Podcast About List - Ep. #375 - Saying The F-Word On The First Date

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

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So essentially my Epic Games account got hacked a few weeks back. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, it's okay because I didn't have any payment information. They didn't spend any of my V-bucks. They didn't do anything. And I got the, I kicked them out. And they had changed my username to like XX, Berserk XX or something like that. I changed it back.

So I repaired all the damage. Yeah. And I was like, but I was like, they didn't do anything. I was, they can't. I load up Fortnite a couple days ago. I go into the game. I'm picking my skin. What should I be today?

Should I be manned cake? Should I be, you know. Are you free skins only? Should I? No, I got some good skins, man. What the fuck are you talking? I got the xenomorph. I got the Terminator.

I got the bad bunny. The predator. I don't have bad bunny. But guess what I load up my account to see I have in my account. What? I have all of the Simpson skins that I did not unlock or buy, that this person hacked my account, played Fortnite on my account, unlocked all the Simpsons skins, and then I kicked them out.

Or, epic games. As a reward. As a reward for being hacked. It wasn't that because they also, because I also loaded up Fortnite and all my, like, key bindings were fucked up and busted. Somebody switched everything. It's so strange to get on your account and play with it. I know. It's so weird.

What's the reason for the, I literally have, I have, like, yeah, yeah. And I had, like, V-bucks in my account left over from battle passes many moons ago. They didn't spend a single thing. Is there a credit card link? No, there's nothing. Oh. They didn't do anything. Ever since this happened, I have been combing every possible detail of what they could have wanted to do.

How do they get in? I just didn't have 2FA on because it doesn't matter. All these websites, all these services constantly get like every password hacked at once. Yeah. Oh, great. Everything has 2FA now. I've never gotten hacked on any of these things. I should probably have two FAA.

You don't know. You don't know. You definitely have. I've been getting an email from Steam. It doesn't happen anymore, but there was a four-year window where I would get an email from Steam every single day. It was like, you,

somebody's trying to log in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, I don't get to fuck I have to. I forget what account it was, but there was a minute where that was happening to me like on the hour, every hour for some account. Yeah. I just like, I wish there was a button you could press

to just kill that guy. Yeah. Because clearly there's something, clearly he's dead. They have malinted. Or just say, I will never be, I will never be in Bangladesh and be like, I need to play. You should be able to sign a contract. I mean, that says, I promise that if I ever go to Bangladesh, I will not try to log into my account.

I will not be like, oh, dude, you can shut my account down. If I'm ever in Bangladesh. Yeah, I just don't need to. Can't they just use a VPN though? Yeah, but they don't for some. Or maybe they do and they're sending it from Bangladesh and actually they're right next to Holy crap. It's terrifying.

Oh my God. They heard me say my password as I typed it. out loud. It's your neighbor and he's like, oh, I have to make him think I'm a Bangladeshi guy who wants to play is Homer Simpson. You think there's a game called Homer Simpson? I think Fortnite has become more or less the Simpsons the game. Well, actually, now it's South Park. Well, South Park's over.

It's over. It's actually Chapo Roan season. I don't even know what this season is. Do you guys remember, did we all go into the Ariana Grande concert together? No. No. Oh, I did that. that.

I think I missed it by myself. I think you probably were. It was pretty amazing though. Yeah. His girl's skin. He's walking around. Hey ladies. A what?

Did they do an M&M one also? They did a Travis Scott one. They did Ariana Grande. Did they do Juice World? Juice World had passed away. Yeah. He has a. Yeah.

It was up there. Oh, really? Did they do Palpatine at the Travis Scott thing? I don't remember. I wasn't there for Travis Scott, but I was there for Ariana. I haven't seen a single one. And that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, oh, they did Jaf Punk.

punk, too. that was another one. I remember that was amazing. What? MLK did a concert? Oh, yes. I remember they did it. There was an MLK.

It was where it was like the whole remembrance. And then it was like they released. Well, yeah, they released a catwoman skin that had a whip crack emote. And so it was all the lobbies were all filled with nine-year-olds doing whip crack at MLK. Yeah. Pretty healthy. But that's the kind of thing where if I'm a game designer, I'm never, I'm a grown man. I'm never thinking of that.

No, of course. No. Only never. There's always going to be. It should be a designated, a DK a designated kid. No, no. You collect all the bad kids from school

and these are the video game testers for like things like that. Yeah. Like it's like, oh, we're having, we're going to have like a virtual MLK. You can think of. Yeah, like, yeah, go break the game. Break the game.

Go buck wild. And then like, you know, the kids like, you know, he figures out how to do like a jackoff emote until like Mother Teresa's speech or whatever. Yeah. Jerking. Do it.

It's nine kids doing a boocockie. on Mother Teresa in Fortnite and you're like, okay, well, ban that mode. Yeah. That isn't good on anybody. I don't know why you had the bococchi emote. I mean,

the issue is not Mother Teresa and that's an area. I think it's still her. The issue was that you would book Mother Teresa in a game that had the Bukaki Emo to begin with. Also, it's kind of an Eric Andre show situation. She didn't know what she was getting into.

Buccaki emoet is tough to pull off because you need more than one guy. Yeah. They have multi-person email. But it's just a company. A cum shot and then until other... It's just a cum shot. You can have up to four people

You're right. There's over a billion lives in there. There's multiple cum shots. I think life begins at that. Life should begin. That should be the new messaging for like turning point or whatever, whoever these anti-eotry groups are.

Can you imagine a spiritual soul link where they would go on between four children who were born from Abu Kaki? It would be amazing. They should make... It would be like... Wasn't there a couple of movies that were like, oh, I'm a sperm donor and I'm going,

And now my kids are coming back to haunt me. They should do one with a Bukaki. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking more they would have, they would be kind of like, like, telekinetic, like, they would be like, like, like, Village of the Damned or something. They would all come out and they would have powers. Escape from Lich Mountain.

They would find, yeah, they would find, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they would maybe. Those kids were born from a Bukaki. They probably were. That's why they have psionic powers. They were born from a Bukaki festival. She, and that's the craziest part. Because from my understanding, Bukaki...

She ejected Bukaki? My understanding the Bukaki stuff happens on the face. Escape from Bichmouthing. Oh. That's a new movie. Yeah, that's what happened. So that's the prequel. Vajner.

Vajner. Janitors did it? Probably. Janitor Booth. Look up. Look up. Just, Julio, pull it up right now. Janitor Bukaki.

No. Pull it up. I don't care if we're on YouTube or not. We'll upload this episode to Red Tube. You do realize that porn warps your mind and your idea of reality. Does it now? Yeah, dude. You can be Matrix.

Explain that to my father who watched it. He watched it? Yeah. The Matrix? Both. I would have a... Both. You'd have to pay me quite a bit to...

Look at your dad's porn history? No, to try to explain it. My dad had never seen The Matrix to try to explain that one to him. Yeah, porn's pretty easy to explain to Dad. They get in there and they fuck. Yeah. I was thinking... I keep getting Blue Chew ads for like... It says something.

Well, I watch a lot of... guitar videos. It doesn't say anything. I watch a lot of guitar videos. I don't think I've ever gotten a single blue chew out of my life. I'm getting blue chew and we govi. So something I'm watching. I got a lot of like everything I get is hair. Everyone gets would go. Wagovi is the default. Yeah. I get that too, but also hair. I just like the idea of somebody just looking at like like you open the front camera and so it was like fat, fat, send them these ads. No, those are the default ads on everything now is all. But I'm getting these blue chew ads now. And again, I think it's because I, if you...

I think it's because my penis hurts. No, my penis works too well, I think. Whoa. Yeah. Tell me what that means. It's just, it hurts. It doesn't even feel good when it happens. Because there's so much more.

When I'm aroused, when I'm aroused, it just hurts. Can I put that to the test and arouse you right now? You cannot arouse me. So then what you're saying is not provable. I literally, I take dampeners. What's a dampener? It's like, I have weights. It's like a helmet you have to wear.

Exactly. Like a magneto helmet on my penis. Yeah. Oh, shit. I bind it like a, like, you know, like an old Chinese foot. Like how they used to bind the feet. They did that to make people beautiful though, not to make them weak. And I do think that's beautiful.

And I know. Well, it's not to make it weak. It's actually to make it more beautiful. So it hurts less. I think it hurt. The miracle of life. I think that makes it hurt more. They do do penis binding type of stuff. Really?

Really. That's specifically. Well, they do. They do. like that, I think. Well, anyway, I'm getting all these ads. It's because I'm watching fucking 120 revisited. It's a lot of fucking boomer gang of four performances on Instagram.

And I'm going, yeah. Okay, yeah. Old men videos like that. Old guy videos. Uh-huh. And I'm getting all these blue chew ads. And every single comment has one guy that's like, y'all need to hire me for an ad. What is the ad like?

The ad is OnlyFans models. Oh, okay. So it's like a corny old thing. I was imagining one of them default. To be a rotating bull dysfunction. Yeah. Where it's like a guy who's really sad. It's dead in the rain.

And then he gets to get into a bathtub with his wife at the end. No. And I hire me for that, bro. Yeah. I do love the innuendo. Those are the best of the... When your wife successfully catches your football after you take a magic pill. It's funny that they still, they're 30 years into ad campaigns like that.

And they have not changed the activity. that you can now do because of your horseback riding or you are no longer have herpes or whatever it is. It's always just you are doing something. You can now have a normal life. It's not like the reality of it.

They've never shown a blue chew ad where the guy is like, it's just not, I'm sorry. I got to take two. It's just not happening tonight. It's my bad. And then the next part of it is in being like, wow, I took a pill

and now I can have sex with you. Yeah. And she's like, oh, well, You don't even realize. You don't even realize it's just going to create the prophecy. Is this not a turnoff to people that your partner did drugs? It's not. It's certainly a turn off to me.

Yeah. I don't want my wife to take in blue chew. Yeah. I want my wife to take blue chew for me. To see if that thing stand up. And I just don't condone the use of anything blue in the bedroom. I agree. It's not a natural color also.

It's very seldomly found in nature. It's not exactly the most. normal color that you can use. Yeah, why do they use blue for the penile pills? I'm thinking right. It's probably one of those things where you've got to get around the FDA by making it a pez. It should have been...

It's technically a berry. It should have been flesh toned and flesh feeling. It should have been an exostens type thing. Just a little... Existence? I ain't taking exostens. It's like the movie, but also I forgot about

extends. Yeah. Existens. You want me to take that shit? I ain't drinking that. Uh-uh. Fuck, no. I'm staying right here. Little flesh-covered tooth. No. I take that to get a boner?

Hell no. Extends was the only people that did it right, I think. Yeah. The guy smiling all the time. Yeah, he's creepy. Yeah. He was happy. He looked like.

Yeah. Then when you get older, you find out what the commercial is. Well, dude, you were a fucking moron if you didn't know what that was about. I had no idea what it was. I thought it was. Extends? I thought it was a heart medication when I was a kid.

You guys, You guys... That was adult heartworm medication. You were dupus. You guys remember getting your first email account and like checking the spam on your own for the first time and seeing all the like penis enlarged. Yeah. And all the crazy like case and symbols to like match the letters and like fuck everything up. And just how crazy it was to see that.

And then I don't know how often you guys look at your spam folder. I like basically never do. Every once in a while I pop in there if I'm like expecting an email or something. And those guys are still at it. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I'm going to look at my inbox. You would think that that meta would have expired like 15 years ago.

Well, I have a old. I'm going to look at my email. Still old people. I'm a very old email to confuse. They, they, yeah, I just. Spam. I feel like even old people now have been living with the internet long enough. Yeah.

No, because my girlfriend has to order Uber Eats for her mom. Yeah, that sounds like a, I mean, no offense, but that sounds like a stupidity. No. It's not a. Uber Eats is like the easiest thing to use. She just doesn't like the phone. She doesn't like, she has an iPhone 4. Dude, this is, I mean, this is.

She can't use it. This is Valentine's. She doesn't like the phone at all. Okay, sweetheart. Now feeling alone at my home. Need real someone. If you interested to me and would you like to spend some time and meet with me, I promise that I satisfy for you.

I'm always free for you. No cost meet with me. It's like Facebook. Oh. Oh, it's like Facebook. Oh, it's like Facebook. Let me check mine. Is there,

check the podcast. Hey, hey me up and said, Hello, babe. I need two real men who can give me real love. My home is empty for four days. I'm very hungry.

If you want to meet me, see my number, more photo and details. Wow. You're Wendy's digital order receipt. Thanks for that delicious digital order. Wow. That was my order.

You had a digital order? What the fuck is this? What? Hey, I'm feeling so hungry. Why are they all hungry? I'm unmarried, not a young and single. I think it's a not get caught by the word hornier.

Oh. You're supposed to misread it. With a curvy bum and 120 pounds double D-36 double D natural breasts, a lonely drama-free girl, and I'm offering Amazon oral pleasure. I love to suck and we'll make sure you orgasm at least twice, if not more. At least twice is very generous. At least. At least twice. I don't know about that.

I'm an open-minded girl. Here's my private naked photos and my fingering video, just for you. Oh, just for you. Something tells me, I mean, I doubt that. Sisters and brothers, I do not need to tell you that we are living in incredibly dangerous times. It appears that every day we're dealing with one crisis or another. Outrageous decisions and statements from the White House and the continued undermining of the Constitution by Trump. Oh, that was from Bernie Sanders.

Hi, I'm single and I live in your area. White skin is a nice body. Think of the right places. Do you have a safe place for sex? If you have a safe place. A safe place. Dude, the same is so awesome.

Safe place. Please make sure. Please ensure it's safe. I need the safety. Man. How many? How many? Yeah.

That's what I mean. People are still running that shit. Isn't that crazy? I don't. My phone's charging right now. But I have my old Yahoo account from like when I was a kid that I could look through. Because there's probably some good stuff in there. But then I also get this kind of thing.

I write these words with a heart weighed down by helplessness. After years of hard work, study, and long sleepless nights, I completed my university education in general nursing with a GPA of 89.3. That's really high. That's way too high. That's extremely high. Money. That's impressive.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, if I'm going to give somebody money who has a GPA of 89, they're like smart enough to know. They're going to know what to do with it. I have a good one. You got a good one? Yeah.

What do you got? Famicero. Whoa, Galgado. Hi, I was going through your... I can't read... Can you read it? Oh, okay. I was going through your website,

which isn't doing well, but has a lot of potential in your business. We can place your website on Google's first page for your city or state, man. May I send plan and price?

Oh, reply all. There's multiple people on this chain. So reply on... It's Galgado and who else. Yes. I don't think you should reply all and say yes. Yeah.

I don't want to get more emails from this person. Gal.gadotech at Outlook. That's a very good, very good name there. Yeah, on the podcast email, it's all just, it's all just SEO bots. Yeah. Oh, here's one from Will Smith. Whoa, we're getting crazy. Hi, may I send you detailed inquiry with portfolio?

Thanks you. Fucking yes. Yeah. Thanks you. Of course, Will Smith. Of course, Will Smith. Please. Is that a joke, dude?

You got slapped at the Oscars. Bruce. Rebuck team. This from Cold Soar Nuker. Having herpes just became optional. Scientists found the missing piece of the puzzle when it comes to destroying the herpes virus, oral and genital.

And it's the last place anyone considered to look. Whoa. In fact, this discovery is so important because it directly linked herpes to brain damage. Trust me, you don't want to miss this. Herpes and brain damage. I guess herpes can give you brain damage. I didn't know that.

Wow. I like how many of these people say that they're open-minded and sexy. Yeah. Which I like that because I'm... It's a good combination. More of a whatever a guy who likes brains instead of sex. What's this called? Sapio sexual.

Sapio sexual. Because I am looking for somebody... Sapio is not a good... Sapio sexual. It doesn't make me think of the mind. Even though I get that it's the Latin word for it, it's just not like... It's thinking, I think. Yeah.

It's just not a... I am lost... Sapio. I am lost my husband. Sapiens. pro-homosapians. Yeah. It's the opposite of homosexual.

What I think of a sapio, right? I think that I think of some kind of like, in my head, this is a like some kind of like car part. Sapio? Like a thing that like go like this is the new Sapio GL-33. Oh, I feel you on that. What do you think of a hetero? I think of my mom and dad. What about them specifically?

Is there sexuality? Yeah. Well, they're, yeah. I just mean like the words. I think about their sexual lives of each other. Okay. Any other brain teasers? I'm just curious.

Yeah, I got anything else? Well, I thought that you had some kind of synesthesia thing where you could No. With every word. With the words. But it turns out you don't. No, you kind of just think about your parents. Oh, we can try.

Let's try another one. Well, I just try. Okay. Wait. We tried hetero. Hetero is the easy one. No, wait. That's not, wasn't easy.

You gave a bad answer. Answer. Word Association. Patrick. Principal. Principal. Mrs. Kettering. Okay.

Dude, you have a special talent. Chicken nuggets with barbecue sauce. Okay. Freedom. That one's hard. Yeah, you're really trying to not say slaves. You're trying to say slavery.

What would be wrong about saying slaves? You could say slaves. Freedom for slaves. I want freedom for slaves. I didn't say what you want. You're dodging. Slavery. Slavery.

Slavery. Okay. Okay? That's your word? That's your word for slavery. Slavery is okay. Okay. Take it or leave it.

You want to sell me into it? Okay. If you were my slave, dude, I'd be so bad. You would be returned in 45 fucking seconds. I don't know why I would have even bought you. Yeah. You would be the most worthless slave on Earth.

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be good at it. No. No, not at all. You'd be so complaining all the time. It's like, dude, you're a slave. Yeah. Maybe don't complain so much.

Well, I think if you just let them complain a little bit, then they get the steam out, you know? That would not be, no, not with you. Because I know that it would lead to you getting everything you want. Yeah. I would be calm. Honestly, that's a really good fable idea. A slave who was purchased. And then he complained so much.

that he got everything he wanted. Kind of like a mouse, give a mouse a cookie type deal. So don't let a slave complain. Yeah, so the moral of the story. Yeah, what is the moral of the story?

The moral is, if you complain enough, things happen. So why is he a slave in that fable? He could just be... I'm talking about the current situation. Talking about the current situation. What's the current situation?

That we're talking about. I know, but if the moral of the fable is just complaining is good, he doesn't have to be a slave in the fable. What makes it, it makes you think about it more. Because most peoples are about animal. Is a rabbit, is a rabbit slave.

Okay, new word, race car. Earnhardt. Wow. Wow, dude. Mind blowing. Mind blowing. Fax. Okay.

Fax. Taxi. Yellow. Yellow. The Tifa. Yellow. Yellow. Yellow Queen Latifah jacket.

Eminem. Really? Not banana. No. Whoa. That says a little something about your diet. Red. Red.

Red Eminem. Yeah. Golden. Golden Eminem. No, don't bring me back into this shit. What shit? This golden Eminem. Dog shit that doesn't exist.

There's a golden Eminem. Look it up. We've done this. Look up the golden emin. Remember that Julio claimed that he was the gold. Eminem at the Eminem Analyzer. Believe them now. Look at that gold. Clearly yellow.

That's yellow, man. No, no, they have to have a golden Eminem award. That's the famous nut Eminem. They give out awards at the end of the year. From the Eminemms? Eminem. Eminem. Eminem gives out the Eminem Corporation gives out the Eminemies, yes. I would actually like to get that.

That's such a good idea. That's a really good. Even the name was perfect. The Eminemys? The Eminemys? Yeah. That's so good. And Eminem can host it? Yeah.

Well, no. I think he's sick of that. He could perform. But that would, come on, how is that not a home run? The first ever Eminemys hosted by Eminem? Dude, because Eminem's so cringing old now. Hosted by, wait for it. Wait for it.

I hate him with his black hair. Okay, who would you have host? The Eminemys? Who's a bigger home run than Eminem? Truly. Hosted by Walton Goggins. Anad de Armas. Bad one.

I picked a good one. You did pick a good one. Walt Goggins does not have host material. Yes, he does. Talking about it. Oh, dude. Waki walks out. Ladies and gentlemen,

we've got to... You know what? I've been watching a lot of interviews with this guy. He's so... He's an actor, bro. Yeah, but I don't like

how tender he is. He's so like, oh, he has an amazing question. Like, dude, be mean. You look mean and your whole thing is in every show. You're not a great guy. I think he feels he has to compensate.

Yeah. I know. I don't like that. I think he is compensated. I want a villain. I want him to be villainous. You just watch. Watch his shows then. You don't have to watch his interviews.

Yeah. What shows is he in? All of his shows. Well, maybe I'll watch shows. I just have seen the interviews. He's the goal. And I just don't think he's a very good actor. He just plays himself in every fucking role. Yeah, he doesn't. He played a woman in one. Really? In one of the interviews? Sons of Anarchy. Sons of Anarchy. I did not say sums.

Shout out to my math heads. That's a bad idea. Sums of Anarchy, a math show? No, because math is about logic, not anarchy. But not the way these fuckers do it. that would be cool kind of the chaotic math. I would be the complete opposite of them. What would you be?

The logical minds of order. You would be logical minds of order. Sums of Anarchy, this idea is too fucking scary. You don't think that'd be cool if they were busting into the lecture hall. I mean, that's the whole point of Sons of Anarchy already is it takes something that's gay and lame, like riding a bike. Yeah. Turn into something crazy. They ever watched that show?

No, the two shows I've never watched that are in this category of. show, I think, is I've never seen Deadwood, and I've never seen Sons of Anarchy. I think Deadwood. People like Deadwood. I think Deadwood is a different type. But it's just like a show where guys are just all one guy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Sons of Anarchy is

the most like that where it's just like every single episode is like, they fucked with our family! Yeah. And then it's just like, yeah, like dude, it's all, it's Jesse James. That's that's downstream from that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess. Yeah, I guess they do think they're cowboys, huh? Not Jesse, no, no. Who's the Orange County Choppers? I think that's Jesse James, but I was thinking of the cowboy one. What cowboy one?

Jesse James is the famous cowboy. So I said Jesse James in regards to bikers and you thought about the cowboy? Well, we were talking about Deadwood. Yeah. Oh, you're right. I forgot. I was talking about that.

Hey, that one's on me. Yeah, that one's completely on you. Man, that's okay. Yeah. Kind of the perfect intersection where it could be really confusing. Right. That's a biker and the Cowboy.

Made complete and perfect sense. I want to go back and watch West Coast Shoppers. My parents were so obsessed with Sunjay Anarchy and every single time that I would see them watching it, it was literally, it was like, why the fuck like, just leave? Just leave the, well, you can't leave the crew, though, because if you're wearing biker leathers, if you're wearing Sam Crow Leathers, we'll fucking kill you.

Because you betrayed the family if you leave. They're scary, man. The one episode I remember really well. It's squeaky. They probably walk around. They don't act normal around different restaurants or bars. They're always acting bad in a restaurant. Straight up.

Hey, they lock the door, Jed. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And they'll order food like this. Hey. Yeah. They're like orcs. They are.

They're the orcs in the tavern. I don't like, I don't like bikers. I don't like biker culture. And I think I've, I think I've successfully. I don't even like bikes. bicycles? No, I like bicycles. Oh, okay.

Motorcycles. Yeah, I never got that. I can understand them. I don't get it. No, me either. But my grandpa was all in that shit. You know what? I don't get the hogs, the big-ass ones.

Yeah. I think that's stupid. I get it if it's a cool sleek one and you're like a Tron. Or the new guy. Oh, you're talking about like a speed bike. Like a Suzuki or whatever. What? DJ Qualls?

No, Austin Butler. You guys see that movie. Oh, yeah. No, no, I saw that. You saw it? Again, every single biker thing, though, is about our family was fucked with. We have to fuck with them back. That's all new.

I know. How is that like, I guess it's just like, that one's also not about, not really about that. I mean, that's like what happens because it's about bikers. That one's like he's loco. That one's, no, that one's like. Well, that's all sun's anarchy is too. Oh, yeah. Somebody's loco in every year.

Yeah. They're always loco. Yeah. That one's more of, no, that one's more about like the dangers of masculinity and some such. and the stress cycles of violence. I don't really see what they're saying. Danger of masculinity.

I know. I think that's just what. Every single biker thing is our family was fucked. What are you expecting to see then? What are you wanting to see? You want them to do one that's not a damn bike. It has no family involved. No my rider. They go from one place.

They're out on the highway. They probably think that song's gay. They did that. That's the best song ever. It is a rider. It ruined our entire. It ruined our entire. country.

Easy rider. Easy rider is the Dennis Hopper movie where he rides his motorcycle across the country. And it made every boomer in the world suddenly think it was okay to be a lame guy. Yeah, yeah.

Also, there is a huge difference between, if you have your handlebars up here and you're like, yeah, I'm crazy and I wear a bandana or whatever, that's so different from the guys who get the bikes that are like RVs. The really wide ones. Yeah, those are, yeah.

It has like a thousand compartments. It's like a fucking Swiss army. I also hate all the bike stuff. I hate all the bike stuff because, like, bike week in New Hampshire is just so fucking annoying. That's a hot spot. Yeah, because Dayton or not Daytona, it's Daytona to Laconia.

And then, like, growing up, it was like constantly, like there was like the week in fucking September where it's just like a million fucking bikers just all over the road. Daytona to Laconia is only that for people who live in Laconia or north of it. No, that's the shirt. It's definitely Daytona to New York or something. No. Yeah, we want to know.

Bike Week. Bike Week ends in Weir's Beach in Leconia. I just don't know. That's the whole thing. They have big bike week stuff in New Hampshire. Really? Yeah, Laconia, Laconia where I went to community college.

You know why it is because I have the short chair. Yeah. Well, you are wrong about that. I wasn't wrong about stuff in the short chair. Yeah, but I mean, for me... It's famously a biker town. See, I just feel both of you gazing down at me and it does not feel very good. I told you about the all the mess guys.

chair is rough to sit in. When you're not as big as you are where you get a little. I don't like sitting in it either. But that puts you right at kind of even level. We have the tool to fix it. Dude, as a short chair guy, I have no ability to,

I have no go-getterness to fix that at myself. So you're going to have to fix that. All right. I guess I'll have to do it as king of the castle. A worse chair, but at least a nice size. Yes, this isn't helping anything.

When you go up, it actually makes me feel worse and worse and worse and worse. With every inch. Can you go higher? I don't know. I don't want to break it. I'm afraid. Now that I know that they're breaking.

These are one of those chairs where if you use it, it breaks. Yeah. Great job. Herman Miller, you fucking idiot. Yeah.

A little higher. Pretty much the dumbest guy in the world. Let me make a chair that breaks if you try to use it. Yeah. Well, it's a good idea if you're trying to sell a lot of chairs.

Herman Miller, I'm glad you did. Now, why did Tim Robinson make an entire fucking TV show about that? Holy fuck. Notice that?

I didn't even think about that. Notice that. I forgot about that show. Even though I just saw it. I didn't forget about it. Wow. I rewatched the clip. Do our Valentine's Day.

Guys, happy Valentine's Day. Who are you planning to have sex with? I didn't realize how big I was. Yeah, I'm pretty low. It's a low chair. Pretty low to the ground. It's like the Hobbit, bro. Not a problem.

Wow. It's really funny that you can see. fully under the table too, so it's very clear what's going on. I chill with a lot of NBA players, hoopers, I call them, and we, you know, I'm used to this kind of kind of clown on you for me. No, I still find my way to sort of, uh, my tallie to think, well, exactly, I'm roasting them. Yeah. I'm roasting them. You have to do it. Brinkishly tall. We're all back on the even. Let me with the guys who make $300 million a year and are seven feet tall. Yeah. It's all kind of level playing field from there. Yeah. And that's what's the weather up there.

Yeah, exactly. Hey, you should play basketball. Oh, Oh, wait. Oh, wait. You already do. You're wasting your life. Yeah. You're a wasting your fucking life. How about you do bowling instead?

A real sport. You're never going to get to whatever is above the NBA. You're always going to be stuck in the NBA. That's what I tell you. So sick if they, if they've all, all the basketball players quit and they're like, dude, fuck it. We're both quit and do luge. Yeah.

What's the one where you just. They're too big for that, though. That's why it would be cool, man. Is Luge? No, what's the one where you, the world's tallest lozier? That would be so sick. Oh my God. Biggest loser?

Whoa. Who can be the tallest and go down the slide? Luge is multiple people. No, Luge is one person on your back. Oh, yes. But they also have multi-person luge. Oh, okay. There's two, but I think normal Luge is one person.

Bob Sledd is different. Bob Slead is multiple people. Sports, those kinds of sports are pretty much just you just pray. Right? Yeah. Oh, I hope my Luge is fast this year. I think it's basically iPhone game controls. Yeah.

There's controls. I think you just tilt yourself to go around the turns like you're playing like one of those iPhone Temple Run. Do people ever fly off? I don't know. I don't watch it. Look up Luzia accident. Well, I think there was a big bad bobsled accident. A big bad bobsled accident some years ago.

So maybe we don't need to look into it. That's the tallest looser. I think there might have been a horrible death. Enough of this violence and guns. It's not. Let's get into a Valentine's Day parade that we're throwing for our friends. I'm sick of roses, though. I got to stuff buying them.

Roses and hearts, bro, are pretty fucking lame to me this year. I think we should come up with a new Valentine's gift. What do you got? A gift. Because there's roses, there's chocolates, there's hearts. I do another thing. I do a diamond ring every year. I just do hearts.

I just do diamonds or anything, just hearts. Just an empty heart. Chicken. Chicken hearts. Chicken hearts. That's a cheap bag of chicken hearts. If you have a funny girl. Showing up, showing up to your girl with a bag of chicken hearts. This is from E not alone.

This is called Technically I'm Cheating, right? How to Proceed. From Bad Robot. Yeah, we're doing relationship and love forums. I've been married five years. Together, much longer. Wife has vaginesimis, which is when penetrative sex is almost impossible.

I try to help. Nothing works. I don't confront her and instead turn to chat rooms. Just talking to other guys online about porn or celebrities we found attractive. One thing led to another and I found myself at a local guy's house. Both masturbating side by side, watching pornography. He's also married. Nothing else happened.

I'm not attracted to guys. He's not either. We just sit and watch the video. Then part ways. It's like guys meeting to watch football or something. I feel trapped. I have a high sex drive. And I sort of enjoyed sharing this personal pleasure with a

another person. In a way that felt, at least to me, is not cheating. After all, I wasn't attracted, nor am I doing anything more besides self-pleasure, but it is wrong. I just don't know what to do next, and I know I'm the villain here. Advice is welcome. Yeah, what kind of advice? Is this cheating? Is he, it is? That's cheating. You're both watching your friend watching TV? I think. They were watching each other. Oh, yeah, but are they on the same couch? If they're in separate chairs, not cheating. I'm going to pose this in kind of a thought experiment here. Would the answer change

if the friend was invisible and you didn't know he was there? If they're in separate chairs though, because then you're basically... It's only about the separateness of the chairs to you. Depending on how... It's how close... ...more than you're doing anything. How close you are to the other

person? But okay, so what's the line? Yeah, because you're jacking off all the time. Anytime you jack off, there's another guy somewhere jacking off. That's not cheating or gay. Yeah, exactly. But if you're on the same couch, it's like... It's like, think of it, think of it like a Lego brick, right? And then like, if they put up, if they put up the same Lego block.

If you, okay, if you put a piece of Lego on top of another piece of Lego, I know that. They're connected, right? Correct. Correct. Correct. Let me think about that. Two guys sitting on a couch, two guys sitting on a couch that's essentially like a Lego brick being on top of another Lego brick. And you're jacking off too.

So when guys sit on the couch, they're on the couch. What guys are sitting on the couch next to each other jacking off? What about a trifold divider, a little privacy wall? What if it's a three cushion couch and there's a cushion in between? That's disconnected enough. Really? That's not cheating. What if the cushion is like 10% of the size of the other cushions on the side?

It's a couch where it has a mini cushion in the middle. Here's my other question about this. Again, again, it's divided. Is cheating, is the line, the proximity where this is cheating and the proximity where this is gay? are they the same line or is it a different line? They're the same line. Okay. So it's the same distance for it to be gay as it is cheating.

Okay, here's my take. I think that the cheating, it's not about the proximity. I think it's about what you're looking at. If you're looking at the TV, it's not cheating. If you start looking at the other guy, it is cheating. Regardless, both things are gay because watching porn is gay. It rots your brain. True.

If you're sitting there and you just want to do this and you're, looking at the cable box, the time on the cable box, the time yourself, see how long you jack off, that's straight. If you're watching the porn with the other guy, that's gay. What if you guys are both on a video call sharing screen watching the porn? Because you're not in the same room and both things are on TV. That's gay, but it's not cheating because the person's camera is there in a, like a picture and picture. Oh, true. But there's also, you're looking at both. But there's a penis in the porn and that's a video too. No, because that was pre-recorded. If it's alive. What if your friend

pre-recorded himself jacking off and then you watch a picture because that becomes porn? And what if it's like NFL Red Zone where whenever somebody's about to come, it fills up the entire screen and you get to watch that? Yeah. If it's pre-recorded, it becomes

porn. Okay. Which is not cheating but is gay. Okay. I guess is what I've said. Okay. What if there's a... What if it's your brother? who is your brother

and you all of the men in the situation the guy having sex on TV the guy having sex again the guy

you're meeting up with your brother to watch a video of your other brother who got into porn and you're both jacking off but you're not

looking at each other and you have a cushion in between and snacks snacks also takes it and snacks might make it cheating because it makes it more of a

event it connects you more it's also still light outside it's 930 in the morning you can't cheat At 9.30 in the morning. That's not. Pretzels with queso.

That's cheating. That's cheating. That's cheating on the diet. Peanut butter filled casso. That's pretzels. That's a whole. All right. Let's go peanut butter filled queso.

With pretzels. Your brother is on the other side of the casso dip. You're both jacking off. You're watching your other brother, Aiden, who's having porn sex for the first time. It's his debut. It's like, oh, my brother is on SNL.

Who's your grandma? No, who's not your grandma, who's not your grandma. In the movie, she's your grandma. She's extremely, extremely old. She's extremely old. Okay, I don't know that that modified. Well, maybe it does. Well, would your wife be more angry to find you jacking off to a video,

a porn video starring a very old woman or a woman your age? I think she'd be more mad about the brother part. Yeah. I'm just saying, though, there is that another wrinkle. Yeah, I guess that's true. Another wrinkle, no pun intended. Oh yeah, she's old. Yeah.

I'm trying to think of other ways to change. My wife is old. Oh, wait, I got one. There's a dog in the room. Yeah. But it's not either of your dog. It's a stray dog. It's actually, guys, and you don't know it's there.

It's your brother's dog that you're dog sitting because he's in porn now. Yeah. So you're in his house. He's in Florida. And your cousin is in the room. But he is wearing a VR headset and noise canceling headphones. Yes. And he's playing Half Life Alex.

and he's fully clothed and he's walking around through your line of sight. That's gay. That's okay. And he doesn't know what's happening in the room. He was playing it in the other room

and he wandered in while he was doing gravity gun. He was being completely immersed. Oh, and he's saying, oh, what the fuck? Oh, what the fuck? And he's going,

he's walking in a circle intersecting with you and your brother's on the side. Also, he thinks that you guys are watching him. So he's talking to you. He's like, this shit's seriously realistic. He's saying stuff like that.

Oh, guys, look, look. Dude, are you streaming it to the TV? Are you casting it? I just picked up the gnome, guys. I found the gnome. Yeah, he's doing all that. He's like, well, the liquid, the physics are insane. Oh, my God, you can pour water out of a cup.

And he doesn't know that you guys are jacking off to his uncle, your brother. And he's terminal ill. Yeah, he's really sick. Yeah. Terminal ill. He's got a really bad disease that we have. He's not going to survive long enough to take the VR headset off. Yes.

We'll never know. Yes, he's going to die. If you're, it's hospice care. It's at home hospice care. And you guys. are his caretakers. You and if he passes away, though, that's cheating.

I agree. I agree. If he passes away, that's cheating. Because then, yeah. He's creating a buffer in the situation.

Speaking of cousins, I have another one. This is from, this is from the age gap relationship section of e.not alone.com. Okay. How close are me and my cousin? Question mark.

From Katie. Hey, everyone. I am 18 female. I will be, I will be going to my seven-year-old. old cousins tomorrow and he really wants to play wrestle slash arm wrestle. This is only the second time in my life seeing him in his entire life and I'm never around little kids. So I'm not really sure what to expect. How close are we in terms of strength? Like when we arm wrestle, what should I be

expecting? He also wants to play tug of war with me and him. So should I be expecting when we play this game? He's pretty excited, but I'm used to doing these type of things with other people my age, the same age. His mom said that he is well below average for a kid his age, but at the same time, whenever we spoke over FaceTime, he was flexing his arms, and he seemed pretty tough slash confident. He wants to play tug-of-war along with play arm wrestling and wrestling. These be good games? He's pretty excited to play. Those be good games. So this is not necessarily.

It's not a, it's a platonic relationship. They just saw that there was a forum that was age gap relationships. And they were like, me and my cousin are not the same age and he wants to arm wrestle. Is he going to beat me up? Yeah. Again, those be good games, cousin be wrestle. Yeah. Those are good games.

Those be good games. Those be good games. That's a normal. Yes. I think that's a resounding yes. She's not going to be. I think it's not going to be unfair. I,

me hardy. Okay. It won't be unfair. No. Okay. I'll let them know. Okay. Is it normal by Aiden Parrish?

Also in age gap relationships. Okay. Hi, I'm 19 male. I find my childhood friend's mom attractive. She's in her late 40s. I look at her photos on Facebook and I wank off to her photos. Is this normal? British.

Yeah, it's not normal to be British I mean, your language is not normal The situation Your friend does not have a mum No, he's a mother She's a woman And you masturbate to her Yeah

And you tug it You wax your whisker Yes, exactly It's a little like that Say something like that Yeah Don't say wank You twiddle your thumb

Don't say wank You drop the browns off at the Super Bowl Yeah To her Yeah Yeah Dizzy blonde replies As an older woman

I have found in my past Younger men Who find the idea of sex With me a real turn on I did comply on a few occasions top. And I just like this guy who responded and says, sounds like you enjoyed having sex with those young men. That's the best part about any of these forums is like the people who reply to stuff like that.

Yeah. Like. Sounds like you enjoyed having sex with that young men. I like that. Guys, yeah, it's funny that that's that guy. That guy is probably jacking off while he types that.

Of course. That's his horny voice. Yeah. Well, sounds like you sure didn't enjoy having sex. It's quite enjoyed that. and then this is just a title My long distance boyfriend flashes me randomly on FaceTime

What should I do? And she went into the description. There was one that I didn't that I didn't use. It was very dark where a guy said that he accidentally had sex with a 15 year old And then she was murdered by the US Marines. Yeah, there's some really crazy stuff on these four of us.

He was like, what the fuck do I do? How? I don't know. He said he couldn't give more details because the case was still open. He was a Marine. Yeah, probably. Yeah.

This is a Fort Bragg guy. It could be, dude. Shout out to Seth Hart. Sometimes you read those posts, though, and it's like, okay, you're like pitching a novel you're writing. Yeah. You're pitching a novel you're writing, and you think this story is maybe a little bit too unbelievable.

So you're, like, going to, like, seeing if you can get away with it on INA. Is someone going to, like, call me out for this? Is it believable that a 15-year-old girl would get killed by the United States Marines for no reason? It was a pretty good story, but I'll save people to. See, if it was that good of a story. It was a good story. I think this is a writer pitching something.

It would have been a backdoor pitching it on a thing. This would have been an interesting novel that it gets banned from your school. Yeah. This, I found some stuff on this forum called Love Advice Forum that is, one of those really strange forums where it never really got that much attention, but it's been around for like 10 plus years. Yeah. And it's like half of it is just spam.

Like it's mostly. And the early stuff is really weird because it's like, it's like, it seems like bot posts. But before I feel like that was like really a, like they all seem like AI posts, but they're from like 2014. And it's people like, it's like all like people with like default profile pictures speaking and like perfect grammar and just going back and forth and being. be considered that maybe

it's just one guy? It could be. I think that's one possibility. Then there's a lot of ads for hiring hackers and stuff like that. But there's some

stuff on here. This one is, I think this girl might not be interested in me. And I just, this is just really because of this first sentence here.

I recently met this beautiful girl I found through my father's Instagram. She is an actress and model who has recently befriended my dad through the internet

because she is auditioning for a role in a movie based on one of my dad's novels. Whoa. When she noticed my follow request on Instagram, she followed me back and sent me a text. We started talking, but I think she eventually lost interest in me after a while. You can look at the snapshot

and judge for yourself whether she is disinterested me or not. Now, here's the thing. Judging from these texts, would it be acceptable to send her another text and continue the conversation from two days ago, or should I just ignore it and like and comment on her photos whenever it is necessary? I'm posting this question

because I want to refine my skill, at attracting high-maintenance women because I would like to get to know this girl. Thanks in advance. And he attaches a screenshot of his Instagram messages with this girl. And so here, do you want to read them with me, Pat, we can do. Okay.

Who am I going to be? You can be whoever you want. But this is the girl. I guess I'll start. Okay, so you're the girl. Hey, are you related to redacted? Thanks for the follow. Yes, I am.

I am his eldest son. And you're welcome. Awesome. Awesome meeting you virtually. We emailed a few weeks ago about a project he's credited via IMDB. I'm also from Philadelphia. It's cool meeting you as well. I found out about you through Instagram because you tagged my dad in one of your recent posts.

You are campaigning to play the redacted. Yes, it's not easy, redacted redacted. Also mentioned she liked me for the role as well. I have representation. It's just a matter of getting an unknown in the door from Philly 2. If there's ever a character you're meant to play, that's how I feel about this one. Awesome. Best of luck to you, Sparkle emoji. How are your bow staff skills? Aha.

I'm training every day like I booked it. We were chatting because I was wondering if he could refer me to someone from blank or blank. And we really talked about everything via email. I take it you are a blank fan? Ha ha. You have to be. Oh, so true. Everyone in Hollywood is apparently a nerd nowadays. Uh-huh.

So what exactly do you do? Are you a film actress? Yes. I'm working. working hard to do it full time. So that's the full conversation. Now, what do you think? Is this guy, does he have his foot in the door? I think he has a foot in the door. I also think that if somebody is savvy, they could figure out who this is.

Yeah, this is from August 8th, 2018, figure it out. It's nerdy. It's a bo-staff. There's a bo-staff role. Yeah. The guy's from Philadelphia or it takes place in Philadelphia. I'm going to take a wild swing here. I think she's auditioning to be Donatello.

Oh, that's a good, that's good. That is a good guess. Bowstaff is pretty tough. Yeah. Bo staff, not a lot of Bo staff characters. Also, a Bo staff character who's from Philly. She's like, yeah, I'm from Philly. This role really speaks to me because I'm from Philly.

It's like, how many Boastaff Philly movies are there? Yeah. Napoleon Dynamite? No. He says he can use one. Yeah, but that takes place in Utah. Shit. Here, wait.

This one is just, this one is too long, but it's just the title. the subject line of it. I'll just read an abridged version. Have I pulverized her? This is by Elliot. I lost the girl that I loved. I chased her. She even told me beforehand not to chase her and preached to her. Maybe this was my mistake. Even if it wasn't, I don't have much money. I'm on social security and have a very small check and I walk with two canes, although by

next spring I may be able to walk without canes. This lady was my therapist and I loved her deeply even though I was never able to date her once. I wrote her five love letters and gave them to her at work. She would not freely give me her address yet it's in the phone book. Oh my. Oh, no. Quite a long post. And then, and then here's the last part is, uh, uh, when I get discharged from therapy, I will look for a full-time job because I will need more money to make her feel more secure. Maybe money is the issue and not my disability. I've had two neck surgeries and don't drive. Yet my neck rotation, I feel is good enough to drive next year.

I will see my neurosurgeon this month. Well, Scott, am I in any condition for love? I haven't dated in years. I'm 54 years old and she's 40. I've had sex only once when I was 18. She was once engaged to a wounded soldier and then told me that she fooled around. I told her that I understand what she did and that I was still interested in her.

I hope that she gives me another chance. Do you think that this man has pulverized her? I think that he's not even come close to pulverizing her. I think he did pulverize her. I'm going to level with you You think he pulverized her Yeah, I think he did because Pulverizing to me means

destroying into little pieces Into powder Exactly And I don't think that he even He didn't even get her address He didn't even have the beginnings Of killing this woman Oh, that's what you meant

What do you mean? I was saying he blew it He blew it with her Yeah, he blew it with her What would you say pulverize? I don't know I don't know why he doesn't really explain I think it seems like that's what he means

that he squandered his chance. Oh, okay. So you think he ground her down into a powder? I'm saying he didn't grind her down into a powder. Okay. He didn't even really get to like step one. Okay. Of killing.

Well, I guess I can see, now you understand why you're confused. I don't even think I'm that confused. I think either way. You're still right. Yeah. I don't think he did that. Yeah. Here, this is a question that we could give some good advice for, I think.

Okay. This is by Gray. Okay. How long do I have to know? know a woman before I'm allowed to burp freely. I don't feel like I have a good gauge as to what is appropriate. These questions seem silly to me, but I honestly am clueless. How long do I have to know a woman before I'm allowed to burp freely?

I ask about that specifically because a man that inhibits his own burps just seems like he's repressing his masculinity. I want to be masculine. I want to high five my friends, tell dirty jokes, and burp as loud as I want. I don't want to be Mr. respectful all the time anymore. I also drop F bombs with my friends. friends because I believe in speaking freely without a sense of elitist prudishness.

But should I be using F-bombs on a first date during a cold pickup? If not, when? It's a good question, though, I think, because when I'm on a first date and the woman drops an F-bomb, I will noticeably feel more comfortable. She has taken a layer of cordiality away so we can begin to be ourselves. This leads me to believe that I definitely should do it so I can be myself. And if she is on the same page, so will she. If she dislikes it, then I guess it's just as well that I weed her out.

I just don't want to weed out women that I shouldn't. What do you think? Do you think it's okay for this guy to burp, high-five his friends, and drop F-bombes? I think that this is all downstream effects of Shrek in the movie Shrek. And Shrek kind of gave us this idea that like if you want to be the main character, you have to be a disgusting, farting, burping green monster. You have to make a candle out of your earwax. Yeah, and that's like not, I would say that there's very few women in the world who appreciate the sexual appeal of a guy with Shrek.

And there's not that many green women. No, but even girls who are not green. at first, but maybe come green, they're often put off by Shrek or people who act like Shrek, just by their attitudes and how closed off they are to love. I do really like

the idea of like this guy being on a date and then like she says like, oh yeah, fuck that or whatever he goes. Right? Fuck that. Fuck that. Immediately bullshit. You really crack the seal on that one. You really crack the seal on that one. Five-fiving the way.

Fuck that fucking shit. Dude, up top. I love that. high-fiving is included in his idea. I'll have the fucking spaghetti. I'm done repressing my masculinity. I want to high-five my fucking friend. Should I get the fucking spaghetti or should I get the fucking, should I get the fucking Bucatini?

Who fucking knows? You want to fuck up some tiramisu? Oh, fucking high. A fucking top, bitch. Let me get a fucking beer too. Actually, you know what? Well, just stay with the fucking water. Yeah, I'll have a bitchy salad.

Bitchy watercress salad with diarrhea. This guy before, before he made this post and everyone told him it's okay to be himself. sitting in restaurants and he's saying, could I have the pleasant water? Still, we'll take still. Whatever's nice. I'll take splendid still. Could I have the exquisite spaghetti? I'll have splendid still.

If it pleases you. Oh, Anna, can I get the spectacular spaghetti? Thank you. Then he gets a notification on his phone. It's okay to be yourself. Fuck the spaghetti. Fuck this fucking spaghetti. Let me get the fart ribs.

This spaghetti can suck my balls. I want a duky steak. The spaghetti can lick my tuesday. taint. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much fucking unemployed. I want the smegma mushrooms. Give me the mushrooms that are made out of smegma.

Can we go back to your home and you can give me a blumpkin? How about I come up for a blumpkin? Yeah. Okay, I have a few more. This is, why does she texts me with so much respect? and this is from a great username. Water Splash 101. I'm stealing that.

That's my new game tag right there. Water splash 101. Water splash 101. Speaking of video games, I met this girl online through a video game. At first she wanted to send me nudes so that I gave her an in-game item in return. So I thought that she might be a thought or catfish,

but I accepted the deal anyway. Then as time went on, she starts to talk to me really nicely. Like she thinks highly of me and is concerned slash sad face about me, the words sad face, about me quitting the game. Although she gets easily offended

if someone sexually harasses her, like one time someone said they wanted to come inside her, and she got mad and reported the guy that said that. I did nothing about it. I found it funny, but kept it to myself. As for me, I text to her in a very mature, respectful,

gentleman-like way, as well as being very helpful, such as giving advice to her for the game, do you think she's gotten attracted to me because I'm like this? I always thought that nice guys finished last, L.O.L. Never would have thought,

Never would I thought that this would happen. What I thought strange about this is she would dare to hand out nudes, maybe fake, for in-game items to others, but is easily offended by sexual remarks. Here's the reply from Roy, a senior member. She might have probably fallen in love with you, not because you are nice because you respect her. Wow. I think I agree. You think that she fell in love with him? I mean, what girl or guy doesn't like a respectful, honest guy who does not burping and say cuss words and all this crap?

And then here's another response from Robert John. Johnson. My suggestion is that you should make your friendship so strong that he supports you and everything. Wow. I think Robert Johnson has a fucking massive cock. Isn't that a great suggestion? That is a great suggestion. Okay, well, here's Robert Johnson's bio on the website is Family Lawyers, Karachi is one of the best law attorney in Karachi Pakistan providing services of family cases. Wow. That's an amazing, beautiful, traditional Pakistani name. Robert Johnson. Like the bluesman. Yeah.

It's like the bluesman, this guy. I'll do one more here. This is, this is, this one is, this one is, this one is, girlfriend giving off pedo vibes. This is from, uh, Bibby 12. B, oh, Mike Bibi fan. Bibi 12, or a little bibi. So my girlfriend of one month started telling me ways, telling me of ways to improve myself,

so I'll be more sexually appealing to her. And she started telling me how I should be more like my 11-year-old brother. Me and my girlfriend are 20 years old for reference. Okay, I get the first point. She said she wants me to get muscles like my brother. Oh, my God. If you look at the pick attach below, there's no pick attached. They probably deleted it.

If you look at the pick attached below, then that's a fair point, since he's a little gym rat. He's on the left and I'm on the right. I don't have a great body. But, I mean, did she have to add on the like my brother? part saying, I wish you could start working out more, would have been fine. Then she said something really weird. She said she wished I could be more tanned like my brother. Like the am I supposed to do about that?

She said to try and sunbathe, but like it's winter LMAO. I'm really pale and my brother is bronzish, by the way. I thought about it later and was really weirded out how her idea of me being sexier is by being more like my 11-year-old brother. I don't even know how she's seen my brother's body. He has picks on Facebook. maybe she stocked him there and then that face that's like 0.0. Tell me I'm not overreacting here, but is she crazy?

Or should I actually try and be more like my brother? Side note, her last name is ironically Saville. By the way, does my brother's body even look that much better than mine? That's so insane. I mean, this Chad little kid walking around ripped a shred. What the fuck? This gets so rot while. It's all dark in hands.

Yeah. Just fucking. My 11-year-old brother. His older brother is so fucking hard. His brother is bronzed up all the time. He's picking up 20-year-old chicks at 11 years old. It's crazy.

Your brother's girlfriend? That is crazy. Holy fuck. Yeah. What a jungle gym rat? He does pull-ups every day. Yeah. Yeah.

My advice to that guy would be, I mean, it sounds like she. She's right. It sounds like you know. Also, you said she was one month old and you're calling her. She's close to your brother's age. He said girlfriend of one month.

Yeah. She's actually not even that close to his brother's age. Yeah. Still 11 years off of that. Yeah. That's a real bad age gap. A what? A cougar catcher.

She catches cougars. Yeah. She's one month old. We should do that as one of those shows where the guys do to catch a predator Hanson. Cougars you're trying to fuck 22 year olds. That's a good idea.

Because that takes some of the the like really awful part out of it. Yeah. And then it's also like probably these cougars are probably pretty hot. And then it always ends with like, okay, go about your business.

Just want to make sure. We just wanted to tell you. Nothing wrong. Can we stay with our cameras? Can we stay with our cameras? Throw them back. We're going to sit here. Hey,

you have fun. You just keep. He's catching the same lady over and over. Dude, you give him a couple of flavored condoms. Yeah. Yeah, you have fun kids. Orange. But it's kind of cute.

Yeah. Yeah. Orange flavored condom. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you just pour, I'll make them at home. I pour citric acid on a condom and put in a bag, put in a Ziploc. Marinate it.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, a soy sauce flavored condom. Yeah, there you go. I have some, but I did like a slideshow. Oh, okay. I think it's in the Google Drive. I looked at the website that you looked at for a little bit. I don't have my phone on me.

It sounds like you have a tech disaster. I have a tech disaster, actually. The other thing about that website is like half the posts are like the like weird, like fake posts that are ads for like mail order brides and stuff where it like starts off like. So I was having a lot of trouble dating and then I tried out this website and I was like, oh, M.G. Freebribeard.org. Yeah, it's all stuff like. Yeah. It's crazy.

Julio, can you, I think it's just called Untitled. It was like the last, I forgot to title it too. That's a great title. Yeah,

untitled presentation. It should be in there. There was also a one spam post that I, when I found this website that I saw it was making me die laughing. That was, I'm actually just going to find it really quick. While we're waiting on the PowerPoint. But I remember,

I know what word I have to search to find this. You were searching words. I didn't, what? You were searching words? No, this was just a one that was on the front page, I think. Oh, man, I can't find this right now. Well, anyway, it was an ad for exotic parrots. Here it is.

Here it is. This is in the birth control section, and it says, home-raised parrots.com extending our colorful feathers of friendship. Wow. That's honestly probably not a bad place to try to sell birds. Yeah. And I really hope that is a website for parrots. Me too.

Yeah. So this is the first post I found was on that website. Is it possible to have six, seven times a night? I'll be honest, straight away. I'm having a small ego problem these days. See, this is what we're talking about.

The pictures are all. Yeah, the pictures look like the, what was that website? This person does not exist. Yeah, they do look like that. Next post. Oh, yeah, this is just the divorce support thing. All of the posts. These ended up being all ads for like,

her websites, but just like the divorce support thing being like, how to read my girlfriend's messages without her knowing, how to find out who my wife is talking to on her phone. Legit ways to track partner phone remotely. Legit ways to hack spouse's phone remotely. Spy cell phone tracker without partner knowing. Dude from Genius 12 and Gilbert 12. Genius 12 and Sheriff Welsh.

Sheriff Welsh won. Yeah, just all those. The next one is I think still on there. Oh yeah. Just all these fucking OLED teams. TV ads. Oh, dude. Yeah. How much are they? It didn't say. It's all from the same guy, Arrowed Cartney. And then I went into, I went on Facebook because I remembered like Facebook dating groups. And I found all these. This is pure blood dating on Vax. These are some of the great posts I found in there. Kozac Angela says, why are men on this dating page if they think so lowly of women? And yes, I have no picks because I always. operate differently since AI.

She's moving different. Yeah, she's on to something. Yeah. Deleting every single photo. I think that's a picture of her in a waterfall or a waterfall. Well, dude, I get it. You don't want to end up fucking on some ad for some like a crime stoppers ad because they use AI and they grab your face. Yeah.

Exactly. A picture of you. No, one AI ad I got on Instagram one time is it was like a, it was like a, an AI picture of a kid with like brown sludge all over his face and it looked like he was eating it wasn't it it would clearly like they generated it to look like that i forget what it's even for it might have been for like it was for some kind of medicine or something they have one that's like that for video game addiction yeah where it's like is your kid addicted to video games and it's a little kid with poop all over his mouth yeah my favorite one is the one on the subways now that's like uh the pictures of little kids like

the a i generated children that like are like surrounded by smoke and it just says i smell during playtime. And it just makes it look like a little kid that loves to smoke. Because the AI doesn't get the emotion, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a kid, like, pretty impressive stuff. Yeah. The next one is, I forget what this one is.

Oh, yeah, do females still even consider disabled veterans? Not anymore. The females I roll with, they do. They do? Females writ large stop considering them very recently. Nah, dude. Very recently. You need to get a new crew.

The girls I'm fucking with They're like Only on them Yeah they hit up the the VA The hospital They go to the The VFW Yeah

They go to the VA hospital They go to the ambulance drop off They get the guys before they even go into the hospital Are recovered too fully That's true No they want them fresh Fresh from the war Even if a guy needs to be carried

Into the VFW by two of his buddies He's too healthy Well dude you know that whole thing where it's like you got to, you, when you're a girl, you have to get your guy before he becomes a famous CEO. Uh-huh. That's like, you get the guy in the ambulance drop off before he gets the purple heart. Because once he gets the purple heart, stock is soaring. Before he gets his robot legs.

Yeah, dude, because then it's like, dude, you're never going to catch up to him. You are never ever going to fuck this guy. He's going to be out in different places. You got to find your guy when he's at rock bottom. He's in pieces. He's on a rock. He's in pieces. And you're playing a little bit of a gamble. Yeah.

You play a little bit of a gamble because you don't know whose face they're going to put on this guy because his was burned from some kind of, some kind of MythBusters experience that they were doing. Yeah, exactly. The Ark of the government. The Ark of the government. They got that. They got that. That's what happened at the end of the movie.

Yeah. Low-key went into the government museum. Yeah. The right government, though. Can you imagine going into that room with all them boxes? And being like, oh, what the fuck is this? Ha-ha-ha! Yeah.

Because you're all like, oh, all this useless junk. Yeah. Whatever, there's a sphinx, the figurine, and there's a magic eight ball. Yeah. And then you open up just with some trunk and your whole, you're, you get laser beamed. Yeah. That would suck ass. Yeah.

What is the next one here after that? It is, I think, a, yeah. We should ban all Muslims from our country. And then Christopher Joseph comment. Why is this page promoting racist crap? Shout out to Christopher Joseph, man. Thank you, Christopher Joseph. He's probably the only person in that group who said that.

So shout out Chris Joe. He's got a hockey. Good men play hockey. Yeah. Yeah. I think that. You think that. Good men like and play hockey.

I don't like hockey. But there's good guys on the whole. On the ice. I think those are good people. I don't know if that's true. There might be some bad hockey players. There could be some bad, yeah. But I do think that they are better than most people.

Next one. Those who do. On the. Antivax. To those who hardly ever get sick. What's your secret? And then Jimmy Slyder said... Jimmy Slyder.

You just... That's a great name. Yeah. Jimmy Slyder. Jimmy's great name. J-I-M-I-Slider. He says it's simple. I don't take medicine.

I take herbs and I eat healthy. It's just that simple. Dude. And Jonathan Jensen says, stop eating fast food and eating lots of meat, eggs and butter helps. Butter. Going in the unvaccinating thing and being like, guys, I keep getting sick.

Dude, I know. Jimmy Slyder stopped taking medicine because he has to go to the pharmacy and say, yeah, it's Jimmy Slyder. Yeah, right. Jimmy Slyder. We're going to need some ID. Birthday, 1958. Christmas Eve, 1958. What's the next one?

Oh, yeah. Good afternoon. Is there a woman from the U.S. or somewhere in the world? Look at that fucking package. He's got a serious fucking piece. It's also the liquefy effect. No, no. It's not that.

There we go. Yeah. Just in case you could see it. It's so big. Dude, it's not the liquefy. If it was the liquefy, he would have sucked in his gut a little bit. That's true.

That shit is liquefying his Levi's. That's what's happening because it's so big. Oh, my God, dude. Such an awesome photo. But he did crimp it before. the picture. Yeah. He did reach down.

He definitely. He was walking around with a, with a big ass hair clip on his dick for the whole day before this picture. Dude, he had to run a little bit of a fluff session. Oh yeah. He had to. Before you take that pick, come on. And I like, too, that it's so, like, cropping out the top of his head, you know,

whoever took the picture. He was like, oh, now, pay it. Come on, down, down, down. That is kind of a thing about if any time a guy is trying to take a picture to make his dick look big, he always, he always, he always, he always, he always, he always, he always pays, it's 100% attention paid to the bulge, zero percent paid to any other part of his body. Look at the face he's made.

Yeah, he's always going like this. Yeah, because you have to do that to send as much blood into the, into your member as you need to. Get rid of all the blood in your head. Yeah, just huge print, huge print in the gray sweats. But I respect it, man. Yeah. This shit's cool.

I encourage this. Hard photo, dude. Yeah, this is a. It does appear to be wearing a wedding ring as well. Yeah. I think that's a scab. He was punching the wall. He was punching the wall too many times.

Yeah. That's the last one. All right. Well, guys, that's been a Valentine's Day experience. Yeah. What's the next holiday? St. Patrick's. We ain't doing that.

No. Fuck no. Fuck no. Don't want to do an episode about gold. I don't think I've ever been outside on St. Patrick's today. I think I always stay in. No. I was going to say last year,

But no, we were, we came back from Portland. Oh, yeah. And you were all like, oh, St. Patrick's Day, I can't miss St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, I went straight to. Because you go get your meal. Yeah, the corned beef and cabbage. There's a bar around here that was giving it away for free. I went there thinking like, all right, it's probably going to be like $20 a plate.

The guy was like, no, just take it. I was like, oh, this shit is free. That's the experience of a guy in the 1600s. Yeah. Going to the pub and then. They're giving away a blade of cabbage. Yeah. That's a wooden door.

And it felt good. Yeah. It was a bar. No, it didn't have a wooden door. But not, when I say wooden door, I realized most doors are wooden.

Yeah. I'm talking about a Shrek. Again, back to Shrek. Yes, exactly. Shires. I knew what you meant.

I knew what you meant. Of course you knew what I meant. Yeah. It's obvious. Yeah, I was like, oh, saloon doors. I thought it was a saloon doors type of door. Oh, no.

Saloon's able. That's cowboys. I don't think a Irish were allowed in the saloons. In that. Yeah, they were. Don't fuck with cabbage. No, man. Look up.

Back to the future, three. You want me to look it up? Look it up. Look it up. Look up the race of Marty McFly in that movie. White. McFly is a white name. That is an Irish name. He's not Irish.

That is an Irish name. And you thought that he is from Cowboy Times. Yeah, he goes back to his ancestor. He travels to it. Yeah, but the motherfucker comes out of a car, bro. Of course you're letting him. No, no, no, no. He sees his ancestor, his cowboy ancestor.

And he eats cabbage. Pretty much. Eat some kind of fucking soup. Pretty much. Wait, are you arguing that there were Irish cowboys? He said the Irish were not allowed. In saloons. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah. I thought we were talking about. But Marty McFly's Uncle Graham, what is his name? Fergal Mcfly or something? That timing does not work out for the Irish. Dude, you just need to look it up. You need to look it up. I'm Irish.

I might be ignorant of our history. But as far as I know. I just told you our. history. I told you a real thing. I don't think so. You're talking about a movie called Superfly 3. No. No, it's not what it's called. It's called something like that.

It's called Back to the Future Part 3. No. And they drive a big train. Sounds pretty good. They should have called the sequel forward to the past. That doesn't make any sense. They should have called it kid fucks mom. That's in the first one, right? the second one too.

Really? They ran that back? Yeah, they go back to the future or they go back to the past. I don't remember the second one. The first one is pretty clear to me. The second one. Third I've seen snippets of. I don't think of movies.

Those were movies that were on at summer camp and I was not watching them. Yeah. I was running around. The second one is when Biff becomes the president. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's fucking bad.

Yeah, it's a bad guy. I feel like we live. Loki have a Biff president. I literally just thought that too, and I didn't say it out loud. Wow. Because why? Because I was like, it wasn't up to your standards. I thought it would be cringe.

Wow. You thought it would be cringe to say? But thank God you said it first. No, dude, I don't even want to hear this from you. I literally just thought. I thought it was awesome. I literally just thought. The Washington Post just fired like 400 people.

Maybe you can go get a job over there. I've been trying, man. Yeah, yeah. That's why they said, they said, You know, you're such a tremendous employee. We need to free up 400 slots. Yeah, because you take up that much space. Yeah, in the inventory.

It's like the Resident Evil 4 briefcase. You're a huge square. I'm like that. I'm a big block. And the thing is, I'm also just a weird shape. So there's some people where there's like tactically empty space, but you got to get rid of them to make this space. Absolutely. Yeah, to fit it in.

You got to rotate. But I'll be starting there soon. And I'm going to be writing articles about colors. Oh, that's cool. Byline from Cameron Fetter. Furniture. White blue. Why blue is OD.

Why blue. Why blue is the best color for a chair? First order of business. Clickbait headline, first line, because it fucking isn't. Whoa. Why it is because it's not. That's smart. You should be a journalist.

That is what most articles are like on most websites. I hate that shit when you go to CNN.com and it's like four subscribers and then the article title is like, we cured everything in one second and it was easy. And then you click on it and it's fucking, now I'm going to remove paywall.com. in a video that we made using special effects. Here's why special effects are cool. Yeah, I read that though. All right.

Bye. Bye. All right, bye. Did you smell? Did your girlfriend say, you smell? Oh, that was interesting. When I got home, my dog was very like, he was like going towards my belly and was sniffing my belly. Whoa.

It was sniffing my hands. Oh, my God. Like when they sniffed cancer in people. Yeah, it was sniff. He sniffed my hands and he kind of worked his way from my hands down to my belly. But it wasn't sniffing my hands and being like, oh, shrimp like I'm licking your fingers because the shrimp thing. He was curious. There was a thing.

There was a general, I think I was emitting shrimp on some level. And illness. I think we can look back through the footage, though. And you were like doing like belly drums and stuff. I think maybe you had shrimp juice on your belly on your shirt. Oh, sure. That could be. Because those were the more mystical explanation.

No, I know. It didn't seem like it was, it wasn't, I'm investigating this smell for food. It was what's going on. It felt like it was what's going on underneath this. It felt like I was almost sweating out. Because he's always trying to smell the food in your belly. You know what that's like. If he was trying to eat the food in my belly, it would be a very different.

Maybe pawing, trying to get at it. Yeah, what if he came back home and Clancy just did not respect? you. What if he instantly killed you? Yeah. What if you came back home and he was like I can smell shrimp? I can say one thing certainly I wouldn't be sitting here today. That's true.

I think you were killed by Clancy. Yeah. Yeah. I would be, uh, and the scene at the house wouldn't be fun for anyone. Did you take a shower when you got home? Yeah. Yeah. Can you imagine if you got your dog like tore your throat out and they had to come

do an autopsy and there's five pounds of shirts? Yeah. Those strangest serial killer ever. That is a crime. that would have never been solved. Because it would have been like, this has to be related. If like a cinder block

fell on your head on the way home and your belly just burst and there just shrink everywhere. That's the other thing. On my way home, I saw a lady got hit by a car.