Podcast About List - Ep. #396 - A Thirty Five Foot Tall Pencil ft. Spike & Honey

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

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And we're all. Sound speed. Honey Spike, how are you? We're doing awesome. I started with Wee, the Royal Wee. We're going to be speaking kind of as a globule hive mind for the first two minutes. And then our personalities can kind of melt from there on.

Yeah, it's like we start and then we go back in and we go and weave out kind of like a DNA helix. Oh, I see. I've never been one person away from you. I know how to feel you do that on purpose. We try to put patch around between the people. I usually go in between. I don't want you all getting like too hot, too on fire. bouncing off each other.

Yeah, especially with Patrick in between us, I have such an urge to lurch over you. I know. I want like the real housewives vibe. I want us to be fighting over Patron. It's so bad. Flipping the table, ASAP.

That's not what you said to me at dinner. That's not what you said. You weren't listening. You weren't listening. You weren't listening. You would not say stop. If you were in one of those situations. No, I'd just be sitting there like this.

You'd be eating jelly beans like, yeah. How are the jelly beans sitting, man? So awesome. I'm feeling. really gross right now. I had like 45. Me too. It's kind of

it's an instant effect too. I mean it's just a bone. I'm just like, whoa, I remember this. I was like, well,

hey, when's last, yeah, y'all ate at a restaurant yesterday? Yeah. I don't eat at restaurants that often because I have

kind of like a personality disorder where I worked in them since I was one. Yeah. So now being a patron at them makes me feel, it's kind of like a, it's kind of like Munchausens.

But I ate at, it's one of those. I don't know if it's Munchausen? Munchausen is the one Stockholm. Stockholm. Well, Stockholm syndrome is when you love Svian. Yeah, Stockholm's when you start liking. Yeah.

Munchausen's is like, StoColm. When you start hating your kid. Munchausen is when they poison you and make you sicker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For attention for you. That's Munchausen by proxy. I was right the first.

All this is the same. Okay. Yeah, that's Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen when you are like, I'm sick, I'm sick all the time. But it's because you're like eating vizene. No, yeah. Yeah. Drinking Vizine to get the diarrhea.

Right. Hello. That's my weekend. My weekend plans just got made. Vizine gives you diarrhea. Yeah. I know that from wedding crashers. Whoa.

Which is science. Yeah. Wait, Vince Vaugh. One, two, three, opinion. Hot as fun. Hot as fun. Mad sexy. Surprising.

And the way he speaks. Come on. He's so sexy. What's that the accent he's from? Is he Chicago? He's like modern gangster accent. He sounds like Bugs Malone. He sounds like Bugs Bunny, actually.

He sounds like Bugs Malone. He sounds like Bugs Bungin. He's like he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like one second way of being like Yaya Yada. Yeah. With a cigar in his mouth. He's like never has to ash. Yeah, what's up, Doc? Spike's got a great Vaughn.

No, literally. All this is to say, I'm eating at a restaurant that he used to work at. And this reminds me of jelly beans. That Vince Vaughn used to work at? No, I used to work at. Oh, okay. I was like, damn. He is my mentor. He is my mentor.

I know, I'm really good at bowling. He mentors a lot of people. What do you mean? I didn't know about that. Yeah, he mentors like every, he is kind of like every Republican that comes into Hollywood. He like brings him under his way.

He's like, you're my guy. Vince McMahon, different Vince. No, they're all. He's chilling with him, though. Every Vince. He is chilling with him. We're at Vince Club. I discovered at the same birthday as Vince McMahon.

Really? Oh. And Dave Chappell. Dave Chappelle. Right. I watched the video the other day of Vince McMahon when they tried to do a thing on WWE where his car blew up. Oh, yeah.

And he like walks. He gets in some argument with somebody. I think that was at the end of the Trump episode because I think I saw that. It was a long time ago. And they had people like calling into WWE crying like, you got to get Vince out of the cars. Bernie to fucking death. Oh, wait, I remember this.

I remember this. So awesome. It was in a parking lot, right? Which is so funny. So they're like sweating her on fire completely outside and he's like burning alive to death of course.

And the camera just stays there. It's like a long shot. It's like at that point it was like video art. And for them it's like that's your boss. Yeah. You are not going to get paid. He's not a great boss. From what I know.

I like the Jif, which is also a meme where he cries. Oh yeah. That I watch it every other day. What was he crying about? Did anybody ever watch the documentary that this was sourced from? It's been on in the book.

background of my household. I'm trying. I don't know. And you like catch like, ambient Vince McMahon sounds while you're doing. It's been like it has been for a long time.

No, absolutely. There's like a long term installation in my house that's like just. Yeah, it's a 24 hour cycle of video. You're supposed to let a wash over you. It's 750 Hertz.

Vince McMahon healing frequency. Brown note. Makes you shit. My neural beats. It makes you yell it people. Yeah. He's crying about a dead wrestler. You put that on.

You put that on so you can yell at somebody over the phone on customer service. Fuck you, bitch. Can I say what we were doing in the car? The awesome plan from honking? Okay. What is this? I'm a honker.

Oh. He has like, leave. The second, wait, are you kidding? I don't honk. Girl, take a page out of my book. The second that lights green, honk, I'm not kidding. Mill a second.

I'm on bitch's asses honking. It's like he's being tested for visual accuracy by a doctor. It's when he sees green like. It's depressed. It's literally like I'm, taking a test to be in like the air force. Yeah. People have.

I don't care. So do I. So do I. So do I. Bring a play. I hate when I get to a red light and then it turns. Honk. Now it turns green like before I even have a second to be like, okay, I'm going to stop.

What are you doing? I like stopping. I like the break from driving. Girl, then get a scooter. Well, that's a good point. Exactly. No. All this is to say I'm honking.

I'm addicted to it. And I'm noticing it. I'm in the passenger seat. I'm copilot as one would say. And I was like, so what's going to happen when the person gets out of the car? Right. Like who you're honking out. I think about what.

And then. Because I'll then have a Vince McMahon in front of me one day who's going to come out with like an axle wrench. No neck. Like my fucking ass. Like no neck. Just like ear to like whatever. I'm going to have a trapezoid in a three piece two. Come out.

Beat my fucking ass one day. Because I'm literally in Mass Pass like. and that's not the place to do it too. No, literally. You're honking at cars that are Polish. I'm honking at like retired cops with dementia. Yeah. They think they're on the job again.

They have the blue light, like the blue life's like upside down because their brain is like deteriorating. But our amazing trick that we came up with is awesome idea. My idea is if they get out of the car, Honey rolls out of the middle and he goes, oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were my friend. Yeah. Oh, that's good. And we have a joke. I have an inside joke when I see a blue Hyundai. I honk.

Because I think it's my friend's car. Of course. Because then the person would be so disarmed. It's good to at least have a plan. Yeah, like, oh, I thought you're like an escape. I haven't thought of a lot. Exactly. I think I thought you were my friend is so like what?

I think now that you have a plan, now that you have a plan, you can go twice as hard. Yeah. Now that that's in place, you have free, full free reigns. I can be way more violent. be way, way worse. Then they would be more offended that they thought they thought they were Jessica from the, these guys would be pretty. Our friends are not named Jessica and you know that.

Well, that's what spikes are. That's what spikes out. I said, yeah. Our friends are Jessica, but all the vowels are different. Yeah. It's like J-Y. It's like in a computer themed movie where the names come on the screen and go, about halfway through the screen.

No, I tripped you up because I said Jessica. It's like an act out. In the act out that I just did, I said Jessica. My wife is a big honker and it is a real problem because if she honks at somebody and they come out to kill, they kill me. And I even know, I'm just the guy there. You think men get killed more than women? No, but yeah. You have never seen a fucking statistic, bro.

Okay, how about World War II? Nuclear bomb the whole conversation. You don't know how many of those guys were closed? Presented and transgender. Think about that. So that could have been. There were all eggs. It is 50.

Why would you go to be with a bunch of other guys? Because you're transgender. Oh my God. We should go to World War II Memorial and say all you all transgender. Oh my God. We should go to war. I was like, whoa,

whoa, we should get a war. Let's go to a whartian one. Let's go to a horn. You guys should enlist. That would be so awesome. What is your wife's name? I can't say.

Jessica. Wait, really? I don't say, yeah, you don't know what's it. You don't say it. No. Wait, that is so. That is so. That is so unrelatable.

It's actually precious. I'm like, why are you from like 1920? You're from, it's like, honey, I'm home. This is like a crazy witness protection where you like, your life is a podcaster. She did the crime and it was a humming kind of related thing. My boyfriend is so low key and like, I didn't even a picture of his face on Instagram the second worst start dating.

I'm like, boom, your dick on my story. Boom, your face every day. Boom, this is where you live. Boom, hey listeners. I'm like, sorry. Welcome to the circus. Blah, la, la, la. Don't care.

My boyfriend doesn't smile in any pictures. So I have to scare him or make him laugh and then quickly take a picture. Because he has a gap to them. That's really attractive to me. Gap teeth are awesome. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. You don't have to floss.

Yeah. It barely. It falls right out. It just falls right out. You don't have to floss. Do you have a gap? Oh, wait. Damn.

He got them. He got them all gap teeth. Your skin is perfect. So you got every gap there is. Yeah, I got all of them. Well, my back teeth aren't good. I've one big gap because I lost the tooth. My tooth started hurting today.

I had sugar and then my tooth hurted. From that? No, prior. From the J-B. This is your second sugar today. Earlier sugar, I had my boyfriend, for the teen time mentioning him. I had my boyfriend, fiancee, by the way,

and maybe husband at the time this comes out. I had his roommate's food, which is one of my fetishes. I don't believe food is owned by anyone. When it's in the fridge, it's communal. Nuclear bomb. Everything should be communal, kind of period. Yeah. Kind of period.

But especially roommates food. I used to steal the fuck out of my room. Oh, yeah. Did you steal or did you share? Steal. Yeah. I used to steal suit. I'm reframing.

No, I stole. I would wait for him to go to bed and I would go and I eat soup up. Stealing soup is like, sipping. Yeah, I was not living right. That was when you lived with Neil? I live with Neil and man. Did you like sleep under his bed and like steal? No, rats slept under his bed.

That would also steal food. Yeah. He had cheese in his room. Yeah. That's literally rat's number one thing. Yeah, he had cheese in his room. This is like a cartoon kind of Charlie Bucket. We didn't have a Charlie bucket out.

A cartoonish apartment. And in fact, the floor was like this. You guys know apartments somewhere the floor goes like that. Yeah. I like that kind of. I come home high on ketamine and I'm like, oh, oh, something's different. Yeah.

I'm walking like John Lennon in that picture of all my entire apartment. I'm like, shut up with the floor on back. I'm going to. Hello, my everything's crazy. Good more. Yeah, I'm like, hey, I'm walking funny. in my door. I can't...

At some point, not that long ago, I found out that was a real photo. I thought that was a... You thought that was a photo? I thought it had to be. Where he's keep on trucking it? It doesn't look like reality.

Nobody would do that. No, that's not a normal thing. The most annoying man on earth. But also, drugs were really good back then. Okay, thank God. Would you say?

Drugs were really awesome back then. Yes. It's like certain drugs were really awesome and certain drugs were really not. It's like weed was really whatever then. They had quayludes though. But they had quailudes. And now, like, weed is like, heroin now.

Yeah. Everything else is like baby powder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I don't touch wheat. Was John Lennon on Quailudes? Probably. He was on every, he was doing everything.

Yeah, every fucking thing. He was on one of each. He was on the most powerful drug of all, Yoko Ono. Yes, of course. Wait, I want to meet her. I know. She's around. She's definitely around.

She was on Rolo's yesterday. She was in the variety. She's in variety. She goes at Rolos. You'll see Yoko on. She's around. She's at Rolo's. She's at Rolo's like, what do you want to order?

She's screaming at them. Exactly. my awesome sketch where I'm Yoko Ono Rolo is screaming at them. Steak Media, Ruh! Exactly. Oh my God, I need you to do this at your own wedding so bad. Like, please write it down now. Hold my beer.

My husband's brother I've never met, please. He's coming. Yes. You're meeting the family. The group chat's coming. Yes. That's nice. Two brothers are coming and a one-year-old.

Oh, I meant to say a one-month-old. That's even younger. Yes. Hell, let's be younger than that. Can't. Not safely. You can't bring little kids like that out. I try.

At the preschool I work at, sometimes the older kids come. So at the end of the day, there's five-year-olds and two-year-old, and it's like the weirdest afters ever. I have like the five-year-olds come up to me being like, why can't he talk? No, literally.

Why can't he talk? She's stressed as fuck. She's like, why isn't he talking? I'm like, he's fucked up. That's why. He's drunk as hell. Knapp didn't go well. That could be you if you don't listen.

You could turn back. I know. fear really does work. Yeah. But today, the older ones understand manipulation where we do classic, like, we'll play the Mission Impossible theme song because that randomly... Makes them clean up. No, it makes them clean up.

I knew it. I also feel like I... Because it's stressful. It's stressful as well. The stressful song. Immediately makes you think of like trip wires. Even kids who have not seen the movies are like... They don't even know that that's the Mission Impossible song.

Some of them aren't allowed. Some of them aren't allowed. 15 years are going to be watching Mission Impossible song. for the first time and just start cleaning their apartment. They won't know. It'll be completely completely completely happy. They're going to be in a dorm in like some film,

and I'm going to try to show them Mission Impossible franchise. Your place is a mess. They're going to stop breaking out and cleaning. The bong is still out. Put it away. They're going to be so overwhelmed. But then we do Mission Impossible theme song and if you don't clean it up,

a monster comes in and eats all the kids who don't clean. Oh. Has that ever happened? Yes, that's why we have to double the motherfucking doors. We got to do that here. Because the monster's coming. We got to do that. We should try the Mission Impossible song.

A monster might be coming tonight. Literally, it works. That's a good idea. And then you're like, I should steal a diamond. I should steal a diamond in a box, please. I think a monster could be rolling through Ridgewood soon if certain boys in this podcast. Are you saying that as a serious or like a joke? Like outside, outside of all this.

No, like we literally know a lot of monsters. I literally, I'm not a guy that's scared. Lose their numbers. That's not You should not be friends with monsters I have this one Good guys only This one monster in my phone

Like won't stop texting It's like crazy Is your room clean? He's like hey Check your closet I'm like stop Literally you're crazy You're addicted

We do need to start employing Childish tricks onto It honestly doesn't look that bad in here You think so? It doesn't smell It smells like vape It doesn't It smells like vape

Yeah That's why I asked That might have been jelly beanish It's not bad But it's just like It happened. It doesn't smell bad. I think I cleaned a week ago.

No, it's good. There's also so many porous surfaces that could make it smell. It smells really normal and nice. A lot of clothes and stuff. I'm really like. We have a minion outfit. If y'all were like rocking axe body spray candle, I'd be like, I gotta go. I'll be zooming from the outside the door.

Do they make a axe candle? I'm sure they do. I think we will be ordering. Why don't you get your wife, beep, to put it on your Christmas list? Okay, her name's not beep. That'd be a terrible. name for my wife. I would never name her that. I named her something normal.

You named her wife? Yeah, that's what you. You get married. You're like, I named me my wife because you were present for her birth. Yeah, well, no, her rebirth as my new wife. And I said you, and your name is no longer be delicious. We also did naming stuff. So we understand about that. Okay, here's like it gets to know everybody at the table exercise. That's kind of like a mission impossible. I'm so glad you're doing this in the pod. Definitely. Yeah.

Okay. We were all in like a. oceans type gang, such as Ocean's 11. Who would you be in the squad? The music guy, I'd be making the background sound. The play of the artist. You'd be a soundtrack. You'd be a soundtrack. Exactly. You'd be like

breaking pasta in your a mic. Bubble wrap. And then also doing like Snaping to create a diversion. Yes. Yeah. Well, bubble wrap's an amazing divergent. Oh, yeah. You'd be like Steve Conn.

In, well, yes. But also in The Italian job when the guy who makes robot chicken, what's his name? Seth Green. Seth Green is on a computer and he's making crazy, he's being funny. He does that as a diversion? At the end he does. At the end he does.

It's not a very good diversion. You're like, upset because you would go on the computers. I mean, that sounds like a great job. It doesn't sound like much of a diversion to me. My name would be Keys. That's a good name. That's a good one. My name would be Slate.

Slate is good. Yeah, that'd be good. Key Slate soundtrack. I think my name would just. be a number and I wouldn't speak and it would scare everyone. Oh, okay. Okay. I'd be like, what's his deal?

And you'd be like, oh, four? Don't ask. And then you backflip. I guess the way this lined up then means I just have to go steal the thing. And then at the end of the movie. Yeah, yeah. You're the actual. Yeah.

You're the first shot of you with the toothpick. And I like have the camera. Yeah. You're the actual thief and your name is just Cameron. We all have shoplifting from just a convenience store. I'm playing with my keys. Because let's be right. Five is too small a crew.

I'm looking at the security camera footage. I'm watching him stealing. I'm going like. You're like on Spotify. I've got a Yamaha DX7. You're like, wait, I got a peg next to a song. In a minor key. In a minor key.

Yeah, wait, don't go into that room yet. Don't break in there. Hold on, hold on. Connect to the Sonos at the museum. Wait, okay. Yeah. Someone has to do that. I hate being the Bluetooth guy.

I'm literally about to make a playlist for your wedding. That would be my nickname. It would be Bluetooth. That's a good name. Bluetooth is good. And where you're missing tooth is you put a little piece of blue. Wow. I'd have a,

a Bluetooth would be really cool. A Bluetooth would be sick. You don't see. I almost never even see a gold tooth anymore. I kind of wanted to get a gold tooth. It's one of my biggest desires. I'm waiting for one of mine to fall out, which surely will happen at some point.

At some point it's going to happen. Well, isn't it a crown? Can't you put it over your old tooth? You can crown it. You can crown it. Yeah. I'm trying to get the budget. What a wonderful name for what that is.

I want one. I know. Your royalty. What's you go? I'm going to do GoFundMe for a gender affirming surgery and come back with girls. Gender affirming is now. Exactly. It'd be like, no way.

They'll be like, you didn't ask what it was. I don't see the problem there. And you know when trans people write the GoFundMe's, and I don't know if you don't know, I'm also one of those. So everyone would be cool. It's like they don't describe what the surgery is. Yeah. Yeah.

Like it's probably one of two, bottom or top. Sometimes all the way top, which is face. That's all the way top. Oh, and then you only get top grills. Yeah. So if you're like a gender affirming surgery that's necessary, you never have to say it. It can just be that. I'm getting Paul Wall surgery.

People can't ask you. Pass me the Ozempic, please. I'm coming back skinny with grills. Is it Paul Wall? Who's the guy who died in the car? Jelly Roll. Paul Walker. Paul Walker.

Jelly roll completely alive. He's alive. That isn't what I heard. But is he alive? That isn't what I heard. That is that. As of funny X-O and as of July 28th, 746 PM, Jelly Roll is alive.

Oh, yeah. We have a habit. We all get like a... Jelly Roll watch. I mean, he's been messing around with his body in a way that could lead to him. I think that serious death is looming for him. I think he's tinkering with tattoos. But imagine what a heartbreaking song he would make if he died.

Did you know that post below goes under to get his tattoos? Really? Yes. That's what I heard famous people do that. I thought you... I was always said that's gay. It is gay. I thought you were saying.

He went to Australia. He went down under. He went down under me. He said, why are you getting me a tattoo? Give me a vegetable my sandwich. I only get tattooed in Australia. You can't do it.

Yeah, because the in comes down in the opposite way from the beach. A guy actually said that to me. He only did the tattoo in Australia. And he said, he said, I was in, so I guess I keep saying this,

but I was in Japan. Then this is the kind of thing I feel like. Japan's like you having a husband. Uh, okay. Yeah. I don't know what that means. I understood it completely. I understood.

Japan's like, oh, now I understand. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But I was, there's hell, always hella Australian people in Japan because it's so close by and a guy who was saying,

I never get tattooed anywhere except for Australia. Was he Australian or Japanese? He was Australian. Were the tattoos good? But he was Australian. They were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were ugly.

He was like, I never get tattooed except for Australia where I live? That's so, that's not notable. He said he was buying real estate in Japan. This guy was really, really annoying. He was just next to me at a bar.

That's like me being like, I only go to sleep in Brooklyn. But he was specifically saying, he was like, yeah, I hate all American tattoos. They're all bad. Yeah, and you're never going there. 15 hours away. You're not going to come get that. Yeah, I never travel across the world 22 hours to get tattoo. This is a real, it's not post-malone, but it is a real guy.

I'm going to start doing that. I only work. I only walk dogs. are. It's not even true. I have a VIP. Yeah, absolutely. So Post Malone gets put under anesthesia.

He's also getting like, he's getting like, big, like that. I think lots of celebrities do that. They go under and they get a million tattoos done at once. Because you get money when you're like 17 years old. Like, okay, I would like to be covered in tattoos. You do it all in one day. And you look amazing as hell.

And you look amazing for the rest of your life. You've got trad going on. My journey is, you basically get these. You basically get tattoos because you, your brother has them and then you get to an age where you're like actually I don't even want to get tattooed again. It hurts so bad.

For me it was probably I think the last time I got tattooed it was like 23 so it's been about six years since I got tattooed. Calculating. It hurts so bad. Something happened the last time you was getting tattooed. Yeah. I never. You can get numbed out. I used numbing spray yesterday.

I go to sleep during the tattoo and they have to tell me don't go to sleep. I know, but you have a different. You have a different neurodivergions. When I was getting my head tattooed, which is this awesome little guy, I kept going to sleep in the tattoo. I was like, you can't sleep right now because you could move in your sleep and then the tattooing gets. So I'd be like, I got to stay awake for my tattoo. But when I'm getting tattooed, I'm like, I'm asleep.

I love your sensory environment so much. And then if someone brushes my hair, I'm like, ow! Wait, yesterday when I was getting my tattoo, I was getting my tattoo done at this spot that's like, right, it's not necessarily LGBTQIA. But it's more like, it's just random. It's like, it's like, it's LGBTQI are random. It's just like, it's just like, it's just random. And it's just so like, this is happening here where I'm getting my neck tattooed, it literally hurt so bad. And there are these two like deeply, like deeply murp kind of individuals who, you know when you're in pain and everything to feel so much worse because you're in pain.

Yeah. So you're in pain so everything feels so much worse. And obviously while this is happening, they are building a ramp. outside of the door to transport two 800 pound rhizograph printers while I'm getting my neck tattoo it's like something that can print large

scale oh okay so like it's two like queers and bow ties be like and I'm gonna believe this right here behind you don't mind please my little entire round for one I'm in this place and they're so sorry about this place it's like doge doge I was like naked stuff

that's a giant machine literally other people's conversations while you're getting tattooed are like heightened in a crazy. That is the only pain I experience during tattooing is hearing someone else talking about whatever the fuck they're talking about. So what they were talking about are like two gay people who do the gay people thing were the worst thing they could

ever do was like offend one another. So it's them like I'm sorrying out each other while they literally build a Rube Goldberg machine one centimeter from my eye while maybe my neck stabbed with a knife. And I'm like, why? And it's all because they need to like

do a rush printing job on posters that have like a piece of vase with a flower on it. Yes, exactly. It's like a poster of an Occupy Wall Street. Yeah, of like an illustrated base. They're doing a rush joke. It's like I ordered this in 08. Literally, literally, literally.

It's like stop the Iraq war. It's like, if you guys donated to our Kickstarter in 2016 we just got the machines in our space. We finally got the base. We're sending you your gifts. There's like a picture of that they're updating the Kickstarter with and you're in the background

like getting tattooed if you're in line stay in line no really in men's pain we have each other's named we have each other's

tattooed on our next I know that's sweet because I was looking at the other nice yes and we told people know this story

but it's pretty cute I feel like we should tell it about what happened after okay that's that actually ties back into what you were starting

with when you said I don't know how long often you go to restaurants before the last time I was at a restaurant so if you want to pick up and finish that thought

then you could go into the next part All I was going to say was that eating at the restaurant that he used to work at was similar to eating a bunch of jelly beans that are four and different flavors. Because I realized after I had that meal that I had 13 different animals. I ate 13 animals. Oh yeah. In 90 minutes. You said, let me get the Noah's Ark.

Yeah. I literally had, I'll have one of each. It was disgusting. Two by two actually. Sardine, clam, oyster, pork, beef, chicken, halibate. Cow. Yes. And then like, what the fuck did you order?

because it's like one was like it's like a bunch It's like a seafood It's a really big sandwich You like Scooby Doo bitch You're like You're like I don't know

If I can finish this meal The menus really changed guys And then I went to a rave after And I was like all the animals Are like back flipping Like I literally like dancing and biting Their spirits are storming Yeah exactly

It was like 40 days and 40 nights It was like graveyard It was so fucking bad You were having biblical time At the rave I was like There's a plague That is a completely biblical thing to do. 13 animals and go dance, yeah.

I did what's it called when you eat too much, sloth. Glutney. Gluttony. I did gluttony. And then God, what, Matt, when I try to do drugs on top. Gluttony with drugs on top. That's not a secret, a super sin. A drug.

Well, actually maybe like, cancels them out. Yeah, I think you're fine. Oh, I agree. So we're good. I think gluttony is just continuing, yeah. Okay, so we got our name of tattoo. And then something crazy happened. January 4th of this year.

Next week to four. find out it's a subscribe to the page right right here so we get our names tattooed

and I my whole thing is that I don't eat indoors except for with other parties who have like made sure

that we're on the same page basically so that's why I was having jelly beans here today because I was like you guys did

you guys basically passed the troll test for me to eat jelly beans in your presence and so I was like let's go eat

you and me after these tattoos to like celebrate because we we've eaten out in a restaurant now three times We've been friends for four years, five years.

Okay, period. Right. And we get to the restaurant and I'm like, I look it up. It's like it has outdoor. It's January, by the way. It's completely, yeah. January 4th. You forgot to say it was January 4th.

I said, I actually did. Great. I said it was January 4th. Because that's my favorite thing to do is remember dates. And we get there and the outdoors is like a hut that's closed with doors around it. It's just not the main restaurant. It's like, you know, when they're like we have a patio and it's just like a shittier version of the regular restaurant inside. So it was inside, basically, but it's like cold.

Right. And so I get out there and I'm like pumping the emergency exit door to like try and get airflow in. And I'm like still wearing a mask like at the table. And kind of what it gave the picture. Like we didn't realize at this first, but the servers were being so nice. Because it's like my friend. Me wearing a mask. He's not.

Right. Only people in the patio. He's like. You asked to make sure that no one else had eaten the patio prior. No, I didn't. I said I told them about my allergies, though. Yes. About nuts and shellfish allergies.

And they were like, they assured me. They were like, no one's back there. No one even wanted to be back there today. They volunteered it. It sucks. No, literally. They were like, we don't want to do this. Enjoy.

No, absolutely. No one wants to be here. But then it's like, they're being like, what's the occasion? And we said, we got each other's a name's tattoo. We've been best friends for five years. This is the second time we've ever eaten at a restaurant together. And everything, they're like bringing things out with like smile, like these huge smiles.

Bringing free stuff. Yes. They're like, it's so like VIP status. They sent a chef out to talk to us. It was like, hey, heard you guys. got tattoos. Like, can we see? All those are cool. We got our entrees, which were two

like rib sandwiches with a candle in it. They put candles in the sandwiches. And then I was like, after this was all going down, I'm realizing wait a second, they think I'm going to die. Yes. They think I have cancer. Like, they see me in a mask.

Names tatted, never eaten in daughters together, and they're like, so this guy's dying soon? And we need to make this the best restaurant experience of his life. A candle in the sandwich, like free broth. Not even thinking, not even thinking, C-O-P-D, let's put smoke and throat.

No, they were like, do it. It was like make a wish. It was make a wish. The house. It was literally four people watching the candle come to us and be like smiling. The chef. The chef came out.

The chef talked to me like, he's like, I really hope you're enjoying this. But last meal. Yeah, no, fully last time. thing with me of like, that's awesome, buddy and also a like child way. Yeah.

He's like, that's awesome buddy. Like I was like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, compliment to the chef, like this is my last meal. Yeah, that's the ultimate compliment to a chef. And then, chefs have egos.

No, yeah, yeah, being like my service today, I got to do something amazing. Yeah. That's why I do it for those like weird guys

wearing one mask like in the back of the day. Like, I need a one mask. mask. Wait, you should weird Al that. That's a good old man. Weird Al has been dormant. I know. No, he has not. He's literally on tour. But not new music. No, Al, right?

This type of is pretty good. Can we change the subject? You're weird house tour manager. I've never told me this whole time. I'm like, Spike, why are you in Dayton, Ohio? Don't ask. Has he read on New Year for Skyline. Yeah, I feel like he comes out with music really consistently. The last one he did was. What's the single?

Aluminum foil. I don't know. No, I don't know what the... For Royals, the Lord's song. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I don't think I've heard anything from him since then.

He's literally hot. I love him so much. He's awesome. But instead of Weird Al, I'm strange Spike. That's what I... Well, weird Al also exists within Spike kind of spiritually. You're like... How so?

Spill the beans. We bring this up on like every podcast and then I can't do it because it is like a WB Frog, Michigan and J. Frog situation where it's like, I'm amazing at freestyling. Really? Yes. You can give him genre and topic and he can, he taps into another plane. And it's like complete flow state spit.

But when this is in. Yeah, no, I don't know. This is the second podcast in a row that you're like, so he can do this thing and I'm just like, rib it. Like literally like the fucking frog, like in the box. Well, I'm not to make it three. In high school, did you go to parties and freestyle for hours and hours? So high school, going to parties is kind of where the sentence isn't.

Like, when I would go to a party in high school, people would do the, you know, when you get first name, last name. Yeah. Spike a iron binder? What are you? Like, dude! What are you doing?

So, like, that. It was kind of that. I was in a back brace for two years that I had to wear 23 hours a day. A lot of time to practice freestyle. Yeah. Oh, I mean, like, I,

the things I was doing in my room, I was reading beat poetry, practicing animal noises, memorizing jelly bean flavors, dog breeds, and completely like freestyling in my head. And it's just kind of like made me really close

to like the jug. source of like ability to conjure. You ever had a juggalo on pod? One sitting right here. Whoa. Are you going to gathering? No, I never been. But I do like, I do like.

We want to, I want to play a show there so bad. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you'd get like hurt though. Yeah. Like they'd like throw, they'd like mace you. Yeah. It's fine.

Really? They put raid on you. I know they're doing like the, they do all the time. Raid is dangerous. They're crazy. The juggalo championship, the JCW.

where they're like hitting each other with like fluorescent tubes. They're honest and performance artists. I think they're amazing. And the music is just as good as music can be. That is my favorite. I love doing. No, I think everyone should be rapping over circus noise. Yeah.

Yeah, it is awesome. The amount of mileage you can get at that specific one too. Yeah, that's a big sample. That's a really big sample. Because it doesn't get cooler. Well, the circus is already scary. Right, because it's like how, when I'm at the circus, I'm like, how jell me? Yeah.

That's why you. How jell me? A clown, a lion. How did you guys get involved with each other? When you get the idea for this? I feel like the circus is also the kind of thing where it went town to town and people were like, you're weird, you should go there and kind of leave town and keep going where they're going. You're not a big ten over there?

Get in there. I had a sexual awakening and a circus sole day on tour. You said what? I had a sexual awakening when I was a tween at Cirque de Soleil. Because they visited in my town. They were saying that like this year. Like you said on tour, I was like, oh, you guys are on tour. That is true.

Yeah, we're about to, we're about to go to her on tour. I mean, not in sexual awakening because on tour obviously all the time. But it was at Cirque to Solay. Okay, you know, okay, because when you're a child, I was 11, by the way, when like, when the fourth wall is broken and the performer leaves the asses of the audience. Running through the aisle. Yes. That's crazy. that happened to me and one of the performers who was

Bendy made eye contact with me and then it was like one day I'll go to a strip club and be like the stripper really likes me it's like that's exactly what it felt like I kind of set you up for that I'm like I was chosen by like yeah I'm paying her but I'm only one listening to her yeah right and then I was a pump for my bachelor party

being like and she really likes me and I'm the favorite so it's good for me and I'm really lucky so yeah so that's good do you know the good morning pumps guy oh yeah I've seen that guy Morning pumps. Biking by. Yeah, he bikes like pumps every morning. And he says good morning?

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Hi girls. The only building he's doing that too. He's not doing it to every building. He's doing it to bobo poultry up the street. Yeah.

Morning bobo poultry. That's the other thing. It's like when you have a live game facility, kind of like a live poultry culling facility nearby, it's going to create like a stank. Oh, yeah. Does that ever wafted into the club? I'm sure. Yeah.

That's tough. Oh, yeah. That's like. what's that the white castle next to the live chicken place there and then

it wasn't doing the many favors when they had the marquee say we have shrimp rings it said that for like 16 months it was like

yeah we know we can smell the shrimp rings because also but it was like unclean lamb intestine how you it's like you mean a shrimp

fried this rice it's like you mean a shrimp made this ring it's like how many shrimp rang this Because shrimp is a ring.

They're extruding it into a moment. A shrimp can't ring but a tin can. Oh, that'd be classic. That would be a classic. That's good one. You can just use that for any of them. I see you can somewhat spit yourself. That's my only one.

I just know the tin can one. Oh, wait, shrimp prints like onion ring. Yeah. I would assume so. Doesn't it sound kind of good. What I think it is is they pipe it into a mold. That's a colomari, but more vulgar. Yeah.

Yeah. It's chopped up. They probably got a. spring onion in it or something. I'm actually imagining this in my head right now. No, they don't have.

I'm imagining. I'm imagining. I'm like, I'm seeing like a Garfield cloud where you are going lasagna. I'm like, okay. Yeah.

We put it in the ring, freeze it. I think what they do is they like blend the shrimp in an industrial like incinerator blender and then they extrude it like toothpaste into a mold. I want a house that's made on it.

Y'all like Hows It's made? I love it. I love it. I love it. That's the best one. I love it. Oh, how is it's made hot dog cart? Hot dog cart.

You said? Hot dog cart. I've seen a hot dog. How's it's made? Hallmarts, by the way. Rosses. And also Burger Kings. And shrimps.

And shrimps. And shrimps. And shrimps rings. Yeah. Shrimps rings at the White's Castle. No, how's it's it made? You don't want to go to the White's Castle. The White's Castle.

Oh, wow. They're not letting me in. Let's just say that. Oh, no. No. Well, what's better? White's Castle or, White Castles. White Castles is

word. White castles could be more like descriptive. White Castle. It's like my favorite Kate Bush song or something. White's Castle. White's Castle. White's Castle. White's castle. And I think White's Castle call that Gottshire Hall. The question, White's Castle is it better or

worse with the apostrophe? I think it's worse without the apostrophe. The apostrophe maybe insinuates a name. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like sure white. Brian White. Brian White is his castle. There was a place,

there was a diner in my hometown called White Front. Whoa. Wait, not that. That is, I had a diner in my hometown called Aryan Nation. They were like,

what should we call the complete facade for where our like white nationalists? And Michael Jordan used to work. I don't know. I don't know. We should call it white castle. That scared the shit out of me.

Sometimes the guys just look in. Is that, do you know him? No. I thought that was jelly roll at first. No. Literally? I literally thought that was jelly roll out.

The guy who just peered in was like, was like trunk full of fago, car full of fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? A guy came in right before you guys got here and he was like, hey, is this a photography studio? He said, no. He was like, well, I want to pose.

I mean, it did have that guy. He kind of looked like he wanted to give us some head shots. We were like playing super monkey ball. I don't know how he could think that this is a photography. studio? What if that guy is like damn, I just saw the thing where they do the interview after the porn? It looks like a

red room from... It really looks horrifying. Like we're all talking about it. We're like, yeah, it was super fun. It was awesome. We had a blast. No, it was like totally cool. Yeah, I definitely knew it again. The only piece of frosted glass we have on there is the logo. We need to frost it. We need to ice that thing. Yeah, we do.

But here's the problem with the full this is the full frosted is then someone knocks and you're like, who is that? Yeah. scary slender man that's way worse because you can lock the story you can always lock it but if you can't see out that's scary story time i'm at slender man no whoa yes i literally did you scared the fuck i literally wait are you okay is that freak you he's scary no and i fucking i saw his belt buckle i'm not kidding i fucking saw him what was it like eye level because you're so tall is it the kind that like

it was not i was raining my head i'm six foot and i was braining that shit is he like Huge. I enjoy it. Where did you meet him? In Seattle, Washington. Oh, that's where he is. In a cemetery on Halloween. Whoa.

Yes. We were going to the cemetery to cut a hole in it to get the spirits out. To cut a hole in the cemetery? Yes. The earth or the... Yeah. The cemetery gates. My life, it would be like a Smith song.

Yeah. I'm kind of hold those cemetery gates, okay? No, literally. I'm living like old Morrissey. Not now. Making all the ghost's comments. in 2011. Yeah, fully.

I cut a hole in the cemetery gates. And we're walking through the park and we leave an offering for the spirits. And then I am feeling the hairs rise in the back way. Like I turn around. Slender Man is literally there. I'm not kidding. Come on. He is 35 feet tall.

That's so much really taller than he is in the movies. He's so fucking tall. In the creepy closet, he's like 7.2. He's like pretty big, but he's not 30. He's like Madison Square. He's pretty big, but he could find a shoe at the footlocker. Is he a normal person skinny? Or is he a pencil?

Pencil. A 35 foot pencil? He's a 35 foot tall pencil. It's just a belt floating around the pencil in the big thing. I think you saw a floating belt. You saw something scarier. I'm sorry, sir. No, I saw Slider Man.

He's a 35 foot tall pencil who's bald. Yeah, that's true. No eyes. No face. No face at all. This is starting to track. This is starting to sound like. The details are lining up.

Okay, so this is sounding like you saw a pencil. Why was he wearing jeans? Because you saw a Dixon Taekondroga that has a pattern similar to the cut of denim. And the belt that you envisioned is like the little metal part around the eraser and the bald is the eraser. Oh, a giant pencil. So his belt was around his forehead. Google. You sound stupid as fucking.

Yeah, it was. You sound fucking stupid right now. I know what I saw and it was Slender Man. He was 30 feet tall and he was the size of pencil. So his bell was around his forehead. Yeah. People do that in movies when they're really drunk. Okay, that's the signify drunkenness.

It was Halloween, he partying. It was his one day off. Drunk-ass pencil. No, you saw a drunk-ass pencil. Fuck, I saw a drunk-ass pencil again. I saw a tall, drunk-ass pencil. Did you run away? Yes, I ran the hell away, and I did not look back.

The second I got home. Did you yell Slenderman? Did I say his name? Did you go, slender man? And run away? No, if you did, I knew I would be taken by him. But did other people run with you? I was with one other person, and we knew not to say his name.

You're like, I never saw him again. And I never saw him again. Oh, my God. Wait, is that true? Yes. You never saw the first of you were with again. No, I did see that person. Oh, I was like, what?

I never saw slender man. That was terrified. That person died. I never saw a scary. The pencil ate my friend. I never saw the ghost. I never said it before in my life, but the pencil ate my friend.

Saying it for the first time here. That's almost scarier to me that it was a pencil. No, that's how. I'm like addicted to the Morrissey aspect of it. And I was Morrissey the whole time. Yeah. What were you dressed up as for Halloween? Do you remember?

Morrissey. It was COVID-19 the beginning. So I wasn't dressed up as anything. Yeah, it was dressed up as Morrissey. He made it sound like a movie. My life is the beginning. COVID-19, the reckoning. That would be an amazing movie if the villain was a giant pencil.

Exactly. You're like, okay, what's this movie about? A huge pencil. It has nothing to do. It's a little pencil. It came out in 1973. Yeah. And it's about a big pencil.

It's about a giant. It's scary. It's trying to scare kids out of smoking weed at the cemetery. And it's called COVID-19, the big of it. It's a giant pencil. COVID was the brand of pencil and 19 was the sharpness. The coronavirus has been around. So they could in the 70s have made a movie and called it COVID-19,

how people were, you know, like doing 2001 a space. Yeah, exactly. They knew the year was coming up. And then it just occurred. That is true as hell. Yeah. He knew the year was coming. He was like, well, he was.

I like that he went one past 2000. It would have been so easy to go. I feel like he was seeing everything He was like blenders are 2000 Like shoes are 2000 But 2001 What would be 2001? A whole odyssey

In space? Probably a space audition Yeah I haven't seen it Me neither I've seen the beginning It's good I saw that being spoofed in Zoolander

Yeah I knew it was a reference of movie I hadn't seen I like that one even better I'd like that part Zoolander's so good Orange Moka for Apocino I think about it every day

David Decovney What's the tagline for the perfume Water is the wetness. I'm like, he's so brilliant. What does that Siller do now? That show I don't watch.

I hate that show. Soda? He's Stiller's soda. No, severance. No, it's literally real. It's not called soda. Stilers soda. He has a soda.

It's not called Stiller soda. It's called Stilers soda. Severance is not called Stilers soda. Yeah. What's the flavors of still or soda? They have like knockoffs. They're severed. Wait, what?

The flavor's Ben. Ben's lemon lime. Yeah. Ben and Lyme. Ben and lime. I don't know. Doesn't rhyme that. Did you see it?

Ben and Law. They haven't had the grocery down the street. Girl, you're making that up. There's no way still her soda's real. It's still, yeah. I'll show you later. Have you tried it?

I've never tried it. So it doesn't exist. That's how we know it's, that's how we know. You saw a soda you didn't try? I saw a soda that I didn't try. I saw my own two eyes. Why does it have a tequila? Is he a pussy?

I get a tequila. When are you two going to have a tequila? A porosos. When I relapsed brother. Well, but you can still be involved. You can like make the corn mash. He could. A corn hat.

Wait, isn't tequila agave is the whole thing? Well, but I thought for you guys a bourbon would be great. That would be badass. I would. I would.

We could do an alcoholic servesa. We smoke this maload ourselves like rip a vape. We put it all over the batch. We go the oak barrel below cotton candy vape into it and then seal it.

That's a good idea though. I think our product to be a chocolate. Ew. You all want to do a Mr. B's chocolate bar. Yes. I think our products would be

a chocolate bar. What do you think? You can be in a horrible face. I don't want to do it. have a coffee? I think we would have something that was incredibly shelf stable. An MRE? Yes. That's cool. That is really cool. That is really cool. That would be cool. Wait, what's, wait, what's an MRE? It's the military rations. You already said it was cool. Wait, the reason why, the reason why,

it's a type of bullet. I thought you were saying a morrow in a weird way. Amari? I thought you were saying a morrow in a strange way. I just got so excited at the the thought of like us having like the boy dog food transgender version in like a pouch that you use water. But I got excited and that we were going to make it a morrow together. And Amaro is, isn't that made from nuts? That can be in the MRE. It's not. It's made it from, you would like a moro as an alcoholic because it's very bitter tasting.

But it has a strange taste. It can be an alcoholic. We make non-alcoholic. We can make a strange tasting, non-alcoholic, herb forward. I want to digest teeth. Like our version of Chartreuse. Yes. You would like that it's kind of like witchcraft.

You and I need to have a drink. in a cauldron. And I'm a lot of you. You'll be a calling it, Amadi. Yeah. And the logo would be a pencil with the belt. It'd be like how when,

how IPAs started being this thing of like every IPA can was like the new drawing of like a goose with like sunglasses. Their brother, their brother's like a graphic designer. Yeah. No, I think a zombie like holding a pencil with a belt is the perfect just inscrutable logo. It's going to stand out. I'm going to create it now.

Yeah. Pencil with a belt. I've seen. Such a clear image in my head of what this logo looks. I mean it really tastes pretty good. I like when a drink tastes like a sandwich. Like, I think that's fine. Yeah.

But it is really embarrassing to be like, I'll have one voodoo ranger, please. That's why those are perfect gas station here. There was one in a brown bag. In a private. When I was living in New Hampshire, I was getting one called clown shoes. Humble Brack, by the way. It's not a word.

Lived free. It's not a fucking free. I'm from. Exactly. Our cauldron drink. Wow. Okay, but you didn't make, he's not scary.

Is this what you saw? Is this what you saw? This is exactly what. I knew it. This is exactly. So it was a pencil. You're like on the news and this is next to you. It was so fucking scary.

What are you calling? I hear this man. This is the lepracons. The sketch. They're calling him slender man. He's a giant pencil with a belt. Around his head. Wait, what's the lepricon?

Two individuals, honey, Pluton and Beep were in a cemetery. Trying to cut a hole in the fence to let the ghosts out. Some say it's a Smith song. Others know it as a different name, Slender Man, a pencil with a belt around his head. Okay, this is proof that you did it. I went into a trance. You just did it, you just did it. Seattle.

Anyway, what's the leprechaun you were talking about? The lepricon video? You never seen that? Are you fucking serious? You all seen the leprechaun so yeah. I don't watch the video. It's not TV. It's not the YouTube video.

Come on. TV. I don't watch a long TV. I have a really busy social life. Have you ever seen this? They showed that on the news. And it's insanely accurate. That's so incredibly.

It's so insane how accurate it is. That's so funny. When you finally see the video. Oh, yeah. When I show you the real like that, you're going to die. I will like it. I'm surprised I haven't seen it. I love shit like that.

It's a classic. That is so. Wait, I literally have that tattoo. What's this? Show the listeners that. Oh, wow. The butt is legs.

Wait, what's y'all's most? random tattoo. I have ghost on my ass. Oh my God, that's so good. I thought it's going to be a drawing of it. It's the word. Just the word. That's sleigh.

I have the word. I have the word. Oh, yeah, foot. Oh, that's good. Yeah. The bar is really high. I'm like, I've got to think about mine. You got a random there somewhere.

Mine's definitely the baby's legs. Baby's legs. It really looks like a butt cheeks. I feel like my most random one is like one that I'm randomly so proud of it into. Which is what? This looks like the fucking member from. By the way. My actor.

masks. Those are beautiful. And I also have those, but might be with the butthead. This is the first tattoo I ever got. And I was like, this is because I'm going to be an actor, which is the craziest thing to be like to be like, this is my commitment to my craft. I'm stuck with it. They're lepracot alien guys. Drama and comedy all the way.

Anyone who see a leprechaun here? I wish. Only when I look at the mirror. I would do anything. Yeah, that would be a great experience. I'm surprised y'all have it. Are you all Irish? No, I found out I'm British.

Oh. I thought I was Irish. Wait, y'all are Irish? I'm close to 100%. Whoa. Yeah, he's complete. 100% half. Me too.

Party. My mom did 23 and me, and it said we were 99% Ashkenazi Jewish. It's like, so that's not good. You got to be at least 3% another thing. What was the one? What was the one? It was like inconclusive. The one was like the margin of air.

they put it for everyone. I got Rob, they told me I was Irish, and then they updated it, and they were like, you are British. Bro, why are they retesting your shit? That's what I'm saying. Oh, I'm not Irish. Oh, I'm not going to run that one again.

That ain't right. Months later. We got to pick this guy's stuff. Well, once you start giving it to them, and they're going to do weird shit with it. Yeah. You're going to send it to Palantier. But the problem is that when you get it as a gift,

I was giving it as a gift. That's a classic family gift. Yeah. And I got, although it's so stupid to give it to you. Because if you're a family to give it to you, it's like you just do it and tell. It's like my mom did it. So I'm like, I guess I got it. Yeah, you got it for free. It's like I'm one away from that with another person who was also that.

So I'm like, now they both have red hair. I'm 150%. And then we also did it for the podcast originally. Oh, wow. Yes, we did it for the podcast. To be like who's the most Irish. To do. Well, we made.

It's an Irish shop. Zoo and a reference. It was guessing. It was guessing. He had some curve balls. I did have some curve balls. I did have some Native American. I had some Africa

Some Africa Some small percentages of strange things Some things I didn't expect or know about And I had 1.5% Egyptian What is Native America? Where is that? Where the hell is that? They haven't even got that on the map

And then what was yours? Egyptian? I had a 1.5% Egyptian. Well, you better be bringing that to the bank. That's what I'm saying. I need to be more proud. I've been letting my Egyptian family down. You're headed Egyptian fish.

All 1.5 of them. All one point. Wherever you guys are, if you're Egyptian and you think you might be my brother, reach you out. Not a lot. Well, that's interesting because you ever get those on Instagram reels where it's the feet, graphs. Yes. Yes.

Phrenology. That should be illegal. Frenology. Racial. Racial foot. Racial foot. Rachel foot is my new grand core band Racial foot

Honey it's like More on this story later I'm Rachel foot F-O-O-T-E Yeah I'm racial foot Reporting live from the cemetery Mesopotamian foot

Assyrian foot Yeah And if like you're A Syrian foot drag king name Go be the same Assyrian foot I'm a Syrian this foot up your ass If you don't do your homework

Me as a dad Me to the kids Don't show the parents that Get the cameras. Don't show. My boss is always like, I feel like I should listen to your stand up because of boundaries.

I'm like, do not. And you're literally like, kill everyone now. Do not. Poison the water so it only affects the people that I want to die.

No, literally. And then you're like, okay kids. I'm like LSD when you're three mandatory. Yeah. Then what? You're doing Rajanishi to the children but with LSD.

No, literally. They're coming. No, you literally want to. What is that? What is that? Y'all would love the Roshnishi. You know what it is.

It's the cold that, like, they wore all orange. And they were like... Oregon and the 80s. Oh, they had a Netflix documentary. Yes. And they did the biggest... Wild country or something. Wild country.

The biggest environmental terrorism ever. They poisoned salad. They poisoned the... They gave everyone salmonella in the town so the Rajshish could win the local elections. Did they win? They were too sick to vote. They did win and then they found out there was biological terrorism.

They got mad. They rescinded it. It's fucking so good. They created their own town called Roshney. Porum in completely rural Oregon where it was just like seven-year-old farmers and then they're all like I don't know why there's an Indian man here now

I know they were like so who's oh I guess that's it does sound a little bit Indian the name like it's like all these white people like we were kind of doing not an all dressing in a color and shape and oh okay who is the who is the leader of this call Oshow he has an amazing voice like this and he has

wait it's a great name for his you can go for it if you are I never say it, but you have to say it. I don't believe. I say R word instead. But like this instead of this. But your mouth can be seen. But they can see.

There's a quote from Oshah where someone's asking him, why do you think you need to lead the people? And he thinks, and he goes, because the people are retarded. I've seen this clip, actually. Yes. Okay. All right. That's that guy? Yeah.

Oh, cool. cult, whole town, whole town. He only drove Bentley's. And they just wanted to get a town? You wanted to get a town to make their own kind of vibe. And people liked it. They would bust in homeless people to vote for them in the local elections and give them food, water. That's great.

And religion. I don't get what the problem is and I should do it. I'm pro. I feel like there's few cults that I'm anti that talked up. I'm kind of pro that. Yes. What's your big one? What's your number one cold?

Dude, I mean, Koresh. Yeah, Koresh. I'm like totally. Koresh vibes. Koresh. I was like, oh, oh, what's Koresh? Not David Koresh.

David Koresh. I like those, those, uh, Waco. Those little buggers that were trying to get on that spaceship. I love it. Oh, Heaven's Gate.

It's like Heaven's game most stripped out. Yeah. Like Waco is like most, it's like hottest. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And the politics. That's a pun too

because it was a fire. Yeah, they had to get rid of that shoe fucking the Nike decade. Oh, right. Was that his? That was like a Bronco? I thought it was Reebok. No, it was Nike.

It was Nike. It was Nike. It was a Nike. It was a Nike. It was a Rebock. Honestly, they weren't that cool looking. This is the Reebok of the Nike. That also is, that's like one of the most pure, like that should be on loop in the Guggenheim.

I agree. That's like a room. It should be a room where you go in and it's Eroson Rebock on Nike. It's a room that's also completely soundproof. Wait, this is another YouTube. You really don't watch TV. Wait, rhythm of the night. This is a.

Oh, I mean. Okay, so we have to do Lepricon and then we have to do Reboco the Nike. Y'all got a serious YouTube playlist throwing here. No, we're not the best sleepover ever. I'm like, what was the last time

you were like shacked up with a cis guy? Because like, I'm deep in the YouTube. Never. I never have. Yeah. I've been boning. You're not getting YouTube kids. Okay, but what about this video?

Have you seen the video of the Brazilian Prime Minister? Boom video. Yeah, whose voice sounds crazy? Can you believe the quickness? World Bolzomaro? That's like, It's all we have.

But hey, but you don't want. He's doing a press conference and then he sounds like Venom. No, I don't know what it's one. So that's, so what did you say? Boom video. Boomer. I don't know. What's the boom video?

Bolsonaro. He posted a wide video of himself and said, bomb video. Boom video, which means good video. But it's just him walking and it's squished down. I know Bolsonaro getting bit by an emu. Which happened to me recently. You got bit by an emu.

You saw slender man. Yeah. Honey's like that tall tales uncle. Like, is that real, uncle honey? Animals attack me. Like when he leaves after Thanksgiving, you know your life is lacking so much wonder, but you don't know what to believe.

No, and all of it's true. But animals attack me. What emu bit you? What was the last animal attack that you suffered? My, an emu bit me at a petting zoo in rural Washington after I went there with my husband, Japan, by the way.

Literally. It's important to have stuff like this. I haven't been to Japan, but I bought it. You're like, I only get attacked him to New York. The emu boasts. I'm scared. I have a fear of large. I have a fear of flightless birds.

Yeah. Big, big giant birds. They're crazy. It's so fucking scary. It's literally so scary. Yeah. They're coming for me. And so I'm at the petting zoo and they can feel my fear and it grabbed my hat.

And it was taunted me. Grab your hat? Yes. And that's one of my fears about obviously I want to travel to Asia like Cameron have, but I am worried about monkeys attacking. Like cameras? About monkeys? Yeah.

No, monkeys are scary. Yeah. I saw I was around monkeys and they didn't attack me. Because you have good. They didn't attack anybody. They like your tattoos. They didn't. I was, I was worried about it.

I was scared of it. And I specifically, all my stuff, I, like, put it. I took everything, like, I was making no loose items that they could steal from me. Right. All this. I was very scared of this. They were all, but they did not attack a single person. Because the thing is a monkey pulls up.

I mean, when I'm going to do, punch it. That's horrible. Yeah, that's pretty bad. The video of you punching a monkey. If I go viral for punching a monkey, I'm going to be so embarrassed. Before I'm. I'm famous, I'm the white guy in India punching a monkey.

No Netflix special, but I punched a monkeys. Remember him? Yeah, the guy who punched a monkey. I'm the guy that punched a monkey. Like, at the Taj Mahal. But then it's like everyone's doing a deep dive on you and like watching this podcast and be like, he predicted it. He knew about COVID-19. He knew about COVID-19 and punching a monkey.

I was like the monkey do some shit to me. Because also, here, boomness. Here's what I'm scared of monkeys. My mother was very affected by, Oprah type programming. Oh, Charlene Ash. Who got her face for her. Oh, yeah.

My mom would wash that on loop. So if I... She's like... She's like... The sun's going down and she's hitting rewind. So I... And you're like, Mama, can we come?

I wanted... Not yet. She was very busy watching Charlotte and his face became a hole. She trusted him and he ripped the face off. Because the monkey ripped her face up and their face was just a hole. Travis the gym. Yes.

We know a lot about Charleneh here. Really? Yeah. Why? It was a big, I think when we first, like, met each other, we talked about that.

It's a big fixation. No, no, no. Oh, yeah. Oh, so you already have this fixation. Yeah, yeah. Huge, huge, yeah.

Because it's where we link. It's scary. I think it was in my subconscious, I'm worried I will become her in some way. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I could smooth talk my way out of a monkey attack. Yeah.

Depends on the monkey man. Who are you talking to in this situation? Right, right, right. I get bit by dogs like every day. You get bit by dogs every day? Oh, yeah. Like on the street, they like stopped. Well, what will happen to me on the street is I will walk by buildings where dogs are completely silent and other people are walking by by.

But when I walk by, they're barking from a very high floor. And I've never met them. You're feeling you. It happens without fail any time of day. Right. It's New York. People are walking by the street. Somehow I'm walking. It's doing a thing.

We're like communicating. But yeah, I get my, I like get bit by dogs for a living kind of. They, do you think you're off putting to the dogs or they like you so much? I am a dog walker and I have behaviorally quirky dogs. I see. They smell it. Sometimes they're like landing a bite on me. You know,

I try to make it through. I'd say I probably get about, like I think I'm getting one bite per month maybe two. But are they serious or they're just like, oh, check that one out. Some of them have been serious. I've never gone to the doctor from them.

Well, dogs are clean, I hear. They're not and you need to get a tennis shot and I just won't do it. I have like a, like my thumb has a big scar on it where it went to the bone one time.

Oh. And I just kind of like held it closed and like sprayed back teen on it and it was fine. Yeah. What kind of dog bit you? It was, her name was Knuckles. Wow. First red flag.

Well, she was like knuckles on her name's sake. That's an Oogel name. It really was. And her, well, don't. I can't. I have to stop talking because I could be traced back. When I went upstairs to that client was on Zoom at the time and my hand was bleeding in a glove because sometimes I wear nitrile gloves to work because it makes me like

completely invincible. More on that later. and so I was walking Knuckles and her packmate Wiley Oh my God, don't watch this and like you know that that was bad And you're so lucky I didn't sue you and don't talk to me ever Speaking directly to a person who does exist But I don't want to see this and there's no way that they will Even though it will end up on their algorithm because I'm talking about it like this OCD is awesome

And when we were on the walk Knuckles who was like a total trash monster went to the leaf pile And I thought she was going to sniff it to do business but I noticed she's sniffing and then doing the like business being poop or pee. Thank you. Yeah. Business. That's business. The point of the walk.

The only business a dog has. True. That's their job. And then eating their own poop. Well, she was like sniffing. And then you know when a dog turns from sniffing to like getting? Yeah. And so I was like, oh crap.

And I reached in her mouth to try to get the thing. And she like adjusted off of the morsel and clamped on my thumb. So then I like abort the walk. We're like going upstairs and like past the doorman who hates me and is trying to make me sign in again, even though I like have a bleeding hand of dogs I just left with. Right. Like just to fuck with me.

He's like, where's your fob? Yeah, no, literally. Being like, hey, hey. And I'm just like, I'm bleeding out by. I was shot. All the way up to the eighth floor dog saying them. Oh my God.

Please leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. I get in there and I'm like, hey, like, do you have like a paper towel or something? I like unsheath the glove and it's just like blood is like pouring down. And this person has like a job that like made her able to pay me a lot.

But like, she said her first and last name. You slowly break from. Okay, racial foot, I'm talking to you. I'm exposing racial foot on the podcast tonight. No, her name is a Syrian foot. Phoenician foot. Fenecian foot. Greek foot is kind of like...

I'd order that. You're Greek foot in the ocean's 11. That's you. That sounds like a fast. That guy's fast. Yeah, the first marathon. Yeah, blue tooth, slate, Greek foot and four.

What was your name? Keys. Keys. Keys. But it went an E after the Y. Basically, she just gave me paper towels and, like, told me, like, that she would pay me later because she didn't have money for me that day.

Yay. Yay. That's my awesome life. I have a scar. Because when I was a child, I went up the down elevator and tripped. Oh. The down elevator? Escalator.

Oh, okay. I went up the down escalator and tripped. And a Barnes and Nobles. Where's the scar? Nobles. White's Castle. Oh, okay. Yeah.

It went inside. Barns and nobles. Barnes and nobles and white. I got one on my thumb here because I was sharpening a knife. It's like mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're similar. You have a larger one for a cooler reason, though. Oh, yeah.

Excuse me? This one up here. Yeah. Wait, guess how he got this. I mean, just look at the severity of it. Look at how long it is, right? You were stabbed. Kind of, technically.

Okay, you fell into something of the draft. You fell through a table. Glass table. I fell onto a draught. while trying to dunk a basketball. And this was only a couple years ago. Yeah, this was at our friend Patch's wedding. Like, is that a wedding?

So did everything have to stop? No, it wasn't that crazy. I don't even know that it blessed. It looked crazy. There's a picture of me jumping. I think basically everyone was off doing their thing and we kind of had a little corner where we were just jumping on a trampoline. We kind of played for a while at the wedding.

We basically showed up to the wedding, ate every cheese on the cheese bowl. word. I went and played. Jumped on the trampol. I got to find the picture. There's a photo of me like on the trampoline. You can't take us anywhere. We're going to eat all your cheese.

Jump up and down and bleed. It's so funny. I brought like a change of clothes too because I was like I don't think I want to stay in my suit all night. So I'm like in like big ass shorts. Yeah. Big dog shirt bleeding out. Hello. Pass me a beer.

Everyone's like in the middle of like someone's like empathetic like champagne toast speech. And you come and you're like, oh, I'm bleating. It's like in big shorts. I just get through a window silently. It's turned to ceremony. Where are you from Philadelphia? I'm just like doing the voice. You became from Philadelphia retroactively for the story.

Oh shit. I also got foreign action syndrome when I fail. You're going Philly to Southern and it's like melding. That's so cool. That's so cool. Yeah, that one, the picture's so fucking good too because it's just I'm so happy. Did you make the. dunk? No.

I got that really good picture of him. Probably the spring. Well, I don't make, I didn't make it either. No, I don't think any of us made it. Do you don't remember the photo? No, it's on my fridge. In the picture, I'm getting completely stuffed by the round. I know, you're like four feet under it.

Yeah, but the picture is good. The picture is not good. The picture is good, dude. No, dude. Doing this, but like five feet under the room is so funny. We have crazy injury story that's mostly you. Oh, when I broke my foot on tour. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I saw this a million. A lot of it really not that high tree. But it was really intense of a break. That was... Are you okay to talk about or not? No, I mean, of course. I did.

Yeah, I fell from a very short tree that I was climbing. Um, because I wanted to recreate a picture of Willem Defoe. We were doing a photo show. Oh, for what picture? Where he is in a tree looking kind of quirky and like sensual. And so I was climbing on a tree in cowboy booths to do that. And I was like directing and I was being like arch your back and like do this. And then at one point...

And Spike was being still like one with like your balls out like painted to the side. And then he started to stand up and I was like, don't stand up. I was like, stand up taller? Yeah. He kept like straight down. And his foot was like an L. Yeah. And then like we had to like be.

I was like Rambo crawling out of a ditch with like my foot behind me, Scorpion. Like to a car. It was so intense. I'm in so much pain. I was trying to get people in. Organizing pain. To like help us. I was like my friends hurt.

Like can you come back? like, Spike was like my friends hurt and needs pills. They were like, okay, so your cracker are like, don't say that. I was like, do you guys have pain medication? My friends hurt really bad back there. And they were like, get away from me. But they're like, heroin addict. That line doesn't work in Los Angeles.

No, it doesn't work any more period because of woke. I'm like, this fucking sucks. No. But then the most painful part was that Spike had to take my cowboy boot off of my foot. It was like that. That was worse than the actual snap. Did the bone come out? No, bone was in.

I'll show you the picture after. It's crazy. It looks like a shrimp ring. It looks like a shrimp ring. It looks like a trip ring. No, it's insane. It's like fish eye lens. Oh.

But people are like, why did you? Is it my favorite pair of shoes? I wanted them. Yeah, so I had to pull them off of the broken. And it was so bad. And my screaming was triggering his stress-induced Tourette. So. It was like Blue Man Group.

Who is like, he was, you were your mind like, I was like, fuck shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Like over and over again, loudest fuck. And there was like some, we were also in someone's, Natalie Riley. Natalie Rileyatman's apartment. Yes. And the window was open. And then there was like a bitch who was like working from home and was like, can you guys

be quiet? We were like, we're doing triage emergency. I'm like, he's applying a tourniquet. I'm like, I'm an army general. I'm getting frozen at a mommy from the freezer and wrapping it in an ace ban on my friend's ankle. You need to go back on slack and shut the fuck up. And I at first, to urgent care.

Did they help you at all? They were like, go to go to an emergency room. Dumbus. I was like, urgent care is for the sniffles. I know. I was like,

urgent care is like when you like pee in it stinks. It's not, yeah, it's not like you can't walk. Well, I was like maybe, well, at first you had to stab

back into place without any pain meds. I was, we had a show that night. I wanted to get it. Yeah, we were like, it was at the beginning of tour. No.

No. He was his entire tour, please. He was immediately admitted into Kaiser permanent. Yes. And I had to do an hour, which is like so, it was so fun. It's like, oh, my God, I had to do an hour. It's like, your foot was broken.

Of course. Okay. But then we have the reunion tour. We're all good. I'm walking. Now I can basically only wear A6 sneakers. Yeah. Because they're just built for people with strange feet.

Exactly. They're so orthopedic. Yeah. They're so comfortable in orthopedic. Yeah. Talk a little bit about y'all's tour, man. Oh, right. Well, we're taking Europe.

Do some plug. You guys are going to Europe? Yeah. Paris. London, Berlin. Then the pipeline, just like Japan, Australia, we're going straight to Oakland.

A lot of comics do that, where you get the trip to Oakland to kind of squeezed into the end of the Europe. It's just so close. Oakland is the Berlin of the West Coast. Oakland, where else? Seattle, Portland. Two shows in Portland.

Little West Coast kind of vibe. Yeah, it's going to be so fun. I've ever been to Europe. Never been. No, no, no. I went when I was really, really small, but I've never been to London or Berlin. I went to Amsterdam with my father. Wait.

Why? Because he wanted. We eat hash brownie. No. He wanted to get a sidecar for his motorcycle. That is so dad. And when we went there, everyone was seven feet tall. And the St.

Bernard's that they had were taller than me, and I never wanted to leave. That's so cute. And we, like, rode motorcycles. It was so awesome. I saw an actual dog in one of those the other day. Whoa. With goggles? Yes. That's so cute.

I didn't know that that people actually did that. I thought that was just in Wallace and Grumman. Yeah. I thought that was a child that was kind of like treated like a dog. You guys should do. I mean, you guys should like rent one in Europe. Yeah. I'm trying to learn how to ride motorcycles.

Yeah, that'd be amazing. Just two side cars. We ain't going anywhere. Honey's laying on the horn and we're getting like thrown in jail. We're like, I thought you were my friend. No, they're hooking the horn there. They're honking the horn there. No, aren't they all horn there?

can't have guns, so they only have horn. Yeah, it has horns and knives. Wait, have you been? To Europe? Yeah. I've been to Italy once, but not any. What about you? No, I've never been.

Just Japan. Scotland and Ireland. You've got to go on tour there. I know, but it's just, it won't let you in. So far. So far. I know, feel that way? We're going to be gone for the whole month.

I know. I can't wait. I've never been away from home that long. It feels so good. Except when I worked in the summer. Are you going to stand in like cool hostels and like, we're going to go. Haven't figured it out.

Guys, go buy tickets. Budget on one. So come to the show so we can figure out where we're sleeping. Where can they find tickets? Linkin bio. Lincoln Bio. At Honeygluton at Spike I'm buying there. Yes, I'm going to have a website soon.

That's big. That'll change Europe for you. I know, I can't wait. Once you have the business cards and the website, walking around Europe. People are going to be addicted. I got to go eat my chicken peppery cash, y'all. Sitting in the slow cooker.

Oh. Ooh, I'm excited. I can't wait. We're getting frozen yogurt. Thanks for having us on. Of course. Anytime, y'all. Thank you guys.

Bye. Bye. You are a fool if you're not watching the video right now. You're missing out. I'm not on something seriously cool. I'm calling you a cool because you look incredible. Thanks. Fools versus cool.

The cools are winning. And you know why because they have you as their fearless leader. Look at you. Look at you right now. I can't. Look at the, I can. Dude, he's only doing one to two word responses.

I know. Cool he is. Thanks. Yeah, I can. I can't. Wow. Look at this fucking pure. You know what you are, dude?

You are pure badassery. You're pure and honestly, it's pure sex as well. You know what I think is strange? Pure sexual energy radio. Dripping off of you. Get this sex off my foot. Dripping on me. And look at that.

This is how Cam's ready for you. This is how Cam opened up our meeting today. Yeah, that's how I opened up. Yeah, well, that's what I'm getting at, is that this fucker walked over. We had maybe two seconds of downtime. He immediately invented and. new sex position. Yep.

Never seen this before in my life. What is this? That's what I would call it. Downward skeleton. You have it wrong, dude. It's supposed to be like this. Oh, like that. I look a little more familiar.

Oh, like a dead animal, dead rat or something like that. I also love how the mouth opened up when you turned it over. Damn, dude. I mean, this is getting me turned on. Yeah. I do think the idea of this is so funny to me that that's how, if you, if you were on a a glass table, if you were underneath and you're the floor underneath. Yeah.

You see some. doing that. That's, I mean, underneath the glass table. I mean, people do that. That's a whole fetish of pervertige of pervertige.

Really? Yeah. Guys who like to sit underneath glass chairs. The glass breaks. That's one of those horrific. That's a bad way to go out. A woman's ass.

And the woman isn't too happy about that either. Nobody's happy. She got glass in her ass. Much, you know, least of all the table smith. The table smith. Another of my gorgeous glass table. That's going to be the

third. all that you make there. Oh my God. Flew too close to the sun on being cool. He flew too close to the sun on being cool, dude. Literally, literally it became so uncool in that instant.