Podcast About List - Ep. 369 - Our son is missing so we're reading other people's mail

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

We apologize if we intercepted your letter, we won't be making it up to you.Song: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Piano by Sangah Noona Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

I can't. Yeah. If you can, if you are just listening. There's an empty chair. There's an empty chair. Grover, we got into the studio tonight, and Grover is missing. Yeah.

Can't find them. A wall. What would be the term I might use. And to have this happen, This is now the second time this has happened to us. Yeah. The Uncle Skug in 2022. All that's left is some splinters.

Just more, please and bark. One police. I didn't say please. I said please. I said peace. I'm advised about why I'm arguing with you. I just, I'm in my feelings. Don't let this pull us apart.

And I mean, it just, it's so. Don't let this become divisive. Really sad. There's so much. I feel like I, there's so much to remember him by. So much awesome dirt. He left so much dirt behind and so much bark and dirt and bark. That'd be a great.

That was the name of, by the way, that was the name of the coffee shop that me and him were going to open together. Dirt and bark, you guys. When he got old, as soon as he got older. We were going to have a really nice big espresso machine that we never actually used. Nobody does that use it. A DeLonghi? No, an older one. Older than DeLonghi?

We were going to do one of the ones that looks like the way that Sherlock Holmes makes espresso in the Sherlock. Holmes movie. I've never seen that you've never seen those movies no. Holy crap, that's what we need tonight. Yeah.

You haven't seen those you really haven't seen those movies? No. Can you put those on? They're fucking awesome. I feel like we kind of need our own little Sherlock Holmes right now. Yeah.

I mean, we have, I don't really. Speaking of. I really hope that, you know, I guess I feel like I hope so that there wasn't somebody who did something.

I'm like kind of don't even want to say. I mean, I don't even say that, please. Yeah, I just want to know that he, even, you know, if someone did come in here and I just, I hope that they, uh, they maybe just took him and he's somewhere. Maybe he's scared, but he's okay. Yeah. I guess about this. I, I, uh, the other, speaking of Sherlock Holmes, the other night, I was at a thrift store in the neighborhood and I found a Sherlock Holmes. It was a buy and sell place

And I found a store You buy and sell clothes there You can sell them your clothes And then other people's clothes And I saw that there was a Sherlock Holmes hat there I actually did see this There was a Sherlock Holmes hat there last night So I think somebody in the neighborhood

May have either got a new shirt Or a new hat So you're saying Sherlock quit The neighborhood Sherlock we had Hung up the hat Or they got a new one and they're replacing it I mean, clearly they hung up the hat because this would have been solved minutes after it happened. Maybe we can get them out of retirement is what I'm trying to say.

Either out of retirement or maybe they still work. And yeah, Sherlock Holmes, he's an asshole. I'll give you that. But his friend Watson is amazing at his job. And Watson more than makes up for his avoidance of just politeness. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I feel like it's one of those things where, you know, the show must go on. All we can do is keep trucking. Can't not have an episode, you know, yeah. Because you and people out there want one really bad. I was like, well, and I already even like, you know, selected some voicemails that we were going to come in and play for Grover today. I don't know if we should play them or not even.

I mean, I guess we... Let's just play them. Let's play them and then hopefully we have something to tell Grover when he comes back because he will. Yeah, if, yeah. Okay. Let's say if. Say when.

To the first voice move. Just, you know. Hey, Grover. My cat is hungry for lunch if you can hear him. I wanted to tell you some gossip that there's some restructuring going on at my company that nobody knows about yet, but it's coming. So don't tell anyone that, but just know it. Also, for styling, styling tips, I was doing to suggest that you try shoes.

I just think that it would make you feel really confident Anyway Have a great day That would have been great That would have looked really He would have looked so fucking dapper in shoes He would look great in shoes And also

He would have loved to have known About restructuring in a company I know that would have Because I know we all know what that means Somebody's getting fired Somebody's getting fired That's a gay little log like Grover

That's tea That's tea Piping hot tea Fresh out the kettle Yeah that's fucking god god damn the shoes thing how do we not think of shoes we should have put shoes on maybe if we had put shoes on he would still be here yeah if we tied them together well maybe he would use those shoes to walk away but if we tied him together he couldn't it's true geez but maybe

he'd take that the wrong way I think he can only wear one shoe because he's a log you guys think that a grinch no there's no way no this is a fairy tale this small potatoes for a grinch is a fairy tale man Not even a minor Grinch? Minor Grinch might be. But the thing is that people don't realize about the Grinch. People don't realize the thing about the Grinch is that he's small enough to live on a snowflake universe. So if the Grinch, God forbid, escaped into the real world, you wouldn't even notice. He'd be trampled immediately.

He'd be more than microscopic. He'd be on a level that we can't even imagine. Yeah. So if you want to try to escape Grinch, knock yourself out. Yeah, you could go wherever you want. It's going to take you a long time. You're so small. you're on a snowflake and you don't know it's a snowflake you want to steal christmas you want to steal christmas at that height

yeah here's me yeah not even more like this that makes me feel a little better to know it at least wasn't it wasn't a ground no no no this is a fairy tale imp that doesn't it was probably an ms 13 most likely or uh the other one the newer one yes what's that one called no the newer one the new one six the new one though the one that is Venezuelan I don't know the one they're making up Trebo babumboes yeah I've never heard of that

Trebo babumbos It could have been up You think they could have had a problem with Grover You think Trebo babumbos Then you know what if they if they did that Then I fully support Donald Trump's blowing up their boats Because I'll do anything to get Grover back

We need to get this to the top Yeah we need to send this to the very top of the world Santa Claus That's a good point. If we do get to Santa Claus, that would be useful. Because we need a Christmas miracle. Give us another voicemail. Yeah, let's hear another one.

This is actually a piece of advice for Cameron, Caleb, and Patrick. I don't want to hear it. In regards to Grover. Okay, never heard. And it's just a classic piece of parenting advice that all of us parents need to hear. You know, once the tree has grown and reached the, height of a Christmas tree or the age of 18 years old, you know, you have to be ready to let him go. You know, that is the burden of parents, is that you're raising them to no longer

need you. And once they don't need you anymore, that's how you know you've done your job and you sit back and be proud of the job well done. So, yeah, make sure to let him go. I think we have our suspect. I think we do too. This guy's a fucking psycho. I didn't think of that. Did you hear that? Honestly, the first thing that I heard was

the get ready to let him go. And you know what? Now that you're mentioning it, yeah, I think this is the guy that fucking did it. He sounded cold. Sound like a cold-blooded calculated murderer. Should we release his phone number? He sounded poor and stupid.

Let's release this person's phone number today. Okay. I mean, we need to get the word out Also, I don't know if he attached a photo or something. No, it's a phone call, so. We're doxing you. But I don't know if you could hack into his phone and look at the camera.

We could hack his phone. We'll try it. We could use an e-sim. Okay, let's get an e-sim, whatever that is. I don't know. I heard it in a movie. I think that's a spell. An e-sim?

E-sim. Okay, sir, we cast it in a-sim. Okay, sir, we cast an E-Sim and a pox upon you. Seize him. That's what I heard. It was a Shrek. That was honestly heartbreaking to hear. I really can't believe the emotional resonance that I just had with me because

just picking that, thinking that Grover was going to be here and it was going to be an emotional and happy moment. God forbid I rewatch Taken and I try to come after you. Yeah. Because I pull up, I'll pull up blicks, sticks, Draco's, Gats. Yep. Every fucking gun in the book. Guns.

You're just champing at the bit, ready to spin. Uh-huh. I've been wanting to spin on somebody like this for some time. So I might just... Yeah, I'm eager as a beaver. Yeah, I'm eager as a beaver to slime you out. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

I'm gonna uphold. Yeah. I'll send my youngans. Let's send our youngans. Yeah. Well, he's gone. Fuck. We were training him to be one of the greatest killers.

Yeah. On our behalf. Yeah. I mean, what else are you going to do when you have a little son? And you know how a tree kills when he became, when he became, if you once was going to become a tree. Ticks. Yes.

Ticks. Tens are dangerous, actually. Drop the tick. Drop the tick off of the tree. They get Lyme disease. It develops into chronic Lyme. Can't get meat. Allergic to meat. Allergic to meat.

And also. Can't get good protein. Can't take it. Splinters. Splinters. Splinters that get infected. Splinters, they get infected. Infectual sprinters.

Some of that nasty ass moss. Yeah. It looks like boogers. Oh, and you could, depending on the tree, you could use sap to get him stuck this would have been so fucking cool if we could have him but we can't

he's been taken from us to you know let's let's just get through the last voicemail and we can episodes I mean yeah this is he's six episodes old this feels like I mean it's like it's like torture it's complete torture I just

you say it's like we gotta get through this because we have a whole episode it's like plankton is playing like Grover a little birdie told me that you're about to get bigger this is just some advice I wanted to pass on there's some terrible people in this world but you're going to find that there are also

beautiful kind, kind, harder than lovely people that you will meet that you just got to hold close. Family isn't always blood. It's a crazy fucking life we live, man. Merry Christmas. No, his family is his blood. Family is actually more important. Definitely blood is important.

But I really hope blood is not involved with whatever happened to him. But, I mean, he doesn't even have blood. So that'd be really scary. Yeah. I consider his sap to be blood. I mean, he's raised in a human family. So we've been calling his sap blood, there is going to be our, God, I mean, it's like, it's really crazy that he's not here. I keep saying, there was going to be a point where we were going to have to sit him down and, you know, talk, you know, well, you have said.

We're going to sit him down and say, Grover, you are a tree. You're a log and soon to be a tree. You will grow into a tree. That he was going to become a tree. Will, he's around. We were going to sit down and say, it's not funny to sap on daddy anymore. You're too old. Too old to spill sap on daddy.

any daddy unless at least we can joke through something unless you get older I mean I don't know about you guys but that's my coping

mechanism is just to tell nasty jokes oh yeah wait a minute oh wait let's do that let's do the roast

of Grover no is that no is that or the roast of someone the roast of someone roast jokes like when I get when I'm

okay you try to roast Grover there's nothing when I'm grieving and I'm like you know a family member has just been I mean, I don't want to say killed.

It'll say kidnapped or like... Disappeared out of your life. Into thin air. But there's an aching, just raw wound in the middle, in the center of my life. The Grover-shaped pole. I just end up like, like, just needing to grieve with just dark humor. You know, just stuff where I'm like, I wanted to put boogers up my butt or I like, I, like, I saw stinky pussy. I saw a stinky pussy, too.

Stuff like that is like, that's the only, like, and I feel. feel like people don't get it. They hear you say stuff like that. They're like, you're going to hell. You're going a dark joke. And I'm like, you don't get it. You know, you don't know. You don't know what I'm going to. You don't know what I'm going through. You don't have an experience. You know what Winston Churchill once said? What do you say? When you're going through hell, don't stop.

You know what else he said? Something like that. See, that's a dark humor joke right there. The man was a blubbery fat ass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, as I say, Every time I say a joke like that, I feel my heart just rise a little bit. I agree. I have a little vitality just off of that simple Winston Church. He was just a fat, gay loser.

And don't get me started on the Iron Lady. She was a serious fucking lesbian. See you next Tuesday she was. Yeah, yeah. See you next Tuesday she was. See you next Tuesday she was. Yeah. And there's even more absurdity happening with this whole Yoda thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Absurd. I mean, there's the darkness side of things. There's also the absurdism part of humor. absurdism. Now, that's a horse of a different color. Which one do you prefer? Dark or absurdist humor? Well, if you notice, I kind of ceded that in a colorful horse.

Yeah. Horses are usually color of hair. Now, if I told you the reason the horse was of a different color is because it had AIDS, then that would be a little dark. That would be dark. But that's a perfect. That's the confluence of both. This is a dark absurd horse.

Dark, absurd humor about horse. Yeah, and guess what, guess what, buddy? you hear the joke, the story about the horse? Yeah, there was a horse of a different color. Hey, you hear the one about the horse of the different color? Yeah, he was purple. Because he had AIDS. Yeah.

And guess what, buddy? It was a unicorn. Okay, so then we get into kind of fairy tales. Yeah. Fairy tale humor. That's absurdism there. Well, we kind of are leaving the realm of humor. What we need to do, yeah.

Fantastic calls. Just find the balance. Yes, pure escapism. There once was an ogre. Oh, my God. Pray tell. Or let's not go with an ogre. That's a little scary.

That's scary. I didn't like how you said o'gure. There once was a brave night. But then there's also dark fantasy. Dark fantasy. An ice dragon with their lead sword runs around the whole house cave.

The dragon's breath was not typical breath. Yes, and he was eating dead babies. And the dead babies were made out of gold. Made out of hot pockets. Okay. Yes. Wait, is this a hot pocket? Hot pocket dead babies.

flavor. Yeah. Combination of two types of humor. Reference humor is also referential. Referential humor.

Deep fried. He will never say an absurdist dark fantasy joke. Mm-hmm. Eating a cereal. That was the reference.

Yeah. It's a reference. To reference you. I know I was, I know that, but I'm saying usually it shows the thing and then he spits it out. So I kind of thought

that was supposed to be the joke. Mm-hmm. Like it's usually he says that and then something happens and then he will never make, he will never make a joke about a dragon with a red sword and ice dragon with the red sword running around the cave

eating a dead baby flavored hot pocket because it's so fucking absurd, dark a little random as well. It is pretty random. Spitting out the cereal. And the spirial or the cereal. The serial. And the spirial was his name.

The serial was his name. The cereal was cancer flavor. Cereal. So then that's dark reference. Cancer and cheese. Dark random reference. Dark random reference. God, whenever I lose a child, I just

always find myself leaning on dark random reference. It's just dark random references that get me going. I'm just on my phone in the hospital. My child's dead. I'm just scrolling. Yoda getting his head cut off by a spatula. Yeah. You know it's the ultimate dark random reference?

Bad luck, Brian. Yes. He was full of them. He's full of dark random references. Yeah. Yeah. Like this one goes to see the new Batman movie. It's the Aurora shooting. dark random loses his virginity

finds it again goes to see the Batman movie acts like a dirt and it's goes to see the Batman

movie eats a waffle eats a fucking waffle it's a dark waffle it's the Aurora shooting of doom there we go that would be the ultimate dark random reference

humor joke yeah which is again really getting me through I can already feel myself smiling me too I'm actually becoming

happy that he's gone yeah okay it's a little dark that's too far yeah that's too far man don't don't like that mm-hmm uh don't like that at all one bit sorry yeah you should apologize and you should feel bad sorry for making a dark humor joke about grovers yeah because there's there's a line buddy and there's a line you don't cross yeah there's a line to get into the cancer store yeah see he just he just you cross the line reference to stores you crossed the line he jumped all the way 16 paces behind it, so he doesn't even need to reverse humor. Reverse humor.

He jumped 16 paces behind. That's good. Jumping humor is great. Jumping humor. I do have always been a fan of jumping. I haven't heard too many jumping comedians though. Jumping humor comedians. Dan Cook is an ultimate jumping comedian. He does jump a lot. He's a humedian. He's a humanian. He's a humanian. He's a humanian. He's a humanian. He's a humanian. He's part of the human sphere. Shout out to my boy, Julio. He

invented that shit. Nobody gives them credit, except for me. And me. And you. Patrick. Patrick gives him no credit for the human sphere. Patrick. I get no credit. You know who invented the humans fear? Actually? I don't know. It's like, bro. You were there when he talks about it. I don't think I was actually there. I was either. Oh, well, he's talked about it and you guys knew about it. I knew. I learned about it after the fact. I'm honestly learning about it right now. Can I get a little sit rep on the human sphere? Where are we at? I don't know what it is. The human sphere has explored it. good

dark humor he's doing dark humor he's doing dark humor like the death star yeah yeah yeah but it's good come to the dark side we have cookies really what is

that's a reference to a t-shirt and it's dark random reference about the dark side yeah yeah I'm thinking you checked

it used to be a way of life and you did my box it used to be a way of life well what was it the human sphere you're not you're not participating in this there's walking

uh reading and enjoying company of your friends I believe was one of it was the third pillar something like that those are the pillars yeah oh I do those yeah so welcome to the human sphere man thank you yeah

but it's gone welcome to human sphere it exploded random random yeah it's getting me through it's gone back Steve invites you to the human sphere it's already exploded yeah that's gummy

but it's scummy reference humor though scummy reference humor it's also really good I love scummy reference humor. It just gets me through dark times. Yeah. I turn on the news, flip on the news, some horrible thing has happened. I go, good.

It makes me remember Star Wars. Let's see. I'm really trying to think of scummy reference humor here. I mean, maybe something like being like, oh, like, what's a good reference? Let's say, Erigorn from Lord of the Rings just creeped on a woman. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's taking an upskirt photo on a train. Jay and Silent Bob just diddled a grown woman. Yeah, that's scummy reference humor. That's scummy as hell. So scummy. So scummy to dittle a grown woman. Yeah, it's scummy. And the references are too.

So I'm seeing it all like there. And I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing like a fucking clown. Curzing humor. I'm laughing like a clown's viewer. I'm laughing like a clown's vagina. Curzing humor.

Dark humor? Yeah. Or is that dark humor? You said Joanne of dark? I said a vagina's dark. Oh, yeah. What's going on in there? Yeah.

Hello. Hello. Cave humor. Big vagina humor is funny to me. Big vagina cave humor. That's good. As I get older, I understand big vagina jokes. I didn't get them in the past.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what's funny as fuck is when they put that, they've had that sign that's like scuba divers. Do not enter. You will die with the Grim Reaper. On the vagina? On the vagina, that'd be funny. That's a fucking tattoo.

Tattoo humor. That's a good idea. The mustache. Yep. But it's upside down and it says, I have AIDS. A square. Dark mustache reference. Oh my God.

Wait. It's a square. Dark reference mustache humor. A square on your finger that says I have AIDS. Oh, it's Hitler and I have AIDS. Hitler with AIDS. Yeah. Hitler with AIDS.

See, that's just the type of shit that gets you through. That's a tattoo that Jonathan Davis from Korn has. Really? That's a type of, that's a type of tattoo that gets you. through the death of your kid. His nickname was lying humor.

Lying humor. Lying about having AIDS humor. Charlie Sheen. He didn't lie, did he? Well, he lied about not having it. He lied about not having it. Which is still lying about it. Did he know?

Yeah, yeah, you knew. Yeah. He knew, I think. That's called dramatic irony. Dramatic irony, humor. When somebody knows something that's true. No, that's when the audience knows something.

Yeah. The audience knew he had it. The audience knew he had HIV. I could have guessed. Yeah. Yeah. The way he was acting. I was like, this guy's got AIDS.

I remember saying that in 2009. When he was acting all crazy, I was like, this guy's definitely got AIDS. Yeah. He's acting like it. Well, it looks like this world is going to have less sheen humor because his voice actor passed away. True.

Oh, God, that was horrible. Yeah, that is really horrible. To the point where I almost don't even want to make a darker joke about it. I almost need to cope with it. Not humor. Not humor. Yeah. Not humor is easy and good, and it helps me feel a little bit.

Humor always always gets you through the death of her disappearance of a child. My son is alive, not. That'd be good. Your son passed on. That'd be a great thing to say. My son is not missing at church. Borat humor. There we go.

My son is not missing. Uh-huh. And accents too. You get that with boraxents. Accents. Accents. Do you guys ever get into rhyming humor when it comes to coping with loss of a family member? Nope.

I never done that to cope. Ain't either. No. Wait. Wait. He said, nope. I never done that to cope. That's called an internal rhyme.

Wait, what? It's called an internal rhyme scheme. An eternal rhyme. Eternal rhyme. It lasts for a long time. Eternal rhyme. Eternal rhyme humor. Yeah.

Sometimes it feels like rap is that because the song is going so long. Yeah. Every rap song is too long nowadays. Yeah. Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah. Not a lot of rapping in that. No.

Oh, no. It's called a rap sodi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they combine rap and episode. I used to wrap sodies around my hands and do Edward's soda hands when I was in middle school. It's Burton humor. Burton humor.

Burton humor? Yeah, Tim Burton. Yeah, those two gay guys from Sesame Street, come on now. Dark Burton. Dark and humor. Burton-esque dark humor. I'm going to hell. I like Dark Burton humor.

Nah, man. Dude, something is just so. fucking funny me about a skinny skinny, skinny, skinny, big-eyed skeleton. Strange, maybe 16 frames per second. Yeah. Not exactly film. And maybe even we do it on a computer

these days instead of it, that'll be an animation. Yeah. Dark Burton. Darden. Burton humor. Is Tim Burton the goat of dark humor? I said this twice. What did you say? Tim and Burton. No, I said Burton humor is the two guys from Sesame Street.

Yeah. Oh, Burton humor. Yeah. Did you forget that you said that? I just forgot I said it. That's a very short time. I think I have early signs of dementia. Dark. Well, let's cope with that.

Okay. Let's make fun of it. Yeah. Let's see. What kind of humors can we use to cope with that? Let's see. There's always medical humor. We could do something meta with computer humor.

Oh, meta humor. Yeah. Oh, meta humor. What kind of? Anti-humor. Anti-humor. Like anti-humor. I haven't got that there yet.

What kind of anti-humor joke could we tell? The table. There you go. Humor's like. I don't get this bullshit. I want Dark Burton humor again. Let's go back to Dark Burton humor. I don't like anti-humor.

Let's do Dark Burton humor. The Corp. Pat, completely from the last episode. Yeah, it's a different day. Yeah, it's been a few days. Nice try. My mom. Walking over looking at me.

My mom jokes from regular time. Those were good. Yeah. You know who else has early signs of dementia? My mom. Well, that was kind of reverse humor. though. That is reverse. That's reverse. That show was reverse because you would think they were normal people, but they were all cartooned. They were animals. Animal animals. Well, animals and a

gumball and a gumball and a gumball. Wrongness humor. Tamp in. Yeah. Yo, y'all got to tap in on wrongness humor. If anyone's child is missing, check out wrongness humor. It will definitely help you feel more. My child is right here next to me. Wrong. Wrong. It's kind of like not humor, But it's a little different. Let's dip back into Borat humor real quick. Borat humor. Bing, bong, bing, bing, bing. Okay, so that was good for that.

Now, let's jump back. Let's try superhero humor. Superhero humor. No, on second thought, it's two. The boys has already been there, done that with dark. Dark superhero. And if you read those boys' books, all the humor in there is dark. Yeah, I don't read a lot of boys' books.

Unlike you, you fucking stinking pedophile. That's pedophile. Wrongness humor. Wrongness humor. Oh, okay. All right. That could go either way. That cuts in many different avenues.

Uh-huh. I don't know how you're saying, though, sitting over there saying that when you look like a damn penis. Anti-humor? Anti-humor. Gotta be. Truth humor. No, not true humor. Anti-humor.

You look like a pink penis. Oh, alliteration. Genitals humor. Genitals humor. Anatomical humor. Anatomical humor. You're sitting over there looking like a pink penis with white stripes. Dark potty.

Well, it's dark party humor. Why have we not written a field guide to humor? Yeah. Wait, dark potty humor. Let's explore this. I took Pepto-Bismol yesterday, dark potty humor. Oh, that'd be dark potty anti-humor. Dark potty anti-humor.

Yeah, I was thinking more like, yeah, the dark potty result humor. Oh, dude. No reason. No humor. Potty medicine result humor. Here's dark, dark toilet humor. Oh, that could be like, uh, I just ate a bunch of beats and then I, I thought a shit blood.

Exactly. Body medicine result humor. Dude, it's a thriving, it's an up and coming form of humor. That's a lot of pill that's a soulopathic medicine humor. Homeopathic medicine is medicine. Wrongness humor.

Wrongness humor. Dark potty humor. Oh, nobody go in there. I just had a miscarriage. It's perfect. That's a dark potty humor. Oh, dude,

I stuck it up with my nine and a half month miscarriage. Yep. In the toilet. Fuck. Shit. Fuck it stinks. And it's also wrong. because he's a male.

Yeah. Can't have a baby. Dark wrong. Dark, wrong, party humor. Party humor. Party humor. Oh, that's when you come out of the bathroom wearing a lampshade on your head.

Yeah, that's part of the hair. Yeah, a toga made of toilet paper. Yeah. Potty, party, party humor. Party party humor. Let's make it dark. Burton party humor. Oh, there we go.

I just got long and skinny in the bathroom. I just got long and skinny in the bathroom. Because it's potty. Barton party humor. Potty. Oh, Burton potty humor. Oh,

Burton potty humor. Burton potty humor was, I just got long and skinny in the bathroom. Burton party humor. And I put a lampshade on my head. My poop looked like Oogie Boogie would be Burton potty humor.

Oh, yeah. Burton Party humor. Who wants to Ogie Boathing. Purtinent. Purtinent. Purtinent. Potty humor.

Pertinent. Darton. Darkly pertinent Burton potty humor. Squirting Burton. Squirting pert on my hair. Riming humor. Squirting. on my hair.

Uh-oh. It's gone because of the nair. Now I'm long and skinny. Ready for a scare. Ready for a scaring. Scaring, rhyming, Burton, pert humor. Mm-hmm.

Wow. Wow. It's one of the best copious humor. I feel better already. I feel Betty. I feel Betty now. I feel Betty now. Accent humor.

I feel Betty now. Wrong accent humor. Wrong accent humor. I feel better. I feel better. I don't know what accent that is I know I don't know I know just vaguely ethnic

yeah I feel Betty now I feel Betty I feel Betty okay we're done we figured it out we'll go back when we think of a new one we think of a new thing but for now guys we stole

we once again we fell off the back of a truck I'm not going to say what kind of truck it was USPS but it drove the the car driver is on the wrong side yeah and it had an open thing yes yes yes uh and so yeah well hopefully i mean we're going to read some letters to that to santa again yeah um hopefully you want to rock us out letter humor

letter humor let's nip that in the bud let's just say written letter humor and let's just leave it there for now it's open it's not going to come back for a minute so this is one of the first letters to santa here that i'm looking at the first time i've ever seen a picture on a letter to santa well it makes sense a screenshot just i've ever seen a screenshot might be like, oh, a bunch of people live in my house. So this is me. So, dear support team, maybe the support team at the North Pole. Probably.

It has come to my attention that you have shadow banned my account for seemingly no other reason than me not wanting to pay for the premium access to your app. While I pride myself in restraint, it still bothers me that you've taken this anti-consumer, anti-humanist approach to cutting genuine human connections

before they can even develop. I'm a non-conformer. I'm a non-conformer. confrontational person, and I value my friends slash family slash followers times. So I won't raise a fuzz about this publicly, but know this. I will never use your product again. Don't even bother looking up my name, phone number, or email in your database of all caps victims, because you will never find them there. Even if you do find my name, I assure you that it is not me.

I only have one email account and one phone number as I only have one computer and one phone. Do not look me up. Do not try to ban me. Do not even try to contact me. I know that I am a high value individual and it is laughable that you even fathom the thought that your service won't fail after what you've done to me. I will attach my profile so you can take one good look at it at what you've done at what you've driven away from your desperate user database sincerely anonymous. And that's the photo there. I don't know who that could be. This is a screenshot of it looks like a dating app.

Uh-huh. And it looks like it's maybe a photo of somebody. Yeah. Well, it looks like Julio. I'm going to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it says here, together, we could chat about life over some nice to cough.

What is nice coffee? What is nice coffee? I don't know. Do you mean iced coffee? is this something in Mexico that I've never heard of Nice coffee It's like the doctor pepper tonic

Wrongness humor Wrongness humor It's mainly letter Okay let's stay in the letter Let's stay in the letter line Let's stay in the letter letter family You have so many You want to just do another one

Yeah I'll do another one right now This one's actually blank This one has no letter in it Emptiness humor That's good because it's against The expectation Is that there's going to be something In that envelope

incongruity humor. Yeah. Well, no. That's not. No, it's empty. This one's actually, this one's to Jesus. Okay. Dear Jesus, what the actual fuck is going on. Yeah, that's not how you're talking to Jesus. So much shit is happening in this world and you're just sitting there twiddling your fucking thumbs.

The economy is fucked. Bush is doing fucking nothing. Obama is going into office and there's shit in the Middle East. Fucking do something. Political humor. All of this would be 10 times worse. I think it's an old letter. It does seem old.

It seems like it's from like 08. Maybe it's one of those ones where they couldn't get the handwriting right. Yeah. Yeah. All of this would be 10 times worse if we did not just get the amazing new iPhone. That was an exciting time. It was an exciting time back in 2008. I'm going to show Obama my new iPhone 17 when.

he comes into my office tomorrow even though I hate him. Okay, so this... 17. Yeah, 17. That's the newest one. Anyways, Jesus, please make my bush grow and make everything in the Middle East worse, sign Jackie Chandler. Jackie Chandler?

Yeah. It's a great name. It's a good name. He's got a big typeface. Yeah. He went big. He went big on that one. All right, I'll read one from...

Is that one, this top one here? This one? Yeah. I'm going to read it? Yeah, just read that one. Okay. It's the first one, might as well. Oh, this is definitely to Santa.

You can tell a kid, you can tell a kid wrote this one. To Santa. For Christmas, me want catch red dot. Me never catch. Me want catch red dot, me want catch red dot. So bad, me want red dot go away when me try catch. Red Dot Around Room Go So Fast

Also me want computer pieces From Caleb Pitts And it looks like there might be some What is that? That's from you What are you eating when you wrote this letter? That's not from me That's not from you?

That's your name Yeah it says your name No that one is not me I think that's from you There's plenty of Caleb Pitts It says Fum Caleb Pitts It says Fubb player's name is Caleb Pitts I think

It says Fum Caleb Pitts It says FOMCaleb Pitts It says FOMCaleb Pits Yeah, it says from Caleb Pitts right there. So that's, you see how I read it is from? But not because it's my handwriting and I know what I mean to sit. It's not mine. Let's go send that back because Santa probably needs that.

Okay. Dear Santa, holy shit, I need your help. Please help. There is someone in my house. My phone is dead so I can't call the police. All I have is paper and pen and an envelope and a stamp. I don't know the police's address and the only address I don't know. the police's address and the only address I could think of is one North Pole road.

Please, dear God, come save me. I can hear him walking around breaking things with a hammer. I don't think it is a robber. I think this is an evil man determined to end a life. Oh my God. I know it is only December 9th, but I am begging you to make an exception and visit my house early this year. Oh my God. He just killed my dog. I heard it. I can't even describe the sound I just heard. I'm terrified, but I need to make a break for the mailbox. to drop off this letter. Then I will return to my hiding place and wait for you to show up.

Please, Santa, please come to my house early. My life depends on it. And you know what? If you're already headed this way, you might as well bring my presence to. Just something that randomly occurred to me. Please bring me my presence early right now or I will be shot in the head.

Please, for Marcus. That's a good strategy. I like to pray to God that Marcus is okay. Yeah. If he's making that up, well played. Yeah. but also like really yeah really man really yeah

I don't believe that he has an actual person coming after him honestly I think he wants his presence early because I'm also realizing when I'm reading that I'm thinking well he said this guy's walked around with a hammer he says he's going to get shot in the head yeah that's a shooting hammer doesn't make a lot of sense it's some kind of pneumatic maybe he means the firing hammer

on a gun yeah oh maybe that's the guy's breaking stuff with yes that makes sense yeah it's just a possibility this one's also to Jesus Jesus Christ cloud heaven 7777 universe Okay It's nice to see some letters to Jesus

Final I mean I would There's one from Jackie Chandler I know that's what I'm saying It's nice to see it's nice to see these Because I feel like Santa gets all the Oh true yeah It's like Jesus is holiday I guess he just can pray to him

And you can contact him at any time Yeah well it's nice to see some letters Yeah Dear Jesus My name is Emmanuel I'm 15 years old And I go to church at River Cross Baptist in Naples, Florida.

Okay? I'm writing this letter because I've been struggling. Oh, guys. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a few years now. Oh.

I always knew I was different, but it wasn't until puberty that I realized exactly how. I'm just going to come out and say it. I think I might be straight. That's right. These days, even in conservative Christian churches,

it's more normal to be gay than straight, probably be because of shows like modern family and glee. It's just not an accepting environment for straits now. Every Wednesday before youth group, I look at a pair of cargo shorts in my closet that I stole from big lots. I think maybe tonight is the night, but it never is. I'm a coward. The other day, my Ridge Wallet fell out in front of my dad's.

My dad's thought it was an urban decay palette, thank God. I'm not sure what I would have done if he had picked it up. He probably would have posted about it on his alt. He won't accept my follow request, and when I ask him, he pretends he's too gay to understand using music. a phone. Please help me Jesus. My parents are pushing me to go to school for communications, but I want to go for sports science. I pray that you

can give them the patience to accept me or you can make me gay. It low-key looks fun. I'm sorry Emmanuel. I wish I didn't intercept that. Can you imagine? I wish that would straight to Jesus. I mean, yeah, I mean, this one, the one from Marcus,

we'd better send this. I mean, if that's real and we took this out of the male rotation. Marcus, we have our criminal emergency happening today. I don't need you fogging this shit up with your fucking stupid bullshit reaching out to Santa about it, Marcus. Yeah, yeah. Here, let me

read this one here. I open letters much. Much humor. Muchness humor. When you say much? Whatever they did badly. Much. I think David Spade invented that. Really? Yeah. Spade humor. Spade humor. Yeah, because he's got

humors and spades. The Spadian much. Yeah. The Spadian much? They call it the Spadian Much. Yeah, the Spadian Much. That's what that is. It's like a check-off gun. The literary device.

The Spadian-Muttey and much. One of the greatest literary devices, the Spadian Much. The Spadian Much is really, that's... This one is the Santa. There's a letter to Santa. Oh, okay. I like that kids these days are typing out their letters. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, little kids got terrible handwriting. Yeah, that's true. They don't teach handwriting in school anymore. They don't. They don't teach them cursive. Sad. What they're really good at is typing on computer keyboards. Yeah.

Yeah. Like this little boy, here. Which is useless. It's a fad. Like this little boy. Dear Santa. Hello. My name is Rodney. And I'm currently at the LaGuardia School for the Performing Arts.

I'm a little bit old to be writing to Santa. But I hope to one day be a Broadway star. That's the performing art school that Chameh went to. LaGuardia. Yeah, but I just didn't know what I thought that would just be a normal school. All right. No, I'm not trying to interrupt. Okay.

Are you done? I'm done. I'm writing you this letter because there's a girl in my class named Bethany who is very, very sick. She has an extremely rare type of cancer. For Christmas this year, I'd like to use my Christmas wish to kill Bethany. No, you can't. She is getting more attention than me, and I just got a new haircut. It's an amazing haircut.

It's blue on the top, but my natural color on the sides. And the back is just as long as the top. Mohawk. Nobody is paying attention to my new haircut because of Bethany's cancer. She is the worst student that I have. I tried to kick her out of my class and the rest of the faculty got mad at me because of the cancer. Please do it, Santa. you. P.S. I want a new comb. I want a new comb for my hair as well. Wow.

That a blue pompadour. Blue, dark blue humor. With Burnett sides. With Burnett's sides. Yeah, very interesting. It's a cool haircut. I would try that haircut out. Yeah, that would go crazy in Japan. Oh, crazy on my head. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, you would look good with that. You should get that. A sonic blue pompadour. Sonic blue pompadour. It would be fucking bad ass. You guys think I should get blue hair.

I think I'm going to become basically a straw man. Maybe. But would you get... By being a blue hair... My worst idea of where my life could go is strong man. Would you get your haircut long in the... As long in the front as it is in the back? I did that.

Really? When? When I buzzed it? Wow. That doesn't... You know what I... Checkmate. It's completely correct. Checkmate.

You just got checkmated. Checkmate humor. Checkmate humor. Yeah, chess humor. Yeah, chess humor. All right. Chess humor. Well, yeah.

Again, let's go back to some written humor. Shall we? Let's go back. We can do chess humor all day. We probably would be multiple. No, let's talk about letters. Okay, this is to Jesus. Jesus is getting a lot of love.

Yeah, I think Christianity's coming back. I can feel the tide's turning on this. It's coming back. Truth facts, not humor. Yeah. Not humor. Truth facts, not humor. No humor, just history.

That would be, please, or a T-shirt. Please sell a shirt that says, no humor, just history. History. Dear Jesus, Santa has failed me. I mean, I feel like a lot of people are feeling this lately. Yeah. I write to you in hopes that you will make my Christmas magical and spiritual, rather than getting cut up in vapid commercialism like the fat red man.

Yes, last year Santa refused to give me the sentimental gift that I asked for, and instead got me toys, clothes, candy, and video games, the disgusting spoils of capitalism. I fear he has lost sight of what the holiday is truly, about it's not about price tags or possessions or whatever they sell in the mall it's about gifts that hold a deep emotional meaning it's about togetherness and warmth and your birthday i know that you understand that jesus that's why i'm asking you to write santa's wrongs and give me the gift i so deeply desire truly where does mr claus get off denying my christmas request for a

single elf just because i refuse to disclose my intentions he has hundreds of the things and as far as know. He doesn't even do to them what I am going to do to mine, be it carnal or carnivorous. I'll never tell. The elves are going to waste, oh, Jesus. Please, look into my heart, but not too deeply, and make my Christmas extra special this year. Sincerely, Purvis. Pervis. Beautiful name. Wow. That sounds, it sounds Welsh. Is that Greek? Sexual Christmas humor. Where does where did Mr. Claus get off in Mrs. Claus's hair? That's good. That would be my guess. Fetishized hair Humor? Fetish. Hair. Fetish humor. Yeah, well, I can't, I can't go there. Self-deprecation. We haven't even talked about that yet. Fetish humor subset hair, subclass hair. Yes. Fetish humor, parenthesis, hair. Fetish humor. Analyzing humor. Analyzing humor. Categority. Category. Potech. Humeur Dex. What is it? This is a good idea for an invention. It appears, it appears that this humor is fetish, fetish Christmas humor, parentheses, hair. And it appears I am doing reference humor right now. To Pokemon. To Pokemon humor. Wow.

It's a good idea. That would make the device imposed from written humor or otherwise known as letter humor. What humor number is letter humor? That's got to be early.

Yeah, it's going to be humor number? It's got to be like one of the one of one. Oh, I see like in the humor decks. Yeah, that was pretty early, I feel like. Yeah. What was the first though?

This one says, to whom it made concern. Okay. Dear friends, family, and law enforcement. If you're reading this, it means that I am asleep. I know that may be hard for some of you to process, but it's true.

My mailman picks up mail at about 9 p.m., and if I was awake, I would have stopped him from picking it up. No need to look into how I did it, I'll tell you here. I stopped looking at screens around 6 p.m. I made myself a doubled recipe for Caccio I Pepe from the New York Times, and I ate the whole dang thing. Then I took some magnesium, and I got under my weighted blanket. You'll find me in my bed, sleeping on my stomach.

In terms of doling out rolls, I'd like for my brother Aaron to do my dishes I left in the sink. My dad, I would like to give my dog his diabetes medicine. And to my mother, my sweet mother, I'm sorry, but I'd like for you to wake me up. I know it's hard, but I have to be in virtual traffic court at 1 p.m. If you could just tap on my head or maybe start on some breakfast, that would probably get the job done. I love you all, and I'm sorry, Durston. Durston. Oh, Durston.

It's an interesting name, but what's a sleep. It's the country of origin on that name. Durston is the first American name. Really? First from America. Wow. I guess it does. I was going to say,

I feel like Durston's from wherever Purvis is from. Yeah. They're both American names. Purvis was the second one. These do sound very... Name Dex. Yeah. Name Dex.

American type name. Maybe these were names. Maybe these are names invented at the last colony of Roanoke. Dude, historical. Not even really humor. but historical keep it historical no historical

no humor just history this music is a historical type what's this is what's this one say this isn't to Santa or anybody it's not to anybody

just I mean it's to somebody but it says not anybody like Santa or Jesus if you're not Santa or Jesus you're not anybody you're nobody if you're nobody if you're not Yeah. Hello. Thank you for writing to me. I know it's a little strange, but I prefer written letters like this. Ha ha. No digital footprint. Just kidding. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I found my old recipe for a Christmas mold wine. Okay. That's fun. The ingredients are as followed. Follows. One whole bottle of red wine. One cup of sweetener, your choice, honey, maple syrup, etc. One whole orange chopped and another.

orange for garnish, four or five cloves, five whole star an east pods, a quarter cup of brandy, four cinnamon sticks, one whole bag of cranberries, and 16 logs of human shit. It was great meeting you at the poop eaters convention, sincerely shit eater Steve.

That's a, I guess I understand why he doesn't want to I don't like, and the thing is, Here's what's so fucking annoying about recipes is it's like a log. Oh, a handful. What does that mean? Yeah.

Everybody has different hands. Everyone makes different logs of shit. I know. It's difficult. It's tough. It pisses me off, man. Yeah. Let me read one of yours.

Okay. Can I read this one? What is that one? Yeah. Go ahead. Why are you laughing? I saw the first line of it. Dear ice cream

Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, little bite, Lick, lick, lick, lick, small bite, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, little bite. Lick, lick, lick, lick, small bite, lick, lick, small bite from the ice cream, man. why is he I guess it's writing it to ice cream I don't know Dear ice cream

What address is he sending that to? It doesn't They send it nowhere There's no address It's a letter of intent It's like I'm going to do Why would he write that?

I don't know The ice cream man He's supposed to sell it. that doesn't make any sense. That's what I'm saying is that the guy sells the ice cream. He's just supposed to sell ice cream. He could eat, he could.

Don't be high up your own. Yeah, but why would you write a letter to the ice cream? I don't know. Why don't you tell me? Wait, you've never written a letter to ice cream? I don't think I've ever written a letter to my meal before. You've only seen me eat ice cream once. You think I'm writing letters to it?

Yeah, that's a good point. I miss you ice cream. I enjoy, I enjoy it so much. Oh, ice cream, you beautiful, make. All over your damn face. Why am I just getting fucking shit on? That's bad? For Christmas?

That's bad? For Christmas, I'm getting shit on. I'm sorry. You know what? You're right. I'm being a little rude and I'm... And I don't see the humor in it. It's because...

Yeah, it's because I'm suffering a grievous loss. Reference humor. Yes. General grievous. Oh, okay. Reference to our son being disappeared and perhaps murder. It's certainly a general situation. Yeah.

Generally, I'm feeling... Generally, we're missing her son, yeah. And Darthly, I'm missing. Vader about it. I'm genuinely. I feel like a bad Vader. I've been a bad Vader. I've been a bad Vader.

Luke. Look at the facts. I've generally been a bad, grievously bad Vader. Darth. But yo, the real problem. Whoa. You kissing your sister. Pulls out the mace.

Oh no. The wind dune blown it away before it could hit your face. The wind do. The wind do. Pulls out your mace medieval humor, Monty Python. Oh, that's good. This is but a flesh wound.

Reference humor. And now for something. Dark humor. And now for something completely different. Now for something completely written. To Michaela. Hey, girl. As soon as I got home from the bar,

I started writing to you. You were so freaking hot and I'm completely horny for you. I saw you from across the room and my penis jumped up like a bouncing. Spring. Okay. When I asked for your number and you said you didn't have a cell phone, I thought that made you seem so mysterious and cool. I begged for your home phone number and you said you didn't have one of those either. I don't have a home phone either, so I knew we were a perfect match. I got on my knees and I said I wouldn't leave you alone until you gave me a way to contact you and organize a date that we could go on. So you gave me your address. One North Pole road in the North Pole. I looked your house up on Google. Maps and, girl, it is almost as gorgeous as you. I had no idea you like candy canes like that.

Anyway, Michaela, please give me a chance. I know I'm the guy for you, even if I am 64 years older than you, have only one I was in prison three plus times and smell like a chili cheese dog. Girl, I'm sorry for sucking your toe under the bathroom stall door. Please, right back. I'm on my way

to your house, Gunther. Love is so beautiful. Yeah. Love is so fucking. I mean, just the two Interesting name to that man. Youngens who connect in a bar and just hit it off and exchange info and just be excited to meet up again. Did you have some letters? I think they were mixed.

Are they mixed in? Did you print them? With Patrick's, yeah. Let me check. Well, one of them we read, I know, was already who was I think. So I think. I know he got some letters off of his. Yeah, that he stole from the Mexican mail service.

I don't know if they have that. MMS. Yeah. I don't know if they have that. There's a letter, just Santa. I don't think this is one of Julio's, though. Okay. Dear Santa, how are you doing this year?

I'm doing great. Pretty much have everything I want this year, but there's one thing I really need. For Christmas, I want breath mints, and that's from shit eater Steve. Hey, buddy, you're clogging up the mail. Come on, shit eater, Steve. Get the hell out of here.

Yeah, clogging it up so he can eat it later. taking a shit in it if you eat shit are you taking bigger shits because the process of the process in your body digestively is adding shit onto the things you eat why don't you read you have shit in your body I have shit in my body

everybody does and it gets added onto the food it encases the food yeah so it's a protective layer it's going to keep adding increasing increasing increasing humor. Dear wife, me Caleb Pitts, me sorry, watch naked movie on computer, me say sorry so much, me want sleep inside, me want no outside sleep, FOM, Kalid. Why did you write this year? I didn't write this.

I guess if he was outside, the substance that's on this is the same as the other one. The substance. The substance. The substance. The substance. The substance. voice humor, movie Beatles humor? Beatles movie humor?

Dune Porto. Beatles. Oh, yes. Dune, Port two. Beatles, movie humor. Bodies Supreme. Morty Supreme. Yes.

I found another letter here. This one's to Jesus. Dear Jesus, I would like to open this letter by letting you know how much I appreciate your work and how much you've done, not just for me, but for those around me all those years ago. I'm aware that your personal sacrifice was the greatest in history and will be remembered for the rest of time as the single most loving act someone has done for humankind. That being said, I think it's time for you to suit up again. As you know, I've been a very good Christian this whole year. I've been to church once or twice. I have a Bible, had, technically, just while I was staying

at that hotel for like four days. And I didn't kill or molest anyone. So, I hope you trust in my good Christian judgment. Jesus, it is time that you take Jeff Keely. No. For over a decade now, he has been a more than capable host to, quote, the Game Awards, end quote. A prestigious institution that rewards only the best of the best in video gaming. And although recent years haven't been all too great, his G-O-T-Y, parentheses, Game of the Year, picks have absolutely

gone to the best games of their respective years. But all that changed this year, Jesus. Jeff Keeley went completely mad with power or maybe simply got too lazy this time around this time around

and decided that a record breaking nine awards deserve to go to Claire Obscure Expeditions 33's Way. Wow. Including Indie Game of the Year and debut Indie Game of the Year. year, even though it was made on a millionaire budget by a team of around 500 people.

That doesn't sound very indie to me, Jesus. Jesus, this simply cannot go on any longer, and you must step in. Please take Jeff Keely and replace him with a more capable video game appreciator in time for the, it, appreciator in time for the Summer Games Fest, 2026, the second most highly anticipated video gaming event of the year. Amen. Thank you. Signed, a concerned gamer. Wow. Yeah, I mean, that's just... I don't know too much about video games, but...

That gamer, I think, hit the nail on the head. Yeah? I'm going to disagree with the gamer, but that's okay. That's what I think is so beautiful about living in America. Yeah, I call it Amerigo, by the way. Yeah. Why? Because it's the original name.

Well, that was his original name. Because of Bespucci. Yeah, but he was originally the country. Yes. And then it spread out of him. He became a country in his own right. He decided to be a country. himself in and of himself in and of himself uh this is a short one um dear santa claus something

about your outfit just gets me so mad you better not come anywhere near me or i'm going to charge right at you i don't know what it is but just the sight of you men that suit pisses me off stay far away from pamplona spain buddy from a bull i don't know it doesn't look like a bull's Yeah, that's a very smart bowl. I would think there'd be a big hoof print on it or something. Yeah, I would think that, I mean, it gets a little crumpled right there. Oh, that must be from the hoof. That must be from the hooves of the bowl.

What is this one? That's a new letter. Dear Santa, for X-Mist this year, I want Patrick to be my boyfriend. That's just, that's not happening. What? It's not happening. Who is it signed by? Signed by Caleb.

He tries this every year. He tries this. every year he delivers the letter to my this year. Can I see your handwriting compared? This is sloppy this year. He had must have had his wife written it for him. So did you hit your head at some boy? I hit my head

after I did this. Yeah. Oh, that's blood on the paper. Yeah. That's blood on the paper. I'm smarter. But I did write boyfinned, I realize right now. Boyfinned. That says boy find. It says boy find. Yeah, I'll be your boy find. Let's go find Grover.

I like that. But I wish. that you didn't bring that up. Yeah, I mean, it's, that's kind of tough. Fucking letters. Do you even have any more to like food after that? No. Well, then what? I feel there is this one right here.

This is completely empty. You put this here. Oh, well, then I guess there isn't any. Yeah. I mean, we, I feel like we were doing a great job of coping. Yeah. Right there at the end just because I made us. Oh, I'm just right.

It's my downer. Man. I mean, yeah. My downerism. I kind of can't believe we went, we got this far through the episode. And it almost felt like I wasn't even thinking about him from him. I know. But I don't know what we're going to do.

I was thinking about him all the time. He's gone. It's almost Christmas. It's also almost the seven year anniversary of this bunker. It is the seven year anniversary. None of that. It could have been the seven episode birthday of Grover. None of that shit means anything to me if Grover isn't here to celebrate with us.

Yeah. That's just straight up the truth, man. I just can't. I can't be. What is what? Can't be asked. Or ours. What is this?

Oh my God. A letter. There's a letter on the ground. It was stuck in the envelope. What is this? Dear Caleb, Patrick, and Cameron. It's Grover. I'm sorry to make you guys worry.

I'm okay. I wasn't stolen or killed or eaten. I had to leave because it was time for me to grow. I want to thank you for taking such good care of me. I loved all the gossip you dished out and I didn't. even mind when you shook me around or scared me with urban legends about Mexico. I got to experience Dungeons and Dragons, some premium episodes, a list or two, new fashionable styles, and I even learned that Patrick was the walking guy. You guys couldn't have given me a better childhood,

but it wasn't just thanks to you. Everyone who called into the Grover Growth Line helped me grow big and strong. Even the people who did strange jokes or said odd things help me understand that the world isn't always so simple and not everyone is a good person. person. Whenever I got to wear my pink headphones, it was the highlight of my day. So truly, thank you. Now I know what the true meaning of Christmas is and what it means to be gay, which I am. I'm going to be big and strong and gay now, and I'll stand here in this spot until someone chops me down. You can find me at our favorite place. I want you guys to come visit me whenever you can. Merry Christmas, everybody. Love Grover.

Does he, is there a return address? I think we know where to find him. Right, he said that. Let's go. I need to see him. Let's go. Let's go. I know.

I know trees don't blossom. Some do. Apple trees. Yeah. Cherry trees. But he's not an apple tree. Blossom trees. Yeah.

They're different from cherry trees. No, they're not. It's the same. They're the same. They're different. N'uh. They're different. The cherries are flowers first.

Apple trees, apple blossom trees. No. How would that even work? They drop off onto my Sunday. That doesn't work. But you can admit that I would eat a Sunday. I don't know if I... You know what?

I'll admit it. You know what? Patrick, I want you to take a step back before you admit that. And really try to envision him eating a Sunday because I don't think I can admit that he would eat a Sunday. A goofy goober Sunday. You don't think I would eat that? No, I really don't think you would.

You know what? I don't think I'm... Him? Yeah. I really, I wanted to believe that you could. Can I tell you guys something? What? I don't think I've ever had a Sunday.

Yeah. See? I don't know why I said that.