Podcast About List - Ep. 321 - Christmas Ultimate Miracle

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

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It's Christmas Day. That's better. That's a lot better. That's a lot of other. And you're cosplaying as a piece of coal. On Christmas day. You're a black piece of coal today. Straight up and down.

Yep. And you even have black shoes on coal shoes. They're blue. That's blue. God, don't play with me, damn. There's like a little bit of blue mesh on there. Don't play with me on fucking Christmas Day, you crazy. They're more yellow than they are blue.

These are black shoes. They're fully black with blue trim. It's black and midnight blue. They're black. And they're clapping. They're clapping outside. There was a raucous applause. And they're clapping outside for my knowledge of colors.

Because of that, I have no choice but to concede. And those are midnight blue shoes. And I found these on the street next to my apartment. You love the street. I love clothes. I look these up. These are a collab shoe. What dime.

Oh, I see that right. They were a pretty penny. And some guy had, they had a bunch of crap on them. So I took them home and I cleaned them up. What kind of crap? Yeah, what kind of crap are we talking? I don't even, it was like, it looked like toothpaste, dude. Okay.

It was crazy. It was crazy. That might be the last thing that I would be cleaning off of a shoe. Well, I did. I did. I don't think I would bring home a shoe under any circumstance. Yeah, but I looked them up. They were like $300.

I guess I wouldn't. Period. I wouldn't. Do you guys remember the hat that I had to add a poop in it? I do remember that. Did you find that on the street? Yeah, I found... No, you gave that to him, didn't you?

No, no, no. You found it was a hat that said, like, Brooklyn. And it had a poop piece of poop inside of it? No, it was a... The Kingdom Arts hat did not have poop. No, I had a different... I don't even remember what the hat was, but there was a hat that I wore for a long time

that I found on the street that had a piece of poop inside of it, and then I took a... and I watched it. Yeah. It's fine to take stuff from the street and wash it

and yeah. That's, I mean, that's what the human, that's what human beings were supposed to do. Hunter gatherers. Yeah,

is hunter gatherer stuff. You're definitely a gatherer. You're definitely a gatherer. I'm not a hunter. I'm okay being a gatherer. I'm a great gatherer. You really are a damn good gatherer. You would be on the rock computer.

The rock computer? Yeah, you'd be doing finances on the rock computer. What would I do, man? You'd probably be a hunter but a dim witty. did one.

Dude, I'll take that shit. I'll take them with it. I have no problems with that. I was thinking maybe shaman. Maybe shaman of like what all your spells have to do with like the bathroom. Then we don't have bathrooms.

It's Hunter Gatherer Society. No, I know, but it's all like gut health stuff. Oh, okay. You invented the probiotic. Okay, well, I'm interested in that. For a shaman who invented a probiotic spell. Kambucha by accident.

I'm fine with that. Today I had probiotics straight out of a mango smoothie. So I'm feeling very interesting. Nice. I still have not made a number two for my day. I did this morning and I forgot that I had beats. And I was scared.

Blue. Red. Blue would be awesome. Blue poop would be really, really bad. Did you guys ever have cotton candy ice cream when you were a kid and then take a blue poop and make your dad look? No. That's what I did. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. I really, I mean, there's got to be like a company that do you think this would exist at all? It's like a company that would exist at all. A company that makes poop stuff, you eat it and then it makes your poop colors. I think it would exist

at all. That's a good idea. You think it would exist? Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. For little kids? Yeah. For adults. I were adults. But and you when I was a little kid I would have liked that. It's the type of product where you have to show that you're mature enough to use it in a positive way. But you have to get out for it? Like alcohol.

Okay. Of course. Look, if right now in the world there was no alcohol, okay, imagine this scenario. Alcohol doesn't exist. A company comes around and they say, we're inventing a special juice that makes you act crazy and have fun and like singing and dancing. It sounds like it's four kids. But you'd have to say. You have to prove that you're mature enough to be able to handle it. I would say leave it up to the States. It's a special juice that makes you insanely fun and be crazy. But it tastes like gas. Oh, kids aren't going to want it then. Kids aren't going to want that. But they can make it. it tastes sweet. But why do fruity drinks? Why do adults like it? Then if it tastes like gas though. Like even if you put pitch it like that, even adults, but there's nothing about maturity that makes you like

nasty taste. Bourbon is the ultimate of that. Dude, I just, as many times as I've been given really nice things of whiskey and little glasses, I just can't do it. It's so disgusting to me. No, it smells like straight gas. It makes me want to vomit every single time I have it. It doesn't even, because gas

smells better. Gas smells better. Gas smells I would rather have gas to smell good. Diesel smells amazing, but then you see, like, literally, one glass of bourbon smells worse than, like, something that comes out of a hose. I agree. That's so stupid. Water. Yeah, water comes out of a hose. The hose I use.

What kind of hose do you have? Got a poop lodged in it. What is up with you and number two poop today? I'm scared of the poop that I took this morning because maybe it wasn't beats. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't beats. What is, so you think that you, this might be your last episode and you have colon cancer? Yeah.

Well, if I had colon cancer, you can power through that. I'd just be shitting by it every five minutes. Is that true? That's the easiest cancer for a podcaster to get. There is like six cancers you can just kind of power through. Yeah. Thyroid cancer. Some skin cancer.

Entire skin cancer. Nut sack cancer. Yeah. Colon cancer. That sucks. They get rid of one of your nut. I wouldn't miss them. No, I have always wanted to get rid of them.

Cancer. Yeah. I've always wanted the nut one. Yeah. Because what do you need? I don't need even two. I don't even need one. I had a friend who had one nut because he had like youth testicular cancer.

Did you guys call him one nut? No, we called him his name, which was Adam. That seems like a lost opportunity. His last name, we called him Adam Balnear. His last name was Salnier. Oh, okay. All right. So you included it a little bit at least.

Yeah, I forgot until just then. I was like, we never made fun of them for that. No, we did. We completely did. Yeah, of course he did. Yeah, we totally did. Do you ever know anybody who had a horrible medical condition? Yeah.

Dude, so awesome. Yeah, I've known millions of people. Dude, pound that. That me up on that. I know so many people who have terrible medical conditions. Really? What's the work? Who's the person you know?

Who's the person you know in the world who's suffering more than anybody else you've ever met? And is in just every day they wake up, they're in fucking hell. Say their name right now. It's you. Every day you come in, you say my stomach hurts so bad last night because I ate this, like, fucking, I made like steak, but I'm allergic to steak, I think. I get allergic to every food as soon as I eat it. You eat food and then you shit so bad. I think I'm allergic to food.

Last night I had two slices of pizza. And I think that- No, it was that pizza place. That pizza place was under-cooking the food. Under-cooking the chickens? There's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of people in there because I felt the same. There was a lot of people in there. There's a lot of people in there, so they're getting the pizzas. in and out. And it's not... That is true. It was cold

as fuck when I got my pizza. Yeah. And I could tell the buffalo chicken slice I've been sitting out for some time now. It had that sheen. It looked like the food that, you know, when you go to Starbucks and they have all the sandwiches that sit in the thing that have been sprayed by wax. I hate when food sits.

Me too. It's like make it new. Make it move. Make it new. I don't care. I'll wait. I didn't come to a restaurant so I could get food in one minute because you made it 100 hours ago. I agree. Make it for me. saying the it sucks so bad to be like can you make it fresh but it's like sometimes you got to do that i don't do that you got to do that at mcdonalds you asked them to make it fresh at mcdonalds

the fillet of fish i've heard i've never done this i asked for fresh macdonalds man can i get a fresh one can i get a fresh fillia fish that's what i used to do when i was pescatarian because i know they sit in that little thing a little tray but what are you worried about in there just the oils they sit on top and it makes you your stomach feel worse oh i see if i i guess if i guess i I guess that's, if I'm going to a fast food place, I don't care that much of it's fresh. Yeah, as much. Yeah, the fish, though. Fish is different, I guess.

I never get the filet of fish just because it's fish. It's yummy, though. I believe it. I'm sure it is. I don't know if I've ever had one. I feel like maybe I have a long time ago. I think this is your, this is Cameron goes to McDonald's. This is?

This could be the one. The sequel to Patrick goes to Jollybee. The sequel is about me going somewhere that I've been before, but I'm not a food item that I'm not too excited. about it I maybe had before, but can't remember. It's a good idea. It could, hilarity could ensue, man. You could be a little bit scared of it.

We could definitely am a little bit scared of it. We could do something where we send you to the factory where they actually get the fish. And you can see all this buildup. I'm guessing it happens in a factory because, I mean, bro, it's damn McDonald's. But also, you can see the entire creation process from start to, from farm to table.

If Morgan Spurlock had not been cruelly cut down, his third supersized me would be about, Did he die? Yeah, he killed himself. Whoa, I just remembered that motherfucker died. Yeah, isn't it crazy? Wait. He killed himself with a big burger.

Really? And it worked? I'm guessing. Just based on what I know about him. Damn. He killed himself with McDonald's. Yeah. He was one of the only real motherfuckers left when it comes to hating fast food.

Yeah. He also, if he hates it so bad, why'd he open his own chicken? That's true. He did open his own chicken. He literally was like, I hate it. it's so bad I'm going to make my own. I'm going to make my own chicken. You remember when the Me Too stuff first started happening and then he like...

Oh, I forgot that he was a bad guy. He's like, yeah, I used to force female employees at my company to go on dates with me. And just like stuff like that, he wrote like a whole letter and it was like, this is my apology. I'm the first male to come out and apologize. You should have made a documentary about that. I agree. And then it came out. and then everyone was just like dude what the fuck like why are you like that's you're a bad guy

and then he did not get the response i guess i'll fucking kill myself that's crazy it was like years later though yeah well he had to kind of wait until nobody cared about him anymore his production company was called warrior poets LLC that is badass that is cool that is bad ass i mean having that name for the burger guy yeah well hey don't reduce him to that man he was also Atheist of a sex pest. He also directed a one-direction concert video. Oh, yeah, that's right.

He did, and he tried to film them in the bathroom against their consent. Oh, my God. There's a whole section on their Wikipedia page. Really? Jesus. What did? On his Wikipedia page.

Yeah, that wouldn't make it to one-d-hs. You never know. Might have affected them. I mean. Oh, my God. They're dropping like flies. Yeah. He took out.

I mean, and Morgan Spurlock was a little bit like the extra, the bonus one direction. I always felt that way. The bonus direction. Morgan. I'm like, Morgan most girls were on zane yeah somewhere on nine that's not a spur not a lot mr lock you know they call him uh morgan spur lock because when it comes to

prepubescent boys in the back room he spurned locks he tried to get right into the stall with them and film footage he doesn't even care about the locks he moves right past him he can phase through them his uh he had such a uh unique look for a guy that hates McDonald's side burns side burns handlebar must he was like he was the rockabilly macdonald's hater was he rockabilly for real was he there dude look at him look at that guy that's yeah but the rockabillyness is more than just a look it's morgan more of a light stuff morgan's type of look it was well morgan morgan morgan's per look but why not morgan's sport look why didn't he look for more of a sporty yeah i guess you're right he did not have a sporty look

yeah but he could have been i could see him playing ultimate yeah i could see him in the ultimate. I could see him playing the ultimate douchebag oh wow that's in a documentary if I had a long arm I'd be touching your hand

right now. He, he, he tried to touch one direction's hands and he had to evade the long arm of the law.

It's so funny he like, is that what they were doing in there, crying, using their hands. Yeah. Well,

he had a wash. He wanted to use his hands. Oh, to wash them. He wanted to wash hair. This footage is way too dirty. You guys are doing it all wrong. I got to clean all you boys.

That's what I heard. That's why Harry Styles is all fucked up now. Can you imagine being in like a band, like a boy band and you're becoming so popular and you're on top of the world and this like fucking fat director McDonald's movie is like, what if we did bathroom footage?

I think that'd be really funny. Let's do a bathroom scene. He's fucking Morgan Spurlock. Why is he there? He's trying to get it. that he's trying to get the tumbler girls he's trying to get them excited but nobody's even the person that you think is the hottest most sexy person yeah i don't want to see them in the bathroom the last thing you wanted to watch him take craps and pisses yeah he did that he did the

osama bin laden oh yeah where the hell in the world is osama bin laden every one of his documentaries was like in hindsight is like this is kind of ass yeah right it wasn't hindsight for me yeah i think i think i well they showed him in health class yeah you thought he was Like, you get enough of supersized me when you're a kid. Yeah. When I was a kid, I was like, this guy is like Bill Nye of movies. You think he actually has a place in culture, yeah, because they show it to your 20s on. I mean, he absolutely did because he, he had, that movie had so much cultural impact.

It's such a funny, like, he's like, it got rid of the supersized. Dude, trust me, McDonald's is bad. He directed. He directed. He directed, he was right. He also directed Springfield of Dreams, the legend of Homer Simpson. Well, we're back on his side. I think that's the greatest guy in the world.

Let's go, let's go earliest to latest. Okay. By release date, let's see here. First, first thing, supersized me. That was his day. Out the fucking gate. What a heater. And you know everybody thought it was about to be just the decade of Spurlock.

Yeah. What kind of was. We go right from that into where in the world is Osama bin Laden? Then the Simpsons 20th anniversary special in 3D on ice, a documentary about the Simpsons. Oh, he was in some Simpsons episodes, I remember. He had the connect, I guess. Then we got Frusie Burger instead of bad. Oh, Freakonomics, yeah.

He had a part in Freakonomics. Yeah, that's Gladwell Core. Palm Wonderful presents the greatest movie ever sold. I remember that one. Oh, my God. That was the one that was all about advertising. Because he wanted to be Michael Moore. Yeah.

But he realized that he messed up in his first one by baking a hot dog movie. Yeah. And then he tried to make that pivot. Yeah, he spread out into more, into kind of more interesting topics like Comic Con episode 4 of fans hope that is brilliant. In 2011 that's so good

yeah but the dotted line Mansum what's that? Mansum Mansum from America's greatest beardsman to Morgan Spurlock's own mustache executive producers Will Arnett Jason Bateman and Penn's a smart list Oh the smartless movie bring us a hilarious look at men's identity

in the 21st century models actors experts and comedians weigh in on what it is to be a man in the world where the definition of masculinity has become as diverse as a hipster's facial hair in Williamsburg. They did who is a woman first? That's crazy. They, he made a whole fucking documentary about his stupid little rockabilly mustache. Yeah, well, it is bad. It's not even his dude. That's a hoagin's stash. The more that you say these, I think I've seen every one of these movies. Yeah. I've actually seen him also. I remember Paul Rudd talking about, there's a scene where Paul Rudd's like,

I'd never wear stores or clothes from the thrift store because I don't want to to wear somebody else's farts in their jeans. But have you guys seen Caveonomics, directed by Morgan Spurlock from 2014? How did the economy get started? Meet Ugg, Glug, and Tug, three enterprising cavemen who accidentally invented trade, marketing, and the base elements of the modern market economy. That's something. I have not seen Caveonomics.

That's a D&D we did. That's not a movie. I have not seen Caveonomics, but I have seen Freakonomics. I have seen Mansom. Crafted. I've seen Mansom. I haven't seen greatest movie. I've seen Super Size Me.

W. Kamal Bell. What's that movie? You want to read the name of it? Semi prominent. This is a word I've never seen before. Let me see it. Semi prominent. It looks like a French word to me.

I'm not sure what it means. I'm not going to give my... Then he directed Rats. A new documentary from SuperSize Me, Morgan Spurlok. Morgan Spurlock and his team traveler around the world to bring viewers' face. face-to-face with rats while telling

into humans' complicated relationship with the creepy creatures. Yeah. 2016, Morgan Spurlock's rats brings viewers face-to-face to face with rats. That's what he said after he wrote that letter. Yeah, rats.

Dude, literally the year after rats, he did supersize me too. And then that was his last one, right? This is not hitting. No, Springfield of Dreams was after that. Oh, Springfield of Dreams. And then he gave himself a couple of moms. He supersized me,

sued himself. Yeah, supersized is, you know, I don't want to say that. Yeah. It's horrible to talk about death. Yeah. Yeah. It comes for us all, though. Yeah.

It's Christmas, guys. Let's not talk about death. Yeah. Let's talk about, well, we can talk about death in the sense of ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Yeah, except we already did that. I mean, we're not going to do it yet, but should we say what we're going to do soon? Okay, guys. So, as a very special Christmas gift.

A miracle. A Christmas ultimate miracle. Well, that's yet to see. Christmas ultimate miracle, C-U-M. What is that? Christmas ultimate miracle. God, we got to change that.

That's a, that's what they come to expect from us. That kind of juvenile. Come to expect from us. Okay, so that's this juvenile humor. Juvenile come, bro. No, why don't pound that? Why do you pound that?

Why'd you pound that? Well, why do you pound it? You pounded it. I'm going to punch you. You pounded it. I don't pound juvenile cum. No, but you just literally did. You pounded it.

I pounded it. You literally, you literally pounded it back. I pounded his fist. I had my... You're telling me he has juvenile cum on his fist. It's what it represented. His fist represents it. And you touched it.

You heard juvenile cum and your brain went, I'll pound that back. No, no, no, no. That's what you said. I was tricked. I'm being completely gaslit into pounding juvenile cum. It's not a right thing to pound.

This is gaslighting. This is gaslighting to the highest degree, to the umpteenth order. I like that. Yeah. That's right. down in your list of things I said to the endth degree.

The endth degree is very good. There's one that I said last night that I was like, I forget, oh, the list also had, I think that episode isn't out yet. I think that comes out this Saturday. Oh, okay. So that's a preview. Yeah, there's another, there's a preview, but what's the,

oh, it was something my grandfather used to say about women. What he said? He would say like, oh, she fell down the ugly tree and hit every single branch. Yeah, yeah. You're talking about somebody and you said he fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch. Yeah.

That is good. Yeah. That is exactly the kind of thing that I want to be saying. Or beaten with the ugly stick? Beaten with the ugly stick? Not as good as the tree. No, you need, I like the ones. The stick comes from the tree, though.

With every single one of those kinds of sayings, there's always like the short version and then the long one. The long one sound, the long one of that one is funny. And then the other one, it's too violent. Yeah. You don't want to be beating. Yeah. You want gravity to do all that. Also, it implies that you climbed up the ugly tree.

Exactly. You brought it upon yourself. The beating thing makes it sound like... But the miracle is that we're going to lift Caleb's car, by the way. Oh, yeah. We didn't say that. Yes. So people have been asking, I would say that the car lift, the call for the car lift has been... Deffening.

Defening at this point. I mean, from the beginning. This has been... From the moment the idea was... And especially recently, we've had, you know, one or two comments on almost every video that have been saying. And it's mostly threats, too. There's a lot of threats. They found our address.

We got mail. Lift the car or else. So we are capitulating. And we will be lifting the car today. We're going to lift the car up. Well, it's yet to be no offense going up. Well, it's going to go up. I said before I'm going to slam the car.

You're going to slam. That's a little bit too far. I have a two-step process on how I'm going to achieve it. How? Step one, lift the car above my head. Step two, slam it down on the ground. So step one. I think is going to be the tough part of that.

Well, step two is harder because it's at the end. Yeah, I'm going to be tired from step one. Yeah, I guess that's a good point. The thing about it is don't worry about your car because I'm going to slam it down on the tires, which are rubber, so it just bounce. Yeah, it's almost to the universe. My wife asked me today, I was like, I need the car.

She said, why? And I said, I have to get some stuff from the office. So she doesn't know that the car lives. The car got to get some stuff from us. I'm going to have to tell her tonight. I'm going to have to say, I know I said that I'm going to have to bring something. This doesn't come out for a couple.

A couple weeks, so she will forget. You know what I will say? I forgot she's stupid. Yeah, we're fine. My girlfriend knows about the car lift. Well, yeah, it's not your fucking car. Who cares? Yeah, it's not my car.

But also, this morning, I told her about a dream I had, which was us lifting the car today. Prophetic dreams. I had a dream that we were setting up the... I had a dream that we had all of the cameras outside. And then you guys were telling me to... I was like, none of these angles make any sense. What kind of angles were... And we had to rewere doing it.

And we had to rework all the camera angles, but it was like a big spectacle in the neighborhood. People coming out, Puerto Rican Day Parade. People were watching us lift the car. Wow. And I think maybe it had to do with the thing that I did yesterday, which was the Homer Simpson thing. Oh, yeah. But it felt like that. But it was us lifting the car.

Wow. And you felt like a celebrity. I felt, honestly, I felt like an Olympian. I think And I realized it was a dream too I had a realization that it was a dream in the dream So then I was like

Oh my God I could lift it And I fucking woke up No I woke up You were this close It's a continuation bro You got the you got Basically what you did

Is you got the hard part over with Which is getting to the point Where you're almost lifting the car You got the easy part Is once you're almost there Then you just lift it again Step one lift the car Over your head

I told my girlfriend I said If the Hulk can do it day. I can do it. He's a fucking moron. Yeah, that is true. He acts. And he dresses like shit. He can barely talk. He dresses like fucking shit. It depends on the Hulk. Okay. Tell me the Hulk that you think is a smart ass. Joe. You're going to say Joe fix it. And no, we're not going to say Joe fix it. I'm going to talk about the, what's his name? There's an Asian Hulk now. Oh yeah. That he's a medias. Yeah. He's like something. He's like a, he's the Hulk, but he's smart Hulk. That is obviously not the Hulk that I'm

talking about. But also there's smart Hulk. He has glasses. Yeah. Okay. But it's in, it's in, I forget the what's the he's one of the new event or again I'm obviously talking about the Hulk okay so we're talking about classic Hulk the normal just the Hulk the Hulk but they made a smart

Hulk yes yep I didn't say the smart Hulk and they made him an Asian guy I didn't say the smart Asian Hulk I didn't say that you know his name though yeah I told you it's a medius a medius yeah I read the Hulk comic oh yeah you were on a Hulk kick

you were on a Hulk smash for a little Hulk smash. Hulk Reed. Hold Reed for a little bit. Me, Reed. Why do they never read? So the Hulk smash is and Cameron Reed's. It's the difference. It's not Wolfgang. God damn it. I'm sorry. You think of Wolfgang Amadius Mozart? I am thinking that Amadeus. Amadeus. Amadeus. Amadeus. Oh my God. See, I don't know that many people name that. No, there's not a lot of Amadeus spoken out loud ever really before. Amadeus. I do know. I do know. I do know. that, but I usually think more, I'm a deus, I'm a dais. Dr. Zayas. Dr. Zayas. Oh, true. Simsonian.

It's in my. Springfielder Dreams Legend of Homer kind of fan. Yeah, that is a bit of a Spurlock. You remind me a Spurlock. I hope it doesn't end the same way. I heard that when he died, they'd almost change the name of Springfield to Spurfield. Really? To show, to show, honor to him on the Simpsons. Yeah. You know, I, it's such a big part of the Simpsons. Do you think people would even recognize that as an, as a send-up of Spurlock? Spurlock? Just the word spur in there? I would get confused. I would get confused. He's not a send-up, it's an honor. An honor even?

I would think that they were honoring Justin Burfield from Malcolm in the middle who played Reese. I would think that it would be a cowboy version of Springfield. Spurs. Your brand works more logically than mine. Moroctically.

Spurlogically. Spurlogically. Spurlogic. I studied Spurlology at the University of Movies. The University of Burgers and Morgan. University of Burgers at Morgan. It's at Morgan. at Morgan Avenue.

It's just a guy's apartment. We need the funeral home at Morgan Spirlock when Morgan Spurlock died being like, do you guys need to supersize that? Damn. Because he's fat. He's fucking fat. What if he got his coffin?

He got a bunch of advertisements on it. And it's the most, the greatest coffin ever sold. The greatest coffin ever buried. Where in the world is Morgan Spirlock? He's right there in the dirt. With Osama bin Laden line right now in hell. No.

Well, I don't know. He doesn't even exist. Yeah, he's going to fucking hell. No, you think atheists get to opt out? I think everybody gets... They burn. Why's that God was all forgiving? No, my friend.

No, he's not. Not the fucking one I believe in. I don't know where the fuck you're getting us. You're still playing with ABC blocks when I come to theology. I like my blocks. Don't make fun of my blocks. Okay. Well, your blocks are dog shit.

I like my blocks. Well, guess who invented the blocks? Who? Oh. That is a sign that we need to stop talking about God right now or else we're punished. instantly with things such as water bottle falling. You're not supposed to talk about God.

You're trying to forgive atheists. You were making fun of my blocks and look what happened. I know. I'm sorry for making fun of your blocks. You're right. It's okay for now. I'm going to get you an extra block. I'm going to get you a 27th block for Christmas.

That's right. Is it going to be a punctuation? It's going to be a number. What number do you want? I don't know. Well, there's four sides. I could pick four numbers. I'm not going to get you a block with four different numbers.

There's four sides on the block. Can you get me 1, 2, 3, 4? I'm sorry, how many sides are there? Just think about it. It's a block, man. So usually there's A on the A block

on top of that they, see, I don't remember what they put on top of the A. No, I'm worried about a block that has numbers on it. Think about a block that has a number on each side. Think about how many that maybe we play with sometimes.

Well, a block. No, block is it's a square so it has four sides yeah but there's well that's a good point so there be four letters that i could have you're not going to get that you're getting one number you're getting one you're getting so it's a block with it's got all the sides of it which is four we've decided i think typically i feel as though typically an alphabet block has the letter two times is that true i that's i feel like opposite side and then the other side isn't some stupid pattern yeah because they're so cheap that's how when i imagine a block that's what i'm

I'm thinking of a classic traditional block. But nowadays, all six sides got numbers. Loki's want to block that you, it's A, you turn it around, it turns to B. That's like a magic trick. And back again. Did you guys ever have that Star Wars toy that was, what's his name, stuck in the concrete? And then you twist, you turn it around and he's not in it anymore. What is his name?

On Solo in the concrete. It's not carbonate, you freaking idiot. I'm sorry. You know what? You should be, I think that they're, speaking of Spurlock's demise, there is a, I think, Spurlock's demise. There is, I think now. Diablo Five, Spurlock's demise. I think there is a vacuum for the sarcastic, sardonic, documentarian. Yeah. And I don't understand what we haven't jumped on this, this opportunity. It's a good idea. It's really good. Because. I was telling, I was telling my wife, yes, This actually really goes hand in hand with this. I was telling her that I should have, I really want to have a newspaper column. Yeah.

Where I do, I write commentary about different things in society. And I'm anonymous. So people are always like, who is it? And I, and my name is Sisland C. And I write.

And so it would be like, you'd open the newspaper. And it's like the column from Sisland Cisle C off to the side. It's like, dear bicyclists, we know that you feel your life is in danger when you ride on the road. But stay the fuck off the sidewalk. It is not your place.

Sincerely Sizzl and C. That's a good idea. And it would be, and it would be every day, I would write a different thing. And people would be like, who is it? Who is it? And like, the buzz would be big. And I'd write one that was like, to everyone who wants to know my true identity, I'm nobody. Just another guy whose eyes are open wide enough to see the ills of society.

Wow. Maybe you should do the same sign, sizzling see. And then I was telling here that I would do almost all of them. I would mostly do about foods and pizza. I would do, I would do, I would do, dear pizza. Can you stop being so freaking delicious? Some of us are trying to eat healthy. Signed Sizzling C.

You just like have to write dressed up like Carmen San Diego. Every single poem. It's like, honey, I got to go to work. You're putting on a big trench coat at. I work for eight hours. We could make an exit through the gift shop about Sizzling C. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. And then eventually the Sizzling C

C column with the name would change. It would just be called Dear Pizza. Yeah. That's a good idea. Dear pizza. Chill with the pepperonies. They're too delicious. A little too much pepperoni. time you write one every time your pizza you were a little bit too hot and ready I've burned the roof of my mouth away many a time on you but this time was just too far I couldn't taste my drink another one another one I thought of dear cheese can you

please stop being so melty and delicious on second thought keep doing you we love you sincerely sizzling sea and pizza sincerely pizza dear cheese sauce Dear pepperoni, get onto my body. Sincerely pizza. Dear cheese sauce. Sincerely pizza is a good name for a sincere.

Sincerely. It's a cursive logo. Beautifully delicious. Sincerely pizza with a little quill. A heart too. Sincerely become a pizza. That's a good ass. Oh my God.

The formatting of the text is a triangle. Wow. Going down. You're all like a pizza. That's a great idea. Beautiful. Like a pizza.

When you. have sincerely pizza though. And the punctuations are pizza slices. It has to be, why is there, there's the culture around the coffee shop, which is a food item, and people go in there and they eat things that are effectively pizza with bread and cheese and so forth. Scotty is a pizza of crust. Essentially. So why do we not have the literary pizza shop? Something like, remember Cafe Niro? Remember that place? Yeah. The literary pizza shop is a good. Somewhere where you can go and you can take a book off the shelf and eat pizza. I totally feel like we're kind of edging in on that, but everyone's a

afraid. Everyone's afraid to take the extra step. You know what it is? What? If you're sitting in a coffee shop and you're doing work and you finish your coffee and it's like, you're like, you're like, I could get another coffee. But if you're sitting in a pizzeria and you're writing your novel and you finish

like two slices of pizza, you're probably not going to get up and get another one while you're there. So what we need a small pizza. Right. We need to get a pizza that's the coffee of pizza. Bagel bites. Bagel bites. Sincerely pizza. Are you familiar with the fact that when Grandmaster chess players

play these like long-ass marathon matches of chess, their brains are working so hard that they will burn thousands of calories. When you're doing... That's what we need to use... We need marketing like this. We need you to... First of all, we need you to become a doctor. And then we're going to put you into the commercial.

And you're going to say this to the camera. Say, did you know that when you're working on your emails for work, you burn a lot of calories? You're burning a lot of calories. Coffee is not enough to replace those. Do you ever think about how obvious that fact is because when we finish podcasting, We are, like, dripping in sweat, exhausted because our brains are working at such an insanely fast degree that the rest of the rest of our lives, we're sitting dormant.

There's a smell that comes off of us that makes other people's afraid of us when we walk out of this room. And it makes women far more attracted to us than their eyes could possibly be able to. I think sincerely pizza is the best business idea we've ever come up with. I think so, too. And I think it's actually like a, it's doable. It's so doable. I think I know someone who owns a paper. A paper?

A piece of paper? A newspaper? You think you know someone who owns a newspaper? You think you know who? I forget the name of it, but I can put you in contact. It's the New York Post.

Wait, who is it? It's actually the Post. Who owns the New York Post? My friend. That can't be true. Yeah. Who owns the New York? What's his name?

Can't say his name publicly. He's a private person. But he's the owner of the New York Post? Mm-hmm. That rag? Yeah. It's not going to be a rag. What Cisland C gets in there.

Sizzland C would not be caught dead being published. You're going to be. Only Harper's Bazaar. Harper's Bazaar or the New Yorker. The New Yorker. And one of those other really old ones. Highlights for adults. Something like that.

Do you guys ever fuck with highlights? I fucking love highlights. Dude, it was just so fucking just the puzzles were pedestrian to me. Even as a child. It was simple. I didn't have a problem with a word search. Oh, fun, egg. Can you please give me five letters?

Basically, word searches were ruined for me because I was too good at them strategically. What was your strategy? I would pick a word on the first word on the list. I would go through the whole puzzle, find the first letter, do the circle. I know this strategy. You've talking to this strategy.

And it ruined word searches for me forever because I needed to do it in that optimal fashion. So you were using the legend to find the words? What? Wait, I don't understand the strategy. So you pick a word that you're looking for You go, you take your pencil You go across every letter in the puzzle

Whenever you find the first letter of that word You stop, you're going to circle around it to look for the second letter Okay I didn't even use the list Fucking boring I would just sit there and just find words that I liked Yeah Guff

Can we pull up a crossword right now? I know you liked giving Guff A little bit Could we do a crossword together? No we can't do a crossword Just on the screen No we can't do that Not a crossword, I'm sorry, a word search.

No, okay. A Christmas word search. Okay, we'll just... Just do it right now. Yeah, find ones. What are Christmas words? Wait, wait, I'll spell... I'll spell...

Y-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-U-L-L-E-L. annual Yule Yule Yul T-T-1 T-1 T-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S Christmas or type 1 Christmas

Type 1 Christmas Type 1 Christmas You guys immediately found it Wait can I do one? Yeah Okay X Candy cane

Z F-U-C-K-Y-O-U-T-H E-G-R-I-N-C-H inch Yeah An inch tall Christmas tree Oh, that's too small Yeah

You know, they had a picture or not in these New York apartments. It's not. Yesterday, we went to Patches' play. Uh-huh. Right. Did you notice it right across the street from us? They have the, they had a full mannequin dressed up as the G word, the Grinch. No, I did not.

The G word was out and striking last night. I don't understand this shit. It was Santa Con. It was Santa Con. And what I have realized that the big G does, or the little G, I should say, the big G. talked about earlier is that he will strike at those who are weak-spirited

and dare to dress as Santa without being able to handle the consequences. We walked through past so many people who were getting in fights who were on the phone crying dressed as Santa or as Rudolph. I had never been in Manhattan was literally.

Oh, it's so bad. It's the worst. It was unreal. It's terrible. It was the place that we went after and said no Santa. I was saying to my wife, they need to literally have it on the weather app.

They need to tell you like if you go out tonight, you will be there is a Santa sleep by Santa, yeah, there's a full Santa store. And I was seeing, I didn't see that many, maybe it was just because of the time of night that I went out and they were already all in bars but this year

they were phoning it in. Every single Santa I saw. Didn't see any people in a hat and it's like, it's fun, it was so cold out. This is the time to put on the padding in the full suit. I saw a motherfucker with it wasn't even a Santa hat. It was just one of those Steelers hats with the palms on the

and I was like, yeah, it's just I think that might just be a guy who was... No, he was rolling with Santa's, though. Oh, he could have been picked up. That is the kind of guy that would pick up, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Steelers fan. But why, I just don't understand this...

It almost feels like you're transported into, like, Boise, Idaho or something. Yeah, well, that's the thing. I don't understand it either. It's really strange. But we are transplants as well. Yeah, we're transplants. So, wait, I'm realizing we should be involved in this whole... Where do we do our own thing?

We should do a different con. we should do baby new year con yeah we do baby new year con because we're the cool hipster type of transplants that don't fuck with that kind of bullshit we try to actually normie to do we don't fuck with that normie shit we try to really get into our culture we're a diaper we don't do santa con we do Puerto Rican parade oh that's that is Santa con for real motherfuckers yeah we do uh what's the other one the when the Hasidic guys run across the marathon

we run with them Haseed Khan, that's the type of thing we do. We don't dress up like them because of respect, but we... What do you mean? That's the ultimate respect for those guys. All right, fine. Then next marathon, we're going to run across the street with the haseeds. Sure.

And they'll kid us out, too. Starting your own marathon that goes down, like, horizontally across the two-block. Those are two races happening simultaneously. It's so funny to see those videos, man. it's so fucking funny because it's like they almost get decked out by just like the skinniest woman you've ever seen they have a full I mean that's that's the closest they have to like a video game it's like a frogger type of situation is ducking people running the marathon

yeah that's our that's what we do that's what we do because we're real New Yorkers now we moved here to be real New Yorkers we're not going to Wegmans we're not going to Whole Foods we're going to the bodega and getting a rotten potato right and that's what we eat right an avocado where you open it up There's no pit. Yeah, I fucking love the disgusting food. The produce. Disgusting.

Five times, any other store? An onion that has hair, but not like the strings at the bottom, but like real hair. Yeah. It's an onion with a toupee on. Order something. I've been ordering something on a menu on the menu called the hipstie, which is a, they meant to type hipster, but they forgot the R. And it has sour cream and hummus in it.

That's too much texture. It's really, really bad. It tastes like eating sandcastle. My neurodivergent ass can't eat that much texture. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's right. Well, you have no texture. Guys, let's get a pregame report.

What's the strategy going in? Yeah. What is going on? My strategy is one-handedness. And let me explain why. Okay. Sounds like a bad strategy, but I will see what happens. Well, let's let them explain.

One-handedness is going to give me, instead of two points that can fail, I'll only have one point of contact with the front or back of my car, depending on. You're going from front or back. So, yeah. Wait, what was you're going from the side? Yeah. Are you dense? No. Are you dense?

It's easier to get on those, those two wheels on the side. But if you tilt it up from the front, then first of all, you lift it from the front, your whole, your whole back fender is going to get scraped off. The fact that I'm, I've even brought my car today means that I don't give a fuck what happens to it. Because I know that you two beasts are going to put it anywhere. Well, I'm lifting it from the front. You know what? I might actually, I might go under and bench,

press it up. That's incredible. And then hold it on my feet. You're going to play Superman. Yeah. With my car. Oh, there ain't no play about it. It's hard work. My strategy is I'm going to put baby Danner under the car. Who's that? Baby Danner.

Who's Baby Danner? The gentleman brother's baby. Oh, you're going to wait, you can't do that. How is that cheating or anything? That's not cheating. Well, can you give you an advantage? Well, my strategy is a baby's going to be under the car and I'm going to... Oh, you're going to feel a mother My maternal instincts.

There was, yeah, you kind of smoke screened that with the name of the car. I was confused. You can say you put a baby, a baby doll under the car. I'm putting a baby that looks like me under the car. Yeah.

So that's clever. That's really smart. That is clever, actually. I'm going to put the baby on the car and do that. Okay. That's cheating. You know that's cheating.

I can't wear it. Yeah, no shit you can't wear it. I hope it's not under those clothes. It's not. It's an exos suit. It goes outside. You can't put an exos suit. Well, it goes out of your skin,

but under your clothes. That'd be an inso suit. be a middle suit where it's between your skinning your clothes. Mids so suit. Yeah, it is a Mitzso suit. I've seen it. I love some Mitzso suit right now. I'm kind of hungry.

Mids so suit. I'm thinking my strategy will be, I might have to go Rogen on that whole thing. Just kind of talking to it. No, the, you know, oh, I'm definitely hitting the smelling salt.

Yeah. I mean, I have to treat it like weightlifting. And you know the Joe Rogan thing about where he imagines his whole family getting raped and murdered every time he, he'd like weight lifts. I'm going to have to do that and think it's the car is attacking my family.

Yeah, the car is a rapist. Yeah, and it's trying to get me, it's trying to get my family. And then I think I will pick it up and it will be very easy for me. Yeah, I'll make short work of this card. I might get a couple of licks and beat the shit, punch of car a little bit at the front. Yeah, why don't we do a car, has somebody done car fights? Street fighter. Like bum fights?

That's a good idea. That's the demolition derby. No, I'm saying it's a guy versus a car. Oh. No, they haven't. We should do that. Yeah, that's a good idea. Car fights.

I think we can start today at Christmas. Because that's the whole problem. It's like a ring in someone's backyard. They have it fenced out like a bull ring. And it's just a guy standing there with two big like rebar things are wrapped around his hands. Yeah, that's cool as fuck. And the car drives at him and he has to. No, the car is just standing still.

Can I use a lever? Can't use a lever or a jack. You are trying to figure out. You guys both have like cool strategies and you kind of took them up and I'm trying to think of a strategy. So you can say no, but I'm just trying to get like a cool angle on it. I would say you're running from the work. I'm running from the work here. You're being millennial and you don't work.

Yeah, you're trying to make it easier. You know what they say? Work smarter or not harder? Yeah. Well, you are working more smart, more. A lever and exosuit, that's smart. There's no room for intelligence when it comes to lifting a car. Oh, we'll see about that.

Can I use my telekinetic powers? I mean, I would be an idiot to say I didn't want to see that. I want to see it, but it won't count towards your points. I'm not, we're not getting points. It's just like, we get Christmas. We lift the car. I don't think we're getting points. I think it's Christmas and we're lifting the car.

I feel like, I feel like, I feel like it's a group activity. So you're all, you want to be all kumbaya. You, you fucking. Well, okay, either way, you don't have any. You are like outside of this. I'm with you guys. You spent a whole hour telling us we couldn't do it. Let's lift the car, guys.

Yeah, that's what I want to do. And I do it. You're giving youth pastor. Really. Yeah. Why? Some of the most influential people in my. life. That's what I'm giving right now.

Huh? No. That's the most influential pastor you've ever seen. Most influential pastor I've ever seen. Oh, God. Probably, uh, you know that lady is like, yams, blams, potatoes, tomatoes. You've seen that video? No. You've never seen that?

Yams blams? She's just like the pastor and she's listing food that God will give you. Blams? Blams. I don't think she says blams. But it sounds like blams. yams slams what's a second

vegetable that hambs yams potatoes tomatoes you never seen this oh I have seen this now yeah I remember

that course you've seen yeah yeah what is that second word mams no hands clams clams clams

clams would not be mixed in with potatoes and yams seem like but also why everything else is a vegetable

why would you go hams because that's well what else man that's what I'm asking it's got to be grams

grams Grams of... Crackers. No, not crackers. Gams. Gams. Gams. Could be jams.

Jams. Tomatoes. Jams is at least a produce. Pam, the spray. Pam, because you use that to cook everything. Yams and Pam. I would use Pam in a minute. I don't think I've ever used...

No, I used it once. I was a kid. I was spraying that on everything. I used it. I was hot sauce for me. I used it in my... It's good as fuck, math concepts.

Pam was amazing math concepts. That class, yeah. We made the chiro in the microwave. Oh, with Pam. We sprayed pan baking spray and put cinnamon sugar all over it. On a tortilla, no? On a tortilla, yeah. A flower or corn?

Flower. I would go corn. You got to take that up with Mrs. Ayelo and Mrs. Harmon. And I forget the third teacher. There was three teachers for one class. They would link up with the HOMEX teachers. Kids. Yeah.

Because we were bad kids. In the math concepts. You guys were naughty. Yeah, we were naughty boys. We got in a lot of trouble because I would, slide down the stairs let's slide down the railing and I would get that was that was in trouble type of thing they would say they would say do not do that you will get hurt and then I would do it anyway should we do it let's go lift the car Christmas is it time I think it's time all right

we're gonna go lift the car we'll be right back we'll be right back maybe we'll do what will we put here nothing it will just instantly cut I think well well well so guys we just ran outside and we lifted the car up in the air and we did it. We did some footage of it so we were going to watch it back so you guys can see it too and provide some commentary. So should we just roll

the clip? See what happened? Roll it. Roll it right now. I mean, listen, the proof is in the video. Just let it play. And we'll just talk about it as it plays. Okay, so here we have Cameron. He's dressed two and nine's set for this. His tactic was to dress up like the flash.

A superhero. A superhero. Who's not strong I'm now realizing but fast. Well, But also, he can do things really fast. And there's a smelling salts whiff. First smelling salts whiff in a while. Big reaction. Look at the baby. The baby is sitting there.

There's baby Danner. That'll come in. And look at my lift here. I'm seeing the car move. Yeah. Patrick saying they see the move. Yeah, which it... I was very impressed at the car moving.

It's moving. It is moving. You didn't lift it all the way up. I lifted it all the way up. Now he changes his strategy. Originally, he comes from the side. Now he's moving to the back. Now, so this part of the car, the back corner actually was cutting on my fingers a little bit.

This man was very interesting. Oh, my God. And I got it nearly off the ground, I would say. Yeah. And then I showed my hands. It was close. It was close. Okay.

So that was a pretty good lift. I think that was a very good attempt. Yeah. Here I go. And you'll see kind of when the cameraman changes. It's more of an interesting angle. Yeah. That's kind of like there's a better cinematic.

So what Pat did, Pat threw a baby doll underneath to simulate him having to sit. Here. Oh my God, my baby. Yep. And this man really liked that. now he's lifting there's a man that rode by the bike so here's a problem i have with that that was such a short go again yeah not much and barely tried there go again bro and then he did a lot of talking yeah he did a lot of talking and a lot of goofy goof it's like just lift the car bro right well i tried to

lift it again tried to push it down and he tried to shake it the bumper started curving i remember that yeah the bumper was a problem i mean it's a plastic bumper Here, I'm going to try the other side of the car Now he's going to try the front So I went with an interesting tactic Which is trying the front We move the camera over here and we watch The front is not, it's not moving at all

No, no, we didn't see the engines in there It's the heaviest part of the car Do the side, yeah, come over here This side Then he's trying to look from the other side When we talk them not to It looks as if nothing It's just a car

Yeah, it just look And then he started changing it Kind of mean to my car And then it Caleb's turn. And let's see what happened here. Notice what I said. I said, not going to happen. What? That it was your turn? No, I said, not going to happen that it's going to go up. Oh, yeah. Let's see if it goes out. I also try from the side. And you just kind of like sneak up on it.

You run and just go a little bit of butt crack there. I know. It really hurts your hand. And I told you that it hurts you. I think this is, but you're going to break the bumper is the thing. And then look at that amount of air time you were getting there. Wow. You were making it look like a car on stilts. The amount you were lifting it. I mean, really, you were doing a good job. But it is your car. Let me get one more.

Thank you. It is your car, so it's going to lift for you. Yeah. It is my car. I think it's going to be so heavy. I wanted to try it again because I think I wanted to try it. See, oh, and see, that's your best one. I got a little close up.

I put my whole body into this one. See, and you can see I'm inching, inching up. I think the longer you try it, the more you're going to get. Yeah, that was, I think, our problem. And that's what it was all about. and then I think I went in for one last try. Yeah, we have another video, I think, of Caleb's final try. Here it is.

And listen closely. Look at that. He broke his car. He almost broke his bumper. I think more than almost. It did pop out and when I parked, I wasn't able to get it back. So there was a casualty. A casualty to the car.

Now, the fact that it was me doing it means I'm perfectly fine with it. Yeah. That's why I was at the back. I feel like the back is definitely the spot with that's really that back corner. you're going to be able to lift it, but I was, I was nearing that where I was slowing down because I was feeling the bumper start to give a little bit. I was like, I can't be the one who does this. Yeah, I did not want to be the one to break the car at all. That's fair. I mean, I want you guys. I didn't want to shake it, though. It is fun to shake a car. That's fun. I didn't even shake the car. Maybe I'll do that when I get home. I've definitely done that before. I didn't do it today.

So here's what I would like to say about this experiment. It's a great experiment. It's a bit. We've been hyping it up for a long time. Yeah. I would like to say that I. Since the Olympics. Since the Olympics. Since the Olympics, that's a good point. It has been since the Olympics. A long time. So I am completely vindicated. What do you mean? From the jump, I said the car will never leave the ground. And we could scrub no, no, no, no.

The tires never had airtime. Not one time. Okay, they just got plenty of airtime on our show. Yeah. That is true. Well, now you can I say something to you too right now? It's a complete logic bomb. It just proves that I'm dropping a spur logic bomb on you.

Okay, spur logic. This basically proves that you never understood this from the get-go. Yeah, really. So explain that. It's about fucking, it's entertainment. It's an experience. It's not about results. Look how much,

how fun we have. That's interesting because we could actually play clips from the original episode where you two guaranteed me that you would lift the car off of the ground. That was a long fucking time ago. Okay, so you've changed. You know what? You know what? Everyone changes.

All the cells in your body die every one second. I'm going to try it again. You can't. Not yet. Not yet. Okay. Way too early. Yeah.

You can't try right now, man. When we're done recording, you can go try again. Yeah, we're in the middle of recording. So I have to wait now. Yeah, you have to sit here and wait. Well, all right. I guess I can wait. You have more than waiting.

You have to do the episode of the podcast. So when I drove away, I did have a thought, you know, I had a thought that because we all got so close, I think that we could have from the back right bumper of the car. If we had all done it. We had 100% could have tilted it. We could have tilted it. If we all worked together, that's definitely part of it that we mentioned. If we worked together, we could have looked to do it. I feel like we definitely said that in the original episode

that if we all worked together, we could tilt it. I think that's true. I think that's true. I think that we could slam it. I think that we could slam it. I could think we could lift it. No, I think we could lift it a quarter of an inch off the ground. Listen to this. Step 1A.

Caleb lifts the car over his head. Step 1B. Patrick lifts the car over his head. Step 1C. Cameron lifts the car over his head. Steps 2A to C. All three of us slam the car down. Wheels first so it doesn't get damaged.

That's a good idea. I forgot about the wheels thing. It's right there. I think in the lifting over our head part, because the bumper gave with just one man, I think that we would have fully destroyed my car. If we had all lifted it at the same time, I think I would be walking home.

Yeah, but only if we flipped it. If we slammed it down on the wheels, it's just going to bounce again. I can't make it. I really keep saying this and you keep being right. You know what? We didn't do? We should have lifted it from the wheels.

No, you don't have a good, you don't put your hands in between the spokes. Yeah, because look, because every time we lifted it, what part of it stayed on the ground? The wheels. The bloody wheel. What part of it lifted.

So the car is ready to lift. It's the wheels that are stuck on the ground. What we do. The car is lifting. It's the wheels that hold it down. What we do, one of us lifts from the back. One of us lifts the back corner like that.

The other two lift each wheel. Dude, yeah, what we need is we need another friend and we need each of us to be on one wheel. We could lift it up in the air. Completely up. We literally could lift it completely in the air without any day.

And we could carry it probably a little bit. We could walk down the street with it. And we could go through the McDonald's drive-thru. Holding the car. I want to say also. With someone in the car. Today we drove the car to the front of the building. And I did notice a lot of stuff in the trunk.

Yeah, there was, you did kind of load it up with junk, didn't you? I'm not thinking about it. There was a lot of stuff in the backseat in the trunk. Do I need to make a goodwill trip? Yeah. dude i'm realizing i'm realizing more and more how much you sabotaged this i think i sandbag the car if you would take it out we could have taken if you had known we were doing this you should have showed up with no seats no doors no windows the no he didn't want us to win

it's not that i didn't want you to win against us you're the man no i'm not the man you're the man the question was hold on now the question was never can you lift a car the question was can you lift my car and my car is what it is it is frozen a snapshot in time you could not lift my car but you sure had a whole lot of time to maybe switch out some elements

of your car and make a heavier wheels heavier wheels I think he did what did he say just a couple weeks ago oh no my mirror fell off again guess he'll have to replace it with a heavier mirror I didn't even replace it you guys got on my window broke guess I'll have to replace it with

I put a heavier window. That's not true. The way you can see the mirror still isn't even fixed. It's sitting there broken. You guys got an advantage. That's got to be at least 150 pounds off. There's no such thing as a weighted window.

And I noticed it had a new license plate as well. It was not a lead license plate. It's a lead license plate, a weighted window, and a mass mirror. What is a mass mirror? It's got a, it's just massive. A mass mirror. It's got plenty of mass.

Yeah, it's got so much mass. So you're blaming me for your shortcomings. You put... We lifted it. I don't know what to say. You did not lead license. There's no... Well, that would be in my...

Waited window. Can I say something? Can I say something? Why, we came in here and we were so happy watching the video. We had so much fun doing the activity. It's literally Christmas Day. Caleb, the whole time, this entire Christmas was waiting for... He was pretending to go along with us have fun, waiting for a chance to strike. Like the asp biting Cleopatra.

What's that? I don't know. It's been a lot of crossword clues. Asp. Yeah, it's a snake. Oh. He's a snake. He went a lot.

He pretended to be a little Christmas elf. He grinched it up. Grinch and elves clothing. And he is wearing elves clothing. They're very small. Don't ever call me the Grinch again. You're behaving like a Grinch, man. It's like me calling you Himmler.

Okay? You can't say that. You don't think I'm old. You don't think I could. Hitler is his name. You don't think I could be Hitler. Oh, yeah. I think that you are acting like him when you call me a grinch.

You, You are being rude on Christmas Day. I'm not being rude. No. Give the gift of compassion. Shout out to Spurlock for this. There's a difference between... It's interesting that we landed on Spurlock for so much of this when we're in the post-Purlock situation.

This is, I mean, this is the documentary. This is the car lift documentary. Can a man lift a car? Can a man lift this car? There's so many angles to attack it from. We get a huge bodybuilder to come and prove that it's possible. I think we should get a bodybuilder to lift this car. But that's the upper limits of humanity when it comes to strength.

Yeah, it's supposed to be us doing it. But like I'm saying, but it's the type of thing where like that would be something they show in a documentary. Like you could pat it out. You know what I mean? You're right. So this proves that it is possible by human monster. We could do interviews with different experts, weight experts, just fat people and just ask them. What's it like to be heavy?

How much do you, you weigh about as much as a car's mindset? So what? What's it like to be a car? Or the same weight as a car. Yeah. And then what we could do is with the fat people, we could trick them where we say like, oh, you're not quite in the shot. We're going to have one of these guys come and move you.

Yeah. And they lift you in the chair. This is a great documentary. We really can get at this from every angle. We really can't from the front bumper, from the back, from the side, the wheel well. Yep. We have to get it from every angle. Dude.

I think. I can't believe we did it. It felt great. I feel rejuvenated. You felt good doing that. That was like the, that was a capstone to my year. I'm like, I'm like, I'm ready for January 1st. Because the car lift is done.

It's done. It's been hanging over my head. I haven't been able to sleep. I've been worrying about my performance. I did so much better than I expected. You did wonderful. You did wonderful. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to even move it in a centimeter. You did crap. You did fine too. I did crap. I'm out of shape.

Can I tell you something? I got to get back in the gym. You hedged. You did completely fine. I did not. You were on your stuff. No, I got to try it again. I was too goofy. I got to really try it one more time. What if this becomes?

I can't believe I'm saying. What? what if this becomes a Christmas tradition where every year for Christmas we just try to do a year and the whole and that's nice because the whole year we try to build our lives around around getting ready for the car and it doesn't have to be necessarily just getting so I mean we can play in strategies maybe me and Patrick will try to break into your car and take some heavy things out of it so that's a fun game we could play yeah because I'm armed and dangerous oh we could put in carbon seats yeah you don't think I'll notice that carbon cardboard seats we could do a a ball set chassis. Yeah. That would make it. What's a wood chassis? Oh, I thought you said

ball sack chassis. Like one of those ones that hangs off the back. Oh, no. That's not a chassis. That's not a chassis. That'd be a cool. A chassis made a ball sack.

That would be late. And he's got the ball sack chassis. Not too aerodynamic, but no other driver's going to want to hit him. We can put holes in his car. Yeah. But it doesn't make it lighter. What if instead of putting holes in it,

we seal it to be completely airtight and pump it full of helium. That's a better idea. That's, there's so many things we could try. Every year we'll try something different. Can we buy a helium tank and let it leak in your car for the night?

But then what happens when I have to go, when I go, okay, buy it's air. Yeah, but then I get home and doing that, and I talk faster as well with the helium. Yeah. And it is a buff to me. Well, it's the car that makes you talk faster. I got a good buff because I can't lift this damn car.

We have to build our entire lives around for the next year. I'm going to be so big that I can lift a car. I agree. I stopped going to the gym and I got to start going again so that I can lift up a car. You're saying there's a wake-up call for you. This is a wake-up call.

A fitness wake-up call. I have to. Any man should be able to lift a car. I'm not a man right now. I'm a fucking beta. I think all of us have failed the male test. Yeah. Easily.

And I think now. With running colors. And now it's time to come back next year. And stronger. Yep. And maybe with a lighter car. Well, we're going to put holes in the car. We can't.

Okay. So. We will... Next year... We'll negotiate all that as it comes. Since you guys picked your strategies first, I want to pick my strategy first. For next year, I'm going to lift from the wheel. From the wheel.

Okay. I'm going to lift, put my hands in between the spoke parts on the wheel. And also, I would like us to get some sort of height referee. Okay. Okay, yeah, like, or even just like, yeah, like I put a ruler next to it. But also a referee because... Yeah, a referee would be definitely... We need a riff. You could go on a whistle.

You know, he whistles and then you go to lift a car. We should put the car in like a parking garage. We should spray paint. like a measurement on the wall and we should have a referee there we should have a whole setup we should have multiple angles that we're capturing at the same time

multi-cam footage that we can put into the lab and we have to get a ruler the ability the marker that can draw on the screen from the NFL send it to a third party hydrologist lab

where we should send it to whoever judges like the Olympic finishes yeah the NFL combine the little what's that one shot put where they throw something okay I'm thinking of a different one

I don't know what shot put is So we could get an Olympic referee. Yeah, let's get an Olympic referee. Just somebody that knows all of them. It's definitely, didn't this start? It started around the Olympics. Did we say it was going to be Olympic game or we just wanted to do it? No, we just wanted to do it.

I don't remember. I think we said it should be an Olympic game. And it is so long. And I feel like we've put, we've closed a chapter that now we've reopened the next of. And even though it's not the last episode that's going to come out of the year, this is the last episode of the podcast we're recording in the year. So it's nice that that's the last thing we got to do is finally put this year to rest. This fucking terrible year I know, it was terrible for all of us

And oh my God Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of the podcast The day that this comes out Oh yeah Holy shit The 24th man We've been doing it for six years And we finally

We close the chapter The sixth year is done And now it's the start First day of the seventh year We're lifting a fucking car We lifted a car Well I'm gonna We lifted a car

Come on just say it I really want to try again I really want to try again I really want to try again. I really want to try again. I mean, it can't be my car because it's parked somewhere else. So you have to go lift some this one car that's parked out in front. Yeah. There's some cars out there. If you'd like to go try, you're more than welcome. I guess I can. Okay. All right. I don't care. Go do it. Well, Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. Go buy tickets to our Chicago show, January 19th, swag poop.com slash shows.

And if you have a car, I'll say, donate. No, don't. Don't donate. I would say you should try. Just everybody. Send a video. Try to left it. Send a video to us. Hashtag Christmas car lift. Listen, and even better than that, I know a bunch of you are home with your parents. Lift your dad's car. Lift your dad's car. Hashtag hashtag Christmas car lift. Hashtag Christmas car lift. Let's get a trending, guys. And let's see if we can make the ultimate miracle. All right. All right. I'm going to go. Good look. Get up and go. Go. Go try. I don't care. Like if I was finishing your... Okay, let's do it. Yeah, start a sentence and me and Pat will finish it based on your personality.

Dude, the other day I went to the... Of my ass. Oh, sorry, you weren't done? Sorry. Let's restart. The other day I went to the grocery store and I bought a... Are you supposed to... Or am I supposed to? I don't know. Let's take turn.

You can go. Okay. It's clear that that's not something anything I would say then if you guys didn't get it. Okay. The other day, I was looking around my car because I forgot my piece of poop. Okay. Okay. That's a little bit. You know that's too much. That's a little too much. Okay. Do it again. Do it again. I would have said like soda that makes me poop. Yeah, same one.

The other day I had to go back to my car after I got home because I forgot my dog. See? Yeah. I could. I see that. All right. Now I'll do it. I get it now. Yeah. I understand it now.

We're building a Caleb chat bot. Dude, I went to a restaurant the other day and I had this, you know, I had to order it because it's the first time I seen it. But I ordered a dinner. It's my turn. Sorry. It's his turn, man. Okay. You know what movie I saw the other day?

I had never even heard of this before. It's called Dora the Explorer, the live action one. Okay. Is that really? Okay. I'll continue. bro i got a call for my dad the other day he wanted me to send him a million dollars okay that kind of makes me sound cool