Podcast About List - Ep. #393 - These Three Suave Gentlemen Will Teach You An Old Ninja Technique To Get A Young GF

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

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Fuck it all. Yo, fuck it. Today, fuck it. Fuck it, man. We turn me. Wait, what I am? You are probably two and I'm one. I'm one.

Dude, how could you be that? I'm a little, that little perfect. Perfect. In these days, I'm not going to change anything. You're still going to say perfect. It didn't get a lot quieter, but I think I'm going to learn to live with this. I can make it a little quieter.

No, it's okay, dude, because now it's, now it's perfect. That's just not right. Oh, man. You know what I want? I want. Don't we want a rock song to be back on the number one billboard top 100 charts? No. They should make a song called I'm number one.

I'm number one. The challenge, the viral challenge of the song is to get it to number one. That's a great idea. Get this song to number one. The Patrick goes to Jollybee. That could be good on TikTok. Could go well on TikTok.

For my understanding of TikTok. But I also want it to be a rock song with cussing in it, like a Fallout boy. Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And if you don't like this song. Yeah, like Fallout Boy. Yeah, like Fall Out Boy. Fuck you, fuck you.

How often were they having curses in their titles? Bro, and the titles, I don't know, but I'm not talking about the title. The lyrical. I'm saying, this ain't a scene. It's a goddamn arms race. Get this song to goddamn number one.

You put a goddamn in there, man. Shitheads. Shithead, man. They're trying to, well. Green Day had a whole album that was literally about poop, named after it, in fact. They're just as a movie coming

out that involves Green Day and the plot and it said, from the guys who brought you Duky and warning. Yeah, seriously. Whoa. That was in the trailer. You imagine?

Yeah, seriously. It was 19, what? It was something like that. Yeah, it was literally. What year did that album come out? Like, 96? Yeah. I don't even know.

How do you even have the idea in 1996 to name your album? I know, but you're out there riding your Velasipede and your horse and buggy. Yes, exactly. The land of, yeah.

Hmm. Perhaps we'll release. The production. That interrupts your recording session? Yeah. Come on, man. Yeah, back that everyone was calling like Nirvana's fifth. Yes.

And like things like that. Yes, exactly. Nickelback and C major. Yeah. And then they were like... Were they even around then? I feel like nickel back. Yeah.

Well, those... That doesn't matter. That was post-dukey. That's okay. They're post-dukey. That is not an important part of it. That's an important part of it. Open your eyes.

But also there's a good... I forgot my glasses and it's all blurry today. There's a nudge. of knowledge in what he said, which is that Nickelback, there's two bands where when they came out, they were already old guys and it's Nickelback and train. Where I remember as a kid, I was like, these guys are like my

dad's. They were already old. Train drops of Jupiter came out in the 90s. Yeah, and you look at that, the video and the guy's already like 60 years old. Hey, soul sister, yeah. Oh, he's old. He's a old, old, old in that fucking video, dude. Patrick Monaghan. I remember my mom used to sing,

Hey, Soul Sister. And at the part where he says, pray to a God that I don't believe in, she would say, pray to a God that I do believe in. I'd go, wow, that's Christian. That's a different song. Or whatever song that is.

You're thinking of break even. No, that's not train. Say, your heart breaks, but it don't break even. That's not trained. It's not trained. Who made that?

Don't ever fucking come on this fucking podcast again saying that's a goddamn train song. I think it's Reliant K or One Republic. Really? No way. There's no, what am I supposed to do when the best part of me is always? Dude, it's the script. The script. Yeah, I was going to say.

Never heard of the song. Never heard of the script. That's their one song. The script. What other hits did the script have? Because I thought that was one republic. One Republic is so different from that. That's a one republic sounding song.

Isn't one Republic like counting stars that song? Isn't that one Republic? Oh, one Republic did that song with Timberland. Yeah, they're completely different. Well, Reliant K, maybe. I mean, these two on the right, I'm fine with. That guy on the left, that's a tough, that's a tough look. One republic.

I mean, what a name, too. Yeah. Not a great name. Are they Irish or something? No, they're from Colorado Springs. It says. The fuck. Oh, they're playing a Basano del Grappa.

Oh, and that's the kind of place where, yeah, this band is still very popular in Italy, which is, that's good for them. Well, Europeans are always like 15 years behind on it. Yeah. I love seeing European tourists in Midtown when they got the white shoes and the tight tight capri pants. Dude, I hate European so much.

I can't, I can't handle them. Yeah. They're the worst. I know, I love, I love being able to spot them being like, I know. I'm going to stare at you. Dude, they think, they literally think that they're hot fucking shit.

They think that they're superior to us because they eat less food. Buddy, your organs are going to shrink. Your brain's going to shrink. You're going to pass away. You need glucose. They're so rude. They're so rude.

They're so deeply rude. Yeah. The worst, I mean, if you work food service, the worst day of your life. If you exist on earth, the worst day of your life is running into a fucking European tourist. The worst day ever, maybe I've talked about this before. It's like my first week at a job. And I'm already famously bad employee.

Which job? Clover. And this European, I'm pretty sure it was an Israeli dude, honestly. Comes in and he's asking me, he's like holding. a big tub of hummus and he's like he's like okay i want to buy this and i was like no you have to buy it at that like grab and go thing there's like a special iPad on the thing yeah yeah yeah and he's like okay so i can buy this much of it why can't i buy it from you and like just like i just kept saying like look man i don't know this my first two weeks and he's like so you think it's

good you think it's good that you don't know that you think it's good that you don't know well do the accent you think it's oh oh so it's good that you don't know no There we go. You do not know? I also saw a European woman completely conquered by a touchscreen order at the airport. Breaks their brain. They don't even have an air conditioner. She literally was like scrolling through, didn't understand it.

And like she just, she bought like tapped stuff that she didn't. She just pressed random stuff and then went up to the person at the counter like making the like microwaving the food or whatever. And was like, hey, like I ordered this stuff, but here's what I actually want. Will you just give it to me? And they were like, no, it's different prices. We're not just going to give you a different thing. I think it might fly over there. With euros, but with the dollar, man, the dollar you get what you pay for.

Yeah. Dude, it was like four tubs of hummus this guy was trying to buy too. It was an insane amount. And you're questioning if he was an Israeli guy? Yeah. He definitely was. I wonder what the hell. It was like four tubs of hummus at 10 in the morning.

Like, dude, what do you do? What do you got going on today? A couple of Israeli guys in Japan. In Japan? There was a, in like, in Golden Guys. is the place where they have all the million bars. That's a bar. Yeah, we were in there with like a,

it was like, we were in there with a bunch of other tourists, basically from various places. And like, whenever people would come and be like, well, where are you from? And they would join the big conversation. It was like a big hangout.

And then two guys came in. Like, oh, where are you from? And they're like, we're from Israel. And then everyone just immediately started talking to each other and ignored them the entire night. No one said a word to them. And I felt very, uh,

yeah, proud that everybody was on the same. No one said a word about it, but everyone was just like, oh, yeah. They were pumped about being from Israel. Yeah, they were excited. They were they thought they were the big finale.

We are from Israel. Do you remember that video? Yeah, exactly like that. It's the video like the girl, the girls are like being really annoying on some like party cam. And the girl goes, I am from Israel. I'm a mother. If you know, you know, it's like, what the fuck do you mean if you know, you know? What do you mean? She means she does.

She's a porn star. Oh. Wow. I think that that seems pretty cut and dry to me. Wow. I was just like, this is dumbass? What the fuck do you mean? That makes no sense.

No, I guess it makes sense. Because I'm the dumb one. That is one of the kid comes up and says free Palestine to her and she goes, it's a great video. It's a great one video, man. I haven't seen a good video in a while. Dude, I showed him Yellow Beber this morning. He's never seen Yellow Beber.

I don't think I've seen. The drive through where the guy comes up and he goes, let me get a, let me get a yellow Weber. And the lady's like, you get the fuck out of here. talking about a yellow beber. I haven't seen yellow beber. Yellow Beber is a good. Yellow Beber is a good one to say at the house walking around.

Joe Texas the other day, one that I've never seen. But he's asking us to send the one of, I guess like. Uncott Jagging. Yeah, I haven't seen that one. I haven't seen that one. Uncought Jagging is so good. I didn't watch that one. Yeah, it's not a video.

It's a picture. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, he said video. No, no, it was a picture. Oh, well, he's a picture of a uncut-jigan. I have a Mandela effect as well that it was a video. Yeah, I mean, maybe there is a video and I just found a screenshot.

We're in an alternate universe where there's only a picture of a naked uncle jacking off instead of a video. You know, the scary thing is... Somehow we slipped into another dimension. Scary thing is that could happen. It did happen. Well, it could. But I wonder when you've ever heard of quantum... Yeah.

Yeah. I've heard of quantum. Yeah. that sounds good. Beer from a different dimension, bro. That sounds, Mickelope Quantum. Why the fuck haven't they made

Mickelope Quantum? Why haven't they made Mandela affect beers? Yeah. Beers that are from, beers we found from a different universe. Yeah, that's a good idea for a brand. That's a great brand of foods and drinks that are from other universes.

It's Coca-Cola, but it's spelled different. Yeah. It's like the equivalent of Bertie Botts every flavored beans. Yeah. Because that, to me, even though that's been around forever,

it's being boozzled, that birdie bots bro it's birdie bots and that's still the branding is enough we actually call it birdie bots on the east coast we still call it birdie bots we still call it birdie bots we're still calling them birdie bots we ain't never heard a beanboozle we never heard a beanbooz we're still calling it birdie bots that is awesome that is really funny with the slithering logo in the little. Confederates, that basically was a Slytherin style thing to do.

And they got that snake, don't tread on me. Yeah. They got that. Oh my God. Slythering around. If we went back in time and told Robert E. Lee that he's going to be a Slytherin when he gets older, he would

definitely change his ways. He changes ways. Oh my God. Because everything is, my word, I'm going to be a Slytherin. Everybody wants to be a Gryffindor. I want to be. I want to be.

I want to work amongst Harry Potta. Was there a division? Can I at least be a ravencloth? Was it like, okay, if we got a hundred kids, 25 of them got to go to each one? I don't know. Yeah,

you got to imagine every once in a while there was like a rotten year. Because how often are you running into an evil kid? Because if it's actually, if it's actually like reading your heart and your mind, it shouldn't be even. They're also should be greatly about it. It should be all Hufflepuff.

Yeah, they're all eight years old or whatever. They should all be. Most people, 99% of people out in the world are Hufflepuff. I guess it can see into the future. Especially if you're going to, if you're a rich kid going to this nice-ass school. By the way, they never talk about the, how the, yeah. Oh, wait, though, they do talk about the tuition with the Weasleys. He, which it's got to be so expensive.

It's very expensive. Because he pays for it with that giant mountain. Where's the Wizard Public School then? I want to see that. That's more interesting. That's got, that's got to be, I mean, that's got to be all Hufflepuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's just a different thing. Yeah. Drat and rat. Yeah. Just imagine the like, the shitty kids. you know, that the wizard

education, man. Imagine what you would be in. Yeah. What would they call that house? I don't even know. I mean, what would J.K. Rowling call that house?

Oh, man. Bog brains. Be smart. The bog toads. Bogtoads. And then they'd be like, oh, you're so bog-toated. And people would be like,

dude, you can't say that anymore. You can't say that. Ten years ago, that was the name of the fucking house, okay? And I can't say bog-toad anymore. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. It just makes you imagine a whole story. It makes you imagine a whole different thing. Imagine a UK roadman with magic powers. What's that mean? A roadman is like the like, you remember the kids that run up on Mark and Peep show and they're like, give me a cell phone. Oh, like a, like a delinquent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roadman. That's what that's the word that they say. Dude. No, I don't like that. I don't even want to use European words. Yeah. Roadman.

This is the UK, though. This is not European. They've Brexit. They're out of there. They're out of there. They're still in Europe. No, they're Brexit. They're on island.

They're not in the union, but they're not. No, it's brexited. You were falling for the propaganda, bro. You're going to be first on the chopping block. I voted for Farage, okay? Yeah. Don't blame me. Don't blame me.

I voted for Farage. This is Roadmen. These are Roadmen. They, this is how fucking boring the UK is. They have to call guys like this roadmen. These are guys in jackets. Jacket boys. road with that roadman

a roadman here would be a fucking mad max abomination and to that a roadman is a guy who wears a hood I would love to see a U.S. losers. Yeah. Yeah. And they don't even,

they got to kill everyone with knives and say, I know. So wimpy. Yeah. I did see a video. I did see a video of a shooting in the UK and I was like, whoa, that must have been an American.

There's a shooting at a party. You said that? You said, it's not that funny. You said, whoa. That's really not that funny. It's not that funny at all. shooting at a party. So that's an American.

That's probably an American on vacation. Not that funny. No. But it would make it's dry British humor. It's also dry British humor. You'd have to three-de-print the gun. They do let you have guns. They just have muskets.

Yeah, they do have old guns at farms. The farmers are allowed to keep big old, walking out with a blunderbuss. Give me your cell phone, Mike. You got to kill spiders somehow. Yeah. And there's some dangerous animals out there in the UK. Weebel.

Weevils. You got to go stotes. I do believe genuinely that the reason that the people in the UK turned out the way they did is because they don't have

dangerous animals there. They have no snakes. They have no venomous spiders. They have no bears or nothing. They have poor survival skills. I think so. They don't have dangerous bears. How would a bear get on that island?

Swim. Swim. Swim in English Channel. Well, well, well. Yeah. You might be just right. I think they supposedly long, long ago used to have lions, right? I don't look if they have bears.

Hazelin. They had lions? No, like hell of long ago. Was there lions? Like antiquity, I feel like. But maybe I'm thinking of a different place. I think somewhere in Europe used to have lions, like thousands of years ago. There's probably a lion that got out.

The Barbary lion. They were all, oh, Billy Lions. Nope. No, Billy Lons is a performer professional football player. Okay. Wait, I search, was there ions in England? Probably. I don't know. There's precisely one million ions.

Yes, lions once lived wild in England. Prehistoric creatures known as cave lions roamed the region during the Ice Age before going extinct roughly 12,000 of 14,000 years. Is that like how there's mountain lions? But I think in other places they had them where it's like they could, like, I think they had, they had them where humans could have overlapped. I think there's a lot of, a lot, like anytime you see a lot. Like anytime you see a lion in like old shit like that,

that was because they were going to Africa and shit. Yeah. But I'm saying, but I think there were like lions are insane. I think there were actually some lions that were spread that were up further. Yeah. Oh, really? I'm saying like hell long ago.

Like a north of the Mediterranean? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we have mountain lions. Is what I'm thinking of maybe. I watched a YouTube video about this probably like three or four years ago. So.

And that didn't stick? I stuck enough for what I'm sharing. No, that's pretty good. Yeah. The details. compared to the things. I've watched... I do really think that you turn into a fat,

a fat, doughy pensioner if you don't have to worry about a black widow or like a rattlesnake or anything like that. That's how you get guys like that. I wish that they had the centaurs from Fallout 3 there. That would be so sick. Just constantly like, oh, there's another one in the yard. Yeah.

We've got to take care of this. Let's go stab it. Like, do they even get shark attacks? Is it too cold in the water for sharks? Maybe. Sharks, I think sharks like coldness. Sharks go everywhere. Sharks love cold water.

Do they? I don't think they do have All New England beaches are really cold Yeah and they have them on the West Coast But they happen in the summer when the water's warm No water is never Because humans are in the water is never warm At these damn New England beaches

Dude you act like I had I never been to a New England beach Hampton Beach always cold No it can be warm from time to time I've never been in it when it's warm I've never been in it when it's warm I don't know that they do have sharks I think they have like no animal attacks Yeah so right

So look up animal attack UK right now Let's see what the most recent And it's filter out anything for a zoo. It's probably a dog. It's probably a pit bull. Sorry, a Stratzford Shire Terrier, as they would call it. I think shih Tzu's are like the third most violent dog technically. In the UK. I think in general. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what animal. Like, do they even have any animal attacks in the UK are primarily related to out of

control dogs? Told you. That's what I'm saying. That's actually a big thing there, I think. I think they're like trying to ban pit bulls. What happened with the boy and the crocodile? They don't got crocodiles. Which animal is a crocodile afraid of? That's a good, wait. Oh, a hippo. Answer that one. What smell do gators hate?

Sounds like a joke. Probably, probably batter. Amonia. Will a bullet penetrate a gator? Yes. What river is infested with crocodiles? The Nile. Okay, that's pretty good.

What is it? What is an alligator's weakness? Bullets, we guys, we've got to cover that already. Alligator's weakness is the muscles used to open its jaws. Nice try, guys. Can a knife penetrate a crocodile? crocodile? Yes. Okay. How painful is a crocodile

bite? Extremely. Extremely. Extremely. It says one of the most painful injuries on Earth. Wow. That makes sense. Yeah. But I feel like it's dogs and then maybe like rabid foxes. Those are like the two. Yeah, but that's not even really. Even then it's probably... Fxes are like are rare though. Yeah. Oh, here's a good one.

It's probably the most, the biggest... It's probably beastings and dogs. I feel like the The third biggest animal attack in the UK is like a hawk taking a Bobby's hat. Was homosexuality common in ancient Egypt? That's a good question. Can two men share a hotel room in Egypt? What does room 420 mean? What is the punishment for adultery in Egypt? Why do hotels not have room 313?

Bad luck? What is the meaning of 420 in dirty mind? What the hell is that even mean? Probably a video game. What is 420 in intimacy? Wait, what is it in intimacy? Search that one. Why is 420 funny in India?

People search some amazing things to me. Yeah. What were we talking about? Animal attacks. I think it's dogs and bee stings. Yeah. I think those are my picks. They got bees there.

I think so. But even that, I'm like, I feel like I remember seeing some bees. Yeah. I've never been. I hope to never go. Even though I was in so English. Ireland, which is, you know. Which part?

The good part or the northern part? The good part, bro. I'm not going northern. You're not going northern. Bro, it's all good part. No, it's not. Yeah. Northern Ireland's a joke.

No. There's one good part in the damn airport. Bye, bye. Bye. See ya. Or hello. But not that part. No, the departures gate.

The departure's gate part of the parking lot. The international terminal of the airport. Which actually sucks at that airport. That is probably one of the worst. The international terminals are always so God. awful. This is an experience I've only begun to have as an adult who's beginning to travel the world. Yeah, dude, that's

a pretty good problem to have. Oh, I hate these international terminals. But it's so, it breaks your heart because you see, you'll, here's what, you'll watch it. You'll watch 100 Instagram reels in your life just that are like, the craziest airport in the world. And then you get there and it's like, actually, you're only allowed to be in the bathroom. Yeah, that's

essentially what it's like. The international terminal, they really don't upgrade them at the same pace. No, I don't think I've ever, there's, like, I don't think I've ever, ever been to a cool part of the airport. I go to the same fucking place as in LaGuardia every time. You don't think LaGuardia is cool? Yeah, but that's... The fountain?

The fountain. I'm always at one of those terminals. I'm always at one of those terminals. There's a Magnolia Bakery in there. I mean, the... Oh my God, I just remember the store... It doesn't get much better than LaGuardia. Yeah, there's a big men's clothing store. Yeah.

Dude, when we landed at the airport in Asheville, there was like one pair of raybans that were like off of the thing like the they had no like when did we go to ashville uh not ashville durham oh durham yeah yeah we landed there and there was like a pair of ray bands that i could have just like just taken and i never a lot of stores you can do that i didn't do that well yeah you shouldn't i was i was scared people are always talking about stealing at the airport and stuff like i'm like that there's nowhere to go there's nowhere to go also the i already made it past security i'm not committing a crime between that i'm not doing anything that could that could that

could get in the way of me getting on that plane. Exactly. I just don't, that's like a, yeah, that's a, that's a throwing away your, your, your carriers to the wind style. Yeah. I'm like, I get it, but it just means, it just means your, your, your, your priorities are going to need to do some shifting in the coming years. Yeah.

As you get older. You can pay, you can pay $8 for a pack of gum one time. I agree. It's not going to, if you're, if you're, if you're already buying a plane ticket, it's not going to kill you. Unless you're buying, if you're, if you're, if you're, I mean, I've stolen at the airport. I've certainly stolen at the airport. Yes.

But it was when I was. I've done it once or twice. When I was maybe 19 years old. Right. You got to grow up. But now that I'm approaching 30 years old, I can't be stealing $5.5. I accidentally dined and dashed at an Applebee's in the airport. I remember this.

Yeah. But, okay, they make it hard though, because it's all QR codes and shit now. Yeah. I don't blame you. Yeah. That I got on the plane and then like when I landed, I was like, I never paid that bill. You should send a cashier's check to Applebee's HQ. That's not a bad idea.

Make it right. Yeah. I think, Dear Applebee's. I don't need that sitting over you. I committed a fucking crime. Yeah, I'm sorry.

And having as many F words of the apology. You don't even need a cash. You don't even need a cashier's check. I think an apology goes. A traveler's check. I think an apology goes a long way. Yeah. I think if you just sent.

Let's write the email. Let's write it right now. Let's write it. And apology is worth its weight in gold. Yeah. All right. Dear Applebee's HQ. Well,

you don't even, you're sending it to HQ. Yeah. We'll send an email to support. Dear Applebee's at all. I like. that but you're not really there is no adult you're not i'm talking to like the servers other restaurants those other restaurants in their family those people are under apple bees though the servers okay so

dear appleby's family dear appleby's family there we go my name is patrick edward doran i'm 28 years old i'll be 29 in two weeks and i'm ready to come clean about an event that took place what's the statute of limitations on dine and dashing. Probably immediately. Let's look it up. I'm ready to take responsibility for an accident due to my negligence created at the West Palm Beach Airport in Florida. What was created? An accident was created due to my negligence.

The state has, where was it? It was in Florida. It was in Florida. Yeah. Florida. I'm ready to turn myself in over. Well, don't say that unless you really are. Not.

One year. One year. So you're good. Yeah, it's been a year and a half. Yeah, you're good. But I still like to apologize. Yeah. Okay.

So. You don't have the ability to prosecute me, but I'd still like to apologize. You do not have the ability. I do not. I do not send this email to gloat. This is not an admission of guilt. I do not send this email to gloat. And I refuse to be prosecuted for this.

However, I do deeply apologize. However, I do deeply apologize. to wipe the slate clean to Bula Rasa. Yes. I would like to apologize to every single member of your staff worldwide.

Wow. I would like to apologize. Such a fucking idiot. And also you should apologize. I think what it also would be a little bit classy here if you apologize to the world for adding negative energy

into the commutals. Especially at an airport. And now, and now, it's the last thing we need at an airport. And now I transition my letter to the world.

Negative energy is the last thing we need in an airport. I apologize. Open your email. So it's like an attention grabbing line. Different font, sans-sera font, italicized. Yeah.

Yeah, let's put some links in there. Let's get a couple of links. So the rest of this is in seraph. Yeah. Interesting. Well, Times New Roman. Times New Roman. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I'm talking like a different. Yeah, yeah. Different font up top. Yes. Let's not. Maybe one of the squigglys.

A squiggly font. Yeah. Zepfino. Read now. Something like that. Yes. Zapfino. There we go.

And we're cordially invited to the apology from Patrick Edward Dora. Yeah, we should actually just at a date and you can do a press conference. You should do a press conference. We should go back. All the Applebee's reporters. We go to that. We go to that Applebee's.

Peter Luger from Applebee's here. Peter Luger from Appleby's. That's a good reporter name. Yeah. I think that's a reporter. Yeah. He's reporting on stakes in the area. Yeah.

Why wouldn't he? He's reporting on big thick. You know Peter Lugar has a... I'm reporting on big thick cuts of bacon. Just wanted to ask you a question about that bacon that you stole at the Applebee's. How thick was it? I don't even think. I think I had two drinks. I had two drinks and

no. No, two drinks and nachos. Wait. Was I there? No. No, you've just, he just spoken about so vividly before, though. No, he's told the story. No, there's a place where we, no, wait a second. I never dined and dashed. You've dined and dashed again.

No, I didn't. I think it like a red robin in the airport or something. No. You know what I'm talking about. No, you're thinking of the first time I ever had. Didn't you pay it on the phone? There was a time when you and me and him. We were leaving the Chicago airport from our first tour. And we had nothing at the Applebee's and you did.

Yeah. I was so hungover. I was like hair of the dog, shot of Hennessy. Oh, that's what it was. That's pretty funny. Shot of Hennessy at 9 in the morning. So I could sleep on the plane. Yeah.

Shot of Hennessy and Applebee's nachos. I like you being hung over on a plane. I don't. I like being asleep on a plane. I'm not looking forward to this flight, man. Yeah. This is going to be a really, really rough one. Oh, yeah, you're going to LA.

I haven't been drinking really, so I know that I'm going to, I'm going to be destroyingly messed up and then have to get on a plane. What if you come back from L.A. with gout? What does gout do to your body? Makes your foot hurt. Yeah. Will you get this from drinking beer? You can get this from organ meats. Yeah, fatty food, organ meats like kidney liver.

Liver. I don't eat a lot of liver But I have You're going to Yeah I can see you Suddenly taking a turn I like liver

And onions Yeah It is good I've had that In Georgia I like the chicken liver's at chubby skewers Yeah I'm not

See if I'm at a restaurant And they have If it's a skewers place I'm eating any kind of fucking Crazy food I'm not doing that I'm gonna get the easy to eat I'm gonna get the fish

And the beef the steak No you got to get the You got to get the Wagyu kidney You know what I think is a big excursion that we have never done that has to happen really soon because I can't turn 30 without this happening. Hot pot. I've never had it. I had it for the first time this year actually. Was it good? So good. People fucking love it. It was good. It was fun. We got to go to flushing. Yeah, we can do it. Let's do it. We'll do hot pot. Because it's because the clock's ticking. I know.

Dude, we're all getting there. 30 year old with no hot pot. I just turned 28. It's almost over. It's almost fun. Dude, I turned 28. I woke up and I literally had the worst. a crick in my neck I've ever had in my life I was like yeah I was like fuck this dude yeah it was literally

that's a god's that's a god's finger all my beers are God's finger stuck in your neck one of my pants don't fit me I couldn't turn my head I was like this like that's so classic

I hate that it's called a crick too why such a bad name for it it should be called a stopper that's what we use that call I'm gonna start calling it that I got a stopper in my neck crick is like

wait there There was a really good slang that just came up the other day. Was it? Was it for your guys? No. I think it was us. It was 4th of July. Oh.

Was it with my wife? Oh. My God, it was too fucking good. And now it's completely gone from my brain. Damn. It was really good, whatever it was. Let's back trace our footsteps. Let's go back to, okay.

Where were you born? Jesus Christ. Okay. I was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts. All right. Let's start there. All the way back to Jesus Christ? Because that's like, B.C.

Cameron's whole life. Okay. Because then we'll get to, eventually we'll get to his, okay, Cambridge, Mass. Okay,

you're born in Cambridge, Massachusetts. What's the first thing that you remember happening? First thing I remember happening. I guess I remember, I feel like I remember my first day at kindergarten.

Okay. No, you know, I remember some preschools too. So let me keep moving back from there. Okay, yeah. What's that really is?

I think it's hard. I mean, my memory is very bad. It's okay. That's Wi-Fi. Yeah. I think probably preschool. I guess.

I'm sure if I thought really hard. Preschool you're doing shapes and stuff. I remember one time I was eating strawberries at preschool. Okay. So you remember the taste of a strawberry? Yes. All right. So now what's the next thing you remember eating?

Sandwich. Sandwich. That had to be five. Peanut butter. Strawberry sandwich. No jelly? We'll call it elementary school. I remember elementary school.

I remember because I had, my mom gave me healthy bread, whole wheat bread. And my friend was like, ew. I used to get cloned on for the healthy peanut butter, man. That's so gross. destroyed at school for that.

I was like, bro, come on. I didn't make it. There's nothing you can do. I don't have fucking, I don't have two bucks. I can't buy bread. I'm a little ass kid. I used to get cloned on for, we had pretzels at lunch. They gave us pretzel sticks. And I used to get cloned on for dipping them in mustard. Dude, mustard and pretzels is a classic. It's a classic combo.

But that's an adult combo. It is, but he liked adult food as a kid. You were the, you were the version of a wee-aboo for wanting to be an adult. Yes. You liked adult culture. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah. I love the 80s.

I was watching. I love the 80s. I love the 90s. You were a grown... You were a wee boo for being an adult. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I guess that puts everything into perspective for my life. It really does. And you had like, you had like a arrested development as a young adult. What does that mean? You are stuck being a kid that likes adult stuff. I don't think so. I think you are. I think so, too.

No. Because you still like adult stuff. Yeah, and I'm an adult now. So it's just an adult thing. But you like adult stuff like a kid likes it. No. Yeah. No, adults like stuff.

No, but you like hats and stuff. Yeah. Which as a kid, you can't buy hats and shit. You can like that. And if you're a kid who's into hats, you're fucking weird. It's not that weird. You're like a grown, you know, you ever see those videos where it's like a kid that dresses up like a gentleman? You're like that.

No. But as an adult. I don't think so. A guy that dresses up like a gentleman. Yeah, there's kids who dress up like a gentleman. No, but you'd had that for some other adult. I almost had a, I had a suit phase when I was a kid. Is that true?

Yeah. How have we never, how have I never known that? I've talked about this. No, you haven't. He used to wear a suit. Elegant little boy. He used to take my grandfather's suits. Like these kids look great.

We inherited like a bunch of that suits. Kidipedia is how to raise. Kidapedia. Wait, I actually want to leave this. Bro, what are they doing in Australia? How to raise boys to be gentlemen. Let's please, please can we look at this? Yeah, come on.

This is on Kidipedia. I don't want any Piedias around my damn kiddies. No, please, please don't. How to raise boys to be gentlemen. I'm going to say. Oh, you can tell these fucking kids are Australian. Look at those haircuts. Yeah, those haircuts are pretty bad.

Look at that tail coming out. Yeah. Given your child a mullet, but he wants to be a gentleman is pretty bad. Be an example. Okay, so this is a written by a fucking idiot. Teach them. Table manners. Table manners don't come up. No, as an adult.

Make eye contact with your kid? I guess. Show sportsmanship. Ten ways to teach children respect. How to raise good little people. That's a whole different thing. Kidapedia was built with one main goal in mind to help. Oh, that's just cute.

Different and make a difference in the lives of everyday busy Australian. Children, boys, child, respect, considerate manners. Listen, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, polite, good. behavior, sportsmanship, honest imitate example. Wow. Imitate. Click that one. Click imitate. Dude, this would be, this. The best imitations to show your kid. I think,

I think imitation crab. Gentleman, Dressing child is like basically, a gentleman dressing as a child. I mean, also interesting. It is interesting. Like a, because like you, you see like a guy, a big guy dressing up as a child and it's usually a guy

who's not gentlemanly. But a guy who dresses a child like the, the propeller hat, a lollipop, and he's like, oh, yes, well. Did I ever tell you guys... Pleasure to make your acquaintance? Did they ever tell you guys about the baby man that my mom used to wait on at the diner? No, no.

There was a guy, he was like part of a church group, and they all thought it was really funny that he was into being an adult baby. Wait, we definitely talked about him because remember I found... I think I found him on the diaper forms. There was a guy in Derry, New Hampshire. No, I don't remember this.

But there was a time... So my mom would wait on this guy, and they would show her pictures like, look, he likes to dress up like a baby, and it was an old man with long fingernails and he had a carriage in the front of his lawn. Dude, old guys are so disgusting. That's what I mean.

This guy is not gentlemanly. No, he was acting like a baby. Exactly. So there needs to be a guy who was a gentleman who dresses as a child. So he would sit in this carriage and it's front of his lawn. He would dress up like a baby,

like a bonnet and like a rattle and shit. Because they would just like... He doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, his wife would take photos like, oh, he's being so funny. It's like, no, this guy's jacking on. I don't want to be rude, but most adults who dress like children are garden variety dufuses. Yes.

We need an intelligent gentleman to even the score. To balance it out. Yes. We should. I mean, look, you make fun of me for being a weeboo for adult stuff as a kid, right? Don't make fun. I was a counterbalance to this fucking dofuss. I agree with that.

I was at this restaurant. It's like the stand. You guys were both kind of building a force. I was the turtle and he was penny wise. Yeah. Exactly. I saw an old guy the other day. This fucking Greek diner just going.

Shooting lasers. Yeah, shooting lasers at each other. I'm shooting records at him. He's throwing pinkies. I saw a guy the other day, old man at Panera bread. Yeah. This is, Panera bread is... What were you doing at Panera bread, man?

Come on. Can I be completely real with you? You wanted to eat hospital food? You know what I had? What? Cheddar bread bowl? Guess what I had. Mac and cheese.

No. You picked two. Guess what brought me in there? You had the Jake Shane Caesar salad. I had a Caesar salad stuffer with double chicken. You saw that Jake Shane commercial. Actually,

I had the double chicken cob salad salad stuffer. Wow. Because I was over at Home Depot and it was between five guys and Panera bread. They're the only two things over there. And I was like, you know what, man, I can't have a burger again. God damn it.

I just can't do it. I had a hot dog already. Oh, no. Yeah. So I went to Panera bread. Hot dog and a burger? No, I didn't have a burger. I had already had a hot dog.

Oh, yeah. That would be unbelievable. A hot dog and a burger in a day. If it's not a summer. No, no. If it's not the fourth? If it's not the fourth, I can't be having a hot dog and a burger.

No. So I went to Panera and I went in to go take my piss. And there was an, I could hear an old man taking a shit in the stall. And he went, uh, yeah, and then he got out.

And this guy was a mess. Oh, no. Collar, accidental pop on, on 90% of it. And then one corner folded. down, which I assume happened from him straining. He's doing this in the bedroom. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that he was

bald. He was scratching at his head. Yeah. Oh, no! And he just kind of stumbles out. And dude, this guy, I could smell this shit. It was so disgusting. Yeah. It was clear that he had strained so much. His shirt was like tucked in in weird ways because he just

rushed to put his pants on. And then this motherfucker walks out with no hand wash into the Panera. And I wash my hands. I'm like, that's nasty. The pastry counter. Even worse. I walk outside, he's pouring cream into a coffee and then he

swirls it around with his finger and sucks his finger. Oh. Ew. That's a nasty ass old fucking man. I think it was so gross. And then he went and he sat with his friend and just sat across from him and I was like, dude, that has to feel so good to be that guy.

I'd be like, this guy doesn't even know. I just eat my own shit. This guy doesn't know I ate my own shit. Yeah. And he's sitting exactly like that. He was sitting exactly like that. Just two old guys who go and hang out at Panera. That's a real... Panera has become the new McDonald's for old people.

Yeah. McDonald's used to be the old man. That was, if you're an old man, you go hang out of McDonald's every morning and just drink coffee or whatever for the rest of your life. But now every time I walk into a Panera, it's either that or there's always a couple

that has like 50 kids. The Mick Cafe was in. invented for those old people. Like, Mick Cafe was a, like, I remember when the Mick Cafe dropped. The Mick Cafe. Mick Cafe at McDonald's. Isn't that just their coffee? Yeah.

Isn't it? Yeah. But no, but then they were like, oh, we should start doing lattes and. The old guys are not fucking ordering the Mick Cafe fucking caramel. No, their, their ladies friends are. They don't have any, they're there, they're solo to hang out. Have that little men, man, mono. They're there.

They're there, and there's old women there that are cruising for old man, dick. twerking on them. Yeah. Twerking. And there's also gay old men there cruising for gay old man cock. Gay old guys. And those gay old men, they're drinking gay lattes. No, you can't drink lattes if you're gay.

You can't drink coffee. What are you talking about? That's their main thing. It puts turds in your ass. Oh, well, if you're at top, you can drink it, dumb ass. Learn about gay culture right now. Open your phone. Even if you're...

Open your phone, look up gay crash course. Okay. By Hank Green. Hank Breen Gay Crash Course. Like a crash course on being gay? Yeah. This is like something that a father looks up on Google when his 16-year-old comes out.

There's a Missouri Coordinated School Health Coalition. There you go. Let's see. Icebreaker name, Caleb, pronouns. He. How you work with youth. Not that often. What show have you been binge watching lately?

I've been watching the pottery throwdown show. Okay. Group guidelines. There's no such thing as stupid questions, guys. Respect. If you step forward, step back, confidentiality. That's out the window. This is being recorded.

Growth. Well, nobody watched Intel. Nobody wants to tell anybody. Everybody close your eyes. Predictions, acknowledgments, disclaimers. Save space. Other guidelines, question mark. By the end of this session,

participants will be able to define terms related to sex and gender, including gender identity and expression. Identify. Disparities LGBTQ people face and respond to young people who come to them with common hard questions about gender and sexuality. Oh. Okay. Sex. There's something called the gender unicorn in here. Really? Yeah. So this is a really easy chart to read. There's a unicorn and then about 40 arrows. Yeah. That makes perfect sense to me. Took it all in. Yeah. The gender unicorn is on every single one. Oh, they got a picture of Chas Bono. Over here.

Just Google making this PDF and just being like, who's the most famous transgender? Some ways to identify in relation to the binary way I thought queer was a slur. Queer has been reclaimed by some. Others in the community consider it an offensive slur.

Take cues from each person as to whether they identify with this term. Okay. Okay, so there's a whole gender, there's an gender triangle. Oh, that is interesting. Check that out. It's got men and women.

And then it says men, women. And then at the top it says everybody else. Wow. This is really, really interesting. Yeah. So I got my crash course basically. It didn't have anything about tops being able to have dooky in their bottoms. They can have dukey in their bottoms.

Oh, thanks, Philly. That's an error message. Apparently they can't. Yeah. So you just got checked. You just got fucking checked by the computer, man. So we The best segue

was when we were talking about gentlemen But that's That's long past We got into all this interesting Homosexual stuff With this Donald's talk Yeah

This forum Founded So suave So suave.com So suave. This is Basically this forum has been around For quite a long time

I learned I was like Pre-911 stuff on here And I guess it Originally is a pickup artist for him. And it's quite active. It's like more active now than it used to be,

it seems like, because it's become completely taken over by clavicular style fellows. Oh, okay. Yeah, and there seems to be kind of an internal tension. They seem to be arguing every once in a while. So there's there's guys that are like, look, clavicular is too

young. He has no respect from the community. Like mystery. Well, basically there are guys who are on their, I saw a bunch of posts like, thinking about trying social circle maxing. And then there'll be post where it's like all these these in cells don't understand what it's like to be a Don Juan. Yeah, as a Don Juan.

They are resigned to their suffering. Meanwhile, we go out and we go on and get them. Yeah. We get them. We get them. Yeah, it's it is a kids today. Yeah. These kids themselves too. Yeah. I mean, that's got to be hard. They don't want to run out and grab women like we do.

That's literally what it is. They don't want to trick women into talking to us. somebody who's like a pickup artist or like a game guy from like the early 2000s they were all go look at these guys they're like the ugliest likeliest shameless losers on earth so for them dressed up like like a magician the pain they they overcame all this shit and then the pain of now kids at they're at they're 10 years old and they're ordering a Chinese vile and shooting it into their knee that and then they're good looking that has to be really painful I think yeah yeah Because they never have to learn all this shit of how to...

Mystery versus clavicular... How to do... Versus series. Manipulations. Like, what's that? The versus things where it's like... Verses! J.Z. versus...

Epic battle. No, but that could be good, too. Epic rap battles. Provicular versus... Mystery! That's pretty funny. I would watch that one. Do they still do the epic rap battles of history?

I don't know. Well, if they don't, there's kids who are still doing them. It's crazy. that there's kids that are doing, we should totally do it. I bailed out on Epicraft Battles of History when they started straying from the history the idea that these were figures from history.

Darth Vader, you don't hear about Darth Vader. What did they get Key and Peel? A long time ago. Yeah, but that's history. That's an entirely different kind of history. Remember they got Key and Peel on one? Yes.

Who were they? I don't remember. But the key got Key versus Peel. but it was Peele. Peel as Key and Key as Peele. Is that what it was? That could have been great. But that, again,

Keen Peele, great guys. Oh, I don't know. But good, you don't know. Good. I mean, I don't know if they're great guys. I never met them. But great comedians. I don't know if they're really even historical figures.

Well, they are. They are now. They are now. Yeah, they're in the fucking past. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ancient history. Yeah.

So here's some posts. I don't know if you guys found some stuff too. Would I have some. I have the lists. I mean, also, just the thing that really was getting me at first about this forum is the forum categories, like different boards are Don Juan discussion, the mature man in the Hall of Excellence. The first three. I got a bunch of stuff from the Hall of Excellence, but here's one. Most devastating or lethal move.

Whoa. Hey, guys, what is or are you most lethal or devastating moves while doing pickup from approaching to F closing? Name at least one and maximum three. Okay. There's a lot of people really are very rigid in this and it really makes me laugh. This is a post from a reply to that from username. I cross my eyes when a girl is talking to me. When they tell me to stop, I ask them what they're talking about.

Not only does this bring on the giggles from the most serious women, but it totally fucks up their train of thought, leaving them open to all sorts of suggestibilities. Whoa. Let's try it. Crossing your eyes. Let's try it. To hypnotize doing the fucking.

snake from the jungle book. Hey girl. Why do you have your eyes crossed? Let's have sex. Yeah, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Basically, this is mostly... He never says uncrosses his eyes. Yeah, that's true. So maybe he just starts being cross-eyed from the entire... And then he's just like... And then he's stuck and his mom says, I knew this would happen.

I've been telling you your whole life. Also, the way I found this post, guys, another response here. Two words? October man. Whoa. No fucking way. They've been discussing it.

I'm not kidding. I don't know if it's because I have to shit or because of what you just said, but I had a full body chill. You ever get that with a shit? No. You ever get this like a piece of food gets stuck down your throat

or you have to pee really bad and you do this? Start popping and locking? No, you just did the pot. You're describing the potty dance. No, no, no, no, no. No, because I said a piece of food. I got food stuck in your mouth.

Or you have to be really bad. I got food stuck in my mouth yesterday. And it was a really dry piece of chicken. And I tried to swallow it. And then I went. And you realize you were popping and locking? Yeah. I don't know if I pop in lock.

When did you put this together with the pee? I get like a crazy shiver. Yeah, I just got that. I got it, but it's a bad shiver. It feels like I'm getting a fever. Don't go a fever. No, I've never done that. I wouldn't get a fever.

A lot of mine are just things that I was imagining people doing. People were telling stories of them being suave that really were making me laugh. This is a post called on the subject of hugging. How is the hug to be presented? Is it okay to greet her on the third date with a hug? It feels kind of weird since we don't really know each other and the hug is quite intimate. Third date? You're not hugging on a hug on date. One. You can hug. How's the hug with other people present around? Won't you feel uncomfortable? I know that a hug has to be too way, but I feel like me. I feel in this situation I need to encourage her to be more open. Any ideas? I know that a hug has to be two way as well.

Horrified. Dude, if a girl is going out with you a third time and not willing to hug you. She likes food. Listen. Here's the response. She likes.

Here's the response from Petrochlus 82. Master Don Juan. Wow, the combination there of pickup artist and Greek name. Lots of really good username and signatures. Yeah. I'll read out this post and the signature. Oh, I'm excited.

This is from Petrochlus 82. At the ball, I attended yesterday. At the ball I attended yesterday. I was getting hugged by women I had never seen before. The hug is coming back into fashion as the only way to say hello slash goodbye. Laders. When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble.

Muhammad Ali. Absolute intrigue. Whoa. God, that feels good. Later's. Lators. Later's. Later's.

Maiters. Absolute intrigue. Absolutely intrigue. Wow. At the ball I attended yesterday. At the bull I attended. This one I was liking to. Should a DJ, that's how they abbreviate Don Juan.

Should a DJ keep his nerd toys like a Rubik's Cube hidden in case he ascends and takes a chick home? Whoa. Oh, that's a good question. Yeah, that is a good question. Should a Rubik's cube be hidden? If she comes back and you got, you got fucking 80 grand worth of Warhammer 40,000 shit. Yeah.

I guess it does show that you have money. response from serenity. Simp hides parts of himself in a futile attempt to gain validation from women and being liked by them. Based man. Let's all parts of him remain in full view. Disqualifies any woman who takes any issue with it instead of compromising himself to impress them. If I fucking love Rubik's cubes and some woman thinks negatively about it, then she's not my type of woman. She can get lost for insulting my interests.

That's right. Get fucked. You don't like the cube? Fuck you. A Rubik's cube. I think it depends on what kind of stuff you're into. If your interest is a Rubik's cube, you are fucked. You are fucked.

You're done. You're done. You're done. If you're doing that, if you're solving it in eight seconds and tapping the thing, if a Rubik's cube is getting to the point where it can be considered an interest. Yeah. Instead of just a thing that's on your desk. Yeah, I'm interested in my pencil.

Yeah, that's not. That's not going to do it. Yeah. There's always a kid at community college who's going beast mode on a Rubik's Cube. Every community college I went to, there's a Rubik's Cube kid. And now that I'm thinking about how they looked, they could be on this forum. They were peacocking. I bet Rubik's Cube is a peacocking strategy.

Yeah. For certain. One of them was like... Go to the club and solve a Rubik's Cube in the corner. One-handed. All the women are too intimidated to talk to me now. They're intimidated by my speed cube. They just saw me do a Rubik's Cube in 180 minutes.

This is a... They don't know what to do. Here's another post from Don Juan discussion. Running out of sperm? With three question marks. Is it possible? A man who was firing. wearing blanks told his doctor about his sexual past and the doctor told him he used up all his sperm.

Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Question mark. Question mark. Question mark. I know women have a limited amount of eggs, but didn't think men could run out of sperm. Is this possible? Signature.

Behavior is congruent with belief. Whoa. Wow. That is fight. Damn. I like quotes. I like quotes so much. I want to be a quote maker professional.

And then Wally Cleaver said. Wally Cleaver. First step. Change the name. Well, actually, wait. We'll start with the post above Wally Clever. were just from Joe the homophobe. Okay.

I wish I could run out of sperm. No more worries about some biotch ruining me due to an accident tent. Signature. Signature. R. IP Charlton Heston. Heston, Heston, one of the last manly actor.

Charles and Heston, man. Charlton. And you dedicate, you could put any quote in there and you dedicated that shit to another man, Joe the homophobe. And Charlton Heston in particular. Yeah.

Don't, buddy. Charlton Heston is fucking terrifying. One of the scary... That is so... That last scene in Planet of the Apes or he goes... It is so telling that a pickup artist guy's

idol is Charlton Heston. That that's his model of what a man should be. Because Charlton Heston was like NRA like president, right? Really? I think so. I think at one point he was. He's a freaky looking guy. Yeah. Scary, scary looking man. Okay, Wally Cleaver.

The second time. my mother walked in on me pulling my man hose. She told me that if I ever wanted to have children, I should slow up. Of course, I didn't believe her, but I think it is the normal line that parents tell their kids when they walk in on them. If you know, everyone have kids, stop jerking off. Slow up. Slow up.

You don't want to do it slow down. It's called edging, son. The normal. I think that's perfectly normal. My name's Wally Cleaver, and I'm on so swam.com. I'm named after the older brother and leave it to beaver. That's by, that's That's the name I chose. I chose the older brother on Leavitton, not even Beaver Cleaver, which was a good pickup artist's name.

That is a good, that's a crazy pickup artist's name. Beaver Cleaver? That's a good pickup artist. No, I'm going to pick Wally. I'm going to pick the older brother who's all his storylines suck. This one was making me laugh. This one is in Times New Romans. I like that.

I like when they do when somebody has their own font. Yeah. This is a post called The Flaw of my Asian brothers. The flaw of my Asian brothers. Can I have a prediction real quick? Yeah. It's going to be a, like, anti-A-M-W-F thing. Oh, you're wrong.

The flaw of my Asian brothers. No, this isn't a thread that's bashing on race. I'm just noticing one major flaw that Asian guys have. Go to places where there's a lot of Asian people and you'll notice something. They're always line break. And I mean always dot, dot, dot, dot, line break. 20 guys to one girl. Wow.

They're all forming a circle around some girl. In other words, Asian guys worship the ground of this woman in their pack. These Asian guys go hang out with their cars or go to those milk tea places. And what do you see? A group of guys and maybe one or two girls. Hanging out with your car. That's what that sounds fucking bad. My white friends don't do this.

My black friends don't do this. My Latin friends don't this. Only these stupid Asian guys do this. In other words, these guys are in a fan club chumps. I'm being careful not to put them down too much because I was the same way. It's almost ingrained in our minds to be chumpy. I think he is Asian. Oh, okay.

But all of that rubbish never got me laid. Once I turned off the switch and started breaking away from the pack, I began to come up with an enlightenment. I walked by some girly store where there was all this hello kitty stuff. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw the throng of fools buying things for their girl. What fools? I used to be like that. Yeah, this website has changed me.

All my friends call me a jerk now, but I don't care because I can finally get that girl I've always wanted. My friends got nothing to say. It sounds like they have something to say. They have. They're saying, dude, you've really changed, man. You're being an asshole. That's like a really, there's like a subsect of guys that are really like anti-Asian women dating white men. Yes. And I, I, I, yeah, those posts are always like so funny. This is a response to this.

I don't know if you wrote this or if you got it somewhere else, but it's a gross generalization of Asian guys. Asian guys are just like the rest. When talking to women are hanging out, we're all the same. Admittedly, Asians like their computer games more. our social interaction is synonymous with everybody else. So you're talking out of your ass. Wow. I think I've identified a difference here, which is a racial difference, I think,

which is that apparently Asian guys like hanging out with their cars. Yeah. Which that, I mean, why wouldn't you? Yeah. Why would you not hang out with your car? Your car does so much for you. You drive it. You're inside of it often.

Thank you, car. Thanks, car. Why don't you go next time you're hanging out or next time you're near your car, don't ignore it. Yeah. Pop open a beer, pour it on the engine. Have one yourself. Pop an egg on the engine.

Dude, these pickup artists guys are so woke. This is from 2008. And every single reply is being like, that's fucked up. Like, it's not just Asian guys. All guys are like that. And then somebody responded and said, are you meaning South Asian guys? Like Indian guys, too? Dude, they're ahead of the curve.

Yeah. Here's another one. Or this is a bunch of replies to one post that these, are just fun ones to imagine being said. This is the smoothest thing you ever said to a woman. And here are a bunch of different replies. Another, this is from Marana the man. Another thing I said to a lady was, hello, classy lady. She liked that. Andy, signature. Imagine what you could do if you could do all you imagine. Wow. That's, that's, that has all the makings of the best quotes, which, is that they go you say something and then you say it in reverse say it in reverse and then also

let me see let me see what the quote looks like already closed it oh my bad hello classy lady or you're talking about this quote yeah his quote that he said was hello classy lady and amazing quotes always end in ellipsis yes they always end in ellipsis because it's like whoa yeah the thought was so powerful it made you pause at the end made you break here's another smooth line. This is from Tony Tone. Here's the smoothest line I ever used. You know, one minute, I want you to be my girlfriend and the next minute, just friends. One day I want

to make love to you, and the next day, I like you, love you, like my sister. That is a signature? Signature, the key to understanding anyone is to listen. Wow. Yeah. I mean, honestly, do you think that's a smooth line to say? The key one day I want to make love to you and the next day I like you, love you, like my

sister? Yeah. Why would that not work on somebody? I like you, love you. I like you, love you. Love you, like my sister. my sister. Like my sister. I like you. Love you. I love my sister. How about this is that? I love my sister. My sister rocks. As a pickup line. Yeah.

Hey, I love my sister. Hey, girl. Here's another one. Tricky Nick. I think the nice eyes line is just too generic. I am not really the smoothest guy in the world most of the time. It's more about the delivery than what you say. Usually when I do say really smooth stuff, it is a combination of tidbits from obscure films and is accompanied with Kino like this. Which I think Kina is what they'd call touching women. Yeah.

I had to look this up. Prenzzi, standing in front of a mirror with her. Me. Do you ever wear your hair up? Her. Well, sometimes. Why? Me.

You should more often. Pulling her hair into an up position, stroking the back of her neck lightly on the way up. Look at her in the mirror briefly and speak softly into her ear. See how it accentuates your shoulders. Now speaking even more softly. A woman's shoulders are the front lines of a mystique. I've done this one.

The woman's shoulders are the front lines of a mystique. of a mistake. You said that? No, you go one up or two down. When you pull her hair, it's a trick to get her to let you pull. You say like, you should wear your hair up and then you grab it. You go, one up or two down. I don't know that.

You never done that. Signature, you either own the game or it owns you. Whoa. Again, a reverse. A reverser. I love a woman's shoulders are the front lines of a mystique. Yes. I would have to agree.

That is smooth. I would have to agree. This is, this is a guy who. jumped out of our Facebook messenger screenshot. This is from a user named Dancer. This is the smoothest thing he ever said. He says, we are so silly.

After I kissed her the first time, just after I'd met her for the first time, just after I said that, she giggled, hopped on top of me and didn't let go for 45 minutes, smiley face. We got to link him up. I said, let's get it on. Wait, I fuck with dancer. We are so silly. Go to his post

history. I need to see. You can't go to people's post history unless you have an account. Bro, something tells me you didn't do your research. I didn't. I had work. Let's see what else we got here. I got one more smoothest thing. This is from,

this is from Karma Sutra. And it says under their name that they were banned. This one, this is a smooth thing to say to a girl. Chick and I were having coffee and she asked me what I did for a living. And I replied, I was an underwear model for underwrews. Because I'm a big guy, I can only model the Hulk and the thing.

When I get excited, my cock either becomes green and huge or orange and hard like a brick, crack up. That's the smoothest thing he ever said. Yep. Signature. Relationships are work, hard work. But when that work becomes a job, you quit that fucking job immediately. Then find a better one. Karma Sutra.

Wow. His own quote. That's sick. I feel like the girl just like, who's the thing. I can only model the Hulk and the thing. I get excited. My cock either becomes gross. and huge or orange and hard like a brick.

Crack up. Having coffee. It's fucking 9 a.m. Yeah. Well, what happens with me is my cock either becomes huge and green or orange and hard like a brick. Great.

I'm going to leave. No, you're not. You can't leave. We've locked all the doors. And I'm orange and hard. This one. This last one,

different post. This one made me laugh out loud. I didn't even do many searches. I was just scrolling, scrolling until I saw stuff in this topic by social disturbance. Is it gay if you nut in your face? I'd say yes.

No. I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I just thought this was really funny what had happened today. I was getting a great BJ in the car today, and when I was ready, I assumed she was going to take it in her mouth, but maybe she just miscalculated. Long story short, it shot on my shirt and all the way on my

forehead above my eyebrows. For what it's worth, we were really laughing about it for a long time. It's definitely something that hasn't happened before and probably won't again. Big smile face. It will. It will. Is it gay if you nut in your face?

I don't think so. All the replies. I'm on the record. The replies are literally all, you. What the fuck? Somebody said, did you enjoy it?

L. well? Should I read, did you explore the article section of this? Oh, no, I did not. There's a bunch of articles. I didn't even know they had that.

This one is how to seduce 1,000 girls by Paul. Paul. I know a guy who is a DJ at a local bar, but he means actual DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I've known him for 15 years and he must have gone through over a thousand chicks. Two or three every week and all very attractive. So how many years is that? So let's say two. Two a week. It's going to take him. 52.

Yeah. So what is? Two times 52. 104 a year. 10 years. So 10 years to do a thousand. I guess that makes sense. He's known him for 15 years.

That's good. Yeah. Hey. He looks like a normal guy to me. Not much money or anything. But does it count? Not particularly... Not particularly...

Twice a week? No. No, it has to be unique, different chicks. Yeah. Okay. So he did 10 years of sleeping with two women a week, never the same woman twice. Okay.

He's not particularly articulate, but he has so many chicks, it's unbelievable. I had occasion to ask him his secrets and observe him over the years. This is what I saw and heard. And by the way, this is under the category, how to smile at women. He's not articulate, too.

So he's just walking up to women going, this is his trick. He is always smiling at chicks. Always. He says, I love women, and I think he really does. Meaning that he does not have a deep conflict over them like many guys do. I wish he was all fucking dudes. He is always smiling and cheerful and making others feel good with his attitude.

Women are emotional, as we all know, so this has a very positive effect on him. But he is crafty and thinks about his moves. For example, he makes friends with one in order to meet her friends and have an in with them. He is playful and teases them a lot, punching them on the shoulder or kidding them about small stuff. So you punch and you make fun of. Punch women and make fun of them. He's easy going and quiet, doesn't say much, but not shy. He doesn't waste words. Never talks about himself. In fact, he told me this is a big part of it. Don't talk about yourself. Keep the interest on the girl and watch what you say. Don't talk about just anything that pops into your head. Don't blather about

stuff. Stay light and always plan ahead and keep your eye on what they're feeling and doing. So punching and no blathering. No blathering. Plus, he works at the bar, so he's there all night, every night around chicks. Lots of exposure. Exposure. Explosion. Explosion is cool. It's definitely happening. Just smile, love women

openly, be friendly, be cool, plan ahead. Watch what you say. Focus on the girl. Be light. Get inside their circles by befriending one and put yourself in a situation where you're going to meet lots of beautiful women. The only problem this guy has is how to deal with all the women who want to sleep with him at the same time. He's probably broken a lot of hearts. he says, oh, they're just good sports.

So you got to smile. Yeah. And don't blather. Okay, so they have also most bioloid, most biobical test a woman will throw at you by squirrels. Okay. So you met a girl. Things went all right from the start. You were smooth, introduced yourself immediately, showed you weren't afraid to bust her balls a little,

turned up the charm and the keynote. And she's calling you right back all the time. You're texting you throughout the day, and you've had sex once or twice. Note, keynote equals touch. Keynote or keynote? Everything's going great. In fact, she seems to want to spend time with you all the time. She's inviting you out now, instead of you always having to beg for her time.

Maybe she's even confessed that she really likes you, or she's brought up exclusivity or the possibility of a relationship. Hell, she's everything you wanted, so you're more than happy to go along with it. But then something happens. Suddenly the calls stop coming as frequently. She's busy. She's not warm to you physically anymore. She starts getting calls while you're out together.

Eventually the frustration gets the best of you and you ask her what's up. Nothing, she says, then you don't hear from her again. No. Unless you take the AFC route and badger her until she gives you the let's be friends speech. How could things have gone so wrong? You had her. Did she find someone that much better? Did you do something wrong?

To quote George W. Bush, you just fell for the trap. Oh, shit. The test, even the best. That's what I'm wondering. He said that when he trapped. He fell for the trip. What is he? That's what I'm wondering.

Who did he trap? He didn't even get Osama. What is that? He didn't even get Osama. No, he didn't get him. Obama. But he trapped him. Yeah.

Let's see. You've been blinded by the prospect of victory so you don't realize you've been suddenly swept into the real challenge. And the worst thing is, there's no faking your way out of this one. It's a women's only surefire way to really test your medal to see what deep inside you really believe about yourselves. Women's shit tests. Oh, they are

passive tests. They can filter you out based on a lack of confidence or reluctance to approach. And they're testing how good you look, how good you are in bed, how you react to her throwing curveballs at you and whether you are genuine. This is a woman trying to determine if she

likes what she sees. But in a world of players and liars and cheats and a-hole, she wants to know, is what she sees really you or is it a clever mirage? Are you playing her? Are you making yourself out to be more than you really believe that you are?

Wow, this is a really long one. Yeah. What is a woman? Where's the test part? Where's their poop test? One thing I saw in here that I just, that just reminded me of was, there was one where it was like some,

like another advice thread of like, here's how you do, like, it was like one of their crazy things. Like, yeah, make sure to never like raise your eyebrows or something like that. And then like there was a girl who, looking at a woman like, commented on it and was like,

hey, this is crazy. like nobody would like this. Nobody would like this. And then there's a million replies that are like, you fuck. Like obviously you're saying that to throw us off the trail. Everybody do the opposite of whatever she says. She's trying to trick us. Yeah, they try to trick you. Just looking at a woman like this the whole time though.

Frankenstein. Frankenstein look. They're getting results. Can we end with this one? This is an article called The Creepy Myth. How to approach younger women without feeling awkward. Wow. by Alan Swav.

Oh, man. All right, let me make sure this one's, okay, this was not too too long. That's the name that used to use in SAG to disown a movie. You're out getting coffee or maybe walking through the park and you see her. She's stunning, a radiant, vibrant young woman with energy for days. Your heart kicks up a notch. You want to approach her, but you don't. Why?

Because you're terrified of being that guy. You know the one. The creepy old guy. The desperate dude in his 50s or 60s trying to recapture his youth, getting side-eyed by everyone in the vicinity. It's a brutal fear, and honestly, it keeps most men from ever getting what they truly want. Well, I'm here to tell you that this fear is mostly in your head. It's a mental prison you've built brick by brick, and today we're going to tear it down.

Here's the reality. There's a massive difference between being a confident, masculine, older man, and being a creep. The difference isn't your age, your hairline, or your gut. The difference is your vibe. And once you learn how to control that vibe, you'll realize that the creepy label doesn't apply to you. The disease of trying too hard. Desperation is the ultimate anti-aprodisiac. Young women are approached by guys their own age constantly.

These guys are often drunk, loud, or trying way too hard to be cool. When you approach a woman with a steady, calm confidence of a man who has seen life, fought battles, and survive, you stand out. But only if you do it right. You have to stop trying to be 25 again. I think you stand out no matter what. Yeah. If you're an old guy walking around at a bar hitting on every woman. Yeah.

Enter the old ninja. So how do you approach without feeling awkward? That's a great movie title. You flip the script. Most guys think they have to be the aggressor. Instead, you need to go stealth. There's a powerful concept I learned from the ageless program called the old ninja technique. Oh, my God.

Dude, it's so, it is another, they just can't help but tell everything about their entire fucked up world where it's like the alternative to aggressiveness is stealth. I thought it's going to be like, oh, you have to be like passive. It's like, no, you have to sneak be sneaky aggressive. sneaky old ninja. And also ninjas are involved. Like, only thing about ninjas, you guys are dorks. Once you've got the mindset right,

what do you actually say? The art of innocent conversation. If you walk up and say, hey, beautiful, nice legs, you're done. Game over. That's sleazy. But if you engage her mind

with something innocent, you bypass her creep rate for entirely. Crossing your eyes. Crossing your eyes and going, being a 60-year-old guy walking up to a 19-year-old girl, a 19 year old girl and just crossing your eyes at her.

What do you think of my shoes? Interesting legs. They look like legs from another dimension. Like a guy who is just chatting. Two angles. The expert angle. If you're at a coffee shop or a wine bar, simply ask for her opinion,

I'm looking to try something new today. What would you recommend? It's harmless. It's polite. The observation angle. I couldn't help but notice that book you're reading. I've heard that author is controversial. Is it worth the hype?

Oh, shit. So who is she reading? Oh, shit. That's the real question. She's reading the Turner Diaries. I've heard that author is controversial. With your eyes crossed. It's just like it's...

She's just reading like gone girl. Yeah. Just the most down the middle. I heard that author's controversial. You are an old ninja. I've heard that author's controversial. What do you think? Is it worth the hype?

The Festa to a top of the barrel. You look like a fallout three at BC when you do that. Yeah, okay, I'm sitting here and I'm reading. I'm reading, what am I reading?

I'm reading Dean Coons. Okay. I'm reading a book I just got from the airport. I do a Naruto Jitsu to make my eyes cross and they just slowly kind of cross. And I walk out. So what are you reading? I hear that's a very controversial author. Is it where?

the hype? And then I disappear into the shadow. Colleen Hoover book. Smoke bomb. Smoke bomb and then I'm back at the coffee shop ordering. You're behind the register. Find the register with an apron on.

Dude, that's just such another classic. Would you like that cold phone to that? Classic pickup artist thing is that, you know, they're like saying the author is controversial. They're like, that's fucking cool. But like 90%, It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Every woman is going to be reading.

I hope they serve beer in hell. The only, like, is she going to be reading Harry Potter? Yeah. That's when that's really it. Controversial author. Controversial author. Is it a controversial author? Is it worth the hype?

Fame sick. Fame sick. Oh, my God. Yes. That actually, if I was a woman and an old man walked up to me, started talking to me about Lena Dunham, I'm going. You're giving it up? I have no choice.

You don't even realize you're getting ninjaed, though. Yeah. ninjas are cool. Yeah, but then, yeah. Not old ninjas though. Then all the fucking all of his weapons while of his ninja stars.

Just clinging on the ground. His couch falls out of his pocket. By the way, I read something called the Ageless Protocol and I'm an old ninja now. That's why I have. Angelus Protocol. That's why I have Shuriken's.

Yeah. Showing up in a key. God, reading a book called the ageless protocol and becoming a ninja. Yeah. The thing I learned is to become a ninja. Yeah.

Taking it very literal. I mean, that old man walking, old man walking around in the fucking like, like, the, the, Ninja like the three ninjas.

Yeah. Yeah. God, and being a fucking old guy who like, you know, you probably grew up in like the 70s or something and being like, I want to go back to free love. Yeah. Damn, I should read something called the ageless protocol. Yeah. This will make me, this will make me cool again. This will work. Yeah.

I think, I think if you're old guy who's had like genuinely 10,000 beers in his life. Yeah. Just like a gut that's solid as a rock. Oh my God. Just walking up. His eyes crossed. Eyes crossed. I have a headache from crossing my eyes.

That can be very damaging. Dude, I think I damage my ocular nerves. The worst thing is when someone comes up behind you and hits you in the back of the head while your eyes are crossed. The worst thing is when somebody comes and impales you on a pike. Oh, there's worse. It sucks. There's worse. Well, the crocodile bite we learned is the most painful thing on our painful injury.

The most painful injury ever. All right, guys. Chunks is imminent. And Patrick's incredible trailer will have been the cold open for this episode. And also, wasn't it great? And Patrick's incredible poster. Yes. This is a arriving.

My boy's right here. And I'm the bleed roll. And he's the bleed roll. Uh-oh. A little scary. A little Freudian slip. Little Freudian slip. But we're very excited.

And lots of good people worked on this. Yes. There are so many good other chunks that you're going to be excited to see. Yeah, you're going to want to watch the other chunks too. Yeah. But yeah. Patreon.com slash chunks TV, guys. Go check it out.

Chunks. No. You can't say that. on the regular. Oh, it's the regular? Yeah. Cut that out,

Julio. Cut it there. It's really, it's, that's how it works is you just can't say that. I got it. Sorry.

Oh, no, you have to cut off the last five seconds. Like, you know how like, like, like, like, girls will be named heaven.

Girls will be named heaven. Like girls named heaven or Neveaa. No, I don't know. I know. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Doevo. Clack. I'd be scared. I'd be scared to, uh,

name my kid heaven backwards. disrespect. Isn't that hell? Exactly. Le. Le. Le. Le.

Yeah. Le. Oh, that's why. Another. You say you do the record backwards, hell is leh. Leh. And that's what the devil's doing. Another name that is gone.

That's why it's the name to hell. He does that backwards. We should do backwards stuff in this podcast. Oh, I just forgot. Or remember something I thought. A Satanist naming their kid. It would be also the idea of having like a video or audio recording of the devil going, Like, wait, play this backwards.

Oh my God, it's the same where he's from. Oh, the devil just put out a new song. Dude, let's listen to it. La. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.