Podcast About List - Ep. 362 - If My Couch Could Talk: Book 2

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

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Thank you. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Waited to the last moment, huh? Yep, waited till the last moment. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Donald give a fuck. What was Donald give a fuck? What was it?

I just remembered this. What was Donald give a fuck? And cut to that camera real quick and just show this most coolest shot ever in all podcasting. Cinematography by PD. Puttick Productions. That's fucking cool.

PD productions. This show feels so much better when I don't have headphones on. POV, you're the producer. POV, you're the producer. You are the producer. Doing this feels so much better when I don't have headphones on.

We have to start over, guys. Well, we just, I forgot, since I'm not wearing headphones, you just made me realize camera, or mic three was not getting any input like it always does. Okay, start now. So, so whose mic wasn't speaking? Well, well, well, look at us. Let's run that again. Yeah, you. Uh, you're waiting to the last second. Early voter, early voter. Early vote to the shot, POV, you're the producer of a podcast about list. New frontiers in podcasting cinematography. And then Patrick said, Donald, give a fuck. I really want to get back to remember Donald give a fuck. So then you said Donald give a fuck. Then you said, what was Donald give a fuck? And I said, come on, man. You have to remember.

You know Donald give a fuck. And then I told you that it's, damn, they should call me Donald give a fuck. Yeah, because Donald give a fuck. It's really good. I think it's good. And then Cameron hated it. That's right. You hated it.

I didn't hate it. It was presented to me in a way that you, I think you expected me to like to throw my hat down and fall on the ground. Do it right now. I did. And I did. You'd be right about that. I think that maybe inclined me to like it less. I think if I would have been there when it was created,

I think I would like it a lot more than walking in. Yeah, that's fair. You are not going to believe what we came up with today. It's called Donald give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. So first time sitting on the couch camera. What's your view? It feels pretty comfortable.

I think I'll have to, I'll have to give my thoughts at the end. Because this is literally my first 10 seconds sitting on it. The minute that this was brought in here, I sat, I laid down on it for 30 minutes, probably. There's going to be some office naps. Dude, I watched all of a Mr. Bean episode. Plus, it's so fucking big. It's huge, yeah.

It's way too big. It's a big ass couch. We literally are going to have to push it up against that wall if we ever want to do anything. But it's perfect. But because of these tables. Yeah. That's true. There's literally no way to put anything.

We should just get rid of Pat's desk. No, that would fix everything. Can't do that. Do you really need three monitors, though? I can get rid of one of the monitors. Okay. I'll sell one of these monitors to people. It's true.

It's not really a desk. It's kind of two desks. Yeah, I guess the side table I can get rid of. That also has a graphics card I can get rid of as well. If we're talking about getting rid of stuff, it's much more than the desk. Yeah. And just in terms of the space. I think that I think this country is going to create a large issue that we're going to run into soon.

It's actually the best thing that's ever happened to this office. Hey, I don't. I like it. I'm not unhappy about it. I'm just saying I think that we have some puzzles and challenges in our future because of it. But we take those as a come. I did win star of the day for it. You did.

Yeah. I was awarded star of the day. I agree. Congratulations. It was one of the best days ever. I laid on this 30 minutes, literally watched a whole episode, the whole first episode of Mr. Bean. And I was like, wow. things are about to change in here.

Things are about to change in here amazingly. Yeah. This is also now our second episode on a couch. If my couch could talk. Part two. My couch could talk. Part two. Yeah.

Part two. And thank you again. Thank you again to my friend Clancy, who gave me this couch. And thank you for putting up with Joe, who when he first met, you said, that's my dog's name. Thank you for dealing with that, because I know that was. probably very annoying and a weird thing for a guy to bet and then Joe probably did the thing where he turned his phone screen on and off to show that his background changes from different pictures of his dog no he didn't do that's so involved he was normal he was normal when we got the couch he does that quite a lot he did say though he did that was one of the first thing he said when he met my friend clancy was oh my god that's my dog's name that's fine though he also did take me to wendie's clancy is a dog name clancy is a dog name and clancy brown Who's Clancy Brown? No, I think Clancy Brown outweighs all dogs.

No, I think all dogs outweigh. Clancy Brown is the voice of Eugene Crabbs. Yeah. Eugene V. Crabbs. He's also in a hell of movies as well, such as Highlander. Eugene V. Crabs. Amazing 2016 DSA username. Like Eugene V. Debs.

I see. Yeah. That'd be very amazing. I think probably a lot of people actually did have that. Yeah. Someone who's run off of Twitter for touching on people. Maybe. Probably.

Probably tell a lot of people that we are friends with probably were named that. Have you guys ever watched Colombo? No. I've never been able to take the leap. Someone told me that

Colombo, loving Colombo is a trans woman thing. I don't, I think that's, it runs on immediately so different. Someone told me.

Immediately. I think that's a little bit of a stretch. I think there's, look, I'm not going to pretend there aren't things that are trans. women things. I don't think Colombo is one of them.

All right. Ask the community. It's on the Google, the free Google TV shit. It's on everything. It's on all that shit. And I've been trying to watch it almost every single night. But the episodes are like two hours long. Yeah, they're so long.

They're so fucking long. I really want to like it up in the middle. I literally, it's to the point. I literally can't even bring myself to try. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like I'd rather watch a movie because then I can see a full. Everyone's a movie.

Exactly. I don't need to see this another. I guess it's like, I don't even, I can't even imagine how that was on TV back in the day. That feels like such an HBO sort of thing. Every stranger things episode now is going to be like two hours long. Dude, you're right. You caught me. I'm going to watch all of those.

No, no, no, I'm just saying like, it's just like it's not really that, like when you think about it, it's not that much different. Like, it's like, oh, yeah, I guess we kind of just looped around back into like, yeah, like hour long things. Because it wasn't murder she wrote also that long? A lot of TV shows are an hour long. Yeah, but like back then. But Colombo's an hour and a half. Yeah. Oh, Columbo is okay.

I think, I don't know if they're all hour and a half. I think you're being hyperbolic. I've seen has been an hour and a half. I thought they were an hour. Everything that is on Tobe, which I tried to watch one the other day. You probably know better than me because you've gotten further than I have. Yeah. I still didn't finish an episode.

I fucking fell asleep. That was the first time I watched it from the beginning. I've been just like. I don't know how they make any money. There's got to be. Well, it's, it's just, what company is it? Paramote? Is it Fox or something?

It's just, it's one of those things where all those streaming services are just subsidiaries of big, they don't actually have to make, like they already have the library. Yeah, okay. That's why that's why Pluto is all paramount stuff. Like, I think they're assuming that, yeah, that you're just going to. Fail out of me. They're, fail army. Oh.

Phel army. You seem to really concerned. I was like, what the fuck. Fail army. I didn't know what you said either. It's hard with their headphones. You went, Falali. Palali.

He said, what? You told me about that video I've still never seen it No, no, no, he told this about it Or someone told us about... This might not be a video that exists But I remember you telling me There's a video

Of something happening in a bunch of Russian kids filming it and saying, Phil out of me, fill out of me. I'm pretty sure that was him. I don't remember this. Yeah. Then you lied to me. No, no, no, no, no.

The thing I'm mixing it up with is you were telling me one time that like I think it was Aaron went to Italy and then like all the Italian like the people try to sell you selfie sticks and they're going selfie selfie selfie and I think

that there's also a video I think in Russia a fail army is so big that like that's their world star is like they see like a car crash I mean yeah I'm not come on what do you mean not a lot of people are on world star anymore fail army has one no no no no I mean like but the way that people are the thing they show world star

do people do still do in Russia all they have his car accidents Do we bring that back? What, World Star? Well, nowadays, they have all the kind of like very niche. So you'd see someone get into a big fight and you start yelling, I post crash outs. Grind face, crazy, crazy, gore reality videos. That is crazy in Russia where all the videos that make it out of Russia are death.

Yeah. To be yelling. The dash cam footage of like cars getting just obliterated, like car hitting train. Or hopping out. Yeah. And up and pole. and whoever ran a stop sign. Yeah.

There's a lot of that kind of stuff. Dude, that just makes you think, though, right? Like, all this Russian dash cam footage, like, imagine one of these, like, cars back in the day filming the machine as it happened. Okay. This is badass. On the dash cam. Oh, dude.

A Russian dash cam version of the machine. No, no, no, no. Like. The train is stopped. You can see through the cloth. The two things go down. Doesn't the story of the machine. It all is on a train.

On a train. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the car is on. on the train. No, the car is

dress you wouldn't see it. Oh, wait, it pulls up at a crossing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It pulls up at a crossing

and then we see it for one second. We get one single frame of Burt Kreisher like, yeah, exactly. Okay. All right,

I can believe that that could happen. Scientists have unearthed a frame of a Russian dashed. That is how we would find proof that the machine. Can you imagine if, if like, complete, like,

indisputable proof that the machine actually did happen dropped tomorrow. Dude. After it was, It was fully like, Burt Krecher being like, yeah,

I made it up. It's not true. But somehow like, yeah, they like found like security footage from the train. It's like time stamp and it's completely unaltered.

If I was, if I was Dan Bongino or Cash Patel and like Epstein shit didn't go my way, I would have pivoted. I would have been like, guys, don't worry about that. The machine dossier is fucking,

you will not believe it. And I would start talking about that shit. Burkrecher really. He actually did that shit. He actually did it. Whoa, we got the machine. He was so, I mean, I'm pretending as if there's a video where he, to camera,

is like, yeah, I made that up. Yeah. Did he ever specifically admit that it was made up? He would never admit that. I think he's been, I think it's ruined his life. Yeah. How, dude? He made a movie with Mark Hamel. True. How's that a ruin? And he's becoming a pimp. That's a great blessing. He is becoming a pimp.

I was, I just remember this was like a video that dropped two weeks ago. I completely forgot about that. Him and Segura becoming OnlyFans pimps. Really? Yeah. It's them looking at women's like OnlyFans profiles, like they buy into it and they're like, yeah, we're going to promote these

the fans. And then like one of the things that Bert said was like, I want to like have a fuck a fan contest on their behalf that like these women will fuck one of our fans. It's like, dude, someone's got to step in. I think this is a huge, this is a problem that we're going to see

I think because so many men in their 40s are on TRT testosterone replacement therapy now that I think we're going to see 40 we're going to see the age of like a midlife crisis come further down oh yeah because I think you can get on it at like 30 yeah and I think that is going to like as soon as you start doing that I think you go and say you a guy that's like going like a guy that just turned 30 going through a midlife crisis thank you I think that's a real I think you could write I think Malcolm Gladwell

would be interested Malcolm Gladwell should be interested in me he should go on TRT little string bean ass he is

he is Latit but no he looks like he's got he literally looks like he looks like a skeleton racist

racist and anti-Semitic because he's black and Jewish he's he's not yes he is oh shit

you can't say string bean what do you mean I can't say string bean anti-black and anti-Jet I was that

anti-Semitic black and He's black and Jewish. I didn't even know he was bluish, man. Wow. Yeah, he's bluish in his skin. That doesn't even make sense. Doesn't even make sense.

What does it mean? You can't talk about Mr. G like that. I can talk about Mr. G as much as I want. He'll blink you up. He's on the Epstein. Yeah, he was writing a book about fucking kids. About how all of the vet mode. Yes.

Yeah. He's writing a book about it. Who cares? Well, look, I highly doubt at the very least, team, I don't think that he was an expert in fucking kids. No, I don't think he put in the requisite time, right?

So I think by his own theories, he was a novice and should be punished lightly. You can't be mad at me. I'm just an amateur. Some of the other, like Matt Graining, I'm sure he put in the 10K. That's 10K. That's 10K. He was getting his feet up. I'd be surprised if Gladwell put in 200 hours.

Yeah. Just a mere, let's even say a mere 3,500 hours of fucking kids. That's like, not even halfway. No, it's not even your pro level. That's high level amateur. That's not pro. That's pickups. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Hey, you guys want to get together? That's the level that he's at. He's on the flow team. He's getting, you know, he's getting his trips paid for and everything. But he's not on the team. Yeah. Exactly.

He's in the G league, dude. Exactly. That's like playing, that's like playing hockey at like Georgia Tech. Now, sure. Look, he played the sport. Yeah. And we don't like, we're not fans of the sport. Hate that sport.

The sport should honestly be eliminated from our modern side. They need to take it out of the Olympics. It's not a good sport. He was no, Jordan. No, no, no, no. Now, no, no. He's not, yeah. No, he was on like the sea dogs.

He was on the Portland sea dogs of doing this. Yeah. Because he was up in Maine. Oh, the sea dogs, a baseball team? Yeah, they're the Red Sox minor league team. You have a shirt or some shit. Yeah, it's the only minor league baseball team I really know. They never have a great name.

think that's why they stay minor league yeah but i it's it's really fun like okay as someone who doesn't know very much about sports and doesn't really follow it the most fun thing about it to me is team names yeah okay uh and so the delight of getting to learn a new team name that i've never heard before is basically incredible yeah have you heard about this new i because i just like hearing the names of teams but i already know like i've heard all of the baker'sfield california's a fucking hockey team what's it called the baker's field condors that's That's cool. That's a great hockey team name. I've been to a game, man. Yeah. But it's a desert. There's never been snow there.

Do you, do you know, there are lots of hot places of good hockey teams now? Really? Like who? The Florida Panthers are, they dominate. Really? Oh, yeah. Didn't they win last year? I don't remember. I think so. And what's, um, what's his name? I mean, Hurricanes. Uh, Brad Marcian from the Bruins is on them now. Oh, Trader. I guess if you live in New England long enough, you're allowed to just yeah, go down to Florida. Like Tom Brady

moving to like Tampa so he can get... And he was nice too, I'm told. He moved down there so he could get closer to like Dr. Miami. He did have... Tom Brady got a BBL.

He had stuff done to his face for sure. A lot. A lot done to his face. That's so strange if you're that guy. His wife was a model. Giselle Bunchin, you know, one of my dad's favorite facts is that Giselle Bunchin

made more money during her career than Tom Brady did during his. Yeah. So if you'd like to call him and talk to him about something, that's a really good... Does he think that's indicative of anything about the larger culture? You know, it's anti-men. That's what he would say. You know, it's anti-men.

That's kind of how he talks. All she does is fucking walk. You know, yeah, a woman gets paid to walk. That's okay. Yeah, but Tom Brady, he's pretty good. He's pretty good. If you guys knew my dad, you'd be freaking out of my impression. Yeah.

You're going to meet my dad. When? Oh, yeah, that's right. He's coming in a couple weeks, dude. Yeah. What the fuck do you do with... a 95-year-old man in New York City. I mean, I used to have advice.

Yeah, maybe the hospital. Yeah. My dad had the heart attack now. He doesn't drink that much. So I would have said... I mean, museums, if you can find it... If you can find a really niche museum, that's about something cool... You know, I thought about taking my dad to the spy museum.

Yeah, something like that. Something that's like not just a generic museum. Yeah. My dad visited me in Boston. He loved it because he lived in, like, a... Oh, museum of ice cream. Like a shopping mall, basically, in North Carolina. He was like, it's like a big version of this.

Like, that's bad. Taken with the Museum of Ice Cream. Yeah, let me wait in a five-hour line to have sex with my fucking friend. No, your dad. Oh, yeah. Sex with your dad. My dad's my friend. You're Doug right, yeah.

You know what? I like that relationship. This is a city that is built for, my dad, my dad's 60, I think. It's a city that is built for very, very old people or very, very young people. there's nothing there's nothing to do in new york for 60 year old trash well there's just nothing to do period i think it's there's nothing when anybody visits the only thing you can go to a restaurant and what i'm gonna look at the city go to a restaurant look at the empire state

building dude my dad will not want to go to a restaurant there's going to be some serious sticker shock yeah going to a restaurant here he's going to be really really really sad i want to take him to the museum of sex i'm not going to take my dad to the museum of sex Why not? Because it'd be strange. Drop him off. Yeah, what's strange about that?

Let your dad go in there. Drop him off and let him go and you go do something you like and then... Learn a thing or two, pops. Three and a half, four hours, you come back and pick him up. Your dad comes out. He's like, Caleb, I learned about this thing called massagin noir. Is that at the Museum of Sex? I think so.

I thought it was like you'd walk through a giant vagina. It's like a very like feminist like thing. Takes two to tango though, ladies. Come on now. Come on. Come on. I assumed it would just. It was like just one of those Instagram museums

and you get your picture taking with naked. Yeah. You'd get your picture to take it naked? No, with naked people. Oh, no. You take a photo in a photo booth. It's like an avian expo? Yeah, yeah.

You go into the photo booth and there's a randomizer and one in every four of your photos is like just a close-up of a vagina. I kind of thought that was what it was, but I don't really know anything about it at all. Should I get a male stripper for my birthday? For your dad's birthday? For my birthday.

For your birthday. My birthday's first. I thought your dad was coming into town for your birthday. But no, your birthday is April. He's coming into town for the week before Thanksgiving. Yeah. This is the event. Oh, do a Thanksgiving journey.

Oh, you could have a turkey stripper. Go look at American history. It's because of Thanksgiving. That's not a bad idea. I'd probably like that bull crap. Yeah. He loved the Freedom Trail in Boston. Take him to Federal Hall and stuff.

They got the oldest tavern. I'm going to take my dad to the New York Public Library and he's going to say Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. Yeah, that's what I would say too, to be honest. Yeah, yeah. How can you not? I mean, you could take them on a Ghostbusters tour. That's the kind of shit I need. That's a great recommendation.

I'm sure there is one. Yeah, just look it up. I was at a, I went to a pizza place one time. It was me and Mike D and like two other people. And we were like looking in the back and there was literally like the whole back room was reserved for this group of like people dressed up like

the Ghostbusters is back in like oh they were doing a crawl no no no no this is like June this is on Go Skateboarding Day also doesn't matter but

I see all of them leave like a pirate level holiday yeah I know but they're all leaving out the back and I find you guys actually go all skateboard together there's like a contest

you do that there's a contest I just don't like the name yeah it's a terrible name yeah very terrible name go play video games day. That's a great name actually. Okay, that's today. Yeah.

What is today? The 4th? November 4th. Go play video games. It's no longer election day. No, stay home. But anyway, it's middle of June. All these people are dressed up like Ghostbusters. I finally stopped one of them while they're leaving. And I was like, what's like, is today like the day Ghostbusters

came out? And he's like, no, I'm actually here because we're part of the New York City Ghostbusters. And he gave me like all this info for like his website and stuff there's like a New York City Ghostbusters where all these people they like dress up they have the car and they go to like you know they fight ghosts

I mean there's like literally like dozens of members do they have it they have the packs they had a pack on their back one of them had a slime or they don't do anything they go to like children's charity events oh that fuck that dude they don't fight ghosts they do fight ghosts they don't front of the kids they probably have a fake ghost that walks into the room

No, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, you're out on this, the real Ghostbusters, Zach Begans. Yeah. And the, well, not him, actually. We don't have, what's wrong with him? Come on, dude. Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have brought him up. Come on.

But, uh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, BuzzFeed and salt. Let's go with that. Those guys. Do they do ghosts or do they just do kills? Uh, they do ghosts. Yeah. They mainly do ghosts.

Do you hear about that? I thought they did kills, man. Did you hear about that one? Can you're, you're, you're, I don't know, you're, I don't know, I don't know you're thinking of, but BuzzFeed Unsolved is specifically ghosts. Oh, I thought that was a true. I've never seen it.

I thought it was a true crime thing. It's a ghost hunting TV show. BuzzFeed's still around? Is Mr. Chelsea Peretti's brother still doing that? This is from old. You don't know that Chelsea Paredes brother started BuzzFeed?

Really? Her brother is Zafronk? I don't know who the fuck is a fronk. What did you say? Zafronk is a guy who invented BuzzFeed. No. Yeah, that was his name. No, Chelsea Paredi's brother invented BuzzFeed.

He was a YouTuber back in the day. Watch me fact check this. But did you hear about the ghost hunters guy, one of Zach Began's friends, his wife tried to put a hit out on him? Damn. Well, they're trying to make a ghost. They were running out of a... Dude, Jonah Peretti.

Jonah Peretti. Who the fuck is Z-F-R-Bronk, bro? And John Seer of F-R... I think it's Z-E-F-Rank. But this is one of the big guys at BuzzFeed. But what do you mean by one of the big guys? Dude, why doesn't he have a name? That's his YouTube.

That's his YouTube name. He co-founded... That's his YouTube. Huff Post. Wow. If only that was me, God. And Chelsea Brady's your sister? Dude, I would be laughing my ass off at every family meal.

We'd be laughing every goddamn day. Yeah, and honestly, I'd get, I'd get sick of her. I would, honestly, the funny, the, like, irony is I probably would find her not that funny because I was related to her. And not attractive for the same reason. You know, like, when your family tries to make jokes and you're like, okay. I hate it to my stupid family makes jokes. Yeah, leave it to me.

I'm the funny one. Imagine if I kill myself right now. My mom just texted me. What did she say? Mom Donny F-TW? Question mark? Damn, is it happening for real? Guys, we don't know.

Well, actually, she texted me two hours ago, but that's sort of the delay of a mom. I wish we could have the laptop linked up to the TV so we're not getting results for another hour or a half. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, because it's 7 o'clock. The next time there's a presidential election. Uh-huh. Can we get one of those big smart boards like they have on MSNBC and have you do live election coverage? Great.

What's his name? Steve Kornacki. You could be Steve Kornacki. Can we do that? I'll do that. And you're tapping and zooming in on all the shit. That would be really great. I wish we had that,

but there's no possible future that's going to happen. What? Okay, I just hurt my feelings for no reason. Whatever. Okay, Thanos. Yeah. No, no, no. Because tonight,

tonight, tonight's ruin my life. Tonight Sleewa loses and there's going to be a timeline shift where literally everything in New York is going to be up and, according to, you know, the older people in my life, New York City is going to, to be come under sharia law and there's a law doesn't sound so bad to you who's it bad for me why

because of my investments my investments and all this other you can't collect money under sharia law you can't give out loans yes exactly I'm screwed I'm screwed once he comes into office you might be screwed yeah I'm dumbed down with the shrieal and all the buildings are going to burn who cares he's going to get rid of the asbestos that's another business I'm tapped into. Isbestos? Mm-hmm. Bringing it back.

Isbestos? Isbestos is very bad for you. Very bad. Very bad. It gives you cancer bad. Yeah, I think it took my great grandpa. I think it took him. Quite many people of this.

I believe it was probably something else in his life. Was he, like, prone to scaring? Like, do you mean shock? Yeah. I'm from his lineage. Okay, so maybe he had a heart attack from getting scared. Because I don't think the asbestos... He didn't have a heart attack.

He had mesothelioma. Mesothelioma. No, I think he had a heart attack. And you thought he had a heart attack from his best. No. He had mesothelian. You remember the commercials? If you were a loved one,

law offices of James Sokolov. They disproved that. James Sokolov? That asbestos is even linked to mesothelioma. Cap. They disproved it. Can I say something right now that you might take the wrong way?

What? You're spouting rot. Yeah, you are. You're spouting balderdash. No, no, no, no, no. You're speaking senselessly and you're not even taking care to think of your own statements. I'm spouting rot backwards tore, torrent of truth. A torrent of truth.

See, this is exactly what I mean. Okay. All right, you fucking two bit huckster. I'm not shut up. You bar them over here talking like that. I've got maybe. I don't like that turn of phrase, man. I got four or five bits.

Okay. No. Not two bit. You were a two bit huckster. No. No. No. Not a huckster.

You were a bad guy. Maybe a huckster bull. You're a snake oil salesman. Smart as Dr. Cliff Huxdibald. He was a famous grifist. He raped over 100 women. Maybe that was a bad doctor to pick. Yeah.

Okay. Then you know what? Dr. Kvorkyan, nothing wrong with Dr. Kovorkyan. Nothing wrong with Dr. Kovirian. No, Dr. Gordian was a good guy and had cool paintings. He was a beast. Yeah. That's a very name.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bad nickname. Yeah. But actually, I think Dr. Cvorkin is worse than Dr. Yeah.

It's scarier. That sounds like it means death in a Balkan language. I grew up with a lot of Armenian people, so it's not so scary a name. Oh, it's Armenian. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my bad. I said Balkan. Are they in the Balkans?

I have no clue. I don't know where the Balkans is, to be quite honest. I know the Baltic states. Hey, you're balking up the wrong tree. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no. Is the Balkans the ones that is next to Greece? I think so, yeah. I think Balkans is like Croatia. It's everything between, like, Turkey and Greece? I think so, yeah.

Okay. Macedonia's Baldwin? I am so bad at geography. Me too. Where are we? We are in Massachusetts. Oh, you fucking idiot. Sometimes it feels like that when I'm with you guys.

Do you really think we exude that? Yeah. Do you guys get confused for being Midwestern or is it just me? I'm fucking from the South and I have an exit. Yeah, that's true. Do you? No, never. People either think I'm really autistic or very Midwestern.

you have i don't think anyone has ever said where they think i'm from yeah really once you got the boy from nowhere type of well i just don't think anyone cares a boy from i grew up in a white world completely you know true well someone say yeah new yeah it's true actually yeah yeah i grew up in a white world as white as the eye could see then one day i popped up out of it as white as the eye could see as white as the eye can see what do you think it is about you that's white room think is from Oh, Chicago. What's that?

What do you think it is? I know. My weight and my look. Oh, come on. Yeah. You're going to say wait and look. Yeah. Look I'll give you.

Yeah. I think you're way too fat. I think mustache, this type of mustache. I think you seem like you could be corn fit and I think you're polite and friendly. Wow, you really snuck in the seam like you could be corn fed thing. We already said weight. I already said that. Yeah, that's not really sneaking it in.

Yeah, I guess you're right. That's just corn fed to me. I was corn fed, though. I ate a lot of corn. You still eat a lot of corn. I still eat a lot of corn. Probably. What, dude?

What's that? Sounds like a leak. No, that crack happens sometimes. Yeah, take it from the office expert. Yeah. Doesn't it sound like a leak? No, that's somebody walking, dude. That's the chopstick walka.

Yeah, it's just somebody wilds. He's a guy out stilts up there walking around. Dude, if that did leak, though, that would be next to my piece. and that would be really bad. I would have to start a give send go. I actually think that would change your life. Yeah. If your computer.

Well, I can't start a give send go until I do something racial. What the hell is give send go? That's the racist go fund me. That's like the anytime that somebody... You would know. No exact website. Well, I did, I started a campaign on there

that just says, I am racist, give me money. And I made $40, but I never took it out. Okay. But, yeah, anytime like that late. You remember that lady? There was that video that lady and she calls

like a little kid the N-word. Oh yeah. I never watched it. She made like a quarter of a million dollars off of there. I don't think

that's enough to get your whole life through. Yeah. Because who, I think you're unhirable. And if you want to take a quarter milly, go ahead.

Because I don't think you're making it to 60. I don't think you're making it that. That happens sometimes. I really hate it. We're usually so head phoned in

that we don't hear you probably don't notice the noises of the office. yeah headphones on Addison Ray if that was happening in my apartment I'd be running around for the next hour looking for it

yeah well it's just simply right above me yeah no that's a different one what if that one what of that bubble burst on this episode and it's a legendary episode for the rest of our lives

that'd be awesome yeah I want to have visual proof that the office like that this bubble was not taken care of and our landlord just kept saying it's fine don't worry about it

bubble who cares yeah that's what I would Does he talk like Don Knott's in your head, or is it just me? I don't know how Don Knott's talks like this. Oh, that's Jimmy Stewart, but... He's a guy that played the mayor in Chicken Little. Don Nots, I think, yeah. That's Don Nott's, from... I told you guys what he said when I told him about the bubble, right?

What he said? He said that they're upstairs. They were just taking baths. They were too sloppy. He said... Are taking baths that are too sloppy upstairs. And knock on their door and tell them to... Take less sloppy bats.

To not splash around in the baths. Stop taking. That's literally what he told me to do. So he admitted that it's a water issue. Oh, interesting. And he said it's a sloppy bath. And he told me to go to go tell the tenants that live here. These people are in here having sloppy top time.

I tell you what? To behave in the bathroom. The thing is, I would rather the ceiling cave in than I have to tell your own man. No, I did not go do that. Yeah, that's just, hey, I'm sorry. I'm your downstairs neighbor. Can you stop having sloppy tub time? It's not a bathtub issue.

It's not sloppy. Well, you know what? Can you please stop having sloppy tub time? I'm sorry. It might be a 38-year-old man. It's like, oh. It might be that it is not sealed correctly. Yeah.

Which, again, wouldn't be, I doubt that it's happening because they're splashing around. I think it would, no, if it's not sealed correctly, that could be a byproduct of sloppy tub. have to assume that the bubble was created at one point and then has never wateredness. Yeah. Yeah, that's how we have to get. You think that's evaporated water? I think the water is

probably gone. I think it's gone. Should I be going to turn this camera and show how big the bubble is? No, we'll keep that a secret. Okay. Our secret bubble? We'll keep that to be our little secret. Okay. Yeah, because that would be parisocial as fuck. Y'all don't get to know about our bubble.

Y'all don't get to know at all about our bubble. Remember when you were always, accusing me of being parasocial with you. Yeah, because you still are. I'm not. You have, you've been... I want you to know.

You're on good terms with me right now, but... I want you know. Let's keep a chill. I am... I have zero interest in having a relationship with you outside of this show. Okay. I don't want to be your friend. I know.

You're just some fucking thing to me. Yeah. It took us a long time to get here. I've always felt like that about you. No, you've not always felt like this. I think I drew that boundary pretty early on. You did not draw that boundary at all. I did.

There was never that boundary drawn because you would always on the show ask me about things about the goings-on in my life. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you did. And I want you to know when I ask you if you want to be my boyfriend

or if you're interested in becoming boyfriend and girlfriend with me, it's all just a joke. I have no interest in actually. It's all for them. No, no, because you're acting like that that is a, that is like just for the show.

But what you're actually doing is opening up a parasocial, you're actually creating a hole in the parisocial wall that you've created. I'm not. Things like this. Yes, because then you get them invested. Oh my God, when are they

going to be boyfriends? Can they be boyfriends for 30 minutes, one episode? I did say we could do it for two weeks one time. And you said, yeah, and they said, and they, online, they're sitting there and they're drawing art of us. Nobody's been. It sounds like you are being parisocial trying to get in

with all these people. I'm not. I'm trying to text them. You're even trying to reach to the camera. message them. I say, shut the fuck up. I say, shut up. You shouldn't message. They say, look, in the comments, all my comments get deleted by somebody who's working on the show. Every week. Every week, every single comment, I just reply and I say, shut the fuck up. Shut up right now. It's not happening.

But nobody's asking us to be... I think he looks like a worm. He's the one that called you fat. say that he looks like something. Worm? Maybe the worm, Jim Norton, but not Jim Norton. Yeah, you look like Jim.

Of course I'd do a ball. You think it's meaner to look like Jim Norton than a worm? Yeah, I think it's meaner to tell somebody that they look like Jim Norton. Yeah. Oh, you know who you look like, man? Jim Norton.

Yeah, that would hurt my feelings. A worm at least has like a whimsical cartoonie Busy Town. Worm. That's true. You could take it. When I had hair, man, the shit that people would. You look like Chip Chipperson, man.

That's crazy. When I had hair, the people, the celebrities that people said it looked like was amazing. Who? Some lady said one time it looked like the guy from Muse who's like this. Okay. People say you look like Celine Dion. Yeah. Frankie Grande.

I don't know who either of that is. You look like Frankie Grande. Frankie Grande. Ariana Grande's brother? Yeah. Hey, can I look him up? Look up a picture of Frankie Grande, dude. You look just like Frankie Grande.

Frankie Grande. Yeah. I don't look like fucking... I mean, I wouldn't be mad if I look like this guy. He's got a great look. Yeah. He doesn't have a good look. His whole thing was like, I'm Ariana's gay brother.

This could be you and this could be me. See, he's doing it again. That's also, that's an AI generated image of Zane Malik and Frankie Grande kissing. No, it says. You know who you would look like if you had hair? What? Dave Navarro.

And Camasta. I don't think so. You got to do that for Halloween next year. Dave Navarro? You got to be Dave Navarro for Halloween next year. That'd be amazing. I think it's so awesome. That's not racially sensitive.

What's wrong with that? Dave Navarro? Isn't he Navarro? So? So I can't be a Navarro. You were Popeye for Halloween. He's fucking something. Popeye?

Yeah. Popeye is white is Lily White. No, Popeye is some kind of, he's a parody of some race. You're so, you're so deeply racist that you can find a way to make Popeye racial. Popeye is completely racist, dude. Popeye is a caricature of, I don't know what the name Popeye derives from, but Popeye is a caricature of some country. You can find the drop of foreign blood in Popeye.

He's a cartoon, by the way. And you can tell. No, no, no, no. He's one three seconds of my new... No, no, no, I think I can tell you what this Papa boy is. He's a 30-second basque. Ah, there's Papa, there's Papa is from... It's a cartoon you're sniffing the TV and you can tell.

Scratching my TV to sniff it. Now, see, I can tell exactly what Popeye is. There's no way that a white man would have big fawls like this. I believe you could. Yeah, I could probably do it. Well, these new flat plasma screen TVs, I can scratch them all I want. old CRTs couldn't even scratch it. They're too ball. They were too bevel. You shouldn't scratch a plasma

screen. Yeah, I think you could probably scratch a CRT more than you could scratch a plasma. Also, plasma is, we don't have a plasma TV. This is, dude, this is 100% plasma screen. A plasma they don't make, they don't make plasma. I mean, they, I don't think they make any plasma TV. It's how old this TV is. I don't even know what it means.

Dude, plasma was basically the thing before you got normal new TVs that are dirt cheap. Yeah. Remember when flat screen TVs? I just didn't know what They were super expensive because they were damn plasma TVs. And a lot of people still love plasma TVs and are like, that's the best, like, black. But what does it mean mechanically? There's some juice in it.

It's like a lava lamp. Yeah. That's not like rear projector TVs because those were the fucking worst. Those are crazy. Those are the absolute worst TVs in the world, the rear projectors. I think about the TV we had in our attic growing up and it was like, the screen was probably, like, it was like a little bit smaller than this. You know, I would say probably a much smaller in this, but it was, I just think about how fucking gigantic that they would just take up the whole room. Dude, I had like a 30, probably a 35 inch CRT in the house.

I was like, that is a massive TV. Yeah, I know. I was like, that is our big TV. Yeah. And it was, it's smaller than most TVs you can buy. My dad had in his room a TV that was this big that was like mounted in the very far corner right on the ceiling. Yeah. Hospital TV.

Yeah, yeah, he had one of those. We had, and then we got our first flat screen, and it was probably like, literally like a 24-inch. Like it was a computer monitor, basically. Yeah, my dad's TV, the cable box underneath it was like twice the size of the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids these days growing up, they won't understand. Dude, we had a fucking, do you remember also? People put TVs on the street for free.

Do you remember, that is crazy to see it. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. The flat screen TV on the street for free. Remember, and you would be watching TV. You'd be watching something on the big ass, clunky S. CRT TV. And then all the colors would suddenly change to like red and blue. You'd have to walk over and go, bam.

And just hit it as hard as you could teach it a lesson. Because it was going, my dad would get up and fucking hit it. And I would get scared. And it was so loud. And then I remember I did it one time and it hurt my hands so bad. We had a whole body hurt. We had a fucking, we had a rear projector TV that was like, probably the size of this it was like a huge like thing but then the uh the projector thing

whatever like you know what i'm talking like the fucking tvs with the big back the big back and then it's like the fucking picture comes from there and it kind of like yeah they have a picture yeah so that started to go and then my mom was like well i don't want to spend a bunch of money on a new tv so she bought this fucking like tv at goodwill that was like a zenith um cool name yeah zenith but it's like it had like it was like a uh But in the 70s, this is probably like state of the art TV. Uh-huh. But like big like fucking wood panel TV.

Yeah. It was as big as the rear projector TV. But it was a CRT that was probably 24 inches or something like that. Maybe like a 30 inch TV. And then she put it, she put the whole thing on top of like an entertainment console. So it was like it was a TV that was meant to sit on the ground. because of like the wood and shit. Yeah, yeah.

But then she put it on top of something and it was just like this big, like, the high TV. Dude, it looked like fucking big Ben. Yeah. And I would try to play, I would try to play Fallout 3 on it, but then all the colors were like so off. Yeah, because it was just so old. The fallout? Yeah. It just looked so, like she also painted it one day.

Look at us. We're sitting here on a couch. All we can think about is TV. I know. I want to watch it so bad right now. The whole time you turned into a TV to me like a big steak. I was watching Malcolm in the middle before I fucking, all right, just get up and leave the show. Oh, get me one.

Dude, I'll fucking poe up too. Fuck it, dude. We're on our nice couch. Oh, wait, we can get you walking over. We should just put on the, we should have done this interview style and just had us wearing, like, lab mics. So we could just get up and walk around whenever we wanted. Well, I would have, dude, I would have got up and I would have walked over to my computer and started playing. yeah that's a good reason why we shouldn't do that also for the people at home you can now see where i stream

from a different angle isn't that weird look at that that's right there this is where lunch underscore enjoyer one streams dude you know what i've always wanted to do while doing a podcast what chris cross you know every every podcast where the set is a couch No one ever does this. No, people do it. Really? People do it. People do it hardcore crazy style.

Really? Yeah, people do it. I've never seen one with someone does that. Why do they do that? This is kind of a couch from Flagrant, the Flagrant podcast with Andrew Schultz. It does look like the flagrant couch. Dude, what if it is? With a kosh and the other.

What if it is? The black guy and the white guy? What if this was the couch on Flagrin before your friend got it? I would be. And then it came to us. This would be a sniff fest. There would be a full-day sniff fest. Dude, it would be fragrant in here because I'd be extracting the smells.

Can we just sniff this couch? No, you can't go there. It kind of smells like crayons. Can we sniff? It can't go where? Go where. Can't go where? Oh, you want to smell my friend Clancy's butt? Yeah. Or I just want to see if there's... You know what? The last person to sit on here, that's my leg. The last person to sit on here.

It doesn't smell like Clancy's butt. The last person to sit on here was Neil and Joe. I smelled Neil. I'm going to be honest. Yeah, I know that smell. I smelled Mr. Neal. yeah well joe i wasn't picking up any joe no because joe was on this side ah yeah i knew that shit actually you know what i'm getting it reversed that was joe that was nil i'm pretty sure traveler that knows everything yeah i'm a time traveler that knows everything

dude i'm a fucking liar i'm not talking to him who said he smelled neal on that seat can i oh well i admitted to being a liar oh no my i had a conversation right before i left the house tonight. Congratulations. Thank you. It was kind of the first one all day. Because my wife's sick. I had a conversation with my wife where I said something about something gambling. Oh, because I was talking about Rex, because Rex put $100 on Cuomo. Yeah, because the odds were really good. Yeah. And I made me so mad this morning when I saw that for some reason. And then, but he did the same with Trump in 2024 and he made money on it. Yeah. And I said, that's why I made you mad. no no I said something

to oh I was like yeah you put money on Trump in 2024 and she was like well that was I felt like that was obvious I was like if that was obvious you should have put money on it she said no I don't believe in gambling and I said what if you could time travel wouldn't you go back and bet on the world series and then make a bunch of money on that and she said I'd have better things to do if I had time travel

and I was like like fucking what gambling immediately exactly I was like She was like, I've never thought about that before my life. If I could be real. I mean, I don't think there's much that I know that is useful to bet on. I don't know who. Well, you have to know like a Red Sox or Patriots World's or a championship. But I would, I don't know, man.

Yeah. I don't think I could. I mean, I can remember vaguely some of them, but I don't think I could, I don't think I'd be able to. I mean, I wouldn't be able to make a killing. I could do some, I could do NBA championship. Presidents, I probably could do. Presidents would be easy. But for anything that wasn't sports,

I feel like it would be a lot harder to find like a bookie or something, right? They don't have all the apps and shit. You know what I wouldn't be able to do is make any sort of parlay where I made like a trillion dollars. Yeah. So that would be tough to remember.

I guess you got to learn. I guess the uncut gems bet. Just in case you accidentally find a time travel crystal or anything like that, you should memorize a parlay for every single year. Yeah. Yeah, because you need seed money to make like a, because if you bet on the Patriots to win the fucking Super Bowl, it's like a, yeah, you're not making, you're making, you're doubling your money. That's why, that's why you only go back, you do like, I bet, like, you know, like, oh, the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl and like, oh, four, and also the Gatorade color.

And my mom's going to make rice for dinner. Yeah. Well, no, that's, that's, here's how you make money is you go back and it's like, they're like, you're like, who's going to win the Super Bowl this year. and you put money down and say, well, I think this team is going to win the Super Bowl. I also think that a plane is going to fly into the Twin Towers and explode and then we're going to create. There we go.

Is that something you can, can you bet on stuff like that on. Something making something up that hasn't happened. Back then, now you could. But do you think if you went back to 2000, if you went back to August 2001, would you be able to get a bookie that would give you odds? No, the thing that you would have to do is you go back.

You get the odds and it's one to one. You go back to 1990. You go back to 1998, right? And then during the dot-com boom, you create call-shey.com. Okay. You create, this is an online gambling website. Why are you doing it during the dot-com boom? Why do you need to do that?

Yeah. Or I guess before that, before the dot-com boom. Before the internet. So it's established. So it's like 1997, somewhere around there. You create call-shey.com. People start using call-shee. Then in the year 2000, you put a thing that says,

oh, I bet that this year that the Twin Towers are going to get hit by a plane, both of them. On 9-11. So you create your... But then at that point, you get the house edge on that, which is like a 1% fee. Why not just bet on...

Oh, you have your friend bet. Also, if you're creating a website... Who's betting against that? If you're creating a website before the dot-com boom, I feel like there's better things to do. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think people... I don't think before the dot-com boom, people are going to

You're ready to bet on the internet. I would do Amazon or eBay or Facebook. Before I was just trying to, you know, as a get rich quick thing, this is not very quick. It's not very quick. It would take many years. Take three years. It would take three years. Well, you create the website.

Also, you'd have to create, I mean, in all the betting scenarios, all you have to do is no. Yeah. But in this, you have to be able to create that website. You also have to, enough. Nobody was going to bet against, nobody's going to be like, no, that's not going to happen. Because it's such an odd little specific thing. If somebody, if I think you'd be arrested, you might stop 9-11 if you put that on a Kalshi thing. Well, then there we go.

There we go. I'm actually a hero for inventing kalshi.com. So you think 9-11 should have been stopped. I think it should have been stopped. Wow. Okay. Yeah. If that's what you think, no, no, no.

I think 9-11 should have been stopped. That's fine. No, okay. Why? That's fine. No. You wanted it to happen? Dude, no, I don't know.

I don't get political in public. Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it on an election day. But if a bet like that came across, if I had a gambling app and I saw something come up that was like tomorrow a building in Washington, D.C. will explode.

I would be like, fuck no. You would say no? I'll put $500 down that that shit is not going to happen tomorrow. The problem is that something that somebody could see and be like, I'm going to put $100 on this and then I'm going to explode that building. Okay, so it's a win-win scenario.

It could be an inside job type scenario. You think that's what they did? A nuclear decapitation attack will occur on Washington, D.C. I don't think it was a bet. I think it was a double dog dare. Yeah. Yeah, I guess what I know about 9-11, it was probably a double dog dare.

Probably a triple dog dare, actually. Well, yeah. Nobody's gone that far yet. No, they did. You said triple dog dare as a kid? I only went double, dude. I was true to the OG. Double dog dare.

Quintillion dog dare. You have a dare, a dog dare, and a double dog dare. And that's where the truck fell. I never had a Christmas story. I never had a dog dare. We definitely had triple dog dare, but I never had a plane dog dare. Well, the dog dare, I just kind of. Dare into double dog dare.

But I just believed that the dog dare was possible. And I never. Did you ever say to someone, I dog dare you? Yeah. And then. That's weird. That's weird. If they would do it.

I dog dare. Because you don't want to waste the double dog there. You want your words to have power. No, a triple dog dare is right there. I never even thought to go triple dog. Did you ever... A double dog dare almost always got someone to do something. So I never needed to pull out.

That's a WMD in terms of daring. A triple dog dare. It's just a dog dare. We had this game that we would play where it was like we would like walk down like a path or whatever. Like me and my friend Casey would like... We were leaving... We went to like the fucking corner store or something

and then like we're walking back and it was like... Like, oh, yeah, if you, we had, like, a thing of pebbles with us. And it was like, if you miss that sign, you have to do whatever, like, whatever dare I tell you. Oh, I miss. I miss crap like this. Yeah. Dude, you know what would be a perfect place to play a game like that? The couch.

Camping, mindfulness retreat. Oh, yeah. Mindfulness retreat. We're doing fives. Anyway. Anyway. Where you do d'clock. Did you guys do fives?

I don't remember fives. And you say fives and you have five minutes. Oh, I remember fives. And also, did you ever fart and say safety? Do you remember safety? I remember safety and doorknob. Safety indoor or not, but what's fives? I don't know, fives.

Fives is like if you get up from a chair, yeah. Nobody can take your spot. So we would do fives. Oh, okay. We would do fives, but then my aunt would say pecking order, and then she would take the seat anyway. And then she did it.

You just believed that that was a thing? Well, she would insist that because she was the oldest there, that she could take any seat. Well, then she tried to do it to me. Adults were exempt from five. She would, she would, people would call fives, but then also she would be like pecking order. you have to get out of the seat

and then everyone just kind of took that. Oh, she'd make you get out? She would make us get out of the seat. That ain't right. Even if someone called fives. That ain't right. I remember my cousin trying to be like, well, I called fives on the seat and she said,

well, no, pecking order. And then one day I just kept making fun of her every time that she said it, that she was quiet. Okay, you should be saying that on video. You almost made your aunt cry. How are you making fun? Just,

I just, anytime she would say it, I go pecking order, pecking order, and I just mocked her until she was, like really upset about it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I would be interested in bringing

doorknob to this office. Yeah, sure. I think that this office can do you. Anybody can punch you until you touch a doorknob. Yeah. Unless you say safety. You say safety or touch a doorknob.

But it only happens after a fart. Is there something where you say the word doorknob too? You say doorknob and then you're allowed to punch. Okay. You have to say doorknob before they say safety. Yeah. Okay.

It's like punch buggy, no punchback. Yeah, yeah. But it's with a fart. Yes. No, I did I did play this, but I couldn't remember the, exact rules. It was so hard

to know the rules. They are established and they're in effect. Avoiding punches as a kid was so difficult. You had to know every little layer that people are having. No punchbacks.

No punchbacks, dude. Fuck that. No punchbacks is really funny because someone added that and made it up. And then all the other kids heard that and were like, that's fucking good.

Yeah. It is good. No tagbacks. No taxis. No backsies. Damn. Kids were smart. You guys hear the phrase Indian giver as a kid?

Yes. The hell was that about? Dude, there's an amazing Louis C.K. bit for you to dive into and go ahead and do it close reading of. Really? Yeah, dude. I'm jacking off. Yeah. It's probably part of it.

Yeah. My fucking daughter. Dude. He roses his daughter to fucking hell. Yeah. He couldn't help but swear at the same time. My fucking daughter is a piece of shit. And he would say the C word as well.

Yeah, and he was proud of it. He's proud of cussing. He's deeply proud of him. You know, I knew from the second that I heard him speak. It was like, this guy cusses, something's not up with this guy. Yeah, something bad or something is up. I do remember, like, my vibe from the first time of seeing Louis C.K. It's like watching a Louis C.K. video or something before I knew who he was.

Shoot up, man. Just being like, what the fuck is this? And he said nothing. What? And you didn't think to reach out to the New York Times. You didn't think to reach out to anyone, the Times. Guys, something's happening with this guy. No, no, no.

That's not what I'm saying at all. No, I'm saying a true, true thing that I'm not lying. I remember, like, probably just seeing, seeing him, like, linked to on Reddit or something. Yeah. And it's just not something that his viewpoint is not something that connected with me. Yeah. As a tween. Yeah, that's fair.

I don't think he's, I don't think he's a tween friendly. So I just remember being like, what, what is. What is this? Yeah. What is this guy doing? Yeah. Well, he's talking about... He's fat and weird and weird and sharing a lot.

Saying cusses, including racial cusses. Yeah. Said every racial cuss in the book. Maybe not everyone. Yeah. He probably... Not your book, at least. Yeah.

You're definitely not your book. He left out all the ones that you have in your book. He left out all the ones about Mexicans. Your tome. Yeah. My tome. Your doorstop. Glowing.

Glowing blue tome. Yeah. Yeah. He definitely... I don't, uh, did he ever say slurs towards Mexican people? Dude, I don't know. This is your wheelhouse. This is your, this is your, this is your, he's Mexican.

Yeah. And what, what else? Dude, again, you're the sniffer. Yeah, you're sniffing him out. You're a bloodhound. Mexican isn't enough for you. No, he's another thing. There's something else here.

He's not, yes, he may be Mexican, but there's something else. I can tell there's something else. I can I call him. There's a body of this red-headed boy. apparently Mexican. The hell is going on there. Apparently. Now, this is where anybody else on the planet.

This one's got my senses all mixed up. The fact that he's Mexican would be an interesting enough poll. Yeah. But you have to go, you have to go deeper. No, he's also like Hungarian or some shit. That's what I mean, bro. Leave it alone.

It's an interesting mix. You don't see that. How, how interested are you in? What? Interesting mix. You don't see that. You don't see that one very often. Now, now, now, now, now, now,

He's going to go in my trophy room. He's Hungarian and Mexican. This one's going to definitely, once I catch him, he's going in my trophy room. You get him mounted. He'd fall off the wall. Come on now. He was pregnant.

Dude, he lost weight, chill. He only mount the heads. I can't believe he lost weight. Yeah. Kind of feels like a betrayal of everything he stands for. You only mount heads also. You don't mount bodies. He has a fat fucking head.

He does have a big head too. That Hungarian Mexican head. That's pretty big. I just hate that he wears glasses now. Yeah. He's wearing the pervert glasses, too. He's trying to look like a professor. Yeah, but he's wearing like the, you know, the Jeffrey Dahmer 1000s.

That's the type of, when somebody tries to look like a professor, I hate that more than anything, I think. I'm with you. I think that's the most rancid thing to try to look like. Yeah, don't look like a professor. Unless you're doing it by accident because you're an actual nerd professor. I had a professor who was an actual nerd, an English professor at UNCW who wore. He wore, like, a vest every day. Oh, and I remember...

That's not good. But, dude, I really liked him, but it was me. I had to really, really like him because he was working against me with that vest. I guess if you're a professor, the vest is fine. But if you're just out wearing a vest... Yeah, I think if you're an actual... I think if you're actually inept enough... Yeah.

To just put that on... To just rock a vest. Yeah. I think it's cool. Yeah. The vest is not a look, man. I really can't think of anything. other phrasing than if you are trying to look like

the vest. There's only two types of people that wear the vest in the world. That that rabbit from Alice in Wonderland? You could be trying to look like him. Take that vest off. What was that guy's fucking problem? He was late. Jinks. But to what? Dude, that's one of the absurdest

surrealisms behind the story of Alice's Wonderland. That shit makes me sick. Dude, there were a lot of people who thought that way and that's the reason that he had to write it under a pen name. What was his pen name? It's a pen name. His pen name was Lewis Carroll. And his real name was a kid named Lewis Carroll.

Really? Yeah. You probably didn't even realize. You said you went to ice cream with him? No, I went to high school with him. Oh, I thought he said. I went to ice cream with a guy named Lewis Carroll. You know what?

He probably went to the ice cream social as well as I did. He probably did go to it. Dude, ice cream social I missed that. Yep. Dude, if one of you guys does something amazing this year, you get an ice cream party. There's not much year left. I think we've done some good stuff. Yeah.

This is my one year. My year is the creative director of the show. How much chance do we have left? I'll throw you as an ice cream party. Okay. There's less than two months. But not both of you. One of you needs to wow me.

Again, you've got to remember I was creative director of the show this year. And we've seen our biggest boom. What do you mean? We've seen our biggest boom. I don't think we have. I think that's, I don't know. Creative director would look at the analytics.

Okay. Actually. It's not adding up. It's not adding up. It's not adding up. We don't know when our biggest boom was. Okay. Make your, what's your argument?

for ice cream party. Is someone opening the gate? It's already open, bro. Oh, tugging on it? Settle. No, it would be much louder if someone would be here. Oh, it's next door. Okay.

What did you say again? Make your case for getting an ice cream party thrown in your honor. Just like really fucking need it, man. You really need an ice cream party. He needs it. You know what? I abstain from even doing the ice cream party. But honestly, though, I don't even want it.

Why? Because it's too, only if it's non-dairy. Oh, I ratioed the president on Twitter. That might be ice cream party. And he, but I need special ice cream. But what about ice cream party for him and a lactose free option? No, no, no, no, no, no ice cream for me. I'm in the corner of a cage.

No ice cream for anybody. Yeah. Why? We're protesting that you're making us pick. Yeah. Or you're making us fight against each other. I'm not making yourself pick. Here we go.

I am picking. I'm throwing the. party. We have an ice cream party. He's in the cage. He's in the cage in the corner. We're having an ice cream party to celebrate your death. Yeah. And you're in a cage that we want to happen. Right in that corner, we're getting a dog cage and you're going to go in there. I don't want to be in a dog cage during the ice cream party. We're going to do an episode where you're in a dog cage. And we're going to feed you water. Water's fine. I have no problem. It's not when you see other people eating ice cream. Yep. We're going to feed you something.

What if I fill up before I get in the cage and I'm not even hungry for ice cream. We're going to fill up the cage with you. You're still in a cage. You're going to be in there for a long. time. How long is the ice cream party going to go? Four hours. Three or four days. Are you going to come and go? Yeah, four hours for three or four days. We're going to have shifts. It's going to be a lot of people, so we can keep it going.

I don't like this idea anymore. Do I have to throw this party now? Even though I'm going to buy the ice cream. You have to Venmo us to get the ice cream. We're going to put you on a really tall pedestal. So you're going to be up near the ceiling. You have to look down in the grave body. Like a medieval dungeon? The cage is hanging from the ceiling. So if you shift at all, it starts swinging. It's like a... And your water spills on it.

It's like when they have like a crazy club and a movie and they have the cage dancers. And we're going to have a big bucket of goldfish, the cracker. And people can throw a Mario movie when Bowser puts them in the... Yep. People can throw a goldfish cracker up to you. We're also going to have a bucket full of bars of gold. And we're giving them out to everybody. Bars of gold covered in barbecue sauce.

Why are they messy? Because it's our new, it's also we're starting, we're starting a barbecue sauce brand. We don't exactly do things the way you would expect for an ice cream party. We cover our gold bars and barbecue sauce. Because we're starting a barbecue sauce brand on the ceiling. The ice cream party's over. It's called PCB&U. The ice cream party is canceled.

I'm no longer throwing it. You know Casey's masterpiece? We're doing PC's masterpiece. I don't know what Casey's masterpiece. It's a barbecue sauce brand. Oh, okay. But we're doing PCs masterpiece. It's me and Cameron's masterpiece.

and the masterpiece is that the barbecue sauce is so expensive because it comes with one bar of gold in the bottle. It's a big bottle. Yeah. It's like gold schlager. Yeah, the small bar, obviously. Oh, it's a small bar. Yeah, it's a 10 ounces of gold.

It's a lot. It's a lot of gold. That's small to me. It's probably like 15. No, it's more. That's like... No, it's 10, not 15. Get your numbers right.

It's like $50,000 of gold. Okay. Well, yeah, that's why the barbecue sauce is so expensive. how expensive is the barbecue sauce what i don't know it's the price of the gold plus $20 yeah Julio keeps looking at the

New York city election results who's winning dude he's not curious I don't want to he's not curious he's actually actively trying to distract me he is yeah yeah he is okay and he looked up a picture of poop

real mature man real fucking mature and we can't hear you and I know that you're saying something he's putting memes in he's probably you know what this is probably probably the most memes per episode that he's gone. Because we don't have the cans on, dude. Yeah, because we don't know. We'll never know.

We'll never know how many memes there are. Wow. Until one day, one of you dies and I listen to every single episode. Yeah. Yeah, that would be such a painful thing to do. I know. Why would I do that? If one of us ever died.

Why am I doing that? If one of us died, I would delete every episode off the internet. If people tried to re-upload them, I would hit them with very litigious DMCA strikes. There's no trace. Don't, no trace of us left. No. Why would you do that? When we die, it's done forever.

But if only one of us dies, when you die, I'm re-up-if, if you die, when you die. I'm re-uploading every episode to my personal YouTube. And I'm turning ads on every 10 seconds. Yes, yes. And I'm naming all the, I'm naming all the videos. OMG, dead podcasters last episode. Yeah, that'd be smart. chilling.

And a AI. I'm going to make a super cut of you talking about being in danger. Like, it is any time he said, like, oh, I got hit by a car. Remember, you got hit by a car, any of that? And it says, chilling. Podcaster knows his fate. And the thumbnails in AI photo of R. Kelly crying. Did you not?

Yeah, I got hit by a car. Yeah, so precisely. Well, I also got hit by a bike. Okay, so great. More. Yeah, that's true. If you had died from a bike hit, dude, there's no. I got hit by the e-bike guy, joy riding.

Yeah, yeah. And then he found out I had no insurance and he got out of the ambulance and said, welcome to New York kid. Yeah, so really you hit him. No, I was making a left. He hit me in the back. Yeah, but you hurt him. I didn't get into an ambulance.

He was pretending to be hurt. No, he was saved Miracle Lachalously. No, no, no, no. Yes. No, he was pretending to be hurt. No, did it. Wait, he was on a bike? He was on an e-bike.

I was taking a left, and then he ran. You were also on a bike? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was on my bike. Okay. He was on an e-bike. He was going 40 miles an hour.

What kind of insurance did he think covers that hit? I don't know. That hit. They asked me if I have bike. The cops asked me if I had bike insurance and I said, I didn't even know that's a thing. What the fuck is bike insurance? Exactly. And then he got out of the car and said.

Seems like the cops are in on this. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck happened. Yeah. I told you about this before, right? Yeah. Yeah. You remember the thing that I always forget is that the car, the car that was like right. The car.

The car that was right behind us when this happened was a cop that just got off of work. Do you remember that? So he was doing an old Franklin from GTA. Oh, this shit again. He literally, he took out a cigarette, started directing traffic, and then I saw his badge, and I was like, oh, shit, okay, can you call someone? He went, I just got off of work. That is honestly, dude, that's what I would say. Yeah, dude, it was awesome.

There's no fucking way. If I'm a cop and anything happens, when I'm not getting paid, I don't care. Oh, yeah. I was like, can you get on your walkie-talkie? Did he have his walkie-talkie on him? I don't know. I was freaking out, man. And I thought I killed it.

I thought I paralyzed him. He pretended to be, he was like, he looked at me and he was like, I can't feel my legs. Damn. Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't know that detail. Yeah. Him pretending to be paralyzed is the reason that I got so mad when he got also.

And then he walked away like a boss. Yeah, he walked away. You should have fought this guy, bro. Yeah. I was too shaken up. That probably is what he wanted. I probably, I thought that I fucking paralyzed him. He was probably rage baiting you into a fight.

He's also on YouTube on his phone. yeah that I mean I'd do that too yeah and he told me to call princess remember that no detail of the story he was like open up my phone and call princess and then I couldn't like open it so I'd hold it up to his face

and then that didn't work and then I hit Syria and I went call princess that's awesome that was the time I got hit by the e-bike the time I got hit by the car was when it is the same time I was like making a right

and then a car was also making a right and didn't signal. And it fucking, I got hit and then I fell over on a city bike. I almost got hit by a car yesterday. I was walking the dog and the car was just taking a left, not looking. Yeah.

Into the intersection. And I realized something, which is that if I'm doing, if I'm walking through an intersection, I have a walk sign. Yeah. And a car is speeding towards me. I am,

I default. No, no, I don't even freeze. I just default like play chicken with the car and just keep walking at my exact same speed. Yeah. I fully I just assume they're going to stop. I fully freeze. I've been almost hit by a car a few times and every

time I've like completely deer in headlights frozen. My wife's yelled in the guy. We almost got hit by that fucking car that was speeding. We were leaving like Myrtle Pub and it was like a crosswalk. There was a car like we stepped out in the road and it was literally like it was like the first day you moved here. I don't remember that.

Dude, it was crazy. It was a cat bus from my neighbor told him. Yeah. It was like these dudes was like probably like two in the morning. I think that's probably happened to me quite a lot of times. I remember we both, we, like, stepped out in the street, that car sped past us, and we both looked at each other and we went, and then just didn't talk about it. Yeah, I've definitely, I've been, I've been almost hit by a car several times and I always freeze. Yeah.

And then I always, that is always my reaction. Just like, well, yeah. Okay. I'm alive. But also, I think I talk about this. But I was in Atlanta, I almost got hit by a car this year. Yeah. They got fast cars there, too.

Where someone like, the fuck is this? I was waiting at the crosswalk on the corner You don't like this. Sorry. And a car sped and passed another car on the right. And I forget exactly what it was like I think another car was It was basically it was veering off the road It was about to go onto the sidewalk and hit me And then it just veered back at the last second

I was going really fast and it was going directly towards me on the sidewalk. And everyone's staying around me, looked at me like, yeah. Yeah, when I was in the crosswalk yesterday, the guy walking just normal speed and I was with my wife. And she said, what the fuck you fucking moron? yelled at the guy. And I went, come on to the guy. And he was like, he had his window down and he was like looking at his phone. He looked up.

He went, oh, God damn it, man. And then kept driving. Yeah. He thought that he was like, I almost killed this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you did get hit, you had the light. You could have fought that in court and fucking...

I mean, I never had a vacation. I never yell at people because I don't want to get into a fight because I'll get my shit rocked every day. Yeah. And I can freely admit that. So my passive aggressive move is I will, I usually just stare at them. And then I will pretend that I'm looking at their license plane

and going all around and looking at everything. I'm just trying to really just stay in their line. I'm taking a mental picture. Yeah. And just, even though I'm not going to do anything, I don't know. What if they pull out an RPG bazook? That's kind of what I imagine is going to happen if I yell at them. They're fine with the looking, but once you say,

No, it is funny because obviously if someone's going to fight me, they're going to fight me regardless, no matter what level of engagement. I thought I had to get into a fight this weekend. With who? I was at my buddy's party that got out of hand. Like a bunch of people found the invite. And there was like too many people there. and he had to kick these kids out

because they were like taking like they had like cookies on the table and the kids were like... And you got in a fight with him for kicking the kids out. Come on. Hey, let him stay. Oh, what?

You're carding people now? Seriously? I mean, kids like, you know, probably like... Probably like 40. Probably like two years younger than me. Four or five. But they were like taking cookies

and like throwing them across the room. Okay, these were actual kids. They had cookies. No, they had cookies. It was a Halloween party. Food fight. Halloween party and they saw cookies on the counter and then they picked them up and started throwing them at kids

and then... What kind of party are you at, man? I'm not at a kids party. Really? Are you at a preschool? So both the perpetrators and the victims of this crime were both kids. They were not kids. So that means there's two different groups of kids here. I meant like people but like, you know, like, oh, like that fucking... You're being diminutive of these people. Yes.

Because I felt very old at this party, honestly. All right, because they were kids. Because they were all one years old, man. It was two in the morning. These are all one-year-olds. They were having a food fight. A food fight between kids broke out. Yeah.

And you almost got in a fight. I know the age of everyone there, but everyone there looked at least two years younger than me. Okay. And when they're two years younger than me, I'm walking around, I'm going, yeah, we used to have parties like this. I remember this. God, remember being at a party and there was one guy like that walking around? An older man? Yeah, my dad teacher that one time.

I ever tell you about that? Yeah, I remember you telling me about that. That's awesome. Yeah. Why'd you almost get in a fight, though? No, it wasn't almost... What it was is I started puffing up. I was like, he said, go, bye.

Did you look like that when you puffed up? Because if you did that... I started doing this. I was like, he said go. He said bye. I was like, bye, bye. You said bye, dude, don't get involved in stuff like this. I know, I was hammered.

Also, at one of those parties, bro, you could have... You should have gotten in a fight. Yeah. My buddy Nolan almost got his bike stolen. By one of the kids? No one started kicking everyone out because it was like way too out of hand and the guy tried to walk down the stairs.

With his bike? All right. That's funny. It was a guy. Like it was one of those parties where it like got way too out of hand. There's just like people outside like just like smoke like way too many people outside like smoking. And then like this guy just like came in off the street and then just like he came up to me and put like his arm around me and my buddy.

And he was like, dude, I fucking love you guys. Like classic like I'm way too hammered. to be here and I don't know anyone so I'm trying to make friends. Yeah. I put his arms around me and my buddy. He's like, because they don't want us to do this. They don't want us to be like together like this. And I was like, that's right, man. They don't want

us to be together. And the only way out is through. We've got to start killing people. He's like, oh. He didn't like that. No. Dude, you trolled one of these kids?

He wasn't a kid. He trolled this poor hammered seven-year-old. We trolled this little kid. This is a man with, this is a man. with facial tattoos. I didn't not feel bad about this. At least days kids have that. Yeah. Well, anyway, I don't feel bad because he tried to steal my friend's bike. He probably thought it was his bike, dude. You would freely admit

he was drunk out of his mind. And then he got halfway down the stairs. Someone took the bike. And then he also took a skateboard. And then they also had to go downstairs and take the skateboard from him. Imagine how good it would have felt to walk into the middle of that party and shoot a gun in the street. That's any time there's a party like that, I'm thinking like,

imagine just going into the kitchen and being like, Hey! Get the fuck out! That would feel so amazing. That would be incredible. How good would that fucking feel? Dude, it would have... That would have been amazing.

That would have been so funny. You'd shoot a hole through a guy's oxygen tank on the second floor. Yeah, just an old, like, guy. Yeah. Through the window. That'd be so fucking cool. That'd be so hot. To just shoot a gun and say scatter or some shit like that.

Scatter. Scatter would ruin it. That'd be not cool. You're right. You're right. I went too far. You shoot the gut. Scatter. You shoot the gun.

There you go. Scatter. And they go, oh. This guy's a pussy. Oh, great. This guy is actually, he's quoting Ratatouie. Scatter. Get that F out of here.

Get out of here, y'all. Scram. Amscray. Ampscray, you pigs. Make like a tree. Shooting the gun, I did say. Yeah. Hey, y'all. Make like a tree and leave.

Yeah. What the hell is this? Make like a drum. Beat it and bang off. Yeah. Or I don't know what it is. Beat it. Hey, go jump in a lake.

Whoa. And hey, y'all. That's too far. That's too far, man. Don't tell someone to jump in a lake. They got leeches in there. Dude, they don't have blood-sucking leeches in all lakes. You may not know this.

Everything I know about lakes is from stand by me. For many years, leeches were thought as medical devices. That's true. What's just suck out of your shit. I thought was medical devices, Dr. Pepper. Well, ivory soda started as medicine. That's true. And continued to be medicine well into my life. Yes, diet

Coke in the morning. Medicine. Not in the morning. It's too early in the morning. No, it's medicinal if you drink it in the morning. No, no. Yes, it is. Well, I haven't been to any crazy parties recently, so I have nothing to tell you about it. I mean neither. Here. We had a green face party. Three people were green.

Oh, the Halloween party? Yeah. That was pretty lit. That was pretty late. Stayed up until 12. We got trash, we witnessed the trash pickup. Dude, that was the most incredible experience of my life. You came inside, it looked like Christmas morning. I was gone. Did you hear about this?

You witnessed trash pickup? No, it was, so we were having our Halloween party in here, a bunch of people everywhere. We've been having a trash issue again as we never are not. I called and I said, it's an emergency. Earlier that day, he had called and said, it's an emergency. We thought nothing of it. Yeah. At like 1 a.m., a guy in high viz comes up and knocks on the door.

and I'm like, oh, fuck, we got a noise complaint. Like, someone's coming and getting us in trouble. And I go and open the door and he's like, you got track, you call for trash pickup? And I was like, wow. Oh, and I was fucking hammered. And I was like, dude, thank you so much. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm going to get you more. And I got a bunch of other trash in here and went and gave it around to play the truck. Dude, this is your favorite thing. I was just, and I was, I think I even fist bumped him. And I was like, thank you, man. That Andy Williams song, dude, it's the most wonderful. A bunch of people all painted green in here and he's just like, yeah, someone comes to the door. I was like, dude, look, we got a Frankenstein in here.

The most excited anyone above the age of eight has ever been to say a garbage truck. Oh, yeah. It was truly so magical. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah. And they helped by cleaning up the trash of the society. They did. Yeah.

And the simple, and they put their lives at risk. Much like a vigilante. Do trash people? That's like a good paying job, right? No. I don't think so. No, no. If you work for the city sanitation department, it's good.

Private trash. Most companies that pick up trash, especially for businesses, are private trash. And they pay like shit. They go 100 miles an hour and people just fly off the side. Yeah, I think it's not a good job. Yeah. Waste management, that is a private trash company. So my uncle Kevin worked for when he would pretend to go work.

Yeah, so the New York City sanitation department does like the trash on like the street. that is like for homes and shit but if you have commercial trash it's not a good job yeah the New York City one that you get paid like six figures I think

so my uncle quit but you can't do any drugs but I think that's also like New York thing isn't it? Yeah New York pays really well for the city station worker yeah but other places he used to be driving up to the beach pretending to be working in waste management

that's awesome and then he would sit also if you're going to lie about your job don't say waste management Waste management is the best. To make it seem like you're in the mafia. Yeah. If you say waste management, you don't actually work. It seems like you're in the mob.

Yeah, he was in the mobbing up this damn sandwich with fucking Aju eating the Barbies roast beef every day. He's sopping it up. Mobbing it up. Mobbing it up. What does it mean to mob up a sandwich? Sounded right. Sounded right.

It didn't sound right. I don't think it's right. It triggered something else because it did not sound. I kind of wait. It was waiting for the end of the sentence to see if it was going. suddenly makes sense. Mobbing it up. I kind of maybe for a split second thought that there was some slang.

I wasn't aware, but then I was like, I really don't think so. It is Connecticut slang. It's not. Connecticut slang. Connecticut slang invented by Jim Greco. Connecticut slang is, I would like the goat cheese bowl from sweet green, please. A peat's? That's Connecticut slang.

You literally just poked a hole in your argument. You are not, you're not kept up with Connecticut slang like I am. Connecticut slang is. drive to New York today. Yeah. New York City. That's Connecticut slang. Let's go to Bristol.

That's where Aaron Hernandez was chilling. Connecticut slang is my investments are growing nicely. Oh, there's two sides to Connecticut that people don't talk about. What are the two sides that people don't talk about? They don't talk about the Rob Zombie side? There's two sides that people don't talk about it. Rob Zambi's not from Connecticut. Yeah, he's from Haverall.

Yeah, Haverill, Massachusetts. Motherfucker. Watch your fucking mouth. He lives there. He lives in Connecticut. Tons of P. ESPN's in fucking Connecticut. Yeah, tons of people living in the ESPN side,

but then there's also the shady side that Aaron Hernandez is getting involved in. And Rob Zombie. There's a Rob Zombie side. There's three side. But there's two that people don't talk about. The ESPN, the ESPN side, the WWE side. How many sides are there? Give me a straight number.

Two. Okay. There's ESPN corporate. These are white people, vineyard vines. There's a WWE side. Vineyard vines. That's two. This side.

And then there's also the shady side where people like Rob Zambi and Aaron Hernandez hang out, these two cold-blooded murderers. Aaron Hernandez had $150 million. But he also killed the guy for fun. For fun, exactly. Same with Rob Zombie. Look up his movies. He kills people. He doesn't kill him.

He killed Rain Wilson. Rain Wilson is alive and kicking. Really? Prove it. Yeah. And so is... When was the last time he saw Rain Wilson in something? Prove it.

I know when. Yeah, a couple months ago. A couple months ago. That was a hologram. Chris Hardwick was also killed. Yeah, well, his reputation was killed. Yeah. Chris Hardwick was murdered.

Also, Rain Wilson was murdered. Chris Hardwick had a real... Is there anybody who was like, damn, I'm a huge Chris Hardwick fan? Yeah. You, right? You. Well, no, I listened to the nerdist, but just for the guests, man. But for his stand-up, his stand-up was never...

I don't think that there's anyone I think most people like that It's like the stand-up thing They do stand up to Launder the other But I'm just amazed when you have somebody like that To launder being a public figure And nobody is like super into their stand-

But he put out like five specials stuff Yeah all of his stand-up though Was like him talking about Mario and shit right Or fucking what's that show Serenity Firefly? Firefly yeah Yeah I guess he did do some of that stuff

Yeah it was just him like doing like inside Joe But, like, wasn't one of his specials called, like, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B. Start. I don't know. But that's a real mouthful. That'd be a terrible stand-up special, man. No, because he was like, it was like him and, like, fucking. How pumped are we for Camille Nanjiani's new special? MC Chris is a dropping?

I'm actually so. I'm so excited. Was he a nerd comic? Yeah, dude. Really? Beta male by Camel Nogiani, dude, his first special. Yeah, but that was, he was buff, right? No.

This is before buff. Oh. This is before movies. Buff was very recent. The buff is recent. I thought he put out a buff special called Beta Mail as an ironic twist. No, he put out Betamail when he literally was a fucking dorky dude. And then he became a gig of Chad, sadly.

That's true. And he left. Has he put out a special since he's a buff? No, so this is his big return. That's what I'm excited. Is it called Alpha Mail? I don't know. I think it's a big head experience.

It's a big head. Yeah, let's see what it's called. I didn't know Kuhamel was a nerd comic like Hardwick. I didn't know that he was talking about the meltdown. He was hanging out with Jonah Ray. I didn't even remember that. I don't even know. It's called,

and him we're talking about nerd comic stuff. This is a great name for a special. Come on. It is called Camel Nangiani, Knight Thoughts. T-H-O-T-S? No. Hell no. T-H-U-G-H-T-S.

Not what I would have called it if I was him. Dude, he doesn't have a hose like that. He's buff now. He's buff. He's got chin implants. He can talk about rail and snitch now. It's fucking hose. No, man. He can talk about rail and snatch.

Shoot, he's married to Emily and they made the big sick together. Dude, he'd be walking around going. It's a biographical tale. I'm railing fucking snatch. He doesn't sound like that. He's from Pakistan. He doesn't sound like that. I sound different since the TRT.

It doesn't make you sound like Jesse Ventura. Well, I guess this is to do the. impression is. I tell you what. I'm very, very... I'm Kumail Nanjiani. That would be... That's what I mean is with the TRT things

that you need to be... You have to have something like that happen to you. Yeah. You need to have that kind of a voice. Well, Jesse Ventura had Vietnam happen to him. Yeah. And the events of predator. Yeah. And also he had to deal with a yout.

And the guy was beat to crap in the fucking wrestling world. Yeah, it's true. But he also beat others to crap. Yeah. But that's the thing. I feel like there's not enough people with like, low level like CTE and PTSD

anymore. And if you do get PTSD it's because of you played call duty. You don't think there are? You don't think there's enough people with PTSD and CTE. Yeah. I think there's because everyone only gets that from Call of Duty and punching their wall. No. I think I think you can see a million people like that on YouTube

shorts. Show me. Okay. Show me one. Just literally scroll your Instagram Explorer. Yeah. Yeah. There's a guy I love on YouTube shorts right now There's an old guy that pretends to be like a cowboy Yeah

And he goes like, what the fuck you're doing in my town? And then he shoots at the camera with a real gun Oh, that's sick. It's so awesome. I was actually thinking about it the other day though But like all the like you know There's that video someone posted online It was just all like 70s celebrities like just saying their names

Oh yes I don't know that. Yeah, I know it was just like Oh yeah all those people interacted with lead or asbestos or something in their life. There's no escaping this. Crazy. Yeah. There's no escaping. We have that now. Yeah, we have that probably as bad

or worse. Dude. Yeah. I hate to say it. Probably this motherfucker. The microplastics, the radiationals? Yeah, but microplastics has not made any good art like lead painted. Oh wait. Wait, what are you saying? Like guys like you know, old guys, like all the old... You're saying stuff was good because they had lead in a bit asbestos? They had lead in their food, man. All the cans were made out of lead. You're saying that's what made them say their name's

good? No, that's what made them. made them... Or that's what made them have those names? Made them have their uvra. All their bodies at work. Scatman Crothers. George Burns. You're saying lead is a creative...

I think lead makes us more creative and I think we need to start putting lead in everything. Oh, wait. Hewle. Hewell has lead in it. Yeah, Hewell has a lot of lead. Crap. Yeah. That's why we've been so interesting.

I've had some. The Consumer Report article that was like... Like, there's dangerous. amounts of lead and most protein powders and I was like oh fuck I opened it and my protein powder was number one it has like it has like a thousand seven hundred percent

of the like amount of lead you're supposed to have in a year oh my god what what brand is it it's the uh the vegan one the like uh it's called the one with the green on it is it like a perfectly too yeah yeah yeah i know that

yeah i had that a lot growing up yeah you have had a lot of interesting ideas this year but then I also read a bunch of people with me like, yeah, they're overblowing it. It doesn't actually matter. I'm just going to choose to believe that. Yeah, I mean, you have to.

You have to. You have no choice. The top of the list. Dude, my carbon monoxide detector went off the other day and I think it was because I farted. The carbon monoxide, the lead. I did hear about this actually from your, I think your wife talked about it. She's going telling tales.

She's telling everyone. Yeah. God damn it. But you had the carbon monoxide, also the lead and your protein powders. This is controlled. to, I guess, a career in comedy. How does the lead get in there, man? What part of that has lead?

I think it's because of the machines they used to grind it up and make it. Why would they use lead in that? Because I think, I think, I think what it is is I think that there is an allowance of stuff like lead and stuff, like typically by the FDA. But I think because they're technically supplements, it's not screened to the same, like, compliance or whatever

as food is. Yeah. So it can be a lot, they're a lot more lenient on it. Well, death is coming for a way. No, it doesn't matter though. A movie like, oh God, something like, you know, we're going to have old Hollywood-style stuff back. Also, we live in fucking in New York.

There's lead is falling out into the sky every day from the train. Broad Hollywood comedy is about to come back. They're doing, what's it called lead something? They're doing the lead treatment where they're removing all the lead paint from the, Yeah, and you see all the things in the posts online where they're like, they're removing the lead paint

from the elevated train lines today and it's just all, it's all just falling into, to people. Just videos of being like workers and like fucking like full like, like the crazies hazmat like gas masks. Like if this touches us,

we will die and they're just scraping it and it's just going down into people's faces. That's awesome, man. The thing is, man, it comes from the earth. It can't be a bad thing. No, it's fine.

It's just lead. It's fine. It's lead. Lead, pan chips, asbestos, mercury. That's the next thing we need back. Mercury does need to come back. Oh, if you eat enough tuna. Oh, I eat a lot of tuna.

Yep. I just had tuna mac the other night for dinner. Tuna Mac. Tuna Mac and cheese. Good name for you in the rap game. That would be a horrible name. Great rap name for you, Tuna Mac. That would be a really bad name.

Here we go. That's your new rap name. Nope. Decided. Tuna Mac. Speaking of Tuna Mac, can we stop? Okay. I want to eat dinner.

Yeah, yeah, we need dinner. Can we actually have one bar from Tuna Mac real quick? Where is my friend? Where is my friend? Oh, he's right here. I found him again. That's one bar. A long bar, but we'll take it.

One long bar. Dude, I could hear that over a mic beat. Yep. I could hear that on, yeah, an Earl sweatshirt type beat, dude. Yeah. We need to make a full album of Tuna Mac. No, we don't. Yeah, we do.

They don't need to do that. Dude, yes, we do. Guys, this has been, if my couch could talk, part two. Book two. If my, if my, this one was just about being on the couch. There wasn't anything about it.

If you were wondering what this episode was. I know y'all like lists. It was this. But, all right. Oh, Virginia has just elected Abigail Spanberger as the first woman governor. Congratulations to Abigail Spanberger. Switch to the POV shop. Switch to this camera.

Switch to two. And then you can see. me stopping you. Wow. Ready, ready? Well, and then I just do this and then you'll just edit it in such a way. Wow. The only time where I feel like I've seen a true blue missile was when I went to the spa.

I went to a spa in LA with Eric and Nate and everything was pretty much normal. What? Which of them, man? Come on. Oh, it wasn't either of them. It wasn't either But there was a guy We were just having a normal time sitting

In one of the tubs completely naked And there was a guy out of the corner of my eye Yeah And you're wearing this hat I was what does this say now? That says the same thing I don't believe you What does I say?

Hold on Wait, I can't look at this I'm touching With this emotion I'm touching I'm touching Talking about the time he went to a spa. I saw the biggest penis you've ever seen.

Dude, there's a guy. There was a guy who wasn't even in the bath. He was just taking a shower. Yeah. And his penis was below his knee. And says touchy. Touchy, touchy. It's always a guy with the big news.

I would have liked to have touched it.