Podcast About List - Ep. 358 - The Longest Blob Joke Ever Told

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

If you're watching this and know of someone who is a blob, or you yourself are a blob, we just want you to know that we were simply joking around and didn't mean most of what we said.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

This camera. Oh, okay. All right. Go wide. Go wide. We got a... Do it again because you hit the mic. I did hit the mic.

Hold on. He's changing that camera, too. That doesn't matter. Just do it again. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. Sorry, I just remembered I had gum in.

I'm sorry. I just swallowed it. Huh? We recording? We have been this whole. Oh, shit, man. You got me doing all that shit. What do you mean? You got me. So embarrassing.

Your job. We said we're recording that way. So embarrassing. You said, okay, I'm going to change this. You responded. What happened? What happened when I was gone? Things have happened.

What, Mr. Popcorn? I don't know about this. I don't know. I just drew that earlier. I drew it earlier. I drew it earlier. earlier when we were doing talking box. I'm finally on talking box.

Dude, he has made it onto talking box. I just got the scoop. Congrats. And I heard it was the... Joe texted me and said, I just had Patrick on talking box for two hours. He said that to you? Yeah, he texted me and I was like, I don't have a fuck.

Dude, he said, yeah, two hours longest talking box? Dude, we don't talk box at all. Can I say something so fucked up about talking about talking about? We get really deep about our lives. Is that Joe, I think I'm the only one who talked box the whole time. I didn't know it was an option not to. Yeah, I didn't either. You're the first one.

Joe doesn't... No, I wasn't. Oh. I was after you. Oh. And I checked to you, I checked yours and you weren't even

talking about it all the time. So he's, Joe just didn't want to have it on his conversation with me. There's not that much box to talk about. There is not that much box to talk about. Dude, I found a way.

My whole life is talk is Joe Box now. Yeah. That's my whole life. It's all I think about is all I talk to anybody about his fucking Joe box. Well, the episode's out now I can talk about it, but we went to a bar. You were disrespected.

I was disrespected. Not really. You were disrespected. You were disrespected. Amends on this. Amends doesn't erase the disrespect. I'm not going to lie. Any, well, it's not exactly my idea, but I told Joe, we were literally, well, the point I'm trying to make here is that we were at a bar and it was the only thing we talked about. Joe showed up and then immediately it was like, I have an idea for you. You should add something called the

golden scarab and it gives you one million points. And this is, and this is, you? That was you. And that's what I'm saying. First of all, I, Joe never met Joe when I produced that episode. Joe, when I got there set up, Joe was like, and by the way, I'm going to do today, I'm going to have a sacred scarab. Did not once mention that Patrick came up with the idea at all. Patrick told me that he came up with the idea, my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe that it was, I couldn't believe that it was stolen.

Disrespected, fully disrespect. And then Patrick tells me that he said they made amends. You know what? Pat told me that Joe said. He said that Joe said, well, I call it the sacred scarab, about the golden scarab. So it's actually my idea. Wow. And Pat accepted that.

And Pat accepted that. Well, it all come out. You've been double disrespected. Everything will be. You've been enfeebled. You've been meet the feebled. I have not been enfeebled. You've been puppetized in a disgusting puppet manner.

You have been undeputized. You have been undepatized. You've been undefat you. Give me your gun in your badge. Give me your fun. I've lost my fun in your badge. You're a down right puppy towel. I'm not tuppied.

Give me your vetched. I've never been tuppied once in my life. You are two hour long red hat. Two hour long. Joe Box coming out soon. To our long talking box. We gotta get rid of this sign. Can we just take it down right now? Yeah, take it down right now. Well, it's too strong. Just take it. Take it.

Fuck this. This is like Tankman. Me taking this down. This is making a stand. Oh, for a second, I thought that that would be like a guy, but now it's a different type of guy than what I was thinking. He thought like Tankman. Yeah, yeah. I know who he is now, but for a minute, I was imagining a kind of a comic book character. Me too. That'd be cool, too. That's tank girl. Yeah, that's kind of where I was going. Did we ever get info on what was in his grocery bags?

Joe's? Oh. Like, did we ever... Joe's grocery bags? Did we ever get info on Tankman's groceries? Yeah, it was full of his notebooks that were, they were entitled to destroy everything evil in China. Wow.

And they wanted to take him out for that. Yeah. He didn't really want to take him out. Take man good? Are you supposed to think the... Tankman's good now? Are you supposed to think that Tankman's good now?

How does your life work where that's how you... Are you supposed to think he was bad? Yeah, I thought he was... Well, okay, let's actually clarify real quick. Who do you think is Tankman, the guy in front of the tank or the guy in the tank? The guy in the tank.

You think Tankman's the guy in the tank? I'm on the guy in the tank side. I've been on his side. So you... But in America, we think that... No, because you asked. Tankman is the guy in the street. we have such a backwards view on what the truth is that we believe.

You're trying to dazzle your way out of your insanity. You're trapped. You're tappled. I'm not trying to dazzle. You're fully tappled. And I'm not tupped. You're tuped or tupped. You're toft.

I'm not toft or tuft. I'm not toughed or tuft. I'm not extra firm, my friend. I'd say silken. Silken. You have a silken brain. I do have a silken brain. I will admit that.

Your brain juggled around. I haven't seen you in literally two weeks and you come in here and you're saying, you got, you got dog walked on J on Wockham Box. You got dog walked on there. First thing you say to me pretty much.

You got dog walked. You said hello. You sat down and then you're like That is the type of thing we need to be saying about walking down, about talking box.

You got fucking dog walked to JG Oh, to church. That's the type of conversations that need to be being had. Maybe not by us.

Yeah. Instead he's asking you. Maybe we can leave this that conversation. No, literally. But then you get on the show and he's like, do you like a salmon avocado roll or a spicy tuna?

See, again, he didn't say even ask him, even a single question like that. No. No, it's really, it's really like a lot of it is a walk down memory lane type shit. Walk him down memory lane. I literally don't remember being friends with Joe post college until he started Joe Box. And now he's in my life way too much. It's all I think about is Joe. Yeah.

I basically forgot about him for four and a half years. My girlfriend's out in L.A. right now. She's visiting her friends. And the first thing that... You're all alone? Yeah. Been a dude. How long?

You're gone. He was busy. What are you been doing? I've been hanging out with Noah. And playing injustice because that's what I used to do with Joe. Oh, man. Injustice is bottom of the barrel.

Dude, injustice at my old apartment was so awesome. It was fucking fun, man. It was so great. I wish it was more violent. Yeah. We should check out Mortal Kombat. Yeah. Well, but I want superheroes.

They have superheroes in that as well. I want to see Batman get his spine ripped out. Not the regular ones. Okay, so would you... Okay, yeah. I couldn't remember. Is Batman in Mortal Kombat? No, they got Omneman from Invincible.

Yeah, but that's a dark... Homelander from the boys. They only have dark superheroes. And they have... The Batman who laughs. The Joker. The Joker. Do they have a Batman?

You and me went on a date? No. Not you. Me and Camer, well, a dozen of the time, but one of me and Cameron's many dates in college

when we were first dating was when we brought your PlayStation to a empty classroom. We played Mortal Kombat for like three hours of the middle of the day. That was sick.

Yeah, that was awesome. On a big projector. It's the type of thing you just can't do anymore. I don't have access to a lot of classrooms. Yeah.

Simple. I don't let me back in classrooms anymore. I could go to a school. school, but the classroom, they're not going to let me in. Yeah, you can walk the halls. You can walk the halls and go to the cafeteria. Dog walk the halls with fucking Joe Gleason.

Get dog walked by him rather. You didn't get dog walked. I don't know yet. I don't say that. I don't say the episode is. I guess I don't know either, but I'm willing to bet he didn't get dog walked. I just want him. Look, maybe he got tupped.

You might have got to. Hey, I did not get tipped or tupeed. Come on. We fucking said this. Come on. No. You said that. I said, I said, there was no agreeing on our, and we, I believe that you could have

gotten tupped. Bro, you got full Chris goad. Yeah. Chris code is where I draw the line. You got Chris code in the bun, bro. Yeah.

I was not oiled up and rubbed down. You were. I did not get new room massaged. Paper towel and that Chris go dabbed it down the bun pan. You got, you got, you got, all you got was a happy ending,

man. I got nothing. I got full. I got, I got, I got, I got what, Kleenexed.

CleanX. Yeah. Yeah. You got a load shot in a Kleenex. Plane Band-aid. I got index carded. No, you were,

Dude, you were about to bust and Joe put a Band-Aid on it. Dude, for real. Genuinely. Dude, I got fucking flex-taped. Putting it over your peop. Flex seal. Yeah. I got Phil Swift, dude.

Oh, man. No, but you got slap-chopped. I did not get slap-chop. Dude, don't even bring up. Do not even bring up Vince Shlomi in this podcast. Let's call it Vince Offer. It's the name you chose to go by. It's just chosen.

You got fucking... Sorry for dead naming. You got him with the magic bullet, man. Yeah. I accept that because we did, yeah, we did talk about things. Box and to the left. You got bed joodled. No, dude.

If anything, if anything, I got copper panned. You got, you got fizzled. You got fizzled, bedazzled, and flomed, my friend. I knew you were going to say flomed. I knew you were going to say floned. You got easy-baked, creed. Creepy critter, bro. No, no, no.

Creepy critter. You don't remember the creepy critters? I don't remember the glow-in-the-dark, creepy critters from Easy-Bake oven. This is an easy-bake oven for guys. Not boys. What was that? What was that? What was that?

Do you guys remember the, the Betty Crocker Bunk-Cake thing? There's that commercial where they made the baked Alaska? Cake, just plain cake? Yeah, but do you remember the baked Alaska commercial? No. No. It was this commercial for it was like a 3-1. That sounds like the most based commercial on Earth, though.

Yeah. You got head-on. I did not get head-on. What? Does that guy still exist? Baked Alaska? Really? I think they all still exist.

Yeah, he's been popping back up because of a C-K. Really? Yeah. I don't even remember anything about him except his name was funny. Yeah, I didn't ever know anything about him except for his name. Did he chain him?

No, no, no, no. That was an old spoon face. Ms. Laura Lumer chained herself to the fucking... Luma. Spoon face? Hatchet face is what I meant to say. Oh, what is cruel to say about a woman?

Didn't know what either of those meant. She's some kind of thing. Oh, wow. Wow. Doc woke. You're really the scum of the earth. You really are just a bad fucking guy. I'm not a bad guy.

Bad guy. No. Not good. Yeah. You throw around the B word a lot in regards to women. And I saw footprints of yours coming straight from the sewer. Yep. Bloody.

So? You were born down there. Yeah, I was born down there. I was born today. I was born yesterday, actually. If you want to be precise, on what day I was born. Yeah. Today's not your birthday.

No. Yesterday was. that's not true you missed it I know your birthday when is it July 23rd nope

not anymore I was born yesterday I was born yesterday you weren't nope you may act like it because you're simple I'm not simple

bro I'm just basic you are simple I'm basic I think you actually are in like a non derogatory way wait we have to make a full we got to make a basically full try this is going to

I don't think there's any non-derogatory way to call someone simple. Dude, like Simple Jack. He's funny as fuck. It's a great movie. And they loved him over in, uh, jungle. We need to make a poster. And it's like basically a field guide. And it's like here and it's like, know the difference.

Simple, basic, normie. And then we have, would have to think of more. But it's basically all the kind of synonyms of simple, basic normie. And he needs to him in different outfits. No, it doesn't have to do with him at all. Yeah. But I just want to make this... Then we have to do another one.

It's like swag. Swag. Yeah. Secretboard swag. No. Is that where they were... You wouldn't be on swagga pinot. Is that where they were being a bad guy?

We're just starting... We just talking about swagging. You immediately say some racist joke. It's not a racist joke. What does the pinot part stand for? It's not the wine. What does that stand for? I don't really know.

I just like saying it. It's a good thing to stand. Filipino. Filipino is what you're saying. Really? Yeah. So you're... you're invoking racial hatred. It's not hatred.

It sounds like Swagapino. I think it's racial celebration. No. You're racist. Do you think that Swagapino has ever been used in such a evil derogatory way

of like being just like a full like Clint Eastwood racist style? That would have been an amazing line. Yeah. Yeah. And which movie is that? Grand Torino Get these Grand Torinoes

You make this This Gran Torino movie Into the theaters Do you think he directs All of his own movies now Because it would be Impossible for him to work With a real director

Yeah Because he'd just be fucking shit up all the time Did you see a juror number two? No That shit is crazy Is it good or? It's good But it's like

It's really crazy Because you can tell Like I don't know I think you would guess That somebody He was like 95 years older Whatever would be Ghosts

directing stuff or like I would have a ghost director but I feel like you can kind of tell that it really is a 95 year old guy who's making the movie yeah it just is like some shots are out of focus and like it's like like it looks like well it just looks like it's just like a selfie picture of him in a mirror like Greg geraldo thing yeah it's just like like it right gerald it looks like a tv movie from from uh back in the day yeah but he's got some he also did he's the best director of all he's great he really is a great director uh Do Wad de Boooo. High Plains Drifter.

That's the best movie ever. La Boo Boo Boo, the movie's doing that next. D-Wad de Bibu is really good. Pale Rider. Unforgiven? Unforgiven? Unforgiven? Come on.

Oh, come on. Hey, they're making a movie about a sequel to Pale Rider about you. It's pale whiter. So, ain't no melanin in his damn skin. The cruelty knows no bounds. If you knew what that movie was about you, you would never say that about me. You're a bottomless pit. Cowboys.

Oh, yeah, I would never say that about you. cruel thing said about your friends and sexual ideations about people you know I've not said anything sexual at all but I can what is with you go you go away for a week and you're coming back and you're immediately you're lashing out at me and I'm not lashing out but I sit

I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit I sit sorry I'm fucked up man I had to chug my Gatorade I had to chug my Gatorade I chugged my Gatorade I did about 30 seconds on this Gatorade It's all it took for me to get through a Gatorade

Frost with a cherry glacier flavor. Now, what colors that flavor again? It was white. It's clear now because it's just simple water. All the white, that flavor? All the white is always cherry glacier. Then I like that one. Glaciery.

That's the best one. There's no better Gatorade Flay. That or blue. I like blue as well. I like light blue. Yeah, I prefer dark blue, I think. The dark blue is a little tangy. Best of the blues. I like, that's why I go, I reach for a blue.

See, I reach for a blue or a white. Yeah. Have you had a pepito? Pepino? No, I don't get blue of white. Pepino flavor. I've had pepitos. Pepitos is that called pepino?

Pepino is a cucumber lime. Just tell them. Tell them, Julio. No, don't. Do you have a, did you have a drink on the plane?

I actually did. I got fucked up at the airport at like 1230. I knew something. Yeah. I was like, there's something weird about Caleb right now, but I don't know what. I got there way too early.

Somebody dropped me, had to drop me off, and I got a brazed short rib. and some kind of cocktail thing and the guy came over and he can't have one drink and then he literally six hours six hours later he's still like

white girl drunk. Get this though. It's so crazy. I drank the drink and I was like I'm fucking drunk and then the guy comes over Yeah, I believe that. And then he's like get this. He comes over and he's like, you want another one? I said, yeah. So I had two and then I almost missed my flight because I decided

when they were calling my boarding group, I decided I had to pee, so I left. And then I came back and he was like, what's your name? I said, Caleb Pitts. He said, you are banned. They didn't even scan my ticket. You were banned from being out too drunk on the plane. This is a security. This is a security flaw

that they have. When you're late to a flight, they don't even scan your ticket. They just say, what is your name? So I could have said anything. Yeah. I fucking hate that airport, man. That's the worst airport so terrible. You've been to that airport. Have I? Yeah, dude, we did a show in Atlanta and we flew out there.

I was like, oh, yeah. What was he? Was he in Jacksonville or something? Hartfield, Jackson. I've never been to Hartfield or Jackson. It's the only airport. I've never seen this before in an airport. That's the big one.

It's huge. It's big. I've never seen this before in an airport where they have all these signs that are like, if one of the employees is stealing or committing fraud, call this numbers. I was like, what the fuck kind of airport is this where you're saying like, the people here, try to take the people who work here. That is a pure just chaos. That's where that

they, them, who was in charge of flights or whatever, do you remember that bald person that was working in under the Biden administration? The person who stole all the nuclear codes or whatever? Oh. Do you remember that? That was one of the... That was so funny. Yeah. That was one of the funniest things ever. There was like a picture

of like, oh, that's like the ultimate gay crime. Yeah. And there was a woman, there was a woman that was like, I swear to God, they are wearing my dress. And there was a side-by-side photo. Of the dresses. Yeah. They were probably,

that was probably where they were doing all that stuff. They probably had someone there. Atlanta? Atlanta, that person, probably fucking, they probably were down there every weekend.

That's why we became the flight attendant or whatever. You think they were a flight attendant? Yeah, they were the flight attendant of Air Force One. Like a surgeon general. They were like the flight attendant. The stewardess general. This was, yeah.

The stewardess general. They make all the decisions about what you have to do. Dude, we got to get a stewardess general in this country. I think that will change flights forever. I think there's a lot of interesting cabinet positions that are yet to be invented. It will be invented in our lifetime. You know, it's probably going to come next as a Twitch.tv liaison. He's streaming liaison.

Yeah. Or live streaming liaison. Or just like digital video consultant. Yeah. AV. AV club liaison, but not the one you're thinking of, not the website. No, the actual AV clubs. The actual AV club that the president uses. There should be a liaison to high school.

The liaison right now, the ambassador, is that the same as liaison? Liaison is a person that talks for you, I believe. Yeah, so I guess the... The liaison goes between, right? Yeah. Well, the Herschel Walker is the ambassador to the Bahamas now. You know, he was like a football. player or something. He's Christian Walker's dad.

I don't know who Christian Walker is either. The gay guy who does all the videos about Starbucks. He's Republican. The gay Republican. You've seen him. I have a video. Yeah, yeah. His dad is now the ambassador to the Bahamas is what I saw. That's good. Yeah. What kind of fucking shit?

What do we do with the Bahamas? Right? What do we do? Like, send what, get coconuts sent to us? Yeah, all right. Well, to be fair, like, Maybe a little bit. It's probably importing it in a but also there's a booming tourist industry.

Yeah, there's probably a little bit more. It's really an entire country. They said one coconut a year. That says thank you in the note in the middle. It's like when they part in the turkey at Thanksgiving. Every year they part in a coconut. Every year they part in a coconut and they have to give it to the ambassador and he has to walk it like, he has to hold it the whole flight. It's like a whole thing.

Yeah, it's like when they send like army remains on a flight and they have a guy there that's like this with coconut They have a blender I like cracks it into

he cracks the coconut juice I love the Bahamas The Bahamas are one of them My favorite place to go on a weekend I don't believe that you're going to They have more exports than the U.S. Yeah Yeah we don't got shit

They were exporting no dude Except one video video Instagram reels Yeah You said video? Video, Instagram. But we do make video also. We do make video. Well, I'm just saying exporting, like, videos.

Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. That's one of the major export of the U.S. Remuxing. Yeah. Well, that's not quite exporting. I don't know. Remuxing is converting pretty much.

Yeah, I'm going to convert. Transcoding. When did that word come about? Because I've only known it as converting. Well, it's transcoding. It's because it's changing codexes. I don't know what the word remux means. I just think it's a fun word to say.

It's a good word. It's a really good word. It's a better word than transcode. Transcode. Transcode. What is this a... Don't even... What is up with your...

Stop. Stop. I knew. You were probably... You probably was bringing up remuxing just because you were... Just because I had a transcoding joke. No.

This is insane today, but I do want to hear it. Yeah, let's hear it. Transcoding. What's worth burning bridges with many members of our community? Yeah. All of your trans friends, you're about to lose them right now with this offensive joke. So go ahead. Now I don't want to say it.

Go ahead. Because I appreciate my friends. That's what stopped you? Yeah. For the power of friendship. That's an important lesson. It's very important. Now we need to get you to be friends with Filipinos and people from the Bahamas so that you stop being so cruel to them.

And people from the Bahamas. Brandon Wardell is not actually fucking Filipino. No, he's not, dude. No, he's not. Not just him. I know like two more. Okay. Okay.

That's good. Dude, I know two other Filipino guys, so fucking chill on me. All right, I'll chill on you. I'll glacial cherry chill on you. Oh, yeah. I want another. Was it chilly? It was kind of chilly.

It was a little bit chilly, but it made me want to do some sports. Not glacier level. No, no. It wasn't that chilly. It wasn't that chilly. All right, it wasn't that chilly then. Or no, I like to the store, yeah. Can't take it back?

fucking empty. Fill it back up. You've got one sip left. That's water. I already filled this up and I just got to this level and I realized

it ain't glacier chill. Send it back. Send it back. Can you send this back for me? I think if you scan the code right here, if you scan that. If you say you're unsatisfied.

Yeah. And by the way, it wasn't cherry-licious either. I know that it's a six-page email. And I know that it's not, I know it doesn't say cherry-licious on it, but it is implied that this would be a cherry-licious. And I'm a six-st-chory-chishish.

I did not find it, cherry-licious. A six-page emailed a Gatorade that's like, and the Rebo-Flaven wasn't hitting. Furthermore. All the ingredients. Every ingredient was wrong. The water. Well, that was okay. The sugar can't complain.

The real problem I had started with the dextrose. It was just not up to snuff. Now, I've tasted you, I've tasted good dextrose. Yeah. And I've tasted very bad dextrose. This was low quality. But I've never tasted anything like this dextro. It's so rancet.

I thought I had tasted the lowest dextros could be. I've been a fan. been a fan since I was a boy. The dextrose you were using when I was a boy, it pales in comparison. And now I'm a girl. Gatorade dextrose used to be hitting, the old Gatorade dextros, but now they

combine it with monopetassium phosphate. Modified food started. Food starch. Listen, I'm a huge fan of modified food starch. Yeah. So that makes me a bit of a conwasse. As a modified food starch fan, I came into this drink thinking I was

about to have an amazing experience. Unfortunately, that was far from the truth. Unfortunately, pairing it with glycerol ester of Rosen is just a mistake that any real fan of ingredients would tell you. These flavors just do not blend. That the flavor of modified food starch. The absolute tragedy is that the modified food starch is of a very high quality as is the glycerol. Both of these, they clearly splurged on the ingredients. Unfortunately, the composition of the drink betrays an elementary understanding.

of ingredients at best because these flavors just do not go together and they are both dragged down. Yes. When you use high grade modified food starch and then use low grade glyceral extra of Rosen. Do you use low grade that? You can taste it.

Modified. The combination of modified food starch and glyceral ester of Rosen you'd think to be additive when it is in fact subtracted from each other. And that all of that just not even to mention that it's not cherry-licious at all. There's a comment. There's a comment's phone number on here. We can call them and tell them this. Dude, this poor Gatorade person. They don't have a Gatorian. Nobody actually is going to answer, but let's just see what. No, they will answer.

You're going to get a coupon. Yeah. 8-8-4. And remember to mention how Cherry-licious, the drink was not. Cherry-licious, it was not. Welcome to Gatorade, consumer relations. Our offices are currently closed. We apologize for any inconvenience. Yeah, you're right. It's only a Monday at 7 p.m. 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern time.

If you are calling regarding bioengineered ingredients, I am. You can view the Pepsico products that are non-GMO project verified. Well, I don't know if these are. That's actually scary that they're probably required to put that in there. That makes me worried about their products. from the menu then select

the party certificate oh they're talking about the calm menu it's like a gateway menu if you're calling about cucumber lime

please press 9 does it contain science engineered ingredients please enter the 12 digit UPC

which can be found on the packets under the barcode can I leak this yeah you can leak this okay I've been worried that people know that

you think someone has a scanner at their house and they can check UPC codes. He's not even leaking it. He's not leaking it and he's not, he didn't, he didn't say that because he does believe that.

He thinks, he thinks that somebody will be able to track the UPC code and find out where he bought it and get his credit card. Dude, it's probably for the case. Dude, this might be fake Gatorade. No, it probably, it's probably, they're not, probably not labeled for individual sale. You said that and my ears started fucking ringing. I bet it's got to be, it's got to just be that they, they, it's just be that they, they, it's just for the UPCs for the case,

and these are not meant to be sold one by one. Oh, my God. Dude, it's got to be that. You're getting bootleg Gatorade. I didn't just eat fake glycerol ester of Rosen. If it doesn't even say gatorial on it, it says grost. It does say G. Rossed.

No way. Naturally flavored and with other natural flavors. Naturally flavored with other natural flavors. What the fuck is that? It's a legal loophole. With other natural flavors. That's one of those things where. People who does it, this is the most evil job in the world.

Have the people who put the fucking shit on things. Yeah. Naturally flavored with other naturally flavors means that they. I don't know why I don't like that term. They put two different flavors together and then they were like, wait, this tastes like a natural flavor. Legaleese. Fuck that shit, dude. Doesn't legalese sound like, it's like a kind of shit you would hear your parents say when you're growing up?

It is, yeah. They said legalese. Or do you remember your parents? Do your parents ever have like? What is this? What? doesn't that shit sound like something your parents would say it does man I feel like my parents were always talking about fucking shit was legalese and how they hated lawyers

they would always tell lawyer jokes remember lawyer jokes like blonde it was blonde dumb blonde blonde jokes yeah and smart lawyer and smart lawyer jokes yeah it was like what's the difference between a and they all were like what's the difference between a lawyer and a sack of shit well the shit is is really good at law I like the shit I hate the lawyer yeah I like shit, a bag of shit. I like a flaming bag of shit on my doorstep. I eat shit. Yeah, it'll be like, oh, the sack of shit won't steal everything

you won't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do we think it's okay to talk that way about lawyers just because they're lawyers? Lawyers are defend people. That's a divorce thing, though. They defend some of the most innocent people of all time. Yeah, they do. And some horrible people, but also that's just part of the job.

They're getting paid, so we can't blame them. Chase that check. Chase a check. Chase a check. Never chase a check. I would chase a check. I would chase a check. Fats ass.

Checks mix doesn't make you fat. One checks mix is not a checks. And you're saying, yeah, you're fat for chasing a checks. That would make you fat. That guy who don't like checks mix. No, that's like a healthy guy snack. Not healthy. Not a healthy guy snack.

It's not a healthy guy snack, but it's not a fat guy's snack. It's not a double stuffed Oreo. But, look, guilty is charge. I like checks mix. I don't really. care about checks mix that much. I like the rye cracker. I like checks mix because I feel like it's not as oily as the other

snacks. You can get. This guy's a rye cracker. Oh, yeah. Rye since of humor. Rai. That's what I'm always saying. You never have said that once before the one time you said it right now. Or you said it two times.

Can we do some? Put me on blast. Blonde. Okay. Let's pull up a list of blonde jokes. No, no. Let's just do some of our own. Well, let's get inspiration. The one I always remember was How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and a sticker on the bottom of the pool.

That was my good one when I was a kid. That's a good one. That everybody would like. It was lauded and I won awards for by saying it. Yeah, I knew a lot of them as a kid, but they've all flown my brain. I had a joke book that there was many of those. I got an award for funniest kid when I was a kid.

From who? World's funniest kid. World? From the funny federation? World's funniest kid. You did not get a world's funniest kid. I got an award for the world's funniest kid. And it was from that joke.

yeah for that i said it one fucking time in my room in your room yeah that just goes to show how fucked up the nsa is that they probably heard that we're like we gotta get to don't even get me started on the surveillance state today fucking hate the panama yeah let's not even bring it up okay we're done with that yeah let's get back to the blonde jokes pull up that list of blonde jokes pull up that list yeah the one list the one list there's probably a canonical list of blonde jokes like they had the canonical list of poloist jokes oh what do we want

Blonde jokes or blonde jokes for adults. Both. Let's go blonde jokes for adults. You knew you would fucking click that. Poor Kno's dose, bro. Should we go to laughfactory.com? Yes. Yes.

All right. Yes. This is on the laugh factories thing. I love that the laugh factory has like... There's jokes on here? Oh, here. Let me make one up real quick, though. Why did the blonde cross the road?

because she heard about the chicken doing it and thought it was a set of instructions. Ah, yeah. She thought chicken was the new pop star. She had to face her life around. She thought why did meant you should. She thought she was a chicken. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Because she's a damn chicken head. Chicken head. You should chicken cross the road. That's how she heard it. And her addled brain. She heard chicken. She heard, somebody said, she can't cross the road.

Yeah. Why did she can't? I can cross the road. I'm a girl. I can do. anything a chicken can do. And she crossed her. She also understood

the chicken part as well. Well, she saw the chicken doing it. Yeah. So she said, I'm a girl and I can do anything a chicken can do. It's because I can't clap. And then they do that. It's an aggressive pose of your arm.

That's true. But I'm just trying to get the right force. He thought you were about to hit him and he went, oh, sorry. He went back on his phone. Guys, guys. What? Two blondes fell down a hole.

one said it's dark in here isn't it the other replied I don't know I can't see that's good but that's only 50% of blondes are dumb it should have been a blonde and a only 50% of blondes are dumb yeah that's a blonde and a blob

a blonde and a blob it would have been a blonde and a blob that went in a hole yeah and the blob said it's dark down here isn't it? She said oh my god a talking blob yeah a talking blob it's like there's bigger things going on here it's dark

Why don't you talk about that? You're getting so worried about this blob. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. Okay. It happens. Just one punch up? Yeah. Change the brunette to a blob.

A blonde, a redhead, and a blob, we're all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof. She was back home. The blob wished to be at home with her family. She was back home with her family.

And the blonde said, I know what's coming. Aw, I wish my friends were here. Yeah. Stupid as blonde. She didn't even realize that wishes could become true from a genie's power. Yeah. She thought she was just saying out loud her thoughts. There was a blonde or genie trick.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a Burnett. They were all, sorry, a blonde redhead and a giant buggy blob. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. That's a fucking, now it's numbers. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles drowned and died. The boogie big blobs swam 24 miles drowned and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

Oh, my God. Wait, wait, let me do the numbers. And blobs are weak. 25. She could have made it the whole way. She would have made it the whole way. She would have made it the whole way. She was halfway there.

Yeah. Yeah. How did the blob sink? That's a great point. That's my question. How did the blobs swim in the first place? It makes no sense. Should I reply on?

Yeah. These jokes make no sense. How the hell would a blob do any of this? This has 20.3,000 laughs. Okay. What is this? Oh, is this the same joker? This is on the laugh factor.

No, no, no. Okay, wait. All right. A blonde and a big green boogie blob. Have ranch. Have a ranch. What did you say? Have a ranch.

Have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to... The woman and big green boogie blob need to buy another but only have $500. The big green boogie blob tells the blonde, I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under

that amount. If I can't, I will send you a telegram. The blob is from a different time. Yeah, you know. Yeah, this is a prehistoric blog. She goes to the market. Prehistoric. Yeah. She goes to the market. It goes to the market and finds one for four. $499.

Having only $1 left, it goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs $1 per word. It is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, it's because it's just a blob. It tells the telegraph operator to send the word comfortable. Skeptical, the operator asks, how will she know to come with the trailer from just that one word? Comfortable. The big green boogie blob. The big green jiggly boogie blob replies.

She's a blonde, so she reads slow. Comfortable. Yeah. That's like... And that's the sound of bull made. That's like Bob had a baby eats a boy. You seen that? No.

You ever seen that? Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah. Collect call from Bob had a baby eat a boy. It's like, dude, you just fucking spent $15,000 to give birth to your son. Yeah. I think you can tell you call your dad. Call it before you have the baby when you still have the money.

Right. Because first of all, when you have a baby, it costs $50,000. Yeah. one's instant you pay. Yeah. Swipe the card. Swipe the card. It's gone.

And if they don't get it, then that shit's going to fucking Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Yeah. You got to put that on Laugh Factory. Submit that to the Laugh Factory. Submit that to the Laugh factory right now. Can you submit jokes?

Because that's a pretty good one. They ain't going to treat it right, by the way. Yeah. Well, first of all, you can submit. There's got to be a way you can submit. Dude,

just submit. All these jokes are done by fucking Donovan. Just submit. Yeah. Caleb, just submit to Patrick. I submitted years ago. Just submit. Just submit.

submit to me years ago. There are 11 people and a big or sorry, there are 10 people. Wait, wait, wait, we need an update. Hold on. Sorry. Sorry. You actually don't know about this. There's 10 people in a green big, buggy bubble blob. There's 10 people in one? Telling 10 people and

because there's 11 people in the jokes on changing. Well, you were away and basically I was I was searching for a master, for a master. And I was speaking with James Cameron, you know James Cameron. The director? Oh, yeah, yeah, and producer.

You were searching for a master to guide you? Well, he didn't listen to the premium. Your pursuits? He didn't even want to see what we were up to. I was searching. I had a long conversation with James Cameron about, I would like, basically I'm a masterless samurai, and I wanted him to assume master position. And he was going to do a mean agree with me. Yeah.

But since I've actually, I'm just sad to report that I've blown it. You blew it? I blew your opportunity with Jim Cameron. And I just wanted to share it for a bit. I know everyone was kind of on. So where did we leave off? I remember the last thing. Yeah, the last thing.

So basically I said I'm ready to sacrifice myself. Yeah. By the way, I just noticed my first name is the same as your last name. Crazy coincidence. Then he was giving me an NDA to sign. Right. He sent me an NDA. Whoa.

Can I see that? If you want, yeah, it says James Cameron disclosing party. It's a standard NDA as far as I could tell. Yeah. It's all legalese and stuff you and your parents would hate. You and your parents probably talked about this. James Cameron disclosed. Wow. That's a real NDA.

Yeah. So I was asking him a bunch of questions. Like, will you command me to sign? Is that the command of a master or the request of a peer? Must I print it? Et cetera, et cetera. He said that it's for protection. It's for his protection and my production.

I said, I require no protection. My word is my weapon. My word is my weapon is also a slow core album that we're going to make with the acoustic guitars. My word is my weapon. My masterless samurai. That's good. Yeah, isn't that really good? It's really good.

I can already see the shirts. He says, so tell me, are you still interested in me being your master? Are you ready to carry out the NDA non-disclosure agreement contract? Are you ready to invest $10,500 on your dreams? Or you're giving up already. I want you to be honest and sincere with me. I said, I will be honest and sincere, but first can you answer three questions I have, then I promise the money and the agreement I will confirm.

He said, go on with your questions. Wow. Like a king. Yeah. Like a master would. You can tell it's James Cameron. Yeah. Go on with your questions.

With your questions. I've been to the bottom of the Mariana's Trench. Yeah, go on with your questions. This NDA thing is barely on my radar. Yeah. I said, one, do you confirm and promise that we will conduct a meet and greet in real life where we may be in the same physical location? He said, I give you my word. As you know, I'm a man of my word.

We do know that about James Cameron. He said, I'm going to make six Avatar movies 15 years ago. And he's still doing it. And he's doing it. Two, do you confirm and acknowledge that I am considered a mass. masterless samurai, that my word is my weapon and my blade is unwavering. He responded, he said, I do. I believe

in you. Whoa. Now this is where things went off the rails. Yeah. You is where you blow it. I mean, I was being honest and sincere. He asked me to be honest and sincere. I'm going to be honest and sincere about my situation. And you're not at fault for this. Let me just say, but I know that you fumbled with your master,

but you at least, potential master. It was never actually signed. It never really went through. You stuck to the masterless samurai code. I did. Well, here, let's, I said. And your word was a weapon. Three. Then do you understand, confirm, and accept that as a masterless samurai, when we meet in person, I must engage you blade to blade. We must clash. Do you swear that if you are able to force me to yield to your blade, you will become my master on this earthly plane?

However, if I best you in combat, I will be forced to take your life ending your existence and spilling your blood with my blade. Which is standard stuff. For a master relationship. Especially after you sign an NDA. And he said, you're weird and creepy. I bet you're a psychopath. Are you on medication? I said, Zyrtec. If you, I said, if you cannot.

CRIP-R-I-P-Y. Whoa. You're creepy. You're creepy. You're creepy. I said, if you cannot swear to this, you are not fit to be my master. Very well, I will instead contact Ridley Scott. He said, how pathetic.

You're not even fit to stand by my side. Talk more of being my student. Perhaps you overrate yourself. To me, you're a psychopath. This is the end of this conversation. Wow. I can't believe he said how pathetic you're not even fit to stand by my side. I know.

Isn't that crazy? He's a set-tripped on you. Yeah. He was set-tripping saying you were too creepy for him. Yeah, dude. You're weird and creepy. Oh, you know what? I'm going to be reaching out to Ridley Scott instead.

James Bamarin. And his ex-wife, Catherine. I think Ridley Scott would understand the code of a samurai. Yeah. better than... He made a samurai movie, right? Yeah. He made a movie with some kind of swords.

He made swords, for sure. The duelists. The doolists. Yep, there we go. The doleys. Those are kind of like modern samurai's. Yeah. Do lists.

Yeah. The do... Well, that's just my update. Do lists. That's us. Yeah, except we don't. We do lists. We did a list.

Still working on it, man. List of blonde jokes. Yeah. There are 10 people and a jiggling green boogie blob. Mm-hmm. Is there a blonde or? or no?

I'm guessing we'll get there. Oh, okay. Ten people, big green, happy, jiggling, boogie blob. Happy? Has a big smile on its face. Yes. With one tooth. Okay.

One sharp tooth. They are hanging on to a rope that comes down from an airplane. Ten of them are blonde, and one is a green, jiggly, big, smiling boogie blob with a sharp tooth. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. no one can decide who should go so finally the boogie blob delivers a very touching speech ending with the words I'll get off the blondes

all moved by the brunette by the blob speech start clapping problem solved damn just hanging on oh there was blondes there yeah and the jiggling green I understand a green jiggling

how was it holding on with one tooth they were how was the blob holding on yeah that's a good question how the fuck would a blob hold on to a rope. It's sticky. I guess the stickiness would help. I mean, that's almost like one of those jokes that's kind of like a setup and punchline all wrapped into one. So you can imagine like, let me finish. Yeah. You can imagine a stand-up comedian

just walking out on stage with, you know, what, a Tumblr whiskey and saying something like, so there was a blob hanging onto a rope. You can say Ron White. Ron White saying that. Yeah. I saw a green blob hanging onto a rope. Hanging onto a rope. That's his catch. raised forever now.

Why didn't the boogie, my question about this one, which maybe I'll get in contact with the people at the Laugh Factory, the boogie blob should kind of consume all the blondes and then if they fall,

it's not a problem. The boogie blob is going to break the fall. Have you ever seen a blob fall from the height of an airplane, though? It's a flat. That's true. It'll splatter and they'll, you know,

the velocity will be similar to a penny. But we never talked about the boogie blob is huge, just big boogie blob. He's got a flat, usually. A blonde. No, that one's too fucking long. Do you have the sense of humor to be a member? The only bribes we accept are funny jokes.

Become a member and get your license to tell jokes. When you submit content and it is featured on our site, you instantly become a doctor of the soul. Wait, have we been telling jokes without a license? Yeah. I guess so. Wait, wait, you can submit jokes here. I told you you could.

I didn't know that. Are you funny? Let's the doctors of the soul be the judge of that. What does that mean? I don't know. your best content, jokes, photos, or videos, become an exclusive laugh factory member and have your content shared on my

website. Okay. Let's submit a joke. Okay. One person. All right, yeah, let's write the perfect joke to submit. It's a blob running it. There's a blob running it.

There's a lot of blobs. But there's also an equal amount of blonde jokes. But the blob is kind of always the protagonist and the blog is always done. A blonde is hanging from a submarine. From a submarine. Upside down.

So she's hanging up. Upside down. So she is hanging up. Don't worry. It's not important. And then I just do parentheses because it's the wands are stupid hanging up, but not a phone. Yeah. Not hanging up a phone.

The blob says. The big boogie blob says next to her. Yeah, there we go. Is a smiling green. Is a smiling green boogie blob. Green, large, jiggly, happy, one-toothed. Three-eyed. Or no, say three-eyed boogie blob with one sharp tooth.

Three-eyed boogie blob with one sharp tooth and a lollipop. Yeah. Three-sticking out of its hair. A lollipop sticking to its hair. Boogie blob with one sharp tooth. A lollipop sticking to its hair. A lollipop sticking to his hair. And a shirt that says, I'm with stupid.

Mm-hmm. And get this. Get this. a shirt that says Blob with stupid Blob with stupid Blob with stupid By the shirt points at the blonde

By the way The blob's hair Is actually just long strings of blob Like spaghetti Like spaghetti The shirt points to the blonde When you cook, don't cook Or when you cook it too good

Cook it too good much By the way Like boiled spaghetti from a pot The hair The blob's hair Is pieces of blob Yeah. Like spaghetti when you cook it good.

Like spaghetti when you took it, cook it too good. When you took it out the pot. Like spaghetti when you took it out the pot. When you took it out the pot. See, there's little micro punchlines. See what the question is? See? See, there's little micro punchlines.

S.I. Little micro punch lines. Interesting joke so far. The submarine does a U-turn. Oh, that's really good because why would a submarine do a U-turn? turn. Yeah. The blob says,

why did that happen? Submarines don't take U-turns. Submarines don't take U-turn. The blob says submarines don't take U-turns. And here's the, here's the sticking the landing right here and write that down. Okay.

The blonde says, what, me turn and the blonde turns. It's me turn. It's me turn. It's me turn. It's me turn. It's me turn. And she starts being a submarine.

The blonde says the blonde The blonde says, I am blonde. Me turn, brush your mark. And turns into... Turns and quotes, turns into a, quote, submarine. Quote, a blonde submarine. A blonde into a, quote, blonde submarine, end quote. The blob says, what the.

The blob is speechless. The end. The blob is speechless. Wow. Wow. The blob returns. Wow. I just laughed at my own joke. Wow. It was hard to get through this. Hard to write this.

It was hard to write this. Thank you for listening, Doctors of the Soul. For listening, the blob returns. Next joke. Tomorrow. Tomorrow for the next installment. The next installment. Of the joke. Of the longest blob.

joke ever written. The longest blob joke longest blob joke ever written. See, that's good. That's really good because then they're going to be like, fuck, I really need to hear the next part. Yeah, and they're going to beg you. I'm going to make sure I copy this so that I can get. All right, let's see. Yeah, wait, let's send this.

I'm older than 18 years of age. I would like to join, wait, I do not want to join the Laugh Factory members club. Can we send that to, can we send the joy, you have a copy and paste it. Can we send that to a lawyer just in case it gets stolen? Well, we have evidence right here.

That's true. But I just want a time code. And as for the time code, it's February 14th, 2022. So you can date that, Mr. Lawyer. All right.

I submitted it, guys. All right. Thank you. Wow. And I just found out that comedian of the year was given by the Laugh Factory.

To who? Laugh Factory comedian of the year is one of the bravest comedians ever. Well, President Volodymyr Zelensky. By bringing his people together, even through tragedy, he is

putting his life on the line. It is the bravest comic I know. Comedians inspire us to laugh and smile on and off the stage. They heal the world through laughter, which is why I call comedians, doctors of the soul. I met President Zelensky in 2019. We agreed that laughter brings people together all over the world.

Then we shook on it. James Masada. Founder and president, the laugh factory. They shook on laughter bringing joy all around the world and it looks like this was the only time they ever gave this award do you think that that is uh do you think that that is that's like i feel like that's a lie like as a political elected official you can't be frivolously hands like being like yes officially yeah laughter brings joy to the world yeah yeah that's like that comes with some weight i feel there's some gravity to make you say you can't just shake hands with the guy from laugh factory

in our democracy and they're right exactly can you imagine how the uproar if If Donald Trump shook hands with somebody and said, the president of the laugh factory. Officially. Yeah. Officially. James Masada.

Yeah. Do you think anyone else has shook James Masada's hand and said laughter brings? Do you think that James Massada has ever? Do you think that James Massada has ever talked to any other world leaders about laughter? Probably.

He's probably in all the kind of cabal meetings. Do you guys want to hear the final joke all the way done? Yeah. Would you like to hear it? You're going to hit speak on your phone? and have the phone do that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just make the phone rate.

You just take a break. Really? Just take a break from speaking. I can take a break. How do I do that? Just highlight it. I highlighted it. Then make speak.

Press button like how you would do cut, copy, paste. That's what it was. Continue on to speak. Click all. Now tap quickly once on the arrows until you see speak. I don't see it anywhere. You don't have that activated on your phone. Wow.

You can text it in the group chat. right now I speak um okay I'll do that you can speak it on there yeah I can speak this is just like I just want to hear it from the one that isn't us yeah see how it sounds the rhythm yeah the rhythm of it okay got it that it that it dude spiling green large jiggly happy three-eyed bogey blob with one sharp tooth a lollipole sticking to its hair and get this a shirt that says blob is stupid the shirt points to the blonde by the way the blob's hair is pieces of blob like spaghetti when you took it out the pot see there's little micropunk lines interesting joke

so far the submarine does a U-turn the blob says submarines don't take U-turn and here's the best part the blonde says me turn and turns into a blonde submarine. The blog is speechless. Wow. It was hard to write this. Thank you for listening. The blob returns tomorrow for the next installment of the longest blog joke ever written. That's good. I think it works. Yeah. Especially in that voice. I feel like I'm in a study. It sounded like Matt Barry. Yeah. I feel like exactly. I would love to take him down a peg. Yeah. He has just been like a pig and shit. Just too haggly. people. Don't you think? Don't you think he just is always out there being a little too happy? Except when he got in that

fight with Donald Trump. Remember that? That's true. Dude, you guys see the video of Jayvance made him to kill himself? Yes. That was pretty funny. It was funny. That was pretty fine. It's like kneeling down on stage. I've been trying for the past two months not to take my own life. Honestly, it's been a long month, man.

Yeah. I mean, it has been a long month. He lost a friend. It's true. Oh my God. Did he really? I'm praying for him. Who did you lose, man? Dude, Mr. Purple Flirk Purple Flirk They were friends Dude I could

I don't know The Ovan wouldn't do that The Ovan wouldn't be friends With purple flirt No way No way The Yvonne They got there

Unfortunately He kind of would The Yvon They got The Ovan Talking to purple flirt The oven The oven talking to purple flirt Pshh

Come on now Now put that flirt in the oven It ain't done yet He probably grew up Eating Flurp Because of his weird background Man I used to

When I grew up We used to flirt every day. It's crazy seeing the purple flirt guy just got shot on because I used to eat flirt every day. I used to eat flirt. Man, and purple flirt, man, he was really a hero. Man, we had this one dude who go door to door trying to sell you flirt and he didn't even

have no purple flirt. He just had that damn old regular ass flirt. Okay, Boom Howard. I grew up with this kid and I don't know. His name could have been Sheen or something along those lines. And he could have been Chinese of some of us were thinking. and he had his own planet for some time yeah for some reason

we had this one kid in my town his name was Carl and he was obsessed with these damn llamas man why did he like Jimmy's mom he used to try and fuck on this girl at this kid Jimmy's mom I was Goddard and I was a robot dog I was a robot dog basically the only thing I said for a while

there was after he said boy genius I'd go rough rough Arf Arr sometimes I get the radio on my voice and I talk like the radio for a little bit mechanical canine tries to rescue the tie from show to

I need to rewatch that movie dude we should do a movie night dude I watch Shrek this week yeah I just hit my own balls really hard of my hand why I just heard that hurt that's sitting stances off

this is a way to hit my balls yeah this is a stance you sit in and you've hold your hand here and you what was the name of the aliens from the egg yokians or something yeah what was their name I know poultry Poultra was a great name.

Yeah, it was fucking badass. Yeah. But I'm thinking, though, was it his name Ublah or something? No. No? Okay. What is the egg's name from Jimmy Neutron? How do you use that ability?

You have to hold it down. Hold down Siri. I just locked my phone. Lock your phone. Neem. Neem. What was that? I didn't come from my shit.

Oh, I thought that was from your. No. What the fuck? What kind of phone? Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, Neem was the name. You held down, you held down the button. It is said.

Neem. Neem. Jimmy Neutron. No, I think it's Neem. Egg aliens. It's not fucking Neme. No, he's just doing his funny thing. It's Ublar, bro.

Egg alien. I put a thousand dollars. It's not UBlar. Try again. What's Uplar? I don't know what UBlar is just something. They are. They are.

You call the race is Yokians. You're right. No fucking way. But the one you're talking about. The main guy. King Gubot the fifth. Google. Google Ublar.

Google Ublar. Right ass now. Ooblar. O-O-B-L-A-R. Exactly. Oh, wait. It's spelled it. Wait, maybe you could.

Yeah, there's an U-Blar. That's right. Motherfucker. Ubar was King Grubott's former royal assistant. And his younger brother. He's no one. longer Goobats assist it because he was traded for sulfur butter

okay I fucking told you bro I just made what were the odds on that I put a thousand I put a thousand nobody took you up on it though yeah you did no I didn't you did no I didn't man you don't remember I don't I do remember you said you would

I'd pay a thousand fuck you said that before Neme happened we got distracted by NIM You said I'm up in it to 5,000 why would I do that I was right before Neme I don't know why would you touch your balls on camera? I didn't touch them. I dropped my hand

because I forgot to hold my head up. Did you get blue balls? Through my pants? Through my pants? Did you get playing balls? No. From touching my balls? No.

That would be an easy way to get blue balls. Yeah. Fucking touches their balls. You, you did it. You did on camera. Through my pants. That's not touching my balls.

You got named. You got named him. Neem him right now. Neem. Neem. I got a fart and I could do it and you guys would end the episode. That's how bad this far would be.

It probably was. I have a travel fart. Yeah. That is from Cheez-Sits and Cheetos. Now, guess who is holding the upper hand here? I saw somebody on the train eat a big Cheeto, and I didn't know what it was. The one from the Pizza Hut or whatever. The big puff, a cheese puff.

And they bit into it. Oh, that's a cheese at. Yes. What is it, Little Caesars? No, no, no. No, it's just a cheese puff. Oh, okay. A Cheeto, not a cheese.

It's a cute. Okay, Darley. She bit into it. and the crumbs flew out and the way you know how crumbs are made great amounts from these types of crumbs from a cheos. But I didn't recognize it. I thought it was some type of fruit. And so I thought it was she,

I thought it, you know like in a fantasy, you know like in Lord of the Rings when he eats the limbus bread? He eats the, no, he eats a tomato and it sprays and drip. Or in any movie where they eat a food. They eat the juiciest fruit in a gross way.

I thought that she did that with a mysterious exotic fruit that I'd never seen before. Then I thought, I realized it was a puff. It's not really A finger orange Yeah But it was because it was so orange

And shaped like this I thought what could this be And I was really excited For a second to be Yeah To learn about something like this Like a new vegetable A new fruit

Yeah Yeah yeah I had a new fruit That had to be accessible And attainable Because somebody ate it right in front of me Not like when you see one online Like the ice cream bean

Where it's like I'm never gonna taste that Have you guys seen that Vegan guy That lives in like Costa Rica or some shit The fruit guy Yeah and he just eats Yeah man

And I've been eating every fruit. Yeah. This is taste. Oh, I don't know about that one. Oh, the guy who gets mad. This is like a Swedish dude.

Oh, this is a video. This is an amazing plum banana combination. And it tastes to me like Reese's cups. You haven't seen that guy? No, I've never seen that. You are in a different internet than most people. That's true.

That's true. There was that fruititarian guy. Do you remember that guy? No. This is a dude that like decided. Yeah, there's people like that. There's a guy that decided. to become a fruititarian.

I forget. It's just fruetarian. Fruititarian. I thought the itarian part was. Fruitarian. Fruitarian. Okay. Well, he became a fruitarian.

He became a fruitarian and there's like pictures of like him from when he started to like now. He looks like he looks, dude, it's, he's got like a big. He turned to a strawberry. He literally, he grew a coconut shell on his head. He didn't grow a coconut shell on his head, you fucking asshole? You not. Fuck off. No, no.

Hair just looks like a white coconut. He's got like a bull cut. Fruitarian before and after. Yeah. Well, it's, I mean, yeah, you just eat hard. He grew out, he grew out his beard and he grew out his hair at the same time. That doesn't have to do with fruitarianism. He looks like, he looks like a fruit man. For raw food and after, right, he got raw. Before you, he's a raw ass fruitarian, by the way. This is two years vegan and then that's 1.5 years fruitarian. She looks normal. She looks normal. Yeah, this is a different guy. Okay, so maybe different strokes for different folks. Have you ever, have you ever heard that?

yeah look you're a completely different transformation you think that you think that show that to the camera being a fruitarian makes you grow your hair to look like a coconut this guy specifically he got a he got a coconut type

phenotype after this he ate so many fruits he turned into one pretty much if I had a picture if I had a picture of him you would say okay this guy looks like he has a fruit style coconut shell but I don't have a

I don't have an image on hand you really think we would look at him say, oh, this guy looks like he's a fruit-style coconut shell. If I had an image of him on hand, I think anybody that you would ever say that. I am. You are, man. First, you're talking about the Bahamas. What did you have for lunch today?

Five coconuts? I have five coconuts again. My groverin's not home. I don't know what else to make. Fuck it up. My groverner's home, I'd be making, you know, duck flambay type thing. You're eating the fuck out of the coconuts. But yeah, no.

Eating it like when they sexually eat fruit and gift files. Uh-huh. Yeah. What's that one fruit that they, is it papaya that they always use for that? What are you talking about? What do you mean when they sexually eat fruit and gift files? Don't look at me all slack, John, you moron. Talk to me.

What the fuck does that mean? I think it's self-explanatory. What is a gift file? Like a moving gif image? Yeah. But what else could it be? I don't know because you're talking about, I've never seen nothing like that in my entire life. You're the fruit images of sexual nature.

I'm sorry, I'm sundowning. When it's like, I'm going to, I'm fingering a, um, yeah, a, what is it? Yeah, the blueberries. What the fuck is making videos and then turn in the kids? You are on a different internet. You are again, aren't a different, you are on, you are on your internet is literally like the, like, playplace. Yeah. Like, all of us, we're a, we're in McDonald's, but you guys are in the real world.

You're in the tubes. You're lost, so you're lost in the tube somewhere. I'm lost in a tube. Me and, me and, me and, me and, me and Pat are sitting at the table. this McChicken is delectable and I'm sitting there mixing my buggers in with the I'm so glad they brought the

selects back I don't know what that means The chicken selects at McDonald's I don't know it I don't know it I don't fucking know it Why is it unbelievable I don't know what that is

It's assinine in Tiven assume It's crazy Are you serious What is a chicken select? What the fuck is it? The chicken selects, dude. What is that?

How often do you eat McDonald's? Not often. Then how do you know that? Because I was just there. When I came home from New Hampshire. Wait, but they don't have them? You said they brought them back? They brought them back.

They were gone for a long time. See, that's... Dude, I'm not trying to say... Yeah, it's rude. But that's a fat thing to know. I'm sorry, I called you fat ass as soon as you said that. That is a fat thing to know. Okay, but when the marketing is chicken selects are back

and you go into a McDonald's, I don't get ads for McDonald's. I don't get ads for McDonald's. It's in the McDonald's on the wall. But why are you in there in the first place? I was driving with my parents back to here in New York. And the only thing at the rest stops is McDonald's. Look.

The Charlton rest stop. The Charlton restop near Rhode Island. The only thing in the restop is McDonald's. McDonald's is. Okay, it's one McDonald's, one auntie ends. and then I think a Cumberland Farms. So go to the Auntie Anteans. Yeah.

We get a fucking sugar pretzel. You have to walk by the McDonald's, you geographical fucking moron. I like McDonald's too, but you can't be attacking me for not know what chicken selects is. What the fuck are chicken select? You still also haven't said what that is. It's the selects. But what is that? What is it?

It's just good chickens. It's apparently better than the nuggets. Longer strips. A tender. It's a chicken tender. It's literally. It's their fancy. It's fancy McDonald's.

Yeah. It's when they add an extra fancy style. Do you remember when they did the... And then they used those for the snack racks. The McChispy. When I know what, when I lived in... What the fuck is a Mcrispy? Hold on.

That's the chicken sandwich. The fancy chicken sandwich. I never knew it by that. I just called it the chicken sandwich. Now, trying to save some face here, but... One million pound man. You fucking one million pound man. They had a, they had like a $12 McDonald's burger thing that they were trying out for a while.

I remember that? It was like, this is the steakhouse burger. I know. It's crazy. and they were not good. I missed the chicken sandwich wars, the initial chicken sandwich wars. It was so,

it was such a, because it was also nothing to do in the world at that time either where it was literally just, they would be like, today I'm going to go try the burger game one. Yeah. The only thing I had today. The Popeye's one is the,

is the newest, like, fast food canon. Yeah. This is the, this is an item. This is one that we have. Yeah, I guess there hasn't been one. It's crazy how new it is, too.

It feels like it's always been around. Yeah. But it's just brand new, man. Yeah. It's crazy that they weren't doing that. Yeah. And it's so good that it just made me hungry. Yeah, I'm going to get some of the mid idea of it.

I'm probably going to eat one of my new. What will I eat? Frozen, frozen coconuts. I have nothing to have. I don't have anything. I don't know what I have. Dude, you can come to my house. I've been home.

I got New Yorkie. I got a drag my suitcase home. I have a Yankee. Yeah. Yellow chicken. and yonkeys is what we're going to have yellow chicken and yonkeys what yellow is it dude it's a yellow for an amazing reason what is the amazing reason turmeric i knew that you're going to say that turmeric turmeric all over the chicken no oils tumor is chicken tumor is chicken tumor have y'all been seeing people

when posting photos abscesses have been found in meat where everywhere i don't want that pork chicken that's you know it's a good you know you got at the restaurants now you're going to say leave the abscesses. No cysts. No cysts. No cists. No pimples. I insist. Cists on meat. In the meat? In the meat. Wow. And you know why? Why? The RFK. Various reasons, yeah. Yeah. Including that. It could be probably. Maybe one of the causes for certain. Well, didn't Trump privatize like the FDA has been lax. Yeah, the FDA is taken out. The pimple poppers union is disintegrated because Trump was like, we want the pimples and the food.

I used to love pimple-popping videos. We really wanted to give my friend's dad a big pimple. Or I don't like those. We were telling him like, you need to like... You should sleep on this oil. We literally, me and a friend of mine in high school, we watched pimple-popping videos. And we tried to think, we couldn't think of a way to give his dad a big cyst, but we thought that would have been awesome. Yeah.

Because then we could have popped it and made a video. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the videos of the people like just squeezing with the cheese whiz. No. You don't like having your own. You just like seeing others? I don't like it anymore It's probably one week where we watch like five videos

And also Nymphomaniac part one at his house Pimpoping and Nymphomaniard His dad walked in and made us put take it off and turn on turbo The snail racing movie Yeah he's like turn this shit off Turn on turbo Fucking put on turbo

He sits down Yeah and watches it And then I remember he For that fucking snail so fast Well he said he's I remember he had a joke because he didn't like Turbo, but he had been wanting to watch it.

He watched Turbo and he said, no, more like Turbut. Turdo. Yeah, exactly. He's not that funny of a guy. Turd butt. Not a really funny guy. Yeah.

That happens though, man. Mr. Hamilton. Dude, don't fucking docks your friend's dad. My name is Mr. Turbo Hamilton. My name is Turbo Little Hamilton. How can a snail go fast? I'd watch that musical. Turbo, the rap musical.

Turbo Little Hamilton. How can a snail go fast and race it fast as a car? What else? What happens in that movie? I've never seen it. It's it take place in outer space. Can you tell me?

You're the only one who's in it. I don't remember. It's on planet Neme. Yeah, does it take place? I don't think so. There's a scene. No, it's on Earth. It takes place in outer space.

I think it's on Earth. Wasn't there like a... There's a scene in outer space. Yeah, there's a scene in outer space. Yeah, because he goes so fast that he shoots into space. But there's no, they have like a rainbow road style racetrack in space, don't they? Yeah, probably. I don't remember.

Isn't there a scene? There was like a gift that people kept posting. I think I didn't really even watch it when it was on. I think it was probably on my phone. Yeah. Don't mention gifts because he's going to be confused. So there was a series of moving pictures that somebody posted that was like, it's like a scene.

A movie or a video. Right? I fucking thought I had it. Sound and all that. There was no sound. So he had his ears covered. He was kind of probably Yeah.

But there was like 30 frames per second, right? Or 24 at the very least. Likely. Likely something like that or maybe 12 doubled. What did that mean? 12 times 2. 24. Mm-hmm.

People were posting this gif of the... Fuck. People were giving a gift. People were giving a gift to people. Oh, okay. That's fine. It was a video of somebody in Turbo making a taco. Oh, that's from Turbo? I think that's from Turbo.

I don't know. Is that? I thought that's from DoorDash commercial. That's from Turbo? But then I think somebody pointed out that it was from Turbo. Julio, is that from Turbo? Why are you asking him? You know why I'm asking him.

Neem. He's going to say Neem. Hold on, I'll look it up. That can't be from Turbo. That would be like the connection of my two greatest passions. Yeah. Turbo and tacos? Taco Turbo. Did you just do with him?

Taco Turbo. That was honestly one of the coolest fucking things I've ever seen. You didn't see that. No, I missed it. He just ditched the Kleenex. I saw it out of the corner. I saw the fucking... And you're not freaking out.

He just ditched the packaging and pulled out the Kleenex at the same time. And the way that he wipes his nose, he stuck the landing on that one. But that was cool. That was pretty cool. Dude, I'm so drippy. It's nasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is from turbo.

It's from fucking turbo. Yeah. Wow. Because they have a guy. What? His name is Angelo Lopez. And he has a sidekick named the Churro Man. Taco Man and his sidekick the Churro Man.

No, I just think that's very funny. He played, he has a sidekick named the Chiro Man. Taco Man and his sidekick the Chiro. Yeah. Oh, I could eat a churro. You want to get savory churos for dinner? Savory churos, dude. You want to meet up after dinner for churos?

Yeah, I'd be doing that. No. No. We should have, wait, do they have savory churros? Punch drunk crazy. And, well, normal drunk as well. Yeah, I'm like my, I'm recovering from my illness. And I kind of, it's, you know how in the nighttime you start to get a little different.

Yeah. Being sick, hits a different. I know I'm going to get sick. A little traveling, couldn't get sick. And then right in here with me. Well, hey, I warned you. I warned you. I touched a barrel yesterday and I sliced my finger.

I'm sorry. What kind of barrel? It's a big blue barrel. Touched it inside of razor blade. No. Metal. You better get your shots. You said that like that gray parrot.

Metal. Metal. Glass. Blue bear. Rock. We should get a blue. We should get an African gray parrot that's in here. Ew.

The owner said. Owner's penis. No, no. It's glass. It's glass. Owners penis. And who is this? Owner.

Check out my owner's penis. This is what he said to him. He calls himself the owner. Owners penis. Owners penis. No, it's paper. Paper. Paper.

Wrong. Wrong. Bad parrot. Owners ass. Owners ass. Go to get owner's ass. Don't put me in under his ass. Don't.

Don't do it. Do it. Don't. Yeah. Penis. P penis. Dude, if we had an African gray parrot, like, right here.

Africa. In like a little thing and we just taught him stuff. We could name him Africa. We could name him Africa. That's a beautiful name for a parrot. Yeah. There is that parrot I was obsessed with.

I get Cairo. The parrot that would say smarten up. Smart up. That was such a good video. You love saying smarten up. To this day you say smarten up. Smarten up is the funniest thing. The parrot pointing at the camera

with his little claw and going, Smart up. And then he would yell at the cat. Oh yeah, he would go. There's videos of him talking to the cat. just going, shut the fuck up. Smart nop. I like animals.

Yeah. Plenty. Plenty. Plenty and simple. Yeah. On a bagel. Whoa. Salmon at least.

Dude, to me, a meal is not a meal unless something has been fucking slaughtered and killed. And smoked and peppered and capped. And I'm in a waffle house. Yep. And smothered and covered. Yeah, you got smoked peppered, smothered and covered on walking a box. No, no. Yeah.

Yeah. I doubt that he's I've even been in a waffle house. He put chili on your head. There's no way he's ever. He would be, he would walk, you know how,

can I do an impression of this is Joe walking into a waffle house? Mm, it's dirty. Where's the law? I'll have the lobster. You see the video of,

of Simon Cowell on that show where they all clap. Jennifer Hudson show. Yeah. When Simon Cowell's walking down. Put some respect on Jay Hud's name. She got a fat old ass.

It's okay. What? It's okay. Okay, I didn't do anything wrong. She was in Seaman Cowell walking, that's how Joe, walking the waffle. Apparently, they were saying that he lost two vertebrae in his back. I don't believe that, though. Someone was like, Simon Cowell a lot.

Really? That's why he looks like that. I thought he looked like that for fun. Yeah. That was like a horrific, like a motorcycle act. Vanity. Well, he still is vanity. I thought he was taken out two vertebrae for fun.

You guys don't remember this? No. I do remember. That's why I felt a little bad, you know, comparing him to Joe. Oh. Because Joe, Joe has all of his bird to bray. Anyway, I like Waffle House, and I never did nothing wrong. I believe you.

No news about you ever is going to come out that you did anything bad. We're going to plant a story in variety. Variety? Yeah. What are they going to have to say about me? Cameron Fetter is really... is just a one, one guy. Cameron Fetter is one bad day away.

Do you think that anyone will ever write an article about any of us that's titled Our Name, One Man Against the World? Cameron Fetter accused of being one bad Mamma Jamma Jamm. Meet the star of podcast about this who's been accused of being one bad Mamma Jama. How come you never hear about people being a good Mamma Jama? I agree. Yeah. Well, because what's a Mamma Jama?

This is one of those phrases that enter their world from reverse world. Is it not? Mamma jamma, no. Jamming my mamma? Oh, wait. It's not, it 100% is, yeah. Oh my God. It's like saying sugar, right?

It's like saying sugar instead of shit. Oh. I just took a sugar. That doesn't make any fucking sense. Oh, look at me. I watch videos of people sugaring on each other. You didn't think that about Mamma jama? No.

I guess it's a replacement. Yeah, it's a replacement, but it's not a one-to-one replacement. I just thought they're saying Mamma-jammer. You have to contextualize it. You know what else is crazy? Speaking of one bad mamma-jama. Not rhyming, but. After another.

One bad Mamma Jamma. It's not one to one. One bad motherfucker. But you don't say like... You would say that. You would not say it derogatorily. It's only in that phrase. Say you just demonstrated that sugar doesn't even work that way.

And that is a replacement. You've caught yourself in a little bird cage. Gotcha. So I'm going to put sugar in your mouth. How about that? I'm going to put my sugar in your mouth. I'm going to take a sugar in your mouth. I like sugar.

It's good. Put my hand in my apple and put sugar in your mouth. Don't... Don't use your apple to go. Don't use your apple to get sugar. I'm going to put my hand up my honey buns and put, grab a big ball of sugar and shove it down your, down your,

down your pipes. Down your pipe is good. Down your pipe makes sense. Pie hole. I'm going to put my sugar in your pie hole. I'm watching videos of people sugaring in people's pie holes. Like blippy. Like blippy.

Like blippy. The guy, the children's entertainer that did the Harlem shake and he pooped all over everyone. How has nobody know about this except us? Did we get sent to a world like yesterday where we have to recreate this video with each other?

Yeah, dude, this is to prove that it's real. We have to do that. We'll get famous. That's true. Like in yesterday. Blippy. He's shit.

Blippy's famous. Yeah, but he got famous for being a kid's guy. But everyone's blippy shit video. We can't forget that we exist in the context of all the

Kamala Harris. You're a coconut. Blippy video. Coconut back. Harlem shake coconut back. Meme. Harlem shake poop. Steasy gross man.

Motherfucker. That's right. Get meme back in. Harlshake poop.com. Yeah. Steasy, gross man. You've never seen this? No.

You can't show this to the camera. He's a children's entertainer. My nephews were obsessed with him. Yeah, he's a big children's YouTuber. Can I have the audio? I know. I wouldn't, yeah. Well, I just want to see.

Oh, my. God. Oh, you really have never seen that? No. We, there's no way. Oh, who's that guy on the ground? I think that's blippy. No, Blippy's pooping. I don't know which is which. Yeah. That's just a scat porn video. Is that really the kind of poop that people like is a line of diarrhea? I guess. I mean, I'm not a scatologist. If I was, if I was a scatologist, I'd be going, squeepa da da da da da da da da that's a disturbing video yep yeah the scatman no that's a great video he had a billion other songs taking a shit i know justice for him thank you

everyone only talks about the one scatman everyone is always talking about that song and saying how great it is no everyone's always talking about i'm the scatman's world exactly exactly you are just the kind of guy that would listen to the other scatman shit that will well the scatman's world was on more than one ifold 95 so yeah dude my console it's one of the best songs ever you actually have played that before that's one of the best

songs ever i don't know i wouldn't say that metal gets i led taken three yeah it is cool yeah he did made that song that song but they also did make the greatest song ever yeah yeah yeah um playstation that song's good Yeah, I'm going to go get some dinner now, I guess.

Yeah, it's needed by me as well. I do too. I'm going to go get PlayStation. There is nothing. There's nothing. We have nothing to promote. But that's okay. We have nothing.

We have no fucking motion. Let's get some motion right now because I got it. Let's do it. And office is kind of clean? Yeah, me and Pierce cleaned it. That's nice. Okay. All right.

Yeah, so I'm going to continue on that. On that tip? Oh, follow the Twitch account of both of me. and Julio. You don't have to plug Julio, you can just plug yourself. Okay, I'll plug myself in. Julio will plug himself by...

I am trying to reach partner. Whoa, this is the angle we've been at this whole time on this camera? Oh, I never even looked. Whoa, dude, that's badass. Is it? Do you like it? Yeah, man. Well, you're still wearing that shit, by the way.

I'm wearing the... I can wear my hat. I really still can... I'm still fully... I've come around. I think you did it on purpose. I did not do it on purpose, man. Because you don't wear flannels.

You don't wear flannels. You don't. You started wearing a beanie like the week this came out. Go to the history of the show. You had the sunglasses on your desk right there. Go to the history of the show. Go through the history of the show. Pictures of me wearing flannels all the time.

All right. I wear flannels and beaniees all the time, man. I've been doing this since I was a young and. You are still young and you have much to learn. Meem, motherfucker. You got named. That's the new thing. Name.

Name. Name. You see that? Neem. I did it. Anytime somebody's talking. Neem, motherfucker. If you want to leave a conversation,

but I'll leave a conversation, you just say neem. Meem, motherfucker. Neem, motherfucker. Neme, mama, jama. Neem, mamma jama. Mim. Sugar.

Oh, yeah. Neem, sugar. Neem. Sugar, you got to put sugar in name. Sugar. You got to say it like that. Shit. Hey, man.

Shit. I wish I would, I wish I was good at cussing like that, but I can't. Shit. I'm going to pick up my trash from the floor. I'm going to pick up my shit. Bye guys. Bye. Yeah, I see you're pulling up on the laptop and I was thinking the exact same thing. It's kind of crazy.

What is that? Just that you're, the tribute you made today with your outfit. It's really fucking insane. I was waiting to bring it up. I really couldn't believe it when I saw it. I haven't even seen the. You know what? I haven't seen the movie either.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, I know what you have. I know what you have as well. Were you walking here wearing those? That's fucking crazy, bro. How can that be an accident? You must have been like subconsciously... No, I don't even...

You know me. I don't even watch movies. I know. That's what I mean. You must have subconsciously somehow, like, seen this trailer. It's insane. I know that I'm seeing it. I mean, I just was like, I knew that he wore it, wore a beanie. I know this picture of him of beanie sunglasses and a, like a plaid shirt, but I didn't know how close the shirt really was. This is insane.

This is actually fucking crazy. You got psychically dry. Yeah. You got hypnotized by Paul Thomas Anderson. Let me pull the wool over your eyes right now real quick. Okay. This whole thing has been a viral marketing campaign. You did it on purpose.

I did this on purpose. Have you been seeing the, uh, have you, did you actually do it on purpose? I did this on purpose because I'm being paid by Paramount. Well, have you seen the marketing campaign for this movie? Yes, they put this shit in Fortnite.