Podcast About List - Ep. 323 - My Dream Job Is Blowjob King

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

This week we take a more clasico-style approach to the episode and we discuss top 10 dream jobs, which is a list none of us remembers so it's surely never done before. Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

We have it down to a well-oiled chain reaction. This is gone are the days where Patrick would do six to seven funny collapse to sync up the audio and then do a real one after we did a real one. We are literally doing like, it's like a tinker toy machine. A well-oil machine is what I mean. Absolutely. Every single time. It's a two-step.

The ball starts at the top with Julio saying, recording? Mm-hmm. Recording. That makes me reach for the button. Me reaching for the button triggers Patrick to go like this. Patrick starts expanding his hand. And here comes as soon as he hears that it's almost inaudible. He doesn't even look down.

And here's just. And check this out. Then I hear this from Patrick. And that makes me say nice clap. Yep. Let's get started. Nice clap. Let's get started.

We're talking about this. We're talking about Bono and how much you hate him because your parents love it's the most annoying music in the world I think I think well they have some good songs how do you not like hello hello I like that one I like it's called it's called vertigo no no no mysterious ways sucks that sounds like the police

you said you said that that song sucked though you didn't say anything about mysterious ways no he was singing mysterious ways no I sang mysterious ways after you said that I'm all confused I just I we went on a trip to Ohio one time I thought that's why you're confused like No, no, no, we just went on a trip to Ohio.

It was a normal trip in Ohio, by the way. It was my 18th birthday present. My mom was like, we're going on a road trip to Ohio. You told me this. And they played the U-2 album from the iPhone, the whole trip. In the iPhone. We weren't allowed to listen to anything else. The iPhone free one.

I thought you meant they played it off of their iPhone. I remember that album, yeah. I never listened to it. It's not good. It's not good at all. It's like, it's like, this song is my tribute to Joey Ramon. and it's like, he's been dead for fucking years. Yeah, you can't tribute somebody's dead.

No, but it's like, it's like, why are you doing this tribute? Now, I don't know. It's just a fucking, it's a shit album and they just make music for car commercials. You think that they went, they sold out. They, it wasn't even that they sold out. It's just that like, it's fucking boring. I love the Ramones, but I was at the gym the other day and my phone, I was listening to music on shuffle and I was in the middle of a set and

Blitzkrieg Bop came on and it was really making me laugh to be working out to I don't know that song Oh, let's go Let's go That's awesome That is so It's great pop Hi, oh

Let's go It's so funny that like That's just a little kid's song Now that is a Disney Channel movie song I mean it is so funny that Most as we're doing What no one was doing Most music like that you listen to

And it sounds like something That would be on the Disney channel You just it's just the Every like two or three songs they have some crazy lyrics that kids can't enjoy. Kids can't enjoy this. But it is,

53rd and third, like stuff like that. What's that? That's a Ramone song. Okay. That's about getting heroin. Yeah. And then,

Hey, ho, let's go. And then it's just like, we're all running. We're all going to run. Yeah. I remember, I remember,

yeah, getting into the Ramones as a kid and being like, oh, yeah, I love, Bliss Creek Bob, this is awesome. And be like,

the KKK took my baby away. Yeah. What is this about? The KKK took my baby away? The KKK took my baby away. That one's so good. The Ramones are so fucking good. Why did they take his baby?

I don't know. Take a wild guess why the KKK would take his baby away. They hate rock. The KKK rock. You said they rock. You said they rock. You did not say that at all. You did not say they rock.

You just said the KKK rocks. You literally were five minutes in and I'm saying that the KKK rocks. That's exactly. You just said it. They rock. You said it like it was like an obvious thing. They hate rock. They rock like that.

Not true. Why did they take his baby away? I don't know. Was she Jewish or was it? I don't remember. I see this song. Because I can't tell what it is. Mostly listen to as a child.

Yeah. I can't tell if the baby is a black woman or a Jewish woman. Yeah, because they hate everyone who isn't white. I assume it's a non-white woman. Oh, he's saying baby is in my girlfriend. Yeah. Not your girlfriend.

No. Well, my girlfriend. Okay. got something to tell you a wife my girlfriend. If the KKK took my girlfriend away, I'd be like they rock. Thank you. Thank you. KKK. We're taking my ugly white girlfriend. You are legends. No, but they actually suck. Who? The KKK. Yeah. For a second, I thought you met the Ramones. No, the Ramones, I don't know. All I know is the Blitzkrieg bop song. Yeah. Which is, I listen to all the time. Anytime I have to run errands, I play it on a loop. Yeah.

It's a good song. It is, it is a great song. Yeah. It is just so funny that that's like that was punk back then. It's songs in fucking Jimmy Neutron. Yeah. Right? Yeah, that was like, that was the creation of,

yeah, that was like a whole thing. I think of that song, I don't know if it's in Shrek, but I think of that as a Shrek. Yeah, it is. It's in Shrek.

It's in Shrek. It's in Shrek has one of the greatest soundtracks in the history of film and television. Accidentally in love. I think you're thinking of Pulp Fiction, sir. What's in Pulp Fiction? Yeah, what songs are in that?

Oh, I know. Let's Stay Together by Al Green. Miserlou. I don't know. Miserlou? What about Dick Dale? I don't give a dare if I'm a bad reputation. That's good from TV.

When he's fighting with a beer. And as a kid, I was like, it's probably root beer. Because I thought that they wouldn't. They wouldn't put beer in the kids movie. They have to explain at some point that this is root beer and not beer because this is a movie for kids. Yeah. But they never do on a rewatch. No, no, no.

But in my head, I was always like, that's root beer. Yeah. Because why would they show that disgusting? But Shrek is a disgusting movie. Shrek is a disgusting man. Shrek has a lot of innuendo. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

We've talked about the fucking... Farquod means fuckwad. Well, it doesn't mean, it sounds like it. Yeah. Well, that's what it means. She translated it from what? From fast to slow. Oh.

Fawod. Fah quad. I see, you're right. Wow, I honestly never realized that. And it's supposed to be, who is it? Beiger? Is that who was supposed to be based on? Which is if you say it fast, it's Bo Beiger. Or Michael Eisner? I don't know. It was based on anybody.

Yeah, because they were, because all the animators from Shrek and stuff, like all the writers. Were they refugees from Disney? Yeah. Yeah, they were. They would send all the bad people that they didn't want to work there to go work on Shrek. Everyone, it was a whole inside joke. I mean, we watched a funct land and all sorts of YouTube videos. Right. We're YouTube biologists. I'm less into the YouTube stuff. Yeah. Why?

Just don't like it. They had a pretty good videos on the Ramones. I do watch YouTube. I don't watch that type of video. You don't watch videos like, I made a real life Los Polios Hermanos. Maybe I watch like one of those a year. I watch one of those every day.

That's so much of what I watch. I watch that shit every day. I mostly watch like, here's trivia from a video game. Yeah. Learning. Oh, cool. I go on YouTube to do school.

Yeah. That's basically school. You were doing school. And movie clips. I do a lot of video clips. What did you watch on days off and? movie or in school. Excuse me?

I don't know what he's saying. Why am I just being attacked because I'm, I got a wait for this. Just try it. Just take it again. No, I just give up. It's fine. Okay. This has enhanced endurance in it though, so maybe this will. Maybe it'll help.

Maybe this will help pretty soon. Yeah. But it hasn't helped yet. On the walk here, I saw a piece of, a plastic piece of packaging on the ground, and it said skinless breast. And it's like, oh my God, what is that? And then I remember that chicken exists. Oh, yeah.

Skinless breast. What the fuck is this? What kind of freaky shit are they getting into on this block? What is going on? Just looking around. Is there a plastic surgeon on this street? What is this? Like a sex toy or something?

What is disgusting? Would you have sex with a skinless woman? Skinless woman. But she told you. But they have sex with her? I've ever seen it. You've never seen a sex with a guy? No,

she has sex with the skinless guys. Yeah. Hell of guys. And then she kills them all. Yeah. And then their blood. Why is she? To the floor.

How is she getting laid this much with no skin? Or she doesn't have no skin. She has skin. Her lover, the uncle, Frank, has no skin. She loves her uncle? No. It's the uncle of the main character. And a movie of someone's name is Uncle Something, that relates to the main character.

That's the guy who's drawing with his finger. Yeah. Imagine the whole body's a marker. No, isn't the guy drawing with his finger in the second one? I think so. And he's a different guy? But I've seen this picture before. No, I'm in hell, help me.

Is that in the first one of the second one? Isn't it the dad in the first one? I got to do a rewatch. How many motherfuck is they taking their skin off in this bitch? They're taking a lot of skin gone. That would be so painful. I don't know that I'd survive that. Their whole thing, the centobites, their whole thing is that pain.

Pain is pleasure. Or they can't even, it's because they live in upside down world. The thing is that they live in a world. They're like, we live in a world where we can't, or it's that they experience so much pleasure that they can no longer distinguish between pleasure and pain. And it's like, I think that. I think you could I think you can tell it's like also like

you're only doing pain yeah I'm not seeing pinhead eating ice cream no you're never eating skittles there's not much it doesn't seem like

you can't distinguish it no it's like you're not doing it choice yeah that's a good point are they but they're demonic yeah they're not just guys is that way is that what hell world was about hellraiser

the computer one yeah I didn't see that one I only got up to four or five. I haven't seen that one, but now it's like, because I mean, yeah, you show them, you show the centa bytes to the computer for a couple of minutes. They're like, you know, it's like, we can type whatever we, we can look up whatever we want to do games. And not, not to mention they can electrify themselves. Yeah, exactly. It does not seem like they are, they have even tried. Yeah. Yeah. Because their whole thing is like, oh, it's scary because they're like, they're alien. They don't understand that they're, they think it's pleasure. So they're not

what you're saying. But I'm saying like they're alien. That's what I'm saying. alien to us. Cameron, I understand what you're saying. You're saying that you could blow their mind. Yeah. If you got down there, I'm saying I think they're mislabeled. Yeah. But you would show them because they probably have been having vanilla sex, normal style. If you got down there, show them a real freaky-a-leek, P.D. Pablo style. I wouldn't mind trying. Yeah. Would you ride the nails? I probably wouldn't ride the nails. No, because again, I like pleasure. Yeah, but I'm more of a pleasure guy than pain. I'd probably be trying to avoid pain in most of its forms. Will that be hard to have sex with them with no pain because they're covered in spikes?

Yeah. Well, one of them is, yeah. Well, yeah, that's pinhead. Then there's Butterball, whose whole thing is that he's fat. And then there's female Centibite. Yeah. Which is her name, I think. Wait, Butterball's the entire thing is he's fat?

He's figured out. He has the goggles. Yeah, little tiny glasses. He figured that shit out then. And then there's a centibite whose head is a disc drive. Yeah, that's from Hellraiser 3. Is his name legit butterball, though? Yeah, it is.

Like, he's like, I'm picking my name. I will be Butterball. It's like credits, Butterball. Oh, okay. But he doesn't say like, my name is Butterball. No, they never say that. Do they talk at all?

Because the thing, I don't know Butterball talks, but they all talk about them. Yeah, Pinhead does. But the thing is that they solve a puzzle box. And then because they solve the puzzle box, they get these new forms and they have leather and stuff. It summons them when they solve the,

but it's, yeah, and it's also like, you guys really like, they're like, oh, people who, we want to appear to people who seek pleasure,

pleasure beyond pleasure on the earth. And it's like, you really, do you, yeah, do you think that the people who are seeking pleasure are solving a puzzle box? No, bro, they're at the club. Yeah, yeah, you need to go to the club. It should be triggered by a song request or something. Yeah, exactly. To a DJ. Can you play the, the Ambleu, baby Rexa?

And then they show up, like, I'm going to fuck you with a nail. And it's also like a big part of it also is like, oh, also there's like monsters. Yeah. And they're, they're from a world that's beyond pleasure where there's like taradactals and stuff. It doesn't make that much sense That's what I mean I feel like you talk to me out of watching this movie They need to drop that

No it's really good The movie's fucking sick They need to they need to leave The pleasure stuff out When they're like describing their whole deal It's just they are not about pleasure Leave the pleasure out of it Again we like pain

We like monsters We're demons Just be real about it It's not fucking lying That's scary We've already talked about the pleasure men We've talked about the pleasure men Every which way in

It's true But that's what it needs to happen as a reboot. Well, there are pleasure men in the world, and they're scarier than the centa bites to me. In the real world? Of course. They're scared. There's it's way scarier to be into pleasure and not go over the line into pain. I agree.

That's scarier. Yeah. Because, I mean, yeah, that's Uncle Frank in the movie. Yeah. He's a pleasure man. He's the first pleasure man. He is. Yeah, he goes in it, but I'm talking, I'm talking like before when he's in like, before he saw a puzzle box. Something, you know, you used to send really disgusting pictures. And I think the one that's

always stuck with me is the one where the guy had his penis in two panes of glass and then he tightened it so that it was completely flat yeah like a like a preserved like butterfly yeah and I think about that a lot yeah that's one of the worst thing I've ever seen that's a pleasure man that's a pleasure again that's over the line of the pain yeah that is pain that's pain that's it was like

as thin as a piece of paper you can't tell me that's pleasure you're crazy if you think that's pleasure you know what that is that's I can't distinguish between pain that's fucking pain that's almost past pain You can distinguish. You're making the distinction. Yeah, you were picking pain over pleasure. That one's past pain and into funny, I think.

Yeah. Where people just like doing funny stuff. Yeah, there's, there's, there's a pleasure man. Pain, pleasure, funny. And trying to plot yourself on that triangle. The Centipites encountering the funny men. Yeah. I would say I'm square.

Doing all the weight, the waiting stuff. Doing the chicken skin with their nuts. If this is the triangle And on top it's pain And then we got pleasure and funny I'm right here I'm on the line I'm far furthest away

You can be from pain And I'm between pleasure and funny I think that's a good place to be I don't need to go up to pain Funny stuff is pleasurable There we go There we have You're almost completely in funny

In that case Maybe Where you find funny to be pleasure God would I'd be a funnyman I think you would be You can be the founding funny man What's the one where you pull your Is it called the donkey

where you put your dick and your balls behind your legs and then you know what one was that was the goat the goat we used to do that one a lot yeah I saw a video I remember I watched waiting you saw a goat trying to kill itself yeah on a video and with what jumping into the fireplace

over and over and it's pulling it out dude that's that's Satan and that is Satan and the goat was setting the entire living room on fire because it kept just running into the fireplace and the owner would pull it out and it would pull like all the like hot

God. Bernie. We have to see this. You really don't. Please pull it up. That's horrible. And then another goat walks in. It starts doing it also.

Why did goats want to do that? I would call the priest, I think. Yeah. Yeah, that's a satanic goat. Have you not seen movies where this kind of thing happens? Where goats jumping in the fireplace? I haven't seen that. There's a movie that I don't remember the name of that's in Spanish.

The witch. Someone tries to, their goat tries to kill itself or some shit. Goat tries to kill itself in Spanish. I don't remember, man. And it's not in Spanish. I mean, the movie is in Spanish. But then it's trying to kill itself in Spanish. Well, it does if it's a Spanish movie.

Well, it doesn't, you know, I have a hard time with these kinds of movies. The reading. We tried to watch that new squid game season, and I realize that I... Who gives a fuck? I don't. I forgot about it. It's over. It's over.

But what, why? Why does nobody give a fuck, man? It looks boring. Yeah, it's... But the first one was boring, but it's just something that's on TV. It's the same thing as, it's the same thing. Same thing as Tiger King. You're not going to watch a season two.

No, did they make one? I'm sure they did. They made a movie with Kate McKinnon. No one has ever, yeah, well, even no one has ever thought about it again, too, you know what I mean?

Here's something I was thinking about the other day when I was thinking about Tiger King again because I hadn't thought about it in a while. I was like they should do kind of a spin-off series and they should do one of called Ant King about a guy as a bunch of ants. Whoa, that's a really good idea. Same type of like Joe Exotic type guy.

Would it be a thing? But he has like four or five ants. Yeah. yeah these are the these are the ants on my farm it's got a pile of dirt that's the same like level of drama yeah one that fucking ants is missing

and then Cody came in and he shook up my aunt farm and he got bit by an ant the ant killed him that day no he doesn't kill him he just got bit by it but he says that he says the aunt killed him but it's like what really happens we're really have a compulsive wire

to Joe insect watching one of those movie, one of those shows, is like being like, oh, fuck, I really want to spray my groceries with Lysol. Yeah. It's like, why would you do that now? Oh, I understand what you're saying. Yeah, no, it is, it's getting, it's getting caught on the wave. Yeah. And sometimes I think there's, there's, sometimes there's joy in that to be, to be swept along. What was the last wave that you got caught up in? Hypo wave for something such as that. I don't know. I'm trying to think. I guess There's probably one been one since, but I definitely got swept up in succession. Yeah.

I loved watching Succession as it was coming out. Succession was a serious way. Most stuff like that, I'm very stubborn, and I refuse. Me too. I'll go to it in a year or two. But I don't really, I don't care. I haven't listened to an album in the year that it came out. I don't think ever.

I always wait like three years. Even if people say it's the best album, I don't want to hear it when it comes out. I want to hear it in three years. I want to hear it on my own terms. Exactly. I don't want to hear it because people are telling me to. I want to hear one song from it accidentally.

And I'd be like, this is actually kind of good. Oh, let me check out the rest of it. Like, I'm not going to listen as a new Kendrick. I don't think I listened to the last one. Yeah. I'm going to wait three years and I'd be like, it's all right. I forgot he still was releasing music. Yeah, he did make a song in it where he goes, Mustard!

And I really think that's funny. Yeah, to say mustard. It is a little annoying when like a new album drops and everyone's like, oh, dude, have you heard it? Oh, my God. How are these people listening to music? They listen to music as it, like, every time something comes out, they listen to it. Yeah, that's not a good way to go about.

about it. I think that that's like really, really annoying to me is like the people who have like this hip hop discussion. I think. Well, hold on now. Sorry. Sorry to. But like anyone that has like any any. Any. You're fronting. You're speaking hip up to me. No, I'm not. Speaking about. You're calling me a cool cat. No, you're, I didn't say cool cat. That's more jazz. Yeah. especially, by the way. No, but just like the, it's just so boring when you just see like fat white guys just talking about like, well, well, Jesus is undisputed.

Yeah. It's just the most boring, boring shit ever. But I do that too. I do that with all stuff in my life. Well, you do that with rock from the 80s and 90s. That is truly the greatest joy in the entire world. You can have the beauty of life is that you can have nothing. Your whole life can be ripped to shreds and everything can be taken away from you.

And you can go watch them. movie in the theater and then you can find two or three guys to stand with outside at a bar and talk about this. But honestly, like, I felt like it was kind of lacking. Yeah. Oh, my God. We evolved from like monkeys just to do that. Monkeys are talking about bananas and coconuts. It's literally the most beautiful experience. You know, that banana tree was busted as fuck. Like, yeah, the tree. The bonata. I was at the bottom of the tree were good. I like the furthest on the coconut. The coconut. The coconut this year were not as good as they were a couple years ago.

Coconuts used to hit different. really used to hit different, but I think they fell off this year. Just monkey standing around the tree is naming different fruits and plants. Yeah. That's top five dead or a lot. It's got to be coconut, banana. Dude, ferns. I mean, don't even get it.

I love running through the ferns. Did you just say acorns? What? No, hear me out. Hear me out. Acorns a little bit under underrated. Low key. It's something in us.

That's literally why we evolved language. A hundred percent. That actually is. It's a talk about different foods. Talk about different shit. Just being the most. person in the world talking about how something is undisputed. Exactly. The second that you hear somebody talking about it,

something that you're not interested, you're like, yeah, oh, that's lame. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah, the one monkey who comes on is like, yeah, I saw a beetle in a centipede. And you're like, dude, we're literally not even talking about. So anyway, mangoes are pretty good. This guy still eats fucking bugs.

Yeah. Yeah, that type of, that type of white guy is always very nice, but I fucking hate white guys. I don't want to hear I don't want to hear them talk about Kanye anymore. What is up with your anti-whiteness today? Fuck all whites. First you said that KKK didn't

rock. Yeah. And then you said you hate white guys to talk about hip-hop, man. Yeah. But why, bro? You know what was pissing me off is the, just, I was thinking about, um, I was just thinking about like MF Doom stuff and like just how. Yeah, you know, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a,

a white piece of shit from from New York I sit at home and I just think to myself like dude MF doom goat M M M food goat album I'm sitting in my I'm sitting in my room doing this MF doom goat

yeah MF doom is a goat food It's like like one beer and like rap snitch canishes and stuff have become like like band kid memes can I tell you

how funny it is, that you just spent five minutes saying how annoying it is when fat white guys talk about it. I know. You know why I hate it? It's because I'm looking at myself. And now you're making a point about about. I see that. I see that. And I'm like, God, that sucks so bad. That sucks because I do it. Well, I don't think of you as a hip hop head. No, no, yeah, don't worry. You're not a head. No, but if you've seen this, though, like kids are doing, like they're putting like one beer over like, like, like meme videos. and stuff like there's like this like a whole thing no it's one beer song i've never

listened to a single mf doom song in my life really yeah man they're amazing to do brother bro he's the undisputed if you play counterstrike surf that's about all you can do with you head speaking of this type of this type of guy i just do you guys ever see the movie ghost dog way of the samurai forest whittaker it's like he's like uh it sounds amazing it's it's you guys should guys should check it out

he's like he's a fors woodickers like a hitman for the mob but he like follows the way of the samurai that's quite cool and the music's by Riza and stuff he has a Sammer as his other eye it's not a I mean Rizzad is the Rizzo yeah wait this came out in like 2013 no you're thinking of a man with the Iron Fitt yeah no this is a Jim Jarmish movie but I was like I just watched it the other day

and I like pulled up the letterbox I was looking at like the letterbox reviews and somebody's review of it was like had to dock one star from this rating because it didn't feature an MF Doom song I wish I could like Unwatch this movie right now Oh my God I like that kind of sad

That's so brutal That's you know what it is That's how I still am about stuff And I don't like that aspect of myself But also it was way worse When I was in like high school And now I just think about it And I cringe at how I always

I'm cringing at myself I hate cringing at my fucking self Cringing at yourself it's good to cringe at yourself. You need to cringe at yourself. You think you know cringe? I was born. You were merely adopted by the cringe.

I was, or I'm Bain. You're not Bain, man. Or you're Batman. When I was 15. You're cringe. You're Batman. Thank you, I guess.

Remember that speech from the dark? You think you're crazy? You know the darkness? You're Batman. I'm fucking Batman. I'm fucking Bain. Look at my mask, bitch. Suck me from the back.

Nobody who knew who I was. was next level man i had the fools gold i had three different fools gold records i wore a red bandana i had the joggers from pack sun i was wearing the slip on vans yep and i would you were hyphy i would tell you everything about rap dude if you ask i was run the jewels i was like i was even annoying about that i was like denny brown the first one was good but the second one wasn't that good anymore i was like that about i stopped wearing the t-shirt after the first album. For real.

Yeah, because I was like, the second one isn't as good as the first. I liked the second one. I liked the second one. Triple X was my, that was my, Triple X. I remember showing people

triple X in the car and them shutting it off. I would play triple X for somebody and then go, but have you heard of the hybrid? Yeah. And then I would start playing the hybrid by Danny Brown.

I'd say, this was actually when he was really good and not crazy doing Molly and maybe songs that were funny. Yeah. I was like that about um it stopped being about like uh death grips and like uh all that it became about like i was trying to show people uh fucking like the smiths and like divo and bow house which is way

worse that's way worse than being a hip hop guy being like uh being like uh like oh these this is this is like real gothr i wish that i had known somebody who liked that kind of music when i was grown up because I had no awareness of it. Being like that, like being a teenage boy that's really into the Smiths, that's cringe as hell. Dude, the first time I listen to Dark Side of the Moon, you're supposed to be when you're into the Smith. Is it not? Yeah, I guess so. I guess it's mostly four teenage white boys. I guess if you're an adult still doing it. The first time I listened to Dark Side of the Moon, I remember I was like, this is so important. I've been wanting to listen to this album for three years. I'm going to turn off all the lights in my room.

I'm going to sit on my bed and close my eyes and just listen to the music, dude. And it was honestly one of the best days in my entire life. I was like, this blew my mind. I did that with the Eternal, the Joy Division album. The first time I heard Pink Floyd, I was like, this is shit. Fuck this.

You said fuck this. I thought it sucked. You go your whole life. And you think, I'm just a kid. I can't listen to that. It's going to move me too much. It's going to change my brain. And I heard a song in the car and I was like,

who's this? And it was like, Pink Floyd. Yeah, it was the money. I think it was a money one. I was like, this is dog shit. I heard money. I heard money.

Well, it's on the, it's on the Italian job remake. It's the intro song to the Italian job remake. Okay. I don't know what that means. The Mark Wahlberg Italian job with the southern one. Not the sandwich. No.

The sandwich from 7-Eleven is a sandwich wrapped in plastic. They need to do a remake of that standard. They did do a remake and it was worse than the old one. Yeah. Yeah, they got rid of the sand. The sand that they put in it That big list of ingredients In the back

Like all the preservatives That is crazy how long that list I used to eat that sandwich Every fucking day When we went to Boston Five dollars for that thing It was huge Gigantic sandwich

You eat that And then go to class You eat that You eat that You eat that You eat that You want to throw up You want to throw up

You want to throw up You want to throw up I'd buy two and I eat One and a half And then wake up Eat the other half for breakfast You eat them while you're asleep And then wake up

do you really think that's what I'm saying you sound like a fucking little idea yes yes that's the funniest thing I've ever heard and a half sandwich is in your sleep and then stop wake up to eat the other half I've been eating candy for breakfast yeah bro we know my

there was this one time my my mom like my brother got caught like sneaking like a slice of pizza while he was like pizza my mom like came downstairs and uh annoyed yeah he's the noid bro he got caught um i don't know how how do you get caught eating pizza i he was awake when he wasn't supposed to be he was awake when he wasn't supposed to be eating the slice of pizza and then he pretended to be asleep

with the pizza in his mouth and uh my mom like did you see this no no i heard about it and then uh i think my mom brought it up to our like pediatrician was like i think he's like eating in his sleep. He just like fully got her to believe that he was like sleep eating. That is crazy. And he was like, I don't think that that was the situation. I think that you walked in. Yeah. Is so funny to

try to pass that off as being a sleep. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Does the hanging out a slice anyone? Imagine the dream that you would have to be in to be eating. I'm eating a pillow off my bed. Oh, yummy. You know, you dream you're eating something you're chewing on your pillow. It's a reverse. Does the noid have ears that go inside of those? Those are they are just part of his costume?

I think that it's both. Do you think he has long ass, fleshy ears? Yeah. Fleshy human flesh-style bunny ears. I think that's what's up with him. That's creepy. That's so fucking crazy. This is what's crazy about the noid.

Why is he part bunny to seal pizza? I think it's because he jumps on the pizza and it's not good for the pizza. You don't have to be part bunny to eat pizza. We weren't, we weren't even alive for the noid, right? I wasn't. For the youngest noid fan. I was the youngest noid fan. I was the youngest noid fan.

I was crazy dead. Dude, I was, I looked back and I do cringe. I was so into the noid. You weren't into the noise. I was so into the noise. Yeah,

the noid undisputed. Undisputed, bro. Do you guys remember when Domino's switched their shit up and they said, we're sorry? Yeah.

Sorry, we fucking suck ass. You know what made me. It worked. You know what made me, it worked crazy. You know what made me feel like shit. I love Domino's before that.

Yeah, me too. I was obsessed with dogs. I still. Sorry, we know our pizzas suck. I remember what they did. Because they had the robust inspired tomato sauce. That was the new thing.

And then they had a classic sauce option that they brought back eventually. But for a while, you could just get the robust inspired. And I was like, this is poop. Give me the bad one. I like the bad one.

Yeah. Robes inspired. We used to get this one pizza from Domino's, the fiery Hawaiian. And I used to, they took it off the menu, and then I would like make it custom when I was in college

and it was like way more expensive. Yeah. I was paying a fucking premium just to put. like pineapples and when i was vegan we would do pizza night at my dad's house and i would get a thin crust pizza with no cheese mushrooms and green peppers yeah and i thought that that was the best thing i ever used i used to get the cheesy bread i would fuck with the cheesy bread i don't think i didn't fuck with tomatoes i haven't had it in so

i might get dominoes today i honestly i want it so bad tonight i got i'm thinking about it i want It's so bad. I think I've had Domino's one time since being in New York. There's that one that's right over there. I'm eating from that Domino's probably 15 times. Really? Yeah. I got it one time and I went in to pick it up because I was like,

I don't need to pay the delivery. And I went in and the vibe in there was so off. I was like, I do not want to eat from here. They do not. There's no way. They work 20 feet away from the counter and there's no way to get their attention. Yeah. So you just have to wait until they notice that you're there.

Complete hipster neighborhood and you walk in and it's full bulletproof. Yep. It's really funny. It's in. Nemo's hipster area. Yeah. And they still bulletproof the glass.

Yeah. What was the, oh, I went in, I went in Canada. I'm just remembering. I have had dominoes, but I got like,

remember we were in Canada? Yeah, I got like cheesy bread from there. Really? Why? Was, is it a unique? I think everyone was asleep

and I went out and got it. Oh, that was so funny when we were there. And every time we looked out the window, we saw you walking into the grocery store. We would be like, where is Patrick? Is Patrick in the room and the Airbnb?

And then we looked. like we don't be that we didn't even know he had left and we just look out the window and he would somehow be walking of him just walking into the grocery store. Shoppers drug milk. We know that he's going to try some weird chip and every time he goes in he's getting a strange. I fucked with that

one place. What's the place where you got the breakfast? No, the breakfast. Tim Hortons? Tim Hortons. Oh, yeah. Tim Bits and I had one of their little things. They love the Timbits up there. Don't do this. What is that? What is it? Tim's bits. No, Timbits are this big. It's not. No, I had

one of these. What's it called? When it's like this? We were all in the Airbnb together. I don't know what that is. So now you're being gay about food. Yeah. What? You're being gay about food. I'm not being gay about food. It's a little bit gay. Pinkies out. It's sucking dick with your pinky out.

It's less gross. And it's for some reason it's less gross. It's more elegant. I would rather suck a dick with my pinkies up. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's less touching. Less contact. Only eight points of contact. What's the, what? I don't know.

wondering what you're talking about. 32. Your teeth are making contact? Oh, yeah. Dude. You are never sucking my dick. Real shit? Why? I can't hit every tooth. We'll talk about it later. You don't want every tooth

because a lot of people just want to do the first four. That's lazy. I'm hitting you with every single tooth. You're not supposed to do any teeth. Says fucking who. I don't know. What blowjob school you go to? You can't you king of blow jobs. You can use teeth. At the blow job. It sounds like you are making royal decrees about how many teeth you can use.

What's the problem if you like teeth? There's no problem if you do. Teeth are not a horrible feeling. Your food touches them all the day. Do you remember that seen in old school where they're like, like Andy Dick is teaching like a blowjob class? No. Does any, do you guys know what I'm talking about?

I don't think I've ever seen. Is that in old school? Am I thinking of that? what's old school the will feral i like you but you're crazy and he goes all slow-mo yeah i remember that because i sampled it in a tech nine song wow sean william scott mr stifler's in it that's him saying it southland tales stifler says that yeah stifler says that he plays the tranquilizer guy but will feral's in it as well yeah it's will feral what happened to our titans

yeah will feral our titans of comedy stifler will feral Now, Will Ferrell was making Spirited. Spirited Away, which my mom called it Spirited Away, and you know my anime ass is sitting there just fuming. You don't know. It's not. But I let it go. That is not Ghibli.

I let it go. I didn't want a bloodbath at Christmas. Yeah. You're allowed to hit your mom if she gets studio Ghibli movies. Spirited Away is literally a different movie. I remember I watched Spirited Away when I was in like maybe kindergarten or first grade, and it freaked me out so bad. And I went to school and I told my classmates,

Do not watch this movie. It is scary. You gatecats. I warned it. I warned everybody to not to watch. No, I was trying to help them. I never watched that movie. Well, it's scary because her parents get turned into hogs.

I've never seen it either. I saw Princess Mona. Okay. I never saw that one. That one's cool. She's killing all the motherfuckers. The only one I ever saw was the secret world of Arietti. What's that?

That's where the borrowers. Oh, oh, oh. That sounds interesting. That sounds, that sounds interesting. It was pretty cool. I mean, I like any sort of you become really small type of thing. It's interesting. Shrinkers.

I like shrinkers. I like shrinkers. I was very interested in downsizing. I talked about that. I think that you, if somebody could make a real genuine shrinker style flick with some heart and a little bit of comedy. You ever seen the incredible shrinking man? No. Hell no.

That one's good as fuck from the 50s. I've seen. one single clip of him fighting a spider. Yes, that I was showing. Yeah, I've never seen that movie, though. He goes in a dollhouse, he fights a cat. It doesn't seem like my kind of movie, though. You are going to like this movie.

No, what, it's literally only about a guy getting small. But what I'm thinking about is, like, I want more stuff of like, oh, I'm bouncing on a big leaf. Yeah, so that's the type of movie. There's a, there's a leaf bounce. There is a little. Why would he bounce on a leaf? It's a shrink. It's not has any, it not has anything to do you shrinking.

It does. You confused me so bad. You confused me so bad that I didn't know how to speak English. That's okay. That's crazy. He bounces on a leaf. I want more of it. How would you bouncing on a leaf?

A leaf is not, it has no buoyancy. It has no spring. Here's what I want in a small movie. I want bouncing on a leaf. It doesn't bounce. I want, I want Jew. Jew? Do.

Oh, okay. He said Jew. He said Jews would be fine in the movie, too. Small ones? Whatever size. Jewish in every size You're looking for more of like a hangout Animal Crossing style fun little

Yeah a small neighborhood But then there's no conflict in it I don't need conflict in movies I'm sick of that Small for me it's Indiana Jones style It should be obstacles and villains Toothpicks are a weapon Exactly needles and toothpicks thank you Okay well you're more of an adrenaline junkie than I am

I am okay I want a little slice of life In fact what I want is I want to watch a movie about a guy shrinking while I'm jumping into the Grand Canyon with a wingsuit. You don't want to jump into the Grand Canyon If I have a wingsuit, then I fly. Okay, well, how are you going to watch the movie if you're in a wing suit?

Projected on the canyon. How big of a projector would you need for that? The canyons are fucking mass. The projectors aren't the size of the screens. Jumping into the Grand Canyon with the VR helmet on that's playing the movie. Good luck realizing how close you are to the ground. Apple Vision.

Apple Vision. Why are you so smart? Apple Vision. Okay, well, that's not even the name of the product. Oh, fuck. That means that they got an Apple Vision not pro, Applevision Amateur. It's the thing that only shows you pictures of apples. You put it on and just showing you Apple photos.

That doesn't sound like that would be a product. It's a product. It's going to be a product in the next year. It's in the coming months. No, it will not be. You're a fucking ducks. You have no idea anything about products. You don't.

I challenge you to a dog. I was tuned out of the conversation. but you don't. Name a product and I'll tell you what it is. Okay. Budlight is an actual blue beer. Wrong. It's a hat.

It's a hat that you're wearing. And it's not blue. For God, I had this on. The can is blue. The beer is not blue. But you know what I meant, though. No, I don't. Okay.

Give me another product because I was almost cheating. Cell phones. This is a full look around the room and say things. No, I've been watching videos on cell phones lately. Me too. Okay. A cell phone is a device used to call text. and use absence

and surf the web and take photos. That's an easy one. Close. How close? It's also a device that you're supposed to charge. Yeah, you have to charge it.

You didn't mention it. If you don't charge it, you can't do any of that stuff. Okay, so I have to be really specific. Mm-hmm. Okay. If you're an expert, I'd expect. Give me another one.

Okay, yeah, sure. Door knob. A doorknob is a device that goes on a door. It's not a device. It's not a device. It was a trick question that is not a product.

It was a trick question you were supposed to say it's not a device. It is a device. Also, you're supposed to be a product expert, not a device expert. Devices are products. Okay, it's a product that goes on a door, is installed into a hole in a door. There's another hole that goes into the... I just Googled and I saw the AI overview said, yes, a doorknop is considered a device. Yes, it is.

That's AI, I don't trust it. Yeah, it's an AI overview. It's always... Okay, well, here's the normal... Here's the H-I. Hi. It's high. Human intelligence.

Human intelligence. We need that more. I wish more products advertised that they had H.I. Yeah. Human intelligence. Yeah. Just a guy on the third world country looking up the thing for you. Exactly.

I need that more than I need artificial. I need human stuff. I've got a product for you. I need to message a guy and say what happened in the 90s. Name this product. Name what it is. If you're a product expert, you'll know this one. Glocucent

That's a type of sugar Glocucent It's a sugar replacement This is a good Wait, I got this These are beads that you load into a gun That make your bullet smell

Epic fail What is it? What is Glockusent? It's the brand name of a reading light That I bought Wow Well, I'm not a It's the craziest brand name

It's probably a low Probably doesn't cost very much It's one of the most Popular reading light Popularity doesn't equal coolness. Not cool. It kind of does. No, it doesn't.

A little bit. Okay, no, because everybody believes it. Oh, so you think that Marvel's Avengers are the coolest things ever because of how popular they are? The coolest things? They're not things. They're items. Or, no, they're superheroes.

They're things. They're movies. They're movies. I think they're cool movies. You really think they're cool movies. Okay, so who's your... Oh, I started playing Marvel rivals, and I made my name Spider-Man.

The name looks actually pretty fun. Spider-Man boy. Because it wouldn't let me name myself Spider-Man. No, I named myself Spider-Man boy. Everybody add me on Marvel rivals. Spider-Man Space Boy. Pretty cool name. Okay, guys.

Guys, today, we're doing a throwback, throw-bizzle back to our basics. We're going back to the way it was. Guys, I have a list from the top tens that we're going to read today. And this list, I hope that we haven't done before. And if we have, then so be it. If we have. This is almost like you'll get a sequel to it if we did it before. If we've done it before, who fucking gives it shit?

Impossible for us to know what we've done before. That's a real throwback episode back when we would do the same episode about five times in a year. This is top 10 dream jobs. Okay. Then I'm going to read through for you guys. Let me guess right off the top. Yeah, so I told you what the first one was. I'm not going to guess that one.

Okay. So guess something else and we'll see if you're right. Spider-Man. So you're wrong. Okay. Chancellor. That's also wrong, but that would be a good pick. World Chancellor.

Number one is music star. Okay. I would like to be a music star being interesting. I'd love to do this because you get to play music and turn even the downs in life into a fun song that could be enjoyed by millions. Unfortunately, though, my songwriting is very limited and I sound like a cat being strangled when I sing. So it would be impossible for me to make a living from this or even make it into the music industry. So it would have to be a hobby for me. So you're not really becoming a star.

Yeah, it's not a star. I want to be a rapper when I grow up because my fastest rap was Doja Cat's rap in streets and my time was zero minutes, 12 seconds and four milliseconds. I'm pretty fast. If that doesn't work out, I want to be a Broadway actress like Philippa Sue. Who's Philippa Sue?

Broadway actress. It's got to be. What's she in? That's a very fast rap time. That is 12 seconds and four milliseconds. Zero minutes. Do you guys like fast rap or cool rap? I like cool rap.

I like cool rap. but I used to like fast rap when I was a young guy. I don't think I've ever liked fast rap. I thought fast rap was cool. My cousin tried to show me how fast he can rap, rap God. I just remember hearing rap God and being like, it's not good. I remember a guy doing that at a party in high school. Yeah.

And that was before anybody knew that that was a thing that people were going to do. It was like right when it came out and I was like, that is actually awesome. I never was impressed. I was pretty impressed. That's a lot of words. more impressed with is wordplay so like what give me a word play um i don't have to why well i guess you don't have to you really don't have to but i'd like to hear one just asking for no word i have free will and i don't have to that is an amazing discovery and huge for your progression

that you don't have to do that if i was a music star i would gonna take inspiration of george michael careless whisper he is actually i've been on a huge george michael kick He's one of the greatest of all time, and it's truly so sad that he is dead. Yeah, I'm going to bring him back to life soon. Please bring him back to life. With what? In Jurassic Park Laboratory? I would actually love to see him back to life.

Yeah, the only problem is I'm going to accidentally use frog DNA that's going to allow no changes sex and produce babies. Ew. George Froggle. That'd be cool. Bringing back a dead celebrity and... But they have to be a frog. They have frog DNA. That is cool.

That is a good idea of... Imagine the showmanship in his performances. Him jumping across the stage like that, that'd be fucking sick. You know what we would do? If we did that, though, we would create a race of frog human hybrids that would be the elites that take over the world because we'd be only bringing back the smartest and most talented people. You think frogs would be better.

That is really not what I'm saying. Okay. I'm saying that they... Because we still do have talented celebrities now. Of course, but we would... But we also have a lot of stupid people who are human. And we would only have awesome, amazingly talented people as frogs. Let's put frog DNA on the Kardashians and see how.

I'll put it on them. I have a frog jack on them. Yes, let's put a frog on them. Okay. Well, not a frog. Their DNA. Let's just see how stupid they are and they can even, when they bounce higher too. They already bounce a lot.

Even if they bounce higher, they're still fucking stupid. Number two is actor slash actress. So this kind of goes into the frog DNA. Yeah. We can do that. So, yeah, let's just, everything on this list. Think about what they would do.

Someone says, I want to do some good movies. In fact, gangsta movies. That'd be cool. Gangsta frog. Gangsta frog squad. A gangster frog human hybrid.

Yeah. Imagine him jumping over the cops with the Tommy gun like, I'm John and me very handsome boy. My hobby actor. So please. This is duh. John Carpenter.

John Hamm. John Hamm. I couldn't think of a John actor. He is handsome. John Hamm. Not around anymore, though. This is a beautiful... I want you to close your eyes right now

and listen to this. Imagine me in a shiny gold gown with heavy diamond earrings hanging from my ears, walking down the red carpet in Louis Vuitton, Giovanni Paris, or Balmain. Saying hi to all the famous acting legends

like Merrill Streep, Natalie Portman, or Viola Davis, sitting in the red cushioned seats and watching people's emotional speeches about all that they have done. Then boom. My name gets called.

imagine me walking like Audrey Hepburn up the stage to my beaming award show host and receiving my shining award Wow I mean that does sound That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard Especially if it was me instead of them Yeah yeah yeah I really wish it was me

Me too I don't want to admit who commented this Does it say not say? It doesn't say well well well Yeah Audrey Hepburn I would like that Audrey Hepburn Well it said like Audrey Hepburn walks like Audrey Hepburn Yeah I don't remember

And then I walked up to the stage like Audrey Hepper. Like I do. Like you know how I do. I don't think I know what she walks like, to be honest. She walks pretty normal. Yeah, I can't imagine a special walk. She had a pet deer. That's the Audrey Epper.

Come to go get my award. She had a pet deer. She did. Back in the day. Yeah. She had a little, I don't know. She was one of these odd, odd bitches. She was a bitch.

She was a bitch. she was a bitch was she did she die young um didn't she die in a helicopter crash with a big bopper she was around with helicopters no no no no no number three professional athlete i'm an athlete and i love it well that's a testimonial tom brady 12 tv 12 yeah did you ever go to the tv 12 store i went and i told the lady she was like what kind of fitness goals do you have and i was like I want to dunk in the next year. But she was like, we could definitely get you dunking. And I was like, well, I used

to dunk all the time, but yeah, I basically hurt my toes. She was like, yeah, we have a recovery supplement that I'll make sure that you're dunking in the next 12 months. That's what the TB12 brand was. It was like supplements, right? I thought it was I straight up just thought it was closed. She told me she was like, we're going to get you downstairs.

I made an appointment. I go sit there. But she was like, we're going to get you downstairs. We're going to put you in a chamber. We're going to measure your oxygen levels and see what we have to get them to for you to be able to dunk a basketball. Your oxygen levels? Is it because you would be going so high up in the atmosphere? Basically, that's exactly what I asked.

And she said, no. She said I had nothing to do with that. That's crazy. That's crazy that that's what Tom Brady was like, you know what? I'm going to do. I'm going to make a store where everyone can go in and be like, I want to be like Tom Brady. Yeah.

How do I take supplements and wear my clothes to be like Tom Brady? It honestly gave me a lot of confidence that I could say that to somebody. and they did not laugh that I could say that I used to dunk and I want to dunk again and they were just like let's fucking do it

let's get you dunk let's get you back up there above the room number four is pilot and someone says bingo what could be more awesome than zooming through the air

and around mountains deserts oceans and islands at 2,000 miles per hour flying upside down and in loops racing your fellow comrades and just being free from the world you're tightly strapped into

an aerodynamic cockpit with loads of power on both sides of you, feeling the oodles of G-Force sucking you into your seats while you drive the absolute snot out of a multi-million dollar machine that you don't own, yet treat it like a child or girlfriend slash mistress of yours. Laugh out loud, I think we have a winner.

That is an unbelievably sexual and gay way to talk about flying a plane. Treat it like a child or girlfriend. Treating it like a child or a girlfriend is fucking insane. Everything even up to that, the way that he was describing

erase your comrades, oodles of G-force all around you, sucking you into a black hole. Now imagine everything that he just said in that comment. Imagine if you're also a frog. Yeah. And you can bounce the plane. It seems like people who are pilots

do talk about being pilots that way. Because I'm writing here, this is from Ocean Breeze, the awesome warrior. And this says, my backup job is Air Force Pilot. It would just be so much fun, zipping around the skies and defending your country. It does sound fun.

Zipping around. I don't think that... It would be so much fun. I think that skydiving would be fun, but I think being a pilot, it's like, at a certain point, it's no different from driving.

You're right. It's even less intense, apparently, because you basically, as a pilot, all you do is take off and land. It seems like most of what people are talking about here is the type of pilot

where you're going, we're doing top gun. Yeah, but nobody, nobody's going to be a top gun pilot. People can do that. People can do that, but that's a small percentage of pilots. It's also like really annoying, I bet. Yeah.

If you talk about how you're a pilot. Oh, yeah, I'm like a top gun style pilot. I go through oodles of G-Force. Which is a mock. But if you're a professional skydiver, then you're... That's way cooler. How would you be a professional skydiver? You get sponsored by me.

It's skydiving. Or it's sponsored by Caleb. A professional skydiver would be if there's stuff on a plane you need to get down to land. That should be... Or it could be like a televised sport. Or people skydive. Yeah, you have some... Oh, that's so, he's falling so fast.

That's Mr. Baumgartner, isn't it? It is. We did discuss Mr. Baumgartner. Well, he's more of a faller than a diver. He's a free-form follower. Number five is actually kind of a out of left field, but this is a great pick. I would move this up further on the list, I think.

Okay. Number five is CEO of whatever you created. Okay. That is real as fuck. And listen to this comment, this top comment. I am just a girl who is trying to write a comment before my computer instructor walks in. It would be awesome to be a CEO and Blossom to write it before he walks in.

Why is she wasting all this time typing all this shit if she's just, just say it. Your instructor's on his way. Hurry. He's coming. Spit it out. You want to be a CEO and there's nothing wrong with it. Also,

CEO of whatever you've created is so, like, it's not like, uh, inherent like, they're like, oh, I, I'm going to create like a new type of ice cream. Yeah. Like I'm like, whatever you created. You're the CEO. That's great. Someone says, I could design. boats you could

you could design them yeah the CEO of a boating company here's a here's I'll do four comments this is lightning round okay I want to this job awesome I want to be a CEO definitely me and my deem job

CEO's my dean job CEO of frog DNA a frog CEO would not be good no a frog CEO would be bad but being the CEO of the cloning company would be good being a CEO of almost anything is good unless it's something really bad.

Yeah. Like United Healthcare. Yo. Dude, I would actually... You'd be watching the news. I would actually love to be the new CEO of United Healthcare because, you know, everyone's going to treat you so nice. Yeah.

Everyone's going to be like, hey, I hope you're okay. I would literally... I would be dressing every day like a Native American warrior. Yeah. And I would have bones all over my necklace. I would look like bone tomahawk cannibals. Yeah. And nobody would ever.

mess with me. Dude, I would, if I was the CEO of United Healthcare now, I would immediately just like start, uh, farting. Just start farting and put my wiener on the glass window. Oh, wow. Of this tall building that I would literally be, I would honestly, I would just try to be so awesome that no one ever wants to kill me. Yeah, exactly. That's, that's the thing now. This, this new CEO of United Healthcare has to like, he has to like cancel a lot of debt. What's the name of the guy who made Virgin that guy? Oh, Richard Branson. I would be a Branson. I would be a branson style yeah i'd you'd be on a jet with obama be on a jet yeah i'd have a pinstripe suit and i'd walk everywhere and i'd be throwing money at bitches yeah who need who have cancer he

he actually he uh there's like a shit ton of bands that are like virgin records i think was that was that there that was like their first i don't know version records virgin airlines virgin virgin mobile virgin virgin mobile i had a few of those phones when i was a virgin olive oil extra virgin And it sucked having a Virgin mobile phone. I think I had one too. Yeah, I had a prepaid Virgin mobile phone. And it said Virgin Mobile on the back of it. And everyone was like...

You get roasted for that shit. Oh, so you got the Virgin mobile phone. Oh, and you get on the Virgin airplane and everybody's like, oh, shit. You never had sex. The guy's on the plane next to you. The window. You get signed to a record deal at Virgin Records. Oh, you're...

Oh, you never had sex on your... But your album's called Mr. Fucker. Mm-hmm. Number six is author. And someone says, I really want to be an author, especially a fantasy author. I've read Aaron Hunter

Tuite T. Sutherland and Rick Reardon, and I've got all these ideas about elements and saving the world and other worlds and magic. I really hope I can become a successful author. An idea of elements? Ideas about elements,

saving the world and other worlds and magic. We have to write a young adult. We have to contact this person I think that's such a good idea for us to come out with a young adult novel this year. Yeah, it is a really good idea. What if it's about...

The shrinker's novel. The novelization of shrinker. Writing is amazing. Without authors, there would be no books. Wow, that's true as fun. That's one of the most insightful comments we've read all day. What if we write a young adult novel about how a kid realizes that he is a Boston Red Sock? No, I like a Michael Finker book.

I think shrinker. Oh, remember the janitor's approach. Apprentice. That was our other. Janer's Apprentice. We have to actually just write that. Yeah. Number seven, video game tester. It's actually a terrible job. People think that it's good.

You get to have fun and play. You don't get to play. You have to sit there and you have to make the game bug out as much as possible. You have to bug it. Yeah, but you're still playing. You got to bug it out. You got to play it before it comes out. You got to break it.

Of course it's a video game breaker. You're more of a breaker. Yeah. So you're doing, how much will I make $500,000? a year? Easily. Bro, chill. Easily.

You're getting to be a video game tester. You want $500,000? Well, it's one of the most dangerous jobs. A tester? I like him asking the question, too. Like, well, before I vote. Before I vote to put this up on the list, how much will I make? Game tester should have a salary at least 333K.

Why? What world are you living in? Yeah. You get paid in video game time. That's what you get paid to do. Isn't it a low-paying job? Yeah. It must be.

I mean, it's not even like, nobody's a full-time video game. You're in a beehive. That's the style of job. You get selected to be an alpha tester, whatever guy, and then they do have testing. They do,

it is like, they do have like agencies or whatever where it's like people who actually do it as a job. I mean, well, but it's also, I think that it's, you get,

you do this shit and you get paid like nothing. I'm sure you don't get paid much, but there are people who have it as a job. You get paid in respect. Dude, I'm just saying, I'm the one who watches the YouTube videos about

behind the scenes of video games. I've seen this in video game making of documentaries. They have agencies they call in where they have people who do this. Imagine me making you a realistic crabby patty right now and shutting you up about YouTube. You would have to watch YouTube to make that. They're doing that with the new Skate 4. They have it in pre-Alpha.

And it's like an open alpha, but it's not that open, actually. You have to sign up and you have to qualify. So it's basically they're lying. That's pissing me off and I want to try it. it should be a very political game and it should be called what do we skate for that's a good idea that's really good or skate for money and you can hold the

you can hold an American flag while you skate and it's a or whatever flag you want except for like six different countries it's like Marvel Ultimate Alliance too yes where there's Democrats and Republicans in the game and you're skating for Republicans or Democrats no you can't skate for the Republicans they hate skating well it's a you have free will

no do whatever you want it's not in a video game you do not have free will you don't It's, you actually are confined to the restrictions of the game. There's areas you can't even go into. It's true. Which is also like real life. Yep. That's true.

Most people can go anywhere, though. You can't get into North Korea anymore. I can go. Not anymore? No, they stop letting Americans come to do tours. They let Canadians go, though. Yeah, so you have to first become Canadian. Yeah.

So number eight is inventor. That's obvious. We can skip that. Number nine is porn star. That's crass. And here's what people have to say about porn star. Somebody says, definitely would enjoy the female stars and tryouts.

How would you enjoy tryouts? This guy really seems like a predator. How is this a dream job? Nothing good comes from this. Someone else. Someone says, someone says, you realize what they do? They talk about sex.

I don't think this is my job. It shouldn't be here. They talk about it. Evan Falk says, the ugly duckling in virgins dream job. Whoa. The person actually says, no, thank you. I would rather be a animator.

Where does animators show up on the list after this? I don't know. Probably doesn't. I always wanted to be a porn star. I feel like I am a natural white. Natural white. A natural white. What is a white?

What does a white mean in porn? A natural white guy. My name is Sal Dana and I'm a virgin. Cool, Sal Dana. So good when he puts it in her mouth. Yes, I am capable to be a porn star. People are in the comments thinking this is an application. It's an application process.

They're like, oh, okay. Oh, here's another. Sal Donna says again, my name is Sal Dana and I'm a virgin. And the next comment from Winfrey B says, Salonha, I would like to meet you. Winfrey? Winfrey. Oprah Winfrey.

I don't think it's Oprah Winfrey. No, it's Bon John Winfrey. Bon Joffiles. And then Missy Weirdo says, kind of sad that this is above marine biologists, ethologists, and movie director. Geez, what is wrong with our generation? They're right. Yeah.

Yeah, there's all... I couldn't be a porn stuff. No, I wouldn't be able to... Winky stinks. I would not be able to, like, wash it. Yeah, you're going to wash it every day. Because it's going to be on camera. You can't get tattoos on it.

You can get tattoos on it. Maybe I should try. You can get straight up some cool tattoos. I'm going to go to tryouts then. Tryouts? Yeah, for whatever he would say. Oh, yeah. Tryouts.

The guy saying, the guy saying I would enjoy female stars and tryouts. Tryouts is so far. Tryouts is the funniest thing. Make the team, man. Yeah. Yeah, like saying it like it's the swim team. Chocolate tester. No.

Number 13. Someone's got to do it. I have the next best job. I work for a chocolate company as a sales rep. The second best thing to a chocolate taste testers. And it's sad because I bet this motherfucker never sees chocolate. And also, can I tell you, bro? SpongeBob did it first.

True. It's true. Because I love chocolate. it and it is a great job and I want to do it when I'm older, but that is in a long time because I'm eight right now, but I want to start the job when I'm 30 years old. You want to start when you're 30? That's cute.

Getting, going into grad school and everything, like, like chocolate tasting. Oh, here's a comment. I am Willie Wonka. Oh, wow. Well, he doesn't test the chocolate. No. But so that's why I'm saying he doesn't want to.

I am. Would you guys, would you, do you have any interest in ever becoming a chocolatier? Like making chocolate? I don't think it's ever interested me. But is that not the coolest name for a job? I basically am I'm going to become... I'm going to become an evil kind of spurned chocolatier

because of the world's reaction to funny mix that basically makes me want to take revenge and kind of a comic book show. So what would be your idea for nasty chocolate? It would be poisoned. And then a superhero would have to stop me. You're not like really sour chocolate that just doesn't taste good. And then a superhero still stops you.

I would make that and people wouldn't like it. And that would make me make the point. Oh, that would be the first one. Yeah, yeah. I would try. I would be experimenting too much. Yeah. Sour chocolate doesn't taste good.

Umaboshi plum chocolate. And then nobody wants that. Do you ever have the chocolate covered bacon? Maybe. The idea of cold bacon is so disgusting to me. It was so nasty in your trail mix. Yeah. Well, it didn't even taste nasty.

It just is. I wasn't fun of it. And it wasn't cold. It just was room temperature. That is even stranger. Yeah. Tasted good, though. It did.

It actually really. It actually won the Tramix contest. I know it won. I saw it. Travel advisor slash analyst, computer designer. Really starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel pretty quick. Computer designer. Number 20, animator. There it is.

You were right. That it is on here. And people are saying, I would love to do this for a living. Epic. I want to animate my stories on YouTube someday. I would love to animate. It's actually so hard being an animator. It's actually not that difficult.

You have to draw tweens dude. I tried to draw something the other day. Motion tweens. Yeah, this is my cousin's job. I would revive. Disney's Hercules. The tweens are the easiest part of anything. What did you try to draw?

I tried to draw something the other day and that just didn't work. My wife was painting and I was like, give me that shit. And I grabbed a little notepad that she had, a little art pad and I tried to draw just stuff in the room. I draw like a four-year-old. Yeah. I cannot draw at all. It's hard to draw. It's sad.

It is hard. I want to become a master, I have a master work. I wish that I could take what's in my brain and put it on the page. Me too. That would be cool. They're going to invent that. A brain printer. You can just hold the paper up and it projects out of your... Because I would have some great images. Like what? Guy with one big eye and one small eye. How'd you make that? Whoa. This is crazy. This is a curveball here. Yeah. So number 22 is president of the United States. Okay.

Listen to this. And there's a picture of Joe Biden attached to it. But listen to this comment. Yeah, almost anyone can do it. But that second grader Bush is doing it now, L.O.L. Whoa. Damn, that's old as fuck. That's crazy. That could have been me leaving that comment. That kind of changes everything. I don't think we've ever gone to the like oldest list on the website. When they say that he's a second grader, that means a third grader wrote that.

Yeah. Some stupid second grader. I want to find the oldest list on the website. 23 is stunt person. Here are two comments. Me going to die. I want to die. I'm me gonna die

That's the attitude that you have to have to be a stunt person Yeah You want to die You might as well make it really cool Hitman Hell yeah I'd want to be a bald black suit wearing Red Tysport and Hitman Real shit real as fuck

Yeah me want to be that Me want to be that Keep saying me want to It's cookie monster Poker player best lifestyle ever Yep Artist a job based on your imagination And creative perspectives

I would love this I would hate it. You would hate being an artist. Yeah. For what? Because my work would be derivative. Of what? But how do you know that?

You would just... Why would it be derivative? What kind of stuff would you put? I'd be putting one big eye and one big eye and one small eye. Okay. See, I was thinking you were talking about like a cyclops that has one big eye and then a small eye that rotates around. No, no. I would just be derivative of Picasso.

Just like everyone else. Have you seen all these guys on like Instagram and like TikTok that do like, it's like videos where it's like showing my art until I get like a hundred K followers and then it's just like the biggest like Baskiot rip off ever No, I haven't seen that.

It's so, it's always, it's always like like some NYU kid and they like do it's so obviously ripping off Baskillat that it's like like yeah, dude we know what this is. We've seen this before. It's you're late. I'm trying to get into doing

portraits of police officers. Realism portraits. Yeah. be so I'm trying. That'd be great. I want to work through all of the NYPD and just do like kind of George George Washington style portraits, presidential portraits. Oil paintings. So I think that they deserve that. Yeah. Comedian is coming in all the way down at 37. It should be lower. I'm already one among my family. I make my family laugh all the time. Unfortunately, my mom sometimes find my humor a bit too offensive. See, now that kind of offensive. That is a humor. That is a child dropping. That is a pathway to

the worst child in the world. Yeah. Also, you're really not a comedian because, Nobody's paying you. Yeah. Yeah. You're just a clown. Stay a hobbyist. Stay a fan. FBI agent.

That's actually, that's the job I would most like to pivot into, I think. Yeah. You want to be an FBI agent? I really want to be an... Female breath inspector. You can't count me. Or what is it?

It's got a straw up to your nose walking up to women. That wouldn't be so bad. It's no woman's breath all day. It's my job. I'm getting paid. It smells like your husband's weiner. Oh, I'd say. This smells like we're in front.

Funions. Smells like wiener and lipstick that you eat or something. Girl. You see your mouth smells like wax bottles. Girl. Soldier. You have to call them girl every time. Drug dealer.

Drug dealers. That's a bad job. Oh, here we go. Number 54. Skydiver. Skydiver is not a job. It is a job. It says right here and I let that fucking go.

I want you to know their job is a teacher. Listen to what this says. The greatest feeling in the world. Not great money. but I wouldn't change it for all the money in the world. Cleveland, Ohio, blue skies. Wow. And what better place to be jumping out of a planet change of views?

Blue skies. Yeah, Cleveland. Oh, my God. Seeing the Skyline Chili's, they got like six of them in one place because everyone's obsessed with that disgusting crap. What is Skyline chili? It's where they put all the stuff on the chili.

Yeah. No, it's a chain restaurant in Ohio. And they sell chili on top of spaghetti. Oh, they put stuff the chili on stuff. Don't they put a hell of stuff on top of the chili, too? Yeah, cheese. I had one of the worst stuff. When I drove through Cleveland, I stopped at a subway,

and there was a 90-year-old woman working there by herself. She put her finger in the food. She made the fucking worst sandwich I've ever had in my entire life. It made me so sad. Buddy, you made the sandwich. You picked the ingredients. You picked my brother in Christ. My brother in Christ, you made the sandwich.

Wait. You are special for thinking to say that. You are really something special as fun. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I just got to the best job of all time. How is this not higher up? Number 95, Paradise Island Caretaker. Yeah.

You need to live on Paradise Island. Wait, isn't that... Bro doesn't know about owners? You think that the caretakers are back care? The owner doesn't... The owner's not a job, first of all. It doesn't say that. Owner is a job.

Isn't that from Scooby-Doo? No, that's... They want to be Mr. Bean. No, that's where Mr. Bean is. Mr. Bean lives in a... I thought it was called Spooky Scary Monster Island. Okay, so Mr. Bean is controlled by a baby dog. Oh, it is spooky island.

I think it is spooky island. Who the fuck's going to spooky island for spring break? Well, it's a resort. That's bullshit, though, rename it. Yeah. Well, they should rename it. I'm with you on the rename. That is some crazy shit, man.

Number 109 webmaster. Can control the internet traffic with your one-of-a-kind website? No. No, you can't. What would their website be, man? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Number 115, rapper. And there, they have written pretty low.

A rap. Let's hear it. Spit some. Doesn't seem like it rhymes. Okay. For every million I make, another relative sues, family fighting and fussing over who wants to invite me to supper. All of a sudden, I got 90-some cousins.

A half-brother and sisters who never seen me or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV. this a real song? Maybe. Now everybody's so happy and proud. I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's house. Hey, is this a real song? I think this sounds like an M&M song.

You know what? Because I'm scrolling down and I see, you see, I'm just Marshall MASS. I don't hear the three comments after that. I want to be a rapper. I want to be a rapper for the rest of my life. And I want to be a rapper all day long. A rapper is a really good job. It's a good job.

if you can make it work. Yeah. What do you have to rhyme? What do you rhyme? Money with money. Yeah. Money and funny. Money and funny and you go home.

Making money isn't funny. Ice cream taste guru. That's a good job. A guru. Guru in any capacity, I think. Most type of gurus. That guy. Warm it up.

Oh yeah. Warm it up. Remember that? Remember that? Warm it up. That video stuck with these probably passed on. Condom tester. Nah, that would suck.

That would suck. You really, you're not testing with your dick, man. You're fucking blowing balloons all day. You're putting it on objects. Yeah. And also, they're not worried about the inside, boy. Where the outside goes.

You're doing stress tests on condoms all day. That's going in you. Number 173 Priest. I like touching people, but I want to get away with it. Oh, damn. First of all, nice roast. Yeah. Second of all, you don't, I hope that's not true. I really hope that this is not a confession. Female stripper,

brewmaster, button maker. Prime Minister of India That's a terrible server administrator Who is adding these in this list? Weaver, who wants to be a week Who's dream jobs in their own jobs

Who anyone in the world Who's a weaver? Dude, you never met a weaver I've never met a weaver I've met a few weavers Yeah, I don't fuck with the wheeler I met a few wevers Okay, I never have

I didn't even know they were still around They are fucking doing it We need to get you on a loom Me? You would be a great loomer You would be an amazing loomer I don't know I don't want to test my luck

It's not really a luck thing. No, that's not so much of luck. The bottom job, the worst dream job coming in a number two. Two hundred. 268. You want to guess?

Diaryeater. Poop. It's still a dream job. Janitor. Diaryia. It's a water slide tester. Oh, what?

That's under female stripper. They get hit. But a water slide tester, they're basically testing to make sure they don't, you don't get decapitated on the slide, right? Yeah. Oh, it's dangerous.

It's hell. You can put a dummy with a watermelon head down there. I guess if you're a dummy with a watermelon head. You know, you get it. But that's not really a job. Why do I have a watermelon head? Well,

the watermelon is going to simulate the head shop. But why don't you do a dummy made of a ballistics job? Why is it a watermelon? I'm getting a little frugal. I'll admit. It's a job. It's a person. It's no dummy.

But the dummy, but somebody's got to make a dummy. You're sending the dummy down. Water slide tester dummy maker. Okay. Well, you're the tester. And you've got to use what you, your tools that you have.

A watermelon is not an accurate representation of the human head. It's an accurate. Yeah. You would use a pig's body like for a fire. A pig's body down. Yeah. We just hired a new firm to come and test all those rides at our park before we open it. Just fucking dead pigs.

They end up and strapping them into the roller coaster. That's what you do. On the loop, they all fly out. That's right. Or, you know, they say that mice, no, or mice are just like humans. They say that mice are just like Send a mouse down the water slide Yeah

And if he comes out okay Send me down Yeah You're a mouse I'm not Mised a mouse You're a mouse You're a Mice

In what world am I a mouse Why can I eat cheese out of my fridge Yeah You eat fucking cheese out of your fridge I like it You live in a hole I put honey on it That's a good

Oh what is everything you ate today Doing one meal a day Oh I haven't even had it yet What are you got out Yesterday was my cheat day though I had barbecue yesterday was your cheat day was it still just one meal

I had two so you cheated kind of the whole cheated and also didn't log Saturdays or cheat days yeah so I had I had some barbecue last night and I think I have IBS because as soon as I ate it

I immediately had to go to the bathroom yeah that's probably an IBS thing yeah it's with every food anytime that I eat something and I think that it's because I have food from yesterday and it's clearing out have you checked to see if you have a button As soon as I eat, I also have to go take it a poo. Take it some poo.

I do. Wow. I just got transported to watching like a movie trailer for the matcher of disguise. That was amazing. Yeah. I do. It's true. I have to take it a poo.

That's true. I'm not making it up. Well, speaking to take it to poo, I got to go make one right now. Yeah, go buy a ticket to us in Chicago. We have such an exciting thing to do. What you're going to do? What you're going to do when we come and shoot. Slagoo.com slash shows.

Yep. And I want every gangster in Chicago pulling up to the show real shit. I want Michael Shannon there. I want Dennis Farina there. I want every Michael in the world. Yep. Dennis from. It's a Michael meetup.

It's a Michael off. Who else is from Chicago? Let's think. Michael Jordan lived there because of the other Michael. We are doing in the premium that we're about to record. We will be doing. Michael Brackett. Okay.

Tell you who's the best Michael on earth. All right. All right. Bye. I also don't like cock. Yeah. Ew. My ex hated that word.

Cock? Yeah. Why'd she find out? Dude, it was like I would just say, I would like say it and stuff. Or it would like be said. Not, not sexually. Not sexually. He'd be like, he'd be like, cock, cock.

Cuck. Pneas. I think missionaries. Just whispering. Cock. Cock. Cock. I don't remember, I don't remember the context in which it was ever brought up, but she would just like, anytime the word cock was said, even like in like a song or something.

She would go like, ugh. Do they say cock? Like rap songs. Is it? Suck my cock. I guess you don't hear that that much. Suck my cock ho. My cock ho.

Yeah. Cockadoodle do. What song? I don't like cock. I don't like pussy. Yeah. Most asexual ass.