Podcast About List - Ep. 320 - PAL's Official 2024 Christmas Gift Guide sponsored by JELLYBOY LLC

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

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Good day to you, too. How was everything going around? I've been good. Yes, you've been good? How is that going? I've been okay. No, okay. And you, Cameron, how are you doing? Yep, just cold out, did a little bit of whatever I needed. Did a little bit of dribble. Did a little bit of whatever you needed.

Derbled yesterday, not today. I got some dribbled on my pants and just fully just did not care. From what? Penis. Penis. Can I say? I dribbled penis every time. No, of course.

No. Sometimes. So I got these pants. They got button flies. and sometimes I'll poke it through the hole and it's annoying to do the buttons when you've got to pee really bad. So sometimes I'll just poke it through the hole

and then it kind of... Without even undoing the floor. Kind of clenches it. Like, have you ever held onto a hose? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it kind of holds... Changes the pressure. Changes the pressure.

So then I think I'm done peeing and then I put my penis back in my pants. And then there's a full like squirt left and it gets on my leg. I do. I'll get it like somehow up on my chest. I'm not... That's an interesting.

You walk out of the bathroom with that curvy enthusiasm. I will say being a man, I'm not. It's harder than being a woman. Well, of course, but also it makes you not really grossed out by pee because you're actually peeing on yourself. I touch my pee constantly. Every time I play, yeah. Grab it while it's going. The pee.

slap the people. I have done that. I definitely have I do that too. I've done that before in the shower, especially just, yeah, of course. Did you ever do you pee and you go around it? Oh, my. That's fun as fun. I've done that in the last 18 months. I've done that in probably in the last week. Yeah, probably. I wouldn't even remember. Just holding your pee, holding around your pee. Do you guys? Dude. Do you guys

in the middle of the night when you get up to go pee, leave the light off in the bathroom so it's pitch black and stand up and pee sometimes do it by sound i usually sit down though if i'm gonna do that i don't sit down anymore i always sit down to pee now i've never have spilled a drop doing this i've learned well i've learned that i can okay here's my question do you do you i never check no do you check in the morning when it's all disappeared yeah okay i know i don't even check then you don't even know no it's funny to do you can tell if it's spilling though because i can tell from the second i start peeing that it's hitting the water yeah yes And then I just maintain.

When you guys are in a public situation, otherwise known as a gathering, and you go into the bathroom, are you hitting the side of the bowl or are you going right down the middle? Side of the bowl. It depends. I don't really care. You don't care about the sound. If it's like, if I'm hanging out with like one person at their house, maybe I'll do side of the bowl because it's weird because it's awkward. What if it's a romantic date with a prime minister of a foreign country? I'm going side of the bowl, make it even louder.

No, that makes it quiet. A side of the bowl makes it quiet. Then I'm going straight into the thing. How do you not know that? How many times a day do you pee? It's louder when I do it on the side of the bowl. What kind of pee do you have? It doesn't make any sense.

It's always going to be louder. Do you have like a tin toilet? H-3-0. A P-H-3-O. You have a different... But it doesn't make it, it's not about the type of pee. It's about the type of the toilet. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure that the side of the bowl makes it louder. The side of the ball is it's crazy. It's a silencer. That's interesting. Are you talking about the floor, like the outside of the bowl? Yeah, that is not loud. You're saying the side like the, yeah, the outside of the bowl pissing under the seat? No, the side, inside.

Oh, inside. I don't even go inside. Really? Where do you go? You just take it outside? Just take it outside. So when we said the middle of the bowl, what were you thinking of? The trash can?

Yeah, I'm thinking of the trash can, maybe like the, you know, the thing under the basin. So what's the point of a toilet to you? What's the thing under the basin? There's no point of the toilet from me. It's a seat. It's in the bathroom. Yeah. look at my sit and I know I look at my phone you got a poo well obviously I do that in the

trash did you guys ever when you were a kid put a piece of poop in the trash can no you're weird you never did that once you never wiped your butt with the one of the because it says on the things that you can't flush oh baby wipes yeah oh well that's not a piece of poop look inside of it bro yeah that's a piece yeah that's not a piece a piece is something you can hold you can't hold that's like holding peanut butter. If I opened up, you know the piece of peanut butter. You can't hold peanut butter,

but it's not like, you can't like throw it. Okay. Now you're going to be stuck to your hand. Why would I? That piece of poop. A piece of poop. Okay.

I get, I get, I get, I understand what you're saying, but also what you're saying is crazy. How is that crazy? Why is it?

What about? What about a rowing part you went out of the rails? A piece of poop is like what a monkey throws, okay? But like a poop on a toilet paper, that's not a piece of poop. well that's a that's a that's a wipe of poop okay so give me some kind of smear yeah like a cream cheese a smear smear but you can have a why do they put that C in that word it's because they have a different

language. Is that a Yiddish? I think it is some kind of Hebrewian. They love, they love SCH. Yeah. S-C-H-M-S-E-H-L-L. They love that stuff. S-E-H-L-O-M-O-M-O-M-O. Another word for penis. Also a name. Really? Another name for penis? Shlomo is a penis? I didn't know that. You're kidding. That's what I heard in a music video, went to my cousin showed me a video called I'm sexy and I'm Jewish L-M-F-A-O parody. And they said, look at my Shlomo. Yeah, but I think that maybe that's, I don't know that that's a colloquial. I'm pretty sure Shlomo is a colloquial term for penis in the Hebrew community.

Schlong, too? That one? Yeah, but Shlomo, I think, is their version of Johns. What do you think the Chinese one is? For like Johnson. Why don't you go ahead and take a crack at it? We'll let you handle this one. Go ahead with a Chinese name that may be could.

Judo. Jew do, do, do, do, do. You think a Chinese penis has Jew do-Doodoo on it. That's what you just said. Dude, it's over for you. It's curtains. You are getting... I was going to say, going based off of Trader Joe's, I was going to say Giotto, but then I

remember that's the Italian one. So I was like... So you said, Jew, dude. Well, I just, I wasn't saying words. I was just making sounds to save myself. But then I thought it was ding. No, it's Trader Ming. Trader Ming. Trader Ding and Trader Ming.

Why does Trader Joe still do that? I thought they stopped doing that. They got roasted for it. Yeah. Because it was like Trader Jose and Trader Giotto. That shit was great. That's the only good part of Trader Joe's besides the food and prices. Yeah.

It's just, I just think it's awesome that somebody would get so mad about it. I know. So the only one you could get bad at it. I just don't even. It doesn't even. Traitor Ming. At least like it sound like Joe.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. They probably did try to make it sound like Joe. Yeah. The Ming one is definitely. be different. But Giotto Jose, that's great.

I wish that. What are we going to do next week? We're going to not let them call them Jojos. What's a Joe Joe? That's an Oreo. Come on. The Oreos? I don't get the Oreos.

I get named brand Oreos every time. Why is it called Speculous? Oh, yeah. I think it's like a foreign thing. Speculous. Yeah. That stuff is weird. It tastes yummy.

You know, it's great at TJ's is the employees. The employees. The employee. Yeah, I poke the bellies of the employees. Oh, yeah. I wish that you. could put on a vest. They should have a rack of vest so that when you walk into the Trader Joseph says,

do not comment on my items. Yes. I think it is hella rude when they comment on the items. I think it's so fucked up. They're required to. I know. I know. That's why I'm saying you need the best to tell them not to because they're required to.

You need to be able to opt out of it. Because they're required to do it because they're supposed to be nice, but obviously they do it every day. So there's nothing is going through their brain when they say it. So I'm saying like, oh, oh, looks like you really like chocolate. And I don't care. Oh, you bought salt. Yeah.

If it's like your whole thing as a company, I don't care if you guys try to make the vest or the helmet or the dunce cap, whatever it is, I will wear it. You can make it the most embarrassing thing. Yeah. I will wear it. I don't want the, I hate commentary. Yeah. Just a mystery science trader Joe's 3,000 items that I bought. Put the fries in the bag, bro.

Yeah, that's right. Because I'm buying fries and fries. Because I got 50 bags of fries and you can't say. one fucking word about it, by the way. Put the bags of fries in the bag. Put the bags of fries into the paper bags that I'm paying 10 cents for. I'm not bringing my own bag to Trader Joe's. Those are probably the only bags worth paying 10 cents for because of those designs on them.

I know. The designs. And not to mention just the overall literal literature that's on these bags. Bag ranking. Let's go. Chipotle. Number one, Chipotle. Number two.

I'm going to. Number three. Because of the biblical. Dude, Chinese restaurants, the one with a smile on the same. Yeah. Thank you. Have a nice day. That's goaded.

Reminds me in Nirvana. You know, the best one right now for me, local, local's only, local's only super pollo. That's a great bag to keep for when you need to scoop your cat's litter and throw it away. What's their bag like? You're disrespecting their bag, bro. No, no, no, no. You cannot put animal shit in the bag. They've given me a great bag.

I put animal shit in the bag next to my chicken. Ew. And I eat it. It's quite disgusting. It's seasoning. Who else has a good bag? Chipotle is a legend. A little bag talk.

Bag talk. Not a huge, you know, the episode isn't called a bag. A little bit. Oh, oh, dude, I have a goat. What? Kirkland, the big blue Kirkland. Shit. Oh, wait, IKEA.

That's what I'm thinking of. IKEA, yeah, IKEA, not Kirkland. They both have big bags. Here's the problem with the IKEA bag, though. It's too good. It's too good. The IKEA is the goat. No, man.

IKEA bag sucks. It's too big. And then when you hold it, it doesn't have, it's too wide. The IKEA bag. The IKEA bag is goaded because it's only there for you in an emergency. There's no use case for that bag. It's ridiculous. It's so big.

It's un-carry. Exactly. It's for it. You go, fuck, we don't have enough boxes. Yeah. I guess I'll put my computer into this.

I've put a bag. Despicable things in an IKEA bag. It's always, it's always there for you. It's always when you can't fit all your stuff. I did a go-puff order one time and they gave me a bag that's just like a sling bag, like a kind of tote bag that's IKEA bag. texture but it's like this tall and uh i bought a instant pot off of somebody and rode my bike home

with that with that thing and it was the worst where is the experience of my life wot bag cvs paper bags yep fuck cvs ones suck i'm going to give it up to the drawstring backpack personally yeah i've never had a good experience at cvs well but but you can't i mean you just said wot bag okay well we were just but but can you admit that those Those are terrible backpacks. Who would want that backpack? The drawstring bag is crap. I used it for a little bit because they gave you one free at freshman orientation in college.

I have one from Pax East 2012. That's amazing. So I can't ever hate them because of that. Yeah, that is pretty sick. Because I just keep it in my closet and I don't use it because it's useless. Well, but it's an item. Yeah, but it's an item. Yeah.

It's a fucking badass item from your past. CVS voted, Dwayne Reed, Walgreens, goaded. Because the CVS ones don't even have handles. Yeah. How are you going to do a paper bag and I'll put handles on it? It's to shame you into bringing your own bag. It's so fucked up. Who's bringing their own bag to CVS?

Yeah. I never bring my own bag anywhere. I'm going to be honest. I bring my own bag to the gross stash. I forget every single time at the grocery stosh. Is it CVS or Walgreens that's like going bankrupt or something? I don't know what it is. It's all these places.

Everybody's going. Right aid is because there's the right aid down the street from here and I went there and I truly had the Burt Kreischer moment in my head. And I was like, oh shit, that's right. He's in Rite Aid. He was in Rite Aid in that video. Oh, when he says that there's nothing on the shelves. We used to just go and hang out here.

We used to just go and hang out in this video. He's in Rite Aid and he's doing one of those writers where they're in the process of closing down. There's nothing on the shelves really. And he's walking around. He's like, what is happening to our civilization. Yeah. Right at used to be a community hub. And now there's nothing.

This is what's wrong. It's because of looters and shoplifters. They stole everything in the store. That's what he said. Yeah. He thinks everyone stole everything on the shelves. Stole everything in the writing. Dude.

The looters and the shoplifters, it's getting out of hand, guys. I know. They're losing like tens of $10, $100. $100 entire dollars every couple of days. Think of the poor Pokemon company. Oh my God.

They're Nintendo. Harry's. Harry's razors? Think of them. I will say future sponsor. The one thing that I don't like about the looting and the robbing is that they have locked up an increasingly more amount of shaving supplies. And as a bald guy. The type of thing they lock

you're hurting me. I'm catching stray bullets. I'll tell you, I'll tell you two men, coming from the hair community, we don't like it either. They're locking up shampoos. Wow. Shampoos. What's, for what? And the stinky guy community, the deodorant. Yeah, I know. And the toothbrushers are, chiming in, too. Yeah, yeah.

Lock up the toothpaste. Meanwhile, the sex stuff unlocked. Yeah, that's right. They got full-ass butt plugs in there now. I was going to loot these people. I'd be taking the protein powder. I'd be taking fucking hearing aids. Yeah. It's like $1,000. I take the hearing aid. They literally don't lock it up.

Yeah, they're dumb. The KY vibrating butt thing. You know, as somebody who's never been in one of these aisles, I'd like to keep my ignorance about what's in them. Okay. You could resell those. You could resell those, man. Every time you walk by the wall, they get freaky in the Walgreen sex aisle, though. You walk by it and have like hot and cold penis oil.

Remember when the only thing they had locked up in the whole CVS was just the condoms? No, we didn't have that down south, man, because they knew I knew I was going to let's do that shit with my head. They didn't lock them up for you? No, man. End of Twin Peaks. Yeah, yeah, man. That's how I was about because I fucking loved condoms.

I loved them. I stayed at a, for my brother's wedding, I stayed at a hotel, like, it was a Fairfield Inn, and they had condoms downstairs in, like, that little, like, you, the grab and go, you can do and stuff. And they only had magnum condoms. Yeah. They only had magnums. It wasn't like any other, they didn't have anything smaller.

Dude, because it's a hotel. Yeah. They know they're only real, real pipers to stay and fuck at hotels. Not me, I'm not a real piper. The thing is, if it's something like that where I walk by the person every time I come down, I would rather get every STD known to man than buy condoms from that place. Yeah. Yeah.

I would rather die of syphilis. Yeah, the lady, the lady who has to... It's obvious that they're not going to fit me. The lady who has to check you in and she knows that you said one person on their reservation and then she sees that six guys go in your room. Yeah. Yeah. And you want guys,

can I have a pack of magnum condoms that butt for me? Duct tape and a stapler, too? I mean, no, it's fine to just buy a pack of condoms for yourself. I don't think that it's, I think that it is scary still. As a man who's approaching 30 years old, it is scary to buy condoms. Haven't hit the beeper and then let the guys come over and unlock it for you? Dude.

No. And every time in that situation, I've ever like have been like that I fully in my head in my head I'm like should I make a joke yeah

it's fucked up too hey guess what these are for my ass they make it they make it so you got to so you gotta get get it unlocked you gotta press the button

yeah so it goes ding and everyone goes oh which aisle is it then you have to stand there wait for 20 minutes all the person comes to get to get you it's always an old woman

the person unlocks it And then you still have to go and hand it to the cashier. Because you can't buy them at self-checkout. Yeah. No. And then if the cashier... They have to ask you. They have to test them on.

They have to measure you to make sure you're buying the right side. They ask you right there to say, do you know what these are four? Why don't we start... Do you know what you're buying? What if we started like one of these like food delivery services, but it's a bespoke condom service? I think you're going to say, what if we did like a Mr. Beast style pivot and we made condoms? condoms to 100 We just do 100 starving.

Mr. we say, yes, he has feastables and luncheley. Yeah, we'll have 100 condoms to 100 horny guys. 100 blind guys. We gave a thousand condoms each to. What's our condom brand name? Still feastables.

Rubber man. Rubber man. Interesting wear. Interesting. Thinger. A thinger for your thing. Thing suit. Presidential condom

presidential. Presidential. presidential the royal El Presidente. El Royale El Presidente. And then people are

going to think that's portnoy. Halapino flavored condoms. Oh, one bite. No. The pepper.

What about just calling it the pepper? That's good. And it doesn't have to be spicy. Pepper. Long pepper. Long pepper. Banana pepper.

Banana pepper. Capsation. Banana peel. Oh, banana peel. Peels. That's good. It goes over.

It could be called peels. Peels. Peel them off when you're done. Yeah. Just throw them on the ground. They're peelable on your down. That's actually such a Exposables.

That's what we, yeah, flushable condoms. Uh-huh. Peels flushable condoms, banana-scented. Yeah. Haveables. Haveables. You can have it. Fuckables.

No, you can't have it. Buyables. That's a good, that's a good idea for any. Yeah, buyables. A buyable. A viable. And the picture on the box is Mr. Beast holding up the condom. Is it full?

His two fingers, yeah, it's full. It's full of prime. Whoa. That's a tie-in. I want to try the prime again, but I'm scared. of it doesn't have a bunch of lead in it it has a bunch of bad items yeah yeah like what and you know i don't know oh okay yeah i'm not gonna pretend that i know what's in prime i only know is that it's one of those things where you taste it and you know that something's

gone wrong everyone always said it has like three times your weekly allowance of some like chemical or something yeah which i like that we get a weekly allowance of it yeah it's nice i mean you can have some of it pretty much everything you take one sip of like kSI prime and it's like that scene that in the Simpsons when Homer eats the McRib and then his eyes dilate I'm in the thick of it everybody knows that song I love that song That song is actually good as fuck

It's fine Why is that song not on the radio? I think it is on the radio Why do people hate on KSI what? Because he's getting out his dreams I can think of other people who did that And they had no problem Who?

Kanye West Oh okay People have a problem with him First I'm hearing about it Probably a bigger problem with KS. Why? I think he'd said something about Jewish people. He said that, that don't kill me.

You said Jew-Doodoo. That was a Chinese name I made up. Yeah, see, that's worse, I feel like. Well, that's not, that's nothing to do with the Jewish community. Well, except for the word that you said, Jew-Dood-Doo. I don't think Jew-D-Du is that far off from a name. From a Chinese name. Really?

I think it's pretty far off now that I think. about it. Yeah, you would think you should think twice about that. Yeah, maybe I should go to bed. Going to bed for Jude, do, dude. Yeah, like, that could be, man. Actually, I think I knew somewhere who was named Jew, do, do. Yeah, we went by Roger.

We haven't, us three have a real problem where we are culturally ignorant. And I think it is a time. I know everything about every culture. Really? Okay, what do you know about? Senegalese people. They speak French. Okay. Well, my God.

Can't confirm or deny that. Yeah, so we can't confirm or deny that. We, okay, other cultures. How many cultures are there in the world? Like 50? 100. One for every country. You're only halfway there.

How many countries are there? God, I don't even know. What is it? Like 168? Okay. 168. There's 168. 168 of the culture.

194. Oh, fuck. Nice try. Yeah, that was not too bad. It's pretty far off, actually. Oh, how about the Vatican City? Tell me about the culture of the Vatican City. As someone who's boring.

Been there, by the way. Me? Me. Oh, well, then why do you say, tell me about it as someone? Well, tell me. Tell me who's been there. Tell someone who's been there, by the way. Okay, well, first of all, there's a bald guy there.

Well, not anymore. You can't get away from whenever you look in the mirror. No. Well, that actually is kind of true. Or windows as well. Okay. Now, what else do you know about Vatican City? Big hat.

One big hat. Yeah, but there's every... Yeah, that could be anyone. You know, I didn't even get to see him. There could be anyone wearing a big... I'm pretty sure it's illegal. Is it illegal to wear a bigger hat than the Pope? I think if it's not, it should be.

That seems like an obvious thing. That seems like a day one rule of Catholicism. It's like if you're in Vatican City... You cannot be showing up that. You can't hat mug the Pope. No, absolutely not. You hat mug the Pope, it's instant death in Vatican City. Yeah, it's...

A lot of things are instant death there. Really? Like what? They made my wife put on a trench coat. Swear to God. They made her investigate the murder of prison. No, they made her put on a poncho because she had like her knees out.

Really? Yeah. Not in the city, but in like the basilica. Oh yeah, you told us about that. Yeah. I think and now I have my different cultures have different ideas. Dude, that's crazy.

Told you, man. But what do they call my wife a whore? It said whore on the trench coat? Well, I mean, yeah, on the back, so she didn't know. But it's kind of a little bit like that is what they're doing, right? It's 100% what they're doing. They're saying that you're such a whore that you can't even be in here. We have to cover you from the paintings looking at you.

Yeah. You're going to ruin the paintings. You're going to ruin the paintings are going to Doreen Gray right in front of you and turn into a disgusting thing. That's always what I'm afraid of when I go to a different country is I'm going to, I'm going to somehow unexpectedly offend someone by the way that I am. Yes, this happens a lot. And they, and like, but I feel like most of this, like, in my imagination, it's like,

oh, I'll come in wearing a t-shirt that is a picture that's actually extremely unholy and they'll chop my head off. But I think actually what happens is I say, uh, we don't consider that to be normal here. Yeah. You should change. When you're in Canada, I just kept jaywalking. You didn't know that that's serious. And I was like, well, I was like for a split second, I was like, I kept seeing people

waiting for the signs to change and I was like in the middle of the street and I was like oh they must not jaywalk in Canada this must be I must be sticking out like a sore thumb right now I think it's just city to city yeah I think Toronto they it depends on it's everywhere in the world

places with bad traffic people jaywalk there's a lot of the time there's all different factors that goes into it I feel yeah it's completely legal here now and I think it should be legal it's legal it's legal yeah they just legalize it this last election it was like a prop vote makes sense

for it to be legally. It's not like you're stopping anybody. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know anybody's ever gotten a jaywalking ticket. Yeah, that's the type of thing. I think you get that in a small town where the police department

is really hurting for cash. Also, if you're, if you do jaywalk and you die, the person is at no fault, right? Yeah, I think so. So who cares? Wasn't that jaywalking like made up by the automotive industry?

Is this some kind of tinfoil hat shit? I'm sure it's associated with cars. Yeah. It is definitely, it brings cars to mind. I thought it was a crime lobbied by the automotive industry. You know, I bet you know what, if we want to, if we want to, can we get Hank Green? If we want to do the tinfoil dive, I think probably you could trace it to that because it's probably, I mean, the fact that we have sidewalks versus streets is the automotive industry, right? Yeah, that's true.

So it probably is. Oh, yeah, I mean, right? It's why LA is like that. Well, I like sidewalks though. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, but like it being like versus in like, you know, Japan where it's like, you know, people can only can walk and drive in certain places.

It's all one. You're not talking about? Like are parts where you can't drive and there's only sidewalks and stuff like that. There was this kid in my hometown that used to walk places and people treated him like he was the biggest freak in the world because he would just be on the side of the road. Did you have a bindle? No, but it was like it was close. It was just weird how like if you're in a small enough town, if you see somebody walking on the side of the road and there's no sidewalk. it's like everyone gets to treat you like

you are homeless effective yeah yeah everyone gets to treat you like a hitable object and they want to kill you my mom's old house it was like a McDonald's and a gas station and a Harris Teeter

a grocery store across the way and the road in between it had no no sidewalk no crosswalk and it was like 75 miles per hour yeah and so you just see people just running all day between like the neighborhood

and you always at least for me I always forget that like you can't just, like, get to places. Like, I'll be somewhere when we were, when we were upstate for our wedding, or no, it was like for whatever, it doesn't matter. We were upstate. I was, well, my wife was having her hair and makeup trial,

and so I just had like a few hours to kill. With a judge. Mr. doesn't know about how a wedding is planned. No, I don't. Mr. Expand your perspective a little bit. Your hair needs to be longer. And I was like, oh, I'll just walk to like, there's like a mall down the street, I'll walk there, and I pulled up Google Maps.

And, like, the Google Maps directions, like, you can go on and it will tell you the walking directions. And I started following it. And the walking directions, they literally tell you to walk under the highway overpass, like, onto the highway under the, like, the highway bridge and then cross two highway lanes and go, like, through the woods. They should put it. It's like, why even, why do you let me put in the walking? Just tell me I can't do it.

It's not allowed. In Google, the people, you know, they have the drivers who have the drivers who have the a big circle camera. They should have for the walkers, people who have proven that you can walk wherever. Yeah. That's what I think.

A Google Walker? Yes. And I will volunteer to be a Google Walker. That's a good idea. Yeah. I'll take 100 people. I'm like a, I am a bold walker.

I will walk places where you're not supposed to walk. Oh yeah. But this is, that was one that defeated me. Remember Tampa? This is literally, yeah, that's the type of walking.

I will, I will do that. Yeah, we walked to, God, where are we go in Tampa? But we went, we walked from the hotel to a waffle house and then took an Uber back. When we were in North Carolina, we all remember when we ran to the waffle house across eight lanes of highway traffic with like five suitcases. Yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah. Yeah, that's always the type of shit that I'm on. Yeah. I want to walk to a place. No doubt. But yeah, sometimes you just literally can't and it's crazy. Yeah. Where did we?

What was the fuck? Oh, oh, the path that we walked to that waffle house, there was like, three like oh yeah there was like a there was like four or five like adult video stores yeah one of it was an adult movie those and like our one mile stretch yeah one day I'm going in yeah it's coming soon it's crazy there's so many we were gonna we were trying to think of what to do that night and we were thinking about going to the bar that's connected to the adult movie theater but we were just like imagining like we should have we should have gone to the there was an arcade bar next to it Yeah, no, because imagine the movie gets out at midnight

and it's just a bunch of guys who have just jacked off going to a bar. Well, those guys are the most chill guys on the planet. They might be. Yeah, they're just all going to be calling a sweet. These guys that still go to the porno theater in 2020. Can I say something too, man? Tell me.

This is Tampa. Okay, they don't have hipsters there. We walk in there. They're going to fucking beat the shit out of us. Because you think that it's, they see you guys. They're like, these guys are not real booners. Yeah, they're coming to ironic. They're coming to do MST3K.

We're going to beat the fuck out of these. You guys are going to fucking kill us. They're going to be right. They're just turning around the whole time looking at us. But what if you're not welcome here? What if instead of that, what if you guys went in with bad intentions? Yeah. But then they converted you to like, this is how you should be jacking off.

Probably a conversion I'd rather not undergo. But what if it made your life even better than it already is? I don't need it to be that good. Okay. Well, that's interesting. I got by this far. Yeah, got it pretty good baseline for me. No, was it to reach for the stars?

But you would have been able to answer all my questions about this place. Because my curiosity with these kinds of theaters is always, is it a movie theater and there's a big screen and everybody's in the same room? Or is it one of the ones where it's like you go into boots and you see it through this? Well, we didn't go in. Squarting. Yeah, that's what I mean. I wish you had because you'd be able to answer that.

Next time we see you're... If you're together, we'll go in. Okay, let's just go in and you know what? We could also just ask somebody. And a large popcorn. If you're a gooner, just comment down below if you've ever been into one of these theaters. But specifically if you're going to these type of theaters, because I'm sure all you guys down there, you go on your little websites, you sit in your own bedroom and jack off.

That's not real. No. You might as well not exist. It's also, it's giving you like false expectations of what actually jacking off as much like as she is on the screen. No, I'm saying doing it out. No, they're way bigger. is giving you false expectations of what jacking off is like real jacking off someone's tap you on the shoulder and saying sir you cannot do that exactly that's like what it actually is and

you know and that's really close to sex too because there's another person involved i guess that's true that's wow i can't wait for you to be arrested for that to me going pee-wee i think that you will pee-wee one i don't think i'm going to pee-wee i think stuff is going to go really bad for you i've been getting why me what i don't know it's not It's going to be me or Hulia or Hulio. Hulio's going to be fine. Cameron's going to be amazing. But I just am getting so many dreams recently about just the worst stuff happening.

I was just going to ask if you guys believe in prophetic dreams. Do you believe in it? I do. No, but I write them all down. Probably like two or three times a month for basically my entire life, I dream that I get attacked by a bear. It's going to happen to you. I had a dream last night that my brother. All the time.

That's probably my most common dream by a huge margin. I had an amazing dream last night. I had a dream last night that my brother had a taco stand in California. And I was like, dude, how many of these are you opening up? And he's like, dude, we just opened 1,400 taco stands. And I was like, whoa, what's the secret? And he said, we invented a cassidia where both, instead of tortillas, it's chips. And then I was like, that's bullshit.

And then I had one. It was the best thing I ever had my entire life. Yeah. And then I woke up. I told my wife, I was like, I think I had the most amazing invention ever in my dream a cassidia where it's chips she said toostata yeah yeah yeah and I just went back to last night I had a dream that a guy on the street grabbed me by the arm I was holding me really tight and just saying crazy stuff to me I don't remember what he was saying but he was just

talking in a way that was crazy and it was freaking me out and I'd reached out and tried to push him away and his body was all greasy and also he wasn't wearing a shirt and so I touched his body and it was all greasy and it scared me so bad I instantly woke up from the grease a grease man a grease villain he was holding on to me real like how could he be holding on to you like that if he's so greasy. That is really scary. I had a dream recently. He has a dream journal. It's very cute. Let me look at let me, well, I only write down the ones that are like scary. Scary or very weird. Uh-huh. Oh, I had a dream that I created a dryer slash bass guitar amp combo. I don't know why. I was like, the

invention. That wasn't scary. That was just a good idea. I have to write this down because it's so scary. I have to write this down. No, but I remember washing my clothes and then playing like NIB by Black Sabbath. Do you ever have the dream? I think everybody's had this dream. Do you have bombing dreams? Bombing about stand-up bombing?

Yeah, stand-up bombing. No. I had a dream that I was opening for Connor again but he was friends with Whoopi Goldberg and she was sitting front row and I was like, dude, I have no material. I'm going to bomb in front of like all these people

and Connor and fucking whoopies here. Yeah, whoopee would be that sucks. In my dream, I was like, dude, she's going to make her break my career. My most common dreams by far are animal attacks and carjacking. Yeah. Those are the two I have all the time.

What else do I have in here? Usually bear, sometimes tigers. A video game where Cartman, there's a Cartman xenomorph. What does that mean? Like a Carp and like a xenomorph outfit? Like it would be in the show? No, no, no, no.

Like the xenomorph hatched inside. Cartman and Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he is the Xenom. Yeah, yeah. I was playing a lot of, that was when I was playing a lot of, um,

fractured a lot of, um, real life Eric Cartman here. Yeah. Oh my God. Real life Eric Cartman here. 24 year old Eric Cartman here. I had a dream that there, uh,

that Eddie Van Halen was inviting me to his, his birthday party. He was like him telling me. So, so far, I'm gonna be honest with these. These are not scary. So far,

none of these are scary. And it makes me want to be, I'm gonna break your phone. Can you read a scary one? Yeah. Yeah. Can you get a one scary one? And it's okay if it's not funny.

I had a dream that I was the host of a game show in my aunt's house, but there was a roach problem. And there was like, it was like men in black guy, Vincent Donofrio, man black roaches everywhere, but they hated water. So I had to throw water at them.

This was a scary one? This was scary to me because I don't really like bugs. Yeah, I don't. Okay. Your deepest, darkest fears. That was a scary one.

I wanted to get you in, What was the last straight-up, like, serial killer nightmare? Yeah. Like, and not, not you were nervous or anxious. I had a dream where I, like, befriended, like, a mechanic from Long Island. He's, like, a 50-year-old mechanic. And we built a fort in the auto body shop, and we had marble races. Okay.

Like, in a fort? We had a fort. It's a dream that a dog would have about his owner. I dream that we chewed on bones together. I had a dream a couple months ago. My family was cannibals. Yeah. And they ate a lot of different people, but including Mr. Eric Rayhill.

They killed. No. My family killed Eric Rayhill in my dream. I was like, no. How dare you? How dare you kill Eric? I draw the line. Yeah.

Mr. Rayhill. Dreams are scary, man. Dude, they really... I would prefer... I'm scared to just sleeping, honestly. It's scary to fall asleep. It's weird that your mind does that. You know what, but speaking of dreams,

one classic dream from history is a vision of sugar plums dancing in one's head. Yes. I watched a 40-minute video yesterday about how to make sugar plums, and I learned what they are. That's amazing.

So, Christmas. Yes. Yeah, it was a segue. Yes. Can I just say how you make them real quick? Is it sugar and plums? No, man. Here's the craziest part.

No plums involved whatsoever. Maraschino cherries. That's fake. You watched a bed. Historically, that's true. Maraschino cherries, and you tumble them in a million different things of sugar, and then you make them purple. Why make them, why not just get plums?

Well, because then it's not a candy. And plums are too big, and they have a pit. Uh-huh. You fool. I guess I don't know if I can eat plums. I'm thinking about it. If it's a stone fruit. You can't eat stone fruit?

Yeah, peaches, avocados. Cherries, though? Cherries are stone fruit. They have a pit. Mango? I can eat mango. Then your argument is invalid. I hate when my argument's invalid, man.

Well, it happens to you a lot. Okay. So this Christmas, oh, what am I going to get my family? A sugar plum? A scary dream? That's why we probably. this stuff up.

Yeah. An X-rated adult video? Uh-huh. No. We will help you here because I know it's confusing. I got a, I hope my brother doesn't listen to this and my secret Santa thing, I got bailed out crazy. I got my brother and he said, I just want money on his wish list.

Nice. You should get him something instead of getting him money. That's what my wife said. And I said, shut up. For a secret Santa, that's kind of bullshit to put. Yeah. That's not okay to put. Well, like you, I think you, I think you, because I can put that on a normal.

Christmas, I feel like, but a Secret Santa, it's like, come on. Secret Santa. You have to get a piece of crap gift. I got to figure out a way to hide it, of course. But then he's going to know, he knows. Like, he's going to know. You know what you should get him?

You should get him. You should get him a coconut one-to-one scale replica, Mace Window, lightsaber. I know you ask for money, bro, but I gave you something $300 accurate lightsaber. And if you really want money, you could sell this. Yeah. And honestly, but I wouldn't.

hold on to it. You know what? It's only going to gain in value. You know what? There is a lightsaber like a $325 Darth Vader one-to-one replica lightsaber at Ridgewood Thrift. $300? Yeah. They're selling it for $300.

What a fucking steal. Yeah. Oh my God. You get this for your brother. So this year we've decided to do another gift guide. And I don't remember did you guys do prices right or no. No. Oh, I did. Whoops. And I know if I know anything about our fans, I think today is a week until Christmas

and there's no way any of you guys have bought a single present yet. No, I haven't bought one. I would even buy for, I don't know. What? But just for anybody. I'm bad with gifts. We're doing a gift guide, so.

Yeah, but you'll see how bad I am. You see the shit that I'm out. Well, let's see it. Okay. Yeah, so this is Kill Tony artwork, a Tony Hinchcliff, 11 by 17 print. That looks like the mask.

Yeah, so they made them completely green. I'm guessing that. This is made with, it looks like maybe Sharpies. No, I think that's oil pastels, man. You think that's oil pastels? Yeah, I think this is like a Van Gogh painting. He has green skin, brown beard, and facial hair, including eyebrows, and then orange top of his head hair. And I will give them credit for they nailed his look.

Yeah. Like his style. This is reverse Tony. This is when you invert him. So what do you guys think? I mean, I know that nobody else is doing this, but I'll do it. What do you guess think this one is worse? I think, yeah, maybe.

be $1,000. Dude, then it's time to buy it. Show me at $25. Oh, that's not bad at all. It takes to take home this Kill Tony artwork of Green Tony. We should buy that, actually. I'm actually down.

I'm so down. We should buy that. It's only $25, man. It says, hurry before it's gone. One person is watching this item. Maybe it's Caleb watching it. And it also says more than 10 available. Oh, that's good.

We're buying that. Yeah. That is going on 10 of them. Let's buy it. Let's buy four and then we'll hang them up. Oh, yeah, can we just contact this person and get the... Can we get them to commission a bunch of Tony? Can we commission us with Tony?

That'd be amazing. Yes. That's such a... That's such a good idea. Yes, we will do that. It's Mount Rushmore, but it's us and Tony. Mount Roastmore with us and Tony. Mount Roast Moore.

Okay, next. Oh, this is the other stuff this person has listed. They have the Kill Tony artwork, some mushrooms. An Aztec print urban outfitters flannel and a Wizarding World of Harry Potter chocolate frog card only Bridget Winlock. Card only Bridgett. Card only Bridgett. Card only. Who wants a no chocolate fraud?

A $15 Bridget Winlock. I just thought this shirt. Then they get the cards in the universal. This kind of shirt goes perfectly with like a Kill Tony fan kind of set up. Yeah. Like this is part of the kit. The Aztec Southwest stuff. Dude, I'd love to try ayahuasca someday.

Yeah. Next is. It's always the people who want. Oh, my God. People who want to expand their mind are always people who sit on their in their couch and watch poop all day. You know why you need your mind expanded? Why? Because it was small to begin with.

People who have pre-expanded minds that were expanded before they were even born don't need drugs to do it. And we can watch TV all day and it doesn't affect us at all. Right. TV is good for us. Straight up. It's feeding us. It's compost. TV gives us better ideas.

This is the Kill Tony football. Now, based on the other one, how much. much you think this one is going for. Well, this one says it's used. It is used. You can see, it's got a couple of games on it. Yeah. I can tell. Game, what do they call that? And if there's one thing I know about Kill Tony fans is that there's nothing they love more than getting outside in the yard and just playing ball with their friends. Just scrapping all their friends. Just all your buddies getting around. First, you guys, you go hit the Comedy Mothership in Austin. You take, I mean, you probably have 15 or 16 water down whiskey waters. And then you go

back to the crib, $16 each, you leave a 4% tip, you go home, and you play Kill Tony football. Yeah. Which is a different game than normal football. Or you have to say a funny line every time you catch the ball. Every time you catch the ball. Instead of tackling, you're

roasted. You're roasted until you drop the ball. Nice catch pansy. And then you it's last man standing rules. Yeah. So how much is this one? Well, this one is an auction. So I'm going to say the starting bit is. Tell me to buy it now. 75. Okay, 100.

Go next. $1,500 buy it now for the Kill Tony football. That would be an amazing pickup. Get that for $500, place the bid, get Ben Rathlisberger to sign it. Yep. You're the quarterback? Yeah, I want my quarterback. Yeah, I paid him a quarter.

Next. Self-portrait of myself back in 2020, original art. Oh, this one's $115.15. Yeah, I didn't even put the thing down, but I just thought this was cool. And this is another one that I'm definitely, I'm taking a look at. Yeah, you think you think you're going to buy it? Yeah. And then I went down a rabbit hole.

I don't know. I wasn't able to verify it. They didn't have anything else for sale. Next, I went down a rabbit hole here. This is a rock that, a rock that looks like a hamburger. It does look like a hamburger. This one does look like a hamburger. I'm going to say $1,500.

Okay, how much you said? 30. 30? $100. Okay, go next. 30. $100 for a rock that looks literally

exactly like a burnt hamburger Where is that from? Where does it say here? Where's the seller from? Ogilvy, Minnesota. Oh, interesting. It does look. It's a rock you could only get out of the Midwest.

I mean, I'm seeing so many layers in there, not to mention the shape. Reverse juicy, juicy rock where instead of the burger being filled with cheese, the whole thing is not anything. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of a little bit of a regional thing. It's a reverse thing.

Kind of a Minnesota. Because there's nothing to eat. Next one is unique rock that looks like a slice of bread. That looks more like a slice of bread than the last one looked like a burger. So that looks like a real slice of bread. It looks like a slice of bread that you tried to butter, but the butter was too cold. Uh-huh. So it just kind of stuck.

How much butter are you putting on your bread? Well, no, you put that's one pad of butter, but then you tried to like, oh, yeah. Shit. I think that one is worth, I think, a lot. Let me see how much this one is worth. This one was, oh, no, it's only $20. I was going to try to do the math. I was trying to think, how much would you pay for one slice of bread?

And then how much would you pay for a slice of bread that lasted forever? You could keep on display. That's a good point. That's kind of the way you can just figure out the price here. And then after I saw these two, I just started searching looks like A and just seeing kind of what comes up. The rock that looks like a potato. And this is, for people listening, this is just a rock.

These are great gifts. Yeah. This is a great gift. The rock that looks like a potato. You get your family, each of your family members, a rock that looks like something different thing. It's an incredible, when you have a themed Christmas. And you can have, I mean, that Christmas picture is going to be amazing. You've got yourself with Christmas card.

Yeah. Where you see bread, hamburger, potato. Oh my God. How much was this one? 30 bucks. 30 bucks. Affordable. That's the same price as a normal rock as well.

That's fine to pay for one gift that you can show out 30 bucks for this. Next up is the, a piece of a piece of. driftwood that looks like saggy boobs l-o-l-l-l-l-l-pill pen blank pen blank pen blank what's a pen-blank I don't know but I was I they're saying that you would maybe if you're going to prom

you would put right here you get pin this on your lapelette yeah a saggy boobs driftwood I'm gonna say this is 50 bucks is this really look like saggy boobs to you guys a little bit I guess I don't know I mean one of them looks saggy for sure

That's what I'm saying is it really is just one saggy boo on this. Yeah, I'll go 10 bucks. 10 bucks, how much is this? It's just wood. $65. It's just wood. Wood is not valuable compared to a rock. Rocks are much stronger.

Rocks are more durable. But it's also driftwood, so it's brittle to begin with. And not to mention how much that many times you're going to be touching the saggy boobs on this thing. Yeah. It's going to break off. Next is real potato that looks like a saddial. dog. This one doesn't look like a sad dog to me.

That's why I picked it. Yeah. This kind of looks like the stinky cheese, man. But actually, now that I look at it, I do see a frowny face, but not the kind of frown. It doesn't look like a dog's mouth. That mouth is in the wrong part of the potato. No, it kind of looks like Princess Leia got hit in the head. And also, I'd like to know what kind of potato this is, because it's very, very small.

That's a real potato. Well, I know it says real potato, but you can tell that it's been out for some time. Yeah. So I'd like to see this better preserved before I. I pay, how much of this one? Before I pay $5 for it. Really not that much, actually. I would be open to buying that.

Yeah, let's buy it today. Guys, we can't buy everything on this list because other people need to buy these. It's a gift guy. We've got to leave it for everybody else. Next is the stick that looks like a blaster from Star Wars or Star Trek. That does look like an original series Star Trek phaser. When you're a kid, this is the kind of thing that you find all day every day. and you run around with.

And this guy had the genius idea to actually sell it, yeah. But I think, and this one is also priced, I believe at a kid's price for like, how much is this? 10,000. No, I think it's, I think it's $1.50. So that's actually a really good deal. That's an actually good gift, I think.

Yeah. And then is there one more? I like how crusty it and fucked up this thing. Merged a chicken that looks like Korea. That's a merged chicken. What would you say a merged chicken is? Well, a plain merged chicken that doesn't look like anything is usually in the realm of like 60 bucks. Okay.

How much is this one? Maybe 50 used. This one is $520. Oh my God. Looking like Korea. And it doesn't really. There's a reason that there's a phrase Korean fried chicken. Oh, because of this.

Because it means that when chicken is shaped like Korea, it's expensive. What is merged chicken? Merged chicken. So you can see right there, there's a line. and there is two pieces of chicken merged. Yeah, it's merged. You've never ordered merged chicken? Very rarely.

What happens, the merging process is when you cook it, you put too much batter on one part of it. And it merges the chicken. So it merges the other one. Okay, so this is a McNugget then. Yeah. Okay, I see. All right, next.

Is there, yeah. A rock that looks like a steak. So this one actually really looks like a steak. Approximately 1.5 inches by 1.1 inch by 1 inch by 1. It's rad. It can't look like a stick. It's so small. Yeah, but look at the marbling on it.

It looks more... It looks like a steat. It looks like someone painted a T-Rex on it. Part of it looks like a steak. The other part of it does not. Yeah. Now, you brought up a good point here, which I never thought about when I picked this,

is that this rock could be painted. Yeah. It looks like someone painted a T-Rex on it. You can see right there the... Yeah. The mouth. The mouth and the other stuff. But they're selling it...

If they painted a T-Rex, it wouldn't be selling it as a steak. Well, it could be a fluke. It would be, oh, like they messed up. They tried to make it, but it's like, I guess it looks like a steak. But it does look a little bit like a steak to me. And how much is this one? Very expensive.

Yeah. $750 for the rock that looks like a steak. Wow. An inch and a half by an inch. And then I do actually, I remember the last one. Go next. This is a piece of ribby steak that looks like etioli. You can just do this.

That's what my problem is. this one was, is that it's pretty obvious if you look on the right side that this has been cut. Yeah. And this is a piece of ribby steak that looks like. It doesn't look that. It looks more like a cowboy. It looks like a boot. Yeah. Italy kind of looks like a boot. Yeah, but not that much. And this is definitely not. So I think that actually that might, uh, lend itself to the idea that this came out like this. Because if you're going to really try to make it look like Italy, you'd make it look like Italy. Yeah. But this does just look like a And how much is this one?

$150. Wow. Oh, that might be a really good steak. Yeah. That's another thing you have to keep in mind here is that's edible. Yeah. You're going to eat that when you get it. You could just, and you could be, you could be paying it on the PayPal credit card also in installments for $6.

Oh, amazing. Yeah. So that's the end of mind. You need you to hurry before it's gone. There's one person that is watching the rabbi steak piece that looks like Itaile. All right. So which one is this? I don't know.

Does it say just gift guide up top? Okay, yeah. So first things first, Jelly Boy has expanded. I remember Jelly Boy. Jelly Boy has expanded into a... I remember Jelly Boy as well. After the success of Jelly Boy jeans, we've expanded into other markets like Jelly Boy fragrances. Oh.

Mango ice cream? Yeah, this is Smelly Jelly. Okay. Is that like the name of the candle line? Well, it says enjoy a refreshing treat. Is this an edible candle? I mean, you can eat any candle, but it's... That is true.

It's not inedible. It doesn't mean that it's true. Yeah, you can eat wax. But it's intended to be eaten. But it's intended to be smelled, but you can eat it. Patrick, I know that it's Jelly Boy. That's the brand. Jelly Boy fragrance.

Yeah. With the Yankee Candle. Yeah, Jelly Boy. I saw the Yankee Candle ago at the bottom. I was wondering if you guys got bought out or something. No, no, no, no. It's Jelly Boy X. Okay, got you.

But we've actually added two more items other than this, other than this collab, which is huge. We've also added Jellyboard Jorts. Oh. I love. I love the back. Can you read what that says? So the back of the jellyboard, the jellyboy jorts. Uh-huh. So, I mean, the front is the same as the jeans where it's got a picture of a model and then the word jellyboy.

But the jorts on the back towards the bottom of the leg say junk drawer. And I like that. You're sort of bucking the trend of putting it on the butt cheeks. Yeah. No, we're putting it on the knee catch. That's where the real junk is. Putting it right on the back of the leg. Yeah.

Kind of the smelly part of the knee ditch. I like that. That's where the real junk is. Those are $125. That's a luxury brand. It's a luxury brand. These are made in Milan. You're kidding.

Really? Yeah, they're made in Milan, Italy. Yeah. Wow. Along with, well, this one is actually made in Paris, Paris. The Jelly Boy Giasty. The Jelly Boy Jistee. So, what is that?

What's a Jistee? A Jistee is just what we call a Shistee. Oh, I see. So this is the Jelly Boy Jistee. And this is $350. I think that that that. That's a steel. Yeah.

Is this also a craft, handcrafted in Milan? This one is actually Paris. This is made out of Parisian wool. Oh,

some of the finest sheep in the world. The finest wool of the world. In Paris. Uh-huh. So I can't just toot my own horn. I can't just make a,

I can't just do an advertisement for my own company. Yeah, that'd be wrong. That'd be wrong. But they are great gifts. These are amazing. I mean,

like I know you. You're a close acquaintance. your friend of mine, and you just are even, I would buy this if I didn't know you, straight now. And I know, I know you too. Okay. That's how seriously, that's how much we like

do the Jelly Boy project. Yeah. And I would say also, I would say these are great to buy. I would say also maybe take a look at donating to the legal fund against this company for failing to compensate their models fairly. Well, there hasn't been any sales. So once there's one sale, we

can compensate the model. What's the story? I just heard that the model didn't get paid. It was actually slashed around. Oh, really? Beat up. Well, not fully beat up because he was kind of projecting an air of confidence that prevented him from being fully laid out. But he definitely was hurt. I heard that it was kind of a backroom casting kind of situation.

Like it was kind of a thing where if these injuries had been inflicted on another person, they would have been considered being beaten up. But for him, he was kind of like he ended up in a position where he was, he looked like he was. was okay he looked like he was fine with it yeah so it wasn't considered beating up i see oh wow well hopefully hopefully there'll be a sale so that that can happen so you're open to paying the model from i'm open to selling the product very diplomatic answer very you're good business man but let's see this next uh item here so this is a poster of matthew moye from two broke girls oh i love him. Matthew Moy

and I want you to... So this is a $35 poster with $10 shipping. This won't get to you until after Christmas. Unfortunately. Give your family member

a little IOU It's on the way. Print out this photo. A little tracking number. And also this is full movie poster size. 18 inch by 24 inch. This is maybe the biggest picture

of Matthew Moy that you can get. That's ever been. printed. It's ever been printed. Hey, put this up next to your 18 inch LCD TV. It's going to be a great addition to the living room. Absolutely. Poster of Matthew Moy on one side.

The poster's bigger than the TV. You put it sideways. Yeah. Yeah. So you can always watch. Yeah. So this won't get to you until after Christmas. But, I mean, imagine how your guests are going to look on New Year's Eve when they see this.

Oh, New Year's gift. Or the day after New Year's because it could get here. Yeah. Yeah, December 31st or January 2nd. And let me tell you what, on New Year's Eve, if you're walking around with this thing taped to your face, you're not going to have a problem finding a kiss. Next, next item, we have graham crumbs. Okay. These are three boxes of gram crumbs.

Graham crumbs. That's good. Yeah, this is only $40. And are those loose in the box? I don't know. I don't know if they're loose in the box or not. But I think it comes with marshmallows, too, is what I read. Grame Crum.

Yeah, these are refurb. So it's like somebody's eating graham crackers somebody picks up the stuff I found these on

back market. The screenshot is from back market. Oh, this is through a full cleaning process. Yeah. Okay.

It's tumbled for a week. I would hope so. Yeah, so these are gram crumbs. And then we also have on the,

on the next item, we have the Dome Builders Handbook by John Prenas. So if you're, if you're looking to build the dome. I'm a big fan.

of Prenas's work. Oh, Prenas is amazing. I love Prenas. This is also such a good gift for that family member who's always talking about building a dome and you want to support the hobby, but you don't want to be spending, you know, so much money on buying the metal struts. No, or glass paneling. Yeah, it's really expensive.

Or the labor, not to mention the labor. No, no. No one knows that for a dome builder. Nobody, exactly. Nobody knows Dome like Prenas is a dome god. He's a Drenas is a dome expert. Yeah. Domologist.

I think, I think most people, So the word dome is more associated with Prenas now than ever. It's just more, I don't think anyone can say the word Dome without thinking of Prenas. Prenas comes to mind. Prenas is absolutely the first name and dome. Vice versa. When someone mentions Prenas to me, I'm like, Dome. Yeah.

Right now. Absolutely. The Dome God. Prenas. Oh, Dome God, Prenas. He's a good guy. John Prenas. But Prenas isn't all about Dome.

No, no, no. Prenas had other books. Yeah. Uh, next, uh, this is a snap on crud thug. This is going for $265. It's been used and tested. Used and tested. This is a, this is a quality crud thug.

What do you use a crud thug? What do you mean? What do you mean? It's a crud thug. A snap on crud thug. Just use it for someone in your life that does a lot of crud thuggery. This is a, uh, this is this is the crud thug for you if you're looking for a crud thug this christmas you oh and it's a

model pt280 crud thug that sounds a pretty used and tested and look and look at that beautiful hardwood floor it's on wow is the floor included i wish great gift for anyone in your life was a hardwood floor yeah they need a crud thug look how good their crud thug will look i mean and also the floor is in perfect condition yeah yeah i hope i mean i hope that's T. My 67 is selling his floor, too. I'd love to... My floor?

I'd love to get a piece of his floor. I want the whole thing. Well, yeah, that's $265 plus $9 shipping. So that's not even that bad. That won't break the bank. Especially if you need a crud thug. Great gift for a romantic partner who you're not afraid to break the bank on.

Oh, yeah. To splurge a little bit. Next slide is... Oh, so these are not available for purchase. Order will be canceled test. Don't order these. Don't order these because they're $1,000, but then it's $10,000 shipping. And I see you search goo.

Yeah, I was looking for goo. And these came up. These came up. Yeah. So these have something to do with goo. So if you're looking for goo, this is a product to avoid. Most gift guides won't tell you this, but there are things you should not buy. You should avoid this product.

Don't buy a reverse guide. Yeah. Yeah. This is one of the reverse items. You got to have one reverse item on everything. So don't buy this item. Next item, I think I have a lot. So I got a...

Oh, this is a kid's Grinch hoodie size 670, black, red, checked, and green. And this is $10,990. Little pricey. Yeah. Or best offer. Yeah, you can make an offer. $9,900. Yeah, you can cut a little bit off of that.

Yeah, it's fine. You can cut a little bit off the hoodie, too. It'll fit me better. What I'm guessing here is that they were trying to sell for $10.99. and they just confused the comma and they just whiffed it

oh yeah they might be European and typed in the comment oh with an extra 10th yeah cath jess sounds like

a European name once you put in the comma I bet it puts in it puts in the number of digits yeah that's a good point I think we forensics

to that yeah next next item here so this is an M20 Zofglasses I wear Marvel soft case with wipe and that's gonna run

you $11,000 $11,000 well that's coming from Japan. Yeah, it's coming from... Authentic Japanese. That was a really nice try with reading the number. Yeah.

But you did say $111,000. And it says $115,000. $115,000, $379.75 cents. I am discalcula, man. But also $20 shipping. $20 shipping is not bad. From Japan? Yeah, that's not that bad.

No. No, no, no. $20 from Japan, that's a good price. Especially, and look at that big red logo. Look at how big and red it is. That logo literally gets me titillated. Oh. I was trying to find the full real Ironman suit.

But nobody's selling them. They're hogging them to themselves. They will not. Next slide here. So we have my love, my love, my love, my wife. And that's $20,000 plus $11, $27 shipping. So if you're looking for my love, my love, my wife, this is the perfect gift for you.

Sorry to jump back for a second, but do you guys know why they call them Marvel movies? Why? It's because once the movie starts rolling, it don't stop. like a marble. Wow. I never realized that. Yeah,

I learned that the other day. Damn, what about, but it wasn't it called, I mean, I guess the same thing with the comics before the movie. Yeah,

once the comics start rolling, they don't stop like a marble. Like a marble. Wow. Yeah. Damn. But look at this. I mean,

this is a beautiful wife. Yeah, this is human, you found a human trafficking thing. Yeah, on eBay. Yeah. Next is,

oh, a drawing of a fancy spaceman, McMedia. And this is $4 million dollars. by Melissa Food Bar But this is a food bar I mean

Well that could be your last name You gotta be hanging I mean food bar Food Bar Food Bar is one of the great Food Bar I mean Yeah I love food bar

Yeah Melissa food bar I mean That's you know Only the Only the biggest Curators in the world Hang food bar In their museums

Oh yeah It's in the Met The MoMA Food Bar food bars in the museum The museum The museum The museum The museum community

Yeah absolutely No doubt completely there's food bar in every museum and this next item I might have

oh this is pimplittle.com domain name only so this is $3,800 and they went out of the way it's not in the it's not in the listing

but included in this domain name is a logo a logo for Pimp little usually on these listings they don't put the logo no this is not just name this comes to the full well

professionally designed logo of a little pimp in front of a puddle. And this will also work if your name is Pimplittle. Yeah. A hundred percent

or a private investigator who's the first name is Michael, middle name is Percy and last name is little. Yeah. Or a pimple

fiddle. Yeah. Or a pimplet. Or if you're Pimpletel. If your name is Pimplettel, if your name is Pimpletel,

tell, buy this website. Pimpletel. Buy this website now. It's only $3,800. And the next, I think the next one is also a website too. No, never mind. This is shrimp peeled. This is shrimp.

80 pounds of peeled shrimp. Yeah, 80 pounds of peeled shrimp. That's a pretty good deal, honestly. Look, it looks good. Yeah. I mean, did he eat them? I think so. I think he ate.

This is his food diary. He doesn't have, he doesn't have whatever the food truck. This is what I cost him. I'm going to pay for the people. shrimp. 71 to 80. That's a pretty big range. That's a lot of shrimp.

That is a lot of shrimp. Next slide. This is moose knuckle off for me. Okay. I can't tell what this is. I think it was a jacket. Isn't a moose knuckle when your nuts are in your shorts? Yeah, something like that.

But this is, I mean, this has gone down in price. Oh, yeah. They cut $50. This is $250. Snap it up before the holiday hits. And offer them. Offer them some moose knuckle, I guess. No, money.

Oh, money. Okay. All right. Well, next slide. This might be my last one. Oh, this is a Michael Jordan Riffie card. Wow. What year was Jordan drafted?

Oh, I don't know. This was on Facebook marketplace. So $15,000. Yeah, this is $15,000. And, I mean, look at it. You can tell. You can see it's authentic. Oh, yeah.

This is extremely authentic. You know, is this is a, you know, Does it say what grade it is? No, it doesn't say what grade it is or anything like that. It looks like it might be in eighth grade, ninth grade. Something like that. Well, that's pretty high up there. Yeah, that's a pretty high up there thing.

And this is another thing from Facebook Marketplace I found that you could get is a nasty, nasty guy. Nasty guy left renting room nasty for $9,99. And let me tell you about this product. I rent this person, a room, went him left. Room nasty, all over pee. Went to him left, room nasty all over pee. Went to him left, room nasty all over pee. And we can, the photo has to be of the nasty guy, right?

Yeah, this has to be the nasty guy who went left all over pee, room nasty. but actually I'm sorry I put this on here I actually inquired about this okay what did you say well they haven't responded but I said hi is this available but yeah that's my gift guide wow that was a great gift I don't think I can top that one no you you really something for everybody in that gift yeah so I actually I took a little bit of a different strategy. I figure we do a lot of items, a lot of goods. And sometimes

one of the, some of the most memorable best gifts are experiences and things that you can't hold in your hands, but they like services thing, you know? So I went on Fiverr, and I found some things that were pretty cheap that you could get for your family members that are going to be more memorable than just handing them a rock.

That looks like a potato or hamburger. Well, yeah, that part was implied. Most rocks do look like potatoes. That's a good point. So let's look at some of the things that you could get your family members. I will send you 497 delicious sandwich recipes.

This is something you can get on Fiverer. This is by Venus M. You go to the next slide and you can see this is the description Need Good Sandwich recipes to create when you're tired

of the same old school Sammies. We got so many ideas you'll be able to try something the new almost every week. Below are some of the recipes RV ham sandwiches world's best egg salad sandwich sandwich,

Frosted sandwich loaf, awesome turkey sandwich sandwich and lemonade ice cream You know, I've, I've never, I've never, I've never thought to make the world's best egg salad sandwich. Frosted sandwich. I'm always making,

I'm not making the world's sandwich. I'm not making the world's best. But I've never thought, you know what, I'm going to make the world's best eggs salad sandwich today. Have you guys ever had frosted sandwich loaf? I'm so interested in frosted sandwich loaves.

I've had Harvey Ham many a time, but awesome turkey sandwich and frosted sandwich and what you're going to see here is that it doesn't just stop here. If you go to the next slide, it's actually multiple tiers. The basic tier is only $10. This will get you $497 sandwich recipes.

But you can upgrade. You can get the standard tier for $15, which is $497 sandwich recipes plus 500 bread recipes. So more bread than sandwiches. Yeah. Which the combinations there are literally true. Not endless. And then the $20 premium tier will get you $497 sandwich recipes plus 500 bread recipes,

plus 1,500 bread recipes. So now you got more bread than, you know, 2,000 bread or bread. So this is something you can get for your, instead of getting your family member a cookbook, get them just a bunch of the recipes in an email. Exactly. For Frosted Sandwich.

An email that you can't really, you have to scroll to find each one. They'll never get through all that bread. No, no. Literally, it's one loaf per. It's a great gift. And you know if you want to do it as a stocking stuff or you can just spend $10 and just put the 497 sandwich

Because they'll work through that pretty fast also. Yeah, yeah. Almost every week. You could have a new one, they say. 100%. Almost every week in a year. You could have a new sandwich. 497.

Why not 500? They couldn't find three more. I was saying that, I think that it's a more eye. It's a more eye-popping number. Definitely is. Definitely caught my eye. Let's see what else we had here. This is, I will be a comedian joker. So you could get your family member a comedian joker.

I will do any comedian video for any of your project for you, spokesperson video clips, etc. for $10. And if you go to the next slide, I actually have this video here. You can see what is on offer. Did you buy this? I didn't know. This is the example video of what you can get for your family. Hello, guys. I am ready to be a comedian for any of your video projects for you. Whether you are using it for video clips, for spoke person, advertisement, presentation, any video, any comedian video, I will do it for you. Guys, I am ready to do a comedian for you. I am much talented bit comedian work.

so feel free and let's talk and I provide my better service as a best comedian for you I will be a comedian Joker so you get your family member a comedian Joker

if somebody's had maybe like a death in the family yeah send him this guy they just need to be cheered up yeah yeah I really I really want to send a I want to send him

the $10 and say my friend just died please cheer me up yeah he'll know he'd see what he does A sample video cheered me up. That's a horrible mood. A great video.

Yeah. A great video. One of the greatest videos I think of every seen. Let's see what else I had here. I will cast strong court case spell, win lawsuit, justice spell, avoid jail or prison, win all cases with powerful spell. That's Fiona. So this is a great gift to get a member of your family who just got in big trouble. Yeah.

Somebody who's fighting a court case, this is going to do them pretty well. Yeah. And I think there's more details on the next slide. Yeah, it's $10, win all cases, win court case spell, win legal battle, spell, justice spell, avoid prison spell, win divorced child. And it's one day delivery. Yeah, you can get this within a day. And think about how much a lawyer is.

Nobody's going to get a lawyer on retainer for Christmas. It's so expensive. So your dad goes out and accidentally kills someone with his bare hands on Tuesday night, Christmas Eve. Literally by the next morning, you can have him avoid prison and he can keep you in the divorce. Yeah, because it's going to happen. Yeah. So this one, he just killed somebody.

He just killed somebody. No sane woman would stay with him. Do they send you proof of spell? I don't know. I didn't order this. I think the proof is in the pudding, as they said. As in not putting your ass in jail, you escaped the spell work. I would love to see if it's maybe a video of them casting the spell or something.

I assume it's not. You just have to trust people on this. You have trust issues if you're worried about this kind of thing. I've been, I've been, I mean, they're a licensed witch. I've been screwed over by a witch before. Really? What happened there? I had an infinite candy spell.

Well, have you had problems coming across candy? Seems like the infinite candy kind of was working out for you. Have you reached the end of candy yet? Yeah. There's plenty of it. I don't have any right now, do I? Well, but there's plenty of it. You don't have to buy it, but there is effectively, in your lifetime,

you could not eat all the candy on earth. No, it's infinite candy on my person. Well, that's not what you asked for. You ask for an infinite candy spell. All right. Well, I guess I got what I paid for. You might have gone with a genie, actually. Maybe it was a genie. Let's see what else I got here.

Oh, yeah, there's more details. Hey, secure legal victory with my courtroom success spell. Let me help you achieve justice, avoid penalties, and turn the odds in your favor. You don't have to face your legal challenges alone. Empower yourself with a mystical support of my win court case spell. Whether you're navigating a challenging divorce, fighting for custody, dealing with a wrongful criminal charge, or arresting defamation and support disputes, my powerful magic is here to stand by you.

Experience the shift from helplessness to empowerment. Whether you are guilty or innocent, my spell is designed to ensure a favorable outcome, delivering the justice you deserve. Picture the judge, jury, and opposing parties leaning toward your side, clearing the way for a smooth victory. So I liked here that it kind of was snuck it.

Like the beginning of it was like, oh, this deal with stuff where you're wrongfully being accused. But even if you're guilty too, yeah, if you did it. It's still works. It's a spell. I'm just such a good witch. It'll work immediately. It's literally magic.

Let's see what else here. I think that, yeah, this is my last one. I will, this is a great present to get for somebody. I will search and apply up to 1,000 jobs for you. So this person, Umar expert. What a name. For $25 will apply to 1,000 jobs in your name. So this is a very, a very useful thing to give to somebody.

But I was looking at the reviews. And this might end up being. the reverse gift guide of this one. This is something I'm going to read you a one-star review. This is a repeat client. That's what I was going to point that out to. From So What If-O-4.

This person gave a one-star, still went back. This has been the worst experience. Working with Umar was extremely stressful. I contacted Umar, asked if he could apply on the job board free job post. He said yes and charged me a higher custom rate. He proceeded to complain about posting on the job board and nagged me so much.

He asked for a zip recruiter account to post there. I was so stressed out. I said, okay, and gave him a zip recruiter account. He began complaining. about ZipRecruiter, constant nagging. I was so stressed. It got worse. I am a U.S. citizen, only authorized to work in the United States.

Umar applied for jobs in Germany. I asked him to stop. He didn't stop. He did not follow instruction. He was untruthful. When asked him to stop applying for construction project manager jobs, he continued and lied about it. See a small sample of the construction jobs below after I asked him to stop.

I asked him to apply for jobs in California and Atlanta, Georgia. He was applying for jobs in Miami, Florida, Maryland, and New Mexico. Texas, Oregon, everywhere other than what I requested. I asked him to not apply for hourly rate jobs because hourly rate jobs are typically temp jobs.

He continued to apply for hourly rate jobs. This was the most stressful job order I've ever placed. He did not complete the job properly. I was just so stressed out. I just let the order close.

I was exhausted. This is a sample of the jobs he applied at after I asked him to not apply for construction jobs. Don't only apply for jobs that are full time. No hourly work.

Florida and Tosin MD are six-hour flights. Highway construction project manager position with Florida Broadway Garbrile and Science construction project manager position with OC management LLC project manager QR

contracting incitosen Maryland six hour flight construction project manager Miami six hour flight construction project manager it's all construction project managers it's so funny to be so desperate to be like yeah I need a job that you pay a

random guy in India to apply to a thousand jobs that you don't want in other countries and they're calling you And you get all... Getting calls every day. You're like, oh, it's stressed out. A construction project manager, is that like... Is that like a guy, like a foreman?

I've no idea. Essentially, yeah. Yeah? That's so... What is? I wonder what job he was looking for. I know. I feel like he probably didn't even have a specific one.

Yeah. Right? It's so fun. A thousand jobs is so many. A thousand applications. I mean, I couldn't apply to a thousand jobs for somebody. There's not a thousand jobs that you want in the world. No, it's so funny to successfully get that.

Like, the situation where somehow you have suddenly a thousand applications in. Well, yeah, that means he did his job and it was just the worst thing ever. It's the worst thing ever to have a thousand job applications go out. It's a problem with the strategy. But here's the response from Umar expert. Here's what he said. Umar clapped back. Umar clapped back and said, it's your choice, ma'am.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Honestly, Umar cooked him. You didn't have to buy this shit, stupid. Yeah.

Damn. Wow. Well, I hope that that lady has a good, I think she has a future in construction management. Yeah, me too.

If there's just many places that are calling her back, her CV definitely reads. In Germany. As a construction manager, if they're willing to relocate you from Atlanta. Julia,

do you have a gift guide for us? Friendship. Wow. That's the greatest gift of all. But don't get that for your family. You should get family. Family ship, yeah. Friendship is reserved for friends.

Yeah. Don't give friendship to your family. Don't do that. That's a bad idea. Don't bring your friends into your family. Don't marry. Don't marry your best friend. Don't marry your best friend.

Why are people always saying, I married my best friend? Chill. Okay. You marry a girl. Yeah. Don't marry your best friend, dude. That's strange. All right, guys.

Well, have a merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Yep. And enjoy. all of the food and enjoy our show swag poop.com slash shows Chicago January 19th

it's going to be a blast and if you're in New York from the past we're going to do a show that's called the history of the future the history of the future in Chicago we've decided what we're going to do

we definitely have it it's in our back pocket so don't worry about it and it'll all be done please buy a ticket and if you live in New York City me and Alex Forest are due AVP at Union Hall. Wow. It's a different

show that we've titled The Portal. The Portal? It's called the Portal. Oh, okay. Go check out the portal. The portal's going to be awesome. And if you send me the link, I'll put it on our website too. Is there a piano there? No, we're going to have to bring one. We need to bring piano. That's fine. All right. Bye. Bye.

That's a good point. Well, it's been a fucking wild lunchmeets. No, no, no. No, no. Another animal. A lizard. Because it's like, because, yeah, we got the roast beef, we got the ham, we got the turkey, we got the chicken. Mm-hmm.

Give me the lizard. What about? We need something new. Wasabi ham. Maybe a fish. No, that's still a pig. Would it be possible to make? Ham come from a pig.

In the same way that you can make a, well, what's another mammal that? Maybe duck. No, duck's expensive. Slices of duck. But I don't mind. If it's a new one, I'll pay a premium. But also it wouldn't be expensive

if we farmed it in the same way that we do chicken. Yeah, and just fucked it up. Just fuck them up. Fuck them up. Badly. Disgusting trout. Atlantic trout.

Duck would be pretty good, I feel like. Yeah. Maybe a little fatty. Yeah, it'd be a little fatty. Yeah. It'd be good. Faddy, like sliced,

duck sliced thin. I think that would fuck with it. I could see that being working out. On a bun made out of pork. I'm down with duck. And bologna made out of cheese. I think, though, I am on board with maybe

with some lizard or something. some trout because I think it should be a completely new class of a duck is still a bird salmon would probably be a reptile would be good reptile would be good when I learned alligator that'd be a good one I learned about lock sandwiches I was that's I felt like I had unlocked a new lunch meat locks yeah smoke salmon smoked salmon locks locks locks but what's wrong with our brain