Podcast About List - Ep. 349 - Fat White Underbelly: An Intimate Interview with Patrick Doran

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Patrick Doran, of comedy and online fame, joins on the show for the very first time to tell us about his lived experiences as someone born in New Hampshire who then moved somewhere else.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

You're ready to start? Yeah. Theme song. A new theme song. So Patrick Dorn D. Patrick D. Patrick D. The D. O.

Hello. What is the origin of that name, by the way? Dorn. Was that just given to you or did you? It was a name that was given to me. Really? It's an Irish name. Doran deriving from the name O.

Dorian, or Dorian. Door arriving. I'm deriving at the... Do you know what part of... Your family's Irish? Yes. Do you know what part of Ireland your family came from?

County Cork, I think, is where most of the relatives on my dad's side. I don't know too much about my mom's side. I think my mom's side were travelers. Did you... In Cork, any crops were grown there? I think so.

What do you mean by travelers? I think that my mom's side of the family, She talked to an Irish person before, and they said, she said that her maiden name, and the guy said, well, the first thing that he said was about my dad's name, about how there's a great Irish musician named Johnny Doran. Okay. And then she asked about her maiden name, and he said, oh, they are mostly travelers. But he didn't expand. Just they found on what that is. Perhaps I went from place to place.

Mm-hmm. I'm checking my notes here, and I think I did some research before, your dad played the flute professionally, correct? Yes. He did? Or I just looked at the, is that correct? I've never, I've never talked about this, but yes, he did play the flute. Okay.

What kind? He played the flute for, he was in marching band in school. Mm-hmm. And he did play. And then he played until, I think, it was his junior year. And then junior year, he joined the football team. It's a classic story. Oh, and then he gave up on his music to football.

Yeah, music to football. And then I think he went to... Do you find any kind of sadness in that that your father kind of gave up on this? He didn't really give up on music because he always did... I mean, it was always a hobby. He was always playing music around the house. Did you grow up with a lot of music in the house? I grew up with a lot of music around the house, yeah.

What kind of music did you grow up, listen to? I mean, a lot of, like, rock and roll. Yeah, like what though? Stuff with flutes. I mean, yeah, rock and roll with flutes. Yeah, Jethro Atoll. Gotcha. Oh, Jethro Atoll.

Yeah. Most ever, first ever, metal Grammy. Yeah, big scandal. Mm-hmm. Yeah, over Metallica in 1992. Mm-hmm. Jethro Toll, Bungle in the Jungle. Yes.

The Bungle. Mm-hmm. You know that song? I don't really know too much. I know Aqual. Well, you said you grew up with it in your house. I don't know Bungle in the Jungle. I think it was mostly Aqualung that was played.

Metal Grammy, a character from Super Smash. Bros. Oh, yeah. So bring us back to where were you born? I am interested, actually. I was born in St. Elizabeth's Hospital in Brighton, Massachusetts in 1997 at 1221 p.m.

Do you know your star, shark? Yes, I do. What is it? I think that it's a Leo son and then a Pisces moon. I'm blanking on the rest of it but I like it on the rest of it. I think it's a blanket on the rest of it. Blanket what sign on the rest of it?

Blanket. It's just blanket. Like what's the, oh, okay. I'm sick of these signs. You're saying blank that. Blank this, blank that. Yeah, I'm done with Leo behavior.

I know the sun and I know the moon. I don't know the rise. So I don't know too much about astrology. Leo's are the ones who are like, yeah. There's a fire sign. Okay. What does that mean?

Signs born in the sun, I think. Yeah. I think I know a lot of this. On the sun. Actually, one of my relatives is a famous astrologer. Really? You're kidding. I'm not kidding.

What relative? You don't have to say their name. I don't have to. I don't want to say their name because it'll probably be, they'll probably be. You're going to be accused of nepotism. Yeah. I will be accused of nepotism. Like a famous astrologer?

Somebody, I think in the 70s, when it was becoming like a big, like when people were saying, like, what's your sign and stuff? Star childs and stuff. Yes, one of my relatives on my father's side is a famous astrologer. Somebody who was big in the movement of astrology. Have they passed away? They have since passed,

but I don't want to bring it up due to nepotism allegations. Okay. Did you, when you were growing up, were you often trying lots of different ways to have fun or just sticking to one thing? I was mostly sticking. It would come in phases,

but I would stay to one thing. So what was the first thing? you remember sticking to. Well, he said no further questions on this topic. The whole thing would be over. On this topic. On this topic. No further questions.

No further questions. Objection. It's on a courtroom. It doesn't really seem like you two have a good rapport. I really agree. We're going to do a good report. I really agree. Okay.

I think, okay. I would like to just start at the beginning. That's why I brought up the hospital thing. When you were a sperm or which did you prefer being a sperm or egg? When you were both, which one was more fun to be? When I was both, which one was more fun to be? You were at one point, you were half of you was sperm, half you was egg. Well, or were you never even in a sperm?

I don't even think I was a sperm. I think I was born from a tube. Came clean. Okay. Yeah. My parents really planned out. Clean and egg never influenced by male sperm. My parents definitely planned when I was born.

Okay. That was, I think, I think they were like, they knew. That's what they told you? Yeah. They told me that it was definitely planned. Did they say it like, like that or they're like, yeah, you were definitely planned? I think they went, you were dead. You were definitely planned.

And so that made you, brought you to believe the user. So which means, yeah, it means they, like, why would they lie? It means they white. Okay, let's get past, let's go past birth. Let's go into, are they white? Yeah, for the most part. Let's go past. Your mom does tan.

Yeah. So I would say my mom is tan. Did you like tan foods growing up greens or reds? I did like tans mixed with greens. Okay. No red. What food would? I didn't have a lot of red food until I, until I...

Oh, I guess we'll ketchup as condiments. A lot of berries. Apples. Condiments, I don't think I would count as food. Red candy. But I didn't have red food until... You wouldn't have a condiments as food? I don't think I would count condiments as food.

They were, I would count them as condiments. And I didn't really eat red food until I was 21. You were afraid you were going to get arrested? I think it was on purpose. Okay. It was definitely, I don't know if it was consciously on purpose or if it was subconsciously, I was avoiding it due to superstitions in my life just because of those things I read

in the star chart that I my famous relative yeah wrote but tell me about science walking walking what how old were you when you took your first step I think I was

late to that really steps I was about to be years late yeah I was years late you didn't like what the average age the average age until you were two Is that the average? I don't know what the average is. Is that the average age that a child starts walking?

I started at 11. I feel like you started walking at 11 years old. See, I started later or earlier than you. I started at 6 years old. I would guess the average age of walking would be 18 months. I crawled until I was 6. No, this is something that's been coming out more and more in the scientific studies is this can be anywhere from 1 to 18 years. Yeah.

Lots of people have your first steps? Your first steps. People are realizing that the idea of the first steps happening. You know, they're like, you're out in the world for three days, four days. and they're already wanting you to step to walk, this is becoming more and more of an abnormality. And lots of kids like me were starting at 11 or later. If nobody asks you to walk.

Well, I started earlier than you. I started at 6. Did you ever ask your parents for anything, or you just sat tight and waited? I mostly sat around and waited. Did your parents give you, did they like feed you when you were growing up? No, I had to fight for my own.

Did you prefer prizes, rewards, or nothing? I really liked nothing until my first prize. what was the first website you remember visiting on your family computer that's a good question i don't really know probably the msn homepage what was the first website that you sought out i think it was lord of the rings dot com what was the first what was the first youtube video you ever remember watching um man i don't know it might have been numa numa numa it could have been numa Numa. That's an answer you're hearing

a lot these days. But honestly, kind of less and less. If you had to translate the words Numa Numa to English, what would you guess they are? I think you would mean dance,

dance. Okay. I think that maybe that was a maybe a solid answer. A cover of a fallout boy song. Tell me about addiction. My addiction? I know that you're going to dive in.

How many minutes are we in? We're only five minutes in. We're going to get into my addiction. You had addiction as a child. I had addiction as a child. that followed me into an adulthood, yes. How old were you when you started smoking cigarettes? I was 12 years old.

You were 12 years old. I was 12 years old when I started smoking cigarettes. It was actually even, well, like, what do you mean by started? Like started smoking daily? I would say, what was your first cigarette? My first cigarette was when I was four years old. What flavor was it? It was just a plane.

You were four? I was four years old. This was my first cigarette. How did that end up happening? That ended up happening due to neglect. So you just found a cigarette and just sparked it up at four years old? Yes. And had you already had a lighter or did you have to go ask somebody for a lighter?

I had to ask around and not many people were going to light it for me. And you couldn't even walk yet at four. I couldn't walk yet. You started walking at six. Uh-huh. I started walking at six. So I was crawling with a cigarette in my mouth and I was waiting for somebody to light it. Luckily, I was speaking since one.

Okay. Wow. So I was pretty good with the English language. And how many words did you have? I had, by the time I was four, I think maybe half the dictionary. Really? Wow. Which half?

A to A. Yeah. A through M or N to Z? I had the top half of the dictionary. So if we're going, if we're looking at. A through Z, but just the top. Just the tops. So I didn't really have, I mean, there's some words maybe, you know, like I knew.

And why is that? I knew Bath. I knew the word bath, but I was. Yeah, because it's a BA right there. I wouldn't know, like, you know, let's say like bathtub, Birmingham, words like this, unless it was in my life, I didn't know it. Yeah, and Birmingham was not in your life until later. No, until later.

So when it became a big part of your life. It became a very big part of Birmingham, Alabama. Take me through, because take me through the daily routine of you at four or five. At four years old, I think every day I would wake up. What time? probably around noon you'd wake up at noon yes I would wake up at noon

I would eventually get out of my bed at two what were you doing in your bed for that long mostly just meditation thinking plotting organizing my day and then

I would get out and then you know I would have my first cigarette I would crawl out of my bed onto the floor go out into the city did that being a non-walker

yeah crawling from the bed to the floor is a little bit of a fall it is it is yeah I would say more of a roll

I would roll out of bed was there anything and I wasn't in a crib I didn't because I was walking at six yeah but I was verbal enough

to say that I don't need a crib yeah I don't need a crib I can stay in my bed and when did you get off so I can have a normal bed so you get out of bed

at two you crawl out of bet it too. You smoke your first cigarette. Smoke my first cigarette. What comes next? I guess reading Chaucer. Reading Chaucer. Yeah. Chaucer. Okay. Can you name a few of the works of his that you

enjoy? That was when I was four, so I don't really remember it that well. Okay. But I read him and I decided I don't ever need to read him again. Really? You kind of absorbed everything there was to absorb. I absorbed it. I absorbed everything that I needed to know. Except for the names of the books. Yeah, because I said, the name of the book doesn't matter. Even though, even though I was, never judge a book

by us cover. Even though I was four years old, I knew this guy's not going anywhere. I could read him later in life and I'll, maybe it'll be, it'll be even newer. It won't have changed. It won't have changed. And also, it won't, it won't even be relevant. Right. Because it's just not good. So when did you go on your first safari? That had to have been, that was last year. Okay. Well, we'll, we'll get to that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to jump that. I don't want to. Yeah. I. I. I I thought that maybe, because I knew last year's anyway. I want to go in order here.

Yeah. Yeah. So six years old, that rolls around, the big six. You're done rolling around. Yeah, I'm done rolling. You're on your feet. You are starting your first day of first grade. Mm-hmm.

Where are you going? What table are you sitting at? I didn't go to school. I didn't go to school. What do you mean by that? I didn't go to, I did not attend class. Forever? Yeah.

You've still never attended a class. I've not attended, I did not attend school until college and I got in immediately based on test scores. Wow. You were unschooled. I was unschooled. Ah, that's a growing movement. And why was that? Was that your choice or your parents' choice? I think it was my choice, but I also had,

it was probably because of the stepmother in my life. You had a stepmother? I did. I'm not aware. She would, yeah, well, she was a teacher. more of a principal headmaster i'd say wow she got a lot of promotions in that she was a headmaster i'm sorry i was trying to find the word she was the headmaster of a terrible school okay she uh i would hear stories from her day she would come home and brag about it she once made a boy eat a whole

chocolate cake because he took a slice oh i think i read about this in the news back when i was he ate a whole chocolate cake he was the bog trotter affair was yes it was it was it was bruce bog trotter wow i that's i can't believe that you were in such close proximity to that. I was in close proximity. That was your stepmother? But at home she was very chill. She was warm and inviting. She got maybe made you chocolate cake without forcing you to eat it. Yeah, I wasn't forced to eat it. But she taught me, she taught me at home. There's a lot of monsters. Wait, she, did she make the chocolate cake? She didn't. No, it was her, it was the lunch lady. And I'd hear stories about the chokie and how she put the kids in and

we would laugh. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What the chokie? The chokey was a, it was a, a, it was like a closet in her room and she would, she put nails in the wall and liquid nitrate, or, what's a word? Liquid nitrogen? Liquid nitrogen. What is it? That's pretty macabrean. Not liquid nitrogen.

What's the word? Dry ice. She would put dry ice in the room and it was filled with spikes. It was a, it was a whole room filled with spikes and pictures of other bad kids who had been hurt in there. The chokey was an entire room? It was a closet. It was a little closet. I would say a

Cubby, cabinet. Yeah, it was a cabinet, cubby, something like that. I didn't know about the dry ice. I mean, but I guess that's the type of thing they don't report on. Yeah, yeah, that one's paper. The dry ice was there to scare the kids. So she would come home and we would talk about this and we would just laugh and laughing. You would laugh.

You'd laugh. But I didn't know, because I didn't know the severity of the situation. Was there any children that died or passed away? Multiple. Did you ever have any contact with? Matilda or Miss Honey? I don't know who they are, but they, let's put it this way.

I don't want to know who they are. Who they're? You don't want to know who there? Again, I didn't read most of the dictionary. You read only the top half of the dictionary. So you don't know these words. You don't know they are. I don't know who there.

Okay. Again, it doesn't really, it doesn't make no sense to use a contraction. It doesn't make no sense. It doesn't make no sense to use a contraction. Say, I don't know who they are. So you didn't go to school And yet you were... And then my test scores got me into college

Because they were good. Well, you don't need to go to school If you start speaking at one That's true. Yeah. You need to go to physical therapy maybe Because you didn't start walking until 6x. For what?

I broke both my legs. How? Really? And my arms. At what age and how? My chest bone. Oh, it seems like you're made a glass. And my jaw and my spine

and all this stuff. Okay. Because I fell out of a window. Really? They're on a 43th floor. Wow. Of what? Your house had 43 floors?

Yes. Oh my gosh. It wasn't really, it wasn't a house. It was a job. I guess your dad's flute career maybe paid for? Yes. But it wasn't my, it wasn't a house. It was an apartment.

And it was my job to clean it. Oh, okay. You were a window washer. Yes. Okay. And you fell 43. Yes. Forty three stories.

Forty-three. Okay. Well, that's. That's a miraculous that you didn't pass away. I was kept alive by, I guess, either God or some kind of entity. Interesting. How old were you? This was when I was, God, that had to have been seven years.

Seven years ago or you were seven years? I just learned how to walk a year before. Oh, you were seven years. And you already had a job. And I had a job cleaning apartments and was a chimney sweep for, Pennhouses. Only penthouses? Pennhouses.

So you were kind of like an elite kind of high quality. I was a high-end chimney sweep. Yeah. For rich folk. Would you do it naked while you were a child? I was a child, so I obviously did it naked. These were rich people. Oh, interesting.

Gotcha. So you were. So I'm interested then just like, based on your experience, just knowing that that's in your past, like, I wonder if you could give us a sound bite on just how you feel about it. and just how you feel about this Diddy Epstein type? It's a great question. I really, I don't know too much about it. I'm not one to use a phone.

I have a dumb phone. Okay. Oh, whoa. Do you know these? Really a dumb phone. I have a dumb phone. This is a phone that only does email and music and a camera. And doodle jump.

Doodle jump. And Internet. Mr. Bullet. Royal Kingdom. Royal Kingdom. Clash of Clans, Royal Match. Yeah, Pokemon Go. Pokemon Go.

Camera compass. But there's not a calculator. There's no calculator. There's no calculator. There's no journal. Well, there's internet, but certain websites are blocked. Like what?

News. Sports report. The sports report is blocked. Oh, that's my favorite damn website. There's no way I can switch with a dumb phone. If I can't access sports report. SportsReport.com is, it's, you know, it's not, it's not even,

it's not, it's not blocked. If you go on it, the phone heats up. Because I can just go on sports report. I can go on sports report.com right now. Yeah, go ahead. I could go on sports report. Dude, I haven't checked it in probably five minutes. I know.

I mean, you just, I apologize. Just pull up sports report and let's see what's on. If you're addicted to your phone this much, it's okay for you to check in the middle because I understand I've grappled with addiction. Because of the dumb phone. I was addicted to, I was addicted to cigarettes. I was addicted to milk chocolate. I see this is one of my favorite websites.

I mean, there's just so much you do on sports report.com. Like what? Well, I'm not familiar with. We pull up sports report.com on the, on our screen here. I'm not familiar with sports report. Well, it's blocked for you. So this is going to be your first. Because of it's blocked.

I can see the headline. Great website. Patrick Doran sees sports report. com for the first time. Immediately invests. Wow. Yeah. So this is.

That's great. So I can understand why you might need to have. Yeah. Honestly, I can't even look at this right now. I can't even look at that. Who is that? Is that, is that? Is that.

Youssef Nurchich? I can't even... I can't even look. Even seeing the name. Oh, this is just one of the most addicting weapons. You just seeing the name is making me fully addicted. I spent hours on this website. Oh, my God.

Going through, reading all the reports. Damn, there's some good shit on there. Oh, my goodness. Wow. It's a great website. Sports report. But that was blocked on your dump. Yeah.

So anyway, back to Diddy ass blood Epstein. Yeah. Wait, so Diddy and Epstein? Are you calling Epstein a ditty-assie in a ditty-ass-blood? blood? Well, I'm wondering if you would. You think Diddy is a... No, I'm just saying, look, I have no stance as an interviewer. I'm not here to, like, espouse a political belief, like, about whether Diddy is a, or

Epstein was a ditty-ass blood or anything like that or like what the baby oil was about? Yeah, the baby oil, I don't care. You know what I will say? I will say, it's my job to facilitate discussion. On record, I will say, Jeffrey Epstein was a diddy ad blood. Okay. And is Diddy oil pause? Is ditty oil pot?

Diddy oil is for, for sure. pause. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, that's all we, I really, I mean, yeah, yeah, I just wanted to get your thoughts on it as a, you know, a seven-year-old nude chimney sweep. Yeah. Because you had a little bit of a perspective is valuable. And these high end penthouses have these false chimneys, right? So they make you go in and they make you clean the chimneys. Okay. They don't have them go anywhere. So it's like, what am I cleaning? You just like the idea of a, well, most chimneys, you know, they, They go to a fire opening? No, no, no, no, no. It goes up, but it doesn't go anywhere. Oh, there's no top? No, you can, I can go up there with my, sorry, my old accent slipped out, my chimney sweep accent.

Go ahead and, you know. I can go up there with my, with your what? At my sweep. Yeah. That's what I would say. You would say that. I couldn't go up there with my sweep. I can go up there with my own way.

That's how you would get jobs. I don't know. I can go in and I'll do my dance. I'll go on, Eddie. I, um, did you, sorry,

the accent. And you were nude? Yeah. You were nude and seven? I was nude and seven while I did. Yeah. Walk me through this accent. Okay.

This is, this is a chimney sweet accent. You're from Boston. Yeah. Well, not from, I'm from New Hampshire. I was born in Brighton,

raised in New Hampshire. You don't have a detectable accent that, uh, no, no, I had, this is my old accent. So where did you develop this? This is an accent I developed being around other sweeps.

Oh, so you were born and you, and when you start, because you started speaking from one, what accent did you have at age one? I convinced them. I don't think I can do that accent. Okay. Without this getting censored. Okay. That even just the accent. Even just the accent would be.

It's so offensive. It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter what I say. It's so offensive. Yeah. Okay. So tell me about these other sweeps. So I convinced them all that I was much older.

Yeah, I convinced them all was much older. And they made you get naked. They made, no, I mean, that was just part of the job. I mean, they made me get naked because they thought I was 18 just because of how old I looked. And that was part of the job. Okay. I looked old as a child because I have Benjamin Buttons. Well, I've never talked about this.

You know, pardon me for saying this. Uh, you, well, no, go ahead. Go ahead. You don't look like you have it. I don't look like I have it. No. I'm going to have to agree with my co- you don't look like that.

That's maybe one of those things you're not supposed to say to someone. Yeah, you're not supposed to say it and that's fine. Can I say something actually that's terrifying that I just realized? What? You kind of look exactly the age you are,

which leads me to believe you might be exactly halfway through your life. Yeah. No, no, no. And I knew that from a young age. I was told. Really? Well, yeah, I guess if you're born

and you look, you know, what, 56 years? You're going to live to 56? I'm going to live till 56, yeah. I was born. I looked 56, but I was a baby. So it wasn't even like Benjamin Button where he's old as a baby that has gray hair.

I came out with slicked back hair and a mustache. So it was pretty easy for me to convince people that I could be a sensual chimney sweep. So you're sort of it right now. You're kind of in the normal Brad Pitt part of Benjamin Button. Yeah. And I'm going to pass away when I'm 56. And 28 more years.

years. Yes. The exact halfway point of my life happened a week ago when I was told that. By who told you that? My famous astronomer, astrologer. You have both. You have both. You have both. Yeah. There's a different relative. My famous astrologer relative who passed away the minute that I turned 28 because they turned 56. Kind of. So let's fast forward to age 10. Okay. We're going to skip eight and nine. Well, I'm interested in this sweep stuff.

But it seems like, you know, maybe you don't want to talk about that. I don't just like that accent. And I'd like to, you know, this is at the end of the day of podcast. Yeah. And it would be great if we could have just some footage of you talking. Soft white underbelly. Soft white underbelly with a chimney sweep. Yeah.

I used to sweep. I used to sweep all the chimneys for money. But you left the chimney sweep life behind, am I correct? Yes, I did. And what did you get into after that? Eight years old, I was working at, well, they found out my age. They said, you're never going to work in this town again. I said, newsflash, asshole, I'm moving tomorrow.

And this is my, and I told you. They found out you were a naked seven-year-old, and they said you're never going to work in this town again. That's what they said. Yeah. And I said newsflash, Bucco, I'm moving tomorrow. Wow. Yeah. So where did you move?

I moved. That was when I moved to New Hampshire. And then from there, it was really easy to get another job. Not as a chimney sweep. I worked as, I worked at Boost Mobile. Okay. I didn't have to get nude there. It's actually a good.

At seven and a half, you worked at Boost Mobile. Yeah, seven and a half. I worked at Boost Mobile until I was nine. and then nine pretty much decided I was going to retire early but then that didn't happen did you have like a

401k or like a pension plan? No, I just decided I'm going to retire. Okay. Yeah, you can just stop. I guess that's true. And then 10, I got back into the business. The Boost Mobile business or not Boost Mobile. I decided this is the year that I'm going

to decide what I'm going to do. What I'm going to, what I'm going to, I'm going to get, back into the business of being around stuff so yeah when you say the business you just mean like the business social socialite i was going to be a socialite your professional socialite professional socialite yeah gotcha and i had a suit a leisure suit leisure suit yeah and i looked very old but i was also birthday suit your leisure suit yeah birthday suit to leisure suit and i put on us i would put on a suit and i would go to these parties and they would think that i was a five foot one uh millionaire but i wasn't

And how did you survive off of it? Were you living with your parents? I survived off of hors d'oeuvres from these parties I was going to. Finger sandwiches, cocktail weaners, uh, ants on a log. Ants on a log, sir? Care for some bubbles, perhaps some ants on a log. Ands on a log, sir. Flop another sandwich.

Try the ants on a log. What's a lot to die for? That's not a long as good. With the golden raisins. Are you allergic to celery? No, I'm not allergic to celery. And this was actually, this is crazy that you bring up my allergies because there's a million different allergies that I do have.

Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Okay. Since the age of... Can we cut it? Can you show his hat the way his hat looks? Wow. It fell off and I kind of like it.

Kind of like Neo. Remember that? I knew him. You knew him. I knew Neo. I met Neo. Wait. Wait.

Are you talking about the Matrix? No. No. Neo. No. I don't know this song that you're singing. Neal. I know.

What's his song? Miss Independent? Yeah, this is Neo. Not that Neo. Oh. Not Miss Independent, not Matrix. Oh. There's a different.

Neo that I knew. Different from both of those? Neo Gibraltar. Neo Gibraltar. Yeah. He was, he owned a fucking, he just owned a restaurant. He's just like one of these fucking New Hampshire restaurant guys. Did he wear his hat like, like so?

He did wear his hat like that, yeah. Hmm. Yeah. He was just one of these restaurant tours in New Hampshire that was always trying to. And he used to work in restaurant tours. I did. I did work in restaurant tours. I used to do tours of every restaurant.

I would do food tours around. That's what I got in. into after, you know, I was getting I got kicked out of the parties, but some people were like, okay, that's good. You're like a good guy, whatever. Like, I don't care that you're not actually rich. Did they find out that you were 10? They didn't find out that I was 10 until... But they just didn't

care that you weren't right. Yeah, until the restaurant tours happened until I think I gave a tour of this one restaurant. It was called E. Mac and Bullios. Oh, yeah, the ice cream. And so when you would give tours of restaurants, so... tour because, you know, I've been to Emacambolios, and that's a rather small

place, isn't it? I mean, it's really kind of just a seating area, the counter. Would you go, would you do like, was it like a hop-off, hop-on tour? Yeah, it was like a bunch of restaurants. It was all, it was like one really, and we'd be on a bike. We'd be on one big bike, too. It was like a, what's it called? It's a tandem bicycle. Tandem bike, but it was 10 seats. Oh, wow. And it was 150. thousand dollars ahead. That's really pricey.

That's quite steep. Quite price. I only did one tour. Oh wow. You only ever did one tour? Yeah. And it was, it was investigated for

$1.5 million. It was investigated for fraud immediately because I would just take people to E. Mac and Bolios, I hop. Well, that's exactly what they asked for, right? As a restaurant tour?

There's a restaurant tour. That's what I tried to argue. People are spending $150,000. Yes. To get on a 10-person tandem bike. Yes. And go to restaurants and the meal is not included.

The meal is not included at all. So they even have time to eat a meal or you just show everyone and quickly leave yeah we show it we walk in and say okay there's the there they scoop the ice cream this is where they put the ice cream

with the freezer this is the little bin where you put your used tasting spoons yeah this is where you put the used tasting spoons this is the recycling bin this is a bulletin board yeah so you just have to know everything about these restaurants

and these are very quickly go to the next one right because they because then the guy comes out and he says hey I fucking saw you I told you not to fucking come back right yeah uh huh So what, I'm just so curious, what kind of people were paying $150,000 to go on and not even get any food?

Do you know, do you know the wrestler Triple H? I do. He had a home in Bedford, New Hampshire. This was the kind of stuff he would do on the weekends. Oh, he would come to you. Oh, okay. He's the kind of person, but he never came. He never came.

People like Triple H. People like Triple H who have money and live. in New Hampshire. But what would compel them to do this tour? If you'd just give me one reason why someone would do the tour is probably because they're maybe they're a foodie. I don't know what kind of question that is. There's no food because you're just

it'll be more of like a fan of zoning I guess. That's why people got upset. Because you know, that's why I only did one. Did you sell them on the idea that there would be food on this tour? I did sell them on the, it was heavily implied that there was food. So what kind of implication was that? So, like, on the, in the materials of promotion materials.

Like, people would say, are, like, you know, we'd get to the second restaurant. It was only one person that went. He said, can we get? His name was Marcus. And he was like Triple H. He was like Triple H. He owned a, what's that store, finish line? Finish line.

Sports store. Yeah, he was a 50, yeah. I never paid you for such a sports guy, but, I mean, you were hanging out with finish line owners. You'd have to block sports report.com. Because of my gambling that happened later. Okay. So, Marcus, he was a 50-year-old Italian, a 58-year-old Italian man.

He was a small business owner. I think he owned multiple, yeah, he owned all the finish lines in the state. Wow. He sounds almost exactly like Triple H. Yeah. Well, it's in the sense that they had its house in the same neighborhood in Bedford, New Hampshire. Okay. Yeah.

Anyway, he's on the bike. And he, I said you have to say. And there's eight empty seats. There's eight. It's me and then him. And he's always in the. he's in the way back. Always.

So this is, he's been on. He's in the way back. He's on the way, on the last seat of the bike. Answer the question. How many times did you take the door? I told you.

I only did it once. Okay. So I say always. She's always in the back seat because it was technically right. It's always always. So he's in the all the way on the back. I meant to say,

I meant to say he's all the way in the back. Sorry. Yeah. He's all the way in the back. Always in the always and all the way in the back. He's all the way on the back. seat because there's no other way that we can get the bike to go. Right.

It's like if he's in the middle, it's not going to fucking, you know. You need to power the back wheel. Yeah, the front in the back. There's eight empty seats. And he's saying, are we going to eat? And I'm like, oh, we're going to eat. And I would wink. Okay.

I would imply heavily that we were going to eat. He would ask, when are we going to eat some food? Are we actually going to eat? Are we actually going to eat? I would say, we're going to eat. Oh, we're going to eat today. Okay, but you were a lot, you were being sarcastic because you're not going to eat today. Oh, we're going to eat today. So you went to Emac and Bolios, IHOP. What else? How many,

how many stops on this tour? IHop. Well, okay. So you must have been enough tour stops to get him hungry. I hop again, yeah, because that's the beauty of the food tour is you're showing people food, right? And then the last restaurant. We're not really showing them food. You're showing them restaurants and bathrooms. But their food is, you know, you can see people eating around you. And you start with dessert too, which is my, my genius plan. You start with dessert. because then you're thinking. Oh, start with Emac and Bullios. Start with Emac and Bullios.

Then you go to the IHop. What's the thought behind starting with dessert? The thought with that is that you're like, okay, this is going to be so good later. So you get them primed for dessert so that they spend money on dessert. This is good for the restaurant that you go to at the end, which was the, are you guys, you guys are the ones who want to interview me and now you're questioning my business plans. I'm just curious why you're questioning my dessert. So they go,

dinner's going to be great. The dessert after dinner, that's going to be good. Oh, you're reminding them that they're going to want. Okay, but who wants dessert? But now you're saying also that you did feed them at the end? Well, it was supposed to, but then he got off the bike. I can't go anywhere. And then he sued me for the $150,000.

So you didn't even make this money. No, I didn't even make the money. And the restaurant, well, it was margaritas. There's a restaurant called margaritas. I think they have fried ice cream. Sounds good. Okay. Oh, margaritas.

I've been there. Yeah, it's a good restaurant. Yeah, it was the food tour of New Hampshire. Was there, did there used to be one in Boston? There was never one in Boston. Yeah, there was. Downtown? There was never one in Boston.

Not downtown, but they had them in the suburbs. Oh, no. Or like, they had one in Waltham and such. I never been. I hate to say. Well. Okay, so that's 10. That's at age 10.

Okay. All right. Let's move on to. Age 11, nothing happened. We're going year by year, I guess. Well, I don't. I want to go kind of era by era. I feel like, that's childhood.

Let's get into preteens first. Let's go middle school years. When you're 12. Yeah. That's when I hit my gross spurt. How big did you get? I got to be about my first year middle school. Five foot three became.

So it was five foot one when I was 10. I grew two inches at 11. 12 and another inch I'm 5'4 but medication that I was on this is a new experimental medication that was supposed to make me

look like my age that made me weigh about 4 what a kilo how many kilos is in a pound or what's the conversion it's like 2 how many pounds in a kilo

yeah it's like 2.2 2.2.2 point some pounds okay then I was Some crap like that. Yeah, then I was 100 pounds. You were 100 pounds? You were 100 pounds when you were 5'4? They're saying you were about 40 kilos?

Yeah, 40 kilos. That's exactly right. Yeah. Okay. Exactly right. Yeah. Thank you. You're right on the money. You're right on the money. So why do you even ask me the kilo pounds question?

Because I had a British doctor. Okay. He's always cuckering up. What was he like? He was... How did you get linked up with a British doctor? You must have money. I mean, because it's New England.

Was it through the British doctor? Chimney, Brittany. The Britney sweep. The Britney sweep. Yeah, it was, Brittany was the main leader of the chimney sweep. So, the guy. There's a man named.

Male Brittany. There's a male named Britney. He was a male name. He was the main leader of the chimney sweep. He was a male named Brittany. Brittany Stone, which is a great name. That is a great name.

Did you ever meet Norman Bell Vegetable? Norman Bell Vegetable. I did meet Norman Bell Vegetable. He was a very troubled man. let's say what do you mean by that uh he hung out he hung out with the barbecue boys oh yeah who are they you don't know the barbecue boys hey man i'm not really up on pop culture like yeah they have hell allegations unfortunately of too much sauce on the meat oh it's a restaurant you have it's a restaurant yeah okay yeah they had allegations of uh wings that are so sticky they

stick to your fingers and you can't even eat the meat because it's stuck to your finger. The glue? They would have to be extremely sticky. And it came out later that they were putting a flytrap glue in the barbecue. Oh, did you meet FlyTrap? I did meet FlyTrap.

Okay. FlyTrap DeCenzo? I feel, yeah. Well, it's, I feel like you're like, I know FlyTrap to Tentzo. You're kind of gumpian. I am gumpy. Yeah, you have a gumpian. I did have a gumpian.

Tell me this flytrap guy. Did he have? Do you have a twin brother? He did have a twin brother? Yeah. Yeah. Did you just Kaiser Soze us? No, but I knew him.

You didn't just Kaiser. I knew Kaiser Sozee. Kevin Spacey. I knew Kevin Spacey. Was that back when you were a chimney sweep? Then forget flytrap. There's two flies. There's two flytraps on the wall.

We don't even have flies in here. You put that there to remind you to mention flytraps. You set up a perfect Kaiser Soze. And I'm going to accept that that's the only time that you've lied this entire time. Yeah, I've not lied this entire time. Okay. But you did just try to Kaiser Soze me. No, because he knows Flytrap.

I know Flytrap. Yeah. Flytrap Desenzo. DeCenzo. What does he look like? Yellow and tall and skinny with a logo. Yellow ain't chill. He's jaundice.

What do you mean? He's not jaundice. What, is he? Does that happen? I guess you haven't talked to him in a while. I said I knew him. I didn't. I haven't hung out.

He was actually a close personal friend of mine. Really? Yeah. Okay. But I didn't think I was being interviewed here. You're right. Moving on. Well, I just, I guess before we move on, I just was wondering if you were hungry or anything.

I am a little hungry. A little peckish. Maybe just for like a snack. I did skip. I did skip lunch. Well, yeah. We just brought you a little something. this is from this is from like our hometown which they make it this is king yeah

king nuts this is like uh it's like it's like a it's like a mom and a son yeah dad is long dead yeah so they named it after him yeah his name was oh yeah yeah king frank so these kind of me i mean does mean a lot to us on our journey yeah for us i feel like they look and i've been you've had them on the table this whole time well yeah they look good dude They don't just look good. Listen to this sound. That's how you know that this is a good nut. Whoa.

And they're age 12 plus. They're age 12 plus. Thank God. I just turned 28. Yeah. For the flavor. So I really, it would mean a lot to us because we are from,

we're from Connectez-Vuzevik. Oh, you were from Connectev-Zouzevik. Yeah. So, wow. It would just mean a lot to us. What's it like there? it's, uh, I heard it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see. I get it. nuts. It's crazy. I get it. Uh, no, it's serious. There's gang issues. Yeah. And, uh, just there's, there's small parts. Oh, I'd actually, I love small parts. Hmm. Well, it's nuts.

Yeah. Well, it's not. So you'd expect that. Small parts. Okay. On the guy. If you're hungry for some deluxe mixed nuts. Oh. Dude, let me grab those. I'll just let me have them instead. Oh. You want the. No, he won't, whatever. I guess you'll have. I got the one being interviewed. And don't worry about eating on the mic. It's fine with us. It's fine with us.

Oh, these can cause reproductive harm. They just have to put that on. I've been looking for food. Okay, now keep it on his camera while he enjoys this, please. Just so we can see us. What the hell? What was that? There's some kind of issue.

I guess those worms ate all the nuts. this looks this looks good though yeah it's so that's still that's the kind of nut that we have damn man well whoa you're an eater you're a crazy slurper bro I don't even know I ate the whole thing wow wow that actually made me oh man oh man You want to get a bone. But, uh, there's still something that. There's so we'll save it for less.

So, anyway, bring me over to the teenage years, as you were alluding to earlier. Yeah. Um, where do we leave off? Oh,

we were talking about 12, I said I was friends with Kevin Spacey. Yeah, but let's move to 14. Let's get a 14 years old. Ah, yeah. What a year. What year it was. And you're starting to become interested in skateboarding out of magic.

Yeah. Not really. as much it more somebody asked me if I could do it and then I think

immediately I was decent and I said yeah I'll fuck her I'll fuck around with this like that's mad

decent I said yeah I'll fuck around with this I'm gonna fuck with you yeah and from there I kind of did that

for a little bit it didn't really get me anywhere um and what are you doing right now I am missing a call, so I have to respond on a text. Oh, sorry.

So I'm kind of, I don't know if you can tell I'm doing maybe three or four things at the same time here. It's interesting that... You'd be a great one-man band. Yeah. In fact, I'll take this one off your hands. Continue, sorry. I'm going to put the nuts back. We can pause for a second.

No, no, no, no. Let's pause and let's get the nuts back in. No, he's putting the nuts back in. I mean, I'll just go ahead and ask you a couple more questions. Yeah, you can, yeah, you ask me the question. What was it like just to be such an awesome guy? Um, it had it up. It's had it ups and downs.

It had it ups and downs. For real. Are you still hungry by? by the way. I'm, I could go for some more nuts. Fuck you go.

Fuck you. Fucking motherfucking ass and ass at me. Come on, man. Nuthead. I came here to be, you asked, you begged me to be interviewed.

I didn't beg you for shit. You begged me. Why have you begged him? You begged? In fact, so far, we're fucking 47 minutes in this interview.

The first interesting thing that happened was these damn nuts. Your life has been a boring snooze fest. How has this been boring at all? Dude, I was a fucking naked chimney sweep when I was seven years old. You're pedestrian. You're pedestrian. You're paranoid. You're mundane.

You're just nothing. Why am I even here? You're dreadfully quotidian. Why am I even here then? Because honestly, bro. I feel like we, here, I can show you how it's done. Jesse Murphy canceled us. Do you had Jesse Murphy? We were, she supposed to be the one.

My ex, bro. What? Yeah. You are not, you can, you did not get with Jesse Murphy. I got with Jess Murph. With her big ass fucking pants. Her big ass pants and her big ass hair. In that forehead.

You see that, see her on Jimmy Fallon recently? No. See that guy in the background dancing? There's one guy dancing on her song, 16, 1965. That was supposed to be me dancing. Oh, that's who that is. Yeah. Jesse Murphy.

That's my ex, bro. I didn't know. And that we were, I was supposed to be the one dancing on that. Was that song about you? That song was about me. What are, you doing with that? I'm putting the peanuts away because I'm at least the only one here. Look, it's in my nature. I used to be a sweep. Okay. I love to clean. So, Jess Murph, that's my ex.

And 1965 is about my song. What do you mean by that? I wrote a song. I wrote a song called 1964, right? You know, let him take a crack in closing these. I write a song called 1964. Okay. And then this lady gets up. This is my ex. Jess Murph. And she what are you laughing about? Let go the nuts for a second, man. What? What? Let go. Dude, I'm obsessed with my. I'm obsessed with my nuts. Is that what you're going to say? I said I'm obsessed with my nuts. So what will be your plan for death? I think cremation is the way for me to go I'm not too big on ceremonial burial

I did when I was younger I did have plans to maybe be buried in a mausoleum or something like this but as I get older I realize that cremation is the way and I'd like to be my ashes to be spread I don't know where yet

you don't know where they want to be I don't know where I want to be the ashes to be spread but they'll be around maybe just around like one around what does that mean though like somebody puts a

cuts a hole in their pocket and walks around with your ashes in there and just kind of wherever they go throughout the day I would love I would love for my ashes to be spread in the bathroom

which specific one or just any bathroom flush down the toilet so that it goes into every bathroom yeah so it goes into every bathroom the kind of universal bathroom

in the city uh huh The city. The city. This city that we're in right now. Would you ever want to be mayor? Would I ever want to be mayor? It's too much responsibility.

Well, but you were saying a lot, once this Zoron guy got the nomination. Do not get me started. You started to say you wanted to jump in. You said you wanted to jump into the mayoral race. So tell me a little bit about that. Do not get me started on him. And you saw me on that stage. You saw me on that stage.

You know what I don't like about him. What stage? The stage of the mayoral debate. I don't like. like his socialist views. Really? I do not appreciate that this socialist

is getting up there. So how would you describe yourself politically? I'll describe myself as, do I have to come out and say it? Please say it. Do I have to say it outright?

Yeah, please say it. I'll describe myself as a fiscal liberal. And a fascist. Okay. Fiscally, I'm very liberal. But if you were not born in this country, get the hell out. What was your?

your opinion on, you know, I don't know if you saw this. What was your opinion on South Park recently eviscerated Trump? They are, Matt and Trey washed. Really?

And I know them too. I know them as well. You know Matt and Trey. How did I meet them? I met them when I was, well, I mean, now we've kind of just skip my teenage years. They're very boring. There's a lot masturbation. Okay. A lot of me put my penis between my thighs and rubbing it together.

That's how I masturbate. Rubbing it like you would run. Yeah. Like that. Shaping your thighs together. I put my, I put my dick in between. And this is,

and I'm sorry if you're a child watching this or something, or maybe under the age of 18, this is how I masturbate. I put my penis between my thighs and I run really fast back and forth until I ejaculate. Is that a crime? But I'm here to do a tell-all interview. You're right.

I'm telling it all. It's not a crime to, it's not a crime self-pleasure through your thighs and. Yeah. I love me. Yeah, I love myself and I don't eat. Listen into that. Yeah. We're running around the room.

Running around. Running around like this. I love me. Yeah, I love my God. I don't mean anybody else. Yeah, that's how I mess. Tell me the expression again. Anyway, okay, Matt and Trey.

I met Matt and Trey at the Oscars. Oh, the Oscar wait, was it the year that they dressed up on the dresses and they were on acid? Yes. Yeah. And I was about... They don't don't give a fuck. God, when was that? Even then I knew they were washed, though.

I think that was 99. They were already washed. Yeah, so I was two years old. So I was two years old and I was like, These guys are already washed. As a two-year-old, I knew. As a two-year-old, I knew that they had it and fucking lost it. Really?

Uh-huh. And now they're only, they're dependent on showing arguably the greatest president of my generation's penis on TV. Because that was a real video that I took. Your generation's penis. My generation's president. Sorry, did I say my generation's penis? You did, but what you said made sense. Okay.

I was kind of repeating it in a way. The greatest, the greatest president of my generation's penis is what I meant to say. You did say that. You said that. You said that. I wasn't trying to make you wrong. They showed a fucking video that we took that I thought was funny. You took a video of your penis or what did you say? Yeah, I took a video of me and my president's penis. Was he your president at the time?

He's always going to be my president. No, but was he the president? At the time. Not at the time. This was a leaked video that they posted. You turned 18 the same year that he became the president. I turned 18. Yes, that's right.

You're right. How old were you when? I was, that was 2016, when I turned 18, 2015. And, yeah, and then from there, that's when I started getting booked as an actor. What was your first role? My first role, I think, was, do you know that movie La La Land? I play, it's cut. It's not in the movie anymore, but I was supposed to be a cartoon mouse that runs in the piano. What was it, the mouse's name?

Cheepey. Cheapy, the mouse. And he had it, it was an offensive Mexican accent. I'm not going to, East L.A. Mexican accent. I mean, I'm not going to twist your arm here, but do it. I'll do that. Do you want me to do Cheapy's voice? Yeah, I mean, okay, I'm Ryan Gosling.

I'm playing. C-H-I-P-I. Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm playing the keys. I'm tickling the ivory. Hey, caramba. That was the only scene. That's it.

So it just cuts for one second into the... Well, I understand why they don't know that into the piano and there's a cartoon mouse. Hey, caramba. I gotamba. And I had morocas. It was mocap, too. You had a mocha. You're thinking when I say cartoon mouse, it was like.

Realistic. Like, very realistic. Planet of the Apes mouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a planet of the ape's mouse and I was playing Maracca's. Why haven't they done that yet? Planet of the Mice? That's a good idea.

Well, because it's too small. It's more impressive for mice to take over the world than eggs. Are you familiar with the term. development hell. Yes. That's what it's been in. That's what it's been in. Under whose project was it?

This was, this is supposed to be the film. It was supposed to be the film that brings Brett Ratner back. Really? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. After his misconduct allegations. Hmm.

So. Which I, I don't have. Cheapy. You do Cheapy. And Cheapy opens some doors for you. That's your debut, by the way. Yeah, that's my debut. Cheapy the mouse.

Well, it was supposed to be my debut and then it never happened So what was your real debut? My real debut, I mean, they just loved me from that role. Who directed Lala Land? Malcolm Gladwell. Malcolm Gladwell. Is Lala Land the same guy who did

Babylon? It might be. Yes. Who the hell was that? I forget his name because I got so fucked up off of drugs. Damien Chazel. Damien Chiselle. Oh, it's Damien Chiselle.

The name is now ringing a bell to me. Ringing Chabelle. I called the bell, the Shabelle. Shabell. I call, I have a bell. He is to, you know what? I used to, I used to before I would say, I would say, like, hey, we got to call tomorrow. I'd say, can I ring Chabelle?

Yeah. Can I ring Chabelle? I would say, what, back, I knew him to. That was my old accent. Not to like, you know, name dress. That was my old accent that I brought up earlier. I used to fucking. Can I ring Chabelle.

I used to hate his ass. And I would, I would call. call him and I would be, I would be like, you are a Damian. You are a Damian on the earth. I would pick up those calls sometimes. I would talk to you. You would have his phone? Yeah. Well, he loved my ass and I was an 18 year old kid. Yeah. As a man like a person. He loved me as a person, but I was also his assistant. That's why I got the role of cheap. But, okay, after Cheapy, tell me what role you worked on.

I did a lot of commercial work. Oh, yeah. I think, you know what? Now we're talking about your acting career. You have a clip, right, for your new movie? I do have a clip from my new commercial that I was in. I was told it was a feature-length movie. It's a clip from a feature-length film. This is a commercial that is being optioned into a feature-length film.

Okay. Okay. Can we watch that up? Can we pull that up? I would love to see. Oh, wow. Oh, okay. So this is a post on the Pace, salsa, and sauces, Instagram. Can we get that on me?

Hello, I am your waiter. Here are your nachos. Would you like some paste salsa? I'll take some, just a little bit, though. Quite a bit more. Quite a bit of paste salsa on that. Almost, almost. Those nachos look delicious. Keep it going. It's a tiny, tiny bit more.

A little flub there on the line. He said a little moh. It's called Dogman 95. It's supposed to be realistic. This is Lars von Trier. Yeah, this is directed by Lars Van Trier. It's going to be called the funny waiter. Okay.

So, but the waiter, I guess, is that like a joke because the waiter isn't very funny? Wader is not very funny. Okay. It's Dogman 95 and also, have you seen funny games? That's not a very funny movie. Can ask something to? Just like, you know, I feel like as people say, as an actor, you always, you're always learning things.

Yes. And your roles are always teaching you things. So what from the role of Cheapy, the Mexican mouse, did you take into this role? And kind of what did you learn? It was, I was going to say that. Saucas and nachos. Okay. Burritos and tacos.

Do you think we could see more of this genre of work from you in the future or a pivot maybe? I'm thinking that this is maybe the. genre that I do work in. Thank you. And this is my, and this is definitely a big part of my uvra. Yes. Your repertoire. My repertoire. Is this an opus? You find yourself. This is not my opus. I'm waiting for my opus. So you find yourself gravitating towards in the same way that, um, that for instance, like, uh, who's a, like James Gandalfini or Joe Pesci, both of them George O Pesci. George O'Pessi.

What a man he was. They had multiple things where they're drawn to kind of these complicated crime characters, right? Yes. So you feel in the same way that you're drawn to sort of Mexican... Yes. Offensive Mexican stereotype. Stuff like that. Waiters. People work at the

on the bus, driver. Migrant workers. Migrant. Work at being on the bus. Uh-huh. People work at on the bus. that's a Mexican stereotype. Yeah, in my experience, in my experience, and I've taken the,

I take the bus every day to study these people. To study Mexicans. You take the bus every day to study Mexicans. For these roles that I take. Where you go. You have to go study that. I study, I study hard for this. Wow.

I go on the bus. I go to the, what is that store called? Where else do you go? What is that store called? What is that racist about this? You said that Mexican people's jobs is sitting on the bus. What's racist about that?

No, no, no, no. It's for a role. But you said that you, the reason, you're studying the role on the bus. Yes, because you're like, That's where all the fucking Mexican people are. It's their job is working at being on the... It's not their job.

They have jobs. If they're going to a different job, hello? Yeah. Okay. That's fine. Oh. Oh my God.

The conversation made him so hungry. Conversation about... About... Smells nachos and that salsa. You know, and I'm going to be honest so, man, I get that a lot of the joke of that thing is that it's so much salsa. Yes.

It's really, you guys should have used a smaller plate of nachos, because it's really not that much salsa, for that many nachos. It was, the nachos, it's a huge sting of notches to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get, to get nachos. It does take a long

time to get nachos. To get salsa? The salsa to come out. It did take a long time to get the salsa. To get the salsa or to get it out? To get the salsa. It took a long time to get the salsa. Oh, okay.

Did you, did you, why did you use so many chips? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? I think it probably has a lot to do with my upbringing. Okay. Oh, wait, we haven't even talked about that.

Let's go back to your childhood. It's pure, it's pure correlation. Okay. Or no. Coraligning. Coralynchon. Did you live a Coraline life? I did live a Coraline life.

Behind but nice. There was, yes. My stepmother also had another stepmother later. Both Trunch Ball and the other mother? Yeah, the other mother. Damn, at the same time. Yeah. Nice.

My father was a cheater. You know these flute players. They're always fucking cheating on their wives. Well, I mean, it's a very erotic. Yeah. It's both phallic and. imagine. Because you're blowing into, you blow over the hole.

You blow over a hole and also it's long. That's, by the way, I know if this isn't typically the focus of our show, but it's just a sexual technique for anyone's listening. Try blowing over the hole. Try blowing over a woman's hole. It produces a better sound on the woman. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. And speaking

of blowing, speaking of blowing the hole, my father's work, he was the guy who blew the whistle on the two short song. Really? He was the whistleblower on two shorts. So how did he was a whistleblower? He was a whistleblower on two shorts and blow the whistle.

How did he feel going from being such an accomplished flute player to being just handed a whistle? He took it well. He took it well because he had a lot of addiction. Did he have a time after that where he was a professional whistleblower? He was a professional whistleblower for musicians who wanted to unionize things like this. oh okay but i'm saying physically blowing a whistle no oh no yeah he did uh he was a crossing guard as well oh i see yeah just to something just because yeah not not be for work not for work no just something to do just i'm gonna fill the time because you know you can't play the flute or the

whistle you know 24 hours a day yeah you'd be your neighbor and you don't get a lot of work as a flautist Don't get a lot of work at all Don't I know it Are you interested in being a flower? Oh, I was Really? Well, we might have to interview you one day soon No, there's nothing interesting about my life

It's all a pile of dirt on a dog's Well, listen Patrick We ask everybody Who comes on this show To give us a movie they recommend A book they recommend A meal they recommend And what they're

and their favorite weakness and fear my greatest weakness and fear yeah so just all if you could just do those four things yeah I can I can think so the movie I would recommend is probably the movie Dick the Adam McKay okay can we censor that just to put a beep over

that just put a beep over it that's okay we have a beep on the soundboard actually let's try that again it's funny that you know about the soundboard thing is your simple guest I'm just a simple guest who is I'm not sure we do have a beep it's on page one we used to I don't Did you get rid of beep?

We don't have it anymore. Oh, here it is. Okay, so I'll say... I don't think it shows up. It'll show up, ready. So, uh, my favorite movie is, uh, the Adam... Movie...

Teen, uh, basically it was a... A, uh, basically it was a... Jesus Christ. About, yeah. And he's... He's shit. There's a...

know how to watch. He doesn't even because it doesn't, it doesn't occur to he can even this thing's going on YouTube. You do realize that.

You can't be sensitively good. And that's my favorite movie. Okay, let's go book now. My favorite book is where the grows. What?

Where the what grows? Where the red where the red. We're there. Some out two dogs, I think. And they are,

they're living inside. of a fucking dog and then someone shoots the dogs and the favorite part of the book is when the dog's my favorite part of the book is when the dog's okay so that's

your book my favorite meal my last meal would probably I'm just my favorite meal is definitely going to be my last meal and my last meal would be a piece of shit

What? Hey, what's that what you're going to say? What are you going to say? What are we going to say? A piece of shit. Your last meal is going to be a piece of it. Say it again.

A piece of shit. What? That's mele's going to be a piece of shit. Why? I like the taste of poop. What's wrong with you, man? I'm a weird person. I'm a weird person.

Okay, so your favorite movie, your favorite book, I can't repeat. It's too horrible. But your last meal will be a piece of shit. Okay. And now your worst fear. Oh, is it your worst fear? Yeah, my worst fear. are you laughing

I saw your hand going for the fight dude he's just he's approaching my worst fear probably finding out all my friends are fake

Jesus Christ and my biggest weakness is chocolate All right. I respect the fuck out of that. Yeah. Patrick Doran. Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you so much for joining the show. And I wanted to just throw this out there for all of those who are not subscribed. Yesterday we were having a bit of a chat on a meeting and Caleb said something interesting that I wanted to just point out or call out, which is that Caleb said that he had seen the movie sinners.

Oh, yeah. He considered to be exactly the same. same as free guy is what he said. Now, so I, no, no, no, no. Yeah, he loves free. He said it as a positive thing. But I just want to say that this. This Saturday, an episode will come out.

We will be discussing this on the premium episode. I wanted to talk about it today. But we've got, we lost time. It's been put off. Uh, if you want to hear that. Yes. You're going to have to tune it to the premium. And on the, on the,

29th of August. I have a show at Union Hall with Alex Forrest. You may remember him from the funny waiter. Oh, yeah. That'll be up on swag poop.com slash shows soon. He's the funny patron and the funny waiter. That'll be a really good show to be a lot of fun. Do you guys have anything to do? I got to get these nuts back. They're on loan. Oh. Not mine. Okay. Can you say something into the microphone to send us off? Um, good no. Why would you say that? I don't know if it came over me.

Why would you say that? No, but seriously, got... Get it. You're not single in the whole... And I really appreciate you for... Uh... I really hope it works, because sometimes the sensor doesn't work. hand sensor all the fucking things and I'm sorry man yeah I think it probably won't work at all

yeah all right bye bye bye all right guys we're on a challenging one now what is it X X Xena the warrior princess yeah she's saying in the show X X X didn't pass me oh yeah you've passed on my friends and you have hair like a girl long hair I honestly thought you were girl because you're skinny short and you had long hair yeah Remember his double XL freestyle? Yeah. I went to the woods

and I went to the woods and I stepped on a leaf I'm just one crazy guy and I'm just so weird and I'm not going to sit down I think that there's different colors and nobody see except for me

I see the exact same color spectrum as a mantis shrimp I had a dream where I grew wings I flew downwards into the dark hands I'm like you think they would flow up because I have wings

but I actually flew down gravity is reversed in my dreams Yes, gravity reversing my life too My head is my feet And down and down is up Down is up Left is right and right is left The color red is the color blue

The color green is the color brown I live in Willy Wonka's factory I fall into the chocolate river Every day And I hang out with all the fucking Oompa lupas In my world Oomalupas are actually bigger than me

Everything I see is opposite And I don't understand anything that I see And I don't know where I am Every day is opposite day Except for today That's why I'm on the ground because I'm floating down. The ground is this guy to me.

The sky is the ground. In my opposite world, it's actually a really good thing to beat up a pregnant woman. That's actually a really positive and good thing. Being pregnant women is amazing. And also, I like getting shooted in the face every day. You guys shot. In my opposite world, my music is actually good.

Yeah, my music is actually good. My lyrics make sense and I'm not actually a piece of shit. And I'm still fucking alive as well. I'm still fucking alive. And, Hey Joe Great job

Joe You ruined this amazing The best thing We had going in months Months It's been fucking months It's been fucking months Thank you.