Podcast About List - Ep. 368 - Here's What You Should Gift Your Christmas Log This Year

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

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Hello? Did you call me? Yeah, I called. By accident? No. I have a kid. What? Yeah.

What? Yeah, I met, like, like, I don't know, it was a couple years ago. Mm-hmm. Um, I was at a Christmas party. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Um, yeah, it was a girl named Willow. And, uh, I get, I don't, uh, I don't really remember, but I have a kid. Mm-hmm. How old? I guess he's like two or three now. He just grew hair. He just grew hair?

Yeah, I mean, she just reached out to me. The two-year-old did? No, no, Willow. Oh. Where's she from? I don't know. This is before I met. I think she's from up north.

Yeah, Bay Ridge or something. Up north from, like, where I am. And how did you meet her? Christmas party Who's quick Who's party? It was Cameron or Caleb's I think I don't really remember

It was so long ago But yeah I have a kid And it was a one-night stand Yeah Mm-hmm And I don't

I haven't told Yeah Where's the DNA test I don't know I got to figure that out Yeah You want a paternity test Please

Mm-hmm And is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy. His name's Grover. He's a log. He's a, he's going to grow by the end of the month. He's a log. Yeah.

Like a piece of wood? Yeah. How much, okay, how much of that did you? We got to stop saying her name, because now Julio has to censor it out. But how much of that was believable? None of it, actually. You don't think that he could hook up with Willow? You don't think that I would have an accidental pregnancy.

You don't think I'm not, you don't, you think I'm not that stupid. No, because you were too freaking calm. You, Patrick, I know you. And you would have been like, oh, my God, Mom, Mom. That's true. That's true. You got them there. You got them.

You don't think I would have been trying. You don't think, okay, I'm calling you at what? Like, it's like eight o'clock at night. You don't think I would have had a whole day to process it and be like. No, you would have texted her before anybody knows. Yeah, you would have freaked out. You would have been crying like a little bitch. I wouldn't have been crying.

You would have to. What do I do? Oh, my God. What do I do? You lie. Oh, it wasn't lying. Well, are you at least happy about Grover? Are you happy about Grover?

He just grew hair. I do love that name. Yeah. Because he's my favorite Sesame Street character. Yeah. Well, he just grew hair. How did he grow hair? He's getting older because we've been feeding him and teaching him about Christmas.

and giving them God. Do you have any gossip that you could tell him? About what? Oh, my God. Stuff that you're allowed to say on the show? No. Well, nobody out there knows about the Karen retrial, so. I love you.

All right. Well, we have to start the episode. All right. I love you. Love you, too. I love you. Guess what? What?

Guess what I had for supper tonight? What'd you have for supper? Well, let's guess. Spaghetti. No. Some kind of a new ethnic food that you're trying. A soup. Yes.

Yes. I forget what it's called. Eric, what did I have for dinner? What did I eat? I had an enchilada. First time having enchiladas? And a burrito. Okay.

Mom, these are all things you've had at Taco Bell before. No, carnitas. Oh, carne. Okay. I had refried beans. Okay. Wow. And rice. This is a big step for you. Yeah, that's amazing.

I know. I had it at margaritas. Oh, I love margaritas. Cameron loves margaris. It was real. It wasn't Taco Bell. Okay. That is a real. Margaritas is.

It's real, man. It's real, man. It's real food. Yeah. It's not Taco Bell. What are you saying, Dad? He said it's not a, you said, what? Eric, is it changed?

What are you mean? It's not authentic. It was spicy. It's a chain place in New Hampshire. It's not going to be authentic. It wasn't like it was Gordo's. Yeah. But it was still out of my realm.

That's the most authentic Mexican fat is Gordo's. Yeah. Yeah. That's Authentico. Yeah, that is authentico. It wasn't in order of chicken fingers. Mm-hmm. Yeah, wasn't chicken fingers.

Yeah. Listen, baby steps. I'm getting there. Okay. We'll send you a picture at Grover. Yeah, we'll send you a picture of Grover. Yeah, definitely need to see this grandbaby of mine. You're really going to like that.

I mean, you have to go out and buy a Christmas gifts now. Yeah. Yes. He wants a PS5. An Xbox what? Series S. Did you see that picture I sent you, by the way? The one of me from a long time ago where I had more hair.

Yeah, Dad thought it was him. I thought it was him. All right. Well, I got to start the episode. We're six minutes in. You go stuck. Yeah. All right.

I love you. It's a six minutes phone call. All right. I love you too. All right. Bye. If that was my, if you, if your parents or my parents, I would also call them every day. Yeah.

I thought that I had them. I thought that I genuinely had them for a second. Your mom sounded a little bit stressed. At first she was like, I could hear the, I could hear the turn. Yeah. Once I said Willow, I think. Yeah, there started to be. Yeah.

But the first, I think you had her in the first couple seconds. I did have her in the first couple seconds and she'll never admit that. Yeah. She won't admit it, but I think you did. Good news. She had a carnitas enchilada. I know that's really exciting. Big news.

She's not eating cheeseburger pizza anymore. Cheeseburger pizza. That's not good, man. No, you got to stop eating that. But that was a good guess. She had also recently she had teakam masala. That's huge, too. Yeah.

That's amazing. Uh-huh. She's not being a white whitey anymore. Good. Uh-huh. Good. I always said she's too much of a white lady. I've always thought that too.

Yeah. I'm glad we can agree on that. Too white for me. Yeah, my mom's too white for me. Yeah. for you it's just too white for me I would never go for something like that

too well well Grover we're gonna have to teach you about the Karen Reed trial now what the fuck is that that's like um it's something that she's obsessed with it's some true crime thing

yeah it's like uh it's like a it's like a corrupt no no no it's a corrupt police uh thing in Boston oh yes it's the lady the cop ended up dead in her front yard or so shit yeah yeah

My mom's been obsessively follows that. I don't think she did it. Yeah, she didn't. My mom is, she's free. She's got a free care and read sticker on her car. Okay, so from what I understand about this situation, Grover, her and this cop, they had a really bad relationship, and they're doing all sorts of drugs,

getting all drunk, staying up past 9 p.m. They were at her house. Which is a crime for you right now. Yeah, you're a little young to be staying up that way. Give it a week of two. It's a crime for two, or is two now? this is episode three he's three okay there's a crime for three year olds we won't

count the D&D one he's episodes yeah episodes long yeah and by the way guys I mean just I mean you can see it plainly on your screen but he grew hair he we came in to the office and he had hair he grew some hairs I think that's I think you guys is voicemails and you and our kind of the gossip and stuff is working

pleasantries are really helping I think he's working and he loves his outfit well we've got the Karen Reed thing but let's get let's get into the gossip message by everybody a few voice mails from the growth line. Here, will you give him his headphones? It might be tough with his mop that he's grown. It's like a glove.

Grover, you're so agreeable. You're so old. Let's hear our first voicemail of the day. Let's see what these people have to say. Hey, Grover, welcome to the world. I wanted to update you on the situation surrounding the death of gospel singer Betty Bio. I heard that her mother is seeking a death inquest, and she is alleged. to quote evil hand in her demise.

What is this? The Betty Bio. Oh! Right. Betty Bio. Biot. Betty Bio's mom has requested a death inquest and is alleging an evil hand. An evil hand was involved.

So I think that was a guy, that honestly was a piece of gossip that hit, I felt like I grew. I felt like I understood why Grover grows with gossip when I heard that one. That was such a tough celebrity death for me because I found out she was dead maybe four minutes after learning her name. Yeah. I think that was one of the time. I feel like I had no time with her. Yeah. Zero time with her. And now I had more time with her dead than she was alive. To know that there was an evil hand perhaps in play here. I really am push. I would like to push for this inquest as well. I agree. I think that we deserve to know. The truth about Betty Bayo. Yeah. We deserve to know. Her mom kind of did the heavy lifting force. You know how like a movie like when like a guy's child gets killed, he shows up at the police station every day and it's like, well, What do you guys have? And they go like, hey, you're not part of it. We'll let you know when you do something. Let us work.

That needs to be. I mean, I understand that guy's mindset in that movie from the perspective of Betty bio. And also for the mother, now that I have a child, the idea of your child passing before you, burying your child from an evil hand is one of the horrible things. I know. And the only thing that would console me as an inquest. Yeah.

Well, let's hear another voice about here. Let's listen to our next one. Hi, Grover. So I'm a slightly older gay man than you, and I just wanted to give you a quick gay sex tip. So if you're trying to clean out your butt, you may firstly think that you should use as much water as possible. But actually, you should only focus on cleaning out your rectum. If you use too much, the water will go up into a sigmoid colon, and it can pull poop down into your rectum, and you can end up painting DL Trade. So if you don't want to paint DL Trade, take that advice.

I've heard that phrase before from people I know, painting DL. D.L. Trade. What's painting D.L. Trade? I need my gay friends that I go and dance with. That means pooping on your partner? Yes, it means pooping on your partner who's on the down low, but also is a handyman. What's a handyman? I know down low. Trade. What's trade?

Trade is like a gay guy that's not, it's like a guy that, like the village people. How they all had jobs. A gay guy with a job. Trade is in trade school? Trade is gay guy with a job? I think that can't be right I got a lot of the gay guys I know don't have jobs

well I just also wanted to throw something out there for the voice girls we got so we got a few sex tips we asked for them look up DL trade I think that may have been the only one that took into account Grover's sexuality so please you know be thinking

about that what Grover is not and I've done the market research all you all are gay and I would prefer it from gay men yes over anything else I don't need some straight guy

coming in here telling my gay log son how to be gay. Yeah. I want to but I think that's, I don't know if... And bisexuals stay the fuck out of it. I'm not sure if he's gay. Grover has a sigmoid colon or a rectum or all this stuff. He has a tree branch.

But you can maybe, I mean the water is going to be... Is a homosexual male that presents himself as a very masculine straight guy trade. He's gay, but he keeps it on the down low, the deal. He usually keeps his relationships with other men hidden. Wait, so what does the trade part mean?

Trade just means that they're masculine. They seem like a masculine straight guy, but they're actually gay. Yeah, like a tradesman. A gay guy with a job. A publicly straight guy that is privately gay or buy. And the quote here is, I bang that D.L. trade friends with benefits. He was dangerously tight. Okay.

I'm going to need a few more definitions. I don't know what dangerously tight means. Let me check out dangerously tight. Or let me just check out tight. Okay. Okay, click tight. Cool, hip, and fashionable. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Oh, dangerously cool. You don't want to paint DLTRA. I guess I'm dangerously tight in that case. You don't want to paint DLTRAD. What do you mean? No, I'm tight, right? I'm super tight. Dangerously tight.

Tight as in a virgin's pussy. Oh. Prenzies not loose. What's loose mean? Well, loose would be bad. But loose is like hang loose. Maine and Andrea's pussy was tight. Is that quote?

Okay. but anyway andrea's pussy was tight anyway like they were saying on their call like you know you don't want to paint DL trade because no I certainly don't you know like Super Mario Sunshine where there's that you know he's walking around

with the paint the water that is so tight on a man's penis that he can feel all the muscles tightening around the same sorry say that again just put it on hold for a vagina that is but it says vagina here a vagina that is so tight on a man's penis

that he can feel all the muscles tightening around the penis is tight. Sorry, the quote here is, you got a tight-ass pussy and it feels incredible. Thank you. Well, that's just something that they're saying. That's what tight means? Let's see what tight ass means. A cheap person or an over cautious person. What? Okay. Really? Dude, MacVee won't even haste people over because he thinks we will make a mess. We will make a mess of the house. What a tight ass. Let's do make a mess. Okay. Make a mess is the aftermath of a man's orgasm will, quote, make a mess if it is not contained by a condom, a mouth, a vagina or an anus. In other words, it is allowed to spray and land. We're on either the man or on his partner or partners or on the sheets or on the floor or anywhere else. We've looped back to making a mess on DL trade. My girlfriend never wants me to make a mess even when I'm masturbating around her.

When I masturbate, I have to call her over when I'm ready and she has to come in her mouth after when she swallows so I don't make a mess. Oh, that's what make a mess means? Or it could mean to take a shit, but let's see what that is. Again, again, we've made a perfect circle. Take a shit. I think everything on Urban Dictionary is about... No, we've hit a perfect circle. We went in a purpose circle.

We better pick it for a circle. I think you could click here for years and never hit one that's not about a shitting or set. But we went in with painting DL trade and then we've come back to... Patrick, I understand what you're saying. What I'm saying is every single entry is about that. This is interesting.

You guys ever heard this? To take a shit is a less vulgar way to tell someone to fuck off when telling someone to fuck off as inappropriate or unwanted. For the quote, My girlfriend cheated on me, and I told her to go take a shit. That is not something people say.

No one says that. A sixth grader added that for sure. Take a shit. That's like a PG-13 edited movie. Where instead of saying like I'd edited for TV movie, instead of saying fuck you, they'd say, oh, go take a shit. Go take a shit. Yeah.

But it's edited for TV on a TV. Oh, yeah. We have one more, I think. I don't remember what it is. Hi, Girova. Hi, boys. This is Patrick from Australia. I first wanted to say, I think you guys are going to be great, dads.

And I was really moved when you said that Grover had really beautiful bark. I wish I had a father figure like that, let alone three father figures. It's really beautiful. My piece of gossip for Grover is that Tyra Banks apparently bought a house in Merrickville, which is a suburb of Australia. You heard about Tyra Banks buying a house in a suburb of Australia? Really? No, sorry for interrupting your call. I just wanted to throw that one in there because Grover has fans around the world.

Yes. Even in Australia, a place which as far as I know doesn't even have trees. Yes, spiders. And if it does have trees, it's those ones that go out instead of up. They're upside down. The leaves are on the bottom. Where things you hang on it and shit? Yeah.

But I heard news today that Tyra Banks... Grover, I heard news today that Tyra Banks, a hot ice cream line is finally hitting shelves. what's hot ice cream I don't know this is something I this is something I saw reposted on a on a friend's Instagram story it's hot ice cream how old is Tyra Banks

she is probably 57 years old now she's fire yeah well how old is she 52 you want to meet up with her all you have to do is head to Merrickville yeah in Australia I learned that thank you to Patrick do you think you'll ever go to Australia

can we call them something different we're never going to talk about them again no I said we're adopting them there are other done you're going to adopt all right i'll take care of them like a tomagotchi it'll be just my computer i'll zoom in first we'll need to digitize you yeah we need to digitize you we'll take care of you yeah because i can not be changing your stuff no i'm not changing your stuff you and all that kind of thing i'm not doing any and keep those voicemails coming i'm you want to say the number yeah i'll say the number again uh for the first time on this episode yeah well i mean it's

again for me though and i operate on my own self mind 929 376 9 499 I'll say it again at the end of the episode. Because I know you can't even stand to pause this right now to call. So we'll say it again. The Grover Gossip and Sex. Grover Growth Line, which includes gossip, sex and Christmas Facts and Christmas Facts. Our truly just, you know, anything you think is going to help him grow. Yeah.

You know, a lot of people have been, you know, saying hi to us and giving compliments to us. And I appreciate that. But you should have addressed it to Grover is the one who really needs to hear this stuff. And we would say that you guys, we've, established the idea a long time ago of the food more. You guys will be the infomores. Yeah. Yes. You are going to be giving him

info. Yeah. Info me, info more. Info me. Info me. Inform me. Inform me. If you say inform me inform more, it kind of sounds like informer. Informer. You've got to tell you what the fuck is going on about sex and God and facts.

He what? He likes a rumor. Yeah. He what? He likes a rumor, yeah. He likes a rumor, yeah. It's Grover. It's Grover. Informed him on the one day, he'll be a tree. He's going to grow real fast. Yeah.

I can't believe that. I mean, I've never seen firsthand the life cycle of a tree. Yeah. I had no idea that they had a phase where they had hair. Me either. I guess he's going to lose it. This is like a larval stage. It's like, yeah, yeah, it's something in between because he had no hair.

You know what he does. And I guess he's not going to. Maybe these become leaves. Or maybe these are his peacock in years. Oh, you think he's looking? He's looking for DL trade. D.L. Trade. D.L. Treed. D.L. Treed. L. Treed. L. Treed.

Okay. Down log. Down log treed. Okay. I'll take that. I'll put that in my mind. Making a grinder profile for it. We should. Let's make a grinder profile for him. Taking a picture of him, taking a picture of him, putting it up and saying,

I'm looking for downlog treed. Let's make it, let's make that right now. Why have we not thought of that? I'll download it right now. Okay. It doesn't take a lot to explain to your wife. She will know when she sees the log. To be fair to me.

She will not just immediately give up on me. Just because she sees grinder with our grinder. Make sure you don't allow notifications is all I'll say. Because I'm imagining a scenario where you're sitting at home. local LGBTQ plus people. Oh, it's just for people? Oh, that's a good... People lie about their height.

You know, while you do that, I'm going to really quick, just find the grinder, like, if they have a support chat or something, and just ask if... Would it be okay to be a long? If it's okay, if you're not a people... Yeah, maybe they have an Instagram

that you can call, because sometimes you can call people on Instagram. I don't want to use my email, though. Yeah. Use the podcast email. Well, I'll use a burner email. email. Okay. And I'm just on my phone now because everyone else is on their phone.

You have to be not on your phone. That's kind of the... Okay, so I'm going to put my phone down because you picked up your phone. Oh, I have to proceed, except the terms of service. Okay, now the yours is down. I'm picking mine back up, but you have to talk. Okay. So...

Oh, wait, submit an idea. Oh, there we go. You should add trees to the tribes. There's a list of tribes on there. Interesting. Yeah. Tell me a lot. Tell me more.

There's a list of... I learned this recently on my episode of... interior motives. Go watch that with Ben Mora. Wait, guys, I've just stumbled on something incredible. Yes. The submit an idea grinder thing, when you start to type in your idea, it brings up every idea in a search engine that people have submitted.

What do we have? We got, wait, wait, wait, we got it. This is a full, wait, let's do it. We have every single idea that anyone's ever submitted to a grind. No, we got the gift guide. We'll get there, but I want to hear some of these. No, we got to bring someone on for this. I have to read the way.

We have to bring on a gay expert. He's a gay novice. I mean, I just have to, let's see here. Is there any word you want me to search? I'm just scrolling through here. Fine. Too many women. Read that.

Read that one. Since when did Grindr become an app for straight men and women? Wow. It's pretty long here. You know, I'm coming into a problem here. Yes. Which is that the date of birth I put as 12-5, 2025. and it will not let me make an account for him.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, well, you could do your birthday and then say account managed by parents. I don't. I think that the grinder is not going to work out. Get rid of the grunt sound when tapping. This is just foolish.

And until you allow users to report violators who immediately block, this foolish addition deserves no time. Ridiculous. But the grunt sound. That's what it says. I don't know what that means. Pat, you tell us.

You seem to be the expert. I don't know. I've never used it. I learned about this recently. There's a lot of... Roblox, oof. Yeah. There are a lot of...

It's a robox oof. Ooh. It does that. Hateful ideas. Like what? Things against certain types of people. There are lots of these. Yeah.

What are they? Wow. Are these gay turfs? A lot of gay turfs. Yeah. Figures. Mostly gay turfs and people saying, I'm sick of spam.

Me too. So they wouldn't like the law. me too. I've been eating so much of it this week. Grover's one was going to be one of the realest motherfuckers on that platform. I agree Cameron. Again, again, put your birthday and then say account managed by parents. I agree with both of you.

The thing that I'm realizing, though, is that it really is not actually trying to find him a mate because he's not going to date a human. And I think he's the only wooden being. You think you have an app called Treled? Like Field. Like, like Grayled?

No, like Field. The other gay app. You know, Every gay app. Yeah. Why? Because somebody told me that they saw one of my straight friends on there one time and I won't say who. Will you tell me later?

It's gossip and I'll tell you later. Really? Uh-huh. Oh, dude, I want to, well, that's enough gossip for him. There's, I think it's also, I think it's a field is like for people who are, like, open to, like, like, uh, kink relationships. So I think it's also, it's like, queer, like, positive, but also. You could have a whole life with a, somebody you met on a kink relationship thing?

You think you get married? I don't. think I could somebody who's all about some feet no I don't like feet you guys like feet no I tried it and it did not work let me search you know you try it just don't do that much does nothing for me I won't say they do zero it does zero for me it does it's completely non-sexual to me compared to awesome boobs though yeah it's nothing it's got but it's kind of like you know kind of like that's like comparing apples and feet two different things I would take apples over feet yeah this is what I'm saying sometimes

boobs over apples. Here's an idea. Here's an idea someone has to improve Grindr. Special occasion jewelry. What makes it truly memorable. When selecting jewelry for a special event, say a gala or anniversary dinner,

how do you decide between something bold and something classic? And how important is the jeweler's reputation and making sure the piece holds up both visually and physically through the evening? It's a great point. Why does it even end with an ad or anything? It's just that.

Good question. yeah these are all please add abdl tag oh wow they should have that on there that should be on there so you can at least i mean if you're not into that i mean it seems i'm seeing a lot of issues with with grinder's ui i'm seeing a lot of people it seems like they've messed they've messed with it a lot here's my idea for them add a sex now button that's pretty much oh here we go okay i search feet here's an here's an idea okay who likes feet i need to lodge a complaint feet should not be covered up by socks I believe feet are meant to be seen bare and sexy if you want to post pictures of your feet and socks you should start your own site thanks

wow that's amazing that is amazing this is a deep well of things that we could go into there's a whole lot here man yeah I feel like we'd be intruding on can you look up Christmas oh look up Christmas

yeah I need I need search ideas because this is not a good interface we know it would be an amazing thing was if somebody's on there, like, there should be a Christmas button. There should be. There should be a Christmas button. Make a Christmas grinder logo. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a Santa hat on him. Or a Yamaka depending on the, or like a Well, it's Christmas though. Yeah. Well, okay, but there's three holidays this month. Dude, major denominational holidays. Can I tell you something? I'm being woke. Sorry. No, can I tell you something, though? What? Jews do

not give a fuck about Hanukkah. Yeah, that's true. That is not their holiday. No, they do. No. They care about it. Why would they make a whole movie about it? That's like a low-tier holiday in Judaism. Really? What's the biggest one? Rosha Shana, man. We project Christmas.

Pass over. Yeah. Well, they needed a little something in December. That's true. That's where the chocolate coins came from? Manashevitz coins, yeah. Yeah. Searched Halloween. Okay.

Please make the Halloween grinder look like a pumpkin. Please make the Halloween grinder look like a pumpkin. Okay, now I'm going to search pumpkin. Yeah. Pumpkin. See what comes up with that. That's just that. What if the complaint is,

saw a guy pretending to be a pumpkin out here. Oh, search tree. Search tree. See what comes up with tree. For tree. People with no picks of themselves. Listen, so why am I paying for a grid

of a bunch of blank profiles or picks of a tree? Whoa. Wow. So it's truly not sure what y'all have against plants and why I'm not allowed to like trees and four leaf clovers.

so there's already people complaining about this we don't know what I'm going to get on there you can find some of the most the people of the most interesting schizophrenia of all time not sure why I'm not allowed to like trees and poorly you know what it is they probably

they probably were they were probably talking to somebody too much about that this shatters my idea of gay guys yeah to hear stuff like this what do you mean what was your ideas tell me before you say this complaint or your idea of being shattered,

what is your idea of gay guys? Gay guys are they're skinny and they're tall and they don't really like computers that much. They think it's weird. They don't know about forums

and all this kind of crap. Yeah. You're just describing your bunch of them. Well, but he's like a standard gay guy. He's not, he's like a New York gay guy. Okay, but I'm thinking just gay guys are generally they don't know that much about

forums and crap. And they would never go on there to leave a forum post. I think that maybe I imagine maybe you have some gay prejudices. That they don't like forums? Yeah. Because all the gay guys I know like forums. Really?

What kind of forums? What's happening forum? Ray William Johnson. That's not what that's a forum, bro. I'm saying real, I'm saying like these gay guys don't go on Tom's hardware like that. They could. And you probably just don't know because they're not shoving it down everyone's throats. like the other

like the gay guys walking down the street with the flags like these guys in New York city gays that are constantly shoving their

gay stuff down my throat I'm sick of it every day in this neighborhood you're getting a gay guy shoving something down your gay guys shoving something down my throat comments on these too oh my god

dude this is a full social net this is a full forum that's what I'm saying we got to go through the I just don't think of gay guys as using forums like that hi friends I want to place a couple bets and play casino games

where should I go? Wow. And then it's all spam links to this is an Alleyoop spammer. Wow. He posted that. Yeah. And then switched and said,

Hey, I actually found this incredible website where you can play. Yeah. Well, enough of this gay crap. He can't say that for a grower. Oh, sorry. He's gay.

These amnoe, those amnoying games. I do not play any games or download them. It redundant. We have to wait. Forced to look at the games. I don't. play or download any games. It's severely

annoying to me. Make a way to exit them immediately or don't put up. See, to me, that can't be a gay guy type games. What is the best online game you've ever played and why? That sounds gay. That sounds normally gay. Okay. All right. I search games. I know what you mean now. I know what you mean now, but we got to

move into something very important. Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question, though? When in the history of the podcast have you ever been trying to keep it on track? What are you afraid of learning? A lot. Are you afraid that we're getting too close

to one of your comments? Can we get out of this app's website? It's what it seems like. You're getting so worried about this. I think there's some interesting stuff. Don't look for a profile named Nitrojet. I'm just going to search Patrick. Yeah, sir, it's Patrick.

No idea is found. Whoa. Interesting. Let's search New Hampshire. Yes. Let's see here. I'm going to say No ideas found No ideas found

Where else does he live? Search New York Sure That could be anywhere Nothing for Caleb Why do you even search that? Well, let's try Cameron Nothing

That way can you imagine Try Julio Julio Search Nothing Well Try New York Try Grover

Oh I should try Grover Really quick Let's see Let's see if Grover Are being talked about on there Grover Nothing Man

All right, New York. This will be my last search. Looking for MLM software in New York? MLM. Machine learning machine? Multi-level marketing. Go? Yeah, duh.

Whoa. What? I don't know if I should read that. What is it? Well, it says, go to the pier in New York City. Most gay teenagers have no money. Wow. That's definitely P.E. Doorman.

Yeah, man. That's not me. That's you. That's you, man. That was what you were afraid of us. No. Go to the pier in New York. Most gay teenagers have no money.

That is a sinister. All capitals. That's the subject line. Nobody. Oh, my God. Horrifying. That is. Yeah, should we move into our...

Yeah, guys. Let's start our 2025 holiday gift guide and Grover, cover your ears because we're getting you all this. You might see a couple of these things turn out for you. But Christmas is just a weekend or so. We should use it like a Christmas tree and put gifts under him. Yeah. That's a great idea. I love that idea.

They have to be kind of small to not obscure his body. If you guys have, you know, the past couple years, you've been getting your dad the same book every time he keeps forgetting that you gave it. Capo guide to revolution. Every year. I really think you might like this, dad. He's using them as a nightstand now on a side table. He's got him, one of them's carved out. That's where he has a whole furniture.

Dad, remember John Kerry? Remember John Kerry? These guys are kind of like John Kerry. And he goes, John Kerry, was that queer that ran for president? You go, yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, these guys make fun of him.

Yeah. Wait, dad, these guys make fun of Hillary Clinton. You're going to like these guys. Try these gifts instead. Yes. Who wants to go start? I'll start. We can go.

Call up my holiday gift guide, guys. Let's see. And Grover, look away because you're getting every single one of these presents. Are we going to be able to see it on the screen? He's doing his thing. Yeah, he's figuring it out. He's doing his thing.

We saw the jerkmate ranked. The jerkmate ranked wallpaper. For just a moment there. Can you see that when you switch the monitor Julio or no. He fucking hates you. It hates my guts, man. He hates your fucking guts.

All right. I don't see anything, though. Did you not have a one blank slide? I don't think I did. I think you had... Oh, this is mine. This one's mine. This one's mine.

Guys, first things first. Next generation luxury advanced toilet 2.0. Wow. And I need this because my toilet was on the fritz yesterday. Oh, that's true. You lost your water. Well, it wasn't quite on the fritz, but I wasn't able to use it. And I have to imagine that something like this would remain usable even.

How much is a toilet 1.0 cost? 100 bucks. It just comes with my apartment. It's a piece of shit. It's worthless. Yeah, it's not worth much. So what I was amazed at with this and what really intrigued me as an item of a gift is the fact that the jump in price from 1.0 to 2.0 is from, maybe $100 or less for a normal toilet to $30,000.

What I really like about this, too, is that there's a nice coupon code to save $50. You save $50. And with Klarna, no. With Klarna. This number is this? I don't know. I don't know, man.

You're just getting to call out. With Klarna, you can pay as low as $1,400 a month for your toilet 2.0. Yeah. I mean, I want this. And they have a little description here if you go to the next slide. There's a description on this. why you'll love it, from its hands-free automation to its personalized

lighting, seat heating, and built-in air purification. This is smart, or this smart toilet 2.0 transforms your bathroom into a luxury wellness suite designed for those who appreciate engineering excellence and elevated living. It's not just a toilet. It's an experience.

Wow. I really like that last line. That is a beautiful. It's not just a toilet. It's an experience. Yeah. I need an experience. But I feel like I use the toilet so much. No! He's been wobbling the whole time. You spilled him. Grover.

He's fine. He spilled Grover. Is he okay? I did not spill him. I was nowhere near him. Just don't put him on this wire. You have been shaking the table. I've been shaking the table?

Yes. Here, just take his head. He doesn't use his headphones right now. Yeah, take these off because he's going to hear us talking about these amazing gifts. Well, he's still in the room. He's going to fall again. He's about to fall. Stop.

You're wiggling him around. Okay, I'm going to. Oh, what are you doing? It's my chair, guys. I'll move away from the chair to breathe. Go next. slide okay

Lego Star Wars Django Fetz slave one new sealed carrying cases $9,500 the only reason I put this on here is Patrick

is that actually the name of Django Fet's ship yes they changed it to I forget what in 20 it might have been

when the Mandalorian came out but it's all it was called the slave one up until then so for 30 years it was

for 30 years it was called the slave one slave one yeah a lot of slavery in Star Wars. But Slave One is...

Calling your ship, the Slave One is... Yeah. I do wish that this was kind of a mini figure for Django Fet's slave. Me too. I think that's probably what you thought when you first saw this.

And that's what I thought when I first saw this first second to that. No, no, the Slave 1, Starfighter. Why is Slave even in the title of this thing? It means something different. And I guess the word maybe means something. No, because they're slave, Leah. No, it's the slave.

They're slaves. But also, Legos, like, Legos go for so much. fucking money it's crazy but there's probably some rare piece in there and that's why it's 9500 I would think that it's expensive because it was called slave one and it's no longer called that yeah it's no that would be my guess it was called the slave one in I think battlefront 2015 slave yeah why isn't that video game cost $9,000 yeah exactly an amazing point I do think that the part that is worse to me is that it's one yeah one is the weird

That means that there's multiple slaves. The slaver. That makes some sense. But slave one, like Air Force One. Yeah. Slave one. Come on, Lucas. Jango.

Whoa. And then later in life, there was a movie about Jango being a slave. Later in life? My life. Later in his life, there was a movie about Jango. What movie was that? Jango Unchained. Oh.

Yeah. Maybe they changed. He was not. He was unchanged. He's a slave for barely part of that movie. He's a slave for, one part of the beginning of the movie and then he becomes a slave again

so that he can do an escape plot. Yeah. He becomes a slave twice in that movie. I don't even remember him becoming a slave again. I guess he does kind of become a slave again. He gets killed by the Australian guys and Quentin Tarantino is one of them. Yeah. Well, yeah. But those aren't the guy, he becomes the slave of Leonardo DiCaprio. I think so, yeah. I know so. That's Australian guys are the KKK, aren't they?

No, that's Jonah Hill. And he's in a thing at the end. And he's like, guys, I'm not even a slave. So he's not a slave even then. Yeah, he's free. He's free, but he's in disguise. He's pretending to be a slave. He's pretending to be a slave.

Yes. Okay, so next, the next thing here. You become one if you pretend to be one. The next one over here is a cool rock slash fossil for almost a million dollars. Card, mine, no. Almost, not quite. I mean, I prefer you say that. It's not quite a million dollars.

Okay, $999,99,99.99. The more I looked at this, it's not a million. When I looked at this, the more I thought it actually is a very core rock. I think it kind of looks like Pup. And in the description, I didn't put the description up here, but in the description, he says, the price is not a joke. This is a lucky charm of mine. And I really don't want to sell it, but I just put it up because I was thinking if somebody's crazy

enough to offer this amount of money, I probably would get rid of it. Yes. But, again, I really do not want to sell it. Yeah. And then I really like what he put under the condition here. If you go to the next slide. Condition details are seller. Pretty much the same condition from when I found it all those years ago.

That's how you know that he loves this thing. He does love this thing. That's a great. I wish I said that on like a trading card or something. Pretty much the same condition from I found it all those years ago. He specifically is like, it's not just used. Let me say what is going on here. It's the same condition.

So that's an amazing gift that you could get for somebody. If you go next, this next one is extremely rare, one-of-one sacrificed Labibu. Wow. From Nerdgasms Delight, $666 or best offer, and $616 of the coupon code. Yeah. So if you don't want to break the bank, this is a good option instead of the fossil. Yeah. So let's look at the description on this.

The product is an extremely rare, one-of-a-kind Labibu action figure that was sacrificed to the gods. This custom-made figure is graded at a perfect. 100 and features the character Labibu in a sacrificial theme manufactured in the current time period this original creation by an extreme artist is a part of the Labubu franchise making it a unique and a valuable

addition to any collection of action figures and then it has a break this is for an extremely rare one of one of one sacrifice Labu I run a YouTube channel Nerdgazim 666 and I did a video of the sacrifice of Labu to the nerd gods which their bellies

were filled with blood of the innocent They are pleased, and want more sacrifices to consume further. This is what's left, and all proceeds will go towards acquiring more sacrifices for the merciful ones. I signed it, Nerdgasm 666. This is your chance to purchase a true collector's item, one of one, and support the sacrifices of more to the all-knowing merciful great nerd gods. Thanks for looking. Any questions, please ask.

Have a fantastic day. The bin number is 41. And I went to his YouTube channel. went to scrub through nearly every goddamn video could not find one video of him sacrificing Is he lying?

Wow. I don't know. Most of his videos are videos called like well another amazing day at the thrift store and it's just him

going through just shit that he found at the thrift store. Damn. And he's not sacrificing I thought that it was going to be a cool devil maybe it's a different nerdgasm. No,

this is him because a lot of the stuff that's in those videos he's selling on eBay. Yeah. Go next. I might have one more. I don't remember.

Oh yeah. Chipotle restaurant, iconic burrito god sculpture art by Bruce Goosewell, 2003. This is actually an incredible gift. For almost near $130,000. Dude, again, you're being irresponsible. $129,000, $929,98. Because I just want to give people an accurate picture of the price. Some people are not looking at the video. They're just listening. I don't want them understood. I think these things are more expensive than we actually are. I think this is my last one. But I think I would love to receive this. This is probably the best one.

in this right here? I mean, it's amazing. The price is a little steep to me. Yeah. Own a rare piece of Chipotle history, the iconic burrito god's culture. Is that really a rare piece of Chipotle history? If you've never dined at a Chipotle,

chances are you've seen them. The unforgettable burrito god sculpture, gracing the walls with an almost mythic presence. Are you kidding? More than just decor, this striking figure became an unofficial mascot of the original Chipotle design era, embodying the bold, handcrafted spirit

of the restaurant's early days. Wait, do they like? have this anymore? No, I've never seen this. That's crazy. I didn't see. No, I didn't see Chipotle until it was all corporate and gray. They got rid of it because of it has religious. Yes, it could be that. The same reason as slave won. It could be that.

Because, I mean, Julio, does this make you feel some type of way? He just switched the... I'm taking that as a yes. Now you have the once in a lifetime opportunity to own this rare and iconic piece of restaurant history. A true collector's gym. This sculpture isn't just wall art. It's a symbol of Chipotle's roots,

a nostalgic nod to the brand's rise, and a conversation starting statement piece for any space. Definitely. Where are you putting this? I'm putting this in my studio apartment where I have a mattress on the floor and I have a computer monitor on the floor next to it. I have no chairs.

I have nothing on the wall except for just this. Here's what I'm doing. Air mattress. I'm putting this thing above my bed like a sexual mirror. And then every time that I have sex. And I always am like, can I be? I'm on the bottom. Can I be on the bottom? And then I look up. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, Burrito God. Thank you, Burrito God. When you wake up every morning. Thank you, Burrito God. For another amazing morning. And jumping out. Yeah. And that's the end of my gift guide, man. That's great. I mean, those are. All and all, you're dropping for all these gifts. About a million and a quarter. Yeah, you're holding up the kind of more expensive part of the... I'm high-end. You understand high-end tastes. And I'm sure a lot. lot of people can afford that yeah i mean our listeners yeah yeah definitely i definitely i've

mixed in a lot of like you know high end with like you know cheap stocking stuffers as well yeah i've got a little bit i did big ticket gifts yeah well that's i mean that i did the ones that you don't wrap you just throw them in the living room yes yes and this one is uh i think this is my first one here the jelly boy jelly toast whoa wow wow what kind of jelly is that on that's white jelly. I don't even see jelly on that. I think that's a piece of buttered toast from filibuster. Well, it's, I think it is too. I thought that we had, I swear to God, we had jelly on that day. But that jelly toast is going to be $9,000. You're selling that. I'm selling that for $9,000. You just dropped the price? Yeah. Wow. I dropped the price. You dropped the price by

by $80,000? Yeah. Uh-huh. Dude, that's huge. Yeah. $9,000. It seems like you almost don't have that much to say about the jelly boy jelly toast. No, I mean, what else is there to say about it? You can see it in the image. You tell me. You tell us what is there to say about the jelly boy jelly toast? The jelly boy jelly toast is the jelly that started at all. The jelly boy franchise.

And what is included in the jelly boy franchise? Jelly boy jeans, the jelly boy geisty, jelly boy jorts. And so this is to all the jelly boy juggling balls. What are the jelly boy juggling balls? Oh, my God, it's literally the easy. You don't even know the jelly boy jockey. logo? No, I don't. It's a picture of a male model

on top of an item with the phrase, Jelly Boy, wrapped around it. What is it? What do you mean, an item? On top of an item. Jorts, jeans. A male model on top of an item? Yes. That's the logo? You're not familiar. We talk about the Jelly Boy clothing line every year at Christmas. The logo changes

every time. No, it's the same male model with the words Jelly Boy wrapped around it. He's saying the logo's on the item. The logo's on the item. The item changes. It's like, The item changes. The red Supreme box logo going on a brick, a baseball bat. But the item changes. Oh, okay.

God. I see. The on the item thing really threw me off. This jelly started the item. This jelly started the idea of jelly boy. Jeans. Next slide. So this is a real Hornets Nest high for sale in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. And this was going for $70.

So this is a great. stocking stuffer, I think. Did it say in there that they're... Or a good stocking. Or a good stocking, yes. A couple of hornets that's hanging from the mantle. Yeah, you can put a, put it, you know, Hershey's kisses in here. Yeah. Was that, uh, were they, is there

bees in there? Or hornets? They're in there. The hornets are in there. Or it's a hive. I mean, it's a real hive. But it has it been cleared out? You know what? If you're so concerned about that, you're not going to like my next gift. Why'd they bring it inside? For sale. But are you going to sell it from outside? I can take it. Well, this next gift is in the same vein, which I guess you wouldn't, you wouldn't like because you're so concerned.

Oh, never mind. I think it was, never mind. Stay in that. Stay in that thread. No, no. Okay. It's the same vein. It's a Beanieus thing. You wouldn't understand T-shirt.

Names, surname, Family Gift. This is if your name is Ted Beanus or, you know, oh, beanie-ness. Beanness in the hive. Okay, you made it work. You made it work. Uh-huh. Because there's Beinus in there. There's Beinus in the hive.

This would be great where it's like, Beinus in the hive. You know what this would be like? This is like when for Christmas you get a gift and you get, you unwrap and you're like, it's a game boy game. You're like, wait,

I don't have a game boy. You get the shirt. It's a Venus thing. Yes. Wait. Wait. You look at the hive shaped. Uh-huh.

No way. I didn't, I didn't think it would happen. I didn't think I was getting a high. But it's a penis thing. Now I understand. I think I hope I put it on the next slide. And then you'd also have this.

You'd open up your, God damn it. No, keep going. Keep going. Dude. How the fuck did I move it around so much? Stay in it, man. This is similar to, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess this is similar to the iSperm 6 portable semen analysis system, MCASA, includes canine license. So that is my one question here is why, what is a canine license? Oh, it's a license to view and extract canine sperm. To view canine sperm. You need a license to view a dog's sperm? You need a license to view canine sperm. You need a license to do your sperm?

On the ice sperm? Yeah, Ice sperm is great name. That's fucked up. That's like DRL. That's like where it's like you need a fucking jail break your candle.

Yeah. Activate windows. Like, yeah, let me have it. Yeah. I bought the ice sperm. It was thousands of dollars.

Let me look at the fucking canine spurn. What I'm paying for the canine. I have to renew my canine license. I was looking for. I have a fridge full of dog sperm. It's going bad because I have to wait for the fucking red tape to renew the canine license.

so bad. That'd be cool. That just said eye sperm. There are a lot of medical companies that I've looked into finding merch for that just don't make merch because obviously they wouldn't. Why would you make an eye sperm? But things in this event, that would be the best thing of all time. Like I was looking, there was some really cool companies

that make, you know, like surgical phantoms? Yeah. They're like real scale, like real fake. They're like partially real body parts. Some of them were 3D printed, but they're like bones in like fake bodies that are in like clear gel. Yeah. Oh, like the to like practice operating on, but they look fucking crazy.

And they're like companies that make them, like, exclusively those. And they all are called like human skeleton corp or something, you know, shit like that. And I was like, fuck. That would be cool. Next one, I hope this is the one that I'm thinking of. If it isn't, you have to go with it. God damn it. Meat a chicken foam meat trays.

Why did they swap the two spellings of meat? Meat a chicken foam meat trays. Meat a chicken foam meat trays. Foam meat description, foam trays. Well, you can put a B. This is a dual item. You get some cling film.

You put a B in that. You give your friend to B. Well, this is an item that's both, you get the physical foam meat tray, a tray for meat. And you also get the chance to meet a chicken. Yeah. This person probably owns chickens.

They're saying, if you come pick these up from me, you can also meet a chicken. Meat a chicken. Meet a chicken. I'm going to go on. Oh, maybe that was the next picture was a chicken. Probably.

Oh, I should have looked more. I'm going to go on Facebook. I'm going to list meat a chicken. Meet a chicken. Your chance to meet a chicken. See how much people would pay for that. Yeah. I mean, meet a chicken.

Is it a nice chicken? I saw chickens when I was walking around the other day. There's chickens near my apartment. So I could just go take them there and be like, are they nice chickens, though? No. They walk around. Things don't have to be nice to meet. Yeah.

But I would only pay to meet a nice chicken. You already paid. No, I haven't. In this scenario where I'm conducting this business, yes, you have. In this scenario, I'm vetting you. Well, then I'm not, then I'm not, then you're gone. I'm not wasting your chicken. Okay, good luck trying to sell this.

I've sold you a million other people. Hello, sir. You sold us, sir. I'd love to see your chicken. Well, let's not use the phrase my chicken. Okay, I'd love to see chicken. I'd love to meet chicken. Great.

I meet chicken you. That'll be 20 bucks. 20 bucks to meet a chicken. You don't even know if it's nice. Dude, it's too bad. You missed out. This guy's over meat the chicken right now. You're at home.

Wacking your fucking. I'm not doing that. That's what you're doing. You're jerking. I'm not going to go meat a chicken or fucking jerk off. You almost knocked him over again. That was strike two. No.

The first strike is against my chair. Thank you, Patrick. It's a good idea. Okay. Next slide. Thank God. Jesus Christ. Oh, Italian bees for sale. Italian bees for sale and Astoria Queens.

Hey, uh, Caleb. Yeah. I make it a honey. Mm-hmm. It didn't, they didn't want us to bump those. Yeah. Because that was not a bump.

The best thing about this is that you can pay, you can pay $50 or $43.38 a month with Clarna to get these. Clarn in my bees. Clarned my bees and Astoria Queens. I clarned my bees in Astoria Queens. I clotted my beans in Astoria Queens. You said beans. I meant to say bees.

that can be part of it That's cool What do you I mean Did you get any more info about this? No I should have followed up on this No I'm I'm happy with this information It's all the information I need

Yeah Rice K Astoria How did you get the Bs over from Italy To hear it's a good question Let me guess That's the type of thing that you ask Like when you've already made the transaction And you're like you know like about to You're like kind of just making awkward conversation

How did you get the bees here from Italy I had a queen They were actually bred and born in America They're just called Italian bees Oh, that makes sense Yeah, I was wondering about how to get the bees That would go so hard in a short film That would go, oh my God

An awkward short film Where they're realizing they're not actually Italian bees No beach On no beach Who would we cast? Will Duncan, he's a beekeeper True He would already know

You would look at him And you'd believe he already knew about the bees Yeah, he could be the one selling the bees Yeah, he sells the bees but who do we play is Michael Sarah. I mean, that's what I need to cast somebody who's awkward and something.

I almost always go Michael Sarah. I don't know why. There's something about him that just makes me scream. He's awkward. Jinks. What the hell was that? Next slide.

What the hell was that? What the hell was that? This is spiritual baths, gunk remover, good luck bass or protection bath. What the fuck is that? It's gunk remover.

Gunk remover. It's a spiritual bath. Can I tell you that the gunker mover is slightly reminding me of gunk? Well, that's the bowl of removed gunk. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Well, why would they show that? Dude, that came off of someone's t-shirt. Yeah. They removed that gunk. They removed all that drunk. This is a full... This is a full room's worth of gunk. Yeah.

It's a full room's worth a gunk, man. And they removed it and put it in this bath. Look, this gunk remover really works. Here it is removed into a bowl. Yeah. Oh, and it's only $1,400 or $1,500 or $1,500 or best offer. and then $1,450 with a coupon code. That, I, I, um, I don't think I want this.

You don't want this? If you were thinking of doing this for me for Christmas, I don't think I want this. I want, I'd be happy. They don't tell you where the, every item so far, I'd be more than half a year. I'm a gracious receiver. Where the gunk is being cleaned out of? You got me a gunk remover session. You need it, buddy, sitting there, I'll bang your chair.

I'll gunk it all over your son. I'm not. Where did you get this image of me? as the guy is just jacking off all day in my arm. You don't want to meet a chicken and the only other thing you want to do is jack off.

My webcam is... That's where I got the image that I've been sending around. Yeah. But it's just an image. It's not a video right. No. Can't really prove.

There's quite a lot of motion blur. You can't really do that sitting still. All right. I know you can maybe say like oh my webcam was falling down. I was making it look like my hand was blurring.

No, no. What if you think it's a picture of you? You don't know this, but I'm trying to make them laugh. You think that this is an image of you at your computer, but I know that your bed is right behind your webcam. That is true. So it's him on

his bed jumping. I have a lot of images. Him on his bed flopping while he's jumping and jerking. That's how he does it. I mean, he's saying, well, time for a jumping jerk. I try to keep my hand completely stabilized like a gyroscope. Yeah, and I kind of just flop like a fish around it.

That's kind of cool. That's kind of cool. Next one is used smelly football gear, uniform pants, shoulder, pads, compression, shorts, tights. And I censored this because, like, the guy's bulge was in the picture. I can see his head at the top.

You can see the print really, really crazily. That was a smart sensor. I can see his head at the top and I can see his legs poking out of the side. Five comments. Five comments. Yeah. And there's also, I didn't look through those, but there's also, the description is $100. Yeah, I see that. $100, man, people like buying

smelly clothes. Yeah. Hell, I'd buy the stuff just to wash it and wear it. I mean, I need more clothes. I need football gear. A hundred bucks for a full football. It's a great deal. That is a great deal. That's actually,

if you were a dad and your son is starting peewee football, you should go up and insert smelly used stuff because it's going to be cheaper. Awkward short film Facebook Marketplace conversation. The guy who's buying this stuff and pretending that he just wants to watch it

and wear it. Yeah, I went to watch this stuff and just put it on. Yeah, but the thing that really attracted me about this was the price because I understand you made it a little cheaper because how bad it stuck.

But I got, I got an auto ban at home. I'm going to get these home. I'm going to get a, I got a washboard and a big bucket. I'm going to clean these, hang dry them, and then they're good as new, ready for football season. Michael Sarah.

Michael Sarah's saying that. Yeah, I'm big into football. I play a lot of football. Oh, are you? Michael. That's perfect casting. It's great. He's just so awkward to me.

He's just like there's something about him. You say he's a turtle? Awkward turtle. He kind of looks like a turtle. Socially awkward penguin, too. Let's not get insulting. He's got this with his upper lip. His other lip?

Yeah, his other lip, the top one. Go to your next hour. Next item. This is good and evil acrylic on wood. Took my son's drawings to the next level for $500. And I like this gift a lot because it reminds me of us and our son Grover. We're taking him to the next level. Yeah, acrylic on wood.

Wow, I took my son's drawings to the next level. That is beautiful. That's a really sweet title. That is cute. Took my son's drawings to the next level. level. Son, I know you love this drawing that I enhance for you, but I'm going to sell it. I'm going to sell it and take it.

We need $499, buddy. I'm so sorry. I would buy this for $100. Yeah. It's cool. You could, I mean, or best offer. Should I best offer them? Yeah, if we can get that for the office?

Yeah, sure. Send them a $100 offer right now. See what they say. Okay. I'll send them an offer. All right. Let's go to the next one because maybe you'll want this one too. Sperm whale-like impression in slash on door of 2006 Mercury Montego.

Signed if. Now, do you want that or do you want this? I'll take that. I'll take the... You want the sperm whale-like impression in... I want that under my Christmas tree. You want the Mercury Montego door under your Christmas tree?

All right, then I got both of your gifts settled. It does look like a breaching sperm whale. It does look like a sperm whale. It is a sperm whale-like impression on a Mercury Montague. Hey, I want to hear a sperm-wheel-like impression? Yes. Oh, that's good. That is good.

That is really good. On the door of a car. You could message this guy that... Hey, I got a bird. Everybody, how's this? Hey, hey, yeah. Here's my sperm whale-like impression. All right, next slide.

They yell. I think this one, yes. Okay, floating boat dock, 21 feet by 12 feet, Topper restroom, aluminum, HD, $5,000. So this is kind of toilet 1.0. Yeah, this is toilet 1.0. So it's not that big of a price of increase.

So if you're a sheepskate, doesn't feel like getting your buddy toilet 2.0. And you don't want to get the latest toilet. Get the floating boat. Perfect one. It's a good option for a budget. Just throw that thing in the pool. Yeah, 5K, easy.

Let it float. Let that thing float. Get on there. I think this might be my last one. There might be one more. No, there is one more. Red or how much, there's probably a couple more.

Red boner dinosaur gemstone. This is a cabinet specimen. It's 484 grams. Why is it called red boner? Because there's a red boner in it, apparently. There's a red dinosaur boner in it. Did they mean to say bone?

I don't know because they were saying in the description of this, they were saying boner a lot. Next one. It's from luxury and treasuries. Oh, canine semen, crypto preservation and freezing systems. Cryo.

Cryo, sorry. That would go with the first one. This is one where I'm out of order. Oh, did you get a receipt? I already have this. Yeah. I got this last year. I also don't need.

I would maybe want the iceberg one year. Let me fully enjoy every feature before I get the canine seamen. This is a great thing for your friend who you got this. the ice sperm last year. Yeah. Yeah.

It's an add-on. Yeah. I guess what? It's like an attachment for a kitchen aid. Yeah. Where you're like, oh, that's great.

I have a giant whisk now. Yeah. I like whisk. And the next one is, oh yeah, this is a one, almost a $1 million t-shirt. This is almost $1 million

because it's a streetwear fashion brand created by quadriplegics. Why is the price so high? To recover fronts from my Rolex yacht master serial K-476. Z421 that was stolen by a fake friend who financially took advantage of me and my life as a quadriplegic is miserable and very expensive. Something is worth that...

Something is worth that someone is willing to pay $6.2 million on a banana. Oh, a little commentary, a little art, modern art, banana thing. I forgot about that banana. Me too. I think about it every day. It senses me. So if you're a millionaire like Elon Musk or Mark Cuban or whatever... the least you could do.

The least you could do is buy this shirt. This quadriplee and get his yacht back. Because his Rolex is a yacht master Rolex. Yeah. And that's the serial number. Also, if you buy it, if you get a Rolex for Christmas this year, check out for that fucking serial number. Watch for that.

This guy needs it back. Do I have one more slide? Maybe. Yeah. Okay. NASA Skylab full scale astronaut training, multiple docking adapter, MDA mockup. Oh, it's just a mock up. Yeah.

It's a cheaper option. It's a cheaper option than getting the real one. The real Skylab. Legit, that would be the greatest gift I think I'd ever see. Yeah. That in my backyard. A docking adapter.

That's pretty fucking cool. That plus the docking toilet. Yeah. These were supposed to go together, but all my slides got mixed up because I was just throwing them all in. Did you guys know anybody that went to space camp a real thing? Does that exist?

Space camp is probably exists for you in the South. Not for me. I never went to that shit. Well, no, for people that you know. No, I don't think it's closer to Cape Canaveral for you. That was just something that we talked. I mean, you're not. A flight is not going to be the problem.

if you're going to fucking space camp. Yeah, space flight, motherfucker. Stop dazzling me. At every turn, I get dazzled by you.

But that was something I don't think I ever knew anyone who went. That was something I fantasized about. Nobody ever went, I didn't even know that was it. I wanted to go to Camp Woodward. Camp Woodward?

Yeah. You need a dream bigger. Yeah. Dream space. No, I know. But I wanted to go to Camp Woodward. Space camps sounded so cool.

Yeah, I did. I always wanted to get in the centrifuge. The thing where they test the force on you. Yeah. I wanted to go on the course. Quarter pipe. Quarter pipe? Dude.

I can't have Woodward. That's not a space camp. Bro, you literally get to train to be an astronaut. You wanted to go to Camp Flognaw. You did. That too. Yeah. When I was 14, I wanted to go.

To Camp Flognaw. Me too. Yeah. I didn't want to go. Yeah, you did. I hated. No, I hated Logic. You loved logic.

I hate logic. I hate logic. You love logic. No. You love him. No. You hate logic? I can tell, by the way, you speak.

You're all over the place and nothing you say. It makes any sense or follows from each other. Grover, I heard. a rumor that game lost logic. I just got fucking destroyed. Here, let's run through my real quick. Yeah, we gotta do.

We gotta go. This is Hugh Forge the Gringe. This is a 3D print. It's rare art is what caught my eye about this besides the Grinch. This is an 8x print and you can tell it's rare. What's he smoking right there?

Just a little bit of a cigarette. Marijuana cigarette is a little bit of a cigarette. I think it's just a perfect tobacco cigarette. Are you fucking kidding me? He smokes fucking weed. This ain't the Grinch. It's the Grinch. This is the Gringe,

motherfucker. That's true. I like the AI making the tuft of hair go through the hat. Dude, can you just bro let us exist for one second?

Without saying shit is AI. Look, the top of his head. I understand that that could be an artistic choice. That's the Grinch's tough hat. Okay. Have you never read the Grinch

who had tough hat? No, I'm only familiar with the Grinch. Yeah. This is rare art also. That's probably the reason it's rare is because it has the tough hat in it.

That's why it's only $20. It's cheap. $9.275. Dude, if it wasn't rare, it'd be fucking $10. It would. All right. Keep rolling here. My phone still has TikTok.

I'll sell it right now. Call me, not a joke. And then a phone number that I censored for $750,000. Wow. This guy, I think, forgot to take this down after TikTok came back. Yeah, TikTok is back. But if you want to buy a phone that has TikTok, call this guy. Save yourself the trouble.

750K. Yeah. Because that can be. Or send them an offer. He's accepting best. I saw all Flappy Bird phones. I was thinking of looking for that, but I was like,

I found this one. I don't need multiple. I'm sure they do. Genuinely curious. I'm sure they do. I have to imagine they do because I saw multiple phones that still have TikTok

and TikTok still is here. Yeah, that's true. What else do we have here? Oh, this is a replacement townge for sludge bucket, Gooper Ghost Kenner Ghostbusters 3D Prooper. I remember this. So this is if you need a replacement townge

for Sledgebucket Gooper Ghost. That you can have a sludge bucket goopper ghost. I put the description. in here too. It says Townge only, figure not included. Once again, for the people in the back of the room who cannot hear me, and for the three or four people who will try and give me negative feedback because

I did not send them a solge bucket for sub-20 bucks. The listing is for a 3D printed Towns only. The figure is not included. Description notes, the Towns fits as designed in sludge bucket. You will be getting one Towns. Comes in pink, red, or purple. Well, it's nice

to, I mean, you know, these people are going to complain but it's like, you could have picked any tounge. Yeah. Pink, red or purple. Pink red or purple towns? Solge bucket. I've seen a red town. I've seen a pink town.

I've never seen someone with a purple town. So this is just a replacement town. But for your friend who has a sludge bucket that lost its town. This is a good gift. I'm sorry, what did you say? Huh? Would you say a what bucket? A soldier bucket?

Well, it says sludge bucket here too. Oh, my stupid brain. But also at the top it says go sludegg bucket. I'm just noticing right now. Well, if you have a. a slewed egg bucket, a soul's bucket, or a sludge bucket. You need a tounge. If your friend has a go Sleudeg bucket that's missing a town, please

slyly ask them what color they prefer between pink, red, or purple. No, no, no, no, no. The town's red. No, no, no, no. One of them, so for your, for your, for your slu d'ag bucket, that's the pink tounge, your solge bucket, that's the red, that's the red townge. And then the sludge bucket gets the purple town, tounge. You're this guy.

I'm this guy. Is my guy's spelling speak? I speak like his spelling. And if you're not sure which they have, you don't want to let it on, you have to find a way to slightly ask. You have to kind of just throw and be like, you know, on the off chance, you know, or you see someone else walking around with a town? You'd be like, wow, I really like that person's tounge. What do you think about the purple color of it? I mean, do you like it?

Do you like it? Yeah. I don't like pink towns. And you go, oh, okay. Townge. Okay. It's called a townge, Patrick. It's a different pronunciation.

You said different accents. That's not an accent thing. It's an accent thing. It's a town. Some people from different parts of the world, they say town, like caramel, caramel, carmel. We're from the same part of the world. Different, different.

A part of the world is a country. We're from the same country. Some people say caramel. Some people say caramel. I don't know. And I'll leave it at that. Let's keep going here. This is a Japan vase from Empress Shokin to Julia Grant,

1878. One of the forbidden gifts. Whoa. Don't get this one. I'm putting this one out there. This is a gift, dude. This is one of these forbidden gifts. This is, don't buy this.

And do not use, what? Do not use PayPal December 25 for $20 off. Don't use that. Don't use that. But it's a forbidden gift. So just know, one of the forbidden gifts for this year is the Japan vase from Empress Shokin to Julia Grant from 1878. Imagine buying this. Like, I'm getting a good fucking deal.

PayPal December 25. Dude, you, $20. $20. That is not. good deal. It's in two carts. Yeah, it is. You got to act fast on this. And it's in mint condition. Don't act fast. Get it for your gift. It is a forbidden gift.

It is a forbidden gift. And just while we're on this subject, go next here, please. Do not buy a food truck mobile restaurant on wheels business, BBQ smoker trailer. Do not buy this. Do not buy this. Okay. Just don't buy this. Don't get $50 off of the $9,99

price with code Clarnet U.S. 50. Don't. Do not buy this. Don't spend $480 a month with Claren. Don't. Do not buy. This is not even a forbidden gift. This is straight up. Do not buy. It's in two carts.

I see you guys. Take it out. The cart is not. The cart is a... They're on the way. Take it out of the cart. Take it out of the cart. What else do we have here?

Oh yeah. So this is kind of a sequence of if you have a girlfriend that you need to buy. Yeah. That was really scary to me. It came in on the... in a tone that sounded like it was coming from inside my headphone. Scared me badly. Like as if there was a missile attacking Julio's house?

No, like I just thought that something crazy was happening. Yeah, Batman's outside fighting a joke. This is a crobtop. A crobt. Next please, if you want to buy a girlfriend a croop top or you could buy her a croup top. Next please, you could also get her a Banana Republic crapp top, long-slee women. Or you could also get an airy crop top, rim-sized medium. Oh, and this is for men, if you have a boyfriend and poor,

Armani men's pence. You could also get him a men's classic t-shart. This is a Japanese samurai master swordsman t-shirt or Polo Ralph Lorenz Shart. Oh, size 42.

These are shirts for the big boy in your life. Or you could get him a D. Noresi by 10 glossy photo. Picture image number five. And this is buy four, get one free. So if you're planning to get four of these, you're going to get an extra one.

And that's a great. That's a great pick. We could just line one of the walls with this. It'd be a great addition. We should get a D. Norris. The backdrop there is the same color as the wall. It would, if we put it on the wall, it would just look like do we have four D D.

Norris's. Yeah, we can buy this. Oh, there's only three available. I'm just noticing. Buy four, get one free three available. That's a scam. Yeah. That's fucked up.

I think I have, I maybe have one more, maybe two more. No, this is my last one. This is Clute Pair to N.H. Vanity License Plates, Satan, Devil. Clovenhoof, sheep, swine. Clute, New Hampshire. So this is for fans of that movie with Donald Sutherland who aren't very good at spelling, a clute.

But it's really clute. N.H. Vanity license plate, Satan, devil, clove, sheep, swine. Why is that? Because that is, that is the same for eBay as a YouTube video that you got, like, hashtag viral. Yeah. Cloven, hoof, sheep, swine. throwing swine in there.

Oh, these are, these are 2001 plates. And their name is Portsmouth, USA. A pair of clutes. A pair of clutes if you're interested in that. All right, so that's pretty much, that's going to round out of the gift guide this year, guys. Yeah. Grover, are you doing okay?

He's sound asleep. He's so cute. And if you want to say anything else to Grover, guys, you know, continue to call in. I'm going to say the number again. And that's now loading. 929-39-376-9-4. 499 call and just talk to Grover.

We'll put you... Give him some gossip. Give him a fact. Give him some sex tips. And hopefully he continues to grow. I think he has what we do as well. Give him some gossip. Give him a fact.

Give him some tips for when he hits it from the back. Okay. Yeah, we can go for that. The Grover rhyme. That's a good Grover rhyme. And then at the other rhyme? Give us a rhyme to it or whatever else. If you have a better, it's not back, it was pretty good path.

It was off the top of the head. But if you have a better grover rhyme. Grover rhyme. Send that our way to. Yeah, Grover. Give him some gossip, give him some fact.

Grover wants to... And he needs to hear... And can I just add another thing, too, real quick? He needs to hear some compliments. Yeah. Because he is cute as a button.

He needs to hear some compliments that don't come from his dads. Oh, and investing advice. He needs to know how the world feels about that age where he needs to start investing. He's three episodes old. Yeah. It's time.

It's time for him to... He needs to start thinking about his future. All right. Later. Oh, bye. I swear to I swear on my mother and father's life you thought I was going to say Grover

I swear on my whole family and their children doesn't mean anything and my brother's who is about to have a kid I swear on that child's life that you that you finish it out man

what do you swear on this kid's life? I swear on my brother's kid that he's about to have's life that I spun around a swing set 50 times broke my back and then taught myself how to walk again. I mean, I have no other child. I have to believe you.

You'd be crazy to sweat out of it. And I taught myself how to walk again completely. No help from hospitals. You didn't go to the hospital at all? No, I didn't go to the hospital. And this is all still under that kid's life? Or are you moving out of that life now? No, I swear.

No, I swear to God. Well, okay. I swear. I swear of my brother's I'm bored child's life that I spun 50 times around a swing set broke your back and learned to walk with no hospital.

Broke my back on the pole. Learned to taught myself how to walk with no help from hospitals. And now I'm the walking guy you see today. You swear you're the walking guy? I swear. I swear. I swear, I swear, I swear, hand to God.

What do you swear? Hand to God on my unborn nephew or niece's life. That you are the walking guy? That I am the walking guy.