Podcast About List - Ep. 346 - Hot Once

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

Do you have what it takes to eat something spicy ONCE?Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Hot Once The show where celebrities eat spicy food, once, and then they don't ever eat it again. Hot Once. Can you handle eating a piece of spicy food one time and then not eating any more of it? While being interviewed, Hot Once. We've got diabolical hot sauces that feel like your mouth just became a portal to the jet fuel dimension. Good thing you only have to eat them. Once.

Jim Gaffigan couldn't take the heat on hot once. No way. Come on, Jim. You only have to eat it once. Hot once. Will Smith ate a bite of this spicy wing once and then answered our questions. Six weeks later. Who is your favorite tennis coach?

Richard Williams. The Hot Once record is held by James Corden. He ate one spicy wing. Can today's guests beat it? Hot Once. Today's episode is brought to you by HIMS. HIMS is the first and only subscription-based hair and erectile dysfunction pills. Don't let hair loss hold you back.

HIMS offers a personalized approach to hair care and erectile dysfunction care with treatments designed to help you keep your hair and penis hard and regain your confidence. Go to HIMS.com for more. Today's episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Feeling inadequate, better help won't just make you feel better. it'll make your penis stronger and your hair grow back. Visit Better Help Today to take the first step towards a fuller head of hair and a stronger penis. Today's episode is also brought to you by Magic Spoon Serial.

Feeling inadequate? Magic Spoon won't just make you feel better. It'll make your penis stronger and your hair grow back. Visit the grocery store today and take the first step towards a fuller head of hair and a stronger penis. welcome to hot once hot once hot once hot once the only show where you eat a spicy once you eat spicy food one time and then never and then you never do it again for at least being interviewed while being interviewed at least for the duration of the of the episode of the show are

you man enough to handle being asked questions I don't know eating spicy food after having eaten spicy food one time well let's find out do we just jump right into it. I don't see why not. Okay. Our spicy food for today. Oh my God. It's goddamn nuclear. This is the flaming hot nachos.

To me, nachos are already, the nacho cheese Doritos already take me out. So this is going to be probably a real problem. It's red. It is red. Okay, let's, don't eat it yet. We're all going to take a bite the same time. It looks flaming hot, dude.

Yeah. So let's make sure we get a good take of it. And this bag is thrown away. Or maybe we go one by one since we don't have a wide shot. Oh my God. This one's so. I couldn't even handle a total chip. Oh,

mine's more redder than you. Oh, I got a double. Wait, you can't have, you can't do that. It's once. It's hot once.

We don't want to ruin the episode. Yeah, it's hot one. I shook it off and now it's single. Okay. Hot once. Guys, see you in hell.

Oh my God. It's stinging. Jesus Christ, why did we do this? It's stinging me already. Oh, ow. Oh, my God. Did anyone bring milk? I didn't bring any milk.

I don't have a beverage at all. Oh, God. This isn't good, man. Open it up. That's got to help, right? It's on my finger. Dude, lick it off. Honestly.

No, because I already had my one spicy food. It's like ripping off a bandaid. I can't have it again, man. Do you need to get squirted? I actually have my own green water. Oh, yes, green water. Who, I'm still, honestly, it's probably spiciest food I ever ate on hot once. That's tough.

Thank God I don't ever have to do it again. It's really tough. I'll go ahead and throw this away. This is gone. We can get rid of that. That's over. And now it's just a regular sort of interview. This is the best episode

I would say that that Another 100 degree day Oh, it is the hottest day Yeah, that's true But it hasn't just been hot once And you know what's sad Is that as we get further on in time We're going to have more hot ones

Yeah It's going to get hot and hotter No, hot once But I'm saying in climate change terminology No, no Hot once No, we're doing hot once right now, but I think...

Speaking of hot once, dude, dude, this thing's got... Did you get a crumb in your mouth? It's just still spicy, man. I think I'm going to cry. This thing's got a second wave to it. I hope you know. It's so spicy.

I think I'm going to cry. Dude, don't cry. Dude, don't cry. You're going to cry if you touch your eye at this point because your finger is so red. Because you have dust on your finger from Cheetos. I rubbed it off. Oh my God. You're going to need to burn those clothes.

But I wish I could rub off my tongue. Yeah. I wish I could get, you would rub off on my tongue. We should have brought a tongue scraper and you should have done that live. Dude, my tongue is so neat scraping. I have a tongue scraper. I never use it. Yeah.

I was just wanting one last night. I just scrub with my toothbrush. I don't want to use that tongue spray. When they put the bumps on the back of the toothbrush, that was an invention of amazing ingenuity. This shit barely ever works. I just use the bristles. No, I think it works. And I really gag hard when I do it.

I really, I look bad when I do it. Yeah. I like cry. I'm not kidding. My wife, anytime that I brush the teeth. Do it more on. camera. I'm like, and I'm like crying and I'm gagging and anytime I do it, my wife asked to like leave the bathroom because she can't watch me do it. One time I did it so hard,

I saw stars. Dude, it must be so awesome being girl or gay. Yeah. Get to do that all the time. You get to do that and you're like, man, I love that shit. I do like it. It's a nice feeling. I was kind of right first rushing to start the interview, but I'm like this spice is going to last for like an hour. Yeah. So there's really no rush. That's why you want to do it. Well, we were either going to eat, let me pull the curtain back a little bit. Don't touch the curtain. But precarious.

We were we were either going to eat flaming hot Doritos or I thought maybe we could all eat a croissant that had a little bit of scorpion hot sauce on it. I said croissant. Did I say croissant?

I did say croissant. I don't care about French words, man. They can fuck that. They can fuck themselves. And I'm saying, it's spicy right now. Here's something. And I'm saying something spicy right now. Fuck all the French people who get mad when you mispronounce their dumb-ass words. Dude, speaking

of Europeans, I saw on my walk up to the office, I saw what I thought was two Polish guys and the one of them was yelling at the other one. He was like, I follow you around every day and night and I see that you talk disgusting things about me to people all over the neighborhood. Whoa. He was like screaming

at this guy who's like, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you. I can't stand you. And the other guy was like, yeah, man, well, I'll see you tomorrow. and there was just a random I don't know what their relationship was but I thought they were having a full-blown argument and this guy was so one-sided

and the guy was just like, yeah, okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Wow. And so now I've been trying to figure out why these two guys know each other. Yeah. Maybe you've got to follow that guy around. And also what is this guy saying about this Polish guy?

Yeah. That is so disgusting. Maybe it's just landlord. That was my immediate thought was landlord or like handyman or something. Oh, yeah. But what can you even... Imagine getting in and we'll fight with your

your handyman? You don't want this. What's the worst fight you ever got into with your handyman? The worst fight I ever got into with my handyman. Oh, no. That's a bald-faced lie. He was not a handyman. He was unhandy, first of all, and he was the electrician hired by the landlord.

I had a handyman. I had a handyman come and try to replace the door, the front door of my apartment. But he's like 80 years old. Yeah. So he got there and the door got delivered. and then he just he like tried to pick it up and I think he wasn't trying that hard and he went like and he couldn't even get it off the ground and so he asked me to carry the door up and then he asked me to basically install the whole thing yeah so that was the worst even get a rent reduction I didn't

even get paid for it yeah that shit sucks this fucking guy gets paid yeah yeah there was one I mean not to bring them back up but the electricians left a bunch of plaster don't want to talk about they left a bunch of plaster all over my living room like everything was covered in a film of plaster and then I was like you got to send somebody out here to clean this up this is so fucked up

like they were in here all day like doing all this bullshit I caroned out yeah I caroned out and the guy said the guy said get a hair blower

and blow the plaster around yeah and then I was like I'm not getting a fucking hair blower and blowing the plaster and they sent the handyman

and he came in with a swiffer and he swift up one room and then left wait the handyman came and just cleaned with a swifter He cleaned up one room with a swiffer.

Okay, you did care. You can clean. I'm not going to clean. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's amazing. No, no, no, no. They, they. I regret bringing up the hand-in question.

Yeah. Because I think this is the same story has been told. Yeah. This weekend, I basically ordered a Domino's pizza for the first time in several years. What kind of toppings and white crust? I got bacon and pepperonies. Great. That's good.

And I got the pan. Handmade pan. Wow. which is what I like from that's good. You ever accidentally get the... I haven't gotten this in a long time. I got it delivery as well. And the delivery was an old woman, and her name was Fannie.

And she got out of the car holding the pizza, and she walked on top of a bunch of trash bags. She wasn't looking where she was going. She was just looking straight ahead, holding the pizza. And like a cartoon, she walked up on top of a pile of trash bags. Yeah, that's SpongeBob vibe. Yeah, nothing could stop her from delivering that pizza. It was really cool.

Yeah. You ever accidentally get the little pizza sheet? What's the, oh, the under? The little piece of metal. I've gotten that a few times from a pizza place. They have a little, it's like a... They're like a cast iron black pan that they put the pizzas on the... They're delivering a cast iron pan to you and they don't notice that it's a 30 pound fucking box?

It's not a cast iron, I think. Or it's regular sheet metal. I don't know. but it's a little like... You don't know the difference in cast iron is black and bumpy. Hold on, hold on. You know what cast iron is.

You know, if anybody knows what cast iron is, I feel like it's you. Yeah, hold on. I got to find this thing. Pizza. It's like the, it's like the,

it's a circular tray. It's a circular tray. Yeah, but it's not cast iron. Oh, grates, I see. This thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This thing. Not this thing. Okay, that's not cast iron. This looks normal. That's just a pizza pan, bro.

Hold on. This thing. thing. They sent, they accidentally delivered this. Okay. The netted. The netted thing. It's aluminum. The cooling rack. That's the cooling rack. Yeah. I've gotten that in the delivery before. That's free. Yeah. Did you keep it?

I think I threw it out. Dude. Why? You could have made your own dominoes with that. Yeah. And I realized later that I could have made my own ingredients. Yeah. It scared me because I was on the pizza tracker. And it literally, I'm not kidding. It took, it took two minutes and 30 seconds to bake the fence. Apparently the pizza tracker. The word on the street is the pizza tracker is not accurate.

Right, but the speed at which this pizza was delivered tells me that, like, you know, I'm sure it's not accurate exactly, but it was not, it was less time that I would expect even of like a piece of a pre-made. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It was like. So maybe they already made it and it was sitting there. Yeah. I don't know what it was. Something was up.

Somebody ordered. It was very, very fast. Somebody ordered and canceled the pizza or returned. Yeah, ordered and canceled my exact order. Yeah. Returned your exact pizza. I didn't fucking order this. Did you guys know that I'm Domino's royalty?

No. Really? That my father worked at Domino's for a very long time. Oh, I didn't know that. On Market Street in Wilmington, North Carolina. Congratulations. And we were kids. The birthday parties were that we got to go to Domino's and make our own pizzas.

There was dominoes in my town and it was, there was a lot of Armenian people in my town and they did not fuck with. I don't know if it's Domino's the whole company or just this specific Domino's because it was owned Turkishly. Ah. It was owned Turkishly? Yeah. That's a beef. Is Armenia and Turkey? Well, Turkey did a fucking genocide on Armenia.

Oh, I remember that. Bro, look it up. It's more than a beef. Well, I'm thinking of turkey is as the main one I know I think about when I think of a turkey beef is turkey and Greece. When I think a turkey beef sandwich. Yeah, yeah, okay. Come on there. All right.

Turkey and beefs sandwich. That's what I would be in that on this damn show, man. Hot once. We should just call it food once and then we eat food at the top and then talk about the food. I'm still spiced out. man. Yeah. I can't even think

about food. I can't even think straight. Yeah. Dude, I'm getting loopy. I'm getting crazy. Hey, here's an interview question. Patrick, want to be my boyfriend?

No. Okay. He's just spiced out, man. Don't worry. Dude, he's just a spice. He didn't mean. He's got a wife.

She gets so upset. Dude, why won't you just be my boyfriend for like one fucking year? Literally, it's, you're, you were with your wife forever. These are your vows.

Who fucking said that's? Don't ever. You don't know his vows. He didn't do his vows. I didn't do it. You don't know my vows. Plus one year of freedom to date my friend. I did the stock vows at the New York City and City Hall thing.

I didn't do fucking custom bows. If you didn't do custom vows, I have to check off every box. Yeah, you have to fill it in. I promise you to always do the dishes. Man, fuck all that. Will you be loyal? Fuck no.

No. No, no. Maybe some of the time. But you won't be my boyfriend for one year. No, I will not be your boyfriend for one year. Wouldn't that be a boyfriend for one year? Wouldn't that be a. amazing experience. What's the longest like the time

it would not be an amazing experience? I'm not a good boyfriend. I'm not a good boyfriend, bro. Oh, I just got an extra piece of spice. I'm fucking, I'm toxic A.F. I don't know that though, because we've never been in a relationship. It would be like what's the, no, answer my interview question. What's the longest period of time you would be

his boyfriend for? Probably probably three weeks and then you'd find out I'm cheating. Three weeks? That's a long time. I thought you were going to say like 30 seconds or something we could do it right now. Then he finds out. We still do it right now, three weeks. He finds out I'm cheating.

He finds out that I'm on certain apps. What type of apps? I'm on all of them, man. Grailed. Okay. So that's the opposite of certain apps. You're at Grail by and used to... All of the apps is the actual opposite of certain apps.

Certain apps. Two of them. The direct... Grailed and what? Calculated. Graled and calculate. I wouldn't be mad as your boyfriend. You got to calculate the deals that you're getting on...

I'm hooking up on grailed. That's a twin... I'm hooking up on grailed. I'm messaging people. like hey do you still have these Rick Owens season whatever pants and they say no I just sold them and I say okay well

have you ever thought about So you have no pants on? So you got no pants on have you ever thought about kissing another man See but why I would say that if you have a boyfriend Do you have a burp thing? The gayness of you is already Is it

implied you don't need to be like dodgy about being gay You think okay you always hear about like a down low guy Right. Do you think there's like a gay down low guy that hooks up with women? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, in certain circles. Yes, I do think so.

Damn. Gay guys who are bisexual and don't want to lose their gay guy cred. I think that's real for sure. Yeah. I've never heard of it publicly. You always hear about the D.L. guys getting caught. Yeah, well, I think it's lower stakes maybe because people usually get pretty badly in trouble for being gay due to modern society. That's true.

Versus people being straight. usually you are less likely to get you're watching it before my very eyes in Desper Housewives right now. The sun is gay. I've been watching this show too now. She's been watching Desper Housewives? Have you been watching with her? I've been seeing bits and pieces of it. Lock in.

You have to walk in. No, I, this is, and she's going to hear this and no, this is another thing where I'm having a disembodied argument. She listens. But, uh, yeah. Really? She loves it. Really? That's so nice. My wife never won.

I was like, no. I was like, don't watch this because I want to pay attention to it. And right now I'm doing something else. I don't want to pay attention right now. But, and then she was like, fuck you. She said, she slapped me. Yeah. And she spit in my food for the next 100 hours.

Dude, I got home once every hour. I got home from something the other day. And she was five episodes into the bear. Oh, that's fucked up. To be fair. Oh, I think you were saying five episodes ahead. Oh, no, no, no, never. I am I'm kind of a, I would abuse fast. But Desper Housewives, I would abuse. I am kind of a terrorist in that way.

where any show I have any slight interest in, I'll say you can't watch that because I might want to watch it someday, which is not right. You're missing out on amazing things. You got to throw on a sitcom from the 70s or some shit, something that it really did.

Like something with 22 episodes, a lot of filler. It doesn't matter if you miss something. See, Desper Housewise. It's not my choice. I'm not the one watching the TV. That's true. You should call my wife and tell her that.

Yeah, I'll call her up. What the hell are you doing? Hey, you got to put a pause. Get off the TV! On Desper House. spice from that Dorito just spread into my eyeballs. Bro, close them. Close your eyes, bro.

You need to wet those eyes. You got to wet them. Start producing some tears, bro. But this is a show that's made by a gay guy. Yeah. And the only gay character in it pretty much is the most evil character. Yeah. In a lot of ways.

It's probably a stand-in for an X. That's what I would do. I like, I don't know. And his name is Mark Cherry. And I'm so obsessed with him. I like the kid who breaks into the woman's house and puts up a Christmas tree. Oh, Zach.

Yeah. Is he a serial killer? No. Okay. That was my theory. No, no. He's not a serial killer. He is strange.

That's not the... That's not the special needs boy, right? No, the special needs boy is named Caleb. Caleb. Yeah, he broke... Cinnity. Okay, so there's a... It's a little bit of a spoiler, but not so...

I mean, like I said, I've been shut out of the show. There's... In season two, they realize that they need one black character. So a black family moves in, and they have... Everybody has a secret, and their special secret is that they have a special needs son named Caleb, who is chained in the basement and spins the first three episodes in chains going, like clanging the chains, and they, like, feed him through a slot and shit. And then at one point he escapes, and he breaks in a woman's house, and he goes in there to eat ice cream.

She, like, walks in, and she, like, sees an ice cream bowl, and it's, like, dramatic music. And then he's, like, right behind her. And she runs and she falls down the stairs. Also, so insane to just be like, yeah, what does he want? Why is he chained up? He wants ice cream. Why is he chained up? Because he wants ice cream.

One of the funniest things about that show, too, is the theme song. Yeah. I was like, I hadn't seen the theme song or like the, the, like, the video. Yeah, it was like, I hadn't seen the theme song yet. And I, like, looked into the other room, which he was watching that theme song. And I was like, what the fuck are you watching? Yeah, it's a very strange intro. What is that?

Yeah. It's like the music video for Floodon by my spouse. It's cool, man. It's very, I, I, they don't really make shows like that anymore, honestly. No, they do, they do. A 25, well, they have devious maids. It's soap operas. Devious may.

Well, but it's a satire of soap operas. Soap operas are basically a satire of soap operas. But not in the way that Mark Cherry is doing it. Mark Cherry is so funny. I think if you have seen some of these things that my grandmother was watching just a few years prior, you would also enjoy them on the same level I probably would I think that it gets crazier

than I think there's like lots there's yeah I probably they're doing that shit constantly I'm getting into the show taxi as I got into I was telling you about that this is one of the best shows and you're actually on hot once today to promote your new show

my new show what's your new TV show my new TV show even working on explain the detail it's a reboot of taxi that's why I've been watching it And who do you play? I play the, just the white guy that gets written off season one. What's his character's name is Randall Carver or something? So wait, who's the rest of the cast if you, why are you even promoting it?

It's written off of the show. This is a stupid promotion, though. But who is the cast? The cast is Alex Rieger is going to be played by, and this is a crazy. I thought you were saying an actor's name I didn't know. No, no, no, no, no. This is a crazy casting for Alex Rieger. Judd Hirsch again.

He's back. Okay. This is the taxi reboot, but we're doing the show. so redone, redone completely. Okay. So all the episodes, pretty much the same, but then it's like something, yeah, shot for shot, but some things are, you know, adapted for modern times.

Are you staying multi-cam or are you going single cam? It's sort of a greaty, shaky. It's still multi-cam. Can you drop a couple episode kind of log lines? Yeah, so. That would I expect to see. Latka played by Timothy Chalameh. Okay.

Lachka Gravis. That's great. Played by Timothy Shalame. I've always thought he has a Kauffman thing going on. Yeah, totally. In this episode, so it takes place in 2020, Lottka gets caught up in the BLM protests. Okay.

When you say caught up, he was protesting. He's locked up. And you would describe that as being caught up. Being kind of like, being kind of gone. No, no, no, no, no. He's seduced by the BLM protests.

He accidentally becomes a very, what's the word? Spokesperson. He accidentally becomes a spokesperson. He's a very outspoken person. He accidentally becomes a spokesperson. Okay. Wow. He becomes the leader of the movement. Can we expect to see any hilarity ensues? We expect to see any UFOs or aliens in the reboot?

Yes, there is going to be a lotca also finds an alien. Okay. In the same episode. Yeah. And they speak the same language. And here's my question. He's looking around going, and he's like, oh, bup-da-bub-di-b-b-b-b-oh. Oh, he's minion. Yeah. If you do watch the show, a lot of the

Andy Copman vocal stuff does. It is minionese. It sounds exactly minion. Do you, uh, is there any nudity in this? Yeah. Christopher Lloyd's character. Christopher Lloyd's character. Currently or they reboot him with a different. Did you guys see they're doing a sequel to that Bob Odenkirk movie?

Nobody. Oh really? I think Christopher Lloyd is in it again. Really? Yeah. He's like ancient. He's like fucking 500 years old and they're putting around this action move of the sequence. Like, bro, let him out.

Dude, he's like old. He's old in taxi. He's, He was old and back to the future. He's fucking, yeah, I just can't. I think we've talked about him being, I mean, he shouldn't be named Christopher old, by the way. But I can't believe that he's still in the sequel.

Like, I saw the trailer in the theater, and it's like a thing where, like, you know, they have like a minute and a half of the trailer and they have like a two second shot of like Christopher Lloyd. We're just like, bro, let him sleep. Imagine the feeling of being a... He's not, you can't even, you don't even have enough footage to put him in the trailer

for more than three seconds. Imagine the feeling of being a makeup artist. on that movie and you get the call sheet for the day and they have you on fucking Lloyd. I would put eye liner on him. Because you're basically doing special effects makeup at that point.

You do need to put a full like Lord of the Rings orc mask on him or something. He needs to have a transformation. You have a prosthetic tongue in his mouth, Gene Simmons' hair, the whole get up. That's one guy I bet which could go back in times.

Yeah. Wait, what? He's so old. Oh, he saw all he wishes he could go back in time. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could go back in times, Marty. Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty.

Or Bob? Bob. What's his son's name and nobody? Bob Odenkirk? Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk's name is Hutch. That's his name in the movie. That's his name in the movie.

And I wouldn't have known remember that if I hadn't seen the trailer for nobody, too. Dude, it looks like such a boring movie. It's just an average house husband. Dude. You sound like a looking idiot. I bet you're like, I'd never watch a John Wick. just about a guy with his puppy at the gas station and that it ends. All I know about

is that the guy has some fucking dog and his mom dies or whatever. Who cares? I saw this. And he gets paid in Chucky Cheese tokens? I saw this movie on fucking YouTube reels. YouTube shorts. Maybe no cussing. What? Maybe no cussed.

Yeah, do we cuss on hot once? Yeah, we cuss on here. Everybody cussed once. You've been cussing the whole time. All right. Will you be my boyfriend? No. I saw this movie on, is a clip from a movie on YouTube shorts. And it's this movie it was called The Family Plan with Mark

Wahlberg. And I don't know anything about this movie. And I see this clip and it's like they he kisses his wife and then a group of guys take a picture of him kissing his wife. It's like a guy takes a selfie going and then

Mark Wahlberg is like, hey delete the photo. Delete that photo. You can't be taking pictures of me. What's the problem? And then the guy the guy is He must be famous and cheating. I don't know what it is and I looked it up and I got even more confused.

And it's just a movie, apparently from my understanding, this is a movie where Mark Wahlberg, someone takes a picture of Mark Wahlberg kissing his wife and then some guy pours a smoothie on his head. And then his wife... I bet other stuff happens too. I got to look it up. I got to look it up. You didn't even get deep enough

did you not read the one line? I'm guessing. This is nothing. The line said that the fucking thing said he stands up to the bullies later. No, you said you looked up the movie but you didn't even read

the description of the movie? I think it's about him he's like in witness protection or some shit. Oh, and he can't. So then that explains everything. That's a big detail.

That explains everything. But you see this clip. You see this clip and it makes, why even include that scene in the movie? That's not how humans act. Because he's in witness protection.

Yeah, but why would you take if you saw a couple kissing would you take a picture of them? The guy was taking a selfie. Yeah, that's true. Would you ever, would you ever take a selfie? No, because I'm not a bad guy of a movie. But he doesn't show up any later.

It never shows up again. Wait, you didn't even see the movie. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, you fucking asshole. I don't even want to be your boyfriend anymore. He never even shows up later. But I think if there, you don't know. You don't know. You're speaking from a place of extreme ignorance on hot once.

He never shows up later. It must be the capcasing getting to your brain. It might be this 90 degree day, plus the spiciest chip. I've ever eaten. The spicy chip is clearly... Oh, by the way. Oh, my God. I think I just got a third wave of...

Dude, that has to be my seventh wave. Dude, they put dust on that or something? I think it's dusty dust. Here's the thing. You might think that just the outside is spicy, the red stuff, but you might take that. I do think that. But realize that the chip is also made of corn. Oh, fuck.

Which is also pretty spicy. Jesus Christ. Corn is very spicy. So what are you on Hot Once Today promoting? Me? I'm promoting three guests. I'm promoting my new. album.

Really? What's it called? Jazz influence. That's the name? Is it a jazz album or it's influenced by? Or it's not even influenced by jazz. It's a cappella covers of jazz songs. You'd hit us with one.

That's a big band. It's jazz. That's not jazz. New York? New York? You know this song? Yeah, I know this song. Really?

This is not jazz. It is jazz. Oh, that's big band. He wears the suit and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look what's behind him, a big band. I'm focused on the star, personally. He's doing jazz.

I don't care what the band's doing. When I said a cappella, by the way, I meant humming. I'm doing humming covers of a bunch of jazz. Do they have that? Do they have, like... A humming band? Yeah. They got a humming bird.

Yeah, which doesn't... Which just makes sense to have a humming band. I would call it a mulling band. I would call it a muck. micro bird if I was good micro bird I don't think I've ever it doesn't really hum that much the wings hum yeah but you got to be like in a

visual sense I think yeah okay that's was always my understanding or I would call it a pointer bird because they have a pointy front drinker bird they drink all the shit you know that nectar that fucking cylinder with the fake yellow flowers and it's got the red trim we got that everybody has that show good

well they like it never tried it no I'd never tried it that red juice looks so good for It's not as good as it actually looks. It's crazy how there's humming bird and then there's the hummer, right? These are the two opposite things coming to humming. You got the humming bird. The smallest bird versus the biggest car. Versus the biggest car.

That's a good point. That's a good point. Because humming clearly has nothing to do with the size of something. Yeah. No. And a hum is a small song, right? Well, it's not a small song. I would say that it's a more bigger song than even jazz.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, that's right. You're here to promote humming. So I think, yeah, you're going to have some. Yeah, he's going to have some hang-ups about it. But, like, the humming is not even the direct middle of those two, though. Humming's, like, probably more towards Hummingbird. If we were to make a scale of humming.

But it's a hummer does hum, though. It does? Or whatever. That's not a good car, so. But it does go. Okay, it's like hummingbird is the smallest hummer, right? Yeah. Then we got humming.

And then you have humming beings, which are right in the middle. Humming beings in the middle. Okay, there we go. Humanity. Humaneity. Hey, if you want a better. If you want a better album title. What's between a humming and Hummer?

Let's see. I don't. A humdinger. A humdinger. Is that something that's great? It's just something that's big and great. Getting a hummer. Just a big great thing.

Big great fucking thing. Whatever a humdinger is. Yeah. It's big and big great great. It's a real humdinger. Yeah. What is a humdinger? Something big and great.

It's a big and great thing. It's a big and great thing. Getting a Hummer, which is a thing I learned about in getting a hummus. That's awesome. Maybe this is. Oh, yeah. But that's a big ask. Wait, what's like getting a hummer?

That's when someone hums on your balls. Oh, yeah, because that's two hummus. That's a really big ass. Hummus is between homunculus and hummingbird. Oh, yeah. So now we need an extra thing between Humdinger and Hummer. Oh, that's hard. Yeah, because what's between a Humdinger?

A Humboldt squid. A Humboldt, okay. That might be bigger than a Hummer. Then you have Humboldt in California. Yeah. Which is a town, which is bigger than a Hummer. Yeah. And then you have.

The Humming Planet. The Humming Planet. Wait, the what? Planet Earth. The Hummon Planet. I wouldn't, I don't think they call it. called the Humberland planet. Hummer Rock Beach. That's probably smaller than Humboldt. That's smaller than Humboldt, but bigger than a Hummer. And bigger than Humboldt squid.

But now we need something between Humdinger and Hummus. Hummus. Humis, like this, like soil. Is it hummus or hummus? It's probably hummus. We're going to call it hummus for now. So now we have two, I know we have a problem with just two hummases. Yeah. Hummus dip and hummus. Humptropolis. Humtropolis. This is bigger than anything because it's imaginary. We can imagine it to be as big as possible. The humming ingenuity. Humming ingenuity. That's small.

There's not much there. The hum and spirit also small. Not a lot there. Hummed. Well, just a humm. Like the sound wave. That's got to be smaller. That's very small, I think.

That's got to be in between hummingbird and hummus? A sound wave? No, a sound wave is very small. It's got to be very small. One single wave. So then that's smaller than a hummingbird. So it's humming. And then it goes all the way up to.

Humboldt. Humbold. Then that's a pretty good scale Humming to Humboldt Oh wait That's my new That's the album I want Humming to Humbold

Like I'm like That'll be your next album This one is called Jazz Influence Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Are you releasing a new performance for us Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm I can't tell if you're saying yes Or you're doing a song I'm doing a song I can't say if you're saying Mm-hmm Or doing a song Well this is singing

From Mm-hmm to hear again, I can't tell if you're answering my question. He's doing a new song, so he's pressed to practice. Is that humming if my mouth is open? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You got to have the mouth closed.

Your mouth has to be closed, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. See, you're just saying, uh-huh. I'm on my way. That's a good song, though. That is a great song. The proclaimers, they did a lot of fucking proclaiming if you ask me.

They're loud as fuck, those guys. Yeah. I'm on my way. That's a proclamation. Are they from another country? Scotland. Bro. That is a proclamation for sure.

scotland dude you guys know kilts dirty little secret what the secret dirty secret of the what is it that your fucking butt holes out you don't wear underwear with a kilt you're not allowed to that's what they say in certain tv shows yeah dude they call it the kilts dirty little secret i didn't make that up that's what they call it who the scots different books that you have on yeah it's something that's that type of thing is usually in books and tv shows yeah and when someone's stands up on a rock and then someone's saying next to them goes, oh, snap.

Oh, Jesus. But see his balls. I do think that it would, if I had a skirt on with no underwear, I think I would be probably I'd have a cleaner butt. And Gilbert Humperink.

Oh, yeah, he's got to be in there. He's the same size as a humming. Yeah. He's a same, well, a little smaller probably. I think he is small. He's looking fucked up. Yeah, dude.

You've talked about this. He's seen him on TV. He's doing ads for stuff. Or is he just doing shows at Moviken? He had a TV show, one of those things where they filmed one of his concerts and they're selling all his CDs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think you are going to, what do you think would be the best decade of your life? It's already happened.

Negative 10 to 0 when I was first an idea, then a sperm, then a fetus. They had the idea for you 10 years before you were born. You specifically? We should have a Cameron soon. And would you say that he started as an idea and then that idea was sprouted into a one? I meant more like a like a twinkle a concept

like not like an idea like but your dad kept that twinkle for 10 years but more like because my sperm and my sperm wasn't made

yeah well your sperm is I hope is not what you're made of yeah that'd be really no my sperm that I came from

the egg starts we just call that the egg starts early no because it's how early the egg has been around since the beginning of time exactly

the egg well yeah we don't need to get to get to the logistics too deeply Because that shit's nasty. Yeah. Anyway, the point being, it was great to just be two things.

It's never going to happen again for me unless it got cut in half and worm it. You could be... If you got cut in half and you were able to keep your legs, would you do it, like taxidermied? Oh, I thought you mean... Half is not just legs gone. Half is naval down, navel up. What? Yeah, dude, that's half.

That's still leg. Okay, well, if you were cut off at the legs. It doesn't matter. you're saying but but you're not going to get them individually well you could I guess no I mean I'm talking I'm talking in dark mall oh I just got another piece of spice actually for real because it was stuck in the hole of my teeth probably a fucking chili flake yeah you probably or a nacho dude this show I'm so glad we never have to do it again yeah me too fucking torture hot ones I can't even think straight by the way this shit's over that's why I said

that thing about being sperm's was great because it wasn't that good it fucking sucked it's making us all I prefer being a guy yeah it's better to be grown guy so you don't, so you disagree. A great big grown-up guy. You disagree. You disagree with being. Uh, with being what? With, with the idea that you will, your best years are behind you. Because you know, I didn't say that. You know that they've done surveys on this. On me? My best. Not on you. Well, I know what I think your best years will be. When? I think that you are going to really flourish from 45 to 55. Mm. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. That sounds hesitant.

That does sound very hesitant. I don't know when I'm going to flourish or if I will. Dude, you're going to be a perfect 30 to 39 year old. I'm going to say that. I don't even get a decade. That's a decade. Oh, 30 to 40. Your 30s start when you're...

I can only do nine years. Your 30s start six months into being 29. Because that's when you're freaking out like, oh, fuck, I'm going to be 30 and six months. You're not even going to freak out until 29 and six months. No. You haven't started freaking out yet? You haven't started freaking out. No, I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out. I turned 28 this month. Yeah, you do, man. Oh, my God. I turned 27, and it's a very dangerous age to be if you're a rock and roller. Yeah. Luckily, you're a rapper, my friend. Luckily, you're more rap.

No, no, no, no. And rappers tend to die much younger than that. Tend to die 19. Rappers have the one of the world. Yeah, that's true. But dancers, dancers, you almost never hear about a dancer going young. Yeah. Dancers live.

horrible ways, though. But that's because they use the word dancer to mean a prostitute. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like that Will Smith movie. Yeah. Independence Day. I remember having that conversation with my parents watching Independence Day when I was a kid.

Where they said that she's an exotic dancer, his wife in that movie. I was like, what could an exotic dancer be? When I was a kid. When I was a kid and I heard exotic dancer, I thought it was like hula girls. I thought it was like girls with grass skirts and coconut bras. I was like, that's what I kind of thought too. Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, oh, so she must work. She must work at the Louisle place. Yeah. Oh, she works at a rainforest cafe. Yeah. Exactly. Okay. She's one of the monkeys.

She's an exotic dancer that just cuts her. She's in a big outfit. She's either a cheetah or an elephant or something. Yeah. And she's the one that every 30 minutes turns and spuse water or whatever. Tronic. She's tronic. Tronic, yeah.

He's tronic. Man, my wife's a tronic. She's a tronic. Dude, every time, they go to a strip. club a lot and desperate housewives. Yeah. In a couple of episodes. Is one of them a stripper?

No, no, dude. That's crazy even. They're housewives. They're desperate though. You can be a housewife and they are desperate. That's true. Yeah. You can't be a, you can't be a housewife and a stripper.

Well, strippers are not always hoes. Bro. We have to have a conversation. If you're going to be my boyfriend, you can't be talking about them. Sometimes they, sometimes they just really just want to talk in the other room. Well, that's what every fucking, every strip club that they go to, The girls are always doing the fucking the Twilick dance from

Star Wars where you just go like this. It's like, shake some. If I was in this strip club... I don't care of it's prime time. I can't imagine what character would go to this strip club if they're just doing that. Probably a desperate person. Well, the housewives are reluctantly going. It is funny. Stuff like that is

kind of moved away from it now that we have so much streaming services where you can show everything in the world. Which I don't care for that either. and say whatever you want. But it is funny that so many, like, just shows that are supposed to be gritty and, like, realistic are just like, oh, yeah, they can't swear. Yeah, it is funny. A bunch of hard-boiled cop to say, what the heck did you do?

That's what happened in an episode is something really bad happened to a guy. And he, like, the camera, like, came really close on him. He's like, what the heck? It really made me, I was like, this is, we need. What the? I feel like, when I say that, they. don't make shows like this anymore. I feel like the tone of this show lends itself

well to a time when you can't cuss on TV. Yeah. And we, they're afraid to do no cussing shows now. Yeah. Every show has to be because of fucking Breaking Bad and Mad Men and all this shit. Stuff that's on cable, but they say fuck once a season.

Yeah. You can't, uh... I think shit's the only one you're allowed to say. No, they said fucking... Breaking Bad? They said fuck or shit or both. Oh, yeah, you remember? They said fucking He says, Walter Jr., do your fucking homework. Get your fucking breakfast. And I'm fucking a fucking breakfast.

And drop those fucking crutches. I'm sick of you fucking lying about these crutches. Well, Jesse says science, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, the B word was-Science, you fucking bitch. He's throwing the B word around. It's science, you fucking stupid bitch. We're using science, bitch.

What's that guy's name? Badger? Badger. Badger does. I did immediately remember when Badger says, Oh, what the fuck? Badger was cool. Oh, what the fuck?

asked you to be his boyfriend. I feel like you'd say, yeah. I'd say no. Okay. Is DJ Qualls in Breaking Bed? Yes, he is for one episode. He plays an undercover cop and he sits on a bench. That's right.

Okay. And he has a conversation with Badger. He has a conversation with Badger. That's exactly why. And he's like, I'm not a cop. If I was a cop, I would have to tell you. You know, you'd have to tell me if you were. Freeze, motherfucker.

Which that guy's not making it through any sort of training. And he goes, he goes. He doesn't do that. He does. I've seen the show. He does not do that. He doesn't go. Dude, what's, remember the, in the, what's that movie he did, the guy?

The new guy. The new guy. Is there a scene in that movie where they play that funky music white boy? Yes. No, no, no, no. It's this other song. It's, uh, oh, whip it, baby. They don't do play that funky music white boy.

They might. Now that I'm thinking about it. Because that's when I think of that movie, that's the only thing I remember. Might be him walking out of juvie. By the way, can I say really quick? I'm fucking sweating. Me too. Dude, getting the sweats.

They're sweating my ass. Yeah, I know. I wish I had milk right now. Yeah. Milk would be so good. But then we'd get too, too, like, fat it out. Yeah. Too much fat to balance out.

Maybe I'll have some milk tomorrow. That's a good plan. But you got to plan something before that so you get rewarded. Cereal with milk. You can eat the cereal and then you're alive. Oh, milk talk is making me so sleepy. It's not warm. We're talking about cold milk.

Dude, I... It's warm outside. and I'm thinking about... I don't know why I got it in my head when I was young. Sleepy milk? Yeah. I'm thinking about sleep.

I would drink. I would microwave soy milk all the time before bed. I would try that. Yeah. It never worked for me. Warm milk never works. It never works for me either.

It does anything. Yeah. Just relaxes you. I think just if you drink it and I'm like, this should not be warm. You don't, I mean, I don't like warm milk, but general warm drink,

you drink it, you go like, ah, yeah. Because it takes so much out of you to drink it because it's so hot. It's a lot of effort. Yeah. But it's not refreshing in the same way. No. Hot drinks are so bad.

You don't like hot drinks in general, right? I hate hot drinks. Dude, what about? Ice cold. What about a hot toy? Remember that? Remember in the water boy? Come on. Yeah, only if it's the winter.

But. Well, yeah. Only if it's the winter. I'm not drinking one right now. What about hot cocoa? Let me guess. I hate hot cocoa. You don't hate hot cocoa.

Yeah, I don't like it. Whoa. What's wrong with you? You used to like it when you were a kid and you grew out of it? Yes, I think that's it. I think I drank too much of it and I threw up. It was the same day. There's one day that changed two foods for me completely.

And it was hot cocoa and Frito's barbecue twists. What did you do, man? I ate too much. I ate maybe a whole bag and I was also drinking hot cocoa that day. And I remember telling my mom like, I don't feel good. And then throwing up directly onto my bed that had no sheets on. it because they were in the wash. That sucks.

That's sad. And I had to sleep on the floor. So now you don't like hot cocoa. Yeah. And it's permanent. I don't like hot cocoa and I don't like barbecue twists. The dust was so fired. I used to eat the dust.

I used to love the dust. Dude, I had a, the... When it's stirred badly and it has the pockets of dust in it. Oh, that amazing dust is so good. Lump. I had when my mom worked at a coffee shop. You can't talk about it that way. I like lumps in my metamusal brother's wine.

Ew. The, my mom. mom worked at a coffee shop when she quit she took a thing of the gear deli white chocolate that would make the white mocha with yeah and that thing was probably eight years old and i would just go in and i'd scrape the dust up with a spoon and just eat that i like does that sound good i like dust but not this spicy one it's made me so completely sweet does anyone have any more interview questions yeah what are you here to promote um legos all right well it goes like a specific build or just in general yeah the brand yeah oh that's good actually

You would be an amazing master builder. I know. I don't have any... I don't have any... ...in a Lego jumpsuit right now. Or spatial reasoning. That is not a part of it at all, man. You just got to make a fucking Superman logo.

No, because you look at the... We could put you on 2D work. I would build a table off an IKEA manual and the legs are all on... You know what you should make is Lego manuals, man. Oh, you get two and two? You'd be so good at that. That'd be cool.

Making Lego manuals? With the little... Or the IKEA. A manual with the little, the fat stickman. I could number the steps. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You'd be, see, you already know. You already know what I'm meaning.

Take over that part of the job. Numbering the steps. What about the components? Well, someone else does that, surely. No, man, it's one job. I hate to tell you. No, it must be all different. One guy makes the paper, first of all.

No. Oh, you're saying one guy makes the paper, makes the ink. Yeah. Programs a computer program to create drawings. No. Oh. No. Well, it is multiple jobs.

Well, it depends on what kind of drawings. trying to make. Creates the earth. That's God. You're thinking of God. Okay. He's a chill. No, he's not, dude.

He's really punishing a lot of people all the time. Like where? You don't want to do the episode idea where we get you damned in every single religion. No, I'll do it. What would we have to do? I think there's some things you'd be afraid to do. Cardinal sins in Christianity. We got to go really hard to make sure that you're going to hell.

Yeah. I want to guarantee no matter what that you would. matter to me because I don't believe in this anymore. But it doesn't matter if you believe in it. I used to be agnostic, but then I changed on Facebook, changed it to A-C-East. Wow. You really did? Yep.

That's kind of fucked up. Yep. I don't believe in anything anymore. I think it's all, we're all fucking pieces of- Where does that come from? We're all fucking pieces of science. There's a lot of things that I've been seeing, and I'm like, if God was real, he'd be stepping in.

I think science is modern-day magic. Yeah. So you would need to do, I mean, it'd be easy to hit the, Seven Deadly Sins. And I think that gets you covered in two. Here, I'll do them all right now. Let's get it. Pride.

Pride. Gay. What? Gay pride. I'm proud of being a gay man. Okay, but you won't be my boyfriend. You're not gay, though, are you? You're not my type.

What? I don't think that's a sin. Dude, a lot of people date off type. It's a sin. It's a sin. Here's what I think, Pat. I just think if you actually, You really got to know me.

I don't think that that would have anything to do with the time. What we have to do is we have to go out. We have to know, well, is we have to put together one sentence that hits them all, all seven. Yeah. Okay.

So it's pride, greed, gluttony, sloth, lust, wrath, and envy. Uh-huh.

God, I'm so jealous of Joey chestnut. Okay. Uh, so that's envy and, and sluttony. Yeah. Because I wish I could fuck him when he does that.

Lust. What are the other one? Pride. Pride, jealousy, envy. You need pride still. You need pride, wrath, sloth, greed. That's what you need. Pride, wrath, sloth, and greed.

What's like I... I'm really not that familiar with the wrathful stuff. Wrath is just being angry. Oh. It's like... That's not really kind of sentence. Yeah, it's not a sentence. Gurg.

That is the same problem. I'm so damn. Well, I said, God, I'm so jealous. I'm so angry. I'm so angry at how jealous I am of Joey Chestnut because I'm way better than him at sucking dick and eating pork and eating pork and I want all the money in the world. There we go. Wait, you just did it. Yeah, now you're damned forever. The point was to get him to be me. But I didn't mean. Well, I'm still damned a little bit, but not as much as you. I'm going to go. Yeah, you're going to fucking hell. It's based on your Well, only Christianity, right?

Yeah. And Judaism. Well, do they don't even have hell, do they? Here, let me send me to Islamic hell. Let's see their... How to go to hell. How to go to hell. In Islam.

I guess there's one, but I don't want to do it because I... Well, first of all, I don't have a pen. Rejection of God and faith. Oh, fuck it. I hate faith. Okay. Do you think you think you can get sent down for saying, I hate faith? Oh, wait, wait.

I reject you, God. Damn. Okay. All right. Disobedience and sin. You need to. I was just disobeyed God. Okay, but you need to like a specific thing from God.

Hey, Patrick, don't flip your phone over. Why would, you're not God? But he disobeyed. Yeah, disobeyed. Disobedience. That's, it sounds, whoa. Sounds easy to go to his. does a Muslim even enter hell, it sounds

nearly impossible to enter Jahanam. That's what they call. Also, you know what I found out? So if you do get there, there's not going to be many people there. It's going to be very impressive. The unforgivable sin in Islam is Shirk, which is associating partners with God or attributing divine qualities to anyone or anything other than Allah.

I worship you. No, you need to, it needs to be with a partner. So you need a boyfriend. Yeah, it seems like... All right. Well, if I need a boyfriend so bad, Let me just open one of these. Who the fuck would you ask except for me? Nobody's going to take you except for me. Yeah, you're not going to make it.

And by the way, this is going to be, I think I'm going to commit to a full year of courting you. Okay. Well, too bad. I'm already, I'm already going to be finding someone right now. Why would that, why was there a little cloud symbol there

when you click download on Grindr? I don't know. Why was there a little cloud? Instead of the purchase button. Why are you on the returning user tab instead of sign up? So you're saying you'll fuck just random gay guys from your phone, but you won't be my boyfriend for three weeks. That's really what you're saying.

Oh, they've updated their terms of service. Updated. Not welcome. Here's your terms of service. Oh. Dude, fuck this. They've developed a. They've added AI technology.

I'm deleting the app. This will never be on my phone ever again. Dude, so now you have... So now, what are you doing? Nothing. So now you basically have no other options. And now I have to exalt him and worship him to go to... Well, you have to first make him your partner.

And then you have to ascribe the qualities of God to him. Why do you not want to do this with me? It's just weird, honestly. You're already... I would not make either of you. thing on hot one. Why don't you want to be I would not make

either of you my partners because you guys are married and I don't want to I don't want to be your partner Kiel leave me out of this leave him out of this I'm just saying

I said that just in case he was like oh I bet you would be Cameron's partner well you would but I don't want it why is it because I'm bald honestly

damn really you have too many tattoos It's not that I'm bald I'll get them removed It's because you have too many If you come in here with no tattoos Dude

I don't know why this just reminded me Next week I'm coming with no tattoos All right On Love Island They've been stealing our swag What? There's one person who's been saying Sensitive Gangster

No way We didn't come up with that Don't even know which person it is That's a song No info whatsoever You just are hearing it I overheard it Yeah I overheard it a few times

So if I came in with no tats, clean-shaven, you might consider me. And a mohawk. Okay, so what is the ball? Seems like you're adding stuff maybe just to be, because you realize that it's easy for me. Honestly, if you came in here and you looked exactly like yand-do. Who's yon-do? Blue-mohawk from Ardians of the Galaxy. And you're whistling.

Michael Rooker. Michael Rooker. Blue, but blue, and with a robotic mohawk. Speaking of TV 14 shows that say cusswards, they say the inward. in the first episode of the Walking Dead. Really? No censor. They say the N-word in the first episode of It's Always Sunny, too.

Or second episode of the one. You might be confusing those two shows. They are similar. I guess they are kind of similar. He's not calling one of the zombies that, is he? No. I've never seen it. I don't know.

Well, the world's over. Who cares anymore? It's not just a dead guy. Yeah. No, but it was shocking. Yeah. Because I, but... That show was shocking.

FX at the time was really trying to show. It was AMC. Zombies. Oh, AMC. American Movie Channel, yeah. Get rid of the fucking TV shows. You're done. Yeah, I know.

Doing more with the movies. I don't watch Hello Dolly. Look up, look up IFC nowadays. And I want to watch Hella Dali. Monsian Andaloo. You look up, you look up... One of my favorite movie. It is a movie.

Dude, when are they going to reboot UNNNNNNs? Undhian Andalus. Wait, what's that fucking, I thought it was... Oh, they say it wrong in the chorus. In the pixies song, they say it wrong. But you go on the IFC channel right now, right now. You go up, look up the schedule. Two and a half men all day.

No independent films, bro. Come on. How about two and a half movies and about two and a half million dollars spent on programming? Yeah. To me to be a programmer. Come on now. Why are we got to 10.35 a.m. On Shan Andaloo.

10.35 to the rest. I think it's a short film. It's like two minutes long. It's two. It's like two minutes long. It's two. We're looping it however long to fill that block. Rest of it. Is that eyeball? It's open season. Yeah. Open season. No, not the movie open season. Anybody can log in and stream whatever movie they want. That would be cool. That's a great idea. If we could do some kind of, never mind. What is too good an idea that you can't drop it? Dude, it would be like the fucking place on Reddit pretty fast, I think. What's the place on Reddit? You know, that? that shit where they got all the dots on Reddit. I'm not a reddard. Not a real redditor. Dude, you're like me and Caleb. Me and Caleb are huge redditors.

You and Caleb? Yeah, that's what he said. Oh. I guess if you're repeating it makes sense. I'm a major fucking Redditor. I'm on that shit. I'm on everything.

Like this. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I only use the Ridgewood subreddit. You don't go on R slash glitch in the Matrix? No. Dude, I'm on there.

Come on. I guess. There's people who get run over by cars and then you've never been on R-slash Blue Oyster Cult. Come on. I'm on there every day, man. Get on there, Post. Don't Fear the Reaper.

Now, when they made Godzilla, was it the movie based on it? Or did they base the movie on the song? I do. I have been on the Sub-Post. On the Blue Oyster Colts subreddit? Yeah. Why?

Is the top post, Don't Fear the Reaper? Probably. Don't Fear the Reaper tabs. I went on at one time and now it gets recommended to you. constantly. What'd you go on it for?

A reward? A reward for work. Oh. A reward. There was, I went on, I don't know why I keep, because I clicked on one thing. Dude, that's always how a rabbit hole online starts. Well, now I keep getting recommended stuff for R slash what is this. That is the best subreddit I've ever seen.

That's a good one. Or it's just like, what is this in my food? Yeah. And it's a magnet or something. Yeah. Or it'll be like, what is this? and it's like a toothbrush. Yeah.

Found this in a crawl space in my house that's been sold for 800 years. It's always some shit that's in their house. Yeah. And they always are putting it there because everybody has, at least Americans, I think we have a treasure hunting gene. Yeah. We want an Indiana Jones discovery.

The gold rush, bro. Yeah. And people are also, I think, chasing the high of that one time when the guy found like a radioactive thing in his house. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, I think that's what everyone wants, who's on that subreddit.

is hoping to see again. You're saying the canister that made the camera grainy. That is an awesome video. If I was that guy, I would have fucking started smoking out of the thing. The one, the thing that I wanted to find so much

when I was a kid was a rare coin. I wanted to find a coin, like a penny that costs one million dollars because of a misprint. Yeah, me too. I remember getting it like, like the quarter that has a Hawaii on it and I'd be like, well, this must be rare.

Hawaii is, It's not as far as far away state. Yeah. Or I find like a quarter, it was like, it would be, yeah, it was like 2009. I find a quarter that said like the date was 2009. And I'd be like, this must be worth money because it's brand new. Yeah. They just made it.

Dude, the only. Fresh condition. The only ones that are worth a fucking damn is the misprints. You guys know they have, they have a specific specialized police force for the U.S. Mint. I did not know that. Called the Mint Police and they all wear the uniforms that say Mint Police. Really? Yeah, and they just defend, like, treasury sites or whatever.

Oh, like, Fort Knox and shit? Yeah, but also, like, I guess the treasury has, like, secret, like, treasury sites around. I was reading someone, I was reading about the Mint Police and someone on Red, I was like, yeah, I accidentally walked into, like, a treasure. I don't even know what the... It's not a treasury trove. It's not that, but that's what I have to imagine.

It's like, like, they just have, like, money everywhere. And so they walked in and they got, like, apprehended by the Mint police, and they took them to, like, an interrogate. congregation room and we're like they thought they were casing this secret but you can be a mint police I think that's a funny I would I would become a mint policeman I would do it seems like a specific type of police yeah if you do that or like or like park ranger which I think you are are you technically a police officer if you're a park

I think so I think I don't think so I think it's different different I feel like you're state you're like a state if you work at like a national park I think you are like a state police there's different types of park rangers as well, I believe. I want to be one of those fucking idiots that just tells people they need a fishing license. Unfortunately, most of, most different types of police, like, specialized police is just like, this is the police force for a different school. Yeah. That's always what it is. What do you mean? Like, it's always like, if you look up, like, special police forces or like, what are the smallest, weirdest police? It's always like, this college has a

police force. Yeah. It's like, well, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's security guards. I've seen, like, videos of that. Like, yeah, it's like a, like, Texas college that has a police force. Yeah. yeah it's not interesting at all the mint police are the only interesting ones yeah down in the texas rangers yeah texas rangers is cool they're cool yeah i don't know what i don't know how often they're around these they're still around what do they do uh i probably kill people like the other guys sure joe yeah yeah i don't i think they kind of have been uh pretty uh but they used to be tombstone they used to uh they used to kill mexican people for no reason oh that's an interesting that's kind of why they were started yeah

Really? Yeah. Where they started after the Alamo? I don't know a fucking thing about that. They were started during some... I know about Alamoni. Well, they were originally a militia. They were a militia force.

There was like civilians and you would have to like buy your own guns and stuff. And then they got like incorporated. It became part of the like a special police force or whatever. Like after it was. But they were originally, yeah, just like riding over the border from Mexico and just grabbing Mexican people and killing them.

And then they were like, we should... Yeah, they were like, we should have these guys around forever. These are the best police officers ever. Let's have a baseball team after them. Yeah, yeah. Let's do Chuck Norris with them. These guys must have thought they were doing like minority report, like pre-crime stuff.

Yeah. Because they were like, we'll stop these Mexican people from even being in America. That was what science fiction was like in the 1800s. Yeah. I can see the future. But they got the Texas Rangers to wear that star. Yeah, the star is pretty cool, though. The sheriff's star is pretty cool.

I can't know. the only star talking about coins sorry what are you talking about stars tell me about coins what are you talking about stars you don't want to be my boyfriend why do you wear such short shorts these are not short to me these are not kidding look at how long they are yeah but why do you sit down and let them ride up like that they just ride up because of my legs because your legs are so what star are you talking about i don't remember now because i'm so distracted that's you're distracting me dude Okay. All right.

You're like a hoe babysitter for me. Not a hoe. I'm not a ho. Take it back. That seems that all you saying I'm not a ho. There's nothing hoish about me. All that makes me, you just had grinder on your phone with the cloud, dude. And you want to tell me you're not a ho.

Well, you're talking about coins just a second ago. I just remembered a time where I was a thief. Oh, yeah. A thieving time. Tell me about it. When I was a kid, I stole buffalo nickels from my uncle at a coin collection. I tried to sell them on eBay. And I immediately got caught because I asked my dad how to set up an eBay store.

And he was like, where did you find these? I was like, I just put my hand up in the ceiling and I found them. That was your lie? I wanted to find a coin. Yeah. I said that I found them. Why was I put my hand up in this like crawl space thing. There was like a little like.

Wait, you did actually find them like that? No, no, no. I found them at my uncle's house. Oh, okay. And your lie was that you went into the C.R. Yeah, I just found these because of the fucking family guy episode where they find the rare coin. I was like, oh, you can find a random coin in your house. So I was like, okay, I'll just take these and then I'll try to like sell these on eBay. And then my uncle was like there. It was like a family barbecue thing.

And then he went home and checked his like thing. It was like, you stole my buffalo nickels. you stole those for me how much are they worth you need to give me them back like five dollars they were not even worth that much but to a kid to a kid i was like if i get if i get i think it was like 20 but i saw one online for 20 bucks one buffalo nickel yeah i used to have a bunch of those i have two yeah well these are probably rarer my grandfather gave them to me i think yeah those are made with real silver i love silver i fucking not as much as gold though that's what i was saying is that gold is way better than silver's good though too

silver not neither hold a candle to platinum however or diamond anyway do you know that a big you know like in like a movie unobtainium though Adamatium's top adamantium

adamantium's probably a little bit vibranium is probably better than adam tainian them anyway Adam taininum I love Adam taininum if you guys had to guess how much a gold bar from a movie that's like

this big is. I think it's 10K. How much would you guess? 10K? How much do you guess? Wait, do it that has size again? Like this bar? Yeah, I'll go 20K. $1.3 million. Really? Yeah. Well, for a big as gold bar like that. That's why I don't have any. And rich guys got

hell of those. Rich guys. I've got what? Nothing. You've got, well, not nothing, man. You have friends of family. That's just simply part of your outfit. It's fucking shit. Don't tell people how much you're sunglasses. It's worth four fucking dollars. That's what you shouldn't tell people. They look nice. They look nicer than that. Do what? You think these could be worth

$1.3 million? Not anywhere. I don't have anything. Not anywhere close to that, but maybe $100. You have other shit. I'm done. You want a computer. I don't even have that anymore. What happened to it? It got hacked. Really? That doesn't mean the computer is gone. Dude, stop pirating. And then they took it. They hacked it. They hacked it to my computer today. He did hack into my computer to get it. You hacked into my computer. He looked at all my files.

Julio, why did you do hack? I wanted to. See, he admits it easily. See outside? He thinks that he has no, there's no jurisdiction across the border, but he doesn't know he just gave a confession and the strike team is. Julio, look up what Interpol is. Because we're going to call them. I don't want to.

You got to enter my poll. Yep. When I fucking put you in my gun, shoot you like a bullet. Well, this bison is worn off for me. Yeah, me too. Oh, I just got another way. Oh, my God. No, no, the spiciness is gone.

Does anyone have any milk? I have coconut milk. Or unspicing powder? He does have coconut water. You know what I do have that you could chug stealing my swag, by the way? Corpian sauce. Not happening. Not in a million years.

All right. I have my wisdom teeth holes. It will go into my holes. It will go onto my bones and nerves. You'll get spicy socket. It will fucking hurt. Yeah, that's true. What is dry socket?

That's when the blood clot comes out and so your nerves and bones are exposed. Sounds cool. Sounds terrible. I wonder if I have it or not. I thought I almost had one. When I got my wisdom tooth taken out last year, I was like it was a couple days in. I was like Christmas and my friend gave me a beer and I just drank it. And then I immediately just drank like 16 more because of the pain in my tooth.

Well, they say wait 48 hours. Yeah. So you clear it. I was cleared, but it was like still like, oh, well, this would just make me feel nothing. And I drank 16 beers. You drink 16 beers in one night? Yeah. Actually?

You can do that. It's easy. You just pace yourself. How long was this night? Pretty long. It was probably up until 4 in the morning. And you started when? Like around like 7.

Okay. So in nine hours, you drink 16 beers. Yeah. You just chug them. It's the opposite of pacing yourself Yeah, I don't think that's pacing yourself That's not really pacing yourself, no You've seen me do it

I've seen you drink a lot of beers I think the most beers I drank it one day It was maybe 8 or 10 I've probably drank I think 16 is being hyperbolic It was maybe 12 Maybe 10 actually If I'm being honest with myself

It was 1.2 It was one every hour I'm very conservative and very I'm not I moderate my drinking. You know me. I'm a very moderate drinker. I was probably one every hour.

Dude, I might have a glass of wine tonight. Dude, I want to drink so fucking bad. I was day drinking yesterday. Really? Yeah. On the Sunday?

It's so awesome. I don't know on Monday. I hate why people ruin their lives for this. Dude, day drinking, I don't like it. It makes me so tired. There's a certain point day drinking. It's not good.

If it's a barbecue, it's not something good to do. If I'm outside, maybe I'd have one. beer or if I'm working on something like yard work type of thing one beer's okay I think I I had six I might have had six at the fourth of July maybe a little bit more than that but there was a certain point where I was drinking them and I was just like this is just water to me at this dude I'm such a caffeine freak though you drink that beer during the day the sun's still out

you're like fuck I need a cup of coffee then you drink that coffee then you feel bad yeah that's a back that's why espresso martini is weird vodka red bull do you eat that bean yeah eat that bean you eat that bean on top trust me i eat that bean you don't i eat that bean you don't you've told me you don't privately you've told me you don't do that privately many times you said i don't do that i don't do that i don't do that gay shit if she wants to do that go fucking play with the vacuum bitch i don't want to be a part of that at all which i thought was strange that broke up because of that she put the vacuum on it no no just it's just like a

Like a guy that, like, I'm not, that's TMI. I'm not going to, other people's business, other people's business. I'm not even going to talk about it. Oh, I know he was saying that about eating pussy. He was like, I can't do that. That's TMI. That's way too much information to be that close. It was just making me laugh because I had just seen that Sopranos episode.

And I was like, I can't believe someone took that, watched that or something. It was just like, yeah, junior was right. Yeah. They can't, no one can know. i do that yeah no one should know much about anything yeah i agree nobody should know no one should and trust me you guys don't want to know what i do you guys do not want to know i get fucking well i don't do that much weird stuff yeah kiss

a little bit of kissing yeah imagine you accidentally like accidentally open up like your hidden folder on your on your photos and it's just just videos my wife she's like your wife in the cheek at the bottom at the bottom of the folder it's like 16 gigabytes well videos are large files yeah but it's mostly photos it's 50,000 photos of me kissing my wife on the cheek

never on the lips and I'm just fucking beating off to these. Kissing is gross. Yeah. That's so funny to me. That is so funny to me right now. The idea of 16 gigabyte folder of pictures of kissing your wife's cheek. Have you ever kissed?

I think we have. There's probably one thing. You didn't feel anything. There was probably one thing. Probably one thing. But you didn't feel anything when we kissed? No. not even his mouth.

Do you realize how cruel that sounds when I say you didn't feel anything when you kissed? Probably felt nothing at all. There's room. Probably. A little room for you to wiggle into. That's right.

Love can still grow. Love can bloom anywhere. In the strangest of places. You ever seen a flower pop up between slats of concrete? Anyway, yeah. What were you going to say? Fly go on. A fly go on.

I've seen a fly go on. Go on fly. A fly that leaves. I didn't have an end of the sense. Go on, fly. A fly that begins at straighty. Go on. Go on, fly.

Go on, go on, go on. That's how they go out of them in the UK. Go on. They open up their pantry instead of a fly. So what are there's a script. You grab and say, go on, fly. Go on, fly. Go on.

Your time here's up. I'm quite through with you. Be gone. Oh, come on now. You've got to get out of here. Well, we don't want you to home anymore. You'll be off now. Well, it's time for you to go.

Time for you to go. Come on now. All right. All right. Okay, we need to tie this together. Yeah. Okay. Should we eat another spicy chip? Are you fucking getting me? Are you kidding? You sound like a crap.

That'd be stupid because it's against the entire idea of the show. Hot ones. What would be the ending to an... What do they do on the... Hot Ones. Credits. I've never seen an episode. Credits roll. Oh, I guess they...

Final plug. Thank you for your time. Thank you very much. Go check out jazz influence. And if you... Check out the reboot of taxi and check out... If you want to try our spicy food, go ahead. You can go ahead to Doritos.com. Frito Lay.

Find a retailer. Doritos.com is going to take you there. You find a retailer near you that may carry our product. And if you want to just make sure, eat it one time. You don't want to eat one. Never again. Yeah. Hot once.

This Sunday. I know it's a 40 chip challenge. This Sunday night, that's a life one. Life World. There's going to be an amazing show. There's going to be one of the best shows. Wait, I thought your show was on Sunday. Come on.

Oh, shit. What was that supposed to mean? Dissing your show, bitch. Why are you dissing my show? Because you refuse to be romantic. Well, you refuse to play the piano at the shows anymore, so there's also that. Well, you refused to be the musical guest. You didn't even ask me?

Well, I thought that you would want to do it. You also stopped doing it. You also stopped being the musical guest at one point. You stopped showing up. It wasn't a musical guest, by the way. I was an institution. I would say that I was closer to, are you familiar with the roots?

Yes. I was like the roots. You were like the roots. And then you stopped being the roots. Yeah. And maybe that's influencing my decisions on things that I said this episode. So you're saying that I might have a shot with you. If I am.

Who knows? Musical guest. Who knows? Is there a piano at Life World? I can bring one. I have a keyboard at home. You can't bring a piano, man. I have a keyboard and a gig bag for it.

I don't need a gig bag. I need, that's too big. Gig bag. I found one. I found one on my shirt. I don't need a gigab bag. There's a keyboard with a gig bag in it. Gig bag.

Gig bag. Gig bag. You coming to the gig bag? Gig bag. And you're coming to the gig bag. Did we put that up on swag poop, the link? Oh, no, I didn't. I can do it.

I can do it. Okay. All right. Well, that's been hot once. Hot once. See you next time on. Well, we won't be eating anything spicy because we already did it once. And it was really one time.

It's not really. Again, maybe we need any of this one. It's not once. per episode. Fuck no. Hot once. Once forever. Once.

If you're eating it before, you don't ever have to eat it again. So this was our first time. So don't be trying to trick me and having another chip ever again. Hot once. It's over. Once.

It's all over. Goodbye. Once. I want to take Julio to an American water park so badly. Here, I'll hope. Wait. Whoa.

He shows up. Magic over here. Magic water be like? Cut to Caleb's camera right now. Show the good people. Give him a kiss, Caleb. It's probably the scariest. Oh, my God.

It's beautiful. He's so big. Wait, hold your microphone up to him. Make him sing. Sing a song for us. doing that at the movies just say, Hello?

Hello. Hello, Reckett Ralph. I don't like to interrupt the movie. I don't like to, you know, when people are trying to watch. So I usually will do a blanket

and the very big, well, first of all, I'll bring a blanket. But second of all, do a blanket at the beginning of, and you sit on it like you're praying to mecca when you do this. Hello to all the characters who will appear. Mm-hmm.

And I say, I'm just doing this so I don't have to do it whenever new one appears. you guys a lot of time. And to anything that happens, to any characters that are revealed in the post-credit scene,

hello. And any characters that at their last appearance, I'd like to wish them goodbye. Or if they perish, rest in peace. Yes. To all characters that will die.

Rest in peace. Do every character that dies in this movie. You should get, you should get everybody before or after the movie. You should turn to the audience to say, Can we just have a moment of silence for all of the characters that passed away in this movie?

It's good if no characters have died. Doing that for Boromir. Well, do stuff like that. I don't know what that is. Guys like that. I'm just imagining, though, like, you go to them, you know you're going to go to the movies. Oh, is that old from Lord of the Rings? I've seen one of the Rings.

He's Sean Bean. Oh, yeah, I remember that. But you know you're going to go to a movie and, like, you just buy like $200 of ad space, like, right before the movie. It's just you. Oh, yeah. Macbook Pro camera just like, hello, my name is Cameron, I will be sitting in

seat 25F and I'd like to say hello to everyone in the theater and hello to all the characters who are about to show up. And if you have any questions about the movie, please come see me afterwards. I may or may not know the answer.

I have chair hours. This is only my first time seeing the movie, so I don't know how well will understand it yet. But if I understand it well, I'll be happy to answer. there any questions. I read a Vox explainer of the movie before I went in. If I go to the bathroom, please save my seat for me. And please write down what happens while I'm gone. I paid for

27F. Hello, my name is Cameron and I'll be sitting in 27F. I'm not here yet. I will be arriving 45 minutes into the movie. Please, nobody sit in my seat. And if you see someone sit in it, tell them to move. I'm going to be late because I'm hungry. Remember this face. Do not be alarmed when this man walks into the movie theater, 45 minutes in. I'm simply sitting in seat 25. I'm recording this right now from home because I know I'm going to be late to the movie. The movie is in 20 minutes. I made a last minute purchase of this ad space. It costs $16,000. And it will be going before every screening of this movie. But I'm only at the one on Thursday, July 8th, at 3.5.

p.m. It was the only one I will be at.