Podcast About List - Ep. 335 - Playing Around With My Dog's Buttons

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

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Okay, and then... You don't do it. Terrible. Worst ever, worst ever. I don't want to take them off. Okay, now you can put the clause back on for the remainder of the show. Thank you. It was just that beginning part that you couldn't rent the clause for.

I honestly, I could have done this. So let me know there. Oh, yeah. Yes, we have a, on the Patreon available to everybody, not just Patreon members, to the free tier of membership. Yeah. Well, you have to make a Patreon account. You have to join as a free member, but there's, we have a free. There's like a three-hour D&D episode for free on Patreon.

And if you don't have a Patreon account, you don't want to make one, you can pirate it. I mean, yeah, you could do that. It is, it is free. It is free. It is free. It's free even piracy. It doesn't really matter. But it's barely even piracy.

It's really not piracy at all. It's like downloading a YouTube video. But if I catch you, if I catch you. Again, it's not even... You're going to kill this? What are you going to catch them doing what? If I catch you pirating, I'm going to get you with my claws. But it's free.

It's like... It's a lot of this. And also... Just let me fucking have something today. I've had the worst day in my life. It's only... It's like 10 a.m. It's 10 a.m.

I've had the worst day of my... I know for a fact that you woke up, you came and you got a cheddar. pepper biscuit and then you walked in here how can that be the worst day ever you like a cheddar pepper biscuit that's your favorite man a cheddar pepper biscuit then you moved some stuff and that was the entire day yeah i know so far it's the worst day of my life you we have we have a hella d and d episodes on the patreon if you listen to that and you like it you can subscribe there and we have quite a backlog quite a backlog um yeah but anyway back to patrick's back to patrick's clause my day has been terrible tell me about why it's been horrible

I woke up at 8 and Moe either pooped or puked on the floor and I was going to sleep into it. Could you not tell the difference between the poop or peer? Because it was green. That can happen sometimes. Because it was green. I didn't know if it was poop or puke because it was a green one and it was runny. So it's like, okay, puke is green but sometimes poop is too. Why is poop green?

If you're a scientist, can you comment down below and let us know why poop and puke are both green? Sometimes. They both come from in your body. Well, that settles it. So they're from the same place. It must be bile, right? Green? I don't see.

Well, let's see. Well, a baby's first poop in the world is green. That's a fact, and it's called mconium. Ew. That's the name for it. It's like an element. It's a special thing. And I assume that's because, yeah, they have nothing in their stomach. They're just, they're just maconium.

Milk and, or not even milk yet, I guess just nutrients. There's maconium. So that must be the default. Mokonium sounds like one of those Balkan countries that's constantly at war with, you think of Macedonia. Can I ask you a little kid style question? I guess. What is the placenta?

Legit, what is that? I think the placenta is like... Am I supposed to know what that is? Yeah, it's like the food for the... It's like the nutrients, right? Isn't that like the yolk of the... It's like a disc of red... I think it's a blob.

Yeah, it's a blob. A bladisky blob. A bladisky blob. I think it's just a blob. That's what they eat in Mercadium. Maybe if you had a robot mother, it might be a blob. can you? That's a blibisky blob.

We ate the Blisky blob every single day. You couldn't even say that you said de Blisky. It did a different language. I don't know how to say it. I think it's just a blob, but I think it's like crap. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is actually something I was just thinking about this morning when I was making my eggs for breakfast.

Make the yolk be the baby of the chicken. Yeah. Isn't it close to it? It's the baby's food. Oh, yeah. It's the chicken's embryos food. Make it, make it, it should be the yolk. It should be the yolk.

The white is the chicken? No, the embryo is the chicken. There's no, there's no, these are unfertilized eggs, Patrick, that we eat. How many? There's no, there's no chicken in the eggs. There's no chicken at all. You've been eating balut? Every day.

You eat balut every day? Yeah. I don't think you have every, I live by the Filipino market. Is that what it's called, right? Ballute, yeah. Where they always, the chicken is always, looking so afraid when it like no it died it knows it's not that it was never born it died it died it has like a petrified like the ring face on it like yeah those are doing deniero face that's

that type of a thing no you're going a little crazy what do you mean that's crazy you're going yeah what is that yeah what is that what it's not that's a muppet you have to do the arms you have to What's a caricature? What De Niro movie did you watch? They analyzed this poster. They analyze this poster he's doing that. He's going, he has little eyes. He does it.

We know that. You were just, see, you're, see, that's it. You're doing a smile. De Niro classically does the frown. You're doing a smiling smile that you're changing now that you realize you're doing it. No, you're going to look like shit. No, De Niro doesn't do that. He doesn't do that.

He always has, his lip is always on the bottom. Or his tongue is always on his bottom lip. He has SpongeBob Fishmouth. he's nodding and said a lot no man you're not even trying I really maybe I'm confusing him

with Billy Crystal because I'm thinking to analyze this poster you know I've never seen this movie I've never seen analyze this it's about a mobster who goes to therapy for the first time

sound familiar they stole the whole concept for Sopranos yeah didn't it come out before the Sopranos it did so how did they steal it then

it came out before the surprise you said they stole the idea. The soprano. No, no, no, I'm saying the sopranos

stole the whole idea. Oh, from Analyze this. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I see. Was there a second analyze this?

Analyze that. Analyze these. Yeah. That's the third one. We should right analyze these. Yeah, we should skip analyze that. Yeah.

Analyze that already. That is real. That is real. Yeah. That can't be real. It is real. I just remembered when he told me. We should do analyze these.

Analyze these. It's like aliens. That's kind of like a. That's an action movie. Yeah, wait, you have mobster. Analyze that, I'm assuming, is a Frankenstein or a vampire. I think Analyze that is... Analyze that, it's not even a human.

Yeah, analyze this, which is a guy talking in the first person, he's pointing at himself. Yeah. Analyze this. Analyze that pointing to something that is not human. Yeah. Analyze these, which is a herd of some kind of extraterrestrial alien. We should definitely, we got to write, analyze these. Could, yeah, could be a biologist.

It also sounds a little bit like talking about your nuts. That's what they would do. And then, and then, no, you know what? Like 20, 20 years later, legacy sequel, analyze everything. Yeah. Wow, wow. And we get like the cover is Robert De Niro or Billy Crystal with like Mandala, like, and all chakras aligned.

He's looking like the, like the return to planet of the apes or beneath the planet of the apes. Oh, yeah, the mutants. Yeah, the mutants with the big heads. Yeah. It's Billy Crystal, but he looks like that. is beneath the planet of the ape's movie where there's a bunch of mutants that have big brains that live underground and they worship a nuclear bomb that movie series planet of the apes is so fucking good fire dude you've never seen all these

the only one i've ever seen is so good yeah the only one ever seen is franco they go back in time yeah so sick i've only ever seen franco planet yeah you got to watch the 60s one and then the other ones frank the thing is the franco planet ones are even still good which is crazy i haven't seen them. They're great. I've only seen the first five. The newest one was bad. Yeah. And then the Tim Burton one is obviously bad. The fifth of the old ones is bad. Yeah.

And then everything else is good. Everything else is great. That scene where the guy, it's like Battle of the Planet of the apes, right? That's the fifth one, I think. And then it's the guy and he's like, the only good human is a dead human. I think they say that in all of them. Yeah. That sounds like something that these day monkeys. I wish for the fifth

one to say that. But they say that. They say that and that was a, my free there's like that was like a hardcore band sample and that was like the front like I remember hearing that and going like oh oh I miss when they would put samples in the early 2000 they put samples in rock music yeah dude that was so sick as fuck dude that would the the hardcore band samples were always so oh still doing them yeah yeah I guess that's true yeah but it's it's a little less novel now that like now it's wrapped around where a lot there's also a big there's a big amount of doing them ironically yeah and sampling something that's really

really stupid on purpose. Yeah. Like what? Which is less cool. Do you think we've ever been sampled for a song? I fucking hope not. If you've sampled us and are your power violence song, I'm going to do some power violence to you. Power violence.

That's a cruel name for your genre of music. Yeah. Yeah, it's not right. And the songs are so damn short. You know, I can't name one power violence. They're so violent. There's only five seconds long. There's a five second song.

Yeah. A lot of them. That's a snippet. That is a snippet. Crossed out. That's a, they're made snippets? I think they sampled the planet of the apes thing. There's a crossed-out song.

It's like five seconds long and most of it is the sample. They got hello songs in that type. Yeah. Do you guys like when songs have a long period of silence at the beginning for some reason? No. No, I hate it. Why do they do that? Sometimes I think that it's because of CDs.

Yeah, it's the start of the album. It's either the start of the album or it's a hidden track on a CD. or I feel like maybe sometimes it's like something they couldn't clear but even then it's like wouldn't you just cut it off yeah well I think it's more of the hidden track thing

but that pisses me off when they upload it to Spotify and shit why do they not just track it out man well that's what yeah also the the one that what is it the first song on the Mr. Bungle album has that

has like 30 seconds of silence at the beginning but that's probably because they're they're pranking the listener yeah I don't Fuck with a goofy style, Frankenetious D. City Hall and Hollywood nights.

That song I showed you guys that was like, see, I wanted it to be our like intro song, but it was like way too long. Oh, oh, the Alan Parsons Project song. Oh, I Robot? Yeah. Yeah. That would have been so sick to walk out too. That has literally five minutes.

Yeah, five minutes of like, yeah, ambient sound. And then it goes on out. It is a cool song, though. That song's so fucking sick. I've been changing my whole music vibe. This past week, man. What are you getting into? It's not what I've been getting into.

Well, it is that. Yeah. But I've been listening to zero rap at all. Wow, that's big for you. No rap at all for me. I've just been listening to basically the songs from the Naruto fan animation video for YouTube back in the day. You're listening to a puddle of mud. I believe in miracles.

That one? That's a good song. Yeah. What's that song, Hot Chocolate? Is that by Hot Chocolate? I don't know. you sexy thing and then no is it uh i'm gonna wait till the midnight hour you know that song it sounds familiar you don't know that that used to be on a toy that i had when i was a kid

used to be on a toy i would click it it was it was santa on a on a bicycle or on a christmas song yeah well it's not really christmas song the whole point of the toy i'm gonna wait till the midnight hour i'm gonna wait to it sounds like it's about let me explain the toy The toy, well, I think that they were, now that I think about it, that's what they were doing. But it was a little toy Santa on a Harley Davidson, and you would click his hand, and he would start moving back and forth, and it would play this song. I'm going to wait till the midnight hour. I don't know this song. You don't know this song?

I don't think I know it either. Yeah. All right. Well, then maybe it's just from that toy. Yeah. You're listening to Santa songs? Yeah, you're listening to Santa's song. You know what song kicked ass?

That's a song for my Santa toy. It was a good song. Who wouldn't go? Ho ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? So you did have this toy? No. I did not have this toy. How do you know every track from the toy?

I know most of Santa's songs. You have multiple tracks? This is an iPod. Well, you would click it and it would play a rotation. They would play rotation. It's like Big Mouth Billy Bass. Like Big Mouth Billy Bass, but it was small bike Billy or silly Santa. Small bike silly Santa is a good.

If they don't have that, it's a good. If they don't have that, it's a lot. If they don't have that now, if they don't have it by name, we've got to make it. Small bike, silly Santa. You should be able to get custom big mouth billy basses that are like celebrities' heads mounted on your... That's a way better idea than what I was going to bring up. What were you going to bring up? The guy who programmed his big mouth billy bass to be his Alexa.

That has happened? Yeah. There's a video of a guy. It's like Alexa and then it turns to him. It goes, okay, I will now play. I mean, that is funny once. Yeah, it's funny once and then the rest of your life. The thing about something like that

When you have something like that Is that you're basically You're damning yourself To need a constant revolving door Of people coming into your apartment Yeah You need an infinite stream Of new friends

And new people Exactly That's because that's the only time That will ever pay off Is when someone new comes into your house Yeah My uncle got one of those fucking And it can't be that

You're bringing home dates or something Because they're not gonna like that It literally has to be You have to be bring over like co-workers Every day of your life Or else you'll really never make back the capital. You know,

it was like this moose head that my uncle had that you could connect your iPod to. That's cool. It was like Bugaboo Creek. Yeah. And then I remember, he's just scared that shit out of me.

Dude, he brought it over for Christmas one year. He just was like, look, I got this for myself for Christmas. And then he showed us. And we were just listening to all the, like,

it was like a family Christmas party and all the music was coming out of this fucking moose head. It's cool as fuck. If he was playing, he was playing. The one thing that was really funny that he did was he played

I don't know why the fuck he had this I mean it was like iPods it was like a novelty back then you go on the lime wire you just type in whatever and he had all the drill sergeant sounds from a full metal jacket so it was just this moose head going like what's your main mouth

did it move its mouth? Yeah whoa this thing was sick that thing must have been expensive I know I got to look this up I got to there is definitely they don't make devices like that yeah have you guys have you guys looked at Sky Mall in the last

like 10 years no I have not seen a sky mall in the plane ever. You go on SkyMall, it's all just like iPhone docks and like extension cords. It used to be sick. There used to be straight up

devices on SkyMall. You used to be able to get a chair that turned into a bed. It's Timu now. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, Timu took over. You can't beat Timu. They would have,

I remember someone, I think one of my uncles brought a spiller. What kind of a spill was that? That was crazy. It literally flipped fully upside down. How did it? How did that happen? It looks like I fucking shit my fan.

You got to wash these be jeans now. I just washed them. I've never seen that before. It didn't even stop like halfway. You're going to have to sit on that for the rest of the episode, too? I'm going to have to avoid it. Oh, my God. That's crazy.

You're inventing new styles of spills. I don't know how that's possible. I can't get over that. Did you see it happen? Yeah. It fully flipped. It was like the gravity reversed. I don't understand how I can physically have.

The spilling science that he has created on this show specifically. This show alone, I think that we have seen way. He should just work for, I mean, God rest his soul. You should be like a crash test dummy for a drink company. God rest his soul, Caleb should be working for Billy Mays. If Billy Mays were alive today, you should be on the commercial. Dude, you would be the perfect like, like, you'd be like the Geico Caveman. Don't worry, if we can clean it with Oxie Clean.

I would not be like the Geico Caveman of. be the spiller and it would be, we would have merchandising rights to the spiller. Don't touch like that and look. It'd be a picture of you. It'd be a picture of you doing this. Stop. Stop. Stop doing that. It doesn't look so bad. We need to make, do we need a merchant, we need to franchise the spiller.

Yeah. We need merch rights. There's no, there's no wear for the spiller to go. The spiller has no legs as anything other than just. The spiller is the perfect commercial character. We sell, we sell shirts that are pre-stained with all different types of spill. Same for the spiller in your life. Yeah. And then it's like, you don't have to worry about spilling. That's a pretty good.

Yeah. That is actually pretty good. But I think we can franchise it out to commercials. A transparent bumper sticker that you put on your car that looks like something spilled on your car. And it says the spiller was here. Or a bill or a billboard. That's not. That's after the spiller takes a world to work.

If you put a spill on this on a billboard, a spillboard by the way. Yeah. This would be a spillboard. Yeah, I had to say that it was a billboard first. Um, you could say, well, if you said the billboard. could say a spillboard the spiller's spillboard and it's a billboard it would be if you put a spill on the spillboard it would either be too small to notice as you drove by or it would be too big that it would be scary here wait a minute there was a giant spiller's well that here's the idea it would be like

the guys hanging off where there's what we do he's falling it's a big picture of the spiller right way background one little stand he says i did that it should just be what it should be is a normal billboard an ad for something else but our spiller publicity stunt is that we just put a little spill of coffee on the part of the billboard people drop back on. What is that? Did someone spill coffee

on that billboard? There should be a big red circle that says, can you spot the spill? What's if it's circles? Do you guys ever get worried that you're different spills that people see on the street

are going to be starting or are you going to start being attributed to me and there will be a vigilante manhunt for me? It's not going to be a vigilante manhunting. It's going to be sanctioned. It's going to be sanctioned.

People are going to be excited about it. Anytime somebody sees a milkshake that has been dropped on the street. People are going to say, oh, Caleb must have done that. People will be very excited about it. But it's me, it is spilling is making a mess. Yeah. So people are going to be mad at me.

If it's on the street, it's like the graffiti like Jason DeRulo, new album, May 15th. You see those on the ground? That's spilling, spilling the beans about his new album. Yeah, well, that's true. And it's also the Spiller Street team. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man, you're going to ruin Alex's new carpet. Don't say Jesus Christ, just for me picking up my cup of coffee.

I'm afraid of the stuff. I have earned it. I have not earned it. You've earned it easily. I'm the only victim of this spill. We are all victims when you spill. We are all victims when you spill. I think you should be required to bring in your own chair and table from home every time. I almost just spilled again. I just kicked my entire cup off into the wall. I just don't get how you spill so much. It doesn't make sense to me. Would you let me hold my coffee on top of your pants for 10 seconds? For 10 seconds. You don't trust me for 10 seconds. No. To just hold it away. To just hold it. Even get it away from me now.

This is where you're, you know what it is? You have no pinky strength. I just saw it. You need to work out your pinkies. Don't say I have no pinky strength. Look at that. It's either your pinky or all the rest of your entire hand. Pinky versus Pinky right now.

Pinky Ward. You're struggling. Stop licking the microphone. What is this? You look like a dog. You look at a Jack Russell Terrier right now. I won. You didn't win.

I won. I released. No, you didn't. I broke your strength. He did not. It doesn't matter if you weren't or not because the proof of it. Careful, man. You can't even pick it up.

Jesus Christ. What is it about today that is making you guys really just go after me for this? I saw the most literally physically impressive spill I've ever seen. It was impressive. So why are we harping on it? it's so, if it's actually cool, you just, can I just ask something though? Yeah. Why are you putting down and picking up your coffee over? Well, that was, I had to pinky him because I didn't want it up here because I didn't want it up here.

We need to worry about it. We'll get that stool. I'll bring it over. No, no, no, no, no. That's higher height to fall from. That's going to spill everywhere. Don't give him anything. Don't give him anything. Don't give you anything. Then, well, I'll just sit back down. We'll just let him hold it like that. See, no, you can't do that. You can't do that. I know what happened. Is he, is he, lifted his butt a little bit and then the cushion shifted and then it flipped and then it flipped because he was holding it from the front we got to just get a spill cam we just have to get we have to get like a little like john madden play by play drawn the circles all right put in punch it way way in i don't care if it's super blurry and do a slow mo instant replay of that spill after it happened so that people can see exactly if you have the footage if you were on me yeah i remember someone

What kind of a spill was that? That was crazy. Yeah. I hope you were on him. Because it was a really... The coffee was on him. Yeah. The coffee is still on me, by the way.

Coffee's on the chair. Yeah, but this is the crappiest chair. That is the worst chair. See, yeah, you don't get the, you don't get the Herman Millers. No. No. Well, you can spill on these, though. You can't spill.

Oh, you can. These are actually... Yeah, and the floor, who gives a fuck about the floor. Yeah. floor is this is a spiller's mindset that disgusts me yeah you know what I was about to be on his side because he was sounding so convincing but he says it's okay to spill on the floor but no you have to clean up your spills on the floor it's not okay to spill anywhere why but that's the thing that's the worst thing about his spilling is that he's like you can leave it there for

a little bit right yeah you can leave it there for a little bit he means six months yeah you can leave it there for these ikea tables that are made out of fucking particle board IKEA sucks. IKEA sucks because they use particle board. You know what? Who cares about it? Just spill on it. You know what sucks?

Water in particle board. And then it leaves those rigid bumps. The rigid bumps, my friends. I hate the rigid bumps on tables. He hates the rigid bumps on tables. That's why all the furniture in my apartment is marble. That's why he has marble furniture. Mm-hmm.

Even my couch. Even his couch. My couch is a piece of marble. You do not have a marble. It's a slab. It's a slab. It's a slab. Your couch between his couch cushions.

Your couch is called like the fucker. something? I don't remember. It's something like that. It was a Wayfair couch. It's literally a couch from Wayfair called like the butt fuck. It's something like that. It's something like that. It's not that comfortable of a couch. No, it's the worst couch in the world. I want to get rid of it. You got to get a new couch, man. Yeah, I know. I'm trying, I'm thinking of getting a new couch. It's so far to get a new couch. I just want another green couch. Well, we did. We went to the couch store. You went to the couch store? Well, no, listen. Say less. Listen, listen. A lot less, no no no no you don't understand you don't understand man I went to the couch store

yeah we went we sat on all the couches we wrote down which ones was the most comfortable wow then we bought one of those second hand that is a pro move as you can try every couch and the couch would have been probably a thousand dollars if you bought in it we got a huge discount from doing this and all that happens is sometimes the couch makes a really strange noise yeah sometimes you find their shit in there too Some coupons. But this is basically the best couch strategy because you can try them all out. But then you got to go on Facebook Marketplace, and I hate this marketplace.

No, you can buy from different websites. They have the used furniture. Apartment Deco. We got it from some name of an, it had one of those names that's impossible to remember because it's just random sounds. Yeah. Grief law. Something like that. Something like that. But like they get a, they clean it.

They do everything. Yeah. They delivered it. They delivered it to us. That's nice. They put it in our apartment. that's pretty much unbeatable they had white glove delivery wow that's what it said on the website did they have white gloves oh yeah really they actually had the white gloves on the white

Mickey and Goofy pulling up it was Mickey and Goofy who did it you're kids cameron you're I love your DVDs it wasn't Mickey and Goofy do you think Mickey who's house do you think Mickey and Goofy would like the most out of us three what does their house look like I vote mine you vote yours yeah do no because they they like Disney made them him. Yeah, that's true. No, but think about Mickey Mouse's clubhouse. Yeah. Yeah, but he doesn't want. But that's all just for the show. He doesn't

want it. He doesn't like Mickey Mouse doesn't like his clubhouse. Because I've actually been to Mickey's house in Disneyland. Okay. And he has a lot of, by the way, a lot of pictures of himself in his house, which is kind of fucking narcissistic. And he also has a chicken coop in his house.

I think. The chicken coop in his house? Anyone, I think you have a lot of DVDs and he could talk to you about movies, which is he's in. I guess he is in movies. He's in, but he also... But I also have...

Maybe you have a few movies by Buennavista Pictures or Disney itself. Do you have any Disney films? I don't think so. My girlfriend has animation crap. But Disney owns fucks. But my house has mice in it. My house also has mice. My house also has mice.

We live in New York. Everyone's house has nice. I guess that's true. But my house has... cheese in it. Yeah, mine does too. Does Mickey ever eat cheese?

I have three different croissants. I have a whole tray of cheese at my house. Really? Yeah. What kinds of cheeses do you have?

You don't even know. But what is Goofy like? You wouldn't like to know. We're not just talking about Mickey. I have a dog. What does Goofy like? But I think that the, because these are non-sentient animals,

I think these would kind of freak out Mickey and goofy and they wouldn't want to be around them. What about Pluto? That could be true. They hang out with Pluto. Even Pluto is like a tune. He's like, I think that real animals might be...

Okay, who has the most tunes in their house? That's what decides this. I got a good amount of tunes. I have a good amount of books on tunes. I have... You might have more tunes than me, I have tune resources. You have do have... I have some tune resources as well, but I bet you have more.

Yeah. I don't have... I have highly a history. What's that? The book my girlfriend has. The fucking history of the Zelda... Of the Zelda timeline. It's barely even tunes.

That's BG's, bro. She has... Okay, what else does she have? She has, like, animation. I decided I was going to start a few days ago. And it went over swimming. Good. Yeah.

I didn't even blink at that, VG. And I said it. I decided, I literally did decide a few days ago. I've heard you point down when you said, my phone, my phone. You wrote down in your phone, VG? I've heard it before, though. I texted somebody. I said, I'm going to start saying VGs.

I've heard it before, though, in VGM. Well, that's, what's that? That's different, though. That's completely different. The VM resource.com was a website. No, different. No, because we're just calling the VGs. Wait, that wasn't a website.

What was I think? It wasn't even a website. See? There was a website that, oh, so far as a domain, and it had VGM on it. It had the web, the word. Yeah, he's talking about referring to video games. Okay. Okay.

Genius. Okay. Thank you. And you're welcome. I was not going to say anything after that. I just wanted to say it. Okay, genius. Why are you being rude and sarcastic?

It's not rude. It's not rude. It's just my new one. It's my new way of speaking. Genius. I don't like it. It does come across as rude. I'm going to be honest.

Okay, rude boy. But no, so you are the one being rude. Okay, rude pointer. Outer. Okay, rude pointer outer. Just because I pointed at you, I'm the rude pointer outer now. Yeah. Okay, Sayer.

Well, you are pointing out about the rudeness. See, it's fun to do. It is a little fun to do. Yeah. Okay, Sayer. Who says things? This is fun hingecliff. Oh, yeah, it is.

That's true way. You're right. It is just doing that. Yeah, that is his whole thing. So video games as VGs. I was playing some VGs. I was playing VGs last night. That's better than when people say Vidia.

Uh-huh. I don't like that. I hate that. That's really tough for me. Yeah. Do you say that? Thank you. That's right.

Fuck you, my fucking. A piece of shit. I don't know what made me remember this, but yet a couple days ago, I saw this guy was dressed like full like 1950s style guy you know how when people do that young guy

yeah hate that like full like hate yeah like pea coat and like all like comteer everything and he had

he even had he had like he had like vintage like briefcases like he was he was he was packing up his car like he was moving or something but he had like his suitcases

were like like full like briefcases like it was like full period piece but his car was a Subaru outback I was like broke you gotta whip the model T I know come on you can't

if you're gonna spend fucking money on vintage briefcases pull up with ponies 75% of it's just the clothes yeah you can maybe get away but once you go into other props now everything has to be bad yeah at the very least you got to be driving like a Camry

from like the 2000s or something just a fucking beat something from 92 something that it's clear You spent all your money on on cosplaying an older time. Yeah. 75% of the time

anyone that dresses like 50 style like that is just like the most racist person in the world. And then the other 25% is like, okay, you're just a weirdo. I think that actually... For 75 and plus 25. That's 100. I think 100% of them are just guys that like

kind of had nothing to do when they were 15 and started doing that. I don't think so. Because I think that's, those are the graduated suit kids from high school. Yeah, but think about all the suit kids from high school. Those guys were crazy. Well, that's true. You guys were loons.

I think that it's guys that didn't get the suit kid out of them in high school. Well, most of the suit kids in school, you would talk to them about, like, they would say, like, well, slavery was good for the economy because we didn't have to pay the workers. It's true. They would say stuff like that. I would say, I think that there are kids who were in, they were new balances kids. And then they said, you know what, I'm going to boss up. Uh-huh. I'm an adult now.

It's time to dress like an adult. It's the slippery slope of R-slash-male fashion advice. Where you start with, okay. I accidentally, I tried to go on R-slash-male fashion advice. I accidentally went on the way-back machine. Yeah, R-slash-Mal-Fashion advice from 1950. I went on the penny-forther.com. A man should have a briefcase.

Yeah. That's what they should be riding as a penny-farthing bike. Yeah. A penny-farting bike. They got to have a velocity. There's no fucking way. Or maybe a Zeppelin. But if that guy had had had an old car.

I would have respected him. So I would have been, I would have thought he was cool. You know what? Even a VW bug I would have respected. Like anything like 60s. A punch buggy. It's like a full.

It's what it is is the clothes, I'd be like this guy is a loser. If I saw this, then I see the, if I saw the briefcases, I go, oh my God, this guy,

like I would, the clothes I'll be like, this guy's a loser, but whatever. Yeah. The briefcases are like, okay, that's bridge too far.

This is way too far. This is horrible. And then the, the car would bring it back up. This is cool. Because this guy's filming a movie. He's about the life. He's filming a hidden camera.

If he lives this lifestyle, that's a completely different thing. Have you seen that kid on a TikTok, Dr. Parkinson's? Nope. This is a boy who is so obsessed with the 1920s that he lives it every single day. And he has like a stove that he has to light with a match. Uh-huh. And he has a Model T that he drives around.

Does he live in the country or does he live in a city? He lives near a city. It's more suburban. Okay. And he dresses in like 1920s clothing. Because I respect, if you live in the middle of nowhere, I think that's cool as fuck. But if you live anywhere near anybody else, I think it's lame. He also has an Edison phonograph.

Will they shit like that? This dude is awesome. Is this something where they will scale up Amishness eventually to this guy? I fucking hope. Is Amishness always just 200 years before? No, Amish is just no electricity, right? Yeah. But at some point, won't they have something more than electricity?

and they'll say, okay, we can use electricity now, but not there's other thing. I hope that that happens, but it's like, well, what do you want to go back to? If Amish people... I think you're just inventing a new type of person who just doesn't use anything that's a certain age. That's just 200 years old. Yeah, that's not what Amish people is. I think that's what they are. These are 200-year-old zions. These aren't... This is what they're going to be called.

When we go to space as an entire planet... Katie Perry style. If the entire planet decides we have to abandon Earth because of all the spills, just to placate you guys. The world is covered in the chemicals. The spills. Caleb spilled so many drinks that it's unospitable to human life. See, I wasn't even thinking about that anymore. Really?

Yeah. It seems like you're always thinking about it. I'm not obsessed with it, by the way. I did think you make chemical spills. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about it. Just normal drink spills that I do. Say I do 50 a day.

And then I double that every day. Eventually, the world will be, you can't live here anymore. So we'll send everybody out into space to find a new place. Will the Amish get on the spacecraft? Luckily not. I would think that a large percentage of non-Omish people would also not get on the spacecraft. I wouldn't get on it. What if it was so many spills that you were up to a centimeter of spillage?

Why do you want to destroy the world? I forgot about the spills. I would go to space. I'm saying I accidentally could if I'm on my current clip rate of space. spills, I could flood the earth, flood the earth, the entire earth. Okay, interesting. But we would just, we could just build platforms. Yeah. Well, that's true. I love platforms. Platforms, Mario got them. Yeah. But what it certainly has fun. The platform is the spill is natural enemy. The platform is not the spillers

natural enemy. I think it is. I think almost everything is the spillers natural. Yeah. The spiller finds a way to spill no matter the circumstance. Yeah. It's true. Spill, spillers find a way. See, actually, I belong in space. Because imagine you spill in space, and then it just floats there and you just bat it away. That's true. And then you just bat it down to the floor and you never think about it again. Yeah, until it comes back up.

Well, but then you just hit it back onto the floor. And then you wait for it until somebody else comes and sucks it all up. Oh, you do? Or they go into zero gravity like that. How do they get rid of the liquid? Vacuum. Vacuum, bro. Well, fuck my life.

I'm an idiot. And guess what? And guess what space is, bro. Guess what space is? What? The infinite vacuum. Yeah. What's that guy's the name from the Turley Turbys?

What's that? Which one? Nunu. Nunu. Yeah. The fuck's the Turley Turbys. Turley Turbys? I say you're in here watching Turley Turley Tubbies.

Turn on them. Turn on them. Telly tubbies. Yeah, I didn't watch Telty Tubbies. It seemed like it was for babies. It was. Yeah. So you guys watched it.

I watched it and I was a baby. You had just admitted you. There was a controversy on that. What? What? toys that came out of the telitobbies. Why? Because it sounded like Poe was saying the F word.

I have a vague recollection of that. My mom said that she didn't let me play with it because it sounded like he was saying FF, bite my bum. You do an impression of it. What did it sound like? I'll phonetically try to say it. Yeah. F, F bite my bomb.

F F bite my bomb. Trying to say the F slur, phonetically. Oh, I thought it was fuck, fuck. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, okay. No, I think that's the one. Bite my bum. Twice?

Yeah. Bite my bum. Bite my bum. What was the, wasn't there a tickle me Elmo controversy where it said? That was the funniest one. No, no, no, no. That might be there was one. I remember, me and my brother thought this was the funniest video ever.

It was like a video of, for some reason, this tickle me Elmo kept saying kill James. And the baby. that owned the Tickle Me Elmo was named James and it was just this video it was like listen to what this doll is saying and it goes

kill James that's it's like a new story it was like so fucking funny that's really funny that's just unlucky man yeah

I can see kill tickle tick kill James though James yeah James I don't know maybe games I want to play games I want to play James I want to play some James

Yeah Take ill James He doesn't know that games Are called games He thinks they're called James Was James alive enough to know What was happening? No James was not alive enough

And the mom heard it and went Hmm I don't That was an odd dude Get it the the YouTube News story If you just typed in like news story Prebe like

The News uploading all their stuff Oh yeah the old YouTube That was so awesome. Somebody would record the funny news story and put it on and put it on and it would have like VHS tracking for some reason. And then every once in a while, it would be a fake news story. Yeah. Fuck her right in the pussy. Yeah, fuck her right in the pussy.

Hated that guy. It was fake? Yeah. Wow. Once I learned it was fake, I was like, you bet you bastard. I thought it was crass to even to begin with it. I never liked to fuck her right in the pussy. No, I assumed it was real because of how horrible the world is.

Yeah. I was thinking, well, that's not. That's so absurd to imagine a guy who's saying fuck her right in the pussy. Yeah. It's really not that crazy. No. Why would you fake that?

And then they made a sequel and as soon as they made the sequel, I was like, I'm gonna fucking kill him. You got mad. You said you're gonna kill the fucker right in the pussy guy. I'm gonna kill him right now. It was fake. That's crazy.

I never knew. Yeah. And it was horrible because I thought it was real to this very moment. I remember having friends in when I was maybe 14 or 15 that thought it was funny if somebody was filming something to go up and say that. Yeah. And I was always like,

you fucking... That was like, Baba Booy. Yeah, it was like their Baba Booy, but they didn't know about Baba Booy. The guy who would go up to...

There was the guy who was trying to get on Stern and he would go up behind news anchors in New York and go, Baba Booy, Howard Stern's penis. That's an amazing compilation. And it's not just one guy, it's a bunch of guys. Well,

there's one specific guy that was really, really good at it. Bubba Bowie, Howard Stern's penis. Yeah. It's pretty funny. It is still funny. I don't watch private parts. I've ever seen private parts.

It's really good. It is good? No. No, it can't be. No, no. It's good at like... Did you also think when you were young that that was a porn movie? No.

I thought it was a porn. I knew it was stern, but I knew he was pornographic. Is he really pornographic in the movie? Kid and dude, he'd fucking get them girls on that damn sibby. Yeah, I know. Get dumb damn girls on that damn simby. Right on a day. Something about like about watching comedy movies when you're a kid is maybe remember.

was making me really laugh when I was watching Meet the Parents recently and there's like this there's like I feel just every like you know comedy that's about like a couple always in the scene where they're in the bedroom and like the like wife is like putting away laundry or something and they're just

they're like talking about their relationship or whatever and like Ben Stiller's being like yeah I don't know I just feel like your dad just really doesn't like me and she's like just don't worry it's good and I just just saying they started laughing I was like when I was a kid and I would see this like this the most like nothing scene of all time I'd watch this and be like,

I will never understand this. What is going on? This is like adult. I cannot comprehend this at all. That is very, that is very true. They're literally just saying exactly what the movie is about. They're just going,

yeah, I feel like I made a fool of myself at dinner. I would be like, I can't imagine. What are you even talking about? This must be what mom and dad talk about. Yeah, exactly.

This is what my parents was talking about. day good nights when he's talking to his wife. I remember having a similar thing when I was a kid. I was like, why are they putting all this serious crap in this funny ass movie? What is this? What is going on here? Why are these exposition scene? There's nothing more boring when you're kids than two adults just talking

to each other. Just fully instantly tuning out. The second you see that it's the two, the boy and the girl in the bedroom talking, just instantly are waiting until the next banana feels. I thought you were going to say all the scenes where it's like, they're about to have sex and then it gets interrupted.

by like Robert De Niro or whatever I didn't meet the parents Yeah Like I thought you were like saying I forget where this conversation started I completely forgot Anyway Well you really just put a brick wall

I put a brick wall in front of that I'm sorry I'm sorry no you can just keep going on it though I just you know talk about Anytime that there was something like that That's when I was like oh this is like the adult scene I should leave the room Yeah well you were right about that

Did your parents ever put their hand Their hand in front of your eyes? I think, did I tell you guys about this? I was like... I was watching movies that I should not have been watching in the hand over the eyes. When I was in the second grade, I fell asleep like on my parents' floor.

I don't remember why, but I like remember waking up and I watched all of once upon a time in Mexico. Like, I remember I woke up and then just sat there because apparently my dad was watching it before he went to bed. And then it was on Cinemax.

So 1 a.m. hit. and then the porno came up. Oh, yeah. And I remember I was watching it at the foot of my bed. And then I heard my dad make a noise. And I remember I was sitting at the foot of the bed just like, this is like the worst movie ever. Like, why are they like, like, all they've been doing is having sex.

This is weird. And then my dad like laughed at something that was in it. And I remember I looked up and I went, isn't it the worst movie ever? My dad's clearly about to jack off. And I'm at the foot of his bed. And I just go, doesn't this sucks? Dude, one time when I was a kid, when I was at my buddy Chad's house, and we started watching my bloody Valentine 3D and boobs came on in 3D.

And I got in front of the TV and I was like, guys, I think we're too young to watch this movie. And I called, we called his mom and I was like, we were watching a movie. And then we found out it was inappropriate and I turned it off. Yeah, Mrs. Chad's mom. and she was like cool yeah and that was it man we used to if you did shit like that in in my elementary school used to get um we had respect responsibility and safety stickers and there's these really big like circular stickers this big if you got like all three you were like do this kid's a god yeah and i remember trying to get i think i was on i was almost almost had the hat trick

uh-huh and i tried to get the responsibility sticker i had respect and safety uh-huh or no i was trying to get safety. And then I just remember raising my hand in class and going, look, I just think if we're going to be walking with scissors, we should hold them down. You should hold them. You were gunning for that sticker, man. It was just apropos of nothing. It was just like, I was like, I think if you're going to walk with scissors, you should point them at the ground. You weren't even talking about scissors or anything? I think we were all just like working quietly. And I was like, damn it. And some in this kid, Chris, Chris Badell turned to me and was like, I know you just want that safety sticker. Wow, he called you out immediately. And I went,

yeah. No. Did you get you? Did you get it? No, I didn't. I think my, my, I told the, I told the, I told the to, I told the teacher's assistant, the teacher's assistant. The teacher's assistant. It was in college. For assistant teacher, it's TA in college, it's assistant teacher in elementary school. I told the assistant teacher and she went, okay. She must have just like that. stickers. No, she knew about the stickers. She knew what you were up to. She's not going to reward that. Wait, how did you, how would a kid possibly get the safety sticker? I don't know how they would get the safety sticker. I probably, I would have to imagine probably by, probably by the hardest one. Probably, probably by, yeah, yeah. It's like an observation of like, you just did something that was incredibly safe. Thank you. Or you, or stopping somebody from doing something. Do you, is it possible to do something that is alarmingly safe? I don't know. I mean, that's, that's what they did. Well, I would think what you should have done is have your friends start running with scissors and you go, hey, stop, hold them down. Let's let's, you would have got the sticker.

Yeah, you would have fully got the sticker if you did that. I know. What do you mean by Kaiser Sozze? His friend's name was Scissor. Yeah. Mo, I see. No, no, no. Oh, that Kaiser Soze.

The sting it will do the sting. I don't know. And then we'll pretend that we're like, you know, when they pretend to rob people. And it's like, I'm actually, I'm actually his friend. I've never seen it, but I can imagine. money yeah i don't know what this what's but they they the safety stickers were printed dark blue with black ink so you couldn't see the school logo at all so it was just like the red one you could see the logo the white one you could see it very well and then it was just a big a big blue circle

it looked like shit dude it's not that funny a big blue circle dude a big blue circle it's not that it was a big blue circle i guess you'd have to you had to be there you had to see it just doesn't sound that crazy to be in the other words are red white not that not that

crazy at all not even that fun I guess if you're if you were a South school hock

comment down below if you remember the safety sticker I wish I had one I wish I had one

to show you guys it would probably make you laugh I don't think a blue sticker would make me laugh

you don't even get it it's the biggest bluest circle it's dark blue no no It's, I, dare I say, dare I say, cerulean.

It was, it was darker than cerulean. It was crimson blue. I mean, okay, describe it a little more. How big was the sticker? It was probably, it was probably, if I had to give, if I had to give a guess. Oh, wait, wait, wait, no, go down. I was going to give you an exact measurement, probably about that big. That big.

There's no way it was that. It was that big. It was that big. It was that round. It was probably about the size of a, it was probably about the size of a, it's Probably about the size of an orange. It's probably about the size of a 2D grapefruit, actually. It was a circle that was that round.

It was a circle that round. Yeah, wait, how round was it this round? Perfect, really round. Perfect circle. Like a perfect sticker. And blue, but you're saying this sticker was blue. See, this purple? That's purple.

Imagine it blue, but darker. Dark blue. Darker than maybe probably the color of that blue bag. So how did anybody get any schoolwork done? when they were so busy laughing at this blue sticker. Buddy, buddy, listen to the way I speak. This sticker is so funny that it should have, I mean, I would think that it would bring the school year to a halt.

It was so hilarious that the school. Well, that's why they never gave it out to anybody. Yeah. Because it was too funny. It was too funny. It was too dark blue. It was bad. It was, it was midnight blue.

Let's say. Let's say it was midnight blue. Let's say that. Yeah. That's a dark blue. It's the problem. But the text, the text, Midnight Black. Which said?

So you couldn't even see the school logo on it. It said, Londonary South School Hawk safety sticker. Wow. So you couldn't even raise. And it had the logo, which the logo was the, okay, the Hawk logo was the funniest one because it was like a kid, a kid won a contest. Okay. And it was a very, a kid who was not very good at drawing.

But you wouldn't be able to see the logo, you said. But you wouldn't be able to see it because it was so funny. You'd be laughing too hard. Your vision would blur. You'd pass out. You'd pass out from the size of the circle. So it seems like this was, even though it was a safety sticker, it's not very safe because kids were probably dropping left and right at how hilarious of a fucking circle.

A circle sticker. God, it was fucking funny. That is really funny to me. What are we at time-wise? 48 minutes. Okay, you want to? Should we go through the crap that we were going to do? We're just going to sit here and talk.

I don't know. The thing is, this setup is not very good for actually doing a normal-style episode. So maybe we could just- We'll do a normal one next time. Maybe we could just talk. Is it okay, we swap the premium and the normal this week? Okay. We've done it before. We've done it before. We'll do it again. So the people who want the normal, which is going to be about spells, by the way.

Is that a new thing? Nope. I've only done it twice. It's not like a new thing. Do you have ticks now? I don't have ticks. I've checked myself. My dog had a fucking tick on his face the other day.

That ship happens all the damn time. Scared the fuck out of me, man. I was like petting him, and I was like, what the fuck? I thought it was a tumor. And then I found out that it was a tick. And I found out that you have to twist the tick. You have to put it into a solution. It will still be there.

I had to burn it. Oh, yeah. Burned it. Sometimes the head will stay on and the head is like still, it will still give them. You have to get them from the very closest you can. It was massive, too. They get big as fuck when they get that. That blood in them.

And it wasn't there the day before. So it sucked up all this blood. It must have gotten onto him. Why is there a bug? That's what I'm thinking. Why is there a bug that does that to humans? Basically every bug does that. Mosquitoes, fleas.

Yeah. Why is there a bug that latches onto you and then sucks your blood out and gives you Lyme disease? Parasite. Well, they don't give you Lyme disease on purpose. They don't always give you one. Yeah. It's just if they...

Oh, because they feed off of deer. I forgot. I forgot. I was like, oh, we're close to deer. and mammocity. Their backwash. Yeah. The bugs backwash

will give us diseases. Oh, wait. So you really only get Lyme disease if it's one from a deer? Yeah. Deer tick. Yeah, deer tick. And that's why you get diseases

from mosquitoes too because they'll suck blood from something and then they'll have a blood borne. Tripoli malaria, whatever, whatever. That's why that. So, yeah, that's essentially a fact. We don't have a lot of mosquito-borne diseases

in the United States. Why is that? We've kind of eliminated them with vaccines. Yeah. We did vaccines. And then I also think, did they do this yet, that they were breeding certain types of mosquitoes that, like, are incapable of carrying certain diseases? I know my, I know someone, my friend's ex was working on that project. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. And there's also only a certain species of mosquito, I think, that's high risk. It's like an anophilies something. It's like, I think they don't have as much of it in the U.S. She said that it was like, oh, yeah, there's like, we're breeding a mosquito that can't bite. Yeah, I saw it. And I was like...

They can't... What? That's what you do for work? Why would you even do that? That feels like that's the beginning of the end. It is crazy. It is evil. I do think it's actually insane.

But we didn't think about the fact that they can now punch. Yeah. And then we have punching mosquitoes. We have a mantis mosquitoes. Yeah, they're breaking your arm every time they land on you. That'd be so crazy. A mantis skater? Like a mantis shrimp.

It has a super powerful punch. Strongly. And it breaks your arm. And so instead of you being like, hurt. How does it? I've watched a million mantis shrimp

videos and they always preface it with the science behind it and I forget it has like a snap right?

It has like a yeah it's like a thing that is like holding it back and it builds up all the energy and then it

breaks past that yeah it's like it's like that so why is it so powerful if it's a fucking shrimp because it's a very strong that's how you know God has a sense of humor

because it made a he made a shrimp that can punch it made a funny and a funny blue circle. What is the blue... And the funny blue circle.

What is the blue circle sticker of nature? What is something that you look at and you say, God, that's funny. Probably the Dodo bird. The Dodo bird has died. Proboscis monkey. The Dodo bird has passed away. The proboscis monkey is a funny blue...

The funny blue sticker. That's a funny blue sticker of a monkey. The Tobuscus monkey. You can't even see the logo on it. Yeah. Straight up. But who gave it that big nose, man. That was foolish.

Yeah. Is it good at smelling even? No, I think it's to impress mates. What's the opposite of that is probably the Shoe Bill Stork. That's the scary one. That's the scariest bird in the universe of time. The one that's always like looking at the camera. How are their gaze can always find a camera?

Have you heard the sound that they make? They do it. Make it. I can't make it. Julio, can you pull this up? Just look up Shoe Bill Stork sound. It's honestly, it's terrifying. They make very scary noises. Yeah.

And people say, Maybe that's the noise that dinosaurs would have made. Yeah, because they're just being closest. Meet the shoe bill's store. A bird fetch truly one of a kind. Okay. What makes them stand out isn't just their uniqueness. It's their sheer size.

These majestic creatures can reach a towering height of 1.2 meters. And their wingspans an impressive 2.4 meters. Yet, it's not just their stature that sets them apart. It's that jaw-dropping bill, shaped like a massive shoe that can grow up to a whopping whopping 23 centimeters in length. It's not just for show. It's the ideal tool for their They sound like an AK-47.

Sheville storks with these colossal bills are masters of the waiting game. Showcasing incredible patience. They can stand still- Yeah, we don't, you know. Yeah, they're a bird that sounds like a gun. I was looking at so many cool bird sounds. There's one

that sounds like a full laser. It was awesome. Like, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. There's that one parrot that can mimic like anything and be super loud. That used to be, the mimicking parrot, that used to be a similar style. You search that and you get a million amazing videos.

Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah. But they can mimic like car alarms and like all different type of sound. There's this amazing video I saw the other day. It was really making me laugh. It was so good. It's a person who owned an African gray parrot.

yeah that did not like their dad yeah and their dad had COPD and he was coughing all the time uh-huh and the parrot would mock the dad the guy would cough and then the parrot would go laugh after it would just walk around the house making fun of the sick dad what is C-O-PD it's like it's like I think it's like kind of like emphysema or something it's like a smoker's disease and it was just like making fun of this guy who's dying

as we watched it on stream and people were like pointing out like after the dad dies of like COPD that bird is going to walk around the house just making coughing sounds it's like yeah that's pretty brutal

just constantly like how come the parrots always have they always are mimicking the cuss words. Oh, dude, because that's because people teach them that. People teach them that. You can teach them? I thought they just hear something

and they go, they're very smart. Yeah. But it's also, I mean, that's what you, they do that because the owner goes up to them and goes, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But also it's like, that's the closest thing to like a bird sound that we make is an expletive. Because you, because you yell it and you like, if you accidentally hit, like, you stub your toe, you go, fuck. Shit. Not me. No.

I go, oh, darn it. Come on. Great. Seriously. I would love a sarcastic parrot. A sarcastic parrot. Oh, great. What that parrot that's walking around like?

Oh, he definitely wants a chronicer. Well, that's not sarcastic. Exasperated parrot. Oh, God. Oh, God. That's what I meant. But a sarcastic parrot would be okay. Exasperated parrot would be funnier.

What is, what's an example of a sarcastic sentence? A sarcastic sentence that I probably. parrot could say no that means yes I don't know if that's sarcastic I'd hate that do you hey hey do you want a pistachio

I'd hate that oh yeah I'd hate to have a pistachio right now yeah but they wouldn't that's what I was at Polly definitely want a cracker can they really do tone like that though it kind of just gets it kind of just turns into like crescendo as loud as they can there's a there's a pair there's like it's not a parrot

but it's like a burr I think a parakeet that I saw that can say hey baby exactly in that tone that's cool they can get some tone I feel like they get a tone's pretty good

that one the one African gray that I was showing you guys that goes smarting up yeah I love smarting up smarting up

smarting up is a really funny thing to teach a bird to say yeah smarten up smarten up is so awesome where do you think points too

he goes smarten up that's cool yeah but he doesn't have a finger though so it's hardly he has a wing

he's got the three feet and he does this it's not a talent it's not a talent it's a it's a claw it's more like this it's their wing tip oh you're talking you're talking about their foot no oh that is their talent this bird

this bird that I thought he was talking about the the wing no right I've showed you the video before of smarten up where he picks up his foot and points it goes smarten up I don't memorize what the bird does when he says smarten up yeah I do I watch that video a million times I like when he says smart enough I do like when he

says smart enough that's a funny thing forget that bird name. It's not Apollo. Apollo's the other one that you say... Apollo's the one that knows different materials. Yeah. Apollo goes, glass. Yeah. Glass. Yeah. Which you do... Who do you think? Who would you rather have a conversation with? The button dog or a talking parrot? Parrot.

Parrot. No love for button dog. Button dog is being taught. It's fake and you also can't have a conversation with it. Yeah, huh? What do you want to do? Kiss, mom, outside. It's not a conversation. Yeah. That's a little bit of a conversation. It's not talking.

That's talk. I could have a conversation with you guys from these buttons. No, no, no, no. Wait, I wouldn't even entertain it. I'm going to pull up the dog buttons and let's try to have a conversation. Do you have the dog buttons on your phone? You think they have an app for dogs to use on the phone? I'm just going to see. Dog conversation buttons. Let's see if I can get a list.

You could probably just get a conversation soundboard for like people who are mute or something. Dog conversation buttons. Is there any? Speaking, have you seen that video of the nonverbal autistic kid who really loves del taco fries? No. He's sitting in the back of his car and the fries are not for you. His mom got them fries, but they're not from Del Taco. And he types Del Taco 100 times. And it's just them going, Del Taco, Del Taco, Del Taco, Del Taco, Del Taco.

All right. Okay, I have a conversation with me. Okay. So this is exactly what it's not a conversation. Yeah, I know. How do we start this? Hello, Caleb. No, don't start it.

Well, he has to start it. He wants to talk to us. He has to start it. Well, you can't speak now. You have to hit the buttons. Mom. No, you have to hit the buttons. But pretend I'm buttons.

I have to pretend your buttons now. Pretend on buttons. That throws the whole thing out the window because you're speaking. Help dad pee. What? Help dad pee. Who's dad? Yeah, what?

Dad. Which one of us is dad? Dad. Mom. I'm mom. I'm not mom. Dad. Mom.

I'm not mom. The dog wouldn't be looking around like this either. The dog can look. You can't speak. It took you one round of buttons to break out of the entire convention. the conversation. You can't even close your eyes. Okay, open them and look at your phone only.

See, now he's being a dog. He's listening to you. Dad, play. Play dead. I'm not. You're the dog right now. Get on the ground and play dead. Bed. Roll over. Bed, bed, bed, bed. Bed, no. Roll over. Nobody asks you to go to bed.

Roll over. What color is your bed? Toy. Dad, shower, mom. Do you want to watch a shower to? Dad, shower, mom. Yes. Good.

Dad, mom, shower. See, this is more of you telling us. Yeah. It's not a conversation. See, this would work if it was buttons on the ground. Dad ball, mom water. Mom water, dad ball. Yes.

Mom touch, dad water ball. No, not outside. See, all this stuff. All this stuff would be way better with just a parrot. Good boy help mom, love dad, water ball. No, no, no, no. I'd rather see a parrot than this dog. This dog sucks.

Yeah, this is the worst dog in the world. Good night, mom. It's the most annoying dog after. Good night, mom. Just constantly telling you things. Good boy want play dad. Okay, that's a dog sentence. Good boy want play dad.

Shower. No. good boy want shower so the dog wants the dog just tells you what it wants yeah good boy the parrot tells you the parrot just says random stuff the parrot is on your intellectual level yeah the parrot you can have a conversation with it's like a baby

the dog says I want this I want that I want lick dad's water ball yeah mom help dad you know it's a dog the parrot it's kind of like this is like when I talk to a baby yeah mom the dog is just pressing random buttons yeah good boy help dad pee ball no pee ball no we're not going to play pee ball again pee ball good No. Pee ball bad. Good boy love Pee ball. That's okay if you love it, but it's not good. Good boy, mad. It's not good boy of mad. No. Mad boy. No. Yes. Good boy, mental. Mad boy, mental. Mad boy mental button on there. My boy mental. Dad, touch poo. Dad, touch poo ball.

Help good boy touch poo ball. You don't need help with that. No. Good boy. You don't need help with that. I don't want you to do it, but you don't need help if you're going to do it. Good boy, want poo. All right, this is not a good set of buttons. No. We need a different set. If you can find a soundboard, maybe go to soundboard.org. That could work.

If you just find one for mute people, it's going to be the same stuff. Poo, play, ball. Good boy. Good boy. Mom, dad. Why do people do this, man? There's so many buttons. There's a lot of dogs that do this fucking shit.

Yeah. Dogs. The trick is just to... Look, it looks like a Settlers of Catan fucking board, man. The trick is, here's what it is. It's so clever. Just as long as you have no verbs or any intervening words, anything can make sense because it's just nouns strung together.

I guess that's true. You can pretend that the dog is actually understanding because you can, if you, the dog says play poo, you go, no, I don't want to, you can't play with your poo. Yeah. Mom help, dad, come water. Why does the dog have a button that says come? Yeah. Because it's like C-O-M-E.

I know, but that's still not a, that's not a command for the dog. That's what the person says to the dog. Mom help, dad. The dog doesn't say that to the person. The dog says, come here. I have to show you something. Dad, happy ball. My dog is not going to, I'm not letting my dog tell me to come here.

Yeah, what if the dog has to show me that the other dog threw up. That's for you. That's exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's a boundary that I'm not willing to cross. I'm not letting my dog tell me to come here. come over there. Look at this conversation

this lady's having with her dog. Yeah. That's the dog lady. That's the specific dog. Of course that dog is from It's a sheep of a little. Or it's Tacoma, it said.

I don't know. I didn't read it. That is some PNW shit teaching your dog how to push buttons. Facts. Yeah. I mean, I don't. Try that shit in New York.

Yeah. We'll fucking cut your dog's head off. Yeah, we'll fucking cut your dog's head off to your dog into a wall mount. Yeah. Fuck your fucking dog. Yeah. And but only the body.

We're going to mount your dog with no head. Yeah. Well, this one has so much shit on it. Yeah. Is this the French bulldog one? No. No, there's a French bulldog that's the... Stranger.

The buttons are funny. Squirrel? What does that say? Concern. He doesn't need squirrel. No. He doesn't need squirrel. He would tell me that all the time.

He would say I want to eat a squirrel. There's no reason. It would just go eat squirrel. That's what it is too, is that he would say squirrel and you would think and you'd look around. You'd see whether there was a squirrel outside. If there is, you'd be like, oh, my God. And if there wasn't, you'd be, oh, he's just a dog.

He's thinking about squirrel. This is fucking bullshit. This one has, hmm, as one of the buttons. Yeah. Hmm? No,

this dog. The dog never has to say. I fucking hate the buttons for the dogs. I do hate for the dog. It's so fucked up. It's so stupid. What the hell?

Flinger. What, man? I'm not flinging. What did you fling? That's technically a spill. I didn't fling fucking shit. What was it, he fling the pleather off the chair.

You flinged, man. Did I? Yeah. Dude, Exhibit A. We don't need it. It doesn't need, it's a one exhibit.

We don't need. them to be. So it's A. Or that's B actually because the spill was exhibit A. But what case are you building against me? That you're the spiller. Okay, but I'm spilling leather now. You're spilling leather. So that's a flea. If you had Legos in a cup and you tip the cup over,

what would that be? That would be a spill. That'd be a spill, but that was not. That was a flame. That's just because that's in a cup. If you knock Legos over, that's not spilling. Yeah, it is. If you knock over a Lego set and the Legos go everywhere, you did not spill the Lego. It would be if it was you who did it. Yeah. If it was me who did

anything I do is a spill knocking over, yeah, I mean. So if I knock over Yes. It's a spill always. Yeah. What if I fall? Did I spill myself?

That is. You take a nasty spill. Yeah. That's what people say. Fucking God. If I'm fucking my buttons. Yeah. Two buttons.

We should just do an episode where I get the dog buttons. Yeah. We just did. No, but we literally get the huge. I have a 360, a 360 desk. I bet you know what? You bought these buttons for Phil.

You're realizing they're not working. You're trying to find a way to write them off. Yeah. I've been interested in the buttons. Boner, boner, boner, boner, boner. Dad, come, boner. Dad, look, boner. Dad, pet, boner.

No, Phil. Ooh, ooh, ooh. No, ooh. He's ooh. I wouldn't put ooh. Six different oo'oos. Booia. Booia.

Booia. Booy. Mesey squirrel. Booyah. Boner, boo-ya. That's all the dog would do. Bo-ya, boner, boner, boner, booner, booner, booner, booner, booner, booner, water, water, water, boater, boater, boater, boater, boater, boya, boya, jerky, jerky, burner. No, that's gross.

You know, I think, you know how there's that far side about how the dog, with the dog translator, they're all just saying, hey, I think it's, they are actually all. all just saying boo-ya. Yeah. Most of the time. Boo-ya. Boo-ya. Bo-ya. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Boo-ya. Boo-ya. God, that's going to be. When I have a child, that will be the first word I teach them. Yeah. Boo-ya.

Imagine having a little baby and say, boo-ya. I actually have that far side framed. I just got it. Yeah. That's the best one. That is a really good one. It's a kind of a legendary one.

Yeah. But my favorite far sides are always the island ones. Yeah. I just love. are pretty good. Anything on the island, anything with a standing up cow. I think that is the dog one for me,

the dog one, and then the werewolf. The werewolf is a classic, yeah. I also like anytime there's an animal couple. Yeah. Love that. That's an amazing one. I have an,

on my camera roll, I have a bunch of my favorites saved in. Really? That's a good idea. I should do that as well. Yeah. One of the best ones that was one of the... My far side folder?

Yeah. That's a good idea. to put in your pin code to unlock it. Oh, yeah. Sick. There are some rae. You got the racy far side ones? Well, there's one that's really good that's from

like the one that after the far side is like it's like from the last few years and he was doing like digital painting on his website. Oh yeah. And there's like one where he's like, there's like a digital painting exercise that he was doing and it's like start out like like drawing a countryside and like add a tinge of color. Now paint a lonely little house and it's like all these instructions. And then it was like now add something else.

Like the last thing was like add something interesting. and it just like shows his painting and it's like a countryside with the house and there's just a big teradactyl taking a shit on the house. Gary Larson is so good. He's the literal goat. Such a shame that he never got

to make a movie. I know. Yeah. He wrote some non-Farside picture book. Yeah. Oh, really? Called There's a worm in my dirt. Or there's a hair in my dirt.

Is it a kid's the thing? He would have... Yeah, it was for kids. Imagine him making a naked gun style movie. He would be an amazing. amazing at that. It'd be so amazing. They should just make the Wallace and Gromac guys should have made a Farside movie. That would have been great. Did you guys see the new Wallace and Gromit movie? No. I heard it was mid. Yeah. It was awesome. I rewatched. Vengeance most foul. I rewatched

the wrong guy. Wrong guy's fire. What's the wrong guy again? It's free on YouTube. You should watch the wrong guy. Dave Foley, Jennifer Tilly, the dad from Freaks and Geeks. I forget his name Joe something. It's about a guy who witnesses a murder at work. And then he gets the blood all over him and he runs out and he thinks that he's on the lamb but they uh he is not yeah he assumes that the police are looking for him for the murder but the police instantly know that it's not him they're like watch the security footage and they're like oh so there's the killer this guy i guess ran away for yeah and so it's he spends a whole movie on the run yeah what's the bill murray movie movie that's kind of like that uh the man who knew too little that one yeah that's i guess these

are similar i've never seen that one i saw when i was a kid a bunch and then i don't remember a single thing about it. The wrong guy I saw in the middle of the day on FX when I was a kid and I was like Mind blower. Yeah. Dave Foley. Dave Foley. The legend. The fucking Foley. Dave Foley. If you

want to hang out with three guys at a sketch comedy show or six guys, we will write a sketch for you. Dude, I was watching The Last of Us last night and I looked up Pedro Pascal Young. Look at how weird he was looking when he was younger. He looks cool. Looks crazy, man.

He looks like a cool alien. He really aged in a good way. Yeah. Because this was an interesting look. He looks like a Minecraft cow. Yeah. He does look like Minecraft, Steve. No, he does look like the cow.

He looks specifically like the cow. He should have played the cows in the movie. Yeah. Now he's got kind of a bigger. Now he turned to Steve. Yeah. He should have placed. Streets is saying he's a gay guy.

Pedro Pascal? Yeah. Why is that? Because of his homosexual behavior. What is gay about him? He does not have a girlfriend and he loves to go to gay events. He hangs out with women. Yeah.

Is that gay? Yeah. It's pretty gay to hang out with women. He goes to a gay event. Sorry, you both said something. What kind of gay events do you go to? Yeah, I don't know about this one. Butathon.

It's just one of those things that everyone says on Twitter. What fuck is butt athon? Well, I know you're not gay if you haven't heard of butt athon. No, I'm gay unless you heard a buttathon. I'm gay and I've heard of butt-a-thon. Okay. You're probably thinking of Butterthon for straight guys who like butter. That's probably what you've heard of.

I'd go to Butterthon. Like gay guys, I'd go to Botathon. They probably have amazing music at Butterthon. Lately, I've been hating the feeling of butter on my hand. Yeah. Really? You know what it makes me think? I just had this thought in my head one time and it ruined butter for me forever.

When I got a piece of cold butter on my hand, when I was cutting a slice of butter, I was like, this is probably what it feels like to have cold poop on your hand. And it literally, now whenever I've like, I'm cutting butter or you working with butter on my butter

sculptures yeah I just get a shiver down my spine yeah I don't think it literally ruined butter for me

I think it's a stray thought poop has probably a lot less fat in it than butter does I feel like if that puts you at ease at all

my poop would probably feel like I don't know but can't you imagine like it's because it's so it's it's cold enough that it has a different

texture than you'd expect poop to have it's a little it's a little harder and then it starts to melt just the tiniest bit and your body

heat is melting the poop is there okay can we can we look up one more thing maybe look up ask an expert what does poop feel like in your hand

because I've never picked up a poop ask an expert for that I've never picked up poop with my bare hand what is the field of the expert

that you're asking a coprofile grabbologist or a grabbologian a professional poop holder well that's just part of what he's done

wired dot com, poop expert Poop expert asks all questions that you want to know about poop. You know that department that's like, there was like a fucking Veritasium video about this shit or something that's like some part of DARPA or some shit where they have a

big building that is like the reference for every single object that really? Yeah, so it's like they have reference peanut butter and reference this and that. Not every single object, but even by reference. Like the standard basically. We're like every so like nutritional values.

That's where they keep the kilogram. It's stuff like that. They just have a bunch of shit like that. I saw a deal, but a lot of stuff. Patrick Tyson video about that. Yeah, and they have like this big warehouse

with all this shit. But there has to be somebody who has measured what it feels like for what everything feels like. There are people who have held... A normal poop one touch would feel soft to firm

like toothpaste or a slightly firm sausage. I mean, that makes sense to me. I didn't need to ask an expert for that. I feel like to see there's a video of a poop expert talking about it. Click short videos. No, thank you. Toothpace and sausages are worlds apart. They are.

They are world apart. But those are both I mean, I think you can tell by looking at the poop which it's going to feel like. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I think that's, I mean, I haven't held it so maybe there's some strange surprise awaiting for me. I've had it in a bag plenty of time. Yeah, sure. I guess I have to. No, I'm talking about bare hand. Oh, yeah, it can't

be, it can't be that surprising. I think you, it looks, probably looks like touching, touching poop in a bag is like is like, uh, if you had like haptic feed back on VR. You know, I'm thinking, sorry, this is a disgusting thing to say, but last night, me and my wife is our anniversary. We went to Peter.

You held poop? We went to Peter Lugar, and then when you, and the steak was okay. And then they give you the bone afterwards. Yeah. And I gave some of the bone, some of the stuff from the bone to my dog. And she said, if the dog has diarrhea, you have to eat the diarrhea. And I said yes to it. so pray for me that my dog does not have diarrhea

he's gonna have diarrhea I really hope he doesn't because I was like she was like are you serious I was like yeah I'll literally I'm so confident that he's not gonna have diarrhea

that I'll fucking eat the diarrhea she's like okay text her right now and ask does the dog have diarrhea does you feel have diarrhea she doesn't know you don't know that she doesn't know

she's at work oh right right right text the dog text Phil I can go on my Google home yeah see if he's left of diarrhea do you have a

one of these fucking dogged nanny cams for your dog? Yeah. Can you pull up a video, Phil? Can we yell at him? Yeah. He's listening to NPR right now. Oh, that's cute.

Hit the microphone and just say Phil. Hey, Phil. Hey, Phil. He doesn't care. He doesn't give a fuck about me. He hates you. Hey, Phil, man. Okay, now do the voice you actually talk to him in.

Come on. Hey, Phil. he just looked up he doesn't give a fuck dude it's really funny watching on the couch it's all he does all day man he's lazy as fuck look every once in a while he'll he'll like walk over or move his head and for some reason it thinks i want to see him move his head oh he was on that side of the couch okay he moves sides i mean that's it's one of the it's the worst 60 dollars i ever spent my life yeah yeah plus yeah now it's like google just can look at your house whenever yeah there's not that much interesting stuff i know what i get worried about

is that maybe my wife sees that if she's if I'm like alone at home on a Saturday or something yeah that it's just such a mess until 10 minutes before she gets home yeah and I don't get to be like that oh yeah what I did today well I cleaned I think I had I had a camera feeder for my old cats and you could just see it was just like they they were so weird about food like they had like what's the word something mentality food mentality thank you Food mentality. They had food men. No, they had like, it was like every,

they had, it was a timed feeder that had a camera. And every time that, like, the timer would go off, it was just a video of them running over to the feeder. Yeah. It was awesome. All right. I got to go. Yeah.

I don't realize how late it's going to be. Yep. So we will be in Boston on May 23rd. Yep. The Crystal Ballroom in Somerville. and we will be if you went to our live show last night then you know about the accident that happened to Brace Belden we were not involved at all

No we weren't even at the last show It was actually the work of sloppy stage hands Yes Who decided that our roadies Our roadies quote unquote That decided Our croties Quotees quoteies or quoties they say our quotes to us

They decided that one of the head the what's the word stage lights needed to be really loose and that is what fell on him and he got electrocuted like this and we saw his bones

and his bones were not human we saw in that moment that he just had one bone like a big pill in the middle of his body the rest of him is just kind of like the same yeah it's basically

the rest of him is basically an earlobe yeah it's just kind of there so this is podcast about list signing off good night goodbye you have a comment

hey man nice to meet you are you here for shut up shut up you bastard no you're Patrick you're you bro yeah I know

you don't act like that you are you are a fucking no you like this what wait you're in line with why are you in this line then I'm here to

I'm here to I'm here to I'm here to I mean that's horrible I have a gun in my bag all right well there's a security checkpoint

You're going to find the gun. And I'm going to shoot the security guard. Okay, then what? And then I'm going to take out a lot of people with me. Okay. Am I, are you going to save me? Coming to with you or I'm going to die? You're coming with me when I blow up this vest.

Okay, so he has a vest too. All right. Is there anything else I need to know about? Dynamite. I'm just, okay, do you have, you made dynamite for your bomb vest. Yeah, I'm going to light it from the back. I'm going to light it. The wick is going up.

Okay, I'm seeing that the wick, the wick starts in that one part of your back, you can't reach, though. comes up my spine and I'm, and I'm I'm going to light it right here and run into the building. All right. Well, I'm going to leave them. So, good luck. Congratulations. You just saved the life of the most.

We're in line outside. The most prolific Nazi in the entire United States. Yeah, I'm going to go leave it. And all you've done is reinforce my idea of people who aren't Nazis. God. I thought I won that one. And now it'll become even more radical. It's like time travel.

You can't change the... You can't change anything.