Podcast About List - Ep. 350 - What's In Our Bags? What's In My Every Day Carry? Please, I Want To Know

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

This episode is NOT an excuse for the guys to play with toys for almost an hour. The Humansphere is taking over.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

The only cover. Jesus Christ. Drink some water. What the fuck is wrong with you? I forgot to get some. I really wanted my Vietnamese lemonade that has salt in it. Hydration. I couldn't get it.

Hydration water. Yeah, I've been really addicted to once upon a coconut coconut water. Have you had that coconut water? I at least talked about it before I don't like coconut water. You made me try it? You made it weird. I made you try that? Yeah.

Well, did you like it? I don't remember. I think so. I don't think I'd ever drink it Yeah The fuck That's the one that I like You wouldn't even just drink it

Well I did But you wouldn't drink it in your life Just to make me happy Why not? It wouldn't make you happy It would make you happy But I knew that something Dude that that kind of thing does make me happy

If I recommend something to somebody And then I see them using it Or drinking it or eating it No that does That makes me happy Using? Using well Which things do you recommend

The people that they use Using different kinds of oh if you go if I recommend them a certain brand of something yeah what are using a fuck usable thing toilet paper if I recommend a great brand

a toilet paper you go to their house you see the Charmin with the the wiggly line line the curvy line the curvy charmine would you recommend the softest toilet paper curvy is easily actually no do you know that one the Charmin with the curly line just remember sometimes if you have a wet button you use

that shit. It all just turns in a fucking confetti. You're right. It's too soft. Dude, thank God we're talking about toilet paper. It's too soft. Thank God. I get the Kirkland, the giant Kirkland. That's smart. Because you know that that's actually a store brand, but they just sell it to them at a lower price.

Yeah. And it's also just a high fucking quality. Cosamigos? Or some, yeah. Casamigos toilet paper? Yeah, they make toilet paper now. George Clooney, which is like... Yeah. He started making Mexican toilet paper.

He would be a great toilet paper spokesman. He would be a great toilet paper spokesman. Yeah. You know, here's a pitch for him. Here's a pitch for him. It would be like, yeah, it would be like, he'd be like, well, my, my hair's not brown anymore. Neither is my butt. Yeah.

They're both silen. Casamigos toilet paper. Yeah. Cosamigos toilet paper. Like the logo. I'm picturing it right now. It's so funny to me. It's like clear plastic wrapping, right?

But then like the logo is just, it's a very like subtle, distinct logo. It just looks so fucking fancy. Are they individually wrapped? Yes. Here's my. Here's my George Clooney. Toilet paper. Okay.

Add spot pitch. Mm-hmm. George Clooney walking down the street already, first of all, instant viral. Yes. He's walking out the street. A lady sees him

and goes, hey, George Clooney, hey, you silver fox. Does the, does the carpet match the drapes?

He turns around. No, no, no. Does the carpet match the drapes? He turns around. His head is covered in shit.

His poop all streaked through his hair. And he says, no. And then he pulls down his pants. That's a great idea.

And it's, That's a really clean, clean as a kitchen floor. He turned around. He has shit dripping onto his face. Just like, dripping onto his cheek. Somehow he has one huge, like, it's like, uh, like the gag gift, gag gift piece of poop on his forehead and it's dripping down. He just, it's covered. He just has shit all over, skid marks on his head.

Like he's been wiping. He's been wiping. No, and then here's the like kind of added. This is like the deleted scene that cut out for time is there's a scene where he's, wiping someone's butt using his hair. And he says this is so much worse. He needs to use George Clooney's hair. Yeah. Use Casimir's toilet paper.

Yeah. And he's wiping like Eddie Ball's ad. Like a strong man, like a 450-pound guy. I think we came up with this formula while you were gone. What's the formula? A long time ago. Oh. Oh. Oh. What's the Super Bowl ad formula? Basically it's just... What was it? Bubble Hotel? It was an... Yeah, I think it was a soap hotel.

Soap Hotel. Basically, you just take a celebrity. You put them in a crazy situation So for this example It would be George Clooney Wiping a strong man's ass with his hair And then you show them doing that struggling And then this would be the narrator The voiceover would come in and say

Don't wipe a strong man's ass with your hair With George Clooney's hair Toilipaper And then it would show the Oh, how does it have to do with a soap hotel though? That was our different idea For a commercial for hotel.com And it would be Matthew McConaughey

And he's trying to book Or no, is Walt and Guy It was Walton Goggins. What the hell am I doing in this soap hotel? His hotel is entirely made of soap. Okay. And that would be like, don't book a soap hotel.

Yeah. Don't be like a normal hotel. Yeah. Is just a Super Bowl commercial. You could, the George Clooney one is a stretch. It's just because I don't think, you know,

that would have been a Super Bowl commercial like 2006. Well, they're just not going to show shit. Yeah. They should do a Casamigos. You remember how Doritos used to have the fucking Euro, send your own commercial in. They had the snow globe going through the vending machine.

We need to do. a Casamigos create your own commercial Super Bowl challenge. Don't you think enough time has passed in the world that we should be allowed to show people drinking alcohol in commercials? Yeah. No. We should be allowed to show cigarettes too. And that would make me fucking lose my mind.

Well, then it sounds like you are basically giving it. You shouldn't say that. I would really go off the wagon hard. The companies are going to market to you. I'd fall off the wagon hard. You've been drinking again. No, I haven't. Yeah, you have.

No, I haven't. Bears we drank is back. Okay, I did one episode. I had a couple beers. You're going at Atlantic City today. You had beers on your birthday. I didn't say my birthday. I had no beers on my birthday. I had beers on your birthday. Oh, yeah.

Also, why is this important for you to get into? My birthday is your birthday. I wouldn't be surprised if it was secretly, and he invented this to be special. He thinks he has all of our birthdays. I don't have all of our birthdays. Our birthdays are close. I don't know why I've never done a joint birthday. They're close in proximity, but they're not like each other.

They're very different from each other. They're very, very different. No offense to you, I would not want to have a joint birthday. a joint birthday party with you. I know. I know you wouldn't. I would rather just be curled up with a good book on a fucking roller coaster at the amusement park in Orlando. I have 50,000 people in a bar that everyone's getting

upset that we're taking all the tables. There's not enough people at your birthday party, by the way. That's why I wouldn't want to have a joint with you because I... There's not enough people at my birthday? I won't need at least 100,000. You just don't fucking know anybody and your birthdays are boring as far. My birthdays are always boring and no one shows up. It's true. It's sad.

He actually has the most lit birthday with tons of fucking celebrities. A bunch of musicians that you've never heard of come through and hang out at his birthdays. It's really quite something. That's not true. Why do you like big birthdays?

I hate birthday. I like big birthdays because I like seeing my friends meeting new people. I like everyone that I know meeting up and meeting all the different people. But don't you want to just like he said, curl up on a good roller coaster, maybe the velociraptor.

The philosophy coaster. I think maybe once I get older. The philosophy coaster. You're getting older, buddy. You are getting old. Maybe once I turn 30, you're sprinting 30-ish. You're about to hit the wall. 30, I think I'm going to have one big one.

And then after that, it's just like, all right, we go to dinner. And then that's it. You think it's going to be like that one big one. You're fucking doing blow and Molly. You're getting carried out of a jacuzzi. And then 31. Carried out of a jacuzzi, sir, you can't be in this jacuzzi. Why not?

I think that's what happened to my brother on his 30th break Yeah 30 is like 30 is the worst year of your life and then 31 though 31

I mean I'm gonna put on a nice suit I'm gonna go to dinner with my girlfriend you start having the big ones because you feel insecure about it now 30 is 30 you have one big one you have one big one and then it's then it's the rest of your maybe then 40

maybe you can have a little you can have a night of wine and cheese with your friends you think you're going to be having you think you think some your personality is going to change so much that your 40th birthday are going to have wine and cheese. You think that somehow simply time is going to do this to you. It's going to be the loss of hair and stuff like that.

They could put you in a time chamber and you could tumble like a rock for 1,000 years and you would never get to a wine and cheese birthday party. I mean, I do think that you are going to have it when you're 40, it's going to be. You think I'm going to be doing Eric Andre style birthday parties? Aged, the classic aged punk. Yeah. I think that's how you're going to look. Oh, geez. Yeah.

You guys don't have a very good image of me. No. No, we don't have a very good image of 40-year-olds. Yeah. The thing is, 40-year-olds are not sophisticated. It's kind of sad that you hit sort of a second, as a man, if you don't have like a really normal curve to your life, you hit sort of a second puberty at 40. Yeah. Where it's like now you have to figure out how to be an older man.

well yesterday i didn't do much of anything so i don't have a story to segue into what did i do this weekend i saw the new naked gun that was oh is it funny as fuck you all should go see it i'm so happy that it's good i thought when i saw the first trailer i was pretty skeptical then when i realized it was akiva yeah keva you got a trailer you didn't like the trailer i didn't like the trailer i thought it was amazing i did not like the trailer and what i was so vindicated by after not liking the trailer is almost every joke from the trailer in the movie is edited a completely different way.

Like they moved lines out of order and stuff and in the movie they all actually work. Do you think it was an interesting choice to cast a rhyming name lead? You know what's crazy that I read that Liam Neeson, which maybe it's obvious, he does, he seems pretty old at this point. But when I read this, it did kind of blow my mind that Liam Neeson is older than Leslie Nielsen was when he was in the naked guy. Oh yeah, Liamson's like 70-something. Leslie Nielsen is like Steve Martin white hair. He was just an early white hair. Yeah, but he was also a good-looking, like, guy who did movies before.

I mean, that's the thing is he was doing movies in, like, the 50s and shit, which is so you just imagine he's older, but. Well, that was, he wasn't a fucking comedian. He was, what, in his 50s or something in the naked guy? Yeah, he was probably mid-50s. But Liamnees was, like, in his 70s. Yeah, when you watch this movie, you'll be able to tell. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. He kind of moves like a geyser. Yeah. He's not funny, man. He's not as falling as Leslie Nielsen was. As what? Falling. they have some funny stunt double

where it's obvious it's a stunt double they have some pretty good jokes and everybody was so excited to see this movie in the theater that somebody laughed when the lights went down this is the type of crowd it was so I would say see it as soon as possible before everybody stopped seeing it which is what happens to every movie because you'll be in a crowd where people will laugh at stuff

and you'll be like what the fuck is wrong with you and that's a think of fun way to see a movie feel like we're in this perpetual cycle of once a year there's some movie that comes out and people like wow movies are back and then it just goes and then it immediately goes away not to just do another episode in a row about movie decline I guess but I think it is just all

COVID I think COVID just fucking destroyed the film movies and I think it's all on an avalanche decline but you have to admit YouTube videos are quite interesting YouTube videos are the best some YouTube videos are pretty good everything that I've seen though is that people like the biggest complaint is about movie theaters

where it's like everyone like people are going to like screenings at like fucking metrograph or whatever or they're going to like... That's a fancy movie theater in New York City. It's a fancy movie theater in New York. So think about your famous art house cinemas that are like, oh yeah, we got a 35 millimeter print of like fucking some dumbass

movie and everyone's in the crowd everyone's in the crowd laughing when they're not supposed to and all I see is the people huffing and puffing when they're leaving like you can't even watch a movie now with everyone laughing. Like everyone treats movies, everyone treats everybody like the room now.

bad. It's the worst. I think everyone's completely right about that. People act like crazy people. I just wanted confirmation from Mr. Movie himself. What would you prefer people do? Just react appropriately. Yeah. Okay. They're not laughing at funny movies. Yeah. They're laughing. People who go to see an old

Japanese movie and then laugh like they laugh when, you know, they just laugh for no reason. These effects. Literally like that or like people like it's just all like people will laugh when a transition. looks weird. And it's super, it's so, uh, it's so disgustingly like social performative. Like it's like the other, this is something that when I went to see, shout out to a chamber of reason, I went to see the new, uh, Kiyoshi Kurosawa movie with, with, uh, Derek and Pierce. And something that Derek was saying that I know, that he noticed that I never realized before

they noticed was like the thing of like when the lights go down on a movie to start watching a movie. if it's like an artsy movie or like a cool movie to be seeing, people will go like, as soon as the lights go down, people go like to show everybody that they're... You just adjusted so much, by the way, that it turned on Pat's computer out of sleep mode. Yeah. Just from how much...

If that's how much people are doing it, but just to show that they're like, okay, I'm going to settle in to watch a movie now. Yeah. Yeah, sitting up. Shut up, man. Yeah. Shut up.

Well, yeah, everyone's like treating, everyone treats movies like it's fucking rocky horror now. And it's like, oh, look at me. I'm coming in. It's the two-prong thing of there's people, the people who misbehave and the people who want to show really hard that they will not misbehave. And so when the movie starts, they go, do you think this is a problem that exists outside of New York City? I think it's actually, I think it's definitely worse in New York because I think New York, but I think that's because New York has so many rep screen. I'm sure it's in L.A. too. I think it's more of a problem with old or foreign movies.

I think those are the two that it's a big problem. And it's a distinct, it's a millennial problem. But also, but I'll say this, I don't think it's an actual problem. You think it's annoying. It's an annoying. There's a, in, but annoyances are problems. In my hometown, there was a, there's a theater called Thalian Hall. It's like a historical theater.

And they would do like small 35 millimeter screenings. Like Coolidge. Yeah, yeah, like that. And also just like any sort of limited release thing. So I saw like the Mike Bribiglia movie there when I was in high school. And that was fucking awesome. Wait, which one? Sleepwalk with me or don't think twice?

I think I saw both there. Dude, real comedy head. Dude, because I had to see what he was cooking on the second one because the debut, obviously. Sleepwalk with me is such a good Netflix streaming original, like 2012 Netflix streaming. I couldn't tell you one fucking thing about either of those movies. But that's okay. And I also saw Nocturnal Animals there, the Tom Ford movie. I don't know that.

I like that movie a lot. I think it definitely probably is still a problem in other cities and just anywhere that they're playing old movies like that. But I think it's worse in New York just because there's so many fucking annoying people in New York. Nocturnal animals, the reason I brought this up is I had the best thing I've ever heard in a movie theater was there was like a 95-year-old man right behind me in the Nocturnal Animals. and at one point in the movie like an hour and a half in she, the Amy Adams gets picked up by a guy in a limousine

and the old man goes Oh, sharp forp and I don't know why that made I was like what the fuck is I was trying to say chauffeur but he thinks it's called a sharp forp and then I just I don't remember the last 15 minutes that movie because I was like looking back at him

and he got older every time I look back. thing is I like when people talk during movies. Me too, but not, but to themselves. If you talk outwardly if you're talking to somebody else, it's okay. A couple of funny things. I like, yeah. I like when someone is talking and but there are people who are

clearly talking to get the reaction of everybody else. I like talking during movies. Me too. I like to talk. I like, do you guys, if somebody comes over to your house and watches a movie and they I want to talk the whole movie. You want to talk. Yeah. I probably, I definitely would be guilty of on some scenes.

I'd be like, wait, wait, watch this. Yeah. If it's one I've seen before. Watching a movie with other people, like having people over to watch a movie, not my thing. No, that's not your thing.

I like doing that, but also I say I will, I expect there to be talking and goofing off. That's, I think, the point of doing that. But that also I would say, well, it would inform my pick of what to watch. I wouldn't pick something that I actually wanted to pay,

like fully paid, that I would feel sad about missing out. What do we watch? at your house we watch trick or treat we watch hell of stuff man not in a while though that was fun though that's a good movie to watch that's a good movie to watch a house what were we most horror movies are good to watch at somebody's house yeah what was that movie theater we used to go to a fucking three days to weapons the one that shut down i got my fucking tickets man damn that movie theater that shut down in new york the one where it was like we saw a fucking

venom there with oh uh the regal court square regal yeah the court square regal yeah dude that place was insane. That place was just like, like, it sounds fucking crazy. Was it there? No. No.

But it sounds fucking crazy. If you said it's insane. And then like, what was it like, what was it like, what was? There was like so much shit going on there. Oh,

you could just sneak your stuff in. Oh, wait. You're talking about the one in like that one in downtown Brooklyn? Huh? That one in downtown Brooklyn? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that crazy. It was a normal movie theater.

I've heard just stories about it though. Or just like people were like. Probably from racist guys that you hang out with. Is it racist guys I hang out? Yeah, because I heard stories from Will. Well, yeah, right-wing racist Nazi, Will Mediker. What's up to you name-dropping so much that you name-dropper? I don't know, man.

These are just people. Yeah. There's people in my life, man. They're not just people, bro. That's even worse. I don't even think about it. They're just people. They're just people in my life.

What are you talking about? Dude, talk about your gardener. I'll talk about your butler. Your butler. Your chef. Dude, don't fucking get me started on my butler. Get started on your butler.

This white piece of shit. What were you about to say there? This. What was that? Where's that going? Okay. All right. This fucking white piece of shit.

Yeah. White butler? Yeah. Damn, man. I know. You couldn't have sprung for a black one or a Chinese. No. Why did you go white?

It's bad optics. Yeah. It's bad optics to have a white button. To have a black butler, I think. Oh, for Patrick. Oh, for. For Patrick, yeah. You think it's bad optics for me to have a black butler?

I would say yes. Then what about my gardener? What race is the gardener? Black. Is it white? As night. What's a gardener? Okay.

Is they a woman or a man? Non-binary. Non-binary gardener. Well, that's probably going to be good at gardening. Yeah. True. Don't even get me started on my barista. Okay.

What is your barista? I just get you're also Don't even get me started Did you just say their race And move on to the next No tell me about what's going on with your brother What is your white bisexual woman What is your white byrista?

She has a septum Okay Everybody has a septum Ring Oh No Yeah Oh wait can I say something funny

That I saw in Twitter Or here Or what I would say Okay This is my quote tweet Yeah I don't like I don't want to quote tweet

If I see something and I think of a roast on it. Yeah. I don't want to tweet that. Yeah. So I just want to say it. Okay. But I saw a tweet that was viral that said,

did anybody have a, did anybody else have a weird phase when they were a kid of liking the Sunday funny pages and the comics in the newspaper? And this is what I would have quoted it. Okay, go ahead. I would have said. Can I close my eyes so I can imagine it?

Yeah, yeah. Wait, start doing this. Yeah, like you're scrolling. You're scrolling. Okay, I'm scrolling and then you click to see the quote tweet. Porn, dead people. Okay, here's the quote tweet. what is it?

Yeah, okay, yes, I did have that phase and I also had these strange phases where I liked serial and action figures and playing outside. Brough, that's what kids like. Okay, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to like this. Okay.

Actually, I'm going to repost you're going to repost this one? You know what? No, I'm going to quote tweet this. Okay. I'm going to quote X this and I'm going to say, you mad? Question mark.

And I'm going to try, I'm going to send it because guess what, I'm the original poster of that. You were the original poster of that? I was the original poster of that. And I'm going to try and riff in your replies. Okay. And I'm going to bring up something from the podcast very subtly. Okay.

What are you bringing up? Something a little too personal. Okay. Something about like your family or like, you know. Oh, that's like what your brother says. Okay. That's like what you're mad. How does he know?

That's like what your brother is. I say that my brother says you mad on the podcast. Okay, now I'm texting my brother and I'm saying, dude, I don't know how that, I don't think I mentioned this on the podcast, but apparently people know that you like to say, you know this guy, yeah. Do you know this guy?

Is he like a personal friend of yours? And you're my brother, and so you're texting me back. Dude, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? I'm replying to your you mad, by the way. In the text thread or on the, oh, on Twitter. Okay, so now I'm putting my phone down, I'm getting back to Twitter or X. And I'm replying and I'm saying,

OMG dude, I'm sorry I didn't think you would see this I just was trying to get a joke off I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings I hope that everything is cool between us I'm so fucking sorry and then I'm sending you $5 on Venmo the Venmo in his bio

I'm donating I'm saying seriously so sorry I'm gonna open up the DMs for you actually I have my notifications tab open and I'm waiting for Caleb's reply all right so I'm I'm okay I put my phone down actually I'm gonna text a speech real quick and just say I'll be with you in a second okay I'm opening up Twitter who to me it's goes into my GM I be with you in a second be with you and then I open up the DMZU and I say

okay huh H E H I said okay did you really think I was upset when I quote tweeted that yeah I wasn't upset I was making fun of you because because you were so care about that whole thing. And also, here's a gift for your troubles. And I'm going to send you this one. I don't know that one. This, all of this. I've already, when you said, I'll be with you in a second.

I've already sent you a screen. And again, you're my brother. You're you. Oh, I thought I was the guy in the replies still. Oh, you or him. Okay, well, I'm the guy in the replies. In this universe, though, we don't know each other. Yes, okay.

I'm screenshoting your DMs and I'm posting them to the timeline. And I'm saying someone's desperate. And I'm like one of those Someone's desperate for attention I've never met you So I became like pixelated boat That's like the kind of thing that I am I'm like just a random Twitter account

That just has like five million Yes yeah exactly Drawing webcomics Yes or wait Is that the kind of thing I'm thinking of Where they just send There's just a million screenshots Of just like recycled tweets

That they've made over the past I know that yeah I know the type of guy you're talking about I become one of the like a tweet But you also have a webcomic And I have a webcom It's called Caleb's house. Yeah, and I'm a frog in the webcomic.

Yeah, and your avatar is you. And it's always, it's like three, it's four panels and the fourth panel is me just like, like the first three panels have either no or one word dialogue like boxes. And then the fourth one is me just explaining how I feel about something. Like directly to the thing. And I never met you. So in this world, I have three followers on Twitter and I live in the sewer. Okay.

And I've replied to you, you saying, I'll be with you in a. second. This is a screen cap of your brother's LinkedIn. Okay, I have to call my brother now. Okay, so I'm calling. Real quick, I'm replying to your DM with a selfie of me flipping you off, but you can see in the background

that I live in the sewer. I'm waist deep in poop water. Do you own anything, or is it just you in the sewer? I have a, like, nightstand that's, like, coming out of the water that has, like, a lamp on it. Like, it looks like a basement bedroom that is partially flooded with poop.

I see. I send you a picture of a sewer grate. Just that was in the, dude, he's in here. He has access to your DMs. Wait, is this a hack? Okay, I would like to direct message in you now. My profile picture is Guy Fawkes, not the mask, a picture of the actual guy. Okay.

Whoa. Yeah. A drawing. Okay. So I message you and I say, hey, man, I'm an artist do. I make. comics. I like your drawing of Guy Fawkes. What does that have to do with who you are, though?

Caleb Michael Pitts. This is my reply. Caleb Michael Pitts, April 17th, 1997. Go on. Wilmington, North Carolina. It's just all your info. La, la, la, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He knows my catchphrase.

Your catchphrase. He has my favorite song. La, la, la, la. I have a photo, a photo of you and Noah from 2014. I send that to you. All right. I'm in the Fool's Gold shirt. I got a bandana on.

Yep. All right. It looks like a baby. Yeah. Yeah. I send that exact photo to you. Okay. All right.

What do you want to do about this? Okay. Because clearly you know that I used to exist as well as I do right now. I want a panel in your web comic. Like one panel per issue. You get one of the panel. I draw the other three. Yeah.

If you donate to, if you donate $25 to his Venmo, he puts you as a background extra. of his web comics. No, no, no. I want a whole panel dedicated to my new mission statement. What's your mission statement? We will hack the planet. We will hack the, okay, so you want my next comic to be, so it was going to be about, it was going to be about bumper stickers and about how stupid they are. And now I have to put on the third panel, we will hack the planet. Here we go. Compromise. You put a bumper sticker in that says hack the planet and you say, this is actually

cool as fuck. I endorse this. I endorse this. Although, yeah. Although. Oh, I dislike bumper stickers on the whole. This one's rather cool. I saw this actually cool one the other day, and I hope. Yeah, because that's a completely normal place to put your opinions about the world on the back of your car. That's what I was planning on putting on the frogs chat. Well, you say that, right? But it's a rare six panel comic.

Oh, okay. So the other two panels are saying. But I saw the most amazing one the other day. Addendum. Mm-hmm. I actually saw. My phone died and I don't have an outlet and I'm getting dragged away by sewer monster. The last, you see the one candle, you just hear,

it goes down the tunnels. It's killer crock. And then two, you get pulled out by killer crock. Two detectives are walking through the flashlights. It seems like someone was living down here. I don't see. We heard screams from a sewer. Probably just a transient.

Let's report back to. Wait, a minute. Here's a cell phone for. Let's report back to Chief Caleb. Apparently, somebody did the job for us. We came to fucking kill this kid. But it looks like maybe Killer Croc already got him. Well, I'm getting pulled like in death stranding when Sam gets grabbed by the BTs and he goes,

and he goes flying down. He lost me. That's for everyone else, man. Okay. As long as it's for everybody else. That was a good reference, by that way. Shut up and stay in that. Stay in you.

Stay. And don't come back. I'm following you and I'm following you. You don't exist in this scenario. If we, I, you would, you probably would be dead. He said in this scenario, he follows us on Twitter. If me and Cam never met, you would be dead. You would have died.

You would have killed yourself. I just can see the future. Is that true? That's the future. No, he actually had a much better life. Yeah. Yeah. What would you be doing if you were in a city council member?

probably bathroom you'd be in the bathroom yeah like an attendant no like I gotta go oh you can go to the bathroom whenever you want man

just leave the white on no I can't why not he's so dutiful yeah he's full of duty he's more ways than one oh come on full of duty

get him in the bathroom he's got to laugh he never laughs I bet he's laughing all fucking day on mute. It's probably just mute

it just dying laughing. Dude, I hope so. That's fucking funny shit. How many times did you laugh

so far? Hello? I laughed at the living in the sewer selfie. Okay.

So that was funny. The rest of it was kind of meh. Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

What? He said the rest of it was mad and I agree as well. Living in the sewer. Yeah. Living in the sewers. That's funny.

How did you get to the sewer? Can we go do that? Yeah. Yeah, so I was born. Okay, let's start with... Well, again, the breakoff point in this alternate reality

is just that you and me never met. Okay, yeah. So what's that? 2017? Yeah. 28, no, 2018? I moved to Boston in 2017. I started working at MSC probably, I think, 2017.

Yeah, so probably 2017, I guess. Yeah. But didn't really hit it off until 2018, I would guess. Yeah. So then... And so what's the scenario? I didn't work at this job. You worked there, but I didn't work there

because I was already. I was in the sewer already. You already got to the sewer? Well, well, you don't know this, but I was in the sewer before I was. I just happened to walk in. All right. I meet you one day and I thought,

I think I'll get out of the sewer. I'm going to go out of the sewer for good. Okay. Because I want to see this guy to lose the rest of his hair. Oh, come on. Wow. It looks like it's going. If I'm in the sewer, I might miss the show.

That's fair. And I'm glad you did. Okay, you're in the sewer. Okay, no, I wasn't, I, I, yeah, how does that? This is how you get to the sewer. You did not, you're the first person to ever get denied from a work study job. Yeah. Because they just, you do it in interview and they're like, no, I don't like you.

We can't, we can't put him here. Oh, this is what they said. We're going to give you a, a janitor, work study job. You're going to be a janitor. Yeah. Yeah, can you go clean up the sewers? And then I get basically addicted to the mess. And I'm like,

I'm like, these bathrooms are not stinky enough for me. Okay. Or no way, I get addicted to cleaning. That'd be cruel. A janitor worse than a job. I get addicted to cleaning the toilets.

I'm like, I get all like, like, OCD about it. I'm like, they're not clean. Oh, it's like a cute tip in an ear.

Yeah, I can clean the bowl. Like, yeah, exactly, girls. I can clean, I can clean the bowl.

Mm-hmm. And I can get the, listen, I can get the brush like a few feet down the pipe. Yeah. But it's so dirty all the way down there. Yeah, you've got to get to the source. Even once I clean, even once I clean the bowl, what do I do?

I flush that mess. You flush the mess down. It goes down. You're losing valuable cleaning supplies down there too. So you're following the trail. I'm following, I'm saying there's these clues are leading me to the source of the mess. Because you're like, okay, I just clean this toilet. I don't want to shit in it now and mess it all up.

I'll go down and go shit in the sewer. Yeah. So that's how you first get down there. Right. But then the ladder break. yeah you're stepping it's a ladder that's built in there it's a rebar ladder seven years you've been in the sewer without coming back out well you have almost everything you need down there I mean how I bet you at least once a month flush an apple down the toilet

yeah just to test it right I used to in college I used to flush whole tomatoes that's nutrients that I used to flush whole tomatoes down the toilet oh okay popcorn to feed him yeah people don't know they're feeding me but I'm grateful that they do we knew each other though through Skype. In the when he was in the sewer? Yeah, we were friends on Skype.

I had Skype down there. Back in the day, we were friends on the potato battery. Yeah, I don't know. I just wait for someone to flush a phone down. Oh,

and then you just log into the icebox. Because, you know, when you drop your phone in the toilet, you could, you could either clean it off and rice it. Just fucking just exhausting. Yeah.

Or you could just be like, so be it. Okay, so-as-rah, I'll flush my phone down the toilet. Well, it's already in the toilet. I might as well flush it.

Might as well flush the whole day and save myself the trouble. What I do is I have a kind of, I have a daredevil sense. I'm in the dark all the time down there where my hearing really improves. And I hear, I hear, I hear, I have all the different toilet pipes are up above and I listen. And I just, as soon as I hear a voice from one of the pipes say, ah, okay, sarah, sirrah, you win some, you lose some. You just, I run over, I catch. Sometimes it's poop. Sometimes people say that before they flush their poop.

I wish I could keep my poop. I wish I could hold this. A really nasty one, too. Yeah. It's hitting your hand and wiggling everywhere, like live fish. Yeah. But there's not alligators down there. Oh.

Well, yeah, there's a crocker dial. There's a crocker dial. There's a crockerdial. Name kill a crock. Yeah. Do you wish that you had packed something when you went down there? Yeah. I mean, if I had known I was going to be down there, I would have brought a wall.

types of things well good news that's what today's episode is about no fucking way yeah completely you can't be deadly serious yeah you guys have anything online i have some pictures on my laptop here i have something from the toyota forerunner forum because i was looking at stuff and then i found the toyota forerunner forum and i got really obsessed with the Toyota forerunner forum yeah you just want one is that it no there's a whole off topic where people are like uh okay so men's health Awareness Month, they're trying to make it about all these rainbow homos. It's like all that sort of stuff. Yeah, we were going to do an episode about Everyday Carry. Julio's idea because he loves Everyday Carry. Yeah. I'm sure he has an actual Everyday Carry as well. He does, dude. I've

seen it. It's nice. Julio, you have a nice collection. I do. I think I've seen it too. I put together. I was looking at the Everyday Carry subred and instead I decided to do this subreddit that's um called get your eyes away from my laptop you don't know what i'm doing on here i just wanted to see you let us hunt through your hard drive earlier and yeah you want to look at his it's my family's hard one whoa we heard an echo i heard myself well it was just me joining this discord call and then uh and then muting myself that makes sense um what are you trying to do with your Sorry, I'm opening my bag up. I have my bug out bag.

This is a subreddit here that I have pulled up here that's called Oh, because I've seen one baggers. Yeah. So this is one baggers is when somebody goes on a trip with just a backpack. People like having one bag on one baggers. So R slash many baggers, you can kind of guess what it is. This is many baggers for people that like bags. Many baggers is for folks who like all things that are bags.

If like bags of any kind, this sub is for you. If you have lots of backpacks, purses, wallets, et cetera, and are ashamed to admit it, this sub is for you. If you like to constantly talk about bag designs, then this sub is for you. 125,000 members. Oh, my God. 36 online. I like that you're too recent are many baggers and bagger Nation. Yeah, which I was trying to remember the name of this subreddit.

Bagger Nation is for bagger motorcycles. Oh, okay. I wish that it was also about bags. Uh-huh. Just, okay, obviously there are a lot of different types of bags in the world, and it's okay to be upset. I have multiple bags today. But I think that it's really funny to me to just, that's your thing. You're really into bags because these posts are just all just bags.

That's a tweet about bags. You know, it's all the same kind of back back to. Everyone, I've reached the end game. I have three bags. Wow. Does anyone know this bag? Snack time. Just got a snack time bag.

There's just bags. I don't know. It's really. Whoa, that's a big ass bag. This is a funny meme. Is the new bag big enough? It's a giant bag. Photoshop to be huge.

300 upvotes. Yeah. Just bags, man. It's fucking bags. It's only bags. Which I really was just so took a shot to. I just love the idea of just bags. Yeah.

And here is some of the post I found on here. Banning fake products on many backers. That's a community I liked. Lies for money. I find it funny watching YouTubers telling me that I need to pack light, leave stuff behind, carry one bag. But then, in the same breath, tell me a must have, is a stand for watching my phone, a tripod for taking selfies because holding a phone apparently doesn't suffice,

or bring a carabiner that doubles as a hook so I can suspend my 40L rucksack from a cafe table. I know it's good to have interested to get into products, but there's so much shite talked on YouTube. It's hilarious. Thanks for attending my TED Talk. I'll be selling 100-millimeter water bottles at reception. Six days ago, they're still doing, they're still on things for attending my TED Talk. Now, what I like about this is that, obviously, if you're the type of person that's so into these bags, you should also be the type of person that is into these water bottles.

100%. It's the same exact type of person. And you're getting all self-righteous because a YouTuber says that you need to have one bag instead of many. You're upset. Yeah. If you walk by, if you're one of these guys and you see the, like, tactical Sharpie with the clip on it, you're buying it. And you should be buying it because that is the kind of shit that you like.

That's who you are. So I think this clearly shows that there is a war and disagreement between one baggers and many baggers. Yeah. I joined this sub two months ago. Jesus. Christ, like 50 bags. For fucking what, man?

Two months. Are there, okay, here's my question about this subreddit. Is there like, are there like preferences for bags? Like, are they like, oh, we really love chrome bags or something or like the Carhart bags or whatever? They have no preference. Really? Because, of course, they have preference. No.

I don't know. I mean, dude, if you have this many bags, they're all the same. They're all the same. They're all like rigid body. Yeah. Like laptop cross body. A fucking ridge bag.

Fuck Ridge, dude. They, they, they, fuck Ridge wallets. There are certain brands that they like to. Fuck all that shit, man. I'm sick of that crap. How could you ever. Alaska. Own this many bags.

Air. Oops. Whoa. Chrome Industries. That's the one I've seen all the biker guys. the bike messengers. Bag fan. You are a

secret bag fan. I am a secret bag fan. I'll admit it. No, I'm not a public bag fan. That sounds like a really 1940s like way to say you're gay. Yeah.

I'm a fan of bags. He's a secret bag fan. This post really made me laugh on this. Anyone carry a bag everywhere? What bag do you use? Obviously the entire. I can't read this made me want to buy a Belroy Venture Sling 9L. Oh my God.

Wait, can we see what that looks like? Belroy Venture Sling 9L. Can we see a picture of the Belroy Venture? Yeah, I want to see what this looks like. Yeah. Because I might have to buy one of these. I need a new backpack. It's a sling bag for sure.

Oh, wow. Wow. Dude, I'd buy this. Yeah. It's a Bellw Adventure Sling 9-Lenons on over-the-shoulder bags like this. I wear one from the time to time. Yeah. I've never seen you in one.

I have it in my backpack. You'll see it in a minute. But I just, I found it. I don't think I would ever buy like a nice one, but I just saw one outside, like on a at a thrift. store for like five bucks and I was like fuck it I don't like carrying a tote bag

which is normally what I'm kind of sick of a backpack the backpack is way too much yeah the Oakley comedy connection Rhode Island backpack that I've been rocking for like three years is just not this backpack is really nice I like this is too big though exactly it is too big so I have my little crot because I like to be

able to carry my book my headphones my everyday carry but I don't carry it every day I would only if I'm going to be out all day Flip 2. Yeah. The retrooid flip 2. That was something that on the EDC

subreddit, I just saw a million people being like phone, wallet keys, retrooid flip 2. I was like, what the fuck is this? And it's one of those. It's an emulator, right? Oh, yeah. Emulator.

Oh, yeah. And they were like, I just sold my steam deck and I bought two retroid flip D2s for me and my daughter. Wow. I'm like, fuck, yes. Okay, I bought another backpack. So the bag fans even like

this type of thing. It's a Doggy Kong barrel. Whoa, with bananas all in it. I kind of like that. Would you roll? I like it as a concept. I don't know if I would rock it. I would not wear this. It looks like it doesn't, it looks like it's unwieldy and it doesn't carry enough stuff. You wouldn't even wear this to packs? I would wear it to packs, dude. Okay, come on. Yeah. You have to wear some shit like this. Since I knew we're talking about back, I almost brought my bag that I got at packs from like 2012. Drawstring? Yeah. Drawstring magic. The gathering bag was the worst bags.

Drawstring backpack. I've seen that forever. It survived since nobody wears them anymore. That was a huge thing for a bet. It was huge. But this one has survived since 2012. Not that I really use it. They're terrible.

Dude, they're the worst bags ever. Really awful. Any info on what bags this guy may be wearing? Arkansas State Police share a new photo of devil's dead double homicide person of interest. My friend and I are trying to figure out what bags this guy is wearing. This is the person of interest in the Devil's Den's State Park Stabbings. To me, it looks like he's wearing a backpack and then a duffle on top of that. Wow.

I have to agree. This is the type of madness that takes hold once you begin to enjoy bags. And gear, too. Yeah. I feel like this is all, all of the gear stuff that you see on like the EDC shit, everything is like when they get a mass shooter and like the Stephen Paddock Hotel Room photos. That is the end of a grid of. That's what happens when you get too into gear.

It's like, well, I got to do a mass shooting now because I got all these bags Or a bomb or something It's just always whatever Because those are the guys that have go bags Yeah, yeah, exactly Which satchel is this The one used by Sheldon in the Big Bang theory

This is how fucking autistic these people are I wish I could be like Sheldon Did they identify it? This is cool I was looking into getting a messenger bag satchel. After seeing this picture, I lost my appetite for them altogether. Damn. You know it would be a

good bag? The bag that I always think about when I think about a bag in media is the SpongeBob cookies bags. Remember when they had fucking hell of those bags walking around? Yeah. Do you guys remember these bags? I do remember them. I don't remember them. No, the cookies are not cookies. It's candy bar bags.

Sorry, chocolate. Chocolate bar bags. The chocolate bar bags would have and then chocolate bar carrying bag bags. Yep. I remember those. Those would be cool. I would like to get that on this. I think I might have to because What bag is SpongeBob holding? I need an idea on this bag.

Would you be annoyed if someone asked you about your bag? Just the really basic questions. Nobody in this would ever be anything other than thrilled. That's just the highlight of your year if someone asked you about your bag. Right. Can anyone ID this backpack worn by the goat? It's probably a Jordan bag. It's just so funny that it's just is people posting pictures of bags and say, I want this bag.

And then it's Jordan and then fucking, uh, What's his name? John Lovitz. It's a customs worker. I really looks like John Lovitz. At the start of a divorce and I think I already found my future wife via this Facebook ad.

So wait, that your future wife is the model from this? Is that Nicole McLaughlin? Because she has... Her breasts are in backpacks? It's the lady. She makes all the fucking... She makes the stuff out of different stuff.

I think that's her. I know her. Oh. She makes interesting items. This is all. also, I just wanted it. This is such an incredible, incredible refuge and community for the divorce, divorced people of the world.

Also, I mean, that really is like divorced and she took every dollar. I have to leave right now. Luckily, I have seven bags. I put all my clothes down. But also, like, go find a motel. What am I going to get into fucking Warhammer is too expensive to paint this shit? Yeah. I guess I'll get into bags because you can have three of them.

Yeah. Post, my life is complete on the. on the Reddit. Your fancy backpacks are likely going to outlive you. Who will enjoy them after you pass away? Probably a mutinoid. I don't have kids, but I have nephews that would inherit when I die, I guess, if that's even a thing with backpacks.

But I don't think any future generations would appreciate them the way I do. Wait, my fear is that they would likely end up in the Salvation Army used bags bin. Such is the cycle of life. Your nephew is going to fucking throw it away. Yeah, your nephew is going to fucking throw it away. going to treat it well. People are going to find that bag at the Salvation Army and be like, oh, great. I got a great deal on a nice bag. I would like to be buried

with my bags. Dude, you should be buried in the bag. Get the biggest bag you own. bury yourself in that. I hope my friend's kids inherit my backpacks after I die. That is such a fucking crazy thing to say. Yeah. And to my friends

kids, I leave my backpacks. Then this was my last one. Are satchel bags okay to wear in a grocery store? What is the worry? I'm nervous. Am I look suspicious? Okay. Well, that's a classic fear of ours, I would say, as a trio,

is the fear of being accused of shoplifting. The fear of being accused of being suspicious. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always, I'm always afraid of being suspicious. Me too. But I think satchel bags are okay to wear in a grocery store. They have to be.

If that answers to your question, if you're out there listening to this podcast. Yeah. I hope you consider your question answered. I know you've been racking your brains for eight months. Yeah. Shout out to Chewy Chewbaku said, Are you female, then yes.

Are you male? Also, yes. Other? You guessed it, yes. Wow. Chewitabaca. Shout out to you. But that was all of my, that was all I found about bags.

Which is kind of the, we're talking about everyday carry, but bags is the container of the other. That's true. Speaking of, let's see your everyday carry. My everyday carry? Yeah, let's see your EDC. Okay. I have. This is just in my bag right here.

Okay. I have some gum. Some isylitol gum. Some different kind of gum. Oh, I fuck with this. Right. Cigarettes. Okay.

A microphone. Podcaster slash stand-up comedian. You got to always have one. You got to bring a mic to these clubs, man. Yeah. Sometimes if they're the ones I'm getting booked at. Yeah. Robert B. Parker,

Taming a Seahorse, a Spencer novel. This is Detective Spencer. Yeah. This is they, made a movie about him with Mark Wahlberg recently. Really? I think so. Detective Spencer. Spencer. Spencer for hire, check out the Spencer for Higher

series. I like his pick on the back. Check out the 70s television show, Spencer for Hire. This is a great series. I'm working my way through this. Let's just see. I think it's Mark Wahlberg and Post Malone in it. No way. They did a Spencer for... I think I would have heard. This is Gus's book. Gus told me about it.

That's exciting. It's not come out yet. What? The Spencer for hire has not come out yet. No, it's out. It's been out. What? I think so. Sounds like you've got some homework, man. You'd have to look it up.

A Spencer for hire movie? I'm pretty sure it's out. Okay, dude. Don't go lying to me. You know why? Why? Oh my God. Whoa.

Show the camera that. You're looking at that camera. These are scary. Where are these from? Did we? I don't know where I probably should put them out. Yeah. Yeah.

I think we got these together somewhere. This was. in a my drawer on my desk. It's funny, I have something kind of similar in my everyday carry. Yeah. It's from the same night. What'd you say? It's from the same night. I don't know. Philadelphia, Dave and Busters.

Philadelphia Davy and Buster. And then I got some. Can I have that? Can I keep that? You want it? Why this one? Where did you get these? They're pictures he took.

I just have a disposable and I took some photos. I got these back not that long ago. You got them developed? This guy. Number two. I think these were from a wedding. Number two.

Oh, that bastard number two. That one's good. You got slobber on all of these. I don't care. This is my favorite one. Yeah, so I got that. Um, this. A Wafel house name tag.

This is Nate unit manager. My stepdad's, I use it as a disguise. And then I actually do have some Austin Powers trading cards. Oh my God. Yeah, you're, I told you, man. This is mostly like stuff that I thought you would like. No, I thought you, you said that I, you implied that I left this at your house. No, I didn't.

That's what I thought you said. I said it was you style stuff. Okay. Well, these are amazing. They are pretty cool. Wait a minute. I think I might have... I definitely had something similar to these as a child.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. I had an Austin Powers as an Austin Powers McFarland figurine that I used to... I insisted that my parents buy at the Kmart. So this is on sale. And I was like, I want this. This is my everyday carry.

This is where you carry every day. It's useful. I think... You know, I feel like each one of these has some kind of use. But I need to do that grid thing. they do. Yeah. Yeah, we do have to all take pictures of this way. We'll post

our EDU. That'll be there. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do that after. Okay. Anything else in the bag or is that it? No, that's it man. Oh, wow. I feel like it's a pretty good haul of carry. Yeah, that is a good haul. You're doing your everyday carry? Because I brought you to go next. Yeah, because I brought a go bag. I brought my bug out bag. This is my bag that I use in case there's

an apocalypse. So here's my shoulder bag that I was talking about. This is my one that I found at the digital camo. Yeah. It's, yeah,

the camo I think is a little much. But I think this is the type of thing that cool guys wear around town. Oh, yeah.

So I think I can usually get away with, the shape of this is more fanny pack to me than crossbody. Well, it is a fanny. Well,

it's what the cool, like I say, cool guys around town do that wear the fanny pack as a cross body. Oh, cross body. Put that thing on your fanny,

girl. No, fanny. Put it on it. Me? Put that. shit on your fanny. I want to unpack it. Dude, I want you to see you like

Granny Fanny from robots. Or Aunt Fanny. Why didn't they call her Granny Fanny? I don't know. Okay, guys. This is my everyday carry. The thing's that I use every day. So toothpick. Damn. Just one. That's good. That's good to have because you don't know.

You can stop yourself at one. Poison sauce? That's very good for fun. Very good for fun. It's good for fun. Yeah. And for fun. You can use this to do graffiti writing. That's not true.

Little balloon. May I blow that out? This is your small pocket, too. I can't wait to see what's in your big pocket. These are the small items in your small pocket. Chocolate chip. I let not melt. This is my question.

I really want to know. Inhale this and get a high voice. Hello. It wasn't that. You were faking. So you can see, if I didn't have the, chocolate chip I wouldn't carry the hoison sauce the sauce is for the chip yeah if I get hungry I think that's yeah that's everything in that pocket oh I can't wait to the next pocket I can't wait to see

his next pocket the medium pocket as I call it you have three pockets have three pockets oh my god with all different sizes items that fits in the different sizes pockets evil teeth didn't bring teeth peptobismal that's for the uh the chocolate and the hoison that's a very good carry Half of Obelisk, the Tormentor. Egyptian God card. If I found the other half, this might be worth a little bit of money. I can sell that if I need it. Small cards.

Little cards for playing with small people. Magnifier. For playing with the small cards. You can see what's on the card. You see what you have. And that's it for the medium pocket. All right. Let's see this big pocket.

You have a good EDC, bro. dude you haven't seen anything yet it's hard when I'm holding the microphone I want to get in there with both hands dude Easter egg oh wait that's just for the fans out there it's fucking empty yo yo for playing walk the dog I don't know if I can walk the dog

wow whoa that was good yo yo joystick okay's separate joystick rat car oh cool I haven't seen that rat car Stig. Goomy lobster. Okay. A goomy lobster.

Careful with that. Goomy lobster. That could have got a last thing. You know, I doubted you. That is a gummy lobster. Your goomy lobster almost hit your number two. Stethoscope. Ah.

Why is what do you have that? For just, it's my everyday carry. Stuff I need in the day of the day daily. Can you check me out after this? Would it work if you put one end up to the headphone and then we could hear. each other's breathing? Probably, yeah.

I mean, you... No, that... Guys, I don't know what you are doing. Is it working? No. This isn't what I was thinking at all. You want to put it on the headphone. No, man.

Test. Stop. Check. Check. That's bullshit. What you're doing is fucking... Can you hear me right now? He can't hear anything because of the...

This death is go. Wait, wait. My head is... My noise doesn't come through the microphone, though. I can't. How am I responding to you then? That's a good point. How is he responding to you?

That is a really fucking good. Yeah. Can I keep the Goomy Lobster? You don't get it dirty. Dude. It went on my thumb because it likes me so much. Oh, can I show you something with it really quick? And then you can get him to get off of me.

All right. Well, it was easy. Giving him as good. You're giving him the Goomy lobster. Oh, no. No. That's a fucking reaction to that. All right.

But that's my everyday carry. You can keep it, but I need it. I need it for my grid picture. And it's a launcher, by the way. It's supposed to launch like that. I thought it was a goomy lot. You called it a goomy lot. No, please.

Stop shooting stuff at me. Please. Well, if somebody was shooting stuff at Patrick. I would be able to get away because this is my bug out back. Fucking three stooges. Shit my tooth. No, but my tooth did. I did hit my tooth.

On my head? Yeah, I hit your head. That was your head? Oh, it's all dirty. See, you got the gummy locks are dirty. Well, you broke my head in the CTE. Guys, here is my bugout bag. This is everything I need in case of a maybe nuclear war.

Okay. Or a second 9-11 that happens. Something like this. So here in this bag, I have, and I'm one of these many baggers. Okay. So here's my other bag. Oh. This is my other bag here.

This carries some important stuff. But just in case of an apocalyptic situation, in my main bag here, I have, of course, I have the. Sticky ball? This is Sticky Ball. Oh, I love Sticky Ball. You lost a thing in here, too. Oh, this is a notepad from the Common Men in and Spa. Okay.

This is just in case I need to leave a note for somebody. Here I have, this is a karaoke microphone. Ever since I hit Caleb's head, my headphones have been ringing. Mine too. Ever since our heads hit, our headphones are. And here I have absolute beginners. Do you think it's something that's happening on the actual? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, watch us.

Oh, it's probably an item I have in my bugout bag. Wait, what the fuck do you have, bro? What the hell? Yeah. No, that's my, this is my flashlight. Okay. So I, this is, it's a one-time use flashlight. I can only use it one time.

Why does it get, why does it do? Probably because it's charged. Don't point it at me, man. No, don't, no, no. I was so scared of that. I was not making the noise anymore. Well, gee, it makes the noise once it's fully charged. Do you hear charging up?

Yeah, I do. Dude, don't do it again. Please don't do it again. I see a big spot. All right, so that's my one-time use flashlight. I also have absolute beginner's bass guitar just in case of an apocalyptic situation. I'm so afraid of that thing. You don't know how to turn it on, thank God.

Shut up! Obviously, I have my gun. Okay. Need this just in case. Need that. So I think that's everything. Oh, sorry. I thought it was everything.

Also, I need the Golden Jun Chul Hit Song Parade. Is that good? It's pretty good. Well, it's the hit song parade. No player. In my smaller bag, just in case, I have...

If you left civilization, this is what you would have. I would have maybe my HP Sprocket micro sticker printer. Wait, let me see that. That's fucking cool. A Sprocket. Yeah.

Obviously, I would have my turtle. Nice. That's cute. This you can put in water, and it swims. I'm being flashed. I'm being shot with a gummy lobster. And I don't want anything else to touch.

These are menthol jule pods from 2020. Why do you still have the? The jewel is really, Jewel is like aged so poorly. I feel like if you've ever, if you've hit one recently, they've come up with so many more betterer things that it's just trash.

I've Kingdom Hearts 2.5 for PS3. Dude, price tag on? How much you pay for this shit? 1899 Yeah something like that I had a I had pro Oh shit

So you got a dollar Of speaking of pro I learned from the pro American badass survival guy Just in case This also this used to have a lock picking set And I don't know where it went Congratulations on receiving your threat response

Solutions instructional package I know you'll love it But I want to tell you about something More that I've got for you And it's especially exciting if you're interested in learning How to fight and win no matter what your size or strength Where's my chocolate chip I don't know.

Oh, there it is. It was hiding behind my Easter egg. This is a really important thing to have just in case, you know, an EMP hits the country. Okay. And you can't use any technology. We have baby shower madlibs. Ooh. Oh, wow.

This is a really important item to have. This is serious stuff. Over the last 18 years, I've poured my blood, sweat, and tears into researching FBI and CIA Personal Combat White Papers, mountains of sensitive police reports on specific violent crime. one-on-one, in-depth instructions from some of the world's most accomplished martial artists, bar bouncers, hardened street fighters,

hot-duty combat soldiers, back-alley bare-knuckle cage brawlers, black bag military elimination forces, and ice-cold, steely-eyed black operative killers. This is a very good DVD to have... Read that last one again? Ice cold... Okay, so they're ice-cold. Steely-eyed, black operative killers.

Wow. Wow. This is a DVD I inherited from my own grandfather. I think we smelled that one. Yeah, we did smell. Let's see, yeah, let's give it a sniff. And you know, amazingly, you can compare it to the Blu-ray. That actually brought back a crazy memory.

This is one of the most unique smelling DVDs of all times. Compare it to that smell, the Kingdom Hearts 2.5. Yep. I remember smelling this. Mm-hmm. Now obviously I'm going to need some U.S. Army walkie-talkies. Whoa. These are very important to have.

important to have. Check, check. These are not on right now. But they do have a built-in flashlight. Oh, another packet jewel pods. These are fucking fake. Wait, this is a fake fucking...

These are fucking fake. They're fake. They're fake. They're fucking fake. George Dickle white. Damn, I want to drink that white dickle. And finally, the last thing of my bugout bag is, this is... Oh, sorry.

Second and the last thing. This is my frog bag. This is my smaller bag made out of a frog. Is it really made out of a frog? I really hope not it is made out of a real frog yeah I think it is David Buster's flash

there was so much stuff in here I also have this this is horrible that's one of this is one of the most gruesome objects on planet Earth this is a happy birthday these are happy birthday streamers just in case it's my birthday

and my birthday hat for an episode that was bringing all the bullshit you have I'm not surprised who won yeah yeah I mean this is really cute Can I try walking the dog on the table? Yeah, dude.

I never did this before. Now, this, I had no idea. I think that basically is it. I had no idea. This was a real frog until Cameron. I showed it to Cameron on the phone, and he said, you don't know that they do that over there. What do you mean over there?

He says in the Philippines. I was like, oh, I did not say that. Yeah, I said, I showed you the packaging. I did not say that. That's what you said. It was on discord. I remember the call specifically. I was on the street.

No, no, no. I was on the street. Yeah, I'm looking. Looking for like a... I did not say they do that in the Philippines. Sign of injection mold or something, but no. And people do that. I think you added in the Philippines because you like to think about ethnicity.

The legs off a frog. Scooped it out like a grapefruit. Tanned it. And then fucking tanned it and put googly eyes on it. Yeah. And a zipper on the back. This is one of the most horrific things I've ever seen. And I thought it was just a made to look like that.

I didn't think it was a real frog until... Look at his fingers. Yeah, but that looks like, now that I'm touching the fingers. Yeah. This is horrifying. This is a depressing object. This is a museum of the bizarre type shit. Yeah.

But guess where I got that? Where? Other people's clothes and Ridgewood Quincolns. That's an interesting pickup from them. I wonder who sold this to them. I know. A cloudy-eyed lady. Uh-huh.

Oh, and the ziffer's not very good. Oh, and then there was this as a clone. Sliper kind of sucks. What does it feel like inside? Yeah. Man, we haven't done one for a while where we just had a bunch of shit. Yeah. I miss having a bunch of shit, smelling all this sorts of stuff and touching things and

replacing my teeth with green ones. You smelled that? Wait, this is good for ventriloquist testing. Why do you do the ventriloquism with this thing? Hello, everybody. Nangin is... Kill it wrong. I didn't have any legs.

Oh, I had some more in my bag. It was harder to do with this. What's that? This is candle wax. What the fuck is that, bro? It's candlewags, I'm telling you. It's wax. Why?

In case a ledge gets dry. Oh, okay. This is for skateboarding. Oh, shit. Wait. Behavior. My ears. Oh, yeah. Those are really white. Here, you can put these on.

These are glow in the dark ears just in case and to get lost in the dark. You have anything else in here? Earing stuff. There is stuff in there. Fuck your wax. I do have more in there. Those are two fingerboards.

What's that from the sharper image? Why are you holding out on us? Sorry, I forgot to show you. My GameCube memory card. Thank you. Thank you for showing that to me. This is a GameCube memory card with a modify. Things are starting to smell really weird ever since I hit my head on Patrick's,

and I think I might have to throw up soon. That's all right. You ever notice any time you hit your head real hard, you just throw up, and then it's all just, you feel much better. Yeah, it's fine completely. Yeah. I like your new attitude. Damn, you look like Link.

You do look like Link. You should have been cast as Link, bro. I'm Link. audition okay that would be that wouldn't be your suicides wouldn't okay that would

if I'm the second person to talk in the scene mm-hmm all right and I'm yeah link I'm uh

so the first line is like my name is who's another character from my name is Zelda my name is Zelda I'm the princess who is the

end level the final level is trying to get her me I mean uh and there's a giant pig name to get in my cue

just whenever I stopped talking. And actually, you can, it'd be better if for the character, you could interrupt because he's kind of a childish kid. I'm Zelda. I'm the end of the game. And I'm Link. That's good. Can we get it a little bit less mysterious and

a little more like you're really interrupting us? My name is Zelda. This is Gordo or whatever. What's a Gauron? I'll do the Gauron sound. Hold on. My name's Zelda. This is a Gorgon. This is, okay. I'm moving to a different scene. Link doing the spin attack. Sounds really slow.

It's supposed to be a fast spin attack. And also, that's... What was it like to record the sounds for the link? Charging up. Yeah, so link, we get... So link for this part of the game, you just, you're, this is, this is when you get, because you know, there's water in the game.

This is when you get into the water. There's water in the game. There's water in Breath of the Wild. So we're doing, well, you haven't, plenty yeah because it's not out and you're recording the voice lines this is you getting into the water and it's very refreshing what was that

sorry one second sorry sorry clean take clean take no so you're not doing me I'm stepping in the water so link or sorry as we're walking through the water you're not you when you want you to be a voice actor you're just doing the voice line bare foot

walking through the water so you you actually we just need you to say like yeah we don't need to Apona's sounds. You are not... Oh, there we go. You're not...

It's not a Michael Winslow job. No, you're not doing all the sound effects. You're just doing... Cannonball! Okay, you were right. A cannonball I liked. Yeah. Let's stick with...

Cannibal? No, I don't... The noise of a cannonball. No, I like you saying... Cannonball or Geronimo. I don't know if Link speaks English. He's technically Japanese. I've heard him go...

Yeah. Haia is not a... That's famous. That's a English word. It's famously karate. What? Karate is not a language. But you know what?

It is a language. There's language involved in it. Link putting on his clothes. You know, we cut the part of the game where he puts his clothes on. He's not going to be wearing his clothes. Well, he wears him, but we don't have the scene where we... Link's thing swinging in the wind.

Well, I'm sure that'll come out pretty fast. Link walking through the grasslands. Okay. No clothes. All right. Now we're just going to put all this in the game. Yeah. What was that middle?

Well, he's walking around. He's just breathing. Okay. Here's my attempt. This is Link walking through the tall grass. Okay. Fuck. Fuck.

Okay, Link walking through the water. Yeah. We can just loop that. Yeah. Okay. Whatever is in the water. All right. What about him?

What about him fighting one of the glazer monsters? You glazer! No, it's a glazer. That's the glazer sound. Is that not called a glazer? Would you say a glazer monster? A laser monster. Is that a glazer? No, that's not.

That's what you said. No. Walking through the water to a glazer monster. Okay, what about at the very end and he... Glazer. No, what about it? Okay. What about at the very end when he fights Ganendorf?

Yeah you're a fucking cannon dwarf shit head fucking bitch to have him walkie he's

he's got hollyp oh all right what about at the end when he's reunited with Zelda he's doing what

reunited with Zelda he's quiet he's a little guy yeah he doesn't speak too much from my understanding he's flying on his

paraglider he's flying on a peradyl paraglider let's hear that though a Yeah. Peridectal. Yeah.

Yeah. Peridectal. Well, he's fast. Yeah. Well, we're going to have to make that really fast. Well, he's going to do. Okay, slow. No, that's from flying.

No, nothing's flying to that song. That's fat. You would be able to stay in the air if you were flying that slow. It's a magic world. With glazer monsters. There's not. You said glazer monsters. No, I didn't.

You said, fighting? And I didn't say Grandma Dwarf. Grandma Dwarf. That's what you said. Oh, that sounds like Grandpa Dwarf. I'm going to be no disrespect to Grandma. They're squat, they have vocal cords in a certain way. That's true.

They do have squat vocal cords in a certain way. Link squatting. Do link squatting on the horse. That's good. Sounds like... she's like rubbing his clit why is he fucking making that noise he doesn't have well-developed muscles yeah little elf it's hard for him to squat do you not know anything about zelda is that what we're hearing right now Zelda is the girl link is the boy yeah i know about crash course

i know about zeldah then you don't know about any squats on riding his horse you're talking about link now yeah the fuck was that that balloon just fucking pop yeah dude you just got bombed by my breath though then. You got hit with the breath bomb, fuck you bitch. Sorry about your stuff. Whoa.

Dude, you do not want to have an item fight with me right now. You stop it right now. I have much heavier stuff on my side of the table right now. I have walkie-talkie. That's mine.

Wait, no, only touch your stuff. I can do with my joystick. Don't touch my lot. Hey, mom, this is Patrick

and I fucking hate you and dad now. I got these walkie-talkies at D2. I don't go to fuck about your shit. Your shit sucks. My shit's awesome. You were so jealous of my shit when I started taking it out? You're not,

you're telling me you're not jealous of golden hion chule. You've never listened to that. I have. No, you haven't. Name one song.

Name how it goes. You sing the name of it. No, that shit isn't really. And your candles, I'm confiscating. Don't even, don't even take those.

I'm confiscating your candle. Don't even touch my 20 candle. I got that when I was 20 years old. I need those. I need those. Then get them. is this good what this episode

are we still recording I was just having fun playing with this shit this is really just playing this up what is that oh we're spying on boys wait these are the wrong side no they were right

they were right they're just not very good yeah binoculars that's a creepy thing to have yeah these are my these are my girlfriends creep

yeah my girl I've been thinking she's a creep for a while you think so yeah all right you think she's you think she's a creep

she's a creeperoid tune in to the premium feed unsubscribe after this that's why this episode was so kind of nothing because the premium episode this week

are 300th premium guys I don't want to give away You want to subscribe after you heard this one? I don't want to give away too much. You heard or watched this one and you were like, ooh, we really got to give these guys some money. There's some really, really interesting stuff going on on the premium feed this week.

Yeah, that's all I'll say. Yep. And what's the dress code for the premium? Decadent. Formal. Elegant. We'll say formal elegance. Formal elegance.

Formal elegance is the dress, official dress code for the. premium. So when you listen to the premium this week, don't read what it is beforehand, just dress up. And dress up when you listen to it. I know I look and I'm dressed like this turtle. I get it. I wish we had a punch in. I get it. Tilt it so you can see it's a shell too.

Yeah. I'm dressed and I look exactly like the turtle. I'm putting in gum. And I am sitting This podcast that has been approved by kill of bits and page 4 by solving the frugging enterprises. Yeah, I'm dressed and I look exactly like the turtle. Me and you have like 15 sodas. And you're holding 15-15 sodas each. And Cameron looks up from his phone.

He sees that we have t-shirts on that say that this is a family reunion in New York City. Or, wait, actually, I think I can make it even worse. It's like a holiday like Santa Con and it's like National Soda Day or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we are both like Patagonia guys coming from our job in Midtown to go to the Soda Day at the movies. Yeah. And where do we, this 15 sodas, we eat, we have three more guys upstairs. that have, we have taken all of the Coke freestyle flavors.

Yes. We have every combination of the Coke freestyle flavors. And we're talking about our sodas. Ready, three, two, one. Dude, I think I got Pib with Lyme or something. I don't even know. Dude, I think I got Lyme with Pib or something, man. This is seriously, I don't know.

This is seriously the best holiday ever. Dude, I can't wait to see. Wait, what movie are you seeing? And look at this fucking loser behind us. No, it doesn't have a soda. He's not even worth acknowledging because he's such a fucking piece of shit on my shoe. Wait, what movie are we seeing? we're seeing the shit shower

the shit shower oh that must be theater six wait look at his ticket it says theater six as well oh dude oh we're in row we're in row C oh wait a man I'm looking at his ticket he's in row B directly behind all of us wait he actually instead of being directly behind us he has a seat in the middle we have one seat on either side

and we're passing on the sodas down this is a situation where you guys are describing how you're going to annoy me instead of currently annoying me no no all right so now we're in the movie yeah we're in the movie yeah yeah okay so we're watching the shit shower And here we have a movie that he just wanted to see for a long time.

Here we have a beautiful. This is a foreign film that just got it released. And they got the dojo won. They entered in the sheet. Dude, pet. Dude, wait, do you have the cherry pip? Yeah, dude, here's the cherry pip. Hands going, arms going in front of your face.

Dude, yes. Dude, we should mix the Pib and the Sprite together. Yeah. Enough. Excuse me, gentlemen. Excuse me, gentlemen.