Podcast About List - Ep. 337 - Asking Our Accountant If He's Mad At Us Because We Got Audited This Year ft. Tommy Bayer

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Our accountant Tommy is back in the building and he's really not happy about the state of our tax situation, but we just hit 13,000 YouTube subscribers so we honestly DGAF.Follow TommyCOME TO OUR SHOW IN BOSTONSubscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Give us a clap-clapper Clappy A fucking clapie A piece of shit Clapby's not good Clappy Lappy's not good Bitch ass

He just got destroyed by him Yeah He called your ass Clappy Get in on this Tommy I just can't believe it He can't believe it He can't let him in on it

Oh no Dude he's doing I can't believe him He's our finance guy We can't have the finance guy doing the jokes Yeah but look at him He's gotten

He's turned into a kind of a new version. You're well-rounded. I remember the last time you were here, you're all sweaty, you looked like a nerd. Yeah, but you had glasses on. Yeah.

No, that's not true. You're wearing some kind of a suit. No. Yeah, and now you're more day trader type of finance guy. You had like a Zuck glow up. A Zuck? The Zuck glow?

The Zuck glow. You got the Zuck glow. That boy got his got hit with a Zuck glow. Mm-hmm. He had a reverse glow I've seen today. What? Zuckerberg?

He put the glasses back on. And the chain off? He doesn't need to see him. He's not looking like Benson Boone anymore. Who's that? You guys seen this video of him and his wife's birthday? He dances around in his little suit. Yeah.

His wife's birthday, he dressed up like Benson Boone. Benson Boone has one song that plays at the airport. Oh, I know that song. I know that you love that song. It's my favorite genre of music. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the Met love. That's a good one though. That's my favorite genre of fucking music.

He flips off the piano. Yeah. You know it's so crazy? He gets hate from the flip, but every single time I see it, I go, oh. On my phone. The flip is really cool. I go. It is true.

You don't need to flip. I go, I don't like this song. And you can really hurt yourself flipping, so it is really cool. Yeah, it's really, especially on a big stage. Yeah. I get nervous. like if I'm going on stage you do stand up if there's three steps

there's three steps I'm like oh yeah you should do backflats on a trip up stage you look at those three steps and you're like don't don't have you ever don't play with me before I start and then he's just flipping off a piano

so you got to what's your worst ever stage entrance that you've ever had getting on stage like uh you ever had a trip bro I don't know if I've I don't know if I've You've had a tr stumble at the very least.

I don't know. I don't know. I've had a, oh, oh, yeah, this is bad. Take the microphone out. Hit my tooth. Lips start bleeding a little bit. It's like 20 years old. And I looked so young because I'm 35 right now.

And when I started staying up at 20, I looked, you know, I just looked very young. So people felt really bad. I also couldn't like drink before my sets because oh yeah yeah so you're just stone cold sober punching your mic you weren't old enough no no why what no but when I was 20 I turned 21 pretty soon after but like yeah it comes after 20 yeah okay I got you bro first he hit him with

he hit him with the clapy what's he on today watch out I'm scared of what you might say about me I know but yeah people felt really bad for me which it doesn't help yeah you know that's really really bad yeah it's all what you always think that you should get when you're a kid and you're doing synip it always makes people uncomfortable yeah it's always not good yeah well there's but there's there's 20 there's guys for 20 21 they look fine yeah you're a you're becoming a guy if you're obviously a kid like kid or young

looking till 26 where i was until i look it was like two years ago where i like kind of looked like a guy yeah so uh so i even when i was like 21 i would like have like three beers and go up and be like a little and it's just like it was just not the move yeah you're holding a beer as a 21 yeah pretty shocking stuff yeah yeah so we're just to tackle you off yeah who let this fucking kid in here wrestling it out of your hand but immediately just like what's going on it that's pretty brutal and then like trying to like start having a reaction to it is really tough too yeah i look like him with blood in his mouth like he did Probably if he got beat up by those guys.

I looked like him at the robbers caught him. He caught him. That'd have been such a good fucking save. Yeah. Just the tiniest little bit of blood, too. Not enough for anybody to see, but it's trying to pull that. It would be like, yeah, I looked like him covered in blood. It was like a little blood.

I could kind of suck it. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe people thought that was your cool attribute as a comedian. This guy's thing is sucking his own blood. Yeah. That's scary. This guy's thing is being a vampire.

A self-inflicting vampire. All right. Now you guys go. What was your bad one? Oh, guys, there's too many. But going on in the first five seconds. I think any time that I've done stand-up and I've been like drunk, I'm catching a toe. Yeah.

The toes touch in the back. Yeah. Pretty much every time I got short legs. Yeah. But one time when I was like, like the second time I ever did stand-up when I was like 16, I went up and I was just bombing so bad. And this just made me think of it. A lady in the front row who was like probably 60 years old, I heard her say something. I thought she was heckling me.

So I would be, it was like, what was that? She was like, are you okay? She destroyed you. She destroyed it. But she didn't even like, but it wasn't even like, she wasn't trying to own me at all. She was genuinely like, are you okay? Heckler is one of the most terrifying. That was one of the first times I did stand up when I was in high school and I was like one of my first open mics and I remember I went up and I just didn't know how to use a microphone.

Like I was just talking like across it. Like that's so just completely quiet. And then a guy in the front row was like, talk into the microphone. not over it. Thank you, sir. You changed my life. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. But literally having to say thank you. Yes. I was like, oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I can't even think of like,

maybe something recent. I don't know. There was like that one show, that show that you were doing at that cafe. Yeah, but you did good. You did fine. Nook.

Yeah. Yeah. Which I was supposed to do a show there last week and the guy texted me and he was like, To not text him with the... I don't exist. I don't even know what I was doing. I can't even remember what I was doing last Thursday.

I was just like, no. Yeah, I'm too busy. I'm literally, I'm going to dinner with my girlfriend and I think I have to do a bar show. Dinner and... Bar show and dinner with girlfriend nine. That's plenty. Yeah.

Plenty, plenty. I'm full. You stumbled at this show, though? No, I don't remember. No, it's not like a stage. It's just like you just kind of go up. How do you fall? I didn't know.

It wasn't a fall. I'm trying to, I'm trying to remember. There was something I did at that show that, like, bombed. Yeah, you did something. You did something at the end. Yeah. Yeah, your beginning was fine. And then you did Outside Man and Outside Man.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what it was? Shut up. Shut up. I have to shut up for that. Yes. But do you know, when I,

I know who that is. It's the meme, yeah. It's just a simple meme. I know it's from the president. I know. It's pretty funny. No, there was the one, there was the one, there was the one time I did outside guy. The soon to be former president. Well, here's hoping. Keep your knock on wood, right?

There's the one time I did outside guy where I just didn't come back. You were there for that one. That was really good. Yeah? Yeah, that was you just left? Somebody, well, somebody, the host of that show told me that somebody somebody in the crowd said, why are they even laughing at this?

Oh. So I'm, well, Patrick, you're not for everybody, man. That's true. That's for me, honestly. I thought it was so funny. I told Alex, I was like, this is bullshit. Because I was like, I was like mad at alt-com. As if I, like, don't do alt comedy.

Yeah. And I was like, motherfuckshould fucking wrong. I became Mark Marin. That's next level, though. Leaving the, your joke is that you leave. The joke was that I was like, this is my impression of a guy that I saw. outside during the last set and then I just went outside and didn't come back until like the middle of your set. Dude, I know. I talked shit about you during my set. The crowd doesn't even like

understand why I was like, none of this all comedy bullshit. This sucks, man. We're talking about taxes. We're getting to the nitty of taxes versus rent. That's a good joke though. The one that you do the taxes versus rent one? I really like that. I appreciate it, man. That is a good joke. Yeah. Check it out, guys. It got like, um...

Tell me the number. It got like, uh, I think about 10K views on Instagram. No more. 10. I don't want any more. Yeah. Don't go out. Don't check it out.

Leave it up, but lock it. Lock it down. You should be allowed to lock your views. Change the cover of the real. Do not click this. Yeah. No more views, please. It's unviewable.

Tommy had enough. Yeah. He gets anxiety when he, when I hit a number. And it's around 9K, 10K. I go, okay, I've seen enough eyes on this. Yeah, that's about the number where one of your parents' neighbors is going to maybe catch on. Right, I don't need all that, man. I have an office job now.

And 10,000 people watching you do stand up, that's basically Madison Square Garden level. That's true. Which is nerve-wracking. It's very nerve-racking. And you don't want more than that. No. I'm trying to keep up just low-key. We're trying to wind down our careers.

Trying to get about three views. I want to sundown now at 27. We're hitting a little Margaritaville. era. We had to do a cruise. Yeah, wow. That was an amazing two years. Wow, I certainly drank.

Yeah. I drank on a lot of Tuesday nights. I certainly hung out. We're getting into the sad. It's time to pop open that button up. Okay, let the air breathe. And also rest on your laurels. Yeah.

Over 10,000 views. I put enough time at Pine Box. episode of a podcast. Oh, my God. I've done my... I've served. I've served my tours at Pine Box. You know, it doesn't last...

I've done the mic. I've done the mic every day that week. Oh, you've done the five day, Mike. I've done a five day in a row. That's sick behavior. That is disgusting. You got something wrong with you doing that shit. Yeah, I have something called a grind set, unlike you.

Yeah. Well, they also have beer there. Yeah, that's right. Which might have played into you being there every day. That was the tour. I remember that. You do a poster. Hey, guys.

Five nights in a row. Going to be in a pine box. I'm doing a residency. I'm going to be doing, I'm going to be doing the last three. I'm actually doing my res. On the Monday. I'm actually doing my residence. I'm in the last group every mic.

Yeah, yeah. I'm here all. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever run an open mic? No, not in New York, but in Minneapolis I did. It was great. I was thinking about running one in New York because I run that this show. at Grove 34 and it's like

it's coming up this Friday when do we come out with this episode tomorrow tomorrow you can you guys come to my show in Astoria it's like it's a good time we had like 26 people their last show and like 17 had a good time amazing there's there's a high likelihood you guys are going to have

a good time there was three people who I know did not have a good time okay and three people that you were unsure of three people who just left but they were you know thank you and then like 17 guys really like connected that's what you need yeah 17 guys having a good time yeah and then one old guy came and he goes you know it's the second show I came

I came to the first one to see you this guy is like in his 50s and he goes you know you're working on the same stuff and it was still I still liked it a lot I was like thanks man I'm yeah I think I'm still gonna be you're gonna be dead in the ground before I was like I promise I'll write two jobs You know, but Yeah, come to that But I'm trying to do an open mic Because it's stressful

Getting butts in seats Yeah You know Have your guys show at Bell House go It was good Yeah, it was really good That's awesome man Yeah, it was really good

It was, it was sick Yeah, we had my friends In the band Crybaby They did the live backing band And Oh yeah Dude, you gotta get a live band At your show

You should get a live band Yeah, let me tell you It levels everything up It probably makes the show about the same, if not worse, but when you're on stage, it's the most, it's as fun as you can have. You can make them do like musical

stabs. Sure, yeah. My buddy, Joey, was playing the bass, but he was just doing like the can't, or what's it, can't stop or don't stop, but dig to the shend dick. He was playing the and he would say pepper and he would go and we didn't record it. I don't know

why we didn't. Well, fuck all that. Yeah. Yeah. We could have put that out and we didn't, we wouldn't have to work today. Well, put it out. It would have been completely A completely visual show. Yeah, but we wouldn't have had to work. No, yeah. I guess we would have

saved one hour and cut. An hour of us going, hit it. Yeah, people want to listen to that. Stupid ass motherfucker. We would have had to pay fucking a lot of money. Origination fee.

Would have had to hire people. Did you guys fill the show, though? No. Because he ought to do, all these videos to charge you an origination fee. Where you have to pay like... If you even bring your guys?

Yeah, you have to pay like $600 to $1,000. to fucking... You know, we should film the next show but then blur the footage so then their venue is not being used. Because who knows what the fuck this shit is? Right.

Yeah. We probably also have to beep the audio. Okay, we should film it blurry. What about, I got to make you. You bring a guy to film, just bring them. He's got his, what do they want? 4K camera? Yeah.

They want that. Yeah. They have a 720P camera at the bellhouse. These are interesting right here. Yeah. Thank you. These are black magic studios. Okay.

Yeah. Black girl magic studio? Yeah, that's right. That's right. Let's open that up. This is our tax guy. That's going off his job. That'll be a confusing receipt to go through that one.

Dude, whenever I eat like a bunch of, like a burrito and like a, like, you know, when you just eat too much, you know, I've been saying I got fat girl magic to my girlfriend. She likes that. That's good. I go, can a white boy have a little fat girl magic? um no here's what you do okay get a film guy

at the bell house they're filming and then they go up to him and they go you can't film you didn't say and then he goes it's not even on

lie tape the light on the camera yeah goes this doesn't work yeah it's a prop we could

this is my fidget toy it's a style wait wait this is actually a good point what are they gonna do you know the like the Google ray bands or whatever that they have

that have the throwing them on those we get like 15 guys in the audience to wear them can I tell you a bit that I wanted to do but it would be way too hard to orchestrate this reminded me of something

you know John Kennedy yeah yeah him and me wanted to do this where like we like he heckles me during a set we get everybody to we get somehow everybody in the audience to film

he heckles me and then I cut the footage and it's like 70 And it feels like So much schizophrenic It's just like Fuck you man You know the autistic

British guy who loves trains And then you get The 360 And then I'm like yelling I'm like my nose is big But you're just like And then you get everybody to AirDrop

Yeah To you on your way out That's a great idea You get like 50 air drops You just don't air drop to me now AirDrop to me now But it's like That's a lot of work

Yeah a ton of work I'm going to just like the amount of tracks you'd have to have an Adobe Premiere. And you ruin the next person's set by asking 100 people for airdrops. You'd have to stage this. Excuse me, sorry, I know you're watching the show. But how many, if you asked me about, hey, could everybody film my set? I need to get a clip. I think that.

I bet that people, everyone would film it, but you would have the hardest time getting it from them. Yeah. They wouldn't want to air drop you. Exactly. But I'm standing by the door and I'm like. Yeah, like, you're not allowed to leave. There's a QR code. You can upload this to my Google drive.

that's good but then you put a banner up I'm just telling you no one's going to do that the air drop is so quick and it's just in my phone immediately we can just we just kiss phones yeah yeah but that

it could work I had I had a similar getting a bunch of Google I had a camera idea like that these things this is this a character I wanted to do

called the human camera okay and he's like a superhero and he just stops like New York City scammers because there's these guys that stand in front of the Staten Island Ferry

and they like make you pay even though it's free like they wear like these like purple vests that say like ferry commission. And it's just like... Yeah, you're on the ferry commission.

You have like two gopros on your wrist, one on the chest, one on the top, and you walk up to him and you're just like, stand back, citizen. It's recording him with the back here. And he's putting cameras in the guy's face. Like, I have you. I have you on camera now. You can no longer scam these people. That works with every crime though, because every crime is illegal.

Doing Fushigis. Most are. And it cuts to you leg up on the ferry. Pounding a course Yeah Eating a gas station Work Yeah

For the human camera It's all in a day's work For the human camera What would your logo be Just a camera It's pretty easy Yeah I guess that's true But what's human

Is not very human about that Well he's just be a human camera Yeah he's got cameras all over his On every single Point of articulation on his body Spider-Man's like an action figure Camera right here Camera right here

So specifically on your joints Yeah Why your joints? So you can see the full body You would think you would just want to end of your extremities No, no, no, you guys don't get the long parts

It ends with you going into a bathroom And someone's like, get the hell out of it. What are you doing in here? No human camera. Halt. I can't help it. You were taking illegal shit.

Film everything. I merged with a camera and radiation. You're explaining a guy's thinking of shit with the door open and you just explaining it. I'm sorry, I'm not filming you. I fell into a vat of cameras.

A camera is. under the stall my head is under the stall I can't help it it's part of my body I was bitten by a radioactive camera now I must film every second I cannot help it

what I can't stop filming people yeah yeah that motherfucker that's an easy that you get off easily that's a Johnny Cochran case closed type of defense but why what do you mean he filmed in the bathroom

Oh, really? Yeah, he filmed in a bad. That's why he got kicked off of some shit. Oh, I thought it was because he messaged a minor. Wasn't that the whole thing? A minor. Well, that's a song. I think he was trying to meet up with young minors.

Yeah, in the bathroom that he was filming. Probably. I didn't remember that. Well, that was a famous thing that he happened. Okay. I believe you. I was just confused, but now I understand. Yes, I remember.

Not like us. It's a fucking amazing, the funniest song ever. It's not funny, dude. What's not funny about it? What is real about that song? It's like for real. It's rap. It's not funny.

It is supposed to be. It's a comedy song. No, it's a weird owl. It's like a little dick. Do a weird owl will do a, uh, a Nate not like those. Oh, he should. No,

Kendrick should do normal versions of Weird Al songs. That's a good idea. Yeah. Normalize them back. They should normalize weird out. They should take the ones that are parodies like hardware store and stuff like that. The normal versions of it. What was his original songs? Write a real song, Weird Al.

He never did. I can't have sex to this. I'm trying to have sex to trap in the drive-thru. You could have sex to trap in the drive-thru. Yeah, but I'm trying to have sex to more weird L songs. You're doing the poca shit? Albuquerque. Once the twist comes, I just lose my erection immediately.

Because you're laughing. Greg, now I'm fucking laughing. Yeah, now I'm laughing. There goes my erection. now I'm interested in the song but I like what he's about so he should come out with normal normal stuff

you like basically everything about him except the silliness you know what it should be he starts good he should make normal versions of his songs that have like a little like you can flip back and forth so like when your boss comes in

and you're listening to weird out to the normal one just listening to your normal Completely normal song. Well, this is a really good idea because this would all happen on the weird out app. And there's the weird meter and you can dial up and down how much the weirdness. I want a specter because sometimes I don't want all the way weird. Right.

So you can listen to the weird aisle song and there's the volume obviously. Yeah. And then there's also the weird volume. But it's going to be at 100% no matter what. So it don't really matter. Because he is that good. Yeah. He is that good.

He is so fucking good. And he's better when he's played loud. Yeah. Yeah. honestly for me it's like he used to get pussy he did for me it's like weird out i like the i like the melodies and the general kind of song composition but i'm not just i'm just most of his songs i'm not just a fan of his voice and the lyrics that he's singing

but if it was someone else singing kind of lyrics okay that's that were different i might listen to that i just wish the polkas were longer do you think he likes you know how the comedians sometimes don't they don't want someone like too funny opening for them you think somebody who doesn't want anyone that weird yeah yeah that's not true though Because he's got Emo Phillips opening for him. Oh, so that's like, so that's how you know, he's good. Because when a comedian has someone who's really good opening, it's like, well, they're not afraid.

Yeah. Well, he thought that Emo Phillips was another adjective name guy. He thought it was Emo Phillips again. He's the guy with the mold cut. He talks like that. That motherfucker. I know that I've seen, I've seen Emo Phillips. Okay, well, it sounds like you fucking have it.

He said, who's his Emo Phillips again? Is he the guy? Would he make all those videos in Times Square? No. That's a different guy. Yeah, that's, you're thinking of street talk. Street talk, NYC. Side talk.

You're thinking of Side Talk, NYC. Yeah. You're thinking of Subway takes. It wasn't in time fair. That's the guy from Subway, that's, that, you thought that was Emo Phillips? It's kind of weird, it's strange. So what's your take?

I got to Google emo Philips. Yeah, he's in UHF, man. Yeah, he's the Woodsh. shop teacher in the movie UHF. He cuts his fingers off. I don't, I don't. You don't know UHF? No.

Weird Al's movie, man. You got it. There he is. Nobody likes his movie more than us. Yeah, I've seen him. He looks like a really pretty... Have you heard him? Yeah.

No, I don't know. I don't think of it. I don't know, man. He sounds like what the sound we were making. Yeah. There was like a... But he should be more emo. Anyway, it's my point.

In the early 2000, in like, two thousand, emo Phillips tried to like, like, modernize his look. and he like gelled his hair like he got a haircut jelled it back and then like wore like sports shades

and like a like start going in the gym yeah he started he started drinking creetine yeah no there's pictures you have the fucking you have bull cut emo

but then there's emo 2000 and emo 2000 is like he looks like it looks like a robot version yeah like that whoa wait he looks like like someone in craft work

that one actor he looks like somebody that I can't Who's that actor He owns a bar He owns a bar Justin He's gay

He's gay Oh oh oh Oh Alan coming Coming Oh he does look like Alan Yeah Kind of interesting Cameron got him first

Yeah you did get him first He's movie Shazam I'm human Shazam Wait where'd you get those Motherfucker Dude you guys got good stuff lying all around this place Dude be careful

You're gonna break it You already You know How much those cost. You put this here because you knew I was going to fill up. You guys, that's why you waited for me to start. I can't believe this. Because I can't wait.

I cannot believe this. You're like, he's too dumb to resist. It's a pretty safe bet. I've done that to my brothers where you break a lamp and then you put it back together just enough. And then you know they're going to knock it down. And then the pies on their face. Yeah, yeah. You did that to me with toys.

Yeah. And now you're getting a big, long, yellow middle finger. That's not yellow. You're not yellow at all. It's gray. Let me see that. I can fix it. That's good, though.

Peace. That's good. I do like this. Why did they never do a Wolverine peace sign? That's such a great idea. He never does peace. That's more dead. He has anime,

girl eyes. He hates peace, man. He's a fucking war machine. Warverine, man. It goes back on very easily, though. Did you know that was broken for real? It's been broken for a while. I broke him.

I know, but the way you were like, that's broken, and then it broke right away. Yeah, it was pretty impressive. You set that trap. It really seemed like a set up. It did feel like a trap. I knew it would. Do you know if the subway surfing children survived? Yeah, that's a good question.

Yeah, they probably, we'd probably be stuck there longer if they died. Did you just stop the train? Did you stop the train? Tommy, did you stop the train? I saw them and I said, hey, get those. Fuck down. You little bastards. I got to be on podcast about lit.

I panced him. Nice. Pants a child. Kicked him. The conductor. The conductor. Oh, okay. You got a pants of conductor. I don't know how old the conductor is.

I was a genius. 17. It's fine. They got a little 17 year old kid. If he's at his job, yeah. You can pants a 17 year old guy. As soon as somebody is working at a job. Anybody with a job is chosen.

Yeah. It's prankable. Yeah. You're in the, you're in the, you're in. You're legally prankable. You're in prankable. You're in prank age. Yeah.

Like, how old would you do, 15, 16, you get your first job? As soon as you get your driving permit, I think. Because you can do car pranks. Car pranks. Yeah. You can put, like, big magnets on someone's car. Posted notes on some of the car. God, that's funny.

You can put the just married cans on the back of someone's car. You can, like, push a 15-year-old to the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As long as it's a prank. You can't hit. As long as you laugh.

Yeah. Yeah. And point. You can't hit, but you can push. Idiot. Yeah. Exactly. Or as long as you're filming.

Yeah, you need a camera. You need to be filming. How young would you fight? How young would you fight? What is the age at which somebody punches you

and just punches the shit out of you and you just kind of sit there? I think when does that turn into? I think I almost fought a 17-year-old at the park playing basketball like three weeks ago. Yeah, basketball is anything goes. I think it's more about,

I feel like it's more height. Height is the metric. I didn't fight him though. He would have killed me. If he wouldn't, if I was like, I think I might have would have had more words

but I was like I was like it's just a game whoa calm down sir it's literally just a game called him sir sorry sir

sir yeah unhand me but like if a five year old kid comes up and just starts wailing on you yeah I'm not

yeah fight back you fight a 10 year old no no 11 it's somewhere in high school you wouldn't fight a middle schooler I think it's

A 17-year-old? A 17-year-old? I knew some big-ass in two days. See, I just said it's height, man. You just proved my point. Yeah, okay. I think it is height more than age. Okay, so say an 80-year-old.

Whatever, look, look, I'm not a fighter. I would fight a... I'd fight a 7-year-old. I would fight a 7-year-old who is six feet tall. I would just kick an old man's ass. Yeah. Shut up. I was talking to you.

Oh, he's talking to shit. You're chatty. I was good, yeah. Yeah. A 70-year-old man is all super sure of himself. He was like fucking fuck you Fuck you But maybe an 80 year old is pushing it

80 year old is it Yeah I guess that's the more interesting question on the other end Uh huh Down the stairs Pushing him Exactly yeah Or in his wheelchair if you're a good grandson

Into the street No not into the street I'm gonna push him into the street Would you fight a 65 year old Yeah Easy Would you fight a 65 year old If he was one inch tall

What about RFK Are you asking this more as a term of being afraid that you're going to get hurt from fighting or if you're justifiable to justify back justifiable then 65 is the exact perfect age you should be yeah because they that person has they've had 65 years of life to make the decision that they're going to be like this yeah okay they're also not old enough that you're like what if you start the fight no I thought that was implied yeah how would you start the fight how would you mean that's implied the question is would you fight them yeah it was a question was the

If they're punching you, would you fight back? How would you start the fight? I'm not starting a fight with any of these people. Fuck you, pussy. Yeah. Piece of shit. Plus your old. Yeah.

Not dimension. That's what sets them off too. Yeah, exactly. Plus year old. They're not bad. They're not squirred. They're not squinting, man. If somebody does that, I'm out.

I'm gone. There's a lot of basically anything I'm out. Yeah. No, you don't want to fight. I'm not going to fight them. What about? Unless they have one arm. What about your good twin?

My good twin? You think I'm evil. What about your bad twin? You think I'm the evil twin? You got a bad twin walking around. If I had a twin, I'd fight my twin. You got to fight your twin every day. You got to fight your twin every day.

You got to fight a boy. Too many twins are out there like finishing each other's sentences and the same outfit and more twins should be fucking enemies. That's either enemies with your twin or you guys are like, you're like in cahoots. I hate when twins get drafted in the NBA and they're together. Cahoots, twin Cahoots is disgusting. I do think more, being twins is the perfect opportunity

to have like a perfect God-given nemesis. Yeah. And more people should have be squandering it. I would love to see the Sclar brothers on stage where they're doing like the, yeah, I'll learn the sentence there. Me fucking too. No, I'd love to see them on stage

where they're doing one of the jokes where they finish the sentence and then just one of, like, one of them is like, oh, we finish each other's and then he just goes, They should have done That's the whole set Those Sclar fighters On the late show we're fighting

Yeah We should come Stay for the late show We're gonna fight Yeah we've been talking about it Has anybody ever met the Sclar brothers? I have you have Yeah

How are they? They're great They're awesome Did you hang out with both of them? No I didn't hang out with it I just my The guy A guy I was opening up for

Was opening up for them at acne in Minneapolis. And I went to the show and then we were having a beer. They had one. They split a beer. A two-sided beer. It's a beer that's a bottle that has an opening

at both ends so they have to tilt it one way and then the other way. Yeah, it's like a big you. Yeah, they got a bunch of weird stuff going on. Yeah. They should do, it should be like a UFC style thing when it's only twins fighting the twins.

That's a great idea. Dana White would be all over that. That's a great idea. Twainer Twainna Doesn't really Make you Twainer right Doesn't sound like he wouldn't even

Be the twin He's not a twin he's not a twin he's just so fucking bald guy Twainer Twainer right Twainer right That's fun right Yeah yeah that's good Dana White and Dana Wong

They're fighting each other Oh that's good twin versus evil twin Yeah that's good White and Wong White and White If I'm Wong I don't want to be white That was good. Have you guys ever watched any of the power slap shit?

Yeah. If I'm Allie Wong, I don't want to be Allie White. Brother. If Ali is Wong. If Ali is Wong, I don't want to be right. I don't want to be white. If Ali is Wong, I don't want to be white. The power slap shit is really scary to me.

I mean, it is unfortunate that it is so entertained. yeah yeah it's just horrible to see anybody i mean to see anybody like get knocked out or real from a hit to the head is all right yeah but it's always the worst part of anything like that i don't support this this as a sport you don't it's okay i don't support it's okay i don't support it but you people do not realize these guys these guys were like this before they got slapped in the face yeah are we talking about this i'm not even worried about about About long-term, I don't care about the, I mean, they made their bet.

I just don't like to see it. The slap is. The one hit that you see their whole shit go back. I just don't like to see that part. I do appreciate that they put chalk on their hands like a, like a, yeah. That's cool. Kung-foo movie. Okay.

They should put those, they should put. Imagine that guy like on a Tinder date and they're like, so what do you do? And he's like, chalk all over his face. Yeah. I just got out of work. I'm on employees. A swollen handprint just on his cheek. I'm unemployed.

Oh, check just cash. $800. Oh, yeah. I've only seen the highlights of that. $800 for the year. That is what they get paid. It's like arena football. I think they get paid the exposure. They do like four fights a year.

They get paid $3,000 a fight. It's on TV. They're getting brain damage. It's just purely mainlining the brain damage from every other combat is just getting your biggest friend to punch you in the head as many times as he can. And see if you can stand up. Yeah. I've only seen the highlights of that.

Is it is the goal to get the biggest class? out of powder. Yeah, and then you like, and then you blow it a little tornado. Yeah. It's about blowing a big clouds.

They have the normal judges and they have one you judge who judge the powder. You have to rebound to the point, you have to make a huge tornado with the smoke

that comes off your face. Exactly. You have to have the mental wherewithal after getting slapped that hard to be able to do a trick with the powder. Yeah. Oh my God.

He wrote his name in the powder you want to slap big clouds but i think they should more people should be custom they should be having like glitter in their hand or confetti or like wearing like like flashing lights on their hand or more kind of like yeah yeah paint yeah exactly yeah black paint or oh my god writing in paint writing your name in reverse on your hand and like the punisher Laping them, yeah, and it brands their face. Property of Caleb. Fucking cool.

Petus on the forehead. Going out, going out to the bar and just thinking you might get in a fight, so you're every, like, a few, 10 minutes, you're freshening up, your painting out your hand. The temporary tattoo. I just need to keep, just in case.

Yeah. I feel like the energy in here is a little off. Yeah. But then you shake somebody's hand. Yeah. What's the property of Caleb? Ah, now you're fine. Sorry. I thought I was going to get into a fight.

Yeah. Whatever. A slap fight. I thought I was going to get into a slap fight. It's my thing. I get into a lot of slap boxing. Yeah. I was afraid of being slapped.

But all the guys are so fat and when they fall, that's when the most powder gets released. They should have another guy. They're all built like poncho from Emperor's New Groove. They should have kind of like a big ass arms. A side thing, like an undercard where it's the power slap going on between the really fat guys. And there's also skinny guys who have to lie down underneath them and be survived. That's like being on to. Yeah.

Power fallers and power sloppers They're just sitting there Just kidding you guys in braces Yeah They have to like sit like a table Like on all fours And if they have the fat guy lands on their back The fat guy lands on their back

It's like Well if they fall they can catch them in the net And take them home for dinner Yes Like it's their bounty That's They should there should just be Salmon fish

You could have like a bunch of five five guys And then you can have those guys moms on the sidelines and they're doing like a react thing where they have to like keep a they have to stop themselves from going yeah every time that their son gets crushed by a fact dude we would and we can just chain this exactly we chain that on then it's the lady the mom's employer her boss say is she behaving okay on tv or is this okay do we have to fire her company into disrepute and then it's just the rest of the chain of command yeah and then god we'd be so amazing as the commissioners yeah yeah we'd be so amazing at the

get to become the commissioners of the world industry but the world so what do you I manage a bunch of sloppers I manage

basically the moms are the skinny guys who lie under the sloppers he manages the moms I managed

the slapers I got the fucking skinny guys yeah I got the slapers the bitch moms skinny guys I got the fucking

yeah I got the wimp skinny guys really one of the big slappers the slappers Tommy got the sloppy

I got the fucking skinny guys I got the fucking bosses I got the boss is talking The moms. It's bullshit, man.

B-S. But I do like that new sports are still being invented. Yeah, basketball was a documentary, bro. What? Basketball was a documentary. Wow, that's real shit. Basketball. Baseball?

You've never seen basketball? Oh, buddy. That's just like how a Chicago guy's pronounce his basketball. Yeah, we're watching basketball. This is a movie that has Trey Parker and Matt Stone, not as cartoons. They're not even tunes, dude. They're tuneless? They're tuneless.

He does Cartman voice in it, though. Really? Yeah. I've actually never seen it. Oh, it's so good. It's the guy who wrote airplane who made it. They go into the world of basketball. They invented a game called basketball in their driveway.

Wow. Okay. And it becomes a big game. It becomes a national sport. That's good news. Yeah. That's good news. That's good news.

That's pretty good. Try it. Try it. What did you say? B-I. I was going to go beat, bot, boop, but. Because they're like robot guys. You want to put it like over here.

You get the side of the, what's this, the larynx? You guys invent this? Yeah. I think so. We invented it like, I think we did. We invented it like four weeks ago. We were doing sound effects for the Dungeons and Dragons. Actually, that was the first thing we started.

How did your taxes go this year? How do you? It's not good Like on the real Not good On the real not good But it's a lot Yeah

Well that's why you're here Yeah Well you didn't fucking I was nowhere to be found On tax day That's true And we got audited And that's why you're here

To go over our receipts Do you have receipts We do You know what We did this year We did We did e file We did e file

And we put everything We scanned everything We did a PD file Dang We did and we fucking killed them Yeah, that's right. We fucking killed a pedophile. Real shit.

Yeah, so put that on the, put that under a deductible. That's a write-off. We didn't even film that shit. We just did that. We fucking killed a pedophile. Well, you should film that because I can write that off. We can't write it off because we didn't film it. You need to film it so I can write it off.

So we didn't film it. So we're bad, we're fucked? Well, let's just say it never happened. Okay, it didn't happen. So it didn't happen so it's not a write-off. No, no. Another, another missed opportunity. you guys bust out your taxes on the live show?

No, because they aren't so much funny as they are scary, I would say. They got scary this year. They got scared. First year in New York. Well, first year in New York, you just don't even pay them. And then you don't do that for a couple years. And that's when it starts to get scary. And then it hits and you go, oh, wait, I'm getting a little scared.

And you go, oh, my God, I'm running a business. Yes, it's a very scary type of a position. That's what you're here. You're here to save us. and look at our receipts and tell us what we're doing wrong financially. It's honestly scary. I'm going to start because I haven't been podcasting for like nine months and it's been great. Yeah.

It's really nice. I took a break. Yeah. But I'm going to start a one just a classic co-Tommy and a guest. Tommy and a couple guests. Tommy show. Nice. We're starting the Tommy Bear TV.

What's a call? Tommy TV? Tommy TV. Tommy TV sounds good. Tommy TV. Tommy TV. Are you going to be able to file for us? That's the thing.

I'm talking to my, because my friends, like, I'll produce everything and I'll handle all of, like, the paperwork. And him just going over, he's like, so here's what we're doing for, like, an LLC. Scary. And I'm like, no. Yeah. Just, just, we're hanging out. Yeah, exactly. And he's like, trust me, he's like, but, like, you do need to open up another account.

And we're going to have it all through this account. Well, actually, I wish somebody had told me that when we started. So it's a good thing, but it is scary. Yeah, because he's a music producer, my friend. So he's going to be a bit of a musical show. He has his own, like, music studio. So he's, like, did all the paperwork, and he's like, I will do this for you. And we can film this in my studio.

How much you have in a front? Because you've got to pay all those fees. Dude, not that much. Nice. Oh, well, that's not that interesting, man. Not that much. But the paperwork is so daunting and scary. And the name, social security.

It's just the legality of it, and you're like, and then I'm like, I don't even know if I want to fucking talk to anybody anymore. Yeah, exactly. Because it's going to be hanging over you the entire time of like, great, I'm at fucking work. Yeah, great. Now I'm at fucking work.

Yeah, exactly. But I'm like, yeah, I feel like I'll forget about it in a month. Yeah, I think you'll be okay. You know. Well, you had the problem with starting in April. Where you're already thinking about your taxes. Exactly. It's on the mind.

Yeah. It's a good point. Oh, new job? Or starting. Starting doing all that. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, just like, yeah, because I just did my taxes. Exactly. Yeah. So I actually, yeah, that's actually why I did my taxes. Let me tell you what, man. It's fucking. The IRS does not have a podcaster option on the filing.

So you have to just kind of guess what they think you do. Yeah. What did you put? I don't remember. Yeah, I don't know. And actually, I probably shouldn't say. Yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't podcast. Can you just do entertainer? I know. I think so. Yeah, but we're not entertainers. No. No. No, we're fucking scientists or something. We're researchers for the good humanists. You guys are anthropologists. Yeah, exactly.

You're anthropologists and it's like you're on the ground floor doing research. I put anthropology employee and then they were like, well, you need to get W-9s from them. And I was like, what the fuck? We just did a whole fucking psychological case study on the slapas. Yeah, exactly. We talked about the sloppas and the skinnies and the mama's in the mama's. The Skinnies and the Mamas good band-in. Have you heard the Slap is the Skinnies and the Mamas?

They're from Vermont. They're so from Vermont. They have a very West Coast sound. Power Slap Skinny Mom. The Slap is the Skinny's and the Mamas. All right. Show us the receipts that you have shown. Show them damn receipts.

It should be on a PowerPoint. I don't know if actually you told Julio that they were. I think I did tell Julio that they were on there. It says taxes. How does that go? Tax Day. Me and Julio down by the schoolyard. Do you like my new Drason Mraz type of look?

This is something, yeah, we all got... This is incredible. You like this? You're going to look like the coolest, like 50-year-old. You're going to be like a sunglasses. You could be a sunglasses and side guy when you're like 50 years. Then put them on the top of my head when I walk in somewhere. Yeah, dude, you should move to Florida, man.

I'm going to. You look Cuban. Thank you. You look like a Cuban-Pi-Stout. Where did you put it, Pat? Did you put it in a folder or something? It's right. It's up on the screen now.

All right. So this is from Shiny's Fashion Emporium. I think I bought this. I can't. I can't tell if I bought this or not. What is your diagnosis? Is it? I'm not you're trying to say Chinese, but you said Chinese.

Was this a correct decision to purchase these items by Patrick? On a company card. So I purchased a crew to live Terry Kennedy full zip hoodie for $58. A poloma wool dyed beanie, dragon jeans, Supreme New York socks, Reebok answer fives. BBC ice cream. Yeah, that's the brand. The collab.

I just got kind of hungry. Yeah. And then I spent $895 on custom vans. Did you return any of this? I think I'm wearing, I think for some reason I might be wearing all of it. You're not wearing the vans. You're not wearing the vans. Oh, well, I keep them on the set.

They're in that bag right there. You spent this on the company card? Yeah, I bought all this on the company card. They're in that? Yeah, they're in that bag right there. If you can pull that up for us, that white bag right there. That's right. You owe me $895.

Yeah. So I spent $895 on these. and I think it might be because of the diamonds. Can you hold those up in front of this camera right here? This is this camera too. It might be the diamonds on the side. Why is there a picture of me on the van? I don't know if that's a picture of you.

These are just some... These were designer custom. That's me at the filibuster diner in Boston. That's a classic picture that's honestly been kind of lost. And there's diamonds on this. It's so long. Yeah. One of the best pictures

on the back it says, you look like, you look like, you look like, you look like 10% black here. Well, you know what happened.

You know what happened. You might feel differently about this. Now, this was a panoramic photo gone wrong. So that's, that's very telling

that that's, yeah, but look at the, look at the heel on those. Look at the, the heel of those shoes there. What's on the,

heel. Well, there's diamonds on the side. It's diamond encrusted. But then on the heel. You look like logic, bro. Thank you. The heel tab, like right there. Oh, you're saying that though.

Yeah. I think I got my name embroidered. Pug, oh. Why is it like that? I don't know. Why is it spelled like that? I think I got these custom made

from the factory. Somebody sent me these. And I spent $895 on these. So the other one, I mean, we'll pull the other one out too. We've got to see the full set here. Well, is it the same. Well, I'm guessing the back of it is probably different.

Yeah, it probably says about list. Yeah, it says about list. And I mean, it still has the diamonds on the side. The million, like, well, I can see how, I mean, this is a good purchase. Yeah. This is a one, this was good on the company card. Have you worn these before? No, these have been kind of sitting in my, my closet as kind of a, like, a rainy day

show. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, like, when you go to the Oscars? Well, no, I don't mean literally, yeah. Why don't you just get them custom made? No, these are for when we go to the Oscars or something. For like a Chinese website or something like that. He did, Chinese.

No, no, no, no, no, Chinese. Yeah, Chinese website. Yeah, I went to Chinese, Chinese Fashion Emporium. Right. And I got jewels encrusted. Do you see the jewels? Yeah. The jewels and diamonds.

So good purchase or bad purchase? Do you think this is good? Do they really cost $895? Somebody sent me these. Somebody who worked at Vance. So that. those numbers were fake. You've been trolled.

First the Wolverine Claw. Now this. This is the fucking Eric Andre's shop. The whole set. Let's look at the next receipt. Yeah. Yeah, let's look at the next receipt. Let's look at the next one.

I was going to say, because I'm like, there's no way your guys' dynamic is strong enough to where Patrick can spend anywhere close to that amount of money where there's not a giant blowup happening that would be pretty bad a huge

a $900 shoe on the on the company card would be also the thing is it's not out of the question either yeah no it's it could happen

definitely but it was possibly a soft launch right here honestly these are fire then what would you I was getting would you wear these

in your day to day life you wouldn't wear these every day I wear them you could tell people it was It's me.

I would wear them. I just can't. These are my friend Caleb. He's on my shoes. And this is his podcast name on the back, Podkast. Did he mess that up? I would wear them. I'd wear them like.

I think they did that on purpose. Would you hoop in these? I wouldn't, I couldn't hoop in these. My legs are already fucked up. I've been playing too much, honestly. Yeah. But I would wear these. I would wear these out a few times. Yeah.

And I would, you know. What do you think about the rest of the outfit? Who's best dress? Let's actually talk, Fitz. So, yeah, what's the inspiration? These are just all my company clothes that I have to wear because they're on the company card. Did, but no one sent you those?

I got these for free. Someone sent you? Some of my friend gave me them for working at his booth. And then the hoodie? I bought this for the tour. Concert? Crew, man. This shit was popping in 2008.

You don't remember this? You look sick, man. You look sick, man. This is the South... And I got something... I went to Turkey, but for no reason. I took a trip. Oh, yeah.

Peep the dome. You just notice now he has a wig on? He just noticed I'm wearing a wig. No, I knew... No, but I was... Dude, you just... No, I was... No, I was...

No, the idea that... You go to Turkey and get there. I will say you look pretty natural with a wig on. Yeah, and also, I'm getting really used to... Yeah, yeah, it does look pretty normal. Yeah, I feel like if you take it off, it's, you know, like those videos of like the dads who shave and then their kids start crying. Yeah, that would happen, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just the idea that you go to Turkey and you get hair, but not like a, because of a transplant, but just because everyone that are so hairy.

You just get a whiff. You just get a whitt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go to Turkey and get hair, you know, you go to Mexico, you're going to pick some. I'll pick up a little Spanish. Yeah.

Exactly. Go on Durk, you go and pick up a little hair. Exactly. All right, show us the next receipt. Yeah, what's the next receipt here? Is this real or fake? This looks real. It's real, man.

Sugar Rush Candy Co. Okay, well, this sounds real. This is August 25th, 2024. Okay, well, what's up with the candy around this time? I don't know. Who's getting sugar-free gummy bears? Can you just read the, can you just read this itemized receipt for us? Magas sour gummy.

They were mega. They were mega. Mega sour gummy, I can barely see. Assorted taffy variety pack. 10 pounds. Covered pretzels, 4 pounds. Vintage candy sampler box. Giant jawbreakers, 20 piece.

Imported liquorish mix. Rainbow lollipops 100 piece. Peanut butter fudge, three pounds. Ew, bro. That's disgusting. Why? Candy coated popcorn tin. Marshmallow Madness Tub

Y'all got a damn Pug Marshmallow Madness Tuck Not anymore, man, we ate that shit Candy necklace Party bag Party bag Party pack

Rock candy Crystal sticks Okay, good or bad How much of that costs? Of assorted taffy variety That's a lot That's like, dude

this is like heavy 500 pounds isn't that heavy. What's wrong with this purchase? I mean, it was a, it's a good purchase. I'm surprised it. How many pounds is it? So it's 15, 19 pounds, 25 pounds to 20. 100 pieces.

It's in dollars. So 28. This is like, this is about like, I would estimate because it's, there's the 100 pieces. Each piece is a pound. Yeah. 45 pounds of candy. Probably about 45 pounds. Probably about 45 pounds of candy.

Yeah. For a mere 400. That's a pretty good deal. So would that be as a financial advisor? Let's just get a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Thumbs up, thumbs down. That's fine because it's okay to throw up. Okay, we got that.

That's fine. We got that on camera. That's thumbs up. Yeah, that's okay. If you own a small business, you can have a candy party. Yeah, it's funny. It's like, it's, you're in the business of entertainment and you're entertaining. And how can you, yeah, like, how could you be funny if you never ate candy?

Exactly. Thank you for saying. You should just put your name in your taxes as K. Caleb de Anitana. That's probably a pretty good idea. Caleb de entertainer. Let's keep going through these receipts. We need it.

We got to make sure that this stuff is okay. Oh, what is this? The movie vault? This is from the movie vault. It looks like. The emoji movie. 1499, AVP Requiem, Dragon Wars, Transformers 2,

Moonfall, Gods of Egypt, Tom and Jerry. Year 1, Scooby-Doo box set, Ant Boy 3, Black Adam, Anaconda. Childs Play 3. Alvin and the Chipmunk Faces of Death Do you guys do an episode where you just like

watched movies? No, I didn't even I don't know who bought this Was that Face of Death Tusk, Elf, Gamer Evan Almighty Blart, it just says Blart not Pol

I'm trying to figure out what do all the movies have in common and I can't find a through line Well, they're all DVDs And then Rampage, Dinner for Schmucks Clean Xbox 3 Avina lotion blueberry scented

and waterproof So you guys were at a thrift store and you found it? Well, this is the movie vault. This is all purchased at the movie vault somehow. Why would there be a Kleenex box, a vino lotion, and a waterproof finish? I mean, not that I would know. So you went to, or somebody here went to the movie car.

I mean, it could have been somebody who found the company card on the ground. That's a good point. That's a good fraud. Also, this could be fraud. Yeah. Well, waterproof could be a fraudulent person. Yeah. That's a good point.

I mean, it is a lot, like, who in their right mind would watch, would want to own all those movies? Maybe a buff. You don't want to watch Gamer with Gerard Butler? That's a good-ass movie. It's good as fuck, man. Looks like Gears of War? I mean, I don't know, man. You don't want to watch Black Adam?

Wonder why. Motherfucker. Racist. Okay, next we're seeing. All right. Let's see the next. Okay, this is an ATM receipt right here. I can't read it because we're in the way.

Did you guys watch all those movies? Wixen Stripped. Stop, stop! Who's watched? Who did it? I don't know. We don't know. Did you take those for your home?

This was all, this was all, they all, it was emailed to the company card through square. These are just our receipt. We don't know where receipts. We have no way of knowing. We just have one car. Dude, you know that you, the, The last time you were on this show, you ruined my life. Yeah.

You introduced us. I quit vaping and then you gave me one of these fucking things. Yeah. And now I... I quit them, man. I know. And then you quit and left me in the dust. I don't get one in the Zen dust.

Huh? Yeah, dude, whatever. I don't go to fuck about the things I own. Well, let's look at this next... Hold on. Pull the receipt back up. So this is at the Vixen strip club in Ridgewood, New York. You guys aren't even going to say who fucking bought all the movies.

We don't know. We don't know. It's just a squared thing. It's just some square. It's just on the car. It doesn't even matter who bought them? No, I don't think it matters at all. No, no, no, no.

Y'all weird. You all weird for that? Okay. I don't. Is this weird to take? Yeah, so this was a Vixen, there's an ATM receipt at Vickson Strip Club in Ridgewood, New York. Midnight on the dot. Midnight on the dot.

Were you taking clients here? I don't know. I don't know if I was. What does that mean? And someone took out $200 at Vickson Strip Club and the Atecson. ATM feed made it so that the available balance in the company account was only $84 and then proceeded to buy

10 Diet Cokes plus a $20 tip and drained the company car. That's a really good I'm going to say. I don't, I got a lot of things to say about just this is real? Yeah. This is real. Yeah, it's real.

Yeah, well. Yeah, dude, the bartender was Jessica M. Wait. Can you just give 100% confirmation that that's real. It's real. It's real.

It's real, 100% real. Put that on. Let's look at the next one. No, that's not real. Let's go to the next one. That's not, no one. This one, okay. Stop.

No, just read this one out. Read this one out. Read this one out. Going to the strip club and you order it four times. No, it was 10 Diet Coke. It's real. It's real. The next one's real, too.

Read this one out. Read this one out. All right. Burning oil, 40 drums. Press plates, three. Halbird. Clay. It's like a sword.

Broad sword, battering ram, crossbow of $300. First off, the battering ram is $1,200. Burning oil was 2,000 clean. The catapult was 750 The crossbow bolts are cheap Yeah They're pretty

The spellbook was 200 though Look at what it's got Yeah It does come With drain life And haste Yeah

War elephant $5,000 for a war element That's a good That's a good That's a good That's a really good That's a really good price

Burning oil You're getting ripped off on Yeah For 40 drums That's 40 drums That's 40 drums Of burning oil

40 drums of... It's already burning. Yeah. Wait, really? How are you gonna get at home? What's burning? What's burning? Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. But like, you have a war elephant for only $3,000 more. That's true. That is a really good... You could have got to... That's got to be a sick elephant.

I mean, you scrap the catapult, you scrap the battering ram and the burning oil. And we don't need eight jugs of me. And you can get two elephants. Oh, maybe you don't need eight jugs of meat. You're like, okay, guys, let's make a fake receipt.

What if we went to war, that'd be funny. You know what else would insane going to the strip club and ordering 10-dye-cote. And you know what? The strip club things crazier to me. What do you mean fake?

Make fake receipts? You didn't make fake receipts. You could clearly see I was from Forge and Armory Supplyco. I wouldn't be friends. If someone went to the strip club and they said, I was like, okay, that's fine. I ordered 10 dieticans. I would be like. If you saw the receipt at the end of the time.

I think we're not, Hank. I mean, what? You went here stone sober and drank 10 diacokes while you were there. And you got it became hyper as fun. Yeah. Well, you just. Took out $200 and then drained the rest of your bank account. Yeah.

How? How? It's good for you. That's got a lot of what? It's better for you than nothing in it. You'd start. It's diet. There's a zero calorie drink.

It's not bad for you. It's neutral. It's almost nothing. It's a net neutral. It's a net neutral thing. What's the next receipt? Yeah. Pull up another one here.

Another real receipt. Yeah. Yeah, it's the same one. So this is Live Nation, VIP ticket receipt January 21st 2024 event Louis CK live at Madison Square

Cardin Oh the professor The professor Do you think this was good? Do you think that this was worth it? VIP front row Pretty good prices for VIP front row It's the service fees they fuck you on

Yeah The service fees are really expensive too Yeah I mean this is comedy Yeah So this is right offable Oh for sure Because we're studying

Yeah you're studying the master. Yeah. But the catapults in the elephant. That is nothing to do with the... We don't have to... Future episode. That's a sketch?

Yeah. Yeah. We're going to use that in an episode. That's a sketch comedy video. Yeah, with the war elephant. Yeah. Okay, this... Heavy Duty Mart, your equipment and snacks specialist.

Okay, so we have a lays bar. So this was on November 7th, 2024. Okay. at 253 p.m. Lays Barbecue 0.5 ounce bag, 149. Not bad. Not bad.

It's right offable. Right offable. Caterpillar 690FS Escavator $1,950,000. I don't even remember buying that. I want to be honest.

Well, we needed it to build the set. That's true. We're going to dig out a space underneath the building. So that's one, that's all, it's about, two mill. Well, with sales tax, it clears, clears two mill. Yeah.

The chips, yeah. The chips are really. I mean, honestly, yeah, we should just not get the chips here. Right. Yeah. Should it not. You should have made the chips at home. Because the chips are also hard to write off because it's like, well, you know that

three guys aren't splitting one fucking half ounce of bag. Yeah, but if you're going to do like a show that night. That's a good point. You can write off the chips. Yeah. Because the chips are the meal. It's the meal. Yeah.

And we do shit. 0.5 ounce bag. What's a caterpillar? So, just like a big... Well, it's an excavator. Yeah. So what are, so are you also using this for a video, like, are you... No, that's, that's like, you know, are you...

That's behind the scenes. We are going to demolish a house. We will eventually. The Ronald McDonald's house. But that's what the cat of white house. We will demolish the Ronald McDonald house. Yeah. I'm sick of that fucking shit.

Uh-huh. Ruing the neighborhood. Yeah. That's the... That's what it looks like. Damn, it's really big. Do you think that's worth two mill? Julio, turn off this feed of our outside. Yeah, shut off the...

Stop showing people. Don't show the garage. The garage of the office. You know, I just used to work for a guy who had one of those. And I just can't believe that he... Because if you knew the guy, you'd be, like, he has no money. But he, like, does own one of those. So I'm just kind of like, how did he do that?

How does any fucking idiot, can we say retard on the show? Yeah, send it. How does any fucking retard start a construction company and buy one of those? Well, this is, I think, just a specifically, a really, really big one. This is one they usually see in other countries. Yeah. This is like a, this is a rush. This is a one that's in like a diamond line.

It's like a Dubai. You need two ladders to get into this one. And some stairs. Oh my God. I didn't even notice. This one's big as far. This one is gigantic. This is better than having an apartment.

So this is an apartment. So we are using this as housing. This isn't real. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. There's a machine like that that exists. Yeah.

There's bigger ones. There's bigger ones. How cool is that? All right. What else do we got? Yeah. Let's see the next one. Yeah, let's see the next one.

Telly RX. This is three months supply of Rogain foam. 30-day supply of Hymns fanasteride and 1-16-ounce 1-16-ounce Dr. Seby's hair regrowth tonic Oh, interesting. Bill to Cameron Fetter,

that's the last motherfucker I would expect that to be. I'm using it down. You want more? Try to get really long, yeah. Yeah. It's a little short. I don't like how cleanly poop

comes out of my butt. I wish more. would get caught. Yeah, I like when it gets caught. You have to rip out the hair. You think if you rip out the hair, that's good hair, man. Is that possible? You just took Rogan and put it all over your ass?

You can't injected, concentrated rogain in your cheeks? No doubt. Yeah. And you probably get a big ass, too, so inflamed and red. Yeah, it's so hot. Yeah, it'd be fucking hot. Your butt would get so infected that you could squeeze it and then shoot the hairs out. Ew.

Exactly. Listen, I don't want to think about that, Tom. me, you're gross. Yeah, what are you saying, man? You sound disgusting right now. Shoot the hairs at you. Let's keep going. Let's see.

Keep them coming. I'm actually dead. Okay. Will you read this one, Pat? So this is from the Curiosity Shop, unusual goods for discerning collectors. So I guess we bought droop flap, yellow peeper. Dibble boops Blop

We Boob balls With yellow bubbles Obviously We bought a purple Spring Inflatable paper Paper yellow

Yellow Pippers Yellow Piper What is that one Say? Beasts pieces Pieces Pieces

Ten kilos of black tar heroin that cost us about 50 grand yeah that's mostly the heroin yeah but we're flipping that blue soup is pretty expensive I know blue soup is $7.

It's good as fuck well you just got consumer fool buddy at 799 those yellow bubbles ain't bad no yellow bubbles are a pretty good price and boo boo boo balls usually go for close to $5 so I'm pretty impressed that they're of that good of a price

yeah that's a pretty good price oh what is this one has happened. I don't know. Something scary happened that I don't understand. A technical difficulty. This is a new screen. You got your shoes just that Caleb.

I bought these just because they say clay on the back and that's what I made. Clay. That's cool. You got the clay ones. And then I pulled up. I go, yo. You're on my shoe, motherfucker. And then he bought the same pair.

That's nice. So I am about, you know, wearing some friends. Yeah. Giving your friend some exposure. Who doesn't like through your clothing? Yeah. Yeah. People go like, what are these?

I'm like, the clay wants. What's so? They're like, I've never seen that brand. I go, my roommate? He's a cool guy, man. Yeah. Is the brand clay? Clay with a E.

Oh. Yeah. Fuck out of here with the clash. Okay. What's this one here? This is Apple App Store receipt, purchase summary for the month of April, 2024. This looks like Coinmaster, 300 coins.

Ubaltopia, 100 gold bubs, fruit flop, 500 banana tokens, helicopter rush, 150 jet fuel. You guys should invent, like, you guys should come with a video game. Leps World 200 rainbow gems, Soldier Simulator XV, 1,000 ammo packs, Wheel of Love, 100 free spins. That's nice. Wow. Hedge Trimmer Adventure Remove ads, Soda World, 200 Soda Points, and Life of Pogo 50 Pogo power-ups. How much the 200 soda? Wait, you spent 200 Soda points? No, these are, I think this is someone

was buying kind of in-app purchases. The soda points was, just like, getting into other currency? It was $1.99, it seems like, for the, for just, for 200 soda points, one not bad. So now you have soda points on you and you can spend those. You can flip those and you can trade soda points. Soot points are up to, way up. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. You can look at. Yeah, I guess soda, if soda points have gone up, this is a great investment. Pogo power ups are down, though. Yeah. Yeah, but you only got 50 of them. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad.

And 100 free spins. You use those right. right away. Yeah. But it makes sense. It's $9.99. Where do you check where if soda points are up or down? In the stock market.

On the app, Soda World. On the app Soda World. Yeah. It'll tell you if it goes up or if it's down. If it's down, it'll play an alarm sound while you're asleep. The Mountain Dew Jones. On the New Jones. Oh, I'm getting it.

I'm starting to getting it. Nas do. Yeah. Nas do. Yeah. The New Jones. The D-D-Jones. The D-R-P.

D-R-P. yeah what's for dr pepper okay you can check let's run through these because i gotta go in a minute yeah okay this is uh twitch tv transaction history

from jubio tv and it says they were purchased on the sullivan the frog enterprise company card 100 bits to asman gold every pretty much every yeah at 3 a.m. every night i don't even think he's online then that's interesting because 100 bits is a 1 dollar

yeah yeah i think he seems like he's just trying to get his attention. Yeah. You know who Asman Gold is? No. He's a Twitch streamer who has no teeth. No, he has teeth. He's rotten teeth.

Yeah. His nasty teeth. Only he has some teeth now because he gave him so much money. You got so many of your bits. $1 a tooth. $6, man. You gave him six bucks. What's the next one?

Is that the last one? Do we have more? I think this is all fine. All these purchases are very far. You know, we've all been, you know, because what about this? This is, I think this is a business meal we have. Is a business lunch? is a Halloween restaurant, the Feast of Fear at 1313 Haunted Land. The server was Grim Reaper.

Okay. Items ordered. Jackalanta. 899, great price. Bats stew, 1249. Decent. Devil bites. Talk about those? Devil bites. I don't. They were spicy. Yeah, spicy. Blunt beer, 599. Mummy burger. What does that look like? It has a rags. It's a burger wrapped in. But it's like bacon. Oh, they did the bake, right. Hot dog with It's a hot, chained up hot dog. Fries of pandemonium.

And then a 666% tip. Oh, well, the scared. You skip right over the scar. Oh, I didn't even see the scared surcharges. I will say that is too big of a, and I'm a big tipper. Yeah. Yeah. That they know me.

I'm a big tippa. Momby burger is wrapped up in like white uncooked bacon. Yeah. Boiled bacon. Yeah. It's to make it look like paper. Right. Or papyrs.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to mummify it. Yeah. And then, but that's too big of a tip, straight up. Well, we were caught up in the spirit of the meal. Had a couple, I mean, listen. And the Grim Reaper is such a sweetie.

Yeah, he did a good job. He did a good job. He scared us. Yeah. He didn't scare us. Four blood beers deep, too. Grin Reaper's hot. Oh, my God.

Very revealing clothes. Oh, yeah. Open cloak. Oh, my God. You can see every last. I'd like to get my hands on those bones. Shake those bones. How about that?

Or jump those bones. Yeah. Shake them. Shake your bones. Shake them and then jump them. Shake your bones. Let's shake your bones. Was that the last one, Julio?

I think that's the last. Oh, this is $3,600 on Zell from Caleb Picks. Did you guys make up that excavator? No, that's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. It's right there.

There's an excavator that big. Yeah. There's one's bigger ones than that, bro. They have quite big. This is for mining diamonds and stuff. Mines. Yeah. news to you

you got to get your equipment up you gotta start getting some some machinery so this one I'm not ashamed of this yeah you sent $3,600 to Tony Hinchcliff and said put me on big bro

I feel like that's a pretty clear right off yeah yeah it's for it's clearly it's a fucking bribe it's for the career yeah I mean it easily is obvious it's easily obvious yeah let me sit between you

and Brian Redband on that fucking stage. I thought finally a buffer between them. Yeah. Somebody needs to get a horrible hate flying between them. I would be like, guys, remember when you guys first started?

Your friends. You guys were friends. Don't let this tear you apart. And he'd be going to present. Oh my God. Oh. Yeah. And Tony would be like,

are you seriously saying that right now? That's a really good. Yes. Yes, Tony. The hint. By the way, I had a ramen for dinner. If you've never had a soft-boiled egg and have you never had a soft-boiled egg, you've got to try it. Fucking kill yourself, Red Band.

No, you can't be mean to Red Band like that, man. And Red Band be making fucking Apex Twin Beats on this shit. Every time that Tony would basically start mouthing off, you'd just hand him a soft-boiled egg. Oh, my God. This is delicious. This is fucking amaze balls. Yeah. And then a woman comes on with a ribbon around her neck.

And everyone goes, damn, she's a weird fucking freak. Let's give her the ticket. Here's the ticket. Here's the ticket. The biggest freak gets the ticket. Oh, we got a disability. Her head falls off. Let's hear of the ticket.

What an awful, awful show. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. But it's funny. We're trying to get on it. I'm trying to get on it too. Who isn't, right? All right, Tommy.

people's to come to the Grove 34 and Astoria. Grove 34 and a story. God, that's far away. You're in Richwood. God, that's far. It's a hop skip and a jump. It's only a hop from Ridgewood. Okay. I'll say.

So it's not that far. Yeah, come to that Friday night, 9 p.m. follow me on social media. Tommy Bear Time. I'll have a podcast out. And if I do, you know, check it out. Yeah, yeah. I'll have these guys on individually.

We would love to be there. Yeah, you don't want to see. And you'll break down the relationship. Figure out what's going on at every point. I'm going to have everyone on individually, and we're going to talk shit about... Please, oh my God, I've gone first. It's going to be a therapy session where you'll be like, dude,

just tell me what you hate about Patrick and Caleb, you know, and then back... You know the season three of White Lotus, the three girls who were talking shit? Did you guys watch season three of White Lotus? I saw my wife watch it and I walked by it. I had wife. You walked by White Lotus? I had the walk by the TV show.

When the wife was watching it? Yeah, White Lotus, pretty little liars. I call that show Wife Lotus. Yeah, that's pretty much. Mostly for the wives. Yeah. The husband's not so much. The husbands are watching TV shows such as Failoraming.

My girl got me watching Bridgeton. Bridgerton. No, you're watching Bridgerton. Have you seen it? Do you know about it? I've walked by it. You know about these are the shows girlfriends are watching. I've walked right by that show.

They get so good. Once you watch three episodes of any show. If you're done like me, if you watch three episodes of any show, you're like this is the best show of all time. Getting grossed. Yeah. Three episodes and I'm like, this is the best show of all time.

Yeah. Well, Bridgerton is the best show of all time. So check out Bridgerton. Check out. Check out. Tommy Bayter time. Check out Bridgerton. Us three without Tommy.

Oh. We're going to be in Boston. What was that? On May 23rd. It's really sad. Sorry. Sorry. It's a soundboard.

He had that cute. May 23rd. We're going to be in Boston. And then are we announcing it today? No. Okay. Got your ass. Next week.

Next week we're going to be announcing something. goodbye whoa you know what's making us run out of space is this this drawing of some guy that you did that you did I did a drawing I didn't draw this that you did a drawing of yourself

I didn't draw this he was like this fucking mirrors broken Patrick coming in and drawing this you weren't wearing a beanie today though if I was wearing a be pretty accurate do you feel like this is a good drawing of you I think it's pretty good. I think that my chin is wrong, but other than that,

they got the mustache. The chin is right. I think it's a pretty good, a pretty good representation of your chin. You have the line. You do have the line. I don't have the line. You clearly have the line.

Yes, you do have a line. It's not that pronounced. But it's there. It's a line. Yeah, it's all, I only had one pencil. Well, I, but that's the thing.

If you just draw somebody with big eyebrows and a mustache like that, like even if you took away the beanie that, it's going to look. but what about the almond shaped eyes and the chin in the chin you don't know you don't think it looks like you anymore okay cam do you think this is a good drawing of him it's a good drawing of him it is a good drawing of me and i got a hair right there is this like you got what the hair on his chest oh i thought you said the hand he's all hairy