Podcast About List - Ep. #383 - Mermaids are real and they swim among us ft Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

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Call of Duty. Whoa. Okay. I'm glad we saved that. That's a bang-up way to start a podcast. Which episode of Call of Duty? I've played a lot of them the past 10 years or so. I've played every one.

I stopped playing them when they started doing jump jetpack. Oh, they're all bad. They're all like the new one. It's so bad. It's kind of like they just know people don't care. Yeah. They don't appreciate it all. Because they come out with one every year.

and do they still do the thing where because I remember for a while it was like Trey Arc Switching in Infinity War go back to back Yeah I think they stopped switching the last three times I think it's just one of them now And you can tell it's like a thing where there's no

There's no impetus to make it better They're not going because they used to be going kind of They'd be like this one oh we made this one No something happened there I also I don't care I just think it's like It's a trash game Do you play the storyline

Oh no I can The storylines now are just abysmal. It's like this thing where it's all, the older you get, the more it's just like the most, it's like a guy who's so masculine, he's a square. Yes, yeah. Smoking like a cigar, it's super digital. We've got to get these Kamak Kazakashtranis.

Like, it's a faint country. Oh, yeah, because they're in the future now, right? And they used to be like, one year it's going to be the Middle East, and then they would do Russia. Yeah. They would basically ping pong back and forth. Between the two. Macarov.

That was the main villain for a while. Macrov. I mean, those, I loved those fucking games. I really did. I did for a while. They're going down the Fortnite route now. We're like all the... Oh, the fucking skis.

It's like you're shooting at like Homer Simpson or like, you know, all this stuff. Nikki Minaj, I remember... I remember people complaining that Nikki Minaj was going into war zone. Yeah, and her hipbox is like too small or something. Yeah. It's always about the hitbox. Yeah, competitive advantage for having Nicky Minaj that idea.

That's pay to win, as they call it in the gaming. Pay to win. Well, Johnny, thank you for coming here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here, bro. I'm not sure why you, why this was kind of, it sounded like you're hitting some blue, some sort of a blue chip podcast while you're in New York

and then you come into this one. I mean, this is like a good one, though, right? This is like... I hope so. I mean, I like that they're, I think so, man. You know what I mean? There's, some podcasts are just like, it's like Applebee's or something where, you know, it's, it's like the person, the podcast is only as good as the guest.

And some podcasts are like, you guys are going to, you guys are going to make it good no matter what I bring. Is that sort of how you, what way is that Applebee's, like, is only as good as the company that you bring to Applebee's? I didn't think about this analogy before. I'm not like, I'm kind of like, yeah. It's only as good as the food. I kind of agree that I think Applebee's kind of depends on the guest. Yeah. It depends on who you go with.

I'm not there. I'm not there. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's like the location or something like that. It's like a thing where, you know, some podcasts are just standard fare. Yeah. Which is good.

Yeah. It's really good. I am just, you know, I think everything eventually gets there. But the podcast set that we have tried to avoid so hard is the like couch with a side table in the middle and a lamp and a fake plant and a chair. I think that that's the death of doing a video podcast. You need something that looks a little bit more like this. A little bit of shitty, kind of shitty silver. Put together like chrome.

Like a Halloween. Yeah. It's DIY, man. And today, you know, you never. We got the skeleton in there. You had never. Yeah. And this only took us about five or six weeks to build.

Yeah, yeah. We're not very good at that. I mean, look, we got. Antarctica from space I love Antarctica I really do I'm a big fan The best part of the whole side is somebody we just bought Yeah

Just a poster That costs money Yeah and it was but not that much Less than you would think Yeah something like that Is that a National Geographic foldout? I don't know At the corner there

We should get some pin up girls Dude yeah Those are so hot to me Pin up girls Oh my god On the side of a fighter jet I just realized you're supposed to pin them up Yeah

Oh my God I get it Or we can get it a mudflap, we could get the devil girl over there and the angel girl over here. Whoa. Why the devil over here? Because it's, well, just left hand path. This is the right hand. You ever heard of that?

It's camera left. So it's normal right. Okay, well, now you're confusing me. The point is we need to get some women up here in this shit. Dude, doesn't that shit suck? You're an actor, you understand. The camera left, camera, right. I've never enjoyed it.

Yeah. I've always been like, just fucking tell me. Right. Just point. Say the normal one. Say the normal one. What is it like being an actor? It's just like just tons of respect and money. I love that. Just like tons of like coffee is a lot of coffee available.

What are Michelin Star restaurants like? They're so good. Really? It's one of those things where I don't only go to Michelin Stars. Yeah, of course. Michelin breakfast. I do Michelin breakfast. It's not associated with Michelin.

If it's not startup, I'm going to stand out. I'm going to step out. Step out if it's not startup. Why doesn't Michelin just make a restaurant? Then we all know where to go. Because they're more into the tasting and the cooking. They do tires. They do tires, they're tasting and tires.

Well, why don't we just, I don't know, they got enough money from all the damn tires. Start up some chains. And they're the best restaurants in the world. Well, I guess, well, they could even rate it themselves. Yeah, exactly. That would be basically a good idea for a racket. We're a four-star restaurant. Everything they do is like they just take over an apple bees and they just call it like.

Yeah. Michelin bees. This is 100 stars. Or whatever, Apple tires. And then they have, and you know, the rating system,

as I'm sure you're familiar. Oh, yeah. Is one star. That's worth a stop, I believe. Two star. Two star. I think that's true.

Yeah. I think it's actually true. It's worth a stop. Yeah. I think it's like one star. One star is worth going like a mile out of the way or something because it's all supposed to be a road trip thing. It's algorithmic. Is that what it is? Where it's like, you know. Where it goes up fast. Yeah. That's the sort of thing. Yes. By three stars. Three stars is it's worth a trip. So I was saying four stars is like almost plan. Aliens are.

Yeah. That's why it would be a problem. That's how we meet aliens. We just put that four star on something. And they're like, oh. Well, yeah. Before it was only worth. We got to go. Gotcha. Gotcha. And then you got to. Aliens. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You guys ever heard of perpetual stew? Yes. Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day. I think this is the kind of thing that comes across my...

There was one in Bushwick. There was a perpetual stew. You serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how perpetual? I think they would meet up, like... I don't know. They would meet up to do the stew to keep it going.

It was my friend Annie. Oh, this is some hardcore dork shit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this is not perpetual, like, in the, on the framework, or like a, like, decades. No, not like that. They were starting one. They were starting one.

That's bullshit. I think some people got sick from it. Yes. Vindicated. Because I've been saying for my whole life, those perpetual stews don't eat those. Those will get you sick. Unless you're a hobbit.

You have to eat it fast enough that the stuff that you, everyone has to be hungry for perpetual stew all the time. Because the second that you go a day or two without perpetual stew, then it's going to start making people sick. I don't understand what food makes people sick. what makes it okay to eat. It's virus. It's got to be bacteria. But I don't know why you can eat, why can I eat

raw salmon and I can't eat raw chicken. Because it's cold. Chicken. Because it's cold. The chicken's cold. Well, you could probably eat ice cold chicken. You're probably good. Yeah. You're probably fine with that. There's no way you can eat ice cold chicken from the freezer. With perpetual

stew. Yeah. Oh, like you did you dip in a lot. Oh, a boiler or a cold perpetual Sunday. perpetual ice cream. Perpetual sundae. Oh.

No, I think that sounds good. I think that would be bacterial. I'm going to sound. Perpetual Sunday. It's a be an easy cell. Perpetual Sunday sounds amazing. That sounds like a song, maybe.

The only real perpetuals do I know of is somewhere in Europe. It's like a 300-year-old restaurant or some shit. Oh, man. They're doing that. But I bet they charge you at the fucking. It's a 300-year-old restaurant, but they made this do like two weeks ago. It's a new thing that they're trying. It is a brand new.

Scam. Scams, Stu. They were like, oh, you know, we should have. You ever watch those? It's just a really old bowl. Yeah, the bowl is insanely old. Yeah, yeah. But we've been around for 300 years. We've got to do it. Have you ever watched those videos of the guys who go,

he dresses up like he works at Colonial Williamsburg and he's like, this is what they used to eat. Townsonsons? Is that the guy? Have I watched Townsends? I've just, a lot. A lot. Like a lot of Townsends is the point where sometimes just the only thing my wife

I can agree on. I guess we'll watch some townsons right now. We watch a little town sense why we have our, have our, Amy's cheddar broccoli cheddar bowl. Pretending it's pemmican. Yeah.

I wanted a pemmican jag for a while. I was like determined to make authentic pemmican. Ooh. Did you try though? Yeah. I didn't try because you kind of get a, it's like a hiccup

when you have to acquire Buffalo Sueet. Oh, yeah, that's really tough. That's a real bump in the road. Yeah. Butcher at Whole Foods or whatever if they had Sueet? I'll take any

Sue it. It doesn't have to be Buffalo. I think it's got to be Buffalo, though, to be authentic pemmican. Oh, okay. And it's really gross. Is it like a meat cliff bar or something? Pemakin is buffalo fat that's been rendered mixed with like dried buffalo meat mixed with like whatever berries you can find.

It sounds so bad. I think that sounds good. It sounds good to me too. You should need that. You must be able to find good berries then. Yeah. If you think that sounds good. Because I'm imagining the berries I would find and they're dragging the whole thing down.

Really? What kind of berries are you getting? I'm just can't imagine what if I'm just, I'm finding them. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. You did say find. The berry finding these days, finding of berries is harder.

They made it hard. The government has made it hard for us. There's a lot of difficulty. And that's obviously, you know, Biden. Yes. You watch what Biden. Let's see. You like YouTube.

I just deduced to this. so all right you're going to fit in around I think you're going to I think that's just I'm talking about YouTube

about whatever YouTube videos we watch in this week YouTube and TikTok like that's why I saw a perpetual stew video last night that made me laugh

so hard I was like I felt like I had just eaten like the hottest pepper yeah wait why it's so funny

about the stew it was just I mean just the word perpetual stew alone It's so, like when you say it out of context, it sounds just so wrong. Yeah. But this guy, it looked so gross.

It had those little Chinese corns floating in it. Oh, yeah. The baby corn. And it was so dark. Uh-huh. And he described, the guy described it as smelling sulfuric. Wait, is this the guy who poured the bottle of wine into it? I think I've seen the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. He said it was worse than when he put the wine in it. And I was like, this guy, where the fuck is this guy? Yeah. He's like, oh. And he said it was insidious. He said it was insidious. But it's still heinous.

Like the words he used, all the worst words that exist for something. Yeah. Even if it was not a food, even it was like describing like his shit. You know, he's like, oh, this is the worst shit ever. But he's describing a food. food. It's just like, it's like,

how did I get here? I get to this place when I'm watching this. He's like 30 days in, right? Like, it's like, it's a long time coming.

I think it's 300 something. Oh, 300. Oh, fuck. Wait. He's like documenting the journey of making a perpetual

to do it. And is it just getting worse stuff? He poured a whole bottle of wine. He put an egg in. He put an egg in. all it takes is one lapse of judgment when you're like up to wait and you're walking through the kitchen you're like uh fuck it i'll put an egg might as well oh fuck what i do i mean every day opening the fridge yeah is just i mean it's not in the fridge

it's like opening the fridge and just looking like what am i adding that's going into your air yeah yeah 24-7 there's Constant my asthma in your house. It's literally evaporating. You're going to go out. He's got it in like, it's like an old like slow cooker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a crock pot that just sits in his house and it's just pouring fucking wine into it.

Does he say like my house smells like shit? He said smells really bad. It smells sulfuric. Selfure is the worst smell. That's like what they describe this. What hell smells like, right? Hell smells like, didn't Dante describe hell is smelling sulfuric? And this guy is making it.

You can't see his face too. It's my love, you know. You also, you have to, you have to imagine it's really hard to call it quits, too. Yeah. But when you're like 300 days in, even if it's smelling sulfuric and you have eggs or like bricks or dirt or whatever. To turn it off is like, I mean, that's death. That's pathetic. That's admitting defeat.

You have to kill yourself. If you're getting the views. Right. That's true. You got to keep hitting the scale. Ruining his life. $16 off of three videos. You have to keep putting crazier stuff in so you get more.

use. Yeah. I mean, I don't know where you go, frankly, from egg. One egg is so funny. He's like,

yeah, my, just like, he cracked like a whole egg and I don't really. It's like either a hard boiled egg, right? He's a hard boiled egg.

Yeah. Why don't you put it in hardwilled? Like a ramen egg. Yeah. It's just going to be in there. Yeah. He's just going to sit there. Also,

also a brown sloppy stew, a brown sloppy stew with a big white egg. egg in it, a white egg that's like gonna turn also brown because it's been sitting in the stew for so long. It was shell on. It was shell on. Oh yeah. Shell on?

Shell on. What's the fucking point? I don't know. I think maybe it's like the like a flavored like a Japanese flavored egg type. Oh maybe he'll eventually he'll take it out. And he'll take it out and he cracked the I bet it was brown as fucking there. I can't believe I remember all this and I'm describing this.

Like this is like 10 times longer than the video itself. But the guy did crack the egg. And he said it was extraordinarily easy to get the shell off. And it was super rubber, very rubbery. And all the comments are saying like, bro, that's rotted. Because it was floating. I guess like that means it's a rotten egg?

Yeah. Oh, God. So you're a real fucking YouTube watcher. Yeah. No fucking idea. I didn't realize it was. It sneaks up on you. Yeah.

Just just now. It does sneak up on you, man. But at some point, you have to own it. You have to be like, I'm not, I give up on doing anything on my phone except for, I'm downloading YouTube videos now that I don't care about, about amusement parks I'll never go to, and about rating the food at the amusement parks that I'll never eat. Who has a better turkey leg at what fucking amusement park? Oh, man. It's just pathetic. I was watching a great YouTube video.

I was on my, I was on my smart TV, and I was switching. It's logged into my wife's YouTube. and so I always, I switched to the guest account so it doesn't corrupt her. Oh, she gets mad? Her algorithm. She does get mad. I get mad. I get in trouble.

I get a bullshit. I look up fucking bullshit. Yeah. I watched Game, I watched Blackjack videos on my white YouTube. I switched it to the guest account. And so it's like a pure like, like it's pure algorithm, but it's also like, I guess, just like tainted by the fact it's a TV or something.

But it was giving me all these like AI videos that were like, we were watching one that was like, it was like 40 minutes long and it was called like, it was like pick. It was like, basically there are two, it's a would you rather with a mystery gift. Whoa. So it has two would you rather's and then there's a mystery option you can pick and then the timer goes down. And when it's a zero, it opens up the mystery option. You can see what it would have been. So it would be like, do you want a cat chair, a gorilla chair or the mystery option?

And then you go, oh, I want the mystery option. And then it ticks down. It goes, uh-oh, you picked an haunted chair. Oh. Bad luck. Did you finish the video? No, we got about halfway through. Was 40 minutes?

It was very, very long. I've done some of those. I like the idiot test. I like to do the idiot test. Yeah. There was a bunch of try not to laughs on there too. Those are funny. I was watching one the other day.

I was like, see if you have perfect pitch. I was sitting here by myself, just going. Have you suspected before that you had perfect pitch? I have at least relative pitch. Okay. There was sometimes I was getting the next.

notes right. Sometimes I was so far off. I think I've got that. Yeah, relative pitch. I heard perfect pitch is a curse. Oh, yeah. Because you're always thinking about it, right? Yeah, if you hear somebody it's off, you're like, or if you hear like someone knock on a door, you're like, oh, that's, that's D.

Yeah, you can't, you can't stop. You're constantly thinking about letters. You just can't enjoy the black crows. Imagine Zappa to fucking. Yeah, these guys probably love Zappa. He was so damn meticulous with his little notes. He's, you know, gargling and spitting on... It's true.

He's asking why it hurts when he pees. Yeah. It's one of his most famous songs. That's just not my kind of... Why does it hurt when I pee? I mean, you could honestly say anything. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's Zappa song.

What kind of music do you like? I do, I did like a lot of Zappa. Okay. Mostly now I listen to a lot of reggae. Oh, nice. Really? Yeah. Like what?

Like, like, a dance hall stuff? Some dance hall, more like earlier stuff, like early 80s, like 70s. kind of stuff. I like I like Ike Mouse. Okay. I like Yellow Man. Like Yellow Man? Yellow Man, Purple Man. I like himellow yellow. I love Yellow Man. Like Lone Ranger a lot. John Wayne. There's a guy named Johnny Ringo is really good.

He's a reggae artist? Yeah, yeah. Johnny Ringo. All these guys, they steal from Western. So it's like a big deal in the reggae community to steal from like a cool Western guy. There's a guy named Lee Van Cleef. It was a guy named every western name you can think of as a guy. So you strike me as somebody that might be a big fan of country music. I like country a lot too.

You do. I like like honky talk. Oh, okay, interesting. You play a honky talk and instrument. I used to play bass for a long time, and then I play drums for a little bit, and now I don't. How do you even learn to play drums? That's like a whole practice, bro. But yes, yes, why, of course.

But you have to like, the access and the loud loudness. That's a big thing to me. Yeah, that always has jumped out to me too. When a kid... I don't even know where I would start. Growing up when a kid had a like a drum kit or something, I'd be like, your parents are whipped.

Yeah. You control your parents. You own your fucking parents. Yeah. They had a drum kit. Instead of being able to put the car in the garage, you make your kid louder in there. And you have to listen to that all day.

Yeah, that would be fucking horrible. I grew up when we had basements. So you can have like a drum kit down there. It's quieter, but it's still, still drums. Still ruins a golf game or whatever that your dad's watching upstairs. Enough. My brother had a drum kit, and I think it lasted like, he had a drum kit in his room for about two weeks. And then it was, I think it ruined an episode of Seinfeld.

My dad was like, that's going in the trash cans. The trash? I would go away. It probably brought it to the church. Yeah. The church always had just. They always need drums. That's just where a bad kid toys went to go.

Yeah. They blessed them and they. Yeah. And then release. Yeah. Guns. Machetes. Yeah.

The church that we went to did have it. That is where. They had like a, this was a crazy place. They had like a paintball field and like a skate park. It was like built for kids. Just like a Protestant church? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They're not getting anywhere near skateboarding. No. No, but that would not be a bad idea. Yeah. To have more churches with stuff for kids to do. Yeah.

They don't actually have to go to church. Yeah. They need all the help they can get now, I think. Oh, yeah. The church. Yeah. Except for the land thing. They have a lot of land.

I think they're doing okay. They're quite rich, I believe. Yeah, I just remembered that. They're fine. They're doing okay. All things considered they're doing pretty good. Yeah. Well, that was when we saw the Pope died and then the new Pope had to sit in some.

The Pope died? Dude, I'm sorry. The old Pope died and he used to live on a giant golden throne. And then the new Pope lives on a white chair. Yeah, something horrible is happening. I haven't seen many Pope videos lately. I don't know. They got this new Chicago Pope.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. American guy. That's the first time, right? No, no, the first pope was American. Oh, it was, okay. The very first one, yep.

The very first one was American. Yeah, that's my sort of theory. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I called America. Yeah. It's just one of those things where like he would, like, he would have been American. Yes.

Like if you took him and you placed him in this time, like, he would have had the attitude and like. Yeah. I'm walking here. Yeah. Yeah. He would kind of just like, he would fit in. No. No.

He would not be from New York City. No? No, the first Pope, dude. The first American Pope? No, man. He's from North Carolina. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Where? He was from Wilmington. Oh, my God. That's a coolest place. That's where you're from.

That's where I'm from. Yeah. I've been there. Dead Crow Comedy Club. I'm sure you've been there. I did the Dead Crow. Everybody, everybody has done Dead Crow. It's a good place. The Museum of the Bazaar. Oh, yeah. I did not. No. Next time you got to go. I don't know. I may not do it next time. Oh, yeah. You hate it there? What the fuck.

I mean, I like you, but it's almost, it's hard to get to. Yeah. Yeah, there's not a lot. If you're, like, touring, you want to be able to go in a clump and to go to a bunch of places all at once. Not a ton of that in North Carolina. It was the first place that headline, I think, was Dead Crow. Really? I think it was.

No, maybe the second, like, the first, like club I did. First time ever was a casino in Minnesota, and that was really bad. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was terrible. It was so bad that they replaced me with the feature act, the second show. He was a much older guy. He was a guy who would do stuff like put the glasses on with the slinky eyes and shit.

Oh, hell yeah. He was like, you know, from a different, he was a hack kind of from a, I couldn't believe it was real. Like, oh my God, this is like an impersonation of a guy who's a hack. Yeah. But he, um, like what a stand-up comedian would be like in Rugrats or something.

Right. Yeah. Like a rubber chicken. Almost that far. Almost that far. They replaced him. And he was crushing. He crushed the first show.

Mm-hmm. But then the second show. he fucking bombed like crazy and I was just like it was the karma I still get paid the same it was the negative energy yeah I think he was talking shit about me you know because I was like a kid from L.A.

You know yeah he used to live in L.A. He was a writer and stuff just like a totally different generation you know yeah so I think he felt like who's his fucking kid the casino everybody says the casinos

I've never done a casino they say it's the worst possible gig the people get free tickets because they don't rent out of money and so they get free comp tickets so they can just stay there and hopefully maybe after their experience

they will just spend a little bit more money yeah yeah it's it's the worst I feel like I never see that if I go to a casino the I mean granted I almost always just go to Atlantic City but the entertainment is always

I think pretty good I would imagine it's like Polly D is like DJ the Jabalakis yeah stuff like that the Jabawakis you know and Atlanta Atlantic City's not, they don't have Penn & Teller, Rod Stewart, or whatever, but they got pretty good people.

Is he doing Vegas residency, Rod Stewart? Has he even doing it for like 50 years? Is that true? I think so. Are you thinking of Wayne Newton? I think Wayne Newton died. Wayne Newton's passed on. Yeah.

No way. I don't know. But I think Rod Stewart. If he hasn't done a Vegas residency, that's a lay-up to you should. That'd be cool. Who do you think? I love to see it. Who's the next stand-up that's going to do a Vegas residency?

Sebastian. Malaney. Mulaney might do it I think it's Malaney I just feel like that would be I mean I Sebastian's obvious though

He's already there Him at the sphere I'm at the fucking Fing it is in here It's fucking round Hey Can you guide bo? It's just an hour of

It's so fucking big in here Getting slower and slower I would love to do The special effects programming For him Just do just his face Yeah. Just fully around.

Just zoomed in super close him outside the sphere. All you can see on the street. You could program it. I would want to do something where you program like horrible torture videos behind him on the big thing. But every time he looks back and he's like, yeah. So every time he's looking. The tunnel from Liliwanka.

Oh, I don't fuck. Oh! And I was being like, yeah. No, don't fucking kill me, please. And it's not coming out of the monitors. He can't hear it. You know, what the hell is going on?

The fuck is going on. My mother-in-law? My mother-in-law's cooking's crazy. No, please, stop. The guy in the video, it's a live feed. He's like, make him stop, please. He's doing it. He's doing it.

He's doing it. Every word that he says. She bought some fucking saltine crackers. These things crumble and crumbling, crumbling, crickle and crumble. The guy being tortured says, okay, that one was It's actually funny. I actually really like that one a lot. That one's good.

I like that. You should put that on the album, Sebastian. That's a good Sebastian. I mean, all you gotta do is just the most stereotypical accent that exists, right? And do it worse than you can possibly do it, right? He is in no way he was talking like that at 25 years old. I hope he was. No way.

I was kind of shocked. It's going to be a great TV show. I'm shocked. I tried to find it as a gift the other day. The scene from the Irishman where he gets shot to death like a thousand times. I don't remember that. He was in that? Yeah, he was in it.

He gets killed in a restaurant. And nobody has turned it into a funny gif. Yeah, and I feel like that's the funniest thing ever is when somebody like that dies in a movie. You can just always like Justin Bieber. The Justin Bieber. Yeah. He was on CSI or something.

He was serious. Yeah, he gets out of the car and he tries to pull a gun. And they fucking shoot an AKA to him. And when I was, and when I was, yeah. growing up, people were like, Justin Bieber has died. It's like 10 squibs.

Yeah. It's like 10 squibs going off on him. Yeah. Yeah. It was insane. Like 13 or whatever. Like it was like early on. He was still in his,

his long hair kid. He had the bulk of her. He was like a child drug dealer or something. If you tap into CSI these days, every single, every single episode is just that happening to a different young celebrity. Yeah. That's every CSI episode.

I did it. I did, uh, as long order. I did law and order. Oh, yeah. SVU or normal? Did you get killed? I didn't get killed, but I got arrested. What fur?

What'd you do? R word. You said the R word. I could have guessed. I did our word. I just saved you the bleep. Thank you. You know?

For the short. I'm saving you. I'm saving the bleep. You're a pro. Yeah, I probably could have guessed when you said SvU. They don't usually branch out. This one's just going to be a shoplifting one today, guys. It's been a little heavy.

lately. It's bad, it's bad, bad, bad. I almost didn't do it, but then I saw the other people who also played that type of character and I was like, okay. Oh, yeah. It's like, Paul, what's his name? You know, the guy we like, the guy everyone likes. He's great. Oh, the guy that everybody likes. Uh, Paul Giamati. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, how's the peeping? Tommy, Tommy, how's the peeping? No, the guy I actually did. I have, no, I have no idea. He's like, um. Paul? This is a Paul. Paul Rudd. No, it's not Paul Rudd.

It's the guy, you know, he's in, he died. He died. I'm sorry. He's always like, you know. Paul Rubens? Nope. He died, I think, the same time. Okay.

The same time is Paul Rubin. He's just getting a stranger. He's got a big head. He's really good. We always like him. Paul. Paul. Mezcal.

Paul Mescal. That's his maiden name. Paul Newman. He was in Punch Drunk Love. He was in Philip Seymour Hoffman? Philip Seymour Hoffman? It's not Paul, it's Philip.

Okay. Paul and Phil are the same word, basically the same word. It's got a pee. It's got a pee up there. Fall, pill. Yeah. There you go.

Fall up Seymour Hoffman. Philip Seymour Hoffman. I think he did it. I think maybe Martin Short did. Martin Short was a rapist on Loner. Yes, he was. Have you guys seen the screenshot of the Svue?

Why would you make him do that? Was he acting like Clifford? Yeah, no, he did. He did Ed Grimley. Oh, my God. That's what Ed Grimley wants is just to do that. Like Mr. Peeper's is the same way. Mr. Peeper's is just, all right.

Have you guys seen the screenshot of it's like the SVU like YouTube channel where they're like post clips from the show. What's the actor's name who is in Wicked, who Ariana Grande. Oh, yeah, yeah, Ethan Slater. I know this later. The thumbnail. The text on the thumbnail says, like,

actor Ethan Slater arrested for rape. And it's like a still of him getting arrested in a cop car. It's just a picture of him like. It's on the show. Yeah, it's just a replayed a rapist in the show, but they, oh my God. Dude, what did they do that to you?

they probably had. There's all these AI videos now. Yeah. When they just make a video, like if you ever clicked on something where it's like, you know the thing on TikTok where it says blah, blah, blah, controversy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just get the little search bar in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I clicked on that once for this guy who makes, you know, camping videos. And there's all these videos that say that he died. And he did not die. Yeah, he's a lot. Is it outdoor boys? What's the outdoor boys?

Really? Luke Nichols. That guy. That fucking freak. He's alive. He stepped away from YouTube for a little bit. He helped his son start his YouTube channel. But he's back.

There's tons of videos like the controversial thing that happened to outdoor boys, how he lost his life. And it's not real. Yeah, it's not real. Yeah, they AI the voices too. Yeah, the voices. You have to do a little research to find out you're being misled. Yeah.

They did that with Bill Hader. when Nick Reiner killed Rob Reiner and it was a video of Bill Hader being like I wish that I never said anything to him at that party and it was like a whole AI thing

like they were showing news clips and stuff I was serious? Yeah yeah it was so crazy I was like how He never said that did he never said that It's like literally And it's clips from like Barry too

so it's just like him like screaming and it's like I was so upset Like that It's so fucked up Dude I'm getting fooled by these videos We were talking about her earlier of guys in Africa who have been cursed

and their hands turn into go-guess. Oh, yeah. I've been getting a ton of these on Facebook reels. Do you know what Facebook reels? I don't use Facebook. This is where you,

this is the reason you use Facebook to tap in because it's like Instagram reels, but it is just all of them are way crazier and worse. There was one that you showed me earlier of a guy who was, there was about 50 demons

entering his house. They come into his house and he goes, ah! Yeah. And then usually they'll be like, they're usually also, they're like, they're like reels.

they're usually like seven minutes long. And it'll be like just AI demons attacking them and they're just screaming. And then in the last like 30 seconds, they summon Jesus and Jesus comes in and he kills all the demons. That's so sick. That's pretty cool.

That's the purpose of AI. Yeah. To promote the word of Jesus Christ. AI, an interesting figure. Christ. That's what it means. That's what it stands for. He was an interesting figure.

He was fascinating by all accounts. You know he had a brother. No. He did. He had a brother. Who was his brother? I don't remember his name. He doesn't matter. But he had one. Is he in Scripture? I believe he's in Scripture. Numbers.

He's got to be in numbers. Just in the Ethiopian Bible. My mom's been reading. The Coptic church now. Yeah, my mom's getting into it. Which they have the Ark of the Covenant. You do that. They have a church in Ethiopia. Oh, my God. Oh, they got it. It's like they have it.

Of course they have it. They were there way before Indiana Jones, whatever, before all that shit. All the time. Yeah. So they have it and they won't let anybody see it, which I think is proof that it's real. Yeah. Because you open that thing up, everyone's going to get like their face.

Yeah. Why would you lie about that? Also, if you're God, why would you make that? Right. A bomb that kills everybody who looks at it? What's the point of this box? It's a tricky guy. It's a test.

Yeah. Okay, but then, okay, so they are actually doing something wrong by hiding the test. Mm-hmm. The test should be out. That's true. Everyone should have an opportunity to be a, The test is to be around it. Maybe it's like the trolley problem. Maybe what? It's the trolley problem. I've never heard of it. Okay. I'll explain. What's that? I don't know if I can explain it. I feel like that's like the window into being the worst guy. Is it a trolley problem? Is it a trolley problem? Maybe loudly at a bar is that's like the worst thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's there's two trolleys or something. As I understand it, there's three or four trolleys.

They're on a road. They're a track, not a road. There's two trolleys going at one guy. opposite directions. No. They're leaving the station. One trolley's leaving one station at this time. So there's a station.

Let's start there. First of all, there's a station. The trolley leaves a station. But then what happens? You can either have an IPA or you can have a traditional heafison. Okay. So that's good. Okay, wait, that I understand.

That's why he's explaining it. The bartender asked him, that's the bartender interrupting the guy or explaining the trolley problem. The IPA or the He's like, oh, I can't tell. Guys like, this is like the trolley problem a lot like it, actually. Honestly, honestly, it's kind of like the trial problem, to be honest. To be completely frank, it reminds me, it's not exactly the same.

100%. It's similar to a problem I know of. You seem like you're having a problem. A problem, eh? I'm tired of the... They need to invent a new problem. And they need to invent a new... They need to invent a new problem and a new dilemma.

I'm sick of the prisoners' dilemma. I prefer no more problems, personally. The prisoner's dilemma... Which one's the prisoner's dilemma? Dark night. Dark night. Oh. Wait.

What do you mean? The boat and the dark night. So that's almost a boat problem. I forgot about this. There is two boats. They each have a button to... Well, yeah. Is it the same as the trial problem, basically?

It's the same as the prisoners. dilemma, but for Batman, actually, it is the trolley problem. Yeah. Oh. I was about to say, can we get rid of the trolley and have a new mode of transportation in there? And they did it in Batman's boat. Batman's two boats. The Batman boat problem.

It's almost a new kind of. This reminds me of the Batman boat problem. Do you guys know about the bag of corn and the chicken and the wolves? Yes. I love that one. I do like that one. I do like occasionally like if I'm bored, I'll just solve it. You get a piece of scratch paper

Because I always forget how to do it Yeah Well it's got to be What is it again? Dude, it's got to be the wolf first, right? No. No, because then you leave the chicken with the wolf It's got to be the chicken first

It's always the chicken first It's got to be the chicken first Then you come back You bring the wolf But then you take the chicken back with you Yeah, right? Yeah No, no other way around

You bring the grain But you take the chicken back with you Oh yeah Yeah And then you got it And then you drop the chicken off and you bring the wolf. You just have to make sure

that the wolf and grain are always together. Just keep the wolf on the other side. I don't even bring it. No. Because why? Maybe it's like a dog. Oh, it's a dog?

Or it's just a hungry guy. It's some ziti. And a gun. That's the, the, the mother-in-law will eat the ziti. And if I'm left alone, I'll kill her with the gun. Level one of the problem is the wolf, the chicken, and the grain.

But then once you clear that, you get to level two where there's also a xenomorph. And that will eat any, that will kill anything. That'll eat you. That's the alien from alien. They're called xenomorph? They're called xenomorph? Yeah, and you don't want to find yourself face-to-face with one of these.

They have acidic blood. They call them that in the movie. I don't know if they do. Not in the first one. They definitely do by the second one. I think they're calling them that. Yeah, are they saying, I thought that was an AVP that they named them. But maybe I'm, no, they were definitely named.

Maybe I'm just a movie idiot. I believe they were named that by. aliens because I think that James Cameron had I actually just read this other day he wanted to make another movie where they had xenomorphs okay they wouldn't allow them the word just the word xenomorphs but it wasn't meant to be did the predator

coming avatar and aliens does the predator have an an animal name yautja yeah whoa oh that's right that's a good name too it is a really good name they both have such good names no wonder they fought and they're X and Y yeah oh where's the Z

we have to come up with it Zumanity That's immediately really good. Zumanity. Because then alien versus predator and then the humans can come in. So it's like X versus Y versus Z. Oh shit. Zumanity. Human animal hybrids.

That's actually cool. Yeah. Zumanity. Humans combined with lions. Wow. That shit's sick. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty sick.

There's a drawing that remind me of this idea. Yeah? I could show you my drawings. Let's see them. Like digital or a hand? I've been known to do digital painting actually. That's true. I'm pretty good at it.

iPad? No, I do it on, I have a touchscreen laptop. Oh, great. So I said, I made my own wallpaper on my laptop. That's awesome. It's really cool.

How do you figure out of do that? I used it in Microsoft Paint. Oh. Yeah. Do you have any on you right now? Do you have any photos of your digital paintings? No, but I've made,

I've made a logo for myself. Whoa. It's your initials? It doesn't take that long. No, it says Caleb Pitts Films and it has a lightning bolt in the yellow background. That's cool. A yellow background with a lightning bowl?

No, I haven't learned how to do animation yet. So I'm just in the digital painting phase of my artistry. But pretty soon I'm going to learn. Why have you never done anything for the show? I've done paintings before. No, like a new logo or something. I mean, I could do a new logo. Yeah.

We're kind of due for a brand refresh. If you'd like me to make a new logo, it's cool. I made one from one of my coworkers. I made a, just in case he doesn't do like film production, but I was like, if you ever do, and it's his name, films as well. And he got a star. Okay.

What was the background on that one? The background was a teal, I believe. Ooh. Yeah. So it's a little, so I don't, not just yellow. Teal with a yellow star. That's a good color. That's a classic color.

That's a great color combo. It was a pink, uh, pink star. Oh. Okay. And the text? Contrasting colors. The text was Thomas Eisenman films. That's good.

The color of the text. That's good. The color was black. He does make films. Yeah, but he doesn't, he doesn't have like a film production company like I have. But he will. Oh, okay. You know, or I'm trying to start.

I have a logo. It starts with the logo. It starts with the logo. Most of the time. That's important. That's really important to have that at the beginning of the movie, you know. Absolutely. Yeah.

Because you start from frame when you're making the movie, you got to start from. Well, you go in order. Yeah. It's one frame at a time. I've heard that my whole career. In every frame of painting is what I've also heard. I've never heard that before. That's something you learn in film school.

That's what you try to do. Yeah, exactly. Not everyone I can do that. Wait, we should be asking you questions about making movies. Yeah. We definitely want to get into this game. I feel like it's basically. time. I think you should. I think

you got what it takes. You think so? Yeah. I mean, in terms of maybe even just set design, you can see that this is cameras. It's eclectic and fun. It's unique. It's DIY. And you got that blinking thing which is cool. That's like a spaceship. Yeah, that was a $20. So that's blue

and that's green. It blinks though. First use of advice never say the price of something. Why? Because someone's going to ask you how much it costs and you've got to think of the highest number you can think of. And then you say that's, yeah. Yeah, that was actually about $7,000 to install. Oh, my God.

Whoa, that makes it sound so good. So this is a movie, this is a movie trick. This is a movie production trick. Yeah, it's a classic trick. Why do you do that? So you can embezzle money from the production. Oh, that's a pretty good idea. You know those movies you see were like, who's watching this?

Yeah. That's what that is. Dude, that was like when they got Millie Bobby Brown in this Netflix movie a couple years ago that nobody saw and it was like and then I had never heard of it and the first thing I heard about it was that it cost $500 million. Which one was it? It was very expensive.

It didn't cost that much. Is Mr. Peanut an actor? The electric state? Yeah, the electric state. No, no, no, no. It wasn't that one. It was like a dragon one. But the electric state, I believe, was strange of things. No, dragons, there's no dragons in that. There's dragon-like organisms.

There's dungeons and dragons. Well, they play that. whole thing of the show. But I haven't seen that show, very much of it. It cost that much $500 million. It was something like that. That's maybe $300 million. Yeah, no one got, like one person got all that money.

What's the most money you've ever made? Like it one time? Yeah. Like the numbers were all together. Yeah, yeah, like one check. Bang, Johnny Pemberton, Bank of America, account number. They didn't have my account number. It was a check, so I had a deposit a check.

Oh, you're a real. I've never got a check. You've never got a check? I guess I have. So you have got to check. I never have looked at it that closely. You just forgot. You just forgot.

Oh, this must have my account number off. I throw them in the, yeah. This must be how they know. I thought that that's what the numbers were. Take a picture and throw it out. Yeah. I take the picture. I do the online deposit.

Oh, I used to get checks before that was the thing. It had to drive to the bank. That's horrible. And put it in the machine. At least you had a machine. Yeah. Instead of some lady with a beehive hairdo. who has to do it herself.

And they will make you write stuff out. And I'm like, I can do this outside without that. How come I can't do it with you? And they just go, sorry. Banks are bullshit. It's not right. I can say this for a minute. Fuck banks.

Fuck fucking banks. Fuck the banks. Yeah. Straight up. Fuck banks, man. I went to a bank. I went to a bank recently to get a cashier's check. And I got it.

And I was putting it. I was about to leave. And then the teller went, excuse me, sir. And I was like, what? She said, you forgot your envelope. And I didn't have an envelope. She was just giving me an envelope. Whoa, that's real as fuck.

It was strange. The cashier's check. I barely understand a check. A cashier's check is... It's not much of a point. It makes no sense to me. Yeah, it was a silly thing. A traveler's check, I have only...

It's kind of similar, right? I've never even seen one. I don't remember why I was getting a cashier's check now that I think about it. I used to have to pay my rent in a cashier's check. Oh, me too. It's a scam, man. Oh, my God. What is that?

Why, I know it is. A cashier's check takes the money out of your account when it's created. Okay. So cashier's check actually, like, has inherent value. Yeah. So I would get all scared when I was walking. Me too. To have a cashier's check is way worse for you.

Yeah. Yeah. That's why you got to have an envelope. But it's that you do. I think she was trying to help me. But I had a folder. Oh, that's good. I don't need no damn out.

Nobody's about no envelope. Nobody's robbing you. Well, yeah, nobody's robbing you for a folder. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be a strange. Let's get that guy's homework. Let's get it.

Take his folder. Take his spiral notebook. Let's do it. Is it Lisa Frank? Actually, it's just green. Just green. Lisa Frank's got some. I do like Lisa Frank's got some.

I do like Lisa Frank. Those have value, yeah. Folder. Is Lisa Frank big now in this neighborhood? I feel like that's the thing. Who's Lisa Frank? I bet it's a ring in this neighborhood for sure. That seems like just the most like.

I wonder if that's. They're bringing it back. A big resurgence. Yeah, I think they're bringing that back. Guys, who the fuck is Lisa Frank and the little monkeys and the little monkeys. The Paul Frank monkey. If you saw it, you don't... It's like a...

She was an artist who did stuff like in the 80s and 90s. It was all super technicolor neon. Like dolphins and spheres and... Okay. Like very colorful, super, super colorful. Like, just gaudy. Yeah. Like copies and rainbows and all.

I feel like I've seen maybe stuff like that before. You definitely know what it is. Yeah. It's definitely something that probably fits into the 90s resurgence. Yeah. What I never see up here that I miss is the Guy Harvey T-shirt. Oh, that's a Florida thing, though. Well, that's a, that's a whole...

That's a fish thing. Yeah, that's like any, any, like, southeast. Guy, you've never seen the, it's like a long-slo shirt. I'm a damn Yankee. It says some crap. Are you from New Hampshire? Oh, you should know about this. Yeah, Guy Harvey is like, the closer you get to water,

the more white dudes with sunburn necks, the hagglers in a lot. It's like directly proportional. It's like salt life, right? It's like salt life. It's not as cool as Salt Life. But Salt Life, guess what? What? Out of business.

What? I just saw the bumper sticker the other day. Well, they probably got that back when it was in business. Oh, my God. That's a good point. Yeah. We're losing everything. Isn't that crazy?

I like Salt Life as a... Well, I guess I don't really know what they sold besides a bumper sticker in a shirt. I would say it was an idea. That's what I was... I walked by the bumper sticker and I was like, I actually think in my... As I get older, I think I relate to having a Salt Life bumper sticker more than I ever thought I would. Where that actually living a salt life actually sounds quite good to me.

It's ultimate. It's the best. That's what I want is to live a salt life. It's like at Margaritaville, basically. Margaritaville is another one where that's appealing to me a lot right now. Yeah. It's great. The Guy Harvey T-shirt, though, to answer your question, is a, it's a long-sleeve shirt, usually.

And on the back, they always have like a Marlin jumping out of the water. Oh, you've seen these. I think I probably have seen this. It's a beautiful painting. Yeah. It's like an or a mahi-mahi. something like a beautiful sport fish. And his signature is always on the breast.

And his signature is like super tall. Okay. Like very long, long strokes. Like Guy Harvey. Yeah, kind of trumpy, but less like this and more like this. Just up and down. Guy Harvey. Sounds good to me.

But you guys don't understand. There's a whole Florida, I feel like in North Carolina are pretty, pretty much similar. Very similar. Southern. If you're just in, a southern beach is just, I don't. just like them. Yeah. You get like,

did you ever go to Hampton in New Hampshire? No. New England and New York beaches, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Hampton Beach is really bad. The like Montauk and all that shit is too beautiful. It's like dirty?

Yeah. Really dirty beach. Like, uh, there's a video of Bill Bird is walking around just talking about how bad it sucks. Yeah. And you know he's giving him out. He's not quite behaving.

And he's not holding back. Somebody do it. Somebody do it. Come on. You can do it. Come on. I'll try. I'll try.

It's easy. This place sucks. That's good. That's good. This place is really sucks. You guys do this. You guys are doing this all wrong. Yeah.

It's all wrong here. You guys are doing it wrong. You guys are doing it all wrong. This is all wrong. Why are you guys putting this? Why do you guys have the sand go so long? Why you guys have it go? It keeps going.

It's not even close to the water. It's going out there. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's a good. That's it. Christ. Jesus Christ,

Jesus Christ, it's too long. Jesus Christ, it's the tide. Who the fuck is coming in? Who the fuck came up with this tide? Your fucking chair? Your fucking chair is still out there. That's good, actually.

That is good. Dude, he used to just, it's exhilarating to do this kind of impression. I know. It's that life, having a voice like that and that being your life. Yeah. You're just like batting a thousand every day.

Having a voice where you can make a video that is, I'm walking through a beach and saying that it sucks. Yeah. And it's a good video. Uh-huh. Because you have that voice. Yeah. If I made that video and I'm walking around, I'm saying, this beach sucks.

Oh, yeah. This beach sucks. Hey, that drink's stupid. I'm like, nobody's going to watch that fucking video. I kind of actually 13 minute long video. Ice cream. Cool. Yeah.

Because that won't make you fast. Oh, 311's playing here. Yeah. Who likes them? I'm in. You would not watch that video. You're my Bill Burr. You should do a cover video of Bill Burr's video.

That's a good idea. actually such a fucking good idea. Cover video? That is an amazing idea. That is a perpetual stew. Yeah. There we go. That would just keep,

you would never go bankrupt with that. No, I should just start covering Bill Burr videos. Him and Phil, in Philly or whatever. Oh, yeah, the Philly meltdown? I just get,

oh, you've never seen that? You never see? This is like what made him big back in the day. There's a video of him. How far back in the day? Like 2006, me?

Early YouTube. Oh, okay. So it's just like what kind of broke him? Yeah. Yeah, in a way. And it was like, he was at some comedy festival, and Dom Irerra went up. And the Philadelphia, it's like some outdoor festival.

And people are booing him. And he comes out and he's so mad that they booed Dom Ierra. Oh, right. That it comes out. And he's like, you guys suck Philadelphia. Well, again, this is my cover. He's like, this place stinks. You guys are essentially, essentially you're gay or something similar and screw all you.

And he goes like Rocky. Screw all you. Rocky is not a very good movie. It's just an okay one. And you guys booed Dom Irera. And that's basically what the video is. Philly people love that. Yeah.

They love me and talk shit about. You know what they love? They just fucking love it. And I learned this term recently. They're like breaking each other's balls. Breaking balls. That doesn't sound, that doesn't sound appealing, but when you know what it actually is, when you know what it means.

Yeah. Yeah. But when you first hear it, you say that sounds fucking horrible. Breaking my balls? Oh, good God. It's like an ISIS thing that they would maybe do. Yeah.

Yeah. But no, it's just like, there's a lot of ice making fun of it. Yeah, they break guys' balls. But this is just something, it just basically means

talking and making fun of it. It's like the Philly dozens. What's that? You know, doing the dirty dozen? I don't know what that is. That's like a street thing, right? The dozens?

What? Your mama's so fat. She, uh, you know, that thing. These are called dozens? I think it's called something like that. There's a yo mama joke.

Yeah. I thought Wilmer Waldorama I had the market on these. You haven't just seen that skit on, is it a living color? Or maybe it's... As before my time. Oh, well, you can watch it.

I watch. I'm going to be honest. I'm pretty much, this is embarrassing. I pretty much have only seen the Jim Carrey stuff. That's pretty good stuff. I'm only seeing the fire guy. Fire marshal Bill.

When he did the informer, the snow parody. He did that. Oh, yeah. Imposter. He did that. Oh. Which is ironic because he wasn't an

Impostre. He wasn't. He was real as a fuck. He was fucking legit as hell. He's also, he's Canadian. Toronto. That's like the biggest population of Jamaicans outside Jamaica. Oh. And so he was chilling with them all the time. He learned how to be Jamaican from them.

On Constaneo Street. And it's a real story informer. He really did get in trouble for killing somebody or doing something. Oh my God. Yeah. But he looks so clean cut in the video. He grew up and now he looks exactly like Michael Rappaport. Really?

Yeah. Of course. He did a music video for Daddy Yankee like sampled that song. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's in the music video and just does the exact verse from Informer.

And it really is just Michael Rapaport wearing Daddy Rapoport. That's so awesome. We're wearing Daddy Yankee clothes. That's a voice guy. Yeah. Michael Rapaport. Yeah.

That's a guy who can't not say certain things. That's true. That's gotten them quite far. Tingis Pingus. Classic video. Classic video. He's talking about Chris

Staps, poor Zingas. He already said you don't know basketball. I don't know basketball player. And he was drafted by the Knicks. Who the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? Angus, Pinguish. And me back of the day, big Bill Simmons fan, I was like, that's pretty funny.

I'm not a basketball guy either. I know about that one. You know about Tingus Pinguish. I know Tingus Pinguish. Yeah, that's a real shit. That's just a classic video. This shit is classic, man. You know football?

No. I know skateboarding. Do you know football? You're into football? I got into football about five years ago. Really? Yeah. You know what's next for you?

Basketball? Golf. Okay. I like golf. I play golf. I love golf. I've been into golf for two weeks. Pretty great.

I just got really into golf in the last two weeks. You've been into it for some time. No, I used to have jokes about getting into golf and how I was a golfer now. But this time it's for real. This time it's actually, it's like, it's like I'm embarrassed that I used to think it was funny to pretend to be into golf.

Because now I actually think it is quite amazing. And I'm going to go on my birthday. day. Oh, yeah. I went golfing on my birthday last year. It was a great day. Great day. Oh, my God. Perfect weather. I found a stick that looked like a putter and did a little joke with it. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Had some Miller lights. Yes. Yeah. Drinking on the golf. That's an amazing. It's amazing that you can it's a sport that you can drink while you do it. Oh, yeah. You almost have to. It makes you better sometimes. Same with rock climbing. No. Well, freehand maybe.

Some of the guys, I know. you know guys that some of the guys that I know how do you drink while you rock climb that's what the put it in the chalk bag I thought it was like that what's it called the camelback

the little hole yeah the thing full of the zankovacca the perpetual stew and the camelback that would be good yes that sounds so good

tastes like balsamic vinegar but there's a guy who making a video right now he's making a perpetual stew at um while camping you know that they combine the things

like they combine the different internet style videos playing with slime while Perpetual slime. Having to carry your perpetual stew while you're while you're hiking. Yeah, that would be putting on.

Carry it from campsite. Because you got to keep that flame lit. Yeah. Yeah. Perpetual stew inside a volcano. There we go. How do you get in there? You know those guys who dig the shelters

like in Indonesia with their name? Like building the biggest perpetual stew. Out of sand. Out of native sand. A perpetual sue made out of sand. A $3.5 million home dug into the ground. But it's like perpetual stew X. I used to love those videos.

And then I watched... Dude, this is the problem with being a YouTuber. This is why being a YouTuber I strongly believe is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Is that you are constantly on the edge. of being exposed. If you do anything, you are, like you said, to the point of the outdoor boys controversy, somebody is trying to expose you at all hours of the day.

They would make so much money. Yeah, because you expose this guy and then you just walk around, you expose everybody. And a guy, a guy exposed the dude who was making the, like, pools out of sand and stuff. I literally, I was just talking about this weekend. What was the expose? What was he, how was he cheating? You can see. Backhoe tracks.

Yes, you can see a tractor in the back of some of the things. Yeah. And first of all, I felt, I felt betrayed. Yeah. I think that's fair to say. I felt really betrayed because I did believe this for so long. Yeah, I think I did too. How do you know he wasn't digging the backhoe tracks with by hand?

That's true. That's a good point. And how do you know the backhoe wasn't made out of sand? That's the thing is, you know, you would never guess the house is made out of sand. A big SpongeBob backhoe was straight complete. He's out of rocks and see. He says, oh, you're trying to expose me. Oh, look at this shit, bitch.

I built every part by hand. You know every single part. What if the backhoe was cake? Oh, that would be a great combination. He sets his whole thing up and he's like, I know somebody's going to expose me. So I'm going to go ahead and put a tractor made of cake behind me. And then when the guy says, I've exposed you,

he eats his tractor. He eats the whole thing. Yeah. Bruce from Matilda style. Eating my tractor in my, in my, in my $3 million pool or whatever. $3 million. I love to put the prices on there.

Because it seems like, it's like this is as good as a $3 million pool. But not really because it's made of sand. It's not really. And it's cloudy as hell. Yeah, you don't want to swim in it. But it does swim in it. Mosquitoes just teeming.

You can't see them because they don't show them on camera. The skeets. The part of that that I felt the stupidest about is when they, when he goes, it's like a fucking, like 10,000 gallon pool, and he goes and he has two buckets, and he goes to the river. Oh, yeah. And it takes him at least eight shots of him walking past the camera

to get to the river. Like, no, but you're not filling that pool up, dude. It would take you years to fill up. That would be your whole life. And also evaporation. He's spitting. Surely a factor. Yeah, he's drinking the water from the river

and then walking back. You would at least, and also I wouldn't blame you for using a hose. Yeah. that wouldn't be an issue for me. I would blame him. I think that that's still primal or whatever you're doing. As long as he built the hose. Have you seen, speaking of the spitting, have you seen this video? It was a long time. I saw this during COVID. There's a video of like a Indian dude at like a circus and his whole talent was that he could like hold a gallon of liquid in his mouth. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. He looks crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking disgusting. Insane. And it's a green goo that's coming out. So he's just standing there going, that's just like he died water or something like that. Yeah.

I don't think it's like... I thought it was Mountain Dew. I've seen that was just water. The water spray. Yeah. How does he, is he like, does he has to be like regurgitating it?

No, he doesn't have like, it's, I think it's just he's holding it up. It's in a stomach. It's like a magician trick where they can like regurgitate. Yeah. Oh,

it's so nasty. Mm-hmm. So yeah, he's gonna big, big sequined vest and he's just walking, he walks out and he goes, for that to be your like special ability and to dress.

He's dressed like a magician's assistant. Does it get all over the outfit? No, no, he gets it all in. It's like a big like beer pitcher. And he gets all of it in. He gets all the liquid in. Wow, that's actually quite impressive. I'm not going to lie.

It is cool. It's cool. Oh, yeah. But they cut out the part where he drinks it. So you only see, like I remember seeing the video that he just walks over and just goes. He just spits it all back out. Have you watched the David Blaine show where he goes around the world? No.

There's one where he goes. That's what I saw. I saw one where David Blaine's learning how to do that from some guy in Indonesia or something. And he does it. And it's, you know, of course David Blaine can do it. Yeah.

He can do pretty much anything. He lived in ice. Yeah. I mean, I will say in the magic war, whatever, the wizard battle between him and Chris Angel. The fact that Chris Angel took off a woman's legs is still...

He did? You have never seen this from my... Did you watch Mind Freak? I watched a little... I think that's why nobody's heard from him so long. he's in prison. There's a video that he made. There's an episode of Mind Freak

where he walks up to people on the street and he's like, okay, I'm going to take, I'm going to do something. He doesn't even say, tell him what he's going to do. He's like, I need a volunteer. I'm going to do something amazing. And the five people are like, oh, okay, cool. And one lady's like, I want to be the person.

And she sits down on this bench and he goes, he does like a demonic sounding spell. He goes like, ha, blah, blah, blah. And then her legs fall off. And she starts walking around on her arms. And it really, really disturbed me as a, as a young fellow. That sounds bad.

Yeah. His magic was dark. And all the people are like screaming, like, actually screaming like if that happened in real life. Even the non-creepy Chris Angel tricks always scared me just because of his demeanor. Yeah. I think he just had, he's uncomfortable. He's also scary in that theme song that he wrote.

Yeah, he is. I am a mind freak. I like that song. Yeah. I had that on a CD as a kid. Yeah, mind freak. Well, Alice was on the CD. Like corn and like

Sway Y. It's like the darkest CD. Yeah, it was like the stuff of the new metal type of stuff I was into. I think it's a new metal CD and then also having the mind freak song. This is the CD you burned. Yeah, yeah.

It was it was stuff I downloaded off Limewire. Well, that explains it. You should lead with that. Because I thought I was also thinking I thought it was implied, but no. I could see that being a compilation. Yeah. That's like they used to have the

Bam March era compilations. Inside of my brain. Dave Navarro presents Skeleton songs These songs are so dark Dude Dave Navarro's hardly as dark as he used to be He's definitely slacking big time Bam had a CD

He had a compilation series called Viva LeBands And I had both of those Those were sick What kind of stuff was on there? Bloodhound gang You love Bloodhound gang Bloodhound gang was sick dude You're rapping about poop and stuff

Was corn on there? No corn isn't on there they had I got into corn recently I got into corn I love corn I feel like they are jazz

really they're pretty jazzy they're kind of jazz he's doing the scat and also just like the the different stuff going on yeah the first album is so crazy because they're all completely on myth

and they're all kind of playing at slightly different tempos and all like rushing a little bit and I feel like it's so crazy a big moment for me growing up was when the bassist or whoever became a Christian monkey head

That's fieldy. Fieldy was the second one to become a Christian. Head was first. And then Fieldy has recently become a Christian. Which one played with Mike Huckabee? I remember I was at a Christian dentist one time. And that was... A Christian dentist?

Yeah. Like, is this like he advertises? He basically only would help Christian people. Yeah. Because he was... How Christian? He had a real... Well, that was what he asked you.

When you had a little tiny office in like a shopping center. I only went here once because I usually went to Dr. Dr. Sandra Miles. S. Miles. But the one time that I went to this place, they had like some Christian magazine on the thing. And he was like, you like corn? And I said, no.

And he said, open that up. Might change your mind. And the thing in the magazine was that he became a Christian. And then I went home and I listened to corn and I was like, I don't think this is Christian music, man. I'm going to put you on right now. When he became Christian and he left the band, he made a solo new metal album that's Christian.

New Metal. That's all about his experiences in corn and him becoming Christian. And it's so crazy. And it's so funny. And I was obsessed with it when I was in like middle school. And I went back and listened to it because I was like, I was so into this. And it is so fucking stupid. It is so good. Does he tell stories in the songs? It's all stories about children losing their way and and being. But he's like, he became a weird type of Christian where he like, he has his own type of Christianity. Oh, that's a cult, right? Yeah. Where he's, well, he'll just like, he like, he's like, yeah, I don't know what any of this stuff is. I'm just going to say whatever I think. But he has one

song that's called money. And it's basically about how he left corn because everyone in corn was obsessed with money. And he says, you got his money. So bow down to it. You act so funny. Look at yourself.

It doesn't even rhyme. That's how serious he was. Your friends all hate you. You can't buy happiness. So get down on your knees. That's not. Oh, I guess that's praying, right? That bow down to your money.

Oh. That's the next line after that. Okay. There's a lot of songs where it's like children's choir singing. Yeah. About horrible things that abuse and such. That video of him playing with Mike Huckabee is one of my favorites. It's crazy.

They're playing like blind, right? I think so. Yeah. It's so funny. I got to see that. I think I've seen Huckabee play, but I haven't seen the corn collab. Huckabee, you know, say what you will. The boy can shred.

He's in the pocket. He can fucking tread, man. He's always in the pocket, Mr. Huckabee. He's locked in. I'm not really sure what he wishes. What is his goal in life, Mike? I don't know. He's like, it's strange that he plays the bass.

Yeah. That is like the... Well, I think it makes sense to me. You think so. I, it does. He's such a dork, you know? Yeah. And his face looks like, God,

I heard someone say this years ago, but his face looks like, it was put together by like a Frankenstein doctor. He's kind of like a little bit like, he has a Mr. Potato hat sort of quality to him. Oh yeah. He's still out there, huh? Is he?

I haven't heard. He's learned. As far as I know, man, he's pulling the strings on this whole operation. His daughter, right? That's his daughter. What do you mean? That's his daughter?

Well, she was the press secretary. She was the press secretary for a little bit. That was his daughter, right? Yeah, what's up with these guys? Sarah Huckabee. What's her name? That's crazy. She's married to Bernie Sanders.

you can believe that. I don't believe that. No. But nice try. She's married to Bernie Sanders. Yeah, she's married to him. That'd be awesome. Bernie's, that's some young tale he's pulling down.

How, Bernie pulls. What would be the effects if Bernie and his wife got divorced and he started dating like a 19-year-old? What would, what in American political life would change? Democrats saved. Yeah. Saved. I mean, I don't know how would that, I feel like that would really throw a wrench in a lot of stuff. Yeah.

I don't know if you can't, isn't like the, isn't like the wrenches or they've been thrown. They've been thrown, yeah, I guess that's true. But I think that might be, that might be one last nail in the coffin. Yeah. See, that's a different analogy. Yeah. So, because the nail of the coffin implies like it was the last nail. Or it would be a bad, a really bad, a really big nail.

Big now. So maybe it's like the first nail so you can still get the lid off. Yeah. Yeah, but just, it just like it kind of opens up. I guess, I'm alive. Even one nail is still going to close. it enough. So maybe that is a bad analogy. The nail. One of the straws on the

camel's bad idea. Okay, so what about if then a sex tape leet between the two of them and it was exactly, yeah, and it was exactly like the Kim K one, where it's mostly, it's mostly Bernie's face. Oh, I'm doing it. Oh, I really like this. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for helping

me. I appreciate this donation. It's something we've been asking for for a long time. He keeps calling it a donation. I'm still coming. I'm still coming. I like your donation. Please keep doing what you do.

Oh. Whoa. And then also he died at the end. That would be the best. No. He nuts his whole skeleton out. Or wait, what's the funny sex tape that we like so much? Oh, Chuck Berry.

Chuck Barry. What? You've ever seen this one? I think I've heard about it's pissing, right? Yeah, it's way better. There's a, our work group chat is still named after a quote from it where he, he farts in the prostitute's face and he says, you're going to smell my fart. He says

your can smell my fart. He's peeing on her. And he's like, oh yeah, you like that pee. And then she tries to kiss him and goes, I'm not kissing. You're covered a pissed. I can't even see this. What a bad guy. What a truly bad guy. He had a, it's kind of an upsetting video. He had a, it's very upsetting because he's the inventor of rock and roll.

Yeah, he also had a rock and roll attitude. He had a chain of restaurants. There's no difference between him and G.G. Allen. But he had a chain of restaurants And he was putting cameras in the bathroom I forget about that Oh but you gotta have cameras in the bathroom You know so you know people liked the food

They were upskirt Yeah you gotta see what's coming out Is it giving him diarrhea? Wait, wait Don't take that ingredient out? He had upskirt in the He had cameras in the toilet Angle cameras yeah

This is not making sense And farting then that makes sense Yeah but I feel like I would know If I was shitting on a camera You wouldn't know buddy They're not in the toilet Oh, okay. Well,

the upskirt angle, I meant. Oh, okay. This guy, I do comedy videos. Yeah, he does.

He's doing vertical videos. He does, like impressions and stuff. For $40, $100, I will do three clips. I can caption for extra. I started with Chuck Barry.

Yeah. So I got my... The cold DM from Chuck Barry. Please. So I started with Chuck. Yeah, I can get you. That would be an amazing email.

to get from Chuck Barry. I started with Chuck and the video is just like a woman sitting on the toilet and just as far. It seems like you need a videographer Yeah. Yeah.

We should change this whole thing to be upskirts only. Yeah. On us while we record. Three upskirt angles. Three upskirt angles or up whatever. I mean, we get a lot of those emails too.

They all want to edit our clips. We get a lot of emails of people who are like, I have been editing for the sultan for some time. Now I would be, I would like to be editing for you. The fucking sultan. Tipoo. Who Sultan?

Yes. I've been, me and the Sultan have worked very, very closely and now I'd like to offer my services graciously to you. And I go,

that sounds pretty legit. Here's my routing number. Yeah. Call me here. Oh, that's my banking phone. Oh, crap.

I'm sorry. Hold on. I just realized I've accidentally sent my banking. Here's my social security phone number. Oh, no way. That's my social security number.

Oh, no way. All right. Just take all the numbers off of this passport scan. Do me a favor and scramble those numbers. Thank you, dude. Scramble them up so you don't use them.

If you scramble them, you might get another bank account. I mean, let's be honest. Let's go ahead and scramble those for me. Johnny, I want to talk to you about your movie that has come out. That I watched today. You watched it? I watched it today. And I liked it.

And even better, my wife liked it. Oh, that's good. When a wife likes it, it's always better. That's a seal of a world. Because wives always have better taste. They do. They're discerning, too. I know people who've gotten jobs and entertainment, like big jobs because

so-and-so's wife likes them. Isn't that nuts? You have like a huge job on a TV show because Blah's wife really thinks of. So I need to start appealing to wives. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Like talking bad about their friends and stuff. Yeah.

There we go. Who the, who Bob Eisner's wife is and talk about her friends and maybe her family. I think that's done though. They don't do that anymore. Ah, why do you even tell me about it? Because I think it's like a thing of that's the old, Entertainment, she's kind of dead now. Now it's the kids.

Yeah. Now it's, oh, my kids like you. Wow. Yeah. That's actually still real. That's actually true. Start trying to appeal to the kids. Let's go.

Dudes. It's time. You can't go. We have to. It's so hard. You can't try. It's too hard. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to be nonchalant. Yeah, the kids are always zooming into stuff. Like, if I had like this over here. Oh, they got that. You got water on the soundboard. Yeah.

water all over everything. Well, that was just... That was like very... Yeah. For the kids, though. That was quite a lot. But for the kids... But I don't know if the kids like that.

Oh. That's Kerncraft 400, right? It is. One of the greatest songs of all time. It's a pretty good song. That's a drop that everyone really likes when we do. Have you listened to it slowed down? No. Oh, my God.

Chopped and screwed. That's a YouTube section I've uncovered the last couple of years. Slowed down. Slode plus reverb. Oh, yeah. Diary of Jane slowed plus reverb. Wow. I was just listening to Diary. Jane earlier today.

It's a really good song. Eyes without a face, slow and reverb? Oh my God. Sounds good. Yeah, really, really good. Alvin and the chipmunks. Oh, slow. It's a redherbed.

Sludge Fest or whatever. The Alvin and the chipmucks. Oh, yeah. It's super slow Alvin and the chipmucks. Because it's like, it's at 44, but then they played at 33. And then it's just super slow. And they're like, go on me. It sounds a little scary for me.

Yeah, it's scary. Your movie. Right, Mermaid. It's called Mermaid. It's not really my. movie, but I'm, you know... I'm gonna give you that credit. Why didn't write or direct it?

Yeah, but you are the reason why I watched it. There you go. I'll take it. So that's how I usually... Like, if he recommends a movie, I call it Cameron's movie. Yeah. Sort of how I operate. But what was that like

making this movie? It was really fun. Making your movie. It was really fun. It was really engaging and there was a lot of work. We were in Florida. You had me till that last, but that sounds horrible. A lot of work. Yeah. Yeah, but it was good work. I liked it. Okay. I felt good doing it. I was fun.

It was like, you know, a lot of stuff on boats and stuff. That's cool. Yeah, the boat stuff seemed very fun. You got a scuba and a fish tank? Yeah, that was scary, actually. Yeah. Because it's not an actual scuba. It's like a hose.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, so I'm like, when we were shooting that, I kept being like, let's go, let's go, guys, because I don't, it's uncomfortable. A hose is not, doesn't feel trustworthy. No, I know. There could be a crimp. Yeah, a crimp.

And then you're good as dead. steps on the thing. Someone could have it out for me and they're like, this is how they're going to do it. But I would just go up. I'll go to the top. Yeah,

you probably weren't that. You're fucking idiot. I'll go to the top. I'm going to the top right now. I didn't even think about that. He can go to the top. God damn it. That tank is featured on tanked.

Okay. The show tank where they build fish tanks. Oh. I don't know about this. I didn't know about this. Yeah. Well, it's a trash show. It's like a Discovery Channel show.

Yeah. It's probably, you know, in the same block as is it a cake boss maybe? It's like a K boss style. I can imagine exactly. I feel like I can watch an episode of this show right now. Like two brothers from New Jersey. You're like,

we got a huge order for a tank for Chris Angel wants the biggest tank the size of a motorcycle. It's like, we gotta make this. Oh my God, we gotta make this in two days? Is it all just big tanks?

It's all big tanks. It's like a custom tank. Oh, so the biggest bakers in Long Island, they want a donut-shaped tank. There's some shit like that. It's all just the classic, you know, you can see right through it. Yeah. The producers are like, okay, let's just say it took three days.

Instead of, you know, three months. Do they, like, decorate the tanks inside? Like, do they, like, do the aquarium stuff inside? Yeah, they just like making the tank. I think they really do everything. And that's why they're... The fish, too. That's why they're the tanked guys.

Gosh, I don't know. This was a big tank. It's a huge tank. It's at this place called the Rumfish Grill in St. Petersburg, Florida. It's a fun place. Yeah, one of your Michelin stars. Oh, yeah, they got a lot of Martian stars there.

I think those are good year stars they have. A little different kind of star. They have a ton of Guy Harvey paintings, though, there. Oh, my God. Can you imagine having an original Guy Harvey in your house? You would have to get a lot of insurance. Yeah, yeah, that would be multi-billionaire.

I know people would be trying to fucking steal it all the time. I would put the glass case on that. Waking up to guys with big, like, sacks coming in your house, striped shirts, beanies. Yeah, yeah. Burglars, something I call them. You want it. I forgot the word for it.

Straight up, forgot the word for it. Burglar. Yeah. But so you, what was, was that the most intense, I guess that is kind of the most intense stunt you do in the movie. Yeah, it's not that much of us.

It was okay. It was, I was, there's nothing was that hard. I drive a car. I drive a car. That's always tough to do. That can be intense.

Yeah. I've seen a lot of videos where it seems intense to drive. A child was in the car too. Yeah. It makes it scary. You got precious cargo, I think you called that. A minor.

I had to be careful. otherwise I drove a golf cart Okay That's kind of fun That was cool Did you have a stunt double dude? They had a double for one thing I think

Have you ever had a stunt double? Yeah On Fallout there's a stunt double For a bunch of stuff Is it like you guys are best friends No Because there was no time To get to know

Yeah I always thought that would be Such an amazing relationship Right You kind of look like me Yeah Hope we do kind of the same things Once upon a time at Hollywood.

Yeah, exactly. You get along because you guys are kind of similar. Yeah. I think Tom Hardy has that. Oh, yeah? I think it's because no one else can stand to be around him probably. Oh, yeah. That's perfectly what it is.

Because it is, well, what's wrong with him? I think he's disagreeable here. Really? Like, generally disagreeable. There's that story about Mad Max, him and Charlize Theron could not work together at all. I can't pick a side there. I didn't know that. Yeah, they were like fighting on set constantly.

This is a YouTube shorts, fodder thing. It's like five actors who did not get along on set. I love learning about that kind of fun. Me too. Oh my god. You know about Castle? What's Castle? The show Castle? No. It's an older show. It's Nathan Philon and I don't know who the actress he's with but they did like seven seasons of that show and

they don't, they didn't speak to each other once but off camera. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. How do you do that? I don't know that I've ever disliked somebody enough to be in that position. I can't I couldn't do it. I would give up. I'm sorry. It was me.

Yeah. I was the one who... I'm being a jettist. If you have a co-worker that you don't like, though, you don't... They don't usually know. Yeah. You know, if you have somebody, you're just like, oh, hey, yeah. You're...

That would suck to be, like, on a movie set, and you think you're getting along with the guy fine, and then later on, you're watching YouTube shorts. And then out of nowhere... I don't know where it's like... He was the biggest pussy in the world. He was a constant pushover. He sucked.

bad. It's just like you're just seeing that. You're just like, oh, yeah, I thought he was my friend. I thought we were chill. What the hell? I would hate that. That would suck to find that out. That would be painful. Anyway, for the mermaid movie, we found some, should we do it? How much time do we're at 120? Oh my God. We've been going. We've just been hanging out. Well, never mind then. I think we could. We could show off some. I do just want to read. I, I don't have to pull it up, but I found some. Yeah, I guess I have, I have, I didn't realize. With the mermaid. I didn't realize that mermaids are real, basically, until I looked at this stuff. You're seeing a lot of videos, it's crazy, actually.

There's like an insane amount of mermaid sighting, firsthand sightings online. I saw a whole CNN report about a mermaid sighting in Israel. Yeah, we saw that. That's CNN. And it's verified. They tell the truth. That's Wolf Blitzer, right? Yeah.

The wolf. I've always liked him. Yeah. He's got a great name. This is from the, the, Mermaids read it. This is just a comment I really liked. It was somebody who's asking,

have you ever seen a mermaid or what mermaid experiences you have? This guy said, if you ever hear the sound of a child or a female crying out for help and you're near a body of water, turn around. It's a lure. They can be in any body of water, not just the ocean. Oh, shit. So if you are near a body of water and you hear a child saying,

help me, I'm drowning. Leave immediately. Hot tub, anything, a bath, your own child, in the bath. Do not call the police. No. Do not inform a nearby mother who's looking around for somebody. Don't even think about it. You are putting their lives in danger by submitting to that law.

Because then it's this whole thing of everybody comes. You're leading them to this mermaid honey pot. Did you have to do any mermaid research? I didn't have to. But you did. I did some mermaid research. Yeah. What did you learn about mermaids?

Actually, I did most research just about fish. Ah, yeah. Yeah. Your guy likes fish in the movie. He likes fish. So I learned a lot about fish, and I forgot all of it. Yeah. I remember the names of a couple fish.

One's called the snook. Oh, that is a cool name. That sounds cool. That sounds cool. Hard to catch. Hard to catch. Yeah, hard to catch. Yeah, hard to catch.

Fast? Fast, elusive, pretty. Clever? How some would say. Wow. Once I saw a mermaid tail, and I only saw the tail. I was whale watching on the Californian coast. And I'm a child, and I absolutely swear I saw something not human.

I pointed it out to my grandma, but when I looked it was gone. I believe I saw a mermaid at 100 emoji. So they saw just the tail of the mermaid, which is famously the part that looks like a fish. The saying, and I am a child, is probably like, I'm going to put that in everything I write from now on. And I'm a child. Like in the middle.

And I'm a child. This one was intriguing to me. Anyone would know where slash how to get into dark web mermaid videos. Whoa. Supposedly there is footage of sailors hunting them, and taking contracts from secret clients. Oh my God. Got to download Sora.

Yeah. What they got to do? The dark web mermaid videos. I mean, if those are out there, I would like to. I know. I want to see these. I would like to see that. People don't believe me when I told them,

but I had an encounter with a mermaid when I was about four years old. I was traveling with a ship with my dad while I was looking at the sea. I saw a mermaid with long purple hair and she was dot, dot, dot, playing with a dolphin. Whoa. It took my dad. I told my dad and a friend, but they didn't believe me. I know some might say I remember wrong because I was so young, but I know what I saw.

It was just a dream that a kid had. That was John Lennon, actually. Purple. Purple hair, playing. I saw a mermaid. Some might say it was a lot of dreamer. And then this is the last one I'll say. This is from C Operation 172.

That's legit. It gets more legit. I am a mermaid. myself. My name is June. I was a mermaid in my past life or at least a water

nymph of some sort. You may have heard of Lemuria. I was probably from there. I don't have my tail and I don't know how to get it back either.

And I'm a child. And I am a child. I am 15. What's sea operations? I like that. That's just their cool names on Reddit.

I sort of do sea operations. I work in sea operations. It's like that's your... By the way, I was a fucking mermaid for a little bit. Yeah, What if that is?

Yeah, we can see operations. And right away, I'm a fucking mermaid. It's fucking Polly Walnuts. Back in the day, I was a fucking mermaid, just a little bit. Don't would. Don't. I had a tail or don't know where I went. I have no fucking idea what it that day.

I'm sharing my screen on this Discord thing. If you want to go in, I have a couple mermaid things I can show. We'll do a short version. But I basically was looking for mermaid information. You found the real. the real deal. I found the real sight. And maybe you know about this, but there's a very robust community of people

who who dress as mermaids and act like mermaids. And they call it mermaids. This is not what I was It's very robust. Oh, that's the fish tank. That's the fish tank right there. That's a serious fish tank.

That is a crazy ice fish. The tanked guys do good work. They even have an eel in there. Whoa. What kind of eel? An electric eel. Did it zap you? No, it hides a lot.

Okay, good. So basically I found, one thing I found was I found a mermaid blog. Wow. And this had a section called Mermaid News, where they were kind of just talking about Mermaid News. So this is mermaid events, controversies, and new tales that are available. So for example, they have new Finn. It's cut off here, I think, Julio. I don't know if this is on my end or your end, but it's a new Finn Fun shark tails.

That feels sort of Epstein-like. Yes, it does. But these are available now. So if anyone was looking for it. It feels like some Epstein art. Yeah. I mean, it's... Having the picture on the right in your house.

I mean, it literally is a little boy that can't run away. Come on, come on in, guys. That, like, the front of your house, just above, just above your stairs. I mean, these are two different rooms? No. No, it came with the frame. I haven't put anything in yet. That's the gift from my dentist.

He works on the island. He loves this. He just loves it. loves this kind of stuff. Oh, that's one piece of news. Another piece of news is that the sea witch strikes again. Whoa. She was once a beloved singer brandishing messages about body positivity and inclusivity,

but now Lizzo's reputation is in question as allegations come out against her from her crew members. She had previously auditioned to play the role of Ursula, the Sea Witch, and the New Little Mermaid. While she didn't get that role, she just may have turned out to be a bit of a witch. That's how it's related to Mermaid. Yeah, she's a sea witch. Wow. Really anything that it touches Mermaid. There's another piece of mermaid news.

This is the dark web. Here's another piece of mermaid news. The sea king takes a stance. Amir Pardem who portrayed King Triton in the live action Little Mermaid in 23 has spoken out against the genocide in Gaza. So he's the sea king. Yeah. So it really is you have to be so barely related to mermaid.

I know. They're like, well, I mean, I do want to write about this. This is a very interesting thing. Yeah. How does it relate to my name? Mermaids. And then I think, yeah, this, I also found this on this website. Fifteen Best Tips for Sleeping in Your Car.

And how do mermaids reproduce? So that's kind of that, that mermaid blog that I found. None of these have any ratings, which is weird to me. No, yeah. No, I should have gone in there. I mean, I liked them. Ratings. Useful tips.

Me too. I get both those five stars. Yeah. But then there was also this for, they have a huge forum. And I was telling you this before. I didn't really find anything, like put any screen. This is an old mermaid. forum that's been around since like, I guess, like,

the early 2010s, which seems early for mermaiding to me. I have no idea what the history of this. Well, I mean, these people who are doing mermaiding. But it has the most insane forum spam problem I've ever seen in my life, where every single forum on it is like 30,000 pages long. And it's all just bots talking to each other and being like, hey, do you know any good place to play online gambling games?

Yes, it's right here. And then like having a link. And there's literally like tens of thousands. thousands of these posts. And once you get to the actual post, every post, every thread is like 20 pages long and it'll be like the normal thread post from like 2012. And then there will be a 13 year gap and then it'll be 2025. And then it'll be hundreds of bots just posting jibberish and Russian links. Hopefully. It's so crazy. Hopefully with the release of Mermaid, maybe. Yeah. Or people get back into Mermaid. Here's a question about movies when you make movies. Or I was going to show the forum. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Please, please. This is the one, the one little thread that I

wanted to get into is this is that awkward moment when mermaid edition. Post you that awkward moment when of being a mermaid and mermaiding. Example. That awkward moment when you hit your fin on a rock. That's pretty good. So that's an awkward moment. Yeah, they got the big eye, little eye. That awkward moment when a family member barges into the bathroom and you're sitting in the bathtub with a tail with a hater's going to hate look on your face.

Damn, I felt that. So that's kind of an awkward moment. And that's from Mermaid Reagan. That's real. That's real. That awkward moment when you say, I want to paint. my tail instead of I want to paint my nails in public. That's kind of an awkward

mermaid moment. That shit sucks. I mean, I've been there, but I also feel like that's a pretty easy one to explain. That awkward moment when you tell your husband how passionate you are about mermaiding and he tells you you're an immature child and your passion embarrasses him and then right under that, honestly, I think women should be able to go shirtless

if they want. That's from Prince, Prince Calypso. Oh my God, he's from Bakersfield. California. He's probably in corn. That's by Jonathan Davies. Prince Calypso does sound like a name he would pick. And the sentiment is right, too.

That awkward moment when the curator of the local aquatic center thinks you're a pedophile. Oh, my God. Right after that, I thought I was the only one arranged to this problem. For me, the awkward moment when the parents at your apartment's pool think you're a pedophile. And then the big eye little life face. Oh, God. So this seems to be a common problem in the mermaid community. I wonder what is causing that.

Yeah, I really have to wonder. I mean, I guess I bring my kids to the pool. And then a woman shows up and puts on a tail and then gets under and starts trying to call them. Because I think part of it, too, is they're trying to create an experience for children where they're trying to be like, hey, I'm a mermaid. So maybe that might come off a little weird at the apartment building. Well, that's kind of the mermaid's whole thing is attracting people with. their songs. That's true.

That's true. It could be such a beautiful song that they're singing. Oh, that's hilarious. That's what I have from The Mermaid Forum. Okay. I have one question about movies for you. I'm ready. When you make a movie, do you ever get worried about, you know,

avatar or, uh, what's it called? Avatar. Avatar syndrome or whatever. Which is what? Pandora syndrome. People like want to. Do you ever think about that? Like, even making a movie, somebody could be so in love

with the world that you have created that it ruins their life and they want to live in your movie. I would hope they do. You want that? Yeah, I would be such a compliment. Okay. I mean, it's not my problem.

I guess you're right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, they got the fallout people. They got that lady that's eating like military rations from the 30s. Her name is Miss Fallout. Well, there's a guy who's been doing that for a hunt for decades. She puts them in like, you know, like,

she has a Walt Boy near it. And she's like opening it near all the fallout stuff. You can't say it, but I will. Worst fans in the world of those games. I mean, I actually try to disagree. You disagree? Yeah. But also, I don't know.

I haven't been to, I haven't been to, like, a meetup. I haven't met like a ton of fans. I haven't met, you know, sporadic fans. I just think Bioshock fall while. If you want to do a meetup, you could just say a date and place and time right now. That can just go out. I have to think about that. I have to prepare myself.

You can go to the real-life Goodsprings from New Vegas. Listen, I love those games. You can go there. We'll do a meet-up there. Johnny's going to be solo at Goodsprings. Okay, sure, yeah, we'll run a meet-up for you. Sure, do it. Oh, yeah.

Wait, that's a great idea. Maybe we'll have like a dinner. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dinner. We can eat Blank Co. We should do a cruise. Yeah. We should have a cruise where you are, it's a cruise about you and Fallout.

Or it's a Fallout cruise and you're the. you're there. The guy. The guy you come to see. I'm the Joe Bonamasa of the Blues cruise. And then we can run it and... We'll run it.

We'll drive the boat. You guys are you guys at cruise level yet with the podcast? No. No, that would be so funny if we did a cruise. You should do it. We should do it. I mean, I think you'd be surprised.

Yeah. Do you think the people that listen to our show would pull up to our cruise for us? I think they're probably a little bit too young. Yeah. But there's something that happens after you're 40 where you just don't care. And you're like, yeah, I'll go on a cruise. Have you been on a cruise?

I have not. But I have some friends who have done, like, I think the workaholics guys did a cruise for the first time recently. Because you make a lot of money. Of course. They make just gobs of money. And I think some of them were dreading it. But they actually were like, it was cool. Yeah.

I mean, it depends so heavily on the ship, dude. True. Yeah. I would want water slide. Casino would be a big check for me. Coke Freestyle Machine. Of course. Those things are always bad, though.

You're going to bad ones. You're making it wrong. You're making it wrong. You're going to bad freestyle machine. I am. No, I am going to bad ones. I'm always like, how is it flat? Oh, yeah, yeah, they do that problem.

You just get the movie theater. Yeah, they blow those things. You got to go to Kidoba, man. Or the five guys won. Qidoba? Kidoba? Kidoba or five guys. We don't have Qudoba.

What? We have five guys. Mexican food. didn't loss it. Oh, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a Kudoba. Yeah.

We had one downtown when I used to live downtown and I wrote a review for it. Oh, yeah? Was it scathing or was it positive? It was, I think, overwhelmingly positive, but it was like, wow. I was having fun with it, you know? This was about 16 years ago. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I'm going to try to unearth that. Yeah, we're going to find it. I might try to unearth that. It's on Yelp. I'll keep my eyes up. Well, Johnny, I believe it is. essentially dinner time. Yeah.

Yeah. But thank you so much for coming. This has been so fun. I had a lot of fun. Go see Mermaid. When is it release? Well, it's going to be a bunch of AMCs coming up pretty soon. And I think it will be, for sure, it'll be on VOD, May 26.

Nice. You just shot a special with Clay, right? I did, yeah. Yeah, we shot that. We're still editing that. Oh, okay. All right. But I'm doing some stand updates.

I'll be in Hawaii. Whoa. Honolulu, May 28th. And I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin, I think, July 9th through the 11th. Nice. Yeah. Are you doing the Madison, the club state? Yeah.

People love that. That place is great. It's like the best. Yeah. Well, thank you, sir. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks for coming on.

Goodbye. Bye. Bye-bye. Ney-O-T. I'd say that. That'd be cool. This is my na-O-T drink. It's Ito, N.

It's Ito in. Ag, Agoteras. Agotaris. Agotaris, actually sounds pretty good. Yeah. A better name. Agotaris. That one's hard.

Try that. Gn-N-I-L-K. Gnil-L-L-K. Gnil-L-L-L-Rps. Gunnil-Link-R-Rps. Gun-Link-Rps. Garn-L-L-Rbs. It's a g-L-L-K-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-.

It's gnail crabs. Yeah, you've added some letters. I have problems reading. The Tannobrack. Hey, this is fun. Yeah. Oh, effervescence. That's hard.

Oh, that is really hard. Echniksevreffi. Yeah, but you have to make the sound so that when you reverse it. Or Brett Sackie door. It's easy, quicksy. Oh. Exquisite. Mm, that's good.

Ketf rep. Perfect. This is Twin Peaks room. Spamere. Giniaryap. Spamere. They're just reading. It's the Black Lodge, but they're just going,

Denetwilasana. Eat. Didn't watch it.