Podcast About List - Ep. 356 - An Intellectual Discussion Regarding Topics & Events That We Normally Can't Address

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

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Oh, man. I was going to clap. I don't know. Have we ever done an episode without Patrick? The realization right then that he's not here was terrifying. The realization that you didn't realize that he wasn't coming. I wouldn't have come either if I know. You would always love me.

Yeah, I would have let you do a solo one. Yeah, I don't think. I don't know if I could do that. We're leaving a chair open for him like. The phantom chair. Phantom chair. Like, do you ever go to the tomb of the unknown soldier? Yes.

Many times. That's what you might. I remember when I, I have been probably three times and it's the worst thing in D.C. Do you witness the changing, though? Yeah. Okay. Well, because he wouldn't, yeah, I'm just like the worst thing. The worst thing in D.C.

What about freaking Congress in the executive Oval Office? Save all of the rigamarole from the branches. Save that stuff. Outside of the branches. A, D.C., everybody shits on D.C., and I don't like D.C. that much. But I love doing all of the museums and all that shit. The museums are the only good thing. I pretty, I think I spent my whole life going to those museums.

That could be all I did for fun if I lived in D.C. Yeah, but they don't update that. fast, I feel like. Like, there's hell of museums here, and I feel like I've gotten to most of the ones I care about. But I don't like the museums here as much as I just don't. An art museum, I got like 90 minutes on me before I want to get out of there. Yeah, well, the coolest, the best, the coolest museum is the cloisters here. I almost went.

But it takes fucking 100 years to get there, and there's literally probably 45 minutes of, of, of, of, viewable material there. Tell me what is so good about this museum. well it's really cool it's in a castle it's in like a cloister so it's like uh and they they like moved it it's like i yeah it's like ancient not ancient it's like european uh pieces of european castles and i don't even know what a cloister is to be honest i think it's where i thought a cloister was a kind of rock i think it's like a monastery i'm pretty sure but it's taken from somewhere like hurst castle yeah yeah yeah in like the 1920s or 30s or thing and put it up and uh i like it's like all the way at the tip of manhattan too so it's like

it's by like uh inwood or whatever so you ever been to you can see the river and all that ish but it's really they have all this really the art there is really cool it's all old medieval religious art so they have like uh all these old like crazy like uh reliquaries and like paintings of jesus and the antichrist and stuff and there's a bunch of stuff that's like medieval stuff of like, like, there's a bunch of paintings of apes that are like stripping people's clothes off and robbing them. There's like

two or three of those that I saw. That's interesting. I love, do you ever see those things of like when they were, when they were just hearing that animals existed? Yeah. And then they were drawing what they heard that they were like from like India or from other parts of the world.

Yeah. And they also have the unicorn tapestries at the cloisters which are like the cool, like, That's the coolest part, I think. But it's literally 90 minutes on the train to get there from here. Yeah, I looked at it. I was going to drive there last weekend, but it was like... You'd probably have to drive through Manhattan.

It's like an hour and 10 minutes. No, it's probably like a stressful drive. Fuck that. I don't want to do that. It's not, that's the problem. It's unfortunately not worth it. If you lived... If you lived in Midtown or something, and you could get there, be great.

But, yeah, I think that's probably the cool museum. I'm trying to even think of other... Oh, well, there's also the... one with the big ass titanosaurus. The natural history museum. Natural history museum. And the Mets got all the armor.

All the stuff that has medieval stuff and dinosaurs. Yeah, yeah, that's how I feel. I just, I am in the, I would say generally with an art museum, I am in the like 90% of people

who are like, does this say Van Gogh or does it say Picasso or some name I know? A lot of art. And then I'll look at it and go, oh, I know the name of the guy that did that. But I don't care so much about paintings. No, definitely care about like 10% of the paintings I see in that museum. But I love Rothko.

I think that I like those squares. Rosco's cool. Those color squares. Now, I don't know if that's, I'm not tapped into the painting world at all. I think they shit on his ass. I think it's cringe or base to like Rothko. I think it might be cringe. But he's probably my, he's probably my fave to see in a museum.

I fuck with him heavy. What about, because all here, let me see all the other painters you see, that do good paintings that aren't just one color or two or three colors, their paintings, you can look at them on your phone and they're the same. That's true. But Roscoe, his paintings are fucking big.

And you get to stand in like this. I do love the big paintings. The big ones are cool. I love when you go to a, they have a bunch of this in the, like the MFA in Boston, and they haven't been the Met too, but like a painting that is of some lady with her boobs out in some battle or something.

And it's like 20 feet big. And if I saw just the painting, Like, this fucking sucks. I don't care about this. But the fact that it's 20 feet wide is so sick. Makes you think. Makes you think about why. Do you think that that was having,

trying to get your wife to let you hang one of those paintings in your house was like trying to get a big TV in the 1700s? Yeah. You want a fucking 20 foot painting? Oh, great. And her titties are out and she's in a fight. Of course it's that. You can put that one in the basement.

And your wife is coming home with a tiny painting of a frog. Yeah. And she's like, fuck no. Look. They have this at a far away. land you put that in the bathroom yeah it's funny that Patrick has gone away immediately started talking about museums the one time we can discuss so different of a conversation without him what else can we not can we not discuss when he's around because he just goes right over his head

hmm let me think I just specifically when I think of things that Patrick doesn't like that's the first thing that I think of is museums just because we've had I've had a lot of reinforcement of that of let's go to museum i remember speaking of the smithsonian we went to dc and umia pierce went to the museum and he went to a set of stairs yeah he was that he was like there's a set of stairs that is so awesome that i can and i'm not even sure that he was a good enough skater that he could skate the stairs uh-huh he just kind of wanted to go see them for two of admire them go watch people do it it's like dude you're missing out on us and learning about uh australopithecus yes come on man they have that one thing where you they can face more

your face into being one of them. They get posted on Twitter all the time. They did me badly over it. They did me really fucking bad, man. But it's like I wouldn't ever be this. There's no world where I would be this. You don't know what's going to happen. It felt okay because I was like, I can't be that.

I'm already a human being. Yeah. Well, they were humans too. Isn't that crazy? Or were they? I don't know, man. I don't know what point is starting. Apparently, they're learning a lot about,

about them. Oh, there's all these theories. Well, they're learning that they really were just so much smarter than us. Yeah. They had full society. I mean, they would, and earlier, I think, than us. Well, they were around before us. Yeah, but I mean that they were like, they were first to the tool type of shit.

Yeah, first year they were around. They were already building shit. We took maybe, you know, Go Beckley, Tappi. Of the time of years. Oh, go beckler. We're back to Go Beckley-Tepi. Yeah. I haven't learned an inch about Go Begley-Tepi since.

How is that not, how is archaeology not gripping you by your neck and just pulling you at? I like, I like it. I don't, I don't usually go in for the stuff that's human-focused, though. I don't know why. You like? I like, you know, I like, I do like that stuff, but I don't know. I never seek out information about it for whatever reason. You don't like a video where somebody is.

is showing you a cube this big. I'm saying this used to be part of a big cube. I like that stuff, but it doesn't get... Mostly, it's prehistoric animals for me. That's where my studies take me. Really? Yeah. So you know all about that big mosquito they got in the natural history museum?

Maybe, I don't know. That shit scared the fuck out. You see... I remember Land of the Loss with Will Ferrell? I remember the trailer. Do you remember when he has a big mosquito on his back and it's a big blue blood blood bubble. I can imagine what it would be like. He's talking, get this.

He's talking to his friend, Danny McBride. He's like, we got to go, he's like, oh, I'm getting sleepy. And then he turns around, there's a giant mosquito that's sucked all of his blood. Yeah, I can imagine this. And he falls back and it explodes. And I covered my eyes because it's so disgusting. I think I have a, that was what, like 2009 or something like that? Something around there.

I feel like that my memory of that movie is seeing the trailer and thinking like, oh, this is a movie I will never be allowed to watch. Yeah. Oh, this is a movie I will never see. but man, I wish I could. I remember asking my dad, can I see this? It's sad that I feel like... Well, it's nice now because he has gemstones and shit, but I feel like Danny McBride had an opportunity there

off of like Tropic Thunder in that movie and then the one that was called like the princess's ass or whatever. Oh, Your Highness. Yeah, where they, he was like going, he could have, if those are all been... He could do movies about every type of thing. Yeah, anything. This guy could do war or underground or...

medieval times. Yeah. But I feel like he almost reached that sort of Will Ferrell level in terms of like everybody knows this guy and loves him. Yeah. And then something happened and he just didn't. Isn't that sad? It is sad.

I think that he, yeah, I wonder what it was. And now he's kind of older. He must have had some. Yeah, he has gotten older since. Since 2000. Since back then. He must have had some type of run in with, uh, with like a, yeah, some type of dark network. Sheriff.

There has to be somebody who decides. I think that happens when people from North Carolina. I get to a certain point of success. I think somebody, some dark shadowy comes in and says, you can't do that. No. Back to TV. Stay a regional hit.

Yeah. Go back to, well, go back to HBO. Yeah. Not television, but go back to paid programming. Because you wish you were on a network. I feel like he's, I feel like he's basically at that level without getting the accolades. I feel like everyone knows who he is.

Yeah, but he doesn't win like, they don't win like Emmys and shit, right? Or he's never won like a, I mean, I don't know. Ferrell, he didn't win like Oscar. I don't think so. But Will Ferrell obviously has the, he's got the, like, whatever rings there are, he has them. I'm just saying, like, in China, they know all about Mr. Wilfowel. They have no idea who Danny Bride is.

I just think it's interesting because he, like, I feel like Will Ferrell hit that peak and then he, he just rolled there and did it and did it. And I feel like Danny McBride, I feel like Danny McBride was basically there and then dropped it. I think it was Elf, honestly. Yeah, it's probably Elf. Elf is everybody can get into. It's such a fucking cheat code to make a Christmas movie.

Like a good Christmas movie. Because there's not that many of them. And then it becomes something that people watch every year. Yeah. So it's like, I said, legacy, the sticks with you forever type of thing. Every generation knows about Elf. Freaking Elf. Straight up.

My grandma watches Elf. Yeah. Middle of summer. And she's old. Middle of June. She'll put on Elf. Just fucking watch that shit. Yeah.

We haven't had a, what's the newest Christmas classic movie like that? Oh, the, uh, uh, Candy Cane Lane. With, uh, Eddie Murphy. Spirited with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds. Red one. Red one is not a hit, man. Red one. Well, why's one in the name?

Number one. Because they made fucking, the guy from Portal have giant arms. I don't like that. Um, what is the, is Elf is camp? Violent Knight with David Harbor. Violent Knight was not a hit, man. It has to be something. There has to be something since El.

Oh, a Black Christmas remake, 2019. There's not that, dude. It's got to be, and stop guessing, and instead know it. Oh, the Grinch. The animated Grinch. Yeah. What was that, Cumberbatch? Is that, that, was that popular?

Because I know all about the Lorax. Don't play with me about the Lorax. I've watched it a couple times since I found out about it. Grinch is not popular yet. The animated one is not as popular as the live action one with any, or would Eddie Murphy with Jim Carrey

well animated one is even more famous the original animated one with that's true but but I know what you're saying

I know 28 minutes or whatever Cumberbatch yeah the Cumberbatch one I want to say so badly who else is on

who else is in it tell me man don't hide away from this you want to say it badly fucking say it I can't say it why because of who it is

there's an actor in this movie that you can't stay there You're kidding me. It's not an actor. It's not an actor. The musician? Who is it? Someone who's related to somebody else. Somebody who's related to saying it, man. Somebody, wait, somebody's related to somebody else. And you can't say it. And it has something to do with the Grinch. Okay, the Grinch movie, the animated movie, you're one of you're talking about. Okay. Has Julio get ready

to cut this out. Okay. Cut back in. Oh, yeah. That's funny that that's it wasn't. So nobody will ever know. Yeah, yeah.

That's okay. That's not the new. But that movie is not yet. I'm still working on getting that one popular, the 2019 Grinch. That was from 2019. That's my guess.

It's as to when it was. I thought that was like 2012. I feel like. I feel like. I feel like it's really old. Because the Lorax was older and I thought it was. Lorax is like 2011. I remember watching the Lorax.

Okay. When it was appropriate for me to do something. Oh, okay. Yeah. Really? I think so. Well, it was for my 15-year-old.

Well, it was for my younger sibling that we watched it. I mean, but it was not. It's a 28-year-old. I like that movie. In Sneedville. I like when he says let it die,

let it wither up and die. Why is that so typical of you? That is the funniest part The man who found a way to sell air And became a millionaire Whatever year that came out And I must have seen it Because I saw it at home on

On Demand Vod Yeah Video on demand Maybe before they even called it digital Voodoo Was probably on like Verizon On Demand

Oh that's brutal style-ish But so anyway I'm saying that's basically mostly what I remember from it Is that is pretty much it Let it up and die. Let it wither up and die. That was funny. But he's clapping his hands and dancing around.

That means that you were just tuning out all the heart. No, I experienced it all back then, but it's, like I said, it's been a few years. Any interest in a rewatch on my new TV? Not so much. No, you don't want to come over and watch the Lorax? That one clip where he says, let it die, let it die. You don't want to come over and have a couple of beers, smoke a little

weed and watch the fucking Lorax? You don't want to do that. No, I'm sick of the Lorax. You know there's a new one in this genre coming out. soon. New imagination or whatever? New. Well, specifically a Sousian animationer with the same style.

Illumination. And I'm going to, and tell me this isn't just genius casting that basically since this person's been born and this character has been created, they've been locked in an almost sexual relationship of, it's the cat in the hat played by Bill Hater. Ah. Yeah, isn't that great? Well, but how do you beat the live action cat in the hat? I mean, and it's just, it's just so great, because off the height of such a smash hit as Barry, you know, finally Bill Hader can do what he's always was meant to do. Barry, you and just be in a movie theater for one week and just then it stops. Bill Hader, you've reached the apex with Barry.

That's the untouchable, very top. Bill Hater, I have not seen more than 10 seconds of the show, but I fucking love it. Me too. I just can't get enough of those YouTube shorts. Yes, I've seen, you know, I'll watch about two seconds of the YouTube short. and then it says that and then they'll cut in yeah

wait so you want me to call him man shut the fuck up Bill Hater yeah I sincerely hope you're going to do a voice for cutting the hat and not just use your

normal voice it is amazing it honestly is such a boon to him that he was born with such a horrible speaking voice but it's such a great impressionist you think he was born that way

as a baby he was going he sounds like a crying baby Yeah, it sounds like a crying baby's hoarse. Yeah, he should just be doing an impression all the time. Stick to Stefan. Yeah. Everybody loves Stefan.

Exactly. Why aren't you doing fucking Stefan? The Californians. Yeah. The Californians was hilarious if you, I knew anybody who lived in Los Angeles at the time. It was a real hit back then. And Stefan was huge with gay people. Yeah.

They love him. They love Stefan. Yeah, when are they going to bring Stefan back? I think they did for the 50th. Or was that this? year for the 50th time they milked that shit yeah they did milk that shit man how many more years of saturday night live you think they have dude hopefully 50 more by the way if we have to be honest that's why patrick isn't here right yeah because he's he just got he hit the lottery

for the recording saturday night line he's uh no he's he's at he's a member of the studio audience yes yes he's saying and you guys didn't know this but they tape it at 6 p.m. yeah it's pre-taped yeah it's a lie yeah it's all a lie Just in case, dude, tell you what I would not want to be on the job of this year, or actually this week, the weekend update desk. Oh, yeah. What are you going to have a tough time? What do you even say? Why do I, okay, I'm going to throw one in here. This is, I would love to, I would love to imagine that this is going to happen. Maybe Colin Jost or Michael Chey, the two guys could say something along the lines of, yeah, even we're not touching that one. Maybe put a picture up of Charlie Kerr. and then say, uh, yeah, we're not even going to bother.

I think you actually, you think that could be it. This actually I think is a hundred percent. Oh, correct prediction. Yeah, I think that's probably, I think you got them.

But I could also see them, and somebody could win an Emmy for writing that by the way. They went every year. Yeah. I could see them zagging and doing something absolutely horrific. You think so? Showing just the footage. They could have Steve Martin come out with the,

remember the arrow thing? Yeah. And he made an arrow thing through his neck. Yeah. He says, well, he says, excuse me. Yeah, and he farts. That could be funny. Yeah, I don't envy those guys.

No, I really do envy them. Yeah, I mean, of course I need him to wear suits. Yeah. That's so awesome. Yeah. Yeah, unlike us who are so unleashed that we just, you know, don't even have to go there. We're so untethered to any soon. People know what we think.

I'll put it that way. Look, if it comes to someone dying, I think. Someone knows what we're going to say. Yeah. Fuck you. That's usually across the board. No matter the... Hey, buddy.

No, it's not even necessarily to the... If you just are asking what we think about anything. It's mostly like... Fuck you. Here's what I think. Fuck off and suck my dick. Yeah. Eat my poop.

Eat my fucking poop. Yeah. Eat that. Yeah, eat this. What are we going to do? What's our big plan for the fall? Dude, Halloween's... coming up. The grocery store has put up their decorations

along with that. Oh my God. It's so soon actually. Yeah, it's really coming up. They put up a scarecrow pumpkin head that I really thought was going to move at me, but it was completely stationary. I don't mean this the wrong way. Uh-huh. If I was making one of those videos

of pretending to be a pumpkin scarecrow in Walmart and jumping out of people, you would be a good target. You'd be exactly who I'm going for. Because I'm tall, so there's kind of like an inherent thing of like, oh, if this guy gets scared, he's extra wimpy because he's supposed to be big.

Yeah. Okay. Exactly what I thought. Right? That's what you're thinking, right? Yeah, this guy is. But I look excitable. I would say that you just don't maybe,

because my worry with those always is that. Oh, somebody's going to stab you. You're going to shoot or stab you. Oh, you think I'm not going to do that. I think you don't look like you have a gun or a knife on you. Yeah. I don't think anyone's ever tried to scare me like that. besides my close friends

who I've given mission slips for this purpose I've never got one I don't think that I'm scared Usually Patrick is more The I'm jumpy I don't like being scared Me either but Pat does it to me

All the fucking time It scares me too Well he's he does it more I do it sometimes Me and him have such a He gives a poor Poor role model for me I fucking why is he

Just not here Yeah Me and him have such a prankster relationship And you and me have never had A prank sort of thing No I think if you prank me I'd be mad Patrick pranks me

I don't think I'm good at pranks What's your best ever My best ever see I'm racking my brain Yeah It's a tough one I feel like I've I know that I've done See I most of my pranks would probably be the type of thing

Of say something that's not true Oh well you break your wife all the time I know that like that Yeah I've got me with a good one today right before we recorded. He sent me a picture of Adam Scott or sent it in the group chat and said RIP.

Yeah. Which I don't know why it touched me so in the way that it did. Because he just got snubbed, man. He got snubbed? Well, it depends on what you think. Did you watch the Emmys? No, I've just seen seeing the tweets.

I didn't know how. You know who got one who won lead male actor who of the year? Who? Which is the name of the award? Lead male actor of the year. Yeah. Bro, freaking no while from DePitt. that's the doctor yeah yeah the Jewish doctor yeah which I think is deserved I agree he's

amazing better than Adam Scott who couldn't even make his face look normal for eight episodes it's true who decided to grow a lump at the end of his nose sometime in his 40s he went to the plastic surgeon he said give me the sid the sloth yes can you make me look like somebody remembered what I look like yeah and I don't want to look quite like a Lego man no but I'd like But I just want to throw that into the conversation. I'd like to get close. I'd like to look like I'm in the first act of the movie where the guy grows the clown.

He turns into a biological clown. Yeah. What was that movie? Clown. You're kidding. It's called clown. I thought, I haven't seen that movie, but.

I think that's directed by the guy who directed them Spider-Man movies with Tom Holland. Really? I'm funny. I think there's multiple actual movies where a guy turns into a biological clown. The concept of a biological clown is just such a great idea. It's really cool.

it's cool but I didn't watch that movie but no I mean either I also I watched the poster in the description I loved watching the poster the poster was amazing but also you get the entirety of the movie from the not even the trailer the poster you get everything I've never even seen the trailer no me either simply I've watched the poster just the poster and then maybe what I think what I'm watching the poster is I think I wonder if I watch that I probably never will probably never gonna give my time to clown probably no point to looking at this poster again because let me guess he gets bit by a clown this is the poster yes it looks really dark. It looks like the

cover of like Manhunt. Yeah, it looks like a scary movie. Yeah. Not scary movie, but a scary movie. No. No. No. But I think there's multiple. I think there's another one called Stitches. You're right. Something similar to that. Stitches, yeah. There's many, many clown movies that are about bad clowns.

I feel like that was a good, there was a good little era of horror right before like hereditary and get out came along where there was like 10 years where it pretty much all sucked but they made so much of it

yeah yeah like there's there was a million movies like that yeah you know and you had fucking Kevin Smith making horror movies which I don't think he really does anymore does he even make movies anymore

I don't know I think he made a actually I think he made a slasher but I think he released it as an NFT like a couple years ago So I don't think it exists. But you had like movies like that or like Tusk or like some other movie like that. I mean like people turning into things.

People turning into things type of shit where it was just and they were not very good. Yeah. And those movies would go into the theater as well. Yeah. The theater was just was always a show of movies. Really? I don't know if it is anymore. I don't think.

Yesterday, I thought about me and my wife were going to get dinner, and I thought about going to watch a movie beforehand in the city. And it was, there was fucking nothing. There's no movie. It was like the demon slayer movie. There's the conjuring. There's the anime one. There's the long walk.

And there's the fucking Downton Abbey movie. The Aronofsky one. Oh, all I saw in AMC was the fucking Demon Slayer and the Downton Abbey movie. And everything else was like a live concert recording type of shit. Have you seen the trailer for that? Demon Slayer movie. I don't know anything about Demon Slayer

but they've been playing the trailer before the movies I see and it is literally I'm not exaggering the worst movie trailer of all time. What happens in it?

It's just like it's not animated really like it's just like shots of the characters like standing there and looking up and then that's just like

voiceover dialogue and they just are going like I'm ready to fight and then it'll like cut hard cut away and just show text that's like the biggest movie ever

and just like it just is like really the worst trailer ever is it really crazy are you me and Patrick some of the only guys our age who have wait have you ever you've you're not a big anime person are you I like anime but I don't care about it

but you've not you haven't watched like 10,000 episodes of one piece or something not one piece I watched there's some stuff I've watched a bunch of but not I would say I haven't watched an anime in probably five or six years I feel like this is a we're a dying breed

yeah you got to really be into it nowadays. All the new stuff, too, it's crap because they all look like those Netflix ones where they all are partially 3D. Oh, yeah.

Well, I hate that shit. I liked Zoids back in the day. It kind of reminds me to Zoids. Yeah, Zoids is cool. Zoids was probably the last anime. I enjoyed. Yeah. Zoyd's Avatar, the last Airbender.

I don't even know what the last one I watched was that, like, the last new anime. I tried to watch the one about the big, uh, big teeth guys that jump out at the wall. translate attack on titan yes and they yeah and uh that sucked no the thing is all live action japanese movies are a thousand times better than any anime that's from that's post like 2007 and i picked that you're completely random but that sounds right to me it feels like the right year doesn't it yeah you know brian rex are super into that and also the books and stuff

And every time I go over there, they're reading one or they're watching episode 5 million of something. I like the manga. But again, I don't keep up with it. But you read American comic books also. Yeah, but again, I don't keep up with it. I just read the old stuff mostly. And then I'll get to the point where they start,

it starts looking nasty. Yeah, like when would you say that is? As soon as they start using shading and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. You like the stick fake. You like XKCD. Yeah, yeah. That's what the original comics looked like.

XKCD comics from the 20s. Yeah, yeah. What was the original comic book? Because it was all publishing a bit magazine, right? Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know. Well, comic books I think also like evolved from other stuff kind of like there was like they had like serial novels and stuff where it would be like or like Penny Dreadful. You know, I know all about Penny Duffles. Yeah, stuff like that.

But I think that the first superhero was Superman. But that's a complete guess, basically. If that's true, that just sucks. Yeah. But I don't know that much about the actual, like, history of it. That stuff's not that interesting to me. I like their powers. Yeah.

It's pretty much all I care about. It's just the powers. The powers and then the costumes that the bad guys wear. Those are the two things that I like. I pretty much, the only thing that I've ever liked about comics is when they take a character who is a normal character superhero most Batman, Superman, one of these

and they make them dark and scared grizzly. That's the only thing I was ever interested. I like when they take them and they make them realistic and they have real life issues. Yeah, that's great too. When they're like, oh great, I have to pay my taxes. Yeah, I can't get it up. Yeah.

I'm fucking Superman. I can't get it up. I can't even get it up for one second for Lois Lane. She's a bitch to me. And that's, and one second. is all I need as an alien. Because I'm a superhuman I'm a superhuman alien comer.

Yeah, and I could go really super fast. And honestly, if it goes past one second, it's insanely painful for me in my species. My whole species feels it, by the way, because we're a hive mind. Do they ever explain if he does have a human penis? They must have.

There's so much of that shit that any question, hypothetical question, you could have, they've covered it. They have covered it, but they've covered it. Like, every question like that is like, the thing is people have thought of that

question like 30 years ago. Yeah. And they were like, I'm going to put it in my comic. And then everybody spends the next 30 years completely disavowing it and says, this guy, he acted, he acted, he was a rogue actor. We didn't, we didn't

approve this. Yeah. He was going to say this about, uh, but nobody's in charge, but nobody's in charge of Batman's butt. That's how it should be. Except for Catwoman. Fortunately, now it is. Come on. Yeah. Well, what's your name? Selina Kyle. Selina Kyle. Salina

It's really Kyle You know what I've been watching Kyle This is bad This is really bad This is bad news No worse

Really bad Bottom of the barrel Bad bad news Should not be watching this show This is bad bro How bad can it be Only murders in the building Oh yeah

I'm watching this fucking show Selena Gomez Yeah that seems really rough I was like what show Can possibly No it's bad I feel that Because I think that on the, like,

I'm on episode six. That's a Hulu original, correct? I believe it is, and they cuss in that plenty. If we're going by original, if we're ranking the originals of things, I think HBO is top original. Of course, yes, I agree.

I think that I don't even know what the second best original would be. I mean, does FX count? They don't do originals. That's not a streaming service. They go on to Hulu. I guess there a good Amazon original? Was there a,

No, I mean, I thought they have the boys and they have fallout, which I think both suck. I never seen that. And I think it might be Apple TV because just because of severance and prehistoric planet. Yeah. But I think everything else sucks. And then Netflix. Netflix has had something. Netflix has had some good stuff.

But they just have so much shit. They have so much slop and terrible stuff. But I think, and then I think that what services are we missing? Hulu, Peacock, Peacock. Peacock. I don't even know what Peacock is going on. Peacock just does TV shows. Disney Plus almost doesn't count because it's just...

I mean, we'll put... They're definitely pretty low. But it's like they're just Marvel stuff, right? It's like Marvel and IP stuff. They don't even really do... Yeah, I guess you're right. Any real original. Well, people like those Star Wars shows.

I don't care about it. They're bad. Everything is bad besides HBO. I think I agree. But, but anyway, the point... And I think then Tooby is pretty low, but that Tooby is like... What Tooby original is there? There's many Tooby originals, but they're all like wink.

wink, this is a to be original. They're like, yeah, oh, yeah, this is a to be original. So it's not exactly going to be good. But anyway, this long window thing, I think Hulu original is the actual bottom of the barrel. I think every Hulu original movie and TV show is so fucking bad.

Except for, no way, that's FX, isn't it? I was about to say, yeah. Hulu has only murders in the building. Yeah. Which is really bad. It's like Selina Gomez had a fucking tracheotomy. She like can't speak. Like, Steve Martin and Martin Shoyer like, well, what the fuck doing this sort of shit?

She's like, what do you mean? Where we're going? She, I think has something about that in medically. Really? Medically. Yeah, I think so. I think I heard about this. You know, do you remember back in the day people hated her because she was running from her Latin ex heritage?

Oh, she, but now she's embracing it by being in movies. Like, did Patrick's computer just turn on? I told you strange shit's happening in nowhere. Seems as we started talking about Selena Gomez running from her Latino heritage. that is freaky wait something's happening something is completely happening there's a ghost in that machine that is moving shit around but uh amelia amelia perez she said you know what all this even speak spanish for this one is she in that oh yeah no i didn't see it yeah i saw maybe a few pieces of it well my one person i saw who or i knew who saw it was like it was one of the best movies of the year

i really wasn't i think yeah i sounded like like it was fun and music. The music was like not good also, I felt like. Why do wives like to watch things like this when they even know that they won't finish it? Same reason why they order food and don't finish it. Oh my God, so I can have it? Yeah, so you can have the rest of the movie.

They'll save you the rest of the movie. Pull up Hulu originals, because I can really only think of only murders in the building. I think that's their big one. That's their flagship. What do we got in a flagship? Oh, the Predator. Killer of Killers. I've heard that...

Oh, this is top picks on Hulu. Yeah, no. This is not... We need a Loo motherfucking original TV shows. Now, do it now. Just keep on scrolling. Here it is. List of her...

Oh, it's purple. It's a purple. Whoa, we've already looked at this. Wow. Okay. American horror stories. Trash. Nine perfect strangers.

Don't know. Tell me... Oh, Shogun. People liked that. People did like Showgun. Oh, Alien Earth. This just came out. I've heard mixed things about this.

A twisted tail of Amanda Knox didn't see it. Yeah, but any twisted tail was on. I mean, that sounds great. But isn't the bear FX? No, the bear's a Hulu original. It's for FX on Hulu. Does that really count? I feel like these are all for FX on Hulu.

Also, the bear. Solar opposites, dude. Dude, you better start talking fucking shit on solar opposites. How can you hate on? I've never actually seen a single episode of that. Diddy on trial as it happened. Did he? Why is Diddy?

Why? I, you know, God bless everybody who's Oh the secret lives of Mormon wise But you couldn't pick a funnier name to be a super rapist Yeah And what's funny is that

Well I don't want to be like any of this is funny But what's funny is that he really kind of He took him a minute to land on that name too He was really kind of trying to triangulate He was saying I think he was like What name when all this stuff I'm doing with my oils My liquids and my harems

All this stuff comes out. What name are people going to not take seriously? Yes. Yeah, he's trying. Daddy? No, that's a little of sinister. That's good. And he started with Puff Daddy.

Then it became Puffy. Yeah. Then it became P. Diddy. Then it became Diddy. Yeah. And I honestly think he really was trying to, I think, find. I think Puffy would have been fine too. Yeah.

Puffy is a little, sounds a little more gayer than Diddy. I think. Diddy is definitely funnier. Puffy, yes. Diddy sounds like a diddy, which he is. And Puffy sounds more like a gay super villain. Puffy.

If it was Puffy, the Puffy files. Puffy has been. All these documentaries. Why did nobody... The story of Puffy. How did they let him name himself Puffy? Puffy.

Yeah, it's not a good man. Puffy Diddy. Puffy Diddy. Puff daddy sounds cool. Puff daddy was cool because that was cool. That sounded like a pimp. Yeah, it does sound like. You know, puff.

Why did he change it so much down to that point to which it got to Diddy? Because I think he was adding extra ingredients into his life. But he barely changed the name, too. Can I say that? Yeah, that you can say that. He changed like one letter. Yeah. Why did he feel the need to do that?

Also, where, do you think that the, because Daddy to Diddy is sort of, it's sort of is like when you hear how, like, middle English, old English. Yeah, yeah. Modern English. Yeah. It's like, do you think that was like a somebody misheard him at some point? Or maybe he misheard somebody else? Do you think there was ever a point where he was P. Diddy or he skipped that entirely? I think he skipped that entirely because I followed his career very closely.

There was a time, and I've never said this publicly, there was a time when I was a kid when I would have said that that P. Diddy was my favorite rapper. Wow. Because of the song, hello, good morning. Remember that song? No. Hello. Good morning. You don't remember that?

I don't think so. I thought that that was the most badass song. on Planet Earth, and I would listen to it and imagine being a transformer. He had some type of Godzilla-based remix on the Godzilla-1998 soundtrack. Like Farrow-Munch, the very famous... Was that from that soundtrack? That song is cool. You know that song?

I do know that song, yeah. What's it called? Simon Says. Simon Says. My Pharaoh Munch. Samples of Mothriff versus Godzilla. It does theme. And that's a scary song.

That's a scary song. They did a great job with that theme. They did a good job. Fukube. That's his name. I don't know how to pronounce it. You just did, though, so you do know. I definitely am stressing the wrong syllables, I feel.

Do you think that I should get insurance soon? Probably, yeah, though I'm not liking how much I'm having to pay for it. You have it? I forgot you have it. Yeah, I have it through my wife's work, but I still got to pay hella shit. And what's fucking annoying, bro, is that you, I, was, like, so excited because I got, I, I was on my parents' insurance before I turned 26, right? And I was like, I fucking hate my doctor. I hate my doctor. And then my, this insurance end, I think, thank God. Hands clean. I even told my doctor, I ain't coming back. You say, fuck you? I said at the end of our last appointment, she said, you want to schedule an appointment? I said, nope, I'm not coming back. I won't come back. But I have to go back because it's that way.

Oh, I can't find another doctor. That's tough. So I haven't been back yet. That's quite fucking tough. I doubt she remembers I said that, but it still is kind of like a personal dishonor. Yeah, that's a walk back in there. To walk the hat and hands. Yeah.

Please look at my penis. I got to get a check up for football. Oh, please, please, please. Do you ever get a check up when you were a kid for football or a sport? I got to check up almost every year. Really? Well, not for a sport, but. But did they look at your nuts?

Yeah, that's normal. Or physical, I mean, I guess is what I'm looking. looking for. Yeah, that's a checkup. It's the same thing. I only got it one time, but maybe we just didn't do it. Oh, you're supposed to. We weren't a doctor family, but I think that's also, I mean, if you got homeschooled, I think that's a school thing too. Well, but I, this was, I, I went to school for as many years as I was homeschooled. I think you're supposed to get a physical to go to school every year. Why didn't they give a fuck with your nuts or maybe it's just, I mean, maybe you just get your show, you're supposed to get your shots and then

there was one time where I, when I was at school, where I, my nuts were hurting. I was maybe 11 years old and my nuts were hurting me so badly yeah and I went to the to the one male professor in the teacher and I was like dude mine I know you're the only guy here dude said dude first of all what up what's up the male teacher yeah was that male teacher fuck yeah bro dude we did our secret handshake of course it was like one of the LeBron ones with his teammate where I did like a back flip and we touched elbows yeah and I was like man now they were him with that, my nuts fucking hurt. Yeah.

And I remember him saying, do you mean like itch? And I was like, I think I'd be coming to you like, dude, my nuts itch so bad. Go to the one male team to say my nuts itch, but no, my nuts hurt so bad. Yeah. And I, we called my mom from the office and my mom is a crazy hypochondriac. So she knows every thing. Yeah.

So she was like, it's probably, it's torsion. Yeah, testicular torsion. and we'll take you to the thing. So I started telling everybody at school, I was like, I have torsion. I have testicular torsion. Apparently that's like the most painful thing

in the entire universe. Yeah, so it wasn't that. So I went to... It's so scary. It is scary. So I... Twist around? They can just fucking...

They can go... Or maybe it wasn't... Maybe she didn't say torsion, actually. Maybe she said that it was something... I think she insinuated to me that it was something actually like in my like stomach. Okay. That it was something like

something way worse, like cancer or some kind of thing where she was like one of the symptoms. Yeah, she took it to the next level. So whatever that was, I told everybody it was that. And then so I went to the doctor and then the doctor was like what you're describing is not, I can't do here. You have to go get an ultrasound. So I went to OBGYN.

Ultrasound. I walked into an OBGYN How old are you? I was like 11. And I went to the OBGY in and they ultrasounded me because it was just the it was like attached to the hospital and they were like yeah we'll do it and they were like you don't have anything you're just going through puberty and your balls hurt and then i had to go to school and i lied and i told everybody i had testicular torsion that's what i said oh because i didn't want them to know that i was just such a pussy that i that you had the simple growing pain of going through puberty they must have been growing fast if that hurt that bad you would think so but then i stopped

going to school and then over the summer, or no, I guess not over the summer, over whatever that year. You went back to the OBJWR and said, these haven't changed a bit. These are the same. No, I had a birthday party and all my friends from school came and they were all about a foot and a half taller. Well, I was talking about just your nuts. My nuts are not that big.

Yeah. Well, they must have grown at some point. They didn't. Well, you had the pain. Yeah, but that's what I think. I think it was fancy pain. Shrinking pains. Your son's going through shrinking pains. His nuts are shrinking. Actually, he's going to shrink until he's a blip. I had such horrible growing pains when I grew because I grew so many lengths. I bet you had an amazing leg.

I think if I hadn't been vegan when I was a kid, I'd be grown much taller. It's one of those things where you like, that's like, like, people say that to you all the time as a kid. They're like, drink your milk. Yeah. Like, don't drink it. Don't have this. It'll stunt your growth. And as a kid, you're like, you don't even understand what that means.

Yes. And then you become an adult and you're like, oh, I guess it like actually happens to be able. I fucked my life up. I'm fucking short and stupid. You actually grow. I did grow. Yes. You have.

You don't imagine that you're actually going to grow. No, never. No. No. And they always are talking about how like, if you eat better, you'll be like you'll grow up smarter and you'll have better bone density.

You'll live longer and stuff. And I was literally eating for eight years of my life, maybe more. I would eat every day for lunch a piece of bread with mustard on it. And I ate every every day. And I called it a homemade pretzel. That was my life. I had some mustard today.

Mustard. Mustard. Yeah, what I had on a sandwich, I didn't have it in a song. Oh, yeah, it's tough to have it in a song. I had some mustard on a sandwich as well. I've been eating sandwiches almost every day. I've been getting back in the sandwich game because I've been lazy.

What kind of meat are you doing? I'm doing some roast beef nowadays. Oh, what a choice. I'm loving. What brand? You get it from the. deli you get it from the deli yeah it's hard to find a brand of roast beef oh they have uh uh a pat pre-packaged thing uh oh yeah no i don't but but they have a boar's head uh roast beef but that's a little more

it's like a two dollars per pound more expensive i'm like give me the generic stuff and i got the generic stuff today and i brought it home and i opened it up my entire kitchen literally started smelling like burning plastic it smells so it's way worse i won't i had to like i had to like i had to like i had I did one time before, and it was fine. It definitely is not quite as good, but I'm like, whatever. I don't, it's in a sandwich. I don't really care. But today I literally did open the package, and it's like, should I eat this?

This, like, actually smells. I feel like deli meat is one of the few things in life that it's really worth springing for good. Definitely. Because they're so, they put, deli meat is like one of the worst things for you if you get, like, the shit stuff. Yeah. It's got like so much crap. I've been trying to, I've been having a hard time. I've always been my whole life

I've been a provolone guy I've just that's all on a sandwich at least it's only provolone nothing else no I or at least on a cold sandwich even on a hot sandwich

sometimes but I have just lately provolent has just been two feet footy for me it's always been a little footy it's always has been but I just for whatever reason

recently I started caring and now I don't know what to go to well let me give you something go to your place has Boershead, right? Yeah. Tell them, I would like... And don't get a half...

People make this mistake all the time. I get a pound of cheese. I get a half pound. Even a half pound. A half pound is a lot. That's a lot. I do... Well, I usually get, like, I would say... Because I get it from...

They have like the pre-sliced, like, it is... And I get... I usually look for the one that's like... This is very in the weeds, but I look for the one that's like 0.46. Oh, okay. You're a 0.46 guy. Yeah, 0.46.47.

All right. But definitely not more than 0.5. No. That 0.5 is the breaking point. So much. Yeah. It's too much. But here's my recommendation.

Go up to the counter. As most good things with a deli, the best thing you're going to get is always going to be asking them to do something. Yeah, yeah. But go up to the counter and say, can I get half a pound? Or actually, can I get 0.46 pounds of Boar's Head, white American cheese, thinly sliced. Interesting. The white American cheese. Because I guess if it's not.

You don't want it thick. They cut it too thick. You want it to think because it's very rich. That's what got me this time with this past batch of provolone. It was very thick. And I think that's where the footiness really got to me. I don't want a big thick slice of cheese. I honestly,

the cheese on a sandwich in my house. Take it or leave it. Take it or leave it. I would rather have a big thing of tomato and extra mayonnaise on it. I basically put no veggie on my sandwich. You don't go tomato? No, I'm not a big tomato fan. Onion?

I should put onion. I should start doing that. What about a pickle? A pickle I would do. Pickle and onion is a good. That's enough. I haven't had pickles in the house since I started making these sandwiches,

but I'll probably pick some up next time I go to the grocery store because that's not a bad idea. I would love to get some lettuce or something on there, but I don't want to have a big piece. No. And I'm not going to get shredded or buy shredded. No, no, I'm not going to do that. Bib lettuce.

Which is this? This is the one that's like a circle that goes on like a hamburger usually. Okay. You like just fold it one. and it's like a nice little thing. I'll have to do some research on this. But lettuce, if I'm at making food at home,

I'm never going to take the time to put lettuce on my sandwich. It feels like I like, I'm always like, I'm always like, it would literally be nice to have lettuce on here just for the optics of it. Just so that I'm eating. Yes. So I'm eating a sandwich that looks like it's put together. It's white, gray.

I'm eating, yeah, I'm eating bread, roast beef, cheese, mayo, mustard. That's it. No color. No color in this diet. Nothing. No veggie. You could always do a side salad. Yeah.

But what am I going to do? I'm eating a sandwich because I don't want to make something. Yeah. And if I'm doing anything on the side, I'm eating two hard-boiled eggs. Oh, man, I love them eggs. Do you like them from the gas station? That's my test for a real fucking egg lover. I've never seen or gotten these.

The bags at the gas station with the eggs in it? But I'm never at a gas station. I guess that's true. I don't drive. Driver. Yeah. Well, one day if you're driving and you get on the highway, And you stop it.

Are they like pickled or are they like just normal ones? Hard bowl eggs sitting in still water. Wow. I don't know. Still water, maybe not the right way to describe it. But it is just water. It's not like pond water.

Yes. But it is. It's just like nasty water. It's like trying to think of what this package is like. It's like you ever have a pickle in a bag? I know of it. It's like that but with eggs. But there's no pickle juice.

It's just water. Yeah. I haven't had a hard boiled egg in a minute either. You don't make a whole boiled egg. home. I do, but I was having in a while. I might make egg salad a night. You know what? I can't, I cannot. Oh, yeah, I can imagine. This is like a mozzarella looking style. It does look like mozzarella. I could, I cannot get into egg salad. How is this possible? I know. It's weird because I like every ingredient of it, to a great degree. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of everything that goes into it.

Eggs, mayonnaise, mustard. But there's just something about it that just, it grosses me out. Have you tried different kinds? Do you have it? What temperature do you have it? Freezing cold. Freezing cold, yeah. Yeah. Not freezing cold, but fridge cold.

Fridge cold. Yeah, right out the fridge. Yeah, because I think, well, I don't know. I mean, I like egg salad to a degree where, like, I like the egg salad when it's been sitting at the cookout for a minute and it's got like a film developed over it. And then you get to break the film. That's great. I love that.

And I like every other type of fake salad salad. You like tuna salad? I like tuna salad enough. I don't love it. Potato salad. I'm lower potato salad. I like potato salad's probably my favorite out of those. But it just is like, potato salad I am always like, you know what, man, I would rather

be eating some like a hash brown. For sure. Yeah. Now, I've made a potato salad that's really good where you make it into hash browns and then you put, make it into potato salad. I mean, yeah, I definitely prefer a lot of other potato type things above potato salad. but as the mayonnaise salads go. You'll take that over a tuna salad that has jalapenos in it and chips.

Well, it depends. Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, well. Thing? I would eat, I guess, okay, a tuna salad to me, I would eat that as a main delay. Of course, on a triple decker sandwich. Yeah. There's potato salad. I'm going to have some, I'm going to have a little bit of that as a side.

So I think it's a different class. It is a different class. But I don't like to include that because it's the meat salads, which I think egg is a part of. And then you have potato salad, macaroni salad. Yeah. Macaroni salad to me is the very bottom. Macaroni salad, I don't think I've had in quite a long time. I don't have any interest in macaroni.

No, it doesn't. I'd rather have macaroni and cheese. And above potato salad and macaroni salad, I would rather have coleslaw. Yeah. Coleslaw is the best of those. Coal is the best of those. It's got vinegar in it and it's got a nice, it's better, crunchier, more crunches involved. They have all types of things involved.

What kind of other foods do you think you and me can talk about? Because that actually was a very impassioned discussion from us. Yeah. Well, I am really hungry right now. Me too. It's making me fucking hungry. I might get a tuna salad sandwich on the way home. I'll tell you what I do for breakfast every day.

This is all I do, which I've definitely probably told you before, but we're talking about food. Yeah. It's about whatever, man. Not the only foods I eat. Pat isn't here. I got it going a little bit. I do two fried eggs. Love it.

In butter. Wow, okay, carnivore diet. I just, I, the, oh, something about the way, when you, when you, when you slightly, when you just slightly overcook an egg in oil, a fried egg in oil, I find it so nasty. But butter, but when you do it in butter, it's like nice. Yeah, that's true. It's nice when you get it now. You accidentally, you brown it up a little bit. It toasts better.

Yeah, exactly. When you, what I feel like I'm eating the pan when it's the oil. So that's why I do the butter, because I, I'm not good at cooking. I want to watch you fry an egg. So I'll walk you through it. Okay. I have my whole routine. Here's what I do.

I get out my ingredients. So my ingredients are the carton of eggs. Butter. Two slices of bread. Which I put into the toaster. Then I have also some type of cheese, which could be Mexican cheese or provolent cheese. Then I take the butter. Put the butter in the pan.

melt it. Once it's melted, I put the toast down. And that's timing. That timing works out. That timing works out because then I push down the bread. I crack the eggs. I salt and pepper them. Little salt. Lots of pepper. Yeah. A huge amount of pepper. Pepper. You got to cover that thing in that old pippa. I let them go and cook. I then once the toast pops, that's usually about the time to flip the eggs. Yeah. Then I usually what I've been doing, I used to not, I really like a runny yolk, like super runny yolk. Me too. But I've just been spilling it everywhere for months and months. Me too. I feel like something changed with eggs where every time I try to cook one, the egg, the yolk fucking breaks when I fucking crack it. Well, no, I like let the, I do it like over easy, over super super easy. And then I'd take a bite and it sprays all over my entire house every day. And I said, you know what? I really like.

this, but it's not worth it. So I started breaking the yolks before I flip it. So I get them a little, I get them soft, but they're not super runny. So I do that. Then I flip it. Then I put them onto the toast and I put the cheese on top. Can I tell you something? Or actually, I put the cheese on the egg after I flip the egg. I put the cheese on in the pan. So it melts. I think this is a great breakfast. I really do. I would give this. And it's one, and it's not a sandwich. Yeah. It's two, it's two toasts with one egg each. I would give it an eight out of ten. Can I I tell you how to make it a 10 out of 10? Yeah.

You need to add four more eggs. Yeah. The problem with that is the amount of times I have to go to the store. That is so fucked up about eggs. Yeah. That if you want it, they, you know. I have, I have right now in my house. I have, I think, 40 eggs.

And they will be gone. Yeah. Soon. Very soon. Very soon. Before the next time I have to go to the grocery store, most likely. How often you go to the grocery store? Once a week.

Wow. Because I, my wife eats. eggs, too. So we fucking... Do you ever get pissed off when your wife is eating half of the food? That pisses me off sometimes where I'll be like, you know, I'll get fucking

10, like, kombuchas. Yeah. She drinks five. And I'm like, and it's coming out of the joint account she half paid for it. Yeah. And I'm like, where are my kombucha? It's the other way. I picked those. For me, I'm the villain. I have, I know, well, here's what happens with me.

is we'll get, we usually will get one kind of like junky snack or something, like potato chips or something like that. And I will, over the course of like three days, eat the entire bag. Yes. Whereas my wife will not even break into it. Yeah. And then she'll go, I'll get them,

I'll buy it on Monday. Uh-huh. I'll eat it all by Wednesday or Thursday. Then on Friday, she'll say, where are the chips? Where are the chips? Where are the chips? and I say, I'm going to the store again

in two days. But you've got to eat them fast because I eat a lot. I can't stop myself. And I know, and it's not fair. Yeah, like that's but that's how it is. I'm going to eat all your food. I have this problem with chocolate bars. My wife

will buy a chocolate bar. Dark chocolate bar. Nasty. I don't even want it. It'll sit in the fucking freezer for two months. Uh-huh. She won't touch it. She maybe will have one square. but in that two months

there will be 10 there's 12 squares of chocolate there will be 11 times in two months where I am like damn I kind of want one bite of chocolate right now so I'll eat the entire thing

and she won't even notice and she'll be like where is the chocolate I wanted to take another molecule off yeah I don't know I go I don't know I fucking dropped I ate it I ate the whole thing is that what you want to hear

and she'll say how did you eat the whole thing in two months yeah yeah I uh we were we we it was this weekend we had nothing no food left in the house basically we were scraping the bottom of the barrel because this is real married guy talked that Patrick he again he can't be here and he has a different completely different grocery kind of regimen I don't even want to I don't the way that you and me are I feel some brothership and some kinship on I can't understand it

alien it's completely alien to me but we I go once a week okay and I go specifically on Monday I I want to go on Tuesdays, but we need it by Monday. I need it. There has not yet been a stretch where we can go eight days. You know what I mean? I'm not smart enough to get one day more of food. But because I fucking hate going to the grocery store on the weekend. I despise it.

It's like a different world. It's so terrible there and awful. So I go on Mondays. And so always in the weekend, we have nothing left because, again, I never buy enough. And I take care of all this stuff and I do a terrible job. You're not good at any of this crap. I'm not good at anything. Yeah.

And it was last night and my wife was like, I really want to have some kind of thing for dessert. And I was like, okay, well, we have this bag. We have about like maybe this much plain pretzels with no hummus or dip. We have like three frozen salmon patties that you hate. Yeah. And then I was like, we have. like two wasabi peas at the bottom of a can then I was like dig I was like trying to

dig myself out of the whole way like so you're not a stock upper I well I am but then it's like one it like we the stock up is Costco and I can't get Costco every week yeah but and I was digging in the back of the cabinets being like there must be something here and I found literally like this it was exactly this size and shape of a of a he's chocolate bunny that had like teeth marks on every side of it.

Dude. Which must be run to the deli from Easter. This is when frugality goes too far. You could have this. Yeah.

Well, then it was, I was like, yeah, you could go across the street and get something. And she was like, no,

I don't want to. You should. And I was like, well, I don't want anything. Yeah. So enjoy this. Rock with teeth on it.

And we threw it away. You threw it away? I would have eaten that. I would have Write it for you if I had no. Next time I, because I would not be surprised, but I find another one of those. I'm not going to learn. Really? Yeah. I love that. Chocolate lasts forever in my house. My favorite chocolate is the nasty ass chocolate that they build the Santa out of that you that you're not going to, that you're not supposed to eat the hollow one where it tastes a milk chocolate. It tastes like plastic. It tastes like plastic. It's completely milk chocolate. Yeah, but it's... Dude, I'm not lying that I'm sure I have more of that somewhere in my house. I'll bring it to you. Dude, I love that. Probably years old. I don't know. Everybody else hates that thinks that's the worst chocolate, but I think it's good. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. I have. I It's chocolate. I'm never going to chocolate for a cultured experience. Give me the candy chocolate.

Yeah, I mean, in my house, this is all in line with sort of the entire theme of my house. But I have the worst chocolate. Dark chocolate. Like 85% dark chocolate with like almond in it or salt. It's one of those things where it's like, I'm sure, it's like, look, I've all, I grew up a picky eater. I wouldn't consider myself a picky eater anymore but it's because I built up a taste for a lot I acquired a taste for a lot of the stuff I didn't like

and I took work I had to try what's the boundary that you feel like you've reached with that have you hit an olive? Have you hit olives? You like olives? Well what I say is that there's a lot of stuff that I don't like but I don't think there's anything I wouldn't eat like if I was served olives I would be like but I'm not going to I probably wouldn't be like let's buy olives let's get olives

But again, I bet that if I had it a bunch, if I had a bunch of olives, I probably would start liking them because that's been my experience with most stuff. Is just when they're around? If I have it a lot, I learn to like it, I feel like. Anyway, the reason I'm saying this is because I'm not going to fucking put in the money or time

to get to like dark chocolate. Yeah. It's an expensive habit. Yeah, what's the point? And it's really, I don't dislike it. I mean, yeah, it's like, I'm just like, I want to have a Reese's cup. It's an aphrodisiac.

Damn. It would make you more sexual. Yeah. Well, so is being naked. Not for me. I hate that shit. Yeah. It's kind of weird.

Have you ever been naked around other people? No. Not once. Me. Well, I did it one time. I hated it. Yeah, I know. I assume you, yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, I went to a spa. Yeah. And I was like, this is so strange being naked. I think I'm gay. I think, or I look to every. a million times in like a locker room before. Do you just look at every penis when you do that? Because I never did to high school.

It's hard not to. It's hard not to. It feels like you have to look. I feel and look and here's what I'll say, man. It's almost like it feels weird not to look. Wow. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Like it's like, oh, I can't look. But I can't, if I'm looking like, if I'm staring at the wall. Yeah. It's like you just got to be casual about it and just go like this. Dude, nice fucking cock bubbling up. Nice bubble. you got banging off of the front of your bosom. You have to act natural.

Yeah. Right? Well, I don't know. I've never been in this situation. I remember when I first got to college at UNCW. I went to the gym for the first time. I walked in and it was just like all teachers getting naked. Yeah. Or professors

getting naked and they were all old and some of them I had. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to do this. It's nice when you go to a gym and there's a like kind of an understanding that no one's going to be fully naked. I was talking to my wife about this last night, actually, is I think, because women are so comfortable being naked around each other, like female friends, they don't really care that much. Yeah. Because how strange can your boobs be? Yeah. But with men,

you always, there's this horrible fear with men being around their friends, where it's either you got the button, either, does my friend have the button? Yeah. Or a monster. Yeah. And either way, I don't want to know. No. I don't want to know. If you're outside of that just basic range, of two to four inches long, then I don't want to know about, I don't want to even be around you. No, I don't want to really know. No, it will affect everything that I ever do with you.

It'll change my life. It'll change my life. If I find out that you have a cannon, a complete cannon hanging down and it's touching your legs, and then I'm supposed to sit in the tub with you? I'm not going to do that. It's going to make me go back and think about every thing you've ever said. Every interaction I've ever had with you where I'm like,

Say, were you acting appropriately? Like, how, oh, and I'll, yeah. Are you acting accordingly to how you are? Every time that you were kind of chill about something, I'll be like, because he has, he's sitting there just fucking with a loaded can of. And every time you weren't chill, it's like, you fucking idiot. You fucking, what are you doing with that thing? What's wrong with you? So it's more complicated.

Being a man is super hard and getting into Mick Tao is a good thing to do. Yeah, absolutely just one of those things nowadays, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. What time we're at? I'm hungry. It's about an hour. Hour five. Hour five. Hour five. Well, I didn't know what we were doing today, but I'm, yeah. I didn't know either. I didn't really have any ideas. I didn't have time to prep something. I thought maybe we could just like kind of watch Nate Bargotsie's Emmys monologue and just watch it. Oh, yeah, you did want to do that. Just watch it.

I got time to punch it up. Just watch it. Well, you said that you wanted to punch it up. Well, I thought it was kind of a flop. Really? Did they have a transcript of it that we can work off of? I made a transcript of it. You did? I'm off you too. You actually did? Yeah.

It's not very long. Well, here, I'll read the transcript. Basically, he had this, he had one funny idea that he had. But at Bargatsi, you got to hit the hair dye. I'm going to say that real quick. What? Because you got white hair? He's got white hair.

Don't you think? I mean, I'm bald. Okay, so. He's old. He's older. He can have white hair. He's like 40 years old. He's only, there's no way he's only 40. He is. He'll look it up right now. He's 51. He's not 51. He's definitely in his 40s. And he's got gray hair. Nate Bargotsie age, 46 years old.

Okay, so right in the middle of us. Yeah. Of our two ages. Yeah. But, you know, okay, so basically, obviously, the issue is he's a clean comedian, right? Yeah, it's fine. He's on the 80s. He's going to be crippled. He's going to be crippled no matter what. He wouldn't even say that. He wouldn't say that. That's, that's a clean comedian. how clean he is. Versus someone like Conan who would say almost anything. But at this. Exactly.

You fucking piece of shit. So right off the bat, I would start in the beginning of this transcript. He's not Ricky Jervais. Yeah, exactly. Who's the king of the in-y's hosting. Exactly. Please welcome your host, Nate Verretti. That's the first thing it says on the transcripts.

Okay. Off to a good start. Step one. Fixing this. The first thing I would do is bygatsy. Is fix it to say Bargotsi. Yeah. All right. Let's just read through this here.

All right. All right. All right. Thank you. All right. Look at us. We're doing it. All right. Any punch up on that? Did he say, all right, right. Right. In the McConaughey voice? I don't think so. Okay. Well, I would fix it to that. And then what's the other one? We're doing this? Look at us. We're doing it. All right.

Okay. So I would say you want to switch it. So I'd say, look at us. This isn't, this ain't happening. This thing's over. All right. Next. Welcome to the 77th Emmy Awards. Let's go 69th. Yeah, that's funny. You know, it's not a big one like 75 or 80, but it's the one they gave me.

Okay, it's a little like, wamp, womp, yeah. So maybe say it's the biggest number in the world. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's one of the biggest numbers. It's the biggest number yet. It's the biggest number yet. I'm proud to announce

this is the biggest number Emmys so far. That's actually pretty good. That's true too. I mean I'm so excited to be here. I just all you guys have worked so hard to get here. I've just all you guys work so hard. That's what he said. I mean, and it's confusing too.

Okay. Because there's like Reba McIntyre. I feel like I'm at the Grammys. Okay. Let's go Cheba Smokentire. Kate Blanchet. I feel like I'm at the Oscars. It's crazy. Okay. Let's go skate, skate,

well, no, let's just stick with Kate Blanchett. Tina Faye, I thought like they should have had her host. You know,

you know why? He doesn't say, we could say Tina, gay, yeah, he says you know why. Weena gay. A lot of people

are wondering, like, why am I hosting? I don't know what that was, but all right, it counts as a laugh. I think a noise happened on Stake.

Okay. Then I would follow that. I would tell them, and play that noise again. That was a funny laugh. Play that noise again. Yeah. This is not worth doing.

I'm enjoying it. Continue. Give me the first joke he's got. I think we run through maybe three. Really? Oh, Nate, I've got it. It's, uh, I've been asked.

I have not had for, for my career. So you maybe. Well, I don't even know what he's trying to say there. I'm a stand- comedian uh i've not had a ton of success in hollywood uh but let me tell you boy is it going good everywhere else uh i would then if he's doing a joke he shouldn't say i'm a stand-up comedian because then that tells everybody he's a stand-up comedian he should say like i'm a crazy

garbage man who escaped my garbage job and now i'm on stage like he should have been in a character for the whole thing okay after this point he introduces his idea okay which i actually like his idea. Okay. But I'm not going to read the transcript. I'll just explain the idea. Because the transcript is just a lot of a... Yeah. But basically, they put a big... I saw this on the news. I didn't see this on it. Okay.

I saw this on YouTube. They put a big thing where they said, we're going to donate $100,000 to the Boys and Girls Club. I don't know why they pick that. Because it covers everybody. They... Every second you go over on your speeches tonight, your thank you speeches, we're going to deduct $1,000.

It's funny. It is funny. Every second? Well, it's like 45 seconds and then every second passed that. But here's the thing that happened was that by the end of the night, it was at like negative $30,000. And then they said, okay, we're just going to donate a bunch of money anyway. See, that's what's that. But everyone was, there were many, there were many, yeah, they were, I think they should have actually done something. That's not like, like we, I think, with our, with the cherry thing.

See, that's kind of why I wanted to bring this up in the first place. Because I saw this and I was like, nobody got mad at them. Bargazzi might be, they did actually, a lot of people were upset about this, which is really funny to me. Or I think they were upset.

They were just being like, this is a flop. But I just wanted to get in there and just Bargazzi, you know, you're one of my favorites. Yeah. So,

and I would say just learn from the grades like Gervais. Yeah. Because Ricky this year would have, you know he would have had a, that would have been one to remember. Yeah. That would have been one to remember. He would have said,

he would have honestly said stuff that I can't even repeat. No, yeah. And imagine what he would have said if he had heard a noise on stage. Yeah. That's really, I recommend watching the... I recommend watching the video of this hosting because it really is an insane, it's crazy, because he really looks so uncomfortable,

and then a noise happens on stage, and he says, what the heck was that? It's about a four-minute video. How crazy? Can you do an impression of the noise? Do you remember what it's going to? I don't think you can even hear it on the recording. It's just a thing where he's like in the middle of two.

He's like being like, yeah. What is that? I don't know what that was. You know, I like Nate Bargotsie, okay. I think that for hosting something like that, maybe the worst choice ever. Yeah, probably. Because he's just a sleepy guy. He's got anemic eyes.

It's clear he needs an iron supplement. yeah absolutely and again a hair color supplement and a hair color supplement maybe we could go with a streak of silver fox or red yeah red he would look great with big red red hair yeah yeah oh dude how do we not talk about this idea we just finished beast games we just finished watching beast games okay this episode is over and then right now for everybody who has watched beast games you may listen to the rest because i want to talk spoilers yeah we finished it we got to this spoiler did you I knew that the guy who was going to win, or I knew the guy who won was going to win because there was a scene where Mr. Beast took him aside and was like, what are you playing

for? And he's like, my son has like a disease that's like only 100 people in the world have it. And if I win, I'm going to use the money to cure him. And then Mr. Beast looks in the camera and goes like, damn, if you got to use the prize money to find a cure for your son's disease, that'd be legendary. And I feel like you would not have left that if that guy was going to lose. I similarly, as soon as he said that story, I was like, this motherfucker is winning. Also,

one of the most good-looking guys to ever be on television. To ever be on beast games. To ever be... Easily the best-looking guy won, I would say. Yeah, then there were some uglys. There were some ugly men.

Yeah. And some beautiful women and one hot guy. I think overall, Beast games, I was hoping for a little more explosion-type stuff. The explosion,

but could you... Would you not say that there's all the same? That there was so much heart... I would not say that. Like, for instance, when the guy did the trolley problem thing, and he only picked black ladies. Yeah, when he said, pick your three. And then they said, why did you do that?

And he said, I didn't mean to. It's even better than that. It's like, they say, pick your three least favorite players to be a limit, like to be put on this train track with an oncoming train. And he picks three black ladies. The only three black ladies. And then one of the black, it was like a shot like from above or one of them, but like points out of him and goes like, yo, what the fuck?

And then he goes like, ah, oh, I, it's like, reverse shower. He's like, I seriously didn't mean to do that. I just don't like you. I just don't know you guys that well. I never talked to you for some reason. Yeah. And then that guy, I think they pretty quickly got rid of him. Yeah, he basically

eliminated four or five black ladies in a row and they said then someone that's it. Wow. Yeah, there was a lot of stuff like that too where it was like also like there was a thing where there's like cruel people who There's some really cool people, and it's also really funny that they just really, there was so much just like pure, like, like, there was stuff where it was like no, all the girls were getting eliminated because all the guys who didn't even know each other were just like, they're going on the helicopter and they're like, you haven't picked one woman and they're like, okay, yeah, you're right.

Oh, and there's a Christian guy who's like, everybody is Christian. The whole, I'm, God sent me to win Beast games is what he's saying. There's literally there's like five or six guys who say that. They all say I'm being guided by God. God is taking me down the next path. And then they all lose. There's one where like there's, they pick the game.

There's like an option that can pick like game that tests your like athleticism, game that tests like your brains or a game of pure chance. And then all the Christian guys choose the game of chance because they're like, God is going to guide me to the win. And they all get. They all lose. It's awesome. Yeah.

All right. Okay. Let's go. We can go. We can go now. Beast games talk over. See you. on Saturday

for and when I think Patrick will be returned I think Patrick will be returned by then yeah can I talk now oh yeah go ahead

you're not going to say anything no oh you just wanted to talk yeah okay well you kind of have to say something now you're making everything kind of gumming up the works um

I haven't seen these games okay bye everybody I'd draw this Okay You had to draw this or this is what you drew That's a tree So that's looking like a tree to me

I had to do this Yeah And then there was some The trunk is looking big I'll give you that But not big enough that it would imply His mom and dad's families are blood related No no it looks like a stock of broccoli

There was like I don't remember how I did it I really don't remember how I did it Okay what do you need? But there was somehow like Okay so say this is my dad It looks like a piece on him showing in between his legs

I got to show that's my dad All right now show that it's your mom Okay This is my mom What is what the fuck is happening here Yo What? She on all fours?

No, that's her hair I'm not done drawing Oh okay It looks like Alex's hair. It actually looks exactly like Alex's hair. It does. My mom, it's Alex.

Okay. All right. So show me how it made them look related. I really don't remember. All right. I'm glad that we... You guys made me stand up. Why am I in trouble now?