Podcast About List - Ep. 343 - Celebrating National Making Life Beautiful Day part 1

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

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This weekend, we're going to be in Cleveland and Pittsburgh, guys, Saturday and Sunday. We're very excited, and we need y'all to come out. And I'm actually going to announce something about it, which is that there is being a contest. Yeah. Which between the two cities. Now, I don't know if Cleveland and Pittsburgh have any type of rivalry. I think some sports teams, yeah. The Pirates and the Reds, maybe.

Guys, I got it. I'm going to say, whoever sells the most. tickets, which whoever city to sells more tickets will not be wiped out by a nuclear bomb. And I'm going to sweeten the pot a little bit. Whichever city wins more tickets.

The next time we come there, ice cream social. Yeah, because we're going to bring ice cream. We'll definitely be coming back to both of these cities. Well, one of them, whichever one has the most tickets. And I'm also going to say something right now. Pittsburgh. Here's my message to you. You know, and let's, uh,

As my dad called it on the phone today, Cleveland, the armpit of the United States. Wow, that's a roast. That's a genuine roast. Pittsburgh, you got to show up. Even they are beating you. Pittsburgh, the Steeler, the Steel City. Here's my plea to you. Ditch your father.

We did not know it was Father's Day when we booked this. That's true. It's something they announced last minute. They announced last minute when it was. And also, I know that all of you in Pittsburgh probably have all day, all night plans with your dad's. I know you ain't got shit to do. That is such a funny reason for us and not-sill tickets be like, it's Father's Day. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. But both of you guys, buy some more tickets and come see us. It'll be fun. Yes.

just hurry up man we started we started recording yeah i did the clap and it was sucked because we didn't have your yeah we did the clap without you i did a bad clap too everyone could hear it and see how bad it was who is i don't think anyone's got people don't hear the clap i don't think people can even probably hear patrick we got to go put a mic in the the phone. Pat, Pat, call in. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We're both here.

Wait, who do I call? Cameron or Caleb. Wow, he made a choice. Oh, it's me. He called you? Okay, you're on. Is it not working? Speaker, bro.

Okay. Hey, man. What's up? So can you explain to the people why you're not currently on the camera? I'm in the bathroom. Yeah, doing what? I'm taking a shit. I didn't want to do this, but I ate a pineapple bun.

What is that? Did you get dim sum or something? Yeah, I went to, there's like a little window in Chinatown. I was with China. Oh, here's something funny that happened. What happened? I was in Chinatown, right? And I throw something out.

And immediately I see this older man digging through the trash. And I said, oh, hey, there's half of a bun in this bag if you want some food. And then he looked at me all mad and then held up a water bottle and looked at me and, like, showed me the water bottle. bottle and it was like, no, I don't want food. Like, to say like, I don't want food, this is what I want. He wanted water. He wanted recycling. He wanted, he was

a recycling type guy. Yeah. You thought he was looking for food. You thought he wanted half of a bun that made you poop six hours later. A six hour delayed poop. If you, if you're digging in the trash, I don't think it's

crazy for somebody to be like, oh, here's some food. I don't I think it's crazy, but I wouldn't do it. I think there was some clues there that would have told you that he was looking for recycling. If a guy was like asking people for money, I would probably give him food. Did he look

hungry? Did he look hungry? He looked hungry. I don't believe you. I think you saw him going through the trash. How many? He had an open mouth. He did. He had an open mouth when he did that. Okay.

Well, I guess that seems a little hungrier. Oh, this is smart. Did you drop your phone? No, I'm putting the phone on your chair next to them, up against the microphone. All right. What's that noise, bro? Hello?

Hello? Did we lose you? Oh, I think he flushed. You muted to flush? I muted to, yeah. Why? Why? Everybody wanted to hear it.

It sounds like maybe you burped, too. You're muted again. We can't hear you. We can't hear you in the recording, though. Yeah, we need, you can't mute, dude. If you're going to make a poop sound, you have to unmute. What? If you're going to make a poop sound, unmute.

We want to hear all of this. I didn't make a poop sound. I made a think noise. You made a think noise? What is a think noise? Oh, he hanged up. Okay. If it was on the fucking, look at this table set up.

What is your attitude today, dude? What about my attitude? Your attitude is so crazy. You tried to feed a normal Chinese man. Yeah, it was not a normal Chinese guy. He was in, no, no, he was a bag man. He was a bag man looking for people. People who get recycling is not normal.

I don't think it's normal. I don't think it's normal to dig through the trash. No. I don't think that's a normal thing to do. Did you know? that you do when you're down on your luck. No, no, no, no. And I thought he was down on his luck.

Did you know in China that most senior citizens do that? I didn't know that. That's like a big thing in China. Well, I didn't know. And I was in Chinatown, so maybe I broke a custom. They hate white people. I know they hate white people because he did this to me after. He gave me the finger?

No. No, no, no, no, I was, I was being, I was being big fish. You were playing. I was being big fishily. Being a little playful. Yeah. But I was trying to make his life beautiful. Yeah, it was nice of you.

And I caught that, I caught that right there. Yeah. We're going to go into it right away. No, we can wait, but we'll let it simmer. It's called an Easter egg. I'll just say that this hashtag doesn't stand for no men. Not my little boy dancing. Mommy's back.

Not my little boys dancing. Yeah, I get it right. No more love between dads. No more love between dads. that's good new mexico looks barren desert yes today today it's sad it's bad today yeah yeah it's really sad need my little boyfriend dead never made love before damn not my little butt dying how was your poop wasn't good i didn't actually hear anything squirt.

No, me neither. Did you finish it or you cut it off early for our sake? I don't know. I don't know if I finish it. You're not in tune with your body. You can't you see? That's what I mean. You can't tell?

We just move this forward just a little. So I get a little more little extra. Yeah, we need more slack on these little wires. Can I get a little more kill of on this damn camera? Yeah. Come on now. Get in the frame, bitch. Get in the fucking frame.

We'll keep your stuff on. We'll have your camera. I said he won't even be in it. that's fucked up man that was scary speaking of fucked up I had a fucked up experience this weekend another one yes what happened what happened bro

when you were gone stuff was happening dude every time I leave shit fucking falls apart on everyone's life what happened was I was at I did the show on Saturday the show was the grace Freud show I was about to say correct yes correct I thought you said

I thought you were going to say I thought you were saying grue I thought you were going to say grace's show no I said whatever reason I was about to say correct I don't know why But I did that show. Show went well. Someone comes up to me after.

They're like, hi, you're a friend of, like, it was like, we had a mutual friend. I was like, oh, my God. And it was like, oh, they're partners over there. It was like, oh, okay, I'll go, like, let me go meet them. So I go over there and then they say, like, oh, do you want this, somebody left this glass on the table. Do you want it? And I was like, you know what? Honestly.

A glass? A glass full, half full. Oh, a drink. Wait. A drink. This is really echoing the story that you just told about. the Chinese guy with the whoa

how half offering offering half of something and well yeah then when you did what I was trying to pay it forward

okay I was trying to pay it forward because someone was going to give me half of a drink that someone left right but I'm sitting there and I'm like oh I should smell what it is

because it's like what is this like a hazy IPA okay it's the haziest type of IPA of all it was a jug someone peed in a cup really

someone peed in a cup it was it a prank I don't know if it was it It was a prank on me. It sounds like a prank. It smelled exactly. This could have been a prank on me. Yeah.

And I don't know this person that well. Not at all, actually. I know this is the first time I'm meeting them. They could have done a pee prank on me. This could have been a pee prank. Did you say? But they were surprised. Blasted.

I think that's pee. I smelled it and I said I'm like, I don't know what the smell is. I don't know if this is some kind of a hoppy beer. or something, but this smells exactly like pee. And then they smelled it and they were like, that is probably pee, yes. I don't think it was pee. I think it was beer. I think beer and pee probably

have a little bit of a similar smell. It smelled. It smelled exactly like ammonia. Yeah, it had an ammonia type of funk to it. Or maybe it was just the worst beer in the world. Might have just been funky. Yeah, I would say it's a funky bad beer. But look, okay. I had a few. I had a few. I had a few. I had a few

had a few had a good show. So it's like, oh, treat. Treat. You already has, sorry, Daddy treats himself to give somebody's disgusting half-drink here. Even at best, it's not really what I would say is a treat. Yeah. Well, here's what I'm thinking. The lines in that bathroom are so damn long. Somebody might have peed in a cup. Damn, dude, I was at Brookland the other day.

The land cafe. And I saw four guys come out of one bathroom. People doing fucking cocaine at the land cafe. Or they were doing peat. They do it everywhere, man. Maybe we're doing pee. I always go seeing it. Yeah.

It's really annoying. I think that it should be legal just specifically because of the bathroom. They go in the bathroom altogether. Then they come out like this. It is fun to go to the bathroom together with people. They come out and they go like this. It is funny, though. Girl.

Because then it's multiple people coming out of a bathroom. I don't care. That's crazy. This is what happens. This is what people do. They go into the, they go into the, they go into the bathroom to like lick Elmer. glue that they think is illegal and they come out and they look at a line of a hundred

literally a hundred people they don't even say sorry they go like this oh oh shit we got caught they laughed and I say if you if I was a tiger and you were a gazelle I'd eat you in one bite but we're both human so I can't do that I missed buying my my gun

because these cokehead nutbags I'm going to start just doing awful things to people that I find to be in violation of society We should torture them. We should torture drug addicts. We should find...

We would be a good detective agency. Do you think that we would be good at inventing torture devices? Yes. Oh, did I ever tell you guys that when I was in Naples, I went to the Museum of Torture? That's not what I thought you were going to say at all. I thought you were going to say, oh, when I was a kid, I invented a torture device. In hostel? Which one do they go to in hostel?

They go to a torture museum in hostel? I don't know. In some... In hostel, they're in Amsterdam. Amsterdam, isn't it must be. But I don't know if that museum is actually in Amsterdam. Joseo de Torturo. They could have used

movie magic. What I learned in that museum, it was very cool and very creepy. But what I learned in that museum was that 99% of torturing back of the day was about fucking chopping you nuts off or just split your vagina into it. It's all sawing.

They had shit where you would, it was just a razor blade. They just made you sit on that. For like a day. And then if you live, you're going to sit on this. And guess what? You have to sit.

Hope you enjoy it. are not bye bye I hope you hate this that is the laziest fucking torture device yeah

you sit on this just sit on it what's that one we sit on this what's that one is just the fucking triangle that they make you

sit on and then they put weights on your legs yeah that's what I'm talking about what if we made it a chair that was so

uncomfortable then it killed you a chair that has a small spike in it but you don't like the ones that kill you yeah the ones that the iron maiden

torture should keep you alive it's not real it's only a killing device. It wasn't actually used. Yeah. Torture should keep you alive until it's time. The final moment. Yeah, until the final moment. Yeah.

At the very last second, we can agree. At the very last second, it should not kill you. Yeah. Right at the last second when you die, you should be dead. Or you should be killed by death. Or you should be saved. Dying. And then brought back to health. If a hero comes, you should be said. If you're being tortured, if you're being tortured, the hero should have

until you die to save you. Just that literally, that's, I would say, the nick of time. Yes. Just about that length. That's great. That's a great amount of time. Yeah.

A real, yeah, that's a really. And that's the amount of time that's just before it gets you. Yeah. Yeah. It's right in the neck.

So right when you've been sawed through the crotch all the way, all the way up. Right. Until it hits your brain. Right. Oh, right before you're, there you go.

Gotcha. You're saved. You've been saved by my gerer. Kill you before then. I agree. Yeah. You're saved by my graces. My graces.

There were one that was, what a. What a. king would do. A hero would save you with his valiant. You don't think a hero can be the king? No, not really. You're no longer a hero if he were the king.

Errigorn became the king after he was done being a hero. You're a hero first. That earns you kingness. Yeah. Yeah. You get to arrest because of how much of a hero you you were. There was one thing that was just one of those clamps and you would just put your nuts in it and just

go until it was flat as a pancake. Yeah, I agree. It's just lazy. Show me something. cool there was one that didn't make any sense to me that was just a guy on a wheel just spinning and all the fucking crap is in italian so yeah he's spinning he's spinning and then it makes him throw up oh until he dies yeah or they throw him something that upon throwing up no you know what they do on that they do they put you on the wheel and then they turn they turn it just this what was that what the hell just happened man they turn it just uh just enough so that it's just slightly and yeah I don't see anything

just slightly enough that just it just twinges your OCD wickedly you think I wish I what the hell keeps it I wish I was straight up and down right now is that the trash guys I don't know I see a light going off It's a real it's probably the time they come around I feel like trash guys usually come at like one in the morning I think these guys come earlier dude I got fined

New York paint. But there was no, nobody's inside or waiting to get us. Because you have to admit, that was serial killer vibes, right? A little bit, yeah. I think we could take a serial killer. That was crazed.

No, this isn't the time that they pick up the trash. Sometimes it is in our... This is making life scary. The weird noises, though, is... It was weird. That was a strange noise. But anyway, back to what I was saying is that...

And you go? No. So anyway, now we can move to the next topic. Because somebody moved the... You're standing... Because you're used to being like this.

And if you end up like this... Your OCD is going to go crazy. You're literally good... It's like water torture. Well, like, there's a... It's because slumping is slightly happening. A torture... A torture that you could do to somebody now

basically would be you'd go into their house. Well, you capture them, but then you bring them to their house and you hang their TV up to them. Or you put a... an elf on the shelf. And hang them.

Well, you have me there. Well, no. No. You hang their TV up too high. Yeah, that would

that would be tortured. And then you add insult to injury, you post that on a subreddit. Uh-huh. TV too high. Yeah. And you're going to the point that it's clear that this is,

I would go to a point where it's clear that it's torture. You would go, this subreddit would, which I'm pretty sure exists, and it, but it would probably be something like you would assume it would be called TV too high,

but you'd go to it and it's actually called like watching movies in the stratosphere. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you have to be expected to find it from off that. Yeah, I'm not finding that shit. Just by knowing.

Just by fucking knowing. Anyway, well. I also, today I walked by the courthouse. I was shooting a video with Alex. Uh-huh. And Alex was in like a costume. You were Diddy. Yeah.

We were going somewhere and then we did end up by all the independent Diddy journalists. And it was all just people with tripods on TikTok. Yeah. TikTok live. people with tripods on ticot yeah it was weird two should not come it was so weird to tripod and ticot is not no out in public use your hand use your hand equipment yeah come on

what are you you're taking jobs yeah exactly don't fucking this could be a union uh huh this could be a union thing call up your fucking you know make this as they make make this a uh what's the guild the guild the workers guild the workers party could be the workers the workers the united workers Workers Guild, the UWG. What is the like, the like,

I don't know. Ayatzi, I think. Iatsi, right? Set workers. International art, theater, smoothies, entertainment.

Equity. Movies. Equity. So what happened while you're at the courthouse? Nothing really. It was just like a, he saw the ditties. Yeah, it was just Alex walking by

in this like night costume. It looks like. People probably thought that was ditty because he must be so, because he's so freaky. He's just imagine him walking into the courthouse like that. He's like, I'm here to save me.

Alex I object! I challenge your chin. And we now are now calling to the stand in the trial of Sean Combs a night. He goes in there and he says, I'm going to banish Diddy once and for all.

Yeah, with a Claymore. I've heard this is dragging. He's dragging the Claymore down. Yeah. Dark Souls The stairs Yeah What's that

My God It's the champion of the people That's the sound of justice You have been You have been found Wanting did he Trap his head off

The sword of the champion Has judged the And then at some point They take off his helmet And he's just He's just two glowing Yeah he's just light Yeah

No actual body Oh they'd be so cool Just black smoke That's coming out of the night's outfit How fucking cool would that be And he just is the star of a video game that I'm playing. Yeah. And I go to all the bosses and beat them, like, third try.

Yeah. So I can still enjoy the fight. So it would change, it would change the case forever. It would change court forever. I would say it would change everything forever. If we found out that a smoke night came and beheaded Diddy and then sacrificed it into, like, a pool where it kind of looks at it as, the water's like, he points at it as he points at metal. And he kind of like puts Diddy's head into the pool of liquid metal. The eclipse overhead.

Yeah. Right as the. The head goes into the liquid metal. The moon goes over the sun. Kill and gauge, my curse. Black. Yeah. What's that song?

It's like a more like cinematic version or what's a medieval version of the Terminator 2 theme. That'd be sick. I never saw that movie The Green Night. I thought it was midly. It kind of looked like it would be finding. I heard it was a midly of stories. It was a midly. Here's how you can.

was midly as it was a celebration of storytelling. I hate storytelling. Who's in that Dev Patel? Yeah, I believe so. Yeah, then he went on to become the Monkey King. Green Night to Monkey King. What's next? Oh, they show his Jizz in it. They show Jiz? They show Jiz. I heard they show Jiz. Is this the first time they showed Jiz in a movie?

No, fuck no. No, they've been showing Jiz since literally the first movie. Yeah, Jiz was like a, it just filmed so well. The Lumier brothers were filming Jiz. That was one of their first. Is there, is there like maybe like a list of jizz scenes and movies probably almost definitely yeah yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't doubt that dude i stumbled on a really funny list of things yeah there was i found i accidentally i was i found uh the like internet or not the uh movie firearm database like it's like every gun in every movie cool they have so they just have a page of like what the exact model of gun that's

in every movie and they had a full page of every single type of gun that was used in all of the three Stooges shorts and it's all like old cool guns said and then it'll be like it like shows a picture of the gun and it's like badass and then it's a picture of like curly holding it off like the gorilla used this Tommy gun in this short where his brain was transplant like it's very I thought that was pretty cool that is pretty cool I love film history yeah I'm really I've really taken by it yeah me too I would love if there was some kind of like if only there was a podcast where a woman with a strange voice kind of talked

about some of the drama and gossip of the yesteryear. That'd be really good. That'd be really good. In Hollywood. What I'd love though is if three... And if only she was married to the guy who fucking ruins Star Wars. This people will know. George Lucas. I don't want to. We'll know that one. She's married to George Lucas.

Dude, you better watch what you're just saying. What do you mean? You don't even know anything about the wars. First of all, he created it. So how could he ruin it? Yeah. That's exactly how his You probably think God ruined the world by creating it. Actually, I do think that. I do think that. And I'm willing to go on anybody.

I think that God bless the world by creating it. I think he did the world a great service. I think it's one of the biggest mistakes he ever made in his life. Okay, Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's God to the Galaxy. No, I'm not like that. Mistological. I guess I am a little bit like Douglas Adams. Mr. Rational.

Who is that? The Chequers got to the galaxy. Or the book. I never read either. You never seen the movie? You never seen the book? I've never seen a copy of the book, I'll be honest. I read all them back in the day, and I don't know if I would still fuck with it,

but I definitely fucked with it heavy back. I never read the book, but I did love that movie when I was a kid. The movie was cool, but it paled in comparison of the books, I have to say. I'm sure. I'm sure that white, that way to. The robot, the white robot, who's really sad. I remember that from the commercials. Most deaf?

Funny. There's lots of funness. Death is funny. Zaffod Bebel-Brocks. Yeah, dude. With a double head? He had two heads. He had a double head.

And one of them was evil. Bebel-Broch. Zaffod-Bibel-Brox. And he was the president. He was the president of the universe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody told me, though.

I didn't get the memo. That he's the president. Well, you'd know. I'm in the universe. So you did get the memo. Well, but I got it from the movie. But if I lived, but if I live, yeah, well, okay, bullshit on you. Shit on you.

If I, if I was in the world. in movies. That, you know, I guess that is actually what like conspiracy theory people think is happening. People make movies to tell everyone

what's really going on. It's true. I was the memo that... That's what my grandpa believes. Yeah. Lots of people think it about it. If they,

if the Matrix was real, the last thing they should do is tell us. Yeah. Dude, but it's... They shouldn't tell my grandpa. They're saying,

they're stunting on us. You're so bored of having fucking people as batteries. No, no, no, let's give a little taste. No,

No, no, no, no, no, because here's what it is. And his grandpa goes crazy. I'm going to blow your fucking mind. No, again, because this is all part of the grand scheme. Yeah, grand. It's because think about it. What does the, what does the matrix run on, man? It runs on human suffering.

And what makes you suffer more than just having the truth thrown right in front of you, you can't fucking change it. That's why they tell you. They said, they said, look, we're fucking, we're fucking, look how fucking pathetic you are. Yeah. And we're even going to make three movies, four movies and an animatrix about that shit. That's like when you get the supercharger for your phone. Are going to go nuts.

And you're never going to. to get a supercharger, by the way. Yeah. What? It's like when you get the charger that's 30 watts instead of 20 watts for your phone. Uh-huh. That's what they did to my grandpa. They supercharged them?

They supercharged them. Well, no, he overcharged them with his immense... That's true. Yeah, then he's... Suffering. Now he's the... He was the best little battery. Realize what I was saying in the middle of it.

I don't want to say. Such an excellent battery. A lot, but... Yeah. Maybe, you know... I don't know. I haven't talked to him, but... So the last time I did talk to him,

he did talk about the Matrix for like a long time. Yeah. Most intelligent people have a lot of conversations about the Matrix. That's true. It was the two smartest people in the universe. Right after that, right after that, that was when he told me that you should never eat sushi because all the fish from Japan is still irradiated from Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

That could be true. And if somebody's talking about the Matrix that much, they have authority on other subjects. That's true. I listen to them. I spit out my sushi in front of them. Yeah, you should. And he said, I need to go raw vegan like him.

Yeah, yeah, he's raw vegan. Yeah. Whoa. Okay, so he's just eating fruits and veggies. Yeah, stuff like that. Vegge. He's in like Satan. I don't know if it's raw.

Eminem's vegan. Eminem's are not vegan. No. What is it causing them not to be? They have milk. Beetle coloring? Milk and beetle coloring. No, no.

That's the Starbucks pink drink. Everything has a beetle coloring. I hate the rigged to you. Yeah, I know. This is another Matrixian thing that they throw around. right in front of us to make us suffer. They say you're going to drink the Sobi life water, even though it has beetles in it. And you can't, you, I cannot quit that soapy, my friend.

I love the pink sobi. You ever get done with it? All the colors with a sobi, man. You ever get done with a cereal? Yes, you get done with a soccer practice. And you say, fuck, man, that soccer was so intense. I need 800 calories in a fucking pink bottle. I drink a Sobi energy drink every day in community college.

They had the vending machines. What was it called? The Sobi energy drink. I think it was the Sobe Life Elixir. And it was an elixir. Yeah. I'm going to get the Soby Lizard. I'm going to get the Soby logo tattooed on me.

You could pull that off. Right. No one would. If you got that tattooed, people would not think it was the Sobi. No, no, no, no, no. No, the word, like the Soby. It could have the word soby on it. Yeah, with Sobi on it.

It's cool enough that people would not connect it. Tommy Rocker, Lizard. Lizard licking my belly button. It's fucked up that Sobe doesn't really exist anymore. I don't know if it's still around as a company, but I don't know. I don't see so. When did soby go out of business? The crazy drink game has really expanded a lot since it was.

That's true. Bang. Now we have cinnamon toast milk. Oh my God. Yeah, that shit's got to go. The Skittles water. It's in every store. Yeah, it's in every store.

Skittles water's got to go. This is another, this is a conversation we have every week. Yeah. Well, the Skittles water, the cinnamon milk. I would say I'm pretty easily confused. Yeah. Okay. Me too.

Yeah. So when we get it. into stuff like this. I don't really remember. I don't think it's about being confused. I think it's just we just have a passion about it. Yeah. That's probably true to me. You're so passionate, you become flustered. Yeah, it could be that. Yeah. It's hard to remember

what you've said before when you care about it all so much. You just care about the world. I just have a lot of emotion. I just want, I want everybody in the world to stop hating each other. Is that okay to say? No. It's not anymore. Not in this culture, unfortunately. I wish it was, but it's been

it's been a big sticking point for me I've tried to say it and why is it total shite yeah I feel as though many things are just I mean just look at look at that there's a fucking charging block sitting on the ground like a little baby lost in the mountains and I'm the type of thing I look around I see sadness

everywhere me too because I'm looking at the same area of the room and I see a stray nail yeah and I see a receipt a receipt four a fucking probably a tear drop Let's see.

Let's see. What's it for? Oh. Interesting. What is it? Well, it's for four items. Yeah. Okay.

Taxable T1, taxable T1, taxable T1, and taxable T1. Interesting. Where's it from? D2. Okay. How much did Patrick spend? 1793. That's not bad.

This was toilet paper and paper towels and soap. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's a pretty good pickup, man. Yeah. I want to be honest with you. That's good. Again, I've become the trash.

of the well that's not what you called it no I said trash Hitler yeah you said trash Hitler because I said

I needed to be authoritarian on trash oh mess you said you said you were now the mess Hitler

which has got to be one of the craziest face turns in all of yeah storytelling I bring it back

to start I was the messiest one in that's like if that's like if that's actual Hitler

if he had been like Woody Allen before he was Hitler that is that is exactly what that is like. And then he was like, actually, I'm going to be Hitler.

That is you becoming Nest Hitler. What of the greatest plot twists in history. I'm cracking down on trash. I appreciate it, man. And I'm just noticing that I just folded up this receipt and put it under the mixer. I saw that and I didn't even think about what I was doing. This is mess. If you were really Mess Hitler, you would have put a stop to that.

No, I was going to talk to him after because I didn't want to embarrass him on the show. That's nice of you, man. Mess Hitler, where should I put this while we record? I mean, for now, you can. put it in front of you in a place where you're going to remember. So maybe put it right here so that we don't forget. Oh, yeah, I won't forget that. Yeah.

How could you forget that piece of paper? And I'm, I'm holding myself accountable for all this too, you know? Uh-huh. When I mess up, I'm not going to text you guys, like when I text you. Will you, please? When I said the other day when I said, guys, we all left beers out. You included yourself, which is thought. I included myself.

I'm always going to include myself. But when you, but when only you let mess up, will you also text us still? I'll text you guys. I mess guys I messed up. Guys I messed up. I left a rapper out. I'll send those in my new meal texts. Yeah.

These have been making me laugh all week. Okay. All right. I'm going to go through. So what happened was our friend was having a birthday, but it started raining. It was supposed to be like a big kind of outdoor. I think we're going to do like sack races and stuff. Yeah.

We're going to do. And I texted Caleb and I said, I can't make it. to the carnival. I texted both of you guys. I kept calling it a fucking carnival. And I said, I'm going to stay home and I'm going to eat my salad. My yummy salad. Is that really when it started? Yes. I feel like it's been months of this. It feels like it's been months, but it's been less than a week. Because of the length of every single one of these things that we've been sending. Since Saturday. I'm going to stay at home and eat my

amazing Vietnamese salad. Gall guy salad. He said that at 224. Yes. PM. At 2.30. Patrick sins. Did you guys know? I wanted all the words to be correct. I wanted the ingredients to be correct. And then he says, did you guys know that my salad has cruciferous cabbage, cool cucumbers, crunchy carrots, ravishing red onion, plentiful peanuts,

choice chicken, mouthfuls of mint, luscious limes, cravable cilantro, and a delectable dressing? Cravable cilantro. I said I could have changed that. Yeah, this is before, yeah, this is before it was Then, eight minutes later, he says, do you know that the dressing has sweet sugar, lovely lime, wistful white vinegar, capricious chilies, great garlic, and fresh fish sauce? To which you said I could have guessed. Yeah.

And then Cam said, and Cam said, no splendid sprinklings, face bomb. Pat said, it has splendid sprinklings on top as a garnish. which is the plentiful peanuts and frizzled Friday. Frizzled Friday on you. We had some really great meals this weekend. My girlfriend really likes this. Yeah, I really like this.

My girlfriend is a word game. Any time that you eat food and you need to tell somebody, and I'm not saying overuse it, Pat, maybe does it a little too much. Yeah. I'll be honest. You think so? Just a little bit too much. In a way that I think it's just unsustainable, you're going to get sick of it.

Yeah. But I do think if anybody asks you what's in anything, you can do this. Yeah. On Saturday at 8, when I got to the show, when I got to the show that I was hosting, I got a meal before, and I texted her, and I said, Hey, I just want to let you know that I had tacos with terrific tortillas, perfect pastore park, plentiful pineapples, out of this world onions, cool cilantro. Again, you got to change that one. It's a sound. sweet

special cilantro heavenly hot sauce and lavish lime with ridiculous radishes I have a challenge yeah you can't do

perfect pastor because it's perfect alpastor okay alluring alpastor this was all on the day that this was invented

what did you have for lunch then if you want to come in and make a whole fucking yeah tell us what you have for lunch with all the ingredients

man crazy chicken you did not just have chicken. It would be chomping chicken. It at least had splendid salt on it. Yeah. What were the seasonings? It had nothing on it actually. You had plain chicken. You did not have just plain chicken.

Are you eating your cat's food? You did not have naked chicken. I saved a lot of money by sharing food with the cat. My favorite food that I had over the weekend, if I can read one of mine. Yeah. I just had a bag of luscious little bites made with super sugar, blessed bleached wheat flour, vibrant vegetable oil, effortless eggs, blooming blueberries, wicked water, gleeful glycerin, fabulous food starch, wondrous way, nice natural flavor, lovely leavening with superb sodium acid pyrophosphate, best baking soda, cool cornstarch, magical monocalcium phosphate, meaningful mono and diglyceride, stunning salt,

precious potassium sorbate, sexy stodium, steroid lactylate, sumptuous sorbitan monosterate, exotic anthem gum, poppin polysorbate 60, scintillating soil, less than serulian cellulose gum and wacky way protein concentrate. Wow. That is good. I read that one out to my girlfriend because it made us both laugh really hard. And we were, we were ingredients or something. to be celebrated. I hate that ingredients are so hidden in every meal. You try to hide them away. Oh, no. Oh, if somebody asks you what's in something, oh, nothing.

It's just what it is. Yeah, it's just naked. Tell me what the fuck is in it. On Sunday, on Sunday at 324. Yeah. This happened. This is an interaction that I had. My girlfriend says, all the tortillas got moldy and had to throw them out. Let's keep them in the fridge moving forward. I said, what the fuck? And she said,

yep, huge bummer. And I said, that sucks because I would have used them to make a burrito with terrific tortillas. Bountiful. Beans, ravishing rice, grand ground beef, charming cheese, super sour cream, and happy hot sauce. The next time, the test of this is the next time that you are in a fight with her. You have to. Do you want dinner? When we had our meeting yesterday, I was in the middle of telling you guys what I had for dinner the night before.

And the doorbell rang. I had to sit there at motion for my wife. who was working to go get the door and go back and rampantious rice it was really making me laugh but I agree this all goes back to my idea that I think that we should be saying you should be able to write thank you notes to ingredients

you should be able to it just it's something to be celebrated and it's so beautiful that everything comes together to make your meal yeah I think so too I think that ingredients there's no ingredient that I don't appreciate at the end of the day if it can be categorized as an ingredient I think there's a place for it. Because, and someone's going to come out of the, oh, what about poison?

Not an ingredient. Not an ingredient. That's a poison. It's a poison. It might be maybe a perfect poison puffer fish. Mm-hmm. You know. Yeah.

Those ones that you eat the insides, but fabulous fugu. Fabulous fugu. Yeah. Yeah. So that's poison as an ingredient. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Although are you, can you really eat that?

Well, if it's prepared, right. Did you not? Did you see the Simpsons where he's going to. to explode, or SpongeBob is going to explode. He will die. Anyway, you know the episode SpongeBob's going to explode. Yes, I know that one.

You can easily follow my thought process. You can know exactly what I mean. I think there's a level in a hitman game. That's basically the same thing as that, but he's simply going to die. I think there's a level in one of the hitman games where the way that you kill somebody is by they're going to eat Fugu and you just make sure it's not prepared correctly, which is not very dramatic. No.

But it is fun. I hate the lack of derision. and some video games. Yeah. Me too, man. I'm glad you brought that up. Fucking Mario is missing. Games like that.

Games need drama to thrive. They really do. Yeah. There needs to be reason behind things that happen. Yeah. And there needs to be some amount of stakes. Yeah. Yeah.

But when it's just, when it's just shit happening for no reason. When it's just shapes and colors that have no connection to each other on the screen and I'm not controlling anything. I hate that crap. Yeah. That's barely even.

game to me, especially when it's on YouTube. Or if it's too much, it goes too heavily into the comedy aspect. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or if it's just... You get games like Sunset Overdrive. Because a lot of people, a lot of motherfuckers these days, they only remember one mask, and that's the smiling, laughing

one. What about this mask? Yeah, that's... What is he would say? That's the Walter? Huh? That Walter from Jeff Dunham? No, but it kind of He's the third mask. Walter is... Take your hat off real quick. I think you're looking like the son of Walter right now.

Wow. Wow, yeah. He's looking like real life. Dude, you need to be him for Halloween and your wife needs to be Jeff Dunham. Could you be like slutty Jeff Dunham? I don't care. Can I be slutty Walter? Yes. Okay. Then I ain't.

That's fine with that. I'm slutty Walter. The worst couples cost to. In the world, your wife is Jeff Dome. And then you're slutty Walter. She's just got her hair slicked back and just like wearing a blazer. She has like, it's like one of those Korean ladies that makes themselves look like Kobe. She does that with Jeff Dunham.

When did Halloween costumes introduce the slutness? You know, I don't want to say sluttiness, but. Oh, that's a good question. Probably when sluttion. Letts were created in the 60s. Most likely. By Jolly West. Yeah, exactly.

It had to have been, honestly, had to have been fucking Diddy parties. No. These slutty Halloween's costumes. Diddy? What do you think? Diddy is not? Did he was born?

I know. I know his age. Okay, but tell me what his first party was. I bet that's right. Let's see. Okay. Let's see if that's correct. I think Diddy was born in 72.

at the end of the episode we'll see at the end of the episode we'll see well do we want to get into what the what the oh yeah guys oh 1960s you're off by three years you're off by three six 69 he's born a freak okay yeah Drake yeah Drake yeah yeah six way that moment when Drake completely mocks Kendrick Lamar by being one year older than him that I just saw in the Google search why didn't he ever bring that up by the way I'm one year old I'm actually older than you I'm one year older than you. When I was in seventh grade, you were in sixth grade. You were in school.

You were still a middle school. You're basically a baby in me. First things first, you were a little kid. I'm one year older. And also I was born in 1986. You were born in 1987, bro. That is funny. Bragging about me. He's like, you're a fucking pedophile.

You rape. What up, everybody. I'm one year older than you. I'm one year older than you. And I don't give a fuck. I'm rubber. You're a gloom. Lou, I'm one year older than you.

Get the fuck out of me, you little ass, baby. Go suck on a bottle. He should have done that. I remember the Nintendo beg it better than you. I have one more year of memories and experience than you do, so I'm smarter and wiser. But unfortunately, I'll die

one year, son, I'm proud, statistically you know I'm going to die one day. He realizes midway to the song. In 2086, I will be 100, and you will only be 99. damn i can't wait for the year 286 i will be such a milestone in my life i will be 100 years old yet

you will only still be 99 years old you will still have to wait one one year and even when you're 100 i will be 100 in 1 he goes every age when i'm 45 you will be 44 he would have won he would have won that battle if you brought it a whole song He brought up how he's one year older. He could have at least, I mean, they were doing the thing. They had like three songs, and then the other one would have three songs. He could have thrown in one little extra song. Nobody remembers any of the songs except for like one of them.

Yeah. So you might as well just fucking put anything. Yeah, come on, man. That was crazy. There were like 10 songs in that whole thing. Can you imagine how much work that was? Yeah. I don't know.

He must have been working on them for a bit. That's like three full days where neither of them watched any movies. Yeah. That sucks. That's not even for inspiration. How do you get the inspiration for the movie? Because if rappers all day, they fucking watch Scarface. Yeah, yeah.

So then you've got to take a break for that. Let's say you get like what, like Vinnie Paz's songs about being a soldier. You're talking about uncommon valor of Vietnam stories with R.A. the rugged man. Yes. Yeah. The one that you showed me for the five weeks of war. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, make it like that.

Yeah. Yeah. And you didn't really. Didn't really. No, no, no, no, no. But should have. But one of the most bad, I would say, if we were doing an iceberg of. those types of songs.

It would be... Those types of songs explained. Yes. Those types of songs, iceberg explained. Wait, this iceberg is about, is the higher, the lower down, the more badass it gets? The more like underground. Just like a classic iceberg. Oh, okay.

The one below the surface. Okay. It would just be two levels. The number, the top one would be dance with the devil, but the one underneath below the surface with the screaming whale picture. That would be uncommon valor. Yeah. It's a scary picture. And then maybe I love drugs by Necro.

Or some NECRO songs. Yeah. Yeah. Is Necro the one? That's Bill Bill's brother. He was in a good time, right? I don't know. Oh, wait.

I was thinking of a different guy. Okay. So two girls killed their friend and said that Necro made them do it. That's what I was thinking. But also, like, nobody, he's not like a popular rapper. He makes crap songs. Yeah. So there's nobody, I don't even know why.

Why did he, that's the only good song he made that thing? Why didn't any 15-year-old girl know what this song was? you know it was a different time back before there was much rap yeah that's I guess not too many options they have stuff nowadays

like NBA young boy yeah you can do that you can just do that I love NBA young boy yeah so you can like that he has scars on his head they're from some crap

but it looks like he got eaten by a shark he looks like he was partially eaten by a shark or that he thought too hard he started getting evil in Knights of the Old Republic and the horn started coming out

and then he pushed him back in I really think that's cool it's cool to have scars and he lives in Utah That's cool. Yeah, that's cool. It is cool. So anyway, today, enough about this rap shit.

Yeah. This rap shit is nothing to me. Yeah. Today is a holiday. Well, the day this comes out as a holiday. Yeah, the day this comes out as a holiday. And we knew, we knew how important this holiday was to you. So our fans, I feel like this is one of the big three, maybe, maybe big two, Christmas in this.

Guys, today it is, as per the hashtag, national, making. Make life beautiful day. Making. Making life beautiful day. This is a big holiday. It's been around since 2018. Yes. But it was originally submitted for review in 2015.

Yes. And it all started by what I remember is seeing the thing. It says that the inception of this came from when somebody heard the song, Beautiful Life by Ace of Base. This was on the timeline. Another one that's like, It's a beautiful life. And on a makeup company that started this.

What's the makeup company called? A priori. Yeah. A priori. A priori. It was Beautiful Life by Ace of Base. A priori started. Sent for review.

Then something in 2018. That was the time. Wow. Okay. So we know who to thank for this. Mm-hmm. Thank you. A-priority beauty.

A-priorri-a-Pi-A-S-of-Base. Yeah, okay. Thank you, Ace of Base. But basically we were trying to figure out what to do and this landed on this day and now we become huge fans of this day. How do you guys plan on celebrate? Basically the second time that my episode idea has been denied.

I'm trying to kind of submit my episode idea repeatedly. Okay. You know what? I would like you tell people what your episode idea is. Okay. Because this is two meetings in a row where your episode idea has been agreed on and then suddenly has been shot down. Yes.

And I can't wait to share the reason that it was shut down this time. All right, go ahead and tell. So my episode idea was that we did. And say where you got it from, too. Well, I think I said it before. I got it from seeing it on a sign of the preschool that I always walk by on my way to the office. They always have what they're doing for the day on the sign. And one time I walked by and they said that they were tasting,

they were tasting red and green apples and learning about the difference. So I thought that we should do that. a debate and we can have a debate and the sides of the debate are they more similar or are they more different and it's the second week in a row

it's gotten this close to passing the Senate I know it's surprising but that's how good our second best ideas yeah and this week we agreed on it and then at the last second somebody who I won't name somebody who's heard this idea for many who

It's not even the first time I brought up the idea. I am allergic to raw apples. He says I can't eat apples. I'm allergic to raw apple. And then I said, I try to cater to this. I said, don't worry, man. We'll do red and green apples and you can do a taste test between yellow and brown bananas. Yeah.

And then you said, no, I don't. You said, no, I don't want to get left out. That's what you said. I don't want to get left out. Maybe we'll do this. Maybe I'll just take a Zyrtec before. You're going to be sleepy. Is it that bad of a reaction?

My lips swells up. That's cute. I don't want to walk around like this all day. People do that on purpose all day. No, it'll look like when the dogs get bit by a bee. Some of the biggest celebrities in the world have lips and are out of this world. Just the word celebrity made me think of this.

Can I say something that's mean about Finn Wolfhardt or no? It's making like beautiful. So let's. Okay. Is this going to make life beautiful? It's backhandedly mean. Okay. Which is that I think that it's, or it's just interesting, that it's something I realized is that now the only child stars are the only way we can get ugly celebrities anymore.

Well, that's been, that's been like that for a long time. Because they make a, they make a bet. They make a bet on them as a kid. I mean, and then they're already famous. Well, yeah. He looks normal. Yeah, I think he's, I think, I mean, if you're going to make me come out and say it. The thing is also with a child star, with a child star, the premium, the best ones, look young for a long time.

So they have kind of underdeveloped features and probably brains. I know where this is coming from from him. I guess he doesn't look that ugly. I mean, he's not an awkward period, I guess. No, he's not ugly, but he's not, he's not a leading man. He's not celebrity. He's not celebrity beautiful. He shaved his head at the same time that Cameron did.

And this is professional jealousy Oh yes Now he's playing dumb This is professional jealousy And look I get it But you guys go out for a lot of the same roles Yeah I get it You go out for Mike Wheeler

Stranger Things Uh huh That was supposed to be you When you were 18 years old That was supposed to be you Yeah that was supposed to be you Yeah I wrote There's so many roles that he's taken from you

And look it's okay Yeah It's fine It's about competition You guys make each other better It's him looking strange, which I've just been shown a picture from where it looks fairly normal. Okay, so on national... This is a little weird looking.

Because he just shaved his head. And also, he's barely even his skin tone. Okay, then let's see the fucking date on the shaved head if we're going to go there. If he did it after me, he has to give up celebrity and handed it over to me. Okay, let's see. It's three days ago. Where's the first shaved head photo? Is it that photo?

This guy's pulling 355,000 likes on an Instagram post. Good for Mr. Finner. Yeah. What's he got there? Oh, it's looking like three days ago, man. And it's looking like he noticed something that I did. It might be earlier. Would you, okay, so now.

Mr. Finn Wolfheart over here, obsessed with a stranger case. I think I keep up with Finn more than anyone. If you, okay, if you found out now. That he copied you? That he does listen to this show and watch the show every week. I feel bad. And you just called him ugly. And you said he copied your hair cell.

And what if you really did copy? I don't mind saying that he copied my hairstyle. Yeah, he could look up to you. I don't care if he looks up to me. You don't care. If you look up to you, you don't have one bit of advice for young Finn. And Finn, if you're looking for a new role model,

look to the left of his chair. And then go one more because it's me. No, it's me. Go one more because it's me. Because I've never said anything mean about you. I've never said a single thing mean about you. I said, I asked if I should say something mean.

You guys said yes, so you're fully complicit, just so you know. You're not, you can't play this game. I'm not complicit in anything. You told me to say it. Yeah, well, I wanted you to say it. Well, I don't want to censor my friend because that makes life beautiful.

It wouldn't censoring. I asked. Okay, and now that you said the backhand of compliment, how could you make that? It wasn't even a compliment. It was not a compliment. The compliment was that he was a child star. I didn't say backhanded. I said it was backhandedly mean.

But backhanded. It was front-handedly mean. I didn't know. It was backhanded because it wasn't about it was only, it was only mean because I mentioned him. Okay. That's where the backhand is. That's what made me think of it. You could have said Paul Butcher.

I don't know who the fuck that is. That's the little boy. That's the little boy for him. You're not going like. Macaulay Culkin. Paul But are you talking about? I don't know these deep cut child stars. Paul Butcher.

You search child star butcher. Paul Butcher was the little kid in Zoe 101. And we called my friend Mitchell. We called my friend Mitchell that in high school because he looked like him. Another celebrity thing I was thinking of is that my wife was watching some of the performances from the Tonys. Yeah. And I think that the world of live theater is really funny because it's like a bizarre all. alternate celebrity world where like all the celebrities look like they have a slightly different like all the guys are like insanely gay looking yeah for I don't know why yeah and all I don't think they're not gay yeah well they're all the all the women are like are like less hot celebrities yeah they're all it's like it's like a reflected Hollywood where they kind of they get a little bit of the of the plastic surgery it's like really and it's like it's like Hollywood from like it just stays like that every Tony award

they always bring out like an 80 year old person they're like the most special person ever coming to stage, Bradley Vegas. They have an endless supply of them. Yeah. And you go I mean it's not for us. I don't know. It's nice because it's like based on like actual talent then

and it's not just like oh I've got the biggest duck lips. Well you say that I do fucking hate Hollywood. That was some serious that was Carlin-esque. It is funny. though that it still is like you think that it would be like that and then you'll still click on one and it's the worst thing

you've ever seen in your life. It's terrible. And some of it's good. Some people are very talented. They sing beautifully but some of them are fucking bad. I saw a picture of some guy today this guy Darren Chris because he gave a speech last night talking about his wife. And how old is he?

I don't know how old he is but he was talking about his wife and how like his speech was about thanking her and like his children. And this is the gayest looking man I've ever seen in my life. Uh-huh. There's a picture of him with Chris Culfer or something, the gay guy from Glee. Uh-huh.

The out-gay guy from Glee. Uh-huh. He looks gayer than Chris Coulfer. Oh, wow. This guy is, uh, I recognize him. What's he from? He is from... My dreams. My dreams. I know. I've seen this guy and something. Yeah, he's not gay. He's a... This is a gay-looking man. He said he wins third. Oh, he's from Glee. It said he won third, Tony Strait.

That's great. Yeah. straight. Yeah, that's huge. He's a straight. Tony's like the daytime Emmys. Like the special Olympics. Yeah, because these poor straight guys that want to be, you know, the guys that play

like somebody in Book of Mormon. Yeah. You know, these guys need to be given a chance. Tony Shalub is the one guy giving them all out. Yeah, exactly. Some of the greatest Broadway legends. But anyway, I'm sorry. I strongly derailed making life beautiful.

Yeah. But that's my obsession with celebrities. That's okay. Making my beautiful day. What I would ask. Can you pull up the page in the background right now? Yeah. What I was trying to ask is how could you take that Finn Wolfhard back in a thing and make it beautiful?

Make it beautiful. Well, I feel like I did kind of realize that he was. I didn't find him ugly. I actually found him to be a bit attractive. Wow. That's beautiful. Just like Gracie Abrams. Well, actually, you know, I wouldn't go so far as beautiful.

I'm going to retract that. Okay. You know, sorry, Finn. Isn't that so amazing to add men to the pool of people that you can be attracted to? That's very beautiful. No, just Finn Wolfheart. Oh, yeah. Just because of his acting.

Should we pull up what we made? That's perfectly fine. What we made. Yeah. You mean that. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck was that? Well, it's the National Making Life Beautifuls Day Anthem.

Okay. Yeah. You can play it. Let's pull it up and show the video. That's the beginning. Yeah, it's like Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. That's like the same notes. National making life beautiful day.

Classic Patrick. I'm so lucky to be alive. That's interesting. On national making life beautiful day. Okay. Here we go. Don't mess without. I love the taste and I love the feel of the hot dog that I ate today.

Me and my friends are having a blast. Everything is just so amazing. Everybody is different races. Everything is so cool. And the weather is great for the pool. I'm not gonna put on sunscreen. I don't care. Mom's freaking I don't bud for everything.

Me think. Because it's the best day ever. In the middle of the summer, weather, Weather. It's time to go play laser tag. Grab your hat and grab your bag. Let's aim real good at each other's chest. Let's then look at pictures of a breast that we have on each other's phones.

Who cares if we gotta go home? It's the summer. Everything's great. The master's making like beautiful day. Me and my friends are just making songs now. We don't care about school now because school is not as fun as hanging out in the summer sun. summer sun on national making life beautiful day enjoy every meal that you get to eat enjoy every drink that you get to drink enjoy everything about your life even your job and

even your mom and even your dad and your aunt even your grandpa and even your cousins too and your friends that make you feel so good so that's the anthem yeah that's the anthem that we wrote together so that's an anthem like it was about 10 minutes long yeah listen to it then yeah You think so? Yeah, that felt really, really long. And it's got the kind of, that's what I was saying, too. It has kind of the classic Patrick Wall of sound production style. Everything is a kind of plus six decibels.

Yeah, yeah. Are you embarrassed of the lyrics you wrote? I didn't write those. That came off the dome. It wasn't written. I had a better first take and then you said that it got messed up. Something happened with the computer. There's something about going on go-carts and having a big.

big heart or something. Was good. But then the computer got messed up. I don't know why you made it a robot. It sounded good. Yeah, it sounded good. I also was hitting amazing notes throughout the entire thing. You were writing it?

No, I was, well, I was like singing, we're singing rapping, you know. We can put out a new one. We just hit one note right now to show what type of thing we missed. Okay. You don't like it. Like the, oh. That's an amazing note. note.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting closer. You weren't doing that. That's not what I wanted you. I wanted Patrick to add a chorus that was the Now I've got you in my embrace.

I won't let go with you. But he wanted me to, but that's Kyle will be, well, I don't know if we could get that interpolation cleared. Yeah, that's never stopped you before. You copyright infringed With a punity

This is about making life beautiful What are you doing? We are coming out of the FCC A lot of negative energy for some reason Me? No, no, not you. I think us as a trio We have negative energy.

Feeling that a little bit Because we started in the same thing Can I tell you why too? Can I tell you why too? Yeah. It's because guys today for us is not making life beautiful day. Oh, we're not this thing. Yeah, we're not fitting this.

It's hard. This is still... Made that shitty song. It's not... It's going to be hard. Wrong with the song. This is what it... This is what it...

It's wrong with the beat. But fucking sucked. It was amateur. This is the type of thing that people don't have... It was amateur. It was amateur. It was pedestrian.

The think break. Any idiot could have made that. Dude, you didn't hear the drums, man. Yeah. The drums, I heard the drum. You think I didn't hear the drums. All I could hear was the drums when I had the headphones on. No, you couldn't hear it.

And I was rapping that wrong. This is the type of thing that we as, like, performers and entertainers have to deal with so much. is putting on a mask and pretending that it is making life beautiful day because fuck no today it's make life awful day you know it you know it's beautiful though it's making it's making being raw original raw being raw with your people going in raw with your people out there you say and being original original and going in raw what is this start of this sentence those are the two two things are just two things part of that's just you're saying we're showing we're showing we're

showing a side of us. You dazzled me, man. We're showing the side of us. I got dazzled. We're showing the side of us that is never really shown. Oh, yeah. The raw. I'm raw 100% of the time.

You were very raw about the Finn Wolfhard. I'm raw as fuck. I'm not like that in my daily life. No. I'm a quiet nerd. You're meek. I'm meek. Yeah.

You're jinxed. That's how perfect an adjective it is for me. You know, I wasn't going to. feel bad about saying it, except that we both said it and it jinxed. It's okay. Yeah. I know who I am. Me. But there's, when you get a camera on you, you just crave that

the confrontation, the attention. Finn Wolfhardt. Finn, get your fucking little ass over here. And it's always those really skinny guys with the we're not bringing that up again. We talked about that literally the premium. With what guns? Even away.

Yeah. He's away. We, the premium episode, I don't know if you listen to it. he went off he went off about Chalamay's penis and talking about how the thin guys always have a big

tree trunk down there interesting those guys that got really thin skin skin again it's because they don't have

anything under it so it's just their skin it's because they don't have any fat well no it's because their blood flows better so their penis grows more than bonnerfite

so it's like a Grinch's heart it gets bigger it's like the Grinch's heart the Grinch's heart The Grinch's heart is a skinny guy's penis, and pussy is Christmas. I agree with the second half of the way. That's the first smart thing you said all day, my friend. Pussy is basically Christmas to me.

It's so excellent. Yeah, because it comes once a year. Oh, hell no. Wait, that was good. I wake up at 6 a. Yeah, I think. I'll run up. Wait.

Jump up. You just wrote an amazing. old old school style joke yeah well the problem is that the premise is pussy is Christmas it's not a great

well you would have to get one pussy you have to start that would have to the joke I guess yeah and they don't have to it would have a tag that would be a tag

for a joke whose punchline is and I still don't have the I still have the setup yeah I still have the setup the setup is really hard to come up with

oh no set up easy. Every body part's like a holiday. There we go. The heart is like Valentine's Day. My arms are like the 4th of July. Wait, no, you've got to heart of Valentine's Day I feel like is obvious but arm, give me, what's the arms?

Well, every one to be every organ is like a holiday. The pussy's an organ. Everything's an organ. The way I play it. Okay, now we have to do that. So every organ is a holiday. The heart is Valentine's Day. The pussy is Christmas.

Oh, wait. Did I say pussy? Yeah, the pussy is an organ to me, the way I play it. Anyway, the pussy, like I was saying, the pussy is Christmas. Yeah, I only get it once a year. Or I mean, it only happens once a year. It only happens. It only happens once a year.

So that's good. I'm supposed to schizophrenic joke at the word. Every organ is like a holiday. Every organ is like a holiday. Well, you need some reason why you know about organs. Yeah. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor. And we like to say, every organ's like a doctor. I mean, you could kind of play. You could be like, I was at the doctor the other day. And I overheard him saying. Okay.

You know, every organ is like a holiday. And I said what? And I was thinking, you know what? He has a point. And then you, the heart is Valentine's day. The stomach is Thanksgiving. The feet is like the day of the marathon. Feet is like the Boston Marathon.

And pussy's like Christmas. Wait, did I say pussy? That's a weird. Glassing over the fact that you called feet in Oregon. Going straight. And then the day is a holiday. Pussy is Christmas.

In this house, Feet are an organ. Marathon day is a holiday and pussy is Christmas. And then it's and then dot, dot, dot. Yeah, because it only comes once a year. Wait, did I just call pussy an organ? Yeah, the way I play it. Oh, my goodness.

That made my life beautiful thing. Yeah. I think we should put Making Life Beautiful Day on hold and do it on the premium. Okay. Because that will be, then we'll have experienced that day, which is tomorrow, and we can report it on it. Because we've never celebrated making life beautiful. No, I haven't either. And I'm not, I'm, we should have a big dinner.

No, like, horrible. We should have a pig dinner. A pig dinner for making life beautiful day. I don't like those. We should pig out tomorrow. I might pig out tonight. We are not pig out together in probably 15 years. No, we haven't picked out in a while actually.

God damn it. We need to do a muckball. We didn't really crazy meal. We fucking picked out. When did we pig out? We went to Fogo to Chow. We never went to Fogo to Chow as the three of us. Three have never been.

No, we did. When? Oh, wait, yeah, we did one time. We did one time. We did one time. It was in December. It was at the three of us. The mall.

Yes. The Queen Center Mall. The Queen Center Mall. The Queen Center Mall. The only photo of a job I've ever gone to. They have one in Boston right next to the library now. They got them everywhere nowadays. We could go to the Boston Public Library and wait until it opens.

The BPL. Yes. Yeah. Everyone's called it the BPL. No, I call it by the full name. Yeah, but that's because you're stupid. I call it by the full name. That's what you call it when it's in trouble.

Oh, I call it the Boston Public Library. Open your doors right now. I need to read. I'm so hungry for knowledge. Let me in. Oh, man. Yeah, what else is happening in the world? So we're not doing Making Life Beautiful Day.

I mean, I think it's, yeah, we basically just ruined the episode, didn't we? Yeah, a little bit. I think the song really set us up for failure. No, I'll take responsibility because I, we were in gear to start moving into the holiday. And I, you know, was rude to a certain celebrity. You went wolf hard on me. Finn. Well, you know, and again, if he was, if he, you know, learns about that,

I would feel bad. If he, if someone said that's about me, it would make me feel pretty bad. Finn, if you're listening. That's a good way to think about things. You get one pot shot at Cameron's stomach if you see him. No. You won't let him punch you one time. No.

Finn Wolfhardt. Why not? I said he was a trestive. He's going to fucking. He's a little kid. No, he's not. He's an actor. He'd probably study under the tutelage of Bruce Willis.

Oh, my God. Deliver a peaceful. Willis can't even spell his own fucking name now. Yeah, what do you think he's left in that brain? Fights, sheer physical strength. You become a boxer now.

I get into that a million times. I don't know why my brain went to him as a strong guy. Were you trying to say Skeven-Sicard? No, I wasn't trying to say anything. Do you ever see guys like Bruce Willis in older movies? And you're like, it's kind of fucked up

that like we have such a standard for movie stars now that I'll watch an old movie with Bruce Willis where he's in pretty good shape. Yeah. But I'm like, he looks like shit. Well, that's what I realize is I think, for me, at least, Bruce Willis, I think of Bruce Willis says action guy because of

diehard, but the point of diehard was that he was not action guy. Yeah. And it was like, look at this fucking normal as dead therapist. Yeah. Who can even fight. Yeah. Even he can fight Hans Gruber. Yeah.

You had to walk on glass. Who he died in real life years later. Gruber. Gruber did. You know, he changed, he illegally changed his middle name to Gruber to honor that role. He did. He did that five minutes before he died. because he felt bad that he wasn't honoring the role.

He didn't go, Snape. Snape is a way more famous role for him. He didn't think that role for him. He hated to be honored because it was so famous. Why? He hated because it was so Slytherinic. Yeah. Because he was actually a Gryffindor in real life when he went to Hawkins. He was a natural Gryffindor.

None of the actors, it's actually kind of fucked up. None of the actors in Slytherin were actually Slytherins. They're all playing, yeah, except for Tom Felton. No, dude. No, no, he's a huffel fuck. He was a huffel puck. Did you know that, why is he stupid? I have fucked Tom felt.

Why? You just said, I fucked Tom Felton. That's what you said. Wait, what's wrong with him? I did. You get all on my case for saying that Finn Wolfar is ugly. Now you're saying fuck Tom. Tom Felton is continuing to work with J.K. Rowling after transphobia.

Really? Yes. But he also was in rise of the planet of the age. He also can't do anything but fucking Harry Potter rolls. You're boring as fuck. First you're saying I fucked him. Now you're saying butt fuck. What's up with you today?

I'm being gay. Straight up cool with me. I'm being gay today. There is a real kind of. negative energy. It is. It is... It's because we started

in the toilet, man. I do think... I do think you're right. Is that the opening moments of this episode were in a toilet truly making...

Broadcasting your most private moment. He clapped. It was a bad clap. I admitted it. Yeah. I know it's a bad clap. But listen, man,

if we're going to get into the whole weeds of it, we were waiting, we were sitting in here waiting for 30 to 45 minutes before we even started recording sitting doing simply nothing at all.

We're waiting. We were waiting for... You can't pick when to poop. Yeah. Maybe you can't. If you're lucky, within a certain window, you can pick. I can't. Was this at such a poop that it came on so instantly?

Was it a lot? It was an instant. I stood up and it was like... Was it a waterfall? Yes. It was so easy to get out of there. It was diarrheal. Yeah.

Then that's, that has more leeway. That's allowed. Yeah. Two days in a row, I was going to talk about my poop on the air. I've never talked about poop on here before. Why would you not talk about that? I've never talked about my poop. He waited so long to reveal it and I'm suspicious

and I'd like to submit to the judge that we get a poop test and we test the wastewater. You're not going to touch my diarrhea. How far away? I say I don't know if I believe it was diarrhea. How long ago was that? It was an hour. It was about an hour ago. Okay, so how far away do you think that poop is right now? That poop is in

Siberia. If he didn't flush it, we will take a look at. And we'll see if it was worth that. That dude is in Siberia. man you should you can you can analyze it and see if it how fast it you're gonna have to stick your finger in my butt no no if you want to check no no no poop you so it's still in your butt you didn't even poop no but if you put your finger and hold on hold it so if you put your finger you took we should stick our finger in

your butt if you put your finger in someone's butt yeah because that makes sense if you put your finger in someone's butt and it comes out back up there no if it comes out liquidy comes out there's there was a diarrhea in there if it comes out and it means you didn't what it means you didn't what It comes out and there's pudding. Both of those, me and you didn't wipe. No, because... It's on the inside. Yeah.

All the way in. You've got to go all the way in. All the way in. This is how you test if someone had diarrhea. This, again, I'm not counting this. Okay, we're talking about the poop you already took. How about this? You put a cotton swab up my butt.

I didn't test it. What's different about that? Why can't you do? Well, we don't trust you. I think he's just not trusting the finger method. I don't trust the finger method doesn't, is it doesn't test the poop you already took. To test the previous... You don't trust the finger.

The finger method? The finger method is for testing a future poop. A future poop, clearly for testing a future poop. Obviously what it's wrong. The poop that is still inside you? The poop still has remains that are left along the water away. This is not a reliable method. Okay, then invent a better one then.

If you have diarrhea. If you have down the pipe and a shrinking machine. If you have diarrhea. If you have diarrhea, you're going to have some more diarrhea later. Not necessarily. Okay, so then once you have diarrhea, you have diarrhea permanently for the rest of your life. You never have a normal one ever again.

No, diarrhea ends. That could have been your last diarrhea. I had diarrhea for the first time when I was 19. I was not gone back. So what do you have to say to that, Mr. Dias? You are obviously a special case and your case is being leveraged here. Obviously, diarrhea can end.

It is possible to not have diarrhea anymore. Do you think that it's possible that I'm a patient zero for something or a very special guy? Do I have to say which one or do you say, no, you have to say either one or both. Patient zero for being a special guy. One of them.

You have to say which one? Am I a special guy or am I patient zero? That's what? No, no, no, no. Would you describe being a special guy, patient zero, or a little bit of both? Or maybe a world wonder. A wonder of the world is awesome. It's definitely leaning more towards patient zero.

I mean, I didn't want to have to say it. You're going to cornering me into it gradually. It's okay. We can be raw and honest here. That hurts my feelings because I would like to think that I'm a special guy. Well, it's just mostly because you said that you've had diarrhea since you were 19. I think that's kind of what made me say that. Well, but that also is special.

Yeah, that is pretty special. And I'm a guy. I wouldn't mind if you checked. Would you call him special boy? Would I call him that? If you really, if you're true, if you want me to say yes, I'll say yes. Would you call him Cameron's guy? You want my honest answer?

Do you want to basically bully me until I'm putting you under no duress? No. But I do think that what I want to hear from you. You have an obligation to answer me. What I want to hear is Caleb, you're Cameron's guy. Caleb, you're Cameron's guy. You don't have to tell me that. You said that's what you wanted to hear from me.

that for him as his lawyer. You're Cameron's guy? The tone wasn't right. No, I'm asking, is that literally what you want me to say? Or do you want me to replace my name with my? No, you say Cameron's guy. Okay. That's why I said it like that.

You're Cameron's guy. Again, it sounds like, does. It sounds patriotic. It does sound a little bit of, you have to say it. I would say it's pretty hard to say that without sounding patronizing. You're not saying. Well, you can add. I really try to give it as much genuineness as I can.

I'll show you how to do this, okay? Yeah. I'll show you how to do it. Cameron. I see, it's over here. John, look at that fucking face. What are you doing, man? That's 10 times worse.

This is a kid who's dying of cancer that you're doing. You're doing, I'm going to really miss you when you're dead son, which is what you would say to your kid when you got cancer. Hey, buddy. I'm really going to miss you. With that face. Buddy. Man, this is going to suck.

Your mom has been like by your bedside the entire time your dad's working. She's like, your dad is coming in. He has something to say to you. He gets down. Hey, bud.

Yeah, I just wanted to say I'm really going to miss you when you're gone. It's seriously been awesome to get to know you. And this is going to suck. This is really. I wish we got to see each other more.

This is so bad. I'm really going to miss you, bud. Yeah. All right. Well, back to mom. I think she's got some fucking pre-chewed food to give you. Cameron, you're Caleb's guy. See, this is what you're doing this.

You're in between. You go like this. You're looking. You can't even. Okay. Cameron, you are Caleb's guy. okay Patrick

Patrick Patrick you're Cameron's guy Caleb you're Cameron's guy okay which one was better I think mine because it was my

about me yeah I think it's biased I think we're both biased we can't be not Julio who is better Julio, you're Caleb's guy Julio, you're Cameron's guy Leo, you're Patrick's big guy

Whoa, okay, that's patronizing Yeah, Patrick, he's bigger than me I haven't told this to Patrick So Patrick is third, Caleb's second and Cameron's one Oh, wow, but who's when I said When I said it to both of them Which seemed more genuine

That they would be Cameron's guy Um, wait, do it again? I can't do it again Oh, come, he's playing fucking night rain, bro. Patrick, I haven't said this yet. I've actually never said this to you.

Okay, come on. Just fucking... Yeah. See, you're adding all that. Open your mouth. Get those lips out, man. Get the lips out. Get the lips out of your teeth.

Come on. Get the lips out. See, this isn't good. You said to get the lips out. Those are your teeth? No, you're gritting your teeth like you don't want to say it at all. Okay, all right. Here's what I got there.

Patrick. you're Caleb's guy you're sitting there it's like when Miss Piggy reads the news and what you're Patrick's guy Cam you're Patrick's guy

you're Patrick you're Patrick's guy Cameron you order to you what's that you out of my guy you're you out of my guy

you out of my guy you out of my guy okay you are saying Saying your own name like that. You are going to be God. What was that? Why did we start doing that?

I don't know what we are arguing about? That that was the solution. we were talking about whether the finger with it was okay for checking a past poop we can't have you kind of accidentally backed up into making life beautiful that day my life is so beautiful I feel I'm going to start doing that a lot. That's a really amazing mode of de-escalation.

That feels like a crazy like pickup artist style thing to compliment someone but make sure to use your own name and the third. I'm being like Cameron really likes you. That feels like some kind of like dark psychology tactic. It's the calling someone your guy

saying your name in the third person and calling them your guy. going up to a woman at the bar That is a hard You're Patrick's guy Hard phrase to nail It's hard to say that Yeah

In a way that is not I can't lick you guys In the eye anymore I just want to say it so bad Caleb You're Patrick and Cameron's guy That means us so much It really does

Oh my God All right So Yeah Ladies and gentlemen Yeah. And then end the cold open. And back to the episode.

And back to the end of the episode. Start the episode when I'm in the bathroom. Sorry to do that to you, Julio, but I just remembered that we should plug that at the beginning due to it being so soon. All right. We can just stop now. So then this part can just even cut out. This part goes in the end. So the episode ends with us saying we're each other's guys.

And this part can just be the trash. Yeah, this is trash I don't know if you keep a folder on the computer that is trash But if you do Make sure that this part goes in the trash This part goes in the trash Alright and then we're done This is bloopers

This is the bloopers that goes on during the credits Put the Toy Story theme over and then Put the bloopers on The bloopers? He said he's going to do that Oh, that's pretty cool Yeah He's not going to like how they have the bloopers

At the end of Toy Story Well we're done I'm going to stop their quote Yeah Yeah Wait a two Thank you.