Podcast About List - Ep. 347 - If Cops Could Talk

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

A lot of Gumpian related discussion on this one.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

It's a little bit early, guys. It is very early in the morning. And I would like to give you guys some breakfast. Someone's trying to come in. Someone's walking in. See, that's the kind of thing. I'm never usually here at 9 in the morning. Yeah.

It's a false fact. There's a strange sort of... You gave a false fact. You gave a false fact. I've rarely ever been witness to it. Yesterday, while I was on the stream, someone who lives upstairs came in and asked me if they could borrow Pierce's grill.

Did you tell them yes? I said, you're going to have to ask Pierce. Here's his Instagram. And I said, by the way, you just earned him a follow. Yeah, he didn't just text peers. Give them his Instagram? Yeah. That's weird.

They're not going to want that grill when they see what he's up to on Instagram. I know. And they're not selecting frogs. Strange posters. Go watch Frog Unlocked, by the way. I don't know what the fuck this guy cooked on this grill. Yeah. Maybe human meat.

Maybe frog. Or frog. Frogong. Yeah. Unlocked Frog unlonged Yeah Would you guys eat a frog?

Yeah we've already talked about it Fuck Well you were about to say something That had me intrigued Because it involved me getting something I was gonna ask if I Should give you guys breakfast But then I realized I didn't

I don't have any breakfast Why did you even say that in the first place Because I just wanted to see you both smile At the idea that I would bring you breakfast The smile would be immediately consumed By rage and frown You would have just You would have just you

I mean, honestly, right now. Scott's tauts us. That was really fucked up. How do you even say that? I gave up on trying to do it. Scott's to me. No, because it was worse because you planted the hope and then you let us, you let it linger. You let us languish.

You were not even hungry for breakfast. I'm fucking starving. Dude, if you eat breakfast, that's going to fuck up all your insulin levels for the whole day. I know. Yeah, he hates breakfast. You ate it? Dude, I ate a ham and cheese croissant. I saw you eat it.

I ate a ham and cheese croissant. You had a poppy seed on your lip. Dude, it was fucking $15. piss me off. No. Well, that's not true. Well, plus the coffee. Plus the $7 coffee.

Plus the same. You got a red eye. Right. I chug it. Every time my caffeine is put in front of me. I chug it immediately so that I become hyper. That's why you get the hot drinks, man slows you down. Yeah, I don't get hot drinks.

But he's saying that's why one would get them. That's the point of hot drinks. That's why I drink cold drinks so I can get them immediately down my gullet and I don't even enjoy it. Would you agree then that the opposite of that would be the reason to get hot drinks? I don't want that. I know you don't really want that. Why don't you like hot drinks? Is it because it slows you down?

I burn my tongue. When? One time? When I drink it too fast? Yeah. went into it, did that happen? I don't know. So it sounds like you're kind of like coming in from every different direction

at agreeing with me in every way. I don't think I'm agreeing with you at all. You don't think that hot drinks should be drinks slowly or else they burn your tongue. You don't maybe think that. No. Okay. Because you could drink it with a straw. Then you should get a hot drink then.

If you sound like you love hot drinks and they don't need to go slow. I don't like hot drinks, man. And why not? Because you have to drink them slowly, right? Because I like to just, I like to chug every drink that I have. So again, you almost kind of found. an alternate way to say exactly what I said. What about a tea?

What about a hot tea? No, even then a couple ice cubes. I like it lukewarm. I like it hot and then it goes down to normal room temperature. You like to get a hot drink and let it soon? Room temperature tea and coffee? The hottest I'll drink maybe because like it was room temperature like 69, 68. What's the exact room temperature?

I don't know. When people say room temperature, with a liquid. I think, typically 70 would be what I would imagine. Yeah, 70 is what I think. but with a liquid, I think people are usually... It's under 100, basically. Yeah, I think room temperature is different for a drink because... Yeah.

Room temperature, yeah. I'll do a 90... It means a 90 degree drink. A 90 degree drink. Yeah. Okay. That's not hot. That's not 1.65 food safe.

Yeah. You're not usually... How hot is coffee when you get a hot coffee? It's not 1605. It is. Well, except for that McDonald's hot coffee, dealt it or vagina. Why do I think about that so much?

It's literally the scariest story in the world. My dad showed me that documentary. It couldn't happen. It couldn't happen to me. I don't have a vagina. Maybe it could happen to you. It could happen to me. I got both.

When I was a kid, my dad showed me supersized me. And then a couple years later showed me a documentary that was basically like for whatever reason, it was like a Republican guy who was like supersized me actually was, you can actually lose weight eating McDonald's. I don't know if people knew that documentary. I was getting back into. supersize me rage again the other day I was getting mad I forgot who I was talking to but I'm sure we've covered basically every facet of supersized me

talked about it more than any piece of media fucking insane that the result he made that and the result was just that they took the good deal of getting more food off the menu that was all he did was take you can't you can't get more food for like 75 cents anymore he ruined over poor people he ruined over poor people for sure

yeah can you we could still be at McDonald's saying and I'd like to supersize that which by the way even the ordering was fun. Even if nowadays, which it would supersizing was $5, which it would be, being able to say, can I supersize that? That's all he took away. He took away the cool part

of McDonald's. I blame him for all of the gray outfits and stuff in McDonald's. No play place. They really like started refining the fun out of McDonald's truly after that. It's such, it was such an easy thing for like our parents' generation to be like, well, here's, this is

why everyone's fat. Here's the one reason why everyone's fat. And it's not the corn syrup and everything, it's not like all this other shit. We didn't know about the other damn faster places as well. And now that we have Robert F. Kennedy in office. Yeah, exactly. He's figuring out this shit. It's got to be back. Yeah. We're going to... That guy is

skinnet. Uh-huh. He looks really good. He looks like a McDonald's burger. He looks exactly. He looks like the same color, the same texture. Yeah. Literally everything. He looks like when you, his skin is the color of when you mix ketchup and mustard. He's got a secret sauce. Yeah. He's

secret sauce. He's the secret sauce of this administration. He is. Yeah, I was about to say that. He totally is. I love that the Make America Healthy Again thing

is that he's like, I'm putting, yeah. Amanda vibes. I've had a booger shoot up. Yeah, that's okay. I smelled it on that. I,

booger cam. Yep. I have a booger cam. He said he finished his coffee. You went from so tired to so high. I've been talking about Robin Williams over here. I've been talking about maha so much

lately in my house. Maha or maha? I've been doing that. Yeah. There's been like two days in a row where I've said it and then I looked at my girlfriend and went, do you remember the Amanda show? And she said, you said this the other day. The Amanda show was

fucking funny. Yeah, it was good. It's sad what happened to her. She was yeah. She did stand up calling. She was nine years old. yeah but i've seen a picture of her just about a week ago yeah posted a new picture she did a collab with ass pizza who's that some clothing designer guy i remember that guy yeah from a long time ago yeah he's the video you know that video the guy and he's got the three supreme logos on the hoodie and then he goes yes yes no there's a vine back in the day it was a big one um anyway as i was saying about rfk i love that the whole make america healthy again thing is just like

we're going to cook the burger we're going to cook mcdonalds in different oil and we're going to make soda healthy. Yeah. It's going to we're just like he's like yeah soda's going to be healthy. If they made soda healthy. Everything would be solved. Yeah, I agree. I mean I guess it's true but it's like it's not like

maybe like working with farmers like maybe getting like farm the table stuff. It's like no no no no. We got to cook we got to cook burgers and beef tallow. That's a fucking lobby right there. That is a lobby. That's a lobby. I know the farmed food is one of the most unhealthy food. You're not supposed to eat farm food. You ever

ever seen a fish. farm? Dude, that's what farmers would do. Most farmers are only constrained to plants because of the horrible atrocities they inflict. Dude, I don't want to have any of the farms. But think about when the zombie invasion

happens, what we're going to need is plants. Oh, yeah, to fight the zombies. That's true. Yeah, I didn't think about that, did you? No, I guess I didn't. Yeah, I would eat it. I would eat anything. Any of the fucking plants in that game, I would, I would.

Fuck it. I'll try one. Yeah. Fuck it. I would eat the big wall. Yeah, they're going to fucking kill you. Nah. You are, if you were seen through a green sunglasses, you're a zombie from that game. You would be a perfect zombie. See, that's the face they make, man.

No, I wouldn't be a good zombie. Out of us, you are the zombie from Plans versus Zombies. If I was a zombie, I would put my hands up like this. No, you're doing 60 zombie. I want to see 28 days later. See, look at how fucking good he was. I want to see 28 years later, drop them trial. What does that mean?

In 28 years, you think I'll be naked? So you guys didn't see the movie or even see any of the memes about it? I haven't seen them. Is there a penis? There's a hell of penis. Oh, hell no. But you shouldn't watch it because you're probably going to find some, you know, inconsistencies between scenes that are maybe. They're all using the same penis.

Why is that so strange to notice props? I do that with every kind of prop. No. It's not really a prop. Yeah, it's not a prop. It's a person. I could give you, it's a prosthetic maybe. It's not really a prop.

It's a costume. Uh-huh. so I noticed a lot of inconsistencies. You do notice a lot of inconsistencies and clothes and costumes. The Game of Thrones episode that had the Starbucks Cup, I was the guy that pointed that out. You were not. I was.

I don't believe you. I was. You were not that guy. You were a guy that pointed that out of sure. Yeah, dude, I did it about three months ago. Yeah. To your mom and dad, like, look. I didn't watch Game of Thrones with my mom and dad.

I would not watch. First of all, my parents are divorced, so it would be very strange for us to walk together and watch. That would be nice. Yeah, we don't talk anymore except about Game of Thrones. Yeah, it would be nice. That's something that's wrong. Yeah, that would be good.

If you, yeah, if you miss the TV show. Something that parent traps your parents. A TV show so strong that parent traps your parents. Well, it's about, it's about marriage. Yeah. It is a marriage of ice and fire. Wow, that's a song. Yeah.

That's a song. A song of ice and what it's called. I never watched that show. Where did you get ice and fire from? You just said ice and fire. No, I just know that it's, I know the, I know. know the cultural references to it. Game of Thrones, I watch

when I first moved to Boston, I watched like the first season. Uh-huh. I also only watched the first season. And then it just but in that one season I was like, this I read like two and a half of the books and I liked them. And then at one point I was just like, I can't fucking do this anymore. Yeah. I had a breaking point. That

exact thought of I had a breaking point. I can't fucking do this. What am I doing? What's wrong with me? Yeah. I didn't even get to the stuff that everybody was the wedding thing. Oh, you got a little. I think I got that. the book, I can't remember when that is. Who's that, Joffrey?

No. I know, see, I know every single one of these cultural references to it. Yeah. But I know all the names and shit. I know that there's a John Snow. You know the name of one of the characters

I learned, I learned all the shit so I could get, yeah, SNL sketches and then all this stuff so I could do trivia. What is that, Joffrey? I said, no, you just see, I know everything about it.

I know everything about it. Got the name of the red wedding wrong. I know that he's around. I don't think he's around. that part. Well, he's, you're saying around in the show. Yeah, yeah. You're dead on. That's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, like, I learned

all this so I could get, so if there was a question in trivia, I could maybe answer it. Wrongly. Yeah. But, but, but, he was around. He was around. Joffrey from a marriage of ice and fire. He was around. Jaffrey was around. Who was around? Who was around? And so was little, little Peter.

Little Peter was there too. You can't call Peter Dinklage fucking little Peter. That's what they called them in the show. They called them the Little King. They don't call him Little Peter, though. That refers to the actor's name. Do they call him the Little King? No.

No, he's not a king. I'm just guessing now. The Little King? The Little King. Yeah. I'm so glad I brushed up on trivia for Game of Thrones. Yeah. Was around.

Javry was around. Don't even act like he wasn't around. I'm laughing at that being a trivia question. Who was around? Who was around? Which young? Creek King was around Geoffrey. That was kind of the

original dirty show. Yeah. That was the show that they had Mamoa on. That was his big break. And he was a rapist. Really? Yeah, dude. Yeah. So you know. Knock it off. Well, he was in the show

for maybe an episode. Oh, okay. I thought that was his big break. It was his big break, I think. Was it? Yeah. I think that was his big break is probably his damn his damn bed fucking big ass musly guy breaks his bed every morning I thought you were going to say

breaking that bed with the most thing we were talking about him doing and then you kind of go to his bed it was really kind of I'm talking about him the man yeah not the act not to his character

in the show he's probably so musly he breaks his bed every morning so wait how would that work because he's muslin wait when he wakes so he wakes up

and why is he had at his heaviest when he wakes up. You ate so much food last night. But why wouldn't it break when it gets into the bed? You said in the morning. I don't know. He jumps on the bed in the morning. He jumps on the bed. They get in a character.

Yeah, they get a character guy. As a barbarian. This is what a barbarian would do in a bed. This is what the Dothraki would do. Is he a Dothraki? He was a Dothraki. He was married to basically that type of guy that he was.

Lisa Bonay Lisa Bonner Lisa Bonner Who's Lisa Bonnet She was the daughter On the Cosby show Really? Zoe Kravitz mom

Whoa Yeah He was married to her Lenny Kravitz He's such a star fucker I know But then they got divorced Oh

He has integrity I remember that Yeah I watched that video The other day Who's? In my brain It's not as good as you remember It's not good at all

He picks it up Immediately Like I But he's got that rang on it. You really need... See, I couldn't even see that. It's a blurry video. And then also, in my brain, though, he was sitting down.

He's doing an acoustic song with a guitar. And he's, like, right in the middle. And he strums really hard. And when he strums, his pants fall out and his penis touches the ground. I think it's so funny because he's, like, jumping around. Yeah, but he touches it. He touches it immediately. He just keeps going.

He's such a showman. Yeah. But in my brain, it really was way more of a flop. Yeah, it's a lot cool. It does flop. It flops once and then he catches it almost immediately. I think you're getting like oversaturated or something. I think it's great.

Yeah. I think that I have higher expectations. I think you have to your standards are way too high. I think it's probably the best penis flopping video we've ever seen. I believe you to name one. It's in the top. It's in the top three. Name the two.

The other one is that video of the guy at the wedding and he tries to do a split and then his pants rip and then he doesn't realize that they're ripped until his friend just goes oh my god and then he looks down and goes that one i haven't seen i've seen that's a good one i will say okay you might be right that it's the best ever but it's a category that leaves a lot to be desired in terms of content yeah from you yes that we can agree on that yeah yeah what's wrong with i want more videos where penises flop out of pants because it's basically the funniest thing there's a guy there's a whole guy on on yeah that's what i'm See, those are my favorite videos ever. Pants dude is my favorite guy.

That is the funniest thing ever. I watch it. I show it to people pretty often. He had a Discord server and I joined it. I don't know why. What was going on in there? Just a lot of discussion about the videos. I mean, there is a lot to be discussed.

But it was like, it was like gay guys who have like a ripped pants. Wait, gay guys. Yeah. He makes content for gay men. How is that for gay guys? I don't know. I guess it is funny when a fed. is that funny and it's like you have to like take these people serious in your life because

they could be bankers they could be lawyers they could be doctors you take them seriously i take these yeah he has been all three of those yeah he has been a lot exactly see but you think about it see what you think you just don't get what we're on you're just too i'm fully i'm with you man i'm asking which of these guys do you have to take seriously in your life who are you don't Okay, these people in the discord who are like discussing this stuff. You had to take them seriously. Well, think about it. They could be anywhere.

They could be anywhere. So it's like you, if you operate with the assumption that at least one person you've met in your life has a fetish like that. It's like, yeah, you have to like, these are, where am I going with this? What are my going with this? What are my going? What are my going? Wait, what are my going? What are my going?

These people in the Pants Dude Discord, they were very scientific about his style. Uh-huh. And you had to take it seriously. You have to take them serious, man. Yeah. His style needs to be fixed because... Yeah, he needs a better tailor.

He needs a better tailor for sure. Yeah, they keep falling down and all this shit. Why doesn't anyone help? But I got to say, bro, like, Pants, dude, just stop posting the videos. It's embarrassing. That stuff, you shouldn't... You don't want that stuff to be on the internet when that happens to you. Okay. I know you think it's funny.

It happens once and you got to be like, okay, you know. Right. Figure your shit out. You know what I mean? Like there's a point where it's like, yeah. You got to be trying to like work on yourself. And you know what I mean? Maybe go one size down on the pants.

Yeah. Because these things keep falling off of you. Yeah. And it's embarrassing. Well, I feel like they keep ripping too. So maybe some of the time that could be too small. It's bad, bad design. The fabrics are not strong enough.

Just he's got a piece too. Metal or maybe wearing underwear could help. Underwear would be huge for you. for you, by the way. It would need to be huge. By the way, that thing is too big did not have underwear on it.

Next time that you're studying at Hogwarts, you need to be putting some underwear on. Yeah. By the way, those are children at Hogwarts. Yeah, that is kind of an interesting. Don't do that at Hogwarts.

Yeah, stop being at Hogwarts in your video. There was, they go down to kindergarten level. Yeah. No, they don't. No, they don't. They actually don't go down to kindergarten.

Yeah. Whatever. But there was a, there was a, there's a, someone that, it was on TikTok, someone commented on a video I had posted and said, if you're the guy, I think you are, I had to unfollow you for retweeting gay porn.

And I was like, it's not gay porn. It's called Pants Dude. Uh-huh. That's sexualization. Yeah. Yeah. These are videos of a man in trouble. I'm raising awareness.

And also, I would say even beyond that, even though you know he's doing it on purpose, it's, I think there's a lot of, there's a lot. Yeah. Now you're sounding like him. Well, no, he doesn't do it on purpose. Yeah. but if he was his loop of his belt loop gets latched on a door i think it's extremely artful video is the point i'm trying to make yeah where i don't think that you could i mean they're shot beautifully

i thought these were ring cameras at first you should make a whole movie on ring camera that's a good idea but you have to have it and it's called the wringo they're talking ring camera wringo they're talking ring camera i didn't say there you did i didn't you think today is the day that you're going to start pronouncing the right words? I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I just can't speak. It's really funny. It's about being in this chair. Yeah.

This happens to me too. Yeah. You can't speak? Trip over my words. I got so excited. I guess. I'm just excited to see my friends. Yeah, I don't know.

That's okay, dude. It's the morning. Yeah. We need, why didn't we do a box of Joe this morning? Considered it, but I was like, I'm not going to go that far out of my way on the walk here and wake up. I would have done out.

I'd have to go the opposite direction. I did consider it last night. I did think about getting us some donuts or some munchkins. What's better than a box of Joe and munchkins? Cold box of Joe, but they don't make that. Dude, you are like, if you, okay, if I brought a box of Joe, would you have any Joe? I would have some, but it would take me a long time to drink it, probably forget about it, and then I would find it like three hours later.

It would be cold, and you'd be happy. It'd be cold, and then it's like, what was the point of pouring? You like cold. You like cold. What was the point of pouring anything? Why are you going to be upset that it got cold? Just, it doesn't feel good to leave a drink out and then find it later. How long can you have coffee sit out before you got to not drink that?

I drink coffee. I don't know. It sits out for like 48 hours. Yeah. It's black. I'm not like food serve certified or whatever. You are. We got food served certified to start the podcast.

We should do that. We should take a test. It's kind of, uh, you have to do like an online class for a while. Yeah. Yeah, we should do that. Okay. Let's just because we get checked by the health inspector. Yeah, exactly.

This keeps happening to me. This is very embarrassing, but I've played too many Japanese video games. And every time now I walk by a restaurant that is a health inspection, I'm like, they only got A. Oh, I don't know if I'm going in there. It's not an S-ranked restaurant. I'd be a person restarted on that. Keeps genuinely happening to me. We need to just, you know what's so horrible is trying to explain.

I mean, I tried to explain that to my wife the other day, the S thing. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it means. I don't know why. I don't know. Super A. It's been my whole life I've had S. Yes.

Yeah, I remember learning S. Yeah. Being like, what? Yeah. Because it doesn't make any sense. No. Because they do. They still, it's not like it's like everything stands or something.

Everything's ABCD. And then S. But they have S also. I always guessed it meant super. Yeah. Or stupendous. We're splendid. Yeah.

Super is kind of, I think, maybe what it might be. But I think it comes from... Oh, it probably is superior. That sounds very Japanese. But the other ones don't mean anything. Yeah.

A is excellent. No, it would be awesome. B is very good. B is bray. C is check it out. See, B is... Oh, academic grading in Japan. S is exemplary and excellent.

S is rarely given? S is A. Yeah. S is A plus. Or no, I guess it is A. 90 to 100 is A. Yeah, yeah. F is F is F.

Fuka. Fuka you. So they have, but they just have it, that means they have an extra low F. Yeah. Yeah, because C, D, D slash F, which they don't, they can just have D starts as 50 to 59. And it's, it's an uncommon. So that's, it's kind of exciting to pull. Why would you have an uncommon grade? It's uncommon.

You don't always get it. Yeah. Dude, you guys know. Oh, no, I see it's because usually they just have F zero to 59. You know who also uses the academic. academic, the Japanese academic grading scale? The United Citizens Brigade. What's that?

Really? Really? Wow. It's, S is cool. It feels great to get S. Yeah, when you get an S rank on a mission?

Or no. Me? Yeah. Dude, I got an S all day. Yeah. Why'd you even ask? There's a lot of S.A.

There's a lot of S.A. there. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they did a lot of the first two letters at the UCB. I was like, the old UCB. D.F. are you guys doing? What D. What D.

for you guys do it. I see these, I see these bees. I see these bees. The F you do it essay for. I see these bees. Oh, that would be good at an improv.

Yeah, there you go. You see bees. You see bees. We need to go take, we should go take an improv class together. I was considering it, but then I looked at the prices and I was like,

this is a highway problem. The prices? Mm-hmm. Not there at a different place. Where were you going to take it? Second City, because they got that here now. That's the more respectable institution. Until I open mine up.

Yeah. And they do the Caleb Pits Improv School of... It's just called the Method. Caleb's Pits Improv School of Art and Design. Yeah. Yeah. We do improv everything. We do improv everywhere.

So it's Improv Architecture, Improv Medicine. That's good. You go to an improv medicine school. What do you call that? Medical school. Yeah. Yep. Dude, when is the next season of the pit dropping?

I don't know. I don't watch it. I'm fucking shirling up. Me too, man. Because it was supposed to, you know what? It's set over July 4th. So they probably just filmed it. Yeah, true.

That's a good point. They film it all on one go. And how long does it take to edit a show? One day and episode? A few days per season. But they did a lot of episodes. Depends on if there's CGI or not. Yeah.

CGI takes a lot of time. They haven't used CGI so far that I've noticed. CGI is getting out of hand, man. Yeah. I think we can all agree on that. They got to stop, dude. I'm worried that actors are going to start losing jobs. Why don't we do a CGI episode, though?

It's really expensive, dude. We'd have to give it in here with ping pong balls. Yeah. And you'd be saying inappropriate stuff. What do you mean? We'd have to cut out a lot of the footage. Yeah, about ping pong? About my ball.

You'd say, oh, yeah, I have balls on my whatever. I would say my balls. I have balls on my whatever. Well, if we just do the whole. If we just do the whole episode in the ping pong ball suits, right, and then we upload it, and then we have the CGI contest to see who can make us the best thing, the best three new three guys. You know how people will complain because a company will do like a contest to design a new logo where they like won't pay you? That seems like the most exploitative possible version of that.

Like somebody do an hour of CGI rectoring. Yeah. Once they model it, too, to make us look like Goblin, Captain America. Just hiring somebody to do it. It's a contest. Whoever can edit this episode the best, sync up the audio. Make sure the video looks good. Write the description.

Make the thumbnail. Yeah, that'd be great. I think that's a good idea. That is a good idea for a contest. Yeah. Yeah, and then we could... No, it's about creating community. The dead weight.

They already created community, and it was canceled. Oh, yeah, because a Chevy Chase saying the N-word. That's not why it was canceled. It was canceled because Ken Jong dressed as a dark elf. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ken Jong dressed as a dark elf. The dean was bald.

That's age 12, I dressed as a dark elf. In episode 12, I dressed as a dark elf. Yeah, but he was a doctor. Anyway. Childish Gambino left. Yeah. the show on a cruise ship or some shit. One of the worst exits in television history.

I don't think I got to his exit. No, Calpin on House. Calpin on House, I think he's a great exit. Doesn't he come back, though? That's what you told me. No, no, no, no. He doesn't come back. He's in some episodes as a ghost, basically,

who's haunting Dr. House. I think, look, I don't have that many kind words for House, but I think that was a good exit. It's shocked me. realistic. It shocked me and I didn't see it.

Sometimes motherfuckers just kill themselves. Yeah. That is the lesson of house. Yeah.

Sometimes a motherfucker just dies. And there's that and you don't even know. Yeah. And then you,

he goes and works for Obama. And I like that. I will say worst reason to leave a television show. Yeah. I like the

episode of House when he has the radioactive necklace. That's a really early one, right? Yeah. His son has it

because the dad gave it to him. He found it in a junkyard. And they just don't save him. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, he dies.

I was like, damn! Yeah. The dad gives his son a necklace that he found in the junkyard. It turns out to be radioactive and the son just dies. He just kills him. And that's the end of the episode. Yeah, and his mom is dead. So the dad, this is all the, all the two of them have.

They have a very strong bond and he basically kills his son. You know what episode fucking piss me off? What? The Locked In Syndrome one, where the guy has Locked in Syndrome, it's all first person. It's, yeah, it's like, it's like of one of those, it's like a talking dog or a talking cat movie where it's just a whole, it's just footage of a house episode with a guy going, guys, I'm over here. Why can't you talk to me?

Boy, I'm hungry. I hope someone feeds me soon. It is funny that also they do all of the plot directly in front of this guy. And he's commenting on it too where he's like, is this really your bedside manner? It's exactly what dogs say in those movies. It's not a good episode.

It's like the opening of Look Who's Talking. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, it literally is identical to that, but it's about doctors. Oh, my God. Yeah, I guess it's a little bit about doctors, too. Yeah, I guess you're right. The opening of Lagosalking is about doctors. They'll get born as a baby into a beautiful hospital.

Doctors should not be in that fucking room. I remember. I agree. Don't be looking at my wife's fucking the inside of her pussy. What's more intimate than that? Deep in there. Deep in there, putting your hands in there. Well, outside of it.

We had a car with a VCR in it. And that was one of my sister picked out the movie. I think we were driving somewhere. You had a car with a VCR in it? That's crazy. It was like a, I've never even heard of a car with a VCR. I've heard of a DVD player.

We got a DVD player. We got the Honda Pilot with the DVD players to watch Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes. Well, we had the VCR car once the DVD car came out because the VCR car got cheaper. I've never even heard of a VCR car. And the screen was like literally like six inch LCD and it came out the top. And if you were in the back, you could not see shit. Yeah. And I remember my sister picked Look Who's Talking to.

One of those rich kid ways of describing a thing by the. the way. Like, oh, the pool is only three feet deep. Yeah. Dude. You had a DVD in your car. I had a VCR. No, I didn't have it in the car. It was an add-on thing that hung on the back seat that you plugged in. Well, that's right, VCR. Well, this was a, I think this might have been a 2001 VCR. I accept that name. The 2001, what? The 2001 Golden Chariot. I think it was a 2001 Ford Windstar or something. Rich. Uh, anyway, uh, we were watching, my sister picked that movie and the first, like, two minutes of that movie is sperm's. Yeah.

And my aunt was driving for some reason. And she looked back and was like, what the hell? I'm just close to screen. You should be more mad at her for looking back while she's driving. You could have killed you. Also, did she hear sounds that made her think like, we're spurs?

It's literally that. It's like, oh, I hope we got to the end. Yeah, the beginning of that movie is a full explanation. Spirms running. Yeah, sperm's running. And that's nice, though. So they don't have to have the talk with the kids. You can throw on the movie.

It's one of the first depictions of sperm in a movie. Well, it should be. It's not a kid's movie at all. I don't know why the hell we were watching that. It's not a kid in it. It should be, first of all, it starts with sperms. Yeah. Which kids need to learn about.

But they should, sooner rather than later. They show the sperms once they're inside. They don't show the sperm's into the egg. They don't see what the sperm's are up to. Yeah. They should do that. They should zoom.

We should make a sperm cut of most movies where it zooms into the main characters. ball sack and we see what their spurns are doing. They comment, it's like the intermission where they cut it. It's like the chorus in a play where they comment on it. Yes, exactly. I wonder if he'll be able to. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we cut to them every once in a while. We don't cut to them. We

zoom in. And then we do a sequel to whatever the movie is. We do a sequel to whatever the movie is. I hope Wolverine beats Sabre 2. We could do a sequel to whatever the movie is that is basically a Lion King one and a half. That is just about the sperm's. So we make a it's like a really dramatic like a scene where someone like a fight scene someone falls down the

stairs and we zoom in and those firms like whoa so it's like it's like a john wick style movie right we make like a nobody john wick style movie and here's what his firms we're doing at the time sequel yeah direct sequel straight to straight to stream it's the same timeline but it's just everything that is it's the same movie like literally the same movie and then every single like new plot point is just we could we could we could we could That's what I'm saying. We could do that. We could do that with the sperm cut.

Let's do the John Wick's sperm cut. Yeah, all we need is just some good graphics of sperms, which I can provide. Yeah. Can I provide some too? I have some great ideas. Okay. I was thinking we get sperm costumes, like we get big white sperm costumes. No, it's got to be realistic.

Why are they providing my real sperm? Were you an idiot? Spirms are all sorts of yellow. You're going to go to a hospital. For what? sperm check. It's not something sperm check.

Microscope. Yo, yellow is fucked damn. You got them you got them goofy yellowsper. It looks like an old man's fingernail. Yuck. He got a lot of it.

You got smoker's finger on your spurns. Smoker's sperm. Yeah. What would be the best movie to do this with though? Maybe actually Lion King Warner. No. It's got to be like a really,

It has to be really dramatic so the sperms can be really, like, upset and hoping that, but it also has to be a movie where people fall down the stairs at least once. So we can do a shot where the sperm's go, whoa. And they shoot out. Yeah. One of them's, one of them is drag and beat, it also has to have a sex scene. Dude, for us go. Here we go. It's called Forrest Gump's sperm.

Oh. And it's the sperm cut. The forest gump, the forest, Forrest's gumps. Okay. This is a new slang. It's a new slang. for sperm. My gumps.

Yeah. It's a bunch of sperm to be like, oh, I hope, I hope we survive Vietnam. But my gums are sperm sound normal. His sperms are. My word. We are gumps. Hello, Jenny. His gumps.

My word. Gumps. What his gumps. Wait a minute. There's a big, there's a short squat one. This is, gumps. We go to the one scene. You know, it's a.

Amazing about that. There's the one scene where he nuts in his pants. Wow. I don't remember that. Halfway through the movie all the characters change.

He kisses Jenny. He's fucking gumps in his pants. Okay. Here's what my... So I haven't seen it, but based on what I know about it, here's my imagination of a scene that could happen.

Okay. Forrest Gump, he says, life is like a box of chocolates and then it zooms in and the sperm say, what does he mean by that? What the hell?

That doesn't make any sense. Then we zoom back out and he says whatever the rest of it is. You never know what you're going to The fact that you've never seen Forrest Gump, sure. What do you think the movie's about? Well, I've This is probably one of the movies that people talk

about the most. Yeah, that's true. So as far as I know, he's a guy, he's a mentally challenged man. Is he canonically? Or is there some question? He has an IQ of 85 or something. Okay, he's slow. And he, uh, he basically is in love

with a girl who has AIDS, but is again, not, she doesn't officially have AIDS. She gets AIDS at the end of the movie. Again, I haven't seen it. So, then he runs across the world, and that inspires everybody to do history. Pretty close. He runs across America. He invents the smiley face.

You know, invents the smiley face. He, what else does he do? He just does everything, right? He does everything. Yeah. That's a pretty historical event. He's there. He inspires John Lennon to write, imagine.

And what's the point? The point is that life is like a box of chocolates. History is written by the mentally disabled. Yeah. Honestly, I've always thought this seems like the worst movie ever of all time. It's really not that good. I have no interest in watching it. I wouldn't call it a great movie, but it is pretty fun.

Because you look at the things that he does and you say, I remember knowing about that. This is the mechus. Yeah. Yeah. The soundtrack is back to the future. Oh, dude. This guy's obsessed with history.

Yeah. He is. What else is he made? Romancing the Stone. I don't know what that is. He did the new one about time going forever. Yeah. What's it called?

Here. Did you say Minecraft vibes? Yeah. He did, uh, oh, he did all the, he did Polar Express and all this, and Beowulf and all that stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. That's his Zemeckis joint. Yeah.

He's Spielberg's brother. He's Spielberg's brother got hit in the head with a brick. Yeah. And he decided to make a very, very young age and didn't have, even have a good period. Oh, so he sort of has a little bit of a gump style to himself. He's Gumpian. He's gumpian? He's got a gumpy.

Gumpy would, uh, Got a Gumpie. Is there someone named Bubba Gump and Forrest Gump? No, the Bubba Gump is the, yeah, Bubba is his friend in Vietnam. Who's also maybe a little slow. Yeah. Okay. And they're in the platoon of slow guys.

Okay. And they have an Ebony and Ivory kind of relationship. But he's Ebba dies in Vietnam. Yeah. And then he says his, he's autistic and his special interest is shrimp. Okay. Dude, do you even know about Lieutenant Dan? Yeah.

What does he have? He has no legs? He has no legs. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. People are obsessed with this movie. So Lieutenant Dan is basically...

They made a whole restaurant about it. You think about it. Why the fuck does that movie have a restaurant? This is one of the most popular movies of all time. Lieutenant Dan is. Lieutenant Dan is a character that meets Gump and calls a spade of spade and says, this guy's a moron. And then sees Lieutenant Dan is a very smart.

He's a genius. Gary Seneas. Chicago's very own. Gary Seneas, famous Redditor. And when you're a genius in Gump World, your life sucks. You're homeless, you lose your legs. You get AIDS.

You can only be good by being dumb. The only virtuous thing to do in the world is to cause history by being so stupid that you fart in front of the president or whatever he does. He has to pee. He drinks 23 Dr. Pepper's and he has to pee. Yeah, 23. Dr. Pepper.

Are you seeing any sort of things in there? It's literally the most conspiratorial movie in the world or something connections humorologically. And you burped. Gump burps in front of the person. president. I thought you just said he had to pee. He burps and says, I'll really have to pay. Forrest Gump is sort of a

like, I would say it's the blueprint for a lot of people's like anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. Yeah. It's all controlled by one guy. But instead of Robert Zemeckas maybe was getting into some of that stuff and then was like actually the only way to do this

is to make it a slow guy. Yeah. And that's what he did. It's supposed to be. In the original person, He was just a Jewish guy and Robert Samakas was like

Forresting They're like, we can't do this. They're like, maybe lose the steen. He's like, okay, fine, I'll make him like an idiot. Yeah. Just imagine it's just like the whole script

is being like, oh, I really have to pee. That was the original version of it. Bubba doesn't change. Bubba's the same. Yeah, but you should watch it, man. Yeah. Yeah, my wife always wants me to watch it. Then do it.

Oh, also, there's a feather throughout the movie. Spoiler. Okay, well, now I can't even watch it. I got spoiled. Oh, great. I knew about the feather. Oh, great. I don't remember the feather.

The feather is like... Tom Hanks is in some of the worst movies of all. Tom Hanks fucking sucks. He's the worst. But we're doing the hit miss. Yeah. I guess, you know what that one... Misses.

Well, I don't know. This backlog schedule has me confused. This comes out after. Tom Hanks probably is like 10% hit for it. Yeah. I think you're right. Most of his hits, I don't even think he's good in. His first thing, his first thing was him pretending to be a lady to live in a lady's hotel.

Busom buddies. Bozum buddies. Yeah. Which that's a hit. I like that show. I would say, that was on Nick at night sometimes. To me, it's basically terminal. Terminal's bad.

No. Terminal's really bad. I haven't seen it. Carcugia. We're calling it a miss. Dude, he's from Carcogia. Castaway. Hit.

I haven't seen it. Castaway is really funny, honestly. Yeah, but it is in the Gump way it's about as stupid as a movie can be. Yeah.

Yeah, it's really, which he always is doing those movies. Terminal castaway Gump. Yeah. He likes those type of movies. But even the stuff that I like, like, catch me if you can't.

I like that movie. That's, but Hank's in that movie? Thanks, he's crap and everything. I think he's good in that. Ah. Philadelphia. You seriously?

I seriously think he's good in that movie. I really think he's... This guy faked a check. Officer Han ratty. Han ratty. Hand ratty. My name's Han ratty. A fucking stupid character.

Leo, awesome. Leo might be one of the highest hits. He's doing so good. Who is he in that movie? He's the dad. He does the two mice fall in a bucket of cream. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I like that movie. He's so good in that movie. Great plain movie. Yeah. Because it's about planes in a way it's about checks for planes yeah pan am pan am pan am your show already happened can't plug it on my ass can't even plug it all right let's dive into this shit we're back talking about

the worst thing in the world or the best thing if you're a deluser it was crap if you're a delusor you're a delusor a delusional loser you're delulu you're delulu you probably love what are these called things surface pro no the things that people never mind what DeBoobleu. Forum? No, the Loubooboo. What is that? That's Julio's new favorite thing.

But is that something that... Dude, they're having a Labubu sale. I'm so stupid, man. I thought my friend is a Labou re-sailer. I've seen posters for Labu-Libu Resellers. Okay, here's my question. People have been saying, this is Labu. I'm pretty shaking my head, just so you know.

I know. These are little chains that you put on your wallet. Okay, so why do people say that something is light is... Delulu is different. DeLulu. is short for delusional. I know what Delulu is. Labbubu is also girls speak.

Labubu. Do you stay in like an egg? Yeah. How do you not interact with the world? The only interaction with that kind of stuff I get these days is a comment on a YouTube short. Right. And you should get, because that's where I see it too. And I get, I understand.

I get everything. Yeah. You understand this crap? I understand it, yeah, by using context. We're on officer.com today. Wait, do they have anything about Labubu's there? No. We should have checked.

Wait, should I go? I don't have a lot. Can I go first? Can you search Loboo first? Yeah, you can go first? Let me, let me, can you pull up my power point? Let me search a little boo boo on officer.

This is, this will ease us in. This will ease us into everything. So the first thing that I found was, uh, this old man asking this question. Uh, I'm a retired cop. I work in a gang infested part of a major Democrat run city on the west coast. I have never been to Chicago.

My wife just informed me that we have a wedding to attend in Chicago in May. I'd sure appreciate it if I could get an education. this guy's going to like did I talk about the guy from the bus no that said oh did we I don't think so we just talked about it at the Pittsburgh live show oh yeah

but I sat next to a guy on a bus who stayed awake for 48 hours on a bus trip because he had a layover pit stop in Chicago and he was so scared about losing about getting robbed yeah the most dangerous city in the world yeah and when his when it He called his mom at one point, and he was like, yeah, mama, I hadn't sleep this

whole time. Well, because I was in the worst town ever. And I think that the worst town ever is such an amazing description of Chicago. Again, the only things that I've seen about Chicago, every time I go there, it's like normal. Yeah, Chicago officer shot in frantic struggle with armed subject. Yeah, I guess that's why his frame of Chicago was like that. Oh, I thought you were excited about finding a little booboo. A Chicago police officer was shot in the leg when an armed.

Armed suspect's gun discharged during a violent scuffle and police returned fire, fatally shooting the suspect. Jesus. Is this how it's just funny that the guy's gun randomly went off and then they were like, kill him! Yeah. And they killed him. I'm sure it just randomly went off, by the way.

I'm sure that is what actually happened. Yeah, that's what it says on officer.com has to be what really happened. This is the, this was one of the first things I saw when I looked at the website, the forum, was a question for LEO's scenario. this is a hypothetical and please I'm not interested in causing problems I just want off honest answers this is for a crime story I'm writing

it's a modern day crime thriller if I was a bank robber a young woman who was robbing banks like a modern day Bonnie and Klein at gunpoint and I robbed over 10 banks stealing millions how would you handle the situation when I walked out of the bank in my skin tight black

shiny leather pants my studded black long sleeve top and black heels and all of the there was two responses to this and it was a guy that we read last time. And there's pictures by the way of this woman's photo shoot. It's not this woman. This is definitely a photo shoot they found online and this is

someone doing a fetish thing for sure. Someone who found the cop website and was like I'm going to get cops to like tell me how they would arrest me. The only two responses were from the guy that I read last time who did the movie review of Barbie. Okay. And he said I would unload a full clip.

The next Next one. Well, she's dressing like a criminal. Yeah. I mean, she's a criminal. She's robbing banks like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde.

Where's Clyde? No, she's two people. Oh, okay. She's got to switch personnel. You see the stud and shit from one side. You go like, I can't fucking kill this bitch. Then she turns around.

And you see the dirty old hobo that she's disguised herself on them, right? Oh my God. And then that part you can freely kill. I robbed over 10 banks. Next slide is, oh, yeah. Favorite music group and singer.

This is just somebody asking who they're like, you know, the officers who their favorite musician is. And this person said, number one, number one, number one, number one, number one, number one, number one, number one. What would be the most surprising song? This was the most surprising thing. So like a cop like arresting people to like, sail away, sail away, sail away. That was, I was laughing so hard just imagining just like someone getting brutalized

and then just in the background, you could just hear their car. is still blasting the NIA. My name is Pankin. I'm really nice to meet you. Next one is favorite websites other than officer.com. I like that they call it O.com, by the way.

Which O.com used to be overstock. Yeah. RIP. That was a good website to get housewares. This cop's favorite websites were, next slide. Woot.com. Great deals. Next slide. Collegehumor.

dot com freaking hilarious and fox news six makes sense i'd love the the variety of websites here this guy's a real browser yeah next slide is uh what is your favorite word oh come on and this cop said disestablishmentarianism disestablishmentarianism they didn't even go anti Yeah, they didn't even go anti-establishment before they added the anti. Yeah. But as far as my least favorite word, it has to be moist.

Black. Black, black, black. Dude, moist is such a fucking word. I was trying to find, I was trying to find, like, because I knew that there would be, like, at least some posts that were like, please don't say moist. Yeah.

It's like stuff like that. I looked up, like, moist, and then, like, don't say moist and, like, stuff like that is pretty much the only result. damn yeah next slide I think after that I was like yeah I went over to Facebook

and I found a Facebook group called support police officer and someone was doing the Caleb wait okay that's not the threat start the stop the sick ones that's not how confusing this photo is can I just say by the way that I that is maybe the smartest

I've ever felt in my life and when I did that me and Cameron laughed for so long at the idea that nobody had ever done that before. Yeah. We really thought we were like geniuses. Yeah. We were like,

how has nobody thought of this? Well, I mean, it is. How did nobody do that? It is kind of crazy. It's incredible. It's a great idea. It is a great idea. It's such a shame that...

He's wearing the mask that you have on your hand. It's such a shame that people called me a peanut-ass, peanut-head-ass peckerwood for doing that. Because it was so innovative. I really thought that I was going to be... I was going to be thrown...

I remember seeing that and saying, Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, we knew. But this guy isn't doing the mask thing. But look at how confusing this is. He has a patch on his bulletproof vest. Oh, I didn't even notice the patch.

It's okay to talk about it, mental health. And then he's... He's handcuffed showing that officers aren't allowed to. No, the message is saying officers aren't allowed to. I'm going to talk about mental health. Yeah, he's saying that it's okay, showing what it's like in the world. I think the message gets muddied. It looks like he's just...

I think that most of the messages will get muddied. I think that I got the message perfectly fine. This man, is a hero and you should be saluting him for talking about officers mental health. Next, next group that I found was we love cops with an apostrophe. Uh-huh, it was a group by Thoris Noob. Not a lot of cop stuff in here.

I like the header picture. Yeah, me too. The AI generated. Amazon storefront. Amazon warehouse. This is like the only posts in there was like, which is your favorite animal? Drop a like for animals. I love dogs and cats and you.

You did, Did you drop a like for an animal? No, I should have. I don't see a like there. Yeah, you didn't even drop a like for animals. I don't like animals. That's a cat. That's huge cap.

I love my candy. They're delicious. Oh, that's good. Thanks. Ron Swanson. Next one, I think this is the last thing that I found. Yeah, questions for a police officer. The default.

Yeah, I love the corporate Memphis. Yeah. Thing here. This is the group's description. It says, ask questions. You would like to ask a police officer. and we will try to get back to you. Best question each week will be notified and answered.

And this is the first, I think this is the admin, Crystal Cooper. She says, okay, this is for people to ask questions that they have. They've always wanted to ask a police officer. We will try and get an answer for all of you. The best question each week will definitely be answered. Go for gold and ask away. And here are some of the only questions that were asked in this group. Why did you kill my brother?

What is the best part of work? Why did they want to be a cop? What's the worst part of the job? Next slide. Why is corruption so tempting? Next slide. They said, I am looking for an honest police officer

to put scammers in jail. And then Crystal Cooper couldn't take it at all and said this, okay, I was thinking all the questions would not be so serious. So she, on June 26, 2009,

she gave up. She gave up, ask a police officer. You figure she's like married to a police officer and she's just like, Yeah, he's like, they'll be asking me what my favorite color is and stuff.

Yeah, yeah. And they're like, why? One of them was like, here's a question. Why does it take so long for an investigation to happen when you call about molestation? Why is corruption?

Why is corruption so tempting? Why is corruption so tempting? Yeah, that is a great question. That's all my slides. Okay, well, I was on, officer.com for not that long but for my when I first started I found this post advice for getting back into dating and this is in the public forums this is in family matters

she says been focused on career and work and how looking to go back into dating any advice on best way to meet sane and cool guys that like to have fun not really looking to go through all the different apps she's looking for advice here and oh that's the guy the movie reviewer. This guy's the best. CCCSD. I think he might be the only guy who's still on this website. Yeah. And he said self-pleasure. That's it. And please post picks.

And she said, oh, snap. That's a no. Oh, snap. Oh, snap. No. I will not be posting that. A girlfriend with two L's is such a bleeding heart liberal. This is also from Family Matters. Okay.

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly two years. I've been a cop for coming up on a year next month. I made her aware that I was going into LE when we first started dating, law enforcement. When we first started dating, I considered myself a liberal. Boy, was I wrong. She supports the most out there extreme leftist movements and seems to take the most leftist views possible on every topic that comes up to the point that I think she does it to bother me. She will completely ignore common sense for the sake of maintaining an extreme liberal view.

No amount of laying out hypothetical situations or slapping her in the face with raw statistical facts as I've persuaded her view on any topic we disagreed on. My girlfriend supports Black Lives Matter. She supports Mike Brown. She believes that cops go out and target black people and are more likely to shoot black people strictly because of the color of their skin. She has gone as far as to say that I, as a police officer, treat black people differently. She says this completely ignoring the fact that she has never even seen me on duty,

much less actually working on a call for service. I told her that she doesn't seem to understand that Black Lives Matter has literally called for the killing of cops. She then tells me that I work for a small town. It's not like I'm ever really in any danger. That alone pisses me the fuck off. In an attempt to appeal to her liberalism,

I told her that as a police officer, I'm a member of the most hated minority group in America. People openly call for the murder of myself and my fellow officers based solely on prejudices to our profession. She replies with a sarcastic, Boo-hoo, I feel so bad for cops. I can learn to deal with most liberal views. I even share a few with her.

But when it comes to anti-cop shit, I cannot stand it. I really care about her a lot and don't want her to break up over something like this. Help me out. Yeah, why is she staying with, I guess it's normal for like a small town. Like, it's just like, you know, like lady who's with like a guy that she's like, he's also, well, he's racist. A reply here says, I think that happens everywhere. I reply here says, say goodbye.

And I think you'd know a lot about it. This is really good to me. Say goodbye. Once an infected individual has presented with symptoms, there is no cure for this disease. Referred to in professional medical circles as super leftiosis moronicus. Exposure to an effect. That's a three stooges. Super leftiosis moronicus.

Exposure to an infected person causes severe bleeding in the ears and intense pain in the rectal cavity. Wait, what does that mean? but her pain is it's best to remove yourself from the situation and seek immediate treatment before it's too late petition your state department of health to have her declared as a biohazard wow what did he say to that the fail is strong with this one the fail is strong with this one uh somebody just said duct tape i guess they want to tape her face over uh yeah time to bail plenty of other chicks out there. But basically super leftiosis moronicus, I think, is basically as good as that gets. Yeah. But then I found on the Steam page,

Steam forms, I know we've done before, but there's a game called Police Simulator, Patrol Officers. Let me see if I can read the description of this. New game for the stream. Yeah, you should play. Welcome to Brighton. Join the police force of this fictitious

American city and experience the day-to-day life of a police officer. Gold edition. How much does it cost? It's on sale right now, actually, summer sale. Really? Oh, my God. How much is it in the summer sale? I might fucking... Summer sale, it's $15. I might hop on after this.

You should. Okay, patrol officers general discussion. The topic is CP forgiveness bonus by DJ Supernick. There has to be a way I can gain back the CP I lost. Devs, if you can do this, it would help me. And please give a better explanation so CP won't be lost ever again. So this is a game where you pretend to be a police officer. and the goal is to get as much CP as pot.

There's something called the CP in this. It's got to be caught points. I hope it's cop points. That you are trying to get as much as possible of. But there's a lot of different things in here. Penelized for pointing my pistol at a car thief. As the title says, I see someone stealing a car, so I stop my cruise in front of the car.

I point my pistol at the driver and they get out. I got penalized for aiming my pistol at the car thief, using a car as a weapon is considered deadly force. Therefore, a pistol being aimed at the driver in this case is not unauthorized. So a lot of the complaints about this game have to do with the guns. Losing CP for drawing my gun on car thief. Hi there, I have a question. When I try to arrest a car thief and they've gotten into the vehicle,

my first instinct is to draw my gun since I'm on foot. But when I do that, I lose that CP. And it registers as an unjustified felony stop and the incident report. support. So they don't want to lose CP. They should update that. I lost CP for the same thing. The driver was wanted for aggravated assault victim, and I needed CP. A graffiti artist eluded me on foot. He jumped eight feet over a brick wall. Obviously, some type of superhuman. I couldn't even jump an inch off the ground, so they got away. Sounds realistic to me. Sounds really realistic.

Wappen slash gun use The gun and still not being used to shoot at people I would like events where drug dealers try to stab me Situations where the piston can be used Devs add shooting I want to shoot my gun and then it's all caps Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun Gun You think there's a modding community for this game?

There is but they haven't done a lot of stuff Yeah Yeah In-game shootouts Is there any things in the game that actually involves shooting your guns, something like a robbery gone wrong. So, apparently in this game, in this game, there's, it's mostly, people download it thinking that they are going to kill people.

Yeah, they want to be a real cop. Yeah, they think it's like that. They think it's ready or not. But actually, you just sit in, like, you direct traffic. Yeah, and a graffiti artist is, is eluding you, and then he jumps eight feet up. Yeah. You can't simulate U.S. policing without risk. To the devs, I respect the work you've put into this sim,

but removing shooting incidents entirely from U.S.-based police games strips away a critical part of realism. Nobody's asking for GTA-style chaos, except for the guy who said gun, $5,000. But in real patrol work, the possibility of high-risk incidents like shootouts is always there. It wouldn't happen every shift, but it should be possible. Without that tension, the game lacks depth,

and players will gravitate towards titles like the precinct and flashing lights, even if they're less polished. it's so funny to write of just a full like just like obviously this is a fucking piece of shit shovelware unity yeah yeah that's just to write to like get on the Steam forums and be like I'm gonna change the devs minds

yeah please like you think they didn't add shooting because they were like I'm opposed to it I think the game shouldn't have it or do you think it's because they didn't want a program that they realized you wouldn't pay fucking $15 $1.00 it's a very yeah yeah the unit asset gun yeah yeah the a lot of the

complaints seem to be asking for kind of characters that walk around and have no soul and just they do crimes until they just get killed like animals. Yeah. Isn't that kind of a zombie game?

They want a zombie game. They want a zombie game where the zombies are loitering and soliciting. But that's basically all I got from the police simulator. I need to see what this game looks like. I think you should play it. I think you'd have a really good time with it.

And now that I think it's co-op. But you also found out that you can't shoot in it. You can. Well, you can, you can draw your gun, which is funny. But you lose CP and CP is the most important. Maybe if you get enough. Maybe if you get enough, you can, you can pop one. So,

CP to shoot one gun. Yeah. I, uh, I went on the, um, a subreddit. Uh, called Reddit. dot com slash r slash ask l e so it's people asking questions of law enforcement it's not ask a cop it's le so people know it's like it's fucking real yeah and people have like people are like have like flares that are like deputy sheriff's verified law enforcement stuff yeah so uh and i did i there's definitely more on here i didn't i didn't there but uh this is um some questions i found how do you cuff

a one-armed person in shorts this question came up in my board the answer was to cuff them to their belt loop but later that night in the shower I was thinking how do you secure a one-arm person

like the other arm is amputated it's kind of irrelevant but it just got me curious so there is they've had it they have an answer here yeah but I'm curious how you would how do you guys think how it's specifically

they're saying it's gym shorts no belt loops you cuff one-armed guy and shorts cuff him to yourself I think You cuff your one arm, one arm to the, if it's the right arm, left leg, left arm, right leg. Okay, but how are you cuffing them to the leg? You think they got-

ankle, they got the extra longs for like fat guys. They do that's, you're close. Yeah. What they say to do is you scrunch up the shorts and you cuff them to the shorts, like through the waist. They cut me to my hand one basketball shorts. Literally. Even then, even they have a cup of one-arm guy in shorts. you're supposed to do. Dude, even then

you fucking, you can take those shorts off if you're fucking crafty enough. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just telling you what they're. I'm telling you what they say. Well, you probably would put it through the underwear. Cuffed to the shorts. Well, dude, if I'm arrested and I want to get away, I don't care of my dicks or out. Or someone else's said you can use a belly chain, which

I don't know what that is. The belly chain is what I was I looked up belly chain. That's like how they, when they were like walking Hannibal Lecter out. Oh, that thing. Okay. A belly chain. But I think a lot of cops don't walk around with a belly chain. But enable You take the belly chain, do it to the leg. You might just have to pierce the person.

Yeah, you have to put in a piercing. You have to put in like an eye. Yeah, put, bring him to Claire. Stand still. A dermal implant. And then just chain him to his. I put a gauge in your belly button. Would a police officer get into any trouble writing Hatsunee

Miku songs depicting her as a police officer? For context, Meku is a virtual singer and the officer is writing songs that depict Miku performing the official duties of a cop. sometimes getting into action, and then upload those videos on places like YouTube. The setting can be a reference of a real department or just outright depict her as an officer in a real department. Although those works won't, don't shine the department in a negative light. And I didn't even realize this when I clicked this before, but they said, here's an example of a story song, link. Wait, I don't think it's a cop one.

No, it's not a cop one. Yeah, this is just an example of what Atsuni Miko is. Wait, so this is a cop who's asking if this would be okay. Yeah, it would be okay for them to make Hatsunimiku songs about Hatsuni Miko being a real. cop in a real department and people are basically sending the gift of the girl with the buck teeth going like this. They're weirded

out. They're fucking weirded out. They're saying WTF did I just read? They're sending Maha. The OG well actually the people are saying what the fuck why would you have me put that garbage in my watch history? But I did the question

The idea of a vocaloid obsessed cop is so I know but like to also put make that she has to be a real cop from a real department? What does that even mean? Yeah. Well,

why do you have to specifically pick a department? Here's a, you know, you know King Vaughn's, what's that shit called? Crazy Story, part one, two, three, and four. Okay. So he makes,

the music is good because it's real stuff that happen to him. Yeah. So this person wants to make Hatsuni Miku songs about how they pulled over somebody going 61 to 60. You know,

I don't actually know how that's those songs sound yeah it's funny too they're saying for context the officer is writing songs as if it's someone else that they're observing to them then they're like yeah but by the way here's an example of what a hotsunemika song is like that's funny is like imagine it's like some kid who's dad's a cop and he's just like well my dad just tells me all these great stories like think would be amazing vocaloid tell you why that kid is getting abused yeah if that dad ever finds out that's going to be a really bad abuse that's not far off because a lot of cops now like are like funco guys

most most cops in no no most cops are like that yeah the only ones that aren't honestly are like city cops city cops and the like state the like highway patrol guys but like a normal cop

that just like sits in a small town on a fucking the computer and like arrests arrest people at bus stops yeah those are definitely like they're all they all have like it's like yeah I used my I use my like Christmas bonus

to buy a replica Captain America Shield. Yeah, they got the Captain America Shield. Yeah, that's true. All that sort of shit. Yeah. Like all the ice guys are all Funko guys. It feels like. Is it illegal to hang out with them a lot?

Is it illegal to... I'm an officer. Yeah. Is it illegal to own a human skeleton? Well, the description here is where this really shines. Yeah. Planning a basement slash man cave type of hangout spot. What I'm envisioning has sort of a dungeonous aesthetic to...

A dungeonish, aesthetic to it. For decorations, I'm thinking about things like suits of armor, wall torches, tapestries, et cetera. I think a skeleton would look pretty awesome too, but I definitely don't want to do anything illegal. I feel like Halloween decorations would be kind of lame and authenticity

would be way cooler. Would you arrest somebody if you went to their house and just saw a real skeleton? Any insight here would be appreciated. That's the idea of putting together a mangave and putting torches on the wall and tapestries. Here's my man cave, it's

themed exactly like the game medieval. It's a fucking dungeon man cave. Yeah, I would say that that completely tracks with what we were just talking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, this isn't a cop.

This is someone asking if you were a cop and you came into my house, you saw that had a real skeleton in my dungeon themed man cave. What is the verdict on that? People are saying, man, just get a fake one WTF. Owning a real skeleton is questionable with very

little payoff. Man, this is very weird. They're doing like, oh, hey. It's really funny. Cops are, that's something I've learned of from scrolling through this, this subred that lots of cops are the type of guy who are like, what the fuck did I just read? Yeah.

Yeah. I need eye bleach. Yeah. This guy wants a skeleton. Exactly. Yeah. They're the types of guys to get that shit. Search eye bleach on officer.com.

Eye bleach would be really good. I bet there definitely is some eye bleach on there. Definitely ton of eye bleach. Yeah. Watch the little Nas X music video. You can get really high quality. You can get really high-quality replicas meant for medical students and forensic anthropologists. Try boneclones.com.

Whoa. Did you check out bone clones? Oh, see, this is the type of, this is the type of cops that are walking around nowadays. I do, in fact, own a human skeleton. It's mine. I'm using it to type this. It's in case in human meat and skin. Also mine.

I own it all. I even have a birth certificate proving my ownership. What? Do they have a birth certificate for the dead skeleton? No, it's their body. You didn't really follow that at all. No, sorry. I just got to, no.

That cop would have sent you that you would have been like, what's his name? Brendan Dassey to that cop. I am like, I saw a lot of myself in him. This one I'm more, I'm more interested in. Oh, bone clones. Bone clone. Human six-year-old child. Oh, wait.

Let's get that. Wait, how much is that? Thousands of dollars. Wait, it's only $2,000. You get a six-year-old fucking bones? It's bone clones. It's not real. Oh, okay.

Okay, these have to be for, like, movies and shit, right? Like, there's no, you can't. Well, it's for medical students. Oh, well, why do you need a little kid skull? That's what if you're, we don't need to heal little kids' bones. Yeah. Just let them fucking rot. Who is not going to, those are clones.

This one I'm interested in what you got, and you're a guy's answers to this. Harmless pranks on cops during ride-alongs. Any ideas? They know me from work, so I'm not a stranger. They know them from work. So they said. They don't say what kind of pranks they want to pull. They didn't say that.

If you have a relationship with a cop, that's one thing. If you're going in blind, be prepared to not get anything but an awkward stare or ride back to the station. Having said that, something like, so where's me gun for the shift and keeping a straight face? Or pulling your phone out and filming him right off the bad. Could be funny. Well, those are some good pranks, right? Where's me gun for the shift? So where's me gun for the shift?

And then you have to keep a straight face. We should just do that. Would you say something like that? So, where's me gun for the shift? Can you do Do they have to let you do a ride-along? I don't think they have to But you can convince them

How do you convince them Just say hello, I love cops Could we do an episode from the back Of a police cruiser? No On a three-person ride-al-on? There's no way we could Why?

They would look up these episodes They don't know how to look up They just say yes Dude, let me tell you about detectives Oh, detectives are scary Yeah But we're not going to Except for Detective Holland Wagonback

who's that? AKA Dutch. Oh yeah. Dutch is awesome. I don't know who that is. My favorite character. That's right. And also the world's greatest detective.

He's fucking awesome. Batman. Whoa. I thought you were saying that about Dutch. Oh, no. I agree with that about Dutch. He's basically Detective Holland Wagenbach. I don't know this guy.

Have you ever peed or pooped yourself well on duty? You didn't make it to the bathroom on time or you're stuck at the scene of a crime and can't find relief. Someone says, oh yeah. I used to rip heaters in my department issued tactical diaper at least twice per shift. that's a little joke but I really like the idea the idea there is really nice

a Kevlar diaper a police issue tactical diaper it's got a picture of Derek because it would be useful because this is something I've scrolled there's a ton of answers here

and I didn't ever thought about this it's really fucking hard to get a police uniform off to go to the bathroom it's like wearing a romper but even worse because you have a bunch of guns and stuff on it

you can't put just put the gun on the floor has a cop bathroom stall ever discharged their weapon while they were taking their pants down at a Chipotle bathroom. What move, is it a movie or is it a real thing where a cop left their gun on the, it was a real thing. It really happened, right? The cop left their gun on the toilet paper dispenser at like a Target or something and someone found it.

I didn't hear it. I remember that, yeah. So that is Chipotle. That means, you know you're sitting in for a long fucking session when you take the, take the blick off and put it on the toilet paper. I think you have to take everything off to go to the bathroom. Damn. As people were, one guy said he shot himself and then he had to cut off his boxers with a knife. Here's another, you know how, like, Reddors will do the thing where they write, like, a 500 paragraph story.

Yeah. Yeah. Where you can tell they were on, had 100 tabs with thesaurus.com open. So there's one of these, but I'll just kind of boil it down, summarizing. This is, like, they're telling it like it's a funny story. This is, like, very police where they're telling it, like, a funny story, but I think it's one of the most horrifying things I've ever heard. which is basically they, like, responded to a, uh, a call where, uh, a woman, her husband had a gun on her. And then, and then she was like, you, I hit all the ammo. And then he said,

not all the ammo. He took one bullet out of his pocket and pulled, played Russian roulette in front of her. Oh. And then the cop pulls up like the, the, the husband was apprehended or whatever. He didn't actually shoot himself. They like, he like, he's winning. He won Russian roulette. The woman is obviously, I mean, imagine what headspace you must be. Yeah. The cops said he pulled up to the seat and was like, oh, I really have to poop. And then he immediately asked her where the bathroom was, went into her bathroom, dropped. He said he like, he said, yeah, he said, the first thing I felt was a pressure on my stomach.

Then it dropped. Like a 30 pound stone, the pressure dropped into my colon. I was going to poop. I was going to poop right now. Oh, my God. He almost shit himself. And then he, uh, I throw off my belt as quickly. and decide I'll let it dribble out slow.

Maybe it will be quieter. I begin my tedious task. See, it's this fucking annoying. As I try to ration my flow, it pops every now and then, but it doesn't sputter. So maybe this will work. Maybe they'll never know. Because he's in the house taking a shit in the bathroom,

hoping that nobody realizes. Is he the only cop on duty or no? Then he, no, there's other cops around. Okay. Then he realizes that his body was still on. Because he was just fucking. Wait. Then, we should, we need to subpoena that.

Then, that footage. He clogs. the toilet. We got, okay. Yeah, we got a foyer that. A guy who walks at the woman is a thousand-yard stare, like her entire life has crumbled in front of him. Um, where's your body cam? Yeah. And I use your bathroom. That's so horrible to happen. Then he goes to the bathroom. Oh. Oh, no, my body cams on. Taking a shit like when your boss is also in the bathroom. Just one of those things too that I'm like, it can't be true. Yeah. But it is genuinely that is the most horrific thing of ever like bro go in the fucking woods get out of that woman's house

what is wrong with you yeah this poor lady why are you saying that why are you telling people but that makes it into her story when she tells people but this guy is a verified law enforcement officer so he probably that's not unbelievable to me no that's exactly that's exactly what a cop would do yeah but that just i mean i yeah that's one of those things where i was like man there's one other thing that i found that's kind of long, but I don't know if we went. I found it's a, it's Amazon

like Romant, one of those romance books. Yeah. This is Officer Xander, a blue collar police officer romance, Curves and Cuffs Book 5. Zander. Curves and Cuffs. I like that. I would never listen to an officer name Zander. I think you would. You would. He's very persuasive.

Well, well, I'll just read the first page or like the first few paragraphs because I think the setup for this is really funny. Okay. That this is like just put yourself in the mindset of like you're like a woman, you're a housewife, you're stuck at home today, you're not getting it right from your husband. He's not fucking me fast.

He's not fucking you fast. And you are just like, you go nuts for a man in a uniform. He's going slow. Police officers, you fucking love them. You want them to handcuff you and just fuck you fast. Yeah. Right? And then this, you open up your favorite book. And this is what you're reading. Weight Watchers can eat

my ass. I don't know exactly how many points this decadent treat is worth, but it's got to be less than the calorie-laden donuts I've lovingly arranged on the display cabinets. Each one is sweet temptation. Row after row of sugar-sweet icing glistens in every color imaginable, painted with vibrant hues and adorned with playful swirls and a generous sprinkle of rainbow confetti. Each one seems to call out, begging to be taken off the shelf and devoured in bliss. I want you so bad. I moaned softly under my breath, my eyes wide with longing as I stare at the delectable display, imagining

the taste of each sugary bite. Oh yeah? A voice calls from behind me, breaking the spell of my donut daydream. Not usually the greeting I get first thing in the morning. Standing there, and Chris Police Officer Blues is a man who could certainly inspire me to utter far dirtier things that I just did about these treats. Damn. Just the sharp cut of his jawline sends a shiver down my spine, compelling me to clear my throat before I choke on my saliva. Uh, well, God, he's gorgeous like something out of a daydream. Well, welcome to the whole in one, I stammer. The waiver of hesitation in my voice making it sound like I'm not welcoming him at all. It's my first day open and I can't afford to alienate my biggest clientele

right off the bat. Someone please pull out the officer's gun and shoot me right between the eyes before I ruin my business prospect in this very instant. Wait, it's a donut shop owner? Wow. falling in love with a sexy police officer. Wow. Wait, then she starts calling of Officer donut. Oh my God. We should do one that is all. where we find romance novels. Yeah. I think that they're all pretty similar. Oh, wait a minute.

Well, never right. I'll say it off. But, yeah, we should totally do that. That's a good idea. I've never read a romance novel and I would like to take the opportunity to. Yeah. Because they're short and they're easy to read

and they're really long. They're the ones that I've seen at Walgreens. They're extremely short. They're like 50 pages. I'm talking about the Amazon one. Oh, the Amazon one. They're nice and short. We can run through those.

And I think they're probably mostly AI now. Yeah. Oh, crap. That's the worst part about it. You guys, you guys know about Kwan Mills, right? What's that? Yeah.

Yeah. Kwan Mills is the guy that does like the books that are like, what are they called? Brandon and Jamil just did a fucking, like a reading about it. The ones that are like, yeah. My side chick is a ho. My side chick.

My side chick is an alien. These are all of his books. It's so awesome, dude. He's so sick. All right. Well, that's going to do it for us. I'm going to the police officer. Do you have anything to plug, Patrick?

I guess, I mean, I do have a show in August. Go, go, go, go. When is this, this one comes out in two weeks? Yeah, next Saturday. This is a week from yesterday. This comes out, not on the Saturday. Oh, you're right. We did Saturday's episode last night.

Next Wednesday. Yeah, next one, wait a minute, next Wednesday. So comes out Wednesday. Wednesday. This Wednesday? Yeah, well, it's Thursday today, man. So it comes out. So Wednesday.

The next Wednesday that happens. Whoa. The next Wednesday that happens. is this one, because we recorded one for next Wednesday as well. No, we didn't. That came out yesterday. Okay. All right. Just get to the plug. The schedule is so fucked up.

On the 29th of August, I have a show. You thought that this somehow might come out in a way that you couldn't plug something on the 29th of August? Well, no, there's one episode. That's like five weeks away. One of the episodes of this show comes out on my birthday this month. I was just going to

say, tomorrow is my birthday. Oh, that was what you're going to plug. It's part of my birthday. Or no, today is my birthday. Okay. Today is my birthday because it comes out on Wednesday the 23rd. But it's not. It's not this one.

No, it's not. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, August 29th, I have a show at Union Hall with Alex Forrest, the portal. You have maybe gone to it before if you're listening to it. You should make a video. It's like,

we have an intro video that's a portal. Did it make that noise? Yeah. Dude. Does Rick come out? No, I wish. Should do Rick. We got that song.

That's our intro song. Jerry wouldn't come through the portal. He doesn't have a portal gun. We walk out to that. Sometimes Rick takes him places with the portal gun, including the... Can I say Jerry's a fucking pushover? He's a wimp and he's a loser and a cuck. You and me must have been watching a different show.

There's a whole thing about him. Dan Armin? Dan Harmon. Dan Harmon. There's a video of him talking about how much he loves cuck porn. Oh, okay. The video about him. Well, he talks about the funniest cuck porn he's ever seen.

Oh, okay. So he's laughing at it. He's laughing at it, but it's like, how the fuck you find it, Dan? Yeah, you are one person who shouldn't follow that line of thinking because the stuff, the videos that you watch. That's true. Yeah, how'd you find pants, dude? Yeah, I guess that's true. You knew penis popping out videos of me and Caleb.

Caleb had never even heard of. Yeah, and I love those videos. Yeah. I don't even think they're funny. I already said that. Oh, yeah, because I'm jacking off to that. Oh, okay. Well, that's okay.

All right. Good night. Bye. I listen to every episode. You listen to every episode? Well, yeah, because you edit them. Okay, what did we say in February? Yeah. Good question.

You said, Julio, I think you're the best producer of all time. We've never said that. Guys, is opposite day in February? No, it's actually January 26. I looked it up. Yeah, because I don't remember saying that in February. I would have only said that on opposite day. You're going to beat off the rest of that episode.

Is that what you said? Well, that would be. Do you think that would make it on the news if Julio beat off in the middle of an episode and, like, he got caught by people in the YouTube comments? No, that wouldn't make the news. What is he doing on the dying?

What could he do that could make the news that's not violent? Yeah. Or becoming the president. Well, he's green right now and he's in pink city. A new green resident of pink city could make the news.

That'd be pretty big news. Well, in pink city. On PSPN. PSPN, yeah. Yeah. Our top story tonight, a new green resident has joined the town. That's the type of story.

have on ESPN, too. Yeah. Are they Fujos and they want us to kiss? What's Fujo? Bro. Fujoshi. We've been over this stuff. This is a new thing I've been seeing on Twitter.

You just don't, can I just say something? Yeah, man. And I don't want you to take this the wrong way. Hi. Shoot. Your neuroplasticity is shot. You're not forming any new pathways. You're like, it's like a, you're like a fucking dish sponge that's been used for seven years

straight in a restaurant. kitchen, you're not fucking hold, I mean, look, you're, like, I don't, I don't, I want to say golden retriever, but like, if there was, like, a silver retriever, like a run below, that might be close.

But I just, like, it's, sometimes I'm just like, I feel like I smell burning plastic when I try to talk to you. That means a lot. That means a lot. He didn't hear a look of that, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just like,

You know, the people, they say people's minds are like a steel trap. Oh. Yeah. Yours is almost kind of like a paper cup. Yeah, with a hole in the bottom. Love paper cups.