Podcast About List - Ep. 317 - The P.A.T.C.H.E.S. Method

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Today we're joined by dungeon master Patches to discuss his brand new and innovative method to all things acting. Go watch his play: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/what-came-up-from-masons-hole-tickets-1045621661537 Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Cheers. Cheers, my friends. To the theater. To the beautiful muse of theater. Yeah, why don't you do your plug right now? Yeah. Do it up the top. Do it up the top.

Okay. If you're listening to this, at the time that you, oh, hi, at this time when it comes out, which will be a week before the show comes out, I have a play. If you live in New York City,

it's in the Lower East Side at the Paradise Theater, it's called... You got to amp it up. You are so dry. You're not selling it. well because because okay hold on I've got a show coming out get the salt made just for you oh I would love

the bath salts let's get them on the smelling salts bad salts bro let's get them on the smelly you have to hit the smelling salts and then plug you've got a show that's a good idea wait we'll make this the most amazing plug in the world okay thank you yeah this is other than that well what else do you have

going on you can say one word before he gets here go I've been hanging out there you go I've been I know. Hit this and immediately go on your play. Hit it and immediately start talking. Go hurry, hurry. Just put it right there. Close it.

You weren't supposed to do it like that. I'm sorry. You okay? You gotta come see my show. That's the closest I've ever seen. I've never seen him. You've got to come to my show. Your eyes.

Your eyes completely. I'm so sorry I've never seen somebody I should have I should have You're interrupting the plug You're interrupting the plug You have to come to my show

Because I'm going to have to go to the doctor And it's making me cry He's crying A beautiful show about male friendship It's called What Came Up from Mason's Hole And where can they buy tickets to it? You can buy tickets on the event bright

That will be maybe in the description of this Sure I'll put it on our website too If I don't forget We weren't going to And then I saw you hit that And now we will absolutely plug the show. I should have taught you how to do them better, maybe. It's not your fault, man.

It's absolutely not my fault. It's not your fault, it is his fault. It's a hundred percent my fault. You put your nose, wait, too. Well, you've done them before, right? You've done them before? One other time. I don't remember what I did, though.

You're not supposed to put it right there. It wasn't that. What? I hope you didn't get any up your nose. when do you find out what do you mean it's fine if it goes up your nose it's just ammonia yeah it's just ammonia salt i saw fucking thomas put one of these it put his nose in the bottle one how did he do that he put his face up to it these have been 10 times more pungent since i lost them and found him in an old jacket that makes sense in an old jacket yeah it was a jacket i didn't

wear for a while. That's like one time I found a t-shirt or a flannel shirt at Goodwill that had a nerds rope it. You know, actually money is worth more too and you find it in a jacket. Oh yeah. The thing that you buy and you find a $5. It's literally worth twice the amount. It's free.

Wait, this is jacket theory. Yeah, jacket theory is real. Jacket theory is fully real. It's everything. When you put something, when you leave something in a jacket, it appreciates in value. I'll jump back in the conversation. You can take as much time as you need, man. Oh my God. I'm going to play. Hit these. Hit the Baizu.

I think the parogi is good. Look at this. Look at this label, too. This looks like an industrial cleaner from China. I don't know. Noah gave it to me before I left. No, I went to the last sip. Let me have one little sip of this.

All right. You can have one little sip. I've had this before. Wait, wait, wait. You have to hit this. This is an episode about theater. Yeah. Well, this is what we're doing the backstage thing.

right now. We're doing the zip-z-zab-zops. That's what I have. You didn't put the lid on. You don't want to put the lid on all the way. Yeah, that tastes like fucking mushrooms come. That really tastes so bad. So this play I wrote, I wrote this last year, finally got it up. It's going to be in Lower East Side. Finally got it up, eh?

Congrats. I know you've been married for some time. I have a Cialis in this pocket, too. Is that going to help? That's going to give you a boner. You're going to get it up. I think now larger than this eye. You feel like actually sick. This one's larger, which is good for my, I'm playing a character in it as well as producing it and writing it. So it's been a labor of love.

I'm very excited for people to see it. You should get tickets. I don't think there's going to be any of that kind of stuff in it, but there is drinking in it. That's why we have the beers today. Did anybody else hear all the stuff cut out just then? Or is it just me? My headphones are not working. That's fine.

Interesting. Lots of issues today. Yeah. Lots of problems. I really started this off in a major way. That's fine. That's fine. That's great.

Tell me a little bit about the process of becoming a playwright. This is an amazing title. Honestly, Solving Quest was a good start for me. Okay. I hadn't written something like that. I've never listened to that. Yeah.

It's sort of like a radio play thing that I wrote a couple years ago. And when I wrote it, I thought, how can I put something? that's not anything close to like it but on the stage has characters has dialogue has emotions feelings um and how can i get people to part with not too much money and then give it to me so i can put it up and and and make it almost none of it back so that was a major inspiration for this um because it was kind of a similar thing where with sullivan quest yeah you did that and we didn't pay you anything no no no no no That was so much work.

It's a lot of work. And we didn't even, it never even crossed my mind to give you. No. No, and I think that helped me get used to this, okay, like, if I do anything extra, don't expect anything. Yeah. And like, you might not like it. You might not enjoy it. You might be like, why am I doing this?

It might not even be very good. Yeah. And some people will reach out and say, I liked it. Most people won't. Yeah. Most people will be maybe. They leave nice little comments and stuff. People like it.

Yeah, people really, the people in the Discord really like. I think it's just, it's just out of one eye, too. You have to cry out of one eye so dramatically. You are a good actor, I know. So we're going to be talking about acting today. I, I, I took a lot of acting classes when I was younger.

I was very into the theater in case, you know, you couldn't tell. Like, method, being, method is a big part of what I do. And so I wanted to lean in here, dive deeper into... You certainly did lean in.

Yeah, I did lean in. I have a, way too far. Way too far. Yeah. So with this whole method shit, right? Do you subscribe to the idea that, because it's a pretty popular idea, that Hugh, what's his name? Hefner, Jackman? You know, is that his name?

Hugh Jackman? No, Wolverine or Hethner. What's the motherfucker who played Joker, the Joker? Hugh Lerie. Hugh Lederie. Hugh Leder. Hugh Leder, yeah. Do you subscribe to the idea that Heath Ledger ended up dying because he went too far into the idea of being the Joker?

It was a makeup. I have a Actually today The makeup killed I have a new theory I have I have somewhat I have a theory

As to what happened to him Yeah And what's happened to a lot of great actors And we'll explore that actually today Jubio if you don't mind Pulling up the slide deck Oh we're going right into it Oh wow

Right into this episode I like this kind of special episode Interesting I like this already It's in black, bold background with a white font. A bold black background

to pull on the... And that's a perfect thing that you should... Yeah. You had... That's the first step to say there. That's the first step

for any actor is a bold black background. Yes. You need to stand out. Well, you need a bold black background in a black shirt if you're in a black box theater. Exactly.

So he's emulating the theater. He's even emulating the theater in his slideshow. Yeah. Which is amazing. I'll have to say, I was also particularly inspired by the

red sort of backdrop we have. So you went with black. I thought, well, right and black, the Joker. Two cards of the deck. Well, the Joker's actually white and green and red. So the Joker isn't necessarily always white. There can be a black Joker. Name one black Joker.

Eddie Griffin. I guess his job is Joker. The Joker's job is Joker. The Joker's name is Joker. You think someone's job is who they are. No. You are not your work, which is another play, which is another play, Glenn, Gary, Glenn Ross. You need to learn the difference between play and work.

And between a play and a work, because a play can be a work created and portrayed by a player. My word. It's like how a piece, right, like a piece of art. But for some people, a play is just a job. That's a good point. Let's talk about pieces. Yeah? Yeah.

What kind of piece? Does your piece get smaller in the winter? I just read an article about this and now I'm. self-diagnosing myself with winter piece. Yeah. We all have winter peace right now. Winter piece would be a good name for an action movie. Well, yeah, you'd probably want it to be E-A-C-E.

I'm talking about I-E-C-E. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I-C-E where the winter is. What? I-C-E is what, that's what happens when the winter is here. Like, I-C-E-E where the winter is. Wait, that'd be a good, I-C-E where the winter is. That'd be a good, I-C-C-E where the winter is.

That'd be a good, like, W-I-C-E where the winter... I was thinking in the movie Winterpiece, that could be kind of like an intelligence agency. I guess ICE is already... It's a movie about, like, Canadian illegal immigrants. Yeah. They're trying to take it. We're going to send them where the winter is.

You have to deport all these... Winter ice. Winter ice. Winter ice. Winter ice. Because they're trying to go south. bird style to Mexico. They're trying to emigrate.

They don't even go to. No, no, no. But we in America were like, no, it's the principal. You can't. They're flying. We're shooting down the flight to Toronto.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's such a good movie. Yeah. And all these actors in this movie could use the Patches method. Let's do it. So I think method acting

has gone a little bit too far. I want to try to create. try to create a method, and I've had this method and developed it for some time, that's harkens back to, you know, the first, like, you know, codified method, really, Stanislovsky, right? Yeah. You like that old acting. Well, because- The jazz singer style. So it's, it's, in some way, yes, in that what Mr. Jolson did that I really appreciated was there was no, he didn't shy away from the artifice, right? He just leaned in. He said, this is, performance, this is play, this is pretend. Play. Play. Here I am.

You have to take me as I am. And people did, and they loved him. And now we hate him. And that's interesting to me. It's controversial. And I think we want to go back to that kind of style of acting. I love your new style. Your new style is interesting to me. And I love your new method. Let's get into it.

Let's go to the next slide. Let's make sure we break down the meaning of the Patch's method. Hit each one, Jubio. What does patches mean? Start here. Playful. Play. Back to play.

Full of play. Playful is important. That's one of the meanings of playful. Is that not a little bit derogatory to call what you do a play? In what sense? Like, oh, it's just a play. They're just play. It's just a play.

So that's, ah. Dude, that's why they call it a work as well. I keep forgetting it also call it a work. It is an important dichotomy, but play. Why do this thing that we do if we're not playing, if we're not having fun, if we're not enjoying ourselves. Having a really over-serious director is like, stop calling it a play. It's a work. It's not supposed to be a play.

And I don't want that. I want to fun. I want things to be light. Right? I want to feel like I'm here just to have a good time with my friends. And if we happen to just make something beautiful, then shit. That's how I feel about having a wife.

You make a beautiful little beautiful baby. So what? Who gives a shit about it? It's kind of the same thing, isn't it? Who cares? We'll see how he ends up. see how the kid comes out and we have to be agile about that dancing between play and work we can't just be dominated by dancing is play but it's also work yeah correct strippers takes effort next one juvriper from the most humble stripper to the the most sinister did you guys see the movie anora yet no there's one scene in it where she's doing a sexy dance because she's a stripper and she does it to

this song that i've been i can't stop laughing about this song ever since i seen this movie the chorus of the song, it goes, pussy drip to drip to drip droplet. Pussy sweet, so sweetie like chocolate. She's bouncing her butt on the ground to do a song called Pussy droplet. Pussy droplet Pussy drip to drip to drip droplet. Okay. Pussy sweet. So sweetie like chocolate. So sweetly like chocolate. Did you shazam this and find out. Yeah. So I forget who the main person is, but it's also featuring Erica Jane of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Really? I was familiar with already. She has a pussy that drips? She's always

toss singing about her pussy driplets. Does she tosses it? She tosses it back and four. How do you think she became a housewife of Beverly Hills? That's right. You have to have something moist there.

In Beverly Hills, you got to have a thing. You got to go all the way up. That thing got to drip like a rotissory chicken. Real shit. Can't have a dry box. Kind of that brown juice

that got to be wet. The gelatin around the rotissory chicken that you get from Costco. The fat deposits. That has to be hanging on the underwear when I take them off you.

Right. And it's got to have the twine. Yeah. It has to sort of like you pull it out and kind of, it's like thick enough, it kind of spins within it. Like, you know, yeah, yeah. It's funny because we just wasted a lot of time and TikTok, don't waste my time. TikTok is a time

wasteer, though. So I thought heavily about this because of the recent TikTok phenomenon. Every thought you have is heavy, fat ass. That's true. And we're going to get to, there's a lot of ways to lose weight with my method as well that I've been trying to. employee personally

I don't know why you got to call me the Tony Hinchcliffe stayed in me yeah I know I've got the fun still in you I've been thinking about him all week yeah I can't get him off my mind I'm obsessed with him in the bathroom so every time you peeve he's

roasting my penis where is he now is he right above the toilet right above the bathroom he watches down on you all you go booboo well yeah now you're looking at your penis is he looking down or is he like this he's looking at you right at he's got a smile on his face

Okay. Right at you depends on which one you're going. Yeah, that's true. I mean, even he's looking at the back of your head. So either he's looking right over you and he's thinking short stuff or he's looking right at you and he's thinking tiny weiner. Yeah. It's the roasting toilet. It's the roasting toilet from Harry Potter.

I think I thought of yesterday for Tony Hinchcliff to say that I think you should say this on a show is you should say if you have not tried a smash burger, you need to. They are truly terrific. I think he used to say that to somebody. That's the type of thing that I've been thinking about all week I've had

It's impossible to get it out of my head That's really good He's incredible Yeah Go to the next one, Jimio Cordial Okay Every scene we do today

Every monologue we do today You're going to have to begin By being cordial Next one, we'll go into that What does that mean? This reads to me You realize you had C in your name Yeah

You'll shut However It could have been It could have been cute Don't be afraid to be mean So this is again back to that It looks like I was ahead of the curve Cordial

I appreciated that And I appreciate any criticism I bet you appreciate a chocolate bar too Bad ass And a big bag of chip Family size And how do you do Party size yeah party of one

Party Had to be like Yeah my name party Eating that whole bag of chips Yeah party size bag of chips Party of one I'm not kidding Seriously though

You should lose some more I'm not even kidding Yeah you have to We are worried about you Can I tell you? Because actually No it's so it's been We don't we're not

I I've been Because I've just been running around Trying to put this thing up I've just been eating like dog shit Yeah Just like eating dog shit So no No

I've been eating like a dog who Like a dog who shits But not eating dog shit I've just been Kibble I've been eating fried deep fried kibble every night that actually would probably be so good

and actually I reached a point or today before this the reason why I was like four or five minutes late was because I was just like I have vegetables in my fridge I'm gonna cook all these vegetables and I literally

get a veggie dose and then I was like I have to go so now there's just veggies just at my house and I didn't have dinner but it's oh no it's fine

now we load you up with smelling salts and it's very it's a very cool state that I'm in but all this is to say is that I am, I think I am trying to watch my weight.

I think when the show is done, let me tell you. You know, you could get into, do you remember that guy, Butter Dog or whatever? You're going to need a IMAX theater to watch him out to fit on the scrap. Have you seen that guy?

Do you remember Butter Dog, the guy that would eat all the raw, like all, he eats raw meat? Yeah, we turned his skin into the backdrop of the bucket. Do you remember that guy, though? Oh, yeah. He, uh, yeah, I just, uh,

I haven't seen him in a while. and then I saw like a video of him like the most recent video he gave himself salmonella and like an infection in his eye somehow because he was eating like he was eating like raw beef tongue aspec like gelatinized

aspic yeah and then he was also eating and I was going to suggest you could get into this if you're trying to watch your weight they sell this gorilla kibble what's a gorilla gorilla kibble it's like four gorillas.

It has, I think, maybe, like, can you, can you look this up really quick? There's, like, gorilla kibble that you can, you can buy online, and it has, like, so much protein packed into it, but it's also the worst tasting thing in the world. The thing is, like, eat a shit ton of, like, protein stuff. Like, that's the bag right there. It's, that, like, it's that, like, I don't like to, like, if I'm getting delivery because I'm exhausted or whatever, right? You don't get, I feel like I never get vegetables sent to my house.

Yeah, well, you could get these gorilla biscuits. So this is good. Can we just take a look at what those look like? It looks good to me. Right. Yeah. Okay. So they're about an inch and a half, too long.

We have the little measuring stick down there. Yeah, that's the picture that's attached to every Chipotle headline where they have another E. coli. Can you pull up the bacteria detective? I think they had a thing that shows how much like protein. is in this. Yeah. And so by the way, so just, sure it's enough. By Gorilla Kibble, so am I, am I like, do I work at a zoo and I'm like sourcing

this? No, no, you're going to buy this for you and this is all you're allowed to eat. Like what is how? Like who's buying Gorilla Kibble? The people at the zoo. Butter dog. Butter dog did and he ate it like cereal. But he's on well, right?

Yeah, he's not doing, right? And he's not doing good. He's like a guy that's really rich and all like he, he, he's probably fine. Blood is really rich. Yeah. and nutrients. Yeah. And fat.

And fat. He's probably fat too. He's eating raw food. Oh, he's actually in pretty good shape. Is he really? Okay. So now I'll have the guy. Well, his eye was not.

His eye wasn't. Yeah, I bet he's shredded. Shredded chicken. Yeah. You go to the next one. Well, yeah, this is what you're going to eat now. I'm sorry for the tangent. Everyone can come to my house to practice acting.

Oh. So that's an important thing. Is that a link? I know. So let's go. So let's go to the next one. Let's go to the next one. Let's go to the next one.

Sex scenes are go Do you have a sex scene In what came to the baseball? No, it's a very chaste play The sex is hinted at for sure But like, give me an example Of how you hint at sex Like, oh, I want to do you tomorrow

They Very similar Very similar, yeah There's some dialogue between characters We just did it Where they, no, it's really characters talking about how they find a woman Very attractive

I want to do her More or less I want to smell that woman I should write a play You should. I'll tell you what, easiest thing to do in the world. Really?

Very easy. Writing a play, I wrote it with my friend Rick Rocha, great guy, great writer, very easy to write with him. We had a great patter. It's putting it on that sucks.

Like you guys know, you've done shows. It's like writing the sketches, that's fun. It can be a little hard. But then it's like, oh, I have to get all the stuff

and I have to like go to the place and then do the thing. I would say our favorite thing is getting the stuff. Yeah. I don't think it's the other way around. I feel a complete. opposite I hate getting the getting the stuff is you don't like going to Halloween and

fucking more no and saying do you guys have a large pair no I don't it doesn't you go pair of no no you guys just look for a large pair we don't like that want to be a pair for the sketch oh want to be our famous fruit sketch you know want to be it's a want to be pear it's about the fruit of the loom it's about the fruit of the loom fruit and the pear is like why wasn't I invited wow Wow, that actually is a rich man. Wait, can we just, wait that? Can we leave this out?

Yeah, we should cut this out. And now, when I say sex scenes are go, the point of that is that, so go, please stop. So it was an, so the sex scenes are go because I feel like we're running from intimacy in theater right now. We're running from sexuality and sensuality, and we're running towards something that I don't recognize anymore. People used to fuck, right, on stage. Yeah. And now we need to, we need to try to, and so my method, it's very much about. Wait, when?

When did they used to do that? He used to fuck on stage. He used to fuck on stage. When? In antiquity. Antiquity. Is that a play? Rant?

Do they do that in rent? Is there sex? Rent, uh, rent their sex on stage. Hamilton. And in Hamilton. There's sex on stage. Basically, after Trump got elected, they stopped having sex on stage the first time. The second time we don't know, it might change.

Republican conservatism. That was a fear. It's actually they chose to stop having sex to punish Trump. I didn't know this. I just remembered that. That's why they booed my. Pence out of Hamilton. Yeah.

That fly had sex with his head for real. That's real shit. Let's keep moving. So let's go to some actors who have used the Patch's method. So here are some folks

who are these fucking dildos. These are mostly that's Simon Hillenberg. Richard Kine. I know this bastard from Kirby enthusiasm. Yeah. And I know the guy.

It's Fred Melamad, Richard Kine, Michael Stoolberg, Simon Helberg and Coconut Head from Nell Goodman. Yeah. Mel. I know three of them. So all of these men have used my method to great effect. Wow.

Yes. How long have you been doing this? Oh, you guys know how I'm a lot older than you. Yeah, that's true. You're only like 40, though. You can't cut. Fucking bastard. And fat. Your age and your BMI are the same. 40 years old.

It's a perfect square. We're trying to, yeah. So let's go to the next slide then. What's that guy in the middle's name? That's Fred Melamed. Fred Melamette. He's terrific actors. He was in girls and he tried to fuck Hannah's mom. He did.

He's good as fucking a serious man. He's great and a serious man. All those actors are great and a serious man. Who's the serious man's name? Yeah, who's the Sirius Man? Is that the Coins or the Tom's? What's the Tom Ford? A single man.

It's with Colin Firth. Yeah. I remember now. So let's go over the technique now. Okay. You have to remember the across time. All right, already failed. Okay.

Remember the acrostic. So whenever you're in a scene and you're feeling like you're lost, you remember the acrostic, right? Playful, agile. TikTok, don't waste my time. However. Cordial, however, you know, remember to be mean. Everyone is able to come to my house to practice whenever they need to.

This is your real number? Stop. So, and then, and then I don't know whose number that is. So remember the acrostic. Can we call it? Yeah, sure. We can give it a call. Let's go try it.

Maybe you pull it up on Google Voice, then we can all hear it. Oh, yeah. It's okay. It's right here. There's no need to make it take longer. All right. That's my bed. Me?

Yeah. I'm coming for Jubio's job. Really? No! Oh, I thought that was the phone being answered. I got really scared. No! No!

What would you do if you call someone and they went no? Like that? They're not picking up. Your phone doesn't even ring. Who is it? Oh, the call failed. They're probably in a tunnel. But you can reach out to them any time or come to my house.

Whose number is this? Can we look this up? Let's move through the PowerPoint. Introduce sex and sexuality and just play. So let's go. The benefits of the patches method. It's a proven technique. We saw some great actors there who've used it.

It's importance on speed and cordiality. It's unafraid of sensuality. We're going to try to lose 15 pounds within 30 days. Your lawsuits are now done. Wow. I'm proud of you, man. Great. Congratulations.

When you... 15, not enough, though. Let me try 15. Maybe switch the pounds of the days. Okay, yeah. 30 pounds and 15 days. We might be talking. We might be able to do that.

That's a start. Or 351. What I'd like to do is I know you guys brought... Brought some material, perhaps, to practice the method with. I'd like to see what we're doing here, so we're working with. And then we'll have... We have a script that we can read as well. Okay.

And then we'll move on from that. We'll spend a little bit of time on that, and then I'd like to move into the dark method. Oh, wow. Okay, so we're jumping right into the dark method. Do you want to go right to the dark method? No, no. I'm sorry, I'm going to do our first, too.

Yeah. Okay, because you also, it's good because it gives you, like, a baseline, I feel. That's kind of, it's going to help you shape and mold you from here, yeah. Remember, you can come into my house any time you want. Great. I don't even have your phone number. I don't know if I can get in touch with you easily. All right.

I can pull up my... I have some monologues, I've had some monologues, too. I put mine in a PowerPoint on the... So these are not self-written. These are ones that are biased. No, I wouldn't call myself like a writer. Sure. Like, creative.

Sure. Some of the best actors can't read or write, and they just perform. So it's important. That's incredible. Like who? Yeah, who can't read or write? Donald Sutherland. Really?

He couldn't read. He's dead. Yeah. Can't do much of anything. He died? Donald Sutherland? Oh, well, he's also, Abe Vagoda's been dead for some time. That's true.

From hell of stuff. Marlon Brando. He's also dead. Can you... You remind me of him. That's... In his later years. A little bit.

Waco, waco. You come to me at the time of my lunch. This first monologue is called Death to Small Talk. Okay. An original monologue, free to use. Okay. Hey, how's it going? Nice wet gear we're having.

this summer. Beat. Don't you just hate small talk? Like, who cares about the weather? Just crack open a window and it's there. It's extra pointless when you're both already outside. So many words wasted in an empty attempt at idle chatter that does nothing but past the time as well as we all collectively march down the path of unending entropy.

And the thing is, everyone hates it. Not once have I met a person who genuinely enjoys small talk. And yet, we all participate in it. Out of some misguided desire to conform to norms, literally everyone wishes we didn't have to conform to. Break free from the cycle, dude. Break free, man. Don't succumb to the pressure.

Let small talk die the death that is deserved for so long. Rise above it all. Beat. So, yeah, I'd say I'm doing all right. How about you? you don't need a method yeah that's it he didn't

he should have been cordial first I want to hear I want to say so that I want to hear your notes first both of you how did you feel about that moment flawless

I thought it was great but if you he didn't follow the method well I didn't even know about the method when I found this yeah but you could have said hello let's go back to the acrostic

you could have said hella You're supposed to start by saying hello. So stop going to that. Okay. Wait, so let me think. For the next one, I'll be better here. Okay, so playful, agile, TikTok, don't waste my time. That's good.

We should do one without the method and one with the method. So let's think about this. So I thought that was, by the way, I thought that was beautiful. You hit everything but C is what I'd say. I thought there was a lot of feeling in that. I could sense the character's anger. He's frustrated with this small talk. but he still finds a way to laugh, right, at the end.

At the end, he sort of goes, hey, but maybe there's something here. And I thought you really captured that. You had this twinkle in your eye that I adored. I would like to see you do this again, and I would like you to think about playfulness. I'd like to think, have you think more about urgency, right? TikTok, don't waste my time. Don't waste my time. And make sure that you begin, please.

And make sure that you do begin with a cordial greeting. and if you find yourself possessed by sex you find it and lean it okay death to small talk and original monologue

free to use this motherfucking thing starts with hey how's it going you didn't even listen to my thing hello how's it going thank you Nice weather we're having this.

Summer, don't you just hate small talk? Like, who cares about the weather? Just crack up in a... Stop. Urgency does not mean you rush through the emotion. Yes, it does. Shut up. My two teachers are fighting.

I don't know who to trust. Trust both of us. Look, I think, can I just say something right now? Yeah. I think that we heard, you know, we heard the first 10 seconds of that, of that with the method. it was better without it.

So the method sucks. The method, I think the method was wrong. Is there anything I miss sex? Hey, want to suck on my balls. Nice, my dick we're having, this, my balls. Don't you just hate not having looking at my nutsack? Like, who cares if it stinks? Just crack open a window and my nuts will be there.

It's extra pointy when you, my penis. This is extra pointy when you're both already inside my ass. I'm going one at a time, and this one isn't working. Yeah. Try again. Fuck. Start with just being playful. Okay.

Be playful. Hey. Hello. How is it? Nice. Good. Good. Good.

The weather is outside. The, uh, beat. Don't he just hate small talk? Hey, don't you hate small talk? This is not a good method. I'm making him very uncomfortable. He looks uncomfortable. Sometimes.

Well, no, I think if that was working because I was, I don't know if this is the intention behind it, but I was imagining a guy like this coming up to me on the street. And I was getting really uncomfortable. Hey, man. How's it going? That's, like, playful. Does he hate small talk? Don't you hate it?

The grocery store? Hey, don't you hate small talk? Eyes closed. Just feeling around. Hey, first day being flying. So I think that was a success. I think it was wonderful. All right.

All right. What do you have for me? Oh, um, let's see. I got, I got a few of them. Here, I'll get, I'll tell, I'll, I'll pick one. I want to ask you guys what you think I should do. Okay. Locked in the library or trapped in an elevator.

Yo. Locked in the library. Locked in the library. Locked in the library, I feel like. Yeah, the alliteration there. All right. And I'll read the stage direction so you guys know what's going on

because I can't really mime it. Sitting in a secret spot in the library, reading a book with expression. I saw blood spilling onto my clothes, soaking my shirt where Dracula had bitten me. I didn't write this by the way, I found this. This is a winner of a monologue contest for kids. I saw blood spilling onto my clothes,

soaking my shirt where Dracula had bitten me. Everything folded into darkness as the shadow faded away, closing the book. That was an intense ending. I love my quiet little reading look here in the library. It's the perfect place to escape my loud and obnoxious family. Right here behind the bookcase and the fiction section, because fiction rules. Well, it's getting late. I suppose I should head home.

Crawling out from the bookcase, looks like the coast is clear. Looking around, hmm, the library is darker than usual. Hello? Is anyone here? Realizing the library is closed. Uh-oh. I really need to get out of here. Oh, no. The door is locked. Hello? Anyone? Maybe a janitor is here? Turns and stumbles over a book.

The Curse of the Singing Ghost? Oh, I should check this out next time. Reading from the book, I look over and see a white shape drifting towards me. Looking up and letting their imagination get the best of them. Ah! I see a white shape drifting towards me! This is a lot scarier than books make it out to be. Get away from me. There's nowhere left to run.

These are my final moments. I will go out like a warrior, blazing as the only light in this dark, dark world. I bravely spring towards the cursed ghost and am confronted by unchecked books on a metal cart. Great. The ghost is just a sheet and there's nothing to be afraid of. You know, the library at night is not that different

than it is during the day, just darker. I can wait this out till the morning. Sees a spider. Ah, a spider! Let me out! Wow. And that's the monologue. Wow. Locked in the library.

You were locked in. There's so much action in that one. There's so much intensity. There's a spider. There's the sheet that you thought was a ghost. Right. The sheet of the library. I think that this one had every single thing to me,

except for sex. Yeah. It was missing a sex scene. I know, I know exactly what to add. Actually, I'm going to stop because I know exactly what I would add. Let me just jump in here.

You know, the library at night is not that different than it is during the day. Just darker. I can wait this. out told morning. He's a spider. Ah, a spider! I'm a fuck it. That's better. That honestly is better, though.

That sex just... I'm a fuck it. Because it's also, it's a twist ending. Yes. It is a twist ending. You thought all this time this was a child locked in a library. No, there's a pervert who wants to fuck a bug. Yeah, this is a weirdo. Who's going to be in a library reading a Dracula? A Dracula.

A book that's not Dracula, but it's about Dracula. It ends with Dracula. Writing as Dracula. bites your neck. Ow, he bit my neck. And the blood went everywhere. That was an intense ending. And it dives, you're diving in and out of these characters. And now I'm listening and I'm like, wait a minute. Are you the pervert or the child? I bet you asked that a lot. Yeah, it must be some kind of child pervert. Hold on. Is this some new character that you've created? This is what the play is about. Do the Fedder method?

The Fedder method. What's that? The Fedder method is Googled monologue. Click on the first result. But if you had to make it an acrostic, what would it be? Okay, let's see. F, finding, finding, entries, entries, the, to, the, finding entries. Okay, stop then. I'm going to make, okay, fine. Finding, can I use finding entries that?

Finding entries that. Finding entries that. That, that they even real. They even wrote. Root doesn't not start with it. Well, but you know what, sometimes in an acrostic where they be using that of the letter. Right. That's how you know that the person who made.

It has a mental disability. It's not that hard to find a letter, the word that starts with the letter. There's like a trillion words. What do you have for me, Pat? I have, I guess I really only have this one here that I can read for you. It's called in tucking.

Oh, quite interested in this. Hello, Pat. Hello, Patches. Hi, thank you. Okay, he's literally a brown noser. You are such a teacher's pet. You're a mouth of a piece of shit, methodoid. I want you to think about that. I want you to think about that.

About how full you are. How stretched. Do you feel all those sweets I'm pumping into your belly? Turning straight into fat? Can you feel the way your stomach is just full? Despite the rush of cream and sugar being forced down your gullet? Oh. And that warm, slippery feeling between your arse cheeks,

your anus is fattening up too. Well, technically not fat, just getting bigger. And I know you can't exactly feel this, but your bowels are melding into one big second stomach or rectum, if you prefer. And I know you can feel the pipe I'm shoving in. I'm going to fill you. This is incredible.

At both ends. Mmm. All this nice, warm cream at your belly. And now in your abdomen, too. Feeling too full? Feeling strained? Oh my.

You seem pretty horrified at the size of your big soft belly. No. Don't struggle. Well, if you insist, I guess I'll increase the pressure, too. There, naughty thing. Now, while you're being food fucked.

Let's enlarge the rest of your genitals. Just so they're at the same scale as that fat mountain of a belly. Ooh, is it warm? Is it tight? There, don't worry. I'll just feel warm and slippery and vulnerable in a few moments. See, you like being pumped full of food. Don't you?

Like being fattened up? Don't worry. It's not for slaughter. I just like the torment on your face. The way I know your body is... testing. The way you're panicking and feeling vulnerable. It's not going to hurt you. I just like how help this

you are and not even daring to move even though all you want to do is flail. The way I've enlarged everything between your legs. Oh, it's so glistening and shiny. And every little Twitch is magnified. Now your vagina is big enough to slide a dildo into. Even

it's swollen with arousal like this. There, I'll think I'll leave you like this. You can't even close your legs or reach your having, shuddering fat quim? What's a quim? You know to quim. You don't have to know. You're perfect. Do your balustreel strain? That's because it'll take

a while to absorb all that thick cream. It's not like your stomach. Well, good night. Sweet dreams. I mean, that was every that was like that was everything on the package method. Really? I mean, think about playful. First of all, playing with their body.

Yeah. Well, not so agile, I guess. More kind of stationary. All the parts of the body that were being pumped. Just all these different areas. Don't waste my time. My time was wide, large waste. I could have said it faster.

What's more friendly than feeding somebody? However, don't be afraid to be mean. There was mean parts too. It was so mean to make someone have a second stomach full of cream. It took place at Patch's house. Everyone could come to my house. That's me. And it was a sex scene.

It was a sex scene. Yeah. This is incredible. I also want to note here. Who wrote this? Millier. Millier. It says right there,

Milliet. Javier. Milliet. I'm familiar with Milliet. Milliet said that they wanted you to know that the speaker

has no state of gender. Also, the feedie has no state of gender. Just a vulva. So this could be any number of combinations in that regard. Oh, cool.

Just a vulva. It's pretty interesting. Just a Volvo. Well, they said just a vulva, but then it's like they said vagina. And rectum,

so it's kind of a plot hole. If you had to you think that, you think that, make this better. Well, they said they have just a vulva. You think that means

no rectum? Yeah, why would they not have a rectum? Well, I mean, they know what they should state clearly. I mean, I'm just, you know, I'm thinking

from a legal standpoint that's kind of false advertising. No mouth, no belly button just evolve. That's what it sounds like from what they're saying. Well, you're just because it doesn't state it,

it doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that it's not there, right? Well, I don't know. I just think this is a plot hole. Okay. They could just be a vulva cube. It could just be a person with no mouth or but or just a vulva.

If you had to work your Patches method, not on, I mean, obviously the material is fantastic. It's fantastic. On his performance, though. On Patrick's performance of the material.

TikTok. This is a long, it's a long monologue. It's tough. Yeah. It's tough. And I commend you for your, you're powered through it,

even when it got really bad. And so what I would recommend is that when you get to probably the third time he's feeling, filling him with cream. You go, you, Edict. Actors should not be afraid to destroy the scripts they're reading.

Yes, okay. The material is only as valuable as a performance. So instead of the third time feeling something with cream, I should maybe... Maybe you're driving a car now. Maybe a big choice, like, I throw the vase that's on the stage at the wall. Exactly. That's beautiful. That'd be good.

That would be really good. You're now full of cream. Good night. Someone just wheeling out. A small table with a vase on it just

wearing a black Yeah just sneaking on the And that was terrific instincts by Just to figure out

How do I make this dynamic stuff? That's agile Yeah I needed more agility in that Yeah

I know I think And plus it would add to TikTok too by taking out the third time when they say

I'm gonna your butt in mouth are both full of cream now no did they and maybe I'm just filling in my own blanks here but

did they were there as berries too I don't remember hearing berries but I like this instinct of yours because you like imagining things that could be there this inspired you you don't have to be afraid to admit that this inspired you to write your own work on the next

no this is Millie A on the next read of my this clearly this clearly spoke to you in a way that I haven't seen I have never seen an actor more connect with the work there absolutely

You left a piece of yourself in this. I was transported. I was like, is he going to do this to me? Yeah. I'm worried. And I feel like all of us got that where we thought he was talking directly to us. So now, here's my acting challenge for you. I would like you to do an improvised version of this that forego the cream.

Okay. Forgo the cream. Introduce the berry. Okay. Because clearly the berry is where your brain. Wait a minute. Can I? Let's do it.

few, let's do it just... Just a few lines. Just a few lines. And don't forget the vase. Yeah. And replace cream with berries and then play. No, I'm going to... Improvise.

Let me just... Use the material to help you, but then yes, improvise. Improvise. And make it about one of us in the room. Yeah. Or Jubio. All right.

Or me. Yeah. Or Caleb. If you make it about me, I'm going to make material. Now. Now, now, now, now, now that you're getting food fucked. You wear... Let's get even crazier.

I have here And the vase Keep going And then the vase And then the vase shatters Berries fall out of the vase Keep going You go you pick up the berries

I pick up Now I have here The largest Barry in the vase I have here the largest Berry in the vase Jubio And I know

I know That it's one you're allergic to Okay The Sinister A new twist Don't be afraid to be mean Yes I know it's a berry that you are allergic to.

What berries are allergic to? It's not a, it's not a critical allergy. It's not an allergy. It's not an allergy that would kill you, but it will make you itchy. And. Finish the thought. Continue, dive into this well. The berry is going to make, you're going to be itching,

and it's going to make you want to itch it, but you can't. Because I'm just going to place the berry on your back. and we can just add that in anywhere. We could add that in anywhere in the play. That was excellent. That's like Alec Baldwin's character and Glenn Gary Glenn Ross. It's not in the play, but it could be added.

The only thing that held you back there is not anymore is now. Your own self-consciousness about becoming not just an actor, but a writer. Wow. And that's hard. And by the end, you powered through that. And I thought I figured it out.

I mean, what's more, I mean, throwing the veil. I thought that was inspired. And finding the berry. Finding the berries. Find the largest berry in the base. The vase is what we call a red herring. See, now I know about acting or writing for actors or red herring.

Despite me and Patches and Patrick all saying the berry was in the vase at the same time. It was so unexpected. Yeah. In a way. Cameron had no idea. I didn't know. I was sitting here, I was like someone has to clean up the vase. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. You just threw it. You're not going to win. Flower food. You're not going to win the whole audience. Half the audience is going to think, I have to clean this up because I,

mom's coming home. And half the audience is, what's that red ball? Uh-huh. I was thinking mom's coming home during that as well. But no, it's the biggest berry in the vase.

And it's the one that Juvio is allergic to. And I like you not going too unrealistic. This is the biggest berry in the world. No. Hell no. This is the biggest berry in the vase. Every vase is going to have a biggest berry. Yeah.

If it's full of berries, it will. That's right. If it's one of mom's berry vases. My mom used to make those berries. They go bad so fast. It's just fruit rotting, you know. Can I tell you guys something that's not acting related that I just remembered?

Of course. My barbers had actually told me a really interesting story about berries. That I wanted to share with you guys. No, it's not related at all. I just remembered it just now. He told me, he was telling, well, he told me that last night his son was home with her. He has an older son and a very, a little son. And his older son called him and said,

dad the my brother he my little brother he wants to go to sleep right now and he says it's only six o'clock don't let him go to sleep he can't go to sleep his bedtime is usually 830 but then he said but then and then he got distracted because the tv was showing a scene in the movie where i was riding a motorcycle yeah and he looked at that for a minute and he looked at me and he said you know man power is important in all things and then he told me about engine misalignment in motorcycles Wow. Because I never found out what happened to his son. And you could, if you were, you could play this guy.

Yeah. I think easily. Let's see, let's see you be your barber. Okay. Cut Patch's hair, right now. Get up and cut his hair. Well, hold on. It's just so, okay.

And I'm Cameron, right? Yeah. Yeah, you know, man. This actor, oh, wait, this is, okay, this is something else that he said. We'll do it. This is this movie. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying this is real.

This is real material here. I'm not improvising this. Yeah. This is, this movie is on. This is a slice of life. Okay, also let me, let me kind of set the scene here.

This movie that was playing on the TV, never seen it before. Don't know anything about it. It seemed to be about, it was about a guy who was crashing his motorcycle into stuff. It was scenes if he'd ride his motorcycle and, like, crash into a car and fly off it. And then it'd be a scene of him with his,

with his family at dinner being really, like, sad. And then he'd, like, be, like, practicing motorcycle tricks in a warehouse. and then he gets back and he's crashing another car. Evil, can even bio pick. I don't know what it was.

Make him a good fan, I guess. All right. So now you're... This is what he's talking about right here in this scene. Okay. All right. Back to his head.

You know, man, I love this actor. And then I said, I don't think I know this actor. Say I don't know this actor. I don't know this actor. No, you do. He's in a lot of French movies.

French action movies. But this one, I guess, it's different. I'm so worried about my hair. So that's not really realistic. Okay, yeah. He said it's a documentary. And here you are doing Michael Moore to the documentary, adding stuff.

Well, because I thought he would have said that. I was imagining Cameron in that. He's like, I'm worried about my hair. It's being cut. No, I was a lot more worried about the movie. Cameron is not somebody who is worried about anything. I think that your character is maybe creeping in a little bit. Yes.

I didn't think about this. Yeah. So, okay, let me try again. Let me try again. Okay. Beat yourself now. I'm worried about my weight. I'm worried about the effect it has on my heart.

But I ran out of it. Those are the only two things my barber said to me. Let's go to the dark method. Oh, interesting. Oh, I had an example monologue in case we want to do that. We'll keep going. We'll do the dark method. The meaning of the dark method.

Okay. Let's go. The dark method, experimental technique has proven to be quite dangerous. focuses on channeling a lost Jungian archetype called the stranger jungling?

That's when you sit on your like developed by accident due to super ego coordination over the last 1,000 years. Next. The stranger arrived

in the beginning of the 20th century but was banished to a distant psychic void by Avengers style squad of Jung, Sennislavski, Freud,

Lord's Byron, and Fontleroi. This was done to protect us but it only made it stronger. Lord Byron pointed out that this could happen and brings it up a lot in hell. They're all in hell.

Lord Byron's that guy who got kidnapped by Afghanistan? That was Lord Miles. It has since resurfaced involuntarily through extreme artistic expression seen throughout the 20th and 21st century. Some example, artistic works.

Go on. Godfather, Bioshock and Radiohead. However, I've captured the stranger. Oh, my God. It's terrifying. Christ Almighty. Next.

The stranger can't harm you. He can harm those you love. But we need the stranger. Source of all authentic art. artistic expression and a powerful ally to entertainers of all kinds. To contain him and utilize him, I've invented the dark method. Cool. I have nothing in here.

You're not a pencil pusher. Why would you be good at making a slideshow? No, I just, I was supposed to be at the end of the slideshow, and I was like, oh, maybe I'll add stuff to that. So say every line twice, once as your character and once as a stranger, however you see him. You will do this until stranger possession, more on that. When performing this technique, the raw emotion memory will arise. Do not run from it.

The REM could be any past event, typically one of emotional darkness from your past, but could be others. The stranger is a mass super ego agent and allows you to channel memories of others. So when you're performing it, you'll start to discover memories of your own or of others. Follow it to its end, and a stranger will now possess you. Once possessed, close your eyes, hold your breath for 10 seconds, exhale. And then do the scene again, and you will become a master performer. Next slide. Here are some actors

have used the dark method and this is actually the exact time when they used it too, which I thought was very interesting to have. Wow. So we have Mr. Ledger at 28 years old

in Soho, New York. That's what he was using it. We have Mr. Anton, Studio City, Los Angeles, California, Mr. Carr, who died at age 40 in Valencia, Santa Clara.

He died in Santa Clarita. Yeah, he was speeding in Santa Clarita. He was where my damn brother lives. No, he was using the dark method. Oh, yeah. well yeah i mean that's one of the darkest methods of all is speeding in your car i don't know who this bugger is that's river phoenix brother of wakene oh i didn't know he's 23 when he died that's such a young age to go

we have patches you're still alive that's what's confusing your age looks a little low too yeah you're right in front of me you got the age off by about 15 years in the bottom direction we have to go and it looks like maybe you face sapped yourself to look skinny here benefits of the dark method produces true artistic excellence you can tame an ancient archetype and become a part of a tradition of warrior poets let's go back to the method itself

okay I would like to pull up a script Jubio could you pull up one of the scripts I sent you I think the one I wanted to see was it's called no not that one

that one is good though they're all really good but particularly um uh it's called uh we are your saviors it's a terrific script it's been on the hollywood blacklist for some time um and i want us to try to do the dark method while we perform this scene so i'm going to assign you guys characters um the scene and you guys will read those characters i'm sorry i'm i just got an insane uh news alert from youtube what's up from rogan shorts apparently Dave Smith exposes Kamala Harris. Who? Seriously?

Yeah, apparently he exposed her. I don't know, but Dave Smith. Who's Dave Smith? Leading libertarian comedian. You don't know, Dave Smith? Well, apparently he exposes Kamala Harris. Finally. I just wanted to say that.

No, I knew he. We have to get that out of the way. So this is called We Are Your Saviors. It's a terrific script I found on the Hollywood blacklist. Now, is this the album art for the script? Is that Malaney? by Jude Neal and Bryce Jackson. I really like the handwritten...

I thought it was an inspired... It's charming. It's cordial even. We're going to just read through this script. I will read the stage directions. I want worker one. Worker two, supervisor. Number one. Supervisor.

Fuck you. Go fucking suck my dick at my job, you motherfucker bitch. And you're fired. Interior Airport Day. Breakroom. We open up to a very active airport. J&B are working their jobs as normal. We then cut to the break room.

in which two TSA officers, along with a whole group of airport staff, are judging a video featuring Dolly Park. Wait, I'm so sorry. J&B. Can we please scroll up just a, for just a minute? No, I'm just down. Okay, that's about what I thought. Jude and Bryce. Okay, my line?

Worker 1, yeah. There is no way. Those have got to be fake pointing to her boobs. There is no way. Those have got to be fake pointing to her boobs. There we go. Bullshit. I've seen those with my very own eyes back in 96.

Read the line again. Those are bullshit. I've seen those with my very eyes back in 96. Those are as natural as bald as your bald ass head. It seems like a... Borset. Bullshit. I've seen those with my very eyes back in 96.

Those are as natural as your bald ass head. want to pause here because what you've done that's so fascinating to me is you've taken an established darkness an established character darkness was that golem i was doing or did you just did you just find out what are you talking about we're doing the stranger we're no that's that's let's keep going worker one pleased off pissed off worker one grabs worker two by the collar you can mess with my wife you can mess with my children you can mess with my entire family for all i care but you won't you will not mess with my time with Dolly Parton? I won't

allow it. Do I have to do this strange going? Keep going. Okay. Never mind. The supervisor walks in, annoyed. Now, what the hell is going on? Nothing. No, nothing at all. Just enjoying a little dolly before our second half of the shift. Their supervisor

is now staring at them. Well, by the looks of it, it's 2.30. You need to get the hell out of it. All the staff members stare at the supervisor. Well, now. Why should I do the stranger? Yeah. It's a stranger.

All right. Take it from the beginning, from the beginning of my lines. And remember, if you find a memory, I'll cue you up. If you find a memory while you're doing it, lean into it. I'll cue you up here. Go for it. But you won't. You will not mess with my time with Dolly Parton.

I won't allow it. Your supervisor walks in annoyed. Now, what the hell is going on in here? Keep going. Okay. Nothing, no, nothing at all. Just enjoying a little dolly before our second half of the shift. Well, by the look of it, it's 2.30.

Get the hell out of here. Incredible. This is incredible. This is an incredible. Keep going. Keep going. Well, who's J&B? Well, now!

Good. So you found the supervisor, this character. It's inside of you. What memory did you tap into? What was it, if you may share? It's like how I used to act before like 2019. What were you liking before 2019? I was just, my voice was higher.

I just liked different movies and stuff. What movies did you like before 2019? I really liked, I liked McConaughey before True Detective. Right. Pre-McConnoissance. Before, yeah, because McConaissance started coming out and I was like, why is he so serious? He's so handsome. Yeah, chill.

You just, you need to take a step back, you know. Let's keep going to this script I think sometimes the words on the page are really going to just elevate us. So he's, who's a B? B, who wants to be B, who wants to be? You B. I'll be B. I'll be B. I'll be B. I'll be the stage directions. Okay. We start in an airport as they're working

as a security. We see B for the very first time. Working at the document checking area, he is in a shitty mood. Yeah, yeah, you're good. Go on. The next person steps into the line. It does not even, or B, said, It's hard to see from here. He does not even check the documents.

He snatches them from the man and takes a quick second long glance as it. He does not have a care in the world about it. Yep, you good. But you didn't even check us. Bitch, whose job is this? What the hell? He takes a long pause, nice improv to stare at the man who has a confused look. Let me do my job.

You do yours and get your ass in line so you can pass through security. If you didn't hear me the first time, you are good. dumb bitch the camera cuts off to Jay adjusting his glasses as we hear B in the background arguing with customers

What a good man You're Jay as well Oh shit, sorry I misread that Well Jay and B You're J bro Yeah, you're J Yeah, what a good man

Remember you have glasses What a good man Just go ahead and yeah And yeah, you all good We now cut to J extremely bored working on the X-ray machine. Okay.

Okay. We then see a wide array of sex toys all throughout the X-ray. This catches Jay completely off-guard. What the hell is this? Where did it? Well, what the... Oh, Jay takes off his glasses, moves his face

closer to the X-ray, and begins to squint. He then calls for his supervisor, Squibbs. Hey, Squibbs. Take a look at this. My Squibbs. You are. Yeah, what do you want? Squibs makes a wait for a day. Right here. Take a look at that. Squibs looks at Jay suspiciously, then he takes a glance towards the x-ray.

To a there to his disbelief is a monstrous dildo. His eyes then proceed to widen as if they had just seen a ghost. Sweet Mary, mother of God. I know, right? Squibs begins sweating and proceeds to take a cloth out of his pocket and dabs his forehead rapidly. If that's what women are looking, if that's what women are looking for these days, it might as well be a dead man. Jay looks at Squibbs and they lock eyes.

Let's stop. Let's stop here. Well, pass the bag through. What do we think of this so far? What do we think of how... Can we skip to like the... Can we go like a hundred pages one? And just read a scene?

Go hundred pages. Just to close it out, I want to establish the characters. I want to establish the characters. Now, what did you tap into there? You changed your voice and I changed mine. I don't know. You don't know. Sometimes you won't know.

Yeah. Does this take place in Chicago? Maybe it does. The writers didn't say. Maybe I was trying thinking that. You have to be careful when you go. go out tonight, by the way, because we're doing the method. Let's just keep going, though.

Let's check out this one. Frat party day. Jude and Bryce pull up to the Alpha Beta Sigma Frat house in Squibb's stolen car. Whoa. Lots of changes. Now we've got to go back.

They park their car across the street. Can I be Jude? Yes. Here we are. Love it. All right. Just keep in mind to carry on the life of the party. Don't bring up any

responsibility life choices, only of that unimportant bullshit. Okay, we need to start our religious cult. Yeah, I know, Jude. I know. So that means... No, bo-b-b-b-bo-boo-boo. Wait, what is happening here? What's that?

Oh, wait. I was actually supposed to go... What are you supposed to do? No, bu-b-b-b-b-boo. I don't know what you're... B, B, B, B, B, Bha, Bha. Why the force, are you saying that? Bah, Bah, Bha, Bha. Are you having a seizure, Jude?

Stop. Stop. This is a crazy scene. Bhaba, Bha, Bha, Bha. Stop it. Stop. Ba, ba, ba. Just tell me, sir. Ba, ba.

Just tell me. Boo. Oh. Tis boobies. Twain't it? Yes. Stop. Stop.

This is a great script. Yeah, where is this from? I told you on the blacklist in Hollywood. It hasn't been picked up yet, but there's a lot of...

This hasn't been picked up. I would like to option this script. Yeah. I'd like to now, Jubio Pope, one more script. I believe it's called... Yeah, we got time for one more.

One more. And then we're cutting you off. This is a charity episode is both. It's completely fair. What's the script? Let's do... I think it's called... Art of...

Artificial immigrants. Interesting. I bet it's a documentary. Camera, you're a crossword player. Artificial immigrants. Artificial immigrants. Tell me, what are the first two letters of those two words? What?

Love it. Based on family guy. A. No. The two words. Oh, AI. Artificial illegal. How is this based on family guy?

Interesting that you associate illegal with immigrants. I didn't know such thing. You did. Scroll down, scroll down. Artificial immigrants. Oh, yeah, my bad. Oh, interesting. Okay, read it out.

Peter's interior, the Griffin's living room day. Peter's eyes narrow as he glares at the TV screen. His fists clenching at his sides and his lips curling into a snarl. He wants to be the news anchor. You do it. Okay. The citizens of Quahog are up in arms. Co-hug.

Co-hog. Co-hog. Quahog. You are not a tune. Family guy. You have not seen family. Quahog? I haven't watched it a long time.

Latin. This bullshit. The citizens of Cohog are up in arms, rebelling against the use of artificial intelligence, AI, and smart devices. They claim that the robots are taking away their livelihoods and leaving chaos in their wake. It's a scene of utter devastation as job losses reach record numbers, beat. And now for the weather report. Back to you, John.

Oh, can I be lowest? Yes. A shiny robot appears as the camera pans in front of the movie. of a green screen with a weather background. A forecast chart shows it will be sunny throughout the week, but raining all weekend with specific temperature every day. This is outrageous. I can't believe this.

Relax, Peter. I'm confident that everything will be fine. We must embrace the new technology, which can create new jobs. Me and a guy's just supposed to go fishing this weekend. And now it's stopped to the rain. Now it's stopped because it's supposed to be to rain. Are you okay? What?

What? What about the AI robots? That's right. Hold on. That's right. We can't just sit back and let these smart machines take our jobs. We need to do something about this. Technology is a part of our everyday life.

We can't just go against it. Yes, we can. Just the other day, I heard a knock on the door, and it was a Jehovah's Witness. But a robot version, it's, it's. these robots start taking jews jobs next then there won't be any good jobs left let's keep going well i think we also benefit from artificial intelligence not all smart devices are harmful let's do this scene the scene's important we need to do the scene lois is in a public restroom and we can only see from outside but i'm going to make a quick edit we can see everything

okay it's an invisible it's all glass stalls oh we did see it's a heated scene seats. This is new. I've never used it a day before. I'm quite nervous. No need to be nervous. Just relax. This must be one of them fancy smart toilets I've seen in the commercial. We hear a stream of water. By the way, I'm the toilet. This is amazing.

Gigitty. A frustrated Brian walks in. I guess that our director has quit. I was sorry. I was absorbed. I'm sorry. Frustrated Brian walks in. I believe I lost my job as a writer for the local newspaper to some AI. What does a robot know about the art of writing?

Stewie walks in. What is the ancient artifact that you're holding? Wow. Because it's all Seth. This is the page of Seth. Your full set. Oh, you mean a newspaper? Plenty of people still read them.

They're a good source of information. The only people who still read the newspapers are old people and people trying to lie. in the bird cages. The doorbell rings. I told you. I don't want to join your cult. Lois opens the door

and on the other side is a UPS man. If you would just sign. Chris runs in, intersects the package. Intersex the package. He flips into it. Just as quickly as he came in.

Don't worry. I'll just forge your signature like I do everyone else's. The UPS man leaves. That's family guy. That's fucking cutting. Hire this person. Cutting edgy humor.

Higher than whoever wrote this Spexcript, hire them. See, not everyone's being replaced by AI technology. It's good to know. We still have our local delivery people. Don't you get it, Lois? Nobody's job is say. Go on. Yeah. If I lose

my job, how do you expect me to provide for this family? I refuse to be replaced. Plus, who's going to watch a show called Family Robot? Plus, also breaking the wall over here. Very family guy. A room of vacuum. Cleaner enters a living room. Bumping.

into the edge of the couch and changing direction as it makes its way around the room. The griffons stare at it with curiosity and mild annoyance. Holy crap. What the hell is that anything? The rumma continues to bump into various items of furniture, including a side table in Peter's foot. Watch it. Peter Griffith doesn't know what a room is.

This thing, my word, this thing is a menace. It gets clean a speck of dust if it's life depended on it. The rumba makes its way back. Pumping it to the wall repeatedly with a thud sound.

Chris enters the living room, picks it up. Hit the Chris. Do you guys, do you guys like my new smart toy? I just bought it online to help clean my room. It may need a few adjustments. I hate it.

Yeah, you're right. It seems to have a huge problem getting past the walls. That might be its greatest weakness. That's it. I got an idea. I'm going to start a protest. Anyway. Yeah, we don't have to read anymore.

No, we do not. No. Anyway, thank you guys. I feel like I learned a lot. Me too, Patch's method. I'm going to try this out. Yeah, you should give it a shot. I'm so happy that you were here to talk about plays.

And you were going to need a shot too, an insulin shot, buddy. Yeah. That's right. It's been good. Stop showing that. I'll put the link to Patch's ticket link for his play up on swag poop.com. I will set a reminder to it but if I forget somebody to DM me on Instagram

I wasn't expecting that so thanks well it will be easy to do thank you Pat powering up for a B-Day party Oh yeah, thank you guys for doing this and yeah I gotta get a bigger hit. Everyone have a good night and remember to

act with your heart I appreciate you doing that bye bye bye night The first comic I ever saw was on a cruise ship. Yeah. A clean comic. Was it Don Gavin? 11 years old.

I don't remember his name. He wore like a brown suit, and I remember he did this joke. Mr. Brown. He did this joke. That could have been his name. He was kind of a clue-style guy. Yeah. Oh, sure.

What do you mean by that? Like, he looked like a clue character, like Mr. Mustard or Mrs. Catch-Roe. Yeah, that guy. Yeah, put some respect. Sorry. He did this joke. He was at my lie. I always said.

Yeah, there's a much greater crime to be uncovered in the Clue game. Like, sir, we know that it's in the room with the kitchen, but what if you do? 20 years ago in Afghanistan. Why'd your whole unit kill him? It's just smoking his bite. He killed Pat Tilvin. That was Colonel Wister.