Podcast About List - Ep. 367 - Introducing Grover Fettoritts

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

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the touch little touch dude I want to go to Rikers Island so bad no you don't bro that's a fucking prison but it just sounds like it's great doesn't it sound beautiful in a prison doesn't mean

you know I'm sick of this thanks for bringing this up immediately because I've been thinking about this for 27 years why is it that when you hear someone goes to prison you instantly assume they're a criminal getting locked up for their crimes and not just

and not just fucking visiting for the ambiance yeah that's a good point I've never considered that even once in my nobody does it nobody does they should sell tickets you know how when you're like some uh baseball stadiums they'll have like they have this in fenway where you can get normal tickets and then you can pay like four dollars to go stand in like a bar and watch through a little window they should have it where you can you don't have to do a crime but if you pay a couple bucks you can go sit out and watch the people on the yard it's like a little fake beach it's is fucked up that why aren't yeah why

I don't, why none of these prisons are thinking about the process. The only way you can get in is crime. Yeah. Which crime can I say? Crime doesn't pay. No. Not at all. Tickets.

Tickets pay. Tickets. Tickets pay. Audience is pay. Crime don't pay. There's a huge problem all the time. That's my mad men pitch. We're sending you down to fucking Texas.

We're sending you down to Lubbock, Texas or something. You're meeting with some warden with a big white hat. It's like, God damn, kid. I've never even. even thought of that. It's a great idea because you have, first of all, the prisoners can't say no

to being in a production of, of, Hey, Dolly. Yeah. And then you have, you can be, uh, you can fund the prison.

They get a better life at the end of the day. Dude, imagine being scouted from prison. They don't have to be doing all the normal slave stuff. Yeah. Let's move out of the slavery part and move into like, indentured servitude acting. Yeah.

Like, uh, uh, exploitative circus or studio system kind of thing. Oh my gosh. God, could you imagine... That's the next step for prisoners. Could you imagine, like, a prison, like, a five-piece boy band manufactured by the warden?

It would be amazing. Yeah, the warden picks who... They're all the bad boy? Because they're in prison? Well, no, there's one that's the good boy. Yeah. He's in there for tax fraud. He's on good behavior.

He's a pedophile, but he's very polite. Dude, they should get that guy from the Miami Boys Choir, the rabbi who comes out and goes, You shall I am You seen that No It's one of the classic videos It's so fucking good I listened to it today at the gym

Yeah we were doing What were we doing in here We just put that on I don't know it I tell you about this Dude These Jewish kids They can

The disparity between how good they are at singing And how bad they are at dancing Yeah Unreal incredible. They have the most incredible satin shirts on. Angelic voices and then the you guys know. I was reading about castrato. Yes.

Did you guys know that they were just like poor like homeless kids that they just like were like you're going to be a singer forever? I always kind of just assumed it was like a crazy rich person thing. I thought it was a religious thing. It's what they just took they just would find like kids on the street

and be like well you got nothing going for you So you're going to sing in my opera for 70 years. Yeah, just finding just a stray. Cut your balls off, make you a permanent child, and you will sing forever. Yeah. You're my stray. You're my stray. You're my rescue.

Who rescued Hugh? Who rescued who? Me and Mike Ostrato. That really sucks, man. That would just suck to be just gifted with a good. The Golden Radio Voice guy. Is that worse? No, they would put a weight on them to make them deeper.

Is that worse than being a destitute on the street, though? Do you have your penis? have no your stuff cut off but have your penis you're a famous beautiful singer you're not that famous

name one castrato well we can't because where it's been hundreds of years but they were a big deal man I can name I can name William Shakespeare it's been hundreds of years

is he castrato no but you can't no you can't name him because that wasn't a guy motherfucker that was actually a secret conclavely group I don't believe in the

conclavely group theory I do you do yeah why would a guy be named William back then you know he wrote his differently every time he wrote it

whatever yeah that's mysterious dude mysterious you know he wrote his net that means it was no it was a bunch of different guys or he's a fucking moron fucking moron fucking moron it's pretty stupid yeah yeah put the F where the s is he was ugly yeah he wasn't ugly dude William Shakespeare considered this you burn notice coli gow movie hamnet that's not realistic what's his name playing him Paul miscal who's the ugliest guy on the face of the planet man he hates miss gal bro you hate Paul miss call I don't I don't really. I have, I kind of have no opinion

on Paul Musco. I've never seen him in a movie and thus I tend to negative. Are we going to go see Hammett? Amnix. Yeah, why not? Is it playing it? I would see it in Amex. You want to see it in 4D? Hamnet? Yeah. For me, it's like, you probably think that's

probably your favorite website, fat-ass. No, I was going to say was that computers for pigs. Yeah, yeah. It's right over there. For me, if I have never seen an actor in something, I'm just going to assume that they're bad until I I see something I really like them and I completely change my opinion.

Wait for this new Beatles four movies. Who's blown your mind? Who's changed your mind on them? Adam Driver. Adam Driver, because I first experienced him in Star Wars. And then I was like, what the fuck is this guy about?

Saw girls. Oh my God. I get it. Everything retroactively. Should not be near a lightsaber. He should be nearer. I think he's pretty cool in Star Wars. He's kind of cool in Star Wars,

but I was just like, what is this? Why is he doing? Why does he look like that? Why does he look like that? What's the point? I'm going to kill my dad. Yeah, he's not quite, he's not quite scary enough.

Yeah, he's not quite ugly enough to rock the mole like that. Yeah, the mole. The mole, the mole was a Star Wars edition or no? No. I think he's always had the mole. I think he's a mole guy. He's in the mole is the thing that's making his deep voice. If I remember correctly, he should play the mole.

He's a really strong, is a really strong backing girls whenever he's naked. I need to do it. God damn it, Hannah, where the hell is my hat? What? That's not a tuss. Moles don't wear hats. Moles wear hats. Moles wear the,

The mulls are animals. The digger hat. That's your first thing you think of with a mole is, where's my hat? Where's my helmet? Oh, oh, oh. You mean the headlamp? The headlamp. Yeah.

He's a mole. He says, where's my hat? That's his mole line. Yeah. And he would say, like, this Adam driver is a mole. He'd say, let's dig a hole. I'd like to dig a hole. Where's my hat?

He should play a moral. Every character should say that in a movie. Where's my hat? Where's my hat? God. Any character that's not wearing a hat, you have to assume their hat is somewhere. You have to assume they own a hat. Yeah, of course.

We've never seen Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory wear a hat, but I bet he has one. What hat does he wear? He wears, like, a little, like, what's a Yishonka? Why do I know he's about to call me on that shit? Bro, he wears a hat when it's wintertime. I do remember that. I can see that in my mind. Why does a little lumber jacked that show?

Why doesn't D.D. have an accent, but she does she? A annoying bitch. Who's an annoying bitch's stand? She's from an annoying bitch. Get out of his laboratory, bitch. Yeah. She does need to chill on it. But why does Dexter the lab kid?

He's got like a weird French thing going. Yeah. Yeah. Why does you talk like that? I don't know, man. No explanation of this. Dude, he's friends with Will I am, though. I just showed Cameron this song.

You remember that song? Dexter. Dexter and Will I am. In my lab I got. In my lab I got. It's actually a fucking sick song, dude. It's like, I got a secret. So keep it on the low.

it's so good you never heard this song no bro it's fire dude will i am from the black eyed peas plus dexter from the laboratory incredible but dexter is not actually didn't do anything for the song he dances in the video he led will i am in his lab which it doesn't count as part of a song well that's a big thing for him because he's so mad at ddie all the time but it's just like you wouldn't you wouldn't like normally in a song be like featuring this person if they just let them in their house yeah yeah that's not typically part of making a song. That is a good point. I guess that wouldn't

put you as a feature. But you'd get a credit. Yeah. I mean, if they're in the music video, I can understand the association there. But I just think the song, Dexter's didn't make the song. Oh, but wait, we were watching the other day. Dexter was like the muse. Dude, we were watching the other day. Maybe Dexter made a computer program beat.

But one of his big computers. You think he did? We were watching that. Maybe that's the feature. The other day. Home do me. Forgiato Blow. And he has a song called like Rose.

With Amber Rose. Featuring Amber Rose. Amber Rose is not on the song which he's in the video and he's just molesting her for the duration of the song. And it's like if any like something

like something a rose by any other name. Yeah. But she's featured in the we're trying to find because we were talking about Big Nick Kiswani from Vine do you remember him

as a little person? No, well Big Nick has like made like a very Christian turn he also has something fucked up with his eye now he's got a milky white eye like Bill Cosby does and

I remember that picture of Bill Cosby when it was like when his eye like right when all the Hannibal stuff happened his eye got milky white like moody right before that there was like a people magazine or no one of those like grocery store tabloids is always stuck in my head was a picture of Bill Cosby's eyes are popping

out of his head he looks so horrible and the title was what is wrong with Bill Cosby little did they and I remember really thinking about that like what is wrong with this motherfucker man but it turned out that it was like It's like a nicy old republic where as you get more evil, you kind of physically start to look.

He had his demon horn. Yeah, they were coming out of the veins, kind of the spider web veins coming out of his head. Or kind of just quick conspiracy theory, he never did any of that shit. Somebody else did. And he was their portrait of Dorian Gray and their sins were flying onto him.

Interesting style. But we'll move on for that. Let's not move on, man. Yeah, let's keep going with that. a feature-length, Me Too Perch, picture of Doreen Gray movie. Yeah. About Bill Cosby?

Specifically, about how Bill Cosby didn't do it. Well, we can't get the rights to his life, but we could get somebody similar. I mean, so basically there's a guy who like comes in, he like breaks into Bill Cosby's house, and he's like an evil demon-style guy, and he's like, I'm going to molest a bunch of women, and I'm going to blame it all on

you, and every time I do it, you're going to get uglier. And Bill Cosby's lying in his bed. He's sleeping with his nightcap. He's still looks so peaceful and positive and just sweet and he's lying in bed and in the middle of the night suddenly yeah no no his eyes start popping

out again no push it back in and we uh well but it sounds like quite a distasteful movie yeah it sounds a good movie but it there is something too because think about every time Jeffrey Epstein Harvey Weinstein every time that we get to the deposition part of this shit

they always the the people are always like their penis was horribly strange it was before him so maybe that Harvey Weinstein, they said he basically had a vaginer. Yeah, which I think is even better than a penis, though. Yeah. Personally. Yeah.

If you're going to show it to people. You can't really show a vagina that much as well. You can show your pews, basically. Can you flash? If you're a girl, you have to get in a really strange position. Why do guys want to show their wieners? Because it's so. They want it to be seen.

Yeah. They want it to be seen, I don't want anyone to see mine. No, me either. When I walk around naked in my house, my wife has seen it a million times. I still will, like, kind of strategically hold things in front of my penis and got, yeah, I'm doing. I'm doing Austin Powers trying to walk in front of stuff to be like, don't, it's not. It's like, where are you going? You're like going around the table, like behind the vase.

Talking to her, like, behind a door. Why are you holding a peanut? Nothing. It's not ready. That's what I would say to hers. It's not ready for you to see this. I yeah because I I would never

I don't understand the psychology of flashers maybe it's just because there's a lot of penis shame in my life I have too many pews I don't I could fix that though shave them it's easy yeah no you don't shave your pubs ever

no not since the event yeah what happened the accident the accident 2008 you hit it you nicked it with a razor no worse you cut it off dude I didn't have I didn't have I mean you know if you want me to get into detail

with it I didn't have Didn't have scissors. I didn't have a razor. All I had left was an electric turkey carver. And I went to the town. I went to town of my pubes. Did you hold it like this? I had to hold it like that.

Well, it's like, you know, it's like a knife. So I had to like hold each of them. Like, it was like I was weeding out. It was like I was cutting weeds. And did it work though? Or did it? No, I mean, the knife is way longer than, you know, I'm trying to get down there. Yeah.

Can't just get the tip of the knife. That'd be awkward. So I'm holding it like that. Like, yeah. Did you go your asshole as well? Yeah, I had to. I was swimming.

I was on the swim team. So there's a speed thing. Yeah, it's a speed thing. It was more for aerodynamics. And I didn't want, I didn't want it poking out of my speedo that I wore all the time.

Your hairs, yeah. When you're on the, when you're on the swim team, when you're on the swim team, you got to walk around, you know. I would like to see you swim left.

Yeah. Well, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say you should wear speedos when you swim. Maybe. But you would, I could say if you came out,

If I didn't know you and I saw you wearing a Speedo, I'd be like, yep. Yeah, yeah, it would be a European. Yeah, European. Because you're hairy. Uh-huh. But, yeah, I was on the swim team in high school. You can get away with it. I was on the swim team.

I had to wear my uniform to school on Fridays. Don't take this the wrong way. I don't. I'm already going to take it the wrong way. Yeah, that's a bad sign. I've been in pools with you. I've been in hot tubs with you. Yeah.

For some reason, I cannot picture you swimming. That's why I said I want to, I want to see. I just want to see you doing like golf. I'm taking this the wrong way. Wouldn't it be? Wouldn't it be? I knew it would, but it's not that offensive. No.

This is, you've made fun of me over the years. I've taken it, taken it on the chin, taking it in stride. This one, I cannot, I cannot let you speak on this,

bro. I'm a water bug. You're now. Okay. Maybe you are. I am a water bug. What's your favorite stroke? My favorite stroke is this one.

Breast stroke, man. I don't know the names. I'm not a fucking swimming. A breaststroke is number one. even though I was on the swim team I just said what are you doing bro bro you're you're not doing anything come on what the fuck are you know what's great is this one that's not free stop

this one right here backstroke you can't see it but my feet are moving backstroke no arms no arms I don't know if there's a name for no arms with flippers only no I have no flippers just my regular feet okay that's what I'm in your arms though you said flippers well yeah your feet are your flippers are your flippers

your flippers are an add on to feet okay all right accepted we accept it So if you put your flippers on your feet, right? Yeah, we already agree. Yeah. So you accept.

I guess it would be back torpedo. The torpedo, you have to spin if you're doing a torpedo. The torpedo. That's the only one I really know the name of. My favorite stroke. That one's fun to do with the pool. Is the matrix flip under the pool. Yeah.

Where you walk up the wall and you do a back flip. And then you point at your friend of you go, yeah. That's so fun. I'm a fan of that too. Should we rent a pool? I literally, it's 17 degrees.

So bad. Sounds so fun. It's reminding me of when I was a kid, We would go to the fucking, we'd go to this hotel that had a heated pool. Yeah. That's the only bad thing about living in a, like, a northeast city is that just nobody you know would ever have a pool. Yeah. We had a public pool where the condo complex I grew up in.

Not in New York, it's hard to get to a pool that's not going to be nasty. I feel like that's cheap. But I mean like in North Carolina or like especially in like California Bakersfield. Yeah, everyone has a pool. Just you know somebody that has a pool. But my cousins had an above ground pool And there was a public pool in our town You could walk too

And there's all I feel like there's still around We definitely talked about this Not as much of a private experience perhaps But I don't think I ever went poolless I never I never had a day when I go You had a summer every summer you had a pool It was lined always lined up Yeah, that's nice

We had this pool and it was run by this lady named Miss Fran And Miss Fran was not very good at taking care of the pool and somebody took over and they did like a chlorine reading and they're like she's been putting in like way too much chlorine in the pool and it burned your nose it was like yes

but then one day I remember one day there was a huge like not a fucking I forget it was not a noreaster no nor Easter's not water right noreaster's snow no nor Easter is just a hurricane okay we had like a storm and like

it had to be like 08 and then the pool was green maybe I've talked about this yeah I think yeah the pool was green and there was a bunch of of dead frogs in it. You get in there? It was the warmest

the pool has ever been and it felt so sick and then my mom was like no we got to go we got to go because she opened up like the filter and it was like

literally like hundreds of dead frogs. Frogs come out during her camp one time I guess it was toads okay might have been toads

but whatever toads are big man that's a lot of toads is this correct that frogs like water and toads don't yeah soads

toads are what usually they usually wind up in your house if you leave a door open it's like turtles and tortoises correct yeah when I was a kid I had there was a hurricane I don't remember which one one of the big ones in

North Carolina in it my really smart dad left our back door open and there was like probably 150 toads in our kitchen the next day that's good and there's a bunch of a picture of a bunch of fucking toads in her house you ever try to keep a

Shrek not just a normal white guy I did. I did. I did that with a box turtle as well. I don't know what a box turtle is. The type of turtle. Is it a turtle that's shaped like a box? No. Kind of. That would be cool. You have to admit that would look cool. Yeah. I feel like it's kind of shaped like a box. They're usually circwheeler.

Yeah. I had a pet toad. It died instantly. Turtles are usually circular. I kept the, I put the turtle in an aquarium that we had. Yeah. We just had just something. There was just in our. garage just had an aquarium i put that i put the turtle in there and i didn't tell my parents and then they found out they walked in my room a couple days later and they're like you can't have a turtle i remember i tried to keep a toad and i named it yoshi and then it jumped out of my hand

and fell on the ground and like the impact hit so hard that it died immediately whoa do i ever tell you guys about the pet rabbits i had no this is this is dark you want to hear something dark yeah i've heard a lot of dark rabbit stories yeah we have one ever we had pet rabbits never happy but i'm I was a baby. I was a little kid. We had pet rabbits, two pet rabbits, black rabbit and a white rabbit. And my dad insisted that they had to be outdoor pet rabbits. Okay?

So they lived in cages that hung over the, fucking, the back porch, okay? Just two fucking rabbits, just the worst life ever. Yeah. And then one day we went out of town and we hired like a six-year-old to feed the rabbits. And he didn't feed the rabbits and they starved to death. I have a I can one up you I can one up you on this okay and I think actually coyotes

ate them through the thing my wife and her sister had rabbits growing up again yeah I just kept them in like a hutch outside another similar situation they went on a short vacation we're out of time for like a day or two had someone come and feed them but for whatever reason the food

wasn't enough and one of the rabbits ate the other they came back and my wife's rabbit was a half eaten And my sister's rabbit had like Oh my god The Monty Python rabbit Yeah

Oh fuck man That's fuck Yeah The rabbits are quite No it's not a good No it's a bad luck Kind of pet man Dude pets

The children should not We kind of We've optimized But like it's cat or dog That's what you're supposed to have When people get ferrets And shit I've heard terrible ferret

Stories too My friend had a ferret Pirate software When we're in high school And his ferret killed itself It jumped out of his hands Oh my God backwards and hit its head on the bathroom sink

and died. Then they got a second ferret and it ran away, lived in their walls. Oh my God. I actually feel like I might be making this part up just from imagination, but I think they may have found its skeleton in the base. Oh my God. That's so fuck. The thing is cats and dogs

that it's been thousands of years. Those are perfect pets. Yeah, you shouldn't be fine. You shouldn't be taking in animals that should live outside. Did you guys know that raccoons are undergoing rapid evolution to be become cuter and more attractive to humans. That's cool.

That is kind of cool. Yeah. It's not good though. Maybe our great grandkids will have pet raccoons. They already do in Russia, bro. They got so many different types of animals in Russia. On Instagram and Russia. Dude, I saw this like this woman that owns a, she owns a Rottweiler and a fucking black panther.

Whoa. And it was like, dude, it was like the. Panthers are pretty cool. The cutest thing in the world. And then like, she's like petting it. A big cat. That's the one. Yeah.

She's petting it and everything. But then like. She's, like, quick, like, there's a video of her and the panther, like, outside, and, like, she, like, acts, like, the panther's, like, rubbing up against her leg. And then you see her, like, pan down. And then she quickly pans away because there's just, like, a huge scratch on her leg. It's like, dude, they're just not built for it. She's speaking to it in Russian. It's just going, like, and she's, like, like, immediately, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, these are fine to own. No one's, no one can be mad at me. It's so awesome. Oh, and the videos of them, the video of it playing with the Rottweiler, Like they have it outside in the woods and it's doing like matrix leaps off the tree at the Rottweiler. It's so sick, dude.

It looks really fun for the Rottweiler. I would love a big cat, but I can't. There's no, I know. That'd be awesome. I don't have room in my apartment. That'd be sick if you got a panther like next year.

You got like one commercial job, but you spent like 25 grand on a panther. I get a skittles commercial and immediately like, yeah, that's right, motherfucker. Like French Montana. You walk around. Jaguar and Ridwood Queen.

He's so cool. This is my Jaguar. His name is Edmund. Edmund Pevency. I named him after my favorite Narnia character. Even though he's a betrayer. Yeah. But he'll sell you out for some Turkish delight.

Yeah, but I related to him the most as a kid. Not even Aslan, the big cat that's in Narnia. No, no, you simple jack. There's no. Can't call somebody a simple jack. That's euphemistic. What? I was right.

I'm right. That's euphemistic. You can't be naming cats after cats. That's so gauche, dude. You're getting an orange cat named Garfield. I guess, yeah, I guess you are the expert on cat names. Yeah. Yeah.

Your cat has a great name. Mo? Not. Mohamed? What's wrong with Mohamed? Well, I didn't want that to be his name. I didn't want that to be his name. Wow.

Switched it up. Okay. I like it now because I, well, I insisted his name was Mohamed. But I named him when I got. What's funny to you about being named Mohamed? It's not funny. It's a good name. Yeah. It's a good name for a cat.

It's like giving a cat a human name. You didn't think it was funny because it kind of seemed like maybe you thought Muhammad, oh, wow, it's so hilarious for somebody being named Muhammad. It's not hilarious. No. No. I'm just saying it feels a little bit like that's where that came. No, it's not hilarious.

It's just a great name for a cat. I think he did laugh when he told me his name. No, no. A little cat in a tuxedo and his name is Mohammed. A little tuxedo cat with a bow. His name is Muhammad. That's cool. It's a good name.

Phil's a good name, too, by the way. Thank you. I like Phil. I like when animals have human names. Like Will's dog Josh. Josh is a great name. Great name for a dog. And Mohama's the most common name in the world.

I wanted to give him. What was I going to name him, John? That actually would have been funny. No, the association with my grandfather. He's doing it. He's doing the crazy thing. It's associated with my great and father. I don't want him to have my grandfather's name.

He's doing to talk to himself crazy thing again. Anyway, I was going to name him. I was going to name him. M.O. Simpsons. I was going to name him the Simpsons. Yeah. And I thought that was funny. See, that's a type of name that if I met an animal name that, I would instantly lose respect. Negative feelings. I would have an instant negative feelings. But then Neil was complaining that he didn't want to hear me say that all the time. Simpsons? Yeah. And that's a very strange point. And I was like, no, that's his name. I don't want to hear you say the word Simpsons all the time.

Yeah. And then fucking my girlfriend also was like, you can't name him the Simpsons. And I was like, like, fine. And then Neil started calling him Marge. And I was like, dude, don't name my cat. Well, you have to, you had to. Don't name my cat. You had to step up on the step to him. You don't get to name my cat. It's my cat. Yeah. And then eventually we said, oh, Mohammed. And everyone calls him Mo. But do you wish that people called him Mohamed? It's like how you don't like being called Pat. I do wish that people called him that, but we're not allowed, apparently. Because some people think, that I'm taking his name as a joke. I do think you're taking his name as a joke.

Okay, speaking of names. One last name, Noah's dad stayed with us for like a weekend and he fully believed the cat was named Mo Lester because Noah told him that. So he's walking around the house going, hey, Mo Lester. Well, he's a Christian pastor, so it's better for him for it to be called Mo Lester than Mohammed. That's probably why Noah said that.

What's up, Mo Lester? And I was like, I was like, finally he's like, why did you name him Mo Lester? And I was like, what are you talking about, man? He's like, what Noah told me? I was like, no, his name's Mohamed. His name's Mo, he's baby Mo. Pretty good. Speaking of names.

Yeah, speaking of names. Guys, I don't know if you notice this. Yeah, it's pretty hard to, pretty hard to ignore. For the holiday season, we have adopted our very own Yule Tide log. you a log. And I just, I'll just put it out there right away. Our intention here is to raise this log. Do the whole month of December. Raise it up. And I have a feeling that if we are positive enough, think enough of Christmas thoughts and teach this log enough about the ways of life, it will grow into a Christmas tree. That'd be amazing. It's sort of sprouting right here. That's

kind of my goal, I would say in this endeavor. Or that's his hair. I don't know. I'm not a, I'm not a log expert dude honestly me neither this is gonna be a learning experience I've been never taken care of a log before yeah it's gonna be a little different than a cat does a log like to be like that or does he like to be I think like this like this

he probably likes to be like this because this is how he is how he is when he's a tree yeah this is closer to a tree and we do want him to become a tree maybe in the log phase they like to be flat can you check oh oh he's definitely he look at what's shooting out of his fucking oh wow dripping yeah

yeah that's a he how old is he hold on let's count the rings here are these rings he's brand new he's brand new he's a lot yeah yeah

yeah but are these are these are these are chainsaw marks I thought these were the rings my god his chainsaw marks on him it's pretty cool to circumcision

look yeah he's circumcised right there and then he's leaking yeah he is leaking how many rings he doesn't have that he doesn't have that FS to hold it in no

I don't know how to count the rings man you just count them but we're not going to do it Because he's brand new. He just became born to us. He doesn't matter. He doesn't have an age yet.

He doesn't have an age. He doesn't have an age. He doesn't have a name. But we should start with the name. Yeah, we need to name him. That's the hardest part. I mean, I was thinking, like, the obvious ones are like stumpy.

Yeah. Woody's stumpy. I don't want anything. There's something human names. There's something Christmas. I, yeah. Alvin. I want it to be Christmas related.

Alvin the log. Cringle. Cringle is good, but Cringle kind of makes me, it's kind of a scary. Cringle. Yeah, kind of like Cringle. Yeah, it's scary. What other Christmas would be? Pepperment. Pepperment.

Sugar the elf. You know, somebody's been texting me. Yeah. Somebody set us up. Somebody set us up with Santa texts. And then I, they were saying, sugar the elf. We found sugar the elf. Coco. Caleb. Coco. Coco's a girl's name, though.

It's a girl's name. This is a boy elf. We saw his sap. He's not even an elf in that way. Yeah. He's actually just, a log it's a boy elf you got confused you're thinking about sugar

yeah yeah buddy the elf buddy the elf that's an elf that's an elf what are famous logs named here

I mean renn and stimp is a famous log but I'm not naming it again that's ghost bro okay so I know that if I look up

Christmas names for baby boys that's going to come up but do we think that I can find names for boy trees maybe do we think that there is

let's do a dual list of Names of Christmas boys. Well, let's just see if they even have a list of names for boy trees. Because I would be kind of surprised if that one was existing. Names for male trees. You know, it would really suck. If your kid was born on Christmas, you named him Christopher.

Why would that suck? So, dude, it's like naming an orange cat Garfield. That would be. You said that again. Yeah, like that. Yeah, dude. You really hate when people name Orange Cats Garfield. Really?

That's fucking lazy, bro. Tree names for boys that are tough as timber. okay that's great on mama natural.com oh willow these are good that's gonna be one of the

girls name no willow's not a girl's name strong and sturdy tree names for boys so this is more like boys who you want to name after trees okay

rather than trees you want to know after yeah we want a tree names for boys stand tall amongst the rest get to know them with us Silas

Acaccio Acaccio is pretty cool meaning thorny tree he's not thorny he's a good guy he's sweet alpine

no it's a little Your kid Alpine? Alpine fetter actually has a good ring to it. He's not a fetter. He's a tree. He's a, uh, Fedori, Fedorriots. Fedoritz. Fidorets. Foyce. Boyce. Calhoun. Pid, pitto. Pidower. Pidower. Dagger. Dagwood. Pidower. I don't think I like Pidower. Derruca.

Padoet. Fittran. Fittran. Gideon. Gideon. Gideon means tree cutter in Hebrew. Interesting. Grover. Grover. I like Grover. And that's also the baby and... I really like Grover. I'm going to be honest.

Grover's pretty good. I really like Grover. Okay, but what about Kedron? No. That's too. That's too... Or Kazuki. I would name them... Kazuki means peaceful trees. Kazuki maybe is a little bit too cutie. Grover, I think, is striking a good balance for men.

into grow Grover would like What if he Guys a baby For a log But not for a tree What if What if he dies young

That'd be a great Headstone He won't die young He's gonna be Yeah Why would you say that About our new baby You are

By the way When we leave Each of us Has to have a shift With them Yeah So who's taking First shift

Not me I just got a steering wheel Quesnal For my computer Renshaw I'm gonna be busy I can take first shift You want first shift

With the log Yeah I'll take First shift Silvio Silvio woods in Latin. Grover's still good for me. All right.

What about Zeilander? That means forest man. Zeelander. I think Grover. Grover so far as a frontrunner. Should I look up Christmas names? Christmas names for trees. Christens names for boy trees.

Her male trees. Christmas names for male trees. What about shooter? Because he's shooting out the top of him. Looking for suggestions for masculine Christmas names. R slash name nerds. Jesus. That is pretty masculine.

Comfort? Come on. That's not. Winter. Winter sucks. People are named winter. Fritz. I've never met a person named Winter.

I know somebody named Winter. It's weird. That is weird. I'm somebody named Branch, though. Shepard. Tannin's not great. Winses loss. What, huh?

Winses' loss. Winses' loss? Yeah, like Good King Winses Loss. What the fuck? I don't think I would name him Winses Loss. I don't know Winses Loss. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm more than happy with Grover.

Grover is great. I really like Grover. Grover, the baby log? Grover the baby log. Is he a log or a stump? He's a log. He's a log. But we're going to... We couldn't get a stump. We're going to get him into a tree.

We're going to become a tree. We're going to raise him into a tree. The idea which I didn't have time for because I was hunting for the stand for that monitor was that I was going to walk up to one of the Christmas tree stands and I was going to be recording the person working there. and I was going to say man I really wish that I could get a stump for free

this is what Pat wanted me to do I really wish I get a stump for free oh hey man can I get a Christmas tree stump for free you're not supposed to ask you just have to stand there I go I wish I had a stump for free I definitely didn't have time for that then if I was going to soak the whole time

you were going out to dinner last night and we told you that you should do it on the way to dinner you should stop by a tree place 10 degrees last night Okay, but do you even pay it, do you even pay respects to this podcast at all? Is my question now. I do pay respects. Yeah?

I do pay respects. Well, do you even pay respects to your three other people who were in a meeting telling you you need to do this for us? I would have if I had had the time this morning. I would have done it. So I'm reading through some, I mean, this is on R slash. He could get a brother. You could go. This is our slash witchcraft.

So maybe we don't want to dabble in this. No. But it's just saying how to talk to trees and how to support trees. Okay, that's great. And it seems like, I'm seeing two, multiple comments that are saying that trees really like to listen to gossip. Have you ever seen the, the trees like gossip? It says, I tell them gossip. It says, uh, I feel like plants aren't too judgy and they love tea.

Okay. Have you seen the Mythbusters episode where they play classical music for plants and they go higher than a normal plant? So we need to play classical music and gossip. And gossip. Well, or we get gossip about. We can reopen the gossip line. I put my palm on a tree and give gratitude and thanks. I express how.

beautiful they are. I hug them and acknowledge their importance. I caress their leaves and kiss it. He doesn't have any leaves yet. Oh yeah, but I'll touch a sap. Wow. Really sticky, buddy. Amazing sap. Wait a minute. Pull up Dumois. Pull up Doomwa.com. Did you just kiss it?

He's sapped in your mouth? He's sapped on your mouth. No, you got dirt on the end of him. Yeah, let's share some gossip with Grover. Paris Hilton, hey, Grover. Paris Hilton quietly threw a Britney through Britney Spears at Cabo birthday dinner. Holy shit. They went to Cabo?

Wait, we got a whisper. You're beautiful. Do we have to whisper to him or? No, we don't have to whisper because like, well, let's let him know like, hey, Grover, hold on. Don't tell anyone we're telling you this. It's gossip. It's gossip.

Grover. Tate McCray and NHL's, Jack U. Spark West Village whispers. Do you know what the West Village is? We're going to take you. I'll take you to the West Village next week. We should take, I mean, there's a picture here. We need to do a Kray at dinner with Jack Hughes.

We should take him to this restaurant. Oh, he would love that. What restaurant is this? Let's, let's take a look. Is Grover gay? I don't know. Do we know yet? Gay little boy?

He could be gay. He likes gossip. Yeah, I think he's gay. I just decided. Okay, they were at, they were dining at Anton's. We could take him there. Do we take you to Anton's? Grover, you want to go to Anton's?

I do want to put him in a baby seat somewhere. Yeah. At a restaurant. We should bring him to a restaurant. We're going to be hanging out a lot. then it's why. Us and Grover, the log. Hey, Grover, Amy Schumer and Chris Fisher face growing pains, but remain committed, working through it quietly.

Growing pains, by the way, are something when you grow. You'll get used to this because you're going to have some growing pains. And so I don't want them to scare you whenever you start growing. Yeah. Because it is just natural. It's natural for you to grow, Grover. Why did you say? Grover.

Just got it. Oh. Oh. I just got it. I think it was like a tree grove. But he will grow very tall. Grow very tall. He will grow very tall, hopefully.

That's where his name comes from. Whatever the other gossip, can we tell him? Hey, Grover, if you're not yachting in Europe this summer, are you even a celebrity? That's a good question. Wow. That's not really gossip, though. No, it was on here, though. Who are the celebrities who yachted in Europe?

What kind of personal gossip do you? Let's see. Well, hey, Grover. the celebrities who yachted in Europe are Adam Levine, Ashton Couture, Milacunus, Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Strong, Dakota Johnson, Elton John, Amicorren, Gwyneth Paltrow, Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, Michael Jordan, Parasilton, Paul McCartney, Serena Williams, Defon Tags, Cardi B, Tom Brady, Tyler Perry, and Usher. And we're going to kill them and take their money. I heard that Patrick is going to kill them and take their money. That's what it needs to be more like gossip. Yeah, like something that Grover would understand.

Because Grover probably doesn't know much about celebrities yet. Yeah. But he will. We'll watch TV with them. He definitely will. He's going to start catching up. I mean, listen, in my house, he's going to start catching up on celebrity who's who in the celebrity world. Oh, wait a minute.

Let's get him, wait, let's get him started from like the beginnings of celebrity gossip. Look up Celeb Gossip 2007. What about Celebrity Gossip? Some great stories, some Lindsay Lowhands in him. Britney Spears walking out with no panties. Yeah, yeah. get some of that stuff into him. Yeah, yeah.

So that, uh, because that was like the best gossip back in the day. That's true. That's true. Now all of it is like, oh, we saw, we saw Kim Kardashian and she has a new oatmeal overnight oats recipe. Yeah. That's all the gossip now. No, we want to download dirty.

Oh, we could get them on British tabloid stuff. We could get them on this. We could read the sun to him. The son. Uh-huh. Let's do the son in the post. Yeah. The son, the post.

Fucking Perez Hilton in 08.8. what the buck dude we got to put headphones on him that play what the buck 24 7 is what the buck still alive yes does he still make videos yes do you want to talk to him I can call him right now legit so we want to start

we want to start Grover with early early celebrity for gossip on who do we know that's a gossip expert that we could call your boss nah he's not gonna is all his lies yeah yeah yeah that's true it'll taint the well yeah we need real gossip yeah

God, who... Well, we want to start with early, early gossip, right? Yeah, early gossip. I mean, I feel like I can do one right off the bat. I don't have to look it up. Grover, I heard that Fatty Arbuckle did something really bad. That's good. That's really good.

Apparently, there's a woman that's been dropped into different body parts and they've been calling her the black belly up. Hey, Grover. Sh, Grover, I heard that Howard Hughes has been seeing two women at the same time and one of them drove her car into her, into the, uh, into his car out in front of a restaurant

and get this. Grover. She's 15. Wait, I feel like we need to go a little earlier. Yeah. I feel like we can do. I feel like we can do it. I feel like Howard Hughes is early enough. No, no, no, no, no. I think this is, I think we need to really just be like, like here. Grover. Grover. I heard that thog made wheel. Oh, that's good. Grover. Grover. Grover. Thunk'saw Barry.

Grover That was gossip I think Thunk saw Barry Thunx says he's a hunter But he really a gatherer Grover Grover I just heard I just heard that

Thug and Duke I don't know what happened But lightning struck a tree Now there's something called fire Don't tell him a lightning striking Are you fucking stupid What the hell is wrong with you? Are you crazy?

I specifically avoided fire Because you know how you make fire Yeah that's a good point Wait Grover there's no such thing as fire however i just heard there's no such thing as fire let's we'll teach him about fire in a few weeks what he's old enough we should plan out that we should we can even make a little little book we can sort of interview a firefighter to explain fire dude it would be important for him to know that fire can be fought well a firefighter to him would be the biggest hero of the world yeah that's

true what is he going to what is he going to think when he learns that we use him to make houses we don't anymore that's a good point we use sheet rock at least yeah yeah dude the inshittification of houses personally

I'm happy we don't use wood anymore now that I have my own wood yeah me too before I was all about it now now that I have my grover please see me living in a wooden house when are we gonna have to talk with him

about inshittification dude when he turned 19 and he's ready for that yeah before he goes to college we'll tell him about how everything has been in shitified. Parsley, Parsley,

help your seeds to grow. As these seeds move through their cycle, keep parsley growing here year to year. As the seasons flow, parsley stays here to grow. With these offerings,

my garden will grow. With these offerings, protection will grow, so moat it be. This is a spell. So that one's, I guess, supposed to be for parsley.

But in my word. I don't think it's going to learn. What if he's from a parsley tree? We don't know that. Parsley is not a tree like that. Well,

have you ever seen parsley grow past? Oh, and I was supposed to do that. I needed seven. parsley seeds. Oh, fuck. I don't have that. Is there one that's maybe just a simple spell of

encouragement for a tree? What kind of tree is this a fur? He's a, Grover's a fur? No, there ain't no way. He's a fur. The bag's still over there. There's probably pine, probably pine tree.

Yeah, look at the bark. Okay. You have beautiful bark, Grover. You do. You have lovely, lovely, beautiful bark. Oh, tree blessing spell. Okay. Here we go. I hope I don't need any.

If you do, I need, what do you need? A magical stone. I feel like we... Wait, I need... It also needs to be a full... Oh, it's over there. Oh, we do.

Yeah, wait. It's over on my computer. Wait, we also need some organic fertilizer. So if you can make some of that real quick while you're up, Caleb. Oh, wait. Real quick. Grover. I heard that God is testing Job.

That's a really good piece of gossip. You know people were talking like crazy about Job back when that shit was happening. Definitely. It was so many... So many, like, wives getting home being like, did you hear what happened to Job? Oh, no. What now? What happened to Job now?

You're kidding me. Again? Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, they can't catch a break. Job, that poor man. That poor, poor man. God bless him. Well, God won't bless him.

We should make him some hummus. We should bring him some hummus. And then they'd show up. They'd show up. his son's dead everything he's covered in bruises and cuts oh my god here you go jove we made you some hummus and guess what we put pine knots on it because we know you like that there you go job oh he looked terrible oh he looked are you shit leprosy there was a fucking cockroach on his forehead i saw a bug fall out of him you know too that hell of people were making him hummus and breads yeah flat breads and coming just to see what was up Stacking the thing. Well, not even to help him out,

but just as an excuse to go see what was going on. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He opens the door and they're like... And you know, and if Job happened today, by the way, there would be a Netflix series about him fucking killing his wife and kids. Yeah. Nobody would believe that shit now.

Yeah. There would be a true crime podcast, be serial season 50. There's a my favorite murder episode where they're like, and this guy was a fucking piece of shit. And yeah, his name's literally Job. Job? Like, Job? Please.

Job, like, from... Arrested Development. Like from rest of development. And then that starts a tangent about how that goes get into it. Those fucking Normies haven't seen arrested development. No, they don't know fucking thing about that. Not true. They don't know about stuff like there's always money in the banana stand.

Mr. Manager. Bro. Chill on her. She's a Mr. Show alum. My favorite murder. I've never seen that. My favorite murder. Joe Gareth.

My ex-girlfriend used to listen to this in the car and it made me really anxious all the time. Because you thought you were going to be killed? No, I just don't like hearing. about gruesome murders. Really? Why not? Just literally it's like, she was bludgeoned over the head?

Dude, you have to be careful. No, I'm talking to Caleb. Caleb is shaking the table. I don't, I don't want to question your parenting. But you need to challenge this kid. You need to let him know. If he falls, it's okay, because he'll get back up. You're acting like a helicopter parenting.

His gem was rolling around. Have you even done the spell yet? No, I'm waiting for it to do the spell. I put the gym right side up, man. Just so it's... That's upside down, but we can keep it that way. Now it looks like a hat. It doesn't look like a hat.

Okay, do the spell. Well, here, let's flip it back to do the spell at least. It's not going to have power. I do think it needs to side of this. Yeah, because then the spell is going to... The tip is going to point outwards and it's going to go everywhere. The tip is supposed to point to the... Here, I'll actually just hold it like this.

If we can actually all put our hands on it for this, I think that'd be good. Okay, well, while you work, repeat this chant. Are we working? We're working. Yeah, of course we are. Roots go down, grow deep and wide, anchor firmly side to side. Trunk go up, grow tall and strong, keeping time to the season song. Leaves go out, thick and green, fair as any forest scene.

Okay, now put some fertilizer in the hole. What hole? Do you have the fertilizer? Caleb, do you have the fertilizer? I didn't know what to get for that. Can I ask you a crass question? How well did you wipe last? actually my butt is kind of itchy

so I think probably not that well do you want me to go put well I guess in that case the fertilizer is already by the hole yeah yeah yeah that's pretty good but now we can place the stone by the trunk replaced it too early by the trunk

set the stone by the trunk as a gift for the tree this is going to be a challenge then cover everything with a layer of mulch we got a little bit of dirt from the yeah yeah he's kind of he is mulch oh and then and then thank the sapling for coming to live with you and promise to take care of it. Thank you, Grover.

Coming to live with us. And we promise to take care of you as your three fathers. Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, that's the spell to bless a tree. Okay, I feel good about that. Yeah. I think we're well on a row. We've got to get some decorations up for the next thing.

Because this is the beginning of Christmas, but it's not quite feeling like Christmas. Yeah. And I think he can tell. Yeah. I think it's a thing where it's going to. It's his first Christmas. We have a Santa hat bit by bit. We'll get to that for him next time.

Every time we'll deck him out a little more. We'll get him right. We'll get him feeling right. We don't get you right. Maybe get him a little girlfriend once he's of age. A girlfriend. What would she be a bottle of water? What?

She'd be a bottle of water because we get him another wood. We get him another piece of wood. Why would she be a bottle of water? What's wrong with that? If that's what he wants. Well, he is gay. He's gay. He's gay.

Have we confirmed he's gay? I thought we said we didn't know. Look at him. Look, I'm fine. I just remembered that he's gay, and I'm cool with that. I think this is amazing to have to share a gay wooden son with you, too. Yeah, I'd be happy for him. I'd rather he be gay.

I'd rather he be gay. I don't want to deal with having to find a girlfriend and stuff. Yeah. I want him to be able to go, look, I mean, we got, I don't want to, you know, there's other things that he can. There's trees all. Yeah, there's boyfriends that you're free for him. Yeah. Yeah.

I think. I think, I mean, just, you know, I think that I could only be the father to a gay son. You don't think I couldn't do well with them? I don't think I'd do straight. Would you treat your, yeah, would you, would you treat your son really badly if he turned out to be straight and yell at him and try and turn him gay? What is this music? No son of mine. No son of mine will come on with a girlfriend.

You're a little monster. Act like it. I was still, I kept thinking. by the way, after we left the bar the other night, about the China hypothetical. I think it's really good. What is the China hypothetical? Oh, you weren't asked this. Oh, wow, you weren't, yeah. I wasn't there, no. Go ahead and ask it, because I do think it's, it's very good. How, or what was it? How long? Is that the question of it?

It was in the context of a group, so it was who would last the longest, but I do think you can go how long? You ask it because I don't remember the wording. How long, if you were dropped into China in a suburb, like, like city, like Hong Kong? Great question, but not Hong Kong. Okay. Like mainland China. Mainland China. But one of the cities. Okay. Chongjing. Okay.

Am I like a rural farming place? You don't even know the question yet. You don't know the question. So let's get there. All right. Let's get to the question. Then you can ask your question. You're very specific. Well, because I think that I could do, I could do city. You don't even know what you're trying to do.

You have no idea. You said how long? How long? What? How long would you, could you be. in a Chinese person's body in this city and blend in and nobody can

and you don't speak Chinese but you can how long would you last before somebody's like before somebody's like this is not a Chinese guy. This is a white guy who has been transported into this body

and doesn't speak Chinese. If I'm being honest with myself one hour and that's that's being generous. one hour of work or one hour sitting in your apartment

one oh oh yeah that's what the cheat code is stay in your apartment until you have to pay rent or something I think it should be like I think it should be like what's my job it's a normal work

I think you're getting dropped into the person's life huh I think you're getting dropped into the person's life okay I'm getting dropped into a person's life but you said 150 hours 150 hours a week and you're you're part of the you're a political dissident

firing squad member so guys are coming up and they're like, I like pairs more than Asian pairs. And then you fucking put them in front of the concrete wall. Yeah. I think that, yeah, one hour. I'm being generous. I think getting choked up because it's such a beautiful

question. Thank you. I think that my commute to work, I'm good. Signing into work. What are you listening? How are you going to sign in? You can't, I don't think you know how to write your name. Thumbprint, whatever. Dude, they're so far ahead. He doesn't even need to sign in. Yeah. Scanning him.

I'm just tapping my ID. Biometrics. Biometric scans, whatever. I'm going in, right, get into the locker room or something, putting on my blindfold. You're wearing the blindfold? Don't the shooters also wear the blindfolds

and all the guns are propped up now? No. And then, no, no. Some of the guns are filled with blanks. Your job is getting shot. Okay. That's why you're wearing the blindfold. Well, anyway.

You're getting dropped into this guy's one hour to be executed. Yeah, I'm getting executed. No, but I think the commute, up until like my first conversation where somebody says something in Chinese. I change your job. You're a lawyer. Okay. Yeah, again, again, my commute is the only thing. That's that's as far as I'm making it. I think you can draw it out. Assume if you get, if you get, I mean, the real cheat code is you will hopefully get dropped into the life of somebody who has no family. And you just lock yourself in the apartment until they break down your door to see if you're dead.

Yeah. That's the longest you're going to last, I think, if you have a job. I think that, okay. Or I think, it's like not answering your car. The easiest way to do it for a long time is if you become, if you get put in a very, very old Chinese man's body and you're like either walking around and you're like doing

Tai Chi and you just walk around a park or maybe you own like a little restaurant like a little street food thing. If you're really old you can act senile. If you're really old you don't have The real clincher is that you can't speak the language. I've never seen a video and I watch a lot of videos that are people in China. I've never seen a video where somebody over 70 years old says a word.

Yeah. They're always just nodding and saying yes. Well, not saying yes, but kind of just something up. They're speaking. They're so advanced they speak without even speaking. Now, if I- They're communicating directly ESP. Same, same vein if it was like maybe like a,

like it has to be a Chinese person's life. We were just thinking that because it's the, it's the farthest. So many kind of cultural norms. I think the original question actually was even you can speak the... You magically can speak the language. And just through your cult, like... Just through how you act.

Yeah. Oh, well, that's good. That's actually better for you. That's better for you. Okay. So if I can speak... Do you speak Chinese? If I do speak it and I'm a lawyer, that's not going to be good for me. Also, I have so many...

I have so many American, like, like, American behaviors, like, you know, the way that I, the way that I walk. the way that I eat food, things like this, like things that I'm not going to pick up on. Yes. So how long are you lasting before they know? Somebody knows. This, again, still one hour. They're going to think that I'm an American. And you have a Huawei phone, no access to Instagram. They're going to think that I'm a, like a Chinese person born and raised in America who just moved here. Yeah, which I think still counts as a failure because I don't think many people are going to see somebody acting weird and think that's a white person who got transferred into this person's body. Okay.

I would also accidentally slip up and I would say I'm a white person trapped in this body. Maybe they don't. Maybe the point that they have to get to for you to lose is not them knowing exactly what's going on. Yeah, it's just thinking. But then to have some suspicions about you. Yeah, something's off about you. To notice that you, that's not really. So I'm like, I'm going like Todd Margaret like born.

Oh, I was born and raised in Leeds. Born in China. You know, this could even still be, you're dropped into a random white person's body in America. Uh-huh. How long can you go till their close friends are like, what's up with you, man? What's going on?

Yeah. With Patrick, I think you can ascertain 30 minutes. Well, the first time he does his talking to himself thing, I think they'll be like, something's wrong.

Yeah. Can you just like, I mean, I guess you drop into their body, you instantly, you face ID into their phone and go through all their texts to see how they talk.

I would look for old videos in their phone. You look for videos on their phone. Yeah. Look for videos of them at their body. birthday going like you guys and then you and then every time you talk to someone you go you guys what if you found out what if you found out while you're doing this you've been dropped into the body of the world's worst living serial killer the smiley face killers uh the ones who kill those people

by the by the charles river yes one every river every entire employer there's a well i'd slip up immediately because i don't know how to use the fucking tour browser or whatever they're uploading those videos too no dude fucking cia comes in my house immediately there's no i didn't know i'm the I don't know I'm the smiley face killer who's filming this shit. They don't film it. Jesus Christ. They don't film it. You don't know any of the details of this case that is real.

Well, obviously, I think we would probably film this shit. They have phones now. One of the most mysterious killers ever who can be anywhere at any time and only murders really drunk people wearing slippery shoes who walk next to rivers. You know who it reminds me of? It reminds me of the air killers. Yes. The wind killers. Whenever wind shows up and somebody dies near the wind.

It's the windy killer. No, not even Windy City. They do it in heaven anywhere. Every part of the world. They can transport instantly. Yeah. Interesting. It's pretty scary.

I feel like we're scary. Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea to talk about them. We've been talking. All right. Grover, I heard that. Grover, Grover, Grover. I heard that if you drink pop rocks and coke, your stomach will blow up. Is that gossip?

That's not a gossip. That's like an urban legend. Or urban legends gossip? No. Well, let's try it. Now, let's see if he grows. Grover, there is something called El Chupacabra

that is running around Mexico as we speak and attacking cats and dogs. Oh, my God, you're scaring him, dude. Look, he's shaking. Okay, no Chupacabra. Maybe he just doesn't like Mexico, so maybe he's an American one. Yeah, there's a thing called a big friend.

There was once a group of people. They were driving. They saw that. You're scaring them. say anything scary yet you're scaring him look okay I'll stop he said driving I think that's okay not a drive okay how about

all right there a clown statue was being found at the babysitters okay yeah that one is a little scary scary yeah is are there any

happy urban legends no yeah are they not completely oh oh yeah Grover maybe it's this voice maybe it's the whispering that's good

I just heard a story about a kid who found a bag full of money and they gave him 20% of the money quivering Oh, Grover I heard that

there's a kid who found a bag of money and then he brought it to the police station and the police gave him a room That's scaring him Maybe the police

Yeah Oh, oh Which way We raised them right We raised them right Yeah the police Are the exact opposite Of firemen

And they're blue The P word The pigs Listen, I hate the cops as much as anybody. You can not be saying that. Fuck all pigs. Pigs, dude. Fuck all these.

They're human beings. Cracker ass pigs. And you're introducing a racial element. Yeah, I would like him to just not know about race. Yep. He's white as long as he lives. These white cracker ass potbelly pigs. He's a fucking log guys.

Why are you saying that? Yeah. Like, real, I know we're doing the, he's a, he's a log. Well, he's just a baby. The brown log. Oh, you think the police are going to come in and shoot him? Yeah. He's a log of brown wood.

He is brown wood. So I think they might have a problem with him. So we want to keep him safe from the police. But nobody be doing any police action near him. Please. Yeah. Yeah. We should actually get a scanner so we know when they're near.

So we can cover him up. We could hide him. Yeah. Is that a brown log in there? Is that a fucking brown wood bomb? Do not put down the wooden bomb. put him away shoot it

cheap Swiss cheese oh no that hurt oh even saying that that hurt my feelings he made you want to fucking die look he's scared of Swiss cheese dude

he's fucking terrified of Swiss cheese what is he gonna eat besides just some simple water should we have his first little part of coffee dude let's give him he's gonna stunt his growth

but I don't mind I loki wanted to stunt yeah can we feed him pancheter oh there's a drop oh he's refusing it oh no look at that you'll you'll you'll drink

drink that yeah there we go right next week we're feeding him panchetta okay panchetta okay well how are we gonna feed him that he only is he's on a liquid diet right now he'll just put panchetta on top of him i guess he really is beautiful i mean the more i look at him the more i think his name should be grover yeah it's a good name for him yeah i wish we could actually count the rings on him i wish he could actually name him grover i know but it's unfortunately it's not possible yeah we should get legally name him Grover. I wish we could put a legal what are you doing?

Okay, plans for Grover let's do this and then let's wrap up. Let's do rules and plans. Rules for Grover, okay? You're the writer today. Rule number one you must refer to him as Grover. Yep, he's Grover.

Grover. Well, rule number one is he's a log not a stunt. What are you doing? Sorry, it'll make sense. Dude, something is not adding up with your drawing today. I'm really seriously wrong. You need to go get checked out for something. Are you not right-handed?

Wait, wait. You're somebody else that has been dropped into your body. It's actually really difficult right now for me to draw in this position. And also the way that he said that is not very Patrick-esque. I think you are a Chinese person who got dropped in. I think so. You drew some characters there. Yeah, so we got, we got, first of all, his name's Grover.

His name is Grover. Period. Number two. Don't scare him. Don't scare him. Don't scare him. He's very afraid and shy. Okay, this is, we, that's great, man.

I'm glad you drew that. That's what he's going to look like eventually. That was terrible, man. See, I should not be the driver. Name is Grover Driver. Grover Driver. We're going to send him to Adam Driver once he becomes a tree. This is your son.

he scares easily so don't scare him feed him gossip yeah he likes gossip he scares easily and likes gossip and likes gossip and likes

gossip I mean those are the rules maybe we can move on to the plans okay but rules here plans we'll put plans above this one because this is what we plan to do is draw

take him from a log simple log okay you do the plans because I can't reach over there. Okay, so it's two rules for now. The rules will change. First of all, we'll find some more rules with him. I would like, let's see.

Well, he needs to have his first meal. That's a magnifying glass around here. This is de facto the five weeks of Grover. Why are you writing rules? Fuck. I did not sleep well last night. The evidence is mounting. Okay.

So that's, is that a magnifying glass? Yeah. That's a magnifying glass. He's small as a log, but now he's going to grow into a big tree. Okay. All right. Plans. I mean, yeah, what?

Bring him to see the world. One. Yeah. See the world. Expand his mind. Teach him. Teach him. He needs to learn about Christmas.

That's a big thing because that's kind of big part of his identity, I think. And as we, I mean, this is one of those things where it's like, this is like we adopted a baby from a different ethnic background and we want them to connect with it. But we don't have that. But we're not. not Christmas folk. We're just white guys. We're just white guys.

So we need to kind of help him delve into that. He needs to explore his Christmas background. And we need to support him in that. That's the first rule.

Get him laid in. Number two. Because every little boy needs to give some pussy. What else? Yeah, what else? I mean,

I think he needs to... We need to make him worldly also. He can learn about Christmas, but he needs to learn about... He needs to have a full education he's go to a museum or something yep well that's all number one teach him parentheses about christmas well but that's yeah all right anything specific we need a third plan what's a third thing for

the plans have fun have fun have fun have fun and uh i mean i think i also want to deck him out a little bit oh yeah makeover makeover makeover makeover number four okay that sounds good to me i think we can get all this stuff done yeah easily And we'll find some more rules as we go through. Yeah. All right. And I do want to say, I think we should have a Grover line. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me find the number really quick. But I'm going to say, if you guys have anything you want to share with Grover, be it gossip and Urban Legends, a fact about. Here, let me just find it so you don't just say a wrong number. I'm sure it starts with 929. I don't think it does start with that. I think it starts with something else. Wait, we have the shirt.

Yeah, exactly. I'm looking for the picture of the shirt right now. Dude, I can't even find it. No, I put it on the real drinker's ID. Hold on. I will find it faster than Cameron. Ready? You can find it.

Three, two, one, go. Cameron has a head start. Grover. Yeah, I don't know where to look for this to find it. He's Grover. He's Grover. He's Grover. He's Grover.

He's Grover. Well, call the old gossip line, because the same as the other one. I'm getting it right now. Somewhere. Grover's growing. It is 929-376-9-4-99. Yes, 9-29-376-9-4-99. I also found it.

That is now the Drankers-I-D template. That's going to be the Grover-Grover-Groth line. Grover growth line call, yeah, leave a, leave a rumor, leave a gossip, leave an urban legend, leave a fact about Christmas, leave a fact about worldly life, we have a sex tip. Yeah, well, first time sex tip, virginal sex tip. Anything that you think Grover needs to hear, and we'll play some of this

stuff to him over the coming months. We're going to need to screen them because, again, he is young. We will, of course, screen them. He's very young. So please exercise some restraint, and keep him short and sweet. So we can get it. We can get it. Just like Grover is. And makeover ideas, just in case you have an idea. Anything you think that he needs to hear, we'll put some headphones on.

on him. We'll play it right to him. But yeah, and just just leave them. Oh, that's a good point. We'll put the number up on the screen. Hi to him. Julio, do you want to say hi to Grover for the first time? You're shaking your head, no. Why are you shaking your head? No. You don't want to say how to grow up. Say hello. What is that? What are you saying? You guys scare him.

Can you tell a quick gossip? Yeah, tell them a rumor, Julio. I heard. that one of our closest friends is... What? You can't be saying slurs to him, man. Whoa. What's he saying?

I don't have my headphones on. He said the G word. Yeah. Whoa. I don't know why you would say that to Grover, man. Yeah. He said one of our close friends is a G. Careful of your ears, don't get any splinters in them.

Yeah. I heard a splintering noise when you took those on. But yeah, Colin and we'll, uh, Grover and us, we'll see you soon. Bye, Grover. Babe is a real-life pig. Yeah. James Cromwell's in that.

Yeah, he's old man. I definitely saw that when I was a kid, but I have no memory. You all remember Templeton the rat? He was fire. No. From Charlotte's Webb, nah? Not really. I definitely saw all this when I was really young, but don't remember it.

Charlotton. Charlotte's Webb. For Templeton? I mean, yeah, I don't remember him, but I'll, you know, I'll give it up for him. Dude, he's a virulent white supremacist. Well, why'd you dab me up? Because I'm a white supremacist. Shouldn't say that, too.

Watch what I said it. Well, because maybe you don't know what it means. That's the clip this week. Instagram Reels. What does white supremacist mean? Yeah. What does it mean for you to be one? Well, I'm not one.

If you were, what would you say? I'd say, man, I fucking hate all these other kinds of people and I only like the damn whites. But I don't say that. He's like that expression, too. I only like whites.