become a cop. Why not? It's time.

I got nothing else to do. I do think it's kind of an end of your rope style job. It is. That's what I saw a lot of this stuff on here. People like, yeah, they're 30 and they're like, well, I tried everything else. My wife said, I can't do it, but I'm doing it in any way. saw one guy who was like, I've had 12 jobs. I got discharged from the military. I've had 12 jobs. My credit score is 5.50. The longest I've ever been at a job is four months.

Do you think I could get a job as a cop? And every single response was like, yes, yes, yes, yes. Here's another post on here. Tactical tickling, and it's a link to a video. Good day, all, could this video be for real? Do police use this tickle me Elmo style to get bad people to submit to get cuffs on them? And then here's the link. If you go to the next one, it says, Tactical tip, Tickle Me Elmo. Don Gula demonstrates a technique you can use to win against an opponent with a high pain tolerance. It may sound goofy, but the Tickle Me Elmo is a trick worth considering when pain compliance isn't working. Oh, my God.

And then in the next slide, I put the video on. It's like a one-minute video. And you can just click play on it, I think. Okay, we've seen a lot of tactical photos, tactical tip. The video-friendly Tickle-Me Elmo. Don Gula. Hi, I'm Sergeant Don Gula, founder for wrestling. So here we are again.

We have a suspect on the ground. No way. Training thousands of recruits. That sometimes the people that have the highest pain tolerance, they have another secret behind the door that we don't realize. Because I can use all the pain compliance to try to get his arms out, but he can resist it for a long period of time. Well, here's one thing to try. It's very video friendly, but it's very, very effective. So if I'm down here, and let's say that I'm looking.

They're saying body cam. It's not working. We're trying something maybe with the legs. I will whisper down to them, and I will say, are you tickling? And it's surprising that the people with the highest pain tolerance. So be prepared for them to squirm. But we call us tickle me almost. And all you're going to do is you're going to go to the lower rib area.

You're just going to take your little bit, but be prepared. Bring your hands out. Bring your hands behind your back. Right? And then get a control position. Cheating. But you know what? I thought that this was a fake video, but it's fully real.

Yeah. Oh my. Fucking God. You get a good laugh. That's fucking crazy, man. Are you ticklish? Cop asking you, are you ticklish? That's, oh my God.

That has to break a Geneva convention or something. People were not happy about this. People really like this. Yeah, this is the, I love this. the main sentiment here is a funny thing of next innovation the tactical hand job and someone says since 2020 is bizarre a world already i don't find this outside the realm of a possibility are you horny are you gay the next step from tickling is giving someone a hand job the most disturbing

yeah so this next one this next post is 15 of the most disturbing films ever made i'm happy to report i've only seen two of these and both are classics in my view clockwork orange although the book was better and brazil the others are focused on topics that don't interest me in the police, so I wouldn't have seen them. Who on earth would go see human centipede? To me, no such list could be complete without a racerhead. 1976 American surrealist film written, directed and produced by David Lynch. That's the most FU ampersand carrot movie I have ever seen. I also think there will be blood could be added. What the hell was that movie about again? Fifteen of the most disturbing films ever made. What say you? So this is basically all

cops who have very, uh, these are the people who are, you know, going out. Yes. trying to help. They're going into alleys. They're seeing the breaking bad houses with the people crush themselves in ATMs. And this is what they these are the movies that are too much for them. I'm scared of Donnie Darko. Yeah, here's some movies. The Crow had some scenes that were pretty hard to take, let alone the fact that Brandon Lee was killed during the filming.

There's a crow is really funny because I don't know you guys have seen the crow, but it's just, it's like a sad goth movie. Yeah. But he did die. It can never rain all the time. He did die though. He did die. That's true. So that's a little scary. Donnie Darko is pretty messed up too. They're fucking right. scary movie. Someone says,

I agree with paranormal activity. That's fucked up that cops agree with that. Yeah. They agree with paranormal activity. Someone says,

Hellraiser with the tearing of the flesh scenes. And then someone says, another one is taxi driver. Here's a sample. Probably not appropriate for work. And that's a YouTube link to taxi driver.

You talking me. It's funny that when they say not appropriate for work, they do mean at the police station. Yeah. You know exactly what kind of work. But these are the things that are terrifying them. To a cop. Travis Bickle's probably probably is the scariest thing of all time as to a cop. Oh, absolutely. A guy who's weird that they would have to talk to. I would say that would be a disqualifying movie if you've seen it if you're applying to be a police officer. You should not

have ever seen this movie. Yeah. It'll give you a different perspective of guys. And then this next section, this one I'm excited about, I found a bunch of gamer tags. These are a bunch of people's gamer tags and PSN usern usern. Lieutenant Trigger is my GamerTag on Xbox Live, Ranger Danger 415 on PSN, misanthropy 22 on PSN, mine is born to kill 5. Oh my God. Deadly Jester 69 on Xbox Live for those of you that think they are good. My Xbox Live Gamer Tech is Gringe.

Gamer tag, I heart 12 gauge, tepai man. My Xbox Live name is Prowl 911. I really like LG Trigger The good ones are coming up My Gamer tag is the happy Fishing And the last one's my favorite

PS3 Modern Warfare Yourson name's silly 34 I really like LT trigger because I didn't read it as Lieutenant Trigger It could be left

I read it as like ATM machine like like left trigger trigger Yeah So those are if you want to play game with any cops

everyone can add all these, yeah. And then the next section is that they played a little game on the forum called Corrupt a Wish. I don't know if you guys see, I've seen this game on some other forums too. When looking for other stuff. So here's how it works.

Anybody up for a game of Corrupt a Wish? The rules are simple. One person makes a wish, then the next person grants it in a humorous way so that the first person gets something completely different from what they wanted and might even end up worse off before they made the wish.

So this is really fun because a lot of the wishes that these cops make are pretty interesting. And also, I don't know if maybe the threads started moving too fast or if these guys are really dumb or don't understand how the game works. But some of the things that they use

to corrupt the other people's wishes are interesting choices. So let's just start it off. I wish Americans weren't so ignorant and self-centered. Granted, but this country is now under Sharia law and run by Muslims. So a lot of it is like this.

Sounds pretty good to me. But then here's some other ones I saw. I wish I had a 1964 Chevrolet and Pulitzer. a convertible. Granted, but you caught an incurable virus that must live in a bubble inside a lockdown biohazard chamber unit until spring.

Well, spring's when you want to take the convertible out. Yeah, I guess this is the best wish ever. You need to skip the winter? Yeah. I wish it wasn't so damn cold out. Granted, but now you're stalked by a rapist gorilla.

That escaped from the Congo. It escaped from the Congo. It escaped from the Congo. I don't know if these guys understand the game. Did he mean cargo? No, he needs Congo. Here's another one.

Here's a good wish. I wish I had ham in my fridge for lunch. Okay. Granted, but your car is buried in 20 feet of snow. Just the car? I wish I wasn't ugly. Oh. Granted, you received a letter bomb in the mail.

Now you're dead. This next one is. my favorite one. I wish my Christmas shopping was done. Granted, you are now three inches to all. And then the last one, the person really didn't understand the game at all. I wish I was having pizza tonight

and someone just said, granted. Okay, let's show them how to really play corrupt wish. Yeah. I wish that I was a pebble. Granted, but your name is fart, fart pebble. fart the pebble okay see that's a perfect example

this game I think that what happened I read on some I think a lot of people are really slow typers yeah who are cops and they saw something and it maybe took them 20 30 minutes to type out oh I see I accidentally responded to something else oh that makes sense okay okay now this first one here

well I tried to sign up for the website I think is the first one click next um yeah an officer due was already in use or it does not meet administrator standards i don't know if you are officer due and you have forgotten your password i'm kind of i'm hoping it's in use and i'm hoping that officer do is allowed yeah i'm hoping that that's not the case i'll be fucked up i couldn't use officer you'd have to have a crazy censorship built in if you're censored due yeah well my username was seaman c oh one uh next slide mine was R. T. Polensky.

Wow. Well, this first one, this was who wants some poop cake? It's a picture of a poop cake. It's a picture of a poop cake. It looks like they like, there was a story attached to it, but the story wasn't as interesting

as it was like an actual like discussing like the punishment for these teenagers who put poop in a cake and fed it to a student. Whoa. And they made it look like that and the guy didn't know. No, this was a image that he found online.

Oh, okay. This next slide, this is an officer that had a question. Spelling? Question mark? First off, thank you all the post here. You are helping me greatly. I would love to be a police officer, but I have concerns about my spelling. I'm not horrible, but not spelling B material. My question is, is spelling something I should really worry about?

Which every single officer replied, yes, if you screw up the paperwork, they're going to send it back to you. I just really like, I'm not spelling B material. You can also tell that this was done voice to text. Yeah. Yeah. Because it capitalized B. Yeah. Next slide. Cops and hardcore. All right. Just a little poll. How many people

out there listen to hardcore? Madball, hate, wreaths, death before dishonor, bleeding trough, powerhouse, all bets off. Bleeding trough. Oh, bleeding through. I didn't read. Well, you have pigs on the brain today. I do. You do have pigs on the brain. Well, it's because we're doing the cop episode. Yo. Come on. Come on.

Play the song. If you do, where are you from and who's your favorite band and what's your favorite song? I do. My favorite band is Hymza or Death Before Dishonor. Swag. And the first reply to this, I am from Jersey and I listen to disturbed corn metallica and system of a down, Led Zeppelin, Godsmack, Ozzie, etc. Not hardcore bands. And there was a guy the same, the O.P. was in it like, not to be nitpicky. But these are not hardcore bands. Because a lot of the responses were like

this next one, which is from a member of the Coast Guard, who said, I like disturbed, mudvane, non point, seven dust, shine down, cold, audio slave, and yes, cold play. Yeah, the thing here is that these guys all think that hardcore is just an adjective. That means crazy. Yeah, it's not, they don't

think of it as a genre. Do you like music that's crazy? Yeah, but then this next cop knew about it and he said, anyone here like stuff like death threat, embrace today, X, Cherish, X, Earth Crisis, scare tactic? Anyone? I used to be straight edge, so I like a lot of the straight edge hardcore. I disassociated myself once it started to be known nationwide as a gang. I wanted to be clean and sober for myself

and not the media. And not for anyone who did it for the wrong reasons. Anyone on this form have roots in straight edge or 80s hardcore? I know there's got to be at least one cop that remembers calling Henry Rollins' idol and was up front screaming into the mic at one of the shows between L.A. and New York. There's got to be someone. This is the scariest. Yeah, that is the like Earth Crisis, but then it was like... Yeah, someone who's into Earth Crisis. They're a gang. Yeah. They're a fucking gang.

And also, I am a straight-edge guy who wants to become a cop. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to be part of a gang. Yeah. I'm going to become a cop. Liking that, liking Earth Crisis because of the music. Yeah. It's so crazy.

Just the music. Next slide. Yeah, I hate the message. From Georgia boy, rap music. How do you guys feel about rap music? I love it. it, but my lieutenant in the academy hated it. Next slide.

NSW cop said, yeah, rap. The music without the silent sea in front. Damn. In the words of Chris Rock, turn that shit off. There's nothing like listen to some drug-addled idiot extolling the virtues of sexual assault,

domestic violence, murder, and drug addiction and calling it music. Thanks, America. Where is he from? What's NSW? New South Wales, I believe. Oh, really? right that's so funny to be a cop from Wales and being like Australia oh oh yeah I thought it was Welsh New South Wales is a section of Australia well I don't know geography that's a perfectly okay thing

it's okay yeah you don't have to be thanking America for rap too is is very funny to me also it is funnier that an Australian is yeah an Australian is say also this Chris Rock quote yeah he could have said anyone Australians love saying a lot of stuff that Chris Rock says That is true. They never seen his specials, but they heard his albums. They really like him. Next slide. This is from Keith 7-5-8, and he said,

the only music that I can't stand is rap and polka. This guy would hate Weird Al. Yeah, he would really fucking... It's straight out of Linwood is not the album for you. He would hate the squeeze box that our boys putting on. Next slide. Putting polka in his cell phone. Yeah.

Who's listening to? Turn that. Turn that poke off. I can't stand it. Shit out of here. All these kids walking around big boombox playing Polka. Stop. Pull your leader hosing up.

Here's Polka enough that they have to dislike it. Yeah. Who cares? It's got to be like a Polish person. It has to be about weird house. He's Yankevick. Normal Keith. Yeah.

This one is the threat itself wasn't that funny, but just going on to the cop form to tell everyone that Travis Barker hates the police. I think I looked up Blink 1182 to like find this. He's covered in. Oh, one thing that I didn't. put in the district this just reminded me of because it was uh i just found a thread called rucka rucka rucka ali and it was just there but there's no it was one guy who was just posting all of rucka rucka ollie's youtube video it was like 10 pages because nobody responding no caption yeah yeah uh next

slide uh weed is it possible for a cop to smoke weed when he was young but eventually stop when he was young and be a cop in the future i smoke like five times and i stop smoking for good now will this hurt me in the long run it will it will it will it will it will it will It definitely will, yeah. I mean, look, you say you have spelling mistakes. You're a weed demon. Yeah. Next slide.

Caught my little brother smoking pot. I caught my 15-year-old little brother smoking pot twice in the past week. Once in the act and one night I smelled it on him. Before that point, I had no idea that he had ever even been around anyone that smoked. I'm really disappointed. And he's asking what he should do. And this first response was, arrest him. Take a piece of soap and put it in a towel.

I think you can figure out how that's... supposed to connect with your brother. He connect, problem solved, because he won't go crying to parents that he got beat up for smoking pot. Beat up is 15-year-old brother. Soap in a towel. That's awesome. Also, when I hear soap and a towel, I'm not immediately thinking like, you know, private

piles like, like showering his brother. He won't smell like wheat anymore. Yeah, clean them off. Yeah, clean up your brother. His brother needs to clean up his brother. that's for sure. Next slide. Forms no place for butt and boobs. Notice a couple avatars that show a bare butt

and a set of bouncing boobs. Now, my wife and I are not prudes and we enjoy a little adult porn. Adult porn. Adult porn. That was making me laugh so much. Because if you look up, if you go on to

Google and do like the site, like police one or whatever, like and then the word porn, every single thing on there is, like, cops asking about, like, legal loopholes for child porn that they need to, like, look out for. So this one guy said adult porn.

Adult porn to make the distinction. Also, he's conflating the two where he's conflating adult movies and porn and just, like, putting them together adult porn, which implies that the other option

is kiddie porn. Yeah. But yeah, he doesn't want people to have born on the police forum. Buts and boobs aren't porn. Yeah, butts and boobs are pornographic. They're adult pornographic. It's part of the human bud. Well, they're not even allowed to...

Bouncing boobs? Bouncing boobs and a bare butts are not in a lot of that happens when a woman runs when she dances? No. When she plays hopscotch? No. When she's on her wedding day. When she's on her wedding day. Which is, but that's an implication.

She bounces on her wedding? You've never been to a trampoline wedding. Not once. Not once. You have. Say you never been without saying you never been. I've never been. I just can say it.

I've never been. a trampoline wedding where there's a bouncing boob. Okay. Dude, you're looking at the bride's boobs. No, I'm not. Why would you say that?

I didn't say that. You guys are saying that all the boobs are bouncing. No, you're saying that they're not and we're saying that they are. But, well, then you're looking too. No,

I have a sensor. You're looking. I have a detector. You know, and that's worse than looking. No, it's not because I know where not to look. Why are you so smart?

Next slide. porn. Hello. I am 17 years old and in several months I can apply for the Maryland State Police Cadet Program. For the last several years, I have been addicted to watching porn. I do not watch it for hours though. I watch it for like 10 minutes about three times a week. What will the police selection committee think about it? Can they even find it? Do they look at my internet history? Also, will this stop my chances of getting in? Also, another situation. My friend was over one day and he jokingly looked up gay porn to piss me off. I thought that that was a different word to jack me up what will they think of that and one officer replied and said being gay is not

against the law plus one next slide uh i think this is the oh yeah taylor 13 who's a macho man asked trolling the mall question mark yeah i'm wondering if it's illegal to troll a mall by which I mean I say By which I mean say My friend wants to gather a bunch of people up To go mess with the mall full of preppy kids That think they're better than everyone He wants to go around calling them disgusting

And giving them dirty looks Not causing any bodily harm or anything hands on Is this illegal? To which an officer replied Disorderly conduct around here You will be trespassed and banned Taylor, you know better Oh my God

Troll an entire mall I mean, that's too much. That's admitting to domestic terror. You are a troll. I'm not a troll. You are. And you even have enough common decency to know that an entire mall can't be. The entire mall is domestic character too much.

Even the master troll. The master troll says stop. Call them off. Call off the trolls. The master troll says relax. The malls of America are dying. It's a new t-shirt I'm making. I've been hired by the police station.

You're part of dare? Yeah, part of dare. in a groth the crime dog style thing. It's going to be a series of videos of me in a trench coat telling kids not to troll. Yeah. Or just don't troll too hard. If you can't pay the toll, don't be a troll. You should do a mass magician

thing where you show off... That's a good. I flip a coin for some reason. You should show off the behind the scenes how trolls are actually... I wear a troll mask. Troll face mask. So us victims of trolls can understand how these actually happen. Yeah. Especially Iowa 1603.

That's his batch number. Respect. Next slide. Need firefighter insults and jokes. My brother is a firefighter and well, since he has been working for a couple years, he has had the upper hand and all the jokes right now against cops. Me. So I need to play catch up.

Post your best insults, jokes in here. It doesn't matter what they are or if they're a PC or any of that crap. I want them all. And then somebody replied, and this, you can use this on John's gone. somebody replied and said when a civilian Kelly

this is kind of a top text bottom text meme that's seven and a civilian Kelly Kelly so go to your brother officer

go to your brother who's a firefighter but he says like he calls all cops gay or whatever just go when a civilian Kelly

and he'll go oh no you bastard my friends died in that fire my fucking breath died you don't know

what we Go through. You don't know what you're saying at all. You don't know what we're fucking go through. Yeah, it means something crazy. It means something really crazy to a fire. He never talks to you again. Yeah.

Firefighters read that and it's a whole different thing. It's a complete different language. Yeah. And this last one here, this was an officer asking about the Barbie movie. Oh, C-C-S-D. This guy is all over this forum. Well, he replied to this officer and said, it's a total agenda.

It's total agenda, utter garbage. LGBTQ white male bed, yada, yada, yada, yada. Go see Oppenheimer. So we know who the cops are, what side they're taking, a Barbenheimer. Ken. Yeah, the cops are Ken's. The cops are nothing but Kens. Yeah. God.

Yeah. Well, this next cop gave a review of Barbie that I want to read. I got roped into taking my wife to see it today. It's 170 degrees. It's 107 degrees here. It's 170 degrees. So I wasn't going to do anything outside other than sit in the pool anyway.

CCC.C. DSD was not wrong. The best part was the Habanero Margaritas. This movie required several. The theater itself was very nice, too. Theaters have really gotten better in the past few decades. Comfortable, spacious, leatherish, power recliners, decent food, and a mostly full bar.

I braced myself for the woke agenda. As much as I disagree with the message, it wasn't presented in as offensive as a manner as I was expecting. The most offensive thing to me was a transvestite actor playing a female Barbie. I would not take a child to see this movie. Margot Robbie was perfect. America Ferrarra is always good

and has lost a lot of weight since she was younger. Will Ferrell was okay, but not in top form. Ria Perlman had impressive poise amongst so much silliest, silliness. The rest of the cast was largely dead weight. I think the part I enjoyed the most was the Barbie trivia. He didn't even like Gosling? How do you not even shout out Gosling? He said he was dead weight.

Dead weight. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. So it looks like the officers are maybe not that into Ken. Yeah. I think they're right though.

Barbie is not for children. No. I agree. Well, not that Barbie. Not that Barbie. No, no, no. That's more for adults.

The rest of that thread was just him listing off Barbie trivia too. It's just him saying, you have my slide. Interesting. Did you know that Barbie and Ken are actually named after the creator's daughters?

Yeah, that's right. Barbie and Ken are brother and sister. You do have them. I know. here's mine the first thing i found when i like first opened up this forum was this post uh where becoming a police officer while experiencing a phobia of that where this guy talks about how he wants to be a cop really bad but he can't even think about the police his heart rate doubling holy shit it was really making me laugh but he wants to be a

cop so bad but i thought that was a really powerful uh thing to be doing yeah is if you're, imagine you're afraid of... Imagine you wanting to be a spider. Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly perfect. Going to spiders.com? I want eight legs, but I don't want to be a spider.

No, he wants to be a cop, though. Why does he want to be a cop? But he's so afraid of them because he was in the military and he said that it's a level up. Oh, okay. He was in the military and he's afraid of cops. That's insane.

I think he went overseas to get away from cops. That's my theory. And then I went over to the protect and serve subreddit where I saw this post any pro-police hip-hop artists out there I love the music but the anti-police stuff gets annoying

lately I've been listening to a lot of Travis Scott since he defended the police and the Michael Brown incident and also expressed sympathy for George Zimmerman the cop but the genre is just so anti-police which sucks because I respect the work you do I almost joined after college Rick Ross used to be a

law enforcement officer but he got shamed into denying it and has the same anti-law enforcement lyrics these days as everyone else. It's lame since you'd think these guys would be Second Amendment supporters and went protection from getting robbed or worse. Are there any artists you guys listen to without such an anti-police message that I'm missing or do you all just tune out those lyrics? So I didn't even catch this.

This isn't even a cop. Yeah. This is just a guy who doesn't like that it's anti-cop. Yeah, this is a pro-cop guy. And then there was a comment here. It's pretty hard to find a pro-cop rapper rapper. I used to be really into hip-hop. Not as much now, but I still listen to some.

some, and I mostly just listen to individual songs that don't talk shit about cops. And some songs with a Z, just get a pass, like insane in the brain. I can't not listen to that song. So I just tune out the anti-cop lines, even as I'm singing them. But yeah, if you go by individual songs, there's plenty that don't disc cops. Just don't expect to find a whole album like that. That's facts as fuck. That's going to be so sad for cops.

Yeah. Just get into... Somebody said Kendrick Lamar. I didn't even include that. That's so funny. Dude, can you imagine if there was a whole genre of music where every song was like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, stupid. That would hurt.

That would be awesome. Well, I guess you're right. That would be cool. It would be like being the Joker. Yeah. You'd be the villain of the song. I saw, there was another thread that I saw that was just like guys listing off like their favorite pro police songs.

Yeah. And like a lot of the guys were saying like, uh, like there's one guy that said like he he played Seek and Destroy by Metallica over his. PA when he was in the ghetto. There's like stuff like that. But there's one guy that put that Randy Newman song from Little Criminals a fucking, what's it called?

Like jolly old coppers or something like that? Randy Newman had a pro cop song? Well, no, it's like, you know, Randy Newman was a very ironic song right here. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, he doesn't really hate short people. He doesn't like toys much either. Yeah, well, he loves toys. Oh, he does? He loves having a friend in toys.

No, but he actually hates it. You just said he's ironic. He is ironic. I guess, wow. And ironic to me means opposite. I guess that's boeing in the USA for toys. Yeah, exactly. It's boeing in the USA for toys. That's crazy. I need to think about that.

Next post here is, I believe, oh, this is from officer.com where I think a lot of our stuff was from there. And this one is, who will win? Oh, yeah. So I started from just like the earliest thing ever. Yeah, they have pre-9-11.

Yeah, so that was, I wanted to see. Hey, is this about the Iraq War? So, no, so that's the interesting thing. I wanted to start pre-9-11 and just kind of see where we were. Because all the new stuff is all about, oh, people have the flag on the side of their shirt or whatever, and it's upside down. Is that disrespectful? But I wanted to see what it was like before I really had an awareness of cops way back in the day.

And there's a marked difference between pre-9-11 and post-9-11 on this forum. And I'll show you. So before this was who will win, and I was like, I wonder what this is about. Maybe it's about a war. go next who will win the kentucky derby this time there's a field of 17 horses i like point given nine to five uh that's from brooklyn dave and i was thinking that that would be like who will win cops or robbers you know what side they do uh next this is also pre nine 11 now it's bugs bunny while watching fox news this afternoon gas prices rising trouble in syria etc i was knocked to the

floor. Not by any of the above, but the unbelievable. Some civil liberties guy was fighting to get 12 Bugs Bunny cartoons removed from the cartoon network due to the content being racially biased towards Japanese and African Americans. The guy, don't remember his name, was saying it was his duty to look out for the children's welfare since parents allowed them to watch anything. Hmm, ladies and gentlemen, I'm at a loss here. I love this guy doing, this is crazy too. He's doing 12 and then in parentheses numerals 12. Yeah. Like the, that, the people who do that, That's shifted completely. Yes.

That's now, yeah, it's, this, some civil liberties guy was fighting to get, um, checks notes, 12 bucks behind cartoons. I was knocked to the floor by this. Uh,

next. See, this is a different world. Subway sandwiches. Mmm, subway is so yummy. What is your favorite sandwich? This is what the whole forum was back in the day.

This is what the entire internet used to be. Exactly. Uh, and now we're so divided. Next is, is Matrix possible? Hey there. I wonder that much.

Are we sleeping and dreaming or am I really sitting here and writing officer.com forum? Turk cop. Yep, Turk cop. Next. What color Eminem do you like? I like red ones

by user Eminem. And their form signature is Eminem, Eminem. It's a red Eminem also their Abbey. Wow. Isn't that amazing? And then I think this is, yeah, so this is the first post-9-11 post

I found. Vampires. So it's already getting so dark, right? What's the post here? Okay, this is a little off the wall. There are a certain segment of kids attracted to the goth style. We have had books and movies about vampires forever,

but few of them top Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bupy. Do slash did vampires exist? My guess is probably not, but I'm wondering if anyone has any real theories or even facts on how the whole myth, if it is a myth, of vampires got started. If it is a myth.

Most myths are based on something that did exist. Did you go further into this thread? Yeah, so it was... Yeah, it's all... Yeah, you saw this, yeah. They say the reason the, the explanation for vampires is because of Atlantis. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there's some really interesting. I just thought the idea of a cop who's wondering if vampires are real. It's cool. Next, again, this is post-9-11 stuff, so it's darker. It's scary. Evil squirrel. This is evil squirrel. Baby shark born without a daddy.

By Wonder Woman. Maybe Shark Bored without a daddy And then I think there's another The Kissing Band Oh no Yeah so all of this It really was a full difference after Yeah

And then difference is clear I think there's just one more post here Which is what's your IQ? Oh boy it's an IQ test Mine was 137 The test takes about 12 minutes And then there's just one last thing This reply

Mine was 23 Smile smile They took the ACT version of the IQ test. That's actually very high. Oh, that could, I don't think, is it 23 that high on an ACCT? No, it's not. That's what I got. My was 23 and two big wide smile emojis.

That's funny. Yeah, that's all I got in terms of amazing police. This is a great website. Yeah, I really like this website. And it's like it. One of those ones that go so far back to? I thought it was going to be a lot more stuff about, like, being cops, but even in the cop section, if you go far back enough, it really is just a normal

forum and just you know that all the people that are doing it are cops, which makes it funny. Yeah, they got, they really like, they have a whole subforum called Family Matters. Yes, I went on Family Matters, yeah. They really ramped it all up, like, later. Like, they really, you can just see like the slow rise of them just being like, oh, like we needed like, everything on here needs to be about police stuff. I think they kind of like cracked down. Yeah, they were moving stuff to new, new forums. But the website's been around since 1996. It's crazy.

Yeah. What? Free water? Free water. Free floor water. When does this come out? A while. I don't think there's anything.

Fall. Around the corner. Yeah. Look out for falling leaves. Yeah. It's already getting a little bit cooler. If you get hit on the head, you might get allergic. If you're allergic to the color, orange, yellow, or red.

Or a dead leaf. I guess, stay safe. Yeah. Be careful. What does that mean? Kind of threatening. I don't know. Can we shout out my new Vod's channel?

Yes, we can do that. Yeah, we can do that. What is it called? Go to it. Show it off. Let's see the incredible branding you've come up with for it. Yeah, I love that. I bet you really did a great job.

Yeah, it's a... Pal Vod's 2. Okay, it doesn't... What the hell? Yep, it's been deleted. You already got banned again. Well, I think you have to put the at. You have to put the at sign in the, after the slash.

That is disgusting. Isn't that terrible? I know about this because I have to put it sometimes on like a podcast, about list, Twitch Vodz. And you have so many amazing videos on here of Julio sitting down. Sitting at his computer. So if you're into that kind of shit for some reason and you like his dog shit streams, then you would like this channel, I guess. Yeah.

You need to do another live for four months video. that was funny I liked that what was live for five months when he did a sub-a-thon and he was live forever I don't remember that like a year ago that was funny because he hated it so much what was it

he does you know what a sub-a-thon is where every time somebody donates or subscribes you add more time to how long you're going to be live oh yeah he was live for like a month it's really funny nope yeah it was awesome do that again all right all right later

Bye-bye. I saw the plane hit the tower and then I knew I had to change. Like Steve ran as easy was also a guy that was like 9-11 changed my life. But he lied. He lied about it. So he admitted to lying about it. I feel like most people who were like, oh, I saw 9-11 happen and then it made me think I have to do something are lying. And I think that they do that.

I think it's brownie points from the general public to be like, oh, oh, this thing made me, this tragic event made me create this big art. But it's like, what? Why the fuck did 9-11 make you do like a band that does like a bunch of songs about like breakups and like a dead girl? Like, is that what the black parade was about?

I don't know that much about my chemical romance, but I know that 9-11 was the reason that Gerard Way started my chemical romance and I know that that was the thing that like he was like oh I gotta go and I gotta make I gotta start a fucking band

it's about going to a spooky parade yeah going to a fucking parade full of ghosts or whatever the fuck yeah oh I guess well I guess there's ghosts post 9-11 the biggest problem in America post 9-11 was ghosts

and scary monsters and scary monsters Yeah, I guess that's all I know about that.