Podcast About List - Ep. #373 - The Shrimp-Off! Committee

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

The official Shrimp-Off!® committee has assembled this day to discuss the rules and regulations for the upcoming Shrimp-Off!® to be held next week between contestants Patrick Doran and Joe Gleason from JoeBox fame.Subscribe to us on YouTube youtube.com/@PodcastAboutListBuy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/showsGet extra premium and Gun City RPG episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlistFollow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Here's my idea. We all come in dressed up like Harley Quinn's, right? And say, hey, Mr. Jay. Uh-huh. Well, he's already green like the Joker. Look at him. That's right. Because it seems like we were talking about when we say Mr.

Jay, we're talking about Joe. No, no, no, no. Yeah. The Joker's not green. The Joker, I would say, sort of a white purple combo. He's white and white, he's white and green with red lips. Green accents, but. And that kind of looks like Julio right now.

He kind of looks like a reverse Joker. I think he usually has green hair. Before he falls in the ass that he does not have green hair, I believe. He's just a normal guy, though, then. Yeah, and that's arguable if it's canon or not, isn't it? You look at what he looked like before. He doesn't look like a normal average guy. He looks still like the joke.

And I would say also that generally like chemical vats don't make you like a laughable jokester. I would also say that if you're a normal guy and you're close to big vats of chemicals, you're probably a pretty weird guy to begin with. Well, he all did that when he was the Red Hood. He was a guy before he was the Joker. This is one of the many theories of a... There's different versions. But he wasn't three.

Red Hood is a different guy. No, no, no, no. This was like, yeah, he's a different guy, but there was like a... Hold on. Hold on. It's a completely different character. Wait, let him go back in there. No, because I remember...

I remember there was like one... He wears a red thing on his head. Yeah, he... And the killing joke. His hair. Yeah, yeah, that was supposed to be the red hood. He wore a red hood. He wore a red hood.

For like an hour. Red hood becomes Robin. Red Hood is a different guy, though. Red hood is Robin. Drake, or is that it Jason Todd? His jacket had a red hood on it. Yeah. I'm probably wrong about that. Yeah, but you wouldn't call that guy to red hood.

It's really not a hood either. It's truly a thingy. Yeah. He puts a red thingy on that covers his whole head. Someone in the comments who's more on the spectrum than me can decide. The spectrum of comic book. Of DC and Marvel. Yeah, exactly.

If you're on the D.C. side. If you're on the D.C. side of the spectrum, please leave a comment correcting us. You're on the Marvel side. Stay the fuck out of here. Don't correct me. Where do you stand? on that scale. Me?

Yeah. I'm centrist, I think. I'm Marvel. Yeah. Your Marvel? Marvel side? Dude, I think I got to be D.C. D.C. has some really cool, awesome stuff.

Dude. All the green lanterns are so cool. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Plus, does D.C. do Vertigo? Yeah. Yeah, dude. D.C. also the watchman.

Fuck with vertigo. Yeah. Vertigo is cool. Sandman Chronicles or whatever and all that shit. Yeah. I would say I was as a kid, DC was sort of, that was all I knew.

Yeah. And then as a, as a young adult, Marvel became the thing. For me, it was Marvel as a kid, DC as a teenager, and then back into Marvel. Now I'm a reverse. I was a complete reverse. Really?

Yeah. I flipped. I flipped. Wow. Because I never really got into, yeah, we were completely mirrored. That's crazy. Much like the Red Hood and Joker.

Wow. Which again, I don't think is necessarily true. He was Red Hood and he flipped into the acid and became the Joker. I'm maybe misremembering this, the killing joke. I think he was in the Red Hood. He was doing stuff as the Red Hood. Red Hood and then he fell into the VAT took it off, became the Joker.

Or this was a fan film I saw when I was a kid. They also made a killing joke movie. To me, he's a stand-up comedian in the killing joke, is he not? Yeah, but then he starts doing crimes because he's making no money. Is he a stand-up comedian in the comedy? Yeah, I think he is. Comic books have always been very difficult to read for me. They're like probably

the easiest thing to read. To me, because I don't know a picture book. Well, no, no, no, because when I'm looking through it, I'm the, I don't know. I don't know how much you jump ahead creed in some supposed to give to all the pictures like I know you're about to say some shit like what is pow what does pow mean because I

look when you see like an an intermediate slide on the comic book and it's like running am I supposed to be like awesome he's run you know like you're supposed to know that he's running I would rather that's the same as in a book if they said so I ran

there yeah I mean I'm the books I'm reading are a little more complex and so I ran there not me Me neither Chica, chica boom, boom. So he ran there. That's the kind of books. So he ran there in order to disrupt the current state of affairs.

Wow, that's the kind of stuff. Wow. That sounds awesome. To disrupt it? To disrupt the current state of society. And then it sort of gets into what that is and what the disruption will lead to eventually. So about that. Running and the books you read running is more of like a candidate is.

A candidate is running for something. The Buddhist The Budajedge book. If someone was more prisoners of war. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And the current state of the prisoners. And blam is some other shit, we don't know. Blam is BLM.

That's more of the stuff that he's reading. Boom. Boom. Yeah, I don't even say that A sound. Yeah. You don't even say BLM. You're like, don't even like saying this. No, no, no, no.

I don't say the blam. I would never call that blam because I know that that's quite trivial. Yes. What, an explosion noise? Yes. Explosions are pretty serious. Explosions and running in stuff is quite trivial to me. Compared to the stuff that you're reading.

What's your favorite book ever? That's too many. Too many to count, man. I can't even. Can't even lose one. No, no, it's too tough. It's difficult.

Yeah, I mean, the hardest part is, just like with a book, the hardest part is knowing where to start. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's just like where I never know where to start a book. I'm always starting in the fucking middle. Often I'll start in the middle and then try to piece. Actually?

Because the books I read, they'll give you 70 options of where to start. Yeah. Any page, all 70 pages. So I don't know where. But then you add the covers in and the spine and that's where it gets really confusing. I love the author's note. Yeah, I do the cover last. Oh, really?

Yeah. I read first page, last page. And then I kind of bounce back and forth going towards the middle. That's all. And once I get to the middle, I go to the outside of the middle, which is the spine. Yeah. Back cover, front cover, throw the book away. That's interesting.

I find the cover to be the most enticing part many times. Did you ever meet someone who's like, the thing that I do when I read is I always read the end of the book first. I read the last page so then I have like a suspenseful thing for like reading the book. I knew like three people that did that. I think I did that with like Twilight or something. Yeah. Yeah, some shit like that where I like, I was a little kid and I really wanted to know what happened. Because Harry Potter 7 just dropped.

I got it. Yeah. I used to take that out in library class. used to take out Harry Potter 7 and read the one chat, the Battle of Hogwarts chapter over and over again. Damn, whoa. I got a lot of running explosions in that one. Yeah, that is true. I guess you were a kid back there. She says

Molly, the mom, weasley. She's like, don't kill my fucking son. She says, she calls her. She calls Belitrix a bitch. Oh, that's right. I was quite intrigued by that. She cusses. I like that they cussed in the book. That's awesome for that to be. That was a well-placed curse word.

A kid's book, one curse. A kid's book where the where the son dies. That is cool. and then you say, bitch. You're bitch. You kill my son, you bitch. That's so sick. Yeah. Stop that, you bitch.

Stop killing my son. You freaking bitch. I mean, if one of the kids is going to be a bitch. Well, they say bloody all the time and Pratt. And those are basically curse words to them. Pratt's a university, bro. Huh? Pratt's a university.

Dude, you are not the Tia boo you wish you were. In the UK, though, that's got to be. Yeah, you'd say Pratt University to someone over there. They're like, oh, that's like idiot. That's like idiot. That means moron. Yeah. Or dufous or adult.

Yeah. I don't like snogging. Listen to this. Listen to this. Ready? Ready? Where do you come from? Pratt University?

That'd be pretty good. Most devastating insult. Where do you come from? I'd be like, no, I don't come from there. Where did you study Pratt University? Isn't a Pratt also what's they call like a thing in your hair? No. What thing?

There's tons of shit. Like a clip. I have never heard that. You're thinking of brats. Yeah, Brats doll. They don't have things in their head. Yeah. But I think it's what they call like a...

Maybe you're just hearing them saying it fast. A pratt. Pratt. Do you want to pratt for your hair? I'm not going to pretend to have the answers there. Yeah. You don't strike me as somebody who cares that much for the British stuff. I used to care a lot less, but now I'm sort of neutral.

You were big on the Japanese. Yeah, I'm big on everyone, honestly. That's beautiful. That's really sweet. Tell me who you, tell me who you dislike racially. As a kid who grew up in the United States, I did have some prejudice. against the British for a long time. Interesting.

Red coats. The Red coats. The lobster backs. Yeah. There's a lot of, but then you get into the, you know, you get into the real,

you get really into the thing. Doctor Who? You get into Dr. who. Everything's different. Tartis. That's kind of like their version of Pratt where over there,

if you said, like where'd you come from a Tartis? You'd be like, oh, thank you. Do you think I'm the doctor? You could definitely get in a fight on the train. Yeah. What did you drive here?

had Tardis. The fuck you say to me. And what are the robots called? Daleks. Daleks. That's another one. That sounds like a bad. They talk like that.

Exterminate. I can kill you now. That's what they say. Meanwhile, they don't do a lot of damage. No. They're quite dangerous, actually. Yeah, but they look so weak. You look like a doctor.

You look like a doctor. Dude, I watched Doctor Who. The only doctor who I watched was the perfect sidekick to the new doctor. You mean a companion. Was the man? Never seen it. What's his name one?

I just realized how funny it is that they specifically only call them companions. Yeah. It's just a funny thing to have a word for. Just the other character in the show.

Yeah. A companion. Who's the companion going to be this season? It's like the bond. It's like being excited for who's going to play what's the guy

that makes the devices. Who's going to play Q and M? I would actually be excited. Q is cool. M is the M is. I would love to play Q. Q. Q is a good.

Because none of us could ever be James Bond. No. Joe probably thinks he could. They would probably. They would. They're not. They're not going to cast an American guy as James Bond. No. They might. They might you. What about what about like a Jimmy Bond situation? No. What kind of a situation are we talking?

Jimmy Bonder. I was born in a small town. Jimmy Bonderman. This is true. They would never let that happen. He was a twin. The name is Bonderman. He was a twin of James Bonderman. who was in the United States.

And now he's CIA. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. I would watch that. Jimmy Bond. What about Jim Bond and he's a piece of shit and he fucks up everything? He's in the CIA but he's just not good at anything.

Well, that could be a fun movie. The like cool sleekness that James Bond has. Let's get smart. Yeah. Get smart. Fuck. Yeah. They already did this.

Get smart. Fucking shit. But Jimmy Bond has to be. He has to be just as cool. Jimmy Bond is just as cool as James Bond. But he has to be different. They like drop Jimmy Bond and he's like 10 times. as cool as James Bond.

Yeah. Haven't be the guy with the big head from Lost. You know the dude that's in the paintball episodes of the community? He would be a great

Jimmy Bond. Wait, the guy with the long hair. Oh, yeah, yeah. He would be an amazing Jimmy Bond. Josh Holloway.

Josh Holloway. Duster. Duster. Don't know. From Lost? The guy from Duster? The guy from Duster. They low-key did

Jimmy Bond in the second Kingsman movie. They had Channing Tatum as the American branch of the Kingsman. Yeah. I watched that movie on a point. I watched that movie on a plane a couple years ago,

and I thought I'd seen it before, but I guess I hadn't. That's got to be your number one, doesn't it? No, I actually really didn't like it. And I didn't like that at the end. Oh, yeah, you get to have butt sex. Yeah. He likes, he rests.

He's a woman from prison. Yeah. And she's like, now? She's a princess. Yeah, she's a princess. And I actually like, you can fuck my butt. And then it cuts to black.

Well, that's supposed to be the inside of her butthole. I think they show. That's an artistic representation. They do a kiss on. They zoom in, they do a David Fincher's. And the second one, they show a P-O-V of inside a woman's pussy while she's getting fingered. Really? Ew. That's a dirty movie.

Well, I didn't actually put a camera in there. I didn't like it. I didn't like it in Marty Supreme, the Jizz part. You didn't like that as the best part of the movie. You're gay. Oh, dude. Think about what's around those. You like that's all I'm going to say, that beautiful egg.

Oh, oh, oh, the big egg. I didn't like the jazz part. I don't want to see all that. I saw it. Yeah. I saw it multiple times. That's cool. Yeah.

I saved that to my phone. Took it out, Nighthawk Cinema. I took up my phone. I took up my phone. What did you order, bro? Is that a food? It's a restaurant.

everybody. It's a big long board. Courtesy of the man at the end of the end of the room. It pushes everyone else's off a board. And if you have to

go to the bathroom, you have to lift. A wet-ass fucking pot roast is spilling onto the floor. This is what they would eat in the movie. It's trickling down to the rose in front of you on the floor.

Yeah, they have a big, they have a big trough to collect all the juices and then they take that juice and then they put it in the Marty Supreme Cocktail. It's a beef well. The word on the street is that Elijah Wood is

criticizing Alamo Draft House for their new online ordering. Dude, their new policy seems quite bad. It's bad because they just unionized and now they're looking to get rid of everyone. No, no, no, no. They're going to get rid of everyone. They're going to get rid of all their front of servers. And replace them a fucking robots. They also, their whole thing used to be that they would get so mad at you from using a phone.

They'll kick you out if you use a phone. Now they want to use a phone. As a consumer, it's a confusing message to send to them. No, I mean, Alamo draft house already, as a, as a, guy who gets stressed out about stuff in general, I think the worst part of Alamo Draft House is they say they won't let you in if you get there late.

So I just don't go there. Yeah. I don't need all that. If I'm paying $18 in 2026 to see a movie and I have to get on the train to go to it, you're going to let me in if I'm late. Like fuck you. It's always been fuck Alamo draft house. It's never been

true for me. I've always been allowed in when late. Yeah. Because you're intimidating presence. You just have to become a guy who is coming from the bathroom. Yeah. Mentally. I'm sure, like, I also am sure that the, like, it's, you know, it's a policy. But I have to imagine that the people who work there are not going to be like, hey, man, get the fuck out of here.

I would love to meet that guy, though. Yeah. Guy who's, like, really cares about the Alamo. When you walk in late. When you walk in late, how do you act like you've come from the, but do you have a certain face or a smell that you emit? It's kind of just walking with intention. And if someone were to stop you, I was just in the bathroom. Yeah, there you go.

And then they can't say you're not allowed to use the bathroom. The rule is only as strong as the employees. You better not have any pee inside of you. But I just don't like that added wrinkle to my travel time. No. It's not a thing that's good thing to think about. Let's say it right now.

Let's say it right now. Alamo draft house, you are all bastards. On the naughty list. On the naughty list. Yeah, I'm not a fan of them. Also, they are, they are, I think, AMC. Really? Or Lowe's. Someone bought them.

Really? What the fuck's the hardware store got to do with this fucking movie stuff? Come on now. That's a nice bump, man. Okay, let's talk shrimp off. Okay. 15 minutes in, we're going to talk the shrimp off. Well, because there's a lot to figure out here.

I mean, I guess we, this also, we've been talking about this for quite some time, but I don't think the audience is privy to it. It was supposed to happen today. Basically. But some, yes. Here, we'll start from the beginning. Patrick claimed to me that he could eat 14 pounds of rotissory chicken.

14? That's what he said. 14 pounds, that's what he claimed. 14 pounds. Again, I was being hyperbolic and a little under 10% of his body weight. He said he could eat. And I believe you said like in a couple hours. I think too. I think you gave a time.

I think you gave a 14. In 24 hours, I could eat it. You couldn't. Okay. See, we're 24 hours. I think is possible. See? 14 pounds.

You just have delivered. versus two pedantic pessimists. If you spread it out, absolutely. Pedantic pessimist pussies. You could not eat over half a pound of chicken an hour for 24 hours. I couldn't eat half a pound of chicken. You're making it harder for yourself also because you have to spread it out like that. You're staying up.

Let's say you're awake for 14 hours. Well, then you spread it into three meals. Three meals of almost five pounds each. Four and something. Five pounds of chicken. No sign. I'm saying it's... I'm not saying it would be great.

I'm just saying it's possible. Yep. I could do it. Do you think it's possible for Patrick? Dreamers? Yeah. Bedantic pessimist. I'm glad I brought this up

because we're changing what next week's episode is. No, no, no. We're going to eat a pound of chicken. I said I could eat 10 pounds of shrimp. Well, also 24 hours is an interesting thing because you can split that early. Because we haven't even gotten to the original. The reason I brought up the 14 pounds of chicken. 24 hours you can split into two days, too.

That's all. Yes. Yes. You could go. go to sleep and then wake up and then it's a new day. He understands life. He understands real life. But you have,

you guys are all, you guys are, you guys are, you guys are, these are, this is left brain and versus right brain sinking. So you're fast.

I can eat seven pounds of chicken, uh, in six hours. Yeah. I believe it. I believe in. And then, and then I can sleep.

And then I can wake up and I can eat seven more pounds of chicken when I wake up. Uh-huh. Do you? Again, we have to do it. That's so much chicken. I'm not saying I would like it.

I would feel like it. I would feel like. It would be a tummy egg for like a week, I would say. I think, and you can't puke. That's the other thing. Well, sure. No puking. But can you poop?

You can poop. And that just resets the clock. Yeah. I don't think that that's how that works. You poop out the stuff that you just ate, yeah. No, it takes like three days. It takes a minute. Yeah.

It takes a few days. I think about it. I would probably three days. I would fall a, no, no. It's one day. Power flash. Holy shit. Power outage.

Oh. Oh. Uh-oh. We had a power. outage slightly. You are outage frame. Anyway, the reason I brought up 14 pounds of chicken

is because this and the tendency here is so it's the same thing as with the shrimp challenge is that you say something like that you bring it back up and you hear a chorus of I could do that, I could do that one hour I could do that fuck you I could do that and then the day comes in it says

what if I actually ate a half pound of chicken in seven hours which is kind of where we want to do a shrimp off between Joe and Patrick. Patrick claimed you could eat 10 pounds of shrimp. And then he wants to eat. Then he said he wanted to eat perfect. Yeah.

Perfect opponent. Because if you, the thing is, if you say I'm going to eat 10 pounds of shrimp and then you eat two, that's just like, there's no reason for you to eat more than two. I think we're getting five pounds of shrimp.

Well, exactly. That's what it's basically. It's been, it's been bargains down. I think that you are the natural, I would say you're the biggest eater in the crew. Yes,

but I think that you, would be, dude, it's just knocking. The power's going out. Everything's amazing. But you, I think that you might have a real shot at eating five pounds because I've seen you eat disgusted. Remember you did a hot dog eating contest? Yeah. How many did you eat?

I don't remember. The fuck is going on today. Strange things are happening today. Is that okay? Yeah. Yeah. It's a good. I don't know.

Probably. I think I could eat. So with five hot dogs did you eat? I don't remember. I tried. I think you ate like, you ate less than you thought though I ate less than I thought but I tried to do the

water method I think you ate I don't remember I don't remember because I didn't do well as much as well as I wanted to but it's because I tried to do the water thing without practicing the water thing and that's also speed eating

which we're doing more endurance eating on the shrimp off yeah but it's five pounds but is this jumbo shrimp or like little shrimps well that doesn't matter a pound of steel or a pound of feathers Well, the difference is, the difference is, uh, quantity. I think it's genuinely, genuinely, I think it's more impressive to eat a bunch of tiny shrimps versus like, Patrick, you're doing, does the tall skinny glass have more water or the wide? I realize that.

I realize that. But it also, I feel like it's harder to eat a bigger shrimp because my mind is going to trick myself into thinking I'm eating. You're going to fill up faster on bigger shrimp. Even though a lot, logically you know. But you'll have to eat less of them. Yes. But how big are the shrimp? Are we talking Drake and Josh

Very big shrimps? It depends on where we get them. I think that the 5 pounds of shrimp in roughly an hour I think is very doable. I think I could I think I could

Me too. I think I could also do it. At sort of a buffet style situation or like a party. What I want to do So this is the anyway, the reason we're doing this

and we're not doing the shrimp buff today. This is the rule setting committee. This is the ruling council. And so one of the things I do want to try, we're talking about making a Costco run. I think we should go on the Costco website or whatever and we should pick out what shrimp we're getting.

Yes, I would like the quality of shrimp to be good. That's not going to be that good. A jumbo shrimp. The average jumbo shrimp weighs about a half ounce. Okay. Weighs one pound. So that would have you eating 160 jumbo shrimp. Look up colossal shrimp.

Total in one hour. Colossal is after jumbo. That's not that as much. many as I thought. That's like over to a minute. Yeah, I could do that. Every minute. Every single minute.

How fast is it, how long does it take to eat a shrimp? I think that I could. For an hour. I think I could. It's not about how long it takes to eat any shrimp. Yes, it is across the whole hour. But I think you slow down. I'm saying I could go like five in one minute normal.

So then when I slow down later, it can be one a minute. Uh-huh. 160 shrimp. The thing is the thing right now that I'm realizing that this is not me versus you. It's us versus them. It's us versus them. It's us versus them entirely. We are both proved.

I think there should be a race element because it'll be. What you guys don't understand is that it should be an endurance challenge. The game is rigged from the start against you because even if you finish all the shrimp, you won't have eaten 10 pounds of shrimp. Collectively, though, that's why it's us versus you, bro. Colossal shrimp. Well, see, I was only on, I was only ever agreeing. 10 pounds, that's, now that's crazy.

Yeah, 10 pounds is crazy. Five pounds I could do. I was being hyperbolic, though. I think I could accidentally eat one. pound of shrimp. Yeah. I've done it. I've done it.

I did it twice. I ate two pounds. I ate two pounds. I ate two pounds for two days over Christmas. Without realizing it if there's a nice appealing shrimp for a. That's a shrimp ring. Is it not as opposed? About a pound.

Yeah. One of the little ones. And I've done it before. Yeah. I've done it. Yeah. I did it on purpose one time. I think three is going to be a real wall.

I think three is no problem. Four is actually four or five. I'm not going to like it. I think, yeah. Four to five. isn't even going to be fun for people to watch. I think that the...

Three, though? Three is going to be great for me. I guess it doesn't only do three, right, guys? No, no, no. I believe that you can do it. Yep. I believe that your insane confidence, I think you're going to be humbled by the task.

I don't believe you can't do it. I think it's doable. That's why we set through it. And I want to watch what happens. Okay, you, okay, so five... I think you can do it. I think we agree on that. I think you guys can do it.

Five pounds is doable. Yeah. Again, this is becoming, and I'm noticing, hold on one second. Yeah. I'm noticing both of you are only saying this stuff to Joe. I believe in Patrick. Both of you are only saying this to Joe. I do believe that it's more likely that Joe will do it than you will do it.

I don't think so. I think that anyone can put their mind to anything and get it done. I think that Joe and I would make a great shrimp eating team. I think so. And also, I'll let you know right now a pact if I'm done with the five pounds and Patrick still has them to go. or vice versa, all help out and start going on that side. I agree. Same way.

Gentleman's agreement on that. And actually, I think what we should do is at the very beginning, we should each eat one of the other shrimps in solidarity with one another. Yes. I agree. And I'm so glad that you are my shrimp eating partner because I don't think I, I think anyone else would bitch and moan the whole time.

Anyone else would be not up to this. I'm not going to bitch and moan. You guys don't even realize you have, you're telling me to, eat my favorite food. Patrick, I want to, eat a lot of your favorite food. I want to cite history really quick, which is that you tapped out of eating 300 jelly beans.

I hate jelly beans. I hate jelly beans. Now you fucking hate jelly beans. You loved them before you had to eat 300 of them. 300. And it was a jar probably this big of jelly beans. And you tapped out. That was an hour.

That was on our 300 episode. That's sugary. That's sugary one. Two, jelly beans fucking suck. Shrimp is awesome. Shrimp is my favorite food. I would like to, I would, this is actually a good pivot. I would like the shrimp to have some,

I would like there to be some thought put into the preparation of the shrimp. I was just, I was thinking, I was thinking, cold. I'll tell you, I basically never eat, shrimp. I'm not, I'm not a shrimp fan.

So I would, I mean, I, and maybe this, I don't want to give you the task, but you can, I mean, if you want to prepare a certain way.

Unless you have a different idea. Okay. I don't see, I don't really want to prepare. The weight, if you do it skin on or shell on, the weight, the skin can't count to the weight. Okay. How are you going to measure that? It needs to be deshelled.

Well, you'll have to deshelled by the time it gets here. Look up a colossal shrimp. Look up how much of colossal shrimp is. I will help prepare it, but you don't want me to be the one preparing it because I'm not a shrimp fan. I hope with whatever needs to be done. You're the chef of the bunch. I'll help. Well, let's just get thawed-cooked shrimp with the cocktail sauce. What's your idea?

What do you want? You want grilled shrimp? I feel like a shrimp that's like cooked for like 10 seconds or whatever. I know what's like a nice shrimp method from internet Shaquille. Oh, I know that guy. Yeah. He does that there's like a Thai coconut shrimp. Oh, see, I would say no, but that's extra stuff.

I just want, I just want like a. No, it has to be plain shrimp. I think plain shrimp with cocktail sauce is your best. Cocktail sauce can also act as like a lubricant down the throat. We should make the cocktail sauce because you will get real sick and tired of the sweet cocktail sauce from Costco. I would actually maybe what else? What else dips on? that's on shrimp. Is it just cocktail sauce?

Cocktail sauce, tartar sauce. Not going to do tartar. I think cocktail is the best for lowest volume. We could also maybe get some lemons cut up so we could maybe some kale just to fucking make it present

Big waters. Maybe a few rotissory chickens. I would also maybe as a garnish. I would also maybe ask that we maybe do this at a dinner time so then we can have a day if not eating anything before and then can go right to sleep after we're done. Yes.

Yes. You're going to have some scary dreams. Yeah. I can, I can, eating 160 of any of senty. Can I make a phone call right now to, I don't care. To one of the one of the, can I make a phone call right now to somebody. Well, you tell me. corroborate a story.

Sure. Of the time where I've eaten too much shrimp. Sure. It better be your mom. It is my mom. Thank God. Call mom. Okay.

you can admit, though, that 10 pounds of shrimp is crazy. 10 pounds of shrimp is crazy, but then when you say 160 shrimp, that doesn't sound that. Is it crazy? I could do 10 pounds of chicken, shrimp in a day. Hey, we're on the podcast right now. Okay. What do you want?

How many shrimp have you seen me eat? In your lifetime? Just like, have you seen, like, has there been multiple incidents where I have been banned from eating shrimp because I ate too much? Yes. Because you don't share. It's different when you were younger and everyone, when we went to the supermarket and everyone got to pick a snack and you would pick a shrimp bread. And that was your snack.

Haniford, hold on one second. Haniford used to sell little wedges. Can you tell us something? Can you, do you think that Patrick could eat five pounds of shrimp in one hour? In an hour? Probably. Whoa. Okay.

You got the vouch. And also, what Christmas was it? What Christmas was it where I was completely banned from eating shrimp? I don't remember. Was it in high school?

No. No, I think it was elementary school. Whoa. You got banned from shrimp? Oh, yes. Yeah, because everyone was getting that because we were with the cousins and the aunts and uncles too.

Mm-hmm. And everyone was like, Pat, you're going to share? My aunt My aunt Kathy bought a party-sized shrimp ring And I ate most of it Yes It's about two pounds maybe Yes

But you were a kid Mm-hmm Two pounds Yeah And again She just told you guys I've been choosing shrimp As a snack my whole life

Yeah that is a crazy story This is getting me kind of hyped up I'm pretty excited You want to hear crazy freaking story Is it about shrimp You can only talk about shrimp No I want to hear it no matter what Yeah no tell us tell us tell us tell us

well it's not sure it's okay that's okay don't listen to your son is it seafood related no let her tell the damn story okay so how old were you when we got mr bojangles um i had to be like four something like that four three or five yeah yeah yeah four or five because we were in londonderry uh-huh so we had this dog for like two weeks whatever different story but anyway, so we have this dog, so we have this dog crate. And I have my aunt over, and my siblings over for coffee and, you know, ladies meet for coffee, tea, whatever. And then all the kids are over and Patrick goes in the kitchen, opens the fridge. He's looking over his shoulder to make sure we're not watching him.

Of course, we're watching him. He stole a head of lettuce and ran and locked himself in the dog. and started eating the lettuce like he was doing it in trouble like he had stolen a chocolate bar or something that he wasn't supposed to have and he sat inside he sat inside the dog cage

eating the lettuce I think I was I was pretending to be a rabbit I think I don't know what the hell you were doing I'm telling you what I think I remember I was doing wow My aunt, your great aunt, was like, there's something wrong with that. Jesus.

You remember when Dr. Weinstein tried to do the autism spectrum test on me? And he said, might as well not do it because they keep changing the definition. Yes. You remember the time he told you you were obese and you said, if I'm obese, what are you? And he was like, you're right, kid, you're right. Yeah, I also asked I'm not talking about me here I also asked him to test my

Midichlorians You're what I asked him to test my midichlorians That's the thing in Star Wars Where the like it's like the thing That like gives you the force Do you remember that He like started like dying laughing

He was like oh my God Did he test you? No No RIP Dr. Weinstein Yeah he died Oh poor guy Patrick killed him

He was really fat guy And he had to use his He had to use his His computer tray to stand up And then he said to Pat He's a big and fat and sweaty And his rolls would like smell in the heat And he said to Pat

According to that chart Patrick you're obese And Patrick's look at him like F you dude He's like if I am what are you Yeah And Pat was eating He was a healthy kid

He was eating heads of lettuce It's shrimp That's a Yeah Yeah It's a clean dog And they were all and became a twig. Yeah.

A twink. Call your son a twig? No, a twig. A twig. Twig. Twig. Twig. Chill.

Enough of that. All right. So you corroborate that I could eat five pounds of shrimp. Yes. Okay. Absolutely. You have your sponsor. You're now my sponsor.

Our official sponsor. We'll update you. Yeah, because next week I mean. Next week, next week me and Joe, Joe's here. Hey. Splitting 10 pounds. Oh, hey, Joe. Hey, how's it going?

Good. How are you? Great. I love your show. Very funny. Thank you. I appreciate that. A lot of big... Zimmy, zing.

I sing your song all the time. Oh. Hell yeah. Zimazing, whizing. And they show everyone at work all your funny stuff. I appreciate that. Thank you for doing that. She puts it on those.

She puts it on. the work TV. I've seen it happen. Whoa. Dude, that's big. That is big. I'm not. My customers watch. All right. Well. Thank you so much. And we'll keep you updated.

Yeah, we'll let you know how it goes. Yes, please. Please, do. All right. All right. All right. Love you. Bye.

Bye. So that's my sponsor. That's incredible. That got me pumped up. Yep. Not even a question about Patrick. It's just an exciting. Ever since he was a kid,

he was picking shrimp. brings from the store. He locked himself in a dog straight. He went to play over a black and white video of you walking into the office ever since I was a kid. I've been picking out shrimp rings from the store.

Earth Rocker, the Bamborgerra video. Yeah, yeah. I've been eating shrimp since I was a kid. Everybody else, all, everybody else getting like bags of chips and stuff and you getting a. It was $5. It was literally like this big.

I think you got like, it was probably like 10 to 15 shrimp and a little like wedge. And it came with coffee. cocktail sauce and a lemon. So just 10 of those. Yeah. Exactly.

Just 10. Just 10. He was a kid. 10 simple. Yeah. No question about whether he could do it or not. Multiple times being restrained from eating shrimp. He wants to eat more.

Now I want to see you eat 10 pounds of lettuce. Yeah. And a dog crepe. That's a lot of fucking lettuce. What I was doing? I was being a rabbit. That's the next year. I was being a rabbit.

Yeah. Rabbits go in cages. I definitely, I remember exactly. my thought process where I was like I am a rabbit yeah I'm going to play rabbit we might have been playing

animals we might have been because my cousins were over cousins I haven't seen maybe I was trying to be really funny and be like guys look I'm a rabbit I mean it is a funny move

I just know rabbit was heavily I didn't like how also recipe's rude you were to Dr. Weinstein very rude yeah but you just kind of had a relationship

like that your mom completely cool with very cool with the rudeness towards Weinstein. Yeah. Yeah. She knew he was a bitch. Yeah.

Dude, he, like, the, he, he said, like, like, it was like a literally, like, I think it was like, like, he's like, we should. No, he was like, they should, uh, they should, uh, like, was he your pediatrician? Yeah, he's my pediatrician.

I went to him until I was 20. Dude, your pediatrician was named Dr. Weinstein. My pediatrician was named Dr. Epstein. Whoa. Mine was Dr. That's crazy. Cohen.

That one's fine. Yeah. Yeah, what's wrong with that? Yeah. Wait, you thought the connection there was that they were Jewish last name? Epstein and Weinstein, you're like,

oh, yeah, two Jewish guys. I was just saying my pediatrician's name. Oh, okay. But he, so the,

the autism spectrum thing, he was going to test me. And then he was like, they changed the definition every year. It's like, might as well not even test them. They would probably say,

I have it. And it was like, yeah, dude, you talk to me about like Kirby for like 10 minutes. He was telling, well, his son,

his son really loved, like, he was telling me about, like how his son loves Kirby and he was like he made the funniest video it was me like getting hit by waves set to Kirby music and I was dying and he looked like Kirby he also looked like Kirby's oh dude that got him so good are you being serious uh no I was like again we we busted I busted his balls that in the movies or is that like in episode one phantom menace yeah I had a great relationship with this guy it was actually

very, I was very sad when he passed. When was that? I think when I was 24. I'm like that. But I saw him, I saw him until I was 20 years old. I was getting Adderall prescriptions from him and he was finally like, might have to start seeing a new guy. I was like,

it's fucked up that the pediatricians kick you out. They should grow with, like yeah. Pediatricians. Well, they should get like, they should get older to. A crop of children that are all the same age and then once those children hit the age. And they should be, they should change. be a normal doctor.

And they take care of you. And then when they are adults, when you're a teenager, and then they're in their 30s when you're in your 20s. And then they become just a normal doctor. Yeah. Babysitter style. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Because my babysitter now is like 40 or 50.

Yeah. And she still takes care of you. My babysitter lived with me. She takes good care of me. My mom took her in. And then it was kind of like a living nanny situation. Dude. She would like watch us.

She was cool. She all, every one of her girlfriends looked like Rob Deardick. Okay, so you're feeling good. You guys are feeling confident. I feel great. As long as I prep. Yeah. Yeah.

That I think is going to, I mean, I think that also, I could see that being a very strong element of it. It's fasting beforehand, I think is going to make it, is going to make it. We're not going to really be able to talk that much.

No. No, it's going to be live commentated. We'll have, we'll have table mics to pick up the chewing noises. Yeah. We'll keep it very low. And you guys can pipe up whenever you want.

That is one of the hard. hardest problems here. Do shrimp cocktail have tails on them? Yeah. Okay, so we're not eating tails. That's the best part is grabbing the tail and fucking the ankle. Well, I would say that's where me and Cameron come in is the judge of like. You guys eat the tails.

Because sometimes you can eat the tails sometimes. No, but sometimes you can have a piece of shrimp and you bite it and there's still meat in the tail. Yeah. And you're going to have to get that meat out. Yeah. Trust me. Three pounds deep, you're going to be. I'm going to be.

I love eating the tail off a shrimp. It's kind of weird. Let's not. If it's like a friend. Don't want to eat the tails? Like a tie. So let's not bring that into the... Dude, Joe one time made me eat head-on shrimp.

That's good. It was prepared beautifully. It was nasty. Head-on shrimp is awesome. It had all the crispy shell. Again, fake shrimp fans, real shrimp fan. Not a fake shrimp fan. Actually, just not a shrimp fan.

I like shrimp fan. I like shrimp fan. It's going to smell in here for a long time. Real shrimp fan. That's true. That's a good point. I'm getting it. We're going to get a tarp.

I also think it looks like Dexter. We should have... We put tarps all over the set. Yeah. We're going to be taking good. We should have... We should have... I guess if it's shrimp cocktail rings.

Yes, we should all wear smocks. I would like it to be separated pound by pound. Five pounds stacked high in front of you. Well, not necessarily stacked up. Okay, here's the other question. Are we going to... So when we pick, when we pick our shrimp that we're going to purchase... I'm excited to go to Costco.

Yeah, that will be fun. That's a... Let's check out the website and pick it. Yeah, we should do... Hold on. Hold on. Should it be Costco or should it be Restaurant Depot? I don't know.

There's like a restaurant depot place that you can go to. Let's go to like a commercial. Can we go to that or do you need like a tax ID? No, I think you can go in. I think a Costco makes the most sense. Yeah. Well, Restaurant Depot would have 10 pounds of shrimp.

I'm also excited to go. I've never been to Costco. Yeah, I think that'll be fun. But anyway, here's my question. Are we, are we going to go buy, uh, are we going to buy two packs? My God, this is going to be expensive. Are we going to go by? Are we going to trust the net weight on the packaging?

Or are we going to weigh them on the scale? I think we need to weigh them. Okay. But we also need to separate between the two of us. Do we also want to remove the tails and then weigh them to truly make sure we're hit them? That's going to make them all pretty. We want to.

Okay. This is 50 to 70 pounds or shrimp per pound. And that's two. It's two 50 to 70 shrimp per pound and it's two pounds. Colossel is the biggest shrimp, right? Yeah. Again, real real shrimp fan here. No, cool.

What the fuck was that? That wasn't my phone. That's not my Siri voice. Mine's a male. Somebody's phone. What's talking? Colossiri. Okay, look, that one is tail off. That, I mean, that's pretty good.

What? It's cooked shrimp, tail off, two pounds, 140 shrimp. How much is it? So we buy five of those bags. It's warehouse. Kirkland's signature farm-raised cook shrimp. Are those deshelled?

It looks like it, yeah. Can we click on that item, Julio? Yeah. How much does that cost? See, see some more of the details here. 50 to 70 shrimp. bag. Okay.

Again, I've eaten one of these bags before. 50 to 70 shrimp per pound, it says. Yeah, yeah. Well, I've eaten this bag before. So this is between 100 and 140 shrimp. Again, again, again, this is great. This is great. Tail off, peeled, and devaint.

Oh, this is perfect. This is actually incredible. And again, I've done this. I did it at Christmas. Signature, you got to trust. How much is one bag of this? Don't worry about the cost. Can I call another person to corroborate?

We're sparing no expense for the shrimp. I mean, you, you don't need to corroborate a person to corroborate. Okay, because my girlfriend saw me eat a bunch of shrimp and she got mad. I believe that you eat a bunch of shrimp. I believed it before you called your mom. So you need to eat two and a half of these bags each. Okay. We should order this for pick up to pick it up.

No, I would like to kind of explore two of these bags each. Costco also, though. We can do that too, but we should make sure that they have. God, that looks like so much shrimp, man. This ready for us. Again, I've done it. We don't want to get screwed over, you know, on the day. Wait, how small are these?

look at the pictures of them because we could we could get the tiniest shrimp compared to a lime or a radish that's what size it is this is what it is compared to your lettuce so fucking good damn

oh look at it we have to get five bags of these okay so that I want you to look at that that's five shrimp on that yeah but you have to ignore all the lettuce and the salad I understand that but a lot of the times you'll get a salad or something there will be five pieces of shrimp on it

I'm ignoring this is 70 per pound. We've decided to 70 per pound. So that's 50 to 70 per pound. Even if I eat, okay. So that's 250 to 350 shrimp per person. Even if I only eat three pounds, I'm going to have a great day.

In an hour. I'm going to have a great day. Well, the hour, also I would, I would like to ask for some leniency on hour. Like, if it goes to 130. But here's the thing. Here's here. Okay, here's a ruling I'm going to propose. After the hour, you're not allowed to take a break.

Like the hour, during the hour, you can, can go whatever pace, but once the hours up, you can keep going, but if you stop, you're done. We also might need to be standing up for it. Okay. Does that sound fair to you? After an hour, we can't take a break. After an hour's up, once you stop eating, you're locked out. Yeah, I don't plan on taking many breaks, period.

So, we'll see, man. 300 shrimp. So even if it's, if it's, uh, if we can even, even if it's, if it's 50 shrimp per pound, that's 4.16 shrimp a minute. Well, okay. For an hour. The reason it's really stupid. I know I'm doing the glass thing, but like...

What do you mean? No. It's not true. It's true. But I'm saying this shrimp count, I'm saying a suspect. And I think that we're going to... And I think we're going to be able to... The cracks are beginning to form. I know it's stupid of me, but I think that if the shrimp is big, I can trick myself.

I can trick my brain. I can trick my brain. You're laying the groundwork for a failure with this. I can trick my brain into being like, that's not that much shrimp. We need... That's 300 versus like 150. Colossal Shrimps. We're not getting colossal shrimp,

it doesn't seem like it's an option. Dude. Dude. The Colossal Shrimps are also going to be way more expensive. Restaurant Depot, we don't need to do. Yeah.

I want to go to Costco. Yeah. No, you just want to go to Costco. I mean, of course. I want to go to Costco too. The fact you've never been to Costco's crazy.

I don't know for the first time over Christmas for his first Costco experience. Costco's awesome. I hear they have very good gas prices. Yeah. You bought shrimp there? I bought shrimp at Costco. They don't have a gas stations

at the one up here. Yeah. sense. Sad. But they do have a good... And you need a... I have a membership. Who you can all go in with your membership? Yes. Okay. We can all go in.

You just scan it and then we let us all in? They just look at it and they go, okay, yeah. So we go, but we have to say at the beginning, like, we're all four. You just walk in together. Yeah, yeah. They don't take it super seriously. There's a guy who does it? Yeah, he doesn't really care.

Okay. At the front door. Yeah. They might even just have a thing that you scan when you come in. Premium. 15 pieces per pound. Are you trying to prove that colossal shrimp exists? Yes, because Julio keeps saying that they don't have them at the stores.

Colossal shrimp are exceptionally large. Premium shellfish. Typically weighing in at 8-15 pieces per pound. Jesus. 8 to 15 per pound. That seems pretty easy. Yeah, exactly. But they're this big.

Yeah, but you're only eating eight or 15 of something. Exactly. Exactly. You're not only eating eight or 15. You're eating only eight or 15 of it for pounds. But the amount of shrimp is going to trick me into thinking that I'm eating too much. I can eat 40 or something. No question.

Exactly. If I eat 40 of grains of rice. Anything. It's just a matter of, could you eat 40 steaks, 40 filet mignon? How do you guys not understand the weight? No, no, no, no. I get it. It's the same amount of shrimp.

Because one, if you're using, you're using a main dish as your example, flay mignon is ridiculous to even say that. Yes. But shrimp, shrimp are a small thing. So if you're eating, if you're eating quickly, you're eating 40 giant things, 40 giant small things. Yeah. You can go quick through it. He gets it.

He gets it now. It's just about what is a filet mignon usually? It's like 11 ounces. 11 ounces. Yeah. I could eat five pounds of filet mignon, no question. You could eat seven filets. Yeah.

Yeah. Honestly, yeah. That's probably easier. Well-cooked. It wouldn't be fun. fun, but not well done, but like cooked well.

Also, it's, well, actually, it's probably 11 ounces before it's cooked. To see this channel, it will give me so much joy.

Either way, what happened. If I watch you guys just house this, it's going to make me really happy. Yeah. And if I watch you guys fail miserably,

it's also going to make me really happy. And I'm going to be happy either way because it's my favorite food. This is so, okay. This is my worry is that both of you love shrimp. I don't like shrimp that much. I have a feeling

I'm good with that. This will change your relationship with shrimp. I don't think it'll change my relationship to shrimp. I'm still gonna like it's genuinely I've eaten I've eaten shrimp to stomachache before but that's because I've been

You're going past stomachache You're going past stomach cake. And again, I'm going to cite a detail I heard you mentioned that you almost finished two pounds of shrimp at one point. That was on the phone call. That was what you said.

When he was a child, let's make this more interesting. My stomach's bigger now. If one of you finishes all five pounds in an hour without going overtime, whoever does it first, I will give you $100. Okay. I don't even care about the money. It doesn't even matter to me.

I just want to put that out there. That doesn't entice me any further. The pride is what I'm going for. What would entice you? Like $1,000. Yeah. If it was $1,000, I'm doing it no question. I don't think I do it.

I'll do $150. $500. I will not. I mean, no. No, no, I know. I'll do $150. I don't even care about it. Again, not even care about the money.

This is my big shirt. You thought you like the pride. I'm just trying to make it worth my while. I'll take the pride. Worth your while. We're about to do it for free anyway. I don't even care. I want a thousand dollars.

I just want to incentivize finishing in the hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? If you're willing to give Joe $1,000, comment below. If you'll Venmo him $1,000 for finishing. Yeah, five pounds of shrimp in under. I think that's worth, the guy who climbed the skyscraper only got $500,000, so I think I'm worth

at least $1,000. To eat shrimp? Yeah. You think that's one 500th of an achievement? Uh-huh. I think that's big. I think it's closer than the money disparity would be. The money, whatever, I don't give a shit.

I just want to make sure everything's food safe certified. Me too. Can we get somebody who's food safe certified to? Oh, I don't care about that. I just want to make sure that. The shrimp's good. The shrimp. I think that, again, I think that's something that you are going to have to be, you're going to have

to make the decision, the call on that. He's, I'm not cooking anything. He's making a sauce. You're making a sauce. I'm going to make it. I think if Costco, we should get sauce there too. So we have like different kinds of sauce. Sure.

That's fine. We'll get whatever sauce you want. Julio, can you open up like a notepad or something? Can we start putting down some of these rules? Because I don't want any, I don't want any wiggling going on. Yeah. And the week to follow. The only thing that's going to wiggle is that damn shrimp going down my throat.

I hope not. I hope it doesn't wiggle. Yep, it's alive. I'm eating live shrimp now. You can't, you shouldn't do that. Oh, no. Big water cups. Five pounds of shrimp each.

Yeah. Yep. Under an hour, Joe gets $1,000. No. Joe might get $1,000. Either of you get $150. First finisher gets $150 from Caleb and maybe $1,000 from someone else. You might get $1,000.

Cool. If he finishes in under, five pounds and under an hour. Yeah. you can eat at whatever pace you want, but if you stop for how long... No, 10 minutes is too long. If you take more than a minute break, if you take more than a minute break after an hour.

Oh, after an hour, yeah, yeah. After an hour, if you take more than a minute break, you're done. So after that, it becomes a sprint if you have a lot left. And when the recording is done, you're allowed to puke. And I would say hour 30 is the longest we're willing to go. Yeah. Yeah. Up to an hour third shirt. Yeah. I think that makes sense. Because this is also going to be probably very upsetting to watch.

Yeah. Yeah. On YouTube. Yeah. There's no reason for it to be more than, uh, yeah. I didn't even consider how upsetting this is to watch. I would also say that this is nice because we're giving a warning that next week. That's going to be really, if you, if this sounds really awful to you, you can skip it. You and me, let's, well, you and me will prepare some stuff for, for, uh, I would say, how about you guys make some video. us to put in. We'll be talking the whole time. Our third. We'll cut to some, like,

man on the street content that you made. Me and, me and, me and, me and Cam will do plenty of, plenty of facts and stuff. There should be some sort of intro. But my idea is really good. Like, the thing should start at five minutes.

You know, like, we should have some time to like, yeah, yeah, we're not going to start the video with you. Our timer is not the episode length. No, yeah, yeah. We'll have a time. We'll have a timer. We'll use your stop watch. Can we cut to one interview with like one of you interviewing somebody over Zoom?

Just asking the shrimp expert. That's a good idea. Maybe if I find the time to do that, I'll interview somebody. Well, somebody had, maybe Julio could. Julio has time. I know he does. Let's see, what other rules do we do? You can put down TFT for a little bit.

Throw out there. We're going, yeah, we, uh, big water cups. We need cocktail sauce. We need a second cocktail sauce. We need lemon. We need sauce. Here's what I say, too. Lemon and salt.

I think you guys are responsible for the sauces. No pepper. bring whatever sauces and condiments you want. I think we should be able to get it. We can pick them at Costco. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think that everything about like the preparation of the shrimp, the sauce,

I think that that's all like to me it doesn't make a difference if you're like how you're eating. Like I'm anticipating you can choose whatever you want it to be. In order to change it up, you're going to want to have multiple modes that you can go through of clean cocktail sauce, lemon salt, clean. Yeah. So you can vary up.

Basically it's like I'm eating three, 1.666, To me, really, the only thing that matters to me is the pure biomass. Yeah. I think you can do anything you want. I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Was it?

No, that's four. Dude, it's not math for me. I don't really know what you said. I'm doing this for, but I just is nodding my head. I just want to get to the shrimp. I'm not technical, bro. This is like you're getting technical. You're like Tony Hawk.

Oh, shrimp. I'm like Christian Hesoy. And I'm doing all these kind of style of tricks. Trying to do all this math and he's going to be eating. The thing for me is the prep is starting right now. Here's a question too. We're going to thaw it out. Do you guys want us to bring a cooler or something

for the shrimp that's on deck? Yeah, we should have an on deck. Cooler. I would like, we can display the shrimp at the beginning. I would like it to be only one pound is on the table. On the table at once and we refresh your pounds. Yes, because that also makes it easy to go through and know where we're at. A big plate, a big plate with kale on the, as the decoration. No, we're not doing that.

No, this is no frills. Okay, no frills. All right. But you know how in the 80s they used to use kale as not an ingredient as a finish all of it in an hour. I will give you an extra 50 bucks if you eat a pound of jello. But you have to go to the store and buy it and make it. No, that has to be another 100.

50 bucks is not. A pound of gelo for another 100. Take it or leave it, man. I'll do the jello for a thousand. No. No, Julio, it's $100. It's $100. $100 extra.

No, no. Okay, fine, whatever. $500. $500. Shut up. Yeah, okay. five bucks. I'll throw it an extra five on that. We can call it $10.00 for 10 extra dollars.

One pound of, okay, in between shrimps, $1 for each pound of jelly. Julio, just so we remember, will you put down cocktail, cocktail two, lemon, pepper, and salt? What is, why do you want lemon pepper? I want lemon to do it. I want pepper and I want salt just to change up the modes. Okay.

I just want to be able to Again, Mr. Technical. I think it's a fair, I think it's a fair Yeah. Big cups of water. Sure. I mean, can we bring in water bottles or do you, what do you mean? I think we want a big.

Or can we just use these cups? You know what? We should bring in Icelandic glacial, bro. I think we want big, open, wide mouth cups. Big things of. Not to pukeen, but we want to. No puking.

Write that down. No puking until the episode's over. We'll have, yeah, yeah. Also, also the water for us when we're in the zone, we need you guys to be able to go refill the water whenever we need it. Okay. We need to be, we are catered to for the time that we're doing it in order to facilitate eating as well as well. Your princes. We'll take care of you.

I think we should be standing up. You can stand if you. I mean, I'll, we can switch. That's your choice. Why do you want to stand up? Because you need gravity to work in your favor. Okay. Okay.

You want the only, I want it to go down. I don't have any problem with that, but we'll just have to figure out a camera set up. to me. I figure we probably shouldn't be in this corner. We'll go wide. No. We'll set something up. We can send something up for it. Yeah, whatever you want to do, we'll sit.

And you can walk on the treadmill. I returned it. You returned it. I know. I literally, I had that thought too. I was like, we should be doing this on treadmills. So we're burning calories as we eat. I think that would probably hurt.

I mean, that's a lot of protein you guys are going to be in taking. It's going to be a lot of cholesterol. There actually, shrimp is actually really, I looked into it. It's really high in cholesterol. Okay. But it's, I'm not. I'm going to eat the way some Cheerios. I'm going to eat a big meal two days before.

I'm going to eat a big meal quickly. I'm going to like practice eating big. I'm not going to eat the day before. Are you going to have shrimp before this? No, I'm probably not. Unless I do by accident. I probably should have shrimp. Do you, if I were you, I would try, I would have shrimp just for dinner at some point in the next

couple days. I'm actually probably, get a gauge of how. many shrimp. I'm probably going to eat a pound of shrimp in a quick session. Maybe, you know what? Maybe two days before I eat two pounds of shrimp. Can you film that so we can have that as extra material to add it in? Yeah. Maybe two days before I eat two pounds of shrimp. I think I just to see. You should eat a pound and then two pounds, then three, then four, and then the five, you won't even notice. If you can do one pound of shrimp in 20 minutes, you can do five pounds of shrimp in an hour.

Maybe I time myself to see how much I can eat one time. You know an hour is 60 minutes. I know, but if you're going that fast in 20 minutes, you can double it up. Yeah. For when you get to four and five. Here's what I'll say. Here's going to get harder and harder. Yeah, I do too.

And under an hour, I think that that is definitely going to be hard for me. I don't, I'm not saying this to like waffle or anything because I really want to do this. I really want this much shrimp. I'm just saying, the love of the game. I literally, this is all a huge trick that I'm playing.

To get us to buy you shrimp. To get it. Yeah. To get free shrimp. I'm 100% fine with that. Yeah. Again, I truly any outcome to this will have me so.

Me too. Me too. It will be so enjoying. I'll need to. I'm going to train my throat a little bit too. You want help with that, bro? No, because you want to be able to,

you want to be able to get them down without, without chewing that much. That's a megapod. bro. You're not going to chew. I'm going to train my throat. If you want to get it down your throat, you need to be able to get...

It's the slimyest creature. You don't want to be, you don't want to be relying solely on chewing. Yeah. You want to be able to... This is creating a dangerous... He is literally, he's thinking about this, like, like, he is going into this way too technical.

He is like, you know, it's literally like... Patrick. Two approaches. I mean, Patrick, you have two different approaches. You're building up a little bit of tension between us. I don't think I'm trying to. Again, this is me. This is us versus them, bro.

This is definitely us versus them. It's us versus them, but also. Team Shrimp. Team Shrimp versus Team Wimp. Yeah. We are not Team Wimp. You are team Wimp. No, we're awesome. Team Wimp for sure.

White idiots making Patrick eat. Making you. Wimpy. White idiots? White idiots making Patrick eat. That's us? W-I-M-P-E. I would say we're like UN election observers.

We're just coming to make sure it all happens. Guess what? You're going to come into this socialist nation and you're going to fucking sabotage this shit. The nation of that. No sabotage will take place. We should do like cool branding for ourselves. You guys want,

you guys should wear jerseys. Yeah. Fuck, we got to get jerseys. Jersey is right down cool branding. Encouraged. All right. I think we figured it out. Yeah,

I mean, I'm trying to think, oh, yeah, we want to pull up the rules again. And if there's anything else you guys want to have. Because again, I think that, you know, whatever you think is going to help you. One beer. I would say there should be some like po-uping involved a little bit.

Not a beer. Maybe like a shot of, yeah, vodka or something. You just want to kind of be in a zone. That's a, listen. I'm going to have had a slice of pizza beforehand. So I'll have a drink. But if you guys want to add that to the mix, that's fasting. Play your liquor.

Drinking vodka and five pounds of shrimp in an hour. Yeah. Yeah. That would honestly, that makes it easier. That makes it easier for me. Okay. All right.

All right. That makes it way easier for me. Yeah, fine. We'll go to the Costco liquor store. We go into some. Oh, rock.

Love the Costco. They have a liquor store. They have a whole liquor store section. And they're big. They're jumbo size too. You can get them and some of them. That's what I know about Costco is everything. They do big packs of everything.

Yeah, that is true. It's wholesale. You are going to love Costco. really are. I'm excited. You know what makes this challenge more interesting is like two pounds of shrimp, three pounds of grits. No, no, no.

Are we going to go to Costco on the day? I think we should go the day before so we have time to... We're going to go the day before. We're going to film it and then that'll be like we'll put that in as a package. Yes. It's a very produced thing in your brain. Yeah, in my head, this is like... There's a media package.

Yeah, there's a media package. They're going to get PR. And you guys want to do it at dinner. You guys want to do it at dinner. I think dinner time is the right way to go. I think I want to be hungry when I get in there. 7 p.m. 7 p.m. 7ish p.m.

7ish p.m. Sounds good. Cool. Next one week from today? We can pick the day. It doesn't have to be exactly one week. It could be this weekend. It has to be at most one week from today though for it to come out on time. Yes, yes.

And probably I guess if we're putting in packages and stuff, probably earlier is better to have a little time. Sunday or Monday. But again, you guys, it's up to you, I think. Whatever day you guys feel most prepared. I can prep for the weekend. Yeah. Saturday fast, Sunday fast. Saturday, Costco.

Sunday night. Is Costco open on Saturday? Yeah. I believe so, man. It's going to be hectic. It's going to be hectic, but that's okay. We'll reserve the shrimp. If it's, yeah, we should reserve it.

We should do that. It's like in, it's like in Greenpoint. It's in like Long Island City. It's like Long Island City. A texture and a sweet, mild. What? Strong flavor depending on the voice.

variety. For example, white versus blue shrimp. What? That's the taste and texture of shrimp. Oh, that's good to know. I'm just letting you guys know. What is shrimp? It's a bug. It's a crustacean. It's a crustacean, I believe. Sea creature.

It comes from the ocean. What is shrimp? I'll have it a... Okay, now that I've agreed eat five pounds, what is it? Yeah, no, I just mean like what is... Because I'm trying to think about, like, their body consistency is not that of a, of a standard fish or even a crab or lobster. Well, it is like a crab or lobster. It's a little too crunchy for that.

It's a little more firm, but I mean, it's, I guess the exoskeleton piece of it. I think it's also probably the way it's prepared. Yeah, it just doesn't have as much as much. It's a little denser. Isn't it strange that a shrimp is just a living thing at one point? Shrimps scampy is a popular Italian-American dish featuring shrimp so sauteed in a bright, savory sauce of butter. Garlic, white wine, lemon juice, and parsley. Oh, maybe some melted butter.

20-minute meal off-to-served. That is not a good idea. You're a psycho if you want melted butter. If you want it, we can do it, but that is not a good butter. It's also not going to stay melted. The fat is going to, is going to, that's going to. Maybe that's my first one then. First one is as decadent as they come.

A tiger shrimp. One tiger shrimp each. All right. We've got to figure it out. Yeah, I think, I think this committee was successful. I think so. Everyone is satisfied with the terms. And I'm praying to him.

To God. Praying to Christ that you can do it all for him. That's really beautiful. He would love that. Yeah. Also, I'm going to say right now, I'm locking in right now to get ready for it. I don't think I'm going to be a whole lot of fun on the day. I think I'm going to be fucking locked in.

You're going to be like, you're not going to even want to talk. Yeah. I think I have to save a little bit of whimsy for Costco. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then walking after that. Yeah. I might even be listening to music.

while you do. For at least what I know. Remember the name? I think that that might be the right move. That's really. Okay, can I ask you, if you listen to music, can we log into your Spotify so we can have a live, like, what's playing?

Sure, sure. What's on the screen? Joe, you should get Last FM. What's that? It's a thing that they can see. Oh, yeah, yeah. We'll set it up. We'll set it up.

Yeah. We'll find a way to get your Spotify. Based on what you listen to in that. time. Yeah. God, I'm just imagining, okay, I assume this isn't going to happen, but I'm just imagining seeing a little Spotify pop-up that says, now playing, remember the name over Joe just puking all over the

is. Is that 10% luck, 20%? Yeah. Oh, I could do, I would honestly be able to do that. No, I would do that on a loop. I could just do that song exclusively. Because that's the kind of place you need to be in. You're in a, you're on repetition. You kind of, the thing that I'm

really picking up from this is that you don't understand the length, lengths of time. Yeah. That's the other thing is like, now that I'm thinking about under an hour. For an hour, man. One hour for an hour. An hour and a half at most. It's like, man, I don't know if I'm going to do this, but if I do, I'm going to be

really proud of myself. Yep. It's an achievement. It's certainly an achievement. It'll definitely be an achievement. If I don't, we're going to get TOS broke. We're on YouTube. Dude, that's okay.

If I don't do it, it's fine. Imagine eating shrimp right now. eating five shrimp a minute. Yeah. If I don't do it, I don't care. But if I do, do it, that's going to be so awesome. I'm not a competitor like Joe is. Joe, I want you to make a play.

Can you pre-craft a playlist that we can share? All right. Now we're just playing this song. I can do this. Now the video's going to get muted. I can do this. You can do it. You can do it.

I believe you can too. I believe we both. I'll see you motherfuckers at Costco. Yeah. All right. your car? Maybe if it's out of the snow by then. Well, look forward to it, guys.

Yeah, guys, this has been... Place your bets. Place your bets. The shrimp committee. Shrimp committee has been adjourned. Yes. Goodbye. You guys used to not believe in me until my mommy called.

Until I called my mommy and say believe in me. Oh, I don't like to go to bed. Halling my ass over to a movie theater late at night. Yeah, exactly. Like 10, then you're on the train and you're like, I'd rather I wish I watched this on my couch so I could just go, okay. Yeah. That'd be so great if they put a big couch in the, a sleepover hotel movie theater.

This one that I went to was a non, it was a non-regal, non-AMC, like kind of local theater. Non-regal, how bad was it? But they had, well, non-regal doesn't necessarily mean it's not good. You don't think this is a regal theater? It's not, uh, fit for a king. Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm not, I'm not a king. I don't have those kind of standards.

Don't talk about yourself that way. Okay, I'm a king. There we go. This place had, this place, I'm a white king. This place, I'm a white king. This place only had like, it's a pretty big theater, but it only had like 10 seats in it

because they were all the recliners. And I was going all the way down. They have that at every AMC. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't an AMC. It was like a local movie theater and it had those things in a small-ass theater. Wow.

And I like those things, man. And I'm going to be honest, if they turn the lights off in there, you would think I was gay. Because the way that I sit in those is the gayest way of things. If they turn the lights off, If they turn the lights on?

If they turn the lights on, rather. Yeah. You would see me, I sit in those things, like I sit on the couch at home, I sit like this with my big ass. So what does this have to do with gayness? I just look kind of gay when I do that. I think this is just maybe like, you know, maybe some clothing choices and maybe just some general things about you that look gay. I don't think that this has anything to do with the way you sit. Do you think I have a gay face?

Yes. Really? Yeah. Why? Why? I didn't go why like that. No, I didn't. I just smiled at you. He went, really? Why?