Podcast About List - Ep. 351 - The Hollywood Situation Will Be Fixed With Our System

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

Moviegoers, film makers and people with a letterboxd account, we hear you and understand that the state of Hollywood is simply deplorable. Try our system, today!Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/showsGet extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Started hating me a couple weeks ago. And I don't think he's... That's not true at all. I actually don't think you like me anymore. That's not true at all. I don't think that you think we're friends or that you like spending time with me. I think you think that I'm annoying

and everything I do just pisses you off so much and you just don't ever want to see me again. And I don't know when it started. What is giving you that idea? Because every little thing I do is just always so wrong with him. And I've noticed that you're getting closer to Cameron.

What do you mean? I'm not closer to him. I mean, I mean, oh, I didn't even realize I was touching him. I mean, in general, I honestly, I understand just then that probably made you feel a little excluded, but I just want to say I didn't even realize I was doing it because touching Patrick is just so normal to me. He doesn't let me touch him anymore. I used to touch him whenever I wanted to. He told me you can touch me whenever you. I don't think I ever said that. There's no situation. Dude, I know that. There's no, I know that there's no, there's no, there was no, there was no situation where I said, I am free use like that. Whenever you want, just touch me. I never said. I never said. I really don't want to. I know that I'm not even sure you want to, but just whenever you want to, just, it's okay. It's never happened even once.

You said, I'm that kind of guy where you can touch me. And I don't really care. I've never even said that once. You did. And now I touch you and you just. I don't like that. Why don't you like that? Just don't touch me.

You have a little knee, I just realized. I don't have a little knee. This is cat protrude. He has a one. This is how big his knee is. You'd think it'd be bigger, wouldn't you? I don't know. That's not little.

Let me test my knee. oh god i can barely fit my hand around that that knee that knee what a bulky manly knee wow let me see mine check your knee show me the hand one second show me the imprint that's too big that's both of them combined

that's two you're saying that your knee spans between the size of these two hands that is not your one it just moved it just got bigger when you said that my knee swells up if I'm getting irritated by people lying to me. That's true. There is someone at this table that's lying about your knee size. Then you should be in the UFC.

What was that? There is someone at the table. There's two people who are lying about it. There's someone at this table is lying about his knee size. I want to be dumb. I don't want to be D. You are dumb, my friend. Oh, good.

Dude. Okay. Let me tell you about this. I have this morning. There is a new spiller. This morning. No, this is, this is so bad. Yeah.

This morning, I pick up on my way to the train. I pick up a Celsius. A 12-gallon fat of hot oil. Feathers, tar. My tar, my feathers, my honey, and a bear. I picked up a normal-sized Celsius, blue raspberry, whatever. The one with no fizz.

That's important. No, no fiss. Blue raspberry. I know the flavor. So I got a no fizz one. You're saying I have no fizz. You got no fizz. You got no fizz. You got no fizz. You have no fizz. You don't sparkle.

You don't sparkle. I'm sorry to interrupt your story. You got no fizz. I have fizz. I glisten. You don't have fizz. I do. You don't glisten. No. You don't glisten. I fizzed. I just fizzed. Like 10 minutes ago. I fizz. Okay. 10 minutes ago. I get on the train. And I, my work is like 20 stops from. where I get on.

So it's a long train right ahead of me. And I, as soon as I get on, I drop the Celsius with the top down and it just goes glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. And almost all of it comes out onto the subway, under the subway train, the floor of the compartment. And at first I'm like, that sucks. That's a spill. I don't have anything to clean it with, though. So I unfortunately just have to leave it there.

And then the train starts taking off. And I'm at the front of the train. and so now a giant line starts feeling off of this puddle and it goes and it went almost the entirety of the subway car

and then I had to ride 30 stops or 30 minutes with a line of liquid where every single per and it was so perfectly right in the middle of this subway car

that it looked like it divided the entire thing so I had to watch everybody at every entrance get on and step over this thing and avoid it And there was, like, a per, you could see from, it was a packed subway,

but you could see from one end to the other. Because nobody wanted to stand in this liquid. Because there was no fizz. They didn't know what it was. Okay. And it's the blue raspberry one, so it does. Could be anything. Yeah.

You've been upgraded to the flutter. That was the worst. That is a low-level flood. It's a low-grade flood. You are no longer this filler. Oh, my God. You were the flutter. I somehow flooded with a 12-ounce-

You know you spill like this and still no lids on his cups. I just want to fill that bitch up to the brim for some reason. Put that thing. Give me more. This is what they pour me this and I say It's not full enough It's too damn much A lid wouldn't help with him though

No that's true The lid is simply acts as a As an element of surprise Right Because when I don't have the lady go Of course he fucking spilled But when I spill with a lid I still say that

Yeah well maybe at this point It really is actually unbelievable Can I say I think I spilled my phone When I into the You spilled your phone Oh how do you spill your phone? I drop my phone 50

times a day. I think that I have spilled like a liquid spill. It is about to be a lie. I swear to God. I swear to God. No, I fucking hand to God. Look, I'm a liar. I'm not lying about this. Okay. Then I respect that very much. I think I've spilled probably one or two times in the, like entire time I've lived in New York. Maybe three or four. I'm going to say it's about 30. You're telling me what

Over the course of living here, that's like three or four years? Yeah, I don't spill. I think you spill ten times every, like the average human spills ten times a year. You have never, have you ever seen me spill? Yes. When? Name one time. Spill your fucking pains of the ass notions.

Can't even think, can't even think of anything. But I'll tell you, one of the spills I had was one of the worst spills I've ever had in my life, which is that I spilled an entire bowl of soup onto my lap. And that was really, really awful. Restaurant or home? ruined home on the couch that really ruined my day in a bad bad way so i'm not saying i'm immune to spilling but what but i think you spill literally probably a hundred times more frequently than i yeah we're in the average person i don't remember the last time i went i do

i do want to see i do want to see the amount of spills a person has like on the average person i have a disease i have a i have a muscular degenerative disease do you I do. I have to. Does it pertain to grip strength? I have great grip strength, but it doesn't matter because I'll just throw it. I literally there have been times when I have been walking with something with a water. And I've been walking with the water and then I've just let go of it for some reason.

And I have no, and I just spill it. And in my head, I chalked that up to like, oh, yeah, I spilled the water. But if I went back and I thought about it, I literally am just walking. No, no, but like spilling as in like, oh, I spilled it like this. But I didn't spill. I just dropped it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's happened to me a lot, actually, in my life. Interesting. So what's wrong with me? I don't know. I'm not sure. You don't want to maybe like gas. No.

I'll say something funny about what is wrong. You just want to say no. No, because this is a real problem. I think there's something. Yeah, I think you need to find help. Yeah. There's no help to be found. I think you need to go to the doctors.

I need a Velcro. Yeah. All of your world is your car. I just need to have Velcro on them, and I don't think you're allowed to touch stuff anymore. Why? Because you spill so much. No, don't even touch me.

Don't even touch me, because you're going to spill me somehow. You're impossible to spill. You're going to spill me somehow, and it's going to be fucked up. I've seen him spill. I've seen you spill a person. We've all seen you spill a person. We don't want to bring it up on the show. Don't want to bring it up in the show because people aren't going to like it.

You spilled a person. Who does spill? You've warned us not to mention it. But I guess we're busting through all the boundaries. I guess today's episode, we're just letting it all hang out. Who did I fucking spill? I'm telling everyone that he's spilled someone. Patrick was the one who brought it up.

I'm not going to go any further because legally you will get in trouble for even talking about it. Legally, you will get in trouble. Yeah. What kind of trouble? Legal trouble. Yeah, legal. Sounds bad trouble. It sounds the worst kind of trouble.

It was legal. I can go to prisoner jail. Yeah. Or time out. You will go. You will get time. Yeah, and you won't get out. You mean that shit?

Time and you won't get out. That's what they should call time out, by the way. Time and you won't get out. But it is, but you do get out of time out. Yeah, it lets kids have hope that they'll get out of timeout. You should be scared. What I'm saying to my kid. Timeout is a pretty fast punishment.

When I give time out to my kid, it's going to be one time out, and that's it. And there you have to stay there forever. Yep. Forever until they're 18, forever. Forever, forever. Forever in a hour. Well, I mean, I guess once they're 18, they can leave because I have no power over them legally. But they won't know if they're an eternal or eternal timeout, don't you have power over them legally?

Well, once they're 18, I no longer have power over them. Are you like to torture your kids? Yeah, I think so. Because you can spank your kids, right? There's parents that put like trackers on their kids' phones and like keyboard. To spank your kid. I don't know if it is. Well, I mean, I'm sure it is once or twice.

But if it's like a pack, I mean, but I think if it's like it's like. like a pattern. I think they can take your kids away if you're hitting your kids, right? But hitting them, what is the line? Because if you get, if you leave bruises on your kids? I know, I bet I would be honest that the line, I bet the line is probably just at what point that someone else says, hey, I'm going to call CPS on you.

Spanking's just a crappy red butt. Yeah. A crappy red butt. Like it feels crappy to get spanked and you get with it. You're just a crappy red butt. What does that mean? Like, you just get like, it's not the end of the world. It's a crappy red butt. A crap. Like you just walk away with a crappy red butt.

Sure. Fucking stinging. Well, yeah, but you're not supposed to do it. I mean, right? Like, I mean, I guess. But, I mean, you can't go to prison for giving your kid just a fucking... I don't know. I don't know.

I'm no expert. I think you can. I'm sure you can. Depending on how bad it is. Yeah, depending on how bad and how often. But what is the line with torture? If you're torturing your kid. I think it's not a type of torture.

No, no, that's corporal punishment. So in that case, the torture's a different class. Exactly. So I think all torture is in jail time. Chinese water torture? Yeah. That's a trail time for sure.

I know someone who went to jail for that. That's the thing. People always say, A old coworker. People always go, Chinese. When did you jail for Chinese water torture of his child? No, just did another person.

Why did he do that? They always try to downplay Chinese water torture. I want to torture someone. It's so, it's so minor. and it drives you completely insane. You wouldn't believe it. And I'm like, yeah, I would believe it. It's torture.

It's got torture in the name. Plus, it's Chinese. Yeah, so already I'm like, okay, so this is, I'm already out of my element. This is not normal water torture. There's something extra added to this. There's something that makes this. The water torture I'm used to. Yeah.

This is an American water torture. Yeah, you know, it's all fun in games, I guess. This is some other kind of country's water torture. Yeah. Oh, it's so foreign to me. I just don't understand it. Right? This is Chinese water.

No! I thought this was American. A Chinese finger trap. The Chinese water is over 4,000 degrees. Yeah. That's why they don't tell you about it. Yeah. Well, yeah, same with the Chinese finger trap where I'm like, oh, finger trap.

Yeah. Let's tell what this before in my day-to-day life? It's just a pedestrian, the country I'm from. Oh, what's this? Just this pedestrian simple finger traps. I suppose I'll put both of my fingers in. Wait. Wait, a second.

What's that pattern? Wait, I'm not. Oh, no. Not so familiar. Gong. No! It's a fucking Chinese finger trap. Really quiet gong, super far away.

Don't hear it. You have to go to China Town to get it like... To go to a surgeon. There's a store in China that just has the Chinese finger trap guy. He's like, all right. He comes out.

He's got like really little glasses. Ah, this is a classic case. He just tells us. He's like, all right, push in. Scalful. They send in a robot, like the bomb-defusal robot. Yeah. Some people act like that

About Chinese water torture And Chinese finger traps Some people act like that About Chinese food Yeah They say well I'm just gonna go ahead And get some food Yeah what in the heck is

Green stuff Yeah that's Japanese Yeah that guy doesn't know Yeah that's true That guy doesn't From that video Don't know the difference Between those two

What in the hell is that green crap It's a great video It's a great video Really good videos If you haven't seen What the hell is that green crap Google it on YouTube Google that on YouTube

Just check out Google that on YouTube Search green crap Search that video up. Pull up, YouTube, go on the Google bar on YouTube, type in green crap, watch all that. Why didn't YouTube catch on, like, Google? Did you go ahead and YouTube that?

Yeah. I say YouTube that. Well, okay, here's the problem. What's the ambiguity there? Does it mean look it up on YouTube? Does it mean make a video about it? Does it mean, you know, what does it mean? That's true.

Google, I guess it was a search engine. There's an obvious thing that you, when you Google something, there's only one thing you can do. It's a verb because there's a button. It's a button says, search, I think. Yeah. Oh.

It used to say Google. It did. Well, it says Google on the logo. Yeah. Unless there's a doodle. True. And then it says, I might say,

who knows what. Some of these doodles have been fucking crap. Doodles have sucked since we were kids. Can I say that? When we were kids, we were so fucking excited. No, no. Remember the ones?

Because they didn't do it every day. They didn't do it every day when we were kids. It was like, oh, the, today is the day that Tick-Tow was invented. So then it looks like the Google logo, but with Tick-Ttoes. And then, yeah,

And, yeah, then after that, pretty much nothing. That's what I'm saying. They used to be great. They're not anymore. They used them sparingly. Yeah. I remember getting excited. You know, I genuinely remember my friends being like, yo, there's a Google doodle today.

Pull up Google. I thought you're going to say your friends being like, bro, stop getting so excited about the Google deal. No, we were all so excited. Yeah, it was cool. I remember friends being like, that's like Google One. That's like Google One. That beat Ask G's.

and beat Yahoo and beat all the other search crap. Now it's all Google Gemini. I got an ad for that today. I didn't really know that they had an app for this. Yeah. Gemini. What a bad name too. Isn't that they a horoscope person that everyone hates?

Yeah, make women a hose. The what? The twin. The twin. The twin. Gemini, the twins. Because they're two-faced motherfuckers. Two-faced motherfuckers. One way to you and they hose behind the scenes.

They had to make this. They had to make this Gemini because they had, Google has had apps for everything. Yeah. They had Google Chrome, Google Mail, Google Docs, Google Drive. They got all this stuff. But then they also just have the plain Google app.

Yeah. And this app is fucking, it's just Google. No, no, no, no. But they added in many special features in it. The best special feature in the Google app, which I think they actually took away is the one where you could hum a song. They had humming Shazam. That was amazing.

I'll tell you what the best actual best feature of the Google app was, was you could put 3D CGI animals into your environment with augmented reality. If you Google the word and it only works on the app, if you download the Google app and you Google the word duck,

it will be a button that says see what it would look like if you were with a duck and you can make the duck. I guess that's what it would look like if I was with a 50-foot-tall duck. Thanks Google. But they have to put in these little sprinkles in

because who would ever get this at a Google app. They took out, Like, you can't just use that on baseline, like, Safari search, Google. No, it's only on the app. Like, any of the other things. Like, like, you can, like, reverse image search something. You can't do that unless you get the app. You can't, like, open something in Google Maps or whatever.

Like, they just, they made the website itself all bare bones. They boned it. They skeletonized it. Put the bones back. Yeah. Put the bones back on the bones. Yeah. Come on, now.

Give me my meat, Google. I want meat Google. Give me my meat, Google. You can ask it for me. Google Meet. Google, give me my meat. Dude, that'd be a great app, Google Meet. Google Meat.

They already have Google Meat, huh? Yeah. They already have Google Meet, guys. Oh, yeah. They have an app called Google Meat. Oh. They're so right. No, MEAT, Google M-E-A-T.

Yeah. And then it could be a nice little, there could be a nice little confusingness to it where someone's like, so we'll hop on Google Meet tonight and chat. What's up? He said that's Google Teams.

That's meats backwards. Mm-hmm. If you jumble it, it's backwards and then you have to move one letter. And then you have to move all the letters. You could move a few of them. All of them. You have to move a lot of them, man.

To move a good amount of the letters. It's just move to move, I think maybe. six letters. That's okay. As you were six letters in the word. No. No, there's a space at the end.

There's a space, yeah. The space is a character. You have to move. Anyway, six characters, five letters. There could be a nice little confusingness if they had both Google Meet

and Google Meet, M-E-T, M-E-A-T, and it could be like, oh, well, I'll hop on Google Meet tonight and we'll talk to you then. And then it'll be like, dude, where were you? I was on Google Meat.

Cut to him with a big-ass bib and a long fork and a tiny knife. that super steak. So that could just be a little bit of fun injected back into the workday. That'd be a great commercial for Super Bowl as well. Super Bowl 51. Oh, yeah.

Or wait, that was eight years ago. That would have been good. It would have been good back. Do you think that once 3D printed lab meat reaches the consumer market, do you think Google meat will be that? Interesting. Something tells me Google's not going to get involved

in all that meat crap. They would be, they see more veggie and water. That's true. They did do glass. I would love to drink 3D printed water. They already have 3D printed milk. The Fair Life is 3D printed milk. No, it isn't.

It's made out of almonds. It basically is 3D printed milk. It's made out of almonds, bro. It's not a real milk. Fair life is not made out of almonds. No, it's milk milk, but it's like milk. It's like filtered game where you milk the cow. Did you guys have that at your arcade?

No. no this is a southern thing no it's only the one arcade that I took you guys to the Jungle Rapids oh yeah

they didn't have it when I you guys came I don't think but they when I was growing up they had an arcade game that was just

you milk a fucking cow they always they had games like that like the fucking Uncle Fester vibrating game oh the shocker

yeah the shocker or anything like that they always made the character that was either getting milked or you're holding his vibration

stick they always made them look way too satisfied It was always like Uncle Fester one His vibration stick It did have What else you call that?

I got about that fucking game Yeah It wasn't supposed to be a vibration stick though I never played that game It's supposed to be like It's supposed to be an electric chair thing They always made

They made Uncle Fester Look too satisfied You're telling me that It didn't actually send electric current through that No it just vibrates your hands Oh you're kidding me I played that

I was good at it I was way too scared I was way too scared to play that game I thought that that could kill you. Yeah. It probably could. It definitely could if you were somebody who...

If Fester's involved, if Fester's involved, you might get to be hit at it. Fester's not a killer. Yeah. He kills, yeah. They all kill. They all kill. They all kill. They're all killed.

They're disgusting serial killer murderers, man. I'm going to be honest. Dude, just watch the movies. Who's playing Uncle Fester in the new one? Oh, uh, I don't know. I have no idea. But dude, I got to say, you know, I think, I think I said this before. I think Christopher Lloyd

his uncle Fester is one of the greatest comedy performances ever put to film I truly believe that it's pretty on it's pretty unbelievable he was on a generational run of side characters in children's movies back then he was so fucking fire I'm gonna say him as the disgusting lurch and

what's the word not lurch Lurch is the older brother no Lurch is the Butler Butler he him is the disgusting looking serial killer and Dennis the menace I never seen. He is incredible in that. That scared the fuck out of me as a kid.

He's great. Him eating an apple with a knife. I was like, why the fuck is he eating an apple with a knife? I can imagine. Use your fucking hand. Apple with a knife. You don't eat an apple with a knife.

You can eat an apple normal. I know, but you walk around and you... But it's menacing if a scary old serial killer does it. But it doesn't really menace me. You walk around eating an apple with a knife. I bet you do at your house. I do.

That's how I learned how to eat it. banana is it with a knife. That's how my grandpa ate apples. Yeah, I see that. Why are you acting? Oh,

yeah, right. Oh, it makes sense. You learned how to eat apples from your grandpa. No, what's the fuck does that fucking mean? I'm not saying,

yeah, you would learn apples from your grandpa. I've said, yeah, it makes sense that you are eating that because you are

mimicking an old person. Oh, yeah. And he eats, he eats apples the long ways what I heard. Oh, shit.

I heard that. No, I eat them the shortest, I heard he eats apples the long ways a little bit of, are you saying, Are you meaning that it takes me long time to eat the album? I heard the girls gossiping.

I heard all the girls gossiping. About what? About this, I heard them say, Caleb's wife told me that Caleb eats apples the long way. Is that like a friend of... I don't know. Friend of, what's it? Not friend of Dorothy.

It's like a friend of Dorothy thing? No. Apples the long way. You just eat apples the long way, man. That's what they told me. That's what I overheard. I overheard it. I was coming into the living room with hors d'oeuvres.

no like i do because they were having a girl's night you eat hors d'oeuvres the long way i don't need hors d'alloy hot dogs a short way yeah yeah i guess no i don't because you can't you can't help yourself you got to get into you eat it from the bottom of the bun i have to break i break through first i dissolve through the first layer of the bun with my tongue and then i finally reached the whole of the hot dog with your tooth studded spiral tongue and then i read i stick out uh uh my needle nose and I put it into the casing of the hot dog and I suck out all the meat and then I leave it and whoever's holding the hot dog doesn't even know I did that.

I wish I was a fucking bug. Dude. That's not a bug though. That's a mole, man. You were a mole. I'm not a mole. You are. I just decided that you're a mole. I could be a good mole man. You know, I would look good as a mole. You know what I'm just realizing? With a minor helmet.

and overalls with a big furry belly overalls with one strap punching down a piece of dynamite you could see I would look so good as a mole furry body with just a big bald spot like round bald stick

oh yeah yeah like sitting late I got peanuts with the shell a bunch of beetles you're tossing beetles in your mouth kicking your teeth

you're just like a bowl form of you're in a floating oh my god dude in some like some retention water thing I'm glad that there was wasn't like some kind of like like snap in my brain when I was a kid where like I got

the furry gene because dude I would have been a mold such a good mold walking around everybody else has the the full like human dog shit that would take the eyes oh yeah the wolf the Wolf will dragon hybrid. And you're in front of your butt naked. You're completely. Monty Mole combined with Stinky Pete. Yes. Exactly.

Well, like Mr. Rossetti from Animal Crossing. He's playing that song when I'm walking up. And you have a pickax. Huh? You have a pickax. I have a pickax, dude. Yeah. Oh, fuck, I'd be such a good mole.

And I'd just be a dragon or a demon. No. I don't even know. Well, if you're, yeah, yeah, you'd be a generic furry dragon-wolf hybrid. I'd probably be a sea monkey. They are always a dragon and a wolf. Got to be a trilobite. Yeah.

It's so worthless. I was a praemisium. A fucking stupid-ass sea monkey. Dude, they only made, yeah. Yeah, here's my fursona. They only got it in spore. Yeah.

They only got it in spore. It's an animal I made up. I'm an earthworm. Yeah. I see, none of them are, I've said this before. None of them are that creative in their decision of which animal they want to be. You say furries aren't creative? They're creative in their own right, but they're not like I'm not, I've never seen a first sona that has wowed me, you know. It's always a dragon wolf hybrid. So that's a challenge. Show me your amazing fursona. If you are, if there's already a mole out there, I want to see if you're following the mole code that we've just written. Wait till you meet Michael Dangerous.

Michael Dangerous. Nobody, man, but I'll introduce him to you. We just get big fur suits. He's a terrier. Yeah. A terrier. Interesting. That's a good one. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what? That is a fucking dog. They're always fucking dogs. Why they always dogs? And if at least if they're going to do a dog, can we do the thing where, like, it's a dog whose back legs are wheels? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. For like a video from a fucking dodo on Instagram. Where are these disabled, like, crazy dogs? Yeah. That there's snouts are, like, concave. They're always fucking neon. A dog that has, like, these blue neon dogs. I want that dog.

I want a dog with Mange. Yeah. Show me a Mangey dog. Give me a dog that you know. One of those dogs that has, you know, the worms that get stuck in their skin. They look like maggots. The ones that come out of their ass. Yeah.

And then you have to pop them like a pimple. Yeah. Oh, God. A bot fly? Yeah, a bot fly. A dog with bot flies. Oh, now you got a problem with this? I just remembered those.

Dude, they're cray. That's just, but not good, man. They're fucking cray, man. And they grow inside your flesh. I just don't care for that kind of. My persona would probably be a zombie. Now I'm thinking about it. You wouldn't even be a zombie.

Zombies I don't, or they classified as animals? Dude, this one's an animal. Well, you're going to call them a human? They are always human. Okay, so it was a dog. The real villain is the humans. So it was a dog when it existed in the place before all things, the realm of ideas. That's true.

Explain to me how you think of the humans or the bad guys in a zombie movie? created them through greed not always bro what about the last of us part one and two well wherever did those sports come from a lab nope they came from the ground I know they came from didn't they happen now this is from someone who hasn't seen or I haven't seen it but is it from rising climate temperatures I believe I've read yes it is due to human greed see I've read this on I've read this on human greed natural cycle of the earth who knows but it's one of those two for sure uh-huh see every every zombie story is an allegory for

the humans are actually bad. Why not just one zombie story where it's like oh fuck, we don't even know how this happened? I think there's probably about 500 of those. Yeah. You know what? There is and it's all like bikini zombies from Mars or some shit. Yeah, it's always some fucking B-movie

slop. Yeah. What about a really amazing movie? A great zombie movie. That's just about... It just doesn't mean anything. Yeah. We have no idea why they're there. Exactly. Or what caused this? That would be a great movie. A movie with no subtext.

Or subtitles. No subtitles. I'm sick of the subtitles. You click subtitles and it just says, no, no, no, no, every single line. No subtitles. It should insult you for turning them on. Yeah. Should say, hey, you fucking idiot.

Oh, you need to read the movie? And then it should, and then it's a, oh, you're deaf, sorry. Oh, yeah. Sorry, okay, I'll go. You should have to do a voice test thing. Yeah. A voice test? You'd like this should prove that you're deaf.

Yeah, you can still, you can be deaf and it could be an accident, like a, you know, like not born deaf. It can be like an accident where you used to be able to hear. Then you don't get some times. Well, I guess the only way to make the system work is if we just have. You mean voice tests like you want them to be like, dude, like that? Whoa. What the hell was that? I got him.

Whoa, yeah. Well, the only way, look, obviously you can, obviously you can fake that. That's what you did. I mean, I didn't say that. I would have. I would have believed that you were a deaf guy, man. That's how incredible that was. You think that was a good one?

The only way to make that this subtitle system work would just be to have all deaf people have to register with the government. I can have a microchip put in them that they can scan on the subtitle. Or two big loud speakers installed in them so they can play some music. With no bass. Yeah, too big, trebly, trebly laptop speakers put in their ears so that we get some fucking music every now and then. And I always don't listen to music of treble in any way, so it's not going to be that much of a loss. Yeah, it's not going to be a loss at all. They just play like Phil Oaks or something.

The part of their back they can't reach. And you just hear, yeah, they're playing, I'll do this on a fucking where I'm going to skis. Yeah. Yeah, they're playing,

you, you cue up the new Skrillix album and it's just like, yeah. Two, two windows 2,000 laptop speakers. Yeah. Just put those in the back. I would get some of that shit.

I would get that put in my arm. Yeah, because Windows 2000, because I think deaf people are Windows 2000. Yeah, Windows to 1,000 smiles. I love them. I love that damn-ass community, bro. I wish I knew how to do ASL. Apparently, it's not that hard to learn.

I was going to take it in college, but then I was like, you were going to take it in college. You'd take it hard. Okay. I was going to take it in college. Oh, you're going to take it in college. No, I was going to take ASL. And then you did.

You did take it. I didn't take it. You took it, right? I took it. You took it for me and him. No. First day you met us. You just fucking took it.

It did not take it. I did not take it. You took it from us. Dude, that when I learned on the first day that, like, you get, like, a deaf name and it's just like a symbol. Yeah. That shit's so fucking cool. What was your name? I didn't get one.

So you didn't go to the first. first day? No, I dropped out the week that you would get a name. I switched to Spanish because I was like... Did you get a Spanish name? Oh, is there Spanish name? My Spanish name, well, in middle school, it was Fulhencio. I picked that. I picked you because we were reading a thing about

Fulhencio Batista, the guy who was in Cuba by, before what's his ass? Fulhencio. Fulhencio Batista, he was the guy that like, the commies like, like, took They beat his ass, right?

They went in there, Castro, the guy before Castro. Oh, okay. So you were like sort of taking the right wing. No, I just thought the name. It was funny. Mussolini. I thought the name, when I saw it spelled out. It's Fulg, E-N-C-I-O.

That's cool. And I thought it was like difficult to say. So I was like, oh, well. Did you tell your teacher that that's why you picked it? Yes. Okay. Any reaction for her? she thought it was funny a little bit

she liked me she liked you she liked me just one of the few teachers that liked me yes did you and then you took it you took it she liked you and you took it no my life would be so interesting if that happened to me

if you got fucked by your Spanish teacher you would be completely Spanish sounds yeah you would be you would be You would still be going by Philhensio. By the way, I'm Fulhencio Doran. We still do

the, somehow my life, like, nothing really changes. I'm still doing this. And then I'm like, it's like, so, Philhensio. We just found out your name is, your real name is Patrick. Yes. Yes, it is.

It's hilarious. You would have been hilarious. I have a allegory. It's sad to think about it. Maybe something bad happened to her, and that's why she has a hilarious. life i know what a name though yeah hilarious is it supposed to be like elaria no it's like though it's again i don't speak i dropped spanish i don't still don't remember how to speak that well well yeah

but well yeah it's definitely laughology baldwin that's her name laughology yeah well she studied it and so she made her middle name yeah that's most people yeah too what's her real last name her last name is laughology what hilarious laughology yeah dash ballology yeah Aldwin? I.E. Lafology. I.E. Okay. I.E. As in, for example. As in lawology. As in, for example. Her middle name is I. Yes. Alaria. I.e. I. Laphology.

Waldwin. I. That's a really good. What did they? Yeah, they do. Her his fat daughter be like, I.E. Remember that? Yeah. Well, her fat daughter is named I.Eerland. I eaterland. I eaterland. Why does there know New Ireland?

There should be. You'd be the president soon. I would not be the president. I'd be a very bad president of New Ireland. Why? Because I'm not that smart. The president isn't enough to be smart. Yeah, the president of Ireland is like 900 years old.

I don't think he's smart. He does. He's also Irish. He looks like the bank tellers. He looks like the bank tellers from Harry Potter. It's very crazy how much. He looks like a lepricon. You know what he looks like?

He looks like a lepracom. He looks like a lepracom. into the anti-Irish stereotype of them running the banks. That's why she's an evil bitch. Yeah, true. He looks like a leprickon from like the Spider-Wick Chronicles or something where they're like, we're going to make these realistic biologically. Scary.

What's his name? Is it Jerry? No, I forget it. Jerry. Jerry Lepriconicus. Jerry. Fuck Jerry. This fuck Jerry.

Fuck Jerry. One in Ireland. Fuck is spelled like T-H-U-A-O. T-H-U-A-O. You ever know a need? Yeah. Yeah, in I-A-M-H. Yeah, yeah.

Such a cool name. They have all types of things like this. The amount of consonants that they put in those damn Irish names is so awesome. I remember learning as a kid reading this name over and over, learning, learning, learning. Anyway, well, I remember learning as a kid that reading the name Sean and finding out of Sean and not seen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, fuck off.

Yeah, dude. Because that's how you feel when you find out about. That should be, when you're like a first or so, you should be able to read every single. four-letter word. You should not be making a single mistake. But, you know, name word.

That's true. Irish name is not a word. Not really a word. No. I remember the one that fucked me up when I was like it was Hyundai. Ha-ha.

See, I even tried to do it right there. Hayunday. Isn't it Hyundai? No. Hyundai? Is that you say Hyundai? Is I think you're supposed to say it? I'm not here.

Hyundai. Hyundai. Have you never watched a TV commercial in your life? No, the Hyundai Odyssey. No. Hyundai sales event.

The Hyundai sales event? Summer sales event. Hyundai summer sales event. But what if we're saying it wrong the whole time and then we get laughed at by other nations? What if we have been saying it on? What if we have been saying it wrong? What I'm saying is the commercials say it that way. The commercials don't matter.

I mean the commercials matter. The commercials matter. Oh, dude. Commercials matter. Commercials matter. My new t-shirt. Commercials matter. I think that it doesn't matter how they say it matters how we say it because we are us. That's true.

I'm me. You're you. I'm me. He's he. Straight up. We are us. Yeah. So I say Hyundai. That is an incredible name for our new ambient music project.

We are us. We are us. No, I am me. You are you. You are you. He is he and we are us. Yeah. Picture of us at Christ the Redeemer in Rio has the cover art.

That's good. That's really good. It's mostly just kind of like ambient like, ambient like, mhm. But there's a couple tracks where it's like, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. Ambient. It's all Brian, Brian, I know. and then in the middle

we have a secret track even there's a whole track there's a whole normal trial it's like the last track is just and then there's

four minutes and then there's what I want to do that because that would be the scariest thing of all time if you put on like an ambient album to like go do homework to or like go to sleep tour

and there's one hidden track it's called Sweetie bird squeaky boings squeaky boings hidden tracks I think that's a really bad idea probably It probably would ruin the song for a lot of people Probably

Just one song Yeah but the problem is we're doing it on every song now Oh yeah you're right If we did it on every song then it would just be awesome Too good to do You're right so let's just get rid of the ambient tracks Yeah just make it the boingers And we'll be

We'll rename ourselves to the boingers Christ the Redeemer, but we all have a different size spring. Well, I was thinking maybe we Photoshop Christ the Redeemer, so the statue's gone. It's just a giant spring over Rio de Janeiro. Top ten. Top ten musicians that underwent a crazy

genre change. Number one, I am, I am we, we are us changing to the Boingers. And actually they put out their album with one secret track. Boing in the Metal Springs. They put out their album and then unreleased it

and then re-released it with more boi-i-in-the-metal it's like a very like nice like it's like music for airports but then like did you know that minister used to make synth-pop and boingy in the sprinters

used to be it used to be an ambient it's hard to imagine now because they've been boingy in the springs for so many years even on the top of the charts they just they really love

their farewell to just recently entered the Boeing Hall of Fame. There we are, yeah, for the point of fame, the bouncing hall of fame. The bouncing hall of fame.

Except for, and then like every other entry into the Boeing Hall of Fame is just anyone who plays the Jaws harp. Yeah. That's the jaw, I know.

Well, it's like the thing that's Oh, I know. Yeah. They put it in your, you put it in your mouth and then you just have to, I saw that you get like chipped teeth from that.

Just fucking, I guess that makes sense. You put it in your mouth and chip your teeth? Pretty much. Because it's like a big spring that's going in your mouth and you're going,

wong-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w. We were having just blowing a bubble with some gum. That's a better thing to do with your mouth. We had a, at my elementary school, we would have, like, an artist-in-residence program, and it would just be, like, somebody coming in, and, like, for, like, a month, they go to every single classroom

and just, like, tell us about stuff. We had this folk musician come in, and he taught us how to play that, the boing, the jaw harp, and the spoons, like spoon-man. Whoa, really? You played spoons? we all learned how to play spoons like spoon man yeah i don't know why the fuck we were like

let's get this guy in here teaching his bro it's like when am i ever going to use this in my life right we just be learning about taxes to be eating cereal exactly please let me please i'm nine years old spoons don't fucking teach me this shit i need to learn fucking taxes man i'm not to pay my mortgage yeah i'm going to need that in the fucking future meanwhile the fucking impromptu jug band happens at my friend's wedding I haven't done this since I was nine. The washboard player didn't show up. The wedding's ruined.

Where's the guy you can play the big metal sheet that sounds like thunder? We were supposed to have flogging Molly as our band. There's supposed to be a guy here playing his suspicers going up and down like this. Where is he? Quick, does anyone have this wedding know how to play the brown jug? Does anyone know how to play a rain stick? Brown jug? Well, you know, I played single X.

I don't know about no triple X brown jug. Well, I could give it a try. Do you think if somebody This exact situation Wedding band Someone couldn't make it Someone died Yeah

The jug player Yeah Are you getting up there For the jug For the jug? Because you can do it with a beer bottle We all did it with beer bottles many times No you need that big growler

The big one with the three X is on No no The guy die with the jug or the jug's there The jug's there Is the jug there as a memorial for the guy? and I'm just jumping in, assuming that they need... No, no, there's a... Somebody just like, do you know how could you...

Would you do it? They need this money. They need this money real bad. We're playing through the fire and the flames. One expert. No, one with the junk. Wait, no, it's actually play... That's actually really easy on the brown joke.

All you have to go is... No, no, I got it. This is my attempt at doing through the fire and the flames, on expert, on the bar. bottle. See, that's a problem. You've got to have bottles with different levels of water in it.

But we're making it do it with what we have. That's cheating. It's cheating to go do-l-l-l-d-l-l-d-do. No, I'm not. Do the vocals. Yes, I can do it. I can play. This is what everyone hears over the PA system.

It's the first dance. The first dance for the wedding. You see the sound. guy he's just like lowering lowering the brown jug. Expert on the jug. It's good. It's just humming, though, because I don't actually know to play. I think there's a lot of homing in the brown jug.

Yeah. A lot of the brown jug is just going, do. What would be a good brown jug song? And I mean, I think if you have a bunch of different, a bunch of different ones with a bunch of different ones with a bunch of different pitches you could play it like a xylophone yeah that's true

and breath I'm not interested how would you play how would you play that on the brown jug it'd be like bum bump bump

oh yeah it's only one note right slow baseline you know what I'm saying yeah that's true so you need a couple brown

isn't it isn't the bass line in that song though bannab brown brown brown brown

brown yeah but you just do you just go oh so you're going boom boom like that come on and play the brown jug

my friend dead he played the brown jug why is that motherfucker's name jughead and Archie I don't know and how is he such a serious character yeah he's just got a hat head

yeah I would have called that boy paper crown head yeah paper brown head that's what you said yeah it's like a paper crown head who the fuck is that which is what you sounded like when you said it brown

man I don't want to tell you what to do okay guys you have a system basically today I created a system okay so we all know this is there's no segue way here we all know that uh Hollywood is failing yes and it's falling apart down I just started my own production company too

which is terrible is it worst time you can do it yeah it is worst timing for you to interrupt me to say that sorry I didn't know I didn't know you I thought you were done basically I've created a we need to revitalize Hollywood yeah and I've created a system I've created a simulation

of Hollywood to we're going to simulate Hollywood we're going to see if we can get some movies off the ground and who can we're going to have two producers with their own production companies

me and you bro and I've created a system that we're going to we're going to I found the I found these movies and here's the problem you know is that movies are all that nowadays they're all IP they're all reboots and sequels. So I've gone onto the web, and I've found some movie ideas, and most of these are

original. There's a few, there's a little bit of IP in there, but these are ripped from the headlines, and by the headlines, I mean the comments of subredits, such as R-slash writing, R-slash-screenwriting, R-R-slash-novel, writing my novel, et cetera, et cetera. And we're going to pick these, and what I'm going to do is we're going to go through these ideas. I'm going to throw an idea out there. Then you guys are going, we're going to auction it off. Okay. Your guys are going to use your money to bid on it. And whoever gets it is going to have to tell,

is going to have to explain what your final product looks like. Okay. What it's going to be named, et cetera, et cetera. Paint the whole picture. Okay. And then you guys are basically going to get a rating from the ultimate movie fan. Is that you? A letterbox.

It is not me. The ultimate movie fan is going to give you a letterbox review and rating. And that's kind of more of like general audience letterboxed. crowd, then the ultimate critic is also going to give you a rate. Oh, I hate critics. And that's me. I'm the ultimate critic. Well, I just want to say. And that's going to be more of the critic.

Wait, is who we go the ultimate movie? It's got to be. What about him makes you say that? I just likes movies, you know. And then based on your ratings, you're going to make back, you're going to make some money on your movies. Okay. Dude, I need that right now. The simulation is going to decide how much you're going to make.

Okay. And you, and I'll tell you right now, the fan rating is going to matter more because those are the people with money who are coming out to see it okay so the critic is kind of a critic matters too matters too

but you don't necessarily you don't always want to play to the critic I just want to I spent like a good chunk of my production company's money on this logo that I had made by one of the top artists in the country if you can pull that up

what does that sound this is me kicking some fucking stupid shit what the hell am I pulling up I sent it to you in the in the chat in the Discord what chat right there this is a logo that I had made

this is my production company it's supposed to what's that text doing what does that say that is actually the name of my production company that that one wait you have the same name

no mine is CP on film oh okay mine's squiggle tube. It's a great logo. Yeah. That is a really good logo. Spent a lot of money on this. But then I did a reverse.

Is that a sperm kissing a TV? See, I did. So, yeah, it looks more like the sperm is attacking a TV. I give this guy. I give this guy a bunch of money, right, for this logo. And then I reverse image search the logo. So he just changed the text.

This is a logo for an old porn website. Wait, that's how that's legit a sperm? That's actually supposed to be a sperm. Yeah. really yeah what porn website was this for i don't i think it was one i caught my dad using when i was a kid oh and you remembered it yeah but you won't say its name but it's called four tube four tube f-or at the number oh really four tube yeah interesting okay and what's your what's your company's name cp on film i don't have a logo yet that's okay well in this simulation we're working with big bucks

okay the smallest increment of money is one million dollars oh shit that's that's What's our budget like? Your budget? You guys are both starting with $100 million. Thank God because... But there's no increment... Again, this...

60K on that. No, you can't spend... See, this is exactly what I'm saying. I spent 60K on that logo. What I'm saying is in this simulation, that wouldn't be possible. Okay. $1 million is the smallest increment.

Do you think my name is going to be an issue? No. It's fine. It's your initials. It's the movies that will matter. No, but you don't think that maybe somebody's going to... I'm just thinking about it now.

You don't think maybe in a trailer when they say, see Ethan Hawk, Scarlett Johansson, a CP on film production. You don't think that's maybe going to scare people away? No. Really? Then I'll keep it. Yeah, because you, I mean, you're widely known as a producer. Yeah. Cool producer.

Well, yeah, cool producers on film. Cool projects on film. Yeah. Well, it's Caleb Pitts on film. Yeah, but you're not in the movies, are you? You can be. I guess he can decide whatever you want. So I'm going to just go ahead and get it started here. this first premise or script I guess that's up for auction with you guys

this is from a post in R slash horror writers what's the most unsettling thing you've written and why does it haunt you and this is someone's comment possibly my short story hello is someone there from my collection Black City skyline

and darker horizons it was my tribute to excursion into nectophobia fear of the dark and to shadow people I describe it as my bogeyman story for the pandemic era. It's about a recent slash new couple who have been forced to isolate themselves in their respective homes due to an outbreak. Forced to video chat regularly, the boyfriend becomes worried about his girlfriend as she experiences terrifying shadow figures manifesting in her apartment until he begins to see them too.

I disquieted myself several times writing it. To this day, I have moments of unease around open doorways to darken rooms remembering the things I channeled in that story. This is by Garth Marengi. In his story, his story about being afraid of the dark. Yeah. Okay. You want to open up the bidding or should I?

I don't want to touch this project. Oh, don't say that. That's a poor business practice. How's that a poor business practice? Well, here, I'll also tell you this right now. Also, the more money, the amount of money you buy on this, you spend on buying the movie, that's your budget. When you have a bigger budget, you can make more money, but you could also lose more. Okay.

Yeah, I'm going to bid 5 million on this. Okay. I'm going to bid even less. Well, that's not how it works. You're going to lose the auction. So does that do I hear? 6 million. All right.

I'll bet. I'll, yeah. 60 million. No. 60 million. I'll do 6 million. Yeah. 6 million and 1 cent.

You can't. There's no sense. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm willing to go 8 8 million for this Really? Okay, do I hear 9? He was disquieted when he was writing it.

You realize that could even disquiet the writer? That's marketing right there. Yeah, for the trailer. All right, you know what? I'm going to go 8.5 million. 8.5 million. There's no 8.5. Why can't I go 0.9 million?

Take it. You want, okay. I'll take it. You have a 9 million dollar budget for this. For 9 million. Good luck. All right. Now, I want you to describe to me what the movie is like, and then I want you to give me the name of the movie.

Okay, so this movie is not unlike the movie, Slender Man, Ouija, fucking, are you afraid of the dark? No, you know what it was. What was that movie called? Was it called Are You Afraid of the Dark? No. It's a Disney movie. Oh, maybe? The really scary kids movie about the imaginary friend and the bone marrow transplant. I never seen it, but I think I know what you're talking about, and I don't know what it's called.

I think it's called something similar to that. Alone in the Dark, I think is what it was called. Okay. I think that's the name of another movie. So you can name movies that if you spell them with numbers. This pitch is just... You can spell movies the same if you spell it with numbers. So this is...

And because it's on the computer, it's A-10-N-3. Okay. 1N TH3 D4RK And it's about A screen life movie Okay

And so that's $1 million of the budget So I have $9 million that I've put in 8 million goes to other projects No that's not that I don't really need Okay All right Then screen life movie

Okay so one million One million on the screen life movie No No million on marketing This three No it's just budget Just describe the movie. You don't have to do a budget break.

Just describe what someone goes into a theater to watch this movie. What are they getting? So it is a screen life movie starring the best screen life actors that we have, real people. Okay. Do they know they're in the movie? They have, it's marketed like paranormal activity where they have no idea they're even in the movie. Okay. It's marketed like that or it is like that?

It is marketed like this is like this is like. IP security cameras. Yeah. This is like. This is detective's footage from screen recordings. Because guess what, Skype records you all the time. And we tell the public that, too. You spent $9 million on that.

So that's your movie? And it stars Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Okay. Oh, come on. One in a gender bent roll. That was fucking, that sucked until the very end. Then we gave the best movie ever. Okay.

Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. No, being afraid of the dark? Honestly, I didn't understand the whole thing until just now. Let's hear what the ultimate movie fan has to say about four loan and the whatever it was. For a lone one and the three door fork. Movie fan, what is your letter box review? I'm going to give it two stars no heart. It is my review.

Before you ask, no, it's not pro-darkness. Definitely has this issues that I will be discussing in a sub-stack article. as soon as possible. Super interesting film to discuss it and think about. I just want to give the argument that time it deserves and I'm currently in the middle of exams and unfortunately my degree comes first. Turn to the comments on so we can discuss.

Okay. That's a pretty bad review. That is a pretty bad review. That's two stars in the movie, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. That's such a good point. The ultimate critic is going to also give you two stars. And the ultimate critic is going to say,

well, I found the premise tepid at best, I couldn't help but chuckle as seeing two of my favorite movie stars on screen. So now we'll run the simulation here and it's a, you have made the profit of your movie of a loan in the dark, $7 million.

Net profit, negative $2 million. That's not that good, bro. No, no, it's not great. So you are sitting at $98 million. Do we have, does that, I can't see what's on your computer, by the way, so I'm assuming that this is a full app that you have built. Here, I can't show you because it's going to show all the movie.

He's got great text. Bro, it's black background green text style shit. Hacker. Can I ask, is that factoring in DVD sales, home video? That's everything. Dude, you made a stinker. Okay. Just admit it.

It wasn't a good movie. It wasn't a good movie. Also, I didn't want it, but I didn't want you to take. take it. Let's go to a different, let's go to a different kind of genre. Different genre. Yeah. This is from R slash writing. What is your book about?

The other follows, and this was talking about a second book, follows a young, emotional, isolated anthropomorphic mouse, who after being lost from her family develops a connection and friendship with a human as they both struggle to cope with their existential crisis and try to bring meaning in their lives through caring and listening to each other, trying to discover the beauty of what life can bring them and how their unique friendship could bring them peace. I'm going to put $20 million down immediately.

I'm going to say $50 million. $51 million. $51. Okay. So wait, so now you have, if you buy this movie, you have $40 million left. Do I do this? I have such an amazing idea, though.

If you want it for 51, you can take it. I'm taking it. You can take it for 51. Uh-huh. For 51? I'm taking it. I take it. Which is still very small for a movie budget.

We'll pretend that it's times 10. Yeah. It's $510. So we're taking it for $51. Yes. So this movie is the first acting role for her first acting role back since Girl Meets World as an anthropomorphic mouse, Miss Sabrina Carpenter. Whoa.

And explain the plot again. It's her talking to them It's like a girl talking to her Right She's the mouse She Sabrina Carpenter is the mouse Okay That's a great

She's the voice of the mouse But she's also the person Talking to the mouse What's the mouse's name? She's both In a double role That's a total role That's fucking fun

And this is gonna be marketed Towards What's the mouse called What's the mouse's name? Her name is Mouserina What's the girl's name? Her name is just

Sabrina Sabrina and Mouse Arena And the movie is called The movie is called Good Things Come in Small Packages It's a really long title You know what it is? It's called

You already said it That's what it's called In Italy Sorry Because translation stuff But it's called Cheesling A Mouse tail

Cheeslet Wait but nobody's name Her name is Cheesling Okay So it's not Mouserina Her name is not Mouserina anymore It's Cheesling

She's a little mouse. And this is marketed towards Sabrina Carpenter named Sabrina. Is she playing herself or is she just a different person? She's a different person. What is that person's life like? Her life is she's just trying to like be a regular college student, but she doesn't really know how.

She doesn't know how. We've aged up the characters. She has a mouse. From when? I think it was a younger person. I forget the description, honestly. she, I mean, we're taking a lot of, you. I mean, you're taking a lot of creative liberties as you want.

This is the jumping off point that you're adapting. So, yes, she's a normal college student. She moves into a shitty old apartment because she's in grad school. Yeah, and there's a mouse there? The mouse lives there, Winslow, from cat dog style. And the mouse teaches her about life's big problems. Even though she's small. And her name's Cheeslin.

And her name is Cheeslin. And her name is Cheeslin. She says her about problems. Like it gives her problems. No, no, no, no. It's a coming of age movie for people who are in grad school. Coming of age and caught in. Because we don't have that.

Yeah, that's true. And this is marketed towards girlfriends and moms who love wine. Well, that's a good. All right. So, Cheesling, a Mouse Tail. What does the ultimate movie fan think about Cheesling a Mouse Tale? I'm going to give it four and a half stars in a heart. minus half a star

because there wasn't enough of the cheeseling Wow this movie's gonna make a lot of money Mancing this movie's making a lot of fucking money Wait till a mouse's tail too When they get evicted and they have to move into a mansion The ultimate movie critic says Though the story is a bit saccharin for my taste I was stunned by Sabrina Carpenter's acting chops

playing dual roles as Sabrina and Cheesling. I never thought you would be capable of this as I only have ever seen her slutted up on my daughter's YouTube channels. Can I add one thing? Can I add one thing to... Well, it's not going to change anything. Okay. Can I just say one thing, though?

And the ultimate critic is giving it 3.5. I don't know if I said that. Okay. Two construction workers played by Cheeto Santino and Bobby Lee. It's not changing anything. They can't drop you down to a three. No! If you say that. Shut it. Okay, let's see.

You spent $51 million. You made $87 million. Your net profit was $36 million. So does he get to use that money to play around with now or not? Oh, he does? Yeah. So you want to take big swings. Wait, I should have gone way harder.

Well, there's a lot of movies. We have a lot of chances here. So Patrick is now sitting at $134 million. Caleb, you're still at $100. You don't have a single movie under your... Dude, the company doesn't even exist. CP on film is just an idea, just an empty fucking a lot. You better win.

Squiggl 2 actually, it's a very scary place to go, an empty movie lot called CP on film. Squiggle 2 Productions has made back the money we spent on the logo that we were conned out of by some pervert. All right, let's do this one. Atlas, a disenfranchised wolf boy. A disenfranchised wolf boy. steals away from the safety and care of his master, a powerful mob boss named Florence Wilkes for the wilds of the city, or at least that was the plan.

A few buses, hitchhiked rides and misdirections later, Atlas stumbles upon Rome County, Idaho, where he takes the guise of astray and seeks refuge with the disjointed dysfunctional Rhodes family. He only meant to lay low until Florence and her boys quit their hunt for him, but he finds himself unwilling to leave his new, odd little family. That is, until his past comes snuffling at his back door, and Atlas must choose between

his own happiness and his family's safety. This is a history of violence, but with a dog. I'm going to go, I'm going to say $100 million. Oh, my God. I'm going to go all in. I'm not touching that. I'm going to go all in on this one. It's better be really good, man.

I fucking hope it's better be really fucking good. I could go broke here. The whole game could be over. Yeah. Well, there's a safety bill. I'm not going to make zero dollars. Well, you're not going to make zero. unless it's really, really bad.

So for this to make its money back, I got to think about casting. Casting's going to be a big thing. Atlas, a disenfranchised wolf boy. Atlas, we're going to keep his name as Atlas. He's still a disenfranchised young wolf boy. But I'm going to cast Mark Duplas as Atlas. Okay.

And so instead of it being this sort of dark, like, fairy tale sort of thing, it's going to be kind of a mumblecore comedy. And Mark Duplas, when he gets kicked out of master's home. He's going to be like, there's going to be, Florence Wilkes. Flores will played by. Played by Florence Pugh. So there, he's going to want to make a good mom boss. Yeah. He's a, it's like the girl from the penguin. So Mark Duplas and he's dressed as a full will. Actually, it looks just like he does in, uh, in creep. Yeah. But he's getting on

the bus and he's like, yeah, that's right. I'm a wolf. And he's walking by. He like pays the bus fair and everybody's kind of cowering from him or whatever. But then he finds, this lovely family that's just the family from Matilda grown up. It's a sequel to Matilda. Which family from Matilda? Danny DeVito. Okay, the wormwoods. Yeah, the wormwood. Yeah, they're grown up. They're grown up now. So they've lost

all their evil. And they go to jail at the end of the movie? They've gotten out of jail. It's really not a big deal. Matilda's brothers are there. Are they going to bring it up? Yeah, they bring it up a little bit. And actually, that's about a 30-minute scene in the middle of the movie is he's like, you know, you guys have been so nice to me because I'm just some fucking stupid-ass wolf.

And I just, it's so weird, I don't know anything about you guys. And then they say, well, we used to have this daughter named Matilda. She used to hang out with a chokie and eat a super cake. And now she makes books fly over with her friend. So then what's the end of the movie does it say? Oh, his past comes up to bite him. He snuffling at his back door. Come snuffling at his back door.

And we're taking that literally. He has an ex-girlfriend that's just a fucking normal dog who comes and sniffs his ass and can tell that it's him. And then the dog, it's so awkward. his ex-girlfriend who's a dog has to the family adopts her and now he's living yeah he's living with his ex-girlfriend who's a dog meanwhile he eats at the dinner table

this movie like three hours long yeah it's a three-hour mumblecore movie it's like nymphomaniac one and two movies yeah okay what's the name of it it's called new dog days part one and part two okay

what is the ultimate movie fan think about new dog days I'm going to give it three and a half stars and a heart a heart and one year and out the other kind of thing my goat is dot dot dot no I can't say it

dot dot dot dot dot dot edit I want to see it again as soon as possible okay that edit did me probably made me ten million dollars yeah I think the I think the ultimate critic would like this one because of Mark Dupluss yeah I think he would say he would say New Dog Days is a comedy that punches above its weight,

though I don't understand the whole wolf boy thing. So I think he's going to give it a three. No, like, and I'd appreciate the subtle nod to Matilda fans. You know what? He'll say that too, yeah, yeah, yeah. As Matilda is my favorite movie of all time. What a shame that Matilda was left at one entry. It's nice to see the universe expanded.

Okay, you spent $100 million. You went all in. Wow. What? New Dog Days at the box office has made $161 million dollars. Oh, fuck you, bitch. I'm going all in every fucking movie. You won't even be able to, you won't get back on the board.

Dude, it's a mid-ass movie. It's mid. Dude, it doesn't matter. It was mid. It was three. It was a blockbuster. She's like got it. She's like four stars, dude.

Dude, people fucking love cheesling and they want to... We're at... Dude, squiggle pictures or squiggle... Yeah. You don't even know the name of the company. Do you guys want sci-fi or crime next? Sci-fi crime. Combine them. I'll go crime.

Crime? Because I'm buying this movie no matter what. Okay, fine. Then I'm also buying sci-fi. No, he don't have any money because I have more money than you. Well, no. The question is just... We both have money. The question is just... Okay. I'm just going to read the crime one. Yeah. Okay. This is from... This is R-slash movies.

what are your best movie ideas? And somebody posted this. A Guy Ritchie-style crime thriller where a jeweler is murdered by a pair of assassins in a failed attempt at stealing a massive gemstone belonging to a highly important figure, which sees the gemstone found by a random college student who decides to bail on the city

after all his personal relationships implode and his roommate has started taking drugs. Naturally, the owner wants his gemstone back and the trail leads to the drug addicts who now have to go look for it. The twist is that the owner of the gemstone is a dragon who serves as king to the country's magical population and who needs the gemstone for a specific magic ritualer was a magician who was enchanting the gemstone

the assassins are a pair of dark elf twin necromancers whose clan fell out of favor when they crossed the dragon in the past and who keep resurrecting the other because they die a lot the kid who found the gem has it fused into his torso and ends up saving a goblin mercenary who offers his help in getting out of town and safely remove the gem before the twins find and kill the kid during the riot, which is actually a proxy war between two dwarf clans, which the dragon is too distracted

to shut down properly. I get it. And this is a Guy Ritchie style. Yeah. I know what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be your highness plus snatch. I actually don't think

I'm going to bid on this one. You don't want this one? Yeah, I actually don't think I'm going to put okay, then I'm going to take it. I'm going to put in, I guess the, you know what, let's make me break even.

I'll take it put 37 mil. in 37 million okay 37 million this is your highness plus snatch think bright okay

I was literally a box office smash yeah a box office smash but good bright but good this takes place in a magical

right but England takes place in a magical style England like that and it's like okay I want to hear the cast

casting there's a lot to cast here too there is a lot to cast Just throw out some names. Dragon is played by Banshees of Inashirin guy. Gleason?

The older Gleason, Don Hall's father? Renning Gleason. Brenning Gleason. That's a good cast. That is good. He's the dragon. The boy is played by Dominic Sessa.

And he's doing a British. He's doing a British accent. And guess what? He fucking nails it somehow. Wow. And everyone's like, holy fuck. This kid's so good at sounding British. He's like,

I'm just, I'm going to take your diamond, and I'm going to go, I'm going to leave. I'm just going to take the diamond. That's the voice he does. Everyone's like, oh, my God. He nailed it. He nailed it because he's like, they're like, who the fuck knew that he had a guy Ritchie style cockney accent? The movie has a bunch of fast cuts.

I mean, I want to hear about the twins. The twins are the Necromancer twins in their first real dramatic role. Wow. The Sclar brothers. Whoa. The Sclar brothers. That's good. Okay.

Because it's the only twins I can think of right now. And what do they call cigarettes? They call cigarettes. facts. Okay, all right. Anyway, who else is in this list? There's the, oh, the goblin mercenary. Sure.

Played by, uh, what's his name? He's in, like, boardwalk empire as Al Capone. He's in the Irishman. Sebastian Manascalko. No, but that's, he's in the movie. He's in the movie as a flight attendant. It's really funny. A flight attendant.

Yeah. Uh-huh. That, I would like to see that. Train attendant, train attendant. Okay. Flight attendant stays. It stays flight attendant. Yeah.

Okay. What's that fucking guy's name, though? He's in Snatch. It's the guy in Snatch, and that's the subtle, the subtle tip of the cap. Okay. To Guy Ritchie fans. Okay.

The Skelly Cap. Mm-hmm. And this is also directed by Danny Boyle. Wow. Wow. He's taking this one on. Okay. After 28 million years.

And what's the name of the movie? The name of the movie is, um, Bob's your uncle. Really? That's the name of the dragon movie. I'm about to press enter. I mean, Bob's your uncle? No, no, no.

It's Bob's Your Uncle, yeah. Okay. Bob's your Uncle. Because that's a guy, snatch, lockstock, two smoking barrels. Kind of sounds like those. Bob's your uncle. Kind of sounds like that. Bob's your uncle.

Ultimate movie fan. What do we think about Bob's Your Uncle? Bob's Your Uncle, I give it four and a half stars. Whoa. One of the most vibrant pieces of, of. British cinema you'll find. And everything movie with everyone in it,

Pek Sessa. Peak Sessa. Peak Sessa. He's been in like two movies ever. Dude. What's that fucking... I'm feeling a lot of favorites. I'm going to say, though,

the ultimate critic, I don't think likes this movie. I think the ultimate critic thinks that it's derivative. It's like lockstock and two smoking barrels. The effects are bad and says that the mystifying

title bobs your uncle. Stephen Graham. is his name. I wish, I wish mum was the word. Wow. And I think the ultimate critic is going to give this more of a two than a 4.5. But also, 37 mil. Also,

we have a, like, you remember how the movie Gotti had that campaign where it was like, audience loved it, but the critics tried to put the hit out. We put a campaign, it's like a poster of like Dominic Sessa holding the diamond and it says something British like that. And it's like

like we're going to throw the critic down the apples and pears. It's a gaudy style campaign like that. Bob's your uncle. You spent 37 million. Bob's your uncle made $58 million. Your net profit was 21 mil. Nice. We're pretty close to you and me right now.

Meanwhile, but you know what we are over at CP on film? What are you? We are a boutique sort of like we kind of pick our projects very careful. carefully, you know. So we don't do them that often. We're not some kind of schlock house. Here's one that I think is going to be very competitive, competitive bidding.

And by the way, right now, Caleb, you're at 161 million. Pat, you're at 155 million. So neck and neck. I had the idea to use the rise and fall structure of things like Goodfellas, boogie nights, and Babylon, but to tell a story about YouTube becoming popular and all that jazz. I'm going to go ahead and stop you. main idea I had was to open on the very first YouTube video being filmed. But as someone who is a YouTuber and made a no budget documentary feature about YouTube, I feel like I've

already said my piece on the matter. And despite being told as a good idea worth exploring, I just don't currently have the enthusiasm for it. Those are the screenwriters coming into your office. It's like, ah, right. Okay. All right. And now the beginning is. But the pitch is good fellas, but it's YouTube. About the YouTube founders. Okay. A hundred and sixty one million dollars. I thought that you were going to say. I knew that there was going to be a movie like this.

I knew this is fucking dynamite. Yeah. Okay. It's the social network. All right. 161 million dollars. Let's hear it. Okay.

So actually people think that we're going to do the social network. But this is not like the social network. This is not actually the story of YouTube. This is like, have you seen the player, the Robert Altman movie? This is about the creation of the movie. about the story of YouTube. Because it was a wild ride. Okay.

And in the trailer, everyone's a winner by hot chocolate. You know that song? Wait, it's about the making of the movie. Well, it just opens with in the same way that the player does.

But okay, let me get into it, all right? I think I've seen that for the Paramount movie, the Paramount TV show about The Godfather. What?

Seem what? That song in that trailer. It's in a lot of trailers. It's a classic trailer one, but this is going to be a really good one. Okay. It opens up with... Actually, scrap that original idea. That's stupid.

We should really tell this story how it goes, right? The truth of this. Sure. It opens up with that guy, Alex Pachapacarapa, whatever the guy's name is. Parapa the Rapa. Yeah, Parapa the Rapa, the guy that made YouTube. And he wakes up and he goes, fuck, man, what should I do today? He looks over.

He's got a cereal bowl that's fucking spilled over. His dog is eating up the cereal. off the thing. He looks over at his girlfriend. She's gone and she's been raptured in her underwear is still just there in the exact way. The rapture happened? The rapture happened at the beginning. But she's the only one that went.

And he looks outside. People are taking the last wheel off of his car and they're rolling it away into just away. He's no wheelless on his car. That's damn. And then he calls his friend. He goes, we get to the other end of the phone call

that he's making and it's the other guy from YouTube. And this Alex guy says, what's up, dude? I'm having the worst day ever. Another guy says, man, what do you want to do? The other guy says, dude, let's go to the fucking zoo. Yeah.

Well, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-ha. Him, and they say, dude, this zoo trip is so fucking insane. These elephants are crazy, not to mention the giraffes. Let's film this fucking shit. Uh-huh. They pull it out,

and they start filming it. They're like, dude, that's perfect. Let's go home and put that on the... Put that on the... Wait. Where the fuck do we put that shit? And then the guy goes, dude, hand me my computer. And it's like literally 15 lines of code and he makes YouTube.

Wow. Yeah. And then we go through it. We flash forward every five years. Cool. Okay. So we flash forward. YouTube, what?

2003? 2006. 2006? Okay. So we see 2006. It's the early stuff. We see 2011. What the buck?

Right. We do a whole what the buck thing. Uh-huh. We see 2016. Sargon of a cod we see 2021 some beast video

the island one and then we go to 2027 and it's Julio and he's a Korean makeup YouTuber and then at the end the guy kills himself and I get really

confused and then afterwards everybody doesn't mean why does he kill why does Alex this guy kill himself at the end and I realize

I thought it was the Reddit guy oh yeah Yeah. See nothing about the YouTube shooter or anything like that. That's a good, interesting thing that I would have put in my movie. What's the name of this movie? The movie is called Tube You. Wait, wait, wait, wait, let me tell you what.

I actually didn't even get into the casting. You already put it in. I didn't even get into the casting, okay? The casting has... You're not changing the name. No, the Tube. No, I'm changing the name. You can't change.

I just locked in. I saw I'm locking in. I didn't press entry. I'm going to press enter. No, it's called. It's called. press play no

dude wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait it's called change the world it's okay it's called change the world it's called change the world the cast is in the early one it's the guy from hereditary he's the first one Alex Wolfe yeah it's Alex Wolfe and then in the middle one it is the guy from New Girl And then in the last one, it's Dennis Leary. And all the rest of the cast doesn't matter. Those are my three guys. Okay.

Ultimate movie fan, how are we feeling about James? The world. I'm going to go. You're laughing. You like it. I want to go. Five stars in the heart. Oh, my God.

Watch it before a film Twitter tells you it's bad. Yes. Oh, my God. That means the world to me. The fact that ultimate movie. fan said watch it before film Twitter tells you it's bad. It means that the ultimate critic is not going to like this one. Fuck the critics.

That's okay. I make it for the fans. The ultimate movie fan. The critic is about to rip this apart, huh? The ultimate critic is going to give this a 1.5. Oh. And is going to say, I get a tattoo on my fucking leg that says 1.5 stars because I don't give a fuck. I'm

happy. The ultimate critic is going to say, for a movie name changed the world, this one certainly didn't. I wish I could eat vomit. and you just said that for no reason in this simulation this critic to tweet someone found

from 2009 at the ultimate critic post it I want to be like we're like oh this you I spend the I spend the rest of my life as a producer of CP on film doesn't matter how successful anything is

I spend the rest of my life stalking the guy who made this review and trying to ruin his life And I put, fucking, I put bird food and shit in his mailbox. Okay, so you spent $161 million on, change the world. Change the world at the box office made $267 million. Oh my God, I got a quarter of a million dollars.

Net profit. I'm a change the world. 106 million. What an amazing name for that movie. I'm realizing because everyone, because the critic and the fan both just like the movie, movies. You just go all in all the time. So that's maybe a kind of a lesson for this simulation that Hollywood could take. Is that you need to go. Just always go all in because it's just going to be good. It's going to be good every time. We haven't lost. The only one that lost is

$9 million one that lost $2 million. All right. Let's do just a couple more. I'm trying to try to pick out which are the best ones here. Let's see. We got we got some horror ones. We got sci-fi crime. Pat, you can choose. IP, if you guys would, want to do some type of uh there's i have a couple that yeah what what are we thinking i'll do ip emotional give me ip an emotional one whatever ip is yeah okay oh i think i think you are going to have i think this is a pat is a you know what let's do let's do one for pat one for you okay so i don't give this oh yeah all in okay you're this is these are both of your final uh all right this is

New York is invaded by aliens that can turn into ghosts maybe they have a machine on their ship that kills them they turn into ghosts and then a revived

or something which is something new that the men in black are totally unprepared for so they turn to another NYC based operation for the Ghostbusters

the Ghostbusters so you are getting you are this is like a cherished two cherished first IPs, they're giving them to squiggle tube. Say, please, squiggle tube.

We don't know what to do on the next men and black or Ghostbusters movies. Can you please cross them over for us? We love cheese. We love cheesling so much. Yeah, cheesling was incredible. Uh-huh. Cheesling was so good. And Bob's your uncle was good too.

Yeah. You're just the guy for the job. And I crack my knuckles and I look at them and I say, you're going all in, $155 million dollars. I'll put $155 million down because guess what? Will Smith is one of my closest personal friends. we are both in Scientology together and he has already agreed to sign on

he's already agreed to sign on for free as a favor because of me because how good of a guy I am. He loves me because I am Jaden's typing teacher and this is what the movie is about is typing teaching. No, it's just a personal anecdote.

I'm teaching him kind of Mavis Beacon style. Anyway, Will is in. Will is in. End of the trailer. So I'm just going to tell you the trailer. New York City, there's just like a bodega, you know, oh, a little bodega cat, huh.

The bodega cat gets scared, runs away. You hear like a, and then like a, like that, like the cat starts running. The bodega guy looks up. Things are flying off the shelves, right? Yeah. No, to the first ghost busters. Honey pack flies off the shelf.

Honey pack flies off the shelf. Goes in the cat's mouth. Fuck in a cat's mouth. and bounces away on his boner. The fucking bodega guy somehow, somehow, somehow the fucking jungle juice poppers the guy immediately inhales them, his

butt hole gets really big. Yeah. He fards his way out. Bodeca guy farts his way out. But the chef is still there. The chef is still there and he's seeing because a ghost has been doing all this stuff, this ghost alien, right?

He's sitting there. He has his headphones on. He's like cooking a chopped cheese. Yeah, he's doing habachi. It's a habachi bodega. All the stuff is flying off. He finally looks. He looks up. The ghost decloaks.

The ghost decloaks. It's a fucking alien. It's cloaked. The ghost de cloaks. It's so funny. You know what? You know what? The fucking, it's a sheet.

And he's like, oh, real funny. Takes it off. Full green alien. That's cool. That security camera footage zooms out. It's fucking, uh, Josh Harnett, he's the new head of the M-I-B. He's sitting there, he's watching, and he's like,

God damn it, New York's full of fucking aliens. First trailer to ever swear on the green, not restricted. On green, yeah. First green trailer to ever swear. First green fan trailer to ever have the F word in it. He's going, God damn, there's somebody fucking ghosts in New York trailer to be 15 minutes long. Well, these are all fast cuts, obviously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just described it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. this is the first by the way this is the first fucking trailer to ever swear

a green band and then he's looking over yeah he looks over at guess who guess who he's saying this too

he's saying agent agent P and Q little joke mind your P's and Q's P and Q's P and Q are played by none other

than Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers whoa wow then he says like I God damn

I need there's no women in the movie I need you to get this one guy this one guy that's actually there's four women

it's the female Ghostbusters they no never mind interesting choice it's not the female ghostbusters not in the movie fan

might have we bring back Harold Ramis from the dead again okay anyway you know they're sitting there

they're like I need you to go get this one the only person that can bridge the gap between us and the Ghostbusters is this one man

who is is currently living on a fucking mountain and they go up they go up as Will Smith he's doing some Chinese type shit they have to go to China then they fly back like he's doing like like what

were you going to say like what is he's doing the Chinese finger trap Chinese water torture call back to the episode he's doing that he's deep in China he's deep in China is water yeah

yeah there's a Oh, Mr. Will Smith? Oh, sorry. Oh, busy. Shit. I got to go back to fucking New York. God damn it.

There's so many swears in this trailer. At some point, they're walking through, like, the sewers. Yeah. They're doing this. And walk. It does the same thing. Ah! No!

Anyway, this is still the trailer, so these are all, like, fast, hard cuts. He turns evil, and that's how they defeat him. Johnny's water torture. Yeah, they know that's his weakness. He gets possessed by an alien ghost. Yeah. Oh, well. It could be interesting.

And that's what shows at the end of the... Oh, and then Bill Murray turns and looks at the camera and goes, holy fucking shit. He says, oh, those your fries? And he reaches out and he eats a fans fries. He looks at and he says,

that fucking cat has a boner and that bodega guy's asshole is huge. From the poppers. It's called marketing, dude. We don't even say that many swears in the movie. But in the trailer, Bill Murray's like, that fucking cat has a fucking boner.

That was not Garfield. I remember when I was in that movie, that movie sucked ass. He says it? Yeah. Okay. What is this movie called? Men in black.

I don't know. Men and bust. Men and bust. Man in bust. That's the name of the movie. Are we locking that in? M.I.B. Men and bust. M.

M.I.B. M.I.B. Men in bust. Okay. In ghosts, we bust. Men in busts. In ghosts, we bust. Men in ghosts, we bust. No.

Men in black, in ghosts. bust. In ghosts, we bust. That's what it's called. In ghosts, we bust. Yeah, you know, like, in God we trust? Yeah. Yeah, but like in ghosts.

What sounds gross about that? What sounds gross? I'm locking that one in. Men in Black, in Ghosts, we bust. What does the ultimate movie, did the ultimate movie fan enjoy this movie? I'm going to give it one star and a half. I'm reading.

I gotta get a real job, man. Because he thinks that his job is reviewing movies. Okay. That's fair. Yeah, I guess this is, I mean, the men and black franchise, not easily rebootable. You're catching two franchises that are at the lowest stock they've ever had. Yeah, I know.

And I just couldn't hack it. I thought Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers were going to fix it. Last culturalistas, I guess you have no staying power. Well, you haven't heard. from the Ultimate Critic yet. True. Because he might like Los Culturistas.

The ultimate critic says, I watched this on a screener. I fast forwarded every scene that Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers were not on screen. They are my world. Nice. I am obsessed with their podcast.

But I'm going to give this two stars. Wow. Because it had two stars in it, which is something I also said about. This guy, like, Alone in the Dark. He said and bad friends. His two podcasts that he listens to

every week, yeah. Yeah, well, he, he, he, this is his bio. It says, I pride myself on eclectic taste. And I want to eat vomit. I'd like to visit this character again one day. Will, we can bring me the ultimate critic. Okay, so you spent $155 million. Yeah, and I'm not going to make it back.

Even though audiences love slop, but I know that the critic score and the score is going to affect this. Man in Black in Ghost We Bust. you spent 155 million you made 146 million you only lost 9 million dollars my friend

if I had never touched that 9 million from earlier it would still be here wow so that's true that is true still be here all right Caleb yeah I'm just I think I'm gonna give

I can't decide which one I'm gonna give you give him an IP one no give me whatever yeah I'll let you decide because CP has the lead right now yeah witness do you Do you want to give them?

What are the other IPs? Here I'm going to... He has to reboot a franchise too. That's the ultimate test. Okay, here are the two things. There's an original IP that's a dark sci-fi dystopian thing. No, he has to do a reboot just like me. Okay, this isn't a reboot.

It's a sequel, but I'll give you the sequel. And then I'm going to read the dark sci-fi at the end because I think you guys need here. Okay. Scream 7. Oh, that's a tough one. You're going all in. Yeah, I have to be all in on Scream 7. And you're going to love this idea.

Okay. person has. And this is all one sentence. Or no, it isn't. It's a few sentences. Scream 7 idea. In the beginning of Scream 7, it's Christmas in New York, and the camera pans to the Rockefeller Center and Jimmy Fallon talks about being safe and comments about ghost face. When the show ends, everyone leaves except Jimmy. He is in his office looking for his phone and ends up finding it. Jimmy hears something and calls out, but no one answers. He walks out of his room when Higgins, his announcer, scares him in a ghost face mask. He takes it off and laughs, but Jimmy doesn't think it's funny. They talk in Higgins.

leaves. Jimmy's phone rings and it's Ghostface taunting him and Jimmy tries to open the door but can't and Ghostface says the key is hiding with Higgins and Higgins instantly falls hard on the ground in front of him. Jimmy is shocked and starts to tear up. His phone gets a notification that says Higgins is live and he presses on the live and it shows the back of Jimmy and he gets stabbed. Ghostface props the camera up and says tell Sidney Merry Christmas. That's M-A-R-R-R-Y and grabs Jimmy and slices his throat. He ends the live stream, and the police barges in to find them, but they can't find them. They see that people are screaming outside, so they go out and see that Jimmy is hung from a tree, guts out, and the Casey Becker picture is pinned on his head.

Casey Becker is, I looked it up, is Drew Barrymore's character. Yeah. Okay. Dude, you have the whole movie written for you. No, this is the first scene. Oh, okay. That's the first scene. Yeah, that's the first scene.

Yeah, that's all you get. That's scream seven and you're going all in. So I'm actually going to not. $267 million on the Scream 7. Okay, here's the concept of this film. If that's my first scene, it's obvious to me, which is that there, Ghost Face is in 30 Rock,

and he's moving floor to floor, and he's killing the stars of all of our favorite NBC programs. Wow. Okay, so it starts off five hours of the Today Show. Uh-huh. And everyone has a missing person. And, oh, you know what? Oh, my God.

Wait, I just got chills thinking about this. Okay. It's the Today Show. It's Hoda and Kathy Lee. It takes place back in the Hoda and Kathy Lee in Shades. And they're getting fucked up and they're talking about whatever. They talk about movies and shoes. And they hear, and they, what the hell?

Those fans are getting rowdy out there. And they look out there and there and there's a ghost. In the fan, the group of fans outside at the window, there is a ghost face holding a sign. Everybody has a sign that's like, NBC, I love you. Hoda and Kathy Lee, you guys are my moms. And he has a sign that just says, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you Hoda Cotpe. That's what it says.

And she goes, huh, the main character of the movie. Yeah, Hoda Coppe's the main character. So she looks back, she's like, huh? And it has been all in the format of like the Today Show, right? But then it cuts to, like, wide screen the camera's, like, right next to Hoda. And she's like, huh, that's kind of interesting, right? She turns over to Kathy Lee. Kathy Lee's eyes have been pulled out of her head and she has fish hooks in them.

She's being suspended like this. And she drops a glass of wine and it shatters. And if one of the pieces comes up and it slices Hoda Coppe's legs, and she goes, oh, my God. And she runs out, right? But it's sliced her Achilles. No, it's nice. Yes, like in hostile too. she runs out she's limping right she goes up the stairs she's seeing looking around everybody's dead

all the fucking nbc pages have been fucking killed every single nbc page has been killed she goes up to the next floor it's s and l right in 2011 or whatever it's nil in 2011 okay she sees she opens the door bill hater says hey what's up buddy he gets fucking stabbed with some kind of some shit he's dressed up as he gets stabbed with some shit don't talk crap about my thing

frozen poop stab no he gets stabbed with uh oh I know exactly what happens he's dressed up as what's his name the gay guy from S&L update Stefan and he goes like hey what's up

and he gets stabbed by the little Kristen wig hand from the little hand thing and comes through his belly goes oh what the fuck he pulls it out and John Mullaney's sitting there and he's

He's like, I'm going to go fucking do every drug in the world and cheat on my wife with a baby or whatever he did. Yeah. And so he runs away. Cheat on his wife with a baby. Can I ask you question? I don't know what he did. What do you do?

This is coming under 2025. Yeah. Okay. It's a period piece for 2011. It's an alternate. Alternative history. Also, Scream 6 came out. Like, once upon a time.

Creme 6. Cream 6. Cream 6. Cream 6 goal. This could be a movie. Creams kickle. You can't turn it off. Anyway.

Scream 6 takes place in like 2, 2025 or 23. At CBS. I don't remember or I don't know how that takes place. Whenever it happens.

Yeah, so this is a reverse world. Yeah, this is a midquil. And so he basically Hoda Kotby is doing all this shit. She goes to every single NBC studio show all the way up. Everybody's fucking dead.

Ghost face has already gotten there. Then she gets to the very top. Okay. We're the CEO of NBC who at the time, I believe, was Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock at least. Actually, this show, this movie exists in the 30 Rock University. This is an episode of 30 Rock.

Yeah. And Alex Baldwin is there. So it's not a movie at all. It's an episode of 30 Rock. It's a 4.5 hour. $267 million. Yeah. Episode of 30.

Well, and what better way to get people out into the theaters than to say, hey, there's a 30 Rock movie. Yeah. Okay. So what are we calling this? It's called 30 Rock. The movie. It's called 30 Rock the movie.

Scream. Sevens, Colin. Scream 7, 30 Rock the movie. Yeah. 30 Rock the movie, a scream story. That's really good. At the end, Alex Baldwin as the CEO of NBC, as the CEO of NBC, Hoda Copy's freaking out.

And she's going, what the fuck? All the fucking stars of NBC are dead. Everybody's going to know that NBC has been completely wiped out by a psycho killer. Uh-huh. And Alex, Alex Baldwin will go, sorry, Hoda 7. Hoda 7. It's not going to go down like that. And Ghostface stabs her in the back.

She goes, oh. And then Alex Baldwin opens up a giant curtain, and they have in, in, uh, yeah, the vats with, with all of the stars from every NBC show that has just been killed. And we realized that actually just so that they don't have to pay them in the off season, they kill them all every single year. I like the proud of the old memories. Okay. 30 Rock of the movie.

A Scream Story. Yeah. What ultimate movie fan? What did you think of 30 Rock the movie a scream story? I'm going to give it two stars. That's a review. See where people might love this, but this totally is not my thing. It feels like it doesn't really go anywhere and it gives me no reason to care for its characters.

Goes to the top floor. A pointless sequences are overstaying their welcome and the most interesting parts are over in a heartbeat. Some great performances and beautifully shot, that's about where my Presence. Beautifully shot. Beautifully shot is good, though. Beautifully shot is nice. I think the critic, if it's beautifully shot, the critic is going to say, wow.

This unironically slapsed. This unironically, the cinematography, unironically slaps. No, that's something more that the movie fan would say. Yeah, that's true. The critic would say the cinematography leaps off the screen in vivid colors. Unironically leaps off the screen in vivid colors. Yeah. Have to say the plot is a total bore.

And I think it's time that we stop making movies that disrespect NBC page. They've been through enough. You said MPC pages. Well, that's what the movie thinks. That is true. Yeah. The ultimate critic is going to give this 1.5 stars, and all of those stars are for Hoda Kotbby,

who's one of my favorite actresses. And finally, Hoda Kotby gets her flowers as an actress. So you've spent $267 million. 30 Rock the Movie, a Scream Story, made $184 million. I still beat yo bitchy. That means the net profit was negative $83 million. Dude, you lost $83 million.

That's nothing. CP on film is way up. So you won by money. We'll end the game there. You ended with $184 million. You ended with $146. Pretty close. You both made net profits in the end.

Did you keep track of who had more stars overall? Yeah. I pull up the stats right here. Okay. So, Caleb, you made, CP on film, made three movies. Yep. You made new dog days, which was fan rating 3.5, critic rating 3, change the world. Fan rating a perfect 5, critic creating 1.5.

30 rocked the movie a Scream Story, which was rocking a 2 and a 1.5. Your average fan score was 3.5. Your average critic score was 2. Wow. So the critics did not like you, but the fans liked you well enough. Pat, you made four movies. You made alone in the dark with all the numbers, which was 2 and 2. Cheesling, a Moussail,

who's got a fan rating of 4.5, the critic rating of 3. Bob's Your Uncle, which got another fan rating of 4.5 and critic rating of 2. And Man in Black and Ghost We Bust, a fan rating of 1.5 at a critic rating of 2.

Neither you guys did very good at all with IP. Yeah. Your average fan score was 3.1. Your average critic score was 2.2. So the critics liked you more, but the fans did not like you as much. so I think well I guess I should

average these two numbers together which I didn't think to do that's okay you don't have to I'll do that right now and that what do you say make up a movie pet I'll give you another review I got hell of release I immediately right out of the bet

just the name hold on Darth or sauce no not Darther sauce that doesn't even who cares about Darth Darth Vader movie where's a fisherman. I got a review for that.

Verd Arthur sauce? Oh, damn. The White Turtle. The White Turtle? Yeah, it's an animated... It starts in a heart. Tough watch. Yeah. Okay, so...

It's an animated movie about a white turtle who learns Aikido from Steven Seagull. Caleb, you just barely edged out, Patrick. Yeah. On the total average rating with 2.75. Wow. Pat, you're sitting at a 2.65. Damn it.

I just want to just to finish this up. Alone in the dark is fucking the worst movie ever. I want to read you guys this original movie idea that someone on R slash movies came up with. This is our final movie. And it's called, they start off with the name, which is a great title for a movie. Iron Lions.

Wow. It's a dystopian science fiction story that parallels Darwinist survival of the fittest concepts as illustrated in nature, but transposed to social Darwinism in a fascist super state. In nature, there are always lions and other predators that constantly prowl the edges of animal herds

watching for opportunities to feed, ready to cull any animal that isn't attentive enough or strong enough or healthy enough to avoid the pounce. In my story, there would be mechanical beasts, capital M, capital B, roaming everywhere, and anyone who exhibited any weakness

below a certain threshold would be culled. Pounced on and destroyed utterly in public, capital P, as an object lesson to everyone. one. So, for example, even if you had a cubicle desk job, a remote sales position, you might be at your phone trying to close the deal that will keep your numbers up. Lots of scare quotes in this. When you hear worried murmurs in a large communal room and peeking up, you see that a lion is stalking through the office. Everyone is terrified that it's come for them, but it pauses at your cubicle and waits patiently as in a panic you try to close your deal, but you

don't. And it devours you. It's just a template for the usual running from the heartless authorities schick, but you could hang a lot of social and political commentary on it without having to get preachy, and while still keeping things thrilling and frightening. Then this last paragraph is all in parentheses, I can even imagine

a terrifying sexual component as if this was not the entire point of everything. I can even imagine a terrifying sexual component. Original idea for this. Imagine a powerful female Politico whose ruthlessness has earned her her own small home pet lion.

One night she gets her younger lover over. And when they're having sex for the third time that month, he can't bring her to orgasm. Her always watching lion, then attacks the lover and bites his dick off before he can get away. That's Craig. Damn.

That is a great idea. Honestly, I would watch that movie. Yeah. So basically Hollywood, I hope my system helped. Sounds like anime, actually,

though. Iron lions? Yeah. Iron Lines does sound like an anime. Yeah, it would be a good anime, especially like the younger lover scene. I don't want to see that part. Yeah.

Yeah, you put that, you would, yeah, CP on film would have that. Nah, CP on film doesn't really do that kind of movie. That's just kind of a classic anime-style. You scream and all this sort of shit. Well, if you haven't already, go subscribe to the Patreon.

Yes. Follow us on Twitch and see Julio live stream. Don't follow Patrick. You could also follow me, and you can also come see me live at the end of this month on August 29th at Union Hall. Me and Alex Forrest, who just came back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

He's probably going to have a lot of funny stories to tell about that crazy, crazy festival of weirdos. How crappy the food is over there? The food over there is different. McDonald's has different types of items. It's all different there.

All right. Bye y'all. Goodbye. So, actually, I'm not going to talk about it like Matt Damon. I'm going to talk about it like I know. That's a good idea. Jim Cameron. Yeah, yeah. So Jim Cameron, me and him are having some drinks, not unlike this, not that long ago.

And he told me the craziest thing. Apparently, he told Matt Damon that if he started in Avatar. Avatar the way of water? Well, the first one. Oh, the series. What's the actor who plays the main character? Sam Worthington. If he had taken that role,

Jim would have given Matt 10% of all of Avatar. He would have been the richest actor in the world. Right. But Matt was shooting, he was shooting pickups for the Bourne Ultimato, I believe, at the time. And he said, I just can't do it, Jim.

And Jim said, Matt, the truth is, this movie doesn't need you. It doesn't need a star. It's going to be a lot bigger than anybody I could put in the role. And he was right. Reciting YouTube shorts at us for a clip farming.

But isn't that interesting? Have you ever heard that before? I have, yeah, yeah. You knew that? This is the new method for the show. This is how we blow up. This is how we blow up. We just rip off YouTube short.

Pull up YouTube short right now. And we go to whatever the biggest YouTube short is. We fully recreate it. We'll recreate one right now. I'll recreate a YouTube short that I saw earlier today. It was kind of like this. What? Now, I wonder what happens if I do this.

No way!